1 00:00:00,354 --> 00:00:01,479 ♪ Born on the wrong end Of the leash ♪ 2 00:00:01,563 --> 00:00:04,104 -♪ He was a dreamer ♪ -♪ And a little schemer ♪ 3 00:00:04,187 --> 00:00:05,813 ♪ A nutty mutt living a dog's life ♪ 4 00:00:05,896 --> 00:00:07,438 ♪ But when he'd hear the bell for school ♪ 5 00:00:07,521 --> 00:00:08,354 ♪ He'd start to drool ♪ 6 00:00:08,438 --> 00:00:10,146 -♪ One day he says ♪ -♪ I'll take a chance ♪ 7 00:00:10,229 --> 00:00:11,855 ♪ Trades his leash For a pair of pants ♪ 8 00:00:11,938 --> 00:00:14,229 ♪ In a glance, school becomes His favorite pastime ♪ 9 00:00:14,312 --> 00:00:16,604 ♪ I have buried a bone For the last time ♪ 10 00:00:16,688 --> 00:00:18,312 -♪ He says ♪ -♪ I want to be a boy ♪ 11 00:00:18,396 --> 00:00:19,646 ♪ Ooh, he's bad ♪ 12 00:00:19,730 --> 00:00:21,146 ♪ He's so over just being rover ♪ 13 00:00:21,229 --> 00:00:22,604 ♪ I gotta be a boy ♪ 14 00:00:22,688 --> 00:00:25,062 ♪ He says he's just gonna be a boy ♪ 15 00:00:25,146 --> 00:00:26,688 ♪ Turns out he's a regular Einstein ♪ 16 00:00:26,771 --> 00:00:28,438 ♪ And Leonard is treading a fine line ♪ 17 00:00:28,521 --> 00:00:30,980 Why can't I be a normal kid like any other? 18 00:00:31,062 --> 00:00:33,146 Now, doodle bug, listen to mother. 19 00:00:33,229 --> 00:00:34,938 ♪ I want to be a boy ♪ 20 00:00:35,021 --> 00:00:36,938 I hate dogs. 21 00:00:37,021 --> 00:00:39,479 ♪ I gotta be a boy ♪ 22 00:00:39,563 --> 00:00:41,479 ♪ This power pup's gonna be a boy ♪ 23 00:00:41,563 --> 00:00:43,521 I do not wish to be a dog. 24 00:00:43,604 --> 00:00:46,104 ♪ Now this bowser's ready for trousers ♪ 25 00:00:46,187 --> 00:00:47,521 ♪ I got to be a boy ♪ 26 00:00:47,604 --> 00:00:49,104 ♪ His nose is wet but you can bet ♪ 27 00:00:49,187 --> 00:00:52,229 ♪ This teacher's pet is gonna be a boy ♪ 28 00:00:52,312 --> 00:00:54,146 Yes! 29 00:01:18,438 --> 00:01:19,938 [beeping] 30 00:01:20,021 --> 00:01:22,021 Leonard Helperman, commander of the Galactic Space Alliance, 31 00:01:22,104 --> 00:01:24,813 brings his damaged ship into the hostile Zargon war zone 32 00:01:24,896 --> 00:01:27,855 on a mission of peace. 33 00:01:27,938 --> 00:01:29,855 Easy, Helperman, easy. You can do this. 34 00:01:29,938 --> 00:01:32,146 The fate of the universe lies on your shoulders. 35 00:01:32,229 --> 00:01:33,604 [beeping continues] 36 00:01:33,688 --> 00:01:35,271 [Mrs. Helperman] Leonard! 37 00:01:35,354 --> 00:01:36,813 Aahh! Steady, man. 38 00:01:36,896 --> 00:01:38,479 Don't lose your cool. 39 00:01:38,563 --> 00:01:41,479 Oh, doodle bug, where are you? 40 00:01:41,563 --> 00:01:42,771 Oh, no! 41 00:01:44,271 --> 00:01:46,604 Leonard Helperman, I'm calling you! 42 00:01:49,312 --> 00:01:50,688 [electronic beeping] 43 00:01:50,771 --> 00:01:51,855 [Groans] 44 00:01:51,938 --> 00:01:54,521 Oh, there you are. 45 00:01:54,604 --> 00:01:55,896 Oh, great, Mom. 46 00:01:55,980 --> 00:01:58,062 You just made me blow up the whole universe. 47 00:01:58,146 --> 00:02:00,271 Well, I'm sure you didn't mean to. 48 00:02:00,354 --> 00:02:02,271 Do you know what day today is? 49 00:02:02,354 --> 00:02:04,354 Uh-oh-- trick-question alert. 50 00:02:04,438 --> 00:02:06,521 Whenever a mother asks a question a kid can answer, 51 00:02:06,604 --> 00:02:08,855 it means only one thing-- the fun's over. 52 00:02:10,187 --> 00:02:12,646 Um, it's Sunday. 53 00:02:12,730 --> 00:02:14,688 Oh, silly, of course it's Sunday, 54 00:02:14,771 --> 00:02:16,896 but it's the first Sunday of spring. 55 00:02:16,980 --> 00:02:17,938 Huh? 56 00:02:18,021 --> 00:02:20,187 It's our annual vernal-equinox, 57 00:02:20,271 --> 00:02:22,730 get-rid-of-the-clutter- around-the-house-Sunday 58 00:02:22,813 --> 00:02:24,271 yard sale day. 59 00:02:24,354 --> 00:02:25,896 Ha! Told you. 60 00:02:26,104 --> 00:02:27,479 Fill the box, make a buck. 61 00:02:27,563 --> 00:02:28,438 But, Mom-- 62 00:02:28,521 --> 00:02:32,521 Don't "but" me unless you're a silly billy goat. Now move, mister. 63 00:02:32,604 --> 00:02:33,855 Ohh. 64 00:02:33,938 --> 00:02:35,646 Pfft. 65 00:02:35,730 --> 00:02:40,479 My, oh, my, a buck a box for ordinary clutter? 