This feels so decadent.
- Isn't this decadent? - Very decadent.
Are there more marshmallows?
All you two have been dipping are the marshmallows.
You haven't touched the kiwi or the pineapple or the tangelo slices.
- But it's fruit. - Fruit is good for you.
- We're fondue purists, Grandma. - Yeah, we dip old school.
The government says you should have nine servings...
of fruit and vegetables per day.
- Imperialist propaganda. - I think Noam Chomsky would agree.
- Yeah, but Noam doesn't dip fruit. - Or laugh.
- Ever seen that punim on him? - Easter Island.
Luminista, please bring more marshmallows.
Bless you.
I'd love to get your opinion on something.
Sure.
The city ballet's in trouble. We've given so much over the years...
but it's never enough to cover everything they need.
- I hate that. - So, we're trying something new.
Select patrons, such as myself, are sponsoring individual dancers.
- Help me pick one. - Pick what?
My dancer. I get to take one home. Bios are on the back.
- And this is legal? - Of course it's legal.
Do you want a boy or a girl, Grandma?
I'm thinking a little girl, cute and petite.
- They're all petite. - But not all cute.
This one should fouetté over to the dermatologist.
- Yes, I'd rather not look at that. - Really, Mom, this is a little bit creepy.
It's not creepy. We're endowing dancers...
so they don't have to worry about money. It's nice.
Gregorio here looks pretty well endowed already.
Stop that.
- Here's a little cutie-patootie. - She's darling.
- Look at those little feet. - Whoa. You're right.
- This Gregorio guy, what's up with that? - Rory!
Just a little girl talk, Mom. Who are we offending?
Let's make two piles. One for the maybes, one for the nos.
- Sandpaper face is a no? - Definitely.
What about endowment boy?
- The maybes. - You go, Grandma.
I bet Gregorio would be good dipped in chocolate.
Sorry.
I don't know. Adopting a ballet dancer? The whole thing sounds very shady.
It's good to support the arts any way we can...
even the shady-sounding ways.
- Hey, you took my book bag. I need that. - Sorry.
So, you really think that transferring your stuff...
bit by bit like this is the way to go, huh?
Easier than renting something? Doing it all at once?
You really want to relive the U-Haul incident of May 2004?
- You make one iffy U-turn. - We were in a tunnel.
- A wide tunnel. - Going the wrong way...
- down a one-way street. - They don't let you forget.
Yeah, I've got that elephant's memory when it comes to nearly dying.
Hey, you took my book bag again.
[Lorelai shrieks]
So, hey, let's finalize our plans for Thursday.
Right. So, Jackson says Sookie has been napping...
between 11:00 and 12:30 every day, we can count on it.
It must be nice to nap without feeling guilty.
- Then get pregnant, you'll have an excuse. - No, thanks.
So, meet me at their house at noon, bring decorations...
and she'll wake up to a nice, fun, surprise baby shower.
- You got it. - I think it's cool...
we waited this long to throw it. She's totally not gonna expect it.
- Plus, we forgot. - Only we know that.
- I'm not telling. - Good.
- Bye, hon. - Bye.
- Mom, my purse! - Sorry.
- Luke, can I have a word with you? - Yes.
You overcharged me for the toast. It's only supposed to be $1.
I didn't overcharge you, Kirk. I raised the price of wheat toast. It's $1 .10.
- You're kidding. - I don't do toast humor.
- $1 .10 from $1? That's a 10% bump. - It's a dime, Kirk.
- I could refuse to pay. - Then I'll steal your bike.
That's never worked before.
I haven't raised the price of my toast in seven years, Kirk.
- It's still a bargain. - I'll give you $1 .04.
- No. - $1 .05. That's my last offer.
- Do I look like e-Bay? - I take my toast dry.
- Isn't there a butter-and-jam discount? - No.
What about your chairs?
I'm light, and I tend to plop my butt directly on the chair without sliding...
so there's practically no wear and tear.
There's no discount for direct butt-plopping.
- What about... - Fine. $1 .05. It's $1 .05. You got it.
Thanks. That's very nice of you.
Hey.
You raise something from $1 to $1 .10. Is that such a big deal?
Well, that's 10%. So percentage-wise, it's not so tiny.
Did I step into something here?
I shouldn't have gotten into a business that involves dealing with people.
- Hey. - Hey, your cover!
- I got an advance copy. - Wow.
- Look at the inn. It looks beautiful. - I know.
- I've got to get a new pair of pants. - Okay, that didn't exactly follow.
No, for the party they're gonna throw you.
You don't need new pants. You just need pants.
And the party's in New York, so you may not even need pants.
- I've got to get a copy. - You got a connection.
I want to get a bunch, though. Frame one or two of them.
How's the article? What's it say?
It was then, sadly, that I discovered Luke could not read.
- You know what I mean. - People are gonna think I wrote it.
I mean, it's big.
- I nearly cried when I read it. - Good.
And the fact that when Emily Gilmore reads it...
she's going to hire men to attack me with tire irons...
- that's something else altogether. - What did they put in?
Not every heinous thing I said about her, but enough.
I mean, it's good stuff. It's funny. Maybe if I told them, "not the face."
- Who? - The guys with the tire irons.
