Cold, cold, cold, cold. Icy feet. Stupid frozen-tundra house.
Honey, why are you sleeping in here? Your room is way warmer.
Okay, here is the question for today, kids...
what the hell are the Eskimos thinking?
Yes, the hoods are cute, but it's always cold, always.
Plus you have to eat fish for breakfast...
and you have to eat whales and polar bears...
and penguins and Santa Claus.
Okay.
Coffee's on. Pop-Tarts are pop-tarting.
If you're just gonna lie there, I'm gonna have to sit here.
I'll have to make myself very comfortable on the nice, warm Rory.
- Why is it so cold in here? - But I was sitting on you.
- Really? Good trick. - If you're there, then who's this?
- I don't know. - We've got a stranger in our house.
- Robert Downey, Jr.? - Or a murderer.
Who needed a nap before committing his crimes?
I think this belongs to you.
She must have followed me home from Yale.
I told her she could hang out there this weekend.
But why do that when you can come here, where penguins need a coat?
Yeah, why is it so cold in here?
I broke that stupid window trying to lock it last night.
- Get it fixed, woman. - I left Luke a message. He'll do it.
- Before or after a re-enactment of Alive? - Hopefully before.
- Why don't you just call a guy? - What guy?
A window-fixing guy.
Luke always gets mad when I pay someone...
to do something he could do for free.
Then he lectures me about it every time I see him, and it's annoying.
"You paid him how much to fix the window?
"What, you couldn't just find someone to steal your purse that day?
"Hey, while you're at it, I've got an idea...
"why don't you go down to a Versateller...
"and let them charge you $5 for taking your own money out of the bank?
"Or buy tickets at Ticketmaster...
"and wind up paying more in service charges..."
"Than it would cost you to see the band?"
"Here's a great $50 markup on a bottle of wine..."
"That would have cost you $10 in the supermarket you're missing."
My god. Luke is annoying.
So...
What?
I'm just wondering what you're thinking about.
I'm thinking about nothing.
"Nothing" wouldn't happen to wear a leather jacket...
and be able to pull off an extremely convincing "Adrian"?
- Would it? - No, it wouldn't.
- You think he froze to death? - No. He wasn't sleeping here.
- Right. - I'm sure Luke took care of it.
Did somebody sit on me just now?
- No. Why? - My hip hurts.
Getting old.
Did anyone ever think that maybe...
Sylvia Plath wasn't crazy, she was just cold?
[Horns honking]
[People yelling]
Come on, guys. Push harder.
We need more stars in the gazebo area.
I repeat, we need more stars in the gazebo area.
Do you copy? Roger.
JOE: [On walkie-talkie] I'm supposed to say "Roger."
I don't think so. Copy. Roger.
Roger means "I heard you." I'm supposed to say "Roger."
Negative. I'm in charge here, and I say Roger.
- Roger. - No, you don't.
WOMAN: Just let him say "Roger," Joe.
If he says "Roger," what am I supposed to say?
Who cares?
Get out of the way, Kirk.
- Hold on. Roger. - This car's not stopping.
I am planning the Firelight festival.
Taylor left me in charge...
and I have to make sure everything's perfect.
- Move. - Roger.
Shouldn't you have a marching band behind you?
Go away.
The Budweiser Clydesdales prancing along...
Ann Jillian waving in the back?
I got to get my car to Gypsy's so she can fix it and I can leave.
- So you decided to push it there. - I didn't have a choice.
MAN: Get that piece of junk out of my way.
- I'm going as fast as I can, jerk. - Jess, do you at all find this ridiculous?
Yes, as a matter of fact, I do find this ridiculous.
I find it ridiculous that Gypsy won't walk 20 feet...
to look at my car.
- Hire a tow truck. - It costs $80 to hire a tow truck.
Come on. It's like freaking Carnivale out here.
- I'll give you $80. - No.
- You're blocking the whole street. - I don't want your money.
You want to get out of here, let me pay $80.
I'll pitch in $10!
- How about more walkie and less talkie? - You're making a spectacle of yourself.
- Go home. You won't have to watch. - Fine.
[Engine revving]
- Well? - Still looking.
- What's the matter with it? - Still looking.
You've been circling that thing for 15 minutes.
You waiting for it to tell you where it hurts?
- I've seen dumber things talk. - Just tell me what's wrong with the car.
- You need a carburetor. - So how long till it's fixed?
- Not sure. - It has to be today.
I have to get out of this half-mile...
four-block freak hole of a medical experiment.
You are delightful.
I'll have you out of here tonight. Go away and come back at closing.
And bring a lot of money, because I'm going to overcharge you...
like you've never been overcharged before.
