1 00:00:00,354 --> 00:00:01,479 ♪ Born on the wrong end Of the leash ♪ 2 00:00:01,563 --> 00:00:04,104 -♪ He was a dreamer ♪ -♪ And a little schemer ♪ 3 00:00:04,187 --> 00:00:05,813 ♪ A nutty mutt living a dog's life ♪ 4 00:00:05,896 --> 00:00:07,438 ♪ But when he'd hear the bell for school ♪ 5 00:00:07,521 --> 00:00:08,354 ♪ He'd start to drool ♪ 6 00:00:08,438 --> 00:00:10,146 -♪ One day he says ♪ -♪ I'll take a chance ♪ 7 00:00:10,229 --> 00:00:11,855 ♪ Trades his leash For a pair of pants ♪ 8 00:00:11,938 --> 00:00:14,229 ♪ In a glance, school becomes His favorite pastime ♪ 9 00:00:14,312 --> 00:00:16,604 ♪ I have buried a bone For the last time ♪ 10 00:00:16,688 --> 00:00:18,312 -♪ He says ♪ -♪ I want to be a boy ♪ 11 00:00:18,396 --> 00:00:19,646 ♪ Ooh, he's bad ♪ 12 00:00:19,730 --> 00:00:21,146 ♪ He's so over just being rover ♪ 13 00:00:21,229 --> 00:00:22,604 ♪ I gotta be a boy ♪ 14 00:00:22,688 --> 00:00:25,062 ♪ It's so weird ♪ ♪ He says he's just gonna be a boy ♪ 15 00:00:25,146 --> 00:00:26,688 ♪ Turns out he's a regular Einstein ♪ 16 00:00:26,771 --> 00:00:28,438 ♪ And Leonard is treading a fine line ♪ 17 00:00:28,521 --> 00:00:30,980 Why can't I be a normal kid like any other? 18 00:00:31,062 --> 00:00:33,146 Now, doodle bug, listen to mother. 19 00:00:33,229 --> 00:00:34,938 ♪ I want to be a boy ♪ 20 00:00:35,021 --> 00:00:36,938 I hate dogs. 21 00:00:37,021 --> 00:00:39,479 ♪ I gotta be a boy ♪ 22 00:00:39,563 --> 00:00:41,479 ♪ This power pup's gonna be a boy ♪ 23 00:00:41,563 --> 00:00:43,521 I do not wish to be a dog. 24 00:00:43,604 --> 00:00:46,104 ♪ Now this bowser's ready for trousers ♪ 25 00:00:46,187 --> 00:00:47,521 ♪ I got to be a boy ♪ 26 00:00:47,604 --> 00:00:49,104 ♪ His nose is wet but you can bet ♪ 27 00:00:49,187 --> 00:00:52,229 ♪ This teacher's pet is gonna be a boy ♪ 28 00:00:52,312 --> 00:00:54,146 Yes! 29 00:01:04,688 --> 00:01:07,062 [girl screaming] 30 00:01:12,271 --> 00:01:16,229 [children chattering] 31 00:01:16,312 --> 00:01:18,021 Beep, beep. Make way for the custodian. 32 00:01:18,104 --> 00:01:19,271 What's that, Mr. Dustman? 33 00:01:19,354 --> 00:01:20,396 It's a desk. 34 00:01:20,479 --> 00:01:23,062 They teach you dang kids anything around here? 35 00:01:23,146 --> 00:01:23,980 [thud] 36 00:01:25,604 --> 00:01:27,563 Gee, a new desk! In the second row! 37 00:01:27,646 --> 00:01:30,521 Right across from me! Do you know what that means? 38 00:01:30,604 --> 00:01:33,354 Duh, Scott! It's pretty obvious. 39 00:01:33,438 --> 00:01:38,396 Finally, my hundreds of letters to the state board of education 40 00:01:38,479 --> 00:01:40,229 have been answered. 41 00:01:40,312 --> 00:01:42,479 And they have put in a desk 42 00:01:42,563 --> 00:01:45,855 for my invisible best friend, Noltar! 