1
00:00:00,062 --> 00:00:01,479
♪ Born on the wrong end
Of the leash ♪

2
00:00:01,563 --> 00:00:04,104
-♪ He was a dreamer ♪
-♪ And a little schemer ♪

3
00:00:04,187 --> 00:00:05,813
♪ A nutty mutt
living a dog's life ♪

4
00:00:05,896 --> 00:00:07,438
♪ But when he'd hear
the bell for school ♪

5
00:00:07,521 --> 00:00:08,354
♪ He'd start to drool ♪

6
00:00:08,438 --> 00:00:10,146
-♪ One day he says ♪
-♪ I'll take a chance ♪

7
00:00:10,229 --> 00:00:11,855
♪ Trades his leash
For a pair of pants ♪

8
00:00:11,938 --> 00:00:14,229
♪ In a glance, school becomes
His favorite pastime ♪

9
00:00:14,312 --> 00:00:16,604
♪ I have buried a bone
For the last time ♪

10
00:00:16,688 --> 00:00:18,312
-♪ He says ♪
-♪ I want to be a boy ♪

11
00:00:18,396 --> 00:00:19,646
♪ Ooh, he's bad ♪

12
00:00:19,730 --> 00:00:21,146
♪ He's so over just being rover ♪

13
00:00:21,229 --> 00:00:22,604
♪ I gotta be a boy ♪

14
00:00:22,688 --> 00:00:25,062
♪ He says he's just
gonna be a boy ♪

15
00:00:25,146 --> 00:00:26,688
♪ Turns out he's a
regular Einstein ♪

16
00:00:26,771 --> 00:00:28,438
♪ And Leonard is
treading a fine line ♪

17
00:00:28,521 --> 00:00:30,980
Why can't I be a normal kid
like any other?

18
00:00:31,062 --> 00:00:33,146
Now, doodle bug, listen to mother.

19
00:00:33,229 --> 00:00:34,938
♪ I want to be a boy ♪

20
00:00:35,021 --> 00:00:36,938
I hate dogs.

21
00:00:37,021 --> 00:00:39,479
♪ I gotta be a boy ♪

22
00:00:39,563 --> 00:00:41,479
♪ This power pup's gonna be a boy ♪

23
00:00:41,563 --> 00:00:43,521
I do not wish to be a dog.

24
00:00:43,604 --> 00:00:46,104
♪ Now this bowser's
ready for trousers ♪

25
00:00:46,187 --> 00:00:47,521
♪ I got to be a boy ♪

26
00:00:47,604 --> 00:00:49,104
♪ His nose is wet but you can bet ♪

27
00:00:49,187 --> 00:00:52,229
♪ This teacher's pet
is gonna be a boy ♪

28
00:00:52,312 --> 00:00:54,146
Yes!

29
00:00:58,021 --> 00:01:01,688
[Beethoven's "Fifth
Symphony" plays]

30
00:01:14,521 --> 00:01:16,771
What's your rush?
It's just another school day.

31
00:01:16,855 --> 00:01:18,896
Just another school day?!

32
00:01:18,980 --> 00:01:23,146
Lenny, Lenny, Lenny,
you might as well say

33
00:01:23,229 --> 00:01:25,271
that Aristotle
was just another Greek guy

34
00:01:25,354 --> 00:01:28,896
or say that Abe Lincoln
was just another president

35
00:01:28,980 --> 00:01:32,938
or say that Newton's Theory Of
Gravitational Attraction

36
00:01:33,021 --> 00:01:34,938
was just another good idea.

37
00:01:35,021 --> 00:01:36,730
Aw, forget it.

38
00:01:36,813 --> 00:01:37,980
I'm not even awake yet.

39
00:01:38,062 --> 00:01:39,396
But you soon will be.

40
00:01:39,479 --> 00:01:41,604
A hearty breakfast
is the best way

41
00:01:41,688 --> 00:01:43,521
to jump-start
a scholar's mind.

42
00:01:43,604 --> 00:01:45,813
Let's see what Mrs. H.
Has cooked up.

43
00:01:52,479 --> 00:01:54,730
Something's not
quite right here,

44
00:01:54,813 --> 00:01:56,771
but I can't put my finger on it.

45
00:01:56,855 --> 00:01:58,938
Does it have anything
to do with the fact

46
00:01:59,021 --> 00:02:00,938
that there's no juice
of any kind--

47
00:02:01,021 --> 00:02:02,479
fresh, frozen, or otherwise?

48
00:02:02,563 --> 00:02:03,730
Uh, maybe.

49
00:02:03,813 --> 00:02:06,438
Or that there's no cereal
in your cereal bowl

50
00:02:06,521 --> 00:02:07,563
or food in my dish?

51
00:02:07,646 --> 00:02:08,855
Getting warmer.

52
00:02:08,938 --> 00:02:13,021
[British accent] By jove,
I think I've got it!

53
00:02:13,438 --> 00:02:16,563
The toaster is cold,
the brewed coffee untouched,

54
00:02:16,646 --> 00:02:18,938
and the door is locked
from the inside.

55
00:02:19,021 --> 00:02:20,646
That can mean
only one thing.

56
00:02:20,730 --> 00:02:22,771
That mom is not
in this room!

57
00:02:22,855 --> 00:02:25,187
I was going for the more
complex deduction

58
00:02:25,271 --> 00:02:27,062
that Mrs. H.
Is still in bed,

59
00:02:27,146 --> 00:02:30,187
but we can work with your more
elementary conclusion.