I bet you say that to all the guys.
On second thought, maybe I'm closing early tonight.
I'm going.
That's not her.
- What? - She cut her hair.
- Don't know what you're talking about. - Okay. My mistake.
Okay. Now hold it.
- Okay. How does it look? - Festive and femme!
Yes, and completely ineffective.
- Maybe it just needs another layer. - Yes, of glass.
Nice. Something to protect us from freezer burn.
Come over here and help us.
I'm not gonna help you Barbie Band-Aid our window.
I will, however, help you to call...
one of the many extremely qualified window repairmen...
I've circled for you in the phone book.
If we fix the window before Luke comes over...
he'll have his feelings hurt.
- Do you want that? - Phone book's on the kitchen table.
- Where are you going? - I'm going to take a walk...
get a Danish, hit the bookstore, and I'll be back for lunch.
Maybe if we add a layer of tinfoil.
The professional window guys are driving by, pointing and laughing.
- Just thought you should know. - Thank you.
So, listen, I have some errands to run today.
- You need anything? - No, I'm fine.
Okay. I'll probably be heading down Elm.
That's a good street.
Yes, it is.
If there's anything you want me to do on Elm...
or anyone you wanted me to see, I could.
That's okay.
Has she said anything to you?
- No, but she's wanted to. - How can you tell?
- Let's just say it's a mom thing. - Yeah.
[Phone ringing]
Okay, maybe tomorrow, then.
Hello?
- It's a complete disaster. - My existence?
- Not everything is about you, Lorelai. - Sorry.
The Rare Manuscript Acquisition fundraiser is tonight...
and we still haven't filled our table. I'm four people short.
The Buries are visiting their daughter in New Hampshire.
Then they can just go straight to hell, can't they?
Mom, I already said I'd go.
But we still have a half-empty table.
Fewer people to fight over the centerpiece.
Stop it. This is not funny.
The last person who didn't fill her table was Loretta Bobbins.
You remember Loretta Bobbins?
- No. - Exactly.
Once you don't fill a table, you don't get another table to fill.
- You are off the list. - Mom, that's not gonna happen to you.
- You said you would come. - I am coming.
And you're bringing someone.
- I never said I was bringing someone. - I'm telling you to now.
Mom, it's tonight.
I need you to bring someone, Lorelai. Loretta Bobbins, Lorelai!
All right, the Dartmores are trying to change Betty's viewing.
They'll call back in a minute.
They owe us, Richard. Remind them that they owe us.
All right, I'll see you tonight at 6:00 sharp...
and don't wear those pantyhose with the seams up the back.
You look like 10 cents a dance. Richard, I need a gimlet!
After we light the bonfire, the dancers should come through.
- Okay, Kirk. - They'll circle the gazebo...
jazz hands, then out come the flaming batons.
- That sounds good, Kirk. - Are you ignoring me?
Since you were old enough to walk, Kirk.
What do you think?
- I think it's good. - Is there too much turquoise?
Are you kidding? Turquoise is timeless.
What are you doing?
Luke, you remember my friend Carrie, right?
- Yeah. Hi, Carrie. - Hi, Butch. Good to see you.
Been under any bleachers lately?
No, I haven't. What is that?
- It's an earring tree. - And what is it for?
- You hang earrings on it. - And what is it doing here?
I thought I'd put some of my earrings out, you know...
see if I could sell some to the good people of Stars Hollow.
- No. - Why?
- They're cute. - This is a diner.
People come here to eat, not shop.
- But now they can do both. - Liz, can I talk to you for a moment?
You want me to negotiate with him for you?
No, she doesn't. Thanks for the offer.
- Liz, please. - Sure, my brother.
Why are you so stressed about this?
Do you remember when you decided to make...
- those ceramic pots without a kiln? - Yes.
- How did that go? - Pretty bad.
You were depressed for a month.
You cut all your hair. You threw out all your clothes.
I remember the bad times.
You put those earrings out on my counter, and nobody buys them...
They sell great at the fairs.
I'm sure they do, but this is not a Renaissance Faire. Look around.
Everybody here has a life, and no one's gonna buy them.
- Please just... - Look at this.
These are so cute. Luke, are you selling these?
He sure is.
- I'll take them. - Excuse me. I wanted those.
- Turquoise? With your complexion? - They're for Lulu. She's a sweetheart.
- Does she have pierced ears? - I can check.
Joe, have you ever noticed my girlfriend's lobes?
What?
Okay, thank you both for the show of support.
It's very kind, but you don't have to do this.
- Do what? - Pretend like you like them...
- 'cause Liz made them. - Who's pretending?
- Yeah, they're phat. - They're gonna fall apart.
