1 00:00:00,648 --> 00:00:02,267 Previously on "Gilmore Girls"... 2 00:00:02,277 --> 00:00:04,273 - Hey. - Look, it's Liz's new baby. 3 00:00:04,283 --> 00:00:07,017 I've decided that April and I are gonna move to New Mexico. 4 00:00:07,027 --> 00:00:07,664 Really? 5 00:00:07,674 --> 00:00:09,101 They've known each other since freshman year. 6 00:00:09,131 --> 00:00:11,886 I don't understand. You guys are friends? You know each other? 7 00:00:11,896 --> 00:00:14,358 She's my kid, all right? She's our kid. 8 00:00:14,368 --> 00:00:15,828 She's not just yours. 9 00:00:15,838 --> 00:00:17,479 What is your problem with a wedding? 10 00:00:17,487 --> 00:00:19,090 - We're already married. - So what's the big deal? 11 00:00:19,120 --> 00:00:21,186 You planned a whole huge wedding with that diner guy. 12 00:00:21,210 --> 00:00:22,593 "That diner guy"? 13 00:00:22,602 --> 00:00:24,668 The court only cares what's best for April. 14 00:00:24,679 --> 00:00:26,593 In these types of cases, 15 00:00:26,607 --> 00:00:28,650 they almost always side with the mother. 16 00:00:28,668 --> 00:00:31,972 - She doesn't want to see you right now. - Let me explain. Please. 17 00:01:00,705 --> 00:01:02,963 The redcoats are coming! The redcoats are coming! 18 00:01:02,976 --> 00:01:04,413 The redcoats are coming! 19 00:01:04,428 --> 00:01:06,752 Whoa, whoa. Hold on there, missy. 20 00:01:06,768 --> 00:01:08,893 Got to put on your jacket first, okay? 21 00:01:10,617 --> 00:01:12,133 - Hi! - Hi! 22 00:01:12,148 --> 00:01:14,451 - I'm so mad at you! - What kind of greeting is that? 23 00:01:14,467 --> 00:01:16,312 What kind of daughter doesn't let her mother pick her up at the airport? 24 00:01:16,347 --> 00:01:18,442 The kind of daughter who parks her car at the airport car park. 25 00:01:18,478 --> 00:01:20,633 But I'm the kind of mother who picks her daughter up from the airport. 26 00:01:20,667 --> 00:01:22,831 You know, with flowers and coffee and a fake chauffeur's sign. 27 00:01:22,865 --> 00:01:24,333 Why would you mess with my sense of self? 28 00:01:24,366 --> 00:01:26,253 But my car was parked at the airport car park. 29 00:01:26,265 --> 00:01:29,252 So what? I could have driven to the airport, picked you up, brought you back. 30 00:01:29,285 --> 00:01:31,583 Then we both could have driven to pick up your car and come back here. 31 00:01:31,618 --> 00:01:33,530 Yeah, 'cause that wouldn't be a waste of gas or anything. 32 00:01:33,567 --> 00:01:36,430 Oh. Oh, God. Did you pack Big Ben? 33 00:01:36,445 --> 00:01:37,933 I still think it was kind of risky. 34 00:01:37,946 --> 00:01:38,661 What's risky? 35 00:01:38,675 --> 00:01:40,213 You've spent a lot of time across the pond. 36 00:01:40,245 --> 00:01:43,292 You might get confused and forget which side of the road to drive on. 37 00:01:43,306 --> 00:01:45,013 Yes, it was a near escape. 38 00:01:45,025 --> 00:01:46,820 Hey! Welcome home! 39 00:01:46,835 --> 00:01:48,390 The redcoat is here! 40 00:01:48,405 --> 00:01:49,801 Hi, dad! 41 00:01:49,818 --> 00:01:51,451 - How are you doing? - Good. 42 00:01:51,466 --> 00:01:52,920 Hi, little sister. 43 00:01:52,936 --> 00:01:55,231 Oh, hello. Okay. Oh. 44 00:01:55,296 --> 00:01:57,101 Oh. Well, all right. 45 00:01:57,988 --> 00:01:59,750 - So, you made it here okay? - Yeah. 46 00:01:59,765 --> 00:02:01,490 I was thinking -- all that time in England, 47 00:02:01,507 --> 00:02:03,593 you might forget which side of the road to drive on. 48 00:02:03,608 --> 00:02:05,011 Hey, don't steal my material. 49 00:02:05,028 --> 00:02:05,920 What do you mean, your material? 50 00:02:05,955 --> 00:02:06,900 I just made that joke. 51 00:02:06,917 --> 00:02:08,791 The drive-on-the-other-side- of-the-road thing? That's my joke. 52 00:02:08,828 --> 00:02:10,412 If you just made it, you ripped me off. 53 00:02:10,426 --> 00:02:12,192 - I ripped you off? - Guys. 54 00:02:12,207 --> 00:02:15,390 That's like saying Lenny Bruce rips off Carrot Top 55 00:02:15,407 --> 00:02:17,513 or Woody Allen gets his material from what's his name -- 56 00:02:17,547 --> 00:02:18,700 the guy with the watermelons. 57 00:02:18,705 --> 00:02:21,830 I did not rip you off -- no way, no how, sister. 58 00:02:21,845 --> 00:02:24,093 I made that joke this morning at breakfast. We were sitting there. 59 00:02:24,127 --> 00:02:25,223 - We were drinking coffee. - Guys... 60 00:02:25,257 --> 00:02:27,392 not that that's not a hilarious joke, 61 00:02:27,405 --> 00:02:29,002 but the guy at the car park made the same one. 62 00:02:29,037 --> 00:02:32,110 Hey, G.G., would you want to take this inside for me? 63 00:02:32,126 --> 00:02:33,600 Come on, Geege. 64 00:02:34,957 --> 00:02:36,482 - Ohh! - What? 65 00:02:36,498 --> 00:02:38,043 You took the Christmas lights down. 66 00:02:38,058 --> 00:02:39,442 I didn't take them down. I haven't put them up yet. 67 00:02:39,475 --> 00:02:40,801 I saved Christmas for you. 68 00:02:40,817 --> 00:02:43,293 Before you left, we said we were gonna wait and do Christmas together. 69 00:02:43,326 --> 00:02:44,863 Okay, yeah, but -- 70 00:02:44,878 --> 00:02:46,173 What are those? 71 00:02:46,516 --> 00:02:47,613 What are what? 72 00:02:47,628 --> 00:02:49,401 Are those a Christmas present from Logan? 73 00:02:49,416 --> 00:02:51,222 No, I mean -- well, yeah, 74 00:02:51,237 --> 00:02:53,911 but it's more like a late birthday/new year's present. 75 00:02:53,928 --> 00:02:54,903 Stop sniffing me. 76 00:02:54,918 --> 00:02:56,262 I smell Christmas cookies. 77 00:02:56,275 --> 00:02:58,663 There's no way you can smell cookies from six days ago. 78 00:02:58,678 --> 00:02:59,883 So there were Christmas cookies. 79 00:02:59,917 --> 00:03:01,182 There may have been a little Christmas. 80 00:03:01,217 --> 00:03:02,320 Unbelievable! 81 00:03:02,335 --> 00:03:04,822 London, as a city, is very Christmas-obsessed, okay? 82 00:03:04,835 --> 00:03:06,911 I couldn't help what was going on around me. 83 00:03:06,926 --> 00:03:08,350 But inside, I assure you, 84 00:03:08,367 --> 00:03:10,552 I was devoid of the Christmas spirit -- a complete scrooge. 85 00:03:10,586 --> 00:03:12,220 I didn't let any Christmas happen. 86 00:03:12,238 --> 00:03:14,831 I grinched it up so hard, I didn't let it snow. 87 00:03:14,848 --> 00:03:16,200 What? It hasn't snowed yet? 88 00:03:16,215 --> 00:03:18,651 Thanks to me thinking of you and our agreement, our pledge, our oath. 89 00:03:18,685 --> 00:03:19,721 You stopped the snow? 90 00:03:19,735 --> 00:03:21,823 Yes, sheer force of will. 91 00:03:21,836 --> 00:03:24,551 We said we would have no Christmas, so I had no Christmas. 92 00:03:24,567 --> 00:03:26,050 You must have had a little Christmas. 93 00:03:26,065 --> 00:03:26,892 None. 94 00:03:26,906 --> 00:03:28,261 - No presents? - No presents. 95 00:03:28,275 --> 00:03:29,213 - No tree? - No tree. 96 00:03:29,226 --> 00:03:31,142 - No eggnog? - No egg, no nog. 97 00:03:31,157 --> 00:03:33,543 I sat in the dark with the lights off and ate gruel. 98 00:03:33,555 --> 00:03:36,590 Okay, mom, I hereby apologize 99 00:03:36,608 --> 00:03:39,013 for any accidental Christmas celebrating I may have done. 100 00:03:39,025 --> 00:03:40,642 I'm now ready to celebrate Christmas for real. 101 00:03:40,675 --> 00:03:41,681 - Yeah? - Yeah. 102 00:03:41,696 --> 00:03:42,751 Okay! 103 00:03:43,555 --> 00:03:44,972 So, you stopped the snow? 104 00:03:44,987 --> 00:03:46,461 Yeah. I did an anti-snow dance. 105 00:03:46,477 --> 00:03:49,283 It was humiliating and arduous, but I had made a promise to my daughter. 106 00:03:49,298 --> 00:03:51,582 - Humiliating? - Two words -- coconut bra. 107 00:04:46,698 --> 00:04:48,452 - Where am I taking this? - Living room. 108 00:04:48,465 --> 00:04:50,450 - I love our trees! - Me too! 109 00:04:50,506 --> 00:04:52,260 - You don't think our trees are... - What? 110 00:04:52,278 --> 00:04:54,440 - Maybe a little homely? - Homely?! 111 00:04:54,456 --> 00:04:55,841 - I'm just saying. - What? 112 00:04:55,856 --> 00:04:56,663 What are you saying? 113 00:04:56,678 --> 00:04:59,310 That our trees are not classically good-looking. If you were to look up "tree" 114 00:04:59,346 --> 00:05:01,453 in the dictionary, you would not find one of these fellas. 115 00:05:01,485 --> 00:05:03,020 Why would you look up "tree" in the dictionary? 116 00:05:03,055 --> 00:05:04,761 So we don't have classically good-looking trees. 117 00:05:04,796 --> 00:05:05,912 You don't know what a tree is? 118 00:05:05,946 --> 00:05:07,750 - Come on, look at that tree. - I'm looking. 119 00:05:07,765 --> 00:05:09,263 - That tree has character. - It does. 120 00:05:09,278 --> 00:05:11,630 That tree has earned character by persevering 121 00:05:11,648 --> 00:05:15,360 through freezing winters and forest fires and floods. 122 00:05:15,378 --> 00:05:16,281 This tree's a fighter. 123 00:05:16,297 --> 00:05:18,860 Woodpeckers. Maniacal woodpeckers just pecking at its trunk. 124 00:05:18,875 --> 00:05:19,662 Survivor. 125 00:05:19,675 --> 00:05:20,983 Peck, peck, peck, day in and day out. 126 00:05:21,015 --> 00:05:22,572 That tree's a champion. 127 00:05:22,585 --> 00:05:24,470 It smells so good in here with all our trees. 128 00:05:24,487 --> 00:05:26,371 It's like a dozen car air fresheners. 