[Bell dinging]
Hey.
Don't.
- You okay? - You hurt my feelings just now.
I mean, you doing okay with everything?
You're referring to my meltdown in the park.
- It wasn't a meltdown. - It was a meltdown.
They're making it into a movie, Meltdown in the Park.
It's just a working title. Baz Luhrmann's directing and...
in the movie, Luke wears tights and sings.
But you're okay?
Thanks to my knight in shining armor.
I just hope Alec Baldwin captures your rare essence.
And slims down a little for the role. I should deliver these.
Can I work on my laptop?
- Does it make noise? - No, but I sometimes do.
- You always do. - Thanks.
- Kirk. What's with the... - It's not a purse!
I wasn't gonna say "purse."
- Sorry. - What's with the gay bag?
It's a dog carrier.
My girlfriend's gone out of town with some friends...
and I'm watching Buster for her.
And they're girl friends, not guys. I called the hotel she booked...
and verified that it's a girl's name on the register with her.
- Not that I don't trust her. - Clearly.
- Over there okay? - Sure.
Carol, Danny...
- Jamie, Sean, Chris? - What's that?
Just a list of guys' names that could be girls.
- You want coffee? - Yes.
- What is this? - Phone cord.
- I can't have this here. - Don't worry.
It's not plugged into your regular line.
It's the fax line you put in a year ago that you never use.
You mean the fax line you made me put in to get in fax orders...
even though no one has ever wanted to put in a fax order.
And I never got the fax machine...
like I told you I would never, ever get the fax machine...
making the fax line pointless.
Hold on. Let me get on the Guinness World Records' web site.
Yes, that's the most times...
anyone has ever used the word "fax" in a sentence.
- Just be quick with this. - Man, I love e-mail.
Every day, Rory and I write each other multiple times.
You enjoy typing to people more than talking to them?
Wrong perspective. E-mail returns us to the romantic days of letter-writing.
- It's pure Dickens. - Why Dickens?
It's just when I picture letter-writing, I picture Charles Dickens.
Charles Dickens wrote more letters than other people?
No, it's just I can easily picture him in his study...
with his dog and his pipe and his fancy feathered pen...
writing, "Cheerio, old bean."
"Have a cup of tea. How's Big Ben?
"How's the Tower of London, Sister Suffragette?
- "Tuppence a bag." - Sounds like an idiot.
- Hey, Luke. Coffee? - This is embarrassing.
I could unplug it, but then I'd have to start the process all over.
Or you could just eat here and save the e-mailing for when you're...
Excuse me.
- You have a dog there? - No. Why?
- Just putting two and two together. - Well, it's coming out five.
Buster is at home, asleep.
Okay. What'll you have?
Oatmeal, extra brown sugar on the side...
and a pound of raw hamburger.
Or just the oatmeal will be fine.
- Voilà! - This does nothing.
What? It makes it easier to limbo under.
This is my place. I shouldn't have to limbo.
KIRK: You still sleepy?
Why is Kirk talking to his man purse?
You got sleepy face. You have to tinkle?
Where is that...
Just looking for my Lucky magazine, and...
[Wincing]
Paper cut.
- What are you doing? - Getting a drink.
- You're sick. - Hence the fluids.
When you came out, did you use the doorknob?
As opposed to dematerializing, passing vapor-like through the wall...
then rematerializing out here? No, I used the doorknob.
For the love of God, I begged you not to touch anything.
I'm not contagious anymore.
- Paris, stop! - I'm not getting sick.
That's your deodorant.
Then what the hell did I spray under my arms?
[Cell phone ringing]
That's mine.
- Hello? - Guess where I'm standing.
I don't know, but you sound a little echoey.
I'm standing in the living room of my very own apartment!
- You're kidding. - I'm waiting for the gas man.
Isn't that great?
I've got gas! Ignore the word. Just focus on the enthusiasm.
- How are you affording this? - I'm sharing it with Zack and Brian.
You're living with the band?
It's innocent. I have my own room, and they'll sleep in the living room.
That is so cool. When do you move your stuff in?
Tomorrow, that is, if my mom hasn't sold it all by now.
You sound a little stuffed.
I've been sick, but it's mostly deodorant stench...
I'm suffering from at the moment.
My God! My first mail is here!
- It's a Chinese menu. - Frame it or something.
- I will. I got to go. I'll call you later. - Bye.
- That's not dangerous. - Fire kills germs.