- No, they're not. - They'll make people's ears green...
and send 'em to the hospital.
You cannot design my ad campaign. You need to nap, Jack.
- I'm cool, they're cool, everybody's cool. - Stop, Kirk.
She slapped me. Who saw her slap me?
Okay. Relax, you two.
I can make you whatever you want.
I want these in fuchsia pink, I want these in purple.
Hi. I'd like a large coffee and a cherry Danish, please.
I'm leaving.
- A little farther back. Roger. - What?
- It's got to go back farther. Roger. - I can't hear you.
Speak into your walkie-talkie. Roger.
- Kirk, what are you saying? - Speak into your...
Speak into your walkie-talkie! Roger.
- I lost my walkie-talkie. I told you that. - That's your own fault.
Roger.
Luke.
Luke, hold on. Please, I know you owe us nothing...
but our dead frozen carcasses may someday haunt you...
in your old age. Or not, because you don't know who I am.
- Sorry. I thought you were Luke. - I knew I should've put on some lipstick.
- No, I just saw the truck. - I borrowed the truck.
- Right. - He knows.
I'm sure he does.
- I'm Liz, Luke's sister. - Luke's sister. Yeah.
I knew you were here. Hi, I'm Lorelai. Is Luke in the diner?
He just stepped out for a second. You need him for something?
I just need to tell him something.
- You want me to give him a message? - Sure. Yeah.
Sure. Tell him Lorelai wanted to gently remind him about the window.
I'll be home till 5:30, and tell him I looked cold.
- You're the wife. - The wife?
Yeah, I knew he got married, but I hadn't seen the face yet.
Wow. It's good to meet you.
No. I'm not the wife.
I'm the friend and the customer, I'm not the wife.
Sorry. You look like his type, so...
No. Not his type.
Or his wife. Just his friend and his customer.
- It's still good to meet you. - You, too. Luke's told me a lot about you.
- Yeah, like what? - Like you're his sister.
He admits it?
And that, you know, you're here visiting him...
and how happy he is you're here visiting him.
- He did not say that. - I think he did.
He's probably not too thrilled I'm here. I'm kind of a pain in his ass.
- Aren't we all? - Yeah, but I'm special.
I kind of screw up a lot, and then he has to fix it...
and then we fight, and then I screw up again...
and he fixes it. It's a pattern.
- Luke likes his routine. - He's pretty amazing, though.
No matter how much I screw up, he just keeps fixing it.
I need money, he gives me money. No place to live, Luke finds an apartment.
Even my kid, when I was having trouble with him...
- Did you ever meet Jess? - Yeah, I did.
I tell you, he was hell on wheels. I couldn't do a thing with him.
- I didn't know what to do, so... - Luke fixed it?
He tried. He wasn't entirely successful.
I don't know.
Maybe if I'd have sent Jess to him a little sooner...
Anyhow, Luke did what he could.
He always does. He's like my hero, you know.
Like one of those Greek gods with the golden helmets...
and the shields and the sandals.
- And the little white toga dresses. - I sound silly.
No, you don't.
Take it from someone who has run to Luke many a time...
he's definitely one of the good ones...
- maybe the good one. - Yeah. I miss him.
I've even been thinking about moving back here.
To Stars Hollow?
Maybe. I've discussed it with my boyfriend.
I'm not sure how Luke would like it, but I sure would.
- Anyway, I should get going. - Sure.
It was nice to meet you, friend and customer, not wife.
- Nice to meet you, too. - I'll be sure and give him your message.
Don't forget. Human Popsicle.
I have to tell you, this is a real treat, having you two girls over like this...
spur-of-the-moment.
I don't know what I did to get so damn lucky.
We just realized we hadn't seen you very much lately...
and we thought, "Today's the perfect day to catch up with Babette."
Yeah. Perfect day.
I am tickled pink. Here you go. Hot cocoa.
- Thanks, Babette. - We don't deserve such treatment.
Of course you do...
two young hotsy-totsies like yourself hanging out with an old broad like me.
You deserve a lot better.
So you kids going to the Firelight festival tonight?
- You bet. - We're gonna be late...
because we have to make a pit stop...
for one of my mother's charity events.
- Sounds ritzy. - Like the cracker.
The festival should be quite a shindig.
Just watching Kirk try and get those stars hung...
was worth the price of admission.
You know, he insisted on demonstrating the correct way...
to hang them, and treed himself.
It took the fire department and two cans of tuna...
to get him down.
I hate that I missed that.
Plus the whole town is buzzing about Jess coming back.
Stupid little pisher...
trying to sneak out of town without anyone knowing.
This town? What, is he kidding?
