[Kirk sighs deeply]
Founder's Day punch?
[Sputters]
Good morning, Vietnam! How's everyone feeling today?
[Both mutter incoherently]
Terrific. Okay.
I got tacos, hard tacos, I got soft tacos...
I got fries: curly, straight, and spicy.
Are you serious?
Trust me. This is the best hangover food on the East Coast.
You got a Mars bar? You know, hair of the dog?
There's Pop-Tarts in the cabinet, Kirk.
Coffee will be up in a minute. Grab some water and start hydrating.
The smell of these tacos is making me nauseous.
No, no, no. That's the quart of Patty's...
non-FDA-approved Founder's Day punch you drank last night.
- Eat a taco. - Thank God. Hangover food.
That's my little college girl.
- Tito's was open this early? - Well, it was for me.
The power you have over fast-food owners is astonishing.
God, I think I'm gonna throw up.
No, I'm good.
By the way, thanks for leaving me on the bathroom floor all night.
Hey, I tried to get you up.
- You actually used your foot to stop me. - I did?
Yes. It was very House of Flying Daggers, but with vomiting.
Sorry. I don't remember that, the foot part.
- The vomiting part, however... - Stop saying the word "vomiting"...
unless you want a Mr. Creosote situation on your hands here.
Oh, man, I think I got a cavity. I gotta stop partying like this.
- What are you looking for? - My book bag.
- I believe it's in your room. - Room?
- It's that way. - Right.
Hey.
I got you a beef burrito.
I thought it might be too hard-core for the amateurs in the kitchen...
- but I figured you'd appreciate it. - Thanks.
- So, how are you feeling? - I've been better.
- Yeah, you take aspirin? - Aspirin?
- White pill, big "A" on it. - Right, yep.
Here, before I forget, this fell out of your pocket last night...
while you were pulling an Exorcist.
Paris gave it to me to hold, so she wouldn't call Doyle.
She was the talk of the town this morning. Attacked the pretzel cart.
Police backup had to be called for the first time ever.
- She was quite a mess. - So, apparently, it was a theme.
I'm sorry. It won't happen again. Believe me.
You of all people should know the dangers of the Founder's Day punch.
Did you learn nothing from Mommy's Coyote Ugly bar dance...
at last year's "Salute to the Quakers" festival?
Now, you can't blame that all on the punch.
Don't get me wrong. I'm always up for a little mother-daughter bonding.
But seriously, when did facials go out of style?
- I'm sorry. - I just don't like seeing you like that.
That makes two of us.
So, what was all that stuff you were babbling on about last night?
- What stuff? - About Logan.
Things aren't going so well with the two of you, huh?
- I'm gonna get some coffee. - Rory.
I know. Kitchen, that way.
[Knocking on door]
[Suburban Homeboy by Sparks playing on stereo]
[Knocking louder on door]
Well, this is a surprise.
- Can I come in? - Sure. You want to sit down?
Nope. Got to stay vertical.
What?
You have, like, an octagon-imprint on your face.
- I can't do this anymore, Logan. - Do what?
This casual dating thing, I don't like it.
It's not who I am and I don't want to make it who I am.
Hold on here. Where's this coming from?
It's coming from me, the ravishing creature standing in front of you.
- We talked about this. - I know.
I didn't make you do this.
I know. I'm not accusing you of anything. This isn't your fault.
I don't understand. I thought everything was going well.
What do you mean? I haven't heard from you in a week.
I was busy. I had some friends in town...
You know what? It doesn't matter.
You're not my boyfriend. You don't owe me any explanations.
I just don't want to be one of the many anymore.
Rory, come on.
- Hey, Logan, Cassandra's on the phone. - Take a message.
She's got a great accent. Where's she from?
- Lanny, message! - Fine, relax, man, jeez.
- Go call Cassandra back. We're done here. - How are we done here?
- I said everything I have to say. - Which is what?
I'm a girlfriend girl, Logan. I have boyfriends, not escorts.
Ah.
I thought I could be different. But I can't. I'm sorry.
Maybe we can just go back to being friends again.
Or maybe we can become...
- boyfriend and girlfriend, right? - What?
- I get it. I get what you're doing. - I'm not doing anything.
If that's what you want, just come out and say it.
But you coming in here, issuing an ultimatum?
I am not issuing an ultimatum.
- That's not what I heard. - I said, "Let's be friends."
- That's not what you meant. - I need a taco.
[Sighs deeply]
All right. Fine. I'll do it.
- Do what? - I'll be your boyfriend.
- You can't be my boyfriend. - Why not?
Because you told me that you can't be my boyfriend.
- If I say I can, then I can. - You have 100 girls on speed dial.
You keep a second bathrobe in your closet for overnight guests.
That's all beside the point. You came in here to say...
you were unhappy with the situation, right?
- Right. - Fine.
I've rectified the situation. Problem solved.
No, problem not solved.
Hey, if I say I can do this, I can do this.
[Knocking on door]
Hey, Logan. Thought maybe I could get you to buy me some lunch.