I'm sleeping with one of the other girls tonight.
How very the "L" word.
You done?
Yes, your limboing days are over. Thanks for putting up with me.
- I only fell once. - And gracefully. Bye.
- Wait a minute. Hold on. - Why?
- You're making me nervous. - Just... Here.
- What's this? - It's what it is.
- A monk, a trunk, and a skunk. - What are you doing?
Carnac, but I don't have a punch line. Never stopped Johnny.
- Put that down. Hide it. - What is it?
Open it later.
A check to me for $30,000.
Luke, this is the money I was gonna ask you for.
- And you did ask, and there it is. - But I didn't, not officially.
I blubbered an amount to you...
and we didn't talk about a repayment schedule...
- It's okay. - Or interest or collateral.
I had charts and projections.
I wanted to take you out to a nice dinner.
So send me a honey-baked ham.
But this is wrong. This is not how you do these things.
I don't know how to do these things. Will you just take the money?
I'm sorry. We at least have to go over the basics.
I don't want to read that.
I'm not leaving until you read this napkin.
Fine. Okay? That's okay.
That's too much.
- That's sufficient. - Okay, but what about this?
- Nicole? - I thought we were writing and sliding.
What about Nicole?
- I need to know her role. - There is none.
Luke, if it's joint money, I should acknowledge that...
and thank her the next time I see her...
You're not gonna see her. Now can we stop talking about this?
Okay, but I insist on typing up something legal and binding...
- for this loan. - Okay.
I really just don't want to talk about this anymore.
Okay.
We'll dot the "Is" and cross the "Ts" another day.
Yes, we'll cross and dot.
- I just have to write down one more thing. - What is so important now?
You're welcome.
[Doorbell ringing]
- Hi. - Gilmore, Richard and Emily Gilmore.
Look, we single-handedly put your restaurant on the map...
by praising your crab puffs...
at Eunice Pierpont Pennington's granddaughter's christening.
Hi, Mom.
Really? You're new there? Because your deft handling...
of this phone call displays all the signs of a seasoned and experienced hand.
Yes, go get Trey. That's a smashing idea.
- Painful. Hello. - What's going on?
You couldn't see the smoke from Stars Hollow?
- Lettie burned the entrée. - Beyond edibility? Cause I'm not picky.
No, I could not expose you to such a loin.
- If I had a nickel. - What?
So you had a burning loin.
And now I'm fighting to squeeze us into somewhere appropriate.
Someone to take pity on the loinless.
- Is that how you're dressed? - Is this a trick question?
- It's not appropriate to go out in. - I did not foresee your burning loin.
- Stop saying that word. - When will I get this chance again?
I've seen that a dozen times. You should update your wardrobe.
My wardrobe is fine, Mom.
The summer lines are coming out. Hit a store.
No need for you to hit any more stores, Emily.
You've done enough shopping for a lifetime.
For Methuselah's lifetime. Hello, Lorelai.
- Hi, Dad. - I didn't say I was going shopping.
It's an instinct that requires no verbalization.
I was suggesting that your daughter update her wardrobe.
- No need to spread your disease either. - Richard!
Really, Dad, don't read more into this than what it is, just humiliating me.
I should hang up and let you both starve.
What do you mean starve? What happened to dinner?
I told you not five minutes ago that dinner was ruined.
- Did you? - Yes.
I heard "loin," but I didn't think you meant dinner.
This is making me very uncomfortable.
That's because you half-listen to everything I say.
Yes, I'm still here. Good, check with him.
I think we have a shot at Bastide.
- Isn't that a little drab? - We love Bastide.
No, you love Bastide.
Why don't we try that place Jason took me to last week?
A lot of hip clientele.
He pointed out Moby to me. He's that bald musician.
- That's pretty hip, Dad. - When did you have dinner with Moby?
Moby was just there. Jason played me some of his music later.
- I liked it. - We're going to Bastide. But don't fret...
maybe the Beatles will be there and you can sit in and jam with them.
- Two of the Beatles are dead, Emily. - Only one is dead.
No, a second Beatle died just recently. Lorelai?
Could you press the pause button on this conversation?
I really want Rory to hear the rest of it.
If we're going to Bastide, you should change your jacket, Richard.
All right.
And please shave that mustache, I beg of you.
I want to see what it looks like fully grown, Emily.
- That was the agreement. - It looks like a caterpillar now.
In two weeks, it'll resemble a bigger caterpillar.
