1 00:00:00,229 --> 00:00:01,479 ♪ Born on the wrong end Of the leash ♪ 2 00:00:01,563 --> 00:00:04,104 -♪ He was a dreamer ♪ -♪ And a little schemer ♪ 3 00:00:04,187 --> 00:00:05,813 ♪ A nutty mutt living a dog's life ♪ 4 00:00:05,896 --> 00:00:07,438 ♪ But when he'd hear the bell for school ♪ 5 00:00:07,521 --> 00:00:08,354 ♪ He'd start to drool ♪ 6 00:00:08,438 --> 00:00:10,146 -♪ One day he says ♪ -♪ I'll take a chance ♪ 7 00:00:10,229 --> 00:00:11,855 ♪ Trades his leash For a pair of pants ♪ 8 00:00:11,938 --> 00:00:14,229 ♪ In a glance, school becomes His favorite pastime ♪ 9 00:00:14,312 --> 00:00:16,604 ♪ I have buried a bone For the last time ♪ 10 00:00:16,688 --> 00:00:18,312 -♪ He says ♪ -♪ I want to be a boy ♪ 11 00:00:18,396 --> 00:00:19,646 ♪ Ooh, he's bad ♪ 12 00:00:19,730 --> 00:00:21,146 ♪ He's so over just being rover ♪ 13 00:00:21,229 --> 00:00:22,604 ♪ I gotta be a boy ♪ 14 00:00:22,688 --> 00:00:25,062 ♪ It's so weird ♪ ♪ He says he's just gonna be a boy ♪ 15 00:00:25,146 --> 00:00:26,688 ♪ Turns out he's a regular Einstein ♪ 16 00:00:26,771 --> 00:00:28,438 ♪ And Leonard is treading a fine line ♪ 17 00:00:28,521 --> 00:00:30,980 Why can't I be a normal kid like any other? 18 00:00:31,062 --> 00:00:33,146 Now, doodle bug, listen to mother. 19 00:00:33,229 --> 00:00:34,938 ♪ I want to be a boy ♪ 20 00:00:35,021 --> 00:00:36,938 I hate dogs. 21 00:00:37,021 --> 00:00:39,479 ♪ I gotta be a boy ♪ 22 00:00:39,563 --> 00:00:41,479 ♪ This power pup's gonna be a boy ♪ 23 00:00:41,563 --> 00:00:43,521 I do not wish to be a dog. 24 00:00:43,604 --> 00:00:46,104 ♪ Now this bowser's ready for trousers ♪ 25 00:00:46,187 --> 00:00:47,521 ♪ I got to be a boy ♪ 26 00:00:47,604 --> 00:00:49,104 ♪ His nose is wet but you can bet ♪ 27 00:00:49,187 --> 00:00:52,229 ♪ This teacher's pet is gonna be a boy ♪ 28 00:00:52,312 --> 00:00:54,146 Yes! 29 00:01:09,146 --> 00:01:10,855 [announcer on TV] For boundless energy, 30 00:01:10,938 --> 00:01:14,062 for rich, luxurious fur, 31 00:01:14,146 --> 00:01:17,688 for sweet-smelling breath all day long, 32 00:01:17,771 --> 00:01:20,062 Fur Allure -- extra-fancy cat pâté. 33 00:01:20,146 --> 00:01:21,813 With real pectin, it's the only choice 34 00:01:21,896 --> 00:01:23,771 for the champion at your dinner table. 35 00:01:23,855 --> 00:01:27,146 It's Fur Allure, or I don't purr... 36 00:01:27,229 --> 00:01:29,563 Yeah, like she ever eats anything out of a can. 37 00:01:29,646 --> 00:01:31,312 You know, I've heard those commercial kitties 38 00:01:31,396 --> 00:01:33,312 don't even really eat the products they're selling? 39 00:01:33,396 --> 00:01:35,146 Of course they don't! You want to look like that? 40 00:01:35,229 --> 00:01:36,938 It's strictly melba toast and water. 41 00:01:37,021 --> 00:01:38,938 Shh, shh, shh. Show's back. 42 00:01:39,021 --> 00:01:41,312 [woman on TV] This is the moment the crowd has been waiting for -- 43 00:01:41,396 --> 00:01:43,813 miss Regina Bubblina Fancy Paws 44 00:01:43,896 --> 00:01:46,688 has taken center stage, and she is whipping this crowd 45 00:01:46,771 --> 00:01:48,354 into a veritable frenzy. 46 00:01:48,438 --> 00:01:51,730 I wouldn't mind falling into her water dish, yes, sir. 47 00:01:51,813 --> 00:01:53,980 She, me, and a ball of yarn. 48 00:01:54,062 --> 00:01:55,396 [growls] 49 00:01:55,479 --> 00:01:57,521 Let's see -- fabulous celebrity super kitty 50 00:01:57,604 --> 00:01:59,354 and overweight out of shape house cat 51 00:01:59,438 --> 00:02:00,938 with the personality of paste. 52 00:02:01,021 --> 00:02:01,855 Yeah, you got a shot. 53 00:02:01,938 --> 00:02:05,104 I'm sure miss Regina Bubblina Fancy Paws 54 00:02:05,187 --> 00:02:08,229 would appreciate my, uh, inner beauty. 55 00:02:11,521 --> 00:02:12,479 -Yech! -Yech! 56 00:02:12,563 --> 00:02:15,563 Do you two mind? I'm trying to come up with a topic 57 00:02:15,646 --> 00:02:17,855 for my passionate persuasive speech 58 00:02:17,980 --> 00:02:19,271 for class tomorrow, 59 00:02:19,354 --> 00:02:21,938 and with all this pageant nonsense going on, 60 00:02:22,021 --> 00:02:24,438 all I can think about is glamour and appearance. 61 00:02:24,521 --> 00:02:27,062 That's what's wrong with our whole darn culture! 