- Morning. - Morning.
Someone woke up in project mode today.
I'm like the Army. I get more done before 9:00 a.m...
than others get done all day.
As long as you don't abandon it mid-project.
- I do not do that. - Make your own seashell candles.
Not fair.
The place smelled like melted crayons for three weeks.
- This is different. - Fine. What's the project?
This is a pile of every catalog we've received...
- for the last three months. - Okay.
I've gathered them all together...
and I will now proceed to call all the companies sending us duplicates...
and tell them to stop.
That's very environmental.
It's ridiculous. We get like eight of some of these.
- You're kidding. - Check this out.
This is a stack of identical catalogs mailed to Lorelai Gilmore, Rory Gilmore...
Lorelai Rory Gilmore, Lorelai V. Gilmore, Lorelai Victoria Gilmore...
Lorelai Gilmo, Lorelai Gil, and Squeegy Beckinheim.
How'd that get in there?
I once told a store my name was Squeegy Beckinheim...
to see how many catalogs they'd sell my name to.
My name is to catalog companies...
what Brooke Shields' picture is to Chinese restaurants.
- How many? - Ten.
Including one we were already getting seven catalogs from.
- So you made the problem worse. - Unintentionally.
This one is addressed to Tookie Clothespin.
I forgot my code name at the second store I tested.
So I told them it was Tookie Clothespin.
- Which means we get even more catalogs. - It was unintentional.
When you start a forest fire unintentionally, it's still your fault.
You're putting calling myself Squeegy and Tookie...
- on a level with starting a forest fire? - It's killing trees.
You're depressing me now.
Get on the phone and stop the madness. That'll cheer you up.
- I need coffee. - There's more coffee.
- I should get ready, too. - You're stopping mid-project.
- I'm bored. - Then don't start these projects.
I'll finish. I just want to check on the seashells.
- These catalogs will be here forever. - No, they won't. They're biodegradable.
- I'll call half, and you call half. Okay? - Okay.
- You do yours first, then I'll do mine. - Hey!
We only have one phone. You're young. You'll dial faster.
Squeegy!
TAYLOR: The bottom line is that too many birds are landing atop the streetlights...
and relieving themselves on helpless passersby.
I daresay some of these birds seem to be doing it on purpose.
- You get dumped on, Taylor? - It's not just me.
If anybody has a picture of Taylor getting dumped on, I'll pay top dollar.
I'll check the Internet.
Taylor, all animals have to... You know.
How are you gonna stop birds from doing that?
Easy. You put sharp metal spikes on the top of the fixtures.
Then, when they land, pow, they're shish kebab.
- That's cruel. - You can't do that.
I'd rather have bird crap fall on my head.
- There it is, our new town slogan. - I like it.
I see coffee mugs, T-shirts.
Don't forget the stuffed shish-kebab birds.
That moan when you squeeze them.
- Excuse me. - May I help you, sir?
Yes, I was looking for... There she is. Patricia.
Patricia! Well!
[Oohing]
- Now, stop it. - Are you ready?
I'm right in the middle of something, Jesus, but I'll be right out. Patience.
Okay.
- As we were saying... - Who's the fox, Patty?
Excuse me.
I met him at a funeral. Great guy, good dancer.
Latin.
- People, order, please! - He better treat you right, this guy.
- How well do you know him? - I just met him.
- I could look him up on the Internet. - People, please!
Now, due to the lack of response, we'll hold off on the bird spikes.
- Good. - Let Miss Patty's date begin!
It's a digital. I want a full visual account.
TAYLOR: Hold it.
There's one more issue that must be addressed...
before we can adjourn.
All right. Now, that weird, taciturn fellow...
who's always walking around with his backpack...
has put in an absurd request to stage a protest in the town square.
- The town loner? - That guy still lives around here?
- Somewhere in the hills, right? - Thought he was long gone.
He came to the bookstore a few times last month and never said a word.
- He's a bit creepy. - Very creepy.
But he's our Boo Radley, and we don't have a Boo Radley.
Unless you count the troubadour or the pizza guy...
or the guy who talks to mailboxes.
The point is that every town needs as many Boo Radleys as they can get.
- Yes, that's my point. - What's he protesting, Taylor?
That's not indicated here, but it doesn't matter...
because protesting is not allowed in the town square, period.
- It's un-American. - Like the Revolutionary War?
- And Rosa Parks? - That's different.
They were against the British and buses. No one likes the British or buses.
- Yes, dear. What is it? - I'm sorry. I thought I heard my name.
He said "buses," dear, not "Jesus."
Sounded like Jesus.
Could this meeting be any more disrupted?
I could do a soft-shoe.
- While I pound out a beat on the bongos. - Sounds like fun.
