- Richard, please, we are starving. - I will be right there, Emily.
- This is ridiculous. - Mom, relax.
He woke up this morning and just had to have this dish...
- that his grandmother would make. - We understand the cravings.
RICHARD: It's a family secret.
- Last time I checked, I was family. - He's having fun, Grandma.
I saw an open can of cream of mushroom soup, nothing good can come of that.
- Here we are, a treat for the masses. - Smells good.
This is my favorite thing to eat as a boy.
My gran used to make this for me whenever I was feeling a little sad.
You know, if my cricket team lost or a girl I fancied turned up her nose at me.
Load me up, because there was a cute chick at the pharmacy today.
I used my best material on her and nothing.
Richard, let Pena serve it.
No comment on my lesbian hilarity. My, how far we've come.
RICHARD: Pena will serve tiny, proper servings.
Johnny Machete needs to be presented in a heap.
- "Johnny Machete"? - That's the name of this vile concoction.
- It's delicious. - It's not bad.
- It's 12 different colors. - Come on, Mom, eat it.
- Looks like someone already did. - Emily.
I'm sorry, I'm happy you're happy.
To prove it, I will take three bites before I throw it out.
- Thank you. - You're welcome.
So, good food, good company, now, let's move on to good conversation.
Rory? What is new in your life?
Funny you should mention it.
- Now? - Why not?
Okay. Mom, Dad, we have some really big news.
I got my college acceptance letters back.
Harvard, Princeton, and Yale.
And after giving it a lot of thought, I have decided.
I am going to Yale.
Did you hear that? Yale.
- I'm going to Yale. - That's where you went, Dad.
- You liked it, remember? - Pass the Johnny Machete.
- Pass the... - I don't understand.
- You wanted me to go to Yale. - No, we didn't.
- Absolutely not. - What gave you that idea?
We've disagreed about where Rory should go to school...
but that's behind us now. She's going to Yale. And that's good.
Really good.
- Nothing but smiles. - We're both very happy about it.
- Her and me. - She and I.
Everyone here named Lorelai is over the moon about the going to Yale.
Which means that everybody else here not named Lorelai...
can be equally over the moon about the going to Yale.
- I'm getting the champagne. - I'm calling the Talbots.
Gloat over that dim-witted son of theirs who couldn't even get into Brown.
- She's going to Yale! - She's going to Yale!
[Richard laughing]
When I get back, I'll teach you the fight song.
- So? - It looks burned.
- How long to make it not look burned? - Maybe two...
Tom, let me help you out. The answer I'm looking for is 10 days...
because that's when I have to get guests back in here again.
- Okay, 10 days. - Are you lying to me?
- What's the answer you're looking for? - Just go fast.
Go fast? Never heard that one before.
The kitchen's fine, we just have to get the gas line reconnected.
- How long will that take? - I don't know, the plumber's in there now.
We forgot to call the Rappaports, they're here.
Oh, my God, what did you do?
I convinced them they got their days mixed up and I sent them home.
You didn't even try to get them a room somewhere else?
You're welcome.
Laura, track down the Rappaports and try to get them into the Bunnyhop Inn.
Grab a seat. Let's get the meeting started.
- I'm here. I brought bagels. - Tobin! Great, I'm starving.
Normally I wouldn't have done it. No bagel stands a chance...
next to Sookie's magical muffins and scones.
- Tobin, stop. - Two full pant sizes, all because of you.
What is he doing here? He is the night manager, it's day.
This is an emergency staff meeting, I need him here.
I told you, I can't be in the same room with him.
It's an hour out of your life, deal with it.
- Hold it. In case of soot. - You're very sweet.
Wait.
Let's let the dry cleaners drum up their own business.
- My chair. - I'm sorry.
- Okay. Should we get a room or what? - Will you just start your meeting.
- All right, here's the situation... - Excuse me, Lorelai?
- Michel, did you get a bagel? - I don't want one.
- Are you sure? They're kosher. - I don't eat bagels.
Bagels are like glue in your intestines.
It ensures that everything that enters your body will remain there forever.
- Shut up. - Okay, let's focus.
The fire wiped out the dining room and five of the upstairs rooms.
- Tobin, are you okay? - I'm sorry, I just...
I just love this place. I've been the night manager here for five years.
I've spent so much time walking these halls...
listening for friendly ghosts flying around...
Make a point, Bagel Boy.
It hurts me to see it wounded, that's all.
It won't be wounded forever...
we will rebuild and we'll be back, and better than ever.
We just need to keep it going until then.
- I need some ideas on what to do. - You know, I was thinking...
- I'm sorry, may I? - No.
- Yes. - If we could get a celebrity...
that would generate a lot of publicity.
- But how could we do that? - I know Tony Randall and Renée Estevez.