62 00:02:27,146 --> 00:02:29,938 Instead of people focusing on important things, 63 00:02:30,021 --> 00:02:31,396 like education and health 64 00:02:31,479 --> 00:02:34,730 and "how long does it really take to cook a 3-minute egg," 65 00:02:34,813 --> 00:02:38,229 their heads are all clogged up with superficial silliness. 66 00:02:38,312 --> 00:02:40,855 How much do I weigh? Is this a good color for me? 67 00:02:42,813 --> 00:02:44,646 What is she wearing? 68 00:02:44,730 --> 00:02:47,604 I ask you, what kind of world has this become 69 00:02:47,688 --> 00:02:49,813 where appearances are more important 70 00:02:49,896 --> 00:02:51,688 than who we really are? 71 00:02:51,771 --> 00:02:55,271 Wow, I just got pretty passionate there... 72 00:02:55,354 --> 00:02:59,312 And darn persuasive, if I do say so myself. 73 00:02:59,396 --> 00:03:02,271 Be still, my heart! I found the perfect subject 74 00:03:02,354 --> 00:03:05,021 for my passionate persuasive speech tomorrow. 75 00:03:05,104 --> 00:03:06,604 Now, what did I say? 76 00:03:06,688 --> 00:03:10,021 [snoring] 77 00:03:10,104 --> 00:03:12,021 [gasps] 78 00:03:14,104 --> 00:03:17,146 Hey, bunky, what's the matter? 79 00:03:17,229 --> 00:03:18,521 Nothing's the matter. 80 00:03:18,604 --> 00:03:19,813 C-Can't a guy just walk through a room 81 00:03:19,896 --> 00:03:22,771 like a normal guy walking through a room normally? 82 00:03:22,855 --> 00:03:24,771 W-Whoa, whoa. This is something good. 83 00:03:24,855 --> 00:03:26,980 He's turning red and talking in circles. 84 00:03:27,062 --> 00:03:29,980 I am not turning red and talking in circles -- 85 00:03:30,062 --> 00:03:31,521 am not, I am. 86 00:03:31,604 --> 00:03:34,855 Leonard, why do you have that cap pulled over your head 87 00:03:34,938 --> 00:03:36,521 like a toaster cozy? 88 00:03:36,604 --> 00:03:40,521 Um, 'cause my head's cold, and this is my favorite team. 89 00:03:44,062 --> 00:03:45,104 Aha! 90 00:03:45,187 --> 00:03:47,771 Methinks someone has a new haircut. 91 00:03:47,855 --> 00:03:49,438 Let us see! Let us see! 92 00:03:49,521 --> 00:03:50,855 No! 93 00:03:50,938 --> 00:03:53,229 Someone's got a bad haircut! 94 00:03:53,730 --> 00:03:55,604 Hey. Show a little common decency. 95 00:03:55,688 --> 00:03:58,104 Obviously, the boy is in a vulnerable place right now, 96 00:03:58,187 --> 00:03:59,187 and I say leave him alone. 97 00:03:59,771 --> 00:04:01,938 Thanks, Pretty Boy, I really appreciate that. 98 00:04:02,021 --> 00:04:03,229 Don't mention it, kiddo. 99 00:04:04,813 --> 00:04:07,563 Holy Hannah! Who called the marines? 100 00:04:07,646 --> 00:04:10,146 Cue ball in the side pocket. Scratch! 101 00:04:10,604 --> 00:04:13,354 Okay, fine. Go on, get it out of your systems. 102 00:04:15,146 --> 00:04:16,771 -Ha ha ha ha! -Ha ha ha ha! 103 00:04:17,187 --> 00:04:19,730 And excuse me, Mr. Spot Helperman, 104 00:04:19,813 --> 00:04:22,104 but what happened to your passionate persuasive speech 105 00:04:22,187 --> 00:04:24,021 about "looks don't matter" 106 00:04:24,104 --> 00:04:25,813 and "beauty's only skin deep"? 107 00:04:25,896 --> 00:04:28,604 Yeah, but this is different. 108 00:04:28,688 --> 00:04:30,229 Come on, look at him! 109 00:04:30,312 --> 00:04:34,062 If you can't laugh at a walking cactus head, what can you laugh at? 110 00:04:35,479 --> 00:04:37,271 [stifled laughter] You're right. 111 00:04:37,354 --> 00:04:40,771 You are so right. Hee hee hee hee! 112 00:04:41,187 --> 00:04:44,312 I'm sorry, Leonard, but you do look purr-fectly ridiculous. 113 00:04:44,396 --> 00:04:45,646 I know, you're right. 114 00:04:45,730 --> 00:04:47,730 I can't believe this is happening. 115 00:04:48,229 --> 00:04:51,855 Today was the day I was supposed to get my hip new cutting-edge hairstyle, 116 00:04:51,938 --> 00:04:53,354 just like the cool kids. 117 00:04:53,438 --> 00:04:55,312 I had it all planned out, 118 00:04:55,646 --> 00:04:57,563 but then something happened. 119 00:05:00,563 --> 00:05:02,312 Oh, man. I can't believe 120 00:05:02,396 --> 00:05:04,604 I'm finally going to get my haircut at cool coifs. 121 00:05:04,688 --> 00:05:05,855 And look -- 122 00:05:05,938 --> 00:05:07,563 there's Tyler, Taylor, and Trevor. 123 00:05:07,646 --> 00:05:09,980 I'm actually on the same haircutting schedule as them! 124 00:05:10,062 --> 00:05:11,855 This is too good to be true. 125 00:05:11,938 --> 00:05:12,813 Unh-unh-unh! 126 00:05:12,896 --> 00:05:15,354 Not so fast there, Mr. Hopalong Doodle-Pants. 