I think you should just show it to her and get it over with.
Maybe. Yeah, you're probably right.
[Phone rings]
Hello? Hold on.
Hey, Luke, it's for you. It's Taylor.
Caesar, you just broke Luke's standing "when Taylor calls, I'm out...
"even if he can see me through the stupid connecting window" rule.
I can tell him you're out. And that Duke, your evil identical twin, is in town.
No, I'll take it. I actually have to discuss something with him.
- Hello. - Luke?
- Hey, buddy. - Hey, buddy.
So, the powers that be have signed off on you purchasing the Twickham house.
All that's left is dotting the I's and crossing the T's.
Okay, fine.
Sorry, Lorelai's there. Can't talk now, right?
Pretty much.
You know, I'm a bit of a romantic, Luke.
The thought of you buying this house for your burgeoning family...
is quite touching. I almost tear up.
Adds to the tax base, too.
- Good. Talk to you later. - Goodbye.
Wow. You and Taylor seem to be getting on very well these days.
Yeah, well, he's been cooperating with me on certain matters.
Luke, I think the sales tax is off by a penny.
In fact, I'm sure of it. I'm ready to go to the mat on this one.
Those guys with the tire irons? Where did your mother get them?
The DAR, and they don't work for outsiders.
[Sighing] Show me the penny, Kirk.
Hey, AI. Hey, Pete. Hey, Lance.
- This goes to Metro, ASAP. - Okay.
Rory, if you see Patel, tell him I'm looking for him.
Got it.
- Need it back by 5:00, gentlemen. - Thanks, beautiful.
Manners, boys.
- Rory, you got those obituaries? - Yes. Give me five minutes.
- Lot of dying today. - I hear that.
Thank you.
Patel, Charlie wants to see you.
- You going by Audrey? - I can.
- Give her this. - Okay, will do.
- Hey, Ace. - Hey. You're early!
There's a first for everything. Where's the fire?
Just south of the 95. It's a four-alarm. We've got Kessler on it.
- This is from Patel. - I'm not talking to him.
I'll tell him.
- How did you know about the fire? - I didn't.
I meant, where are you going in such a hurry?
I'm at half speed compared to this morning.
- Oh, no. - What?
I'm gone for five minutes and this place becomes a dumping ground.
I'm loving the totally non-generic feel of your space here.
- I have customized it somewhat. - Eccentric uncle?
- Brian Eno. - I was close. So let's go.
- It's 4:30. - Cut out early. There's nothing going on.
We're doing our rough front page.
We're picking leads, photos. It's our busiest part of the day.
The people of Stamford don't get their paper tomorrow...
- they'll turn on the radio. - I can't go.
- I know the boss. - So do I.
But I know how to work the boss at least a little.
I know he's somewhere in the vicinity.
- Who, your dad? - Can't you sense it?
The flurry of the frightened, the shuffle of sycophants?
Hey! Someone new. Have we been introduced?
José Canseco, post-steroids. Should be a warning to people.
- Are you keeping Rory from her work? - I was about to call security.
Does everyone know about the...
Noon on Friday, main conference room. Come with your game.
Good. Did you call your mother about the vineyard?
- She's on my list. - Push him on that, won't you?
I'm going to four, if you want to catch up.
Okay.
- See you. - Enjoy four.
- What's four? - Fourth floor.
- You news people and your jargon. - We have our own language.
- Is he treating you all right? - Who, your dad? He's been great.
- Sure? - Yeah.
Just checking. So, what do you think about Friday?
- An excellent alternative to Thursday. - My sister's engagement party?
Right, I'm gonna try. I'm dying to see the yacht.
It's gonna be full of Honor's ditzy friends, but the harbor's cool.
Try and leave your grandparents' dinner early.
They get you every Friday night. Let me have one.
- You're very one-note today. - I miss you, Ace.
I'll have more free time once finals are over and summer's here...
unless I get that summer job here.
You're probably a shoo-in. My father seems to like you.
- I hope so. I love it here. - Okay.
So I'll just go hang somewhere till you're done?
I'll be done at 6:30, 7:00 at the latest.
- Ace. - 6:45.
So maybe I'll be hanging on two or five. Is that the right terminology?
You're getting there.
[Upbeat rock music playing on limo's stereo]
LORELAI: Come on, please. LUKE: I'm done.
- No, you can't be done. - I'm done.
There's more. I know it. It's germinating.
I'm done. I'm at peace.
There's no more.
- Just the smell of Manhattan. - I knew it. There was more.
I mean, forget about the smells you can't identify.
The ones you can identify are putrid.
I mean, if it's not that rank smell of hot dog...
gushing out of those dirty sidewalk carts...
it's the stench of the subway pouring out of the dirty grates.
The manhole-cover steam? God knows what that steam is.
- You can't get a breath of fresh air. - Go, Luke. Rant, Luke.
The whole city is a decaying heap.
It's too many people crammed into too many buildings...
on too small a piece of land. It's an experiment that's failed.
They should just give the whole island a push and float it over to Europe.
But after we see Spamalot, right? I paid a lot for those tickets.
I'm fine with an urban environment.
But you need land around you, space, air to breathe.
[Inhales deeply]
- I'm done again. - I love Ranting Luke.