129 00:05:26,386 --> 00:05:29,312 Just imagine how good it's gonna be once all of our trees are in here. 130 00:05:29,325 --> 00:05:30,421 This is crazy! 131 00:05:30,436 --> 00:05:32,482 - Seven trees. - Which was crazy. 132 00:05:32,495 --> 00:05:33,931 What? Buck a tree. 133 00:05:33,947 --> 00:05:36,571 Dad, we have to have at least one tree in the kitchen. 134 00:05:36,585 --> 00:05:37,882 Yeah, dad. 135 00:05:37,895 --> 00:05:40,162 I'm in a forest of crazy. 136 00:05:40,706 --> 00:05:42,432 - Buck a tree. - Genius. 137 00:05:42,445 --> 00:05:45,231 So genius. We better be careful, or word will get out 138 00:05:45,246 --> 00:05:47,382 and everyone will start celebrating Christmas after Christmas, 139 00:05:47,417 --> 00:05:50,341 which will really drive up the post-Christmas Christmas-tree prices. 140 00:05:50,357 --> 00:05:52,270 Then we'll have to keep celebrating later and later. 141 00:05:52,306 --> 00:05:55,281 Yeah, before we know it, we'll be having figgy pudding in july. 142 00:05:55,297 --> 00:05:57,381 Look! G.G.! 143 00:05:57,506 --> 00:05:59,850 You know who made this? Rory. 144 00:05:59,860 --> 00:06:01,956 Rory made this when she was right about your age. 145 00:06:01,960 --> 00:06:03,193 That's nice. 146 00:06:03,202 --> 00:06:04,288 Someone's not impressed. 147 00:06:04,299 --> 00:06:06,291 She doesn't understand abstract art. 148 00:06:06,306 --> 00:06:07,151 Philistine. 149 00:06:07,166 --> 00:06:10,520 Hey, look at this. Here's Santa's costume. 150 00:06:10,538 --> 00:06:11,833 Wow. That's seen better days. 151 00:06:11,848 --> 00:06:13,870 Why do you have Santa's clothes? 152 00:06:13,887 --> 00:06:17,080 Because... I... used to do Santa's dry cleaning. 153 00:06:17,098 --> 00:06:18,583 - You did? - Yeah. 154 00:06:18,598 --> 00:06:20,171 - Wow. - I know. 155 00:06:20,186 --> 00:06:22,021 Okay, everybody can relax. 156 00:06:22,038 --> 00:06:24,543 There's now a Christmas tree in the kitchen. 157 00:06:24,555 --> 00:06:25,391 Thank you. 158 00:06:25,408 --> 00:06:27,523 Oh! My antlers! I love my antlers! 159 00:06:27,536 --> 00:06:28,923 Oh, neat! 160 00:06:28,935 --> 00:06:30,761 Let me try! 161 00:06:31,376 --> 00:06:33,570 On Vixen! On Blinxen ! 162 00:06:33,585 --> 00:06:36,173 Kid took my antlers. She took my antlers and she galloped away. 163 00:06:36,185 --> 00:06:38,051 All right, now tell me more about London. 164 00:06:38,067 --> 00:06:39,840 Did everything work out with Logan after the whole 165 00:06:39,875 --> 00:06:41,583 Marty/Lucy/dinner debacle? 166 00:06:41,597 --> 00:06:43,540 Well, I was pretty angry for a while, 167 00:06:43,556 --> 00:06:46,171 especially after he blurted out all that stuff the way he did, 168 00:06:46,185 --> 00:06:48,642 but he apologized a lot 169 00:06:48,657 --> 00:06:51,600 and even admitted that he was a little jealous, so I forgave him. 170 00:06:51,616 --> 00:06:52,712 Well, that's good. 171 00:06:52,725 --> 00:06:55,132 Yeah. Well, plus I realized a lot of it was my fault. 172 00:06:55,145 --> 00:06:56,410 You know, I was Lucy's friend. 173 00:06:56,428 --> 00:06:58,633 I should have been straight with her about knowing Marty. 174 00:06:58,665 --> 00:07:02,662 I just can't believe I got suckered into that whole thing for so long. 175 00:07:02,676 --> 00:07:04,311 I don't blame her for hating me. 176 00:07:04,325 --> 00:07:05,952 So have you talked to her now? 177 00:07:05,966 --> 00:07:07,220 I've left messages. 178 00:07:07,235 --> 00:07:08,333 Oh, hon. 179 00:07:08,345 --> 00:07:10,322 Wow! Look at all this! 180 00:07:10,336 --> 00:07:12,442 Yeah, we have a lot of Christmas stuff. 181 00:07:13,087 --> 00:07:15,061 Cool. Mistletoe. 182 00:07:15,078 --> 00:07:16,142 Where are you going with that? 183 00:07:16,177 --> 00:07:17,262 I'm gonna hang it up in the doorway. 184 00:07:17,298 --> 00:07:18,661 Oh, that's not where it goes. 185 00:07:18,678 --> 00:07:19,451 Where does it go? 186 00:07:19,466 --> 00:07:21,941 We tape it to one of the blades of the ceiling fan upstairs. 187 00:07:21,957 --> 00:07:23,791 That way, the kissing is more like a sport. 188 00:07:23,805 --> 00:07:24,723 One of our traditions. 189 00:07:24,735 --> 00:07:25,840 That's a tradition? 190 00:07:25,855 --> 00:07:27,473 Our traditions are very important to us. 191 00:07:27,487 --> 00:07:29,460 What other traditions am I in for? 192 00:07:29,477 --> 00:07:32,503 On Christmas morning, we put red and green M&M's in our cereal. 193 00:07:32,517 --> 00:07:33,483 Down with that. 194 00:07:33,496 --> 00:07:35,493 We string up our stockings on the banister. 195 00:07:35,507 --> 00:07:38,932 Yes, we used to string them up on the traditional place of the fireplace, 196 00:07:38,947 --> 00:07:42,083 but then there was that fire incident, and they nearly burned to bits. 197 00:07:42,096 --> 00:07:44,711 So now we put them on little nails on the banister. 198 00:07:44,728 --> 00:07:47,800 Oh, we always go to Weston's for a cup of holiday candy-cane coffee, 199 00:07:47,818 --> 00:07:49,131 which is so delicious. 200 00:07:49,147 --> 00:07:51,482 Delicious. And we bake cookies. 201 00:07:51,498 --> 00:07:52,562 You bake? 202 00:07:52,577 --> 00:07:54,843 Well, we put on some Christmas music, drink eggnog, 203 00:07:54,855 --> 00:07:57,290 and pretend to bake the cookies we actually bought from Weston's. 204 00:07:57,325 --> 00:07:59,191 We do, however, make our own frosting. 205 00:07:59,207 --> 00:08:01,832 We use a handheld electric mixer from the dark ages 206 00:08:01,846 --> 00:08:04,570 so that Rory can continue the tradition of licking the beaters. 207 00:08:04,607 --> 00:08:06,810 Yes, a skill which I have perfected over the years. 208 00:08:06,828 --> 00:08:09,970 And then on Christmas Eve, we leave the cookies out for Santa's reindeer. 209 00:08:09,985 --> 00:08:11,123 Santa prefers gum. 210 00:08:11,137 --> 00:08:13,153 Well, I am very excited about these traditions, 211 00:08:13,168 --> 00:08:16,153 but, you know, because it's our first Christmas together as a family, 212 00:08:16,165 --> 00:08:18,611 I thought maybe it was time to start some new traditions. 213 00:08:18,628 --> 00:08:19,833 Like what? 214 00:08:19,846 --> 00:08:21,481 Well, for starters... 215 00:08:22,635 --> 00:08:23,911 I got us these. 216 00:08:23,928 --> 00:08:24,791 Wow. 217 00:08:24,806 --> 00:08:26,670 Oh, they're so big and flashy. 218 00:08:26,685 --> 00:08:27,912 I got one for each of us. 219 00:08:27,928 --> 00:08:30,701 But we have stockings already. 220 00:08:30,717 --> 00:08:33,413 I mean, they're a little singed from the fire, 221 00:08:33,427 --> 00:08:34,750 but they're still usable. 222 00:08:34,767 --> 00:08:36,731 But not stockings like these. 223 00:08:36,946 --> 00:08:38,023 That's true. 224 00:08:38,036 --> 00:08:40,253 All right, this will be a new tradition. I'm gonna hang them up. 225 00:08:40,286 --> 00:08:42,510 You know what else we should do? We should go caroling. 226 00:08:42,527 --> 00:08:43,901 - No. - Are you kidding? 227 00:08:43,918 --> 00:08:45,280 Come on, it'll be fun. 228 00:08:45,728 --> 00:08:48,323 It wouldn't be fun for strangers to hear us sing. 229 00:08:48,337 --> 00:08:50,211 - It'd be cruel, that's what it would be. - And embarrassing. 230 00:08:50,248 --> 00:08:52,202 Guys, carols are beautiful. 231 00:08:52,218 --> 00:08:55,173 # Glo-o-o-o-o-o # 232 00:08:55,188 --> 00:08:57,443 # o-o-o-o-o # 233 00:08:57,456 --> 00:09:01,153 # o-o-o-o-oria # 234 00:09:01,376 --> 00:09:06,351 # In excelsis deo # 235 00:09:11,678 --> 00:09:13,852 Yes, sir. Thank you. 236 00:09:14,215 --> 00:09:16,423 Oh. You. 237 00:09:16,435 --> 00:09:18,151 I thought we were done with you. 238 00:09:18,165 --> 00:09:20,243 Hi, Michel. Is Lorelai here? 239 00:09:22,596 --> 00:09:25,041 Hey. Can you tell Lorelai that... 240 00:09:25,055 --> 00:09:27,703 someone is here to see her? 241 00:09:32,545 --> 00:09:35,620 Well, this is awfully awkward. 242 00:09:35,637 --> 00:09:38,391 We should make some sort of conversation. 243 00:09:40,057 --> 00:09:43,020 I see your sense of style has not changed. 244 00:09:43,037 --> 00:09:43,770 Nope. 245 00:09:43,786 --> 00:09:48,430 I've often wondered, does someone in your family own a flannel company? 246 00:09:48,446 --> 00:09:49,831 Uh, no. 247 00:09:52,407 --> 00:09:54,063 You know what? I cannot do this. 248 00:09:54,075 --> 00:09:57,391 Let us just stand here and let the awkwardness wash over us. 249 00:09:57,406 --> 00:09:58,701 Fine by me. 250 00:10:02,706 --> 00:10:04,533 - Hi. - Ahh, here she is. 251 00:10:04,545 --> 00:10:06,693 It's been a delight chatting with you. 252 00:10:06,707 --> 00:10:09,333 - I'm sorry to just barge in like this. - That's okay. 253 00:10:09,345 --> 00:10:10,793 Can we talk somewhere? 254 00:10:10,806 --> 00:10:12,292 Um, sure. 255 00:10:17,075 --> 00:10:19,800 Anna wants to move to New Mexico with April. 256 00:10:19,815 --> 00:10:20,803 New Mexico? 257 00:10:20,816 --> 00:10:24,802 Anna's mother just had major surgery, and she's not doing so well. 258 00:10:24,818 --> 00:10:26,980 And Anna wants to be near her, which I get. 259 00:10:26,998 --> 00:10:31,621 It's just I'd like to see April on some weekends and vacations. 