- I'd be happy to put in a call. - I hate to bring this up...
especially since, I mean, how do you top Renée Estevez...
but we have a small number of rooms, yes?
The lobby is fine and Sookie can make some things at home:
- muffins, baked goods, jams, etc. - So?
That's breakfast and we have beds.
If we add some free wine and cheese around 5:00 p.m...
We're not becoming a bed-and-breakfast. Next?
You're being stubborn.
Bed-and-breakfasts are cutesy and annoying.
- It forces people to mingle. - I do not support that.
Adding a gimmick would be an incentive for people to keep their reservations.
You know what, I hate to say it, not being a B & B man myself...
- but Michel is making sense. - Get off my side immediately.
All right. I'll consider it.
Sure, if he says it, you will consider it.
- I got to show you something. - Is it bad?
No, it's great. You're gonna be thrilled, really.
- Warm up. Cartwheels are coming. - Keep talking, I'll be right back.
Excuse me, Lorelai.
I know you're crazed right now...
but I remembered that your birthday is on Friday.
- And I got you a little something. - You didn't have to do that.
It's very small.
- I love candles. - And it's scented. Cappuccino.
- That smells great. - I'm glad you like it.
- I do, thanks. - And listen...
I'm the night manager here and I'm very proud of it.
But with everything so wacky crazy here right now...
if you need some extra help during the day, please call me.
I may take you up on that offer, thanks.
- Stairs squeak. - Stairs squeak.
- A chip on the banister. - Chip on the banister.
Paint's chipped in the archway...
and there's a board loose in the entryway, and the chimney needs to be swept.
- Luke can't sweep our chimney. - Why not?
You need to be a chimney sweep to do that.
If Dick Van Dyke can do it, so can Luke.
Luke is going to regret that he made this offer.
Luke has given me five free hours of handyman work...
- for the last five years. - And you've grossly exploited...
that gift for the past four years.
I need to make up for the year I didn't milk it like I should have.
- The spirit of giving is lost on you. - But the spirit of getting is alive...
and it wants its chimney swept. Put down laundry, too.
Then can he also build me another bookshelf?
I've never been prouder of you than I am right at this moment.
[Phone ringing]
And tell him to paint little flowers on it.
'Cause he's so good with the florals.
Hello?
I finished the paper on Dickinson, the physics test is easy.
I picked the history of the Egyptian political process for my project.
- You've been busy. - I've been bored.
When are you coming back to school?
Parents return tomorrow, my mom's bringing home a new face.
- Really. - There's a doctor in France...
who injects gel into your head to give you better cheekbones.
You're kidding me.
She needs to sleep on her back or her face will flatten like a crêpe.
My God, it's Brazil.
I'll have to go back to school when they get home, so...
It'll be fine.
Are people still talking about my meltdown speech?
- Great. - Who cares what they're saying?
Give me more homework, it'll keep my mind off my life.
There isn't any left, you've almost finished your first year of college.
I can't just sit here thinking, I'll go crazy.
- Why not go out and do something fun? - Like what?
I don't know. It's your last day of freedom, go be wild, go crazy.
Don't think, just do.
- Do what? - You're thinking.
- What if... - Don't think.
Okay. I won't think.
I'll see you tomorrow.
Can Luke knock this wall out and build us a bigger kitchen in five hours?
- You'll have to drop the laundry. - Never mind.
Oh, my God, I'm exhausted.
Are you too exhausted to talk about birthday week?
- I'm never too tired to talk about that. - Okay.
So, Monday, I thought we'd start with facials at Sloopy's after school.
Mudpack Monday, I love it.
Then we'll have Double Feature Tuesday, Sapporo Wednesday...
Complementary Makeover Thursday, and then...
- Big Fat Fabulous Friday! - D-day.
- B-D-day. - Culminating in the fabulous...
- blowout party you're planning? - I'm sorry, you wanted a party?
I told everyone you didn't want to make a big deal of it.
- Not funny. - Miss Patty and Babette wanted to hire...
two hot guys to carry you around and feed you bonbons.
Kirk wanted to hire the Red Hot Chili Peppers to play a concert.
But I said, "Hey..."
"Please respect the lady's wishes, she deserves that at her age."
- Why are you so cruel? - I have to go.
- Where? - None of your business.
- You're planning something. - I'll bring Chinese for dinner.
Tell people, no matter what they say, I just couldn't accept a new car.
It would be beneath me and I'd be humiliated.
A convertible would just make me fling myself off a building.
[Phone ringing]
- Bye. - Bye.
Hello?
- Lorelai Gilmore? - You've got her.
I'm calling from Richard Gilmore's office.
Who?
Richard Gilmore, your father.
- Tall, bow tie? - Yes.
I'm with you now, go ahead.
Okay. He'd like to set up an appointment to meet you for coffee.
Would tomorrow work for you, 2:00?
RICHARD: Make it 3:00, Karen, I have that conference call at 2:00.