I'm so sorry, sugar.
- Here I am going on and on about Jess. - It's fine, Babette. I'm fine.
- She's fine. - You sure?
- Yes, I'm sure. - She's fine.
- I saw him. - Who?
- When? - Where?
- Today, at Weston's. - He went into Weston's?
- That little bastard. - What happened?
- I went in, he saw me, and he left. - No.
- He said nothing? - No, he said something.
He said, "I'm leaving."
Way to state the obvious.
It was so weird. I mean...
he's the one who left town, he's the one who didn't call...
and now he just gets up and walks out like he's mad.
- What does he have to be mad about? - Exactly.
I should be mad. It's my town. I should be the one to walk out in a huff.
- You still stuck on him, honey? - No, I'm not.
I just wasn't expecting him to come back, that's all.
- He'll be gone soon. - Yeah, I know. He'll be gone soon.
My god. I forgot the marshmallows.
He'll be gone soon.
Mayday. Mayday.
The Morrisey kids have stolen the bonfire again. I repeat...
the Morrisey kids have stolen the bonfire again.
Caesar, I'm back.
What did you burn?
- Liz, what are you doing? - I just needed some things.
Steaks? You needed steaks?
I'm making dinner upstairs, and you don't have anything.
- Then go to a store. - Come on.
- Couple of steaks, what's the big deal? - The big deal is I run a diner.
I sell food. It's how I make my living. It's how I can afford all this.
- You can spare a couple of things. - How do you know what I can spare?
- That's a whole pie. - It's peach. Nobody eats the peach.
- A lot of people eat the peach. - I'll buy a pie tomorrow.
Tonight I'm making a feast for my guys.
Your guys? Who are your guys?
You and T.J.
- T.J.? - Yep. You're really gonna like him.
- He's upstairs waiting for us, and... - Upstairs in my apartment?
You left some guy named T.J. alone in my apartment? Liz.
- I've been gone 20 seconds. - That's all it takes.
To do what, steal the singing "Be Happy" bass?
That is my singing "Be Happy" bass...
and it had better still be up there, including the batteries.
I thought I'd make chili.
- You are not Liz. - Already smarter than the last guy.
Hi, baby.
- Look what I found downstairs. - You must be Luke.
- I think she's talking about the steaks. - I was not talking about the steaks.
This is my "him."
This is my guy. This is T.J.
- Guess what it stands for? - What?
- T.J. Guess what it stands for? - I don't know.
- Just guess. - I can't.
- Come on. - Thomas Jefferson.
No. Thomas Jefferson.
- That's a weird guess. - Okay, I got to go back to work.
No, come on. Caesar's there. Sit down.
You want a beer?
One of my beers out of my fridge? Sure. Why not?
- Coming right up. - I'm so excited.
My two favorite guys are with me, drinking, talking.
And soon there will be chili.
I forgot something.
My god. This is freaky. It's like fate.
Jess did not know we were here.
I had no idea that Jess would come by, and now look at us together.
All the men in my life are drawn here to me.
This is positive. This means something. Do you feel it?
I sure do.
Baby, this is my kid. This is Jess.
Jess, this is T.J.
- Guess what it stands for. - No.
You'll stay for dinner?
- I got to go check on my car. - We're making a ton of food. There's beer.
- My beer. - I'm not hungry.
Please. Stay for a little while.
I think you guys are really gonna get along great.
T.J.'s really enjoying Stars Hollow, aren't you, baby?
Yeah. This place is great. It reminds me of New York.
- How? - You know...
- Neither one is in space. - No, that's not it.
Of course not.
There's an energy, right?
There is. I feel it. A very similar energy.
Liz showed me your old house and your school.
Like the picture of you in the shorts.
My brother was very big in athletics in his day.
And the ladies loved him.
- Ask Carrie. They went out. - Yeah?
- Crazy Carrie and I did not go out. - They just made out.
We did not make out. We did not go out.
We did nothing that involved the word "out."
- I think he's still hung up on her. - A lightning bolt, please.
I got to go.
Okay, but come back after you checked your car.
We'll save you some food. You look good, handsome.
If I was a girl, I wouldn't kick him out of bed.
Come back, okay?
Yeah, if you do, I'll draw your portrait on my Etch-A-Sketch.
- You can't miss that. - We'll see.
Jess, wait a sec.
- So, wow. - Yep.
If I could pick anyone in the world for my sister to be with...
- that guy'd definitely be his cab driver. - I don't know.
- He had a certain something. - Yeah, lack of chromosomes.
- That sounds right. - So what'll we do?
- About what? - About that. Them. Him.
- Nothing. - Where are you going?
To check on my car.