43 00:01:45,938 --> 00:01:46,771 [laughs] 44 00:01:46,938 --> 00:01:49,187 Go ahead, buddy. Have a seat. 45 00:01:49,271 --> 00:01:50,312 Uh, Ian? 46 00:01:50,396 --> 00:01:52,896 I think the new desk is for a new kid. 47 00:01:52,980 --> 00:01:53,813 [children murmur] 48 00:01:54,688 --> 00:01:55,980 New kid?! 49 00:01:56,062 --> 00:01:57,438 Okay, boys and girls, 50 00:01:57,521 --> 00:02:01,396 I want you all to give a great, big, warm-as-toast welcome 51 00:02:01,479 --> 00:02:04,021 to our brand-new student, Fred Bitters! 52 00:02:04,104 --> 00:02:05,521 [all] Hi, Fred! 53 00:02:05,604 --> 00:02:07,146 Hey. 54 00:02:07,229 --> 00:02:08,062 [sighs] 55 00:02:08,396 --> 00:02:10,479 Okay, get up, Noltar. 56 00:02:10,563 --> 00:02:13,604 Come on, you can share my seat. 57 00:02:13,688 --> 00:02:17,146 Hey, don't hog the whole thing-- 58 00:02:17,229 --> 00:02:20,396 Ouch! Ha ha! Noltar! 59 00:02:22,521 --> 00:02:24,521 Welcome to the second row, Fred! 60 00:02:24,604 --> 00:02:26,354 Say, is your name, by any chance, 61 00:02:26,438 --> 00:02:27,479 short for Frederica? 62 00:02:27,563 --> 00:02:30,646 The feminine derivative of the ancient teutonic Appalachian 63 00:02:30,730 --> 00:02:32,396 meaning "peaceful ruler," 64 00:02:32,479 --> 00:02:34,271 coined originally by the Normans 65 00:02:34,354 --> 00:02:36,271 but reintroduced into modern usage 66 00:02:36,354 --> 00:02:38,354 by the Hanoverian rulers of Britain? 67 00:02:38,438 --> 00:02:39,813 Aah... 68 00:02:39,896 --> 00:02:40,813 Chooo! 69 00:02:40,896 --> 00:02:42,646 No, it's just Fred. 70 00:02:42,730 --> 00:02:46,604 Oh! Well, that's a very unusual name for a girl. 71 00:02:46,688 --> 00:02:49,813 And that's a very unusual hat for a freak! 72 00:02:49,896 --> 00:02:51,396 So, class-- class! 73 00:02:51,479 --> 00:02:53,438 Continuing the review of our 74 00:02:53,521 --> 00:02:56,396 Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. vocabulary list, 75 00:02:56,479 --> 00:03:00,354 who can tell me what "nonviolent resistance" means? 76 00:03:00,438 --> 00:03:01,646 [Scott] Oh! Oh! 77 00:03:01,730 --> 00:03:02,855 Ohh! I know! 78 00:03:02,938 --> 00:03:04,187 I got it! Pick me! 79 00:03:04,271 --> 00:03:06,771 Pick me, please, please, please, please? 80 00:03:06,855 --> 00:03:08,271 [all] Pick him! Pick him! 81 00:03:08,354 --> 00:03:09,980 Oh, please? Please? Please? Come on! 82 00:03:10,062 --> 00:03:11,396 Well... 83 00:03:11,479 --> 00:03:14,813 I think I see Scott's hand up for a change. 84 00:03:14,896 --> 00:03:16,938 Nonviolent resistance-- 85 00:03:17,021 --> 00:03:21,604 a philosophy employed by the late, great Dr. King Jr., 86 00:03:21,688 --> 00:03:23,563 whereby in the face of an oppressor, 87 00:03:23,646 --> 00:03:25,813 one does not fight back, but instead, 88 00:03:25,896 --> 00:03:27,813 peacefully opposes the oppression. 89 00:03:27,896 --> 00:03:28,771 [deep voice] ♪ We shall not ♪ 90 00:03:29,813 --> 00:03:33,479 ♪ We shall not be moved ♪ 91 00:03:33,563 --> 00:03:37,604 See also Mohandus Mahatma Gandhi, 92 00:03:37,688 --> 00:03:39,563 1869 to 1948. 