260 00:10:31,638 --> 00:10:33,341 - Of course. - But Anna says no. 261 00:10:33,355 --> 00:10:37,000 In fact, right now, she's not letting me see April at all, 262 00:10:37,015 --> 00:10:39,721 so I have to fight for custody, 263 00:10:39,738 --> 00:10:41,640 and I'm going to court. 264 00:10:41,658 --> 00:10:43,802 - Wow. - Yeah, it's the whole thing. 265 00:10:43,816 --> 00:10:46,731 I got to get a lawyer and wear a tie. It's not a whole lot of fun. 266 00:10:46,748 --> 00:10:48,180 It's good you're doing it, though. 267 00:10:48,195 --> 00:10:51,791 Well, I can't not. You know, I mean, I can't not do it. 268 00:10:51,808 --> 00:10:52,763 Right. 269 00:10:52,778 --> 00:10:57,481 So, anyway, um, the court date is coming up. 270 00:10:57,496 --> 00:11:00,393 And I need a character reference. 271 00:11:00,406 --> 00:11:03,722 And Liz wrote one, but my lawyer read it, and he said it was sweet, 272 00:11:03,735 --> 00:11:07,183 but it was filled with all these weird childhood anecdotes 273 00:11:07,197 --> 00:11:11,291 that I probably don't want to share with anyone, much less a court of law. 274 00:11:11,307 --> 00:11:14,083 And I need another one, and I just don't know who to go to. 275 00:11:14,097 --> 00:11:16,913 And I know it's an awful lot to ask. 276 00:11:16,928 --> 00:11:19,390 And if it's weird or whatever, I mean, I totally understand. 277 00:11:19,407 --> 00:11:20,400 Yes. 278 00:11:20,418 --> 00:11:22,430 But if you could, uh... 279 00:11:22,458 --> 00:11:24,103 Yes, I'll do it. 280 00:11:24,135 --> 00:11:25,532 Yeah? 281 00:11:25,928 --> 00:11:29,753 Okay. All right, well, this is my lawyer's address, 282 00:11:29,765 --> 00:11:32,670 and you can just mail the letter directly to him. 283 00:11:32,686 --> 00:11:33,563 - Okay. - Yeah. 284 00:11:33,576 --> 00:11:37,100 And, look, if you don't mind, if you could do it as soon as possible... 285 00:11:37,115 --> 00:11:38,950 The court date's right around the corner. 286 00:11:38,965 --> 00:11:40,750 - Definitely. - Thanks. Thank you. 287 00:11:40,768 --> 00:11:43,132 - You're welcome. - Yeah. 288 00:11:43,168 --> 00:11:46,610 Okay, well... I'll just... 289 00:11:46,625 --> 00:11:48,792 - Thanks. - Sure. I'll get right on it. 290 00:11:48,805 --> 00:11:51,080 - I send it to here. Okay. - All right. 291 00:11:51,096 --> 00:11:52,222 Thanks. 292 00:11:52,235 --> 00:11:53,782 Okay. 293 00:12:07,366 --> 00:12:09,002 No, that should do it. Thanks. 294 00:12:09,018 --> 00:12:10,650 - Ugh! - It's hard, huh? 295 00:12:10,668 --> 00:12:13,071 Yeah, the pressure is a lot, you know? 296 00:12:13,085 --> 00:12:14,080 Yeah, of course. 297 00:12:14,097 --> 00:12:16,571 I mean, I just keep thinking that whatever I write might help save 298 00:12:16,607 --> 00:12:19,090 Luke's relationship with his kid, which is huge and important, 299 00:12:19,108 --> 00:12:22,482 so the pressure's really getting to me -- that and a lack of sufficient caffeine. 300 00:12:22,497 --> 00:12:25,142 Of course. Totally. Plus, it's Luke, 301 00:12:25,157 --> 00:12:27,612 and after all you've been through, it's got to be hard. 302 00:12:27,628 --> 00:12:28,722 Well, yeah. 303 00:12:28,736 --> 00:12:31,740 You're having to dig up all those feelings for him. 304 00:12:31,755 --> 00:12:34,363 That can't be fun. You must be feeling overwhelmed. 305 00:12:34,375 --> 00:12:37,111 I don't think it's about digging up my feelings for Luke. 306 00:12:37,128 --> 00:12:37,733 Okay. 307 00:12:37,747 --> 00:12:39,783 I think it's really about writing an amazing letter. 308 00:12:39,818 --> 00:12:41,423 I mean, the stakes are really high for him, 309 00:12:41,455 --> 00:12:45,363 and I want it to be something amazing and powerful, 310 00:12:45,375 --> 00:12:47,600 you know, like Gettysburg address powerful 311 00:12:47,617 --> 00:12:49,661 or "I have a dream" powerful. 312 00:12:49,677 --> 00:12:52,212 So, I'm thinking I'll look a couple of those up online 313 00:12:52,228 --> 00:12:55,233 and just pop the name "Luke" in there and be done with it. 314 00:12:55,245 --> 00:12:56,763 Sure. I don't think anyone will notice. 315 00:12:56,795 --> 00:12:57,921 All right, back to work. 316 00:12:57,937 --> 00:12:59,210 Good luck. 317 00:13:35,037 --> 00:13:37,500 Is it twins? It's got to be twins. 318 00:13:37,518 --> 00:13:39,122 - Is what twins? - Are you... 319 00:13:39,138 --> 00:13:40,882 Pregnant? You think I'm pregnant? 320 00:13:40,895 --> 00:13:43,801 Oh yeah, because it's not acceptable in this society to be a plus-sized woman 321 00:13:43,836 --> 00:13:45,533 who happens to carry her weight in her belly. 322 00:13:45,567 --> 00:13:47,473 So you're not -- oh, gee. 323 00:13:47,485 --> 00:13:50,392 Well, I need new glasses. I'm sorry. 324 00:13:50,407 --> 00:13:52,783 Of course I'm pregnant. Turkey with swiss. 325 00:13:55,525 --> 00:13:57,983 Hey! Hey! What's up with this tip? 326 00:13:57,998 --> 00:13:59,160 Oh, I'm... sorry. 327 00:13:59,177 --> 00:14:01,613 This is 50%. I don't need your pity tips. 328 00:14:01,625 --> 00:14:04,383 Okay, I'm pregnant, not homeless. 329 00:14:05,206 --> 00:14:07,730 April! Hey! 330 00:14:07,745 --> 00:14:09,203 Wow. What are you doing? 331 00:14:09,215 --> 00:14:12,080 Well, I biked over because -- oh, my gosh. Lane is gigantic. 332 00:14:12,098 --> 00:14:13,502 I wouldn't mention that to Lane. 333 00:14:13,608 --> 00:14:16,500 Hey, did you know the gestation period for an elephant is 22 months? 334 00:14:16,516 --> 00:14:18,860 I wouldn't mention that to Lane, either. So what do you doing here? 335 00:14:18,895 --> 00:14:20,253 Does your mother know you're here? 336 00:14:20,265 --> 00:14:21,700 She doesn't have a clue. 337 00:14:21,718 --> 00:14:24,090 You see, I told her I was gonna spend the whole day 338 00:14:24,107 --> 00:14:27,000 at the Boston museum of science with my friend Melissa and her dad. 339 00:14:27,016 --> 00:14:30,180 And it's perfect because mom confirmed things with Melissa's dad two days ago. 340 00:14:30,196 --> 00:14:33,550 But, then yesterday, I told Melissa's dad that I couldn't come 341 00:14:33,566 --> 00:14:35,222 because I had gotten the curse, 342 00:14:35,337 --> 00:14:38,743 which is perfect, 'cause you know how awkward men get about menstruation. 343 00:14:38,758 --> 00:14:41,812 Yeah, look, it's really great to see you, but this isn't gonna work. 344 00:14:41,826 --> 00:14:43,500 There's no way mom will ever figure it out. 345 00:14:43,537 --> 00:14:46,151 I even read all about cotton-topped tamarin monkeys they have there 346 00:14:46,185 --> 00:14:49,652 and the Van de Graaff generator, so I'll have plenty to tell her when I get back. 347 00:14:49,668 --> 00:14:51,193 I'm gonna have to take you home. 348 00:14:51,205 --> 00:14:52,451 - No! - I'm sorry. 349 00:14:52,465 --> 00:14:54,692 Dad, no. Please, no. I've missed you so much. 350 00:14:54,705 --> 00:14:56,003 I missed you, too. 351 00:14:56,017 --> 00:14:57,621 I haven't seen you in ages and ages. 352 00:14:57,638 --> 00:15:00,703 Plus, if you take me home now, mom will know that I lied, 353 00:15:00,718 --> 00:15:02,760 and I'll get into so much trouble. 354 00:15:02,778 --> 00:15:04,782 - Please? - I don't know. 355 00:15:05,055 --> 00:15:06,552 Here. This is for you. 356 00:15:06,566 --> 00:15:08,570 Merry belated Christmas. Sorry it looks like this. 357 00:15:08,585 --> 00:15:10,500 I couldn't exactly wrap it in wrapping paper 358 00:15:10,515 --> 00:15:12,570 without arousing maternal suspicions, 359 00:15:12,587 --> 00:15:13,823 if you know what I mean. 360 00:15:13,835 --> 00:15:16,462 Thanks. I actually got you something, too. 361 00:15:16,476 --> 00:15:17,380 You did? 362 00:15:17,397 --> 00:15:18,582 Yeah. 363 00:15:19,135 --> 00:15:21,670 So, are you hungry or what? 364 00:15:21,686 --> 00:15:22,830 Tuna-fish sandwiches? 365 00:15:22,846 --> 00:15:24,281 That's what I was thinking, too. 366 00:15:24,295 --> 00:15:26,512 Come on. Let's go upstairs. 367 00:15:27,917 --> 00:15:29,842 Be very careful with your needle. 368 00:15:29,858 --> 00:15:30,663 I know. 369 00:15:30,676 --> 00:15:32,770 Okay, because it's really, really pointy. 370 00:15:32,786 --> 00:15:33,800 I know. 371 00:15:33,817 --> 00:15:35,583 Okay, so what guidelines did he give you? 372 00:15:35,597 --> 00:15:37,792 None. No guidelines. No guidelines whatsoever. 373 00:15:37,808 --> 00:15:39,340 I'm supposed to write a character reference, 374 00:15:39,378 --> 00:15:41,470 so I thought I'd reference his character. 375 00:15:41,486 --> 00:15:42,630 Sounds like you're on the right track. 376 00:15:42,665 --> 00:15:44,921 No, I'm not, because it turns out I can't write. 377 00:15:44,935 --> 00:15:46,863 - Oh, sure, you can. - No, I can't. 378 00:15:46,875 --> 00:15:50,433 I stare at the blank page, and I just keep staring and staring. 379 00:15:50,447 --> 00:15:52,680 And eventually I have to get up and lubricate my eyeballs. 380 00:15:52,716 --> 00:15:55,013 Otherwise, they would fall out of my head, like raisins. 381 00:15:55,027 --> 00:15:57,471 Well, are you using a pen? You can't just stare at the paper. 382 00:15:57,487 --> 00:15:59,513 You have to have a writing implement of some kind. 383 00:15:59,527 --> 00:16:00,570 Look. 384 00:16:00,587 --> 00:16:02,770 - Very pretty, honey. - What a good job. 385 00:16:02,787 --> 00:16:05,180 You know what I really like? Your cranberry-to-popcorn ratio. 