Captions made possible by HOME BOX OFFICE
A Division of TIME WARNER ENTERTAINMENT COMPANY, L.P.
♪ SO YOU'RE BACK FROM OUTER SPACE ♪
( laughing )
♪ ... THAT LOOK UPON YOUR FACE ♪
AH !
I AM SUCH A FUCKING IDIOT !
I SHOULD'VE DUMPED HIM YEARS AGO.
I FEEL 20 POUNDS LIGHTER.
MORE LIKE 180 POUNDS.
WHAT DO YOU THINK HE'S DOING TONIGHT ?
OH, HE'S FUCKING HIS LITTLE GRAD STUDENT.
THINKING HE'S KING OF THE WORLD !
GOD, I WISH I KNEW WHO INVENTED VIAGRA.
SO, I COULD SHOOT HIM.
I'LL DRINK TO THAT.
HEAR, HEAR !
OH, SHIT, IT FELL DOWN MY SHIRT.
HOLD THIS, HOLD THIS, I HAVE AN IDEA.
WAIT.
DRIVER !
HEY, DRIVER !
TAKE US TO MYAGI'S, OKAY ?
'CAUSE I FEEL LIKE DANCING !
OOH, LOOK WHAT I FOUND.
( laughing )
PROMISE ME,
NO DANCING ON THE TABLES TONIGHT.
YOU JUST OPEN THIS !
COME BACK DOWN, HONEY.
I'M KING OF THE WORLD !
I'M KING OF THE WORLD.
I'M KING OF THE WORLD !
jm THIS IS HOW YOU STUDY FOR THE FUNERAL DIRECTOR'S LICENSE ?
YOU MUST REALLY LIKE WEARING A SUIT.
THERE'S ALWAYS A CHANCE WE MIGHT GET A WALK-IN.
THERE'S ALWAYS A CHANCE WE MIGHT GET ABDUCTED BY ALIENS.
WHAT'S THE LONGEST WE'VE EVER GONE WITHOUT A BODY ?
I REMEMBER DAD SAYING SOMETHING LIKE NINE DAYS,
DURING THE '84 OLYMPICS.
"THE GREAT DROUGHT OF '84."
YOU REMEMBER HOW DAD USED TO DO WALTER BRENNAN.
"COME ON, LITTLE LUKE, LET'S STITCH THIS DEAD GUY UP
"'CAUSE MAW'S MADE A MESS OF CATFISH
AND I'M POWERFUL #sHUNGRY."
OKAY, WELL, THANK YOU FOR MAKING ME FEEL LIKE AN IDIOT.
NO, I JUST...
YOU KNEW A WHOLE SIDE OF DAD I NEVER DID.
NINE DAYS, HUH ?
WE JUST MIGHT BEAT THAT.
"WHEN A FAMILY PLACES MONEY IN A FUNERAL TRUST FOR A PRE-NEED,
"HOW MUCH MONEY CAN THE FUNERAL HOME USE
"FOR OTHER PURPOSES UNTIL THE FAMILY REQUIRES
YOUR SERVICES ?"
50%.
25% ?
ZERO, NONE.
I KNEW THAT.
( phone )
HELLO ?
( Brenda ) Hey, it's me.
WELL, IT'S ABOUT TIME.
I'VE ONLY BEEN CALLING YOU FOR SIX DAYS STRAIGHT.
Yeah, I've been incredibly busy.
LOTS OF NEW CLIENTS, SORRY.
How's Billy ?
UH, BETTER.
IT ONLY HAPPENS ONCE A YEAR, YOU KNOW ?
TWICE AT THE MOST.
SO, WHEN CAN I SEE YOU ?
I don't know...
Tuesday ?
IS HE STAYING WITH YOU ?
YEAH, JUST FOR A FEW MORE DAYS.
LISTEN, I GOTTA GO.
I'LL CALL YOU, OKAY ? I PROMISE.
WE THINK WE'RE WEIRD, BEING UNDERTAKER'S KIDS ?
JUST BE THANKFUL OUR PARENTS WEREN'T FUCKING SHRINKS.
"HOW MANY DAYS DOES A FAMILY HAVE
TO CANCEL A CONTRACT FOR SERVICES ?"
I GET SO SICK OF THIS BIZARRE BEHAVIOR
THAT I'M SUPPOSED TO FIGURE OUT.
AND THEN SHE SEEMS PISSED OFF WHEN I CAN'T.
IT'S FUCKING NEUROTIC !
WOULD YOU CONCENTRATE ON THIS, PLEASE ?
I NEED YOU TO GET YOUR LICENSE,
SO, YOU CAN START HANDLING YOUR SHARE OF THINGS.
"HOW MANY DAYS--"
THREE DAYS.
IT'S NOT EXACTLY THE CALIFORNIA BAR, DAVID.
COME ON...
MAKE ME EARN IT.
"WHEN A FUNERAL HOME ADVERTISES THEIR SERVICES,
"WHICH TWO SPECIFIC PIECES OF INFORMATION
ARE LEGALLY REQUIRED ON ALL ADVERTISEMENTS ?"
I'D START WITH SOME HEAVY DUTY ARMATURE MATERIAL
AND PLASTER OF PARIS.
MASTIC COMPOUND FOR HER FACE,
TISSUE BUILDER AND WAX FOR HER FEATURES.
I'D FINISH HER OFF WITH A GOOD SEALER,
SHE'LL LEAK LIKE A GARDEN HOSE.
A LITTLE AIRBRUSHING AND A HIGH QUALITY FOUNDATION
AND SHE'S GOOD TO GO.
HOW MUCH TIME WOULD YOU NEED ?
AT LEAST A DAY TO DO IT RIGHT.
THE FISHERS CAN SPARE YOU FOR A FULL DAY ?
I'M NOT AUDITIONING FOR YOU.
THIS IS A ONE-TIME FREELANCE JOB
AND I USE MY OWN MATERIALS.
KROEHNER'S TEXTURIZERS, THEY BLOW.
HOW MUCH ?
$1500.
OKAY.
FOR SOMEONE WITH YOUR TALENT,
THAT'S A BARGAIN.
STOP BLOWING SMOKE UP MY ASS.
I'M NOT QUITTING THE FISHERS.
MR. F. PUT ME THROUGH SCHOOL.
HAVE HER DONE BY FIVE.
AND SHE'D BETTER LOOK FLAWLESS.
( male ) DON'T THINK ABOUT HOW STEEP IT IS.
YOU'VE GOT EIGHT MORE MILES.
COME ON, KEEP IT MOVING.
CARLOS CASTANEDA WROTE,
"A WARRIOR TAKES HIS LOT, WHATEVER IT MAY BE,
AND ACCEPTS IT IN ULTIMATE HUMBLENESS."
YEAH, WELL...
CARLOS CASTANEDA CAN BLOW ME.
TELL ME ABOUT IT.
WHERE'S THE WHOLE
"SPIRITUAL TRANSCENDENCE" PART FROM THE BROCHURE ?