- Why does this song keep playing? - Because I put the CD player on repeat...
with my fancy remote in my fancy limo.
Hey, do a limo rant. I bet that's a good one.
No, it's right they sent you a limo. You deserve it.
- And it enabled us to drink and not drive. - That's good, too.
I heard there was good food at this party.
I heard that, too.
Never made it to the food, did we?
I had three peppermints I took from the bowl in the men's room.
Gave the attendant a $5 because it's all I had.
Made it to the bar, though.
Yeah, we should have eaten something before we went.
- Who knew we'd keep missing the trays? - But I'm not hungry, but I'm something.
- What am I? - You're drunk.
I haven't been drunk in years.
Hey, have I thanked you enough for escorting me...
and being such a good sport...
and shaking hands with all the big-city folk you don't like...
and putting extra cherries in my Manhattan?
Yeah, you did.
There'll be more thanking later on tonight.
Tastes like peppermint.
- Hi, you're late. - Sorry.
It's only a little after noon. I'm not that late.
Well, we have very limited time during Sookie's nap here.
I just don't want to blow it.
Hold on. You went to Doose's for baby-shower decorations?
- I didn't know where else to go. - A decoration store?
- Is there such a thing? - Yes, what did you get?
Poppers. Taylor had nine left.
Okay, there's 10 of us, so someone doesn't get to pop.
I'll pass on the pop. And plates and cups and...
Chicks being hatched? That's Easter.
No, I know, but I figured hatching is birth.
- So, we're right on topic. 70% off, too. - What else?
New Year's Eve balloons with Father Time and the New Year's baby on them.
We'll blow them up and cheat the old-man side to the wall...
so we can't see it. And then change the word "year"...
- so it says, "Happy New Baby." - That's just sad.
- What's with the attitude? - There's no attitude.
You've been Anne Sexton since I pulled up.
Sorry, I think I just slept a little funny.
Come on, let's get up in there while we still have the chance.
- Look out! Coming through! - It's happening.
- It's happening? - Oh, my God, it's happening?
- You mean it's happening, happening? - It's coming round the mountain.
I can't watch this!
- Go get her suitcase. It's by the door. - I'll grab her suitcase!
- I'm freaking out Rory. - It's okay. She's a traditionalist.
When she has a baby, she's gonna be in the waiting room, pacing and smoking.
We should have thrown her the baby shower earlier.
Then I wouldn't have had to watch this.
You were gonna throw me a baby shower?
We were gonna set it up during your nap.
- Want a boost? - I can make it.
- God. - Hey, watch it!
Sorry, I just don't want to see what's coming around the mountain.
- See you guys at the hospital? - You'll see me.
Yeah, I have to go back to Yale.
Plus, she's thoroughly sickened by what's happening to you.
I'm not sickened. It's finals time. I'm stressed.
- [Groaning] Contraction! - That's pretty sickening.
- Hang on. - I'm sorry you didn't get your party.
- Blame little Name-to-come. - We'll see you there.
See you there.
You're going to open your eyes when you drive back to Yale, right?
Yes, I'm just giving them a five-minute head start.
- We're taking the same road. - Good thinking, honey.
- Bye. - Bye.
[Kirk chuckles]
I know he wants the bone.
I know there's gonna be a complication getting the bone.
But Marmaduke still cracks me up every time.
- Refills are still free, right? - Yeah, they're still free.
[Phone rings]
- Luke's. - Luke, it's Taylor.
- Hey, Taylor. How's it going? - Not so well.
I mean, for you. It's going very well for me.
I just had a group of German tourists come in...
and they've been shoveling it in since they sat down.
What do you mean it's not going well for me?
It's the Twickham house. Someone's put in a competing offer.
A competing... Taylor, you promised that house to me.
And I did all that I could, but this other offer...
includes a substantial down payment in cash.
The powers that be are seriously considering...
selling the house to this fellow townsman of yours.
I'll up my offer.
This guy will just up his, then. He's got vast resources.
How many resources can he have? He's living in Stars Hollow.
Luke, he's willing to put down $250,000.
- What? That can't be right. - That's what it is.
I know everyone in this stinking town.
What fellow townsman has $250,000 in cash?
- I'm not sure I'm at liberty to say. - Tell me, Taylor.
- Okay. - Say that name again?
I'll talk to you later.
Sally Forth is on fire today. On fire!
- Where did you get $250,000? - What? I don't have $250,000.
- You don't. - No, just shy. It's $247,868...
67, if I get a couple donuts to go.
Those chocolate-raised are calling my name.
Where the hell did you get that much money?
I've been working for 11 years, Luke. I've had 15,000 jobs.
I've saved every dollar I ever made.
That, and the miracle of compound interest, has created a bounty of $250,000.
Again, just under. I don't want to brag.
You put a competing offer in on the Twickham house?
That's right. It's a perfect place for me and Lulu.
- You know I have an offer on that house. - I've heard talk to that effect.
- Take it back. Take back the offer. - No, you take yours back.
I had a deal with Taylor before you even knew that house was available.
- Did you get it in writing? - No, but...
An oral agreement's only as good as the paper it's written on.
Hey, that would be a good line for Dennis the Menace...
after he fails to mow Mr. Wilson's lawn. I should send that in.