LOGAN: Oh, jeez.
I'm sorry. Could you excuse us for just a second? We're almost done here.
Sure. I'll just wait out here.
So, the Swedish flight attendant should be here any minute.
I swear this situation has never happened before in my life.
- Logan... - Rory.
Do you really want to stop seeing me?
No, but I can't...
'Cause I don't want to stop seeing you.
- Okay, but... - So then just accept what I'm saying.
I like trying new things. This is new, it's different, but I can do it.
Are you sure?
I know you can do that, but...
I really want to believe you.
Then believe me. We're starting fresh right now. New beginning.
Do you want to go grab some lunch? We'll hammer out the details.
I should probably change first.
Go home, change. I'll pick you up in half an hour.
Okay.
See how good this is going so far? I think I'm gonna be an excellent boyfriend.
I agree. Now do you want to go tell her, or should I?
Oh, crap. I'll be right back.
- Doyle? - Hey.
- What are you doing here? - I'm dying.
- What do you mean you're dying? - I got sick...
and then my very considerate roommates kicked me out because they have exams.
Oh, my God.
I didn't know where to go, so I came here.
- I called you first. - I was gone this weekend.
So I just came by.
I thought I'd wait till you got back. Then I fell asleep.
You've been here all weekend?
I thought you were avoiding me.
[Coughing]
- I'm sorry you're sick. - Feels like bees are buzzing in my head.
- Feel it. - What?
- Feel my head. - Why?
I just want you to know how hot I am.
Well, when you're hot, you're hot. When you're not, you're not.
That's how the song goes. Just follow the song.
I don't see what putting my hand on your head is going to get you.
I'm not a shaman, Doyle. I don't have healing powers.
- Where are you going? - I'll be right back.
Hold on a second.
It's for you. It's Sookie. She's done with her doctor's appointment.
She say how she is?
To someone who may have asked her, I'm sure she would have.
- Hey, Sookie. - The bastard put me on bed rest.
What?
Dr. Mank, he told me to lie down immediately...
and not to get up again until little Cherry or Norret comes out.
Well, we'll get to the names in a second.
So, are you serious about the bed rest?
- Where are you? - I'm at home, on the couch.
- Are you okay? - No, I'm not okay.
I have a dinner to get out.
Honey, I think we're gonna have to do that without you.
- But how? - Well, we have a kitchen staff.
You just tell me what still needs to be done...
- and we will handle it. - Okay. Get a pencil.
Okay, pencil in hand.
You need to grate six carrots and four parsnips.
Then take some flour and butter. Melt the butter. Make a roux.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
What?
Baby, you lost me at carrots...
which, by the way, was the first draft of "You had me at hello."
You had me at what? What are you talking about?
Sorry. I see we've entered the no-humor zone.
Just relax. I'm gonna take care of everything.
- The ducks! - The ducks will be fine.
They're lying in a pan with their heads chopped off.
So the worst part is behind them.
Now don't worry. Go rest, and I'll check in with you later.
- But... - Happy hibernating.
- No Sookie? - No Sookie. Come on.
Okay, now tell me who does what and what we need to keep things running.
Well, we need Sookie here.
Well, she's not gonna be here, so let's go to plan B.
Okay, plan B.
That involves Sookie's clone, also named Sookie.
- Well, who here makes the sauces? - Sookie.
Who here, Michel?
Sookie trusts no one else with the sauces.
She makes the sauces.
- Well, what does Mark make? - Salads.
Okay, and Donny does desserts. What do our other guys do?
Well, that man over there does the cleaning.
That man over there dresses the plates. That man uses tongs...
and I have no idea what that man in the corner does...
but I would check his trunk before he leaves.
Without Sookie here, we have salads and desserts?
Pretty much.
We can't run a restaurant serving just salads and desserts.
I would not go to eat, no.
Wait. Okay, here we have duck. Who here does the duck?
Nobody touches the ducks.
Well, starting now, someone has to touch the duck.
I do not know what to tell you, except it will not be me.
- Oh, this is bad, Michel. - I'm getting that, yes.
Well, we'll just figure something out, right?
Absolutely. Ain't no mountain high enough.
We'll just formulate a plan, nail down a strategy.
You have any ideas?
We could order some pizza or Chinese food...
or perhaps one of those hoagies that you cut into a million pieces.
No more suggestions necessary, Michel.
Well, I'm here if you need me.
[Phone rings]
- Luke's. - How pretty do you think I am?
Are we using a specific day? Have you had a good night's sleep?
Sookie's doctor put her on immediate bed rest...
I thought it'd be fine, but no one will touch the ducks.
Michel wants to order a hoagie. I am starting to hyperventilate.
- I'm not wearing a stretchy fabric... - I'll be right there.
- How's that headache of yours? - Subsiding a little.
The mashed-potato-mac-and-cheese- biscuit-gravy-plate combo helped a lot.
I have to say, half the fun of being with you...
is the horrified looks on the waiters' faces.