60
00:02:30,271 --> 00:02:31,104
[gasps]

61
00:02:31,646 --> 00:02:33,271
[gasps]

62
00:02:36,396 --> 00:02:38,062
Mom, are you all right?

63
00:02:38,146 --> 00:02:39,646
Don't worry. Don't worry.

64
00:02:39,730 --> 00:02:42,646
I'm getting up so I can do
all the mom things

65
00:02:42,730 --> 00:02:44,646
I do for you
every morning--

66
00:02:44,730 --> 00:02:46,938
pour your milk,
make the toast,

67
00:02:47,021 --> 00:02:48,229
fold your napkin
into a little hat.

68
00:02:48,312 --> 00:02:50,479
Ha ha! Ah-choo!

69
00:02:51,187 --> 00:02:53,187
Okay, okay, I give.

70
00:02:53,271 --> 00:02:55,563
I have a bad case
of the snufflies.

71
00:02:55,646 --> 00:02:58,479
I can't go to school today,
but don't worry.

72
00:02:58,563 --> 00:03:01,104
Spotty will stay by my side
and make me all better.

73
00:03:02,312 --> 00:03:04,938
He's my trusty medicine pet.

74
00:03:05,187 --> 00:03:07,146
You mean you're
not gonna teach today?!

75
00:03:07,354 --> 00:03:10,813
I-I mean, you mean
you're not gonna teach today?

76
00:03:10,896 --> 00:03:13,438
Oh, I'm sorry,
Lenny petty,

77
00:03:13,521 --> 00:03:16,813
[coughs] But all I can offer
my students today

78
00:03:16,896 --> 00:03:19,271
would be a nasty, wasty
sinus full of germs.

79
00:03:19,354 --> 00:03:21,438
I'm gonna call
for a substitute.

80
00:03:23,479 --> 00:03:24,312
[door closes]

81
00:03:24,396 --> 00:03:25,730
[gasps]
A substitute!

82
00:03:25,813 --> 00:03:28,021
Yeah!
Isn't that great?!

83
00:03:28,104 --> 00:03:30,688
A stranger sitting
in Mrs. Helperman's desk?

84
00:03:30,771 --> 00:03:33,438
Writing on Mrs. Helperman's
blackboard?

85
00:03:33,521 --> 00:03:35,438
Pawing her lesson plan?

86
00:03:36,104 --> 00:03:37,604
I don't like the sound of this.

87
00:03:37,688 --> 00:03:39,688
Lighten up spot,
having a sub is fun.

88
00:03:39,771 --> 00:03:40,604
You'll see.
[Mrs. Helperman] Ah-choo!

89
00:03:41,271 --> 00:03:43,896
I'm afraid that's
one alleged good time

90
00:03:43,980 --> 00:03:45,396
I will have to miss.

91
00:03:45,479 --> 00:03:48,354
As Mrs. H's duly appointed
medicine pet,

92
00:03:48,438 --> 00:03:50,438
My duty is to stay
by her side

93
00:03:50,646 --> 00:03:52,396
and nurse her
back to health.

94
00:03:52,479 --> 00:03:53,646
And miss a day of school?

95
00:03:53,730 --> 00:03:56,563
Won't that mess with your
perfect attendance award?

96
00:03:56,646 --> 00:03:59,229
[gasps]
How could I forget?!

97
00:03:59,312 --> 00:04:02,021
The perfect attendance award--

98
00:04:02,104 --> 00:04:04,604
the holy grail
of punctuality.

99
00:04:04,688 --> 00:04:08,771
Winning that award can have
lifelong ramifications.

100
00:04:08,855 --> 00:04:11,312
All righty-roosky
ah-choosky.

101
00:04:11,396 --> 00:04:14,396
The substitute teacher's
been called.

102
00:04:14,479 --> 00:04:17,396
Now I'll take
a little nappy poo.

103
00:04:19,688 --> 00:04:22,271
This is dreadful!
I can't miss school.

104
00:04:22,354 --> 00:04:26,062
But I'm the only one who can
possibly cure Mrs. H.--

105
00:04:26,146 --> 00:04:28,354
her one and only
medicine pet.

106
00:04:28,438 --> 00:04:29,604
Yeah, tough call.

107
00:04:29,688 --> 00:04:31,271
Well, I'm off to school.

108
00:04:31,354 --> 00:04:33,896
I'll either see you
or I won't.

109
00:04:33,980 --> 00:04:36,938
You're not the only healer
around here.

110
00:04:37,021 --> 00:04:40,187
I'm a fully qualified
medicine pet myself.

111
00:04:40,271 --> 00:04:44,312
Ha ha. With all due respect
to the feline species, Jolly,

112
00:04:44,396 --> 00:04:46,896
you couldn't possibly
take my place.

113
00:04:46,980 --> 00:04:50,062
I'll just have to stay here,
forsake the award,

114
00:04:50,146 --> 00:04:51,771
endeavor somehow to recover

115
00:04:51,855 --> 00:04:54,646
from the indelible stain
on my record,

116
00:04:54,730 --> 00:04:56,688
and try to cobble together
a productive life.

117
00:04:56,771 --> 00:04:58,021
[man] What a shame.

118
00:04:58,104 --> 00:05:00,021
If he'd just found a way

119
00:05:00,104 --> 00:05:02,521
to get that
perfect attendance award...

120
00:05:02,604 --> 00:05:05,938
Okay, you do it.

121
00:05:12,563 --> 00:05:15,187
Just make sure
you keep her warm.

122
00:05:15,271 --> 00:05:16,396
Of course.

