Captions made possible by HOME BOX OFFICE
A Division of TIME WARNER ENTERTAINMENT COMPANY, L.P.
MMM.
( chattering )
( tv chatter )
THE PEDIATRICIAN'S NUMBER'S BY THE PHONE.
THE TEETHING BISCUITS ARE ON THE COUNTER.
I LEFT TWO BOTTLES OF MILK IN THE FRIDGE
AND FIVE MORE IN THE FREEZER.
YOU MUST BE PROUD.
I KINDA AM.
I'M SORE, AND I'M PROUD.
ARE YOU TOTALLY SURE YOU GUYS ARE GONNA BE OKAY TODAY ?
HONEY, BELIEVE IT OR NOT, I KNOW WHAT I'M DOING.
HAVE FUN, GO TO YOUR COOKING...
ZOO.
IT'S A FOOD SHOW.
WHATEVER, YOU AND DANA GO HAVE A GOOD TIME.
YOU'VE EARNED IT.
GOODBYE, BABY GIRL.
BE GOOD TO YOUR DADDY, HMM ?
BYE. BYE.
OOH, I FEEL GUILTY LEAVING HER WITH YOU ALL DAY TODAY.
HONEY, IT'S OKAY, WE'LL BE FINE.
WHAT ?
YOU NEVER REALLY THOUGHT YOU'D HAVE A WIFE AND A KID, DID YOU ?
I NEVER THOUGHT I'D BE A FUNERAL DIRECTOR EITHER.
( gurgling )
I LOVE YOU.
AND WE LOVE YOU.
GO.
WELL, WHAT DO YOU WANT TO DO TODAY ?
WE COULD FILL SOME THINGS UP,
DUMP 'EM OUT ?
MAYBE LATER WE CAN POOP.
WHAT DO YA SAY, HUH ?
( soft music playing )
ARTHUR, YOU WROTE THIS MUSIC ?
YOU ACTUALLY WROTE IT YOURSELF ?
NOT EXACTLY.
YOU ARE SO MULTIFACETED.
NOT REALLY.
IT'S JUST A THEME BY DEBUSSY, BUT I'VE DEVELOPED IT, SOMEWHAT.
PUT A DRUM BEAT UNDERNEATH IT.
JUST FOR FUN, IT'S... IT'S NOTHING MUCH.
ARTHUR, THAT'S AMAZING.
IT'S NOTHING, REALLY.
ANYBODY COULD DO IT.
NO, IT REALLY IS.
YOU'RE A VERY TALENTED YOUNG MAN.
WHERE'S THE BUTTON TO MAKE IT PLAY AGAIN ?
I LOVE THAT LITTLE TUNE, IT'S SO HAUNTING.
ACTUALLY, RUTH, I NEED TO GET GOING.
SO SOON ?
I THOUGHT I MIGHT TAKE A RUN THIS MORNING.
I DIDN'T KNOW YOU RAN, ARTHUR.
I HAVEN'T EVER BEFORE, ACTUALLY,
BUT I THOUGHT I MIGHT GIVE IT A TRY.
I SEEM TO HAVE GAINED SOME WEIGHT LATELY.
BUT YOU LOOK FINE.
THANK YOU.
PEOPLE AND THEIR WEIGHT NOWADAYS.
IT'S SUCH A STRANGE FASCINATION.
I SEE YOU ALL THE TIME AROUND THE HOUSE AND YOU LOOK FINE,
JUST FINE.
THANK YOU.
WELL, I SHOULD PROBABLY GO.
BUT TELL ME, WHERE ARE YOU GOING TO RUN ?
PARDON ME ?
WHERE ARE YOU GOING TO RUN ?
OH, PAN PACIFIC PARK.
PAN PACIFIC PARK, BY THE TAR PITS ?
YES, THEY HAVE A LITTLE PATH THERE,
FOR RUNNING.
OH, WELL THAT'S PERFECT FOR YOU, THEN.
GOOD, WELL...
HAVE FUN.
AND THANK YOU FOR SHARING YOUR MUSIC WITH ME, ARTHUR.
IT'S VERY RHYTHMIC.
OKAY, SO LONG.
( soft music playing )
FUCK.
Hey, listen, Lis, I've got some bad news.
Brenda's dad died.
WHAT ?
Brenda's father died.
OH, SHIT !
Yeah.
I WAS WONDERING IF IT WOULD BE OKAY WITH YOU IF--
( slurping )
COULD YOU MAKE A LITTLE MORE NOISE WITH THAT STRAW,
I CAN STILL HEAR MYSELF THINK.
FUNNY.
WHAT ?
I WAS WONDERING IF IT WOULD BE OKAY WITH YOU
IF I WENT TO HIS FUNERAL.
OF COURSE !
IT'S JUST, SHE WAS WITH ME WHEN MY FATHER DIED,
IT FEELS LIKE I SHOULD CHECK IN WITH HER, AT LEAST.
THEN GO, YOU TOTALLY SHOULD !
ARE YOU SURE ?
Yeah !
OKAY.
So you'll leave Maya with your mom ?
YEAH, YEAH, YEAH, I'LL FIGURE IT OUT.
JUST TELL HER NOT TO GIVE HER ANY MORE CHEESE,
BECAUSE SHE'S ALREADY A LITTLE CONSTIPATED.
Gotcha.
AND TELL HER TO GO EASY ON THE NUK,
I don't want her to get buck teeth.
I LOVE YOU.
I love you too.
YOU HAVING FUN ?
NOT YET.
B'bye.
BYE.
BRENDA'S DAD DIED ?