THIS IS LIKE FUCKING BOOT CAMP.
HAVE I THANKED YOU FOR GETTING ME HIGH THIS MORNING ?
LIKE 12 TIMES.
JUST MAKING SURE.
CLAIRE, TOPHER !
YOU'RE STRAGGLING.
YOU KNOW THE RULES.
THE GROUP STAYS TOGETHER.
PERIOD.
JA VOL, MEIN COMMANDANT.
I GOT A NEW WAY TO MAKE MONEY.
WE RENT OUT THE SLUMBER ROOM FOR MEETINGS.
12 STEP GROUPS, THAT SORT OF THING.
ARE YOU INSANE ?
DRUNKS AND DRUG ADDICTS INSIDE OUR HOME ?
THE INSURANCE ISSUES ALONE.
WELL, THEN HOW ABOUT SENIOR DANCE LESSONS ?
TWICE A WEEK AT 50 BUCKS A POP.
THAT'S $5200 A YEAR,
THAT'S SIX MONTHS' PROPERTY TAX.
WHAT IF WE'VE GOT A VIEWING ?
THEY WORK AROUND OUR SCHEDULE.
DAVID, THESE OLD PEOPLE HAVE NOTHING ELSE TO DO.
THEY DANCE HERE TWICE A WEEK, HAVE FUN.
WHO DO YOU THINK GETS THE CALL WHEN THEY DROP ?
THAT'S ACTUALLY NOT A BAD IDEA.
WELL, GOOD, BECAUSE THEY'RE COMING HERE AT TWO.
SO, NO MORE COMMENTS ABOUT ME NOT PULLING MY WEIGHT
FOR A WHILE, OKAY ?
( door opening and closing )
SO, IS THIS A NEW COMPANY POLICY, CASUAL FRIDAYS ?
NICE OF YOU TO DROP BY, IT'S ALMOST NOON.
AND I STAYED 'TIL AFTER NINE LAST NIGHT,
RESTOCKING AND STERILIZING.
YOU MEAN, YOU DIDN'T CHECK ?
LOOK, IF IT'S ALRIGHT WITH YOU GUYS,
I NEED THE DAY OFF.
VANESSA'S GOT AN ULTRASOUND.
SHE JUST HAD ONE LAST WEEK.
THEY JUST WANT TO DO ANOTHER ONE.
I THINK I SHOULD BE THERE WITH HER, DON'T YOU ?
WELL, OF COURSE, YOU COULD'VE JUST CALLED.
I LEFT MY JACKET IN THE PREP ROOM.
IT'S GOT MY WALLET, MY INSURANCE CARD, ALL THAT STUFF.
THANKS, GUYS.
GREAT, ONCE AGAIN I'M THE ASSHOLE
AND YOU'RE THE COOL GUY.
WELL, YOU CAN TELL HIM TOMORROW THAT HE'S CLEANING OUT
THE BODY FRIDGE.
I WANT IT SCRUBBED AND HOSED AND DISINFECTED.
YOU TELL HIM.
IT'S FISHER & SONS.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BE THE BAD COP.
WELL, YOU'RE SO GOOD AT IT.
( vacuum running )
RICO !
NATE, PLEASE.
DON'T DO THAT.
I GOT A LOT ON MY MIND
WITH THE ULTRASOUND AND ALL, YOU KNOW ?
DAVID WANTS YOU TO CLEAN OUT THE--
THE WALK-IN, I KNOW, I KNOW.
YOUR BROTHER'S GOT A BUG UP HIS ASS ABOUT CLEANLINESS.
I KNOW, WHEN WE USED TO PLAY G-I JOES
HE ALWAYS WANTED TO GIVE HIS A SHOWER.
YEAH, WELL.
I'M RUNNING LATE.
WHERE'S YOUR JACKET ?
OH, SHIT.
MUST'VE LEFT IT AT HOME.
OH.
TOLD YOU, MAN, I GOT A LOT ON MY MIND FROM THE ULTRASOUND.
SEE YA. SEE YA.
NOW, BEGINS THE VISION QUEST PART OF OUR JOURNEY.
OH, GREAT, NOW WE GET TO STARVE AND SWEAT OURSELVES
INTO A HALLUCINOGENIC STATE OF ECSTASY.
IT'S GONNA GET HARDER AND HARDER
FOR THE NEXT COUPLE OF DAYS.
YOU ALL KNOW HOW TOUGH PHYSICALLY.
NOW THE MENTAL CHALLENGES BEGIN.
OKAY, STARTING NOW, YOU GUYS LEAD.
I JUST FOLLOW.
SO...
I HOPE, FOR MY SAKE, YOU'VE ALL PERFECTED
YOUR MAP AND COMPASS SKILLS.
PARKER.
WHICH WAY DO WE GO ?
UM...
THAT WAY.
WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR ?
YOU LEAD.
FUCKING GIRL SCOUT.
( female ) GOOD CALL, PARKER.
SO, WHO DO YOU THINK PLAYS PARKER
IN THE MOVIE OF HER LIFE ?
SANDY BULLOCK OR JULIA ROBERTS ?
PLEASE, SHE'D NEVER RATE THAT HIGH.
SHE'D GET ONE OF THOSE "BUFFY" OR "DAWSON'S CREEK" CHICKS, TOPS.
WHAT IS THAT ?
THIS ?
KHINKALI.
IT'S LIKE...
DUMPLING WITH SPICY MEAT INSIDE.
I CANNOT BELIEVE YOU NEVER HEAR OF KHINKALI.
YOU KNOW,
YOU NEED TO GO OUT FROM THE HOUSE MORE.
I GET OUT.
I TOOK A VERY ENJOYABLE TRIP TO SAN BERNADINO
JUST A FEW WEEKS AGO.
YOU SHOULD COME TO MY NEIGHBORHOOD.
ALL RUSSIAN.
YOU WOULD LOVE IT.
PEOPLE WITH PASSION, FULL OF LIFE.
NOT LIKE YOUR FAMILY.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN ?
RUSSIANS SPEAK FROM HERE, FROM THE HEART,
WITH THEIR SOULS.
NOT LIKE FISHER, LIKE FROM HERE, LIKE LITTLE MOUSE...
NOT LIKE THAT.
IF IT'S SO WONDERFUL IN RUSSIA,
YOU SHOULD TAKE THE FIRST FLIGHT BACK.
IN RUSSIA, I WAS ENGINEER.
KNOCK-KNOCK.
HIRAM.
I TRIED MY HAND AT JAMAICAN JERK CHICKEN.
TURNED OUT GOOD.
THOUGHT YOU MIGHT LIKE SOME FOR LUNCH.
THAT'S SO THOUGHTFUL.
THANK YOU.
HIRAM, THIS IS MY BOSS, NIKOLAI.
SHE HAS A LUNCH.
HERE, TRY SOME.
PLEASE.
YOU BURNED IT.
