1 00:00:00,354 --> 00:00:01,479 ♪ Born on the wrong end Of the leash ♪ 2 00:00:01,563 --> 00:00:04,104 -♪ He was a dreamer ♪ -♪ And a little schemer ♪ 3 00:00:04,187 --> 00:00:05,813 ♪ A nutty mutt living a dog's life ♪ 4 00:00:05,896 --> 00:00:07,438 ♪ But when he'd hear the bell for school ♪ 5 00:00:07,521 --> 00:00:08,354 ♪ He'd start to drool ♪ 6 00:00:08,438 --> 00:00:10,146 -♪ One day he says ♪ -♪ I'll take a chance ♪ 7 00:00:10,229 --> 00:00:11,855 ♪ Trades his leash For a pair of pants ♪ 8 00:00:11,938 --> 00:00:14,229 ♪ In a glance, school becomes His favorite pastime ♪ 9 00:00:14,312 --> 00:00:16,604 ♪ I have buried a bone For the last time ♪ 10 00:00:16,688 --> 00:00:18,312 -♪ He says ♪ -♪ I want to be a boy ♪ 11 00:00:18,396 --> 00:00:19,646 ♪ Ooh, he's bad ♪ 12 00:00:19,730 --> 00:00:21,146 ♪ He's so over just being rover ♪ 13 00:00:21,229 --> 00:00:22,604 ♪ I gotta be a boy ♪ 14 00:00:22,688 --> 00:00:25,062 ♪ It's so weird ♪ ♪ He says he's just gonna be a boy ♪ 15 00:00:25,146 --> 00:00:26,688 ♪ Turns out he's a regular Einstein ♪ 16 00:00:26,771 --> 00:00:28,438 ♪ And Leonard is treading a fine line ♪ 17 00:00:28,521 --> 00:00:30,980 Why can't I be a normal kid like any other? 18 00:00:31,062 --> 00:00:33,146 Now, doodle bug, listen to mother. 19 00:00:33,229 --> 00:00:34,938 ♪ I want to be a boy ♪ 20 00:00:35,021 --> 00:00:36,938 I hate dogs. 21 00:00:37,021 --> 00:00:39,479 ♪ I gotta be a boy ♪ 22 00:00:39,563 --> 00:00:41,479 ♪ This power pup's gonna be a boy ♪ 23 00:00:41,563 --> 00:00:43,521 I do not wish to be a dog. 24 00:00:43,604 --> 00:00:46,104 ♪ Now this bowser's ready for trousers ♪ 25 00:00:46,187 --> 00:00:47,521 ♪ I got to be a boy ♪ 26 00:00:47,604 --> 00:00:49,104 ♪ His nose is wet but you can bet ♪ 27 00:00:49,187 --> 00:00:52,229 ♪ This teacher's pet is gonna be a boy ♪ 28 00:00:52,312 --> 00:00:54,146 Yes! 29 00:01:09,104 --> 00:01:12,312 [Mrs. Helperman] And that, class, is how our school's namesake's master, 30 00:01:12,396 --> 00:01:15,938 Franklin D. Roosevelt, got this swelleriffic country of ours 31 00:01:16,021 --> 00:01:18,104 through the great depression-- 32 00:01:18,187 --> 00:01:20,938 with a can-do attitude, a big, bright smile, 33 00:01:21,021 --> 00:01:22,855 and his famous pronouncement-- 34 00:01:22,938 --> 00:01:28,563 "The only thing we have to fear is fear itself." 35 00:01:31,980 --> 00:01:35,021 Ha. In regard to public speaking, he also said, 36 00:01:35,104 --> 00:01:37,271 "Be sincere, be brief, be seated." 37 00:01:37,354 --> 00:01:38,563 Ha ha ha. 38 00:01:38,646 --> 00:01:40,146 [bell rings] 39 00:01:40,229 --> 00:01:41,855 Snack break! Ha ha! 40 00:01:41,938 --> 00:01:43,062 Snack sensibly, now, 41 00:01:43,146 --> 00:01:45,813 and come back with those chipper cheeks all rosy posy. 42 00:01:45,896 --> 00:01:47,396 [sighs] 43 00:01:47,479 --> 00:01:49,229 Coming, Leonard? 44 00:01:49,312 --> 00:01:50,938 I'm gonna stay here. You go. 45 00:01:51,021 --> 00:01:53,021 You're skipping snack break? 46 00:01:53,104 --> 00:01:55,855 Snack break-- the brief antemeridian respite 47 00:01:55,938 --> 00:01:59,563 wherein we knit up the raveled sleeve of the morning's care, 48 00:01:59,646 --> 00:02:03,021 filled with the happy sounds of children at play, 49 00:02:03,104 --> 00:02:06,938 giggling girls comparing notes on schoolyard crushes? 50 00:02:07,021 --> 00:02:09,563 Of course there's also the fear of physical torment 51 00:02:09,646 --> 00:02:12,062 by alpha-male wannabes, 52 00:02:12,146 --> 00:02:15,479 but still, all in all snack break is good fun! 53 00:02:15,563 --> 00:02:16,896 For you maybe. 54 00:02:16,980 --> 00:02:19,980 For me it's just another chance for Leslie to ignore me. 55 00:02:20,062 --> 00:02:22,396 Well, you're certainly not gonna get her to sit up 56 00:02:22,479 --> 00:02:25,146 and take notice by cowering behind your desk. 57 00:02:25,229 --> 00:02:26,813 Come on, bunkie. 