93 00:03:39,646 --> 00:03:42,104 [as Gandhi] Nonviolence is mightier 94 00:03:42,187 --> 00:03:44,521 than the mightiest weapon of destruction 95 00:03:44,604 --> 00:03:46,646 devised by the ingenuity of man. 96 00:03:46,730 --> 00:03:50,604 [normal voice] Which is, to say, "peace, baby"! 97 00:03:52,771 --> 00:03:55,479 A very... complete answer, Scott. 98 00:03:55,563 --> 00:03:57,855 And I hope the rest of you had your listening ears on, 99 00:03:57,938 --> 00:04:00,438 because it will be on our vocab pretest 100 00:04:00,521 --> 00:04:01,521 right after recess. 101 00:04:03,312 --> 00:04:05,021 Psych! Ha ha ha! 102 00:04:05,104 --> 00:04:07,521 The test isn't until tomorrow. 103 00:04:07,604 --> 00:04:08,896 Ha ha! 104 00:04:08,980 --> 00:04:12,062 But I bet now you'll have more fun at recess! 105 00:04:12,146 --> 00:04:13,896 [bell rings] 106 00:04:21,896 --> 00:04:24,479 Man, your teacher really faked us out 107 00:04:24,563 --> 00:04:26,813 about that vocab-test-after-recess thing. 108 00:04:26,896 --> 00:04:28,354 Ah, yes. 109 00:04:28,438 --> 00:04:31,146 You'll find our Mrs. H. Is quite the merry prankster. 110 00:04:31,229 --> 00:04:34,521 Always ready to inject a little humor into our fourth-grade day. 111 00:04:34,604 --> 00:04:36,521 Yeah? Well, I thought it was stupid! 112 00:04:36,604 --> 00:04:37,563 [all gasp] 113 00:04:37,646 --> 00:04:39,688 That's my mom you're talking about! 114 00:04:39,771 --> 00:04:42,563 Easy, Leonard! Fred didn't know! She's new! 115 00:04:42,646 --> 00:04:43,980 Maybe at her old school, 116 00:04:44,062 --> 00:04:46,730 they didn't have things like jokes and... fun. 117 00:04:46,813 --> 00:04:48,855 [all] Ooh! 118 00:04:48,938 --> 00:04:51,688 You're gonna be sorry, hat boy! 119 00:04:51,771 --> 00:04:53,146 [all gasp] 120 00:04:55,396 --> 00:04:58,438 Okay, I'm out. You're up, new girl! 121 00:04:58,521 --> 00:05:02,771 Come on, Noltar, let's go find a game of 4-square. 122 00:05:06,688 --> 00:05:08,896 Man, that new girl's kinda scary. 123 00:05:08,980 --> 00:05:10,563 Oh, Leonard, Leonard. 124 00:05:10,646 --> 00:05:13,354 Why must you bipeds always judge each other 125 00:05:13,438 --> 00:05:15,521 based on shallow first impressions? 126 00:05:15,604 --> 00:05:18,187 We of the more sensitive canine species 127 00:05:18,271 --> 00:05:21,771 are much more instinctive when it comes to appraising others. 128 00:05:21,855 --> 00:05:24,813 Fred's not scary. She's just scared. 129 00:05:24,896 --> 00:05:26,521 How do you know that? 130 00:05:26,604 --> 00:05:27,980 I can smell it! 131 00:05:28,062 --> 00:05:29,312 [sniffs] Woof, that's fear, all right! 132 00:05:30,604 --> 00:05:32,855 Often mistaken for boiled cabbage 133 00:05:32,938 --> 00:05:34,187 and/or foot fungus. 134 00:05:34,271 --> 00:05:36,688 Whoa-ho! 135 00:05:36,771 --> 00:05:37,938 Sorry, hat boy. 136 00:05:38,021 --> 00:05:40,438 Guess you got a little too close. 137 00:05:40,521 --> 00:05:41,354 [whistle blows] 138 00:05:42,146 --> 00:05:44,104 Fred! 139 00:05:44,187 --> 00:05:46,354 I don't know what the tetherball rules were 140 00:05:46,438 --> 00:05:47,813 at your old school, 141 00:05:47,896 --> 00:05:49,896 but at Fala D. Roosevelt, we are ever-mindful 142 00:05:49,980 --> 00:05:51,438 of other children's precious heads! 