I got bongos in the back.
Seeing as how our attention spans are gnat-like tonight...
as town selectman...
I am refusing the town loner's request to protest...
and I am adjourning this meeting.
She's all yours, Jesus.
We got nothing of substance done in this meeting.
And the tradition stands.
What do you know about this town loner guy?
Same as everyone. Kind of skulks around with that backpack. Never smiles.
Does he also make cheeseburgers...
and harbor a desire to wear a backwards baseball cap?
What?
[Singing] They're cousins, identical cousins
Stop it.
Look who's back behind the wheel. Lovely.
I'm gonna get going. I've got some studying to do.
Okay. I'll catch up with you. When did Jess get a car?
- Recently. - Where'd he get it?
From a guy around here at a place.
- A guy at a place? - Yeah.
- You'd no idea he had a car, did you? - Not in the least.
Way to have a handle on things.
He doesn't share a lot with me, and he's got a license.
- What can I do? - Stop him before he kills.
He's not gonna kill anyone.
He's got a bad track record with cars.
I know. I'm not exactly thrilled with this.
I'm sorry. It's your thing. I'll just butt out now.
Where'd he get the money for the car?
I don't know. Working at the diner?
I can barely afford a car on the money I get working at the diner.
Maybe it was a gift from someone who doesn't know it's gone yet.
- Thanks. - I'm helpful, aren't I?
- Bye. - Bye.
- Hey. - Hey.
So, you got a car.
Motor Trend's not gonna be giving it any awards...
but it'll get me from point A to point B.
Yeah, I guess it'll get you around.
So where'd you get the money for it?
- Mugged an old lady. - Jess?
- It didn't cost that much. - What's not much?
Less than a lot.
Jess, where did you get the money?
That hash you sling at the diner, I scrape it off the plates.
- Remember, I work for you? - Yeah, I know you do.
I also know I don't pay you enough to buy the car.
I saved up my pennies, and I bought the car from Gypsy.
She gave me a good deal. That's how I got the car.
Okay, so you bought a car.
Now, the price of the car is just one small thing.
- It's just the beginning. - Yeah?
Did you take the additional expenses into account?
- Like? - Insurance.
- I'm in good hands. - Liability, uninsured motorist?
All the paperwork's in the glove compartment. Check it out.
Money for gas?
You mean this didn't come with a never-empty magical tank?
- I factored that in. - You're gonna have repairs.
I can fix most of them myself and save up for the rest.
Plus, I'm gonna replace the oil every couple of months.
I bet you didn't think of the oil. That costs money.
I'm the one that brought it up. You didn't think of it.
No, but...
Sign this.
- Registration? - I'm still a minor.
I don't have a pen.
It's okay if someone else's name is crossed out on it...
- and that yours is written in? - Yeah.
- Just checking. - Thanks. Glad we had this talk.
Yeah. Same here.
LORELAI: Hello. RORY: I'm in here.
You beat me home by two minutes, and your nose is already in the books.
I can go from zero to studying in less than 60 seconds.
- Very impressive. Mail call. - What's this?
Mortgage payment. You mind picking it up this month, honey?
- No, not at all. - Just something addressed to you.
It's an invitation.
An invitation to what?
The White House again? Those boys never give up.
- It's to Sherry's baby shower. - Who?
Sherry Tinsdale, Dad's Sherry.
- You're kidding? - It's at her and Dad's house on Sunday.
That is very weird.
We haven't had contact with Christopher in months.
She knows we're on the outs with him, right?
Yeah, but she may not know how on the outs.
- Zero contact is maximum on the outs. - Yeah.
Although there may have been some.
- Some what? - Some contact.
You've been in contact with Christopher?
- Yeah. I'm sorry. - No, don't apologize.
You've always been totally free to talk to him whenever you want.
I mean, he's your dad, right? So don't apologize.
- Okay, I take the apology back. - It's good you've been talking to him.
It is a little weird you didn't tell me, though.
- Yeah, I'm sorry. - Stop apologizing.
Even when I feel I should apologize, I can't?
- Yeah. It's a little annoying. - Sorry.
- I'm trying to lighten the mood. - The mood is light.
I just hate that you thought you had to hide that from me.
I just felt like I was betraying you.
- You weren't. - I know that now.
How much contact have you had with him?
Not tons.
He e-mailed me a month ago. I e-mailed him back.
Now we occasionally talk on the phone.
Does he ever ask about me?
- What answer will freak you out the least? - The honest one.
Yes, he asks about you because Dad will always care for you very much.
You know that.
Do you want me to say hello for you next time we talk?
- No. - Fine. What should I do about this?
It's your call.