NIKOLAI.
RUTH IS BUSY.
I'M ON MY LUNCH BREAK.
LUNCH IS OVER.
NOW WE WORK.
SORRY I GOT YOU IN TROUBLE WITH YOUR BOSS.
DON'T YOU WORRY, I CAN HANDLE HIM.
( square dance music playing )
EVERYBODY READY...
AND OUT AND LEFT...
GOOD, GOOD...
SWING YOUR PARTNERS...
AND PROMENADE HOME.
VERY GOOD.
HEY, VANESSA,
IS RICO THERE ?
No, should I page him ?
NO, IT'S NOTHING IMPORTANT,
I JUST WANTED TO RUN SOMETHING BY HIM.
Okay.
HEY, DID YOU HAVE YOUR ULTRASOUND ALREADY ?
Yeah, last week.
YOU'RE NOT HAVING ONE TODAY ?
OH, YEAH, YEAH, BUT NOT 'TIL THIS AFTERNOON.
Huh.
I'M SORRY, NATE, THE U.P.S. GUY'S AT THE DOOR, I GOTTA GO.
AND I'LL TELL RICO YOU CALLED, OKAY ?
SHIT !
SHIT.
HEY !
DON'T SAY THAT, PAPITO, THAT'S A GROWN-UP WORD.
( square dance music )
OKAY, VERY GOOD, VERY GOOD, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN.
NOW, IF I COULD HAVE YOUR ATTENTION
FOR JUST ONE SECOND.
I WANNA TEACH YOU A NEW FIGURE FOR THE REPERTOIRE.
YOU'RE GONNA LOVE IT.
YOUR FRIENDS ARE GONNA BE VERY IMPRESSED.
I PROMISE.
IT'S CALLED THE HUNGARIAN SWING.
AND I NEED A VOLUNTEER.
SO, IF I COULD JUST BORROW YOU FOR ONE SECOND,
I PROMISE IT WON'T HURT A BIT.
IT GOES LIKE THIS.
YOU'RE GONNA STAND
RIGHT HIP TO RIGHT HIP.
YOUR OTHER HAND IS GONNA GO ON YOUR PARTNER'S WAIST
AND YOUR LEFT HAND IS GONNA GO UP OVER THE HEAD.
NOW, YOU'RE GONNA SWING
ONE AND A HALF TIMES.
SHE WILL TURN ONE AND A HALF TIMES
INTO THE PROMENADE POSITION.
THAT WASN'T SO BAD, WAS IT ?
LET'S DO IT AGAIN WITH THE MUSIC, OKAY ?
NOT SO FAST.
OKAY, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN.
WITH THE MUSIC.
HERE WE GO.
OKAY.
AND TWO, THREE, FOUR...
KISS HIM.
( cheering )
INTERESTING TECHNIQUE, WHERE'D YOU TRAIN ?
CYPRESS COLLEGE, INTERNED AT FISHER & SONS.
OH, SO, YOU'RE THE GUY FROM FISHER.
YOU GOT OUT OF THERE JUST IN TIME.
KROEHNER'S GONNA BURY THEM.
I DON'T THINK SO.
SOMEBODY BURNED DOWN THE FUNERAL HOME
KROEHNER WAS BUILDING ACROSS THE STREET.
SOMEBODY ?
YOU EVER HEARD OF JEWISH LIGHTENING ?
OH, SORRY, DID I OFFEND YOU ?
I'M JEWISH, I CAN SAY THAT.
KROEHNER BURNED DOWN THEIR OWN BUILDING
FOR THE INSURANCE MONEY ?
TRUST ME, IT'S NOT OVER.
IT'S LIKE, MATT GILARDI'S PERSONAL VENDETTA.
FISHER IS HISTORY.
TAKE CARE NOW, GET HOME SAFE.
AREN'T THEY A TRIP ?
I LOVE 'EM.
OLD PEOPLE STILL KNOW HOW TO BOOGIE.
MORE THAN ME.
OH, I CAN CHANGE THAT.
I'M KURT, BY THE WAY.
HOW'D IT GO ?
TERRIFIC.
AH, GREAT.
SO, I'LL GUESS YOU'LL BE COMING BACK.
I HOPE SO.
THIS REALLY WAS A GREAT IDEA, NATE.
SO IT SEEMS, DAVE.
SO, DAVE.
YOU FREE TOMORROW NIGHT ?
YES.
WE'RE IN THE MIDDLE OF A DRY SPELL.
HE'S GOT NOTHING BUT TIME.
HOW'S ABOUT EIGHT ?
EIGHT, FOR DINNER ?
IS, IS OKAY.
GREAT, I'LL PICK YOU UP.
SEE YOU TOMORROW.
( sighing )
YOU JUST PIMPED ME OUT TO THAT KID.
THAT KID WANTS TO JUMP YOUR BONES.
COME ON, DAVID.
I WATCH "WILL AND GRACE", I HAVE GAYDAR.
OKAY, DON'T SAY GAYDAR.
I'D SURE WISH WE COULD LIGHT UP THAT JOINT.
YEAH, DENNIS IS WATCHING US LIKE A HAWK.
NOW THAT WE'VE OFFICIALLY ESTABLISHED OURSELVES
AS THE ANTISOCIAL LOSERS.
WE'LL JUST SNEAK OFF AFTER WE SET UP CAMP.
WHILE THE REST OF THE BUSH YOUTH GROOM EACH OTHER FOR LICE.
HI, CLAIRE.
HI.
WHOA, WHOA.
YOU TWO ARE FRIENDS ?
WE GO TO THE SAME SCHOOL.
WE'RE NOT EXACTLY FRIENDS.
WE'RE NOT EXACTLY ENEMIES, EITHER.
WE HAVE CLASSES TOGETHER.
ONE.
SHOULDN'T YOU BE LEADING US ?
NOW THE GUY WITH BRACES IS DOING IT.
YOU KNOW, EVERYONE GETS A TURN.
YEAH, I THOUGHT WE WERE GONNA DO SOME DAREDEVIL SHIT.
WE'RE JUST FOLLOWING A FUCKING MAP.
I KNOW, THIS IS FUCKING ADOLESCENT.
DO YOU GUYS HAVE SOME POT ?
MAYBE.
BEAUTIFUL.
ABSOLUTELY BEAUTIFUL.
WHAT'D YOU USE FOR THE CHEEKBONES ?
ELMER'S GLUE, DENTAL FLOSS AND MODELING CLAY.
I SHOULD'VE HAD YOUR WORK VIDEOTAPED.
THESE LESSER LIGHTS COULD LEARN FROM YOU.
I HAVE A LOT TO LEARN MYSELF.
ANY INTEREST IN CONSULTING ?
MY PLATE IS FULL.
HOW ABOUT SOMETHING MORE PERMANENT ?
WHAT'S GONNA HAPPEN TO FISHER & SONS ?
WHAT DO YOU CARE, IS YOUR NAME FISHER ?