66 00:02:40,563 --> 00:02:42,479 Quick, gather up your junk! 67 00:02:42,563 --> 00:02:45,646 There's money to be made at Mrs. H.'s yard sale. 68 00:02:45,730 --> 00:02:48,688 Yard sale? Please, that is so 20th century. 69 00:02:48,771 --> 00:02:50,938 The days of yard sales are over. 70 00:02:51,021 --> 00:02:54,688 We're in the dot-com world of digital enterprise, baby! 71 00:02:54,771 --> 00:02:56,062 I beg your pardon? 72 00:02:56,146 --> 00:02:58,688 We can make a fortune selling our stuff online. 73 00:02:58,771 --> 00:03:01,312 "Welcome to bidtillyourebroke.com, 74 00:03:01,396 --> 00:03:04,062 where one man's junk is another man's jewels." 75 00:03:04,146 --> 00:03:05,688 What did I tell you? 76 00:03:05,771 --> 00:03:07,021 Stick with me, kid. 77 00:03:07,104 --> 00:03:09,646 I'll have you in kibble as big as radishes. 78 00:03:17,438 --> 00:03:19,354 Here. These are for you. 79 00:03:21,146 --> 00:03:22,146 What's this? 80 00:03:22,229 --> 00:03:23,146 Two quarters. 81 00:03:23,229 --> 00:03:24,563 What's this for? 82 00:03:24,646 --> 00:03:26,187 Your share of the buck box. 83 00:03:26,271 --> 00:03:27,771 Two quarters?! 84 00:03:27,855 --> 00:03:30,396 Why, that's the monetary equivalent of 1,100 Italian lira 85 00:03:30,479 --> 00:03:31,771 at the current exchange rate. 86 00:03:31,855 --> 00:03:34,521 That'll get me two chicken-flavored doggy biscuits, 87 00:03:34,604 --> 00:03:36,521 or better yet, a new number-two pencil! 88 00:03:36,604 --> 00:03:37,771 Ooh, wait! 89 00:03:37,855 --> 00:03:40,730 If I put it in the bank at 5% interest, compounded daily-- 90 00:03:40,813 --> 00:03:43,146 in 45 years, I'll have-- hey, what's a buck box? 91 00:03:43,229 --> 00:03:45,896 I toss a bunch of old stuff into a box for Mom's yard sale, 92 00:03:45,980 --> 00:03:47,563 and she pays me $1 for it. 93 00:03:47,646 --> 00:03:48,938 Interesting. 94 00:03:49,021 --> 00:03:51,771 And just exactly how do I figure into this equation? 95 00:03:51,855 --> 00:03:53,354 I ran out of my stuff, 96 00:03:53,438 --> 00:03:55,438 so I tossed in some of your old stuff. 97 00:03:55,521 --> 00:03:58,813 Old stuff? The word "stuff" casts a rather large net. 98 00:03:58,896 --> 00:04:00,688 Could you be more specific? 99 00:04:00,771 --> 00:04:03,563 Just some old toys I found in our room. 100 00:04:03,646 --> 00:04:05,563 Have you ever heard the saying, 101 00:04:05,646 --> 00:04:07,646 "one dog's toys are another man's treasure"? 102 00:04:07,730 --> 00:04:08,855 Not exactly. 103 00:04:08,938 --> 00:04:10,730 [sniffing] 104 00:04:10,813 --> 00:04:13,688 Something doesn't smell right here, or more correctly, 105 00:04:13,771 --> 00:04:16,604 something I usually smell I don't smell anymore. 106 00:04:16,688 --> 00:04:19,062 [sniffing] 107 00:04:26,229 --> 00:04:27,563 [gasps] 108 00:04:27,646 --> 00:04:31,354 I-I-I can't seem to find my squeeky burger toy. 109 00:04:31,438 --> 00:04:33,563 Was that a rubbery thingy that looked like a cheeseburger 110 00:04:33,646 --> 00:04:36,021 with lettuce, tomato, pickles, on a faded sesame-seed bun? 111 00:04:36,104 --> 00:04:37,771 Oh, when you squeezed it, 112 00:04:37,855 --> 00:04:39,771 it made an irritating squeaky noise? 113 00:04:39,855 --> 00:04:41,146 Yes, that's it! 114 00:04:41,229 --> 00:04:43,771 Haven't seen it. Would you excuse me for a second? 115 00:04:43,855 --> 00:04:45,146 [door shuts] 116 00:04:45,229 --> 00:04:48,813 That's a quarter. Oh, and that's 50 cents. 117 00:04:48,896 --> 00:04:51,771 $2. A nickel. Thanks so much. 118 00:04:51,855 --> 00:04:53,730 Mom, where's my buck box? 119 00:04:53,813 --> 00:04:55,104 What? Oh, I sold it. 120 00:04:55,187 --> 00:04:56,521 To who? 121 00:04:56,604 --> 00:04:57,688 To whom, dear. 122 00:04:57,771 --> 00:04:59,104 To whom? 123 00:04:59,187 --> 00:05:00,771 Why is it "to whom," dear? 124 00:05:00,855 --> 00:05:02,771 Because "whom" is the object of the preposition "to," 125 00:05:02,855 --> 00:05:04,771 as in, "to whom did you sell it?" 126 00:05:04,896 --> 00:05:08,604 Okay, okay, so, to whom, um, did you sell it...To? 127 00:05:08,688 --> 00:05:10,521 Huh? 128 00:05:10,604 --> 00:05:13,646 Oh, honey, I've been so busy, I haven't the slightest idea. 129 00:05:13,730 --> 00:05:15,980 [man] Excuse me, ma'am. 130 00:05:18,396 --> 00:05:20,354 [crashing] 131 00:05:20,438 --> 00:05:21,771 What's going on in there? 