1
00:00:01,073 --> 00:00:03,503
LORELAI: So, I think I'm
in touch with the other side.
2
00:00:03,695 --> 00:00:06,284
- The other side of?
- The other side.
3
00:00:06,484 --> 00:00:07,711
With Republicans?
4
00:00:07,857 --> 00:00:10,129
No, lately, I've been having
these dark premonitions.
5
00:00:10,314 --> 00:00:12,187
- About what?
- Dead cow.
6
00:00:14,643 --> 00:00:16,438
- That's weird.
- He's always weird.
7
00:00:16,599 --> 00:00:19,631
No, my premonitions have been
about death. About my death.
8
00:00:19,846 --> 00:00:23,117
- I don't want to hear this.
- And thing is, they're all silly.
9
00:00:23,343 --> 00:00:24,376
What do you mean "silly"?
10
00:00:24,509 --> 00:00:27,495
In one, I slip on a banana peel and
fall into a giant vat of whipped cream.
11
00:00:27,713 --> 00:00:29,985
- Silly and fattening.
- In another, a turtle eats me.
12
00:00:30,170 --> 00:00:33,282
- A turtle? How?
- Very slowly. There's lots of chewing.
13
00:00:33,500 --> 00:00:35,099
And in your premonition
you didn't run away...
14
00:00:35,123 --> 00:00:37,632
from what is perhaps the
slowest land animal on the earth?
15
00:00:37,829 --> 00:00:40,100
His first bite injects me
with immobilizing poison.
16
00:00:40,285 --> 00:00:41,398
You left that part out.
17
00:00:41,533 --> 00:00:43,839
This last one's a little
more gory. I'm out hunting...
18
00:00:44,031 --> 00:00:47,222
- A favorite Lorelai Gilmore pastime.
- And my shotgun backfires.
19
00:00:47,445 --> 00:00:49,512
My whole face spins
around a bunch of times...
20
00:00:49,692 --> 00:00:51,964
and winds up in the back
of my head like Daffy Duck.
21
00:00:52,149 --> 00:00:53,500
That's the silliest one yet.
22
00:00:53,648 --> 00:00:55,843
If that's how I go, you gotta
promise to move my face...
23
00:00:56,020 --> 00:00:58,609
back to the front of my head
like Daffy did with his beak.
24
00:00:58,809 --> 00:01:00,035
I should be writing this down.
25
00:01:00,183 --> 00:01:02,406
You can remember to move
my face to the front of my head.
26
00:01:02,430 --> 00:01:04,304
It depends on what I
have going on that week.
27
00:01:04,470 --> 00:01:06,265
Hello, Stars Hollow!
Are you ready to rock?
28
00:01:06,427 --> 00:01:08,334
Let me guess, band
practice tonight?
29
00:01:08,507 --> 00:01:10,653
Yes, we're going to
learn our fourth song.
30
00:01:10,839 --> 00:01:13,303
- That's practically a set.
- I'm impressed.
31
00:01:13,503 --> 00:01:15,297
Once we have a
set, we'll get a gig...
32
00:01:15,460 --> 00:01:17,296
and once we get a gig,
we'll get a record deal.
33
00:01:17,333 --> 00:01:19,888
- Swallow.
- And then after we get a record deal...
34
00:01:20,080 --> 00:01:22,395
we'll get really famous and
give all of these interviews...
35
00:01:22,494 --> 00:01:24,091
about how horrible
it is to be famous...
36
00:01:24,160 --> 00:01:26,635
and how we never wanted this,
all we care about is the music...
37
00:01:26,824 --> 00:01:28,780
and fame is gonna tear
us apart. It will be great.
38
00:01:28,905 --> 00:01:30,921
And rehearsing in the music
shop's been working out?
39
00:01:30,944 --> 00:01:32,659
Perfectly. It's
totally time-efficient.
40
00:01:32,818 --> 00:01:34,646
Being a 30-second
commute from my house...
41
00:01:34,816 --> 00:01:36,612
we practice for two
hours, I'm home in time...
42
00:01:36,772 --> 00:01:39,918
to watch reruns of Johnny Yune's
talk show on Korean TV with my mom...
43
00:01:40,144 --> 00:01:43,494
who thinks I hooked up with you
guys, which I did, so I'm not even lying.
44
00:01:43,724 --> 00:01:46,472
- You're kind of lying.
- I'm fibbing, but a fib is not a lie.
45
00:01:46,680 --> 00:01:50,347
- I'd say it's a fib/lie.
- It's not a lie, and I can always tell...
46
00:01:50,593 --> 00:01:52,869
'cause the few times I've
out-and-out lied to my mother...
47
00:01:52,923 --> 00:01:55,717
I get this feeling in my gut like
a wild animal is burrowing into it.
48
00:01:55,921 --> 00:01:58,475
- I'm not getting that.
- Wild animals burrowing into my stomach.
49
00:01:58,543 --> 00:02:00,017
- Another of my premonitions.
- Spooky.
50
00:02:00,041 --> 00:02:01,039
Gotta go.
51
00:02:01,165 --> 00:02:03,629
I'm single-handedly improving
the reputation of drummers...
52
00:02:03,830 --> 00:02:05,307
by being on time
for every rehearsal.
53
00:02:05,453 --> 00:02:06,929
Thanks for the food.
54
00:02:07,535 --> 00:02:09,249
- Excuse me.
- Lane took mine.
55
00:02:09,408 --> 00:02:11,441
This band thing is
not working out for me.
56
00:02:11,614 --> 00:02:14,282
Let's go. See you, Luke.
57
00:02:14,486 --> 00:02:15,633
See you.
58
00:02:16,651 --> 00:02:18,207
Turn sideways.
59
00:02:19,357 --> 00:02:20,833
That girl's a freak.
60
00:02:26,183 --> 00:02:27,739
Make a hole.
61
00:03:32,120 --> 00:03:34,755
[Playing London
Calling by The Clash]
62
00:03:56,222 --> 00:03:58,255
Whoa. You guys, hold it.
63
00:03:58,428 --> 00:04:00,415
- It doesn't sound right.
- Sounded good to me.
64
00:04:00,593 --> 00:04:03,228
- No, it's wrong. Something's missing.
- Yeah, volume.
65
00:04:03,423 --> 00:04:04,650
We can't play any louder.
66
00:04:04,797 --> 00:04:06,147
- We've got to.
- That's the agreement.
67
00:04:06,171 --> 00:04:08,317
Free practice space, but
we have to play quietly.
68
00:04:08,501 --> 00:04:09,789
Try and live with it, Zack.
69
00:04:09,801 --> 00:04:11,772
Brian's breathing is
louder than the song.
70
00:04:11,999 --> 00:04:13,509
I've got a deviated septum.
71
00:04:13,663 --> 00:04:15,889
All the women in my
family and me have it.
72
00:04:16,078 --> 00:04:17,111
It's throwing me off.
73
00:04:17,243 --> 00:04:19,838
Hold your breath when we're
playing, Brian. There, problem solved.
74
00:04:19,949 --> 00:04:22,379
Come on, now,
let's rock. 1, 2, 3...
75
00:04:22,572 --> 00:04:24,366
Wait. The bottom line here...
76
00:04:24,528 --> 00:04:26,958
is breathing should not
be louder than a rock band.
77
00:04:27,151 --> 00:04:28,945
- Am I right or am I right?
- You're right.
78
00:04:29,107 --> 00:04:31,174
Rygalski, we
need to crank it up.
79
00:04:31,355 --> 00:04:33,626
Just listen harder. That'll
make it sound louder.
80
00:04:33,811 --> 00:04:35,004
Can't we turn it up at all?
81
00:04:35,143 --> 00:04:38,448
Maybe we could possibly turn the
amps up from three to three and a half...
82
00:04:38,681 --> 00:04:39,799
- but that's it.
- Forget it.
83
00:04:39,847 --> 00:04:41,959
Zack, come on,
we just got started.
84
00:04:42,137 --> 00:04:44,282
Dude, Lawrence Welk
cranked louder than this.
85
00:04:44,467 --> 00:04:48,215
- It's a waste of time.
- Wait, Zack, no. You don't understand.
86
00:04:48,463 --> 00:04:50,927
We can't play louder. My
mom has this special antenna...
87
00:04:51,128 --> 00:04:54,274
that picks up non-Christian music
played in a football field's distance...
88
00:04:54,499 --> 00:04:57,565
of our house, and she'd come looking
for me to shield me from the perversion.
89
00:04:57,788 --> 00:04:59,105
If Zack's going, I'm going.
90
00:04:59,245 --> 00:05:02,311
Wait, no, Brian, I'm
not exaggerating.
91
00:05:02,534 --> 00:05:05,758
Once, a guy in our town named Kirk
was practicing Bohemian Rhapsody...
92
00:05:05,989 --> 00:05:07,985
with his band, and my mom
shut them down so fast...
93
00:05:08,028 --> 00:05:09,752
that the band fled
without their instruments...
94
00:05:09,776 --> 00:05:10,876
and never came back for them.
95
00:05:10,900 --> 00:05:13,569
To this day, Kirk can't listen
to Queen without tearing up.
96
00:05:13,772 --> 00:05:16,725
Having a free practice
space was cool and all...
97
00:05:16,936 --> 00:05:17,969
but not like this.
98
00:05:18,102 --> 00:05:21,850
- We should just rent a space in Hartford.
- Hartford. Connecticut?
99
00:05:22,098 --> 00:05:23,494
It's not that far.
100
00:05:23,638 --> 00:05:25,910
Or maybe how about France?
We could practice there.
101
00:05:26,094 --> 00:05:29,444
Or Iceland! The moon's probably available.
We could crank it way up on the moon.
102
00:05:29,674 --> 00:05:30,992
A word, please?
103
00:05:31,964 --> 00:05:36,189
Dave, talk to them! You're the leader!
That's insubordination going on in there!
104
00:05:36,459 --> 00:05:39,366
They should be flogged, strung
up from the highest yardarm!
105
00:05:39,581 --> 00:05:42,216
You know I can't. We're
supposed to be a one-for-all band...
106
00:05:42,412 --> 00:05:44,082
like The Clash or
U2. It's a democracy.
107
00:05:44,244 --> 00:05:46,879
Democracies are overrated.
Get in there and kick some butts!
108
00:05:47,074 --> 00:05:49,822
- That's not how it works.
- I'll fix Brian's deviated septum.
109
00:05:50,029 --> 00:05:53,572
- I'll ram one of my sticks up his nose!
- Do you believe this is working?