WITHIN EIGHT MONTHS, I CAN OFFER YOU YOUR OWN HOME.
THERE'S A POSITION OPENING UP IN SAN DIEGO EARLY NEXT YEAR.
I'LL THINK ABOUT IT.
SURE, TAKE SOME TIME.
TALK IT OVER WITH YOUR WIFE.
OH, AND BY THE WAY ?
THIS OFFER LASTS 48 HOURS.
( sighing )
BRENDA ?
BREN !
HELLO ?
BILLY ?
FUCK !
CRIKEY.
WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU ?
NAME'S CONNOR.
CONNOR THOMPSON.
YOU GOTTA BE NATE.
OH, YEAH, BRENDA'S GIVEN ME THE JOHN DORY ON YOU.
NEVER TOLD ME YOU WERE THIS TERRITORIAL, THOUGH.
WHAT'S WITH THE BROKEN GLASS ?
ONE TOO MANY LARGIES LAST NIGHT.
DO YOU MIND PUTTING SOMETHING ON ?
DON'T WORRY.
I DON'T FANCY BLOKES.
NICE PANTS, THOUGH.
IS BRENDA HERE ?
DOESN'T LOOK LIKE IT.
DO YOU KNOW WHERE SHE IS ?
NOPE.
OH, I'M NOT ROOTING HER, IF THAT'S WHAT YOU THINK.
NO, SHE MADE IT QUITE CLEAR THAT WASN'T AN OPTION.
HER HEART'S GOT YOUR NAME ON IT NOW.
NO, THAT WOULD BE HER ASS.
YOU'RE THINKING I'M PRETTY SUSS, AREN'T YOU ?
HEY...
ANY YOU GUYS SEEN TOPHER ?
BET YOU CAN'T WAIT TO GET BACK TO STEPFORD.
( female ) WHAT A FREAK.
TAKE IT YOU TWO HAVE MET.
THESE TOOK FOREVER TO DRY.
HEY, YOU.
SO, APPARENTLY YOU WERE MAD AT ME
BECAUSE I WENT TO THE DESERT WITHOUT YOU.
NO.
WELL, WHAT'S WITH CROCODILE DUNDEE THEN ?
WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING HIS LAUNDRY ?
OH, DEAR, THIS IS REALLY UNATTRACTIVE BEHAVIOR, NATE.
HUH, SORRY, I GUESS I'M JUST A LITTLE WEIRDED OUT
THAT I KEEP RUNNING INTO NAKED GUYS AT YOUR HOUSE.
THEY'RE STILL WARM.
THANKS, LOLLIES.
CONNOR IS A VERY OLD FRIEND FROM A TOTALLY PREVIOUS LIFE.
HE HASN'T BEEN IN L.A. FOR 10 YEARS.
DON'T FREAK.
I AM NOT FREAKING.
JUST EXACTLY WHERE DOES NATURE BOY SLEEP ?
WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME ABOUT HIM ?
BECAUSE I KNEW THAT YOU WOULD REACT LIKE THIS.
I AM TOUCHED THAT YOU'RE JEALOUS.
NOW, GET OVER IT
BECAUSE YOU HAVE NO REASON TO BE.
I PROMISE.
IF I WAS FUCKING HIM, I'D TELL YOU.
OH, JESUS, THAT'S COMFORTING, THANK YOU.
COME TO DINNER TOMORROW NIGHT.
CONNOR'S COOKING SOME AUSTRALIAN THING
AND BILLY'S COMING OVER.
OH, BILLY'S COMING OVER.
WELL, I THOUGHT HE WAS STAYING WITH YOU.
YOU'VE BEEN FUCKING LYING TO ME !
I HAVE SPENT THE LAST SIX DAYS WORRIED SICK ABOUT YOU
AND YOU'VE BEEN FUCKING PARTYING YOUR ASS OFF.
OKAY !
I FUCKED UP.
OKAY ?
I'VE BEEN UNDER A LITTLE PRESSURE LATELY.
WITH MY BROTHER HAVING A NERVOUS BREAKDOWN AND EVERYTHING,
I WAS JUST TRYING TO SIMPLIFY THINGS.
DON'T BLOW THIS OUT OF PROPORTION, PLEASE, NATE.
OKAY.
WHAT TIME TOMORROW NIGHT ?
TOPHER ?
( moaning )
YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE.
JESUS.
OH, FUCK.
SHIT, I'M SORRY.
AH !
OH, SHIT !
LOOK, LOOK.
IF SHE TELLS ANYBODY, NO ONE WILL BELIEVE HER.
EVERYBODY THINKS SHE'S LIKE, CRAZY.
The sexual habits of the koala are quite mysterious
because of their complicated reproductive systems.
The male koala's penis is forked like a snake's tongue.
The female has two vaginas which share a common opening.
WHATCHA WATCHIN' ?
PBS, VERY FUNNY.
WHAT'S UP ?
I THOUGHT YOU SHOULD KNOW.
I CALLED VANESSA AND THERE'S NO ULTRASOUND TODAY.
AND I ALSO THINK RICO TOOK A COUPLE OF BOTTLES OF STUFF
FROM THE PREP ROOM.
SHIT !
FUCKING KROEHNER.
ALRIGHT, I'LL CALL AROUND, SEE WHAT I CAN FIND OUT.
WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME ABOUT THIS EARLIER ?
I WAS GOING TO, BUT I GOT DISTRACTED BY YOU
AND THE SQUARE DANCE GUY.
LOOK, IT'S NOT LIKE RICO HAS AN EXCLUSIVE CONTRACT
WITH US OR ANYTHING.
SO, HE'S MOONLIGHTING.
MOONLIGHTING IS WHEN YOU TAKE A JOB WHEN YOUR FIRST JOB IS OVER.
WHEN HE TAKES A JOB FOR GILARDI
WHILE HE'S STILL ON THE CLOCK WITH US, IT'S TREASON.
STOP BEING SUCH A DRAMA QUEEN.
STOP ACTING LIKE YOU'RE HONORARY MAYOR OF WEST HOLLYWOOD
ALL OF A SUDDEN.
HE LIED TO OUR FACES.
YEAH, HE DID.
HEY, CLAIRE.
HEY.
LOOK, I'M SORRY ABOUT LAST NIGHT.
I THOUGHT YOU AND TOPHER--
IT'S OKAY.
WHATEVER, IT'S NONE OF MY BUSINESS.
NO, IT'S OKAY, I JUST, I DON'T KNOW.
I HOPE YOU WON'T JUST WRITE ME OFF KNOW.
I MEAN,
MAYBE IT'LL EVEN LIKE, BREAK THE ICE.
YEAH.
I JUST KINDA THINK YOU'RE FUNNY AND COOL.
AND WELL, SOMETIMES
I FEEL BORING AND LAME AROUND YOU.
AND I THINK THAT'S 'CAUSE, I DON'T KNOW,
I KINDA WANT TO BE YOUR FRIEND.