143 00:05:51,521 --> 00:05:55,688 Oh, poor lamby, are you okay? 144 00:05:55,771 --> 00:05:59,771 Hmm... that hat boy is dead meat! 145 00:06:02,938 --> 00:06:03,771 [sniffs] Wait a second... 146 00:06:04,354 --> 00:06:06,187 That's not boiled cabbage I smell anymore... 147 00:06:06,271 --> 00:06:07,229 [sniffs] Dirty paint rags... 148 00:06:08,688 --> 00:06:10,521 Grandpa's pajama bottoms... 149 00:06:10,604 --> 00:06:14,730 Uh-oh. Someone's ticked. 150 00:06:14,813 --> 00:06:15,646 [girls laughing] 151 00:06:18,354 --> 00:06:20,438 I, like, can't believe how, like, totally, 152 00:06:20,521 --> 00:06:22,062 like, how funny that is! 153 00:06:22,146 --> 00:06:25,396 And it, like, totally looks exactly, like, like him. 154 00:06:25,479 --> 00:06:26,646 Hi, girls! 155 00:06:26,730 --> 00:06:28,938 [all] Hi, Scott. 156 00:06:29,021 --> 00:06:29,855 [laughing] 157 00:06:33,021 --> 00:06:34,271 What's so funny? 158 00:06:34,354 --> 00:06:36,438 Nothing in the girl's bathroom! 159 00:06:36,521 --> 00:06:38,521 [laughing] 160 00:06:45,938 --> 00:06:48,062 Dude, I hate when there's something funny 161 00:06:48,146 --> 00:06:50,229 in the girl's bathroom and we can't go in 162 00:06:50,312 --> 00:06:51,146 and see what it is. 163 00:06:51,229 --> 00:06:54,479 Yeah, dude, I hate when there's something funny in the girl's bathroom 164 00:06:54,563 --> 00:06:55,730 and you can't go in. 165 00:06:55,813 --> 00:06:58,438 Oh... You already said that, right? 166 00:06:58,521 --> 00:07:00,563 I don't know. Maybe. 167 00:07:00,646 --> 00:07:02,604 Say, here's an idea... 168 00:07:02,688 --> 00:07:04,604 Why can't we go in? 169 00:07:04,688 --> 00:07:05,688 [all] Dude! 170 00:07:05,771 --> 00:07:07,896 -What? -Are you kidding me?! 171 00:07:07,980 --> 00:07:09,688 That's the girl's bathroom! 172 00:07:15,104 --> 00:07:17,062 [clears throat] Excuse me. 173 00:07:17,146 --> 00:07:19,855 -Are there any girls inside? -No. 174 00:07:19,938 --> 00:07:21,980 -Any baths? -No. 175 00:07:22,062 --> 00:07:23,938 Good, then it's just a room, right? 176 00:07:24,771 --> 00:07:26,813 I believe I have semantically deconstructed 177 00:07:26,896 --> 00:07:29,271 all justification to remain out here any longer. 178 00:07:29,354 --> 00:07:31,271 Come on, guys! Let's go! 179 00:07:33,771 --> 00:07:34,938 [all] Whoa! 180 00:07:35,896 --> 00:07:38,271 It's a lot cleaner than ours! 181 00:07:38,354 --> 00:07:39,855 And it smells better! 182 00:07:40,438 --> 00:07:42,938 We shouldn't be here. This is very wrong! 183 00:07:43,021 --> 00:07:44,980 I know, Leonard, but we are on a mission 184 00:07:45,062 --> 00:07:46,229 for the greater good... 185 00:07:46,312 --> 00:07:49,396 To find out what's so darn funny! 186 00:07:49,479 --> 00:07:51,938 [Ian laughing] 187 00:07:52,604 --> 00:07:57,396 Oh, you're right, Noltar! Now this is hilarious! 