127 00:05:15,438 --> 00:05:17,229 A super terrific new barber shop -- 128 00:05:17,312 --> 00:05:22,604 oops, oops, pardon me, I mean hair salon just opened at the other end of the mall, 129 00:05:22,688 --> 00:05:24,062 and I'd thought we'd give it a try. 130 00:05:26,896 --> 00:05:28,646 Mom, no. You wouldn't. 131 00:05:28,730 --> 00:05:30,813 Please! I want to go to cool coifs! 132 00:05:30,896 --> 00:05:32,896 Tyler, Taylor, and Trevor go there! 133 00:05:32,980 --> 00:05:34,396 And I suppose if Tyler, Taylor, and Trevor 134 00:05:34,479 --> 00:05:36,479 jumped off the Liberty Ford Memorial Bridge, 135 00:05:36,563 --> 00:05:37,730 you'd want to do that, too? 136 00:05:37,813 --> 00:05:39,646 Tyler, Taylor, and Trevor did jump off 137 00:05:39,730 --> 00:05:41,187 the Liberty Ford Memorial Bridge. 138 00:05:41,271 --> 00:05:42,521 It's called bungee jumping, 139 00:05:42,604 --> 00:05:44,396 and I wasn't allowed to do that, either. 140 00:05:44,479 --> 00:05:47,146 Oh, my poor little Lenny Lumpkins. 141 00:05:47,229 --> 00:05:49,938 Your life must be just so horrible. 142 00:05:50,021 --> 00:05:51,271 Ha ha! Come on. 143 00:05:51,354 --> 00:05:54,312 It won't kill you to try something new. 144 00:05:54,396 --> 00:05:56,646 Besides, I've got coupons! 145 00:05:58,730 --> 00:06:01,730 [screams] 146 00:06:14,438 --> 00:06:17,062 No! 147 00:06:17,146 --> 00:06:19,563 It was horrible. 148 00:06:19,646 --> 00:06:21,896 There, there, Leonard. Don't feel bad. 149 00:06:21,980 --> 00:06:23,646 This isn't your fault. 150 00:06:23,730 --> 00:06:26,229 You wanted to be hip and trendy and cool. 151 00:06:26,312 --> 00:06:28,855 It just didn't work out like you planned. 152 00:06:28,938 --> 00:06:32,646 I'm sure all the kids at school will understand. 153 00:06:32,730 --> 00:06:33,896 Really? You think? 154 00:06:33,980 --> 00:06:35,730 Sure they will, bunky... 155 00:06:35,813 --> 00:06:38,521 When monkeys fly with jet packs! 156 00:06:38,604 --> 00:06:40,980 Ha ha ha ha! 157 00:06:41,062 --> 00:06:44,688 Ooh! You are going to get roasted, pally! 158 00:06:44,771 --> 00:06:46,688 Ha ha ha ha! 159 00:06:46,771 --> 00:06:48,563 This will be worse than the time 160 00:06:48,646 --> 00:06:51,646 Ian wore his sister's culottes to school... backwards! 161 00:06:51,730 --> 00:06:54,479 Ha ha ha ha! 162 00:06:54,563 --> 00:06:57,396 Come on, Spotty-Wotty. You're next. 163 00:06:57,479 --> 00:07:01,271 I'm taking you to a brand-new doggie groomer. 164 00:07:01,354 --> 00:07:02,688 I got coupons. 165 00:07:02,771 --> 00:07:05,271 Wow, talk about your instant Karma. 166 00:07:05,354 --> 00:07:06,604 [howling] 167 00:07:06,688 --> 00:07:09,688 Oh, there, there, Spotty special pup. 168 00:07:09,771 --> 00:07:13,563 We're just going to get you a nice bath and flea dip 169 00:07:13,646 --> 00:07:16,604 and haircut. 170 00:07:16,688 --> 00:07:17,813 Aah! 171 00:07:17,896 --> 00:07:20,604 Aah! 172 00:07:24,312 --> 00:07:27,312 Aah! 173 00:07:27,396 --> 00:07:29,813 Aah! 174 00:07:39,730 --> 00:07:41,021 [howling] 175 00:07:44,312 --> 00:07:46,521 [French accent] Bonjour. Can I help you? 176 00:07:46,604 --> 00:07:47,646 Yes, indeedy. 177 00:07:47,730 --> 00:07:50,229 I mean... [mispronounces] Mais oui. 178 00:07:50,312 --> 00:07:52,688 And this handsome pooch is Spot Helperman, 179 00:07:52,771 --> 00:07:54,646 and we have a 2:00 appointment. 180 00:07:54,730 --> 00:07:56,771 Mmm, doesn't it smell nice in here? 181 00:07:56,855 --> 00:07:58,688 [sniffing] 182 00:07:58,771 --> 00:08:00,688 [thinking] Hmm, not bad. 183 00:08:00,771 --> 00:08:04,479 A tad cloying, perhaps, but definitely appealing. 184 00:08:04,563 --> 00:08:09,646 Hibiscus, lavender, and just a hint of patchouli. 185 00:08:09,730 --> 00:08:11,563 Hello, mon petit chien. 186 00:08:11,646 --> 00:08:14,646 My, my, aren't you a handsome fellow? 187 00:08:14,730 --> 00:08:18,187 You're pretty sassy-boned yourself, sister. 188 00:08:18,646 --> 00:08:20,896 All right, Mrs. Helperman, come back at 4:00, 189 00:08:20,980 --> 00:08:23,730 and your Spot will be a new doggie. 190 00:08:23,813 --> 00:08:25,479 All righty tighty. Bye-bye, Spot, 191 00:08:25,563 --> 00:08:27,187 and don't worry. I'll be back before you know it. 192 00:08:27,271 --> 00:08:28,521 [mispronounces] Au revoir! 