YEAH.
THAT SUCKS.
YEAH, AND THE FUNERAL'S UP IN MALIBU IN A FEW HOURS.
WHERE'S MOM ?
I DON'T KNOW.
SHE JUST LEFT, SAID SHE NEEDED A NEW GARDENING HAT ?
SHE SEEMED KINDA WEIRD.
HOW CAN YOU TELL WHEN MOM'S WEIRD ?
GOOD POINT.
SO HOW ABOUT IT, CAN YOU WATCH MAYA FOR ME TODAY ?
20 BUCKS.
OH, I CAN'T.
WHY NOT ?
RUSSELL AND I ARE GOING TO THE ART STORE.
CLAIRE !
NATE !
YOU KNOW, THIS ISN'T THE MATRIX.
LIKE, THE REST OF US, WHO DON'T HAVE BABIES ?
WE'RE REAL.
WATCH MY BABY, WATCH MY BABY.
JESUS CHRIST.
FUCK.
FUCK !
WHAT'S THE MATTER ?
NOTHING.
I THOUGHT I COULD DROP MAYA OFF
WITH TODD AND DANA'S NANNY FOR A WHILE, BUT I GUESS NOT.
YOU SHOULD GIVE VANESSA A CALL.
VANESSA ?
YEAH, SHE'S AT HOME WITH THE BOYS TODAY.
YOU THINK SHE'D BE OKAY WITH IT ?
OF COURSE, SHE LOVES BABIES.
I'D ONLY BE A COUPLE HOURS,
I'D DROP HER OFF, PICK HER UP--
DO IT !
ALRIGHT, THANKS.
YOU'LL HAVE TO PAY HER.
WELL, SURE.
GREAT.
KEITH !
TELL ME YOU'RE NOT REALLY PLANNING ON WEARING THAT.
WHAT'S THE MATTER WITH IT ?
IT COVERS UP ALL YOUR GOOD, BIG, PARTS.
MY GOOD, BIG, PARTS.
YEAH, TAKE THAT...
THING OFF AND GO PUT ON SOMETHING BETTER.
MAYBE YOUR SILVER D-K-N-Y T-SHIRT.
IS THIS A BRUNCH OR A FASHION SHOW ?
I WANT EVERYBODY TO BE JEALOUS OF MY BEAUTIFUL BOYFRIEND,
IS THAT OKAY ?
I HAVE, LIKE, TWO THINGS GOING FOR ME IN THIS WORLD
AND YOU'RE ONE OF THEM.
WHAT'S THE OTHER ONE ?
ALRIGHT, ONE.
ANYWAY, YOU KNEW THAT SWEATSHIRT
WAS A BAD IDEA WHEN YOU PUT IT ON.
I GUESS.
YOU'RE SO WILLFUL SOMETIMES.
OH YEAH ?
YEAH.
OR WE COULD JUST SKIP THE BRUNCH,
STAY HERE,
AND I COULD BE WILLFUL ALL AFTERNOON.
YOU MAKE A VERY STRONG CASE.
MM, BUT I REALLY WANT A MIMOSA.
I'M SORRY.
YOUR LOSS.
( coughing )
( blowing nose )
UP WE GO.
HI.
HI, HEY.
IT'S SO COOL YOU'RE LEAVING THE BABY FOR A WHILE.
YOU'RE SURE IT'S ALRIGHT ?
YEAH, IT'S PERFECT, IT'S PERFECT.
IT BREAKS UP THE DAY.
WHAT'S THAT SMELL ?
OH, THAT'S PUDDING.
I TRIED TO MAKE RICE PUDDING, BUT THAT MILK WAS WEIRD.
OH, COME ON IN.
THE PLACE IS A TOTAL MESS.
I WAS JUST STARTING TO CLEAN WHEN YOU CALLED.
IT'S SO HARD TO KEEP UP WITH TWO KIDS, YOU KNOW ?
YEAH, I CAN IMAGINE.
I DON'T THINK YOU CAN.
I KNOW IT SEEMS LIKE HAVING TWO KIDS
WOULD JUST BE TWICE AS HARD,
BUT IT'S, LIKE, THREE TIMES OR FOUR TIMES AS MUCH TO DO,
AND I DON'T KNOW HOW THAT IS, YOU KNOW, THE MATH,
BUT SOMEHOW IT ALL ADDS UP.
OF COURSE.
YEAH.
BUT YOU'RE LUCKY, YOU JUST HAVE ONE,
AND LISA'S SUCH A GOOD MOM,
I BETCHA SHE DOES EVERYTHING RIGHT.
SHE'S UH...
GOOD, YEAH.
BECAUSE I GET SO TIRED SOMETIMES, I COULD ALMOST CRY.
GOD, WHATEVER HAPPENED TO BARNEY ?
YOU REMEMBER WHEN IT WAS JUST BARNEY ?
THINGS WERE SIMPLER THEN.
LET ME JUST GO PUT THIS STUFF DOWN
AND THEN I'LL TAKE HER OFF YOUR HANDS, OKAY ?
( crying )
OH MAN, I COULD SO GO TOTALLY BROKE IN THIS PLACE.
EVERY TIME I COME HERE,
I FEEL LIKE AUGUSTUS GLOOP IN THE CHOCOLATE ROOM.
YOU KNOW WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT ?
OH YEAH.
WHEN I WAS A KID, THOSE OOMPA-LOOMPAS USED TO FREAK ME OUT.
ME TOO.
WHENEVER IT WAS ON, MY MOM WOULD MAKE US WATCH IT,
AND I'D CRY EVERY TIME, AND IT WAS LIKE SHE DIDN'T EVEN CARE.