188 00:07:57,479 --> 00:07:58,521 [laughs] 189 00:07:59,730 --> 00:08:04,354 [choking] Help! I'm choking on my own spit! 190 00:08:04,438 --> 00:08:06,187 -I wanna see! -I wanna see! 191 00:08:07,896 --> 00:08:09,938 [laughing] 192 00:08:10,563 --> 00:08:12,521 Dude, that's, like, a crack-up-- 193 00:08:12,604 --> 00:08:13,438 [coughs] 194 00:08:13,646 --> 00:08:15,980 Now I'm, like, choking on spit! 195 00:08:16,062 --> 00:08:18,229 Ho-ho! This I gotta see! 196 00:08:21,187 --> 00:08:22,021 [gasps] 197 00:08:22,980 --> 00:08:27,479 [Scott] "I'm the teacher's pet. 198 00:08:27,563 --> 00:08:30,146 Bow... wow." 199 00:08:30,229 --> 00:08:32,688 That's not funny! That's just mean! 200 00:08:32,771 --> 00:08:33,646 [snickering] 201 00:08:33,730 --> 00:08:36,021 [laughing] 202 00:08:46,396 --> 00:08:48,396 Oh! Ohh! 203 00:08:48,479 --> 00:08:49,521 [panting] 204 00:08:51,896 --> 00:08:53,479 [all laughing] 205 00:08:58,312 --> 00:08:59,646 [panting] 206 00:09:06,438 --> 00:09:08,980 [all laughing] 207 00:09:15,354 --> 00:09:18,229 Ohh, why are they doing this to me? 208 00:09:18,312 --> 00:09:19,980 I thought they were my friends? 209 00:09:20,062 --> 00:09:21,396 I don't know, pal. 210 00:09:21,479 --> 00:09:23,896 I guess they're just happy she's not picking on them. 211 00:09:23,980 --> 00:09:26,479 That's not a reasonable excuse. 212 00:09:26,563 --> 00:09:28,396 It is for a fourth-grader. 213 00:09:28,479 --> 00:09:29,980 I hear the ice-cream man! 214 00:09:30,062 --> 00:09:31,521 Hey, I'll race you 215 00:09:31,604 --> 00:09:34,271 for a Jawcracker Sticky-Slima Tooty-Fruity Freeza Pop. 216 00:09:34,354 --> 00:09:37,312 You always know just how to cheer me up. 217 00:09:41,479 --> 00:09:44,021 Go ahead! Pick anything you want! 218 00:09:44,104 --> 00:09:46,396 My mom gave me enough money to treat all my new friends 219 00:09:46,479 --> 00:09:47,396 to ice cream! 220 00:09:47,479 --> 00:09:48,312 [cheering] 221 00:09:50,354 --> 00:09:52,896 Suddenly, I don't feel like ice cream. 222 00:09:52,980 --> 00:09:54,312 Let's just go home. 223 00:09:54,396 --> 00:09:56,354 But, you love Freeza Pops! 224 00:09:56,438 --> 00:09:57,479 Oh, yes, I do! 225 00:09:57,563 --> 00:09:59,771 But it's not worth the humiliation! 226 00:09:59,855 --> 00:10:01,688 Fred would probably just put one in a metal dish 227 00:10:01,771 --> 00:10:05,980 and feed it to me on the ground like a dog. 228 00:10:06,062 --> 00:10:09,604 Hey! Wait a minute! That gives me an idea! 229 00:10:11,104 --> 00:10:12,688 Arf! Arf! Arf! 230 00:10:12,771 --> 00:10:14,855 All right, I'm ready for 231 00:10:14,938 --> 00:10:18,896 my Jawcracker Sticky-Slima Tooty-Fruity Freeza Pop! 232 00:10:21,021 --> 00:10:22,813 Hey, you're in my class, right? 233 00:10:22,896 --> 00:10:24,021 Is that your doggy? 