110
00:05:53,818 --> 00:05:56,407
No, it's not working. We
sound like a bunch of wankers.
111
00:05:56,606 --> 00:05:59,161
We need a real practice space.
We need to be able to really play.
112
00:05:59,229 --> 00:06:01,341
Wouldn't you like to be
able to hit both the cymbals?
113
00:06:01,519 --> 00:06:03,472
- Yeah.
- Then we need to do this.
114
00:06:03,642 --> 00:06:06,788
- I just don't want to leave the band.
- What? You can't leave the band.
115
00:06:07,013 --> 00:06:08,886
That's not what anyone
wants, especially me.
116
00:06:09,053 --> 00:06:11,404
Lane, you're perfect
for us. It's working.
117
00:06:11,416 --> 00:06:13,243
So I have to figure out a way...
118
00:06:13,507 --> 00:06:15,858
to rehearse in Hartford
two or three nights a week.
119
00:06:16,046 --> 00:06:17,602
Yeah, that's not so tough.
120
00:06:17,753 --> 00:06:21,659
No, and maybe at the same time, I'll
attempt to master quantum physics...
121
00:06:21,916 --> 00:06:23,223
and throw Sanskrit
in there, too.
122
00:06:23,247 --> 00:06:25,087
Do your best, not
with the Sanskrit thing,
123
00:06:25,099 --> 00:06:26,995
that's pretty worthless,
but with the band.
124
00:06:27,243 --> 00:06:28,241
I'll try.
125
00:06:28,368 --> 00:06:30,284
There's no way you're
gonna become our Pete Best.
126
00:06:30,449 --> 00:06:32,356
- There's no way.
- You're sweet.
127
00:06:33,113 --> 00:06:37,224
- We should get back in there.
- Okay, I'll be in, in a minute.
128
00:06:43,936 --> 00:06:46,052
LANE: Rack your brains.
We've really gotta think here.
129
00:06:46,184 --> 00:06:47,377
RORY: It's quite a pickle.
130
00:06:47,516 --> 00:06:50,071
No, Rory, pickles are smaller.
This is much bigger than a pickle.
131
00:06:50,263 --> 00:06:52,727
- Let's stop saying the word "pickle."
- Fine.
132
00:06:52,928 --> 00:06:55,563
How many nights a week
would you have to go to Hartford?
133
00:06:55,758 --> 00:06:57,314
Two, plus a weekend afternoon.
134
00:06:57,465 --> 00:07:00,134
So that's three big blocks of
time you'd have to account for.
135
00:07:00,338 --> 00:07:01,530
Very big blocks of time.
136
00:07:01,669 --> 00:07:03,825
Plus you have no car to
transport your drums as of yet.
137
00:07:03,958 --> 00:07:05,026
Or a driver's license.
138
00:07:05,166 --> 00:07:07,443
Or any drums, because you're
borrowing them from the shop.
139
00:07:07,622 --> 00:07:09,371
Temporarily, until I
can buy my own set...
140
00:07:09,536 --> 00:07:11,648
with money I don't know
where I'm gonna get.
141
00:07:11,826 --> 00:07:15,449
- That's more than a pickle.
- You're making light. Now stop and focus.
142
00:07:15,697 --> 00:07:17,764
And turn down the
Cornershop. It's distracting.
143
00:07:17,945 --> 00:07:19,932
Your Coltrane is
distracting. Turn that down.
144
00:07:20,110 --> 00:07:23,142
I'm in angst here, and Coltrane
speaks to my soul. I can't turn it down.
145
00:07:23,356 --> 00:07:26,104
Fine, in deference to your
soul, I'll turn mine down.
146
00:07:26,645 --> 00:07:30,233
Here's a crazy thought. How
about you tell your mom the truth...
147
00:07:30,474 --> 00:07:32,620
and insist that she lets
you play with the band...
148
00:07:32,806 --> 00:07:36,349
and rehearse in Stars Hollow loudly as
long as your schoolwork doesn't suffer?
149
00:07:36,594 --> 00:07:38,309
I'm sorry, was that a
serious suggestion?
150
00:07:38,467 --> 00:07:40,658
- It's worth a shot.
- You're thinking your mom here.
151
00:07:40,840 --> 00:07:43,509
If I said that to mine, she'd
start waving a crucifix at me.
152
00:07:43,712 --> 00:07:46,347
If she says no, she says no, but
right now, you're out of options.
153
00:07:46,543 --> 00:07:47,541
[Telephone tone]
154
00:07:47,667 --> 00:07:49,225
We have another
call. Just think about it?
155
00:07:49,249 --> 00:07:51,122
Okay, I will, and you
know I like Cornershop.
156
00:07:51,289 --> 00:07:52,720
- I know. Bye.
- Bye.
157
00:07:53,744 --> 00:07:55,651
- Hello?
- Hi, Rory?
158
00:07:56,325 --> 00:07:59,754
This is Debbie Fincher, Kathy's
mom from Stars Hollow High.
159
00:07:59,989 --> 00:08:02,623
- Hi, Mrs. Fincher.
- Hi right back to you.
160
00:08:02,819 --> 00:08:05,533
We miss you since you started
that fancy school of yours.
161
00:08:05,732 --> 00:08:07,561
- Is it fun?
- It's hard, but I like it.
162
00:08:07,730 --> 00:08:10,478
Super. Listen, is your mom home?
163
00:08:11,019 --> 00:08:13,403
Sure, just a second.
Say hi to Kathy for me.
164
00:08:13,600 --> 00:08:15,270
- I will.
- Hold on.
165
00:08:17,222 --> 00:08:19,606
Phone. It's Debbie Fincher.
166
00:08:20,136 --> 00:08:21,249
Who?
167
00:08:21,385 --> 00:08:23,610
From Stars Hollow High.
Kathy Fincher's mom.
168
00:08:23,799 --> 00:08:25,150
I remember Kathy.
169
00:08:25,297 --> 00:08:28,090
You met Debbie many times,
had many conversations with her...
170
00:08:28,294 --> 00:08:30,361
at bake sales,
school plays, the PTA.
171
00:08:30,543 --> 00:08:31,541
Not ringing a bell.
172
00:08:31,666 --> 00:08:33,543
I used to go swimming
at her house all the time.
173
00:08:33,581 --> 00:08:36,090
You and Debbie had long
chats when you dropped me off.
174
00:08:36,286 --> 00:08:37,433
No.
175
00:08:38,077 --> 00:08:41,381
Blond hair, medium height,
drove a Range Rover.
176
00:08:41,615 --> 00:08:43,807
Does she also
breathe and have toes?
177
00:08:43,987 --> 00:08:46,861
Narrow it down to less
than 8,000 possibilities.
178
00:08:47,068 --> 00:08:49,896
- I did with the swimming.
- I remember the water.
179
00:08:50,107 --> 00:08:52,776
Come on, blond
hair, medium height.
180
00:08:52,979 --> 00:08:55,488
See? Even you can't think of
another way to describe her.
181
00:08:55,684 --> 00:08:57,115
You have no memory
of this woman?
182
00:08:57,266 --> 00:08:58,824
All those Stars Hollow
moms looked alike...
183
00:08:58,848 --> 00:08:59,846
except for Lane's mom...
184
00:08:59,972 --> 00:09:02,168
and that one with the freaky
glass eye that never moved.
185
00:09:02,303 --> 00:09:05,528
- Take the phone.
- Hi, Debbie, how are you?
186
00:09:05,841 --> 00:09:07,874
Great, Lorelai. And yourself?
187
00:09:08,048 --> 00:09:09,365
Just fine, thanks.
188
00:09:09,505 --> 00:09:12,060
The gang and I have missed
you so much at school events.
189
00:09:12,252 --> 00:09:15,999
- You were always such a kick.
- I've really missed you and the gang.
190
00:09:16,831 --> 00:09:18,784
Listen, I have a
proposition for you.
191
00:09:18,954 --> 00:09:21,701
The PTA likes to ask
prominent locals in business...
192
00:09:21,910 --> 00:09:25,259
if they could talk to the students
about how they got to where they are...
193
00:09:25,490 --> 00:09:28,204
the hard work, success stories,
and we thought about you.
194
00:09:28,403 --> 00:09:30,709
To suggest people I know
who have success stories?
195
00:09:30,901 --> 00:09:33,695
No, silly, we'd like for
you to address the class.
196
00:09:34,315 --> 00:09:35,507
Me? Really?
197
00:09:35,647 --> 00:09:38,838
Yes. You're a young woman,
and you run that beautiful inn.
198
00:09:39,060 --> 00:09:42,365
It's a huge responsibility,
and you do it with such style.
199
00:09:42,598 --> 00:09:45,744
That's really sweet. It's always
nice to be well-thought of.
200
00:09:45,970 --> 00:09:47,877
Before we go any
further, I'm dying to know...
201
00:09:48,052 --> 00:09:50,765
- how's Kathy? What's she up to?
- She is just terrific.
202
00:09:50,965 --> 00:09:53,270
She's applied to a couple
of schools in California...
203
00:09:53,463 --> 00:09:55,370
so she's really excited...
204
00:09:55,628 --> 00:09:58,535
She wants me to speak to some
kids about my business success.
205
00:09:58,750 --> 00:10:02,622
- Really? That's great.
- What are you doing with the phone?
206
00:10:02,871 --> 00:10:05,426
She's blabbing about her kid. We
probably got another 30 seconds.
207
00:10:05,534 --> 00:10:08,169
- You're awful.
- No, I'm a kick. Should I do it?
208
00:10:08,365 --> 00:10:11,272
- Toot your own horn a little.
- I'm a success. Who'd have thought?
209
00:10:11,487 --> 00:10:13,043
I suspected you had it in you.
210
00:10:13,193 --> 00:10:15,828
From rags to riches. I wonder
why Larry King hasn't called.
211
00:10:16,025 --> 00:10:19,137
- Mom, Debbie, please?
- So the internship will keep her local...
212
00:10:19,354 --> 00:10:21,500
which is a nice bonus
for Bill and me, you know?
213
00:10:21,686 --> 00:10:24,718
Sure, yeah. Be sure to
say hi to her and to Bill...
214
00:10:24,932 --> 00:10:27,362
and by the way, yes, I'd
be happy to talk to the class.
215
00:10:27,555 --> 00:10:29,667
Terrific! The gang
will be so thrilled!
216
00:10:29,845 --> 00:10:32,592
Now, there'll probably be a
second speaker with you. You mind?
217
00:10:32,800 --> 00:10:34,276
Fine. Who's it gonna be?
218
00:10:34,424 --> 00:10:36,808
We have some suggestions,
but do you know anyone?