132 00:05:21,855 --> 00:05:23,604 The mutt's going manic. 133 00:05:23,688 --> 00:05:25,855 I wouldn't go in if I were you. 134 00:05:25,938 --> 00:05:28,104 [glass shatters] 135 00:05:31,855 --> 00:05:34,980 Alas, poor squeeky burger toy. 136 00:05:35,062 --> 00:05:36,688 I knew it well. 137 00:05:36,813 --> 00:05:39,604 [high-pitched Southern accent] Oh, fiddledeedee. 138 00:05:39,688 --> 00:05:41,604 Is that you, squeeky burger toy, 139 00:05:41,688 --> 00:05:44,104 standing in the shade of a magnolia tree? 140 00:05:44,187 --> 00:05:46,730 Why don't you come up here on the veranda, 141 00:05:46,813 --> 00:05:48,771 and cool yourself with some sweet tea? 142 00:05:48,855 --> 00:05:51,896 [normal voice] Show me... squeeky burger toy! 143 00:05:51,980 --> 00:05:54,604 [imitates buzzer] Oh, I'm so sorry. 144 00:05:54,688 --> 00:05:57,521 That is incorrect, but thanks for playing. 145 00:05:57,604 --> 00:05:58,771 [sniffing] 146 00:06:03,688 --> 00:06:06,146 Hey! That's the record-setting fur ball 147 00:06:06,229 --> 00:06:07,771 I coughed up last winter. 148 00:06:07,855 --> 00:06:10,146 I wondered where it went. 149 00:06:12,229 --> 00:06:15,021 ["Pop Goes The Weasel" plays] 150 00:06:17,604 --> 00:06:18,980 [squeaking] 151 00:06:19,062 --> 00:06:21,229 Spot, snap out of it. It's no big deal. 152 00:06:21,312 --> 00:06:24,104 You haven't played with that old squeeky toy for ages. 153 00:06:24,187 --> 00:06:25,521 Oh, really? No big deal? 154 00:06:25,604 --> 00:06:27,896 Well, if recent usage is the criteria 155 00:06:27,980 --> 00:06:30,730 for what we keep and what we get rid of, 156 00:06:30,813 --> 00:06:32,771 then I guess you won't mind 157 00:06:32,855 --> 00:06:36,104 if I toss this into the yard sale. 158 00:06:36,187 --> 00:06:38,354 Ahhh! No, not Lamont! 159 00:06:38,438 --> 00:06:40,938 Ah, Lamont, Lamont, Lamont. 160 00:06:41,021 --> 00:06:43,771 Everything's gonna be okay. 161 00:06:43,855 --> 00:06:47,730 No one's gonna take you away-- not ever. 162 00:06:47,813 --> 00:06:51,312 I rest my case. 163 00:06:51,396 --> 00:06:53,604 Okay. 164 00:06:53,688 --> 00:06:55,646 What's our first item up for auction? 165 00:06:55,730 --> 00:06:57,938 How about that shredded catnip mousy? 166 00:06:58,021 --> 00:07:00,062 "For sale-- one used catnip mouse." 167 00:07:00,146 --> 00:07:02,438 Whoa, whoa, you kidding me? That's it? 168 00:07:02,521 --> 00:07:03,855 "One used catnip mouse"? 169 00:07:03,938 --> 00:07:06,479 You got to make your description sing. 170 00:07:06,563 --> 00:07:09,855 It's got to cry out, "buy me! You can't live without me!" 171 00:07:09,980 --> 00:07:12,688 Well, I suppose I could say it's gray. 172 00:07:12,771 --> 00:07:15,563 Gray? Move over, P.T. Boring. 173 00:07:15,646 --> 00:07:18,187 Let a real salesman show you how it's done. 174 00:07:20,271 --> 00:07:21,730 "Willing to sacrifice 175 00:07:21,813 --> 00:07:24,855 one-of-a-kind mouse-shaped plush toy-- 176 00:07:24,938 --> 00:07:28,730 unrivaled aromatherapy for cats in popular color. 177 00:07:28,813 --> 00:07:30,938 Don't miss this rare opportunity." 178 00:07:31,021 --> 00:07:33,688 Well, that sounds a bit wordy to-- 179 00:07:33,771 --> 00:07:35,187 [computer dings] 180 00:07:35,271 --> 00:07:36,771 Oh, look-- a bid! 181 00:07:36,855 --> 00:07:37,938 [dinging] 182 00:07:38,021 --> 00:07:40,021 Gracious! More bids-- one right after another. 183 00:07:40,104 --> 00:07:41,604 You were right. 184 00:07:41,688 --> 00:07:44,563 See that? It's a ding-a-linging feeding frenzy. 185 00:07:44,646 --> 00:07:48,479 I'm telling you, we're in the money, baby! 186 00:07:48,563 --> 00:07:49,813 [snoring] 187 00:07:54,896 --> 00:07:57,771 Okay, Leadready, you're just going to have to find 188 00:07:57,855 --> 00:08:00,563 something to replace squeeky burger toy. 189 00:08:19,354 --> 00:08:20,479 [buzzer sounds] 190 00:08:33,688 --> 00:08:35,688 What have I done to my best friend? 191 00:08:37,229 --> 00:08:38,855 How can I live with myself? 192 00:08:40,604 --> 00:08:43,229 How can I ever rest? 193 00:08:43,312 --> 00:08:45,771 [snoring] 194 00:08:46,813 --> 00:08:47,730 This is crazy. 