Is that my father?
- Excuse me? - Put him on the phone.
- But... - Hand it over, honey.
Come on, let's go, chop-chop.
- What's she doing? - She wants to talk to you.
- Tell her I'll meet her tomorrow. - I tried, it didn't work.
- I pay you to make my appointments. - Dad.
Lorelai, hello.
You were sitting right next to this woman while she called me?
- She is my secretary. - You were sitting right there.
- This is the way a business is conducted. - Two feet from the phone.
I'm not gonna argue with you. Are you available tomorrow?
Why?
- I have to discuss something with you. - Discuss it now.
I don't have the time now.
Put Mrs. Ha-Wiggins on the phone, have her tell me.
Please, Lorelai, can you meet me tomorrow at 3:00 or not?
Fine, where?
Karen will call tomorrow to confirm and tell you the place.
Why can't you just tell me now?
Leave me just a semblance of my structure, please.
Fine. I'll talk to the woman sitting right next to you tomorrow.
So that's a 4-foot chocolate cake...
with individual vanilla cupcakes on top spelling out:
- "Happy Sixteenth Birthday, Lorelai"? - That's right.
Would you like butter cream or whipped cream frosting?
- Can you do both? - That's a lot of frosting.
I know, but it's my mom's favorite part.
Once we made a cake entirely out of frosting...
which turned out to be better in theory than in execution.
Both frostings it is, then. When do you want to pick it up?
- Miss Patty will pick it up around 5:00. - All right, you're all set.
Thanks, Fran.
- We have a glitch. - What?
Apparently the world's largest pizza was 122 feet, 8 inches.
- What? - It says it here.
- Obviously we can't do that. - Obviously.
We'll make it the largest pizza in Connecticut.
Litchfield made one last year that was 98 feet.
- Pete said they could only do a 12-footer. - Make her something else.
- What? - I don't know. Taco?
The world's biggest taco would be difficult to serve.
It'd be more of a commitment.
We'll tell her it's the world's biggest pizza.
- Lie to her on her birthday? - For her own good.
How's the music selection coming?
I'm going to choose one song from each year in Lorelai's life.
- I'm almost done but I hit a snag in 1974. - Bad year?
It makes the year of the Macarena look inspired.
Can you stash this at your house till the party? It's just favors.
Ironic. You having to hide things at my house.
Life's come full circle.
- I got the video for tonight. - What?
- Almost Famous. - Not again.
I'm addicted.
If I'm going to spend two hours watching Kate Hudson commit suicide again...
- then we'll order Indian food. - Come on.
When we watched Ed Wood we got burgers like you wanted.
Okay, tonight, Indian food, but tomorrow, Saturday Night Fever and Thai food.
Cute. You're like a really sweet, old, agoraphobic couple.
- Thanks. - I've got to go, bye.
Bye.
So, it's been a couple of days since you made the big decision.
- Are you still going to Yale? - Yes.
It's got all the classes I want, great teachers...
plus, as an added bonus, it's really close to here.
- 22.8 miles. - How'd you know?
- Do you Yahoo? - You looked it up?
- Yeah. - You looked it up.
- I just hit a few buttons on a computer. - You looked it up.
I was bored, there was nothing on TV, and I was fooling around...
- it was something to do, that's it. - You looked it up.
I'd like the wording to be a little harsher.
It says that if Aunt Tilly's Taffy delivers even two hours late...
they forfeit all payment for it...
and are liable for any loss of income that may result from that late delivery.
- It's pretty extreme. - It may seem so...
but these candy people are shifty characters.
Let's leave the wording like it is for now. We can get tougher later if necessary.
You can send some Oompa-Loompas to kick the crap out of Aunt Titty.
- Are you still dating him? - Yes.
Why?
If you're lonely, I have a nephew I would love to introduce to you.
He just got back from a three-year stint in a Biosphere in Arizona.
- Can I give him your number? - No.
- I'm not talking to you. - It's my lucky day. Is he done?
All right, fine. We'll leave it your way and see how it works out.
After I dispose of Taylor's body, are we hitting a movie tonight?
- Yeah. - Okay.
- Luke, could you sit for a second please? - I could.
- Could you do it soon? - Are we going to have the conversation?
- Conversation? - Yeah.
- Luke, please. - All right. Here comes the conversation.
My parents are coming into town and I am going to have lunch with them.
- And I thought you'd like to join me. - Join you?
What do you say?
It's not that I don't want to meet them...
it's just that I haven't met any parents for a long time.
You don't have to. I'm just giving you the option.
- Just meet her parents already. - Do you mind?
So what if they hate you, it's happened before.
- I didn't mean to put you on the spot. - I'm not on the spot.
Really, I'm completely off the spot, I'm spotless.
- What time's lunch? - 2:00 on Thursday.
