- The time? - 4:30.
- Fill me up. - That's your sixth cup.
- Yes, it is. - How about some tea?
Absolutely. Throw it in with the coffee.
- I assume Rory's meeting you here? - Yes, she is.
She's late. I have to go to class tonight, so I have 10 more minutes.
- I got it. - You did?
- Right here. - Hurry up, open it.
- Leave the pot, Ethel. - I'm just an enabler.
Just remember, these are the PSATs. It's like the Baby Gap.
They don't count as much. You can take them again. Plus, you are young.
You have years of learning ahead. The important thing is that you tried hard.
I got a 740 Verbal and a 760 Math.
- Thank God you're not an idiot. - I got a 740 Verbal and a 760 Math?
Those are damn good scores, little lady, really. Amazing. Top-notch.
Those are PSA-Terrific.
Sorry, I had to go for it. You're frowning.
- How did I get a higher score in Math? - Who cares?
I'm stronger in Verbal. Verbal is my thing.
No, Verbal's my thing.
Maybe I didn't study hard enough. Maybe I got cocky.
Maybe you need a mud bath-salt glow-chill pill combo.
- I'm just saying... - You got a great score.
- Yeah, but... - No. A great score.
Great score?
That is a score you have earned and you deserve...
and will allow you to look down at me for many years to come.
We should celebrate. Let's get all dressed up tonight...
- and hit The Rocky Horror Picture Show? - Serious?
- I'm always serious. - Can I invite Lane?
Absolutely.
I hope she gets this in time. She's been hard to reach lately.
Maybe she can't handle the pressure of having such a brilliant best friend.
Brilliant in Math. The Verbal's kind of sad.
Thank you.
- You're late. - Shoot. I am. I have to go.
Rory kicked some major PSAT ass today.
- Yeah? Congratulations. - Thank you.
We're gonna hit The Rocky Horror Picture Show tonight.
- Really? - Yes, I am Magenta.
Rory opts for Janet. I had a thought.
- Yeah? - I was thinking that you could put on...
fishnet stockings, a leather teddy, platform boots, and come...
- as Dr. Frank-N-Furter. - That is a thought.
- You'll also need some gloves and a wig. - Gloves, wigs. Got it.
- I'll do your makeup. - That'll help.
- There you go. - Sounds great.
- 8:00, I'll swing around and get you? - Sure, good.
If by some chance you knock on the door but no one answers...
even if the lights are on, I'll meet you there.
- So I'll see you tomorrow morning? - I'll be the one with the coffee.
Make sure you gloat a little. It's good for the skin.
[Alarm beeping]
[Shrieking]
Rory!
Do you think the porch is falling apart, or do you weigh a ton?
The porch is fine. It has a little extra ventilation in it now.
- The wood is old and rotting. - It is not old and rotting.
It is strong and sprightly and will be with us for a long time to come.
So you do weigh a ton?
- I checked under the entire house. - And?
- You have termites. - What?
Tens of thousands of them. Subterranean, drywood, the whole gamut.
- Gross. - Four crawled up my nose.
It happens all the time when you're upside down.
To them, the nostril looks like another hollow passage in the wood.
- They're not too bright. - Okay, so we have termites.
What do we... Don't you want to come inside, Kirk?
Actually, I would prefer to discuss this outside.
[Door shutting]
Let's get down to it.
From what I witnessed, your house is a bug-infested smorgasbord.
Are those for me?
- Yeah. - What do we do?
- I'd prefer to discuss this on the lawn. - Why?
This porch could give out on us at any minute.
Kirk, that's crazy.
- Stop. The porch is fine. - Your foot went through it today.
- That was different. That wood was old. - What happened to sprightly?
Kirk, what are you doing?
Making sure that if the roof comes down, the debris can't ricochet and take me out.
In five more minutes, you won't need to. Please talk to me about the termites.
- What do I do, tent the place? - To start with, yes.
- To start with? - What?
They've done some serious damage. They've eaten through the wooden joists.
Your foundation has lost its structural integrity.
Our house is falling down.
- What should I do to fix this? - You have to jack the house up...
rebuild the joists, and repair the weakened parts of the foundation.
- All for the low price of... - I haven't done the exact estimate.
I'd say somewhere in the neighborhood of $15,000.
- Tell it to move to another neighborhood. - Sorry?