Please, I'm an amateur compared to my mother.
- What do you think, you up for a movie? - Yeah. Something really bad.
Absolutely. Let's check the paper and see if Rob Schneider's still employable.
I think I have a paper over here.
Well, look how long you make a girl wait for you.
- Honor! - You really think you're worth it?
- What are you doing here? - Apparently, begging for some affection.
- It is so good to see you. - You, too.
- Listen, Logan, maybe I should go. - What?
Oh, sorry. God. Rory, this is my sister, Honor. Honor, Rory Gilmore.
Sister? Really? Oh. Well, it's nice to meet you.
It's nice to meet you, too.
Hey, your sister's here. Cool.
- What's the occasion? - Well, I had to see you...
and since you never check your e-mail...
I had to drag myself down and beg Lanny to let me in...
so I could show you this!
[Chuckling happily] Holy!
- It happened last night. - Josh finally gave in, huh?
Stop it. He's lucky I ever looked at him in the first place.
- Congratulations. - Listen, I need a favor.
I'm going to tell them tomorrow night at dinner...
- and I need you there for support. - Come on.
I backed you when you wanted to take a year off school...
and sail around the world.
I wired you the money when you sunk the yacht.
I helped pay off the Indonesian coast guard.
Okay, okay, I give. I'll be there.
Thank you! I love you, I love you, I love you.
Okay, now I can breathe and focus on you.
- Hi. - Hi.
I'm sorry. I'm totally blanking. Your name is...
Rory. Rory Gilmore.
Yeah, Rory's my girlfriend.
You okay over there?
You need a little water or a time machine?
I'm sorry. Did you say girlfriend?
- Yes. - It's new.
Oh, my God!
I've never heard him call anyone his girlfriend before.
Well, Alyssa Milano...
but he was 10 and in a weird Who's the Boss? phase.
Wow, time flies when you're getting pushed out the door.
Okay, I'm sorry. Listen, you must come to dinner, too.
No, really. Come. Please, come. It'll make it more festive and distracting.
We'll see.
Okay, fine. I have to go.
I'll see you tomorrow night. Please don't be late.
I promise.
- Bye, Rory. - Bye.
And that is my sister.
- I like her. - Yeah, she's cool.
Listen, you do not have to take me to dinner tomorrow.
It's a family thing. I totally understand.
- No, you should come. - Logan.
Boyfriends bring their girlfriends to their family's houses for dinner.
It's natural.
- How would you know? - I saw it on Who's the Boss?
Now, let's find that paper.
There's the fridge. Stove's over there. Grill's on the side. Freezer's in back.
That's salad man, plate man, tongs guy...
check-his-trunk-before-he-leaves guy. Here are the ducks.
- Are you familiar with ducks? - I'm familiar with ducks.
Not just familiar, like you know what a duck is.
- Have you cooked duck? - I can handle the ducks. Relax.
Ducks handled. Good.
Now, does Sookie have a menu, notes, or...
Thanks.
[Speaking Spanish]
Sookie said everything you need's in that folder. It's a little unorganized.
It wouldn't be Sookie's folder if it wasn't a little unorganized.
- So, what can I do to help? - Nothing.
- Perfect answer. - Not without a hairnet.
Okay, I'll be out there if you need me.
He's right there.
- What's going on? - I'm taking care of you.
You're... Hey!
This is Nanny. She only speaks Portuguese.
What's Portuguese for: "Ow, you're ripping my chest hair out"?
[Speaking Portuguese]
Clean shirt. Got it.
What's she doing? What's that jar?
She's got salve! She's got salve!
Doyle, relax. Nanny took care of me for years.
Do you remember when Han Solo finds Luke Skywalker in the snowstorm...
and he cuts open their dead tauntaun to hide inside?
That's what I smell like at this moment.
She makes that balm herself. I'm telling you, it's magic.
Paris, no offense to Nanny and her magic healing balm...
but when I came over here, I thought you would take care of me.
I am taking care of you. I brought you Nanny.
I don't want Nanny. I'm scared of Nanny. Can't you just take it from here?
- No. - Why?
- Sick people freak me out. - You're pre-med!
[Speaking Portuguese]
Paris.
Lie down. You'll feel better soon. I promise.
[Whimpers]
[Phone rings]
[Speaking Spanish]
Luke, Sookie.
- Hey, Sookie. - Hi!
- Hi. - What are you doing?
- I'm cooking. - Right, good. Little test.
So, I was just checking in, making sure everything was fine.
Everything is fine.
The ducks are working out for you?
Ducks are selling like hot cakes.
[Giggling] Like hot cakes.
God, you are a funny guy. I just, I never realized.
So, I just wanted to tell you...
that I'm really grateful to you for jumping in like this.
Happy to jump.
- Are you straining the sauce? - Excuse me?
- The duck sauce. Are you straining it? - Yes.
- Twice? - No.
Well, it's really best if you strain it twice. It makes it really smooth.
People seem to be liking the sauce, Sookie.