This is not gonna go down this way. You are not getting that house!
Au contraire, my friend.
I happen to know that your credit's not exactly stellar.
My credit?
Granted, you've got some real estate holdings...
but your cash flow's been flat for three years.
And unless you're willing to sell off assets...
you may be able to swing no more than a 5% down payment...
which makes you a real-estate risk.
- How do you know the state of my assets? - That's the power of deep pockets, Luke.
Put a sawbuck in the right hands, and they babble like parrots.
I am one of Stars Hollow Bank's oldest customers.
I'm not anticipating any problems.
I'm Stars Hollow Bank's biggest customer.
- I think that means more. - I don't believe this.
You're swimming in cash and you fought me over a 10-cent raise on toast.
And you folded like a road map.
It might explain the discrepancy in our net worths.
So, I think I will have those donuts to go. You've got change for $100, right?
[Speaking German]
- I want to talk to the town elders. - The town elders?
You keep talking about the powers that be.
- That's the town elders, right? - Yes.
They oversee the town assets, the real estate. I want to see them.
They won't go for that, Luke.
- Why? - It isn't how it's done.
They don't deal with the public. They're the final arbiters.
- What they say goes. - I'm seeing them.
- But... - Arrange it!
- You breathing, honey? - I'm breathing.
Hey, was that Andy Dick out in the hallway?
No, honey. This happened last time.
You go into labor, you start thinking you see famous people.
Right, suddenly my midwife was Wolf Blitzer.
- Hey, you need me to unpack you? - You probably don't have to.
- We have everything she needs all set up. - We guys always pack a suitcase. Useless.
So, you been thinking about names?
I'm leaning towards Ethan for a boy, or Glenda if it's a girl.
Although I like Martha, too, and Rupert for a boy.
They're all good, sweetie.
Hey, whatever we don't use, we save for the next one, right?
Right. The next one.
Will you stay with her? I got to call my mulch delivery guys...
- and let them know what's happening. - Yep, I'll be here.
- You comfortable? - I am, Penelope Cruz.
[Both chuckle]
- Really? - What?
- You're eating an apple? - I'm sorry. I'll put it away.
No, eat. I'm just surprised. It's not your thing.
I know. We were by a vending machine, checking you in.
It was there, and it looked good.
It does look good. It looks like Ben Stiller!
Hmm.
Hey, Sookie, when did you know for sure?
- About what? - That you were pregnant.
- How could you tell? - Don't you remember?
- Norman Mailer. - Right. Norman Mailer.
I wonder how Norman is. I had a dream about him the other night.
He was yelling at someone to shut up and read Joyce.
But how soon was the Norman Mailer moment...
- after you and Jackson conceived? - Wow!
I don't know. A few weeks?
- It was weeks? - I think.
Then you didn't know before? Not a feeling or anything?
I don't know. You've had one before. Don't you remember?
- Yeah, it's been a while. - Why are you asking?
I don't know. Being in a maternity ward makes me wonder about these things.
I'm going to see how far along she is. We'll be a couple minutes.
Sure. She looks like Mario Thomas.
- See, it's not just me. - I'll be outside.
- Excuse me, Doctor. - Yes.
Hi. You're not off to save a life, are you?
Not at the moment.
Okay. Just a quick question.
Pregnancy tests. What's the deal with them now?
I haven't taken one in a couple decades...
and I was wondering if they work any differently.
No, they're more accurate now, but the process is similar.
Okay, so let's say you do it, have sex, you know.
How soon after can a test tell you anything?
- At least two weeks. - Not two days?
It won't be definitive after just two days.
Boy, the sword of Damocles is really hovering over you...
- for a couple weeks there, huh? - Pretty much.
Home tests can be tricky, too.
Can't buy one where I live, because people would see and talk.
It's a small town. And even afterward...
the garbage man could see the box in the trash and blab.
And, you know, I like my garbage man, but again...
it's a small town. It's not your problem.
- So there's no machine? - Machine?
Yeah, a machine you could stick me in.
You know, you're putting pig vessels in people.
Isn't there a machine that could tell me right away...
away from the prying eyes of the garbage man?
You need to wait and take the test at the proper time.
Okay, see, I'm eating an apple.
Normally, this would not be a sign of anything except hunger...
except, I don't eat much fruit.
I know I should, but I don't have a hankering for it.
I had it when I was pregnant with my first kid, though.
Kept craving those apples. And this morning...
- boy, was I craving an apple. - That could be a sign.
- It could? - Or not.
Okay, you're nice, you're sweet, and I've taken up too much of your time.
- Thank you. - No problem.
Okay.
[Cell phone rings]
[Sighs]
- Hello. - Lorelai, it's your mother.
I just have a quick question.
- Okay. - I got my ballerina.
Which one? Sashanka?
No, I waited too long, and Mitsie Hertferdshire scooped her up.
It's okay because Sashanka tore a ligament last year...
and is probably washed up.
- I got Pola. - Oh, Pola.
Blond hair, bullet body, so petite...
- but thighs that could break concrete. - Sounds good.
They delivered her this morning, and I have to tell you, it's been so much fun.
She speaks this charming broken English, and everything is so new and fresh to her.
I'm glad. So, what's up?