2:00 on Thursday, okay, I'll be there.
- That's great. So I'll see you tonight? - I'll see you tonight.
- I have to go. - Where?
- School. - School, okay. Have a good day.
- At school. - I will.
Mills College.
Where all the girls with bad hair cried 'cause they were gonna let boys in?
Why are you going there?
- It's the one that took me. - Why'd you apply?
I needed a fallback option.
Fall back, baby, right into some big mama's loving arms.
How depressing. Let's talk about you, did you decide?
Last night.
- Brandeis? - Tulane.
- The big easy. - Enough said.
Paris, hi, you're back. My God, what happened to your nose?
- You had it done. - Finally.
- I did not. - You fall?
- No, I didn't fall, I had it pierced. - You what?
- My God. - Why would you do that?
You told me to go do something crazy.
I meant have some ice cream, go see three movies, buy a new purse.
Not poke a third hole in your nose.
I didn't buy a new purse, I pierced my nose.
Within an hour of having it done, my nose swelled up to four times its size...
blocking all nasal passages, making it impossible to breathe.
I went to the emergency room where they pried it out...
and shot me up with antibiotics.
I spent the night with an icepack strapped to my face.
I was allergic to the crap metal hoop...
that I paid $19.95 to have jammed into my nose.
- Did you take a picture? - I did not take a picture.
I was a little busy trying to get air to my brain cells.
- A burden you've not yet faced. - Paris, I'm so sorry, I didn't...
[Cell phone ringing]
Rorino. Good. I caught you.
There's a design flaw in the pizza here.
What kind of design flaw?
The crust won't be able to support all the toppings we talked about.
- We might need to put in a second crust. - A second crust?
About three-quarters of the way in, like a retaining wall.
- What about just making the crust thicker? - We're brainstorming, I've got it.
A thicker crust, that might do it.
Let me noodle around with that for a while and get back.
Okay. Bye, Pete.
I will not let you look at my nose for $10, you sick job. Beat it! Now!
Come back when you have $20.
What? Just making lemonade here.
[Knocking on door]
LORELAI: I'm coming.
[Sighing]
Coming.
Hiya.
- Your slave is here. - And where's the French maid outfit?
- I've got it on under the plaid. - So what else is new?
- So how does it feel to be a year older? - I'm not a year older until Friday.
- What the hell is this? - My birthday Mallomars.
- She says like I should just know this. - Here's your list.
- What's wrong with the garbage disposal? - It's not disposing.
- Next. - You're so good.
Ever thought of pulling the spoon out yourself?
I did consider it, yes. Do you want to start upstairs or down?
There's more to do upstairs this time for some reason.
- What'd you just do? - What?
- You put the cookie down. - Yeah.
You ate one, then took one out of the box...
- and put it back on the table. - Yeah.
- That's nuts. - Rory made this, I don't want to ruin it.
- Why'd you eat it? - I wanted a Mallomar.
- Why didn't you eat it from the box? - This one was here.
The box was all the way in the cupboard.
But you had to go to the cupboard to replace the cookie you ate off the table.
Looking at the list now.
Okay, stairs, gutters, electrical outlet, which one?
- In the bathroom. - By the sink or bathtub?
- Bathtub. - Okay.
I can do most of this list today but I can't put up the rack until later.
I didn't bring my drill. Dirty, yes. I know.
I'll be here tomorrow if you want to come by then.
I can't tomorrow. I'm having lunch with Nicole's parents.
Really.
- They're coming into town. - Okay.
- Nicole thought I should meet them. - Makes sense.
Yeah, we've been seeing each other fairly regular now...
so makes sense.
- Yeah, I think it's great. - Yeah, I do, too.
I should get started upstairs.
- By the way. - What?
- You were right about Jess. - What?
- He's not going to school. - Are you sure?
I watched him go toward the school and when no one was watching...
he got in his car and drove off. So I got in my truck...
- and followed him. - Where?
To Wal-Mart.
- He's been lying to me. - What are you going to do?
Tell him that I know. Remind him that we had an agreement.
That he's supposed to go to school and graduate...
from school and then...
I'm going to tell him I know what he's been doing.
- I'm sorry. - Yeah, well.
- I'm gonna be upstairs. - Okay. Call if you need anything.
JACKSON: Rory!
- Listen... - What do you think you're doing?
Transporting all the sodas for the party in one trip...
which seemed silly when I first came up with the idea...
and it's rapidly growing in its stupidity.
I never took you for being thoughtless, but I guess I was wrong.
What? I got the sugarless Red Bull just like you like.
- You really hurt Sookie, you know that? - Why, what did I do?
What did you do, let me see, what did you do?
If you could stop moving around it'd be easier...
I heard you're making the world's largest pizza...
for Lorelai's birthday party, is that true?
Yes.
And it doesn't occur to you to consult Sookie?
Oh. Oh, no.