123
00:05:16,479 --> 00:05:18,271
Lick her hands
to make her feel better.

124
00:05:18,354 --> 00:05:19,980
That goes
without saying.

125
00:05:20,062 --> 00:05:22,938
Drape yourself over her feet
if her toes get cold.

126
00:05:23,021 --> 00:05:25,187
You don't need to tell me all this.

127
00:05:25,271 --> 00:05:27,646
I've only done this
about a zillion times,

128
00:05:27,730 --> 00:05:29,730
give or take,
not to exaggerate.

129
00:05:29,813 --> 00:05:31,563
Very well.

130
00:05:31,646 --> 00:05:35,354
I hereby pass the mantle of
medicine pet to you.

131
00:05:35,438 --> 00:05:38,563
This offer good
for today only.

132
00:05:38,646 --> 00:05:39,479
[whistling]

133
00:05:41,354 --> 00:05:44,938
Hey! You did figure out a way
to come to school today.

134
00:05:45,021 --> 00:05:46,438
That's right, Leonard.

135
00:05:46,521 --> 00:05:49,479
Like Mrs. H.,
I simply found a substitute.

136
00:05:49,563 --> 00:05:52,187
My, you certainly have a spring
in your step today.

137
00:05:52,271 --> 00:05:54,563
That's because today I won't be
the teacher's son.

138
00:05:54,646 --> 00:05:55,855
I can finally be myself

139
00:05:55,938 --> 00:05:58,021
and completely blend
into the background.

140
00:05:58,104 --> 00:06:01,146
Maybe I won't be called on to
answer any questions at all.

141
00:06:01,229 --> 00:06:04,354
Ah.
Ambition, thy name is Leonard.

142
00:06:04,438 --> 00:06:05,896
Hey, wait for me!

143
00:06:05,980 --> 00:06:08,938
Look what my snake
tried to eat!

144
00:06:09,021 --> 00:06:11,479
Maybe later.
We're in a hurry.

145
00:06:11,563 --> 00:06:14,062
We got a substitute teacher today.

146
00:06:14,146 --> 00:06:16,062
A substitute?
Oh, yes!

147
00:06:16,146 --> 00:06:19,187
We got a substitute!
We got a substitute!

148
00:06:19,271 --> 00:06:22,521
Can you say pranks?
Come on, say it with me.

149
00:06:22,604 --> 00:06:23,730
Pranks?

150
00:06:23,813 --> 00:06:27,396
What do pranks
have to do with it?

151
00:06:27,479 --> 00:06:30,730
It's the best part of having
a substitute.

152
00:06:30,813 --> 00:06:33,312
Since we'll never see them again,

153
00:06:33,396 --> 00:06:37,438
we spend the day pulling pranks
instead of learning.

154
00:06:37,521 --> 00:06:40,563
Isn't that awesome?
I got to tell everyone.

155
00:06:40,646 --> 00:06:43,938
Hey, everybody,
we're having a substitute!!

156
00:06:44,021 --> 00:06:46,771
And look what my snake
tried to eat!

157
00:06:46,855 --> 00:06:47,730
Pranks, eh?

158
00:06:47,813 --> 00:06:51,271
Hmm.
I am mightily intrigued.

159
00:06:51,354 --> 00:06:52,855
But now that I've gotten over

160
00:06:52,938 --> 00:06:54,604
my instinctive canine fear
of strangers,

161
00:06:54,688 --> 00:06:57,104
I'm even more intrigued to meet
this new teacher

162
00:06:57,187 --> 00:06:59,479
and bathe in the fount
of her knowledge.

163
00:06:59,563 --> 00:07:01,396
She's just a substitute.

164
00:07:01,438 --> 00:07:04,855
Nonsense. I'm sure only
the most qualified educators

165
00:07:04,938 --> 00:07:08,563
would be accepted at
Fala D. Roosevelt Elementary.

166
00:07:11,771 --> 00:07:13,980
Good morning, fourth graders.

167
00:07:14,062 --> 00:07:16,021
My name is Miss Deweygood,

168
00:07:16,104 --> 00:07:19,312
and this is a special day
for me because--

169
00:07:19,396 --> 00:07:23,688
Well, this is my very first day
as a substitute teacher.

170
00:07:23,771 --> 00:07:25,938
A first-timer?

171
00:07:26,021 --> 00:07:28,229
Oh, thank you!

172
00:07:28,312 --> 00:07:31,187
[sniffing, growling]

173
00:07:32,271 --> 00:07:34,521
Scott,
you're growling...

174
00:07:34,604 --> 00:07:37,396
Out loud.

175
00:07:42,813 --> 00:07:43,604
[growling]

176
00:07:45,396 --> 00:07:48,354
Ha ha! That's just
his stomach growling.

177
00:07:48,438 --> 00:07:49,896
It's almost lunchtime.

178
00:07:49,980 --> 00:07:51,438
What are you doing?

179
00:07:51,521 --> 00:07:52,563
I can't help it.

180
00:07:52,646 --> 00:07:54,521
I want to be respectful,

181
00:07:54,604 --> 00:07:57,438
but my D-O-G nature makes it
very difficult

182
00:07:57,521 --> 00:08:00,354
to watch a stranger invade
my owner's territory.

183
00:08:00,438 --> 00:08:03,438
You know how I am when the phone
repairman comes around.

184
00:08:03,521 --> 00:08:06,062
Cut it out or you're gonna
blow your cover.

185
00:08:06,146 --> 00:08:08,438
You're right.
Spot may be a dog,

186
00:08:08,521 --> 00:08:11,354
but Scott Leadready II
is a model student.