PARENTS ARE FREAKS.
WORD.
I FELT SO BAD FOR CHARLIE,
HE WAS SO POOR.
THAT MOVIE WAS A FUCKING NIGHTMARE.
OH WOW.
WHAT ?
IT'S COBALT BLUE.
JUST THINK,
THIS IS THE NATURAL PART OF THE EARTH
THAT'S THIS COLOR BLUE.
LIKE OLIVIER SAID.
YEAH, IT'S AN ELEMENT !
AND YOU JUST LIKE ADD OIL TO IT
AND YOU CAN MAKE PICTURES WITH IT,
IT'S SO LIKE CAVE-PEOPLE-Y, I LOVE IT.
YOU SHOULD BUY IT.
YEAH, RIGHT.
I'M NOT EVEN REALLY A PAINTER, I'M NOT GONNA SPEND WHAT--
50 BUCKS ON SOME LITTLE TUBE OF PAINT !
IF I'M GONNA PAINT,
I'LL JUST BUY THE CHEAP FIVE-DOLLAR SHIT.
NO, YOU SHOULD GET IT.
NO WAY !
NO, GET IT !
NO !
I'LL GET IT FOR YOU !
NO, I DON'T NEED IT.
COME ON !
GET IT.
NO !
OKAY.
JESUS, SORRY.
HEY, WHAT ARE YOU DOING BACK HERE ?
UH, TO TELL YOU THE TRUTH, I DON'T REALLY KNOW.
WHAT'S UP WITH VANESSA ?
NOTHING.
ARE YOU SURE ?
UH, YEAH.
I MEAN, SHE'S BEEN DOWN IN THE DUMPS SINCE HER MOM DIED,
BUT OTHER THAN THAT, WHY ?
WELL, I DON'T KNOW, RICO, I GOT THERE, AND UH...
I DON'T KNOW HOW TO PUT THIS,
BUT SHE HAD THIS REALLY INTENSE ENERGY GOING ON.
AND THERE'S NO WAY I COULD'VE LEFT MAYA THERE.
YOU DIDN'T FEEL SAFE LEAVING MAYA AT MY HOUSE ?
NO, THAT'S NOT WHAT I'M SAYING.
THEN WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TRYING TO SAY ?
HELLO, GENTLEMEN.
HEY, LOOK WHO DECIDED TO COME BACK TO WORK.
DO YOU STILL NEED SOMEONE TO WATCH MAYA TODAY ?
UMM...
BECAUSE I LOVE INFANTS.
THEY SMELL SO SWEET.
NO, ARTHUR, I'M OKAY.
I'M GONNA JUST TAKE HER WITH ME, BUT THANKS.
NEVER HESITATE TO ASK.
I USED TO WATCH MY COUSINS ALL THE TIME,
AND THEY WERE MORMONS.
MORMONS.
YEAH.
OKAY, I'M GONNA WASH UP AND GET TO WORK.
LISTEN, RICO, I'M SORRY, MAN.
I DON'T MEAN TO--
YOU DON'T HAVE TO APOLOGIZE, NATE.
I WAS JUST TRYING TO DO YOU A FAVOR.
WELL, THANKS.
NO, THANK YOU.
SO, LET IT BE SAID OF ME WHEN I AM GONE
HE LIVED BY THE LIGHT OF THE TEN THOUSAND THINGS.
HIS HEART WITH STARRY SPARKS WAS THUS SUSTAINED,
AND LOVE AND MEANING
PASSED THROUGH HIM AND FLED
TO CARRY JOY FROM DARK TO DARK
WAS JOY ENOUGH FOR HIM.
THE MAN IS DEAD.
( laughing )
I JUST HAVE SOME PICTURES.
THIS FIRST ONE IS OF DAD AND ME IN THE BACKYARD,
STANDING NEXT TO MY HOLE TO CHINA.
I WAS FIVE YEARS OLD,
TRYING TO DIG A HOLE TO CHINA.
HE NEVER EVER TOLD ME I COULDN'T ACTUALLY GET TO CHINA,
HE JUST...
KEPT DIGGING WITH ME UNTIL I GOT BORED.
THAT WAS A GOOD DAY.
THE SECOND ONE IS OF THE WHOLE FAMILY
WITH DAD AT THE A.P.A. CONFERENCE IN 1984.
THEY GAVE HIM AN AWARD
AND HE GOT UP THERE AND MADE ALL THESE JOKES
ABOUT JIMMY CARTER NEEDING ADLERIAN THERAPY.
( laughing )
I DIDN'T GET THE JOKES,
BUT I WAS PROUD OF HIM THAT NIGHT.
I WAS PROUD THAT HE WAS MY DAD.
THIS LAST ONE...
COME ON, BILLY.
IS JUST A REALLY GOOD PICTURE.
OH MY GOD !
HEY !
WELCOME TO MY HUMBLE A-BAUDELAIRE !
OH NEAT !
I'M SORRY WE'RE A LITTLE LATE.
FUCK THAT, YOU GUYS ARE THE CAVALRY,
YOUR TIMING IS PERFECT.
KEITH, IT'S GREAT TO MEET YOU.
THANKS FOR HAVING US OVER.
ARE YOU KIDDING ?
THE PLEASURE'S ALL MINE, RRR.
HEY, EVERYBODY, IT'S DAVID AND KEITH !
( together ) HI !
SO, COME ON IN, COME ON IN.
GRAB A MIMOSA, HAVE SOME QUICHE.
