It's big.
That's what she said.
- Good one. - Hey, I'm still 12.
But I meant the house. It's very big.
And very sweet of Luke to have that dream of his.
You two living in this house?
What do you think there are, 12 rooms?
At least.
You could go to town in this place.
You could have a dedicated sewing room.
I mean, that's a no-brainer.
I could put a whole loom in one of those rooms,
indulge my long-harbored desire to make tapestries.
You've been long-harboring that one?
I just thought of it, but, yeah.
So, it's all feeling good, huh?
Well, it's a little on the Versailles side.
I'm gonna have to keep an eye out for peasants with pitchforks.
I meant the relationship.
You're engaged, for gosh sakes.
Yes, I'm aware.
And it's sticking?
Yes, Sookie, it's sticking.
Good, good.
How about now?
I'm totally re-evaluating the whole thing.
- Really? - No!
- Well, you've got priors. - Sookie.
You say one thing, but your heart says another.
Please, don't give me the whole litany,
especially one that sounds like a Kenny Chesney song.
I'm just being honest.
I'm not going to bolt.
I'm staying put.
Good, because the eyes will give you away.
What do you mean?
If you think of bolting, they'll pop out on you like that runaway bride.
It's like the eyes are trying to run away first.
Sookie, look at my eyes.
Okay.
How do they look?
Pretty socked in there.
And there they will remain.
Everything's good. Promise.
Good.
- Pretty eyes, too. - I'm taken.
- Sorry. - Whoa.
- What? - Is it me or...
Nope. I think it just got bigger.
That's what she said. Good grief.
What, you can be 12, but I can't be 12?
- No, you can be 12. - Thank you.
Remember to sign in at the get-go.
If you do not sign in, your work that day will not count
against your community-service hours, so do it.
Same thing at the end.
Sign out. Don't forget.
Each shift is three and a half hours.
Double shifts will include a half-hour lunch break,
and it's bring your own.
Take one down and pass it around.
These are your guidelines.
They outline safety procedures, behavior requirements, et cetera.
If you cause any trouble, you will come back here to see me,
something I do not want to happen.
Now, let's talk about what you will not bring.
First on the list... weapons of any kind.
I'll state the obvious first. You will not bring a gun.
You will not bring chains. You will not bring knives of any kind,
including penknives, nail files, razor blades, carpet cutters.
You will not bring rope.
You will not bring brass knuckles or anything that can be used as a truncheon.
And they have those flashlight thingies...
That's the right name for those... flashlight thingies.
...And Jedi powers of mind control, and they can move things, so they're telekinetic.
And they hover on their jet saucers over molten lava,
and they can jump and fly like they're in cirque du soleil.
Ah, coffee, please.
But what gives one Jedi knight the edge over the other, huh?
The ultimate advantage.
They stand on a mound of dirt and declare, "you can't win. I've got the high ground."
Dude, if he said it, that's the way it is. It's a fictional world.
He's four feet up a little slope. That wipes out the other guys' powers
to fly, jump around, move things with his brain, use his flashlight thingy?
You've got to learn the right term for that flashlight thingy.
This has been bugging me.
For months... we saw that movie months ago.
You've got to let it go.
I can't.
George Lucas owns San Francisco now.
That's a city. You can't argue with a man who owns a city.
All the other guy has to do is scurry onto land, run up a hill a bit,
and then he has the high ground.
I mean, they can fly jetpods, but they can't scurry?
Go on a website or something, okay?
'Cause there are thousands... no, millions of your kind out there
debating all the minutiae of not just this "Star Wars" movie,
but every "Star Wars" movie.
You drag me to see these movies.
No, you wanted to see that movie.
So I can't critique it because I wanted to see it?
That's how it works.
What about "Bewitched"?
Okay, I'm sorry.
They screwed up "Bewitched."
Nicole Kidman... good choice, but that concept?
You should go on a website.
No, but "Bewitched" is iconic ...Dr. Bombay, Larry Tate.
There was no Larry Tate.
Hey, let it go. We saw this months ago.
This is different.
You can't have "Bewitched" without Larry Tate.
Here's your coffee.
So, should we stop going to movies?
We should stop caring.
- Okay. Bye, doll. - Bye.
Do you see these?
Yeah, I saw them before, T.J.
Stop doing that. It's creepy.
Some of my best work ...these shelves.
They seem very shelfy.
You're not excited.
I tend not to get too excited about things like shelves.
I hate that you lost the little boy in you.
Don't cry for me.
By the way, I'm throwing in my top shelf as an engagement gift for you, brother-in-law.