58 00:02:26,896 --> 00:02:29,688 Today we put the lessons of Franklin D. Roosevelt 59 00:02:29,771 --> 00:02:31,021 into practice. 60 00:02:31,104 --> 00:02:34,312 Today you'll not fear your fear, but face it head-on. 61 00:02:34,396 --> 00:02:37,604 You will not allow Leslie to ignore you. 62 00:02:37,688 --> 00:02:39,813 You will engage her, charm her, 63 00:02:39,896 --> 00:02:42,896 tell her of the depths of your passion for her. 64 00:02:42,980 --> 00:02:45,312 I can't do that! What if she rejects me? 65 00:02:45,396 --> 00:02:47,980 She probably will, but it'll be good for you. 66 00:02:48,062 --> 00:02:49,938 Trust me. 67 00:02:50,021 --> 00:02:52,187 [coyote howls] 68 00:02:55,479 --> 00:02:57,896 Hmm. Speed bump on the road to Leslieville. 69 00:02:57,980 --> 00:02:59,980 Where is everyone? 70 00:03:00,062 --> 00:03:02,312 Could be a mass alien abduction. 71 00:03:02,396 --> 00:03:04,438 We'd be safer inside. 72 00:03:09,938 --> 00:03:14,646 Snacks half-uneaten, juice-box foil seals poked open, 73 00:03:14,730 --> 00:03:17,187 but the juice left unswilled. 74 00:03:17,271 --> 00:03:19,730 Must be something big going on. 75 00:03:24,104 --> 00:03:25,062 Together: Hello? 76 00:03:25,146 --> 00:03:26,938 Shh! Quiet! Get in here! 77 00:03:27,021 --> 00:03:29,396 Close the door. Close the door! 78 00:03:34,813 --> 00:03:36,521 Well, well, well. 79 00:03:36,604 --> 00:03:38,146 What playground ritual have we stumbled upon here? 80 00:03:38,229 --> 00:03:40,980 Truth or dare. Wanna play? 81 00:03:41,062 --> 00:03:44,187 Nah. I'll just meet you guys back in the classroom. 82 00:03:46,021 --> 00:03:48,938 Nothing breeds intimacy like sharing secrets, Len. 83 00:03:49,021 --> 00:03:51,771 This is a golden-- nay, a platinum opportunity 84 00:03:51,855 --> 00:03:54,229 to forge an unbreakable bond with Leslie. 85 00:03:54,312 --> 00:03:55,813 Don't pass it up. 86 00:03:55,896 --> 00:03:58,521 All right. All right. We'll play. 87 00:03:58,604 --> 00:04:00,938 Leonard will play. I'm gonna sit out. 88 00:04:01,021 --> 00:04:03,021 What?! 89 00:04:03,104 --> 00:04:05,771 Some "tails" are best left untold, 90 00:04:05,855 --> 00:04:07,438 if you get my drift. 91 00:04:07,521 --> 00:04:09,062 So here's how it works-- 92 00:04:09,146 --> 00:04:11,938 we ask you truth or dare. If you pick truth, 93 00:04:12,021 --> 00:04:15,396 then we ask you a question and you have to tell the truth. 94 00:04:15,438 --> 00:04:17,187 If you pick dare, 95 00:04:17,271 --> 00:04:19,604 we dare you to do one thing and you have to do it. 96 00:04:19,688 --> 00:04:21,938 Ooh! Ooh! I'll do it! 97 00:04:22,021 --> 00:04:24,104 Give me another dare! Oh, no, no, no. 98 00:04:24,187 --> 00:04:26,021 I got one. Ian. 99 00:04:26,104 --> 00:04:27,730 Yes? 100 00:04:27,813 --> 00:04:29,771 Eat a frog leg and jelly sandwich. 101 00:04:29,855 --> 00:04:31,980 Oh, okay. 102 00:04:32,104 --> 00:04:33,730 [all] Eww! 103 00:04:33,813 --> 00:04:35,896 It's not even your turn, "Eeuw-an." 104 00:04:35,980 --> 00:04:38,146 Truth or dare, Leonard. 105 00:04:38,229 --> 00:04:40,980 I guess I'll take a truth. 106 00:04:41,062 --> 00:04:44,021 Attaboy, Leonard. No fear. 107 00:04:44,104 --> 00:04:48,146 Let's see... something simple, but scary. 108 00:04:48,229 --> 00:04:50,438 Just kibitzing, mind you, but might I suggest 109 00:04:50,521 --> 00:04:52,730 "who's your favorite girl in the class?" 110 00:04:52,813 --> 00:04:53,730 Scott! 111 00:04:53,813 --> 00:04:55,396 Oh, good one. 112 00:04:55,479 --> 00:04:57,896 [all] Ooh! 113 00:04:57,980 --> 00:04:59,896 Oh, that's perfect. 114 00:04:59,980 --> 00:05:02,187 Who's your favorite girl in the class? 115 00:05:03,396 --> 00:05:05,521 Well, Leonard? Who is it? 116 00:05:11,396 --> 00:05:14,688 I-i-i-i-i-i-- 117 00:05:14,771 --> 00:05:16,312 [bell rings] 118 00:05:16,396 --> 00:05:17,771 I'm saved! 