- $15,000? - We're never eating again.
I don't have $15,000. I've never had $15,000.
I'm trying to picture $15,000, I can't.
That's how unfamiliar $15,000 and I are with each other.
You can just fix part of the house, the part you like.
- We like the entire house. - Really? Even that kitchen?
Thanks for coming over.
- What are you gonna do? - I don't know yet.
You don't want to wait too long to address this.
I get that.
- You might get the dishes out of there. - Good tip.
- Thanks for the waffles. - Thanks for the horrifying news.
Any time.
Look at it this way. The day's all uphill from here.
- This is really bad. - Don't worry. We'll figure something out.
- We should get inside. - Yeah.
After you.
- Eleven, twelve, here. - Thanks.
- One, two three... - I'm depressed.
- Jeremy didn't call? - Not in a timely manner, no.
- Good riddance to bad luggage. - I guess.
I thought we really connected the other day in the supply closet.
Boys. A Nancy Drew mystery.
- Louise. Madeline. - You look happy.
Really?
- What? - Nothing.
It's just a nice day. A nice, nice day.
- Okay. - Did you get your PSAT scores back yet?
- Yeah. Yesterday. - And?
- 500 Verbal, 560 Math. - Respectable.
- I thought so. - Louise, what did you get?
- Highlights, around my face. - You'll take them again and do better.
I'll do that and get my nose done.
You don't study. You don't apply yourself.
- I need another chip. - Take them.
- So I got my scores back today, too. - Yeah?
This morning. I came downstairs, and there they were, sitting on the table.
Boy, was I nervous, just imagining what I got.
Then I realized that I'd have to open them eventually, and so I did.
Was I surprised by what I found.
Could've knocked me over with a feather.
Yep. I was just that surprised.
So, what did you get?
Rory, since you asked, and by the way, I'm not bragging or anything...
but I got a 750 Math and a 730 Verbal.
- That is good. - Congratulations.
- Thank you. - Those are great scores.
- Did you get your scores back yet? - Yep.
- And? - I'm happy.
- How happy? - Pretty happy.
How do I know you're not one of those people...
who gets pretty happy looking at a sunset?
How do I know what your barometer for pretty happy is?
- You don't. - Right.
- So, are you? - Am I what?
Are you one of those who gets happy looking at a sunset?
- I don't get unhappy looking at a sunset. - What did you get?
- That's personal. - Why won't you tell me?
'Cause it's none of your business.
- Okay, fine. Don't tell me what you got. - I won't.
Why won't you tell me your score?
[Bell ringing]
Bye, Paris.
You're not torturing me, you know. I don't care!
My scores were great. I'm very happy with my scores.
And I hate looking at a sunset, so my standard for happiness is high!
[Door creaking]
- Rory, wake up. - What's going on?
- I can hear them chewing. - Who?
The termites. They're everywhere, nibbling and eating and swallowing.
- You're insane. - I can't sleep here.
- What? - We have to go to Sookie's.
You're kidding, right?
It's 11:00 p.m.
Well, here. But somewhere in the world, it's still Miller time.
Mom, you're wigging. Go put on some imaginary earplugs...
to drown out the imaginary termite sounds and go back to sleep.
- But... - Bed. Now.
[Gasping in disbelief]
- You really don't hear them? - No.
And as soon as you're asleep, you won't, either.
- Okay, fine. Good night. - Good night.
- I feel like they're crawling all over me. - I know.
With their creepy little fangy teeth...
their tail things and their pointy tentacles.
You have no idea what a termite looks like.
Unless they're wearing a foundation repair guy T-shirt, I don't care.
- You sure Sookie was up? - She answered the phone.
- After how many rings? - I don't know, 20 or 30.
- Mom, she was sleeping. - No. She's just deaf in one ear.
- Since when? - Now, apparently.
What?
You would have to be deaf in one ear not to hear the phone ring 20 or 30 times.
There they are, my little termite whisperers.
- Sookie, sorry to call so late. - And so incessantly.
They were getting organized. I heard one of them yell, "Charge!"
- We will make this up to you. - What are you saying?
- This is great. It's like a slumber party. - You sure?
Absolutely. We can raid the fridge, we can make a nice avocado-mango facemask.
Get out the tarot cards, tell fortunes, play Twister...
make a Häagen-Dazs chocolate chocolate chip ice cream milkshake.