I guess being in Dad's world automatically means being in Sherry's.
It is your little half-brother or sister she's carrying.
I know, it's weird.
A good reason to make some connection with her.
It's gonna be one of those brunchy-quichey things.
I don't know anyone, and it's all the way in Boston.
- I'll drive you there if you want. - Really?
I'll do some Boston shopping while you quiche it.
We'll have an SOS signal I can page you with if I want to bail early.
- Sure. - What'll the SOS signal be?
- How about "SOS"? - Perfect.
- So you're going? - I guess I'm going.
- I think you've made the right decision. - So do I.
And I shouldn't have hid that I'm talking to Dad.
I'm really...
- Starving. - I'll get some ice cream.
- You're up early. - Got a few errands to run.
- You got time before school? - I got wheels, right?
Right, you got wheels.
Lid.
By the way, I owe you $10.
- When did I loan you $10? - Last night.
- I wasn't here last night. - You're always here in my heart.
You took money out of the register.
I'm going to the bank. You'll get it today.
I told you 100 times. Do not take money from the register.
Gotta run.
Lid.
[Kirk clearing throat]
- What can I get you, Kirk? - Patty melt and a Coke.
You want the melt cut into squares or stars today?
Half and half.
- Okay, coming right up. - Thanks.
[Car engine revving]
Man, that car's a honey.
Dual-piston cams, diplex overdrive with maximum torque...
16-liter side by side, firing three on one. Sweet.
- Kirk, none of that makes any sense. - What?
I know a little about cars. That was all gibberish.
Would you mind not telling people about this?
I've cultivated a reputation as sort of a car aficionado.
In reality, all I have is a Jan and Dean record.
- I'll keep it to myself. - I should listen to it again.
Yeah, I would.
Man, I wish my mom would let me have a car.
Or a bike. Or my roller skates back.
[Peeling out]
GYPSY: You don't take care of it. JACKSON: I take great care of it!
- This truck doesn't like you. - Is it talking to you now?
Your transmission's shot.
I shift up and down a lot.
Mr. Grind-it-till-you-find-it.
Just tell me what needs doing.
- Be faster to say what doesn't need doing. - Whatever you want.
You ride your brakes. Bad for the truck, good for me.
I like replacing brakes. Pays for the cable TV.
How about I just make the check out directly to your cable company?
Yeah, thanks, and get some extra checks...
'cause you're gonna be making one out to my milkman, too.
And look here. You just bought me a couch.
- Hey, Luke. - Hey, Gypsy. I don't want to interrupt.
No, please interrupt. I need a little break from the gaiety.
- What can I do for you? - Jess came home with this car...
and it says on the slip that he bought it from you.
It works great, if that's what you're wondering.
I know that. It's just... He paid you for it, right?
- Nothing's free at Gypsy's. - And he paid cash?
Mostly $20s.
Did you make sure Andrew Jackson was on the bills, not Alfred E. Neuman?
Looked real to me.
When he took out the money, did a mask or a gun fall out?
No, but he was carrying it in a canvas bag with a big dollar sign on it.
- Really? - No.
- Good. - Guys are stupid.
You strip your gears, you ride your brakes...
if we don't laugh after we make a joke, you think we're serious.
JACKSON: I don't ride my brakes!
I just wanna make sure it was on the up and up.
When people come in with cash, I don't ask where it comes from. Do you?
- I guess I don't. Thanks. - Anytime.
Goody! A trip to Florida!
This is outrageous. The town unanimously refused...
to let that loner freak protest in the square.
Why would the two of you consider allowing him to do it from your church?
The town didn't refuse him. You did.
So you're spearheading this revolt, Reverend.
Rev. Skinner and I share the church for services.
If there's gonna be a protest, it'll be a joint decision.
- I can't even look at this mayonnaise. - I got it, David.
I could still ban it. I could get the town council together...
find something on the books. There must be a way.
The church is exempt from your town statutes.
We answer to a higher authority. Like the hot dog.
- I laugh every time you say that. - Funny is funny.
I can guarantee that God does not want this, either.
Did you hear that, David?
Taylor Doose is in direct communication with God.
Thirty years I'm working for God, I haven't got even a card.
- Do you speak to him by phone? - You have a God phone?
Rabbi, please.
What's he like? For us common folk who've never met him.
- Is he short? Tall? - Does he laugh?
Is the shellfish thing really serious?
Some of these Red Lobster commercials...
- They look good. - With the melted butter.
Can we stay serious for a minute here?
You're too uptight.
No matter how much steam you blow, our decision will be final.
So it's hardball?
The council gave you special permission to run bingo out of that building.
- We could withdraw it. - At your peril.
Meaning?
You'll tell my little old ladies, my bubbies...