- Very funny. - I'm not trying to be funny.
I will shave it when I shave it.
Yes, we'll be there. Thank you. Wait!
They can take us if we can be there in five minutes...
- and order as quickly as possible. - It'll take longer than that.
- Not if we move. - What about my jacket?
- They'll be staring at your mustache. - Emily.
Come on. Scoot. And be thinking about what you want.
Just one little problem here. Rory?
- What about her? - She's not here yet.
- She's not coming. - She's not coming?
No, she's been sick all week and I told her to stay in and rest.
- She's been sick? - Didn't you know?
- Yeah, I knew. - I'm having sea bass. Think.
I knew it.
[Phone ringing]
- Hello? - We have an e-mail relationship.
Hi.
- She speaks. She has the ability. - What's wrong?
- Are you okay? Are you sick? - I'm getting over a cold. You knew that.
No, I didn't, because our once-wonderful relationship...
envy of all the world, more intimate than that...
of the naked couple in the "Love is..." cartoons...
has degenerated into e-mail correspondence.
- I'm sure I wrote that I had a cold. - No, you didn't.
In all those e-mails, I didn't mention it?
All those e-mails?
I'm sorry, but you write less than the people...
offering to enlarge a piece of anatomy I do not possess.
I could have sworn I told you.
I just reread every e-mail you sent in the past 10 days.
No sickness mentioned, but you did share these gems:
"What up? Is it freezing there, too? Ice."
And, "Pooped."
Then you added one of those obnoxious hieroglyphics...
that I can never read that indicate...
you're laughing or smiling or frowning or vomiting.
That's a typo. I don't do cutesy symbols.
You're not even using verbs. That's not a relationship.
Relationships need verbs.
- Yours aren't much better. - I'm not saying they are.
- I can never get you on the phone. - I can never get you!
- You got me now. - Freak of nature. What do you look like?
- Do you look the same? - Hold on. My nose ring is itching.
Don't kid. I'm mad and needy...
and I went to dinner alone with my parents...
who bickered the whole time...
about which Beatle is alive and which is dead.
- Where'd they land? - John and Keith are dead.
Paul and Bingo are still kicking.
- Play hooky tomorrow. - From what?
I don't know, whatever you got.
I know you're always busy, but let's do something.
- What about the Inn? - They can live without me for a day.
- Tomorrow's actually good. - Really?
There's a newspaper thing, but I can skip that.
- Cool! What do we do? - I don't know.
Mom said the summer clothing lines are out.
Want to go shopping? We haven't done that in ages.
- But we're both totally skint. - We're what?
We're skint, broke. It's British.
You've learned to speak British. I didn't know about it.
You know what I mean.
So we won't buy anything. We'll just window-shop.
- That could be fun. - It'll be like we're in an old movie...
walking around, window-shopping like Roz Russell...
and Ava Gardner on Fifth Avenue.
- I'm with you. - Meet me at the Inn, 10:00?
But it's been so long. How will we recognize each other?
- We'll wear a rose in our lapels. - Or dangling from my nose ring.
- You're kidding about that? - I'm leaving you in suspense.
- Tomorrow at 10:00, Roz, darling? - Till tomorrow, Ava, dearest.
- Look out. Coming through. - What's with all the dogs, Kirk?
People in town saw how good I was with Lulu's dog...
that they asked me to watch theirs. For a fee, of course.
- What are you looking for? - Come on.
It's a game I'm playing with the dogs.
Tracker. See, I cut one of them loose...
and then the rest of us hide until we get tracked down.
At the moment, we're hiding from Snuggles.
We are?
It helps them hone their tracking skills, and the kids love it.
What kids?
- The babies. The dogs. - You ever the one that gets cut loose?
I've gone twice. Snuggles.
Cute, but not the smartest tool in the shed.
He found us! Celebrate!
- Come on, Luke. Celebrate! - I'll have a beer tonight.
Beer? No!
We don't like beer. Beer is bad.
Cookies!
Celebrate!
- Hi, Rory. - Hi, Tom. How's it going?
- Not half bad. - Well, that's half good.
That makes it sound better than it is.
- Kind of the point. - What's with the flower?
It's so my mom and I will recognize each other.
- Girl thing? - Yeah.
- I'm not into girl things. - You're a contractor.
Yep. Later.
- Excuse me, can I have your autograph? - What?
I'm sorry, I thought you were one of the Village People.
- I'm kidding. I'm a kidder. - What are you doing here?
