[jazzy music]
- ♪ Timmy's still an average kid ♪
♪ That no one understands
♪ Chloe's his new neighbor
♪ And she's ruining all his plans ♪
- Ahh!
- ♪ All the wishes
♪ In the world
♪ So why should he care?
♪ Jorgen has reported there's a fairy shortage ♪
♪ So Timmy has to share
♪ His OddParents, fairly OddParents ♪
- More than one? - This should be fun!
- ♪ OddParents, fairly OddParents ♪
♪ Feather suit, nature boots, laser shooting, rescue ♪
- World peace, kale treats,
bunny feet, real neat!
- What? No! Leave me alone!
My fairies! Get your own!
- ♪ OddParents, fairly OddParents ♪
♪ Timmy, beware, you'll have to share ♪
♪ Your fairly OddParents
- Yeah, right!
[upbeat music]
♪
- [trumpeting]
Attention, Squirrely Scouts!
In order to earn our Wilderness Survival Badges,
we have to cling to life till dawn in the most desolate,
and some say cursed, part of the Dimmsdale National Forest!
[eagle shrieks]
- I feel scared and hopeless!
- Ooh, looks like we're already cursed... with a cry baby!
Be a man like me, Ricky.
- Uh, Dad? Question on the man thing:
what's with the flowing blonde hair?
- That's your dad? I was feeling empowered
'cause I thought we had a strong woman scout leader.
- No, silly Chloe, I'm neither strong nor a woman.
My hair's like this 'cause I accidentally used
Timmy's mom's shampoo.
Then to really make my look pop,
I used her mascara!
- Bleeeh. - Songbirds keep landing on me
because they think I'm a fairy tale princess.
They're sewing me a dress for the ball!
- Okay, back to the real world.
We're starving. Where's our camping supplies?
- [laughs] They're all around us!
In order to earn our Wilderness Survival Badges,
we have to live off the land!
- Does that mean we have to eat land?
- You may have to, Stuart. I had four club sandwiches
on the bus. [burps]
[rumbling]
I burped, and now I'm hungry again!
[crying]
- Don't worry, guys... and Princess Crazy.
I was a Junior Navy Seal as a toddler.
In addition to being able to disarm an enemy assailant
underwater, I also learned to make a mean bark jerky.
- You're mean! I want real food.
We're gonna die!
- Dad, it's all your fault! This was your idea!
- I have a lot of bad ideas.
You boys and Timmy stay here.
I'm gonna take this sharpened stick and hunt
for club sandwiches!
[playful music]
[relaxing music]
- You are gonna love my bark jerky.
A big thanks to Stuart, who let me salt it with his tears.
- [crying] You're welcome.
Those squirrels are eating better than us!
[both munching]
They're having veal Parmesan!
- Cosmo, Wanda, what do you guys think you're doing?
- Oh, just normal squirrel stuff:
Eating yummy Italian food and doing some online banking.
- We're not trying to earn Survival Badges,
so we don't have to eat revolting wood chips.
- Speaking of Stuart, Heimlich him.
He's choking on his bark!
- [choking]
[spits]
- [choking]
- My dad's gone sandwich hunting, and we're eating trees.
This whole dying in the woods thing is not my style.
Let's do camping the Timmy way-- without the camping part.
[fanfare]
Now this is not camping!
- Everything but camping is not camping, Timmy.
Wait a minute, did I just make sense?
- It had to happen eventually.
The odds were on your side.
- This is awesome! There's a chocolate fountain,
a hot tub, and an all-you-can-eat buffet
with unlimited bread sticks!
[munching]
- Eh--I smell unlimited bread sticks!
If I don't get food, I'm gonna die!
I gotta get to the river and spear a club sandwich.
I'd even settle for a fatty pastrami on a raisin bagel.
That's how desperate I am!
[sniffs]
Ooh, cartoon-like aroma waves. They should lead to food!
- So, Mr. Crocker, tell me you brought us to
your mother's alone-time cabin 'cause you figured out a way
to return us Fair Bears to our rightful home in Happy Hollow.
- Don't be ridiculous. As usual, this is all about me.
- But that's not f-fair!
- Life's not fair, Fair Bear!
One look into Mother's eyes will tell you that.
Anyhoo, I got us a gig to play
Goldicrocks and the Three Bears at the Dimmsdale Storybook Land
theme park!
- We can do better than that!
- Think again, Better Bear!
You're unemployed cartoon characters from a canceled
preschool show who were poofed into the real world by fairies!
The only other job you'd be qualified for is doing PSAs
about forest fires!
This is a fantastic opportunity
to make minimum wage while getting to scare children
at the same time.
Let's run our lines.
As my flaxen hair might suggest, I'm playing Goldicrocks.
- My porridge is too hot.
- My porridge is too cold.
- My porridge... has an off-putting texture.
- Your acting has an off-putting texture!
[beeping]
Gadzooks, my Fairy meter's going off,
which means Turner's fairies are nearby!
- This is fantastic, Fair Bears!
Fairy magic could be our ticket back to Happy Hollow.
- Whatever floats your boat! I'll capture the fairies
and use their magic to wish for some new bears who can act!
[beeping]
- Here, club sandwiches!
Ooh, rehearsal porridge.
[munching]
Aah! This one's too hot!
[munching] Ooh, this one's too cold.
Ehh! This one has
an off-putting texture. I'm gonna die!