THAT QUICHE IS IN QUOTES, BY THE WAY,
I'M NOT A TOTAL IDIOT.
OH, JUST REMEMBER, WHATEVER YOU DO,
DON'T LOOK TRIXIE IN THE EYE.
WHO'S TRIXIE ?
MY LITTLE POOPER DOG.
YOU ARE MY LITTLE POOPER, AREN'T YOU ?
DON'T, DON'T LOOK HER IN THE EYE,
SHE'LL FREAK OUT AND POOP !
WE'RE TALKING SPRAYING POOP, LIKE, DA-DA-DA !
SERIOUSLY, DON'T EVEN LOOK AT HER.
YOU GOT IT.
BY THE WAY,
WE'RE PLAYING "LEADING LADIES."
BEST OF LUCK !
DID HE JUST PUT SOMETHING ON MY BACK ?
NO, NO, IT'S A GAME.
"LEADING LADIES", SEE,
EVERYBODY HAS A LEADING LADY ON THEIR BACK,
AND YOU HAVE TO FIGURE OUT WHO YOU ARE
BY ASKING YES OR NO QUESTIONS.
AM I THIS ? AM I THAT ?
COME ON, YOU CAN EITHER DECIDE YOU'RE GONNA HAVE A ROTTEN TIME
OR YOU CAN DECIDE TO HAVE FUN.
YOU SOUND LIKE A CAMP COUNSELOR.
ALRIGHT, I'LL HAVE FUN.
LET ME SEE WHO YOU ARE.
OH, THAT'S GOOD.
I HOPE THAT POEM WAS SATISFACTORY, MARGARET.
I SEEM TO REMEMBER BERN LIKING IT.
AND I SEEM TO REMEMBER BERN THINKING
YOU WERE AN ABSOLUTE ASSHOLE.
MOM,HILL.
BILLY, YOUR UNCLE MARV IS HERE FOR HIS OWN COMPLICATED REASONS,
HE DESERVES TO HAVE HIS OWN COMPLICATED EXPERIENCE.
WELL NOW THANK YOU, MARV.
IT WAS A PERFECT POEM, YOU DID YOUR DUTY.
YOU CAN NOW GET THE FUCK OUTTA HERE.
SHH.
BRENDA.
SEE YA.
BILLY.
OH, HEY.
HE NEVER FORGAVE YOUR FATHER FOR BEING A SUCCESS.
OR GIVING UP HANUKKAH.
NATE !
HEY, MARGARET.
I'M SO SORRY TO HEAR ABOUT BERN.
I KNOW YOU MUST BE--
OH PLEASE, NATE, DON'T GIVE ME THAT FUNERAL HOME SHIT.
COME ON NOW.
DID BRENDA CALL YOU ?
NO, SHE DIDN'T, I READ IT IN THE PAPER.
AND YOU JUST CAME HERE UNDER YOUR OWN STEAM ?
YEAH, I GUESS SO.
AW, THAT'S SO STRANGE.
HEY, BILLY.
HEY.
WE'RE GOING TO BE OVER AT THE CONDO LATER.
JUST THE FAMILY, JUST A LITTLE DINNER.
I THINK, RIGHT, BILLY ?
YES, MOTHER, IT'S ALL TAKEN CARE OF.
TRAGEDY.
IT'S THE ONE THING OUR CHILDREN ARE REALLY GOOD AT.
I MEAN "MY CHILDREN."
IT'S OKAY, MOM.
SO CAN YOU JOIN US ?
UH, THANKS,
BUT I PROBABLY NEED TO GET BACK TO THE HOUSE.
YOU CAN STICK AROUND FOR A LITTLE BIT, THOUGH, HUH ?
YEAH, SURE.
COME ON, MOM, LET'S GET OUTTA HERE, HUH ?
DON'T LEAVE.
I WON'T, I WON'T.
OH, ARTHUR, HI !
HI, RUTH.
DID YOU HAVE A GOOD TIME STALKING ME THIS MORNING ?
WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT ?
OH, PLEASE.
IF YOU LIKE FOLLOWING PEOPLE SO MUCH,
WHY DON'T YOU JOIN THE C.I.A.
OR THE MOONIES ?!
OR WHY DON'T YOU GO TO THE ACTUAL FUCKING MOON
AND MIND YOUR OWN MOON BUSINESS,
YOU FREAK !
HI, RUTH.
DID YOU HAVE A GOOD MORNING ?
OH, YES, ARTHUR, THANK YOU, IT WAS...
WONDERFUL.
THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR ASKING.
I'LL BE RIGHT BACK, I HAVE TO GO UPSTAIRS,
MY HAIR FEELS FUNNY.
OKAY.
BYE.
KEITH SEEMS LIKE A LOT OF LAUGHS.
OH, STOP.
HE'S JUST A LITTLE OUT OF HIS ELEMENT, RIGHT ?
COMPLETELY.
I LOVE THAT HE EVEN CAME
THIS IS SO NOT HIS TYPE OF THING.
AND WHAT'S HIS TYPE OF THING ?
I DON'T KNOW, HE LIKES TO COOK AND WORK OUT.
HE LOVES OLD MOVIES,
HE'S PROBABLY DOING VERY WELL OVER THERE.
SO, TELL ME, AM I A "BLACK WIDOW" ?
I DON'T KNOW.
AM I KNOWN FOR MY FIGURE OR MY FACE ?
TURN AROUND, LET ME SEE THIS THING AGAIN.
I DON'T KNOW.
AM I AN OSCAR WINNER ?
I DON'T KNOW.
AM I BLONDE ?