119 00:05:17,855 --> 00:05:19,104 Saved by the bell. 120 00:05:19,187 --> 00:05:22,688 You're only saved till tomorrow at first recess. 121 00:05:22,771 --> 00:05:24,938 We'll expect your answer then. 122 00:05:25,021 --> 00:05:27,146 Yeah, your honest answer. 123 00:05:29,855 --> 00:05:32,980 Perfect. That gives you nearly 24 hours of fear-facing, 124 00:05:33,062 --> 00:05:34,980 character-building misery to endure. 125 00:05:35,062 --> 00:05:37,896 This is gonna be very, very good for you, Leonard. 126 00:05:37,980 --> 00:05:40,479 I don't see how any of this is good for me. 127 00:05:40,563 --> 00:05:42,187 It's simple, Lenny. 128 00:05:42,271 --> 00:05:45,813 Facing our fears, whatever they may be, is one of the processes 129 00:05:45,896 --> 00:05:48,563 by which we grow into well-balanced adults. 130 00:05:49,855 --> 00:05:52,062 Good morning, Principal Strickler. 131 00:05:52,146 --> 00:05:54,938 Wasn't it Solon of Athens who said 132 00:05:55,062 --> 00:05:58,021 "each day grow older and learn something new"? 133 00:05:58,104 --> 00:05:59,229 Whatever. 134 00:05:59,312 --> 00:06:03,730 Well, what demons plague our glorious leader today? 135 00:06:06,730 --> 00:06:08,354 Here she comes, Tallulah. 136 00:06:08,438 --> 00:06:11,104 Quickly, hide my male-pattern baldness. 137 00:06:11,187 --> 00:06:13,730 Good morning, Miss Sproutwell. 138 00:06:13,813 --> 00:06:14,938 Good morning. 139 00:06:15,021 --> 00:06:17,021 I wonder if you'd care to-- 140 00:06:17,104 --> 00:06:20,062 [Tallulah growls, meows] 141 00:06:20,146 --> 00:06:23,479 Tallulah, is it possible that my thinning hair 142 00:06:23,563 --> 00:06:26,980 has made me unattractive to women of the opposite sex? 143 00:06:27,062 --> 00:06:29,521 Clearly some adults have conquered their fears 144 00:06:29,604 --> 00:06:31,104 more thoroughly than others. 145 00:06:35,146 --> 00:06:38,062 [Spot barks] 146 00:06:39,187 --> 00:06:41,521 Yes, Spot, I think Leonard's home. 147 00:06:42,438 --> 00:06:45,354 Loyal dog welcomes young master home from school. 148 00:06:45,438 --> 00:06:48,438 Oh, how I cherish the daily charade! 149 00:06:49,104 --> 00:06:50,229 [thud] 150 00:06:52,771 --> 00:06:54,271 Mom! Package! 151 00:06:54,354 --> 00:06:56,021 The sturdiness of which 152 00:06:56,104 --> 00:06:59,187 is exceeded only by the folly of its placement. 153 00:07:00,354 --> 00:07:02,813 Ah. Home sweet home-- 154 00:07:02,896 --> 00:07:06,271 where nobody ever has to face their fears. 155 00:07:06,354 --> 00:07:08,688 Oh, boy! Oh, boy! Oh, boyareenie! 156 00:07:08,771 --> 00:07:11,104 Special delivery for Mr. Jolly! 157 00:07:11,187 --> 00:07:14,104 A package for me? 158 00:07:14,187 --> 00:07:16,104 Is it my birthday or is this just one of those 159 00:07:16,187 --> 00:07:18,354 random, senseless acts of beauty? 160 00:07:18,438 --> 00:07:21,271 Your entire existence is a random, senseless act, 161 00:07:21,354 --> 00:07:22,730 and it ain't beautiful. 162 00:07:22,855 --> 00:07:25,354 Ta-da! Ha ha ha! 163 00:07:25,438 --> 00:07:28,021 It's the super-duper, no need for a scooper, 164 00:07:28,104 --> 00:07:30,980 automated, self-cleaning kitty box. 165 00:07:31,062 --> 00:07:33,896 It has a paw-pressure sensitive litter separator, 166 00:07:33,980 --> 00:07:36,646 instant aromatherapy air freshener, 167 00:07:36,730 --> 00:07:38,980 and a digitized voice-alert system. 168 00:07:39,062 --> 00:07:40,563 Isn't it fabulicious? 169 00:07:43,521 --> 00:07:45,855 Well, I-I bet you'd like a little privacy. 170 00:07:45,938 --> 00:07:48,312 All righty-dighty. Have fun. 171 00:07:50,396 --> 00:07:51,855 Boy, this baby's loaded. 172 00:07:52,062 --> 00:07:54,104 Don't you want to take it for a quick whiz around the block? 173 00:07:55,896 --> 00:07:57,688 I fear change. 174 00:07:57,771 --> 00:08:00,312 What?! Come on! This thing cost a fortune. 