- We'll watch Purple Rain. - Sookie, it's midnight.
- Let's go straight for the milkshakes. - Good thinking.
I'll put my stuff in the guest room.
Sookie, I really appreciate you letting us crash here tonight.
So creepy, just lying there...
listening to a thousand tiny little insects just mocking me.
"Ha, ha! We're eating your house. Try and stop us."
- When are you going to tent? - Next week.
That sucks.
- $2,000. - That sucks.
And after the $2,000 circus-tent fiasco...
I have to find another $15,000 to keep my house from falling down.
- I like that house. - I know you do.
- I don't want it to fall down. - I know you don't.
- Anyway, I called the bank today. - How did that go?
Well, wait, what's that?
- They're still laughing. - What?
They passed the phone around, made me ask everyone in the place.
That is terrible. Completely heartless.
According to the jolly bankers, I'm worth nothing.
There so has to be something you can do.
I was thinking about opening a Coyote Ugly lemonade stand.
- Interesting. - What's interesting?
Nothing. Your mom is apparently one of the biggest losers in Stars Hollow.
- Okay. Continue. - You should call them again tomorrow.
- No, Sookie. - No, I mean it.
You're an upstanding citizen, an active part of the community.
You made all of the donkey outfits for the Christmas festival last year.
You organized the "Save the Historic Oak Tree" campaign.
You played Tevye in the Stars Hollow Community theater production...
- of Fiddler on the Roof. - Yes.
Five and a half stars from the Stars Hollow Gazette. Unheard of till then.
- They should take that into account. - Yes, they should.
Yes, they should, but they won't.
[Thudding]
I bet there's a room at the inn you could stay in, part-time at least.
- What was that? - What?
- That noise. - What noise?
A huge thud just came from your closet.
Yeah, that's my shoes.
- Your shoes? - Yeah. That's my shoe closet.
Sometimes I don't stack them properly, and then they fall...
and then there's the thudding sound. And then... No.
That's probably the sound that you just heard.
- The ice cream's getting melted. - Jackson?
- Yes. - How you doing?
I'm doing fine. You?
- Sookie, Jackson's hiding in the closet. - Yes, he is.
- Why didn't you say something? - Because you were upset...
you were bringing Rory, I didn't want her to feel weird or uncomfortable.
- So you stuck Jackson in the closet? - She did.
- Jackson, come out. - I'm in my pajamas.
- So are we. - Yeah, but mine are humiliating.
- We won't laugh. - Yes, you will.
- I promise we won't. - I'm fine.
Will you be fine there all night? 'Cause we're staying all night.
Knowing Sookie, she'll make a big breakfast.
So tonight will last until late tomorrow morning.
So the bottom line for you here is you'll be holed up...
in that closet a very, very long time.
If I come out, you have to understand one thing.
I have a cousin who owns a Xerox company that specializes...
in taking pictures and making them into things: calendars, coffee mugs...
- collector plates, and pajamas. - Jackson's wearing picture pajamas?
- Yes, he is. - Does he do this often?
- Almost every night. - What are the pictures of?
Him. During high school, in his wrestling uniform.
- You have to come out here right now. - No.
- Why? - Because you sound too eager.
- I'm not. Am I eager? - Put your paws down.
I'm not eager. I just want you to come out and be comfortable, that's all.
Well, okay.
Honey, we're making milkshakes. You want to come in and help?
Okay.
If our house does fall down and we end up living in a hollowed-out tree...
this moment might make it all worth it.
- Hello, Lane? - What are you doing here?
- Mrs. Kim, hi. I was just... - Out!
- What? - Out!
- But I wiped off my feet. - Move.
I was just looking for Lane, and I thought she was...
- Taylor says you have termites. - I don't, my house does.
You are a carrier.
I don't think you can be a termite carrier.
- You spread it all over town. - We don't control the termites.
- They move on their own. - See all the furniture in there? Wood.
All wood. You must go. Go now!
- Can you just tell me if Lane is home? - No.
- Do you know where she is? - School.
- Still? - Yes. She's there, she's studying.
What's that moving by your foot? I see something moving.
There's nothing. I swear.
Will you tell her I came by?
Then she chased me halfway down the street with a hose.
- It was like a scene from Silkwood. - News travels way too fast around here.
