LORELAI: No music. I can't believe we forgot to bring tunes.
Do you realize neither of us has the vaguest idea where we are?
- What is a road trip without tunes? - The sun is directly behind us.
I've never been in this car for a long period of time without playing AC/DC.
- I have no idea which way it's going. - I need Highway to Hell.
It's right out the windshield.
Nothing on the radio but Top 40 and Christian rock.
"Christian rock." There's an oxymoron for you. I need my tunes!
- Stop complaining about the tunes. - Stop complaining about our whereabouts.
My complaint is legitimate. Yours is infantile.
Okay, you're right.
DJ: [On radio] Nonstop Country...
Yes, country music. Must be my lucky day.
- We have to figure out where we're going. - No, we don't.
- Mom. - The point of this is to be spontaneous...
to drive and land some place we've never been and never expected to be.
- Sounds risky. - Sounds exciting.
Serendipity has never been kind to us.
Yes, but I talked to Serendipity on the phone last night.
She feels bad about how she's treated us in the past.
We had a nice chat. It's all gonna be different now.
What did that sign say? It said "Don't" or "Death" on it.
- Relax. - We're doomed.
- Wrong. We're being guided by fate. - I think we're lost.
We can't be lost. We don't know where we're going.
You're going to stop before we drive into the Atlantic Ocean?
- I'll try. - At least we'll know where we are.
Unless it's the Pacific.
DJ: [On radio] Coming up, a three-song superset from Hootie & the Blowfish.
- You know what? I love road food. - I love it, too.
What could be better than what they serve at Haden's Nut House?
- Unless you don't like nuts. - As if those people exist.
If I was in a rock band, touring and stuff...
I'd make the bus driver stop at every Haden's Nut House we passed.
Wow, your Behind the Music is gonna be really wild.
Okay, so if we continue on the way we've been going...
- Who are you calling? - Sookie.
Now?
I didn't get to call her before we left, so she doesn't know about the...
- You okay? - I guess. It's just...
Hi, Sookie, it's me.
Hi, sweetie. You on your way in?
No, not yet.
Actually, I'm gonna be out of town for a couple of days.
- What? - Yeah, Rory and I decided to hit the road.
But how can you be hitting the road? You're supposed to be getting...
- The engagement is off, Sookie. - What? What happened?
It's a long story.
I don't really want to go into all the
what's and whys and gory details right now...
but you should know we all still love Max. To figure out what happened...
you'd have to dig up Freud and have him work on me full-time.
- Honey, I'm so sorry. - Thanks.
So, I hope you didn't get too far on that cake.
No, that's one thing you can be thankful about.
You caught me in plenty of time.
Good. I know the kind of work you were gonna put into it.
I would've killed myself if you'd gone to all that craziness for nothing.
I've been so busy lately, I actually forgot about it.
Listen, do me a favor. Mention canceling the wedding to Miss Patty, will you?
That way, by the time we get back...
The whole town will know within the hour.
Hopefully, they will all have chatted it out of their systems before we get home.
Consider it done. So where are you going?
- We have no idea. - My favorite kind of trip.
Thanks. I'll talk to you soon. Call the cell if you need anything.
- Okey-dokey. Bye-bye. - Bye.
You were a good cake, Clyde. I never should have named you.
That had better not be a map.
Sorry, but I'm openly defying your no-map policy.
Rory!
Mom, it's gonna be dark in a couple of hours.
I don't want to sleep in the car.
My sense of adventure did not translate to my offspring.
To the best of my map-reading abilities...
we're headed toward Portsmouth, New Hampshire.
- Portsmouth? - What?
I actually have a friend in Portsmouth, Donald something-or-other-stein.
Close, personal friend?
Donald moved there a couple of years ago and opened a B & B.
No, it's actually supposed to be pretty cool.
- A cool B & B? - Yes.
That's like saying "an understated Nicolas Cage movie."
I myself am not usually a fan of B & B, but Donald's place is different.
- Captain Corelli's Mandolin. - I'm serious.
"Bella bambina at two o'clock!"
Every room is decorated in a different weird style from a different century.
- That is kind of cool. - Okay, let's go.
- Let's call. - Let's go.
- Let's call. - Sense of adventure.
Let's go.
- Hello, there. - Hi.