( laughing )
WHY ?
WHY NOT ?
OKAY, BUT THIS IS TOTALLY WEIRD.
HOW'S VANESSA ?
SHE'S GREAT.
YEAH.
THE BABY'S STRONG AS A BOUNCER.
HOW'S CHLOE YORKIN ?
SOME OF YOUR MORE ARDENT FANS IN PREP ROOMS AROUND L.A.
ARE CALLING THIS ONE YOUR SISTINE CHAPEL.
LOOK...
I TOLD GILARDI IT WAS A ONE-TIME THING.
I MEAN, COME ON, GUYS, YOU GOTTA UNDERSTAND.
IT WASN'T FOR THE MONEY.
R HEAD WAS LIKE A...
LIKE A WATERMELON SOMEBODY HIT WITH A SLEDGEHAMMER.
I MEAN, A CASE LIKE THAT DOESN'T COME ALONG EVERY DAY.
WHAT DID HE OFFER YOU TO LEAVE ?
WHAT ARE YOU OFFERING ME TO STAY ?
WHAT ?
YOU GUYS THOUGHT I WOULD STAY OUT OF LOYALTY ?
UNLIKE YOU TWO, I HAVE A WIFE AND KIDS TO THINK ABOUT.
WHAT DO YOU WANT ?
I WANT TO BE A PARTNER.
THAT WOULD REQUIRE A SIGNIFICANT
FINANCIAL INVESTMENT ON YOUR PART.
THAT'S WHAT PARTNERS ARE.
RICO, LET DAVID AND ME TALK.
DON'T DO ANYTHING UNTIL WE HAVE A CHANCE TO COUNTER, OKAY ?
OKAY.
MAYBE WE CAN WORK OUT SOME SORT OF PROFIT SHARING PLAN.
HE'S FINALLY FIGURED OUT HE'S WORTH MORE THAN WE CAN PAY HIM.
WE'RE FUCKED.
( male ) OKAY,
TODAY, WE'RE GONNA CLIMB ABOUT 3,000 FEET,
TO A SHELTER CLOSE TO THE SUMMIT.
NOW WE HAVE TO MOVE FAST,
BECAUSE WHEN IT GETS DARK, IT GETS COLD.
WHY DID YOU SLEEP WITH HIM ?
I DON'T KNOW.
JUST TO SEE IF I COULD.
SO, WHO HASN'T BEEN LEADER YET ?
( male ) I HAVEN'T. ( female ) ME, NEITHER.
CLAIRE.
WHAT ?
WHICH WAY DO WE GO ?
I DON'T KNOW, I REALLY DON'T CARE.
SOMEBODY ELSE PICK.
COME ON, CLAIRE, DON'T YOU WANT TO CONSULT YOUR MAP AND COMPASS ?
NO, I THINK I LOST MY COMPASS ANYWAY.
THEN BORROW ONE FROM SOMEONE ELSE.
LOOK, JUST PICK SOMEONE ELSE, OKAY ?
PLEASE.
OKAY, THAT WAY.
I THINK WE SHOULD GO THAT WAY.
IT'S OBVIOUSLY THE PATH.
OKAY, MAYBE SOMEONE ELSE WOULD LIKE TO--
HEY, CLAIRE PAID HER 1200 BUCKS TOO.
DOESN'T SHE GET A TURN ?
DON'T PULL ME INTO YOUR SHIT, OKAY ?
OKAY, LOOK.
LET'S ALL TAKE OUT OUR MAPS AND COMPASSES--
IT'S CLAIRE'S TURN, DENNIS.
I THINK WE SHOULD FOLLOW CLAIRE.
AND SHE SAID WE SHOULD GO THIS WAY.
OKAY...
THIS WAY IT IS.
THANKS A LOT.
WHAT ?
NOW THIS TRIP IS FINALLY STARTING TO BE FUN.
I PREFER BUSY TO QUIET.
SOME PEOPLE...
THEY LIKE NOTHING TO DO.
ME, IT DRIVES ME CRAZY.
BESIDES...
NO CUSTOMER, NO MONEY.
WHEN I WALKING BY THIS RESTAURANT
EVERY DAY WHILE I GOING HOME.
IT'S ETHIOPIAN RESTAURANT.
NO CUSTOMER.
EVERY NIGHT, NIGHT AFTER NIGHT,
NO CUSTOMER.
HOW THEY CAN MAKE A LIVING ?
I THOUGHT ETHIOPIAN PEOPLE DON'T HAVE NO FOOD.
MAYBE THAT...
I BORING YOU ?
HEAVENS, NO.
GOOD.
WATCH YOU DON'T CUT YOUR FINGER.
DID YOU REALLY PUT A FOOT IN GABE DIMAS' LOCKER ?
YEAH.
OH, MY GOD.
THAT IS LIKE THE GREATEST THING EVER.
IF ANYONE EVER DESERVED IT.
DID YOU HAVE SEX WITH HIM ?
OH, YEAH.
DID YOU SUCK HIS TOES ?
YUP.
I'M GONNA HAVE TO ASK THE TWO OF YOU TO TURN AROUND.
WHAT ?
I'LL ACCOMPANY YOU BOTH BACK TO THE LAST CAMP,
A JEEP WILL MEET YOU THERE TO TAKE YOU BACK TO BASE PARKING.
YOU'RE KICKING US OUT ?!
YOU CAN'T DO THAT.
YES, WE CAN.
IT'S ALL IN THE CONTRACT
THAT YOU AND YOUR ADULT GUARDIAN SIGNED.
WHAT, ANYBODY WHO WITNESSES A GROUP LEADER HAVING SEX
WITH A STUDENT CAN BE THROWN OUT ?
I DOUBT IT.
YOU PURPOSELY LED US OFF THE PREDETERMINED COURSE,
ENDANGERING EVERYONE'S SAFETY.
AND I'D BE WILLING TO BET THERE'S DRUGS IN YOUR PACK.
YOU CAN'T GO THROUGH MY STUFF, YOU NEED A SEARCH WARRANT.
OKAY ?
NOW, LOOK, WE CAN DO THIS THE EASY WAY
OR WE CAN GET THE COPS INVOLVED.
WHAT DO YOU WANT ?
YOU ARE SUCH A TOTAL LOSER.
THIS IS NOT A GAME, YOU LITTLE BITCH.
YOU ARE FUCKING WITH PEOPLE'S LIVES HERE.
SOME OF THOSE PEOPLE ARE COMPLETELY INNOCENT BYSTANDERS.
HELLO !
( phone )
DAVID FISHER.
( male ) Is this the adult guardian of Claire Fisher ?
UH, YES, THAT IS CORRECT.
I'm with Sierra Crossroads.
Your daughter was discovered with marijuana.
She's leaving the expedition.
Transportation's on its way to take her back to her car.
She should be back in L.A. by midnight tonight
instead of Sunday as planned.
Any questions ?