193 00:08:28,604 --> 00:08:29,855 [Thinking] Take your time. 194 00:08:29,938 --> 00:08:32,896 And, Daphne, when I speak of this in years to come, 195 00:08:32,980 --> 00:08:34,980 and I will, 196 00:08:35,062 --> 00:08:38,438 I hope you don't mind if I embellish. 197 00:08:38,521 --> 00:08:40,938 Mmm, I feel so good! 198 00:08:41,021 --> 00:08:43,521 I smell so fine! 199 00:08:43,604 --> 00:08:45,604 Oh, Daphne, 200 00:08:45,688 --> 00:08:47,479 if only you were 20 years younger 201 00:08:47,563 --> 00:08:50,021 and not of an entirely different species. 202 00:08:50,104 --> 00:08:52,813 Heaven... I'm in heaven! 203 00:08:52,896 --> 00:08:55,855 I'm going to be so pretty for my speech on the evils 204 00:08:55,938 --> 00:08:58,896 of only caring about the way you look. 205 00:08:58,980 --> 00:09:01,271 So I say to you, 206 00:09:01,354 --> 00:09:05,438 what of my impossible beauty, my perfect form, 207 00:09:05,521 --> 00:09:07,563 my impeccable style... 208 00:09:07,646 --> 00:09:10,771 Are these superficial qualities the true measure of a man? 209 00:09:10,855 --> 00:09:12,229 Of course not! 210 00:09:12,312 --> 00:09:15,938 And, yet, I'm so gosh-darned good-looking. 211 00:09:16,021 --> 00:09:18,938 Don't you just want to kiss me all over? 212 00:09:19,021 --> 00:09:22,604 Plenty of me to go around. 213 00:09:22,688 --> 00:09:24,104 [speaking French] 214 00:09:24,187 --> 00:09:26,980 Oh, Spotty Spitter Spat Spoon Bread! 215 00:09:27,062 --> 00:09:28,354 Look how handsome you are! 216 00:09:28,438 --> 00:09:30,771 Come on. Let's go home and show Leonard! 217 00:09:30,855 --> 00:09:33,104 Now, that's a good-looking fella. 218 00:09:33,187 --> 00:09:35,146 What a gorgeous coat. 219 00:09:35,229 --> 00:09:36,980 Wow, I must really be hot. 220 00:09:37,062 --> 00:09:40,146 Wait till the kids at school get a load of -- 221 00:09:40,229 --> 00:09:44,062 Aah! In the words of the Marquis de Pompadour, 222 00:09:44,146 --> 00:09:45,646 Oy gevalt! 223 00:09:45,730 --> 00:09:48,396 I'm a p-p-poodle! 224 00:09:58,730 --> 00:10:01,104 Miss Regina Bubblina Fancy Paws 225 00:10:01,187 --> 00:10:04,229 at furallurekitty.Cat. 226 00:10:04,312 --> 00:10:06,354 Shouldn't I be doing the typing? 227 00:10:06,438 --> 00:10:08,730 I am, after all, the only one here with fingers. 228 00:10:08,813 --> 00:10:10,521 You humans with your opposable thumbs. 229 00:10:10,604 --> 00:10:13,896 Oh, look at me, I'm at the top of the evolutionary ladder. 230 00:10:13,980 --> 00:10:16,062 I'm telling you, this cat can type. 231 00:10:16,146 --> 00:10:18,855 Me, on the other hand -- I just hunt and peck. 232 00:10:18,938 --> 00:10:21,771 Dear miss Regina Bubblina Fancy Paws, 233 00:10:21,855 --> 00:10:24,312 I am your biggest fan... 234 00:10:24,396 --> 00:10:26,021 You ain't just whistlin' Dixie. 235 00:10:26,104 --> 00:10:27,896 ...but more than that, 236 00:10:27,980 --> 00:10:30,062 I feel a connection between us 237 00:10:30,146 --> 00:10:33,021 that transcends the star/fan paradigm. 238 00:10:33,104 --> 00:10:34,771 That'll get her purring. 239 00:10:34,855 --> 00:10:37,146 Quiet. Mr. Jolly's writing from the heart. 240 00:10:37,229 --> 00:10:38,896 You're both meshugeneh. 241 00:10:38,980 --> 00:10:41,479 I'm telling you, you use a $2 word like "paradigm" 242 00:10:41,563 --> 00:10:43,980 in a love letter, and it's bye-bye, big kitty. 243 00:10:44,062 --> 00:10:45,688 Oh, you hush. 244 00:10:45,771 --> 00:10:49,354 Your eyes are like saucers of milk. 245 00:10:49,438 --> 00:10:53,021 Your fur is like the amber waves of grain. 246 00:10:53,104 --> 00:10:54,646 This is just sad. 247 00:10:54,730 --> 00:10:55,646 Here are we, Spot! 248 00:10:55,730 --> 00:10:57,813 Safe and snuggly in our cozy little home. 249 00:10:57,896 --> 00:11:00,521 Leonard, see if you can get Spot to come out of there. 250 00:11:00,604 --> 00:11:02,604 For some reason, the trip to the groomer 251 00:11:02,688 --> 00:11:04,312 has him all discom-booby-bodied. 252 00:11:04,396 --> 00:11:06,980 Okay, Mom. 253 00:11:07,062 --> 00:11:09,396 Hey, bunky, what's the matter? 254 00:11:09,479 --> 00:11:11,021 Nothing. Nothing's the matter. 255 00:11:11,104 --> 00:11:13,229 I'm just hanging out -- kicking back, man, 256 00:11:13,312 --> 00:11:15,271 chillin' in my pet carrier. 257 00:11:15,354 --> 00:11:16,646 It's cool. I'm cool. 258 00:11:16,730 --> 00:11:19,688 Keepin' it real in here in the pet carrier. 