I DON'T KNOW.
ARE YOU REALLY GAY ?
YEAH, I'M REALLY GAY.
LINDA, GODDAMNIT !
DON'T LOOK TRIXIE IN THE EYE !
HEY.
BABY'S FIRST FUNERAL ?
HARDLY.
YEAH, I GUESS NOT.
HOW'RE YOU HOLDING UP ?
LET'S NOT TALK ABOUT ME OR MY DEAD FATHER.
FOR 30 SECONDS, ANYWAY.
OKAY.
WHAT DO YOU WANT TO TALK ABOUT ?
TELL ME SOMETHING ABOUT MAYA.
OH.
SHE'S BEAUTIFUL.
OH, SHE DISCOVERED THE TELEPHONE THE OTHER DAY,
IT'S BECOME, LIKE, HER FAVORITE NEW TOY.
YEAH ?
YEAH.
SHE ACCIDENTALLY SPEED-DIALED MY NEUROLOGIST'S OFFICE YESTERDAY
AND FOR TWO MINUTES, THE NURSE THOUGHT
SHE HAD A STROKE VICTIM ON THE OTHER END OF THE LINE.
I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU CAME.
OF COURSE I CAME.
HEY, VANESSA ?
Yeah ?
HEY, I JUST TALKED TO NATE AND HE TOLD ME HE CAME BY ?
YEAH, HE DID.
And so what happened ?
I DON'T KNOW !
LISTEN, DON'T TELL HIM I SAID THIS, BABY,
BUT HE SEEMED KINDA OUT OF IT.
YOU SURE NOTHING ELSE WAS THE MATTER.
RICO, DO YOU REMEMBER HOW PARANOID WE WERE,
THAT FIRST YEAR WITH JULIO ?
WE WOULDN'T LEAVE HIM WITH ANYBODY.
BABY, THAT'S JUST THE WAY NEW PARENTS ARE.
SO, UM...
SO, YOU'RE FEELING OKAY ?
YEAH, I FEEL FINE.
You're sure ?
YEAH, RICO, JUST COME HOME, OKAY ?
BECAUSE THE KIDS, THEY'RE JUST BOUNCING OFF THE WALLS.
Alright, alright, I'll be home soon.
OKAY.
BYE. Okay, b'bye.
IT WAS THREE MONTHS FROM THE DAY THE DOCTOR TOLD HIM
HE HAD IT TO THE DAY HE DIED.
THREE MONTHS.
STOMACH CANCER'S FAST THAT WAY.
GASTRIC CANCER IS ACTUALLY THE TECHNICAL TERM.
IT WAS EVERYWHERE,
IT WAS ALL UP AND DOWN HIS ALIMENTARY CANAL.
IT WAS FUN LEARNING ALL THE JARGON.
I KNOW WHAT YOU MEAN.
I NEVER EVEN KNEW I HAD A MEDULLA OBLONGATA,
NOW I COULD DRAW IT FOR YOU.
ALONG WITH EVERYTHING ELSE IN MY HEAD.
DO YOU HAVE A SCAR ?
IS THAT A RHETORICAL QUESTION ?
CAN I SEE IT ?
SURE.
IT'S UH...
WOW.
BREN, IT'S OKAY.
( sobbing )
I'M OKAY.
YEAH, I KNOW.
I'M AT MY FATHER'S FUNERAL, I'M EMOTIONAL.
YOU KNOW, THIS IS THE PLACE
WHERE WE WERE SUPPOSED TO BE MARRIED.
I KNOW.
HAS EVERY "LEADING LADY" IN THE ROOM FOUND HERSELF YET ?
I'M CHRISTY MACNICHOL,
BUT I THINK THAT'S ALWAYS BEEN PAINFULLY OBVIOUS.
I'M MADONNA.
OF COURSE.
KEITH DOESN'T KNOW WHO HE IS !
OH REALLY !
SHIT.
GET OVER HERE !
OKAY, OKAY.
GO AHEAD AND ASK US HOWEVER MANY QUESTIONS YOU WANT,
WE'RE HERE TO HELP.
ALRIGHT, AM I DEAD OR ALIVE ?
YOU'RE ALIVE, I THINK.
AM I BLONDE OR BRUNETTE ?
BRUNETTE.
I THINK YOU WERE BLONDE FOR A WHILE BUT IT WAS SO WRONG.
KEITH, WE SAW HER AT CHALET GOURMET WITH BEN STILLER.
I REMEMBER BEN STILLER.
COME ON, YOU KNOW THIS.
HE KNOWS THIS !
YOU REMEMBER WHEN WE WALKED OUT ON "TIME CODE" ?
YEAH ?
SHE WAS IN THAT !
"MICKEY BLUE EYES" ?
"BASIC INSTINCT" ?
"WATERWORLD" ?
YES !
"WATERWORLD"
"WATERWORLD" !
"WATERWORLD"
( shouting ) "WATERWORLD !"
I HAVE NO IDEA !
IF THE MAN DOESN'T KNOW, THE MAN DOESN'T KNOW.
JEANNE TRIPPLEHORN.
WHO WANTS A MARGARITA ?
IT'S A STUPID GAME, ANYWAY.
WATCHING HIM DIE...
YEAH ?
IT WAS LIKE WATCHING SOMEBODY GET WASHED OUT TO SEA,
ONLY THEY'RE SITTING RIGHT THERE IN BED.
A WAVE COMES, TAKES THEM A LITTLE AWAY
ANOTHER WAVE COMES, TAKES THEM A LITTLE AWAY,
EVERY WAVE IS A DAY, AND LITTLE BY LITTLE,
OFF THEY...