219
00:10:37,005 --> 00:10:39,832
My friend the Sultan of
Brunei is so hard to pin down.
220
00:10:40,043 --> 00:10:41,996
There's that sense of humor.
221
00:10:42,624 --> 00:10:46,053
We were considering Luke Danes,
but he usually turns these things down.
222
00:10:46,287 --> 00:10:49,637
- I could talk to him, if you'd like.
- That would be just terrific.
223
00:10:49,867 --> 00:10:52,661
The two of you
together would be a kick.
224
00:10:52,864 --> 00:10:56,010
Then I'll just kick him till he agrees
to do it. How does that sound?
225
00:10:56,236 --> 00:10:58,791
- Thursday at 4:00 p.m. Is that okay?
- I'll be there, Deb.
226
00:10:58,983 --> 00:11:00,891
- You rat! You rat!
- What?
227
00:11:01,064 --> 00:11:04,732
You remembered how
much I hate being called Deb.
228
00:11:04,978 --> 00:11:06,295
I'm wicked.
229
00:11:08,224 --> 00:11:10,893
Thank you, Lorelai,
and I'll talk to you soon.
230
00:11:11,097 --> 00:11:14,481
Okay. Bye. She
hates being called Deb.
231
00:11:14,718 --> 00:11:16,308
I'll make a mental note.
232
00:11:18,631 --> 00:11:20,698
I'm so proud of
my little success.
233
00:11:41,900 --> 00:11:43,376
Stop it. Don't run.
234
00:11:43,524 --> 00:11:45,636
Just walk in there and
tell her what you want.
235
00:11:45,814 --> 00:11:47,801
She's your mother and
she wants you to be happy.
236
00:11:47,977 --> 00:11:50,169
On some level, I
think. Maybe not.
237
00:11:50,393 --> 00:11:53,617
What are you doing? Do
not back off. Just move.
238
00:11:53,847 --> 00:11:57,515
Move your foot. One
foot. Lane! Move your foot.
239
00:11:57,927 --> 00:11:59,244
- Lane!
- Yeah?
240
00:11:59,384 --> 00:12:01,530
- Come with me.
- Okay.
241
00:12:04,295 --> 00:12:06,487
Sit. You want tea?
242
00:12:08,792 --> 00:12:10,348
- Mama, I want...
- Sit.
243
00:12:10,539 --> 00:12:11,732
Sorry.
244
00:12:14,286 --> 00:12:16,591
I wanted to talk to
you about something...
245
00:12:16,784 --> 00:12:19,339
an idea I had...
Have for me to do...
246
00:12:19,531 --> 00:12:22,880
something that would be very
beneficial to me and you by extension...
247
00:12:23,110 --> 00:12:25,779
because if one person is
happy, the other person is happy...
248
00:12:25,983 --> 00:12:29,492
and so I had an idea of how I
could be, and then you could be...
249
00:12:30,395 --> 00:12:31,985
Tea would be good.
250
00:12:34,725 --> 00:12:37,075
Here. I want you
to fill these out.
251
00:12:37,722 --> 00:12:39,392
- What are these?
- College applications.
252
00:12:39,553 --> 00:12:40,666
What?
253
00:12:40,968 --> 00:12:43,682
Don't worry, every one in this pile
approved by me and Rev. Mellmen.
254
00:12:43,883 --> 00:12:45,552
I haven't heard of
one of these schools.
255
00:12:45,714 --> 00:12:47,349
They're all good
religious programs...
256
00:12:47,504 --> 00:12:49,138
and I've already
thrown out the ones...
257
00:12:49,294 --> 00:12:52,837
that let boys and girls sit in the
cafeteria together. The party schools.
258
00:12:53,082 --> 00:12:55,591
- Great.
- I will help you fill them out...
259
00:12:55,787 --> 00:12:58,013
and we'll mail them on
the way to choir practice.
260
00:12:58,202 --> 00:12:59,678
- Yes, Mama.
- Good.
261
00:13:00,326 --> 00:13:02,359
"If you meet Jesus
walking on the street..."
262
00:13:02,531 --> 00:13:05,517
"What are the three questions
you would like to ask?"
263
00:13:11,315 --> 00:13:12,825
Your speech for that class?
264
00:13:12,980 --> 00:13:14,694
Just some talking points.
265
00:13:14,853 --> 00:13:18,476
And this speech is about
your success in business, yes?
266
00:13:18,724 --> 00:13:19,837
Pretty much.
267
00:13:19,973 --> 00:13:22,482
You must feel very fortunate
to live in a tiny town...
268
00:13:22,679 --> 00:13:24,507
where people make
very little money.
269
00:13:24,677 --> 00:13:26,789
It elevates you by comparison.
270
00:13:27,465 --> 00:13:30,451
I wonder who their last speaker
was, the fellow in short pants...
271
00:13:30,671 --> 00:13:33,657
that walks up and down the
square with a metal detector?
272
00:13:33,877 --> 00:13:34,990
I wouldn't know.
273
00:13:35,125 --> 00:13:37,680
And if they find someone
who drives a car...
274
00:13:37,873 --> 00:13:40,144
that is less than eight
years old, what'll they do...
275
00:13:40,328 --> 00:13:42,315
crown him king of
successful people?
276
00:13:42,493 --> 00:13:44,560
Unless it's a woman. Then
they'll crown her queen.
277
00:13:44,740 --> 00:13:45,738
[Telephone ringing]
278
00:13:45,865 --> 00:13:46,903
- And if they...
- Go away.
279
00:13:47,321 --> 00:13:48,877
Independence Inn.
Lorelai speaking.
280
00:13:49,028 --> 00:13:51,378
- I'm backing out.
- Too late. Sorry.
281
00:13:51,568 --> 00:13:54,600
- I'm not speaking to that stupid class.
- But you agreed.
282
00:13:54,815 --> 00:13:57,608
- I'm out. Case closed. No debate.
- Great, fine...
283
00:13:57,812 --> 00:14:00,764
do what you want. I guess
I'm just out the $1,000 deposit.
284
00:14:00,976 --> 00:14:02,883
- What deposit?
- For the room.
285
00:14:03,056 --> 00:14:06,361
- What room?
- For the afterwards thing.
286
00:14:06,636 --> 00:14:09,101
You're talking crazy talk
to confuse me, aren't you?
287
00:14:09,300 --> 00:14:10,333
- Aren't you?
- What?
288
00:14:10,466 --> 00:14:11,613
- Who?
- Stop.
289
00:14:11,756 --> 00:14:13,074
- Bye.
- Hold on a second.
290
00:14:13,214 --> 00:14:15,042
I agreed to this under coercion.
291
00:14:15,212 --> 00:14:18,324
- You said yes on your own.
- I said yes because when I said no...
292
00:14:18,542 --> 00:14:21,290
you talked baby talk loudly
in front of all my customers...
293
00:14:21,497 --> 00:14:24,052
until I got so sick of it, I just
agreed to do it to shut you up.
294
00:14:24,203 --> 00:14:25,520
I'm incorrigible.
295
00:14:25,660 --> 00:14:28,249
It's not a binding
agreement. It's coercion.
296
00:14:28,615 --> 00:14:29,967
You gave in just in time...
297
00:14:30,114 --> 00:14:32,703
because I was about to
transition out of baby talk...
298
00:14:32,903 --> 00:14:34,459
and into my Louis
Armstrong voice...
299
00:14:34,610 --> 00:14:36,881
and that, my friend, is a
lot worse than baby talk.
300
00:14:37,066 --> 00:14:39,371
- I hate that building.
- What, the school?
301
00:14:39,563 --> 00:14:41,789
Three years of going there,
I have no good memories.
302
00:14:41,977 --> 00:14:43,090
You must have some.
303
00:14:43,227 --> 00:14:45,452
None. Kids were as
dumb then as they are now.
304
00:14:45,641 --> 00:14:46,912
I think you'll enjoy this.
305
00:14:47,056 --> 00:14:49,611
Think about going back to
your high school to give a talk.
306
00:14:49,804 --> 00:14:50,917
How would that feel?
307
00:14:51,052 --> 00:14:53,880
Okay, not all your points
are bad, but it's not my school.
308
00:14:54,091 --> 00:14:56,839
It's your school. If you cancel,
this whole town will know...
309
00:14:57,047 --> 00:14:59,477
and when you walk down
the street people will whisper:
310
00:14:59,669 --> 00:15:03,257
"There goes that Luke.
He's a real talk-canceler guy."
311
00:15:03,499 --> 00:15:04,646
Ouch.
312
00:15:04,789 --> 00:15:08,219
Plus, I promised the PTA, so
my fragile reputation is on the line.
313
00:15:08,452 --> 00:15:10,326
- I think you'll live.
- Oh, Luke.
314
00:15:10,492 --> 00:15:11,605
No.
315
00:15:11,741 --> 00:15:12,888
[Imitating Louis Armstrong]
316
00:15:13,031 --> 00:15:14,099
Stop that.
317
00:15:15,820 --> 00:15:17,216
I'll just hang up.
318
00:15:21,357 --> 00:15:22,584
Have you been diagnosed?
319
00:15:22,730 --> 00:15:24,400
See you tomorrow at 4:00.
320
00:15:26,518 --> 00:15:28,346
It was a fine
collection, believe me.
321
00:15:28,516 --> 00:15:29,833
She made you apply to every one?
322
00:15:29,973 --> 00:15:31,688
And measured my
head for a wimple.
323
00:15:31,846 --> 00:15:34,560
Out of 23 schools, there wasn't
one you might want to go to?
324
00:15:34,761 --> 00:15:36,317
Depends on what I'm looking for.
325
00:15:36,467 --> 00:15:39,375
All the great Seventh-day
Adventist schools were represented...
326
00:15:39,589 --> 00:15:42,098
with their ban on dancing,
gum chewing, and bowling.
327
00:15:42,295 --> 00:15:44,202
Quaker college was
a delightful surprise...
328
00:15:44,376 --> 00:15:46,249
with its special appeal
from Richard Nixon...
329
00:15:46,416 --> 00:15:49,607
who's dead but still deeply
involved in campus recruiting.
330
00:15:50,038 --> 00:15:53,989
And the pièce de résistance. She
found an Amish school in Nicaragua.
331
00:15:54,241 --> 00:15:56,989
Nicaragua! A big shout out
to Mama Kim on that one.
332
00:15:57,198 --> 00:16:00,468
Mama Kim always starts out super
serious but then lightens with time.
333
00:16:00,694 --> 00:16:01,807
But I don't have time.