Four people asked me when we were tenting...
two asked if we were moving, one asked me if we were atheists.
We have to stop talking to people.
We have to stay at home with the curtains drawn...
collecting old newspapers, muttering, and eating Cup-a-Soup and Slim Jims.
- Hello? - Hi, it's Madeline.
- Hi. - Listen, I have to ask you a little favor.
I'm working on an article for The Franklin. Totally last minute.
I thought it would be interesting to compare...
Chilton's overall PSAT scores to other prep schools in the area.
I'm trying to compile a list of people's scores...
especially the top students, and I realized I don't have yours yet.
- You want to know my PSAT scores? - That would be great.
- Put Paris on the phone. - Excuse me?
- Let me talk to her. - Paris isn't here.
I don't know where she is. She's probably at her house...
or maybe at the library, or maybe she's buying pencils...
because she goes through them so fast, she pushes down on them really hard.
- Then they break... - Madeline.
Hold on.
- What? - Pathetic.
- Why won't you tell me? - Bye, Paris.
Tell me those scores. I have to know. Rory?
- Paris again? - Yep.
If we put Paris and my mother in a room together, the world would implode.
I'll keep that in mind for the next science fair.
Enough.
I've got computer screens feeling sorry for me.
How many places is that?
It's not the amount of places that turns you down that matters...
it's the quality of the place that turns you down.
When you've got Jacko's Loans not wanting your business...
- it's time to hang out with the Coreys. - Sorry.
I won't think about it tonight.
I'll think about it tomorrow. At Tara.
- You ready? - One sec.
Mom, I hate to bring this up...
but there's an obvious solution to our problem.
- I know. - You do?
Yes. Frankly, I think if I sold you into white slavery, I would miss you.
- Please don't go where you're going. - I think they would say yes.
Of course they'd say yes. And that yes would be followed by:
"Okay, enough already. My God, please, stop. I've got nothing left to give."
- That's not true. - That is completely true.
- Grandma and Grandpa will help. - I went to my parents for you for Chilton.
Why? Because that was worth all the obligation. This is not.
- This is our home. - I'll find a way to fix it.
- How? - I don't know yet.
If you don't know, then maybe there's not another way.
- There's always another way. - Was there another way with Chilton?
- That was different. - Why was that different?
Because I said so. I'm the one doing the groveling...
and that gets you judgment rights, and I'm judging that this is different.
- The remaining judge begs to differ. - I know you mean well.
I'm not gonna deal with my parents on this one. No.
- You're being stubborn. - Have I shocked you?
Fine, let's go.
- Where's Grandpa tonight? - He's at work.
Explain to him that quitting means you don't go back to the job, you quit.
- He did not quit. He resigned. - Same rules apply.
When you resign, you have to put in certain time to get things in order.
He has clients to see, certain accounts to close out.
Is that hard for him?
Actually, I think he's rather enjoying it.
- Good. - Yes, it is good. What are you taking?
- Roofies. - Aspirin.
- Are you sick? - I have a headache.
That means you're sick. You think it's normal to have a headache?
I just have a tension headache.
- What do you have to be tense about? - I can't begin to think.
- You should lie down. - I'm fine.
- You work too hard. - I don't.
If you didn't, you wouldn't have a tension headache.
It's not a work tension headache.
- So then you are sick. - Actually, I am. I'm sick.
- I knew it. What's wrong? - Consumption...
with a touch of the vapors. I'm going for a leeching tonight.
- She's got a case of exterminatoritis. - What's that mean?
- Nothing. - We have termites.
- That's terrible. - It's not so bad.
- They're eating our whole house. - They say thank you.
What does that mean?
We found out that we have all these foundation problems...
and it's gonna be very expensive to fix.
- Mom can't get a loan. - That is not true.
- You were turned down by five banks. - I made up Jacko's Loans and stuff.
- Fine, four banks. - Mom. Wait.
- What are you doing? - I'm writing you a check.
No, you're not. Hold on here.
- How much do you need? - Nothing.
- Don't be ridiculous. Tell me how much. - I can handle this.
- It doesn't sound like you can handle it. - I can.
If you won't tell me, I'll leave the amount blank, you can fill it in later.
- Mom, stop. - You took my pen.
I appreciate the thought, but I don't need your money.