187
00:08:11,438 --> 00:08:14,396
Okay, class, let's start
by turning to chapter four

188
00:08:14,479 --> 00:08:16,021
in your science books.

189
00:08:18,396 --> 00:08:20,438
Ugh!
Good morning, Miss Deweygood!

190
00:08:20,521 --> 00:08:22,146
Let me introduce myself.

191
00:08:22,229 --> 00:08:24,980
I'm Scott Leadready II,

192
00:08:25,062 --> 00:08:26,229
and although I look
forward to bathing

193
00:08:26,312 --> 00:08:28,604
in the fount
of your knowledge today,

194
00:08:28,688 --> 00:08:33,146
may I point out that's not how
Mrs. Helperman starts the day.

195
00:08:33,229 --> 00:08:35,438
She greets us warmly
and entertains us

196
00:08:35,521 --> 00:08:37,896
with her humorous,
rhyming speech patterns.

197
00:08:37,980 --> 00:08:40,229
Oh.
Well, all right.

198
00:08:40,312 --> 00:08:44,312
A-All righty,
flighty... blighty students.

199
00:08:44,396 --> 00:08:47,187
Let's see
what Mrs. Helperman has

200
00:08:47,271 --> 00:08:50,104
in her handy, dandy
lesson plan-dy for today.

201
00:08:50,187 --> 00:08:51,354
Ha ha ha!

202
00:08:51,438 --> 00:08:52,271
[laughter]

203
00:08:53,104 --> 00:08:56,938
Oh, no. It's like she's
trying to be Mrs. H.,

204
00:08:57,021 --> 00:09:00,521
and I can't tell
if it's satire or homage.

205
00:09:00,604 --> 00:09:03,521
Yeah, let's prank her!

206
00:09:03,604 --> 00:09:04,438
[whispering]

207
00:09:07,104 --> 00:09:10,688
Okay, hearty, uh,
smarty scholars,

208
00:09:10,771 --> 00:09:13,521
time for vocabulary charades!

209
00:09:14,563 --> 00:09:15,855
[Beethoven's "Fifth
Symphony" plays]

210
00:09:16,438 --> 00:09:17,354
Aah!

211
00:09:17,438 --> 00:09:18,271
[laughter]

212
00:09:19,521 --> 00:09:22,813
See, they're just pranks,
totally harmless.

213
00:09:22,896 --> 00:09:27,479
It's just what fourth graders do
to substitutes.

214
00:09:27,563 --> 00:09:29,354
Oh, my,
I see the attraction.

215
00:09:29,438 --> 00:09:30,438
That was fun and funny.
[laughs]

216
00:09:31,521 --> 00:09:33,688
And thanks to the
musical tribute

217
00:09:33,771 --> 00:09:36,396
to German composer
Ludwig Van Beethoven,

218
00:09:36,479 --> 00:09:37,604
vaguely educational.

219
00:09:37,688 --> 00:09:41,396
However, this "pranking" also
shows an unscholarly disrespect

220
00:09:41,479 --> 00:09:43,938
for the sacred
institution of teacherdom.

221
00:09:44,021 --> 00:09:46,021
Fellow students,

222
00:09:46,104 --> 00:09:50,604
the groves of academe are no
place for peevish pranks.

223
00:09:50,688 --> 00:09:53,938
This trained educator demands
our respect.

224
00:09:54,021 --> 00:09:55,938
[all] Boo!

225
00:09:56,021 --> 00:09:58,813
Thank you for your kind words,
uh, Todd,

226
00:09:58,896 --> 00:10:02,438
but please return
to your seat.

227
00:10:02,521 --> 00:10:05,229
Todd?
Do I look like a Todd?

228
00:10:08,521 --> 00:10:10,563
Ohh!

229
00:10:10,646 --> 00:10:13,104
I don't feel so good.

230
00:10:13,187 --> 00:10:14,479
Oh, dear.

231
00:10:14,563 --> 00:10:16,479
I don't like the sound of that.

232
00:10:16,563 --> 00:10:19,855
Now would be the perfect time
for her to have a medicine pet.

233
00:10:19,938 --> 00:10:22,312
News flash--
you are the medicine pet!

234
00:10:22,396 --> 00:10:24,980
Oh! Blast this undersized
kitty brain of mine.

235
00:10:25,062 --> 00:10:27,438
I keep forgetting.
What to do, what to do.

236
00:10:27,521 --> 00:10:30,146
Spot said to lick
her hand, remember?

237
00:10:30,229 --> 00:10:31,479
She likes that.

238
00:10:31,563 --> 00:10:32,813
Ooh, right.

239
00:10:38,604 --> 00:10:39,730
Ohh!

240
00:10:39,813 --> 00:10:41,730
Rough sandpaper tongue.

241
00:10:41,813 --> 00:10:44,896
Oh, no! She doesn't like my tongue!

242
00:10:44,980 --> 00:10:48,479
Oh, dear, oh, me,
I'm out of my element.

243
00:10:48,563 --> 00:10:51,396
I'm out of my league.
I'm-- I'm...

244
00:10:51,479 --> 00:10:52,938
Out of your gourd,

245
00:10:53,021 --> 00:10:55,646
but that's
a whole nother story.

246
00:10:57,771 --> 00:11:00,104
Who has the answer to--

247
00:11:00,187 --> 00:11:01,312
I do! I do!

248
00:11:01,396 --> 00:11:04,646
I'm sorry, Todd, but you have
to wait to be called on.

249
00:11:04,730 --> 00:11:07,521
Who's figured out the extra
bonus-point puzzler?