- Would you like to ring the bell? - What?
Would you like to ring the bell, you or your daughter?
I don't understand.
I'm not usually sitting here when guests arrive...
so people ring the bell, and they love to ring the bell.
You didn't get to ring the bell.
Well done.
Do you have a room available?
We most certainly do, you lucky, pretty things, you.
- See? They have a room. - Good.
Does Donald happen to be here?
No, I bought this place from Donald last year. It's my place now.
- I'm Ladawn. - Hi.
Yes, I noticed it was a little different. Actually, very different.
- Did you see it before? - Pictures.
It was wacky, just like Donald.
It was fun, you know, but just a little too...
It was just too eclectic.
I don't care for eclectic. I don't think B & Bers do, either.
No, you wouldn't want anything out of the normal.
Okay, Room Number 3 is all yours. Welcome to The Cheshire Cat.
Nice name. I'm gonna consult with my daughter for just one second.
- We must leave this place immediately. - And sleep where?
- A hollow tree, a riverbank, I don't care. - Mom, I'm tired and I'm starving.
She's named the place after an Alice In Wonderland character.
- This is my worst nightmare. - And dying of exposure in a jeep is mine.
Okay.
Point the way to Room 3.
I'll take you there myself. Let me just grab your bags.
- We can do that. - No, you are my guests.
I won't hear of it. There you go.
You want to ring the bell? You haven't rung the bell.
- Maybe some other time. - Follow me.
Watch out for Sammy.
[Lorelai exclaiming in surprise]
That's either Sammy or the cat that ate Sammy.
What is it, dear?
- There's just a lot... - A lot of flowers.
- Like a ton of flowers. - Plethora of flowers.
A load of flowers.
Thank you. I get so many compliments on this room.
- Are they moving? - It looks like it, doesn't it?
There's foil in the paper, and it gives it that illusion. Isn't it terrific?
- Unbelievable. - B & Bers love a peaceful setting...
so that they can unwind from their hectic lives.
- What business are you in, dear? - Me? Publishing.
How interesting!
If you need anything, you just ring down or come down...
'cause I love company.
I didn't want to forget to give you our activity list.
Never a dull moment around here.
- Thanks, Ladawn. - Yes, thank you.
I think we just found the first room in the history of the world...
that would have made Liberace say, "Whoa, step back. No one's that gay."
Look. This is a book that past guests have written in.
"This room made my soul soar."
All right, enough grossness. Let's go eat.
Food. I'm starving.
- What? - Dentists.
Boston dentists. Cocktail hour at The Cheshire Cat.
- So? - So our exit is blocked.
- Let's just rush past them. - Too risky.
They're not assassins.
If they catch us, they'll clamp on to us like leeches.
And you know what that means: chitchat.
Stomach-churning, mind-numbing, soul-deadening chitchat.
Mom, I'm starving. I'm going down there. You can stay here.
- You're that hungry? - Yes.
Hungry enough to answer a hundred probing...
but only slightly different from each other questions...
about Chilton, life in a small town, and your hunky boyfriend?
- I struck gold. - What is it?
- Certs. - Let me catch my breath.
I cannot, for the life of me, remember the last time I bought Certs.
- Which would make those really old. - Fuzzy.
[All singing downstairs]
- Perfect. - A nice capper to the day.
In three hours, they've participated in every inane B & B group activity known.
Let's just hope they finish with a mass suicide.
We get cranky when we're hungry.
Plus, we're above everyone else on the planet.
Clearly.
- So, what do you want to do? - I don't know.
We could go to sleep.
- It's 8:23. - Good Lord!
- I'm not really sleepy. - Me, neither.
- We could sing. - Sing?
We could sing Anarchy in the UK at the top of our lungs.
That would be good. Or we could talk?
- Okay. - Okay.
- What about? - I don't know.
Max?
- No. - Why?
Because I don't want to.
You said we could talk.
I thought you meant about makeup or something.
When have we ever done that?
Never, that's why I thought now would be a good time.
- I just need to know... - Good night, Rory.
- But... - Good night.
Are you sure that you're not just running scared?
- Because I think you really love him... - Enough!
But you're just freaked out and don't know what to do.
Because you did this before, with Max, in fact.
Rory, I don't want to talk about this.