Great, thanks.
Of course, my per-shelf rate's gone up since we last talked,
so it all comes out to the same money.
Yeah, well, funny how that works.
It's exciting that Lorelai's gonna be my sister-in-law.
Having another hot girl in the family is gonna be très cool.
Uh-huh.
People are really gonna stare when the two of us are squiring our delectable wives around.
I don't know just how much mutual squiring you and I are going to be doing.
You got to admit our wives are hot.
Va-va to the voom.
T.J., your wife is my sister.
That don't make you blind, does it?
- Va-va... - Don't go to the voom again.
Mr. Sensitive.
You're done here, right? Don't you have somewhere to go?
I'm pretty free. I was gonna go home and watch "Bewitched" on DVD,
but your woman spoiled that for me.
I got to check something in the storeroom.
Wait, wait, wait, wait!
Wait. Wait. Wait. I need your okay on something.
As long as it doesn't involve my sister.
It pays to advertise, right?
I want to put a sign up on the shelves to let people know who did them.
"Shelves by A.J."
A.J? Why A.J? Why not T.J?
'Cause I'm going in the yellow pages, and I want to be up at the top.
"T" puts me after everything except "U", "V", "W", "X", "Y" and "Z"
and I think a few others.
Smart, huh?
Yeah, I just don't want you advertising here, T.J.
Well, is it okay if I give out my card to any inquiring party?
Sure, if they inquire, give them a card.
You crossed out "Ralph's Shoe Repair" and wrote in "A.J. Construction."
That's your card?
I don't have cards, so I take them from other businesses and write my own stuff in it.
You might want to cross out the picture of the guy shining the boot.
It might confuse things.
Thanks.
What a team, huh?
What a team?
How about those shelves, huh?
You plus your fat cousins could sit on them.
They wouldn't break.
They're that strong.
Here, take a card.
Hello, Porky. Hello. O-h-h-h.
Well, I'm feeling a little guilty because of the you-L.T. I had yesterday.
That's right, I'm sorry.
Please forgive me.
Hi, fellas. What's up? You both look like killers.
Hey. Hey, you.
Oh, someone seems very happy.
He likes you, and he's picky.
He's cute. You're cute.
You're shaggy cute.
Oh, we got a love thing going on, don't we?
What are you doing?
I'm just enjoying the animals, Patty.
Honey, this is not right.
She can't have a love thing with a dog.
She can't?
Yes, I can. Go about your business there, Patty.
You must have her name on some blacklist back there, don't you?
We don't have a blacklist.
But this is Lorelai Gilmore.
Ignore her.
This dog loves me.
And the pig... the pig loved me.
It looks dead.
It's sleeping. They sleep, right?
Actually, that's very unusual for her to be sleeping.
Meg, make sure the pig's okay.
Yeah, the pig's fine.
You didn't touch it, did you?
I did not kill the pig, Patty.
You got a bad record. You got to admit it.
That thing with the hamster was a long time ago. It was a long time ago!
And it was only a hamster. It's not in the same category as dog or pig, now, is it?
What about the rabbit?
Okay, the rabbit was sick when I got it. It was sick when I got it.
It was very humanitarian of me to take it in the first place.
And that poor turtle. It was supposed to outlive you.
You're really kind of bringing down the pet fair here, Patty.
Honey, go see "March of the Penguins."
That's really as close to the animals as you should get.
She's a comedienne, that one.
She just gets a bit, and then she keeps on going, you know,
even with one that's not funny. It's a...
Hi. See you later, kiddo.
- Lorelai! - Liz, hi.
- You and Luke engaged! - Yes, we are!
- I want to eat your face. - Is that good?
You're my sister-in-law, Mrs. Danes ...not that you're changing your name.
You don't got to. Go modern.
Oh, I'm not sure what I'm gonna do.
This ring.
- My brother has good taste. - Yes, he does.
- You ever see my ring? It's a beaut, huh? - Definitely.
Had a problem for a while. It turned my finger green.
Well, that's common with metal.
No, it's worse than that. The finger turned green, then it turned blue, then purple.
So, I went to this doctor, and he's talking amputation.
Oh, my god.
But T.J. picked it out for me, so I love it, I really do.
It's the thought that counts.
Well, I got to get going.
I actually have a finger-therapy session I have to go to.
Sister-in-laws!
- Oh, I'm a jerk. - What?
I forgot to ask you about Rory.
Right.
So, is she staying here with you during the summer break?
Oh, well, actually...
Luke didn't tell you about all this?
All what?