Well, sure, when you don't know what you're missing, then...
Okay, from now on, I will strain the duck sauce twice...
three times, if it'll make you happy.
- No. Then it'll be too runny. - Twice it is.
- Thank you. - You're welcome.
I got Sookie on the phone. You need to talk to her?
Yes, actually, great.
I'm handing over to Lorelai.
Hey.
He's not straining the duck sauce three times, is he?
Not to my knowledge. Hey, Sookie, where are the applications?
I don't know why you'd joke about a thing like that.
Three times, that's not funny!
Sookie. The applications from the Culinary Institute...
for your temporary replacement?
- Are they not there? - It depends on where there is.
They're around somewhere.
Check the freezer. Sometimes I like to read in there.
That's very Lucy of you.
I'll call when I find them. Now rest. Bye.
Bye.
You know, I love watching you cook. It's hot.
'Cause you're standing next to the broiler.
Is that what we're calling it now?
Not in front of the guys. Please.
Fine. I'll save my dirty cooking jokes for later.
Yeah, I was just wondering...
if I could get you to resubmit those applications.
Well, we seem to have misplaced them.
As soon as possible would be great.
[Noise from down the hall]
Okay. You can just fax them over. Thanks. Bye.
- Hello? Is somebody there? - Hey, Mom!
Hey, Mom? That's it?
You just gave me a heart attack. All you have to say is, "Hey, Mom"?
I thought you were a serial killer.
Who you were going to challenge to a pillow fight?
What are you doing here, Sassy McSasserson?
I needed some stuff.
- What stuff? - My blue dress.
- What do you need your blue dress for? - Okay.
I'm going to tell you something, but when I do, you cannot say a word.
Why not?
- Because I don't wanna hear it. - Hear what?
- What you'll say. - How do you know what I'll say?
Trust me. I know.
Hey, I've been known to say some very surprising things.
"Hugh, I know you're with Elizabeth Hurley...
"but how about picking up a hooker tonight?" That was me.
- Mom! - Okay, fine.
Logan and I are now boyfriend and girlfriend.
And I'm here because I need my blue dress...
to wear to his parents' house tonight.
I went over to Logan's apartment yesterday.
I told him that I didn't want to do the casual dating thing anymore...
and that we should just go back to being friends.
Instead, he decided to commit. Not a word.
Now, I know that things may have started off a little rocky.
But I am very happy with the way things are going...
and I think that in time, you will be, too.
I have everything I need. I have to get going.
Logan's picking me up at 6:00.
It was nice talking to you. Don't forget to breathe.
[Door closes and Lorelai sighs]
Good. Add the parsley. Get it out there.
- Kitchen. - Do you put walnuts in your béchamel?
Sookie?
- Do you put walnuts in your béchamel? - No.
You don't put walnuts in your béchamel.
Sookie, I have things burning, so I...
I thought I tasted walnuts. What things are you burning?
What do you mean you tasted walnuts?
You want to get fancy, you can do that at your own diner.
My béchamel sauce is classic.
How are you tasting the béchamel?
And, I don't remember including goat cheese in the fennel salad.
- How do you know what's in the salad? - So you admit it.
You put goat cheese in the fennel salad.
Yeah, I put cheese in the salad...
it goes good in the salad, and you had it sitting there.
And I also have some Brillo pads sitting there.
You want to toss a couple of those into the fennel salad, as well?
- How do you know all this? - I just assumed.
You just assumed I put goat cheese in the fennel salad?
And walnuts in the béchamel.
I did not put walnuts in...
Sookie, are you having people bring you my food?
You are!
You're calling here...
having people sneak food out behind my back, so that you can taste it.
Wow. You paranoid or what? Jeez, man, time for a vacation.
Hold on.
Okay, here's the deal. Announcement, please.
From this moment on...
there will be no more food leaving the premises.
The food goes from here to the dining room or upstairs and that is it.
No more food will leave the premises.
[Speaking Spanish]
Comprenden? What about you? You comprende?
That's my kitchen, Luke.
And it will be here waiting when you get back.
Until then, sit back, relax, and watch Ellen dance around.
- I got work to do. - Luke!
Goodbye.
[Dial tone sounds]
- Hey, Paris. - Hey, Rory.
Oh!
- I scare? - No. Yes.
Excuse me.
- There's a woman in my room? - That's Nanny. You know Nanny.
That makes me sad that you don't remember Nanny.
She always liked you.
She's stripping my bed. Why is she doing that?
She finally got Doyle to sleep, and she has to do something.
The woman doesn't tire. She's a machine.
What do you mean she finally got Doyle to sleep?
He's here. He's sick, so Nanny's taking care of him.
- Why aren't you doing it? - Sick people freak me out.
You're pre-med!
I'm tired of having that thrown in my face.
Paris, could you please just get Nanny out of my room?
I have dinner with Logan tonight. I have to get ready.
- Logan? I thought you guys were... - We were.
What happened?
Well, I told him that I didn't think things were working.