- you're shutting down their bingo? - I'm not afraid of your bubbies.
God, thank you for letting me be in the room when Taylor said that.
I would sincerely like to thank you for wasting my time.
Our pleasure, Taylor.
I can't believe that you, Rev. Skinner, of all people...
would do this to me after all the support I've given you over the years.
Taylor, you're a Sunday Protestant. You come in, you say, "Hi, God..."
- You sing a song, and you leave. - I always leave $1.
For your singing voice, you should leave $2.
Fine, if you feel like that, maybe I will stop showing up altogether.
Maybe I'll convert to something else and give them my generous donation.
- You want him? - Not after the "bubbies" thing.
Maybe the Shakers in Woodbury would take him.
He's already got the beard. Can you make furniture?
Goodbye, gentlemen.
- How's it going? - Pretty slow.
- Is Jess upstairs? - I haven't seen him.
Okay, thanks.
Jess?
[Telephone ringing]
Hello? Hey, Randy. What's up?
Someone's gotta take care of it.
It's not gonna take care of itself.
I understand, I get it. What else?
RORY: You think I got a good gift?
- It's foolproof. - It's not original.
A new mother can't have too many baby blankets.
Not with the insane amount of stuff oozing out of a baby's every orifice.
- I call it like I see it. - Call it less graphically.
The very concept of childbirth is vaguely disturbing.
Kids are cool and all, but getting there is like a cosmic joke.
Definitely thought up by a man.
My mom said that when she told me where babies come from.
- My mom still hasn't told me. - Really?
When my cousin got pregnant...
she said an angel brushed its wings against her face.
I can fill you in on the details if you want.
No, thanks. I picked it up off the streets.
- That's new. - Is it?
I have never seen it before...
- and I'm into the minutiae around here. - That's for sure.
- Do you know whose it is? Whose? - Yep. Jess'.
Jess, the guy who wrecked your car.
- He's got a car now? - Looks that way.
That's outrageous! That's a travesty!
- It's not that big a deal. - It's a humongous deal.
You're taking this very hard.
Because we're best friends, Rory. We're linked.
I feel what you feel. Except for right now, you don't seem to be feeling anything.
- And I'm incensed. - It's a car. Nothing to get excited about.
- Hey, Lane. - Right back at you, tough guy.
- What? - Lane.
- Something wrong? - No.
- Yes, you have a car. - I know.
- Don't give me lip. - Lip?
- How'd you get the car, Jess? - I bought it.
I thought you built it from parts from cars you've totaled.
- What's your problem? - Don't play dumb. You know what you did.
- I gotta go. - Drive on away. We'll keep walking.
That's all Rory's been doing the past few months. Lots of walking!
- She's got bunions because of you. - Bunions?
- I don't have bunions. - She's too nice to complain.
- Knock it off, Lane. - Just get in the car and go, Jess.
I didn't start this.
You started it when you wrecked Rory's car.
- Tell her to walk it off. - You walk it off.
- I'm trying to drive off. - Then go.
How Andy Griffith is this town that people get so excited by a car?
It's not the car. It's who's got the car.
You want it, take it. I'm sick of this.
I don't want this piece of junk.
I suppose Dean is already building you another car, something snazzy.
- Shut up and go. - Gladly.
- Let's go. - Gladly.
And by the way, you left your bra in the back seat.
- This must be the place. - I think the balloons confirm it.
- No pink, no blue. - All green.
Aren't baby-shower balloons supposed to reflect the sex of the baby?
Blue for boys, pink for girls?
- You would think. - What's green for? Aliens?
- I'll ask when I go in. - We're all set, right?
Anytime you want out, just send up a flare.
Even if I'm half-naked in a changing room, I'll grab everything and rush out.
You making a half-naked entrance would be funny.
Hi! I'm sorry. I totally snuck up on you.
It's okay. Hi.
Hi, Rory. Lorelai, I'm so excited you came.
- I'm just dropping Rory off. - Don't go. Stay.
- What? - Come to the party, please.
- I don't know. - I know that you weren't invited...
but it's 'cause my friends didn't think you'd be comfortable.
- I told them not to worry. - Thanks, but I'm not dressed for a party.
Please, we're not formal here. You look fine.
Mom kind of has plans.
I got a couple of credit cards burning a hole in my wallet.
Go shopping some other time and come play with us.
There are people in there that Rory doesn't know.
Having you here would make her comfortable.
I don't mind not knowing anyone, really.
That's nice, honey, but very unconvincing.
Lorelai, I meant to extend the invitation to both of you.
I just wasn't sure if you'd...
You know, there's lots of food...
and booze for the lucky non-pregnant ones and cake.