You'd rather have your house fall down than let your mother help you?
The house won't fall down. Let's not make it a big issue.
Let's sit down, have a drink, and have dinner, okay?
- All right. - Thank you.
- Are you going to give me back my pen? - Yeah. After dinner.
Mom, stop it. Talk to me.
It's been two hours since you've looked in my direction.
I get it, you're mad.
I don't want to talk about this right now.
- You were being stubborn. - Go to bed.
You didn't want to ask for help, so I did.
You remember the conversation we had before we left home tonight?
- Yes... - I told you going to my parents...
- was not an option. - I know.
I told you several times that asking my parents was not an option.
I made a few quips to lighten the subject matter...
but I still made my point pretty damn clear.
Fine. But we have a real problem here.
You think I don't know that?
You think I sit around all day swapping witticisms...
with Robert Benchley at the Algonquin? No. I am thinking and worrying...
and using the computer, and I hate using it.
- Which is exactly why I brought this up. - You had no right to bring it up!
- Why? - Because I told you not to, that's why.
- But... - No. There will be no "buts" here.
There's "I'm sorry, Mom," there's "I screwed up, Mom."
There's "I'll never do it again, Mom," but there are no "buts."
- But... - Out!
Go to bed. We're done.
Think fast.
Very good.
- You threw a basketball at my head. - I threw a basketball past your head.
What if I had turned around when you said that?
Then you might have caught it, completing the "think fast" equation.
- I don't catch basketballs. - Duly noted.
- I don't even like basketballs. - I'm very sorry.
Out of all the sporting balls in the world, the basketball is my least favorite.
- They're round and hard. - Rory.
- And they're orange. - You do realize how insane you sound?
- Yes. - Just checking.
- I'm sorry. I'm in a horrible mood. - Hadn't noticed.
- We've had fights before. - You and me?
Me and Mom. But this one is particularly crazy.
We have a situation here, and she's being so stubborn.
Huh.
What?
- What "what"? - What was with the "huh"?
- Nothing. - There was a meaning behind that "huh."
That was a loaded "huh," that wasn't a normal "huh."
You meant to say something, and now you're taking it back.
Don't use that "huh" if you're not prepared to defend it.
Why aren't you saying anything?
Because words are a very dangerous thing right now.
You were saying I'm stubborn just like my mother.
I was saying that in addition to all of the wonderful, amazing qualities...
that the two of you share, there's possibly, on occasion...
a similar tendency to dig your heels in.
- I hate it when we fight. - I know.
- She was so mad. - You'll make up.
- Want to get a coffee? - Yeah.
I'll go get my ball.
If it makes you feel better, a car ran over it.
I need to get coffee. Now.
Hi, Mr. Regalski, it's Lorelai Gilmore. Again. Yes.
Just like the pink bunny with the drum.
Anyway, I was wondering if you have had a chance to reconsider my loan.
No, I think it's Energizer.
I know you said no...
but sometimes people say no...
and then they wake up one morning a couple of days later...
and think, "I shouldn't have turned down that mom..."
"With the good job and great credentials and the references up the wazoo."
I do like the word "wazoo."
I understand. Okay.
I'll give you a call in a couple of days then. Thank you.
Perhaps you are taking the wrong approach.
Meaning?
You tried to convince them of your virtue.
Perhaps it's time to offer them a lap dance.
- You didn't! - I was kidding. Sort of.
I have to do something, and I'm not sure exactly where to draw the line.
In Thailand, women do this trick with a Ping-Pong ball...
- that is a big crowd pleaser. - Line drawn. Thank you.
[Phone ringing]
Independence Inn. Michel speaking.
Yes. She is right here.
[Whispering] Your mother.
I called to tell you I talked to Miles Hahn today.
That sounds very nice. I'm glad.
- Do you have any idea who Miles Hahn is? - Not a bit.
He's the president of the First National bank.
We've been doing business with him for years.
He's become a very dear friend of ours.
- What does that have to do with me? - I brought up your little dilemma to him.
Oh, boy!
He told me if you were in the mood to talk to him...
you could feel free to do so, on Thursday at 3:15.
- You wrangled me a meeting at your bank. - I asked a friend for advice.
- What else did you ask him for, Mom? - I simply asked a man to talk to you.
What you talk about, or what comes of that talk is up to you.