OFF THEY GO.
CAN I TELL YOU SOMETHING ?
SURE.
I DON'T WANT TO PUT YOU IN A WEIRD POSITION.
I'M ALREADY IN A WEIRD POSITION.
I LIVE MY WHOLE LIFE IN A WEIRD POSITION.
I'VE MISSED YOU...
THROUGH THIS.
I'VE MISSED YOU TOO.
I MEAN, IT'S NOT LIKE I DON'T KNOW
HOW MUCH BEING WITH YOU CHANGED ME,
HOW MUCH YOU WOKE ME UP, AS A PERSON.
I WOULDN'T BE WHO I AM TODAY IF I'D NEVER MET YOU.
I CERTAINLY WOULDN'T FLOSS EVERY DAY, THAT'S FOR SURE.
YOU'RE KEEPING UP WITH THAT ?
AFTER EVERY MEAL.
YOU CHANGED ME, TOO.
YEAH, HOW SO ?
YOU'RE THE FIRST PERSON I'VE LOST,
WHERE IT REALLY COST ME SOMETHING.
THAT'S WHY I HAVEN'T BEEN WITH ANYONE SINCE.
NOBODY ?
IT'S TOO SCARY, THE THOUGHT OF SCREWING IT ALL UP AGAIN.
YEAH, YOU'LL FINDOMEBODY.
THAT IS SO NOT THE ANSWER.
YOU KNOW WHAT I THINK ?
ABOUT WHAT ?
I DON'T KNOW, LIFE.
WHAT ?
I THINK IT'S ALL ABOUT TIMING.
I THINK TIMING IS EVERYTHING.
I THINK YOU MIGHT BE RIGHT.
( seagulls
WHAT'S IN HERE ?
JUST OPEN IT.
AM I FORGETTING SOME WEIRD ANNIVERSARY OR SOMETHING ?
LIKE OUR 17-WEEK ANNIVERSARY OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT ?
OH MY GOD, YOU'RE SUCH A FREAK.
WHEN DID YOU EVEN GET THIS ?
MAGIC.
WHAT AM I EVEN GONNA DO WITH THIS ?
YOU DUMB-ASS, THIS COST 50 BUCKS !
I DON'T CARE WHAT YOU DO WITH IT.
I JUST WANTED YOU TO HAVE IT.
I HAVE A THEORY THAT EVERY NOW AND THEN
A PERSON SHOULD GET WHAT THEY WANT WHEN THEY WANT IT.
IT KEEPS YOU OPTIMISTIC.
THAT'S A GOOD THEORY,
BUT I'VE NEVER BEEN OPTIMISTIC, SO.
WELL, MAYBE IT'S TIME TO START.
THIS WAS A LOT OF MONEY, THOUGH, RUSSELL.
SO WHAT ?
MONEY ONLY FUCKS UP ART, ANYWAY, RIGHT ?
AND I'D RATHER BE POOR, AND SEE YOU HAPPY.
WHAT ?
NOTHING.
I HAVE TO BE CAREFUL NOW, RIGHT ?
NO.
YES, I DO.
I HAVE TO BE CAREFUL, I DON'T GET TOO USED TO THIS.
NO, GO AHEAD.
GET USED TO IT.
I DARE YA.
DO YOU EVER TALK TO OLIVIER ABOUT US ?
NO.
YOU ?
NO.
WHY NOT ?
NO REASON, I GUESS IT...
I GUESS I JUST WANT THERE TO BE CERTAIN THINGS
THAT ARE JUST OURS, YOU KNOW.
THIS IS JUST OURS.
COOL.
THANK YOU FOR THE PAINT.
ANYTIME.
* GIRLS IN WHITE DRESSES WITH BLUE SATIN SASHES *
* SNOWFLAKES THAT STAY ON MY NOSE AND EYELASHES *
* SILVER WHITE WINTERS THAT MELT INTO SPRING *
* THESE ARE A FEW OF MY FAVORITE THINGS *
* WHEN THE DOG BITES, WHEN THE BEE STINGS *
* WHEN I'M FEELING SAD
YOU'RE REALLY GOOD !
THANK YOU.
* I SIMPLY REMEMBER MY FAVORITE THINGS *
* AND THEN I DON'T FEEL SO BAD *
OH, HELLO, DEAR !
WE'RE HAVING A LITTLE SING-A-LONG.
I CAN SEE THAT.
ARTHUR'S REALLY QUITE TALENTED.
YOU PROBABLY DON'T KNOW IT,
BUT HE WRITES HIS OWN COMPUTERIZED MUSIC
AND HE PLAYS THE OLD SONGS, TOO !
THAT'S GREAT.
ISN'T IT ?
IT'S SO UNEXPECTED.
ARTHUR RUNS TOO.
YOU TWO SHOULD RUN TOGETHER.
MAYBE WE WILL SOMETIME.
HE USED TO PLAY AS AN ACCOMPANIST
FOR A BALLET COMPANY.
YEAH, LOOK, MOM.
I'M GONNA HEAD HOME.
I'M JUST CHECKING IN.
CLAIRE SAID YOU SEEMED A LITTLE OUT OF IT THIS MORNING.
NO, I'M WONDERFUL,
BUT THANK YOU FOR BEING CONCERNED.
HOW WAS THE FUNERAL ?
IT WAS OKAY.
THAT POOR GIRL'S FAMILY HAS GONE THROUGH SO MUCH.
I KNOW.
WELL, LIFE, IT COMES AND GETS YOU, DOESN'T IT ?