It'll be fun.
Well...
- I'll block your car with my stomach. - No, don't do that.
- Please. It would mean so much. - Okay. Sure.
- Really? - Yeah, let's have a party.
Watch it. You'll jiggle that thing right out of you.
A mother's perspective. Thanks.
Come in.
- Nice place. - Very nice.
It's a work-in-progress. It was so bachelor pad before.
Rock posters, modular furniture, magazines everywhere.
I would pick up a TV Guide and it would be three months old.
Here's the gang.
- Hi! - Welcome.
You've got Gail, Jody, Maureen, Linda, Susan, and Alice.
- Hi. - Hey.
This is Christopher's daughter, Rory.
I did some arm-twisting and got her mother, Lorelai, to come, too.
- The more the merrier. - Mojito?
That you don't need to twist my arm for.
Rory and I will be the only ones not imbibing. And G.G.
- Who? - G.G. Short for Georgia. The two G's.
- That's cute. - So, it's a girl.
Christopher would have been happy with either...
but I really wanted a ballerina.
- What's this? - It's a game.
Everyone gets a diaper pin, and if you say the word "baby"...
the person catching you saying it keeps your pin.
Maureen's the instigator of this soirée. She has a publicity firm in New York.
She meant to run all those people down, but you didn't hear it from me.
Look at this. The famous CD collection.
In alphabetical order, too.
- Not stacked up like coasters. - I had to put an end to that.
Finding something was impossible. I would look for my Wang Chung...
or Billy Joel, and I would have to give up.
Now everything is at your fingertips. See?
- Wang Chung. - Wang Chung.
No subgroups, Sherry. Get over here.
- Mojito? - Thank you.
- Club soda? - Thank you.
- Don't you hate how she looks? - Who? Sherry?
She only looks pregnant in profile.
- Nothing in the face or from behind. - Yeah, you look amazing.
- I do not. - You do.
When I was pregnant, doorways had to be widened.
It's good you're here, Lorelai.
Only you can give me a motherly perspective.
I'm the only mother here? None of you have kids?
- Who's got the time? - Or the guy?
There aren't that many Christophers in the world.
- That's true. - You have to give me a list of books.
- Books? - The ones you read when you had Rory.
I see. I think I was reading Deenie at the time.
- No parenting books? - No.
Where'd you get information on child raising, your mom?
No. For Keeps.
Molly Ringwald, Randall Batinkoff.
Really underrated little post-John Hughes flick.
She went to the prom fat. I found it really inspirational.
What are we all sitting around here for? Let the games begin!
- Let the games begin! - Games?
Help me move the couch.
- They're moving the couch. - Bless you for being here.
Up.
Feed the baby! Come on, feed the baby!
- Go, go, go! - You've got 20 seconds.
[Singing]
Horseradish.
Write it down.
[Everybody Have Fun Tonight by Wang Chung playing on radio]
Hoping it's ammonia.
You're not supposed to say. Write it down.
Baby crap.
One, two, three. Pull!
- Loud. - Keep opening.
You got me too much stuff.
You should have chipped in and bought me one thing.
It's a mobile. I love it, Gail.
- Thank you. - Green again.
Pretty green, too.
Isn't it supposed to be pink, pink for a girl?
- Pink's out. - It's last week.
- It's in the magazines. - Green's the new pink.
- I didn't know that. Did you know that? - Sure.
Sherry, let me ask you.
How are you gonna finish that spring campaign you're working on?
I have the final presentation on the 17th at noon...
which gives me plenty of time to do G.G. at 5:00.
- To do G.G.? - My caesarean.
I scheduled it months ago. Didn't you schedule yours?
Not quite. A half-hour before I had Rory...
I was eating a pepper sandwich watching TV.
- You were almost named Quincy. - Thanks for refraining.
Scheduling it like this was beyond necessary.
I would die without organization.
Which is why I was thrown off in the beginning.
What do you mean?
Christopher and I didn't plan for this to happen.
I thought I had the flu.
When I finally found out, the doctor had to pick me up off the floor.
I'm drunk, which is why I'm telling you...
that we were very shocked when you told us...
- because you are so not a baby person. - I'm still not.
She's mine when she's got legs to dance. Christopher's the baby person.
She's going to be beautiful.
You and Christopher are like a poster for Aryan breeding.
I can only hope that G.G.'s as beautiful as Rory, and half as smart, too.
- She's going to Harvard, you know. - I'm not in yet. I've just applied.
She's as good as in. I'm not just saying that.
I can sign it, mime it, Morse-code it, and do an interpretive dance to it.
- It's gonna be Harvard. - I hope so. It's minutes from here.
- Did you know that? - Minutes?