That we should just be friends. But he didn't want to be...
- Just friends. - No, it seemed to wake him up.
So now he wants to give commitment a try.
A commitment? With Logan?
- Yep. - I don't believe it!
You did it. You landed the whale.
- You're Annette Bening. - I'm not Annette Bening.
It was just a matter of getting him to focus on the situation.
Focus. Huh.
[Speaking Portuguese]
- She's gonna buff your shoes. - I need these.
RORY: My God, my room is clean!
[Door closes]
RORY: Wow!
Where are my keys? What did I do with my keys?
Just your parents live here?
Got them.
Well, I certainly hope the drainage is good.
Excuse me?
If it's not good, and you have pooling somewhere...
you may not know it for months.
I'll be sure and mention that to them.
- You look nervous. - Do I?
- Just not so sure what I got you into. - What do you mean?
My family's not gonna take my sister's engagement too well.
And they can be a little vicious when annoyed.
Hey, relax. You do not have to worry about me at all.
Five years of Friday night dinners have prepared me...
- for exactly this moment. - Really?
Remind me to tell you about the time...
my mom climbed out a second-story window...
to get away from my grandmother.
I will.
- Okay, ready? - Ready.
[Doorbell rings]
You are late.
- Fifteen minutes. - It's awful. A morgue.
It's like they already know what I'm going to tell them.
You have been with Josh for three years now.
I don't understand it. I told them you were coming...
because that usually makes Mom happy.
I told them you were bringing Rory so they'd be on their company behavior.
But from the minute Josh and I walked in that door, it's been Iceberg City.
Josh is completely panicked. Shaking.
Wow. Sorry.
Don't be sorry. Just get in here and stop it.
Remind me to tell you about the time...
my mother wore a shirt with a rhinestone penis on it...
and my grandma had her car towed.
- Look at the ceiling! - Come on.
- Have you seen this ceiling? - Hurry!
HONOR: Well, look what the cat dragged in.
I'm sorry we're late, everyone.
It's all right, Logan. We're still waiting for your father.
Hey, Grandpa, nice to see you.
- Did you get those books I sent you? - I did. Thank you.
- Hey, Josh. You're looking well. - You, too.
Everyone, I'd like you to meet Rory Gilmore.
Hi. It's really nice to meet you all. This house is amazing.
Seriously, there should be a docent at the door.
Well, thank you, Rory.
You know Rory's grandparents, Mom, Richard and Emily.
Yes, of course. How are Richard and Emily doing?
- They're doing very well. - That's wonderful.
[Ice cubes rattling]
- So, you were at the wedding, right? - Why, yes, we were.
It was lovely.
Emily certainly knows how to plan an event.
That, she does.
I should send her a note.
Hey, Grandpa, can I freshen your drink for you?
Mmm-hmm.
I'm sorry. Can we get you something, Rory?
LOGAN: I got it, Mom.
- Logan, I don't think... - Club soda, Ace.
Thanks.
Apparently Mitchum is still at the office. We might as well start dinner.
So...
Come on, you'll feel better when you have some food.
[Whispering] I'll feel better when we're leaving.
So sorry. We owe you one.
- Is that a Velazquez? - Come on.
It is! That's a Velazquez! This house is so cool!
So, I'm holding in my hand one of our comment cards...
on which a particular person has written:
"Best meal I've ever had. The duck was exceptional."
"The Iamb chops were amazing. Ask the chef if he'll marry me."
- What do you think? - What does she look like?
I didn't say it was a she.
- I'll stick with what I have. - Sweet.
I didn't know you were making Iamb chops.
Last-minute addition. You know...
- your kitchen crew here is great. - Really?
Mark, the salad guy, top-notch. Javier is one hell of a grill man...
and Manny, your sous-chef...
I'd kick Caesar out on his ass if I could steal Manny.
You covet my kitchen staff. I'm feeling superior, and I like it.
Okay, guys, we need two sea basses, one chicken...
and one pepper steak without the pepper, go figure. Where's Pedro going?
I knew it. Are you insane?
- You wouldn't take my calls. - How long have you been up here?
Since you made me promise that no food would leave the premises.
Well, here I am, keeping my promises. Pedro, give me the ladle.
- Pedro, do not give her that ladle. - Give me the ladle, Pedro.
[Arguing in Spanish]
- You're scaring Pedro. - You're scaring Pedro.
All day long, things are disappearing. Salads are suddenly gone.
Lamb chops don't make it to the table.
I had to make sure you were doing it right.
You're supposed to be home!
No! I'm supposed to be in bed. And I'm in bed.
You said that you would double-strain the duck sauce...
and you, my friend, are not double-straining.
There will be no more of this. No more calls. No more questions.
No more ladles that leave that kitchen.
I don't care what bed you're in. That is between you and your husband...
and God, I hope, a qualified therapist.
But you will not interfere with me anymore.
Period.
Give me that.
- So, Grandpa, how's the new boat? - It's a boat. It floats.
I hear it's beautiful. When are you gonna let me take it out?