386 00:16:05,218 --> 00:16:07,800 Rory's more of a one-to-one kind of gal, but I'm like you. 387 00:16:07,817 --> 00:16:10,210 I like a lot of cranberry, little popcorn for flair. 388 00:16:10,227 --> 00:16:11,732 - Yours is pretty, too. - Thank you. 389 00:16:11,745 --> 00:16:13,533 I have a writing implement. The problem is 390 00:16:13,547 --> 00:16:15,771 that everything I write sounds so schmucky. 391 00:16:15,787 --> 00:16:17,953 I'm sure that's not true. We're running low on cranberries. 392 00:16:17,985 --> 00:16:22,222 "Luke Danes is a highly regarded member of this community. 393 00:16:22,315 --> 00:16:25,692 Not an ill word can be spoken of Mr. Danes." 394 00:16:25,708 --> 00:16:29,132 It's like I'm some documentary narrator from the history channel. 395 00:16:29,147 --> 00:16:31,582 And you know what phrase I keep using? "Stand-up." 396 00:16:31,595 --> 00:16:33,930 "Luke Danes is a stand-up guy. 397 00:16:33,946 --> 00:16:36,672 He's an upstanding member of Stars Hollow, 398 00:16:36,688 --> 00:16:38,503 a real stand-up citizen." 399 00:16:38,515 --> 00:16:40,171 People are gonna think he's turned into a comedian. 400 00:16:40,205 --> 00:16:41,712 Sounds like you're overthinking this. 401 00:16:41,726 --> 00:16:43,260 Maybe if you just put pen to paper. 402 00:16:43,275 --> 00:16:46,452 I tried that. I thought, "I'll just sit down and write whatever comes -- 403 00:16:46,466 --> 00:16:48,193 no judgment, no inner critic." 404 00:16:48,205 --> 00:16:50,061 - Was that a bad idea. - Really? Why? 405 00:16:50,078 --> 00:16:53,953 Because my brain is a wild jungle full of scary gibberish. 406 00:16:53,966 --> 00:16:55,271 "I'm writing a letter. I can't write a letter. 407 00:16:55,305 --> 00:16:57,342 Why can't I write a letter? I'm wearing a green dress. 408 00:16:57,375 --> 00:16:59,963 I wish I was wearing my blue dress. My blue dress is at the cleaners. 409 00:16:59,996 --> 00:17:03,532 'The germans wore gray. You wore blue.' 'Casablanca' is such a good movie. 410 00:17:03,548 --> 00:17:05,130 'Casablanca.' The white house. Bush. 411 00:17:05,145 --> 00:17:07,653 Why don't I drive a hybrid car? I should drive a hybrid car. 412 00:17:07,666 --> 00:17:10,531 I should really take my bicycle to work. Bicycle. Unicycle. Unitard. 413 00:17:10,548 --> 00:17:13,532 Hockey puck. Rattlesnake. Monkey, monkey, underpants." 414 00:17:13,546 --> 00:17:15,882 "Hockey puck, rattlesnake, monkey, monkey, underpants"? 415 00:17:15,898 --> 00:17:17,613 Exactly. That's what I'm saying. 416 00:17:17,628 --> 00:17:19,141 It's a big bag of weird in there. 417 00:17:19,155 --> 00:17:21,301 So, I think I need inspiration. 418 00:17:21,315 --> 00:17:23,873 I need a muse. Perhaps I need "the muse." 419 00:17:23,887 --> 00:17:26,152 Maybe it would help if Sharon Stone would appear to me 420 00:17:26,167 --> 00:17:28,751 in an alarming caftan and coo inspirational words in my ear. 421 00:17:28,765 --> 00:17:30,721 Just write what you feel. That's all writing is. 422 00:17:30,735 --> 00:17:32,380 Hey, do you think there might be some reason 423 00:17:32,418 --> 00:17:33,651 why you're having trouble with this? 424 00:17:33,687 --> 00:17:36,390 I would imagine that writing about Luke wouldn't be easy. 425 00:17:36,407 --> 00:17:38,362 - I know. You should write it. - What? No. 426 00:17:38,376 --> 00:17:41,943 Yes. You are a wonderful writer. Everything you write is so good. 427 00:17:41,956 --> 00:17:44,383 Your grocery lists are like shimmering haikus. 428 00:17:44,397 --> 00:17:46,091 You write a pretty mean grocery list yourself. 429 00:17:46,127 --> 00:17:48,680 And it doesn't have to shimmer. It just has to be authentic and real. 430 00:17:48,715 --> 00:17:49,892 Oh! You know what I'm gonna do? 431 00:17:49,927 --> 00:17:50,903 Write my thing for me. 432 00:17:50,915 --> 00:17:53,271 No, I'm going to write a letter to Lucy 433 00:17:53,286 --> 00:17:55,993 explaining how sorry I am. That way, she doesn't have to see me, 434 00:17:56,006 --> 00:17:57,890 and she can just read it and she'll still know. 435 00:17:57,906 --> 00:18:01,092 That's great. And after you do that, you can write my letter for me. 436 00:18:01,107 --> 00:18:03,372 No. This is something you have to write for yourself. 437 00:18:03,385 --> 00:18:05,633 - What letter? - Uh... to Santa. 438 00:18:05,647 --> 00:18:06,601 Wow. 439 00:18:06,618 --> 00:18:07,950 You know what my problem is? 440 00:18:07,966 --> 00:18:10,551 It's the whole writing-by-hand thing. 441 00:18:10,566 --> 00:18:14,251 You know? I think what would help is if I got my old electric typewriter out. 442 00:18:14,267 --> 00:18:16,463 The soothing sound of that irritating buzzing, 443 00:18:16,478 --> 00:18:18,323 - that's what would help me. - I'm home! 444 00:18:18,336 --> 00:18:22,623 So, cranberries really stay on the string, and popcorn falls right off. 445 00:18:22,637 --> 00:18:24,102 - Hi, sweetie. - Hey, everybody. 446 00:18:24,117 --> 00:18:25,241 - Hey, dad. - Hey, dad. 447 00:18:25,258 --> 00:18:26,623 - Hey. - Hey. 448 00:18:27,585 --> 00:18:29,350 Wow. Look at those. 449 00:18:29,367 --> 00:18:30,730 They're for the trees. 450 00:18:30,745 --> 00:18:31,773 So, what do you have in the bag? 451 00:18:31,807 --> 00:18:34,171 No snooping. This is Santa's secret stuff. 452 00:18:34,188 --> 00:18:36,401 - Lorelai knows Santa. - Oh, yeah? 453 00:18:36,415 --> 00:18:38,410 She does Santa's dry cleaning. 454 00:18:38,425 --> 00:18:41,702 Well, Lorelai is a remarkable woman. 455 00:18:58,688 --> 00:19:01,393 - The yellow squash? - Yes, they're a delicacy. 456 00:19:01,408 --> 00:19:03,060 We're going to steam them along with the broccoli. 457 00:19:03,095 --> 00:19:05,112 Is that adult broccoli? Can you do that with baby squash? 458 00:19:05,145 --> 00:19:06,922 Yes, it's very high in oxidants. 459 00:19:06,938 --> 00:19:08,191 - Welcome home, babe. - Welcome home, Lane. 460 00:19:08,227 --> 00:19:10,590 So we went to the nature mart, and guess what we got you. 461 00:19:10,607 --> 00:19:13,351 Turnip greens -- turns out they got a sick amount of folic acid. 462 00:19:13,367 --> 00:19:16,183 What else did we get? Squash, zucchini, tofu. 463 00:19:16,197 --> 00:19:17,892 Special calcium fortified tofu. 464 00:19:17,906 --> 00:19:19,752 And the calcium's real important because you're not eating 465 00:19:19,788 --> 00:19:22,812 some of your previous calcium sources, like soft cheese. 466 00:19:22,825 --> 00:19:24,313 You're not eating soft cheese, are you? 467 00:19:24,345 --> 00:19:26,811 No. I'm not having any soft cheese. 468 00:19:26,826 --> 00:19:28,571 - And no sushi? - And no duck. 469 00:19:28,587 --> 00:19:30,092 We don't want the babies to have webbed feet. 470 00:19:30,126 --> 00:19:33,243 So the duck sushi I had for lunch was probably a mistake, huh? 471 00:19:33,258 --> 00:19:35,223 I'm kidding, mama. 472 00:19:35,587 --> 00:19:36,850 I am beat. 473 00:19:36,865 --> 00:19:39,472 Today at work, it was absolutely ridiculous. 474 00:19:39,486 --> 00:19:42,583 Every other customer was "baby" crazy! I'm gonna tell Luke tomorrow. 475 00:19:42,595 --> 00:19:44,332 - You should put your feet up. - I'm fine. 476 00:19:44,346 --> 00:19:46,250 - How are your ankles? - They're fine. 477 00:19:46,266 --> 00:19:48,553 You know what I was reading about? Compression pantyhose. 478 00:19:48,568 --> 00:19:51,030 A lot of pregnant women wear them to help with circulation. 479 00:19:51,048 --> 00:19:53,700 How are your bladder? Are the babies putting a lot of pressure on your bladder? 480 00:19:53,738 --> 00:19:54,781 What? I don't know. 481 00:19:54,798 --> 00:19:56,740 How many times did you urinate today? 482 00:19:56,756 --> 00:19:59,203 Oh, my god, Zach! I am so not answering that question! 483 00:19:59,218 --> 00:20:01,382 Here are some new prenatal vitamins we bought you. 484 00:20:01,397 --> 00:20:03,733 I'm going to put them on your bedside table. 485 00:20:03,747 --> 00:20:06,580 You have to take two every morning the moment you wake up. 486 00:20:06,598 --> 00:20:08,371 Maybe I need to make you a chart. 487 00:20:08,387 --> 00:20:10,040 I don't need a chart. 488 00:20:10,065 --> 00:20:13,001 I happen to know that you forgot to take your calcium tablets 489 00:20:13,017 --> 00:20:14,323 for two mornings. 490 00:20:14,336 --> 00:20:15,812 That is not right, Lane. 491 00:20:15,827 --> 00:20:17,083 Mama, you're counting my pills? 492 00:20:17,098 --> 00:20:18,631 Yes, of course. 493 00:20:25,516 --> 00:20:28,122 I'm serious about the whole compression-pantyhose thing. 494 00:20:28,135 --> 00:20:29,882 I could totally pick you up a pair. 495 00:20:29,896 --> 00:20:33,353 I mean, do I relish the prospect of being seen skulking around the pantyhose aisle? 496 00:20:33,368 --> 00:20:35,792 No. But I'm sure you don't want varicose veins. 497 00:20:35,805 --> 00:20:38,552 - I don't want pantyhose! - Oh. Okay. 498 00:20:38,565 --> 00:20:41,573 I have decided I will make a chart. I need a piece of paper, 499 00:20:41,585 --> 00:20:43,402 a ruler, and some magic markers. 