259 00:11:19,771 --> 00:11:21,146 Copacetic. Chillin'. 260 00:11:21,229 --> 00:11:23,855 "Cool." sounds like a bad haircut to me. 261 00:11:23,938 --> 00:11:26,604 Leonard, get the vacuum cleaner and suck him out of there! 262 00:11:26,688 --> 00:11:28,604 All right, all right, I'm coming out! 263 00:11:28,688 --> 00:11:30,229 Just don't laugh. 264 00:11:30,312 --> 00:11:32,312 [all] We promise. 265 00:11:37,855 --> 00:11:39,688 [all laugh] 266 00:11:39,771 --> 00:11:43,438 Look! It's the world's first talking cotton swab! 267 00:11:43,521 --> 00:11:45,813 Ha ha. We're so amused. 268 00:11:45,896 --> 00:11:48,730 No one's even going to notice my stupid haircut 269 00:11:48,813 --> 00:11:50,479 once they get a load of you. 270 00:11:50,563 --> 00:11:52,688 I'm so glad you found your silver lining 271 00:11:52,771 --> 00:11:54,354 in my dark cloud. 272 00:11:54,438 --> 00:11:57,354 Should I be concerned that I'm actually starting to like it? 273 00:12:03,187 --> 00:12:05,062 Sweet saffron soufflé! 274 00:12:05,146 --> 00:12:08,604 What did she use on me -- waterproof mousse? 275 00:12:08,688 --> 00:12:12,104 Eureka! This ought to take the bounce out of my bonnet! 276 00:12:17,521 --> 00:12:18,896 Ahh...success. 277 00:12:19,646 --> 00:12:24,396 And once again, Scott Leadready is too cool for school. 278 00:12:33,980 --> 00:12:35,938 Maybe now you know how I feel. 279 00:12:36,021 --> 00:12:40,146 Oh, no, this is much worse than that fishbelly white scalp of yours 280 00:12:40,229 --> 00:12:42,855 showing through the head stubble, formerly known as your hair. 281 00:12:43,062 --> 00:12:45,730 No way! At least you still have hair... 282 00:12:45,813 --> 00:12:47,229 Er, fur. 283 00:12:47,312 --> 00:12:49,354 Oh, really? And what do you think happens 284 00:12:49,438 --> 00:12:51,187 when we show up at school tomorrow? 285 00:12:51,271 --> 00:12:53,354 Oh, sure, you'll be mocked and ridiculed, 286 00:12:53,438 --> 00:12:54,980 the taunting will be merciless, 287 00:12:55,062 --> 00:12:57,187 and I've no doubt you'll be scarred for life. 288 00:12:57,271 --> 00:12:58,896 But your hair will grow back, 289 00:12:58,980 --> 00:13:00,730 and unless I miss my guess, 290 00:13:00,813 --> 00:13:03,354 you'll get to maintain your status as a human being. 291 00:13:03,438 --> 00:13:04,980 I, on the other hand, well... 292 00:13:05,062 --> 00:13:06,604 [laughter] 293 00:13:06,688 --> 00:13:08,771 Yes, I'll face the same slings and arrows 294 00:13:08,855 --> 00:13:11,813 of outrageous insults, and then, someone will realize 295 00:13:11,896 --> 00:13:14,855 that Scott Leadready has the exact same poodle cut 296 00:13:14,938 --> 00:13:17,271 that Leonard Helperman's dog Spot 297 00:13:17,354 --> 00:13:19,730 just happened to get yesterday afternoon. 298 00:13:19,813 --> 00:13:24,688 Hey, Scott Leadready has the exact same poodle cut 299 00:13:24,771 --> 00:13:26,855 that Leonard Helperman's dog Spot 300 00:13:26,938 --> 00:13:30,062 just happened to get yesterday afternoon! 301 00:13:31,563 --> 00:13:33,438 Uh...yeah? 302 00:13:33,521 --> 00:13:34,604 So? 303 00:13:34,688 --> 00:13:36,604 And your point would be? 304 00:13:36,688 --> 00:13:39,312 People, open your eyes! 305 00:13:39,396 --> 00:13:43,688 Scott Leadready looks like Leonard Helperman's dog Spot! 306 00:13:43,771 --> 00:13:45,146 Wait a minute. 307 00:13:45,229 --> 00:13:46,730 Scott Leadready doesn't just look like 308 00:13:46,813 --> 00:13:48,312 Leonard Helperman's dog Spot, 309 00:13:48,396 --> 00:13:51,688 Scott Leadready is Leonard Helperman's dog Spot! 310 00:13:51,771 --> 00:13:54,604 See, I totally missed that. 311 00:13:54,688 --> 00:13:57,062 Yeah... Me too. 312 00:13:57,146 --> 00:13:58,813 That went right over my head. 313 00:13:58,896 --> 00:14:01,312 Hey, dogs aren't allowed in school! 314 00:14:01,396 --> 00:14:03,688 Get him! 315 00:14:08,438 --> 00:14:09,896 [German accent] Here, fido! 316 00:14:09,980 --> 00:14:11,479 Find the dog-boy! 317 00:14:11,563 --> 00:14:12,813 Put him on a leash! 318 00:14:12,896 --> 00:14:14,354 Follow the burgermeister! 319 00:14:14,438 --> 00:14:16,688 Da! I bet he isn't even housebroken. 320 00:14:16,771 --> 00:14:18,312 Are we there yet? 321 00:14:23,771 --> 00:14:25,312 Sanctuary! 322 00:14:25,479 --> 00:14:27,563 Sanctuary! 