I'm meeting my mom. We're playing hooky today.
- The flower's a private joke for her? - You know me well.
Yeah, I do.
- So, you okay and all? - Yeah. Oh, that. I'm fine now.
A little nervous breakdown can really work wonders for a girl.
- I didn't mean to lay all that on you. - That's what shoulders are for.
You've got a heck of an understanding shoulder.
- You want to hammer something? - Always.
- Be my guest. - Really?
Tom went outside. Do it, go on.
I feel like I should spit or hike up my shorts or something.
You're a natural.
I think I must have been a carpenter in another life...
or just someone who really hated nails.
- Hi, Rory. - Hi, Lindsay.
Hi.
- Are we early? - No, not at all.
Mom and I just wanted to get a nice jump on things today.
Did Lindsay tell you we found a new dry cleaner?
- Tell him, Lindsay! - They use less solvent, so it's cleaner.
I'm really into the environment.
- Me, too. - So are you working here?
No, that was illegal hammering, completely non-union.
Come the revolution, I shall be shot.
Let's set up lunch before everything gets cold.
Lunch? This early?
- Our Deano's up at 5:00. - Deano?
Don't worry. Mom made lunch today, so it's safe to eat.
Lindsay's mom is teaching her how to cook.
- It's hard. Do you know how? - If you count radiator quesadillas.
I should have started teaching you sooner.
Don't make that mistake with your little one.
- We also have the salads ready, so... - Rory?
You're never going to attract a man looking like that.
- Over here, biddy bidster. - Bye.
- Hi. You wore a rose. - That was the agreement.
- Hey, Lindsay. Hey, Theresa. - Hi.
- You ready? - Let's go.
- How often does this happen? - It's a hot lunch every day.
Plus, they always bring something for the group.
Yesterday, it was peanut brittle Lindsay made.
It broke a crown, three teeth...
then a HAZMAT team came and took it away.
They put everything on pretzels nowadays. I love that.
- You're our best friend. - We don't say that to just anybody.
Just anybody holding free food.
- We'll be back. - Stock up.
- Okay, here we go. - Where should we start?
We're window-shopping, so let's find a window.
I see rows and rows of windows.
Let's walk arm-in-arm like window-shopping ladies do in movies.
- You got it. - I wish I'd brought a xylophone with me.
There's always a bouncy xylophone playing...
when movie girls window-shop.
- So, left or right? - Let's go right.
Okay.
Oh, cool.
- That would look great on you. - I love blue.
Make a mental note to get that when you're back in the cash.
- Done. - Shall we?
- Let's shall. - Sorry.
One of the risks of linked-arm walking.
- Lane. - Hello.
- Come in. - Thank you.
- Hello, Aunt Jun. - Hello.
Your Aunt Jun brought your cousin Christine to help you move.
- Say hello to Christine. - Hello, Christine.
Hello, Lane.
Jun and I will remain down here while you move.
You may use whatever boxes you need, plus bubble wrap and tape.
Just write down what you take for inventory purposes.
- I will. Thank you. - You're welcome.
Go with Lane, Christine.
I don't believe it! You're moving! What happened? Tell me everything!
Was there a fight? Are you getting married?
No female Kim has ever moved out without getting married.
You're not getting married, right?
I love the floorboard thing! It's so Hogan's Heroes!
I wonder if I can pull the floorboards at my house.
Have you heard The Libertines?
What about the White Stripes? Is it over for them?
What about Zeppelin? I'm getting more retro.
What's a good Zeppelin? Two, three...
Three's got Stairway To Heaven, right?
Man, it's like a funeral down there.
I thought my mom was harsh, but your mom makes the guy...
from Joy Division look like one of the Teletubbies.
You're taking all this? Is she looking in the boxes before you leave?
Where do you buy the CDs with the swear words?
You buy in disguise? Did someone buy them for you?
- Have you ever... - Kid, do I look green and wrinkly to you?
No? That's right. I'm not Yoda.
So if you're looking for a mentor, call the Dalai Lama.
What I'm here to do is get my stuff and split.
Now be quiet and start assembling boxes.
And Stairway To Heaven is from Led Zeppelin IV!
If you're going to get into classic rock, know it, don't blow it!
[Whispering] Are you getting a car? Do you have a license?
Are Kims allowed to drive? I'm dying to drive.
I left the inventory list in the room.
- Very good. - I guess I'll be going.
Yes.
Step away from Lane, Christine.