Jess, don't you think we should discuss this?
- Discuss what? - T.J.!
I thought we just did.
- We didn't come up with a solution. - A solution to what?
Are we having the same conversation? A solution to him.
A solution would have been birth control. Too late, move on.
- We have to do something about this. - Like what?
- I don't know. We have to say something. - Like what?
He's a grown man with an Etch-A-Sketch.
So shake him real hard. Maybe he'll disappear.
- What, you like this guy? - Of course I don't like this guy.
I don't like any of the guys. But she's gonna do what she's gonna do.
No, I do not accept that. We can go to Liz together. We can tell her.
She does not care what we think. She really doesn't care what I think.
I've got 19 years of proof to back me up.
She does. You just have to find the right angle with Liz.
- Can I go, please? - No, you can't go. We have to fix this.
I cannot watch her throw her life away again...
with a loser, again.
You see, this is your problem.
You're gonna help people whether they want it or not.
You have to fix everything. You have to fix everyone.
You think it makes you a good guy...
but, really, it just makes you a pain in the ass.
You make it so that when people fail you...
you get to feel like the martyr...
and they get to feel like not only did they screw up...
but they also disappointed you.
You interfere, and you make everything worse.
No one is asking for your help. No one wants your help.
Focus on your own life and leave everyone else alone.
Give it back. I mean it.
I'm in charge here, guys. Come on!
I need that! This is totally unfair.
Hey, Andrew.
Track these down for me? They're all out of print.
- You got it. - Thanks.
KIRK: All right, I'm about to start getting angry.
Damn it.
Hello?
Luke.
- Yeah, hey. - How did you get in here?
You left your bedroom window open.
My bedroom window is on the second floor. What did you do?
I promised to fix your window, so I'm here to fix your window.
My god. You cut yourself.
- Glass was broken. - Hence the need for fixing.
I'm sorry. Are you drunk?
I am not drunk. I do not get drunk.
I had some beer. Beers. More than one. A few.
And then I came here, and I climbed your tree.
- Good thinking. - And then I fell out of your tree.
Sit down.
I landed flat on my back. I felt like Kirk.
Hold your hand up in the air.
And then I climbed back up the tree. This time I made it. I got in.
Sorry about the lamp.
You know, Luke, you could have broken your neck.
It would have been all right if I had.
I would have fixed it, because that's what I do.
I fix things, even when they don't want to be fixed.
- Let me see your hand. - Why?
Because it's bleeding and I need to look at it.
Gross.
- It's fine. Leave it. - I can't leave it. It's cut.
- That's my wrist. - Sorry.
You're very good at this.
- I don't like blood, okay? - Then leave it alone.
No, I can't leave it. There.
You want to tell me what happened?
- Nothing. - What are you doing?
- I'm gonna fix the window. - Forget the window.
I can't forget the window.
I made a promise, and I am the reliable guy...
who helps everybody out whether they like it or not.
- What? - Yeah.
Nothing I can do about it, just the way I am.
It is my big problem.
Didn't know it was my big problem till today...
but now I know. It is my big problem.
- Got a handful of Barbie. - Luke, what happened today?
Today I found out what a big, dumb, idiot guy I am.
Just an imposing, judgmental know-it-all...
who blows around, yelling and complaining...
and screwing up everybody else's life.
- I hardly think... - I'm dumb, you know.
Not like Jess. Jess is smart. He doesn't care about anybody else's life.
He just takes care of himself.
- Did you and Jess have a thing? - He informed me that I am nothing...
but an unwelcome burden to everyone around me.
- Luke, that's not true. - Yes, it is.
Luke, stop it.
Liz was just saying today how grateful she is...
to have you as her brother, and how much she looks up to you.
- You talked to Liz? - I thought she was you.
I'm a man.
- She was in your truck. - When I'm in my truck, I am still a man.
I couldn't see who was driving, okay?
I ran over to the truck, we met, and we started talking.
- You shouldn't have talked to Liz. - She worships you.
She said she even wants to move to Stars Hollow...
so she can be closer to you.
- She didn't say that. - She did say that.
Jess is an unhappy kid, Luke. He's angry. He doesn't mean the things he says.
He did me a favor.
Listen, why don't you hang out here, rest for a little while, okay?
- I'll go get you a real bandage. - I like the Barbie ones.
Yes, honey, but the other kids will beat you up...
if they see you with one of those.
I'll be right back.
You sure I can't help you? Can I hand you something?
You know, it doesn't have to be perfect. It just has to run.
Just curious. Have you noticed since you started standing there...
there's been a lot less of the clinking sounds?
The clinking sounds are what tools make when they fix things.