323 00:14:29,604 --> 00:14:30,980 Which way did he go? 324 00:14:31,062 --> 00:14:33,187 It's like he disappeared into thin air! 325 00:14:33,271 --> 00:14:36,479 Ah! I wish whoever rings that bell would cut it out! 326 00:14:36,563 --> 00:14:37,688 I'm going home! 327 00:14:37,771 --> 00:14:40,146 These lederhosen are killing me. 328 00:14:40,229 --> 00:14:42,104 Do you think they would let me use the bathroom 329 00:14:42,187 --> 00:14:43,563 in the cathedral? 330 00:14:43,646 --> 00:14:45,563 I told you to go before we left! 331 00:14:47,646 --> 00:14:50,604 Why was I not made of stone as thee? 332 00:14:50,688 --> 00:14:53,479 Oh, yeah, like I never heard that one before. 333 00:14:53,563 --> 00:14:56,479 Oh, curse the day I ever set foot 334 00:14:56,563 --> 00:14:59,563 in Daphne's Debonair Doggie Salon De Pets... 335 00:14:59,646 --> 00:15:01,438 Although the imported hand-rolled gruyére cheese 336 00:15:01,521 --> 00:15:03,438 dog biscuits were a nice touch. 337 00:15:03,521 --> 00:15:06,521 The French just have a way with baked delicacies. 338 00:15:06,604 --> 00:15:08,896 But I digress. 339 00:15:08,980 --> 00:15:10,646 Hey, maybe we can both fake sick 340 00:15:10,730 --> 00:15:13,396 and stay home until our hair grows back to normal. 341 00:15:13,479 --> 00:15:14,980 It'll only take a few months. 342 00:15:15,062 --> 00:15:16,146 Are you mad, boy? 343 00:15:16,229 --> 00:15:18,271 I've got to go to school tomorrow 344 00:15:18,354 --> 00:15:20,896 and deliver my passionate persuasive speech. 345 00:15:20,980 --> 00:15:22,396 It's worth half my grade. 346 00:15:22,479 --> 00:15:24,062 And it's a really good one. 347 00:15:24,146 --> 00:15:26,521 Besides, all I have to do is keep my hair 348 00:15:26,604 --> 00:15:28,396 pressed in this book overnight. 349 00:15:28,479 --> 00:15:30,354 And by morning, I should be back 350 00:15:30,354 --> 00:15:32,396 to my old rakishly handsome self. 351 00:15:34,563 --> 00:15:36,521 Leonard, we could both go to school 352 00:15:36,604 --> 00:15:38,396 looking the way we do, and who knows, 353 00:15:38,479 --> 00:15:40,521 maybe it might make it a little easier on you, 354 00:15:40,604 --> 00:15:43,396 but I'm a dog pretending to be a boy, 355 00:15:43,479 --> 00:15:44,730 and if they see me like this, 356 00:15:44,813 --> 00:15:46,021 it could mean the end of everything! 357 00:15:46,104 --> 00:15:47,604 No more walking to school together, 358 00:15:47,688 --> 00:15:49,312 no more sharing a lunch, 359 00:15:49,396 --> 00:15:51,354 no more sticking up for each other on the playground. 360 00:15:51,438 --> 00:15:52,813 So what are you going to do? 361 00:15:52,896 --> 00:15:55,146 I'll tell you what I'm going to do, Leonard. 362 00:15:55,229 --> 00:15:57,563 I'm about to ask you to make a sacrifice for me -- 363 00:15:57,646 --> 00:16:00,479 for us -- like I've never asked before. 364 00:16:00,563 --> 00:16:02,771 Oh, no. No way. 365 00:16:02,855 --> 00:16:04,813 No, no, no, no, no. 366 00:16:09,438 --> 00:16:12,563 [laughter] 367 00:16:12,646 --> 00:16:16,354 What? You've never seen lederhosen before? 368 00:16:16,438 --> 00:16:20,396 Besides, if you guys think this is funny, 369 00:16:20,479 --> 00:16:22,229 get a load of that! 370 00:16:22,312 --> 00:16:24,021 You're a great decoy, Leonard. 371 00:16:24,104 --> 00:16:26,229 As long as everyone's looking at you, 372 00:16:26,312 --> 00:16:27,604 no one's looking at me. 373 00:16:27,688 --> 00:16:29,771 Great. That makes it all worthwhile. 374 00:16:29,855 --> 00:16:31,896 Hey, get out of the way, Scott. 375 00:16:31,980 --> 00:16:34,312 You're blocking my view of Leonard. 376 00:16:34,396 --> 00:16:37,521 Hey, leave him alone. 377 00:16:39,563 --> 00:16:42,354 I've seen blue-bottomed baboons at the zoo 378 00:16:42,438 --> 00:16:44,354 that don't look as funny as you! 379 00:16:44,438 --> 00:16:45,730 Ha ha ha -- 380 00:16:45,813 --> 00:16:48,021 I'm choking on my own saliva. 381 00:16:48,104 --> 00:16:49,646 That is the dorkiest haircut 382 00:16:49,730 --> 00:16:51,479 in the history of the fourth grade. 383 00:16:51,563 --> 00:16:53,229 That's the dorkiest haircut 384 00:16:53,312 --> 00:16:54,730 in the history of the first grade. 