Pola wandered into your room looking for the bathroom.
She really doesn't know left from right.
And she found that old toy of yours. The magic eight ball.
- I can't believe that's still there. - And she is mesmerized by it.
She's been playing with it ever since, asking it questions.
She won't put it down. And I was just wondering...
- if I can let her keep it. - Sure.
- It's practically glued to her hand. - Whatever Pola wants, Pola gets.
Good. Thank you.
[In Russian accent] It is yes! Yes! I'm gonna be rich!
I just want to hug the stuffing out of her. You'll meet her tomorrow night at dinner.
- I'm looking forward to it. - Bye, and thanks again.
Bye, Mom.
[Cell phone speed-dials]
[Cell phone rings]
- Hey, how's it going? - Fine. She's all checked in.
Breathing normally, contracting painfully. Her cursing should start any time now.
- Everything's as it should be. - Good.
I mean, that was weird, wasn't it?
She was like, what, a week and a half early?
Yeah, those little buggers tend to come when they want to come.
I still can't get "coming around the mountain" out of my mind.
It's one of those phrases like "Drop it like it's hot"...
- that I really wish I'd never heard. - Hey...
you're doing everything you need to do in that area, right?
- What area? - Protection...
to prevent something from coming around the mountain?
- I hope so. - Hope?
This is not an area where hope is good enough.
I think I have it covered, and that wasn't meant to be a euphemism.
"Think" is not good enough, either. What kind of birth control do you use?
I'm in the dining hall.
- That was not my question. - People are like three feet away from me.
Listen, all I'm saying is, you cannot leave it up to the guy, okay?
- They are not reliable. - I don't leave it up to the guy.
They get into this state, you know, primordial.
It's very exciting, but so is eating a gallon of pudding.
Believe me, you're gonna regret that later. I use that as an example...
- because I know you like pudding. - Okay.
You've got to figure, if he shoots, he scores.
Look around. There are babies popping out all over the place.
You're in a maternity ward. You've got a skewed sample there.
- So you're caught up on the subject? - You've caught me up...
society's caught me up, the health channel on cable's caught me up.
Miss Driscoll, the sad spinster gym teacher...
at Stars Hollow High caught me up.
Miss Driscoll? Right, like she would ever need birth control.
- I'm caught up, honest. - Okay, good.
- Mom, what's going on with you? - Nothing.
- Mom? - I might be pregnant.
Oh.
So that's where this is coming from.
I blame Mom. She never sat me down for the talk.
And Miss Driscoll. She had her chance, too.
All those P.T.A. meetings, and all she ever talked about was golf.
How did this happen? I mean, if it's true.
Luke and I came home from the magazine party the other night.
We were a little loopy, and it got primordial.
All roadblocks down. I mean, I am always beyond careful.
The last time I had my roadblocks down was, I don't know.
Count how old you are to the day, and add nine months.
But that doesn't mean...
- I just ate an apple. - Uh-oh.
- Yeah, and I liked it. - Whoa.
My body is telling me something.
Maybe it's not telling you, what you think it is.
Maybe it's just telling you to better comply...
with the government's recommendations for fruit and vegetable intake.
- That's not just propaganda, you know. - Maybe.
- And... - What?
Would it be so horrible? I mean, it's Luke.
- It is Luke? - Yes, it's Luke.
You guys are so close, it could be headed somewhere.
I know, but not right now, hon. It's early for us.
You know, I mean, my life is going really good.
It's the inn and this new potential opportunity, and...
you know, I just got rid of you.
It's the first time in my life I've gotten to feel like a single, grown-up woman.
- Now is just not the right time. - Okay, maybe it's not true.
- Yeah, maybe. - But what are you going to do if it is?
I could really use my magic eight ball about now.
- I'm gonna let you go, hon. - Keep me posted.
Okay. Bye.
- I'm early? - A little.
- It's not 10 after 12:00? - Your watch must be fast.
My wife probably set it ahead to get me home earlier.
- It never works. - It's 11:49.
- Charmless, isn't it? - The room?
- Needs plants. - I can get plants.
Ever been to the Tribune offices, Chicago?
No.
A cathedral. Go, if you ever get the chance.
I will.
[Cell phone ringing]
- Gonna get that? - I'm not done here.
You got 10 minutes. I'm gonna stay here, catch up on e-mails...
make everyone really uncomfortable that I beat them here.
That sounds good.
- Hey, you. - It's a girl.
A girl! Good, we need a girl.
- Why do we need a girl? - I don't know.
Aren't there enough guys walking around out there?
It's a beautiful girl, name to come...
and Sookie's fine, Jackson's fine, everyone's fine.
- Good. - 14 hours of labor was the downside...
but Sookie has the rest of her little girl's life...
- to get back at her for that. - I love the circle of life.
- And there's more good news. - What?
It was a false alarm. I'm not pregnant. The crisis has passed.
- Oh, Mom, good. I'm glad. - You're glad?
As the sight of babies isn't freaking me out anymore...
- I can enjoy the maternity ward again. - What was with the apple?
I don't know, but I just had a MoonPie and a Ding-Dong...
and washed it down with an Orange Crush in the cafeteria.
- So, no desire for anything nutritional. - Thank God. I'm glad, Mom.