I thought by saying "enough," and turning off the light...
you would get the message. Apparently not.
The skywriter will be here in a minute.
- I'm asking you a question. - I'm a grown woman.
Says the woman with the Hello Kitty waffle iron.
I have the right not to be quizzed on my social life by my 16-year-old daughter.
I thought I was your best friend.
At a U2 concert, you are. But now, you're my 16-year-old daughter...
and I do not want to have this conversation.
- I do. - Well, tough.
Everything was planned. Everyone was excited, including you.
- And then, all of a sudden, you're out. - I changed my mind.
This is our life that you just tossed off.
I didn't just toss off anything.
We had plans. We made space in the closet.
Just because we moved a couple of boxes isn't reason enough for me to get married.
Max was counting on this. I was counting on this.
Stop it! We're not gonna have this fight in a flowery bedroom...
with dentists singing in the background!
- It's too David Lynch. - I think you love him.
- Rory, go to sleep! - You love him, and you got scared...
and you ran, but you're really going to regret it, and soon.
Rory!
Fine!
Good night.
I'm sure.
I wish I did love him.
You have no idea how much.
- What's with the face? - They're taller.
- Not this again. - There's more of them.
Mom, the flowers on the wallpaper are not growing or reproducing.
Wait a minute, you weren't writing in this thing, were you?
Maybe some random thoughts.
- "Satanic forces are at work here." Mom. - What?
What? We cannot write that in here.
Here.
"Sat and forever am at work here."
That doesn't make any sense.
It doesn't invoke the Dark Prince, so it's preferable.
Whatever.
- Hey. - What?
- Last night. - We're good.
Okay.
- You know what isn't good? - What?
- I ate the fuzzy Certs. - Gross.
- They tasted like keys. - Okay, enough. I have got to eat.
- You think the coast is clear downstairs? - Let's check the schedule.
"Early morning nature walk: 7:30, regional history talk: 8:15..."
We're in luck. Breakfast just ended.
The arts-and-crafts workshop begins in 13 minutes.
- We've got a window. - Must be when they shower.
Grab your bag!
Go.
Hello, strangers.
We've all been so worried about you two.
- What are you people doing? - We're watching hummingbirds.
They're still out there, if you want to scooch in.
They're the darnedest things.
Flap their wings 100 times a second. It's an engineering marvel.
That was not on the freaking list.
We don't put things like this on the freaking list...
because the delights of nature aren't on any time schedule.
Lordy.
So push in some chairs. We're gonna make some fresh scones.
They're for tea this afternoon. I just put out the first test batch. Have a taste.
- A taste would not be bad. - Maybe just a quick taste.
So, Ladawn says you're in publishing.
Publishing? You're in publishing?
- Yes, I am. - Books?
You should find a field with less paperwork.
Good one.
You have two. I still have one.
So, publishing?
Yes, I do publish.
Kind of a dry line of work, not much to talk about.
Nonsense. It's fascinating.
What kind of books do you publish?
Mainly youth-orientated ones.
- Children's books? - Sure.
- Any that we've heard of? - Probably not.
No, wait, please give me some titles. I'll write them down.
And then when I get home, I'll look them up.
- Dave, do you have your Space Pen? - Do you have to ask?
- He loves his Space Pen. - They write underwater.
- Cool. - What are the titles?
There's Goodnight Spoon...
and The Horse That Wanted To Bark.
I think I've read that to my grandson.
The horse learns to bark, and then he...
What happens at the end?
He dies.
But he learned to bark, though, so it's actually an upper.
- So, where are your offices? - They're in the...
The building with the... Over on the road.
Would you guys excuse me for just a second?
I have to make a very important call concerning publishing.
Fine, that'll give us a chance to get to know your lovely daughter here.
She's so quiet, but we'll change all that.
Mom, you promised not to do any business while on vacation.
Honey, publishing waits for no man. Got to keep the presses pressing.
Tell us about your school.
Hey, Sookie, it's me.
- Hey, sweetie, how's the trip going? - It's fine. Where are you?
Luke's got a nice little show going on here.
- You've been sitting there for two hours. - I want one more coffee.
LUKE: You've had eight refills.
KIRK: In France, when you sit and order...
you can have the table as long as you want it.