- Here comes dessert!
It's bark jerky sweetened with nature's candy: tree sap!
Wait a minute. Cartoon-like aroma waves?
Timmy!
- [munching]
This is the life!
Getting that Survival Badge is gonna be a piece of cake.
Speaking of cake, I want more cake!
[ping]
[pop]
[munching]
- Whoops, I dropped my plate.
Good thing veal Parmesan floats.
Oh, uh-oh, I also deleted my bank account.
There goes $11.00 and a bag of buttons.
- He keeps buttons in the bank!
- I'm with Goldman Slacks.
- Timmy!
I can't believe you're cheating!
Is that cake? Don't give me any!
- Oh, uh, sorry, Chloe.
Timmy made a wish, and we had to grant it.
There wasn't anything in it for me, besides the tiramisu.
- And Terry the masseur.
- Oh, hey.
- As sworn members of the Squirrely Scouts,
we agreed to live by a code of honor.
And as sure as my name is Chloe Erin Brockovich
Seabiscuit Carmichael, we're gonna get that badge
fair and square!
Cosmo, Wanda,
poof all this away!
[ping]
- Ow!
- Sorry, Timmy.
The only thing you'll be eating are wood chips seasoned
with Stuart's sadness. And just to make sure
you don't cheat again, I wish that Cosmo and Wanda
had no more magic for the rest of the day!
[fanfare]
- Ahh! - Oof!
- Terry and my tiramisu are gone!
I'm gonna die!
[beeping]
- Bad news, bears. It was a fairy false alarm!
Your dreams of going home have been crushed.
La-dee-dah! Back to the cabin to rehearse.
And this time with acting!
- My foot's cramping. I miss Terry!
- And I miss my buttons! Especially the ones that
hold up my gold man slacks.
- This is a nightmare! I'm lost in the woods
without magic or cake! How could this get any worse?
And there's my answer.
- Oh, no! It's the Fair Bears
and Mr. Crocker's unsightly twin sister.
- Eee, that porridge was terrible.
- Gah! Someone's in the cabin!
I just hope it isn't Mother with one of her hippy boyfriends.
If you smell incense, cover your eyes!
- Oh, no, my crazy, blonde dad's in trouble,
and I don't have magic to help him!
- Or buttons!
- [grunting] Ew, this bed is too soft.
Aah! This bed is too hard!
Mm... and this bed
has a mismatched bed skirt and duvet!
I'm gonna die! [door opens]
- Someone's been eating my porridge,
despite its off-putting texture.
- Oh! It's the real Goldilocks!
And she's really let herself go.
- The Fair Bears? I thought you were canceled
after your mediocre Easter special.
- Oh, I'll let the porridge thing slide,
but no one insults our mediocre Easter special!
- [screams]
[dramatic music]
[screams] - [growls]
♪
[splat] - Ow.
- Wait, that's not Mr. Crocker's unsightly sister.
That's just unsightly Mr. Crocker.
- That's Goldicrocks to you! Or at least it will be when
I'm the main event at Dimmsdale Storybook Land.
- I don't know what that means!
Just leave my crazy, blonde dad alone!
♪
- It's okay, Timmy! If I remember the story
correctly, soon the bears' carriage will turn back
into a pumpkin, and I'll marry the prince.
Where's that dress, songbirds?
- That's the wrong fairy tale, you twit!
Now listen up, Fair Bears!
In the darker, German version of "The Three Bears,"
you eat Goldilocks while playing chess with death!
- We don't eat people, unless they're basted with
a nice lemon-dill reduction.
- Basting them makes them better.
- I'll pre-heat the oven! FYI: you're gonna need
to eat the kids, too. They're bound to report this,
and I can't be caught in the woods wearing a wig again.
I've already got two strikes from the Dimmsdale School Board.
- Timmy, what time is it?
- Well, Chloe, normally it would be time for the fairies
to save us, but thanks to your stupid no magic wish,
it's time for us to be bear food!
- Okay, I deserve that. But it'll be midnight
in a few seconds, which means the day's technically over,
which means the fairies can use their magic again!
- I miss magic. And buttons.
- Yay! Oven's preheated!
Hop in, Timmy's dad and kids.
- We have to figure out a clever way to stall.
- Aah! Ooh!
[crash]
- Aah!
- [groaning]
[coo-coo, coo-coo]
[fanfare]
- Cosmo, Wanda, it's midnight!
- Really? I got 4:30.
- Just poof us out of here!
[ping]
- [trumpeting]
Congratulations, Squirrely Scouts!
You earned your Wilderness Survival Badges!
Now that I think about it, I could have just handed these
out at the beginning of the day. No one would have checked.
- Well, this turned out great. Except for all the bad parts.
And now I think it's time to poof the Fair Bears
back to Happy Hollow so they don't eat anyone.
- Oh, Mr. Crocker's gonna be disappointed.
His Goldicrocks act won't be the same
without the Fair Bears!
- I wonder what he was doing in the woods with a wig
the first two times.
- Mr. Crocker can still perform
at that theme park without 'em.
Cosmo, Wanda, replace the Fair Bears with real bears.
- Show time, you simpletons!
Time to make people forget about that mediocre Easter special!
[ping]
[all growling]
- Gah! Real bears!
Wait, how are you guys at acting?
[all roaring]
[screams] Mother!
Gah-geh! [chomp]
Luckily, I have an off-putting texture.