500 00:20:43,418 --> 00:20:45,343 I'm serious, mama. I don't need -- 501 00:20:46,185 --> 00:20:48,433 - What is that? - Oh, it's the crib we ordered. 502 00:20:48,446 --> 00:20:50,452 Isn't it cool? It'll be big enough for both of them. 503 00:20:50,486 --> 00:20:51,663 Where are my drums? 504 00:20:51,678 --> 00:20:53,833 They're good, they're safe. We put them in the closet. 505 00:20:53,835 --> 00:20:56,522 The closet? You put my drum kit in the closet? 506 00:20:56,536 --> 00:21:00,580 Yeah, we needed the space, and, Lane, we haven't had band practice for months. 507 00:21:06,578 --> 00:21:08,410 We need to have band practice! 508 00:21:08,425 --> 00:21:10,082 Sure. And we will. 509 00:21:10,095 --> 00:21:10,721 Now. 510 00:21:10,737 --> 00:21:13,150 Well, if you want, we can call Gil and Brian, 511 00:21:13,168 --> 00:21:15,441 but I mean, can you even play? 512 00:21:15,456 --> 00:21:17,931 What do you mean, can I play? 513 00:21:17,947 --> 00:21:20,160 I mean, in your condition. 514 00:21:20,175 --> 00:21:21,611 I can play. 515 00:21:21,626 --> 00:21:22,883 Okay. 516 00:21:22,898 --> 00:21:24,330 Cool. 517 00:21:29,197 --> 00:21:32,531 I melted three entire candy canes into this not-very-large cup of coffee, 518 00:21:32,546 --> 00:21:34,652 - and still I can barely taste it. - I know. 519 00:21:34,665 --> 00:21:36,743 It's just the vaguest whisper of peppermint. 520 00:21:36,757 --> 00:21:37,603 Peppermint. 521 00:21:37,617 --> 00:21:40,911 I swear, I could get the same effect if I put vaporub on my chest 522 00:21:40,926 --> 00:21:42,131 and drank coffee at the same time. 523 00:21:42,167 --> 00:21:42,921 Peppermint. 524 00:21:42,937 --> 00:21:46,703 I mean, how arbitrary is it to decide to stop serving candy-cane coffee 525 00:21:46,715 --> 00:21:48,470 the day after Christmas? 526 00:21:48,486 --> 00:21:50,902 Christmas spirit is not something that can be turned off 527 00:21:50,917 --> 00:21:53,103 like a faucet on december 26th. 528 00:21:53,115 --> 00:21:54,190 Yeah, it stinks. 529 00:21:54,207 --> 00:21:57,502 On the plus side, any chest congestion I had is now totally cleared up. 530 00:21:57,518 --> 00:21:58,293 Well, that's good. 531 00:21:58,307 --> 00:21:59,810 Well, let's go Christmas-shopping. 532 00:21:59,827 --> 00:22:01,903 - Write your letter. - I can't. I need a treat. 533 00:22:01,917 --> 00:22:04,553 This was your treat. Coming to Weston's was supposed to buck up your spirits. 534 00:22:04,585 --> 00:22:05,803 and inspire your writing. 535 00:22:05,816 --> 00:22:08,763 No, candy-cane coffee was supposed to be my treat. 536 00:22:08,775 --> 00:22:10,471 This coffee is no treat. 537 00:22:10,487 --> 00:22:12,942 Let's face it -- this is un-candy-cane-coffee coffee, 538 00:22:12,958 --> 00:22:14,552 and it's totally un-bucking up my spirits. 539 00:22:14,586 --> 00:22:15,890 So it's decided -- let's go shopping. 540 00:22:15,927 --> 00:22:17,111 Write. 541 00:22:17,125 --> 00:22:19,000 Rory, I can't. 542 00:22:19,015 --> 00:22:21,191 Ooh. I have an idea. Excuse me. 543 00:22:21,217 --> 00:22:23,073 Hi. Merry Christmas. 544 00:22:23,085 --> 00:22:24,133 Christmas is over. 545 00:22:24,145 --> 00:22:25,553 Okay. Sue -- pretty name. 546 00:22:25,566 --> 00:22:29,272 I have a hunch that there's some of the secret candy-cane-coffee mix 547 00:22:29,286 --> 00:22:30,931 just sitting in the back there, 548 00:22:30,945 --> 00:22:33,033 and I wonder if I could make it worth your while 549 00:22:33,047 --> 00:22:35,170 if you and I could come to some sort of arrangement. 550 00:22:35,187 --> 00:22:38,823 Like I said before, we stop selling candy-cane coffee when Christmas is over. 551 00:22:38,837 --> 00:22:40,943 Right. I'm not talking about selling it. 552 00:22:40,957 --> 00:22:44,160 I'm talking about maybe if you misplaced a canister or two. 553 00:22:44,177 --> 00:22:46,700 - Misplaced? - Misplaced. 554 00:22:46,988 --> 00:22:48,350 - Honey. - Yes? 555 00:22:48,365 --> 00:22:50,560 - Christmas is over. - Okay. 556 00:22:52,586 --> 00:22:54,612 - Are we gonna talk about this? - About what? 557 00:22:54,625 --> 00:22:56,980 - Why are you lying to dad? - I'm not lying. 558 00:22:56,997 --> 00:22:59,441 He walked into the kitchen earlier, and you all of a sudden 559 00:22:59,458 --> 00:23:02,280 started prattling on about popcorn and cranberries. 560 00:23:02,295 --> 00:23:05,593 I wasn't prattling. Come on, let's blow this popsicle stand. 561 00:23:07,567 --> 00:23:10,331 But you're not telling him about this character-reference thing, are you? 562 00:23:10,367 --> 00:23:12,173 - I haven't yet. - And you're not planning to. 563 00:23:12,188 --> 00:23:15,621 You're intentionally not telling him. That's kind of a lie of omission. 564 00:23:15,635 --> 00:23:18,220 A Lie of Omission ? Isn't that an Ashley Judd/Morgan Freeman movie? 565 00:23:18,257 --> 00:23:21,101 Look mom, if there's anything to be learned from this whole thing with Lucy, 566 00:23:21,137 --> 00:23:22,983 it's that honesty is the best policy. 567 00:23:22,995 --> 00:23:24,622 It's an okay policy. 568 00:23:24,638 --> 00:23:26,310 But how do you expect to have any kind of relationship 569 00:23:26,347 --> 00:23:27,713 if you're not honest with him? 570 00:23:27,728 --> 00:23:30,373 Honey, look, I have been around a long time, okay? 571 00:23:30,386 --> 00:23:32,140 I wore leggings the last time they were trendy. 572 00:23:32,175 --> 00:23:34,742 I knew Tom Hanks when he was a bosom buddy. I have lived, and I have learned. 573 00:23:34,775 --> 00:23:35,370 I know. 574 00:23:35,386 --> 00:23:38,462 And I understand that you value honesty, and I applaud that value. 575 00:23:38,475 --> 00:23:41,260 But sometimes the truth is a little more complicated. 576 00:23:41,277 --> 00:23:42,550 More complicated how? 577 00:23:42,565 --> 00:23:45,100 More complicated. We don't have to talk about this. 578 00:23:45,118 --> 00:23:47,952 I know, but I want you to tell me what's going on. 579 00:23:47,966 --> 00:23:51,140 Things with dad are great. They're better than great. 580 00:23:51,157 --> 00:23:52,873 It's just that... 581 00:23:52,885 --> 00:23:53,721 What? 582 00:23:53,736 --> 00:23:56,140 He's been a bit on edge about Luke. 583 00:23:56,158 --> 00:23:58,313 You know, I ran into Luke outside Doose's the other day, 584 00:23:58,348 --> 00:24:00,991 and dad saw me holding Liz's baby. 585 00:24:01,005 --> 00:24:03,221 And it just wasn't great. It wasn't great timing. 586 00:24:03,375 --> 00:24:08,291 And this whole mom having the not-a-wedding-party thing caused tension, 587 00:24:08,306 --> 00:24:09,562 and we argued. 588 00:24:09,577 --> 00:24:11,901 So I just want to be sensitive and not worry him 589 00:24:11,916 --> 00:24:13,690 about something he doesn't need to worry about. 590 00:24:13,725 --> 00:24:15,040 Well, that makes sense. 591 00:24:15,057 --> 00:24:18,030 But everything is gonna be fine. 592 00:24:18,046 --> 00:24:19,641 Better than fine -- it's gonna be great. 593 00:24:19,797 --> 00:24:20,690 Okay. 594 00:24:20,795 --> 00:24:23,651 Well, you know, mom, I've been around for a while, too. 595 00:24:23,667 --> 00:24:26,212 I remember Tom Hanks from his "Joe versus the volcano" days. 596 00:24:26,225 --> 00:24:27,390 Yeah, you were like 5. 597 00:24:27,406 --> 00:24:29,323 Yeah, but the point is, I'm not a kid anymore. 598 00:24:29,335 --> 00:24:31,953 You don't have to create this whole Christmas illusion 599 00:24:31,965 --> 00:24:34,533 where everything in the world is magical and fine. 600 00:24:34,547 --> 00:24:36,062 It's okay if it's not. 601 00:24:36,077 --> 00:24:37,901 You still believe in Santa, though, right? 602 00:24:37,917 --> 00:24:40,163 Your best dry-cleaning client? Of course. 603 00:24:41,756 --> 00:24:45,823 A little to the right. Okay. Too far. A little to the left. There. 604 00:24:45,838 --> 00:24:46,861 - How's that? - Good. 605 00:24:46,878 --> 00:24:48,110 It really livens up your apartment. 606 00:24:48,146 --> 00:24:50,741 It's a very lively mask. Thanks again, April. 607 00:24:50,756 --> 00:24:52,223 I love it. I really do. 608 00:24:52,237 --> 00:24:53,760 It's based on my real face. 609 00:24:53,776 --> 00:24:54,631 Oh, yeah? 610 00:24:54,648 --> 00:24:56,451 Not the outside, but the inside. 611 00:24:56,466 --> 00:24:59,273 I made it in art class, and I had to lie still with straws up my nose 612 00:24:59,285 --> 00:25:01,082 while a partner put plaster strips on my face. 613 00:25:01,115 --> 00:25:03,561 - Straws on your nose, huh? - I suffer for my art. 614 00:25:03,578 --> 00:25:06,482 Anyway, this kid Evan, he got Liz Alderman as a partner, 615 00:25:06,498 --> 00:25:09,882 who's a total wild child. And she laid the plaster strips all willy-nilly 616 00:25:09,896 --> 00:25:12,092 and ended up pulling off half his eyebrows. 617 00:25:12,108 --> 00:25:13,533 Oh, that's not good. 618 00:25:13,546 --> 00:25:15,761 Actually, Liz Alderman's on my swim team now. 619 00:25:15,775 --> 00:25:16,730 Oh yeah? 620 00:25:16,745 --> 00:25:19,231 She's got these really huge feet, which coach Bennett finds promising. 621 00:25:19,267 --> 00:25:21,152 - Like built-in flippers. - Exactly. 