The woman is a gourmet chef...
and Lorelai's best friend in the world, and you don't include her in this?
But Sookie's an artist. Pizzas didn't seem to be her thing.
Everything's her thing, young lady.
I swear, I would never purposely hurt Sookie.
It's not the world's largest pizza. It's not
even the tri-county area's largest pizza.
I have a sobbing pregnant woman at home...
which is not unusual, except this time I didn't cause it.
I'm so sorry.
By the way...
there wouldn't happen to be vegetables on that pizza, would there?
'Cause I don't know if you got the memo or not...
- but I happen to be a produce man. - And a darn good one at that.
Yet, I don't remember a call asking me to handle the vegetables.
Was there a call? Did I just miss it? Was I out?
You see, the veggies were included in the price, so it's...
Jackson, I'm sorry.
I hope you and your world's largest pizza will be very happy together.
It's not the largest pizza in the world.
We may beat Woodbury's but that's it, I swear.
Sorry.
- Everything okay? - Yes.
Just had a few calls to make, took up a bit more time than I had anticipated.
- Have you been here long? - Twenty minutes and two pieces of pie.
Amazing. Then let's get right down to it, shall we?
- Can I get you something to drink? - Iced tea, please.
- Another cup of coffee, Lorelai? - Thanks, Sarie.
I appreciate you taking the time out to meet me like this.
I appreciate you actually showing up and not sending your secretary.
I assume you're wondering why I asked you here.
- Not at all. - I have something for you.
Is it a hat?
Is it a purse? A horse?
George Foreman Grill.
When you were born I decided to celebrate.
As soon as your mother went to sleep, I left the hospital...
I called my business manager, and I made a real estate investment.
- You do know how to party. - I made this investment in your name.
Most people just buy a stuffed bear, this is better.
I thought so.
A while ago I got a letter from the lawyer...
who's representing the investment group.
He said the government is building a road right in the middle of your investment.
Sad.
This means the complex has been sold...
and all the investors will be receiving a check.
- Happy. - Since you are one of the investors...
- I get a check? - You get a check.
Wow! That's...
- $75,000? - Yes, it is.
I get $75,000 for being born?
I thought it would be a pleasant surprise.
This is $75,000.
- Do you have a pen? - Why, yes, I do.
$75,000. $75,000.
My God, that's 150 pairs of Jimmy Choos.
- What are Jimmy Choos? - Shoes.
- A 150 pairs, that's it? - Dad, they're Jimmy Choos.
For $75,000, you should be able to buy about 300 or 400 pairs of shoes.
- But not Jimmy Choos. - That's ridiculous.
You are not going to spend $75,000 on Jimmy Choos...
when you could buy 400 pairs of less prestigious...
but, I'm sure, equally stylish shoes.
You will shop around first, is that clear?
Yes, sir.
- All right, it's settled. - Listen, Dad, this money isn't...
- Isn't what? - Is it some kind of gift?
Like a birthday gift, 'cause if it is, it's too much. I can't...
This isn't a gift. I made this investment in your name...
you received a check. That's the way these things work.
Legally, I'm obligated to give you that.
This isn't charity or generosity, it is the law.
It's the law that I get to keep $75,000.
Enjoy the shoes.
- We could buy a boat. - We could. But why?
Because rich people always have a boat.
- We could park it in the front yard. - Yeah, like white trash rich people.
God, this is amazing, no more clipping coupons.
No more picking loose change off the ground.
No more driving around looking for cheap gas.
Which totally defeats the purpose...
since you use more gas looking for the cheap gas.
$75,000, I feel so rich.
And suddenly in complete agreement with everything Bush has to say.
[Phone ringing]
- I'll get it. - No.
- More secret birthday calls. - Not everything is about you.
- It could be Jess. - It's about me.
It could be Lane.
It could be Paris, Madeline or Louise...
it could be a myriad of other people wanting only to talk to me, about me.
It's about me.
Hello?
- We've got a big problemo. - What's the matter, Pete?
We did a trial run of the pizza...
just wanted to make sure everything was right there for the big day.
- I appreciate that. - So we made a trial pizza...
and Kirk built a pizza rack on top of his car, you with me?
Like a bad habit.
As Kirk's putting the pizza on the rack, it collapses, the pizza slips...
long story short, Kirk has got some severe cheese burns.
My God, is he all right?
[Kirk groaning]
Who knows? The point is, I think the pizza needs to be cheeseless.
- What? - And possibly sauceless.
The thing's a hazard, babe.
Did it occur to you that the problem may not be the pizza...
- it may be Kirk? - Did not occur to me.
- It should have. - Okay.
The pizza has to have cheese and sauce, otherwise it's not a pizza, it's bread.
If you're gonna insist on the cheese and the sauce...
you'll have to provide the transportation yourself.