She's staying with her grandparents for the summer.
Really?
For a change of pace, and she'll be working and, yeah.
Your whole extended family...
you, your parents... so close. It's nice.
Yes, it is.
Ow.
What?
My finger. Got to run, bye.
Uh... bye, Liz.
I'll take him.
So the 14th works?
Yeah, works for me.
My god, we're busier than that Anne Coulter.
Who?
That blond bean pole on TV.
If she walked over a subway grate, she'd fall through.
We need to talk to the gardener.
Try. I've given up.
I told him to take that mp3 device off his head while he worked, and he did.
Then I hid behind the curtains, and he put his mp3 device right back in his ears.
We're paying him too much if he's able to afford an mp3 device.
He's got to focus on the lawn.
- Morning, honey. - Hi.
The patches of brown.
- Good morning, Rory. - Good morning.
Speaking of which, we have a cocktail gathering on Wednesday.
How was "patches of brown" speaking of which?
- It's the sterling-olivers. - The age spots.
You worship the sun, you pay the price.
So, Wednesday with the Oliv... wait a minute.
We have cocktails with the Bransons on Wednesday.
We'll do a drink at each.
We've done it before.
- Rory, sit, sit. - Okay.
We're staying on top of your car, by the way.
My car?
It's still in the shop.
What is with our government?
Impounding a car and damaging it in the process.
Then refusing to pay for the damage.
I should tell Scooter Libby about this.
I keep forgetting I know a man on the inside.
I'll give him a call.
Before an indictment comes down.
I'm sorry.
For what?
My car was impounded because of the thing with the yacht.
That's forgotten.
Totally forgotten.
It didn't happen.
We'll get you through this community service.
Then we'll be through with the matter.
Was the orientation horrible?
No, it went fine. I start my first hours in a couple days.
You're bearing this angelically.
Oh, I've got to run!
Oh, look at that. Me too.
Goodbye, Rory. Have a nice day.
- Eat the rest of this. - I'll try.
And give the fabric samples in the pool house a good look.
- The longer we wait, the longer it takes. - I'll give him a good look.
- What's that? - It's my new ringtone.
I love it.
I'll have Katie come up with some suggestions for yours.
Maybe some Burt Bacharach.
Wonderful.
May I?
Sí.
Esperanza, right?
Sí, Esperanza.
Tu nombre es muy bonito.
¿Hablas espaÑol?
Um, no hablo bien, y no hablo mucho.
Lo hablas muy bien.
¿De dónde eres?
De Guatemala.
Guatemala.
¿Tienes familia allí?
Oh, sí, tengo mucha familia, y quiero traer a mi mam* aquí.
Oh, sí.
¿Y cu*ntos aÑos tiene tu mam*?
72 aÑos.
Oh.
¿Le gusta ver fútbol en la televisión o le gusta jugar?
Rory!
Oh, grandma, you scared me.
Hello, Mrs. Gilmore.
What is going on here?
Um, we were just...
well, we were polishing silver.
Esperanza, the vacuum is still sitting in the foyer.
The vacuum.
The vacuum!
Oh, sí! Sí.
Tell me she didn't ask you to help.
Oh, no, no. She didn't. I just...
I don't know. I just thought I would pitch in.
Well, you shouldn't. This is her job. She's paid to do this.
I know.
And what was that language?
Spanish.
Spanish?
They don't like it when you talk to them, Rory.
She seemed fine.
Is that a bathing suit?
Yeah. Yeah, I was gonna go swimming earlier.
In fact, I think I'll go do that now.
Yes, a swim would be good.
Okay, well, see you later.
Hey, you ready to go?
Come in, come in. I want to show you something.
Okay.
Or, more accurately, I want to show you someone.
Ta-da!
- Where'd he go? - Where'd who go?
What's all this crap?
Oh, yoo-hoo!
Come on, dude. We had it all rehearsed and everything.
Aha! Ha ha.
Yeah. Okay.
Ta-da!
It's a dog.
Yeah, very good. He's smart, too. Not as smart as you.
What are you doing with a dog?
I bought him. Doesn't he look happy?
Yeah, I guess. You bought a dog.
Yeah, and he loves me, and he doesn't give his love easily.
The only drawback is the name ...Cocoa. It's too cutesy.
But he's a rescue, so I don't want to freak him out by giving him a new name right away.
So, I'm gonna get to the name I want in baby steps.
For the first week, I'll call him Cocoa to get him acclimated.
Acclimated.
The second week, I'm gonna call him Cokey.
Third week... Kooky. Fourth week... Tooky.