195 00:08:47,813 --> 00:08:51,312 You don't need a squeeky burger toy or anything else. 196 00:08:51,396 --> 00:08:52,646 Just go to sleep, 197 00:08:52,730 --> 00:08:54,646 like you-- you never even heard 198 00:08:54,730 --> 00:09:00,730 [crying] Of a-- of a squeeky... burger toy. 199 00:09:05,021 --> 00:09:06,479 Christmas! 200 00:09:16,438 --> 00:09:18,855 "Just a small token-- 201 00:09:18,938 --> 00:09:20,771 it isn't a lot, 202 00:09:20,855 --> 00:09:23,229 but know that we love you, our new puppy Spot." 203 00:09:27,771 --> 00:09:29,271 [squeaks] 204 00:09:29,354 --> 00:09:30,813 [squeaking] 205 00:09:37,604 --> 00:09:40,187 Oh, come to me, 206 00:09:40,271 --> 00:09:41,730 my beloved squeeky. 207 00:09:41,813 --> 00:09:45,146 Hey! Let me out! Come on! I can't breathe! 208 00:09:45,229 --> 00:09:47,730 I'm getting claustrophobic here! 209 00:09:47,813 --> 00:09:49,438 Pretty Boy! Blech! 210 00:09:49,521 --> 00:09:52,062 From a cat, I expect that kind of treatment, but you-- 211 00:09:52,146 --> 00:09:54,021 I am so sorry. 212 00:09:54,104 --> 00:09:55,604 Do you know how hard it is 213 00:09:55,688 --> 00:09:58,062 to get dog slobber out of feathers? 214 00:09:58,146 --> 00:10:00,646 No dry cleaner will even consider it. 215 00:10:02,104 --> 00:10:04,563 All right. This isn't so bad. I'm going to school. 216 00:10:04,646 --> 00:10:06,354 I've forgotten about my squeeky burger toy. 217 00:10:06,438 --> 00:10:09,521 And once I step foot inside the hallowed halls of learning, 218 00:10:09,604 --> 00:10:11,730 my mind will be consumed with the flames of knowledge. 219 00:10:11,813 --> 00:10:13,146 [squeaking] 220 00:10:13,229 --> 00:10:14,730 Did you hear that? 221 00:10:14,813 --> 00:10:16,104 I didn't hear anything. 222 00:10:16,187 --> 00:10:18,146 That squeaking sound. 223 00:10:18,229 --> 00:10:21,730 Dog ears, my boy-- we may not have opposable thumbs, 224 00:10:21,813 --> 00:10:24,021 but we have superior hearing. 225 00:10:24,104 --> 00:10:26,146 It's my squeeky burger toy! 226 00:10:26,229 --> 00:10:27,730 How can you be sure? 227 00:10:27,813 --> 00:10:30,146 Because these ears never lie! 228 00:10:32,563 --> 00:10:33,730 [squeaking] 229 00:10:33,813 --> 00:10:36,312 Darn. They lied. 230 00:10:36,396 --> 00:10:37,896 [squeaks] 231 00:10:37,980 --> 00:10:40,187 [squeaking] 232 00:10:40,271 --> 00:10:41,771 [squeaking] 233 00:10:41,855 --> 00:10:43,771 [squeaking] 234 00:10:43,855 --> 00:10:45,646 That incessant squeaking-- 235 00:10:45,730 --> 00:10:48,229 it's driving me mad-- mad, I tell you! 236 00:10:48,312 --> 00:10:50,855 [laughing] 237 00:10:58,146 --> 00:11:00,521 [squeaking] 238 00:11:00,604 --> 00:11:02,521 My ears are playing tricks on me. 239 00:11:02,604 --> 00:11:04,521 Well, maybe "tricks" is the wrong word-- 240 00:11:04,604 --> 00:11:06,521 "deceiving," "deluding," "defrauding"? 241 00:11:06,604 --> 00:11:08,438 No, "tricks" is the right word. 242 00:11:08,521 --> 00:11:09,730 I must ignore it. 243 00:11:09,813 --> 00:11:11,730 Accept the loss of my squeeky burger toy 244 00:11:11,813 --> 00:11:13,312 and move on with my life. 245 00:11:13,396 --> 00:11:15,563 Who am I kidding?! I've got to look! 246 00:11:15,646 --> 00:11:16,980 [squeaking] 247 00:11:17,062 --> 00:11:18,980 Would you please control your rat? 248 00:11:19,062 --> 00:11:21,021 That squeaking is driving me crazy! 249 00:11:21,104 --> 00:11:23,146 Oh, that isn't coming from Tammy. 250 00:11:23,229 --> 00:11:24,563 It's coming from this. 251 00:11:24,646 --> 00:11:26,062 [squeaking] 252 00:11:26,146 --> 00:11:29,688 I got it at Leonard's mom's yard sale, 253 00:11:29,771 --> 00:11:34,646 and it's my new favoritest toy in the whole, wide world! 254 00:11:34,730 --> 00:11:36,312 [slurps] 255 00:11:36,396 --> 00:11:40,563 Like it? 256 00:11:40,646 --> 00:11:42,896 [computer dinging] 257 00:11:42,980 --> 00:11:44,563 Oh, my goodness. 258 00:11:44,646 --> 00:11:46,730 Look at the money pouring into our auction account. 259 00:11:46,813 --> 00:11:48,604 Think of the fabulous treasures I can buy 260 00:11:48,688 --> 00:11:50,146 with my newfound wealth, 261 00:11:50,229 --> 00:11:52,396 although I do feel somewhat guilty 262 00:11:52,479 --> 00:11:53,980 basking in this good fortune 263 00:11:54,062 --> 00:11:56,980 while my friend spot is so miserable. 