622 00:25:21,166 --> 00:25:24,133 Hopefully they kick in -- no pun intended -- before our big swim meet in may. 623 00:25:24,165 --> 00:25:26,301 - May, huh? - May 15th. 624 00:25:26,316 --> 00:25:29,060 10 different clubs are sending teams. It's gonna be amazing. 625 00:25:29,078 --> 00:25:31,673 I hear they have really great swim teams in New Mexico. 626 00:25:31,685 --> 00:25:35,240 Yeah, right. New Mexico is a barren, dusty desert, 627 00:25:35,255 --> 00:25:37,493 and they probably don't even have water to swim in. 628 00:25:37,507 --> 00:25:40,320 In hot climates, they actually have more swimming pools. 629 00:25:40,338 --> 00:25:42,653 I bet you a lot of kids there will be really into swimming. 630 00:25:42,686 --> 00:25:44,122 Then they're probably too good for me. 631 00:25:44,157 --> 00:25:45,940 I mean, the only reason I get to do so many events 632 00:25:45,975 --> 00:25:48,033 is 'cause everyone on my team stinks worse than I do. 633 00:25:48,065 --> 00:25:49,593 - April! - It's true. 634 00:25:49,608 --> 00:25:50,990 Go on. 635 00:25:51,105 --> 00:25:54,263 All right, go ahead and open up your Christmas present. 636 00:25:54,276 --> 00:25:57,552 Are you trying to bribe me out of a bad mood with the offer of material goods? 637 00:25:57,568 --> 00:25:59,292 'Cause I'm amenable to that. 638 00:26:04,065 --> 00:26:07,240 Wow! A rock polisher! 639 00:26:07,256 --> 00:26:09,110 - Thanks so much. - You like it? 640 00:26:09,128 --> 00:26:11,743 - It's the perfect present. - You hinted at it pretty hard, 641 00:26:11,758 --> 00:26:13,213 so I figured it might be the right thing. 642 00:26:13,247 --> 00:26:14,971 It is. It is. 643 00:26:15,455 --> 00:26:19,191 But, dad, I kind of already got a rock polisher from grandma. 644 00:26:19,208 --> 00:26:21,391 Oh. Well, then it's not the perfect present. 645 00:26:21,407 --> 00:26:22,580 No, it is. It is. 646 00:26:22,598 --> 00:26:24,920 This one looks more powerful than the one I already have. 647 00:26:24,936 --> 00:26:27,061 Plus, I mean, who couldn't use two rock polishers? 648 00:26:27,078 --> 00:26:28,211 - Yeah? - Sure. 649 00:26:28,228 --> 00:26:29,760 You should see my rock collection right now. 650 5300:26:29,790 --> 00:26:32,575 It's insane. I've practically got a quarry in my bedroom -- 651 00:26:32,587 --> 00:26:36,723 granite, of course, but also feldspar, quartz, mica, limestone. 652 00:26:36,737 --> 00:26:38,110 - Cool. - I know. 653 00:26:38,126 --> 00:26:41,191 I've been biking over to Beacon Falls and going rock-hunting around Naugatuck River. 654 00:26:41,228 --> 00:26:42,391 It's amazing. 655 00:26:42,406 --> 00:26:44,910 The other day, I found an arrowhead in almost perfect condition. 656 00:26:44,945 --> 00:26:47,790 It's so sharp, I think I'd get in trouble if I brought it to school. 657 00:26:47,807 --> 00:26:50,340 You know, if you're interested in arrowheads, New Mexico has 658 00:26:50,356 --> 00:26:52,161 - some incredible places -- - Dad. 659 00:26:52,178 --> 00:26:54,192 Okay. Okay. 660 00:26:55,295 --> 00:26:56,831 Let's open this thing. 661 00:26:58,566 --> 00:27:00,392 Hey! I'm done with the lights. 662 00:27:00,405 --> 00:27:02,551 Do you want to see them now, or you want to wait till after dark? 663 00:27:02,588 --> 00:27:05,913 Uh, I will wait -- to get the full effect. 664 00:27:05,928 --> 00:27:07,210 What you got there? 665 00:27:07,226 --> 00:27:10,240 Uh, nothing. Just some of Santa's secret stuff. 666 00:27:10,258 --> 00:27:11,813 Oh, yeah? What did you get me? 667 00:27:11,827 --> 00:27:13,962 - A Maserati. - Oh, that's so sweet. 668 00:27:13,976 --> 00:27:16,323 It's amazing how a Maserati can fit behind the bed like that. 669 00:27:16,358 --> 00:27:18,222 I haven't put it together yet, which reminds me -- 670 00:27:18,255 --> 00:27:19,693 do you have any masking tape I can borrow? 671 00:27:19,727 --> 00:27:21,841 You're gonna assemble the Maserati with masking tape? 672 00:27:21,856 --> 00:27:24,660 Don't ask questions! Get out of here. It's Santa's workshop! 673 00:27:27,706 --> 00:27:28,993 Rory! 674 00:27:29,385 --> 00:27:30,971 We have to go shopping, 675 00:27:30,987 --> 00:27:32,963 get your dad a Maserati! 676 00:27:36,927 --> 00:27:39,751 So of course I spun the record for like a week straight, 677 00:27:39,767 --> 00:27:42,023 because who wouldn't want to listen to art brut for a week straight? 678 00:27:42,055 --> 00:27:43,411 Pass me your lyrics. 679 00:27:43,426 --> 00:27:45,511 Yeah. Here they are. 680 00:27:45,557 --> 00:27:48,883 As far as I'm concerned, "formed a band" could be the new national anthem. 681 00:27:48,898 --> 00:27:52,411 I swear I could literally stand and cover my heart if asked. 682 00:27:53,396 --> 00:27:54,590 Brian? 683 00:27:54,877 --> 00:27:56,123 Brian? 684 00:27:57,806 --> 00:27:59,021 Whoa! 685 00:27:59,165 --> 00:28:00,873 What's going on here, babe? Everything okay? 686 8200:28:00,908 --> 00:28:02,509 You got to watch the loud noises. 687 00:28:02,516 --> 00:28:05,670 Loud noises? We're about to play rock music, Zach. 688 00:28:06,205 --> 00:28:08,390 Oh, check out the mandolin. 689 00:28:08,407 --> 00:28:10,081 Yeah, right. She's a beaut, huh? 690 00:28:10,098 --> 00:28:12,273 Yeah. Cool. What kind of stuff you been working on? 691 00:28:12,288 --> 00:28:13,861 Mostly I've just been messing around. 692 00:28:13,878 --> 00:28:16,240 I wrote one song that was kind of White Stripes' "Little Ghost" 693 00:28:16,275 --> 00:28:18,771 meets The Decemberists meets Gulag Orkestar 694 00:28:18,785 --> 00:28:20,480 meets, like, "Losing my religion" 695 00:28:20,498 --> 00:28:22,573 meets Jethro Burns on that Steve Goodman album 696 00:28:22,587 --> 00:28:24,572 meets "Battle of Evermore" meets the Smiths 697 00:28:24,587 --> 00:28:27,283 meets... some other stuff. 698 00:28:27,298 --> 00:28:29,810 - That's lot of meeting. - Exactly. 699 00:28:30,047 --> 00:28:33,271 Whoa. Okay, this is eerie. 700 00:28:33,286 --> 00:28:35,643 You see the way I'm holding my mandolin. 701 00:28:35,658 --> 00:28:37,543 It's exactly one of the baby holds I've learned. 702 00:28:37,578 --> 00:28:40,552 See how I have it in the crook of my arm with its head supported? 703 00:28:40,627 --> 00:28:41,922 That's how you're supposed to hold a baby? 704 00:28:41,958 --> 00:28:44,433 One of the ways. Man, Lane, I wish your mom was here. 705 00:28:44,445 --> 00:28:46,861 This is so totally "rock-a-bye, baby." 706 00:28:46,875 --> 00:28:47,841 Fascinating. 707 00:28:47,856 --> 00:28:50,892 So wait, there are different ways to officially hold a baby? 708 00:28:50,908 --> 00:28:53,380 Yeah, sure -- you got your "hello, world," 709 00:28:53,396 --> 00:28:55,210 where you put the baby's back to your stomach 710 00:28:55,226 --> 00:28:57,190 and put your hand under here for support. 711 00:28:57,208 --> 00:28:58,551 You got your belly hold, 712 00:28:58,565 --> 00:29:01,882 where you put the baby's chest down along one of your forearms. 713 00:29:01,896 --> 00:29:03,863 This is really great for gassy babies. 714 00:29:03,876 --> 00:29:06,120 Then you got your fruit basket, which is -- 715 00:29:06,137 --> 00:29:07,422 Finally. 716 00:29:10,486 --> 00:29:13,521 Hey, hey, hey! How we doing? 717 00:29:13,536 --> 00:29:14,811 Long time no see. 718 00:29:14,826 --> 00:29:17,352 - Gil, how's it hangin'? - It's hangin' great, my friend. 719 00:29:17,368 --> 00:29:21,411 So, check it out. This is the youngest of my brood -- Macon. 720 00:29:21,427 --> 00:29:23,520 Macon, this is the band. 721 00:29:23,536 --> 00:29:24,472 What up? 722 00:29:24,487 --> 00:29:27,452 The sitter flaked, and I got Macon the bacon under my wing. 723 00:29:27,466 --> 00:29:28,131 That's cool. 724 00:29:28,145 --> 00:29:30,161 Sorry for the short notice, but I figured you guys would be 725 00:29:30,197 --> 00:29:33,951 a little more understanding being that you're in the family way. 726 00:29:34,256 --> 00:29:36,152 Speaking of which... 727 00:29:36,165 --> 00:29:37,860 Whoa! Check you out, Lane. 728 00:29:37,876 --> 00:29:40,961 You are some kind of serious fertility goddess. 729 00:29:40,976 --> 00:29:41,871 Thanks. 730 00:29:41,888 --> 00:29:43,721 Zach, nice work, man. 731 00:29:43,735 --> 00:29:47,073 So, I thought we should warm up by practicing some of our old songs. 732 00:29:47,088 --> 00:29:49,921 And then maybe Zach could show us what he's been doing with the mandolin. 733 00:29:49,957 --> 00:29:51,370 The mandolin. 734 00:29:53,237 --> 00:29:54,452 Right on. 735 00:29:54,467 --> 00:29:57,050 Oh, man! You got the Alcmere 3000! 736 00:29:57,068 --> 00:29:59,160 - The what? - The breast pump. 737 00:29:59,178 --> 00:30:02,282 I'm psyched you guys picked this one. It's really gentle. 738 00:30:02,295 --> 00:30:04,300 I mean, my wife's got sensitive nipples. 739 00:30:04,318 --> 00:30:06,300 This one didn't bum her out at all. 740 00:30:06,317 --> 00:30:09,100 - You use that to pump... - Milk. Sure. 741 00:30:09,118 --> 00:30:11,392 That's if you choose to go the breast-feeding route. 742 00:30:11,408 --> 00:30:13,973 You guys, I'm sure Brian is not interested in this. 743 00:30:13,986 --> 00:30:15,121 Breast-feeding, huh? 744 00:30:15,138 --> 00:30:17,521 Yeah. I mean, some people go with the formula deal, 745 00:30:17,536 --> 00:30:18,923 which is cool, too. 746 00:30:18,938 --> 00:30:21,320 Actually, for baby number two, we did use formula. 