334
00:16:01,942 --> 00:16:04,293
Schools I like will fill up,
and my beloved band...
335
00:16:04,481 --> 00:16:06,435
will find another
drummer. If it's a girl...
336
00:16:06,605 --> 00:16:08,081
- I'll be twice as mad!
- Calm down.
337
00:16:08,228 --> 00:16:11,737
No, calm is for losers. I spent
my whole life compromising...
338
00:16:11,975 --> 00:16:14,120
being the good girl,
not doing what I want.
339
00:16:14,306 --> 00:16:16,701
Or doing what I want, hiding
it, and feeling guilty for it...
340
00:16:16,803 --> 00:16:17,836
and I'm sick of it.
341
00:16:17,969 --> 00:16:20,161
I even lost my first
boyfriend because of all this.
342
00:16:20,341 --> 00:16:21,613
- What boyfriend?
- Henry.
343
00:16:21,756 --> 00:16:23,028
Right, Henry.
344
00:16:23,173 --> 00:16:25,206
See? That's how
pathetic my life is.
345
00:16:25,378 --> 00:16:28,206
I'm calling a boyfriend a guy I
never went out on a date with...
346
00:16:28,417 --> 00:16:30,212
and that my best friend
doesn't remember...
347
00:16:30,374 --> 00:16:32,432
which is not your fault,
there's nothing to remember.
348
00:16:32,455 --> 00:16:34,647
Besides PowerWalking, what
are you gonna do about it?
349
00:16:34,828 --> 00:16:36,338
- Take a stand.
- What kind of stand?
350
00:16:37,825 --> 00:16:38,893
Lane!
351
00:16:40,406 --> 00:16:42,632
- Lane?
- Follow my anger.
352
00:16:42,820 --> 00:16:45,092
- What are you doing?
- Choosing a color.
353
00:16:45,276 --> 00:16:48,070
- You're gonna dye your hair?
- Yes, I am. Lots of choices here.
354
00:16:48,273 --> 00:16:50,181
- Help me narrow it down.
- You can't do this.
355
00:16:50,354 --> 00:16:51,422
Of course I can.
356
00:16:51,562 --> 00:16:54,276
And walk around in a hood?
How'll you hide this from your mom?
357
00:16:54,475 --> 00:16:56,542
I'm not gonna hide
it! That's the point.
358
00:16:56,723 --> 00:16:58,790
Think about this for
a second, at least.
359
00:16:58,971 --> 00:17:00,879
I've been thinking
about this my whole life.
360
00:17:01,052 --> 00:17:03,800
Nothing's gonna change unless
I change it, and now's the time.
361
00:17:04,008 --> 00:17:07,232
I need to make a statement, one I
can't go back on or chicken out on...
362
00:17:07,463 --> 00:17:09,847
one that everyone can see,
and this is my instrument.
363
00:17:10,044 --> 00:17:11,838
It says, "This is me.
This is Lane Kim."
364
00:17:12,000 --> 00:17:13,510
That is you. It's
black hair dye.
365
00:17:13,666 --> 00:17:15,857
This is merely a prop
until we find my true color.
366
00:17:16,038 --> 00:17:17,911
Now, what do you think? Pink?
367
00:17:18,078 --> 00:17:20,587
Or is that too Pink, the
singer? And Kelly Osbourne?
368
00:17:20,784 --> 00:17:21,852
And Gwen Stefani?
369
00:17:21,990 --> 00:17:23,977
Man, there's a lot of
cheese associated with pink.
370
00:17:24,155 --> 00:17:26,869
Okay, pink's out. There's
blue! What about blue?
371
00:17:28,734 --> 00:17:31,164
Blue's probably not
right for your skin tone...
372
00:17:31,357 --> 00:17:32,753
and I agree with you about pink.
373
00:17:32,897 --> 00:17:36,088
- What about purple?
- Yes! Purple! You're brilliant!
374
00:17:36,310 --> 00:17:39,456
- Don't forget the bleach.
- Bleach! Right! Okay, I'll get the bleach!
375
00:17:39,683 --> 00:17:42,476
- Thank you!
- And make sure that you get some...
376
00:17:44,803 --> 00:17:45,995
gloves.
377
00:17:46,759 --> 00:17:47,872
Got them.
378
00:17:48,632 --> 00:17:50,063
Good.
379
00:17:50,422 --> 00:17:51,614
You all right?
380
00:17:51,754 --> 00:17:54,979
- Yeah, fine. Let's go.
- It's a good day today, isn't it?
381
00:17:56,124 --> 00:17:58,191
- $12.52.
- And I've got exact change for you.
382
00:17:58,373 --> 00:17:59,486
Super.
383
00:18:02,202 --> 00:18:05,268
- You need something?
- No, I just...
384
00:18:07,031 --> 00:18:09,540
I was wondering if there's
a money-back guarantee.
385
00:18:09,737 --> 00:18:12,530
You know, in case her
hair falls out or something.
386
00:18:13,067 --> 00:18:15,781
Sure, if your hair falls out,
we'll give you your money back.
387
00:18:15,980 --> 00:18:17,650
Good. You heard that.
388
00:18:17,812 --> 00:18:20,276
The second you go bald, you
can come get your money back.
389
00:18:20,477 --> 00:18:22,464
You're putting a damper
on my independence day.
390
00:18:22,641 --> 00:18:24,118
Sorry. Let's go.
391
00:18:30,758 --> 00:18:31,826
Lucas!
392
00:18:34,047 --> 00:18:35,045
- Hey.
- Hey.
393
00:18:35,545 --> 00:18:37,182
- Did you lose track of time?
- What? Why?
394
00:18:37,336 --> 00:18:38,448
- It's 4:00.
- I know.
395
00:18:38,584 --> 00:18:39,935
We're supposed to be at school.
396
00:18:40,082 --> 00:18:41,672
- I know.
- But you're not ready.
397
00:18:41,831 --> 00:18:44,420
What? Right, sorry.
398
00:18:45,411 --> 00:18:48,080
- Okay, I'm ready.
- Au contraire.
399
00:18:48,325 --> 00:18:49,881
- What?
- You are so not ready.
400
00:18:50,032 --> 00:18:51,780
- What?
- The grunge look is out.
401
00:18:51,946 --> 00:18:54,702
- I'm not dressing up for this.
- You need something better than that.
402
00:18:54,776 --> 00:18:56,571
The whole point
of this stupid talk...
403
00:18:56,734 --> 00:18:58,687
was for us to talk about
our work and success.
404
00:18:58,856 --> 00:19:01,241
This flannel shirt is my
most successful outfit.
405
00:19:01,437 --> 00:19:03,663
I've closed many
a deal in this outfit.
406
00:19:03,852 --> 00:19:05,919
- It's my power outfit.
- Come on.
407
00:19:06,682 --> 00:19:09,317
- Let go. You're pinching me!
- Go!
408
00:19:09,846 --> 00:19:11,117
I don't want to change.
409
00:19:11,261 --> 00:19:13,816
I'll buy you a toy
afterward. You want a toy?
410
00:19:15,257 --> 00:19:17,483
- Sorry to barge in.
- No problem.
411
00:19:18,005 --> 00:19:21,151
- What was that about a toy?
- Luke is getting one if he's a good boy.
412
00:19:21,376 --> 00:19:23,363
Can we make this more demeaning?
413
00:19:23,583 --> 00:19:26,013
Hey. Go downstairs
and help out Caesar.
414
00:19:26,205 --> 00:19:28,112
I think my education
comes first, don't you?
415
00:19:28,287 --> 00:19:31,194
- My God. Jimmy Buffett?
- Put that back.
416
00:19:31,450 --> 00:19:34,005
You like Jimmy
Buffett? He's so mellow.
417
00:19:34,197 --> 00:19:36,025
I've just been to a
few shows. That's all.
418
00:19:36,195 --> 00:19:38,864
A few shows? My God,
you're a Buffett-head.
419
00:19:39,068 --> 00:19:40,505
Is that the one you
want me to wear?
420
00:19:40,608 --> 00:19:42,039
- Sing Margaritaville.
- No.
421
00:19:42,189 --> 00:19:45,335
- That attitude's gonna lose you that toy.
- Stay out of this.
422
00:19:45,562 --> 00:19:47,708
- We've got ourselves a winner.
- Fine. Come on.
423
00:19:47,892 --> 00:19:49,244
Just change in here.
424
00:19:49,391 --> 00:19:50,901
I'll be more
comfortable in here.
425
00:19:51,056 --> 00:19:54,405
I've seen you swimming at the lake,
so I've seen you with your shirt off.
426
00:19:54,636 --> 00:19:56,622
Lately? 'Cause he's
really let himself go.
427
00:19:56,634 --> 00:19:57,588
I'll be one second.
428
00:19:57,800 --> 00:19:59,231
Lose the baseball cap, too.
429
00:19:59,382 --> 00:20:01,607
You run the risk of his
head falling off without it.
430
00:20:01,796 --> 00:20:03,545
I think he'll be okay.
431
00:20:10,954 --> 00:20:12,510
- Something wrong?
- No.
432
00:20:14,617 --> 00:20:15,730
I just...
433
00:20:16,948 --> 00:20:18,061
Happy?
434
00:20:18,197 --> 00:20:20,184
Thrilled. A tie with
that would be just great.
435
00:20:20,362 --> 00:20:21,474
We're leaving.
436
00:20:21,610 --> 00:20:23,960
It's gotta be something I
don't have to put together.
437
00:20:24,149 --> 00:20:25,182
- What?
- My toy.
438
00:20:25,315 --> 00:20:26,462
Talk good.
439
00:20:27,397 --> 00:20:28,623
We're late.
440
00:20:29,228 --> 00:20:31,261
By the way, Jess
had a girl in the closet.
441
00:20:31,434 --> 00:20:32,705
- What?
- Come on.
442
00:20:32,849 --> 00:20:35,881
Who? What was that?
What about the closet?
443
00:20:38,302 --> 00:20:42,129
Okay, combs, rags,
instructions, timer, towels, tunes.
444
00:20:42,382 --> 00:20:44,211
- All systems are go.
- So far so good.
445
00:20:44,380 --> 00:20:45,573
Now, are you sure about this?
446
00:20:45,712 --> 00:20:47,426
- Will you stop?
- I'm just making sure.
447
00:20:47,585 --> 00:20:50,299
I'll sign a waiver, if you
want. Hit play, please.
448
00:20:50,499 --> 00:20:53,247
- We should open a window, shouldn't we?
- It's freezing outside.