UH, NO.
THANK YOU FOR CALLING.
YOUR DAD SOUNDS LIKE A REAL TIGHT-ASS.
CASTANEDA, HUH ?
PEOPLE STILL READ THAT ?
LOOK, DON'T EVEN, OKAY ?
ALL NEED FOR US TO INTERACT HAS BEEN REMOVED.
LISTEN, HOW WELL DO YOU KNOW PARKER ?
HARDLY AT ALL.
I'D REALLY HATE IT IF SHE'S ONE OF THOSE PEOPLE WHO WOULD
CREATE A HUGE STINK AND RUIN MY LIFE
JUST FOR THE ENTERTAINMENT VALUE OF IT.
SORRY, I DON'T REALLY KNOW HER.
GOD, I HATE PISSING OUTDOORS.
PARKER, DON'T LIGHT THAT.
SO, WHO'S IN CHARGE WHILE YOU'RE HERE BABYSITTING US ?
TOPHER.
WHAT, HE HATES THIS WHOLE SIERRA CROSSROADS BULLSHIT.
WHAT, ARE YOU KIDDING ?
HE'S BEEN DOING IT SINCE HE WAS 14 YEARS OLD.
YOU ARE SO FULL OF SHIT.
THAT'S ONE OF THE THINGS THAT HELPED HIM
GET ACCEPTED TOTAMFORD.
TOPHER IS GOING TO STAMFORD ?
PRE-LAW.
THIS WHOLE EXPERIENCE JUST GETS MORE AND MORE IRRITATING.
HERE'S YOUR RIDE.
( male ) 10 MINUTES.
DAMN, SHE LOOKS GOOD.
YOU TOOK POLAROIDS, RIGHT ?
POLAROIDS.
I BORROWED JACOB'S DIGITAL CAMERA.
YOU BLENDED THE FILLER MATERIAL JUST PERFECT.
HONEY,
SHE REALLY IS YOUR SISTINE CHAPEL.
YOU THINK ?
BABY, YOU KNOW.
TOO BAD YOU GOTTA BURY HER.
YEAH.
SHE LOOKS BEAUTIFUL, DOESN'T SHE ?
NEVER BETTER.
YOU SHOULD'VE SEEN HER YESTERDAY.
YOU GONNA TAKE THE OFFER.
I HAVEN'T DECIDED.
NO, I SAID YOU'RE GONNA TAKE THE OFFER.
WHERE WOULD I BE WITHOUT THE FISHERS ?
IN A HOUSE, NOT SOME LOUSY APARTMENT.
THEY TREAT YOU LIKE A MIGRANT WORKER.
THEY'LL NEVER MAKE ME A PARTNER.
NOT EVER.
$1500 A RESTORATION.
TUITION AT S.C.'s HIGHWAY ROBBERY, SO...
CALLING HELPS PAY FOR BOOKS AND BEER.
IT'S EITHER THAT OR BECOME A BEEPER BOY.
I'M NOT QUITE READY TO GO THERE.
SO, WHAT'S WITH THE INTERNATIONAL MALE SHIRT ?
THIS ? OH, I...
I BORROWED IT FROM MY SISTER.
IT LOOKS GOOD.
I BET IT LOOKS EVEN BETTER OFF.
SO, YOU WERE TALKING ABOUT SQUARE DANCE CALLING...
IT'S MY GRANDPARENTS' GROUP.
THEY PRACTICALLY RAISED ME AFTER MY PARENTS KICKED ME OUT.
KICKED YOU OUT ?
WHEN THEY FOUND OUT ABOUT YOU ?
WHEN MY FATHER WALKED IN ON ME AND MY HIGH SCHOOL BOYFRIEND
FUCKING ON THE DESK IN HIS STUDY.
IT WAS AWFUL.
MY MOTHER HAD A COMPLETE BREAKDOWN,
MY PARENTS EVENTUALLY SPLIT.
IT WAS A TOTAL MOVIE FOR "LIFETIME".
WHAT ABOUT YOU ? WHAT'D YOUR PARENTS DO ?
WHEN I CAME OUT ?
MY DAD WAS OKAY WITH IT.
MY MOM'S STILL A LITTLE UNCOMFORTABLE.
IT STILL BAFFLES ME THAT ANYONE EVEN GIVES A SHIT, YOU KNOW ?
HERE YOU GO.
ENJOY.
YOU HAVE A BOYFRIEND ?
UH, NO.
WHY NOT ?
I'M...
NOT SURE.
YOU EVER HAVE ONE ?
YEAH, YOU ?
YEAH, SEVERAL.
YOU'VE GOT THE LONGEST EYELASHES I'VE EVER SEEN.
I'VE ALWAYS LIKED OLDER GUYS.
I'M THE OLDER GUY.
GUYS MY AGE ARE IDIOTS.
THEY'RE FUN TO FUCK, BUT...
IT USUALLY ENDS THERE.
AND I HATE THE WAY THEY TREAT OLDER MEN.
TIRED OLD QUEEN, FOSSIL, TROLL.
AS IF WE'RE NOT GONNA END UP THERE OURSELVES ONE DAY
IF WE'RE LUCKY.
I'M GETTING MY MASTERS IN SOCIAL WORK
WITH A CONCENTRATION ON SERVICES FOR SENIORS, SO,
IT'S A PET PEEVE OF MINE.
ARE YOU A TOP OR A BOTTOM ?
WHAT ?
I'M VERSATILE.
BOTTOM, GOOD, THIS'LL WORK OUT WELL.
YOU WANT TO GET OUT OF HERE ?
YEAH.
SO, THE BASTARD CARKED IT.
I LOST MY INVESTMENT, MY BIKE...
FUCKING EVERYTHING.
CONNOR, THIS ALWAYS HAPPENS TO YOU.
OH, WELL...
I GUESS I CAN ALWAYS GO BACK ON THE BANANA ROLL, EH ?
DO YOU REMEMBER, WHAT WAS THAT...
THAT THING IN TEXAS ?
YOU LOST YOUR BIKE IN TEXAS !
OH, NOT THAT FUCKING WOMAN.
YES, IT WAS '95 OR SOMETHING.
WHAT WAS THAT ?
I THOUGHT I WAS GONNA GET A ROOT.
( laughing )
HEY, NATE.
LISTEN...
I'M SORRY ABOUT LAST WEEK.
I GO OFF THE MEDS NOW AND THEN JUST TO...
FEEL ALIVE.
I'M SURE YOU MUST HAVE THOUGHT I WAS A TOTAL PSYCHO.
IT CROSSED MY MIND.
WELL, I'M NOT.
I DON'T WANT TO COME BETWEEN YOU AND MY SISTER.
SHE'S HAPPY WITH YOU.
HAPPIER THAN I'VE SEEN HER IN A LONG TIME
AND I MEAN THAT.
THAT IS SO TRAGIC.
SO, WHAT'S THE STORY ?