175 00:08:00,396 --> 00:08:02,229 You can't just stand there staring at it 176 00:08:02,312 --> 00:08:03,479 and shaking like a leaf. 177 00:08:03,563 --> 00:08:04,980 You gotta face your fears! 178 00:08:05,062 --> 00:08:06,479 You talkin' to me? 179 00:08:06,563 --> 00:08:09,646 Why did you say that? I don't want to face my fears. 180 00:08:09,896 --> 00:08:12,312 Can't everyone just leave me alone? 181 00:08:13,062 --> 00:08:14,396 Whacked! I tell you-- 182 00:08:14,479 --> 00:08:16,730 this whole meshugeneh family is whacked. 183 00:08:27,771 --> 00:08:30,271 Isn't that new litter box just wonderful? 184 00:08:30,354 --> 00:08:32,354 It smells just minty fresh-- 185 00:08:32,438 --> 00:08:34,896 almost like it had never been used. 186 00:08:34,980 --> 00:08:37,187 Would you stop being such a schmegeggy? 187 00:08:37,271 --> 00:08:39,813 You gotta start thinking inside the box. 188 00:08:39,896 --> 00:08:41,771 I-- that is-- say, you know, 189 00:08:41,855 --> 00:08:43,855 I never got to say goodbye to my old box. 190 00:08:43,938 --> 00:08:45,896 I mean, after all we went through together, 191 00:08:45,980 --> 00:08:47,896 it just doesn't seem right, does it? 192 00:08:47,980 --> 00:08:49,521 Old box, where are you? 193 00:08:49,604 --> 00:08:53,271 If you don't use that box, i'm gonna lose all respect for you. 194 00:08:53,354 --> 00:08:55,271 Don't say that! 195 00:08:55,354 --> 00:08:57,521 Your respect is all I have. 196 00:08:57,604 --> 00:08:59,354 Then into the box you go. 197 00:09:01,187 --> 00:09:03,855 Okay. Here I go. 198 00:09:03,938 --> 00:09:08,104 Um, no, maybe-- no, I should. 199 00:09:08,187 --> 00:09:10,104 No. 200 00:09:13,187 --> 00:09:14,354 [sighs] 201 00:09:14,479 --> 00:09:16,146 [man] The cat has entered the box! 202 00:09:16,229 --> 00:09:17,563 Yaahhh! 203 00:09:19,771 --> 00:09:20,980 Have you ever seen anything like that? 204 00:09:21,062 --> 00:09:24,312 He's one big, sopping-wet fur ball of fear. 205 00:09:24,396 --> 00:09:27,146 Then it's up to you, his fine feathered friend, 206 00:09:27,229 --> 00:09:29,062 to help him meet his terror head-on, 207 00:09:29,146 --> 00:09:31,104 as I have done with my good friend Leonard. 208 00:09:31,187 --> 00:09:32,938 Can we talk about that? 209 00:09:33,021 --> 00:09:35,938 I've got about 12 hours before my life is ruined-- 210 00:09:36,021 --> 00:09:37,771 Would you wait a minute, Leonard? 211 00:09:37,855 --> 00:09:39,730 What I'm saying is, 212 00:09:39,813 --> 00:09:42,438 you've really gotta be there for your friends when they need you. 213 00:09:42,521 --> 00:09:44,438 Well, I don't usually take on projects 214 00:09:44,521 --> 00:09:46,229 involving cat psychology, 215 00:09:46,312 --> 00:09:48,271 but hardware like that shouldn't go to waste. 216 00:09:48,354 --> 00:09:50,146 All right. I'll do it. 217 00:09:50,229 --> 00:09:51,354 Thataboy. 218 00:09:51,438 --> 00:09:53,563 Now, then, onto helping my friend. 219 00:09:53,646 --> 00:09:56,229 Leonard, I suggest you face your fear 220 00:09:56,354 --> 00:09:58,354 of Leslie's rejection rationally 221 00:09:58,438 --> 00:10:00,563 by examining your options 222 00:10:00,646 --> 00:10:02,855 and projecting all the possible outcomes. 223 00:10:02,938 --> 00:10:06,479 Well, I really only have two choices. 224 00:10:07,563 --> 00:10:10,312 Option one-- tell the honest truth. 225 00:10:10,396 --> 00:10:12,604 Hmm. Let's play out that scenario. 226 00:10:12,688 --> 00:10:14,312 [sighs] 227 00:10:14,396 --> 00:10:16,938 My favorite girl in the class, 228 00:10:17,021 --> 00:10:20,312 in fact, in the whole world, is Leslie. 229 00:10:20,396 --> 00:10:21,813 [all gasp] 230 00:10:24,187 --> 00:10:25,271 [giggles] 231 00:10:25,354 --> 00:10:27,062 [laughs nervously] 232 00:10:27,146 --> 00:10:29,938 Heh heh heh! Ha ha ha ha! 233 00:10:30,021 --> 00:10:32,479 A-ha ha ha ha ha! 234 00:10:32,563 --> 00:10:34,896 [laughter] 235 00:10:56,438 --> 00:10:59,271 I think I'll skip option one. 236 00:10:59,354 --> 00:11:04,396 Option two-- I could lie and say I like someone else. 237 00:11:04,479 --> 00:11:07,479 My favorite girl in the class is... 238 00:11:07,563 --> 00:11:09,521 Younghee. 