IT CERTAINLY DOES.
GOODNIGHT, BABY GIRL.
ALRIGHT, WE'LL SEE YOU LATER.
ALRIGHT.
ARTHUR ?
YEP ?
FROM NOW ON, DON'T GO RUNNING OR WHATEVER BEFORE YOU FIND OUT
FROM RICO WHAT HE NEEDS DONE FOR THE DAY, ALRIGHT ?
OH, I HOPE IT WASN'T A PROBLEM.
NO, NO, IT WASN'T, JUST KEEP IN TOUCH WITH HIM.
I WILL.
THANKS.
BYE !
* CREAM COLORED PONIES AND CRISP APPLE STRUDELS *
( urinating )
ARE YOU READY TO GET OUT OF HERE ?
NOT REALLY.
OKAY, THEN I'M GONNA GO.
NO, KEITH, WE CAN LEAVE.
OR I CAN STAY IF IT'S JUST GONNA BE A LITTLE WHILE LONGER.
WELL, ACTUALLY, I THINK IT'S GONNA BE ANOTHER FEW HOURS.
THESE GUYS TAKE THEIR BRUNCHES VERY SERIOUSLY.
THEN I'M GONNA GO.
NO, I'LL GO NOW TOO.
NO !
IT DOESN'T HAVE TO BE THAT WAY.
REALLY, DAVID, I'LL JUST GO.
SERIOUSLY ?
YEAH, I'VE GOT THINGS TO DO.
YOU KNOW, STAY AND HAVE FUN.
YOU CAN GET A RIDE WITH PETER, RIGHT ?
PATRICK.
RIGHT.
SURE, I GUESS.
YOU'RE STILL PEEING.
YEAH, I KNOW, I HAD, LIKE, SEVEN MIMOSAS
AND WAY TOO MUCH COFFEE.
SEE YOU BACK AT HOME.
OKAY.
HEY, WE MISSED YOU.
HOW WAS THE FOOD SHOW ?
IT WAS AMAZING !
THERE WAS THIS BOOTH WHERE YOU COULD TASTE
ALL KINDS OF TRUFFLES.
LIKE CHOCOLATE ?
HMM ?
LIKE CHOCOLATE ?
NO, NO, NO, THE MUSHROOM-THINGS.
THEY WERE LIKE TWO BUCKS FOR A PAPER-THIN SLICE.
UH, THEY WERE SO GOOD,
THEY TASTED LIKE CHOCOLATE AND MUSHROOMS AND SOY SAUCE
AND EVERYTHING ALL AT ONCE, IT WAS AMAZING !
SOUNDS LIKE IT.
AND DANA WAS ESSENTIALLY STALKED BY THIS GUY
WHO WAS TRYING TO SELL HER A SMOOTHIE FRANCHISE.
HE FOLLOWED US AROUND THE CONVENTION CENTER
FOR LIKE AN HOUR,
WITH HIS LITTLE TRAY OF SMOOTHIE FLAVORS.
DANA HAD TO FINALLY KINDA HIT HIM, HOW WAS YOUR DAY ?
IT WAS, OKAY.
I ENDED UP JUST TAKING MAYA WITH ME TO THE FUNERAL,
IT ALL WORKED OUT.
YOU TOOK MAYA ?
YEAH.
TO SEE BRENDA ?
NO, BRENDA WAS THERE,
BUT I TOOK MAYA BECAUSE I DIDN'T HAVE A CHOICE.
I COULDN'T FIND ANYONE--
WELL, NATE, I WOULD'VE COME HOME
AND TAKEN CARE OF HER MYSELF IF I KNEW YOU WERE GONNA DO THAT.
WHY ?
UH...
DID BRENDA HOLD MAYA ?
NO, SHE WAS SLEEPING PRACTICALLY THE WHOLE TIME.
DID SHE LOOK AT HER ?
WELL, YEAH.
DID SHE TOUCH HER ?
I GUESS, YEAH.
OH GOD.
SO YOU SWEAR SHE DIDN'T HOLD HER ?
YES, I SWEAR,
BUT WOULD IT REALLY HAVE MATTERED SO MUCH IF SHE DID ?
DO YOU CARE ABOUT ME AT ALL ?
OF COURSE I DO !
YOU AND MAYA ARE THE MOST IMPORTANT THINGS IN MY LIFE !
THEN DON'T LET YOUR OLD GIRLFRIENDS HOLD OUR BABY.
I DIDN'T, SO WHAT'S THE PROBLEM ?
IT'S NOT THAT COMPLICATED, NATE !
ANYONE WHO KNOWS THAT OTHER PEOPLE EXIST
WOULD'VE ALREADY FIGURED IT OUT !
WHAT DO YOU THINK, I'M STILL IN LOVE WITH BRENDA ?
I'M NOT, BELIEVE ME.
YOU WENT TO HER FATHER'S FUNERAL !
YEAH, AFTER CHECKING IT OUT WITH YOU !
YOU SAID IT WAS OKAY !
WELL, WHY DO YOU KEEP SPENDING TIME WITH HER ?
WHY CAN'T YOU LET HER GO ?
WHATEVER BRENDA AND I HAD, IT'S OVER.
BULLSHIT !
AND IT DOESN'T TAKE ANYTHING AWAY
FROM WHAT YOU AND I HAVE NOW.
THAT'S BULLSHIT.
KNOW WHY, NATE ?
'CAUSE WHEN YOU COME BACK FROM SPENDING TIME WITH HER,
YOU'RE DIFFERENT.
WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT, HOW AM I DIFFERENT ?