- Fine, I will figure something out. - Roger Wilco, señorita.
- Who was it? - Astrid, from school.
She's leaving for Europe for a week.
She wants me to take notes and email her everything.
- She's freaked she's gonna fall behind. - It was about me.
- You're home late. - Traffic.
- Right. So, you hungry? - I'm meeting Rory.
- Want some sandwiches? - So we can brown bag it on our date? No.
Just offering. How was work?
The cleaned-up version of The Eminem Show...
seems to be selling pretty well, so the world is basically coming to an end.
So listen, I want to talk to you about something.
Talk.
Could you stop grooming for a second, please?
I'm already late.
- I was just thinking about your situation. - My situation.
You're working here and at Wal-Mart...
you're dating Rory, you're going to school, just seems like a lot.
Ever worry that if a bird flies into your head it might never get out?
- I've got everything under control. - I'm sure you do.
I just thought maybe I could make things a little easier.
- How? - I could give you a raise at the diner.
Yeah, and maybe help out with some of the bigger money burdens...
like your car insurance.
- Why would you do that? - So you can quit your job at Wal-Mart.
No way.
But you'd still be making money, and this way...
you could spend more time on Rory and school.
- I'm fine. - Jess, come on.
- Jess, just take the deal. - I have to change.
- I know you're not going to school. - What?
I saw you drive off in your car.
- You spying on me? - You lied to me.
- Once in a while I take an extra shift. - You have to go to school.
- I go enough. - What does that mean?
It means I go enough. It's public school.
My history teacher's also the football coach.
We had a deal. You go to school, you graduate.
I know. Relax. I've got it all under control.
I have to change.
Jess!
[Door closing]
That's right, breakfast is included.
Then, at 5:00, we invite all the guests to the lobby...
for complementary wine and cheese and mingling.
Yes, it is kind of like a B & B.
Okay, great, we'll see you and Sweetie then.
Bye.
TOBIN: Any thoughts? So, as you know...
we have to get this place up and running as soon as possible...
for as little money as possible.
So last night I pulled out the old Time-Life series...
and I have to admit, there are some terrific ideas in here.
For example, we can putty up the cracks in the drywall...
and then give the lower part of the wall a good coat of paint.
Then we can take a strip of wallpaper, put it around the top...
thus creating a sort of a border, if you will.
Also, I gathered up all the broken china from the dining room...
because I read in Martha that chipped teacups make great votive holders...
and we all know, when in doubt, it's candles, candles, candles, right?
I cleaned them up, filled them with tea lights, and I think they look terrific.
The pieces that were too far gone to save...
I smashed them up and used the pieces to make this nice picture frame.
That's a great idea, Tobin, really.
Lorelai?
- I have a little something for you. - For me?
Yes. I wasn't sure it would get here in time...
since I ordered it from Madrid...
but, thank God, it made it. Happy birthday.
- You bought me a present? - Yes.
- You've never bought me a present. - I have.
Not once since I've known you have you ever...
Just open up the bag, please.
Michel, it's beautiful.
Yes, I wanted it to be special, you know.
Not just some knickknack you could pick up at a supermarket...
or the car wash.
It's great, I love it. I must say I feel very spoiled.
Beautiful daybook, cappuccino candle.
That reminds me, I got you something else.
What? You already gave me a gift.
- That was a pre-gift. - A what?
Hold on, why don't you scooch just a little bit for me.
This is too much.
Yes, it is, but I saw it and it just screamed "Lorelai."
Okay, well. God, this is exciting. I love my birthday.
- I hope it fits. - Fits?
Tobin, this is amazing.
That's the jacket that Joe Strummer wore...
during the 1979 Pearl Harbor tour.
- No. - Yes.
- Who is Joe Strummer? - Tell me you're kidding.
- You did not get me this. - Is he a Hell's Angel man?
- Joe Strummer is from The Clash. - The Clash is a band.
- And a band... - I know what a band is.
He just died.
Rory and Lane have been in mourning for months. Now I have his jacket.
And, my God, this is by far the coolest thing I have ever gotten.
God, smell it, it smells like Joe.
This is wonderful to smell like a dead guy.
You'll have to beat them off with a stick.
There's a letter of authenticity and a picture of Joe wearing the jacket.
They threw in a beret just for the heck of it.
Tobin, you are getting a hug.
I'd fight it but what's the point, right?
- I have to run an errand. - Why, where are you going?
Just be here when I get back.
I just love this jacket.
- You're being... - I'm not being stubborn.
- You didn't let me get the stubborn out. - Would you like a blini?
When you sign up as a surrogate mother, you enter into a business agreement.
And the rules of business should apply.
- You as a lawyer should understand that. - As a lawyer, I do understand that.
As a human being, I also understand that when a woman's alone...
and in need of money, can do things that she'll later regret.
I could get you some cheese.
You can't force a mother to give up her child.