So, you're gonna name him Tooky?
I'm gonna name him Paul Anka, but it's gonna take a while to get to Paul Anka.
Yeah, I'd say so.
And, you know, this little guy has already taught me something I didn't know.
Just because they make it for a dog doesn't mean a dog is gonna like it.
Toys, including squeakies and the "whazzup" variety...
- Whazzup? - No interest.
Rawhide bones... no interest. Popcorn... scared of it.
Scared of popcorn?
Yeah, and also of tissue holders, paperbacks, CDs, framed pictures, and lint.
Oh, and when I drink something, he gets freaked out like I'm gonna die,
and I have to pick him up and rock him like a baby until he calms down.
It's been quite a first day for us.
Look, should I ask the question that immediately came to mind when I first saw the thing,
or should I just shut up?
No, shoot.
- Is it okay for you... - That hamster was defective, period.
Plus, they only live like three years. I looked it up, and...
and... and he would have been dead by now anyway.
So, world, stop with the hamster already.
- But the turtle... - The same thing with the turtle.
Yeah, but they live to be 90.
I will take care of this dog, I promise.
Would you like a beer?
Sure.
Okay. Just distract him while I'm drinking.
And don't let him see the... bottle opener.
How much did you spend on all this?
Tons.
For a stupid dog.
You're acting like you don't like dogs.
I don't like dogs.
Shh! He heard you.
He speaks English?
Since when do you not like dogs?
Since all the times I made that really, really clear,
which is every time I've ever been around a dog.
What is there not to like about dogs?
They're dirty, they're a pain to train, they're a pain to wash,
they bark when they shouldn't, they jump on you when you don't want them to,
they chew things, they shed, they lick themselves,
they make your house smell, they make your car smell,
and they make you smell.
I think it's sad that you've lost the little boy in you.
The little boy didn't like dogs, either.
Oh, you know, I just realized what this is.
- This is our thing. - What thing?
This tradition of ours. You claim to hate everything at first,
but it's just your initial stance in a negotiation,
and then we talk, and our opinions merge,
and we find a happy middle.
No, a lot of times, it's just how I feel, and my mind doesn't change.
Okay, he's eating.
Come on, let's go.
But don't make any sudden movements and don't drink and don't look at him.
He's very self-conscious about his eating.
I'm the same way. That's how I know this is gonna work.
Go. Go, go, go.
You do realize your dog has just driven us out of the house?
Don't worry. He's a quick eater.
Come on.
Shh.
This is silly.
What? We can hang out out here. It's a nice night.
Okay.
Now, fill me in.
How was your day?
I talked to some contractors about the Twickham house.
Oh, yeah?
As soon as we make the offer, they'll let us in.
And we can start planning stuff, remodeling, whatever.
Good.
And as soon as we're out of escrow, we can start work.
Cool, excellent.
We could pull the crew here, do some touch-ups before selling.
Wait. Touch-ups? Where, here?
It hasn't been painted in a while. Fixing it up will help it sell.
Right. You know, I've been thinking?
What?
Maybe we should hang on to this house.
To rent?
No, not to rent.
To use in some other way.
What other way?
Uh, I don't know. It could be, like, a paint studio.
We don't paint.
Well, maybe we'll start.
Maybe it's the lack of a studio that's kept us from realizing our love of watercolors.
I don't have a love of watercolors.
Or I could use it as my recording studio.
That would be cool, huh?
And when I'm not laying down tracks, I could rent it out
to Korn or Iggy Pop or someone.
Right? You and me just hanging with Iggy Pop, rocking out,
telling stories. Ig's got stories.
Uh-huh.
Or we could use it as a safe house
in case we decide to take up a life of crime.
I doubt we're going to do that.
We could be wrongly accused of a crime we did not commit.
Then we'd have to hide out until society realized the mistake,
and then we'd be like, "hey, no hard feelings. It happens.
"This is a great country, and thank god we had the safe house."
If you want, we can just hang on to it and rent it out.
I don't want anyone else living in it.
They can't live in it, but they can record songs in it?
I just think we could use this place.
Think about it, okay?
Yeah, sure, we'll think about it.
Okay.
Oh, look, he's done,
and he's in there fast asleep.
Great, let's go back in.
Just be careful because he gets scared when you wake him up.
Of course.
Okay. Oh, and try not to say any words that begin with the letter "Q."
Hi, I got your note.
Come in, dear.
We just wanted to speak to you for a minute.
Sit, sit.
We have a club soda all ready for you here.
Is that all right? We can make you something else.