- You've been fixing this car for hours. - And I'm not done, so back off.
- Jess! - She sounds mad.
You've been here less than 24 hours and already I want to kill you.
- What did I do to you? - All that crap you said to Luke...
a man who's done nothing but support you and try to help you.
- I don't know what you're talking about. - You do know.
Don't act stupid. Why would you do that?
What an incredibly insensitive, mean-spirited...
Drop it. This has nothing to do with Luke. This is about Rory.
This is not about Rory. This is about Luke.
Don't you have an ounce of sensitivity in that thick head of yours...
or are you so mad at the entire world that you don't care who you hurt?
And I suppose we're still not talking about Rory?
Wow. A second "Rory" in 10 seconds.
You sure have Rory on the brain. I wonder why that is.
- You started this. - Is that why you came back here?
Are you still hung up on her? Is that why you came back?
- No. - Good.
Because she is over you. She has moved on, and she is very happy.
Please hurry up so I can get the hell out of here.
I second that.
LORELAI: Wonder where Demi and Ashton are sitting?
RORY: I think we're late. LORELAI: We're not late.
- Grandma said dinner starts at 6:00. - That means 7:00.
- In what universe? - They invite you at 6:00...
know you won't be here till 7:00, so dinner won't start till 8:00.
Actually, we're early. There they are. Hi, mom.
- That's a bad face. - Told you we were late.
What is Rory doing here?
- Hi, Grandma. - You weren't supposed to bring Rory.
Really helping the kid's self-esteem, Mom.
You don't know one man who'd spend the evening with you?
- I thought you liked Rory. - We like Rory, but we're short of men.
So am I.
Honestly, it's not your looks that keep them away. Think about that.
- I'm sorry. Should I stay? - Of course you should stay.
We can't do anything about that now.
So, on a wigged-out level from 1 to 10, Mom's at...
- Frances Farmer. - Yeah.
Rory, what are you doing here?
Lorelai couldn't find a man.
You weren't specific. You didn't say, "Bring a man."
And if I had, you'd have been able to find one?
Rory, sit over there.
Marjorie, Shawna, this is my daughter, Lorelai...
and her daughter, Rory.
- This is Marjorie and Shawna. - Hello.
- Who are Marjorie and Shawna? - Richard and Jason's secretaries.
Dull girls, like two rolling pins sitting across from me...
but we were desperate.
- Hello, Emily, Richard. - Jason.
You're late, Jason.
I'm sorry. I got hung up talking to Feriman in the lobby.
Feriman is here?
Yes, and he's three drinks ahead of everybody else.
- Marvelous. - No, don't sit there.
Sit next to Lorelai. Rory, move over.
- Why? - You two pretend you're together.
- What? - Emily, good idea.
Shawna, Marjorie, for God's sake, look like you belong here.
- Yes, that's much better. - So who else is joining us?
No one. We brought one of Richard's coats to hang over the chair.
- We're saying it's Marjorie's husband's. - He's making the rounds...
and at about 8:00, he'll get sick and have to leave.
- Does everybody understand the story? - I think so.
But then we'll have to hide his jacket, so I suggest I put it under my dress...
and pretend to be pregnant.
Then Jason can pretend to be the doctor. Then Rory can dig a tunnel...
I might have known you'd turn this into something ridiculous.
- I want to be the doctor. - Good lord.
And Jason, move closer to Lorelai.
And for God's sake, you two, at least act like you like each other.
Your mom said.
Hey, there you are.
Yes, here I am at my job. Will wonders never cease?
- Major party happening outside. - So I hear.
You got to see it.
I'm sure you can see it enough for the both of us.
Big fire, crazy punch out there, too.
Seriously, man, come on out. You won't believe it.
No, T.J., actually, I will believe it, because, see, I live here...
so I've seen this festival, let's say, about 5,000 times.
Yes, I see your point.
Okay, Liz and I are taking off right after the festivities...
so maybe you could come out and say sayonara.
- I'll come out as soon as I can. - Great. How long, you think?
How long I think what?
- How long you'll be doing that? - I don't know.
- Looks like you're almost done. - I'm not.
- The stack's getting pretty small. - Look...
- I will be out soon, okay? - Okay.
- I am gonna hold you to that. - I'll consider myself warned.
The importance cannot be overstated. Language is humanity's lifeline.
That is why I thank each and every one of you...
for your loyal support of the...
Ephram Wordus Rare Manuscript Acquisition Foundation.
Because without it...
we would just be stuck brooding around Nag Hammadi.
- I don't get it. - Me neither.
- You go to Yale. - I skipped Obscure Manuscript Humor 101.
- Why was that funny? - No idea.
- You were laughing. - Take a poll.