449
00:20:53,455 --> 00:20:55,362
The bleach is gonna
stink up the whole house.
450
00:20:55,536 --> 00:20:57,920
Let it be the first clue that
something's happened...
451
00:20:58,117 --> 00:20:59,309
for when my mom gets home.
452
00:20:59,449 --> 00:21:02,401
Let the thick smell of bleach
meet her at the doorway...
453
00:21:02,613 --> 00:21:06,236
like a force that'll usher her into
the next chapter of Lane Kim's life!
454
00:21:06,484 --> 00:21:08,630
The smell of bleach
is the smell of freedom!
455
00:21:08,815 --> 00:21:10,563
You're very dramatic today.
456
00:21:10,730 --> 00:21:13,399
To hell with the floor!
That felt good to say.
457
00:21:13,602 --> 00:21:14,998
- You done?
- I'm done.
458
00:21:15,142 --> 00:21:19,015
Take your seat,
please. And here we go.
459
00:21:20,637 --> 00:21:22,591
- How you doing?
- Fine.
460
00:21:22,760 --> 00:21:25,872
- Feeling good?
- Feeling great. This is such a catharsis.
461
00:21:26,090 --> 00:21:28,883
I have never felt so
naturally high in my life.
462
00:21:29,462 --> 00:21:31,846
- Stings a little, though.
- Yeah, that happens.
463
00:21:32,043 --> 00:21:33,916
But just a little. No biggie.
464
00:21:34,291 --> 00:21:36,721
More than a little, actually.
It's kind of a big little.
465
00:21:36,913 --> 00:21:39,707
- Just keep me posted.
- In that case, it's kind of a lot.
466
00:21:39,911 --> 00:21:42,261
Yep, a lot of sting
happening here.
467
00:21:42,450 --> 00:21:44,198
Try thinking about
something else.
468
00:21:44,364 --> 00:21:47,111
- God, this smells awful.
- Okay, thinking about something else.
469
00:21:47,320 --> 00:21:49,989
Something else. Thinking
about puppy dogs.
470
00:21:50,192 --> 00:21:52,179
Thinking about getting
things in the mail.
471
00:21:52,356 --> 00:21:54,786
- I love getting letters and packages.
- Got a package.
472
00:21:54,979 --> 00:21:57,648
- What's that?
- Jim Carrey says that in Ace Ventura.
473
00:21:57,851 --> 00:21:58,964
Good distraction.
474
00:21:59,100 --> 00:22:01,212
Thinking about world events.
475
00:22:01,389 --> 00:22:04,977
Lots going on there. About the
last movie I saw. Vin Diesel was in it.
476
00:22:05,219 --> 00:22:08,523
Thinking about where
Vin Diesel got his name.
477
00:22:08,757 --> 00:22:10,903
Thinking about Vin
Diesel's mysterious ethnicity.
478
00:22:11,088 --> 00:22:12,678
Thinking about
how surprising it is...
479
00:22:12,837 --> 00:22:15,301
to have so much to think about
with Vin Diesel. Who knew?
480
00:22:15,501 --> 00:22:17,249
Okay, now I'm just
thinking about the pain.
481
00:22:17,416 --> 00:22:18,449
Back to Vin Diesel.
482
00:22:18,582 --> 00:22:21,012
I've exhausted Vin Diesel,
but the pain's not exhausted.
483
00:22:21,204 --> 00:22:22,237
What kind of pain is it?
484
00:22:22,369 --> 00:22:24,356
Ever light your head on
fire? I know how it feels.
485
00:22:24,534 --> 00:22:25,602
I'll rinse it out.
486
00:22:25,741 --> 00:22:28,965
We'd have to start all over
again, and I'll chicken out for sure.
487
00:22:29,196 --> 00:22:31,751
- I'm getting dizzy from the smell.
- Read the bottle.
488
00:22:31,943 --> 00:22:34,374
Tell me what to
do in case of pain.
489
00:22:36,106 --> 00:22:37,821
"Do not apply to
a broken scalp."
490
00:22:37,980 --> 00:22:39,048
Is your scalp broken?
491
00:22:39,186 --> 00:22:42,014
- Maybe. I don't know my scalp that well.
- There's nothing else.
492
00:22:42,225 --> 00:22:45,655
A girl told me once if your scalp is
hurting from bleach, drink a 7-Up.
493
00:22:45,888 --> 00:22:48,160
The Kim household
does not have soft drinks.
494
00:22:48,344 --> 00:22:49,342
What do you got?
495
00:22:49,468 --> 00:22:50,984
Something called
salad water, from Korea.
496
00:22:51,008 --> 00:22:54,279
- Believe me, it's nothing like 7-Up.
- We have to open this window.
497
00:22:54,505 --> 00:22:56,334
- I must do something.
- Run around the block.
498
00:22:56,503 --> 00:22:57,536
- Why?
- I don't know!
499
00:22:57,669 --> 00:22:59,100
Good enough for me.
500
00:23:01,416 --> 00:23:03,323
It's so good of you
both to do this, really.
501
00:23:03,497 --> 00:23:05,053
We're happy to be here. Right?
502
00:23:05,203 --> 00:23:06,396
Zip-a-dee-doo-dah.
503
00:23:06,536 --> 00:23:09,091
It must be fun to be back
at your old alma mater.
504
00:23:09,282 --> 00:23:11,315
I'm feeling all warm
and fuzzy here.
505
00:23:11,489 --> 00:23:12,716
Don't let him fool you.
506
00:23:12,862 --> 00:23:16,292
He told me he was so excited about
today, he couldn't sleep last night.
507
00:23:16,526 --> 00:23:19,797
We're all excited, too. It's
been so long since we saw you.
508
00:23:20,022 --> 00:23:22,736
We had some laughs
with this one, let me tell you.
509
00:23:22,936 --> 00:23:25,764
- Yeah, she's a funny one.
- The book fair in '97.
510
00:23:25,976 --> 00:23:28,360
What you said to that
one rude customer.
511
00:23:28,555 --> 00:23:31,144
Priceless how you
put him in his place.
512
00:23:31,345 --> 00:23:33,934
Yeah, I put that man
in his place all right.
513
00:23:34,134 --> 00:23:37,324
What you said to him.
How could anyone forget?
514
00:23:37,547 --> 00:23:38,615
Yeah.
515
00:23:38,754 --> 00:23:40,186
"Hey, old man."
516
00:23:40,336 --> 00:23:42,403
"Stick a crowbar
in your wallet..."
517
00:23:42,584 --> 00:23:45,253
"And cough up some dough,
'cause this is for our kids!"
518
00:23:45,456 --> 00:23:46,728
You do remember!
519
00:23:46,872 --> 00:23:49,143
It's emblazoned up
here, all those good times.
520
00:23:49,328 --> 00:23:50,441
Definitely.
521
00:23:50,701 --> 00:23:52,177
Now, everyone's gathered.
522
00:23:52,325 --> 00:23:55,198
The vice principal will finish
up, and then we'll call you in.
523
00:23:55,405 --> 00:23:58,074
- Lorelai, you want to go first?
- Yeah, sure. Is that okay?
524
00:23:58,277 --> 00:24:00,866
- It's okay by me.
- Great. See you in a minute.
525
00:24:01,982 --> 00:24:05,730
I couldn't pick that woman out of
a lineup if my life depended on it.
526
00:24:12,680 --> 00:24:15,712
- Will you lighten up?
- No, I won't lighten up.
527
00:24:16,427 --> 00:24:18,494
I hate this place.
Still smells the same.
528
00:24:18,674 --> 00:24:19,946
Old, repressive.
529
00:24:20,256 --> 00:24:22,925
Being back here doesn't
make you nostalgic at all?
530
00:24:23,128 --> 00:24:26,274
I liked the final bell. That's
about it. What are those?
531
00:24:26,500 --> 00:24:29,566
- They're my notes for the talk.
- You put thought into this?
532
00:24:29,788 --> 00:24:32,616
- Yeah. Don't you have notes?
- I run a diner. What are my notes?
533
00:24:32,827 --> 00:24:35,337
People come in, they
order food, I cook the food...
534
00:24:35,533 --> 00:24:36,805
I serve the food, they eat it.
535
00:24:36,948 --> 00:24:40,491
Then there's a terrific action
sequence where I refill coffee and water.
536
00:24:40,737 --> 00:24:42,168
My big finale is
a description...
537
00:24:42,319 --> 00:24:45,271
of the whole end-of-the-evening,
mopping-up ceremony.
538
00:24:46,148 --> 00:24:48,056
You're sure you don't
mind me going first?
539
00:24:48,229 --> 00:24:51,534
There's a good chance you'll yak
so much they won't even get to me.
540
00:24:51,767 --> 00:24:53,516
Oh, my God.
541
00:24:53,891 --> 00:24:57,116
- What?
- Nothing at all, Butch.
542
00:24:57,345 --> 00:24:59,776
For the love of...
What's that doing there?
543
00:24:59,968 --> 00:25:02,523
What's it doing? It's
yelling, "Mock me."
544
00:25:02,716 --> 00:25:05,021
- It shouldn't be there.
- No, you're right.
545
00:25:05,213 --> 00:25:08,404
It should have its own special
display at the diner under a spotlight.
546
00:25:08,626 --> 00:25:11,011
Don't they need my
permission? This should be illegal.
547
00:25:11,207 --> 00:25:13,274
Those shorts with that
tank top should be illegal.
548
00:25:13,456 --> 00:25:16,169
- Stop now.
- What was your girlfriend's name? Sissy?
549
00:25:16,369 --> 00:25:17,925
As a matter of fact, no.
550
00:25:18,076 --> 00:25:21,699
The girls just swooned when
Butch Danes took the field.
551
00:25:22,488 --> 00:25:24,918
I knew there was another
good reason not to do this.
552
00:25:25,111 --> 00:25:26,960
[Doing Southern accent]
No, don't walk away, Butch.
553
00:25:26,984 --> 00:25:30,447
If I thought you
didn't care, I'd just die!
554
00:25:33,894 --> 00:25:34,962
It's weird.
555
00:25:35,101 --> 00:25:36,248
Like straw.
556
00:25:36,392 --> 00:25:38,822
I feel like I should be
singing If I Only Had a Brain.
557
00:25:39,014 --> 00:25:41,319
Now, you feel better?
Burning's completely gone?
558
00:25:41,512 --> 00:25:43,783
Completely. I even think
the salad water's helping.
559
00:25:43,968 --> 00:25:45,603
Okay, here goes nothing.
560
00:25:46,549 --> 00:25:48,774
Have you mentioned dyeing
your hair to the band yet?