If she signed a paper saying, "On April 12, I'm giving birth..."
"Whatever comes out I'm handing to..."
What a lovely way to put that.
You pay her money and her medical expenses...
They always do this, they pick a subject and argue till dinner.
Then they call a truce and pick it back up for dessert. I can get you some nuts.
- I don't want to argue with you anymore. - What can I do with her, Luke?
- Probably not much. - I feel like we've been ignoring you.
- That's okay. - Nicole told us you've never been married.
Or we could talk about how he owns a diner. That's a good opening topic.
Hush, you just sit there and pretend to be ashamed of us.
No, I have never been married.
But someday maybe, right?
Marriage, children?
She means eventually, and with the woman of your choice.
They won't be involved in the picking.
Because there's nothing more wonderful than marriage.
The others escaped out the bathroom window, just a tip.
And then children. There's nothing more rewarding than children.
You can't imagine till you've been there.
True. This one here made everything in life worth it.
The experience is like the most fabulous roller coaster ride you can imagine.
From the time they're born to that first step...
the first word, the first time they hug you...
the first time they pick their own outfits.
The first time they tell you they're going to school...
and then they drive to Wal-Mart.
They think you don't know, that you're stupid.
You think, "They must be telling me the truth."
They don't think that maybe you know...
that they're lying to your face and that you're really mad...
because you guys had an agreement.
And that agreement was clear. And they know...
that breaking it is a violation of everything you'd talked about.
Yeah, that is cute, that's just darling. I can't wait to experience that again.
I'm sorry, did someone mention cheese?
RORY: Hey, guys!
Good, just the lady we're looking for. We have a plan.
Good, 'cause I've got a check.
We've solved the problem of transporting the big pizza.
I was of little help since I'm currently in excruciating pain.
Instead of this whole one huge pizza concept...
we're gonna do 100 little pizzas sitting next to each other.
- What? - Like a pizza doily.
- I don't want a pizza doily. - Less a doily, more of a collage.
- I don't want a pizza collage. - I've got another idea.
How about we put the pizzas together and put pepperonis over the open spots?
- So it looks like one big pizza. Tricky. - We could put cheese over the holes.
Please don't say the "C" word.
- Cheese might fall through the holes. - We can use slices.
- That'll work. - That will not work.
Now you three listen to me.
This was gonna be the world's largest pizza. That was the concept.
I realize that it can't be the world's
largest pizza because that pizza was insane...
but it's still going to be large, very large, crazy large.
- But... - No buts! That was the concept...
get back to the concept.
This is not Gangs of New York now with Cameron Diaz.
It's Gangs of New York 20 years ago with Meryl Streep...
as Scorsese originally imagined it.
Come back, refocus, remember the goal.
Am I making myself clear?
Cameron Diaz is hot.
- Not the point, Joe. - Okay.
Now, tonight's my mother's birthday party.
The whole town is gonna be there.
They're expecting music, favors, and a really large pizza.
They will not be disappointed. I don't care how you do it, just do it.
Somehow I can't picture Meryl Streep with Leonardo DiCaprio.
I really am sorry, Nicole, your parents must think I'm a lunatic.
I don't think "lunatic" was one of the words they used.
But they have an extensive vocabulary so there may not have been time.
It's the first time that I meet them and I... Jess was driving me crazy and...
I know this, I told them this.
I swear, when they come back into town, I will do better.
I'm going to school.
They may not be back in town for several months.
- Whenever. - Whenever.
I can make another lunch date with my parents though it's several months away?
- Sure. - Okay, I'll make it.
Tell them I've gotten some medication, I'm better now.
I'll do that.
- Get off the phone. I need the phone. - What's wrong?
- Someone stole my car. - I'll call you back.
Somebody stole your car?
I parked right around the corner and now it's gone.
- Why would you park it around the corner? - Because that's where I parked it.
How can the police department have an answering machine?
Calm down.
Who'd steal that car? It hardly ran.
These chop shops can make a buck out of anything.
I'm going to kill whoever did this.
Just go to school. I'll take care of everything.
- I've got to talk to the cops. - I'll do that, go.
You don't want to be late for class. You do plan on going to school, right?
Okay, then just walk on over to school and I'll take care of the rest.
Fine.
Have a good day, study hard, don't worry, just leave the car to me.
[All singing Happy Birthday]
Take the cake into the kitchen now.
- Aren't I supposed to blow them out? - Teresa can do that.
It's tradition for the person whose name's on the cake to do the blowing.
I'm sorry, I thought only children liked to do that.
Shall we bring it back out and relight it?
No.
Do you want to make a wish and blow out the tapers?
- Why am I being mocked on my birthday? - Because that's the Gilmore way.
Let's go into the living room for our dessert, shall we?
Let's shall.
- How long do we have? - We've got time for cake.