- I bet you know what I'm gonna say next. - That we're not in France?
Give or take a profanity.
Fine, I'll go. Can I have my check?
How's the spreading of the news going?
It worked just like you wanted, with one notable exception.
Who? What?
He's such a loner lately, the news hasn't gotten to him.
Is there any way to speed this up?
Sorry, I'm figuring out the tip, and I've always been terrible at Math.
What's 6% of $4.43?
Could you just tell him now, so I can cross this off my list?
He's coming over. Hang on.
- Hey, Luke? - Yeah?
Have you heard the latest news?
- Kind of sad, Lorelai and Max. - What about them?
- The wedding's off. - What? What happened?
I don't really know. It was kind of sudden.
- This is actually her now. - Tell her I'm sorry. That's tough.
- He says he's sorry. - Thanks.
- Talk to you later. Bye. - Bye-bye.
- What's this? - Refill number 9.
I thought you said I had to go.
- You can hang a bit. - Really?
Welcome to France. Coffee's on the house, though.
Thanks, or should I say gracias?
In fact, everyone's coffee is on the house today.
- Like your hat. - Thank you.
We have a son just a bit older than you.
- He's not good enough for her. - He's a freshman at Brown.
- He majors in MTV. - You're horrible.
Honey, we don't even know if she's on the market.
I'm not on the market. I'm definitely off the market.
- She has a boyfriend. - Isn't that cute?
Mom, I saved you a scone. You love me, right?
Sorry, everybody, I'm gonna have to drag her away now.
- It was so nice talking to you. - Lovely talking to you, dear.
She's so cute.
- I now have abandonment issues. - I had to make a call.
- You left me hanging. - I owe you one.
- Big time. - You're out now. What do you want to do?
- Kill you. - And?
- I don't know. - Bounce tennis balls off of Sammy?
- Seriously? - I'm not sure.
- Pull out the map you're hiding. - I'm not hiding a map.
I didn't wanna drive around aimlessly again today.
I got it.
What's near?
- Concord. - What is that? Like, look at grapes?
- Manchester. - Been there, done that.
- You've never been there. - I feel like I have.
- Salem. - Witches and stonings.
- There's something there. - Boston, Newton, Needham.
- Go back. - What? Boston? Newton?
- I know where we're going. - Where are we going?
You will love it.
If you tell me where we're going, I can chart a course, and I can...
You're folding it wrong.
- Is it smaller? - Yes.
Then it's not wrong. Let's go.
I will get you a new one when we get there.
Where are we going?
RORY: I don't believe it. LORELAI: Believe it, because there it is.
RORY: Harvard University. LORELAI: It's really real.
- It looks just like the pictures. - It's beautiful.
- What are we doing here? - We are beholding your future.
- It's big. - You have a big future.
I can't believe it. I'm actually standing outside of Harvard.
- Come on. - Wait, come on where?
- Inside. - We can't go inside.
Why? Is there a force field around here?
- This is Harvard. - I know.
You can't just go inside. You need a guide.
I'll be your guide.
- What do you know about Harvard? - I know this: Look, there's Harvard.
Don't you want to see it?
The place where you'll be living and studying...
and developing very naive but pretentious world views...
that will come crashing down the minute you graduate?
- Yeah, I do. - So?
Come on, you know you want to. All the other kids are doing it.
Harvard.
- Harvard is over 300 years old. - Founded in 1636.
That means almost everyone who ever went to Harvard is dead now.
- You sure you still wanna go here? - Yes, I'm sure.
They developed the pacemaker here.
Also discovered how electromagnetism and radioactivity...
are two manifestations of the same force...
and postulated existence of a charmed quark.
- I was wondering who did that. - The smarties at Harvard.
Holy smokes.
They get an average of 18,000 applicants every year, and only 2,000 get in.
- Those are not good odds. - Mom.
No, you're different.
"Past graduates: Henry James." Isn't that a beer?
- And a novelist. Go on. - "John Adams." That's a beer.
Our second President. He's very in right now.
"W.E.B. Dubois, Yo-Yo Ma."
- Cool! Fred Gwynne. - Who?
Herman Munster. Now I'm impressed.
- Want something? - A nice, cool Henry James.
- Or some coffee? - Or some coffee.
I'm ordering coffee at Harvard.