234 00:10:24,104 --> 00:10:25,229 It's so cool! 235 00:10:25,312 --> 00:10:27,563 I love dogs, and they love me! 236 00:10:27,646 --> 00:10:29,271 [Spot] Grr! 237 00:10:29,354 --> 00:10:33,438 I bet they'd love to sink their pointy canine teeth in your-- 238 00:10:33,521 --> 00:10:35,521 hey! What the-- put me down! 239 00:10:35,604 --> 00:10:38,521 I don't know you! I don't even like-- 240 00:10:38,604 --> 00:10:39,438 [laughs] Oh, that's good! 241 00:10:40,771 --> 00:10:43,604 Oh, this girl has scratched before! 242 00:10:43,688 --> 00:10:44,855 No! Resist! 243 00:10:44,938 --> 00:10:48,438 This is the same person who made your day 244 00:10:48,521 --> 00:10:50,563 a horrible, unbearable-- 245 00:10:50,646 --> 00:10:51,479 [laughs] I love her nails! 246 00:10:53,312 --> 00:10:55,187 Whoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo! 247 00:10:55,271 --> 00:10:58,312 2 Jawcracker Sticky-Slima Tooty-Fruity Freeza Pops. 248 00:10:58,396 --> 00:10:59,730 Sorry, kid. 249 00:10:59,813 --> 00:11:02,396 Just sold the last box to that young lady over there. 250 00:11:02,479 --> 00:11:05,646 Is it okay if I feed one to your dog? 251 00:11:05,730 --> 00:11:07,604 You can have one, too! 252 00:11:07,688 --> 00:11:09,855 Well... Gee, thanks. 253 00:11:13,813 --> 00:11:17,438 "Well...gee, thanks," he says... 254 00:11:17,521 --> 00:11:20,062 Knowing that she's my life's sworn blood enemy. 255 00:11:20,146 --> 00:11:21,855 He still takes her lousy 256 00:11:21,938 --> 00:11:25,438 Jawcracker Sticky-Alima Tooty-Fruity Freeza Pop! 257 00:11:25,521 --> 00:11:26,938 Whoa! Back up! 258 00:11:27,021 --> 00:11:29,813 Batten down the hatches, matey. 259 00:11:29,896 --> 00:11:32,104 There's a storm a-brewin'. 260 00:11:32,187 --> 00:11:34,521 I thought it was okay for me to have the freeza pop! 261 00:11:34,604 --> 00:11:35,563 You did! 262 00:11:35,646 --> 00:11:38,438 Don't point that finger at me, mister! 263 00:11:38,521 --> 00:11:39,896 I have an excuse! 264 00:11:39,980 --> 00:11:43,396 If you were a dog getting scratched like that, 265 00:11:43,479 --> 00:11:46,896 ohh, you would've lost all sense of reality, too! 266 00:11:46,980 --> 00:11:49,396 'Scusee... 267 00:11:49,479 --> 00:11:51,771 Forgot the catnip mouse. 268 00:11:51,855 --> 00:11:55,187 Besides, you were supposed to be the stronger one! 269 00:11:55,271 --> 00:11:57,646 You were supposed to stand up for me 270 00:11:57,730 --> 00:12:00,730 and resist her wily frozen treat temptations 271 00:12:00,813 --> 00:12:03,730 in the name of loyalty and true friendship! 272 00:12:03,813 --> 00:12:07,396 That's not fair! I am your friend and I always will be! 273 00:12:07,479 --> 00:12:09,021 Yeah, well, friend... 274 00:12:09,104 --> 00:12:14,438 You got a little dab of Freeza Pop right there! 275 00:12:14,521 --> 00:12:15,771 You licked it. 276 00:12:15,855 --> 00:12:18,604 Congratulations, Leonard. 277 00:12:18,688 --> 00:12:22,271 That was the last test, and you failed. 278 00:12:22,354 --> 00:12:23,646 Good day, sir! 279 00:12:23,730 --> 00:12:25,021 But I didn't-- I wouldn't-- 280 00:12:25,104 --> 00:12:27,479 I said good day! 281 00:12:27,563 --> 00:12:29,146 Can we come out now? 282 00:12:29,229 --> 00:12:31,980 This catnip toy stinks to high heaven! 