Now, Logan, you don't have the best track record when it comes to boats.
Only other people's boats. Our boats are very safe.
We should do a summer trip. Maybe hit the Amalfi Coast again?
All of us. Rory, Josh, you, me.
Dad.
- Maria! - Yes, sir.
It's too hot. Bring me a salad.
I'll be right back.
- What? - [Whispering] Mom's a stress smoker.
I don't understand why everyone's so upset. Josh seems fine.
The Huntzbergers aren't interested in fine.
- Sarah! - Yes, Dad?
- What time did Mitchum say he'd be here? - [Coughing] I don't know. He didn't say.
- Well, this is ridiculous. - Please, Dad.
We're all just gonna sit around this table and pretend there's nothing going on?
Let's just wait for Mitchum.
There are serious matters to be discussed here.
This is an important family. Marrying into it is important business.
But, no, we can't discuss this until Mitchum gets here.
What is this? Go away!
Okay, I'm sorry. I have to jump in here.
Grandpa, we all respect you and Mom and Dad...
but the bottom line here is Honor has to be happy.
- Now, if she loves Josh, then... - Logan.
I appreciate you defending me, but I can take it from here.
Mom, Grandpa, I had hoped that you would be happy for me...
but obviously, that's not going to happen.
You didn't even let me announce it before you formed your opinion.
I'm sorry you feel the way you do, but Josh and I made it official last week.
We are engaged now, and no matter what you say...
we are going to get married in June.
Of course you're going to get married. You've been dating for three years...
and I already put a hold on the Japanese tea garden for next spring.
Well, that sounds great. Thank you.
So, we should celebrate then.
We'll celebrate when we've finished our discussion.
Which discussion?
The discussion about unsuitable people marrying into this family.
- What? - I'll be right back.
You should know better than this, Logan.
I know you like to joke around and tease us...
but I always thought, at the end of the day...
you understood what your responsibilities to this family were.
Mom, I suggest you come back in here right now!
Logan, you just haven't thought about this.
I mean, I'm sure Rory understands.
She wants to work. Isn't that right, Rory?
Emily's always talking about you wanting to be a reporter...
and travel around doing this and that.
A girl like Rory has no idea what it takes to be in this family, Logan.
Oh, my God.
She wasn't raised that way. She wasn't bred for it.
This isn't at all about her mother.
It's just, you come from two totally different worlds.
It would never work.
Not for you, and certainly not for us.
This conversation is gonna end right now. I'm not going to sit here...
You are gonna be taking over this company...
that's what you are gonna be doing. And when you do...
you're going to need the right kind of person at your side.
This isn't college, Logan.
MRS. HUNTZBERGER: Whatever happened to that Fallon girl?
I loved her. Do you talk anymore?
No, we don't talk. We never talked. You talked.
[Sighing] What a shame. I just loved her.
Okay, let's go.
Logan, you have to understand...
you bring this girl home without any warning at all...
and Honor tells us you're calling her your girlfriend.
We have to take that seriously. Logan, come back here.
I don't understand.
They're psychotic. What more is there to understand?
- Why don't they think I'm good enough? - Rory.
I mean, I'm a Gilmore. Do they know that?
My ancestors came over on the Mayflower.
Don't try and analyze it. There's no rhyme or reason.
I had a coming-out party. I went to Chilton and Yale.
Why are they okay with Josh? He doesn't even say anything.
At least I noticed the Velazquez.
Josh isn't marrying the heir of the Huntzberger fortune. You are.
- I got to get out of here. - Logan. Perfect.
Did they start dinner? Is it some sort of precious fish dish...
because I'm dying for a steak.
You're Rory, I assume. Heard a lot about you.
- We're leaving. - What? Why?
You know why.
I had a long day, Logan. Don't want to play games.
- Is dinner over? - No.
The Huntzberger family shanghai is over.
Dinner, however, is still going on.
Okay. What happened?
Oh, no. Why is your mother smoking?
We have to go. I'm sure they'll fill you in on everything.
It was nice to meet you.
[Laughing]
- Paris, come on in. We're just chatting. - I see that.
I got to tell you, Paris, you're right. This stuff is magic.
[Speaking Portuguese]
She just taught me that.
[Speaking Portuguese]
- She's great. - Yes, she is.
- So, you seem better. - I am so much better.
Nanny's got me salving every four hours. I've steamed, I've had soup.
All I need is one more good NyQuil knockout sleep...
and I'll be as good as new.
- Hey, could you? - Oh, sure.
I got to tell you, Paris, you're a lifesaver. Really.
Paris?
Paris, the NyQuil.
Doyle, it's time we have a talk about our relationship.
- But... - Doyle! Focus.
- Hey, you in the hat. - Jackson, what...
How dare you take a ladle from a pregnant woman!
Dr. Mank very specifically said that she needs to relax.
She cannot relax thinking you're in here screwing up her sauce!
I'm not.
While there's a very good chance you could kill me in a fight, I do not care.