No, that's fine. My drink of choice, thank you.
Refreshing.
Now, you said something before about wanting a job.
Yes.
You're low on money, and I know you'd prefer to earn it
rather than be given it... you're a Gilmore.
Your grandmother and I are ready to help you with that.
- With a job? - That's right.
Well, um, the job thing was before my court thing.
300 hours of community service in 6 months...
it's a full-time job in itself,
which kind of limits my options as far as work.
That's where we come in.
We can swing a couple of options for you that'll give you the flexibility you need.
Really?
There are all sorts of things out there for a bright girl such as yourself.
They'll bend their schedules for you.
I'll make some appointments and let you know what they are.
All right. Well, thank you.
Thank you very much.
Have you met Draguta?
She's from Romania.
Hi.
That's right. I forgot.
You don't like the stairs.
Come on, Paul Anka.
That's right.
I'm skipping the fancy in-between thing and going straight for the gold.
I'm calling you Paul Anka, Paul Anka the dog.
Oh, excuse me.
Rory, what a coincidence. We were talking about you earlier.
You were?
Come in. Sit with us for a minute.
This is Rory?
She's made of porcelain.
I didn't mean to interrupt.
Beautiful skin.
Like one of your Iladros.
I want to miniaturize her and set her on my mantel.
You've interrupted nothing.
Nora was just defending her choice.
Her choice?
Cover your ears, Rory.
It's Alexander Hamilton, no debate.
Over Washington.
And Jefferson.
Direct, proud, that chin and those blazing eyes.
They're discussing the forefathers.
Choosing, to be more accurate.
Which was the greatest?
Lover.
Oh, dear.
Girls, please. She's just a child.
Most of us picked Washington or Jefferson.
There was one vote for James Madison.
Two abstentions.
And I chose the stud on the 10.
It's the drinks. I have to start watering them down.
So, we finally meet the famous Rory.
I'm famous?
You're wanted.
She's perfect for us.
For what?
A job's opened up at our D.A.R. office downtown.
We need someone smart, sharp-looking.
And the hours are extremely flexible.
It just fell into our laps. Isn't that something?
Yes.
You can even work from home. It's mostly phone work.
You'd be perfect for us.
Well, thank you all for thinking of me, and, yes, it does sound perfect.
Good.
When did you join, Rory?
Join?
The D.A.R.
Oh, well, I haven't.
Yet.
She'd have to join to work in the office.
Oh.
Don't worry. The term "shoo-in" was coined for a figurine like you.
Don't worry. The paperwork's all filled out and ready.
It's a formality.
Do you not eat? Do you not drink?
The Irish coffee is astounding.
Oh, yes. Rory, our meeting's done. We're just gabbing.
Go change and join us.
And be thinking of the forefather you fancy.
Well, I can't.
Why not?
Uh, because I have my, um...
Your?
My thing.
Your thing.
Um... my community service.
You were supposed to drive me.
Oh, yes. Ladies, I'm sorry.
Rory and I have a little outing,
and we were having so much filthy fun I forgot the time.
Doing a little shopping, Emily?
Something like that.
Well, have fun.
Lovely gathering, Emily.
Thank you, girls.
Oh, you're going to match the drapes in our office perfectly.
Come on, boy. Jump out.
Good boy. You're not afraid of jumping. That's something.
Uh, excuse me.
- Hello. - Hello.
I'm Lorelai, the owner of the house you're standing on.
I'm George.
Hi, George.
I'm just trying to think of how to ask this in a polite way.
Um, are you committing some sort of crime?
No.
But if you were, would you tell me?
Hello.
Howdy.
Fight or flight? Fight or flight?
Hey!
Luke.
- This is George. - Oh, we've met.
- I'm Saul. - Hi, Saul.
- Got what you need? - Just about.
- Saul, did you get what you need? - Just about.
Wow. I was this close to screaming and siccing the dog on you.
How did you get that door closed?
We're just about done.
Done with what?
Sizing the situation.
What situation?
About how many silent joists we need to carry out.
What's a joist?
The things that support the load.
What load?
The load from the extension.
Okay, this has officially become the worst first draft of "who's on first?" in history.
It's about enlarging the bedroom to live here.
Here? You want to live here?
Sure. I don't have a lot of stuff, and we just need more closet space,
a bigger bathroom, bigger bedroom.
I always wanted a bigger bedroom.
Well, it looks like we can do it.
Well, what about the Twickham house?
Too damn big.
We can get along fine here for a while, maybe forever.
It's a great house.
You love this house.
I do love this house.