385 00:16:54,813 --> 00:16:55,730 Good one. 386 00:16:55,813 --> 00:16:57,896 You're head looks like a litchi nut. 387 00:16:57,980 --> 00:16:59,980 That's an insult to litchi nuts. 388 00:17:00,062 --> 00:17:02,229 Super good one! 389 00:17:02,312 --> 00:17:05,771 This is awful. What have I done? 390 00:17:05,855 --> 00:17:07,229 My best friend in the whole world 391 00:17:07,312 --> 00:17:08,563 is taking the heat for me. 392 00:17:08,646 --> 00:17:10,062 If only there was something I could do, 393 00:17:10,146 --> 00:17:12,354 something to save Leonard -- anything! 394 00:17:12,438 --> 00:17:13,354 But what? 395 00:17:13,438 --> 00:17:15,813 Oh, for crying out loud! What do I got to do, 396 00:17:15,896 --> 00:17:17,730 hit you with a rolled-up newspaper? 397 00:17:17,813 --> 00:17:19,855 Hey, you're not my conscience. 398 00:17:19,938 --> 00:17:21,938 He's at a convention. I'm filling in. 399 00:17:22,021 --> 00:17:24,021 Ah. All right then, I get the message. 400 00:17:24,104 --> 00:17:25,146 Take off. 401 00:17:25,229 --> 00:17:27,688 Okay. What's going on in here? 402 00:17:27,771 --> 00:17:29,229 What's going on here 403 00:17:29,312 --> 00:17:32,396 is a bunch of trend-chasing slaves to fashion 404 00:17:32,479 --> 00:17:35,062 humiliating another human being. 405 00:17:35,062 --> 00:17:37,021 Mrs. H., get out your grade book. 406 00:17:37,104 --> 00:17:40,187 I feel a passionate persuasive speech coming on! 407 00:17:40,271 --> 00:17:43,396 Friends, look at yourselves 408 00:17:43,479 --> 00:17:45,771 and what you've become. 409 00:17:45,855 --> 00:17:48,396 There, on the floor is a fellow student 410 00:17:48,479 --> 00:17:50,771 who, up until a few moments ago, 411 00:17:50,855 --> 00:17:53,062 you embraced as one of your own. 412 00:17:53,146 --> 00:17:56,104 But now he cowers in a heap like... 413 00:17:56,187 --> 00:17:58,438 A quivering flan -- 414 00:17:58,521 --> 00:18:00,563 the object of your ridicule and scorn. 415 00:18:00,646 --> 00:18:03,813 And why? What, I ask you, has changed? 416 00:18:03,896 --> 00:18:05,688 He looks even dorkier than usual? 417 00:18:05,771 --> 00:18:07,730 The veins showing through his scalp 418 00:18:07,813 --> 00:18:10,604 resemble the former Soviet Republic of Kazakhstan? 419 00:18:10,688 --> 00:18:13,271 Cease and desist! 420 00:18:13,354 --> 00:18:15,271 I'll tell you what has changed. 421 00:18:15,354 --> 00:18:18,146 Leonard looks different -- 422 00:18:18,229 --> 00:18:20,229 different from you, who looks different from him, 423 00:18:20,312 --> 00:18:22,354 who looks different from her, who looks different from her. 424 00:18:22,980 --> 00:18:25,604 And I say, so what? 425 00:18:25,688 --> 00:18:26,938 The fact of the matter is, 426 00:18:27,021 --> 00:18:29,021 we all look different from someone. 427 00:18:29,104 --> 00:18:32,354 You want to see funny? I'll show you funny. 428 00:18:34,146 --> 00:18:35,938 There's your funny! 429 00:18:36,021 --> 00:18:38,771 Ha ha ha ha! You want to laugh at something? 430 00:18:38,855 --> 00:18:39,855 Laugh at this. 431 00:18:39,938 --> 00:18:43,813 [laughter] 432 00:18:43,896 --> 00:18:45,896 Jeez, do you have to take me so literally? 433 00:18:45,980 --> 00:18:48,771 You look like my Aunt Mary's poodle Monique. 434 00:18:48,855 --> 00:18:51,312 Quiet, creep show! I work alone. 435 00:18:51,396 --> 00:18:52,771 Mental note to self -- 436 00:18:52,855 --> 00:18:55,855 check out Ian's Aunt Mary's poodle Monique. 437 00:18:55,938 --> 00:18:57,980 Frankly, I didn't think Leonard's hair 438 00:18:58,062 --> 00:19:00,146 looked all that great before he got it cut, 439 00:19:00,229 --> 00:19:02,730 but outward appearances are not the measure of the man. 440 00:19:02,813 --> 00:19:05,771 It's what's inside here that counts. 441 00:19:05,855 --> 00:19:07,271 You mean guts? 442 00:19:07,354 --> 00:19:08,813 No, I don't mean guts. 443 00:19:08,896 --> 00:19:12,146 I was talking about courage and character and kindness 444 00:19:12,229 --> 00:19:14,604 which my friend Leonard has more of 445 00:19:14,688 --> 00:19:16,229 than anyone I've ever met. 446 00:19:16,312 --> 00:19:17,646 And short hair or long, 447 00:19:17,730 --> 00:19:20,771 Leonard Helperman will always be my good friend, 448 00:19:20,855 --> 00:19:22,938 not because of how he looks, 449 00:19:23,021 --> 00:19:25,021 but because of how he acts. 450 00:19:25,104 --> 00:19:26,271 And I hope -- 451 00:19:26,354 --> 00:19:27,896 nay, I pray -- 452 00:19:27,980 --> 00:19:29,813 whether I look like Scott Leadready, 453 00:19:29,896 --> 00:19:31,688 fourth grader extraordinaire, 454 00:19:31,771 --> 00:19:34,396 or Ian's Aunt Mary's poodle Monique, 455 00:19:34,479 --> 00:19:37,563 all of you will judge me not by my outward appearance 456 00:19:37,646 --> 00:19:40,855 but what I have in here, 457 00:19:40,938 --> 00:19:44,354 and continue to be my friends. 