747 00:30:21,337 --> 00:30:22,053 Yeah? 748 00:30:22,066 --> 00:30:25,760 I mean, if you use formula, the old lady can smoke, drink, 749 00:30:25,776 --> 00:30:29,220 eat as many tacos as she wants -- no problemo. 750 00:30:29,235 --> 00:30:30,443 You hear that, babe? 751 00:30:30,456 --> 00:30:32,831 Yeah. Tacos. Thrilling. 752 00:30:32,845 --> 00:30:35,031 Why can't they make books out of something lighter? 753 00:30:35,047 --> 00:30:35,971 Lighter than paper? 754 00:30:35,988 --> 00:30:37,502 I'm being punished for being generous. 755 00:30:37,516 --> 00:30:39,470 That's what you get for having so many smart friends. 756 00:30:39,505 --> 00:30:41,143 So I think we're doing well. 757 00:30:41,158 --> 00:30:42,171 Yeah, I think we're done. 758 00:30:42,187 --> 00:30:43,880 Oh wait, Babette. Do we have something for Babette? 759 00:30:43,916 --> 00:30:45,723 The needlepoint pillow with the sassy saying. 760 00:30:45,736 --> 00:30:48,802 Oh yeah. Hey, you know, it's kind of impressive 761 00:30:48,817 --> 00:30:50,922 when people curse in needlepoint. 762 00:30:50,935 --> 00:30:52,270 There's something laborious about it. 763 00:30:52,306 --> 00:30:55,082 And I got cologne for Michel and the same cologne for my mother. 764 00:30:55,097 --> 00:30:55,710 Weird. 765 00:30:55,728 --> 00:30:57,003 Well, they'll both hate whatever I give them, 766 00:30:57,036 --> 00:30:59,381 so I figured, why spend time picking out doomed gifts? 767 00:30:59,396 --> 00:31:02,550 Then I have whatever Williams-Sonoma sold me for Sookie -- 768 00:31:02,567 --> 00:31:05,902 a butter slicer, a bread warmer/wine maker. 769 00:31:05,916 --> 00:31:07,683 Well, I'm sure she'll love her butter slicer. 770 00:31:07,718 --> 00:31:11,030 If that's even what it is. I swear, they could attach a stone to a piece of string 771 00:31:11,048 --> 00:31:13,320 and call it a poultry pounder, and I'd shell out 35 bucks. 772 00:31:13,358 --> 00:31:15,140 So I guess all we need is dad. 773 00:31:15,157 --> 00:31:17,011 I really want to get him something great. 774 00:31:17,026 --> 00:31:18,051 We have the sweater. 775 00:31:18,067 --> 00:31:19,443 And the really heavy book. 776 00:31:19,455 --> 00:31:22,632 But I want to get him something that he'll really love. 777 00:31:22,647 --> 00:31:24,692 Well, we will. I mean, we'll find something. 778 00:31:24,705 --> 00:31:27,860 We have a whole mall here full of post-Christmas prices. We'll find something. 779 00:31:27,878 --> 00:31:29,850 Guys are tricky, but your dad's really tricky. 780 00:31:29,867 --> 00:31:31,921 What does he need? What does he want? 781 00:31:31,936 --> 00:31:33,273 Perhaps a poultry pounder. 782 00:31:33,286 --> 00:31:34,882 Plus, he is my husband now. 783 00:31:34,896 --> 00:31:36,403 I've never bought something for a husband. 784 00:31:36,436 --> 00:31:38,713 I wish they had a special store for husband stuff. 785 00:31:38,725 --> 00:31:40,012 Hey! 786 00:31:41,305 --> 00:31:42,383 What do you think? 787 00:31:42,397 --> 00:31:43,350 Maybe. 788 00:31:43,366 --> 00:31:44,922 I think he'd love it. Come on. 789 00:31:45,768 --> 00:31:48,211 Oh, look at this one. 790 00:31:49,395 --> 00:31:51,403 Doesn't work so good inside, though. 791 00:31:51,415 --> 00:31:53,212 Solar systems, 50% off! 792 00:31:53,228 --> 00:31:55,710 That's not just a post-Christmas sale. That's a post-Pluto sale. 793 00:31:55,747 --> 00:31:57,981 - Poor Pluto. - Oh, poor Pluto. 794 00:31:58,117 --> 00:32:00,611 Hey, um, it's Luke. 795 00:32:04,396 --> 00:32:05,432 Hi. 796 00:32:06,076 --> 00:32:08,430 - I guess we should... - Yeah. 797 00:32:10,457 --> 00:32:11,920 - Oh! Hey! - Hey. 798 00:32:11,936 --> 00:32:14,173 - Hey, Rory. - Hey, Luke. Hey, April. 799 00:32:14,187 --> 00:32:15,220 - Hey. - Hey. 800 00:32:15,235 --> 00:32:16,593 - Hi. - Hi, April. 801 00:32:16,607 --> 00:32:17,773 Hi. 802 00:32:17,816 --> 00:32:21,500 April showed up at the diner today out of the blue. 803 00:32:21,515 --> 00:32:23,353 You make it sound like Pearl Harbor or something. 804 00:32:23,388 --> 00:32:26,753 No, I mean, it was a surprise -- a nice surprise. 805 00:32:26,766 --> 00:32:28,203 So, how's it going? 806 00:32:28,217 --> 00:32:30,783 - It's -- I'm almost done. - Done? 807 00:32:30,877 --> 00:32:32,731 You're not talking about the letter. 808 00:32:32,745 --> 00:32:34,240 You're just asking in general. 809 00:32:34,257 --> 00:32:35,333 I meant, how's it going? 810 00:32:35,346 --> 00:32:37,440 Good. I'm good. We're good. 811 00:32:37,488 --> 00:32:39,802 Hey, I like your sweaters. They're very festive. 812 00:32:39,815 --> 00:32:41,612 Thank you. It's Christmas for us. 813 00:32:41,625 --> 00:32:43,023 Rory was in London at the end of december, 814 00:32:43,056 --> 00:32:44,680 so we waited to do Christmas together. 815 00:32:44,695 --> 00:32:45,772 Of course you did. 816 00:32:45,787 --> 00:32:48,200 - Sir, do you have a return? - Oh, yeah. Yeah. 817 00:32:49,445 --> 00:32:51,321 So, April, how was your Christmas? 818 00:32:51,337 --> 00:32:54,831 Well, I'm 60% atheist and 40% agnostic, 819 00:32:54,848 --> 00:32:56,863 so Christmas isn't really a big deal for me. 820 00:32:56,876 --> 00:32:58,533 Oh, really? 60/40, huh? 821 00:32:58,548 --> 00:33:00,663 - More of a winter solstice gal? - Exactly. 822 00:33:00,678 --> 00:33:02,733 You went to London by yourself over Christmas? 823 00:33:02,748 --> 00:33:05,103 Oh, I wasn't exactly by myself. I met my boyfriend there. 824 00:33:05,116 --> 00:33:08,362 Oh. Meeting a lover in a foreign city -- how glamorous. 825 00:33:08,378 --> 00:33:10,030 I can't wait to be grown up and glamorous 826 00:33:10,048 --> 00:33:13,123 and be able to make my own decisions about where I go and when. 827 00:33:13,137 --> 00:33:14,651 Being a kid is the pits sometimes. 828 00:33:14,665 --> 00:33:15,983 It sure is. 829 00:33:16,265 --> 00:33:17,583 Oh, thanks. 830 00:33:17,976 --> 00:33:19,301 What'd you get? 831 00:33:19,316 --> 00:33:22,540 Well, my dad got me the greatest present ever -- a rock-polishing kit -- 832 00:33:22,557 --> 00:33:25,210 but I had already gotten it from my grandma, 833 00:33:25,228 --> 00:33:27,203 who's very into Christmas. 834 00:33:27,218 --> 00:33:30,142 So we exchanged it for this microscope, 835 00:33:30,155 --> 00:33:31,751 which is also the greatest present. 836 00:33:31,766 --> 00:33:33,361 - Good. - Wow. That's great. 837 00:33:33,378 --> 00:33:35,031 My dad's always been a great gift giver. 838 00:33:35,046 --> 00:33:37,250 I guess I don't know if I was always considered so good 839 00:33:37,265 --> 00:33:39,380 at picking out presents, right, Rory? 840 00:33:39,396 --> 00:33:41,443 Oh, no, you've always been great. 841 00:33:41,455 --> 00:33:43,091 - Towels? - What towels. 842 00:33:43,108 --> 00:33:45,353 - You meant well. - You gave her towels? 843 00:33:45,366 --> 00:33:46,311 For my birthday. 844 00:33:46,325 --> 00:33:48,440 I had them monogrammed. I thought it was cool. 845 00:33:48,456 --> 00:33:50,622 Yes, you went through quite the monogramming phase. 846 00:33:50,638 --> 00:33:53,793 I believe you received monogrammed pencils, a monogrammed mug, 847 00:33:53,805 --> 00:33:56,232 a monogrammed backpack, and a monogrammed belt. 848 00:33:56,247 --> 00:33:58,860 No one ever tried to steal that belt. Those were my favorite towels. 849 00:33:58,895 --> 00:34:00,030 I still have the washcloth. 850 00:34:00,048 --> 00:34:01,271 That's hilarious. 851 00:34:01,286 --> 00:34:03,730 Remember the year you got me the unicorn marionette with the purple horn? 852 00:34:03,767 --> 00:34:05,343 You didn't like the unicorn marionette? 853 00:34:05,358 --> 00:34:07,343 I've never really been that into unicorns. 854 00:34:07,358 --> 00:34:08,542 I thought you loved that. 855 00:34:08,557 --> 00:34:10,011 I know, because I was being polite. 856 00:34:10,026 --> 00:34:11,390 Being polite can be dangerous. 857 00:34:11,408 --> 00:34:13,150 Yes, it totally backfired, 858 00:34:13,168 --> 00:34:16,202 because for the next five years, I only got unicorn items -- 859 00:34:16,218 --> 00:34:18,823 unicorn sweatshirt, unicorn pencil case, 860 00:34:18,837 --> 00:34:21,091 bumper sticker -- "I brake for unicorns." 861 00:34:21,107 --> 00:34:23,531 You were always so nice. You never forgot my birthday. 862 00:34:23,548 --> 00:34:26,010 And every holiday, there was a monogrammed unicorn item. 863 00:34:26,026 --> 00:34:28,462 Dad, for the record, I'm not really into unicorns, either. 864 00:34:28,475 --> 00:34:30,613 Well, I'm glad to know it. Anyway, we should get going. 865 00:34:30,647 --> 00:34:32,042 I got to get you home, kiddo. 866 00:34:32,057 --> 00:34:34,431 Well, we have to buy up all the Pluto stuff. 867 00:34:34,446 --> 00:34:35,802 It's really gonna be a collector's item. 868 00:34:35,836 --> 00:34:36,722 Sure. 869 00:34:36,738 --> 00:34:38,832 - Bye, you guys. - Bye. Have a merry Christmas. 870 00:34:38,847 --> 00:34:40,150 Merry Christmas. 871 00:34:47,517 --> 00:34:48,711 Honey, let me carry that. 872 00:34:48,728 --> 00:34:50,053 - No, thank you. - Lane, come on. 873 00:34:50,068 --> 00:34:51,871 I'm perfectly capable of carrying a bag of groceries. 