There's people looking for roommates, tons of them.
"Wanted: girl to share a two-bedroom apartment on Trowbridge."
"Quiet street, quiet building, so quiet roomie a must."
Join a convent and cloister yourself, you loser.
Mom, it's gonna be two years before I go to Harvard.
These people will have roommates or have graduated by then.
Who says these are for you?
- Who are they for? - Me.
If you're here, I need a room nearby so I can come visit.
- How often are you gonna visit? - I don't know. Every other day.
Too much? What's too much?
- Man, there are a lot of postings here. - Yeah, there sure are.
Are you looking for a place to live?
- Maybe. - There's a lot of choices.
Something for everybody.
Unless you're an existentialist and can't figure out what you want.
Good point.
I think we have a class together. Contract Law. Prof. Shefferson?
- Yeah, Sheff's class. - Right.
- I've been meaning to say hi to you. - Really? Hi.
So, do you like the class?
- It's not too bad. - He's kind of got a monotone voice.
If I don't caff up, he puts me to sleep.
I'm caff tog up now, just for the hell of it.
Okay. So I'll see you in class, and maybe at that Phi Kap party tonight?
Peachy.
- Cool. Bye. - Bye.
I think I'm gonna like college.
- I used "existentialist" in a sentence. - I heard.
- I've always wanted to do that. - It was very impressive.
Oh, my!
- What's this? - It's the library.
It's the biggest library I've ever seen.
- Brace yourself. - What?
- This is just one of the libraries. - One of the libraries?
"This building is one component of a 13 million-volume collection..."
"Housed in more than 90 different libraries."
"It's the oldest library in the US, and the largest academic library in the world."
- Breathe. - I'm a failure.
- What? - I am stupid.
- Stop. - I'm uninformed, ignorant, and...
I can't even think of a second synonym for "uninformed."
- I suck. - Honey.
Thirteen million volumes?
I've read 300 books in my entire life, and I'm already 16?
Do you know how long it would take me to read 13 million books?
You don't have to read every one of them. Tuesdays With Morrie. Skip that.
Who Moved My Cheese? Stuff you already know.
But every kid coming to Harvard is inevitably reading books.
Different books. I want to be able to converse intelligently with each of them.
I can't do that unless I read books.
At least a few from every genre and sub genre.
Come on, I'm getting you out of here.
- I sleep too much. - You don't.
- I've been frittering away my life. - You don't fritter.
- Did I mention I suck? - Yes.
- Well, I do. - No.
This is a dorm? Not bad.
Pretty, actually.
Let's see what it looks like on the inside.
It says "residents only" in plain English.
We're gonna get in trouble.
You're such a worrywart. Get in character.
- Hey, there! - Hi.
I'm Angie. This is Trish.
Hi.
- How's it going? - Not bad.
Cool. We're just kind of hanging out between classes.
We got Sheff next.
So, we'll probably see you at the Phi Alpha Beta thing tomorrow?
Maybe.
Yeah, we're not sure, either. They can be so totally lame.
- Gag me. - Yeah. See you.
You do realize your college kid jargon...
comes from Happy Days and the Valley Girl song.
- Looky-looky here. - What are you doing?
I wanna see a room. Hello?
They have pictures of their rooms on their website.
I prefer reality, thank you.
Hello? The coast is clear.
- The coast is not clear. - Susie!
We're now officially breaking and entering. Why are you saying that?
It's our cover if we get caught.
Plus, there's a 30% chance the girl living in this room is named Susie.
- Tiny. - It is tiny.
Your Oxford English Dictionary will need a room of its own.
- It'll fit somewhere. - One window, brick wall.
- You're gonna need a better view. - This isn't my room, to begin with.
At least there's two beds, somewhere for me to sleep.
- That'd be my roommate's bed. - You don't want a roomie.
- I don't have a choice. - They just force someone on you?
It's all part of the socializing experience.
- What if it's a lemon? - Then I'm stuck with it.
- Hare Krishna banging a tambourine. - I'll use earplugs.
Serial murderer.
I'll sleep with a gat strapped to my ankle.
- Someone who likes Linkin Park? - Then I'll have to drop out.
Look, I had these same pants in high school!
- Can we go just now, please? - I'm in again.
- Mom. - Okay.