I've already clocked it. 2.7 miles. That's nothing.
I've checked out the best route for her to take to come over after classes.
- To come over here? - Your little sister is going to demand it.
- You can even sleep over. - I'll have a dorm room.
Dorm rooms are awful. You can even spend the weekends, too.
Right. The ones she's not visiting me on.
That's a given, Lorelai. Really, anytime. We've got a key for you.
Thank you. I'll definitely visit.
You, too, Lorelai. You're sort of G.G.'s aunt.
I guess I kind of am. I'm gonna get some more potato salad.
Isn't it the best? I'm gonna get some, too.
- No, let me get it. - No, that's okay.
I can't believe my appetite. It's so weird what a baby does to you.
You have a lifetime to get back at them.
Right. Thanks for that.
- I'm glad you're here. - Good.
- Chris would be happy you're here, too. - Great.
I have to tell you, he has been so amazing the past few months.
- So involved with the baby. - Good.
[Popper popping]
You'd think those things would be against the law.
He talks to it every night.
- Who? - Christopher, to the baby.
- He sings, too. - That's nice.
He has a terrible voice, but it's sweet.
He's so protective. If he was here now, he would insist that I lie down.
I kid him that he's gonna come home with one of those sofas...
with the pole and four men to carry me around.
If you turn it down, feel free to send it to my house.
Did she get a bulk rate on those things?
When I first found out I was pregnant...
I wasn't sure how Christopher would handle it.
I just never expected he would be like this. He's been unbelievable.
That's great, Sherry, really.
- I wanted to thank you. - Thank me?
- Yeah, it's all because of you. - What?
I've been wanting to tell you, actually.
Chris and I had a rocky stretch. I thought he was out the door.
He was so distant and hardly ever talked.
I wasn't sure if I was gonna tell him about the baby.
I thought I was gonna either go it alone, or not go through with it at all.
I was in the same position as you when you were pregnant.
- Do you know what I mean? - I guess.
I decided I would tell him before I made any decisions.
That was the weekend he was with you and Rory.
- There was a wedding or something. - Yes, I remember.
I don't know what happened or what you said...
but whatever it was, it worked.
He came back a changed man.
All of a sudden, he was so attentive and devoted...
and so willing to make it work.
He said that he had missed out before, and he didn't want to miss it again.
And I just credit a good portion of that to you.
Yes, I can be very persuasive.
- I'm getting to hate those things. - Cool it with the poppers.
- Party-pooper. - Popper-pooper.
They're children.
- Are you okay? - I'm fine. It's just one hell of a mojito.
Can you direct me to the bathroom?
Sure. Just through there and to the right.
Thanks.
LORELAI: Just a minute. RORY: It's me.
Come in. Hi, there.
- Are you okay? - I've been better.
You rearranged her medicine cabinet?
And it's going to rock her world.
- Having a meltdown? - Pretty much.
- Something Sherry said? - Everything she said.
- About my visiting her? - We'll start there.
As if you're gonna have free time to pal around with her.
- You'll be in classes. - She was just asking.
Why are you agreeing to come over all the time?
I was being polite.
By agreeing to be here when you're not with me?
- I didn't say that. - You're staying with me on weekends.
- She had to have a girl. That kills me. - That her baby's a girl?
Yes, because I have a girl, and she's just a copycat.
She can't control the sex of her baby.
Little Miss "Mani-Pedi I'll give birth before 5:00"? I think she can.
- Mom. - "All I want is a ballerina."
Poor thing's gonna pop out and land in a tutu.
- Boy, I hope not. - What is with that name? G.G.?
It's a cute name.
It is 'cause she's copying me there, too.
Rory, G.G. They're identical.
They're not identical.
Two syllables, repeating consonants. Rory. G.G.
- Oprah. Uma. - Don't mock.
I'm trying to joke you off that ledge.
Her music. God, that music.
I'm with you on that. It's driving me crazy, too.
They've been playing the same nondescript soft, generic jazz...
for two straight hours.
Who is playing that stupid saxophone like that?
It's music you eat brunch to.
- Thanks for being on my side. - I'm always on your side.
She probably makes Christopher listen to it.
Then there's the whole thing of rearranging his CDs.
To her, they're just identical, little metal discs...
full of annoying sounds you alphabetize like files in an office.
I'm with you on that, but you've got to calm down.
I just want to rearrange her whole house.
- You can't do that. - Please?
Let me mess up her bed. You make a distraction, like setting a fire...
I'll run up and un-color-coordinate her sheets.
The fire would be the thing she'd remember.
I could have been shopping, buying shoes I'll never wear.
All that stuff about me and thanking me...
What?
Nothing.
- I know you're always on my side. - It's okay.