561
00:25:48,963 --> 00:25:50,314
No, but they've all got tattoos.
562
00:25:50,461 --> 00:25:53,016
Dave and Zack have musical
themes, and Brian's got Snoopy.
563
00:25:53,209 --> 00:25:55,355
- Poor guy.
- But he's a slamming bass player.
564
00:25:55,540 --> 00:25:57,369
So you haven't even
mentioned it to Dave?
565
00:25:57,538 --> 00:25:59,764
- I just said I didn't tell the band.
- Not even Dave?
566
00:25:59,953 --> 00:26:01,986
Not even to Dave. What's
with all the pressing?
567
00:26:02,158 --> 00:26:05,270
- Dave's just different from the other two.
- He's the de facto leader.
568
00:26:05,489 --> 00:26:08,202
But it also seemed like
from the day you guys met...
569
00:26:08,403 --> 00:26:09,834
there's something happening.
570
00:26:09,985 --> 00:26:11,098
What are you talking about?
571
00:26:11,233 --> 00:26:14,265
You're always talking about him.
You're always thinking about him.
572
00:26:14,480 --> 00:26:16,467
And now with this hair
emancipation of yours...
573
00:26:16,645 --> 00:26:19,360
you're going to unheard-of lengths
to make a statement to your mom...
574
00:26:19,558 --> 00:26:22,431
about who you are so you can
have a shot at staying in the band.
575
00:26:22,639 --> 00:26:25,433
- Rory, Dave and I are professionals.
- I know.
576
00:26:25,636 --> 00:26:28,384
Plus, the rock 'n' roll highway
is littered with casualties...
577
00:26:28,591 --> 00:26:31,260
of band members who have
dated and broken the band apart.
578
00:26:31,464 --> 00:26:33,655
- That's a sensible attitude.
- Very sensible.
579
00:26:33,836 --> 00:26:36,062
Dave and I are
very sensible people.
580
00:26:37,749 --> 00:26:39,146
- I'm in love with him.
- I know.
581
00:26:39,289 --> 00:26:40,516
Is it that obvious?
582
00:26:40,664 --> 00:26:43,128
Only to a guy with sunglasses
and a dog selling pencils.
583
00:26:43,327 --> 00:26:44,679
- He's so cute.
- Definitely cute.
584
00:26:44,826 --> 00:26:45,938
And smart.
585
00:26:46,075 --> 00:26:48,630
That's such a rare package.
It's usually one or the other.
586
00:26:48,822 --> 00:26:50,729
It's wrong, but that's
the way it usually is.
587
00:26:50,904 --> 00:26:53,493
It increases the competition
for the Daves of the world.
588
00:26:53,692 --> 00:26:57,077
- You're rare, too, don't forget.
- I've never really felt this way before.
589
00:26:57,314 --> 00:26:59,744
Henry, yes, but we never
spent any real time together.
590
00:26:59,937 --> 00:27:02,651
It's not just puppy
love. It's different.
591
00:27:03,059 --> 00:27:05,806
I get butterflies in my stomach
when I think about him...
592
00:27:06,014 --> 00:27:08,649
and when I call him to work
out times for band practice...
593
00:27:08,844 --> 00:27:11,070
the ring of his telephone
gets me really excited.
594
00:27:11,259 --> 00:27:13,326
And last week, someone
said "Dave" at school...
595
00:27:13,506 --> 00:27:16,538
it wasn't even about my Dave,
and I almost lost it, I got so shaky.
596
00:27:16,754 --> 00:27:18,900
- "My Dave." That's so cute.
- Stop it.
597
00:27:19,084 --> 00:27:22,469
- This sounds like love to me.
- It does, doesn't it? My first love. Wow.
598
00:27:22,706 --> 00:27:23,819
Yeah. Wow.
599
00:27:23,955 --> 00:27:27,339
I finally have a first love,
like what you and Dean have.
600
00:27:29,991 --> 00:27:31,104
Right.
601
00:27:32,198 --> 00:27:33,231
Exactly.
602
00:27:33,362 --> 00:27:36,156
Of course, I don't exactly
have what you and Dean have...
603
00:27:36,359 --> 00:27:38,631
because you love Dean
and Dean loves you back.
604
00:27:38,816 --> 00:27:40,406
In my situation, I love Dave...
605
00:27:40,564 --> 00:27:42,915
and Dave thinks that I have
a decent sense of rhythm.
606
00:27:43,103 --> 00:27:45,851
- Don't move. You'll drip.
- God, you're so lucky.
607
00:27:46,058 --> 00:27:49,760
To love a guy who actually knows
you love him and who loves you back?
608
00:27:50,014 --> 00:27:51,649
That's gotta be the
best feeling ever.
609
00:27:51,803 --> 00:27:53,598
I think this purple's
gonna look good.
610
00:27:53,759 --> 00:27:56,031
I want that really bad.
611
00:27:56,216 --> 00:27:59,248
You will have your perfect
first love and second love...
612
00:27:59,463 --> 00:28:01,972
and any other love you
want because you're great...
613
00:28:02,169 --> 00:28:04,156
and purple heads
will not be denied.
614
00:28:04,333 --> 00:28:05,843
That should have
been put on the box.
615
00:28:05,998 --> 00:28:07,952
Okay, now head down, please.
616
00:28:10,453 --> 00:28:11,486
[Door opening]
617
00:28:11,784 --> 00:28:15,407
- Okay, we're all ready for you guys.
- Great. Excellent.
618
00:28:17,529 --> 00:28:20,675
Okay, Luke, you can have a seat
here while Lorelai's talking, okay?
619
00:28:20,900 --> 00:28:22,013
Okay.
620
00:28:22,150 --> 00:28:24,614
- What's that? "Luke plus Sissy."
- Start your speech.
621
00:28:24,813 --> 00:28:27,607
Okay, everyone,
we're ready to begin.
622
00:28:28,393 --> 00:28:31,698
We have two local luminaries
here to talk to us today.
623
00:28:31,932 --> 00:28:35,395
You probably all recognize Luke
Danes from his fabulous diner...
624
00:28:35,636 --> 00:28:37,782
but we're really
excited to begin...
625
00:28:37,968 --> 00:28:41,954
with a former Stars-Hollow-High
mom, Lorelai Gilmore.
626
00:28:44,670 --> 00:28:48,019
No, no, save it for when I
wow you with my brilliance.
627
00:28:48,541 --> 00:28:50,846
I'm really happy to be
here with you all today.
628
00:28:51,038 --> 00:28:53,502
I recognize a lot of you
from over the years...
629
00:28:53,703 --> 00:28:55,736
and you're all getting
taller and older.
630
00:28:55,908 --> 00:28:57,226
Stop it.
631
00:28:57,532 --> 00:29:00,598
Anyhow, as some of you know,
I run the Independence Inn.
632
00:29:00,821 --> 00:29:02,774
Sounds simple, running an inn.
633
00:29:03,360 --> 00:29:05,631
The sentence is
simple. The job is not.
634
00:29:05,816 --> 00:29:08,200
Like most jobs, mine
involves many other people...
635
00:29:08,397 --> 00:29:12,462
people it is my job to hire,
to train, and to inspire...
636
00:29:12,726 --> 00:29:15,519
because when you have good
employees, it makes you look good.
637
00:29:15,723 --> 00:29:18,913
- Questions already? Are questions okay?
- They're encouraged.
638
00:29:19,136 --> 00:29:22,759
- You're Rory Gilmore's mom, aren't you?
- Yes, I am, and proud of it.
639
00:29:23,007 --> 00:29:25,279
Is that it? I hope all your
questions are that easy.
640
00:29:25,464 --> 00:29:28,052
Okay, now. Why is it
necessary to inspire employees?
641
00:29:28,252 --> 00:29:31,398
Why can't you just train them
and let them do their jobs?
642
00:29:31,874 --> 00:29:32,987
Yes?
643
00:29:33,123 --> 00:29:35,314
Didn't you get pregnant
when you were 16?
644
00:29:35,496 --> 00:29:38,766
Sixteen. It was around
that age. That's sounds right.
645
00:29:39,117 --> 00:29:40,343
Okay.
646
00:29:40,491 --> 00:29:43,716
Different people working for
you will have different needs.
647
00:29:44,112 --> 00:29:45,906
- Yeah?
- What about school?
648
00:29:46,526 --> 00:29:48,877
Did you drop out when
you got pregnant with Rory?
649
00:29:49,066 --> 00:29:51,212
No, technically,
I didn't drop out.
650
00:29:51,481 --> 00:29:54,910
I kept going as long as I could,
which I would recommend to any girl.
651
00:29:55,143 --> 00:29:58,017
Not the "getting
pregnant" part, obviously.
652
00:29:58,723 --> 00:30:02,346
Although, if that
happens... It shouldn't.
653
00:30:02,595 --> 00:30:05,581
I mean, it could, but
you should try to avoid it.
654
00:30:05,799 --> 00:30:08,468
Anyway, I got my GED. Yeah.
655
00:30:08,963 --> 00:30:11,427
Lorelai? Why don't
we move this along?
656
00:30:11,628 --> 00:30:13,900
Yes, moving it along. Okay.
657
00:30:14,083 --> 00:30:17,785
- I should have been more organized here.
- Are you sorry you got pregnant?
658
00:30:18,038 --> 00:30:19,833
No. It brought me Rory.
659
00:30:20,495 --> 00:30:23,084
But timing is everything.
I mean, I could have...
660
00:30:23,283 --> 00:30:27,633
Sixteen. You guys are 16,
right? And is that clock right?
661
00:30:27,904 --> 00:30:29,300
What do you mean by timing?
662
00:30:29,444 --> 00:30:31,670
If you had waited and had
a baby with another man...
663
00:30:31,858 --> 00:30:33,493
It wouldn't have
been Rory, right?
664
00:30:33,648 --> 00:30:35,442
You know what's
fun? Late check out.
665
00:30:35,605 --> 00:30:38,280
But it was good you got pregnant
when you did, because you got Rory.
666
00:30:38,477 --> 00:30:40,828
Look, you guys, this is a
very important subject...
667
00:30:41,016 --> 00:30:42,163
and in another time...
668
00:30:42,307 --> 00:30:43,977
I would love to
take you for coffee...
669
00:30:44,138 --> 00:30:46,966
and talk about if you should
even be allowed to drink coffee...
670
00:30:47,177 --> 00:30:49,732
because coffee is for older...
671
00:30:50,591 --> 00:30:52,180
Butch Danes, everybody.