JUST ANOTHER SPUNK TO ADD TO YOUR COLLECTION ?
WHAT'S THERE LEFT FOR ME TO DO ?
BECOME AN AIR HOSTESS ?
I THINK YOU SHOULD GET A TV SHOW WHERE YOU WRESTLE THINGS, RIGHT,
BUT NOT ANIMALS.
THINGS.
WHAT KIND OF THINGS ?
LIKE HOUSEHOLD OBJECTS.
LIKE REFRIGERATORS.
( Brenda ) AND HERE'S THE TITLE OF IT, RIGHT,
"A SANDWICH SHORT OF A PICNIC."
( laughing )
JUST THE WAY I LIKE IT TOO.
"HEY, CALLER, WHAT'S YOUR JOHN DORY ?"
WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING ?
NATE, BUDDY.
CHILL.
THIS CAR IS LIKE TOTAL GRACELAND ON WHEELS.
TOTAL LOVE NEST.
HAVE YOU EVER FUCKED IN HERE ?
ONCE.
I KNOW THIS RECORD EXEC, A FRIEND OF MY DAD'S.
HE'S GOT LIKE THIS TOTAL MAKE-OUT VAN FROM THE 70s.
HE THINKS IT'S SO COOL AND IT'S JUST...
NOT.
HOW DO YOU THINK DENNIS KNEW I HAD POT ?
SO, YOUR DAD DIED, HUH ?
WHAT WAS THAT LIKE ?
I DON'T KNOW.
IT DOESN'T SEEM REAL.
I NEVER KNEW ANYBODY THAT DIED.
I GREW UP IN A FUNERAL HOME, SO...
I WAS ALWAYS AROUND IT.
OKAY, WAS THAT LIKE COMPLETELY WEIRD ?
YES.
MY DAD'S A BIG SHOT AT DISNEY.
REALLY, WHY DON'T YOU GO TO PRIVATE SCHOOL ?
HE DIVORCED MY MOM A LONG TIME AGO.
HE LIKES HIS NEW FAMILY BETTER.
HE WON'T GIVE MY MOM ALIMONY
BECAUSE HE CAUGHT HER HAVING SEX WITH LIKE,
THIS RETARDED GUY.
FUCK.
I'M KIDDING.
MY MOM GETS KILLER ALIMONY.
I JUST KEEP GETTING KICKED OUT OF PRIVATE SCHOOLS.
I THOUGHT YOU WERE LIKE THIS TOTAL OVERACHIEVER.
LIKE LITTLE MISS PERFECT.
GOOD...
THAT'S WHAT I WANT PEOPLE TO THINK.
WHEN IN REALITY YOU'RE LIKE THIS
COMPULSIVE LIAR, DANGER SLUT.
I THOUGHT YOU WERE LIKE THIS
GOTH ARTY FREAK GIRL
WHO WAS LIKE TRAGIC AND SUICIDAL.
OH, MY GOD, THAT IS SO NOT WHO I AM.
NOBODY IS EVER WHO THEY SEEM TO BE.
NOBODY INTERESTING.
You told me that two lesbians took a bath in my bathtub...
I DON'T GET THIS SHOW.
IT'S A GAME SHOW.
I KNOW THAT.
I JUST DON'T UNDERSTAND WHY PEOPLE LIKE IT.
MY FRIEND AMELIA SAYS IT'S HER FAVORITE SHOW.
IT'S A GREAT SHOW.
MY SON LIKES "ONCE UPON A HAMSTER".
WHEN I WAS HIS AGE, I WAS CRAZY FOR "MAD MAGAZINE".
ERNIE KOVACS, THE MARX BROTHERS.
ANYBODY THAT TOOK POTSHOTS AT SACRED COWS.
I MEAN ANYBODY.
YEAH, I LOVED ALL THAT STUFF.
IRREVERENCE WAS MY DRUG OF CHOICE.
STILL IS, I GUESS.
( laughing )
NATE, MATE.
I'M REALLY GLAD YOU AND LOLLIES HOOKED UP.
I MEAN, PERSONALLY I COULDN'T HANDLE HER
PLAYING FREUD ALL THE FUCKING TIME.
I DON'T GIVE A FUCK WHY I AM THE WAY I AM.
WELL...
SHE IS A COMPLICATED WOMAN.
NO, SHE'S NOT.
( chattering and laughing )
I FOUND THIS IN A SHOEBOX AND MADE YOU A COPY.
OH, THAT'S KILLER, BILLY.
OH, THAT'S A GREAT SHOT, MATE.
LOOK AT YOU IN YOUR SLUGGOS.
POOR YABBIE WOULDN'T KNOW IF HIS ASS WAS ON FIRE.
HE USELESS AS THE BOTTOM HALF OF A MERMAID.
PUT SOME SUNNIES ON, YA STALE BOTTLE OF PISS.
LET'S HAVE A BOBBLEY, YA DAGGY DEADSHIT.
CROCK A BINGLE, YOU GOOGLIE.
... DRONGO.
WHEN WAS THAT TAKEN ?
TWO SUMMERS AGO.
IN PERTH.
I THOUGHT YOU SAID YOU HADN'T SEEN HIM IN, IN, IN...
A DECADE.
NO, I SAID CONNOR HASN'T BEEN TO L.A. IN A DECADE.
ALRIGHT, WHERE DO YOU SLEEP, MATE ?
'CAUSE THAT SLEEPING BAG HASN'T MOVED AN INCH IN DAYS !
THEY SLEEP IN THE SAME BED, WHERE ELSE ?
DON'T CRACK A FIT, NATE, MATE.
I MEAN, SHE'S TOTALLY WRAPPED UP IN YOU.
OH, YOU JUST SHUT THE FUCK UP, COWBOY !
OKAY, OKAY, I DIDN'T TELL YOU
BECAUSE I KNEW YOU'D REACT JUST LIKE THIS.
WELL, HOW ELSE AM I SUPPOSED TO REACT ?!
OH SO, I'M SUPPOSED TO MAKE AN OLD FRIEND SLEEP ON THE FLOOR
JUST TO PROTECT YOUR MACHO PRIDE ?
YOU HAVE A SHIATSU MAT.
COME ON, MAN, HAVEN'T YOU EVER SLEPT WITH A WOMAN
AND NOT HAD SEX WITH HER ?
NO !
OUTSIDE, GET SOME AIR.
GO OUTSIDE, GET SOME AIR.
FUCK YOU !
I'M LEAVING !
HAVE FUN WITH YOUR AUSSIE FUCK MATE, FUCKER !
( moaning )
DAMN, YOU ARE VERSATILE.
SO, YOU THINK I'M BEING A POSSESSIVE ASSHOLE
FOR WANTING BRENDA FOR MYSELF ?
WANTING TO FEEL CONNECTED WITH SOMEONE
DOESN'T MEAN YOU'RE POSSESSIVE, OR AN ASSHOLE.
BUT UNTIL THERE'S A COMMITMENT,
YOU HAVE NO CLAIM ON HER.