264 00:11:57,062 --> 00:12:00,187 Hold it! Am I a generous genius or what?! 265 00:12:00,271 --> 00:12:03,229 I bet someone is selling a squeeky burger toy 266 00:12:03,312 --> 00:12:04,771 I could buy for spot. 267 00:12:04,855 --> 00:12:07,604 Let's see-- "squeeky burger toy." 268 00:12:07,688 --> 00:12:10,813 Aha! "Willing to sacrifice to right buyer-- 269 00:12:10,896 --> 00:12:12,646 squeeky burger toy-- 270 00:12:12,730 --> 00:12:13,980 hand painted 271 00:12:14,062 --> 00:12:17,146 by renowned Burmese squeak-toy artist Piango. 272 00:12:17,229 --> 00:12:19,229 Still in original packaging. 273 00:12:19,312 --> 00:12:22,688 Don't miss this once-in-a-lifetime opportunity." 274 00:12:22,771 --> 00:12:26,646 Hee hee hee! I can use the money from our auction account! 275 00:12:26,730 --> 00:12:29,980 Ohh, better keep this a secret from that selfish Pretty Boy. 276 00:12:30,062 --> 00:12:33,146 He'll want to keep all the money for himself. 277 00:12:33,229 --> 00:12:34,980 Okay, litterlover bids... 278 00:12:36,855 --> 00:12:38,479 Hot diggety! 279 00:12:38,563 --> 00:12:40,688 There's an identical squeeky burger toy up for auction. 280 00:12:40,771 --> 00:12:43,771 Let's see-- "willing to sacrifice"-- good. 281 00:12:43,855 --> 00:12:46,688 "Renowned artist Piango"-- very good! 282 00:12:46,771 --> 00:12:49,479 "Once-in-a-lifetime opportunity"-- 283 00:12:49,563 --> 00:12:50,855 oh, yeah, count me in, baby! 284 00:12:50,938 --> 00:12:53,312 Ohh, I better not tell Jolly I'm using money from our account. 285 00:12:53,396 --> 00:12:56,479 Cats only think of themselves-- me, me, meow! 286 00:12:56,563 --> 00:12:57,938 [computer dings] 287 00:12:58,021 --> 00:13:00,604 I see the bidding's already started. 288 00:13:00,688 --> 00:13:01,938 Well, I'll just up the ante. 289 00:13:02,021 --> 00:13:04,021 Spot, my canine compadre, 290 00:13:04,104 --> 00:13:07,896 your squeeky burger toy is as good as replaced. 291 00:13:07,980 --> 00:13:09,354 [squeaking] 292 00:13:09,438 --> 00:13:10,646 [laughing] 293 00:13:14,855 --> 00:13:16,813 You really should stop doing that. 294 00:13:16,896 --> 00:13:18,855 Oh, yeah? And why is that? 295 00:13:18,938 --> 00:13:20,646 Because it's loaded with germs 296 00:13:20,730 --> 00:13:22,688 that you're spraying into the air. 297 00:13:22,771 --> 00:13:24,438 So? I like germs. 298 00:13:24,521 --> 00:13:25,813 [squeaking] 299 00:13:25,896 --> 00:13:28,938 It'll ruin your bite. 300 00:13:31,563 --> 00:13:34,312 [crying] 301 00:13:34,396 --> 00:13:36,229 It's just a baby tooth. 302 00:13:36,312 --> 00:13:37,855 It's habit-forming. 303 00:13:37,938 --> 00:13:40,604 I can quit any time I want to, 304 00:13:40,688 --> 00:13:42,563 but I don't want to. 305 00:13:42,646 --> 00:13:43,688 [squeaking] 306 00:13:43,771 --> 00:13:46,187 You deserve a better toy than that. 307 00:13:46,271 --> 00:13:50,187 [panting] What could be better than this?! 308 00:13:50,271 --> 00:13:51,438 [squeaks] 309 00:13:51,521 --> 00:13:52,730 [alarm blares] 310 00:13:52,813 --> 00:13:54,855 Hey, I didn't know it could do that. 311 00:13:54,938 --> 00:13:56,396 It can't! 312 00:13:56,479 --> 00:13:58,229 [laughing] 313 00:13:59,730 --> 00:14:01,062 Scott, no! 314 00:14:01,146 --> 00:14:02,646 What's wrong with him? 315 00:14:02,730 --> 00:14:04,104 Nothing. 316 00:14:04,187 --> 00:14:06,604 He's just a little tense about the state-capital test. 317 00:14:06,688 --> 00:14:08,229 Okay, that's it! 318 00:14:08,312 --> 00:14:11,312 Look, I am prepared to offer you a sum in the amount of $10 319 00:14:11,396 --> 00:14:12,604 for that squeeky burger toy. 320 00:14:12,688 --> 00:14:14,271 $10?! 321 00:14:14,354 --> 00:14:17,521 Scott, what are you doing?! That's not worth $10! 322 00:14:17,604 --> 00:14:20,980 He's right! This squeeky toy is priceless! 323 00:14:21,062 --> 00:14:23,604 You know, it's people like you 324 00:14:23,688 --> 00:14:26,604 thinking everything is for sale 325 00:14:26,688 --> 00:14:28,563 who make me want to hurl! 326 00:14:28,646 --> 00:14:30,563 Heck, I think I will! 327 00:14:30,646 --> 00:14:32,396 No! 328 00:14:32,479 --> 00:14:34,479 Okay, but I'm keeping little Ian 329 00:14:34,563 --> 00:14:36,479 for the rest of my natural life. 330 00:14:36,563 --> 00:14:38,688 [Mrs. Helperman] Okay, class, settle. 