239 00:11:09,604 --> 00:11:11,438 Oh, Leonard! 240 00:11:14,438 --> 00:11:17,771 Younghee? Oh, Leonard, how could you? 241 00:11:17,855 --> 00:11:21,312 I love you. I've always loved you. 242 00:11:21,396 --> 00:11:22,771 What? Really? 243 00:11:22,855 --> 00:11:24,354 Hey, let go! 244 00:11:24,438 --> 00:11:26,604 Oh, to think of the life we could have had together, 245 00:11:26,688 --> 00:11:29,521 you and I... 246 00:11:29,604 --> 00:11:31,730 But now, that will never be. 247 00:11:31,813 --> 00:11:35,312 I never want to see you again, Leonard Helperman. 248 00:11:35,396 --> 00:11:37,396 Now that I know about you and Younghee, 249 00:11:37,479 --> 00:11:40,521 it would be just... too... painful. 250 00:11:41,855 --> 00:11:44,938 Leslie, no! Wait! 251 00:11:45,021 --> 00:11:46,730 Those are my options-- 252 00:11:46,813 --> 00:11:49,980 rejected by the entire universe or married to Younghee? 253 00:11:50,062 --> 00:11:51,896 This is all your fault! 254 00:11:51,980 --> 00:11:53,396 You're right, Leonard. 255 00:11:53,438 --> 00:11:55,980 I got you into this. I can get you out of it. 256 00:11:56,062 --> 00:11:58,479 I've got a plan for you to win the game 257 00:11:58,563 --> 00:12:01,229 without having to answer the gossipy questions 258 00:12:01,312 --> 00:12:03,521 of the fourth-grade scandalmongers. 259 00:12:03,604 --> 00:12:06,563 You'll just have to face a different kind of fear. 260 00:12:08,104 --> 00:12:11,312 My answer is-- my answer is-- 261 00:12:11,396 --> 00:12:13,062 go ahead, Leonard. 262 00:12:13,146 --> 00:12:18,396 That I like-- I like-- I'd like to take a dare instead. 263 00:12:18,479 --> 00:12:19,646 -No way! -No way! 264 00:12:19,730 --> 00:12:21,563 -That is so illegal. -What? No way! 265 00:12:21,646 --> 00:12:22,855 What's the matter with you? 266 00:12:22,938 --> 00:12:24,271 Forget it. 267 00:12:24,354 --> 00:12:27,813 Unless it's a really hard dare. 268 00:12:27,896 --> 00:12:30,354 Ooh! Ooh! Like, Ian. 269 00:12:30,438 --> 00:12:31,312 Yes? 270 00:12:31,396 --> 00:12:34,604 Blow a double-sided earwax bubble. 271 00:12:34,688 --> 00:12:35,855 Oh, okay. 272 00:12:35,938 --> 00:12:37,771 [Mr. Strickler] Mr. Wazselewski. 273 00:12:41,479 --> 00:12:43,896 [laughs] Nice rug. 274 00:12:43,980 --> 00:12:46,521 What? Oh, yes. 275 00:12:46,604 --> 00:12:50,813 The new multimedia-room carpeting is quite attractive. 276 00:12:50,896 --> 00:12:52,521 [all laugh] 277 00:12:52,604 --> 00:12:54,104 Oh, man. 278 00:12:54,187 --> 00:12:57,021 Cleopatra may be the queen of de-nial, 279 00:12:57,104 --> 00:13:00,396 But our principal is its king and emperor. 280 00:13:00,479 --> 00:13:02,730 Ha ha ha ha! De-nial! You get it? 281 00:13:02,813 --> 00:13:04,771 I crack myself up. 282 00:13:04,855 --> 00:13:06,771 Did I hear you children participating 283 00:13:06,855 --> 00:13:08,855 in the strictly forbidden game of "truth or dare"? 284 00:13:08,938 --> 00:13:10,021 Forbidden? 285 00:13:10,104 --> 00:13:11,396 Strictly! 286 00:13:11,479 --> 00:13:13,438 It's rule number two in the big book of rules. 287 00:13:13,521 --> 00:13:15,438 "No truth or dare," 288 00:13:15,521 --> 00:13:18,604 right after rule number one, "no dogs." 289 00:13:19,938 --> 00:13:23,021 This game will cease and desist immediately. 290 00:13:23,104 --> 00:13:26,438 [all] Yes, sir! 291 00:13:26,521 --> 00:13:29,021 Okay, Leonard, it's still your turn. 292 00:13:29,104 --> 00:13:31,146 What? We can't keep playing. 293 00:13:31,229 --> 00:13:33,479 Principal Strickler just said it's against the rules. 294 00:13:33,563 --> 00:13:35,688 Yeah, well, judging by the way 295 00:13:35,771 --> 00:13:37,771 he tries to hide his thinning hair, 296 00:13:37,855 --> 00:13:40,855 strickler obviously doesn't understand that facing our fears 297 00:13:40,938 --> 00:13:44,354 is, like, totally how we grow into well-balanced adults. 