I don't want to miss the fancy party you're throwing.
Don't worry, it's not that fancy.
- What are you two whispering about? - Nothing.
Champagne?
Trying to get me drunk so I forget you didn't let me blow out my candles?
Is this gonna be one of those stories you tell for the rest of your life...
- like the bunny story? - His name was Murray, Mom.
Emily, you had to bring that up.
How could you think I wouldn't notice you gave away my rabbit?
'Cause you were four and terrified of him.
I wasn't terrified, I simply respected his space.
- You slept in the maid's room for a week. - I wonder where Murray is now?
In a shoebox somewhere, I assume.
Very nice, and on my birthday.
Once again, a toast to Lorelai on her 36th birthday.
- Thirty-fifth. - Really?
- You're doing the math? - Right, sorry.
- To Lorelai on her 35th birthday. - Hear, hear.
Thank you for the toast and for the dinner.
And in the spirit of the evening, Mom, I have something for you.
For me? It's not my birthday.
- I know. But here. - What is this?
It's from Murray. He took this long to write it...
partially 'cause of the hurt and pain, and partially 'cause he has paws.
- What is this? - That is what I owe you.
What you owe me?
For Rory's school, I promised I'd pay you back and now I have. Every cent.
Thank you again for helping us out.
Rory wouldn't be going to Yale if it wasn't for this money or you.
You're welcome.
- Okay, so... - You must be very relieved.
- Excuse me? - Your debt is paid, you owe us nothing.
- Yeah. - You don't need us anymore.
- I didn't say... - You don't have to deal with us.
You don't have to join us for Friday night dinners. It all works out beautifully.
This isn't about that, Mom.
- No, I owed you money, I paid you back. - I don't want it.
I can't believe you're mad that I'm paying you back.
I'm not mad, I think it's extremely unkind of you...
to use this occasion to tell me you won't be coming over anymore.
- I didn't say that. - This said that.
Let me ask you something:
Wouldn't you rather we came here 'cause we wanted to...
not 'cause of some threat you're holding over our heads?
And you would come here voluntarily.
I always said I would pay you back, this is not a surprise.
- It certainly isn't. - I was trying to do a good thing here.
When Dad gave me the money, the first thing that entered my head was...
When Dad gave you the money?
- You gave her this? - It was her money.
- It was from that investment. - Please stay out of this.
Why are you mad at me?
I told you not to tell your mother about that money.
- When did you say that? - At lunch.
- You did not. - I did.
I swear you didn't tell me not to tell Mom.
Why do you think I met you in the day at a restaurant? Think.
- You kept this from me? - I knew you would be upset.
You lied to me.
I was legally obligated to give it to her.
You're also legally obligated to your wife.
- Don't you talk to me. - Now you're overreacting.
Don't you talk to me, either.
- Don't be mad at Dad. - Stay out of this.
Mom, please. Just because I gave you this money...
doesn't mean we'll never come over here again.
We will come over...
maybe not every week but there will be the occasional Friday night dinners.
No, there won't. I don't need anybody doing me any favors.
You are released from your obligation, Lorelai.
Have a nice birthday, have a nice life, I'm going to bed.
- Dad? - Not now.
You're quiet.
I know they're upset, but trust me, they'll calm down.
- Why did you do that? - Excuse me?
- Just giving them that check like that? - Rory, I borrowed that money.
You had to have known that they'd get upset...
and that Grandma would take it personally.
- You'd rather have me not pay them back? - Maybe.
- They didn't want it. - That's not the point.
- It's kind of the point. - It's not the point at all.
- They were throwing you a party. - Sorry, did I miss something?
Did I dance around saying... when I gave her the check?
Did I not genuinely thank her for everything?
Did I not credit your getting into Yale with them giving us that money?
No buts. I'm not sure if you're aware...
of how hard it's been for these past three years to be indebted to my parents.
I decided a long time ago...
that I was going to live my life without their help.
But I went to them and I took their money and I'm not sorry.
It was the right thing for you, but I don't need their help now.
But you don't have to just throw it in their faces like that.
I paid back a loan. You're supposed to pay back a loan.
I have Polonius and the banking system on my side.
I think you could have done it differently.
How?
- I don't know. - Take a shot.
My relationship with my parents is very different from yours.
You only know the warm and fuzzy Richard and Emily. That's how I want it...
'cause they're your grandparents and they love you.
But I have a different history with them.
It was not all warm and it was definitely not all fuzzy.
So do not judge me for repaying a loan that I always intended to repay...
that I told them from the beginning I would repay...
that I had to repay.
I won't let them make me feel guilty for that.
And I will not let you make me feel guilty for doing that, either.
- I'm sorry. - That's okay.
LORELAI: My God, what is that?
The world's largest pizza. Almost.
That is amazing.
You like it?
I love it. Thank you, honey.
What happened to Kirk?