331 00:14:38,771 --> 00:14:40,938 Scott, Leonard, return to your seats. 332 00:14:41,021 --> 00:14:42,688 Everyone, clear your desks. 333 00:14:42,771 --> 00:14:44,896 It's time for the state-capitals test. 334 00:14:44,980 --> 00:14:48,771 Maybe taking the test will get your mind off of you-know-what. 335 00:14:48,855 --> 00:14:50,146 The mental challenge 336 00:14:50,229 --> 00:14:52,271 of remembering all 52 states and their capitals 337 00:14:52,354 --> 00:14:54,354 should be just the diversion I need. 338 00:14:54,438 --> 00:14:56,229 There are only 50 states. 339 00:14:56,312 --> 00:14:58,146 Then I should do very well. 340 00:14:58,229 --> 00:15:00,646 Oh, nervous about the test, Scott? 341 00:15:00,730 --> 00:15:04,396 Not me, 'cause I've got little Ian to bring me luck. 342 00:15:04,479 --> 00:15:07,021 Eyes on your own work, class. 343 00:15:07,104 --> 00:15:08,604 Ready? 344 00:15:08,688 --> 00:15:10,187 Number one-- 345 00:15:10,271 --> 00:15:14,604 what is the state capital of... Illinois? 346 00:15:14,688 --> 00:15:17,938 Illinois-- Spring-- Springy-burger-field? No. 347 00:15:18,021 --> 00:15:19,354 Kentucky. 348 00:15:19,438 --> 00:15:22,396 Kentucky-- let's see-- squeeky-Frankfurt-toy. 349 00:15:22,479 --> 00:15:23,730 I wonder if they make those. 350 00:15:23,813 --> 00:15:24,771 Delaware. 351 00:15:24,855 --> 00:15:26,604 Delaware-- ha! That's easy. 352 00:15:26,688 --> 00:15:28,646 "Dover" rhymes with "rover," 353 00:15:28,730 --> 00:15:31,271 and rover's got a squeeky burger toy. 354 00:15:33,271 --> 00:15:34,938 [squeaks] 355 00:15:35,021 --> 00:15:36,438 Utah. 356 00:15:36,521 --> 00:15:38,229 Utah-- Squeek Lake city! 357 00:15:38,312 --> 00:15:39,813 [ticking] 358 00:15:39,896 --> 00:15:41,354 [bell rings] 359 00:15:41,438 --> 00:15:42,563 Everyone finished? 360 00:15:42,646 --> 00:15:45,187 Do you need more time, Scott? 361 00:15:45,271 --> 00:15:46,646 Scott? 362 00:15:46,730 --> 00:15:48,771 No. 363 00:15:48,855 --> 00:15:51,396 I need my squeeky burger toy! 364 00:15:51,479 --> 00:15:54,187 [echoing] Burger toy! Burger toy! 365 00:15:54,271 --> 00:15:56,146 Oops. [chuckles nervously] 366 00:15:56,229 --> 00:15:57,813 Did I say that out loud? 367 00:15:57,896 --> 00:15:59,146 [rings] 368 00:15:59,229 --> 00:16:01,479 Okey-dokey. Recess, class. 369 00:16:01,563 --> 00:16:03,604 All right, nothing to be concerned about. 370 00:16:03,688 --> 00:16:05,604 Just the pressures of the test-- that's all. 371 00:16:05,688 --> 00:16:07,604 Nothing to see here. That's right, move along. 372 00:16:07,688 --> 00:16:08,896 Are you all right? 373 00:16:08,980 --> 00:16:11,813 Oh, yeah, I'm pretty sure I aced that test. 374 00:16:19,813 --> 00:16:21,229 Squeeky burger. 375 00:16:21,312 --> 00:16:22,855 [sniffles] 376 00:16:22,938 --> 00:16:26,479 Why does Scott want a stupid, squeaky, disgusting dog toy? 377 00:16:26,563 --> 00:16:28,813 What's up with that? 378 00:16:28,896 --> 00:16:30,855 It's like he's not even American anymore. 379 00:16:30,938 --> 00:16:32,187 [growls] 380 00:16:32,271 --> 00:16:35,229 These clothes-- they're so restricting. 381 00:16:35,312 --> 00:16:36,688 Scott, get a grip. 382 00:16:36,771 --> 00:16:39,146 You're gonna blow your cover. Everybody's staring. 383 00:16:39,813 --> 00:16:41,187 -[gasps] -[gasps] 384 00:16:41,271 --> 00:16:43,354 Must be that rash acting up again. 385 00:16:43,438 --> 00:16:46,938 Scott used to be so cool. Now he's weirder than eeuw-an. 386 00:16:47,021 --> 00:16:49,312 ♪ I got a squeeky burger, you got none ♪ 387 00:16:49,396 --> 00:16:50,813 ♪ Neener ♪ 388 00:16:50,896 --> 00:16:52,229 ♪ Neener ♪ 389 00:16:52,312 --> 00:16:55,563 [crying] I want my squeeky burger toy! 390 00:16:55,688 --> 00:16:56,730 [laughs] 391 00:16:56,813 --> 00:16:59,604 I got a squeeky burger toy! 392 00:16:59,688 --> 00:17:01,396 You can't have it. 393 00:17:01,479 --> 00:17:04,146 [trembling] Squeeky burger... 394 00:17:04,229 --> 00:17:05,771 Squeeky burger... 