Yeah. So, listen.
How about we reschedule Sookie's baby shower?
- How? It's too late. - No, we'll throw...
a "Welcome to the Earth, Baby Girl Belleville" party.
- Did you save the decorations? - Still in my car.
How about Saturday morning? That's when she gets home.
Just come back with me tonight after dinner.
- We'll set it up at her house. - Sounds good.
Hey...
did you ever mention this pregnancy scare to Luke?
My God, no. Can you imagine?
"Luke, you're gonna be a daddy." Suddenly, there's nothing left...
but a puff of smoke and a baseball cap spinning on the floor.
Yeah, he never seemed much like a family guy.
This is for the best. Listen, I've got to get back.
We have a big staff meeting in a few minutes...
and I wanna get back and make sure everything's set up and ready.
I'll see you tonight, my one and only offspring.
- Bye. - Bye.
- Congratulations. - Thanks.
- [Whispering] She's sound asleep. - I'm not so bright-eyed myself.
Before you go to sleep, we should probably decide on a name.
- I know. Names are so hard. - But the good thing...
whatever name we don't use now, we just use on the next one.
- Yeah, we need to talk about that. - Sure.
I probably should have brought it up sooner, sorry.
- No problem. What? - You're getting a vasectomy.
- What? - You're getting a vasectomy.
[Chuckling] You got me.
- You're funny. Dark, but funny. - I'm not joking, sweetie.
We're cutting that tube, if it is a tube. I'm not really up on the procedure.
The doctor doing it will be, though, so I'm sure he'll know.
- You're not kidding? - I'm not kidding.
- Sookie, come on. - Jackson, we have one of each.
- We kept the species going. - But I wanted four.
And I wanted three. This is a good compromise.
I'm sorry. Two is not a compromise between three and four.
This is Reggie. He's going to take you down and have it done.
- I'm having it done today? - Yep.
- They sent the big nurse. - Just in case.
Hey!
You get her back afterwards. It's just a quick outpatient procedure.
You go in, lie down, close your eyes, snip-snip, and you're shooting blanks.
Is this all I'm having done today, or do I need to get some glute implants?
It's everything, I promise. Kiss before you go.
I just thought of the perfect name.
First name, Martha. Middle name, Janice Laurie Ethan Rupert...
Glenda Carson Daisy Danny.
- You got them all in. - Now go get cut.
[Jackson sighs deeply]
[Doorbell rings]
- Hi, Mom. - Lorelai, come in.
- I want you to meet my special guest. - I'm curious to meet her.
Oh! Boy!
- She sure looked different in her picture. - This is Mikhail.
Mikhail, my daughter, Lorelai.
- Hi. - [In Russian accent] Hello.
- What happened to Pola? - That annoying little stick.
- She drove me crazy. - You loved her.
There was something wrong with her, so flighty, so skinny.
She made no noise when she walked, so you couldn't hear her coming.
I felt like I was being stalked by an elf.
Thank you.
She had the mentality of a preschooler.
If she was sitting when she laughed, she would clap her feet together.
- Smoked like a fiend, too. - Uh-huh.
And she kept playing with that obnoxious magic eight ball of yours...
she'd ask it the same question over and over...
till she got the answer she wanted.
I told her that's not how it works.
You're supposed to accept the first answer it gives...
and that's that, but, no, she kept going.
I wanted to stick the little twig in the garbage disposal.
- So I exchanged her for Mikhail. - Really?
You can do that? Just trade her in for another human being?
I paid for her, Lorelai, and she wasn't what I wanted.
- All right. - Isn't he stunning?
- He's easy on the eyes, yes. - You should see him stretch.
- Do you want Luminista to take your bag? - No, I'm gonna keep this with me.
- There's something I want to show you. - Good. Shall we go in the living room?
He's learning English, so keep your words short.
- Living room. - Yes, please.
What a value.
How interested are Stamford residents in arts coverage...
- of a city 40 miles away? - They're interested.
That just takes resources away from covering local events...
That are less interesting than events taking place in New York City.
If they're that interesting, we should send a couple of our own calendar staffers.
Freelancers are a pain in the butt.
So, Franz Ferdinand comes to New York. Forget freelancers, you'll go cover it?
I didn't say that, and who's he?
[All laughing]
He's a band.
- Watch it, Fisher. - Even I knew that, Sam...
- Mitchum, please, arbitrate. - And spoil the fun? No way!
- It's your money. - Money well spent.
- It's not your money, Lucille. - Look, keep the system as is.
We don't even have office space for extra people, let alone the budget.
Go to universities, Yale, wherever...
get volunteers to pick up what our staff can't cover.
Those kids jump at the chance.
- I'll pick up some slack. - After you pick up my dry cleaning, right?
- I'll pick that up, too. - Good, don't let him push you around.
Are we gonna end this marathon before we get to subscriptions?
- Please say no. - Charlie's feeling neglected again.
Where are we with our sales department, Charlie?
Abundant turnover.
- We have to start paying more. - Oh!
- That got the boss where it hurts. - It's minimum wage plus 20% commission.
- And all the stale pastry they can eat. - Up it to 30%.
Okay, now I'm in pain.
Crunch the numbers, Lloyd, and get them to me.