I'm sorry.
- We should probably get back. - Yeah. Probably.
I'm gonna take one of Maureen's poppers and pop her right...
- Mom. - Let's go.
Green's the new pink?
- Mom. - Come on.
- It's stupid. - Thank you.
Let's go.
Got dinner. Half an apple pie, too.
Told the last couple of people that wanted some that a fly landed in it.
Why do you go through my stuff?
- Why are you going through my stuff? - I'm not.
So someone else is?
- I'm not doing it. - You suck at lying.
- You're paranoid. - Fine. I'm paranoid.
That doesn't mean you're not doing it.
Get the forks.
Everything I own is in a different place from when I saw it last.
- Why are you going through my stuff? - For your own good.
My own good? Can we be a little more totalitarian here?
- How about I ask a question? - Be my guest.
Where'd you get the money for the car?
I told you, I worked for it.
I know what I pay you.
- I do jobs around town. - What jobs?
I clean rain gutters.
If you cleaned every rain gutter from here to Vermont...
you wouldn't have enough to buy it.
Tell me where you got the money.
I'm not just doing rain gutters when I'm not at the diner.
What are you doing?
I go to a place that gives me money.
- For what? - For my services.
What services? What place?
Jess, are you a gigolo?
- What? - I don't know.
You go to a place where you get money...
- I do. - Where?
- Wal-Mart. - Excuse me?
I've been working there 12 hours a week to get extra money.
- Wal-Mart? - Yeah.
- You work at Wal-Mart? - Yeah.
I cannot picture you working at Wal-Mart.
Oh, my God.
- You work at Wal-Mart. - Let's drop this now.
Yeah, sure.
You don't greet people at the door, do you?
We were dropping this.
I work in the back. I move stock around on a forklift.
That takes a special license, doesn't it?
I spent a Saturday taking the class, and I got it like that. No biggie.
Are we done here?
Yeah. You wear a vest and everything?
It's the uniform. I have to.
You've been sneaking out with a little vest on you?
- It's not a little vest. - Is it blue?
Will you stop talking about the vest?
- You get a store discount? - 15%.
If you want 15% off anything...
you're not gonna get it 'cause you're being a jerk.
My enjoyment is worth the loss.
I'm eating and ignoring you.
You're like the all-American boy.
Call me Dirk Square jaw.
Look at you, eating apple pie.
I'm out of here.
Wave a flag and sing God Bless America, please.
Goodbye.
You're okay to drive, right?
- I barely drank a thing. - I'm talking about your mood.
- My mood is fine. - You're still mad at Sherry.
I'm fine. I'm fine to drive.
Although sometimes, when I'm driving and it's dark like this...
I get the urge to turn the wheel into oncoming traffic.
No, do not do Duane from Annie Hall.
I can see flames and smell smoke.
- I hate this bit. - I'm creeping me out, too.
Move those. They're not the most fragrant food.
- We shouldn't have taken them. - We had no choice.
- She was insistent. - "Take the deviled eggs!"
How many times did she say it?
Her drunken friends hear it and they all shout:
"Take the deviled eggs!"
Every one of those ladies was slobbering drunk.
Maureen and Susan almost coming to blows was worth it.
- How'd it happen? - From what I could tell, Susan said:
"Bla ra um beh bleh."
- And Maureen took great offense. - Yeah.
We didn't have to stay that long.
Sherry made a very persuasive argument...
that if we left at 6:00, there'd be an extra hour of traffic.
By leaving at 7:00, we'd get home at the same time.
She's very up on traffic flow and rush hour.
She's Rand McNally.
She should do traffic reports on the radio.
"Hi, this is Sherry Tinsdale. Looks like there's a tie-up on the boulevard."
"They're moving every building in Harvard University..."
"So now it's just 1 .3 miles from my house. Nice job, guys."
You're awful.
"Lots of cars stopped at a blue light on Garvey Avenue."
Why a blue light?
"'Cause blue's the new red."
- I like that you're feeling better. - I'm not.
I'm still... [Growling]
That medicine cabinet was not enough.
It was tame. Any of those drunken yuppies could have messed it up.
They wouldn't dare.
Plus, when I went back in there, I cleaned it up.
- Rory. - Let it go.
- That was my catharsis. - Let it go.
That woman does something to me.
You've gotta live and let live.
Bringing up Christopher like that. She must know what she's doing.
I'm not sure she did.
I wish she was doing this on purpose. I would respect her.
I just hope Dad's happy.
Happy? With Sherry and G.G., the 5:00 ballerina? No way.
To think that I sent him back to her a new man?
Man.
- Stop the car! - What? Why?
- You want catharsis? - Yes.
- I know what'll do it for you. - What?