No one in this room has any idea what that crazy old man is talking about.
- Bunch of poseurs. - Hundreds of literary artifacts...
which might otherwise have been lost.
- How far do you think we can push this? - I'm not sure.
- Dancing? - Possibly.
- Stroll on the terrace? - Passable.
- Making out in the coat-check room? - That's gonna be tricky.
So, once again, I thank you...
and I hope you all have a lovely evening.
I'm going to go find Feriman.
I have to say hello to Babe Wellington.
Mom, how much longer do Jason and I have to pretend we're together?
Lorelai, don't do this to me.
Until this evening is over, you are together...
and I don't want to discuss it again.
Fine.
- I just secured us the coatroom. - Let's go.
I'm going to make out in the coatroom. Don't eat my chicken.
- That's going on your tombstone. - Jason.
- Hello. I didn't know you'd be here. - You look well.
- Thank you. How's business? - Very good.
- I'm pleased to hear it. - How's your golf game?
It certainly can't match yours, but I'm catching up.
When you're ready... I'll give you a call.
- Fine. Good to see you again. - Same to you.
Well? Who was that?
- My father. - Your father?
And you two have met before?
Yes, briefly. I believe there was an Aquaman party involved.
This business thing must've been really bad for you guys.
- What do you mean? - I mean, that was so cold.
You talked like you barely knew each other.
- No, we've always been like that. - You're kidding?
No. In fact, asking me about my golf game was...
actually a little too touchy-feely for me.
Who would have thought I would ever put my mother...
next to someone, and think "warm"?
Jason, I just heard your father was here.
How could you possibly have found that out this quickly?
News travels fast here. People talk. So what did Floyd say?
- Well... - Richard, Floyd was just here.
- We know, Mom. We saw him. - He came by the table? What nerve.
- How dare he talk to his son. - Be quiet, Lorelai.
If he's here, he must have a motive.
He never cared about rare manuscripts before.
- He must be trying to get information. - I don't think he had an agenda.
- What was his body language like? - He was breathing and standing.
- I think all signs point to alive. - What did he ask you about?
- He asked me about my golf game. - Not the business?
- No. - He's tricky.
He didn't ask about the business, Dad, okay?
I know he didn't ask, Lorelai. That was deliberate.
So he wanted to know nothing on purpose? The fiend.
- Please stay out of it. - He's planning something.
- Jason, I think we should strategize. - Richard, I don't think...
I've been doing this a lot longer than you have.
If a man like Floyd Stiles comes over to you and does not ask about the business...
you can be sure something very big is coming.
I guess I have to go. If you'll excuse me, ladies.
Fine. Nobody was believing you two as a couple, anyway.
[Singing]
This is Bird Dog One to Bird Dog Two.
The southwest corner is secure.
JOE: I'm at the southwest corner, Kirk.
- Then where the hell am I? - Look who finally came out of his cave.
- Carrie, what a coincidence. - You remember Anna, Jill.
Hello, Anna. Hello, Jill.
We just came from the reunion, so we're a little tipsy.
You know, drink water and take some aspirin...
before you go to bed.
I told them you're trying to pretend you don't remember "the night."
I don't remember "the night."
I remember "the night."
The whole reunion remembered "the night."
- We all talked about it. - Terrific.
Everybody had a crush on Butch Danes in high school.
- So serious, so intense. - So hot in those tiny, little shorts.
- Okay, I should go find Liz. - I'll help you find her.
- No, I don't want to break up the party. - There's always room for a foursome.
[Women giggling]
So, 20 years later, none of you are married?
- No, we're all married. - There's Liz.
JILL: They're not gonna run out of punch, are they?
CARRIE: They never run out of punch. LUKE: Okay, I should go.
Wait.
We're all going to the Styx...
REO Speedwagon-Journey concert next week.
We have an extra ticket, if you're interested.
If it was just Styx and REO Speedwagon...
I'd be there, but Journey freaks me out.
Sorry. Enjoy the festival.
So there's a line a mile long. The place is going crazy for the earrings.
- Come on, T.J. - I'm just telling them how it is.
The last fair we went to...
the line was so long it blocked the fruit-ice stand.
Now, traditionally, the fruit-ice people are not the nicest people on the circuit...
but you block their stand, and they really go crazy.
They threw lemon rinds! But it didn't matter.
Those people stayed and they bought plenty.
People seem to like my stuff.
We're heading to Minnesota next month. Big fair there.
- And this time we're unveiling the booth. - The booth?
T.J. just built me the greatest booth. You should see it.
You got to have a good booth. It's the first thing people see.
Earrings are small.
You don't know they're there until you're up on them.