I figured that out from your sudden interest in laying down tracks and becoming a painter.
Come down here so I can kiss you, all of you.
We'll just be a minute.
You locked the door? Dude, come on.
I mean, I've got the key, but I'm really curious how you did this.
Let's see what else.
"When you're eating in the mess hall, never reach across the prisoner next to you."
It's a provocation. It'll get you a fork in your hand.
I don't think there's going to be a mess hall.
Well, wherever you're eating, that would apply.
What else? "Don't be arrogant."
But you're not arrogant.
"Don't let anyone give you anything "or lend you anything, period.
It can get you injured or killed or turned out."
I'm not sure what "turned out" means, but they're very careful to warn you off it.
Got it.
Now, "if somebody approaches you with a shiv"...
Do you know what a shiv is, grandma?
No, what is it?
It's like a crude knife, carved from a soda can.
Oh... that must be why they advise you to "yell for a hack to come help you."
What's a hack?
Where did you get this, grandma?
I had your grandfather's secretary find me info on interacting with fellow prisoners.
But we're not prisoners. We're just doing community service.
They look like prisoners.
Well, you know, sitting here in the jag staring at them
is probably not going to help my popularity.
Oh, you're right. That's on the list, too... staring... it's bad.
You shouldn't do it for more than one or two seconds.
I won't.
And they emphasize that you "keep your fight face at home."
I'm guessing that's any sort of aggressive expression,
whether you're staring at the person or not.
Fight face... remember that.
Okay. I'll be fine, grandma.
- Thanks for driving me. - Wait.
Here. That's better than a paper bag.
Yes, it is.
Oh, and here.
Cigarettes?
To barter. It's currency to these people.
Thank you, grandma. I'll call you when I'm done.
Bye, now. And remember, don't stare.
Anyone want a smoke?
Then you've got to decide on your extras.
We can slap up some molding.
Yeah, molding's good. Lorelai will like that.
She will. She will like that.
Let's figure on molding of some kind.
- Good. - Good.
We can add a wainscot, too, and we could do a lugged architrave on the overdoor.
Great.
Oh, I love a lugged architrave.
Liz.
Oh, hi. I'm Liz.
- My sister. - Hi, Liz.
- You're an architect, huh? - Yep.
How long have you been an architect?
This is not your interview, Liz.
Oh, I'm buttoning it now. Sorry.
I need to go anyway, Luke.
What's your time frame here, George?
It's going to take me at least two weeks to draw up a plan.
I'll keep you posted.
Good deal.
Good deal, George.
I'll talk to you later.
What is wrong with you?
I'm just excited about all this.
A new adventure!
But it's not your adventure. It's my adventure.
You're in the employee section.
I want to talk to you about something.
You've done nothing but talk.
Why announce it now?
You're going to need a contractor for your remodel, right?
Yes.
And you know who I'm married to.
Yes.
He'd be perfect for this.
T.J? He's not a contractor.
Oh, but he is.
Since when?
Since he almost passed the test for his contractor's license last month.
I mean, he was so close.
If he hadn't used all those curse words during the written exam, he'd have had it.
He used curse words?
When he's enthusiastic about something, he gets very foul.
But I blame his mother.
She has got a mouth on her... garbage mouth.
I don't think he can do the job, Liz.
Oh, but, my brother, he's working so hard for his license.
You should see him. It is so cute.
He sits up in bed at night poring through his books and his manuals.
He's got this system where he reads a chapter
then rewards himself with a junior mint.
It's been working great for him.
There is no way in the world that he is getting this job, Liz.
But what about the shelves he made you?
I thought you liked them.
They're just shelves.
Oh, what happened to the little boy in you?
Look, the shelves are nice, but this is a big job.
Lorelai loves this house.
This is a great house.
- Luke, his life depends on it. - How?
Because if he doesn't get his ass out of the house and work more, I'm gonna kill him.
There's a housing boom out there.
There's plenty of work for a good carpenter like T.J.
But every time he interviews for jobs, he starts cursing.
He can't help it.
People mistake it for him being weird or something.
Imagine that.
Please, big brother, for your little sister.
Liz.
Just don't say "no."
Okay? Just think about it.
I don't need to think about it.
For me, think about it.
Okay, fine. I won't say "no" for the time being.
Yes! Thank you.
That's all I needed was a big fat "not a no."
Whatever.
Sorry.
Oh!
Watch it.
Sorry.
So, it's an omelet, a side of bacon.
What kind of cheese do you have?
I've got your basic ...Swiss, cheddar.
Hey, what?
What? Hey.