298 00:13:44,438 --> 00:13:46,146 Right? 299 00:13:46,229 --> 00:13:48,354 Couldn't have said it better myself. 300 00:13:48,438 --> 00:13:49,938 We've got it! 301 00:13:50,021 --> 00:13:52,187 We'll let you do a dare, Leonard. 302 00:13:52,271 --> 00:13:56,563 We dare you to take Principal Strickler's toupee, 303 00:13:56,646 --> 00:13:58,271 and then put it on top of the statue 304 00:13:58,354 --> 00:14:00,271 in front of the school. 305 00:14:00,354 --> 00:14:02,146 Oh, no! 306 00:14:02,229 --> 00:14:05,479 Oh, you're gonna get in trouble. 307 00:14:07,021 --> 00:14:11,521 You have 24 hours to do it, Leonard. 308 00:14:11,604 --> 00:14:13,354 Great plan, Scott. 309 00:14:13,438 --> 00:14:16,104 I've gone from being scared of rejection by Leslie 310 00:14:16,187 --> 00:14:19,021 to fear of ejection from the whole school. 311 00:14:19,104 --> 00:14:21,354 I know it sounds like dark times, Leonard, 312 00:14:21,438 --> 00:14:24,438 but don't you worry. I've got a plan. 313 00:14:24,521 --> 00:14:27,604 I was kind of afraid you were gonna say that. 314 00:14:34,563 --> 00:14:38,104 No! No, no, no, no, no! 315 00:14:38,187 --> 00:14:40,146 [water runs] 316 00:14:47,855 --> 00:14:53,354 [man on TV] Niagara Falls-- you can almost feel the pounding pressure 317 00:14:53,438 --> 00:14:57,646 of 600,000 gallons per second of watery flow. 318 00:14:57,730 --> 00:15:02,062 No fear is worth enduring this level of internal torment. 319 00:15:04,438 --> 00:15:06,521 No. No, I can't. 320 00:15:06,604 --> 00:15:10,813 Despite the swelling feelings deep inside of me, 321 00:15:10,896 --> 00:15:14,271 I just can't betray my old box. 322 00:15:14,354 --> 00:15:17,354 It violates the sacred, age-old cat/litter box relationship. 323 00:15:17,438 --> 00:15:19,354 Oh, for pity's sake. 324 00:15:19,438 --> 00:15:22,021 Here, you big baby, I'll show you how it's done. 325 00:15:23,438 --> 00:15:25,980 [man] The cat has entered the box. 326 00:15:26,062 --> 00:15:27,646 Waste material detected. 327 00:15:27,730 --> 00:15:29,229 [gasps] 328 00:15:29,312 --> 00:15:31,688 W-What are you doing?! I'm a living creature here! 329 00:15:31,771 --> 00:15:34,479 [man] Waste material being processed. 330 00:15:34,563 --> 00:15:36,604 Waste material eliminated. 331 00:15:36,688 --> 00:15:39,521 You realize, of course, this means war! 332 00:15:39,646 --> 00:15:41,604 [bell rings] 333 00:15:44,438 --> 00:15:46,354 You've got one hour. 334 00:15:46,438 --> 00:15:49,396 Ask not for whom the lunch bell tolls. 335 00:15:49,479 --> 00:15:51,479 It tolls for thee. 336 00:15:51,563 --> 00:15:54,896 Come on, Lenny. We've got a job to do. 337 00:15:54,980 --> 00:15:56,980 Oh, yes, Tallulah, 338 00:15:57,062 --> 00:16:00,312 this is the day that the attractive new art specialist, 339 00:16:00,396 --> 00:16:04,479 Miss Sproutwell, meets the new, hairier, more manly me. 340 00:16:06,521 --> 00:16:08,813 Got it! 341 00:16:08,896 --> 00:16:11,813 [growls] 342 00:16:11,896 --> 00:16:14,563 Helperman and Leadready?! 343 00:16:14,646 --> 00:16:18,855 A model student like you in disciplinary hot water? 344 00:16:18,938 --> 00:16:21,104 Strange times. 345 00:16:21,187 --> 00:16:23,312 Strange times. 346 00:16:23,396 --> 00:16:25,521 To my office, boys. 347 00:16:25,604 --> 00:16:27,438 Great. We're busted. 348 00:16:27,521 --> 00:16:30,354 Don't worry, bunkie, it plays right into our hands-- 349 00:16:30,938 --> 00:16:33,021 or paws, as the case may be. 350 00:16:33,104 --> 00:16:37,187 Fishing for defenseless felines on school property? 351 00:16:37,271 --> 00:16:40,354 Would you care to offer an explanation? 352 00:16:40,479 --> 00:16:43,354 We only transgressed the law in order that we might 353 00:16:43,438 --> 00:16:45,980 gain access to your inner sanctum, Principal Strickler. 