A WOMAN DOESN'T HAVE TO WAIT TO BE CHOSEN ANYMORE.
NOW SHE CAN DO THE CHOOSING.
YEAH, BUT IF SHE WAITS TOO LONG,
THE RIGHT GUY MIGHT JUST MOVE ON.
YOU'RE RIGHT, DEAR.
YOU'RE SO RIGHT.
A CHARTERED BUS OUT OF VEGAS OVERTURNED ON THE 10 LAST NIGHT.
44 PASSENGERS.
MOST OF THEM DEAD.
DID YOU SLEEP WELL LAST NIGHT ?
YES, THANK YOU.
YOU SLEEP AT ALL LAST NIGHT ?
HOW'D THE FUNERAL DIRECTOR'S TEST GO ?
OH, MAN, I CHOKED.
WHAT A CLUSTER FUCK.
LANGUAGE.
YOU JUST SAID ASSHOLE.
NATE, I NEED YOU TO PASS THAT TEST.
YEAH, WELL, DAVE,
I NEED YOU TO LIGHTEN UP ON ME, STARTING NOW.
HEY.
FIRST OF ALL, I JUST WANT TO THANK YOU GUYS
FOR EVERYTHING THAT YOU'VE DONE FOR ME.
BUT I THINK IT'S TIME FOR ME TO MOVE ON.
I HAVE TO THINK ABOUT MY FUTURE.
MY FAMILY'S FUTURE.
YOU'RE LEAVING US ?
OH, DEAR.
YOU HAVEN'T EVEN GIVEN US A CHANCE TO COUNTER KROEHNER'S--
AM I A PARTNER ?
YOU GUYS DIDN'T EVEN TALK ABOUT IT.
THANK YOU, FEDERICO.
I'M SORRY THAT WE CAN'T OFFER YOU MORE.
YOU WILL ALWAYS HAVE A JOB WAITING FOR YOU HERE.
KROEHNER WILL NEVER APPRECIATE HOW GOOD YOU ARE, RICO.
YOU'LL JUST BE A PART OF THEIR ASSEMBLY LINE.
WE'LL SEE.
OH, WORD OF ADVICE, GUYS...
DON'T TURN YOUR BACK ON GILARDI.
WELL, SO MUCH FOR LOYALTY.
NATE, HE'S GIVEN US FIVE YEARS.
HE DOESN'T OWE US ANYTHING.
NOBODY OWES US.
( knocking )
MY ONLY DEFENSE IS I THINK I WAS HALLUCINATING.
THAT AND THE THOUGHT OF YOU WITH ANOTHER MAN MAKES ME CRAZY.
SORRY.
I'M JUST A GUY THAT WAY.
SO, WHERE'S CONNOR ?
OH, GOD, I THREW HIM OUT.
THERE'S ONLY SO MUCH OF HIM I CAN TAKE.
SO, YOU FORGIVE ME ?
SURE, WHY NOT ?
GOOD.
NOW IT'S YOUR TURN.
YOU WANT ME TO APOLOGIZE ?
YES.
FOR TRYING TO USE BILLY'S MELTDOWN AND CONNOR'S VISIT
TO PUSH ME AWAY.
FOR BEING IMPATIENT WITH MY VERY VALID
EMOTIONAL RESPONSE TO EACH ONE.
AND FOR ALWAYS ASKING ME TO ADJUST MY BEHAVIOR AND FEELINGS
BUT NEVER BEING WILLING TO DO THAT YOURSELF.
OKAY, THAT'S FAIR.
I APOLOGIZE.
PART OF YOU WANTS ME TO BAIL.
YEAH, YOU'RE PROBABLY RIGHT.
WHY ?
BECAUSE WE'VE ALREADY GONE FURTHER THAN I HAVE
WITH ANYBODY SINCE...
SINCE A LONG TIME AGO.
BECAUSE EVERY TIME I'VE EVER BELIEVED IN A HAPPY ENDING,
I'VE GOTTEN SEVERELY FUCKED.
SORRY.
WELL, DO ME A FAVOR.
PROMISE ME THAT FROM HERE ON OUT
I AM THE ONLY NAKED MAN IN YOUR BED AND IN YOUR LIFE.
I'M SERIOUS, BREN.
PROMISE ME.
I PROMISE.
I LOVE YOU AND I WANT TO BE WITH YOU FOR THE LONG HAUL.
BUT THERE'S A LIMIT TO THE AMOUNT OF SHIT I WILL PUT UP WITH.
DID YOU JUST MAKE ME A LIFETIME COMMITMENT,
RIGHT BEFORE THE THINLY-VEILED THREAT OF ABANDONMENT ?
WELL, I DON'T REMEMBER USING THE WORD LIFETIME.
OH, WELL, I WON'T HOLD YOU TO IT.
OH.
SORRY I'M SO WEIRD ABOUT INTIMACY.
I GUESS SPENDING YOUR CHILDHOOD BEING PICKED APART
BY BEHAVIORAL PSYCHOLOGISTS WILL DO THAT.
YEAH, WELL, NOT BEING ABLE TO SLEEP AT NIGHT
BECAUSE YOU KNOW YOUR BASEMENT'S FULL OF DEAD PEOPLE
TAKES ITS TOLL TOO.
( phone )
SORRY.
NATE FISHER.
REMEMBER THAT CHARTERED BUS THAT OVERTURNED LAST NIGHT ?
THEY WERE ALL LOCALS.
WE'RE GETTING THREE OF THEM.
THE FIRST FAMILY WILL BE HERE IN AN HOUR.
I'M ON MY WAY.
AND TRY TO CURB YOUR ENTHUSIASM.
THIS'LL BE TOUGH WITHOUT RICO.
See you later.
GOOD LORD, WHAT DID THEY DO TO YOU ?
DON'T ASK.
SO, DID MOM FREAK WHEN YOU TOLD HER I GOT BUSTED ?
I DIDN'T TELL HER.
OKAY, WHY ?
I DON'T KNOW, OTHER STUFF CAME UP.
IT SEEMED LIKE A LOW PRIORITY.
ARE YOU GOING TO ?
PROBABLY NOT.
I'M SORRY THE CROSSROADS THING DIDN'T WORK OUT
LIKE YOU HAD HOPED.
ACTUALLY, IT WAS KIND OF AMAZING.
I THINK I REALLY LEARNED SOMETHING VALUABLE.
EVERYTHING I THINK I KNOW IS WRONG.
HEY, WHAT HAPPENED TO THAT GUY KEITH ?
IT JUST DIDN'T WORK OUT.
THAT'S TOO BAD.
LIFE GOES ON.
THAT IT DOES.
WELL...
THERE'S WORK TO BE DONE.
Captions Copyright 2001 HOME BOX OFFICE
A Division of TIME WARNER ENTERTAINMENT COMPANY, L.P.
Captioned by HBO COMMUNICATIONS CENTER