395 00:17:05,855 --> 00:17:07,980 [laughter] 396 00:17:08,062 --> 00:17:10,646 Hey, leave Scott alone. He's having a bad day. 397 00:17:10,730 --> 00:17:13,021 Wait here. Don't move. 398 00:17:13,104 --> 00:17:15,396 I'll be right back. 399 00:17:17,896 --> 00:17:19,604 [toy squeaks] 400 00:17:19,688 --> 00:17:21,354 [laughing] 401 00:17:23,438 --> 00:17:24,563 Hey, he didn't lock it. 402 00:17:24,646 --> 00:17:26,688 It's not breaking and entering 403 00:17:26,771 --> 00:17:28,688 if I don't break anything to get in. 404 00:17:28,771 --> 00:17:30,354 Then, it's just entering. 405 00:17:34,479 --> 00:17:36,271 [squishing] 406 00:17:36,354 --> 00:17:37,688 Oh, gross! 407 00:17:37,980 --> 00:17:40,062 My squeeky burger toy! 408 00:17:40,146 --> 00:17:43,730 Oh, hallelujah! The prodigal toy has returned! 409 00:17:43,813 --> 00:17:44,980 ♪ Hallelujah ♪ 410 00:17:45,062 --> 00:17:47,146 ♪ Hallelujah, hallelujah ♪ 411 00:17:47,229 --> 00:17:48,354 ♪ Hallelujah ♪ 412 00:17:48,438 --> 00:17:50,479 [gasps] Someone's breached the fortress of slime. 413 00:17:50,563 --> 00:17:53,604 That's mine! Gimme little Ian! 414 00:17:53,688 --> 00:17:59,688 ♪ Halle-e-e-e-lu-u-u-jah-h-h-h ♪ 415 00:18:03,062 --> 00:18:04,646 Scott, stop it! 416 00:18:04,730 --> 00:18:05,813 [growls] 417 00:18:05,896 --> 00:18:07,688 I mean, the growling. 418 00:18:07,771 --> 00:18:08,855 Oh, right. 419 00:18:08,938 --> 00:18:10,855 All right, break it up, boys. 420 00:18:10,938 --> 00:18:12,855 This is a schoolyard, not a hockey rink. 421 00:18:12,938 --> 00:18:14,438 What's going on here? 422 00:18:14,521 --> 00:18:16,730 Scott took Ian's squeeky burger toy. 423 00:18:16,813 --> 00:18:19,062 Yeah. He's been after it all day. 424 00:18:19,146 --> 00:18:20,646 Because it's mine! 425 00:18:20,730 --> 00:18:22,855 No, it isn't, Scott! It's mine! 426 00:18:22,938 --> 00:18:25,604 I'd expect this from Mr. Wazselewski, 427 00:18:25,688 --> 00:18:28,521 but you, a relatively normal child, 428 00:18:28,604 --> 00:18:31,730 claim ownership of this disgusting dog toy? 429 00:18:31,813 --> 00:18:32,646 Yes. 430 00:18:32,730 --> 00:18:35,229 Ian, can't you just let him have it? 431 00:18:35,312 --> 00:18:36,730 It means so much to him. 432 00:18:36,813 --> 00:18:40,521 Well, yeah, I could, if I wanted to, 433 00:18:40,604 --> 00:18:42,730 but...I don't, so I won't! 434 00:18:42,813 --> 00:18:45,229 This is very suspicious. 435 00:18:45,312 --> 00:18:47,521 I think I can explain. 436 00:18:47,604 --> 00:18:49,604 I know it doesn't make sense-- 437 00:18:49,688 --> 00:18:52,730 a 10-year-old boy wanting a dog's squeeky burger toy. 438 00:18:52,813 --> 00:18:56,021 But, you see, I've had it since I was a little pup-- boy. 439 00:18:56,104 --> 00:18:58,604 It was given to me by my very best friend, 440 00:18:58,688 --> 00:19:01,688 and it's much more than just a toy to me, much more. 441 00:19:01,771 --> 00:19:03,312 It's my connection 442 00:19:03,396 --> 00:19:05,604 to memories of happy times and warmth. 443 00:19:05,688 --> 00:19:06,980 We all have things like this 444 00:19:07,104 --> 00:19:09,021 that buy us refuge from a scary world 445 00:19:09,104 --> 00:19:11,146 and remind us of a time when we felt safe. 446 00:19:11,229 --> 00:19:13,146 Yours may go by a different name-- 447 00:19:13,229 --> 00:19:16,771 Binky, Blankie, Wubby, Lovey. 448 00:19:16,855 --> 00:19:19,104 It may be as ratty as an old piece of blanket 449 00:19:19,187 --> 00:19:21,104 or as silly as a worn-out Teddy bear, 450 00:19:21,187 --> 00:19:22,730 but whatever it is, 451 00:19:22,813 --> 00:19:24,187 it's something you know 452 00:19:24,271 --> 00:19:27,604 deep in your heart you will always love, 453 00:19:27,688 --> 00:19:31,730 and I'm proud to say I love my squeeky burger toy! 454 00:19:31,813 --> 00:19:33,604 What, am I alone on this? 455 00:19:33,688 --> 00:19:37,604 Does no one else have an attachment to something silly? 456 00:19:37,688 --> 00:19:40,229 No, you're not alone. 457 00:19:40,354 --> 00:19:42,688 I love Lamont. 458 00:19:42,771 --> 00:19:45,104 I love my Mrs. Fluffington. 459 00:19:45,187 --> 00:19:46,646 I love my Bunkie. 460 00:19:46,730 --> 00:19:48,730 I love my Fuzzy Muzzy. 461 00:19:48,813 --> 00:19:50,146 I love Wubby. 462 00:19:50,229 --> 00:19:51,563 I love Mr. Goiter! 