874 00:34:51,905 --> 00:34:54,512 Nutter butters? I put those nutter butters back on the shelf. 875 00:34:54,526 --> 00:34:55,801 I took them off of the shelf. 876 00:34:55,816 --> 00:34:57,890 Your mom doesn't think you should be eating many cookies. 877 00:34:57,927 --> 00:35:00,592 Enough about my mom, okay? Enough. I'm so sick of her. 878 00:35:00,607 --> 00:35:03,310 She's been pretty great, Lane. She cooks for us, cleans for us. 879 00:35:03,328 --> 00:35:05,083 She's a total fount of baby information. 880 00:35:05,098 --> 00:35:07,103 You know what? Maybe you should have married my mom, then, okay? 881 00:35:07,135 --> 00:35:09,121 Well, I'm sure when your mom was younger... 882 00:35:09,136 --> 00:35:11,762 Hey, I'm just saying, she's a handsome woman. 883 00:35:11,776 --> 00:35:13,721 What? I'm just saying that I bet when she was younger, 884 00:35:13,757 --> 00:35:15,263 she used to look a little like you -- 885 00:35:15,275 --> 00:35:18,113 shorter hair, no glasses, maybe a bit more crabby. Maybe. 886 00:35:18,127 --> 00:35:19,520 Well, I'm sick of her. 887 00:35:19,537 --> 00:35:21,321 - That's kind of harsh. - I am. I'm sick oh her. 888 00:35:21,358 --> 00:35:23,810 I'm sick of it all. I'm sick of being treated like I'm not a person, 889 00:35:23,846 --> 00:35:26,853 like I'm some incubator whose puffy ankles and varicose veins 890 00:35:26,868 --> 00:35:28,780 and bathroom habits are up for discussion. 891 00:35:28,798 --> 00:35:30,890 On what planet is it appropriate to ask a person 892 00:35:30,908 --> 00:35:32,471 how many times a day she urinates? 893 00:35:32,487 --> 00:35:34,340 - You can ask me. - I don't want to ask you. 894 00:35:34,355 --> 00:35:36,782 Six times today so far. I had a lot of coffee. 895 00:35:36,795 --> 00:35:39,293 I'm sick of being told what to eat and what I shouldn't 896 00:35:39,307 --> 00:35:41,430 and what side I should sleep on when I lie down. 897 00:35:41,446 --> 00:35:43,443 I'm a person, Zach. I'm an adult. 898 00:35:43,455 --> 00:35:45,190 I don't want to be hiding things under the floorboards 899 00:35:45,228 --> 00:35:46,453 and behind cushions again. 900 00:35:46,465 --> 00:35:48,913 Yeah, that's no good. Plus, we're starting to get ants and mites. 901 00:35:48,948 --> 00:35:50,510 I don't want everything to change 902 00:35:50,527 --> 00:35:51,931 just because we're having these babies. 903 00:35:51,967 --> 00:35:54,432 But things are going to change. There's no getting around it. 904 00:35:54,445 --> 00:35:57,253 Really, really soon, we're gonna have two babies -- 905 00:35:57,267 --> 00:35:58,691 two alive human sons. 906 00:35:58,708 --> 00:36:00,410 It was such a small window -- 907 00:36:00,428 --> 00:36:02,360 a peephole, really. 908 00:36:02,375 --> 00:36:04,211 For years, I was this repressed kid, 909 00:36:04,226 --> 00:36:07,403 and then there was the briefest of windows. 910 00:36:07,418 --> 00:36:09,061 And then -- slam. 911 00:36:09,076 --> 00:36:12,041 All of a sudden, I'm this overburdened mother. 912 00:36:12,055 --> 00:36:13,921 I barely got to do it, Zach. 913 00:36:13,945 --> 00:36:15,813 I barely got the chance to be a person. 914 00:36:15,827 --> 00:36:18,663 No, no, you can still be a person and still be rock 'n' roll. 915 00:36:18,676 --> 00:36:20,763 Having babies doesn't mean you can't be rock 'n' roll. 916 00:36:20,795 --> 00:36:21,780 I don't know. 917 00:36:21,796 --> 00:36:24,472 Give me a break. Sonic Youth has a kid, and they're still way cool. 918 00:36:24,478 --> 00:36:25,271 Yeah. 919 00:36:25,288 --> 00:36:27,342 And Mick Jagger -- that cat has like 15 kids, 920 00:36:27,355 --> 00:36:28,730 and he still goes out and rocks. 921 00:36:28,746 --> 00:36:29,650 Yeah, I guess. 922 00:36:29,667 --> 00:36:32,822 For sure, the man rocks hard, and then he makes another kid. 923 00:36:32,838 --> 00:36:34,861 I don't want to make any other kids ever. 924 00:36:34,875 --> 00:36:37,293 All I'm saying is, we can still go out and play. 925 00:36:37,556 --> 00:36:40,570 That's one of the cool things about having your mother around -- 926 00:36:40,585 --> 00:36:42,753 - built-in babysitter. - Yeah. 927 00:36:42,967 --> 00:36:45,283 I just don't think I can bear having her around all the time. 928 00:36:45,318 --> 00:36:47,941 What about weekends? What if she hung out with us on the weekends 929 00:36:47,956 --> 00:36:49,712 and spent the week back at her pad? 930 00:36:49,725 --> 00:36:51,940 Yeah, I guess that'd be all right. 931 00:36:52,387 --> 00:36:54,480 Let me carry that bag for you. 932 00:37:04,728 --> 00:37:06,900 I had such a good time with you today. 933 00:37:06,918 --> 00:37:09,173 I was thinking that tuesdays after school, 934 00:37:09,185 --> 00:37:10,750 I could tell mom that I have chess club. 935 00:37:10,787 --> 00:37:12,793 And I really only have chess club once a week, 936 00:37:12,807 --> 00:37:14,422 but I could pretend it's twice a week. 937 00:37:14,438 --> 00:37:17,240 And so as soon as school's over, I could bike halfway to Stars Hollow, 938 00:37:17,255 --> 00:37:18,840 and you could meet me. I could hide in the bushes 939 00:37:18,877 --> 00:37:22,121 and do prearranged bird calls, like a mourning dove or something -- 940 00:37:22,337 --> 00:37:27,121 A "coo-roo coo-roo coo-roo" as a signal. 941 00:37:27,135 --> 00:37:29,210 Yeah, I don't think so. 942 00:37:29,225 --> 00:37:30,703 I don't need to do the bird calls. 943 00:37:30,716 --> 00:37:33,053 It wouldn't be right, April. It woudn't. 944 00:37:33,068 --> 00:37:34,691 We can't lie to your mother. 945 00:37:34,706 --> 00:37:38,891 Your mother and I are not totally seeing eye to eye on certain things, 946 00:37:38,908 --> 00:37:41,562 and so we're sort of in negotiations 947 00:37:41,578 --> 00:37:45,931 to figure out how to share our parenting responsibilities. 948 00:37:45,945 --> 00:37:47,521 Do you have a good lawyer? 949 00:37:47,625 --> 00:37:50,530 You better have a good one, 'cause mom hired a shark. 950 00:37:50,545 --> 00:37:53,180 We're gonna figure that out. Don't worry about it, okay? 951 00:37:53,197 --> 00:37:55,753 But the court case is the reason that it's really important 952 00:37:55,766 --> 00:37:58,920 that we do everything honestly and aboveboard. 953 00:37:58,936 --> 00:38:00,910 Yeah. I guess that makes sense. 954 00:38:00,925 --> 00:38:05,131 Okay. So... what should we do with the microscope? 955 00:38:05,146 --> 00:38:06,022 Keep it. 956 00:38:06,038 --> 00:38:08,262 I'll use it the next time I'm over -- soon. 957 00:38:08,277 --> 00:38:09,303 Okay. 958 00:38:09,315 --> 00:38:10,800 You can set it up if you want. 959 00:38:10,815 --> 00:38:13,821 Just make sure that you always remove the slide 960 00:38:13,837 --> 00:38:16,471 before you rotate the lenses, or you can grind things up. 961 00:38:16,488 --> 00:38:18,670 And always carry it with a hand under the base. 962 00:38:18,686 --> 00:38:20,241 I'll be very careful. 963 00:38:25,565 --> 00:38:27,081 - Bye. - Bye. 964 00:38:33,937 --> 00:38:36,040 Don't forget to put your helmet on. 965 00:38:51,775 --> 00:38:57,231 # I'll be home for Christmas # 966 00:38:58,438 --> 00:39:04,240 # You can plan on me # 967 00:39:05,495 --> 00:39:12,391 # Please have snow and mistletoe # 968 00:39:12,408 --> 00:39:20,293 # And presents on the tree # 969 00:39:21,906 --> 00:39:23,521 Look at this -- liquid sugar. 970 00:39:23,535 --> 00:39:25,382 It's good for you, this stuff. 971 00:39:25,425 --> 00:39:27,000 You think? 972 00:39:27,017 --> 00:39:29,010 You like the red or the green? 973 00:39:29,477 --> 00:39:32,763 Red? Red the best? I like red, too. 974 00:39:33,715 --> 00:39:35,832 Little. Little. 975 00:39:35,845 --> 00:39:38,073 - That's dripping. - That's dripping. 976 00:39:38,125 --> 00:39:39,500 You're making a mess, dad. 977 00:39:39,515 --> 00:39:42,552 I'm not very good with the cookies. 978 00:39:42,566 --> 00:39:44,711 And what do we say if anyone asks? 979 00:39:44,728 --> 00:39:48,370 We made cookies by scratching. 980 00:39:48,388 --> 00:39:50,103 "From scratch." 981 00:39:50,117 --> 00:39:51,591 From scratching. 982 00:39:51,606 --> 00:39:53,490 Well, let's hope nobody asks. 983 00:39:53,508 --> 00:39:55,101 Hey, G.G., you want to lick the beater? 984 00:39:55,116 --> 00:39:56,982 - Yeah. - Here you go. 985 00:39:57,678 --> 00:39:59,032 - Hey. - Hey. 986 00:39:59,045 --> 00:40:01,322 We're making some cookies by scratching. 987 00:40:01,336 --> 00:40:03,960 That sounds appetizing. I'm gonna run out for a sec. I'll be right back. 988 00:40:03,997 --> 00:40:06,592 Okay, hurry back. "Christmas in july" screening in 30 minutes. 989 00:40:06,607 --> 00:40:07,862 Thought we'd start a new tradition. 990 00:40:07,895 --> 00:40:09,243 Sounds good. 991 00:40:11,047 --> 00:40:12,862 G.G., I think we need some of the colors. 992 00:40:12,875 --> 00:40:14,532 Can you put some sprinkles on that one? 993 00:40:14,547 --> 00:40:16,231 You want to decorate that one? 994 00:40:22,858 --> 00:40:28,451 # Please have snow # 995 00:40:29,618 --> 00:40:33,531 # And mistletoe # 996 00:40:33,798 --> 00:40:44,011 # And presents on the tree # 997 00:40:45,395 --> 00:40:55,762 # Christmas Eve will find me # 998 00:40:56,187 --> 00:41:02,182 Transcript : Raceman Subtitles : Willow's Team www.forom.com