Lorelai, what are you doing?
Lorelai?
This is weird, okay?
I... come on. What's wrong?
Lorelai, say something.
Hole!
- How... - Hole.
- It... - Hole!
I know it's a hole. How did it happen?
- Dirt. - What?
Dirt, bed, dirt. Hole.
Speak in sentences, come on.
You found this when you got home.
Yes, a big hole!
It was sledgehammered.
With a very big sledgehammer.
God, who would...
- Oh, my god. - What?
- Him. - Who?
- Him. - What him?
- Kill. - Kill who?
T.J.
- T.J. did this? - Who else?!
What do you mean, "who else"?
Why would T.J. come to my house and sledgehammer my bedroom?
- Damn it, Liz! - What did Liz do?
Ah, she worked me over. She begged me to hire T.J. as the contractor on the remodel.
- T.J.'s a contractor? - No, and I said "no."
But she made me promise to think about it.
And then she sat in the diner staring at me,
and then she started to cry, so I kicked her out.
And then she went outside and cried and so I could see it through the window.
And I couldn't take it anymore, so I said, "okay,"
knowing we had weeks to figure out how to get out of it.
And no work could be done 'cause George hadn't made up the plans.
And, in the meantime, T.J. could've changed occupations
or injured himself bouncing on his trampoline and backed out of the job.
But how could you risk saying "okay" to anything with T.J?
Did I mention the crying? Liz is a walking tear duct.
Oh, T.J.'s good. You never see what's coming, like a big, dumb tsunami.
He's that good.
So, what do we do?
I'm gonna talk to T.J.
But I'm gonna be smart about it, I'm not gonna spook him.
I'm gonna be like Michael Corleone dealing with that slimy brother-in-law of his.
Get a couple of tickets to a ball game, invite him along.
We'll talk about the beer and the hot dogs we're gonna eat.
And then I'm gonna get him to admit that he did this.
And then when we get in the car on the way to the ball park,
I'm gonna put a rope around his neck and pull it till he's... dead!
Wait. Wait. You're in the backseat?
That's for garroting, yes.
No, he's gonna smell something fishy if you hop in the backseat especially if you're driving.
No, he's not that bright. It'll work.
Why are you even buying the tickets?
Just sneak up and garrote him on the street... save the money.
I can still go to the game the other way.
I'll take my friend Ed. He hasn't been to a game in ages.
You're in no state to deal with T.J. right now.
Maybe not.
And we need to do something about my bedroom.
I know.
So, let's figure out what we need to deal with the hole.
- First things first. - You're right.
- We need tarp. - Tarp.
- And some plywood. - Plywood.
- Staple gun. - Staple gun.
Rope.
You're not garroting T.J.
- Skip the rope. - No rope.
I'm sorry.
- It's not your fault. - Eh, I'm dumb.
No, you're not.
- I'm gonna kill him. - No, you're not!
Goodnight. See you again.
Sorry. Kitchen's closed.
Rory.
Hi, Luke.
Hi.
So, kitchen's closed.
No, no, no. It's not closed.
Come on in.
Oh.
Oh, no. I just ...I figured.
No. Yes, you figured right. Thank you.
So, it looks like the town's been doing a little painting.
Yeah, Taylor wanted to spiff it up.
Those are his words.
Put these obnoxious signs up.
"Pardon our spiff, it'll just take a jiff." It's dumb.
Yeah. Dumb.
But it needed a...
spiff.
Yeah, it looks good.
So, I started my community service.
Right.
A little roadwork, vest and all.
5 hours down, 295 to go.
It's good you're chipping away at it.
Yeah.
Well.
So... how are people?
Are people good?
Yeah, people are good. People are, uh...
Your mom and I are engaged.
Engaged?
Yeah.
Wow.
Congratulations.
Thanks.
So, I guess I'm gonna go.
Um... thank you for the coffee.
T.J.
Lorelai, hey.
Am I glad to see you.
It's 7:00 a. m., T.J.
I know the sun ain't even warm yet, and here we are toting that barge.
Mr. Taskmaster.
Who? Who has got you toting a barge?
Look, I need to explain my side in the whole hole thing here.
It wasn't my fault.
It wasn't?
A guy says "okay," that means something. Know what I mean?
It's not so complicated, not like the TV guide or nothing.
It means "okay."
It's really early, T.J.
Anyway, I just don't want you to be mad at me.
We're gonna be related, you and me.
Well, I'm not mad at you, T.J.
Hey, get away from her.
We're just talking.
T.J., stop bothering her, and get up here.