250
00:11:09,563 --> 00:11:11,438
How about you, Leonard?

251
00:11:11,521 --> 00:11:12,438
Uh, 76?

252
00:11:12,521 --> 00:11:15,354
Very good, Leonard!
That's correct.

253
00:11:15,438 --> 00:11:17,062
-It is?
-I knew that.

254
00:11:17,146 --> 00:11:20,187
All right, class,
who can answer question 5?

255
00:11:21,521 --> 00:11:23,938
Now we're really gonna see a prank.

256
00:11:24,021 --> 00:11:26,563
Excuse me, Miss Deweygood.

257
00:11:26,646 --> 00:11:28,980
May I borrow a pencil?

258
00:11:29,104 --> 00:11:32,271
Why, of course. Anything for
a student who wants to learn.

259
00:11:32,354 --> 00:11:34,563
Aah! Aah! Aah!

260
00:11:34,646 --> 00:11:35,479
[laughter]

261
00:11:36,688 --> 00:11:38,438
Aah! Aah!

262
00:11:38,521 --> 00:11:40,938
[laughs]
That was awesome!

263
00:11:41,021 --> 00:11:44,730
No. that was the fifth-grade
biology project.

264
00:11:44,813 --> 00:11:47,604
Well, maybe we should use this

265
00:11:47,688 --> 00:11:49,938
as our math
puzzler wuzzler.

266
00:11:50,021 --> 00:11:51,354
Ha ha ha!

267
00:11:51,438 --> 00:11:55,062
If there were 38 frogs in my
drawer and there are 2 left,

268
00:11:55,146 --> 00:11:56,354
how many jumped out?

269
00:11:56,438 --> 00:11:57,271
[laughter]

270
00:11:58,146 --> 00:12:01,062
Why, 36, class. 36.

271
00:12:01,146 --> 00:12:03,813
Is that counting the one
on your shoulder?

272
00:12:03,896 --> 00:12:04,730
[croaks]

273
00:12:05,938 --> 00:12:06,771
Aah!

274
00:12:06,855 --> 00:12:10,688
[laughter, Spot howling]

275
00:12:12,438 --> 00:12:15,271
Ah-choo! Ah-choo!

276
00:12:15,771 --> 00:12:16,896
Now what?!

277
00:12:16,980 --> 00:12:18,438
Drape yourself
across her legs.

278
00:12:18,521 --> 00:12:20,938
I've seen Spot do it
a thousand times. She loves that.

279
00:12:21,021 --> 00:12:23,730
Are you sure?
It doesn't sound very medicinal.

280
00:12:23,813 --> 00:12:25,104
Medicinal, schmedicinal.

281
00:12:25,187 --> 00:12:27,771
Every time Spot does it,
she falls asleep.

282
00:12:28,521 --> 00:12:31,021
Well... okay.

283
00:12:33,354 --> 00:12:34,521
Ah-choo!

284
00:12:34,604 --> 00:12:35,896
Ow!

285
00:12:37,688 --> 00:12:40,146
Of course Spot keeps his claws
manicured--

286
00:12:40,229 --> 00:12:41,855
you know, for gym class.

287
00:12:45,021 --> 00:12:46,229
Excellent, Leonard!

288
00:12:46,312 --> 00:12:49,896
Good for you for taking it upon
yourself to draw a map of Africa.

289
00:12:50,062 --> 00:12:52,229
That's worth
5 extra-credit points.

290
00:12:52,312 --> 00:12:53,646
Thanks, Miss Deweygood.

291
00:12:55,688 --> 00:12:56,563
Who knows the--

292
00:12:56,646 --> 00:12:57,855
I do! I do!

293
00:12:57,938 --> 00:13:00,479
The largest city in Morocco
is Casablanca,

294
00:13:00,563 --> 00:13:03,980
immortalized in the classic
1942 film of the same name.

295
00:13:04,062 --> 00:13:06,396
Humphrey Bogart played Rick, the--

296
00:13:06,479 --> 00:13:07,312
Mr. Leadbelly!

297
00:13:07,396 --> 00:13:11,938
I will not have this class
disrupted by showoff-y, braggy
waggies.

298
00:13:12,021 --> 00:13:14,479
Now, for the last time,
please sit down.

299
00:13:15,479 --> 00:13:16,855
I was going to ask

300
00:13:16,938 --> 00:13:19,813
who knows the name of
Zambia's neighbor to the east.

301
00:13:19,896 --> 00:13:20,896
How about you, Leonard?

302
00:13:20,980 --> 00:13:23,521
That would be Malawi, whose
dominant geographic feature

303
00:13:23,604 --> 00:13:24,771
is the Great Rift Valley.

304
00:13:24,771 --> 00:13:26,312
Its capital is Lilongwe.

305
00:13:26,396 --> 00:13:27,855
Ah! Excellent!

306
00:13:29,062 --> 00:13:32,479
And how do you happen
to know that, pray tell.

307
00:13:32,563 --> 00:13:36,438
Maybe I've been hanging around you
so long this stuff sunk in by
osmosis.

308
00:13:36,521 --> 00:13:39,396
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
I suppose the word "osmosis"

309
00:13:39,479 --> 00:13:41,604
happened to sink in
by osmosis as well.

310
00:13:41,688 --> 00:13:42,563
Maybe.

311
00:13:42,646 --> 00:13:45,771
What happened to Leonard "blend
into the background" Helperman?

312
00:13:45,855 --> 00:13:46,771
I don't know.