- That's nice. - Which?
- The skirt and the blouse? - More the skirt than the blouse.
- I like them both. - Good colors.
They have nice-looking jackets.
- Where? - In the back there.
- Cute. - Mental note.
Absolutely. Next window?
[Reluctantly] Sure.
Okay, this sucks.
Completely.
This is the least amount of fun I've ever had...
barring the time we went to Mummenschanz.
- This is way less fun. - Window-shopping? What was I thinking?
- But it sounds fun. It should be fun. - Not if you think about it.
Window-shopping is like going to a museum...
but you're interested in what you're looking at...
and everyone can buy something except for you.
I've made so many mental notes in my head of things to get...
that I think my head has actually gotten bigger.
Look at all these haughty people with their bags...
just rubbing our faces in it.
What were Roz Russell and Ava Gardner thinking?
What movie did you see them window-shop in?
I don't know that I did. I just picked two old movie-actress names.
I don't know that I've seen anyone window-shop in a movie.
This whole outing was a house of sand built on a foundation of straw.
Maybe if we went in the store, it would be better.
It would be way better than just pressing our noses up against the windows.
- Nope. - Worse!
- Much worse. - Time to pull the plug, hon.
But what do we do? It's still morning.
We could ride the glass elevator up and down.
- Oh, God, we're sad. - They've got a merry-go-round.
- It costs money. - Right, and we're skint.
Plus, dirty diapers have touched those seats.
Let's just go somewhere where things are not for sale.
- Let's be rid of temptation. - Sounds good.
- Do you see Howard? - I see Howard. He's got a fresh batch.
I'm looking forward to Howard.
- Oh, no. - What?
- Emily. - Emily who?
Emily the Strange, with the black cat and the boots made for kicking.
- Who do you think? - Grandma's here? Are you sure?
- Very sure. - Why are we hiding?
- Reflex. - We have to say hello to her.
Why? We're two ships. We're passing.
If she sees us, we're going to have to explain.
- So hide good. - Lorelai, Rory!
- Mom, hi. - Hi, Grandma.
- Meet me up here. - We're going down.
- Meet me up here! - Okay.
Go down, then meet me up here!
Right, coming. We stink at hiding.
- Hi. - Hi.
What are you doing here?
I thought you were both swamped with work.
Yes, Rory got a special...
The chancellor gave me a...
I actually was able to take a half a day, too.
- And so we've... - Just to spend some time...
- We're playing hooky. - How long have you been here?
- Hour and a half. - Where are your bags?
We're just window-shopping.
- Like Roz Russell and Ava Gardner. - What's the fun in that?
- There's no fun in that. - We're thinking of suing their estates.
- Well, come on. - Where?
- Shopping. Come on. Pip-pip. - Mom, we were just leaving.
You're not leaving. Now, come on.
I guess we're following my mother.
She's very aggressive today.
I think the passive part of her personality is playing hooky.
- Come on! - Coming!
Did you guys bring silverware...
or drinking glasses or anything for the kitchen?
- I didn't. - We have no bowls! We have no cups!
- But we do have a him. - There's a him in one of the cupboards?
An ex-him, to be exact. He's belly-up. He was a big boy, too.
A big, fat, belly-up big boy.
Hey, watch it. That's my stereo!
We didn't need your stereo, Brian. We've got my stereo.
We've got three stereos and no forks.
We're kind of lacking in shelf space.
Well, maybe you should skip displaying your Futurama action figures.
That might open space up a bit.
There are no curtains on the windows!
- People can see right in. - What if we're naked?
- Please, never be naked. - I try not to be.
And how can there be no refrigerator?
- There's no refrigerator? - I just assumed there'd be one!
Great, so it's back to the Middle Ages for us.
Let's start storing meat in stocks of salt.
Is that someone looking in?
- What's that? - It's a night-light.
Dude, when the Sex Pistols roomed together...
no way did they have a night-light.
- You don't know that. - I read Johnny Rotten's book.
There's no mention of a night light.
Towels! I don't have towels. I've got this. This is not gonna work.
When you said you had a bed for me, you didn't say it would be bunk beds.
But they're cool. The bottom one's like a fort.
- We're not playing fort. - We've got to start a list.
Anyone have paper or a pen, or money?
Dude, look, this is my side of the shelf.
- Your stuff's encroaching. - It's not encroaching.
Bender and Leela are on my side. Put them back on your side.
That's not Bender, that's Nibbler.