You want me to bring up a couple more trash bags?
I'm figuring we need some.
Okay, fine.
Now, is that okay in the sense that I know that word?
Or is that a Luke okay that can mean whatever you want it to?
Just get up here.
He knew I was a self-starter.
Okay to a self-starter is like glue to a horse.
What else can you do but start galloping?
Hey, Luke?
Yeah.
Are you aware of the time?
I'm just trying to make it so you don't have to sleep on the couch for the next three months.
If you want us to stop, we'll stop.
No, it's just... the sun ain't even warm yet.
7:00 A.M. was Luke's idea.
I'd have started at 9:00 so as not to bother people.
That's just one guy who thinks that okay means okay's opinion.
Would you just keep working?
So, maybe tomorrow, if you're still doing this, it could be 8:00-ish.
I mean, I love that you're doing it, but...
Yeah, I needed to start early so I could get this done. Man!
What's with the 'tude?
Nothing. It's just...
You know you got a frisbee up here?
A what?
A frisbee, just sitting up here. What are you thinking?!
It's not my frisbee.
So it just walked up here on its own?
Luke, there is a lost frisbee on the roof of every suburban home in America.
Garrison Keillor said that. It's not that big a deal.
Every roof, huh? Well, that's a great use of plastic.
It's not my frisbee.
I've never played frisbee.
What the hell has gotten into you?
I told Rory we were engaged.
What?!
How? Where?
She came into the diner last night. It was awkward. I ended up telling her we were engaged.
Why would you do that?
Why? Because she had the face.
What face?
The Rory face. You know the face.
Yes, but, Luke, you have to ignore the Rory face.
That's easy for you to say.
You shouldn't have told her.
Yeah, you should've told her.
No. She's not being told anything. Neither of us should've told her.
But if one of us isn't, I'm the one that shouldn't.
Right. Meaning not you. I should've told her.
Then we're in full agreement. You should've told her.
That's not what I'm saying.
You said it, and I agreed, so I win.
How do you win?
'Cause I have the high ground. That gives me the upper hand on anything you got.
Luke.
Something's wrong with this thing.
There's nothing wrong with that thing.
Luke!
Rory started this.
And right now we're not talking.
Remember, tough love? I'm on a path here.
She would've seen it in the paper eventually.
Seen what?
Our engagement.
How would it have ended up in the paper?
I don't know. She'd open up the paper to the back to these stupid pictures
of a guy and a girl. Bill's a chiropractor. Nancy's a teacher.
They met square dancing. They're on their honeymoon in Florida.
And they got these smiles on their faces like their lives are gonna work out
the way they dreamt or something ...suckers. Those things.
You played right into her hands. You can't do that.
She can't just play on our emotions.
She has to undo what she's done, get out of my parents' house, go back to school.
Fine. Maybe I shouldn't have told her anything.
Maybe I should've kicked her out, ignored her, whatever.
But you got to understand something... I'm in the middle.
Yeah, she's your daughter, but I'm in the middle.
I know. You are in the middle.
Good, because you've been acting like you don't know, like you're alone in this or something.
I know.
And I know you don't want my opinion on this, but you're both being dumb,
and you should be talking. There.
I won't say anything more about any of this again ever.
T.J., the screw's not going in right 'cause you got the drill on counterclockwise.
It's righty-tighty, lefty-loosey.
I've got to remember that.
Ugh.
All right, I got to get back to work.
We're gonna be done with what we're doing here today.
We won't be here tomorrow.
Luke?
We're okay.
Good.
Nice catch.
Yes! That's what I'm talking about.
Righty-tighty!
Whoa, whoa! Break it up! Come on! Break it up!
You're on the side of the road, cars rushing by, tractor trailers.
You see my point?
That's not a playground out there.
It's a work environment with inherent dangers, obvious dangers,
and there you are pushing someone around.
That's unacceptable.
Now, I cannot have you out there with your fight face on.
Do you understand me?
Yes, sir.
What's the problem?
We're gonna need another thing of bags for this next stretch.
Well, then, you're gonna have to check back on the bus.
Thanks for nothing.
Repaying your debt to society, I assume.
That's what this is.
System already hardened you?
So, I guess congratulations are in order.
So, how are things at the new digs?
You guys set a date yet?
Grandma redecorate the pool house yet?
Be sure to send me a picture.
Be sure to send me a change-of-address card.
Grandma can print them out for you with a little fleur-de-lis.
I'm not supposed to be talking to outsiders.
Fine.
You and Luke getting engaged and not telling me about it.
You hurt me.
Back at you.