313
00:13:46,855 --> 00:13:49,813
Without mom here I'm
not afraid to answer questions.

314
00:13:49,896 --> 00:13:51,855
Very impressive,
young Helperman,

315
00:13:51,938 --> 00:13:54,479
but you're no Scott Leadready!

316
00:13:54,563 --> 00:13:57,771
Now, here is a very
diligent student.

317
00:13:57,855 --> 00:13:58,896
What?!

318
00:13:58,980 --> 00:14:02,354
Does she imply that I,
Scott Leadready II,

319
00:14:02,438 --> 00:14:04,354
am not a diligent student?

320
00:14:04,438 --> 00:14:07,354
How can she say
such a thing?!

321
00:14:07,438 --> 00:14:11,521
She cuts to the very quick
of my I-ness, my me-ness,

322
00:14:11,604 --> 00:14:13,229
my very identity.

323
00:14:13,312 --> 00:14:15,521
But, Miss Deweygood,
I knew the answer

324
00:14:15,604 --> 00:14:18,563
and a thousand other facts
about Malawi besides.

325
00:14:18,646 --> 00:14:20,896
Don't be a sore loser doser, Todd.

326
00:14:20,980 --> 00:14:24,479
There's more to being a good
student than spouting facts.

327
00:14:24,563 --> 00:14:27,438
A good student listens
and lets others contribute.

328
00:14:30,479 --> 00:14:33,187
Psst! Ian!
What's the next prank?

329
00:14:33,271 --> 00:14:34,521
I'll take this one.

330
00:14:34,604 --> 00:14:36,354
Scott's gonna pull a prank.

331
00:14:36,438 --> 00:14:38,479
Oh, rad. This is gonna be the best!

332
00:14:38,563 --> 00:14:40,021
I can't wait!

333
00:14:40,104 --> 00:14:41,438
You're gonna pull a prank?

334
00:14:41,521 --> 00:14:43,312
She leaves me no choice.

335
00:14:43,396 --> 00:14:47,021
This pretender to
Mrs. Helperman's desk chair

336
00:14:47,104 --> 00:14:49,980
wouldn't know a true scholar
if he bit her on the ankle.

337
00:14:50,062 --> 00:14:53,813
If she refuses to acknowledge me
for what I am,

338
00:14:53,896 --> 00:14:56,146
I will make my mark elsehow.

339
00:14:56,229 --> 00:14:57,312
Oh, Ian.

340
00:14:57,396 --> 00:15:00,062
May I borrow a little
something of yours?

341
00:15:00,146 --> 00:15:01,980
[laughs]

342
00:15:10,604 --> 00:15:11,438
[panting]

343
00:15:12,896 --> 00:15:14,354
Would you stop
with the panting?

344
00:15:14,438 --> 00:15:16,896
You sound like my Uncle Saul
in the public birdbaths.

345
00:15:16,980 --> 00:15:18,438
You want to wake
the poor woman?!

346
00:15:18,521 --> 00:15:21,479
Shh-shh-shh!
I'm trying to soothe her.

347
00:15:21,563 --> 00:15:22,396
[coughing]

348
00:15:24,354 --> 00:15:25,855
Oh, nothing's working,

349
00:15:25,938 --> 00:15:28,855
and I'm doing everything
just like Spot would.

350
00:15:28,938 --> 00:15:30,354
Maybe that's your problem.

351
00:15:30,354 --> 00:15:32,938
Who wants to be like that
textbook-toting mutt?

352
00:15:33,021 --> 00:15:34,438
Of course! That's it.

353
00:15:34,521 --> 00:15:37,312
That's why Mrs. Helperman's
not getting well.

354
00:15:37,396 --> 00:15:39,396
I can't be anyone but myself.

355
00:15:39,479 --> 00:15:42,604
I have to trust my own instincts.

356
00:15:42,688 --> 00:15:44,021
After all, as any
cat will tell you,

357
00:15:44,104 --> 00:15:47,646
animals of the feline persuasion
are natural-born healers.

358
00:15:47,730 --> 00:15:48,896
Get out of here!

359
00:15:48,980 --> 00:15:50,354
No, really.

360
00:15:50,438 --> 00:15:53,980
A silly dog will run off
at the first bounce of a ball.

361
00:15:54,062 --> 00:15:57,187
But a cat is consistent, focused,

362
00:15:57,271 --> 00:15:58,688
and hence, much more qualified

363
00:15:58,771 --> 00:16:00,479
to assist in the healing process.

364
00:16:02,604 --> 00:16:05,896
Oh, that's my good medicine kitty.

365
00:16:05,980 --> 00:16:07,354
It's working.

366
00:16:07,438 --> 00:16:09,521
You see, the ancient
Egyptians discovered

367
00:16:09,604 --> 00:16:12,354
that cats' glands secrete
special healing oils.

368
00:16:12,438 --> 00:16:14,688
That's why we rub our chins
against our owners

369
00:16:14,771 --> 00:16:16,104
to keep them healthy

370
00:16:16,187 --> 00:16:19,312
and why the Egyptians worshipped
the cat goddess Bastet.

371
00:16:19,396 --> 00:16:22,271
So what you're saying is
you're a "Bastet" case? Ha!

372
00:16:22,354 --> 00:16:23,187
[purring]

373
00:16:23,563 --> 00:16:24,563
Move along.

374
00:16:24,646 --> 00:16:27,146
I can't have your negativity
interfering

375
00:16:27,229 --> 00:16:29,271
with my positive
purr-therapy.

376
00:16:29,354 --> 00:16:30,771
Fine!