672
00:30:52,589 --> 00:30:54,223
[Lots of kids talking at once]
673
00:31:01,205 --> 00:31:02,203
[Lane laughing gleefully]
674
00:31:02,412 --> 00:31:04,763
RORY: What? LANE:
It's perfect! I love it!
675
00:31:04,951 --> 00:31:07,336
Stop primping and get out here.
676
00:31:07,532 --> 00:31:08,530
Whoa.
677
00:31:09,030 --> 00:31:11,824
- It's everything I hoped it would be.
- It's very rock 'n' roll.
678
00:31:12,028 --> 00:31:13,585
- We've gotta take a picture.
- Get the camera.
679
00:31:13,609 --> 00:31:15,279
I am a Kodak picture spot.
680
00:31:16,482 --> 00:31:18,469
- Should I scowl or smile?
- Surprise me.
681
00:31:18,647 --> 00:31:20,680
This is the most radical
thing a Kim has done...
682
00:31:20,853 --> 00:31:24,158
since my cousin Nam got caught
reading Maxim at summer camp.
683
00:31:25,266 --> 00:31:26,264
[Bell chiming]
684
00:31:26,764 --> 00:31:28,320
That must be your mom.
685
00:31:29,386 --> 00:31:30,419
Lane?
686
00:31:31,718 --> 00:31:34,353
Lane, you're turning
white. What's wrong?
687
00:31:34,965 --> 00:31:36,599
- Lane!
- I can't do this.
688
00:31:36,754 --> 00:31:37,938
- Can't do what?
- Dye my hair.
689
00:31:37,962 --> 00:31:39,074
It's too late.
690
00:31:39,210 --> 00:31:40,887
- This'll kill her.
- It'll just shock her.
691
00:31:40,959 --> 00:31:42,683
The shock would kill
her, then she'll kill me.
692
00:31:42,707 --> 00:31:43,807
We're talking bloodbath here.
693
00:31:43,831 --> 00:31:46,261
- We've gotta put it back.
- Put it back?
694
00:31:46,620 --> 00:31:48,687
Back to black.
Right now! Hurry! Go!
695
00:31:48,867 --> 00:31:51,093
- Go where?
- Back to the store for black hair dye.
696
00:31:51,282 --> 00:31:52,349
- No.
- Yes.
697
00:31:52,489 --> 00:31:53,636
This is insane.
698
00:31:53,780 --> 00:31:55,520
I just drank a
gallon of liquid salad.
699
00:31:55,532 --> 00:31:57,561
Insanity is a daily
staple at the Kim house.
700
00:31:57,818 --> 00:31:59,328
- Go.
- Okay, I'm going.
701
00:32:00,690 --> 00:32:01,803
Where are you going?
702
00:32:01,939 --> 00:32:04,371
- You're messing with my mind.
- Not that way, Mom will see you.
703
00:32:04,395 --> 00:32:06,268
My head is my normal
color. She can see me.
704
00:32:06,434 --> 00:32:08,659
If she sees you, she'll
come looking for me.
705
00:32:08,848 --> 00:32:09,916
You owe me.
706
00:32:10,056 --> 00:32:12,645
Big time, forever. Now
make like the wind. Go.
707
00:32:14,593 --> 00:32:16,149
[Salesgirl laughing]
708
00:32:20,420 --> 00:32:23,805
All I know is I don't have it,
so it's gotta be at your place.
709
00:32:24,167 --> 00:32:27,313
You're not looking for it.
You're watching TV. I can tell.
710
00:32:28,163 --> 00:32:30,877
Yeah, whatever. I'll
just get a new one.
711
00:32:31,160 --> 00:32:33,034
So what are we doing tonight?
712
00:32:33,617 --> 00:32:37,318
No. I'm sick of eating. I've been
eating like a pig. I feel all bloaty.
713
00:32:37,571 --> 00:32:40,240
It's a word 'cause I said it.
That's how words get invented...
714
00:32:40,443 --> 00:32:42,555
'cause people say them,
and then others say them.
715
00:32:42,733 --> 00:32:45,878
You're such a jerk sometimes,
and I'm always nice to you.
716
00:32:46,355 --> 00:32:48,785
- Excuse me.
- I get off at the same boring time.
717
00:32:48,976 --> 00:32:50,964
Excuse me? I don't have all day.
718
00:32:51,141 --> 00:32:54,446
- Hold on a sec. Will this be all?
- Yeah, that'll be all.
719
00:32:57,011 --> 00:32:59,156
- I'm growing a beard here.
- What's your problem?
720
00:32:59,342 --> 00:33:00,410
"What's your problem?"
721
00:33:00,549 --> 00:33:03,217
I'm a customer in a hurry, and
you're supposed to assist me.
722
00:33:03,421 --> 00:33:04,693
I am assisting you.
723
00:33:04,836 --> 00:33:07,221
After you took your sweet
time getting off the phone...
724
00:33:07,417 --> 00:33:09,246
which, clearly, was
not a business call.
725
00:33:09,415 --> 00:33:10,847
Un-freaking-believable.
726
00:33:10,997 --> 00:33:13,983
It is. The level of service
in this place is just that.
727
00:33:14,203 --> 00:33:16,031
Un-freaking-believable.
728
00:33:16,201 --> 00:33:17,269
Have a nice day.
729
00:33:17,408 --> 00:33:18,884
Yeah, thanks. You, too.
730
00:33:19,031 --> 00:33:21,666
And by the way,
"bloaty" is not a word.
731
00:33:21,862 --> 00:33:24,576
There's "bloated," there's
"bloating," but no "bloaty."
732
00:33:24,775 --> 00:33:26,127
Thanks. That's fascinating.
733
00:33:26,274 --> 00:33:29,465
For you, how ice is made is
probably fascinating. See you.
734
00:33:33,726 --> 00:33:34,724
[Luke laughing]
735
00:33:36,265 --> 00:33:38,978
- Don't.
- I'm trying not to. I swear.
736
00:33:39,595 --> 00:33:41,548
I'm not trying hard.
I'll grant you that.
737
00:33:41,718 --> 00:33:44,750
What was with those kids,
so curious, so full of questions?
738
00:33:44,965 --> 00:33:48,508
Shouldn't their brains be completely
fried on TV and video games by now?
739
00:33:48,753 --> 00:33:50,388
- It wasn't funny.
- Not from your angle.
740
00:33:50,543 --> 00:33:52,337
From mine, it was An
Evening at the Improv.
741
00:33:52,499 --> 00:33:55,848
I'm not gonna be allowed within
a mile of the school ever again.
742
00:33:56,079 --> 00:33:58,225
On the positive side,
you did me a favor.
743
00:33:58,410 --> 00:34:00,159
Now I have a pleasant
memory from there.
744
00:34:00,324 --> 00:34:03,788
You being nailed like a two-by-four
by a group of 16-year-olds.
745
00:34:04,404 --> 00:34:07,709
- Oh, no. What's this?
- Looks like high noon in Stars Hollow.
746
00:34:07,943 --> 00:34:10,531
They're not carrying tar
and feathers, are they?
747
00:34:10,732 --> 00:34:12,447
Hi, everybody!
748
00:34:12,604 --> 00:34:15,193
Wow. It's the whole
gang! What's up?
749
00:34:15,394 --> 00:34:17,858
I felt obligated to
tell the other moms...
750
00:34:18,058 --> 00:34:20,011
about your little
performance at school...
751
00:34:20,181 --> 00:34:22,372
- before they heard about it elsewhere.
- Really?
752
00:34:22,554 --> 00:34:25,063
Usually, I like to meet up at
Sardi's after a performance.
753
00:34:25,260 --> 00:34:27,973
Wait for the reviews. I
hope the Times liked me.
754
00:34:28,423 --> 00:34:29,536
Nothing.
755
00:34:29,672 --> 00:34:33,181
So you're preaching to our daughters
that it's okay to get pregnant at 16.
756
00:34:33,419 --> 00:34:34,611
Am I getting that right?
757
00:34:34,750 --> 00:34:37,022
No, not at all. I was
answering their questions.
758
00:34:37,206 --> 00:34:38,841
It's your answers
we didn't like.
759
00:34:38,997 --> 00:34:40,507
I was talking about my job...
760
00:34:40,661 --> 00:34:43,614
but your kids kept asking about
my pregnancy. What could I do?
761
00:34:43,825 --> 00:34:45,460
Fend them off!
Change the subject!
762
00:34:45,615 --> 00:34:47,682
I tried, Debbie, but
they kept coming at me...
763
00:34:47,862 --> 00:34:50,054
like I was Poland
and they were Nazis.
764
00:34:50,236 --> 00:34:52,030
Remember when I
used to make you laugh?
765
00:34:52,192 --> 00:34:53,748
There's nothing
funny about this.
766
00:34:53,898 --> 00:34:55,568
Their questions
just threw me off.
767
00:34:55,730 --> 00:34:57,558
Sounds like you just
flaunted your mistakes.
768
00:34:57,728 --> 00:35:00,442
Now, hold on. You
have no right to judge me.
769
00:35:00,642 --> 00:35:02,993
All I said was that for my
particular circumstances...
770
00:35:03,181 --> 00:35:05,770
things worked out okay. I
advocated nothing to them.
771
00:35:05,971 --> 00:35:08,162
You're all acting like I
walked into that room...
772
00:35:08,343 --> 00:35:10,234
- tossing condoms in the air.
- Might as well have.
773
00:35:10,258 --> 00:35:14,165
Fine, next time, I'll bring a banana,
and we'll have a little show-and-tell!
774
00:35:14,462 --> 00:35:16,052
What kind of mother are you?
775
00:35:16,211 --> 00:35:18,072
The kind that doesn't
gloss over things
776
00:35:18,084 --> 00:35:20,197
just because they're
a little uncomfortable.
777
00:35:20,456 --> 00:35:23,330
This whole incident was
awkward and unnecessary.
778
00:35:23,536 --> 00:35:27,204
No, Deb, I'd say, Deb, that
what's awkward and unnecessary...
779
00:35:27,450 --> 00:35:30,595
is that you all seem to go to
the same lousy hairdresser.
780
00:35:30,821 --> 00:35:32,536
How about mixing
it up a little, girls?
781
00:35:32,694 --> 00:35:35,045
- I gotta get going. You good here?
- Yeah, I'm good.
782
00:35:35,234 --> 00:35:36,666
You don't have
to take that tone.
783
00:35:36,815 --> 00:35:38,882
You ambush me, then
you're offended by my tone?
784
00:35:41,145 --> 00:35:42,143
- Hey.
- Hey.