I never go behind the back of Captain Crunch.
- Let's get together Monday. - Let's all resume this Monday. Go home.
Meet your kids. Feed your dogs. Have a good one.
Good night.
That was fun.
Yeah, that's the way those things should go.
Give and take. The less I say, the better.
- Can I get you anything? - No, I'm about to take off here.
Okay.
So I'm going to be pulling back here soon.
- From the paper? - I've done my damage.
It's time for them to take it and make something of it.
- Okay. - I'll probably be in Monday...
maybe Tuesday, then not so much after that.
I'm happy to keep going, even without you here.
You know, you and I haven't really sat down and talked about the situation...
about how you're doing here and all.
- You've been busy. - I've meant to.
I offered you the job, took you under my wing.
- It's part of the deal. - Great, I'd love your feedback.
Go on and sit.
I've worked with a lot of young people over the years.
Interns, new hires.
I've got a pretty good gut sense for people's strengths and weaknesses.
Whether they have that certain something to make it in journalism.
- It's a tough business. Lot of stress. - Definitely.
And I have to tell you, you don't got it.
Now, guts can be wrong. Mine's been wrong before.
But not often.
I thought I was doing okay.
I just don't think you really have the drive...
to put yourself out there, to be honest.
To get a story, to dig. Just now, in this meeting...
I encouraged everyone to say whatever they wanted.
- You said nothing. - I wasn't sure if I should.
Exactly.
I mean, you saw Harry. He jumped right into the fire.
- You didn't. - But Harry's not an intern.
Doesn't matter.
- I've always done what's asked of me. - See, the thing is, in the real world...
it's not always good enough to do just what's asked of you.
I thought I was in a really good rhythm with everyone here.
I'm not saying you're not competent.
You're smart. You're terrific at anticipating needs.
Actually, you'd make a great assistant.
Oh.
I'm sorry. It's not my pleasure to disappoint someone like you.
Especially you.
What with the extenuating circumstances. But it's healthy.
I don't know any other way. I don't B.S.
I should get back.
Hey, listen, I know this is rough, but...
I may have just done you a big favor.
Oh. Okay.
Thanks.
He had no contract. He had nothing in writing.
Granted, his offer matched the fair-market value of the property...
but it was a rigged-bid situation.
The house wasn't even officially listed for sale.
- It wasn't a rigged bid, Kirk. - That's for the courts to decide.
- Get to the point, Kirk. - The house should be re-listed.
You should take the best offer from the person with the best chance...
of securing financing. That person is me.
All right. And, Luke, what do you have to say to that?
What the hell are we doing in a steam room?
Luke, I explained that if you wanted to see the town elders...
you had to do it on their terms.
This is ridiculous. I can't think in here.
You should strip and get in a towel.
I'm not getting in a towel.
- I think he's got body issues. - I don't have body issues.
I just don't agree with what's going on. How it's going on.
I don't think it's appropriate for the defendant...
to address you in this tone, is it?
I'm not the defendant, Kirk. This isn't a court.
It's not even a room. It's a box full of hot air.
- Now he's insulting you. - Listen, old guys, I should get the house.
- Watch your manners, young man. - I can get a loan...
But I have deep pockets. Not now, I mean.
Right now I'm naked, but my pants have pockets.
Who are you guys, anyway?
What gives you the authority to make town decisions?
Luke, this isn't helping.
He's a hothead with body issues and shallow pockets.
This isn't right. Taylor and I had an agreement.
- He needs therapy and probably pills. - Luke should get the house.
- What? - What?
It's the right thing to do.
Kirk may have a better claim technically, but Luke wants it more.
- But... - I knew Luke's father, his grandfather.
- We all did. - He'll care for the house...
because he cares so much about it.
- He wants it for him and Lorelai. - For me and...
- Did you? - We all watched Luke pine for Lorelai...
for nine long years.
He waited for her while she went through her many relationships.
He won her.
Now he wants this for her and for the others.
- Others? What others? - You'll bring children into the house.
I'll bring children into the house, too. Maybe not my own.
It's right for Luke to have it. Kirk is young.
There'll be other places for him to go. That's what I think.
- I agree. - Me, too. Luke should get the house.
- Rip! - Thank you. Thank you, sir.
Hey, Luke, it's a big yard. You'll have there, a lot of lawn.
I was wondering if we could talk about my rendering gardening services? I have tools.
- Syrustey. - Syrustey.
- Fantastic. - And where is your town, Syrustey?
- Just outside Moscow. - It sounds wonderful.
- Our people die very young there. - That doesn't sound so good.
What's in the bag?
You've been clutching that bag all night. What's in it?
She's got mystery bag.
A mystery bag, yes. What's in the mystery bag?
Oh, well...
This is my cover story.
Your cover story? I thought it...
wasn't coming out for two weeks.
- Let me see that. - Okay.
Lorelai owns an inn.
- What would you call it, maybe a dacha? - Dacha, yes.
- This is it. - Fantastic.
- Thank you. - Great dacha, this dacha!
Are there other pictures with the article?
Go ahead and read it.
We have time before dinner, right?
We can't start dinner until Rory gets here.
You're going to love my granddaughter.
You'll just want to pick her up and throw her in the air.