Let me take a picture with you at the desk.
- What? - Really get into it.
- Pretend like you're studying. - Okay.
What, you're writing in the air?
- Can we just take the picture? - Okay.
Let's go.
Hey, Susie.
God, these classrooms are huge.
The better to fit those big Harvard brains.
LECTURER: "Mortal have you been born, to mortals have you given birth."
"Reckon on everything, expect everything."
LECTURER: What sort of thought is this? STUDENT: Depressing?
[Audience laughs]
On the surface, maybe. But go underneath. What is he postulating beyond fatalism?
- Are we allowed to be hearing this? - I don't know.
They won't charge $100 just for listening to part of the class?
I don't think Harvard would nickel-and-dime people like that.
I'm gonna find the ladies' room.
Sneak a smoke, see if anyone slipped aspirin in my Coke.
Okay, Rizzo. I'd like to listen a little bit more.
- I'll be back. - I'll be here.
The Stoics believed the greatest happiness resulted from leading a virtuous life.
- In or out? - Excuse me?
If you're going to take the class, you have to take a seat.
Okay, sorry.
Okay, where were we?
RORY: That's an interesting point, Professor...
but I'm not sure I agree with you.
That's because Stoicism was not about giving up things...
- of money and luxuries and stuff. - That's right.
By the time he was in his early 40s...
Seneca had earned enough money to acquire villas, farms.
He ate well. He loved expensive furniture.
But he didn't consider that a non-philosophical way to live.
It's all kind of relative, though.
- Here we go. - What?
Can't get through a class without debating relativism.
I just meant that luxury to some is not necessarily luxury to others.
- A better subject for another time. - Sorry.
No, your point is well-taken, but it's different than what's at hand.
What we're talking about is Seneca's choosing the better...
more comfortable of two options while remaining a Stoic.
- Thanks, this was fun. - All right, for your next meeting...
we'll be reading Marcus Aurelius'Meditations.
- Did you see me? - Yes.
- I was in college. - It was amazing.
- Did I look like I belonged? - Completely. You're a natural.
I can't even believe how it happened. I just got swept up.
The teacher asked a question, and before I knew it...
- You were blowing them away. - I don't know about that...
- but I was talking and I couldn't stop. - I know that feeling.
College is gonna be amazing. I can't wait.
I love college. I love Harvard. I love fatalism.
Please, we can carry the bags.
- Nonsense. - But they're so heavy.
I'll just get them down the stairs for you.
Let me catch my breath here.
Sammy's AWOL?
Sammy. It's the first time she hasn't been on the stairs.
- My Sammy? - Yes.
- She's rarely ever on the stairs. - No, she's always right there.
- On the stairs? - Yes.
No, she has her favorite place, but not on the stairs.
There's not been one moment she hasn't been right there.
- On the stairs? - Yes.
No, she's hardly ever on the stairs.
"Forget it, Jake. It's Chinatown."
Everything's on your card. I hope you enjoyed your stay.
- Did you enjoy your stay? - Very much.
Very much?
- I sat and forever am at work here. - What?
- It was great. - There you go.
Drive safely and tell all your friends about The Cheshire Cat.
You bet we will.
- Now I'll do my favorite part of the job. - What's that?
Read what you wrote in our guest book.
Give us a five-minute head start?
- Beg pardon? - Thank you.
- Know what I love most about Harvard? - No, what?
They don't sell giant foam fingers.
No, they've got class out the wazoo.
- Home. - Feel like we've been gone a long time.
It's weird. Every time I leave town, even for just a little while...
I always expect everything to look different.
- And it never does. - It never does.
Need a hug?
Patty's good.
So, what about dinner?
It should be something healthy, since we've been eating junk.
We had lettuce on our burgers last night.
- We picked it off. - But it left its essence.
- Lettuce essence on our burgers? - Definitely.
- That satisfied our vegetable requirement? - For the week.
We can't argue with cold, hard facts.
What?
- I forgot about that. - Me, too.
Well... everything's the same.
LORELAI: This is Sever Hall, one of the oldest buildings at Harvard.
- Focus the picture, Lorelai. - It is focused.
- That's how it came out. - It's hurting my eyes.
- They're suppose to be a little arty. - She doesn't know how to use a camera.