- Thanks, Mom, but I'm fine. - So you got a loan?
- I got a lead. - A lead on a loan?
- Yes. - How nice.
- If you could just get an actual loan. - I got to get back to work.
Thursday at 3:15.
Tell your friend thank you, but I'm afraid I won't be able to make it.
He'll be there whether you show up or not. It's up to you.
All I did was make an appointment, Lorelai. That's all.
Great. Bye, Mom.
Hi. Mr. Regalski, please. It's Lorelai Gilmore.
I just spoke to him five minutes ago.
When do you expect him back from France?
- I'll call you later. - Thanks for the coffee.
You're welcome.
- Bye. - Bye.
That's for me not thinking fast.
- Please never think fast again. - I'll try my hardest.
- We need to talk. - Let's talk.
- Nice outfit. - Thank you.
I guess this is why you've been AWOL the past few weeks.
Pretty much.
You just had the urge to stand on another girl's shoulders?
- Don't be like that. - Like what?
Like you're being. It makes it impossible to tell you.
- You didn't tell me. - I know.
- Why? - Because.
Have you thought of being a prosecutor? You have real potential.
I didn't tell you, since I knew you'd act like this.
No. I'm acting like this because you didn't tell me.
If I'd come up to you and said, "I want to become a cheerleader"...
- you would have said... - Why?
- Exactly. - Exactly what? Lane, this is weird.
We always used to make fun of cheerleaders.
We would rag on Janie Fertman and hide during pep rallies.
And now all of a sudden, you're peppy.
- I'm not peppy. - You look peppy.
- You're not around much anymore. - So this is my fault?
- And you have Dean. - This is his fault?
I don't know why. I just wanted to do it. I just wanted to try it.
And I don't feel like I should justify or explain it to you...
- Then don't. - Fine. I won't.
- Okay. - All right.
- I forgot my pom. - Your what?
Two are pompoms. One's a pom.
- How's it look? - It's dark. Hand me the flashlight.
Why don't you have those hats with lights on them?
- I flip burgers for a living. - Right.
- I think I've seen enough. - How was it?
Was there a termite housing development under?
Golf courses and condos with rec rooms?
It's not too bad.
What do you know? You flip burgers for a living.
I mean, there's definitely a little damage.
But Kirk says that the joists were totally gone.
- They are. - And the foundation...
- had lost all its structural integrity. - That's true, too.
- Great. So I'm still screwed. - Not necessarily.
I need $15,000, which I can't find, don't have, and if I don't find...
the house is gonna fall down.
- I can help you. - You can?
I can get a couple guys who can do the work.
You can fix this?
I can help. I know a good contractor who did some work on the diner.
- And the money? - You won't have to deal with that now.
- I won't? - You can pay in installments if you want.
Monthly, bimonthly. Whatever you're comfortable with.
Let me get this straight.
You and some guys who actually know what they're doing...
are gonna come over, fix my house...
- and I pay them back whenever I want? - That's right.
- 'Cause I'm Tony Soprano? - Only scarier.
Luke, when I finally do make out this installment check...
who should I make it out to?
You can make it out to me if you like.
So basically you would be fronting me the money?
Yeah. But it's no big deal.
- Luke, that's a loan. - No.
It's just a temporary exchange of money for services...
that will be paid back when you finally have the... It's a loan.
Man, you suck as a liar.
- Thank you. - You're welcome.
- I can't take it. - I know, but it was worth a shot.
Dean called twice.
- You two... - Don't ask.
What are you gonna do?
Excuse me. Could you tell me where Mr. Hahn's office is?
- Yeah. It's right there. - Thank you.
- You're not seriously sitting there. - No. It's a hologram. Lifelike, isn't it?
Mom, why are you here?
I wanted to see if you'd show up.
- I did. - I see.
You made this appointment for me, not you.
I did. But I know Miles, and I thought my presence in there...
- In where? - In the meeting.
- Okay. Bye. - Where are you going?
Come back here, Lorelai.
- Lorelai, stop. Will you stop already? - I'm leaving, Mom.
- Because I'm here? - This is a business meeting.
I'm not going in with my mommy, especially since I left my blankie at home.
- You're stubborn and shortsighted. - Call it what you want.
I don't understand why you let your pride keep you from fixing your home.
I don't understand why you can't stop yourself from butting in...