Bender's a robot.
Are you remotely aware that you're not 12?
- They're on my side! - They're on my side, dude. Move them.
Guys, stop! Look down.
There's a whole empty shelf for you to use. Stop bickering.
- But we put that aside for you. - What?
For your CDs and stuff. You need a shelf, Lane.
Jeez, you smeared my glasses.
This is gonna work, one step at a time.
Listen, we set aside a shelf for you in the john, too.
You don't need to hug us for that.
- Mom, where's the fire? - We have a lot to get through.
Mrs. Gilmore, did I know you were coming?
- Not unless you're clairvoyant. - What are we looking for?
What are we not looking for?
This is my daughter, Lorelai, my granddaughter, Rory.
- Nice to meet you. - Same here.
What's new? I want a full report.
We have a china set still in its crate that screams...
- "Emily Gilmore." - Hand-painted?
Designed in 1870 for the Shah of Persia, the finest.
Would you like to see it?
No need. Give me a set of 12.
Plus soup tureens, sauce boats, the works. What else?
Doreen.
- That's gorgeous. - From Giorgio Baldi's studio in Venice.
They only made 18.
- Wrap them up. - Right away.
- Lorelai! - Your brake lights were out.
You! You've got Richard Gilmore's sizes on file.
Pull the latest Brionis in an assortment of colors and charge them to our account.
What are Brionis?
Six months of my car payments, plus a car.
Include accessories and three pairs of loafers, Italian.
They should feel like butter. Make it four. Hell, make it six.
- Yes, ma'am. - And jewelry.
Add an assortment of jewelry appropriate for a man with a mustache.
What would that be? Bracelets, pinkie rings?
And a mustache comb, the most expensive one you've got.
I will look. Excuse me.
- Mom? - Keep up.
Does Dad even want any of this stuff?
He doesn't know what he wants, Lorelai, so I choose what he wants.
Excuse me. I want this.
I'm sorry, ma'am. It's not for sale.
- Everything is for sale. - I will take care of it.
Dad does not need another globe.
Then Rory can have it. She goes to college and can use a globe.
It doesn't even have the right countries on it...
- or California. - Start picking!
- Start picking what? - Everything, anything!
- Mom, we don't have any money. - It's on your father.
- But, Grandma... - Some help, please.
- You like hats? - Kind of.
That one. Put it on her.
I like it.
These scarves match, and of course you'll need gloves.
We'll take them all.
See those marbles rolling on the floor?
They're Mom's. They spilled out of her head.
- I do like the chapeau. - Do not get sucked in! This is craziness!
- It's just a hat. - It's a symbol.
We don't know what it's symbolizing. Resist.
Lorelai!
- You need a watch. - I don't wear a watch.
- Do you have a watch? - No.
Then you need a watch. These don't have diamonds. Which ones do?
- Next display. - Mom, I'm not buying a diamond watch.
- You just have to take it. - I'm not taking it.
I'm buying you a damn watch!
That one. Wrap it up.
Can I return the damn watch if I don't want it?
- Yes, ma'am. - Thank you.
- Are you keeping track? - I lost count.
She bought me four dresses, two evening gowns...
and eight maids a-milking.
She bought you a wedding dress when you weren't looking. Vera Wang.
Why didn't you stop her?
How do you stop a top from spinning around?
- This is too much. - Girls, come on. Keep up.
Mom.
Stop dawdling and start choosing some shoes.
These Manolo Blahniks would look great on you.
- Me wants them, my precious. - You told me to resist.
That's before I saw these.
These are works of art. They should be in the Louvre.
I'm sorry, we only have four of the Venetian apples in.
If you want the rest, we can have them shipped.
Give me the four today and ship the rest overnight, whatever the cost.
- Mom, a quick word. - Where are your shoes?
Wait. What is the rush on the funny glass apples?
They're not funny, and I want them. That's the rush.
But you've already put quite a dent in your credit card...
for things you don't seem to need.
- So? - So it's crazy.
Crazy? You think this is crazy?
- Okay, Mom... - This isn't crazy!
That stupid mustache is crazy. That's what's crazy.
And your father's job is crazy. That's what's crazy.
He was supposed to be slowing down...
and now he's club-hopping with Jason and hanging out with Moby...
and having secret lunches with women and lying about it!
- Calm down. - Why should I calm down?
Are you on his side? Do you like that mustache?
I'm not taking sides.