- Jess' car. - What?
We egg Jess' car. It's perfect.
- Are you serious? - No one's around. It's just sitting there.
If rearranging Sherry's cabinet is immature, what's this?
- Off the chart. - We can't egg his car.
Sure we can.
Doose's is closed, and we don't have any eggs at home.
You want to devil-egg Jess' car?
How is that gonna make me feel better about Sherry?
Because it's active. It's aggressive. It's destructive, but not too destructive.
I don't know. Can you make something up?
Let's do it.
- Leave the engine running. - Good thinking.
You first.
- Nice. - Made a good sound, too.
- How'd it feel? - Fantastic.
- You're right. That's good. - Fun, huh?
I don't think there's been a better use of deviled eggs in culinary history.
- That's it? - All out.
Damn that Sherry for not sending more.
- Don't lose your catharsis. - Right.
- Wait. - What?
- Is that a siren? - I don't hear anything.
Neither do I. It just seemed the cool thing to say.
It was!
Let's run back and speed off like we did something awful...
- and the cops are after us! - Run!
Be prepared. I'm gonna squeal out of here.
Go!
Try again.
- We'll just make the noise ourselves. - Good deal.
[Both mimicking tires peeling out]
- I wonder if he's seen it yet. - Doesn't look like it.
- We should've headed for the border. - Which one?
The one between America and Sephoraland.
- Hey, Luke. - I was just seeing what the mob scene is.
LORELAI: The protest. RORY: We almost forgot.
Come on!
- It's the big day. - It's supposed to happen any minute.
- Goody. - This is hardly a goody.
- Are you locked and loaded, Officer? - I'm a tiger ready to pounce.
Why's the law here, Taylor?
This protest is gonna be very mellow, very peaceful.
You can hang out in Haight-Ashbury...
and drink as much electric Kool-Aid as you want, Babette.
I'm preparing for the worst.
KIRK: There he is. LUKE: What's he carrying?
PATTY: Something all rolled up. TAYLOR: Probably a body.
- It looks heavy, too. - Bodies are heavy.
That's not funny.
RORY: Somebody should give him a hand. BABETTE: Here comes someone.
RORY: Guess he didn't want help.
That's why his name isn't Town Gregarious Guy.
True.
- Do you even have bullets in that thing? - I'm ready to pop some caps here.
RORY: There he goes. PATTY: This is a nice protest so far.
- One of the best I've been to. - It's fun seeing everybody like this.
- We see each other every day. - We don't stand in a clump like this.
- We should have brought food. - We'll know better next time.
MAN: There he is again. PATTY: It's a banner.
TAYLOR: Probably laced with obscenity.
- He's dropping it! - This is exciting.
- It's blank. - It's the wrong side.
Turn it over!
[All exclaiming in disappointment]
- Did anyone see what it said? - Just the flash of a word.
It started with an "R."
Then all we have to do...
is think of everything that one can protest...
that starts with an "R," and we'll know.
- Ragú. - He could be protesting Ragú.
- Reptiles. - That's another.
- Robots. - Could be.
[Yelling gibberish]
- What did he say? - His diction's terrible.
I heard something about Jell-O.
- Is he for Jell-O or against Jell-O? - It's not clear.
Dopbanoodlestooz!
That was clear. He said, "Stop the noodle scooz."
- Stop the noodle scooz? - That's not even English.
What does it have to do with Jell-O?
- I heard, "Drop the student schools." - That must be it.
But that doesn't make any sense, either.
We have to stop this. He could be saying horrible, blasphemous things.
- How would you know? - What's the harm if we can't understand?
Maybe that's his point.
He's protesting man's inability to communicate...
by not communicating and getting us to talk about communication.
- You are blowing my mind here. - I'm seeing trails.
Luke!
- You see this? - See what? What happened?
- Someone egged my car. - It stinks.
It's gonna take forever to clean this.
- These are cooked. - What?
LUKE: They're not raw eggs. They look like deviled eggs.
- Someone devil-egged my car? - That is paprika.
Someone prepared deviled eggs to throw at my car?
They must hate you a lot.
Maybe it was the guy in the garden department.
I'm gonna clean this up.
Maybe it was the assistant night manager. You guys have words in the snack room?
First protest, now vandalism. Makes you think about leaving this town.
- I never want to leave this town. - Guess he's given up.
Back to the hills, Town Loner, to protest another day.
PATTY: He doesn't litter. That's nice.
RORY: He looks so sad. LORELAI: He'll be fine.
Mrs. Town Loner will cheer him up.
Let's get upwind from Jess' car.
- Breakfast? - Anything but eggs.
- I was home all night last night. - So was I.
We have alibis and everything.