354 00:16:46,396 --> 00:16:48,563 We know what a stressful life you lead-- 355 00:16:48,646 --> 00:16:51,479 responsible for the molding of so many young minds. 356 00:16:51,563 --> 00:16:54,021 It must be exhausting. 357 00:16:54,104 --> 00:16:57,229 There's no denying this job has cost me 358 00:16:57,312 --> 00:16:59,730 a healthy hair follicle or two. 359 00:17:00,104 --> 00:17:04,021 And that is why we've brought you some warm milk and cookies. 360 00:17:04,104 --> 00:17:05,813 Why, thank you. 361 00:17:05,896 --> 00:17:08,896 And a nice, high-tryptophan Turkey sandwich. 362 00:17:09,479 --> 00:17:11,688 Why not sit back, relax, and enjoy them 363 00:17:11,771 --> 00:17:13,896 while we play some soothing music? 364 00:17:13,980 --> 00:17:15,104 Leonard. 365 00:17:17,354 --> 00:17:18,771 [soft, relaxing music plays] 366 00:17:18,855 --> 00:17:22,354 Mmm. Mmm. 367 00:17:25,938 --> 00:17:28,312 That's right. Savor that warm milk. 368 00:17:28,396 --> 00:17:31,604 Let the tension flow from your body. 369 00:17:32,771 --> 00:17:36,021 Thank you, Leadready. That's really very thoughtful. 370 00:17:36,104 --> 00:17:39,354 I-- [snores] 371 00:17:39,438 --> 00:17:41,938 Wow. It worked. Quick! Get the toupee! 372 00:17:42,021 --> 00:17:43,104 Why don't you get it? 373 00:17:43,187 --> 00:17:45,730 Uh, no opposable thumbs. 374 00:17:46,146 --> 00:17:47,062 Is it just me, 375 00:17:47,146 --> 00:17:49,229 or does that only slow you down when it's convenient? 376 00:17:53,563 --> 00:17:54,938 Hurry, Leonard! 377 00:17:55,021 --> 00:17:57,229 Unbelievable. They got it! 378 00:17:57,312 --> 00:17:59,938 Yeah, but they still have to put it on the statue. 379 00:18:00,021 --> 00:18:02,146 And they're almost out of time. 380 00:18:02,980 --> 00:18:05,438 [snores] 381 00:18:05,521 --> 00:18:07,187 My scalp enhancer-- gone! 382 00:18:07,271 --> 00:18:09,938 I've been hoodwinked! 383 00:18:18,813 --> 00:18:20,229 Give me a boost! 384 00:18:21,312 --> 00:18:22,563 [grunts] 385 00:18:25,396 --> 00:18:27,021 -Ahh! -Ahh! 386 00:18:29,021 --> 00:18:30,438 No! 387 00:18:30,521 --> 00:18:31,771 [bell rings] 388 00:18:31,855 --> 00:18:33,229 We fail? 389 00:18:33,312 --> 00:18:34,271 Give me that! 390 00:18:34,354 --> 00:18:36,271 I am gonna throw the book at you for this one, 391 00:18:36,354 --> 00:18:39,563 Helperman-- a very large, very heavy book. 392 00:18:40,021 --> 00:18:42,187 Oh, good day, Miss Sproutwell. 393 00:18:42,271 --> 00:18:43,271 Hello. 394 00:18:44,396 --> 00:18:47,813 I mean, good day, Principal Strickler! 395 00:18:47,896 --> 00:18:50,396 Have you done something with your hair? 396 00:18:50,438 --> 00:18:55,062 Why, I-- yes, it's-- behind my back. 397 00:18:55,146 --> 00:18:59,062 Well, I say leave it there, my little lotus flower. 398 00:18:59,146 --> 00:19:00,813 Lotus flower? 399 00:19:01,521 --> 00:19:04,229 Oh, I love it when you talk new-agey. 400 00:19:04,312 --> 00:19:08,646 And I love the-- the gleaming, piercing honesty 401 00:19:08,730 --> 00:19:12,604 of your baldness, the unabashed manliness of it, 402 00:19:12,688 --> 00:19:15,271 refusing to succumb to the cowardly, comb over, 403 00:19:15,354 --> 00:19:17,521 rug-wearing vanity of the world. 404 00:19:18,104 --> 00:19:20,479 Would you like to see my layered-crayon etchings? 405 00:19:20,563 --> 00:19:22,688 It would be my great pleasure. 406 00:19:23,104 --> 00:19:24,438 Thanks, Helperman. 407 00:19:24,521 --> 00:19:28,312 I've always been terrified of facing my thinning hair, 408 00:19:28,396 --> 00:19:31,896 but now, thanks to you, I love it. 409 00:19:32,396 --> 00:19:34,730 Well, that worked out splendidly. 410 00:19:34,813 --> 00:19:36,229 We're off the hook with Strickler. 411 00:19:36,312 --> 00:19:39,396 But not with us. Your dare failed. 412 00:19:39,479 --> 00:19:41,438 Next recess, you face the truth. 