377
00:16:30,855 --> 00:16:33,730
I don't want to be around when
you purr too much and explode.

378
00:16:33,813 --> 00:16:35,438
Oh, that's never happened.

379
00:16:35,521 --> 00:16:38,354
But just to be
on the safe side.

380
00:16:38,438 --> 00:16:39,271
[purring softly]

381
00:16:39,604 --> 00:16:41,688
Oh, I've got one!

382
00:16:41,771 --> 00:16:43,396
Solar energy.

383
00:16:43,479 --> 00:16:44,813
Excellent, Leonard!

384
00:16:44,896 --> 00:16:47,396
Now, who can name another type?

385
00:16:47,479 --> 00:16:49,980
Miss Deweygood,
would you take a look

386
00:16:50,062 --> 00:16:52,396
at a few ideas
I've written down?

387
00:16:52,479 --> 00:16:54,104
Well, all righty, Todd.
Let's see.

388
00:16:56,563 --> 00:16:57,396
[chuckles]

389
00:16:58,771 --> 00:17:01,896
Oh! Oh! Aah!

390
00:17:01,980 --> 00:17:03,563
Oh, Miss Deweygood,

391
00:17:03,646 --> 00:17:06,563
Mrs. Helperman keeps some
glue remover in the cupboard.

392
00:17:08,604 --> 00:17:10,688
Aah! Aah!
What is this?!

393
00:17:10,771 --> 00:17:13,354
And where's the other half of it?

394
00:17:13,438 --> 00:17:15,771
[laughs]
Nice work, Scotty.

395
00:17:15,855 --> 00:17:17,479
That was just a warm-up.

396
00:17:17,563 --> 00:17:21,104
Now it's time
for my prank de résistance.

397
00:17:23,938 --> 00:17:25,813
[siren wails]

398
00:17:30,604 --> 00:17:34,104
This is a little trick I call
"the big chocolate wave."

399
00:17:34,187 --> 00:17:36,521
Wow! This is the best prank ever.

400
00:17:36,604 --> 00:17:39,438
Just wait till the fifth graders
hear about this.

401
00:17:39,521 --> 00:17:43,813
And a little touch of my own
just for fun.

402
00:17:43,896 --> 00:17:45,688
She's coming!

403
00:17:45,771 --> 00:17:49,229
Drat! We haven't set the trigger
for the big chocolate wave.

404
00:17:51,479 --> 00:17:53,312
You're so helpful,
Leonard.

405
00:17:53,396 --> 00:17:56,521
These library books will give us
the information we need to--

406
00:17:56,604 --> 00:17:57,855
Oh, what now?

407
00:17:57,938 --> 00:17:59,730
[class giggles]

408
00:18:02,479 --> 00:18:06,271
Mr. Leadbelly, may I see you
in the hall now?

409
00:18:06,354 --> 00:18:07,980
Oh, this is perfect.

410
00:18:08,062 --> 00:18:10,813
I'll keep her occupied
in the hallway

411
00:18:10,896 --> 00:18:12,730
while you set the trigger.

412
00:18:12,813 --> 00:18:15,312
Leonard, please keep an eye
on the class.

413
00:18:15,396 --> 00:18:16,855
Yes, Miss Deweygood.

414
00:18:21,021 --> 00:18:23,271
[all mocking]
Yes, Miss Deweygood.

415
00:18:23,354 --> 00:18:25,896
Gosh, Leonard, you're such
a goody-goody.

416
00:18:25,980 --> 00:18:28,396
Yeah, you're acting just like
Scott.

417
00:18:28,479 --> 00:18:31,312
What do you mean? You love it
when Scott acts this way.

418
00:18:31,396 --> 00:18:33,396
Yeah,
but it works on him.

419
00:18:33,479 --> 00:18:35,771
On you it's just sort of...
icky.

420
00:18:35,855 --> 00:18:38,312
You mean you like me better
when I'm just plain old

421
00:18:38,396 --> 00:18:40,312
Leonard "blend into the
background" Helperman?

422
00:18:40,396 --> 00:18:41,604
[all] Yes!

423
00:18:41,688 --> 00:18:44,438
I'm cool with that.

424
00:18:44,521 --> 00:18:46,646
Why are you treating me like this?

425
00:18:46,730 --> 00:18:49,396
I'm just trying to do
the best job I can.

426
00:18:49,479 --> 00:18:53,021
Don't you have any respect for
learning and education?

427
00:18:53,104 --> 00:18:56,312
Me? No respect for learning?
Why, of course I do.

428
00:18:56,396 --> 00:18:59,646
It's just that you are trying
to be Mrs. Helperman.

429
00:18:59,730 --> 00:19:01,271
I know Mrs. Helperman.

430
00:19:01,354 --> 00:19:03,521
I've lived
with Mrs. Helperman

431
00:19:03,604 --> 00:19:05,604
every day
of my scholastic life,

432
00:19:05,688 --> 00:19:09,479
and try as you might,
you're no Mrs. Helperman.

433
00:19:09,563 --> 00:19:12,229
Oh, I know, but she has such
a wonderful reputation.

434
00:19:12,312 --> 00:19:13,688
I just wanted to be
like her.

435
00:19:13,771 --> 00:19:17,062
Never mind. I suppose a little
boy like you wouldn't understand

436
00:19:17,146 --> 00:19:19,354
about pretending to be
something you're not.

437
00:19:19,438 --> 00:19:22,688
Au contraire.
I understand completely.