- where you don't belong. - I made this appointment.
- Against my will. - You needed it.
- I didn't ask for it. - This man could solve your problems.
- Don't you understand that? - Fine. I'll go in. You go home.
I can't go home now. His assistant knows I'm here. It would be rude.
Okay. Here's the deal. We will both go in.
You will go in that room, but you will not say a word.
What? But I couldn't possibly...
You'll say hello. You'll ask how his wife is.
That's it. After that, you will say or do nothing.
You will sit in a corner, offer no opinions, and pull a Clarence Thomas.
Am I perfectly clear?
- Lorelai... - It's the only way I'm doing this.
All right, I'll be quiet.
I will. I promise.
I swear, one of these days, "Alice, pow! Right to the moon."
What on earth are you talking about? Who's Alice?
There you are. I thought you were here. I come out, and you were gone.
We left something in the car.
She left something in the car, not me. I never do that.
That's irresponsible and forgetful. Two things which I am not.
Miles, this is my daughter Lorelai.
- Hello. It's a thrill to finally meet you. - Same here. Thank you.
- Would you like coffee? - No.
- Coffee would be wonderful, thank you. - Coming right up.
What happened to you not saying anything?
Accepting coffee is being sociable. I haven't asked about his wife yet.
Coffee's on its way. Why don't we go in and sit down?
That would be lovely.
So I understand that Richard's retiring.
Yes. He's going to be a man of leisure.
Well, how nice. Any big plans?
A round-the-world trip has been discussed.
- Really? Any date set? - Not yet.
- Just checking. - Marnie, thank you.
I guess we should get down to business.
Your mother tells me you're having trouble finding a loan.
Yes, I am.
Before we talk about this, it's so funny, my mom has just been dying to ask you...
how your wife is doing.
Right, Mom?
- Yes. How is Cheryl? - She's fine.
Good. Now that we got it out of the way, about my situation.
Emily tells me that you have termites.
We do, and unfortunately, they have damaged the foundation of my house.
That could be terrible.
Remember when you and Richard had that foundation problem some years ago?
You had a flood in your basement, wasn't that it?
- Well, actually... - You know, Mr. Hahn...
I appreciate you taking the time to meet with me today...
and I know that the only reason you did is because of my mother...
but she's really here today as a kind of silent participant.
Not even actually a participant, just a silent.
I would appreciate it if you would treat me just like any other person...
who's walking in off the street and asking for a loan.
- Of course, if that's what you'd like. - It is. Thank you.
Now, I've brought...
all my previous loan documents, and also my bank statements...
numerous recommendations, and a letter from my employer...
which says she's not going to fire me before you get your money back.
You've taken out two previous loans on this house?
Yes.
- This is the estimated worth of the house? - Well, yes.
This is the amount in your savings account?
Yes.
- Any other accounts? - No.
- Any other collateral not listed here? - No.
Well, Miss Gilmore, I'm sorry. I can't help you.
That's it? So fast? You didn't even look at the letters of recommendation.
I'm sure you're a well-liked person.
Unfortunately, being well-liked is not grounds for a loan.
But I am good for the money. I pay off all my debts, and I work really hard.
I've been the executive manager of the Independence Inn for four years now.
This is not a reflection of you as a person.
You simply don't have what the bank requires...
of every other person off the street to qualify for a loan.
Therefore, there's nothing I can do.
Just think about this, because I have a kid...
and she's gotten used to the concept of having a roof over her head.
- I'm sorry. - I can't leave without this loan.
- I'm sorry, but... - No, I mean it.
I can't leave without knowing there's a way to save my house...
so I'm just asking you to take five minutes and think of something...
anything, that I can do to get this money.
You could get someone to co-sign the loan with you.
That's it? That's my only option?
I'm afraid so.
You knew about this, didn't you?
Mom?
- Would you be willing? - It would be my pleasure.
Wonderful. I'll have the papers drawn up today.
- Would you like some more coffee? - I would love some. Thank you.
I think that went very well.
- What's the new arrangement? - Excuse me?
You paid for Chilton. I gave you Friday night dinners.
- What's this, Sunday night tea? - I did this for your own good.
Wednesday night bridge club? Monday night football?
Stop it!
What? Just please tell me. What do I owe you?
You owe me nothing.
I just wanted to do something nice for my daughter, that's all.