I should go to bars! I should hang out with Moby! He'd hate that.
Mom, I'm just suggesting that you slow down on the shopping.
This doesn't have to be a whole big thing.
Why slow down?
This is what I do, according to Richard.
And he's not slowing down. He's got a whole new life.
He's got Pennilyn Lott, Digger, he's got a mustache!
He's got all that, and what do I have?
Maybe I should get a job so I can have my own life.
I could sell shoes here just as well as Eduardo.
I should get an application. Get me an application. Go!
I hate that mustache, and he refuses to shave it.
- Mom, let's take a break. - I don't want to take a break.
- We do, and my feet are killing me. - Then get some new shoes!
Come on.
- Where are we going? - Right around the corner here.
- We should have taken our bags. - They said they'd hold them.
I'm totally turned around. Where are we?
You'll smell in a second.
- What is this? - It's the food court.
How long has this been here?
- You've never been to the food court? - No.
Where do you eat when you shop?
I leave and go to a restaurant.
With this Valhalla of international cuisine so close?
- But it's cafeteria-style. - That's the fun.
- Here. Best table in the house. - It's plastic.
Plastic is a vital part of our bright tomorrow.
Soon we'll all be living in plastic houses.
On the moon.
- What are you talking about? - We're pulling your leg.
- Don't do that. - What are you in the mood for?
- I don't know. - I want Mexican.
I kind of feel like Moroccan and Chinese.
- The smorgasbord? - Yeah, come on.
Wait. Here.
No, Moe's Moroccan Palace does not take credit cards.
- You're kidding. - It's on us.
Keep an eye on her. Make sure she doesn't wander off.
The ad cannot run with the color composition the way it is.
The drawing of the Inn looks purple.
Yes, I know, but I'm not paying for it looking like that.
Do you understand? It looks awful. Fine. Have him call me.
I would love to sort it out. Okay?
Thank you. Bye. Sorry.
- What is all this? - It's lunch. Thanks, Lou.
Got a little something from everywhere.
I wouldn't know where to begin.
Start at the top and stop when you hit table.
I had no idea so many different kinds of foods came on sticks.
Some come on sticks...
like the hot dogs and the fried cheese dipped in batter...
- but others are technically kebabs. - What's in the cups?
You got your soda, your iced tea, root beer, lemonade.
- I'll try this. - Orange Julius.
A classic.
Oh, my. That's very good.
Your father and I know a man...
who owns a couple dozen of these stands as part of his holdings.
Now I can sincerely tell him I like his product.
- Excellent. - We forgot napkins.
Get some more little pepper thingies, please.
So dig in, Mom.
You've got sweet-and-sour pork and pizza and some wrapped thingy.
I already forgot what it is, but it's probably not healthy.
- Okay. - And there's ice cream, too.
- We can get some after if you want. - All right.
So how loud was I back there?
You were heard.
If I had seen somebody act that way in a store...
I would have called security.
It's really okay, Mom. It wasn't that loud. It's totally forgotten.
[Cell phone ringing]
Do not disturb. I'm eating.
What was that phone call you got before...
when you were coming over with the trays?
It's this ad we're doing for the Inn.
The drawing of the Inn came out purple, like eggplant...
like Prince chose the color. It was bad.
- Sounds awful. - It was their screw-up.
Just one of the many joyous things I deal with on a daily basis.
- You were very forceful. - Was I?
Very in command. I like how you handled it.
- Well, I learned from the best. - From whom?
From the lady eating her hamburger with a knife and fork...
- that's whom. - Please.
I order maids and salespeople around. That's different.
I've never done anything.
Mom, come on. That's not true.
Richard's right. I buy things. Things I don't even want.
It's all I have.
No, Mom. You have friends and family...
who love being with you.
And you have a house you love. You have a whole life.
You could have a dog if you want. There's a swell pet store here.
You're losing perspective, Mom. You're not seeing clearly.
If he would just shave that mustache.
And that's all it would take? Shaving his mustache?
Mom, you need to talk to him.
- He's always so distracted. - No. Make him talk, you need it.
And make it a real talk without bickering, without snipping...
without mentioning Moby.
Really clear the air.
I got pepper, I got napkins, I got Lou's phone number.
He asked me to give it to you.
- I'm privileged. - What did I miss?
- I was just admiring your mother's life. - I do that daily.
Oh, God!
- Hey, Joe. - Hey, Luke.
Can I get 20 singles off you?
Sure. It's gonna cost you $25.