458 00:19:44,438 --> 00:19:46,354 [sighs] Thank you. 459 00:19:46,438 --> 00:19:49,521 Why, Scott, what a wonderful way to illustrate 460 00:19:49,604 --> 00:19:51,146 the point of your speech. 461 00:19:51,229 --> 00:19:53,896 Ha ha ha! Quadruple extra credit for you. 462 00:19:53,980 --> 00:19:56,187 And bonus points for any of you 463 00:19:56,271 --> 00:20:00,187 who can find ways to appreciate someone for looking different, 464 00:20:00,271 --> 00:20:03,187 rather than just laughing at them. 465 00:20:03,271 --> 00:20:05,271 Wow, you actually look taller! 466 00:20:05,354 --> 00:20:07,771 I think it makes you look way cool, man. 467 00:20:07,855 --> 00:20:10,813 I have a new appreciation for the differences 468 00:20:10,896 --> 00:20:12,229 that enrich our culture. 469 00:20:12,312 --> 00:20:13,896 Ha ha ha ha. You guys. 470 00:20:13,980 --> 00:20:17,896 You're not just saying that for the bonus points? 471 00:20:20,646 --> 00:20:22,146 Here we go. 472 00:20:22,229 --> 00:20:25,312 Please turn away while I enter my password. 473 00:20:25,396 --> 00:20:27,730 You think I care what your password is? 474 00:20:27,813 --> 00:20:30,688 Please, I got better things to do with my life. 475 00:20:33,813 --> 00:20:36,062 "Pretty kitty" -- that's your password? 476 00:20:36,146 --> 00:20:37,563 You got to be kidding me. 477 00:20:37,646 --> 00:20:39,646 Pretty repulsive kitty is more like it. 478 00:20:39,730 --> 00:20:43,271 You looked. You are just a... dirty bird. 479 00:20:43,354 --> 00:20:45,730 [computer beeps] 480 00:20:45,813 --> 00:20:48,146 A letter! I have a letter! Oh, boy! 481 00:20:48,229 --> 00:20:50,396 I have a letter, I have a letter. 482 00:20:50,479 --> 00:20:52,730 Oh, for crying out loud, open it! 483 00:20:53,771 --> 00:20:56,396 "A message from the Fur aMllure corporation, 484 00:20:56,438 --> 00:20:57,730 a wholly-owned subsidiary 485 00:20:57,813 --> 00:21:00,104 of Wakabayashi Worldwide Industries." 486 00:21:00,187 --> 00:21:02,771 Oh. Oh, my goodness. 487 00:21:02,855 --> 00:21:05,646 It's from Miss Regina Bubblina Fancy Paws! 488 00:21:05,730 --> 00:21:07,521 It's a form letter, you ninny. 489 00:21:07,604 --> 00:21:10,646 Oh, really? Would a form letter say this -- 490 00:21:10,730 --> 00:21:12,771 "Greetings, sir or madam. 491 00:21:12,855 --> 00:21:16,563 Your patronage of the Fur Allure animal products 492 00:21:16,646 --> 00:21:18,062 is most appreciated. 493 00:21:18,146 --> 00:21:20,771 On behalf of Miss Regina Bubblina Fancy Paws -- 494 00:21:20,855 --> 00:21:22,396 registered trademark -- 495 00:21:22,479 --> 00:21:24,813 we'll be sending you 2 coupons for 50¢ off 496 00:21:24,896 --> 00:21:26,604 your next Fur Allure purchase. 497 00:21:26,688 --> 00:21:28,646 Sincerely, PPR&J advertising." 498 00:21:28,730 --> 00:21:30,438 I knew it. See, I knew it. 499 00:21:30,521 --> 00:21:32,312 It's like me and Miss Regina Bubblina 500 00:21:32,396 --> 00:21:33,855 made a psychic love connection. 501 00:21:33,938 --> 00:21:35,354 Thank you, thank you, thank you! 502 00:21:35,438 --> 00:21:37,646 Hey, quit it! Cut it out! 503 00:21:37,730 --> 00:21:39,438 Hey, you're ruffling my feathers! 504 00:21:39,521 --> 00:21:41,479 Hey, this is sad! This is really sad! 505 00:21:41,563 --> 00:21:43,104 I don't know, Scott. 506 00:21:43,187 --> 00:21:45,479 Maybe we got by yesterday because of your speech 507 00:21:45,563 --> 00:21:47,563 and bonus points and stuff, but I bet you 508 00:21:47,646 --> 00:21:49,855 today everyone's just going to go back to normal 509 00:21:49,938 --> 00:21:51,980 and laugh at us because we look so goofy. 510 00:21:52,062 --> 00:21:54,062 Heck, I'd laugh at us if we weren't us. 511 00:21:54,146 --> 00:21:56,312 I beg to differ, dear Leonard, 512 00:21:56,396 --> 00:21:59,604 for I believe in the essential goodness of people. 513 00:21:59,688 --> 00:22:02,229 I believe people can learn and grow 514 00:22:02,312 --> 00:22:04,563 and become better. 515 00:22:08,688 --> 00:22:11,604 Or copy a hot new trend when they see one. 516 00:22:11,688 --> 00:22:13,646 Wannabes.