It's already shaping up to be the best season ever...
due in part to the recent arrival of our brand-new basketball coach...
Lou McGillian...
formally the presiding legal counsel for the Chicago Bulls.
Lou, come on up here. Take a bow.
Those other teams had better watch out. We've got one of the big boys on our side.
Shaq who? In addition to our new coach...
we're extremely proud of our brand new uniforms...
thoughtfully supplied by you, the citizens of Stars Hollow...
and carefully cleaned by the good people at Tricky's Dry Cleaners.
"If it's sticky, try Tricky's." So let's hear it for Tricky's.
I'm telling you, they are terrific. Red and white, very durable.
Little stripes on the side. You know what?
Why don't you just see for yourselves? Come on.
- Show them your uniforms. - It's freezing out here.
Why don't you let them see them at the game?
The people in this town paid good money for those uniforms.
You show them what they paid for.
This is crazy.
Ladies and gentlemen, I give you the new uniforms...
of the fabulous Fighting Minutemen!
Look at them shivering up there. They're such wimps these days.
When I was on the team, it was different. We were rowdy.
Three of us would have been pantsed by now.
- Hey. - I got your note.
Pinning it to the Mallomars is always a safe bet.
- Coffee? - Please.
Grandma and I went to the bank today.
- How did it go? - We got the loan.
- Good. So everything's okay. - Yeah, well.
- Nice uniforms. - I'm sorry I told Grandma about it.
Hon, there's gonna be a time in our lives...
where occasionally I'm gonna make a mistake.
- It hasn't happened yet, but it might. - Sure.
I've earned the right to make that mistake, and the right...
- to fix any problems without interference. - I just thought they could help.
I didn't want their help. Have you ever been without food...
or clothes or books or book covers...
- or anything else you ever needed? - No.
The reason for that is me. I have a good track record for keeping you alive.
Yeah, you do.
When I say I can handle something, you must respect that.
Especially since you have no evidence that I won't. Understand?
- Yeah. I understand. I'm sorry. - I officially declare this fight over.
I'll drink to that.
[Chanting] Stars Hollow High. Let's hear it!
- Stars Hollow High! - Is that Lane?
- Stars Hollow High! - Yeah, that's Lane.
[Fast-paced '60s music]
[Singing] When some loud braggart starts to put me down
And says his school is great
I tell him right away
"What's the matter, buddy? Ain't you heard of my school?"
"It's number one in the state"
- Hey. - Hi.
- The music selection, yours, I assume? - Yeah.
There's a bit of an education process going on.
- I liked it. Very John Waters. - Thank you.
I don't want you to think that you can't tell me things.
- I don't want to not tell you things. - This cheerleading thing...
- I know. It's weird. - It's not weird.
If you were doing it professionally, it would be weird. But this?
- It looked fun. - It was fun.
You got them to cheer to madness...
so there must be some hope left in the world.
Rest assured that I remain me: a Nico-obsessed, Exene wannabe...
with 40 Korean Bibles under her bed. I just bounce a little more.
- Can cheerleaders get coffee? - Yeah. Coffee's a must.
- Yeah? - It keeps you perky.
[Singing] So be true to your school now
Just like you would to your girl or guy
Be true to your school
And let your colors fly
Be true to your school
Mom, they started work on the house yesterday.
- Good. - These guys come at the crack of dawn...
and all of a sudden there's all this hammering and drilling and dust flying.
- It's pretty impressive. - They're a nice bunch, too.
And the best part is, I've been out there ten times to bring them coffee...
- and I haven't seen a butt crack yet. - How nice.
They should paint that slogan on their truck. Excuse me.
- Where you going? - To get some more bread.
- I think I'll go help. - That would be good.
[Lorelai sighing]
- Mom, I want to apologize to you. - For what?
For doubting your motives in this whole loan thing.
I'm not used to people doing things without strings attached.
By "people" you mean me.
I don't know what I would have done without your help. I mean it.
I was out of ideas, and then out of the blue, you make this call...
and co-sign the loan with me. I'm really, really grateful.
- That almost sounded sincere. - Yeah.
I should have left off one of the "really" s. That always tips it.
- All right. I accept your apology. - Thank you.
I'm going to be having my DAR meetings at the inn from now on.
I hope you don't mind.
She's good.