That woman is my wife, and she is carrying my baby.
So, from now on, if she wants to talk, you will talk.
If she wants to taste your food, you will let her taste your food.
If she wants you to double-strain that sauce, you will double-strain that sauce...
because I have to live with her...
and if she is upset because of anything you have done...
I will come over here and soundly kick your ass!
That is, if you haven't killed me yet.
Hey!
- Hey. That's it. I've had it. - You've had what?
She's a crazy woman, and now she's upstairs.
And ladles are mysteriously flying out of the kitchen.
- Who's upstairs? - Sookie's upstairs.
- Sookie's at home. - No, Sookie's supposed to be at home.
Then I didn't strain the sauce twice, so she came here to drive me crazy...
and she brought her loony husband with her.
Jackson's here? How am I missing all this?
I don't know, and I don't care. I'm through. I'm not taking this anymore.
What do you mean? What are you gonna do?
You want to know what I'm gonna do? Nothing!
Because I am in a relationship with you!
You know very well I can't leave. All I can do...
is come out here, say I'm through...
and pretend I have a leg to stand on, and then...
march back into that kitchen, and keep doing the job.
But, oh, boy, I'm gonna be thinking about what I would've done...
if we weren't in a relationship, though that would mean...
I wouldn't be in this position in the first place.
Excuse me.
[Sighs deeply]
If this is the eccentric-couple version...
of The Amazing Race, I think you guys are winning.
Are we talking to her? I don't think we're talking to her.
Hey, it's Lorelai.
Girlfriend of Luke. And we're not talking to Luke.
I'm talking to Lorelai. How you doing?
- Sookie, this is not bed rest. - My feet are up.
- I told you not to talk to her. - What is with the 'tude, cranky pants?
- He's very mad at Luke. - I'm not Luke.
By extension, you are Luke.
Sookie, what were you doing at the Inn?
Checking in on the restaurant. That's my job.
Not anymore. Your job is bed rest.
Honey, easy on the bumps. Baby doesn't like the bumps.
Jackson, stop.
She and that boyfriend of hers, bossiest couple in town.
Stop! At least let me ride.
[Sookie grunts]
Okay, go.
Sookie, you knew the day was coming when you wouldn't be able to come in.
I had three weeks.
You never had any applications, did you?
I meant to. No one was good enough.
No one's as good as you, but plenty of people are good enough.
We just need one of them. Just till you're back on your feet.
- I know. - Luke's not as good as you, either.
That kind of cooking's a little fancy for him, but he tried.
Hey, he's not bad. He's pretty good, in fact.
- What does he put in these? - What is that?
His Iamb chops. They're amazing. I'm taking them home to study.
Well, you could have just asked him.
- He's mad at me. - We're mad at him.
We're all gonna stop being mad at each other.
- Now, pull over. - Why?
- 'Cause you live here. - Oh, yeah.
You know, Luke said that Manny was doing pretty well.
I know. I trained him.
You know, when I first met him, he didn't know a gefilte from a chiffonade.
- Yeah, well, he's from New Jersey. - He picked it up quick.
Maybe he can take over while you're out. Keep it in the family.
He knows all your secrets.
Okay. We'll go with Manny. He's a good guy.
I think that's a good idea.
- Thank Luke for me. - I will.
And find out what's in these Iamb chops, 'cause they're driving me crazy.
I promise. Jackson, get her inside and don't let her move.
Hey, how are you gonna get back?
I thought I'd take the cart you guys stole.
- Perfect. - This all turned out pretty good.
So...
- okay if I just drop you here? - Drop me here?
Lights are on. Paris is home. I've had about all the crazy I can for one evening.
Okay. Sure.
You know we don't have to go in. We can go get something to eat.
- I'm not hungry. - Okay.
I just want to walk a little, clear my head.
Okay.
I'll call you later.
- Tomorrow? - Yeah, tomorrow.
Does it seem like Frodo is on every fricking channel to you, or is it just me?
God, I have never been this tired.
You were one hell of a white knight today, baby.
Yes, I'm a regular Lancelot.
You starting to snooze?
Uh-huh.
Do you want to go upstairs or are you okay right here?
Mmm-hmm.
[Whispers] Luke.
Hmm?
What did you put in the Iamb chops?
- Forget it. - Come on.
[Phone rings]
- Saved by the bell. - I'll be right back.
- Hello? - You busy?
What's wrong?
Dinner was awful.
Hold on.
Okay, hit it.
Well, to make a long story short, Logan's family hates me.
That's impossible.
It's like hating Thumper. No one hates Thumper.
They think I'm trash.
They think I'm not good enough to marry into their family.
What are they talking about?
- Don't they know you're a Gilmore? - I don't think they care.
And who said anything about marrying into their family?
Apparently, Logan bringing me over for dinner...
said that I was going to marry into their family.
That's crazy.
I know, they just got all panicked and started saying all these things.
- To your face? - Right there at the dinner table.