785
00:35:44,433 --> 00:35:46,262
So what's going on out there?
786
00:35:46,431 --> 00:35:50,258
Just Lorelai dealing with some
women about something or other.
787
00:35:51,968 --> 00:35:54,602
So I did that thing
at the school today.
788
00:35:55,256 --> 00:35:59,128
Yeah, it went pretty well. All the
kids seemed relatively unarmed.
789
00:36:02,874 --> 00:36:06,179
I just told them about the
diner and cooking things...
790
00:36:06,454 --> 00:36:10,236
and I expect kids all over town will
rush out tomorrow and buy a spatula.
791
00:36:10,492 --> 00:36:11,719
Checking for monsters?
792
00:36:11,866 --> 00:36:15,250
No, just didn't want to accidentally
bump into someone in there.
793
00:36:15,487 --> 00:36:16,714
What are you talking about?
794
00:36:16,861 --> 00:36:18,814
Did you have a girl
stashed in there before?
795
00:36:18,984 --> 00:36:20,096
Before what?
796
00:36:20,232 --> 00:36:22,504
Lorelai said you were
hiding a girl here earlier.
797
00:36:22,688 --> 00:36:24,403
- Were you?
- Yes.
798
00:36:24,562 --> 00:36:26,787
Jess, you don't
shove a girl in a closet.
799
00:36:26,976 --> 00:36:29,849
I did not shove her in the
closet. She got in voluntarily.
800
00:36:30,056 --> 00:36:31,089
Sure.
801
00:36:31,222 --> 00:36:33,129
Shane freaked when she
heard you guys coming.
802
00:36:33,303 --> 00:36:34,700
Next thing I know,
she's in there.
803
00:36:34,843 --> 00:36:37,830
I personally didn't care
if you guys saw us or not.
804
00:36:38,048 --> 00:36:39,797
But women, right?
You can't live with them.
805
00:36:39,963 --> 00:36:42,030
You can't keep them
from jumping in the closet.
806
00:36:42,211 --> 00:36:45,879
You and I have got
to have a little talk.
807
00:36:46,124 --> 00:36:48,430
If you're gonna get all
Ward Cleaver on me...
808
00:36:48,621 --> 00:36:51,495
I gotta go call Eddie and Lumpy
and tell them I'm gonna be late.
809
00:36:51,702 --> 00:36:53,417
Shut up for a second, would you?
810
00:36:53,576 --> 00:36:57,085
Look, I know you're at an age
where the whole girl thing is...
811
00:36:57,321 --> 00:36:58,911
you know, on your mind a lot...
812
00:36:59,070 --> 00:37:01,420
and it's probably not
helping you to think straight...
813
00:37:01,609 --> 00:37:03,959
with all the hormones that
are raging around in there.
814
00:37:04,149 --> 00:37:05,580
My point is...
815
00:37:05,731 --> 00:37:09,035
you gotta think about things
a little better, you know?
816
00:37:09,269 --> 00:37:10,779
The way you act.
817
00:37:12,099 --> 00:37:15,052
If you care about a girl the
way you do with this Shane...
818
00:37:15,263 --> 00:37:16,853
- I don't care about her.
- What?
819
00:37:17,012 --> 00:37:19,396
- I don't even know her last name.
- You're kidding.
820
00:37:19,592 --> 00:37:21,102
She mentioned it
once. Didn't stick.
821
00:37:21,257 --> 00:37:23,722
If you don't care about her,
what are you doing with her?
822
00:37:23,921 --> 00:37:25,352
Just hanging with
her. No biggie.
823
00:37:25,503 --> 00:37:27,967
You gotta be doing something
more than hanging with her.
824
00:37:28,167 --> 00:37:31,471
Something to make her jump in a
closet when people come into the room.
825
00:37:31,706 --> 00:37:33,023
Relax, will you? All's good.
826
00:37:33,162 --> 00:37:36,228
Jess, this isn't right. You can't
treat a girl like this, like dirt.
827
00:37:36,451 --> 00:37:38,801
If it's any consolation,
she treats me like dirt, too.
828
00:37:38,991 --> 00:37:40,705
It's a pretty
symbiotic relationship.
829
00:37:40,863 --> 00:37:42,736
- And that's fine with you?
- Yes, it is.
830
00:37:42,903 --> 00:37:44,538
To just go along
in a relationship...
831
00:37:44,693 --> 00:37:46,965
you treat somebody bad,
and they treat you bad back.
832
00:37:47,149 --> 00:37:48,977
- That's right.
- That makes you happy?
833
00:37:49,147 --> 00:37:51,054
I'd do back flips, but
I am way too cool.
834
00:37:51,229 --> 00:37:54,341
- That makes absolutely no sense.
- Doesn't have to make sense to you.
835
00:37:54,558 --> 00:37:56,864
There are plenty of other
girls out there in the world.
836
00:37:57,056 --> 00:37:58,726
Don't you have to
go back to the diner?
837
00:37:58,888 --> 00:38:02,000
You could go out and at least find
one that you actually care about.
838
00:38:02,218 --> 00:38:04,682
- Like it's that easy.
- It's that easy if you try.
839
00:38:04,882 --> 00:38:07,187
The girls that I like don't
give a damn about me.
840
00:38:07,380 --> 00:38:10,207
And unlike some other people I
know, I'm not gonna sit around...
841
00:38:10,418 --> 00:38:13,007
hoping that they change their
minds and suddenly notice me.
842
00:38:13,208 --> 00:38:14,400
What's that supposed to mean?
843
00:38:14,539 --> 00:38:17,412
You fixed any neighbor's porches
lately, or you go on a picnic...
844
00:38:17,620 --> 00:38:20,652
or you get rooked into giving a
ridiculous speech at a high school?
845
00:38:20,867 --> 00:38:23,058
- Shut up.
- At least I've got a little self-esteem.
846
00:38:23,240 --> 00:38:25,193
- Shut up.
- I'm not playing golden retriever...
847
00:38:25,363 --> 00:38:27,713
hoping someday she'll turn
around and fall in my arms.
848
00:38:27,902 --> 00:38:29,696
If she doesn't want to
be with me, then fine!
849
00:38:29,858 --> 00:38:31,686
You have no idea what
you're talking about.
850
00:38:31,856 --> 00:38:33,968
Whatever. I gotta
go. Shane's waiting.
851
00:38:34,145 --> 00:38:35,213
You mean what's-her-name?
852
00:38:35,353 --> 00:38:37,499
Yeah, I'll bring you a
new leash when I get back.
853
00:38:37,684 --> 00:38:39,239
Get out of here.
854
00:38:43,595 --> 00:38:45,900
- Busy day.
- I'm pretty exhausted.
855
00:38:46,092 --> 00:38:49,238
I guess it was just too big of a
statement for me to make right now.
856
00:38:49,464 --> 00:38:52,338
- Maybe. I just thought of something.
- What?
857
00:38:52,544 --> 00:38:54,929
Technically, you have dyed hair.
858
00:38:55,125 --> 00:38:56,522
- I do, don't I?
- Yeah.
859
00:38:56,665 --> 00:38:59,379
Dyed my natural color,
yes, but dyed nonetheless.
860
00:38:59,580 --> 00:39:01,851
Not one strand of real
color on that head of yours.
861
00:39:02,036 --> 00:39:04,545
I guess that means we can
score this as a victory, right?
862
00:39:04,741 --> 00:39:07,455
Absolutely. Put it in
the victory column.
863
00:39:11,568 --> 00:39:13,283
That girl's a freak.
864
00:39:14,774 --> 00:39:17,726
- What was that about?
- It's been a very long day.
865
00:39:18,686 --> 00:39:20,639
People who like me. Great.
866
00:39:20,809 --> 00:39:23,114
- How was your talk at the school?
- Just peachy.
867
00:39:23,307 --> 00:39:25,976
- Is your hair blacker?
- I wish you hadn't have said that.
868
00:39:26,179 --> 00:39:28,451
It's not noticeable.
Stay out of bright lighting.
869
00:39:28,635 --> 00:39:31,269
- What happened?
- I dyed my hair. Then I dyed it back.
870
00:39:31,466 --> 00:39:33,930
But for a full 30
minutes, I looked like this.
871
00:39:34,130 --> 00:39:36,435
Whoa! You looked
cool. You're insane.
872
00:39:36,627 --> 00:39:39,091
I got sane again, but I will
always have that picture.
873
00:39:39,292 --> 00:39:41,086
- Hide it at your place?
- Will do.
874
00:39:41,248 --> 00:39:43,281
I gotta go, and remember,
we still need a plan.
875
00:39:43,455 --> 00:39:45,011
Yes, we do. Why
do we need a plan?
876
00:39:45,161 --> 00:39:47,273
A plan so that Lane
doesn't have to quit her band.
877
00:39:47,451 --> 00:39:50,800
Lane can't quit the band. She has to
get famous and introduce me to Bono!
878
00:39:51,030 --> 00:39:52,786
- I told her that.
- All right, let's go eat.
879
00:39:52,945 --> 00:39:56,011
See if we can figure out a way
to salvage my future as a groupie.
880
00:39:56,233 --> 00:39:59,345
Let's go to AI's Pancake World.
He's doing a salute to Jamaica again.
881
00:39:59,564 --> 00:40:01,914
As long as AI doesn't play
the kettle drums all night.
882
00:40:02,103 --> 00:40:04,897
We'll hide his mallets
when he's not looking.
883
00:40:05,100 --> 00:40:08,052
- So come on, tell me how the talk went.
- It was great.
884
00:40:08,264 --> 00:40:10,728
It was one minute on my
success in the business world...
885
00:40:10,928 --> 00:40:13,801
and that went very well, and it
was 10 minutes on the possibility...
886
00:40:14,009 --> 00:40:16,677
that if I had had sex with a
different man, at a different time...
887
00:40:16,880 --> 00:40:17,998
you wouldn't have been born.
888
00:40:18,130 --> 00:40:20,117
- What?
- I kind of got off on a tangent.
889
00:40:20,293 --> 00:40:23,201
- A big one. How did that happen?
- I'll tell you about it at AI's.
890
00:40:23,416 --> 00:40:26,368
Just don't expect to be invited to any
more swim parties at Kathy's house.
891
00:40:26,579 --> 00:40:30,724
- Don't wait till AI's. Tell me now.
- I just love my little fluke.
892
00:40:31,409 --> 00:40:32,964
Come on, what happened?
893
00:40:33,115 --> 00:40:34,830
All right. It started
off really good...
894
00:40:34,988 --> 00:40:37,862
and then all these kids started
asking me all these questions...