438
00:19:22,771 --> 00:19:27,438
The important thing is to be
comfortable with who you are,

439
00:19:27,521 --> 00:19:29,187
be it teacher or a boy

440
00:19:29,271 --> 00:19:32,980
or, say, just for argument's
sake, a-a dog boy.

441
00:19:33,062 --> 00:19:36,146
It was the immortal bard
who put it best--

442
00:19:36,229 --> 00:19:39,354
"This above all,
to thine own self be true."

443
00:19:39,438 --> 00:19:41,396
I think
I've underestimated you.

444
00:19:41,479 --> 00:19:44,104
You're quite the scholar,
if somewhat eccentric.

445
00:19:44,187 --> 00:19:45,438
And the bard's right.

446
00:19:45,521 --> 00:19:47,354
I can only succeed
as a teacher

447
00:19:47,438 --> 00:19:49,229
if I'm completely true
to myself.

448
00:19:49,312 --> 00:19:52,229
And the same goes for me
as a student.

449
00:19:52,312 --> 00:19:54,855
Miss Deweygood,
I apologize.

450
00:19:54,938 --> 00:19:57,896
I've acted like,
well, like a dog

451
00:19:57,980 --> 00:20:00,146
rather than the model student
I strive to be.

452
00:20:00,229 --> 00:20:02,354
Oh apology accepted.

453
00:20:02,604 --> 00:20:04,563
Now, why don't we go back in?

454
00:20:04,646 --> 00:20:06,521
After you, Miss Deweygood.

455
00:20:06,604 --> 00:20:07,604
Thank you, Todd.

456
00:20:07,688 --> 00:20:10,271
We'll start by enjoying
our chocolate-milk break.

457
00:20:10,354 --> 00:20:12,938
Chocolate milk?
Oh, no!

458
00:20:22,855 --> 00:20:24,354
[laughter]

459
00:20:26,021 --> 00:20:28,479
[sighs] I suppose
I deserved that.

460
00:20:28,563 --> 00:20:30,938
Ah! Quelle idée!
C'est si drôle.

461
00:20:31,062 --> 00:20:32,980
Wow! You speak French?

462
00:20:33,062 --> 00:20:35,479
Yes. French was my major
in college.

463
00:20:35,563 --> 00:20:37,062
Would you teach us some?

464
00:20:37,146 --> 00:20:40,396
What? You mean you really do
want to learn something today?

465
00:20:40,479 --> 00:20:41,479
[all] Yes!

466
00:20:41,563 --> 00:20:44,813
Great!
We'll start with bonjour.

467
00:20:44,896 --> 00:20:46,187
[all] Bonjour!

468
00:20:47,062 --> 00:20:48,479
I know some French.

469
00:20:48,563 --> 00:20:50,438
Je veux
un biscuit de chien.

470
00:20:50,521 --> 00:20:53,229
[laughs]
Oh, that is so funny.

471
00:20:53,312 --> 00:20:55,229
You just asked
for a dog biscuit.

472
00:20:55,312 --> 00:20:57,021
[laughter]

473
00:20:58,021 --> 00:20:59,771
Sacre bleu!

474
00:21:01,771 --> 00:21:03,438
Mom, I'm home.

475
00:21:03,563 --> 00:21:05,938
Well, if it isn't my own little
Rhodes Scholar.

476
00:21:06,021 --> 00:21:07,062
[smooches]

477
00:21:07,146 --> 00:21:08,271
Feeling better?

478
00:21:08,354 --> 00:21:10,146
I'm all righty-roosky doosky.

479
00:21:10,229 --> 00:21:12,604
[barking, panting]

480
00:21:12,688 --> 00:21:15,229
Why, there you are, Spot.
Where have you been?

481
00:21:15,312 --> 00:21:17,354
He was outside
and followed me in.

482
00:21:17,438 --> 00:21:19,438
Spotty-Wotty,
I missed you.

483
00:21:19,521 --> 00:21:21,813
But Mr. Jolly took wonderful
care of me.

484
00:21:21,896 --> 00:21:24,730
Now I have
two medicine pets.

485
00:21:24,813 --> 00:21:26,771
And how was
your substitute teacher?

486
00:21:26,855 --> 00:21:28,646
Miss Deweygood was terrific,

487
00:21:28,730 --> 00:21:30,021
but she wasn't you.

488
00:21:30,104 --> 00:21:33,396
Ha ha ha ha!
Oh, come on.

489
00:21:33,479 --> 00:21:35,813
I'll make a pot of chicken
noodle-doodle soup.

490
00:21:35,896 --> 00:21:36,980
All right!

491
00:21:38,646 --> 00:21:40,312
Ah-choo!

492
00:21:40,396 --> 00:21:41,980
Aah! No!

493
00:21:42,062 --> 00:21:44,771
I think I have a case of
the snufflies.

494
00:21:44,896 --> 00:21:47,187
A-A-Ah-choo!

495
00:21:47,271 --> 00:21:49,938
Hmm, sounds like you could use
a medicine pet.

496
00:21:50,021 --> 00:21:52,312
You would be
my medicine pet?

497
00:21:52,396 --> 00:21:55,688
Hey, there's no substitute
for the real thing.

498
00:21:59,980 --> 00:22:01,604
Spot, you're doing it all wrong.

499
00:22:01,688 --> 00:22:04,229
You got to throw in a nice loud
purr every now and again.

500
00:22:04,312 --> 00:22:06,312
Like this--
[purring]

501
00:22:07,479 --> 00:22:08,604
Aah!

502
00:22:08,688 --> 00:22:09,730
Ow!

503
00:22:09,813 --> 00:22:11,771
[snoring]