YOU'RE MORE YOU LIKE THE YOU YOU USED TO BE.
YEAH, WELL, I WISH YOU WERE MORE FUCKING LIKE YOU USED TO BE.
I HAVEN'T CHANGED AT ALL !
YES, YOU HAVE.
YOU USED TO HAVE A LIFE, YOU HAD FRIENDS, YOU HAD A JOB.
YOU DIDN'T SPEND EVERY WAKING MOMENT
FOCUSING ON WHAT'S WRONG WITH ME
AND HOW I'M CONSTANTLY DISAPPOINTING YOU.
I'M GONNA TAKE A WALK.
I BROUGHT THIS FOR YOU.
WELL, WHAT IS IT ?
A TRUFFLE.
LIS, COME ON--
NATE, JUST GIVE ME SOME GODDAMNED SPACE !
OKAY.
ISN'T IT WEIRD ?
THAT'S THE MAN WHO GAVE US LIFE,
WHO INFLUENCED US MORE THAN ANY OTHER MAN EVER DID
OR PROBABLY EVER WILL.
AND NOW HE'S JUST DIRT IN A JAR.
I HATED HIM FOR SO LONG.
HE DID THE BEST HE COULD.
WE ALL DID.
HEY, DADDY.
BREN.
WOW.
THIS IS WHAT NATE FACES EVERY DAY.
I SUPPOSE NOW WE HAVE TO DO SOMETHING
WITH YOUR FATHER'S GODDAMNED ASHES.
WELL, IT IS KINDA...
TRADITIONAL.
I CAN'T FACE THAT.
NOT YET.
WELL, YOU DON'T HAVE TO.
HE'S IN NO HURRY.
YOU KNOW, YOU'VE NEVER FELT SO MUCH LIKE MY CHILDREN BEFORE.
HAVING YOUR FATHER AROUND
ALWAYS TOOK THE EDGE OFF THAT SENSATION,
I THINK.
BUT I LOOK AT YOU BOTH NOW AND YOU'RE BOTH SO MINE.
THANKS ?
WHEN YOU WERE LITTLE CHILDREN, BREN,
YOU USED TO START EVERYTHING
YOU SAID TO US WITH AN "AND" OR "BUT."
YOU'D SAY,
"AND MOM, CAN WE GO TO THE STORE ?"
OR "BUT DAD, WHEN WE WERE TALKING BEFORE," YOU SAID.
I MEAN, YOU ALWAYS STARTED WITH A CONJUNCTION LIKE THAT.
AND THEN BILLY, WHEN YOU STARTED TALKING,
YOU DID THE SAME THING.
HE LEARNED THAT FROM YOU, BREN.
YOUR FATHER USED TO SAY LIVING WITH YOU TWO
WAS LIKE LISTENING TO THE LONGEST SENTENCE
IN THE HISTORY OF THE UNIVERSE.
AND NOW THERE'S NO ONE TO HEAR IT BUT ME.
DEAR CARL AND CAMERON,
GREETINGS FROM COUSIN ARTHUR.
A BABY-SITTING OPPORTUNITY PASSED ME BY TODAY,
AND LEFT ME THINKING OF YOU TWO FELLOWS.
I HOPE YOU'RE ENJOYING SPREADING THE GOSPEL IN KANSAS CITY.
MY INTERNSHIP IS COMING ALONG SWIMMINGLY.
THERE IS A DEAR, CHARMING WOMAN HERE
AT THE FUNERAL HOME WHO IS VERY KIND,
AND ATTENTIVE.
WELL, I SUPPOSE THAT'S ALL THERE IS.
P.S., KEEPING IN TOUCH WOULD BE A LOT EASIER
IF YOU GOT AN E-MAIL ACCOUNT.
VANESSA ?
YEAH ?
I WAS JUST THINKING.
YOU KNOW, MAYBE UH...
MAYBE IT'S TIME FOR YOU TO SEE A DOCTOR OR SOMETHING.
YOU KNOW, GET SOME MEDICINE.
FOR WHAT ?
FOR, UH...
I DON'T YOUR MOOD ?
MY MOOD IS EXACTLY HOW IT OUGHTTA BE, RICO.
WHEN YOUR MOTHER DIES,
YOU'RE ALLOWED TO BE UPSET ABOUT IT.
FOR HOW LONG ?
FOR HOWEVER LONG IT TAKES.
UH, LISTEN.
JULIO'S PARENT-TEACHER CONFERENCE IS MONDAY AT FOUR,
ARE YOU GONNA BE ABLE TO MAKE IT ?
I'M JUST WORRIED ABOUT YOU, YOU KNOW THAT, RIGHT ?
I'M JUST TRYING TO LET YOU KNOW THAT...
THAT I'M HERE FOR YOU.
ARE YOU GONNA BE ABLE TO MAKE IT ?
BECAUSE IF YOU CAN'T,
I CAN CANCEL IT OR CHANGE IT OR SOMETHING.
YEAH, I'LL BE THERE.
THANK YOU.
YOU DON'T HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT BRENDA.
I'M NOT WORRIED ABOUT HER.
YOU DON'T HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT BRENDA.
NO ?
NO.
YOU'VE FOUND YOUR HAPPINESS, NATE.
SHE'LL FIND HERS.
IT'S JUST A MATTER OF TIME.
WHAT IF I HAVEN'T FOUND MINE ?
Captions Copyright 2003 HOME BOX OFFICE
A Division of TIME WARNER ENTERTAINMENT COMPANY, L.P.
Captioned by HBO COMMUNICATIONS CENTER
W,