- I've only had it six years. - It's like I have glaucoma.
What's that?
- That is a Harvard squirrel. - Good grief.
Sitting on a Harvard rock.
- Doesn't he look smart? - He looks dirty. Next.
- That's Rory's dorm and part of my finger. - It's not my dorm yet.
We saw a dorm and figured it might be mine.
- Why do you insist on taking slides? - I like slides.
But prints are so much easier and faster to get through.
That's what I hate about prints.
You give people this big pile of pictures you're so proud of.
They flip through them fast without really seeing them...
or letting you narrate, like you can with slides.
- I stopped her from adding music. - I'm eternally grateful.
I like the bigness of slides, too. Makes you feel like you're there.
This one makes me feel just like I'm in your finger.
You're just jealous 'cause we didn't invite you along.
Next time.
Next time you go, you're going to do it properly...
- with a scheduled visit and guide. - I told her about the guide.
Why go out of town so soon before your wedding?
Didn't your fiancé mind?
Oh, well...
You act as if this coming weekend is just business as usual...
and not the most important day of your life.
Mom.
What?
- It's about this weekend, Mom. - Yes?
I should have told you before.
Oh, my God. You didn't.
- What? - You did!
- I did what? - You eloped.
I knew you'd do anything to keep me out of this wedding.
- Mom, that's not... - That is just cruel, Lorelai.
A mother waits and plans for this day, even your mother.
- Yes, but... - I bought a new dress.
- Got my hair done. - It looks nice.
And you just waltz in here, torture me for hours...
with these ridiculous slides, only to let me know at the last minute...
Mom, Max and I are not together anymore. The wedding is off.
- The wedding's off? - Yes.
- Are you sure? - Yes, I'm sure.
Oh.
Mom.
- Who called it off? - I did.
You're thinking you're not surprised.
No, I wasn't.
You're thinking, "Yes, I won that $5 from Dad."
- Who would like dessert? - What are you thinking? Just tell me.
I was thinking, I guess I have to return your gift.
- My gift? - That's right.
You'll have to return my gift. That's what you were thinking?
That's right.
- That's it? - That's it.
Oh.
So you got me a gift already?
You were getting married. Gifts are expected. It's the proper thing to do.
- So, how does ice cream sound? - Ice cream sounds great.
- What'd you get me, Mom? - I'm not gonna tell you that.
- Why not? It's for me. - You're not getting it now.
- Iced tea spoons, right? - Lorelai.
Because nobody really needs iced tea spoons ever.
You'd probably use them if you remembered...
but nobody does. They're never with the everyday silverware.
Out of sight, out of mind.
So people just grab a regular everyday spoon to stir.
- And you know what? They work fine. - It wasn't iced tea spoons.
Corn-on-the-cob holder thingies?
- Sterling silver corn-on-the-cob holders? - No.
What?
- The tiny forks. - What tiny forks?
The ones with tiny prongs and handles, that I assume are used to eat tiny food?
- They're for lobster tails. - So you did get the tiny forks.
You know what? I'm not returning the gift. I'm going to put it away.
You won't know what it is until you do get married.
- Tell me now. - Sorry.
I may never get married. I may be a free spirit my whole life...
or fall for a separated Catholic guy like Katherine Hepburn did...
and not get to go to his funeral when he dies.
- Then you'll never know what I got. - I must know.
- No. - This is torture.
- Tough. - Okay, fine. Forget it.
- I'm going to the bathroom. - I'm going to the kitchen.
- Oh, God. You scared me. - Come on, tell me.
- Lorelai, get away. - Tell me now.
- I'm serious, get away. - Please tell me.
This is not funny.
- Am I too far from the curb? - You're within 5 feet.
- Close enough for jazz. - What?
- Look it up? - You got it.
- Oh, my God. Lane! - I'm back!
I see.
- Did you ever think this day would come? - I had hopes, dreams.
I escaped from Korea. I'm home. Hi, Lorelai.
- Welcome home, sweetie. - It's so amazing to be back.
When I got off the plane, I kissed the tarmac.
- Like the Pope. - It was hot, I burned my lips.
That's why the Pope always looks grumpy.
- I'm back. - I know.
- Did you get my letters? - The first one was intense.
- Which one was that? - The one that said:
"Korea equals death," with a bunch of exclamation points...