Give one to Mikhail. It's how he's learning English.
Got plenty to go around.
- Oh! Gorgeous! - Yes.
- It's a rave. - We got lucky.
I'll be right back.
- Where are you going? - I'll just be right back. Sit, Mikhail.
I didn't mean that as a command. But please have a seat.
I'll just, I'm gonna...
EMILY: Oh, my God!
Oh, my God!
Lorelai!
[Footsteps approaching]
- Lorelai, are you in there? - No.
[Door handle jiggles]
- Come out of there. - No.
[Door handle jiggles again]
- This is pathetic! - I know.
- The things you say in this. - I know.
Calling me Pol Pot.
Mom, it was meant as a joke, the Pol Pot, the walking anthrax.
- I was just being edgy, like Chris Rock. - Walking anthrax!
- You haven't gotten to that part yet? - No!
Something to look forward to.
I'm not going to continue talking about this through the door.
Look, Mom, I was mad at you when I did the interview, okay?
And I said things, but I didn't mean them.
It just happened. And I'm not used to talking to reporters.
I didn't know about the off-the-record on-the-record thing.
But I know now, and I'm really sorry it happened.
I did not force Jimmy Carter out of his room at that hotel.
See, that I thought was just an amusing anecdote.
I did not get into a "bitch fight" with him. He's an ex-president!
He was with that insufferable Rosalynn.
Again, Mom, I am really, really sorry, and...
unless you forgive me I am going to camp out in here, possibly forever.
Mom, I'm just...
Don't tell your friends about the article, so they won't read it.
And the ones who do, just tell them I was misquoted.
And I would recommend that you stop reading the article right now...
and just look at the pictures. The pictures are really pretty.
If you are applying explosives to the door, please tell me, so I can step away.
I'll stop reading.
And we won't talk about it again, ever?
Fine. Come out.
- Let's go back to the living room. - Thank you, Mom.
- Goodbye, Mrs. Gilmore. - Mikhail, where are you going?
- I must leave. - Leave? Why? Mikhail!
Mikhail!
[Party-goers chattering]
Hey, you're here early.
- I guess. - Way early. Did you skip your dinner?
Come down here, so we don't have to yell.
I'm sorry.
- So, there she is. - Who?
The boat. Calling them "she" is one of those fun nautical traditions.
Right, something sexist in that, I'm sure.
I'm sure.
- So, how'd you get away? - I don't know. I just got away.
- I'm glad. - So, who's she?
- Who? - The girl on the boat.
Okay, I'm sorry. We were calling the boat a "she."
I'm a little bit behind but I'm catching up.
She's a friend of my sister's.
I didn't mean to interrupt anything.
You weren't interrupting anything.
- Looked like I was. - I've known her forever.
I didn't mean to pull you away.
We were just talking. Me, her, and her husband.
If you want, I can have them pull out pictures of their 2-year-old.
Ben has them in his jacket pocket.
- Do you even want me here? - Ace, I invited you here.
Right, on a Friday night, when you knew I couldn't come.
It's my sister's party. I didn't pick the night.
Traffic sucked getting here.
Sorry, but I can't do anything about the traffic, either.
Can we just...
- What the hell's wrong with you? - Nothing.
- I'm just in a weird mood. - I'll say.
I'm sorry. I just...
- Can we go somewhere else? - What?
Let's go somewhere else. I don't really feel like being around people.
- Okay, name it. - Will your sister mind?
I've been here an hour and a half.
I've talked to everybody. My duty's done. Where do you want to go?
I don't know. Somewhere far. Out there.
- Where? - Out to sea.
Out to sea?
Yeah. Let's take that fancy-pants yacht of yours for a spin.
Tricky, since it's about to head out with all my sister's friends on it.
- Oh. Don't you have another one? - Not here.
- Where's the other one? - Far away.
Let's just drive somewhere, let's go to New York.
I don't want to drive.
I want to be out there, just the two of us, alone.
Well...
You know the beginning of Moby Dick, when the narrator says...
that when he finds himself growing grim about the mouth...
and wanting to knock people's hats off, he takes to the sea?
- Yeah. - I feel like knocking people's hats off.
So I guess we got to take to the sea.
- That one looks good. - Yeah?
- Nice and seaworthy. - Not ours to take.
That ever stopped you before?
I think I've been a bad influence on you, Ace.
- Let's go, Huntzberger. - Let's go.
See, I was mad at Mom, Mrs. Gilmore here, at the time.
And I ended up saying things I shouldn't have said.
Because, you see, normally, I don't make jokes about Joseph Stalin.
They're inappropriate.
I just said it in jest to this writer, and she printed it.
I mean, she's not Joseph Stalin, and not that this is any excuse...
but there's no way I could have known that a Russian man...
whose entire family and their village was killed by Stalin...
would be reading this in front of me. I mean, there's just no way.
She has this off-putting sense of humor, Mikhail.
You'd know that if you spent time with her.
- Yes, you would. You would know that. - Yes.
I mean, Joseph Stalin was a monster. So please stay.
- You just caught us on a bad day. - All right.
[Cell phone ringing]
This must be Rory.
Excuse me.
- Hello. - Mom.
Hey, when are you getting here? I really, really want you here.
- You need to come and get me. - Where are you?