- What? - They went on and on...
about how I'm going to be a career woman...
and, "Logan, you don't want that. She won't understand our lifestyle..."
"Or the demands or the family responsibilities."
What family responsibilities? Who are they, the Gambinos?
Then his mother starts in on "that lovely Fallon girl..."
And doesn't Logan see her anymore because she would make a perfect choice.
- What did you say? - Nothing. I just sat there.
I just sat there and let them say that I wasn't good enough...
and that Logan was making a mistake and just wait till his father came home.
- I hate these people. - It was awful.
Logan didn't just sit there and let them attack you all night, did he?
No, he got really mad and he told them they were all crazy...
- and then we left. - Well, good for him.
But we didn't say a word to each other all the way home.
And then, walking back to my dorm...
he just looked so freaked.
I could tell that he was just...
I don't know, rethinking everything...
the whole relationship.
And I'm just afraid he's gonna bolt.
Mom?
Can I say something? Something you may not want to hear?
Yes.
If he is gonna bolt, maybe you should let him bolt.
He told you, Rory, he told you he was not a commitment kind of guy...
just like you're not a non-commitment kind of girl.
And you tried to be something you weren't...
and it was bad. It didn't work for you.
Don't try and force him to be something he's not.
I didn't force him.
I know, but he was looking at losing you...
and he didn't want to, and I give him credit for that.
But maybe in the end this is not the guy or the relationship for you.
I don't care what his family thinks.
This has nothing to do with his family.
We're good together, Mom. I'm good for him.
- But maybe he isn't good for you. - People can change.
Do you want to be in the business of changing someone?
Maybe he wants to change.
Two days ago, you were on the bathroom floor...
crying about why he won't call you, why doesn't he like you, what did you do.
I was drunk. I was sick.
You, my beautiful, brainy, fabulous daughter...
were lying on the floor of the bathroom wondering what you had done wrong...
which is disturbing to me on several levels...
including the fact that I can't remember the last time...
I cleaned the floor of the bathroom.
Is that really the kind of relationship you want to be in?
[Knocking on door]
Hold on.
Hey.
- Everything okay? - I'm sorry.
- For what? - For just taking off like that. I just...
- This was a very intense evening for me. - I'm sure.
But taking off like that, I was overreacting.
That's just stupid, so forgive me?
There's nothing to forgive.
Come on. Grab your coat. I'll take you to get something to eat.
Okay. I'll be right back.
- Did you hear that? - Yeah, I sure did.
Everything's fine. I just got upset about nothing.
- Okay, but... - Thanks for the talk, Mom.
And I heard you, but I have to go.
- Okay. Call me tomorrow. - I will.
He got dumped two years ago.
Apparently, it was a vicious Julia Roberts...
to Kiefer Sutherland kind of dump.
She broke his heart, slept with his best friend, and took the dog.
He swore off women completely until he met me.
Wow. That was a lot of ground you guys covered last night.
He finally admitted, once his cough started coming back...
that what we have, he no longer views as casual.
He said we are officially in a committed...
Hey, I know that word.
Relationship, and I'm not out of line, calling myself his girlfriend.
Then I handed him the NyQuil, and then he passed out.
- Very romantic. - I know.
- I'm happy for you. - I'm happy for me, too.
- Mr. Huntzberger. - Hello, there.
- Hello, Rory. - Hi.
Paris Geller. We met a couple months ago.
I remember the handshake. Reminded me of Jimmy Breslin's.
- High compliment. - Would you excuse us?
Oh, sure.
Are you looking for Logan?
No. I know better than to look for my son in the newsroom.
- I came to talk to you. - About what?
- I'm very sorry about what happened. - It's okay.
My family behaved atrociously. Though Logan was a little naive...
to walk into the lion's den without a chair like that...
they were wrong, and you deserve an apology.
Okay. Thank you.
So, I hear you have some rather lofty journalistic aspirations.
I have plans.
You know, my company just acquired...
a small newspaper, The Stamford Eagle Gazette.
Decent circulation, pretty sorry writing, but definite potential.
When we buy a new paper, I like to spend some time there, take a couple of months.
Help turn it around, make sure we're getting our money's worth.
Stamford isn't a bad train ride from here, is it?
No.
I have an internship available, if you're interested.
An internship?
It'd be a good chance for you to get your feet wet...
experience how the real thing works.
No. Thank you.
- "No, thank you"? - I appreciate the offer. But, no.
May I be so bold as to inquire, why the hell not?
Because I have a feeling that the only reason you're doing this...
is because you feel guilty about what happened the other night at dinner.
And it's very nice, but very unnecessary.
So what?
Excuse me?
Say the only reason I offered this to you is because my family behaved badly...
and I wanted to make up for it.
Say I have no interest in furthering your career.
This is still an opportunity. Who cares why you got the opportunity?
It's here, and life is about...
making the most of everything you're handed.
Well, this is being handed to you. Now, what are you gonna do about it?
Monday, 10:00. Call my office for the details. And bring a pencil.
You never know when you're gonna need a pencil.