- and your sad face plastered all over it. - That was a tad dramatic.
- Was it awful? - It wasn't.
- Really? - Some of it was great.
No way.
The food's not so bad, and then my cousins were actually pretty interesting.
And the best part, Korea is bootleg heaven.
I totally scored in Seoul.
Elvis Costello at the Marquee in 1978...
a barely coherent Nico doing Doors songs in 1974...
and an even more barely coherent...
Iggy Pop doing David Bowie songs naked in 1981.
How did you get them past customs?
I strapped them to my body, like in Midnight Express.
- Cool. - I'll be in Luke's.
Okay.
It was just an open-ended plane ticket?
Just to save money. I kind of overreacted.
Kind of? You did everything...
but drown yourself tied to the Statue of Liberty.
- Lewis and Clark have returned. - Which one are you?
I don't know. Which one had to paddle the canoe?
- Coffee? - You have to ask?
So...
sorry about what happened, the wedding...
It's okay. I'm fine. I want everyone to know that.
- I've been feeling like a jerk. - Why?
The way I had to come down on Max, I don't know. I was being a...
What's that word you use? "Pickle-schnitz"?
- Schnickelfritz? - Yeah, that's it.
Luke, it's okay. You already apologized.
- I've been feeling kind of guilty. - Don't.
You are great, Luke.
Just making me that huppah alone...
The huppah. I left that stupid huppah on your lawn.
- It's okay. - What an idiot.
Really, it's okay.
This enormous reminder sitting on your lawn, mocking you.
I didn't see it mock, I promise.
I'll take it down in the morning. No, I'll take it down now. We're closing early.
Chew it or lose it.
Luke, it's okay, really.
I think I'm gonna keep it.
- What? - Yeah.
It's beautiful. You made it for me, and it doesn't...
have to be a wedding huppah. It can just be a beautiful archway in our yard.
- I'll grow stuff on it. - Well, okay.
I'll help you move it around the yard, wherever you want it to be.
That would be good.
So, where'd you guys go?
We drove around a little...
- hit a B & B, and took a tour of Harvard. - Harvard?
- Interesting. - It was amazing.
Seeing Rory there, in a dorm room, in a classroom...
- She fit. - I can see her fitting there.
She was right at home.
So, how are you taking that?
- Taking what? - Seeing her fit.
I loved it...
- and I hated it. - That seems about right.
Man, these past few days...
So many thoughts about my life then...
my life now, what I missed.
Thoughts about what I'll never have...
- and what I want to have. - That's a lot of thoughts.
You're not kidding.
- So, can I ask you a question? - Yes.
- Ever set up a line of credit at a bank? - No.
You don't pay for everything with cash on hand?
What's all this about?
- I think it's time to make a move. - Meaning?
I'm diving in. Sookie and I are finally gonna open that inn.
- Yeah, I know. - No, I mean now.
We've been talking and dreaming about it. It's time to get going on it.
- Well, if the time is right... - It is.
You think I can hack being a business owner?
- I think you can hack anything. - Really?
Yeah, you know all the creative stuff to the job...
you can manage, and I've seen you try to add numbers...
so I'd get an accountant, first thing.
- Okay, yes. - How far along are you?
- This far. - Well, listen...
I'm no financial genius, but we can sit down sometime.
You can pick my brain on the few things I do know about.
- Really? - I've been around some.
Can I ask you stupid questions?
- There is no such thing. - How does ink come out of pens?
All right, there is such a thing.
But you're going to avoid that when we sit down, right?
Thank you.
Let me know when you need help with the thing that's not a huppah anymore.
I will.
Fill me in. What've you been up to? I must know everything.
- I've been to Harvard. - No way. Oh, my God! How? When?
We just got back. Mom, is it okay if I go to Lane's for a bit?
Yeah. I'll meet you back at the house.
Harvard? That is so cool. What did you see?
Harvard Yard, classrooms, where I might live next year.
- How was it? - Needs a spruce.
I'll help you spruce.
Sookie, hey, it's me. We're back.
It was good, but first things first.
I want to start moving on the inn thing.
I mean, take serious steps. We're ready, don't you think?
Oh, good. Meet me early at work tomorrow.
Yeah.
I know. I'm excited, too.