It's change humor.
I know. You do it every time.
- I'll get them for you. - Thanks.
- Hey, Luke. - Hi, Dean.
Hold on.
[Electronic beeping]
You did good!
- You're short of your record, though. - Yeah, I'll get there.
He's the reigning champ of every game in here.
I'm not here that much. I just come after dinner sometimes, you know.
Lindsay and her mom kind of like me out of the way...
when they're cleaning up.
They kick you out.
I just slip out. They don't really notice.
So how's married life treating you?
Good. Real good. Lindsay's great.
Yeah, she seems great.
And her parents are fantastic. They help out so much.
Like with the cleaning up.
Her dad's over all the time, fixing things.
- Lindsay's got this list for him to do. - Great.
They're just the most unselfish people I know.
I've seen them around.
Her dad works for the county, no? He's a surveyor or something?
Yeah. He used to... but I think now he...
I think he's...
Actually, he manages an apartment...
so he oversees the guys, and he's not really...
Not surveying much.
Yeah, he's not in the field much.
Okay, well, I'll let you get back to your game.
Yeah. See you later, man.
Thanks.
[Video game bleeping]
- What are you doing? - Taking inventory.
We should return it all.
Mom's gonna expect to see us with something she bought us.
- We have to keep something. - $700 yoga bag?
Get out of here.
My friend, rich people like their sweaty mats to have expensive homes.
- We could each keep a clutch purse. - What's that tubey one for?
- Life Savers. - The candy?
- Yep. - Get out of here.
- Turquoise leather jacket? - Pass.
- Hair clips with diamond Betty Boops? - Pass.
- Tropical-print embroidered bikini? - Not me.
- Luke? - This is sick.
This, I'll take.
- No, I have dibs on that. - In your mind.
- I said it in the store. - I said it, too.
And I clutched it. It still has my clutch marks.
The thing we're fighting over is the free tote bag...
- that came with our purchase. - Nice tote bag.
I'm upset just watching this.
This is your window on a whole other world, Luke...
the world of worthless rich-people stuff.
People of means see what they want and simply take it...
regardless of others.
- You pour your own coffee? - Yeah.
- You're not supposed to do that. - Sorry, I won't do it again.
[Dog yelping]
- Does anyone know who this is? - No.
Yeah, it's Snuggles.
- You know Snuggles? - It's not Snuggles.
It's the dog that looks like Snuggles.
Snuggles' owner picked him up.
No one picked this guy up, and he has no tag.
- You have a dog left over? - You knew Snuggles by name?
I don't have time for chitchat here, people!
I have no idea whose dog it is.
- Me, either. - Sorry.
I don't even know his name.
I was using random sounds, trying to see if he'd respond.
Paku. Gnocchi.
Nini. Bleeblo.
- Nothing. - Sorry.
I've got to put up more flyers.
Sunna. Lipdoo.
Funo. Doopnap.
I'm so tired.
Me, too, and I have to get back to Yale.
- I had a great time today. - So did I.
Good. We should make this a regular part of our weekly schedule.
- Sounds good. - So next Tuesday?
Tuesday's good.
- Shoot, I can't. Wednesday? - Sure.
I'll cancel plans with Jason.
Don't cancel plans with Jason.
Dumb me, I've got class that night anyway.
All right, skip ahead a week.
I hate that we have to schedule time like this.
But if we don't, we don't see each other, right?
So what about the weekend?
I'll be at Friday-night dinner at Grandma's.
Great, I won't, not this one. Darn.
Yeah.
- Hey, you want pie? - Yeah.
- 'Cause I'm getting my second wind. - Me, too. Let's have pie.
Hey, Luke, we're having pie.
- Okay, just wait for me to serve it. - Okay.
Should we be worried about Grandma?
I think she'll be okay.
I mean, was anything resolved? Are she and Grandpa gonna be all right?
Don't worry about it. They're a team. They'll be okay.
- Good. I like them. - I know.
Thanks.
[Clock ticking]
Did you deal with that business with the gardeners?
Not yet.
We need to resolve that. Those vines are out of control.
I'll see to it.
Be nice to have that finished by the time I get back.
Get back? From where?
Jason and I are meeting some clients in Manhattan.
It's some new place downtown. Tribeca, I think.
It's really an up-and-coming area.
I'll probably stay in the city, take the train in the morning.
- Is that all right with you? - That's fine.
What do you think of these?
The apples.
I've always liked those.