463 00:19:51,646 --> 00:19:53,438 [warbles] 464 00:19:54,146 --> 00:19:55,604 [all] Eww! 465 00:19:55,688 --> 00:19:59,104 And I must confess, I love Señor Dingle. 466 00:19:59,187 --> 00:20:00,855 [meows] 467 00:20:00,938 --> 00:20:04,187 Yes, Tallulah, I love you, too. 468 00:20:04,271 --> 00:20:05,771 [computer dinging] 469 00:20:05,855 --> 00:20:07,062 Oh, no! 470 00:20:07,146 --> 00:20:09,688 Someone else is bidding on the squeeky burger toy! 471 00:20:09,771 --> 00:20:12,521 Well, nobody outbids Litterlover. 472 00:20:12,604 --> 00:20:14,563 Try this on for size. 473 00:20:14,646 --> 00:20:17,730 What?! This nudnik thinks he can outbid me?! 474 00:20:17,813 --> 00:20:19,229 No way, José! 475 00:20:21,521 --> 00:20:22,896 Hey, what are you doing? 476 00:20:22,980 --> 00:20:25,187 Well, I wasn't gonna say anything, 477 00:20:25,271 --> 00:20:27,521 but I'm bidding on a one-of-a-kind 478 00:20:27,604 --> 00:20:30,312 original Burmese squeeky burger toy for spot, 479 00:20:30,396 --> 00:20:32,646 but some joker keeps raising my bids. 480 00:20:32,730 --> 00:20:34,938 What?! I'm bidding on a one-of-a-kind 481 00:20:35,021 --> 00:20:37,229 original Burmese squeeky burger toy for spot, 482 00:20:37,312 --> 00:20:39,521 but some joker keeps raising my bids. 483 00:20:39,604 --> 00:20:41,021 You're Greenandmean? 484 00:20:41,104 --> 00:20:42,646 You're Litterlover? 485 00:20:42,730 --> 00:20:44,646 So, you're the one who's been driving up the price! 486 00:20:44,730 --> 00:20:46,771 Me?! You were driving up the price! 487 00:20:46,855 --> 00:20:50,479 All our profits are gone! You spent our nest egg! 488 00:20:50,563 --> 00:20:51,479 I should have known. 489 00:20:51,563 --> 00:20:52,688 You're the only one dumb enough 490 00:20:52,771 --> 00:20:54,146 to pay $50 for a squeeky burger toy. 491 00:20:54,229 --> 00:20:55,813 Oh yeah? It takes one to know one. 492 00:20:55,896 --> 00:20:57,229 [computer dings] 493 00:20:57,312 --> 00:20:59,688 Look, someone else just put in a higher bid. 494 00:20:59,771 --> 00:21:01,146 Oh, no, do something! 495 00:21:01,229 --> 00:21:03,229 We've got to get the squeeky burger toy for-- 496 00:21:03,312 --> 00:21:04,563 [beeping] 497 00:21:04,646 --> 00:21:06,563 Oh! Auction closed-- final bid-- $51. 498 00:21:06,646 --> 00:21:07,938 Oh, great. 499 00:21:08,021 --> 00:21:09,938 Thanks to your incessant cat yammering, 500 00:21:10,021 --> 00:21:11,938 someone else got our squeeky burger toy. 501 00:21:12,021 --> 00:21:13,646 Hey, it takes two to yammer. 502 00:21:13,730 --> 00:21:15,021 But on the bright side, 503 00:21:15,104 --> 00:21:17,771 we now have all the money back in our account. 504 00:21:17,855 --> 00:21:19,563 You make a very good point. 505 00:21:19,646 --> 00:21:21,146 Hey, check it out-- a partially eaten seed ball. 506 00:21:21,229 --> 00:21:22,438 I need that! 507 00:21:22,521 --> 00:21:24,021 Ooh! And someone's selling 508 00:21:24,104 --> 00:21:26,938 an indoor grass planter that I just must have. 509 00:21:31,354 --> 00:21:33,521 Boy, I really thought after that speech you gave 510 00:21:33,604 --> 00:21:36,646 Ian would give you back your squeeky burger toy. 511 00:21:36,730 --> 00:21:39,604 It was one of my best, if I do say so myself. 512 00:21:39,688 --> 00:21:41,604 What's the matter, boy? 513 00:21:41,688 --> 00:21:43,062 [growling] 514 00:21:43,146 --> 00:21:44,646 Easy, boy. 515 00:21:44,730 --> 00:21:48,021 Oh, what's wrong, puppy? Are you unhappy? 516 00:21:48,104 --> 00:21:51,604 Well, here. Have a chew toy to play with. 517 00:21:51,688 --> 00:21:54,604 I don't need that old thing, anyway, 518 00:21:54,688 --> 00:21:57,521 'cause I just outbid a couple of doofuses on the Internet 519 00:21:57,604 --> 00:21:58,896 for this! 520 00:21:58,980 --> 00:22:01,146 Pretty neat, huh? [laughs] 521 00:22:01,229 --> 00:22:03,688 ♪ I got a squeeky burger, you got none ♪ 522 00:22:03,771 --> 00:22:04,688 ♪ Neener ♪ 523 00:22:04,771 --> 00:22:05,688 ♪ Neener ♪ 524 00:22:05,771 --> 00:22:08,104 I'm sure there's a lesson in there somewhere, 525 00:22:08,187 --> 00:22:10,563 but for the life of me, I can't figure it out. 526 00:22:10,646 --> 00:22:12,813 Just keep walking before he changes his mind.