413 00:19:41,521 --> 00:19:42,521 [bell rings] 414 00:19:42,604 --> 00:19:43,771 All right, Leonard. 415 00:19:43,855 --> 00:19:46,146 Who is your favorite girl in the class? 416 00:19:46,229 --> 00:19:47,730 And this is your final answer. 417 00:19:48,187 --> 00:19:50,855 We're back where we started-- just you and your fear-- 418 00:19:50,938 --> 00:19:53,896 face to face, tête-à tête, mano a mano. 419 00:19:53,980 --> 00:19:55,646 Fine, you win. 420 00:19:55,730 --> 00:19:59,813 My favorite girl in the class is... Leslie. 421 00:20:01,771 --> 00:20:02,980 Well, duh! 422 00:20:03,062 --> 00:20:05,271 Tell us something we don't know. 423 00:20:05,521 --> 00:20:07,521 Yeah, everyone knows that. 424 00:20:07,604 --> 00:20:09,604 -They do? -Well, sure. 425 00:20:09,688 --> 00:20:12,730 Just like everyone knows who my favorite boy in the class is. 426 00:20:13,438 --> 00:20:15,771 Okay, my turn! I'll take a dare! 427 00:20:15,855 --> 00:20:17,521 Ooh, I got one! Ian. 428 00:20:17,604 --> 00:20:18,438 Yes? 429 00:20:18,521 --> 00:20:20,813 Drink an entire chocolate milk from your belly button. 430 00:20:20,896 --> 00:20:22,438 Oh, okay. 431 00:20:22,938 --> 00:20:25,021 Come on, Leonard. We're done here. 432 00:20:25,104 --> 00:20:26,688 [all] Ew! 433 00:20:27,771 --> 00:20:29,062 I can't believe it. 434 00:20:29,146 --> 00:20:31,062 I told Leslie that I like her, 435 00:20:31,146 --> 00:20:33,104 and I actually feel better about it. 436 00:20:33,187 --> 00:20:36,062 Hello! Did I not foretell this? 437 00:20:36,146 --> 00:20:39,438 You faced your fear and gained a little maturity 438 00:20:39,521 --> 00:20:41,187 even though Leslie rejected you. 439 00:20:41,271 --> 00:20:43,896 What do you mean? Leslie didn't reject me. 440 00:20:43,980 --> 00:20:46,646 She said everyone knows who her favorite boy was. 441 00:20:46,730 --> 00:20:47,855 That had to be me. 442 00:20:48,104 --> 00:20:50,021 Oh, I beg to differ. 443 00:20:50,271 --> 00:20:52,521 She was obviously referring to me. 444 00:20:52,604 --> 00:20:54,354 Sorry. Me. 445 00:20:54,438 --> 00:20:55,813 Unh-unh. Me. 446 00:20:55,896 --> 00:20:57,229 Nope. Me. 447 00:20:57,312 --> 00:20:59,771 Me, me, me. Is that all you ever think of? 448 00:20:59,896 --> 00:21:04,521 ♪ See the streaming Of a gentle shower ♪ 449 00:21:04,604 --> 00:21:07,646 ♪ Feel the pounding Of a river's power ♪ 450 00:21:07,730 --> 00:21:10,563 ♪ Hear the babbling Of the babbling brook ♪ 451 00:21:10,646 --> 00:21:15,187 ♪ Use the litter box, You schloompy, schmucky schnook ♪ 452 00:21:16,354 --> 00:21:18,563 You should try it, Mr. Jolly. 453 00:21:18,646 --> 00:21:20,771 I faced my fear and it worked out fine. 454 00:21:20,855 --> 00:21:22,896 Oh, all right! All right, already. 455 00:21:22,980 --> 00:21:25,021 I submit, I submit. 456 00:21:25,396 --> 00:21:27,813 [man] The cat has entered the box. 457 00:21:27,896 --> 00:21:29,479 I-- ooh. 458 00:21:29,563 --> 00:21:32,187 Why, it's not so bad the second time around. 459 00:21:32,271 --> 00:21:34,771 Did you hear that? I did it! 460 00:21:35,187 --> 00:21:37,813 [man] The cat has utilized the box. 461 00:21:37,896 --> 00:21:40,813 In fact, I find the voice rather soothing. 462 00:21:40,896 --> 00:21:42,855 [man] The cat has left the box. 463 00:21:42,938 --> 00:21:46,938 Ha ha! Hear how it calls me "the cat"? 464 00:21:47,021 --> 00:21:49,187 You only ever call me by those yiddish names 465 00:21:49,271 --> 00:21:50,438 I don't understand. 466 00:21:50,521 --> 00:21:52,021 I think I have a new best friend. 467 00:21:52,104 --> 00:21:53,521 [purrs] 468 00:21:53,604 --> 00:21:56,229 What?! What kind of gratitude is that? 469 00:21:56,521 --> 00:21:59,604 Fine. This is what I think of your new best friend. 470 00:21:59,688 --> 00:22:01,438 [beeps] 471 00:22:07,271 --> 00:22:10,146 Okay, so I fear expressions of intimacy. 472 00:22:11,271 --> 00:22:12,646 What are you staring at?!