But a booth and a nice sign...
a person standing at the jousting match, they turn around...
"Look at that booth with the nice sign."
They take a look at Lizzie's stuff, and they're hooked.
- Luke, nice of you to join us. - I didn't see you there.
I heard you were leaving right after the festival, so...
I'm so glad you came out.
See you later, Liz.
Can you believe this thing?
It hasn't changed one bit since we were kids.
Same crazy gathering that Mom would take us to.
- And then Dad, after she died. - He hated it worse than we did.
- He only took us because Mom liked it. - Yeah.
- Of course, that Founder's Day punch... - Lethal.
The first time I ever threw up from booze, it was Founder's Day punch.
- That's a nice story. - Listen...
I'm sorry about Jess.
Boy, that statement could encompass a whole myriad of things.
I'm sorry I told you I wasn't in touch with him.
It's just been the last six months he started calling...
and he asked me not to tell you, so I was trying to bond or something.
I just mentioned the car to him.
I didn't know he'd come back here and try and take it.
It's okay. It's his car. He should have it.
I'm just trying to make things better with us.
You should. It's fine.
I have a feeling about him. I think he's gonna be okay.
- He's kind of like Dad, don't you think? - I don't know.
I do. I think he's like Dad.
I want to thank you for everything you did for him.
It never hurts to take a shot. At least you know you tried.
Sometimes things take a while before they sink in.
It did with me.
Sorry I'm so boring tonight. I only had one cup of punch.
Gary switched us over to club soda after that.
You're not boring. Who's Gary?
- That's T.J.'s real name. - T.J.'s real name is Gary?
- Yeah. - Gary?
How in the heck did he get... Never mind.
I heard him talking back there, Gary. It sounds like things are going good.
- They are, really good. - Good.
Wait. I just made these last night.
You could give them to your wife. Or Lorelai, whoever.
- Thanks. - I'm gonna get my stuff together.
We need to leave soon. Tell Gary I went back to your place.
- I'll do that. - Okay.
- See you. - See you.
Gone the rest of the night.
And we're stuck there with the rolling pins.
- God, so boring. - I am starving.
What, the possibly beef in some sort of cream sauce...
did nothing to curb your appetite?
You want to start with burgers or do a cart-to-cart attack?
There's two of us. I think we can accomplish both goals.
- I'll get the burgers. You hit the carts. - Meet you by the bonfire.
- T.J. - You're here. Cool.
So, Liz is back at my place getting your stuff.
- She just wanted me to tell you. - Okay, thanks.
So, look, I kind of heard you guys talking and...
you know, things seem to be going pretty good for Liz...
which is different and a nice change.
I know you guys are thinking about moving here...
and I just wanted you to know it's okay by me.
Okay. I didn't realize we needed your permission.
No.
You don't. Maybe you misunderstood me here.
I was trying to say I assumed, because my sister has a history with guys...
that, you know, you were like the others.
You seem like a pretty good guy.
Thanks. You're a dick.
I just heard the tail end of that conversation...
I assume you haven't changed your name to Richard.
Long, long story. I'll tell you later.
But here's a teaser: the word Etch-A-Sketch comes up.
I'm hooked.
- You're all dressed up. - Just for you.
You go somewhere?
My parents had a charity event, and they needed a chair filled...
and who fills a chair better than I?
- No one comes to mind. - So did Jess leave yet?
I stopped by Gypsy's earlier...
and she was just about done then, so probably.
- No goodbyes? - No.
Liz has a feeling about him, though. She thinks he's gonna be fine.
- He could be. - Yeah.
Here.
Pretty.
Liz made them yesterday. She wanted you to have them.
Great. Be sure to tell her thanks for me.
I will.
- There. - Thank you for your business.
- Do not come again. - Not likely.
- I get to leave first. - Rory, wait. Stop!
- No, you don't get to walk away. - Hold on!
My town! I leave!
I just want to... Where are you going?
- None of your business! - We look like idiots.
- I don't care. - Stop running.
- Stop following. - Come on!
- Go away! I'm leaving! - Rory, stop!
- Why? - Because I want to talk to you.
About what? What do you want to talk to me about?
When did you learn to run like that?
You know, I have actually thought about this moment a lot.
What would Jess say to me if I ever saw him again?
I mean, he just took off, no note, no call, nothing.
How could he explain that?
And then a year goes by. No word, nothing.
So he couldn't possibly have a good excuse for that, right?
I have imagined hundreds of different scenarios...
with a hundred different great last parting lines...
and I have to tell you that I am actually very curious...
to see which way this is going to go.
- Could we sit down? - No. You wanted to talk, so talk.
What do you have to say to me?
I love you.