283 00:12:32,062 --> 00:12:34,062 [snoring] 284 00:12:43,104 --> 00:12:44,896 What are you still doing in bed?! 285 00:12:44,980 --> 00:12:46,604 We're gonna be late for school! 286 00:12:46,688 --> 00:12:48,938 I'm a bit under the weather this morning, Leonard. 287 00:12:49,021 --> 00:12:50,479 You'll have to go without me. 288 00:12:50,563 --> 00:12:52,187 Your nose is cold and wet. 289 00:12:52,271 --> 00:12:55,271 Fine! Let's just reduce my entire state of well-being 290 00:12:55,354 --> 00:12:58,104 to the temperature and moisture level of my nose! 291 00:12:58,187 --> 00:13:00,396 Are you staying home because of that new girl? 292 00:13:00,479 --> 00:13:01,479 What girl? 293 00:13:01,563 --> 00:13:04,229 Oh, that's right! The new girl! 294 00:13:04,312 --> 00:13:06,563 I'd completely forgotten her. 295 00:13:06,646 --> 00:13:10,062 No, no, this has nothing to do with that surly, mean-mouth, 296 00:13:10,146 --> 00:13:12,271 picture-drawing, ice cream-bribing, 297 00:13:12,354 --> 00:13:14,354 out-of-control tetherball menace! 298 00:13:14,438 --> 00:13:18,396 My stomach... is just... upset... okay? 299 00:13:18,479 --> 00:13:23,479 It must have been that Freeza Pop she forced on me! 300 00:13:23,563 --> 00:13:25,187 Hmm. That's weird. 301 00:13:25,271 --> 00:13:28,563 'Cause I had one, and I feel just fine. 302 00:13:28,646 --> 00:13:31,312 You would, wouldn't you? 303 00:13:31,396 --> 00:13:33,563 Oh, come on! Don't start that again! 304 00:13:33,646 --> 00:13:35,021 You know I didn't-- 305 00:13:35,104 --> 00:13:38,312 I hear your mother calling! It's time for you to go! 306 00:13:38,396 --> 00:13:39,312 Good day, sir! 307 00:13:39,396 --> 00:13:42,354 -But-- -I said, good day! 308 00:13:42,438 --> 00:13:45,479 Higher! Higher! 309 00:13:45,563 --> 00:13:47,146 -Higher! -Bid higher! 310 00:13:47,229 --> 00:13:50,146 [woman] I'd like to bid lower, Don. 311 00:13:50,229 --> 00:13:51,563 Oh, for pity's sake! 312 00:13:51,646 --> 00:13:54,646 How much do you think a Hawaiian fantasy dream vacation for 2 313 00:13:54,730 --> 00:13:56,146 wholesales for, anyway?! 314 00:13:56,229 --> 00:13:58,021 If there's any justice at all, 315 00:13:58,104 --> 00:14:00,438 that would be us up there, not her. 316 00:14:00,521 --> 00:14:02,479 You know, getting ready to go for the big bonanza buyout 317 00:14:02,563 --> 00:14:04,312 after these words from our sponsors. 318 00:14:06,312 --> 00:14:07,187 [sighs] 319 00:14:07,354 --> 00:14:09,980 Is this that "Comparison Shopper" game show 320 00:14:10,062 --> 00:14:12,604 you guys are always talking about? 321 00:14:12,688 --> 00:14:14,146 Yeah. School out already? 322 00:14:14,229 --> 00:14:16,980 You know school's not out till after "The Comparison Shopper," 323 00:14:17,062 --> 00:14:18,855 "Circle Of Luck," "Double Dilemma," 324 00:14:18,938 --> 00:14:20,688 "signify that song," all our soaps, 325 00:14:20,771 --> 00:14:23,479 the fat lady talk shows, and afternoon news wrap-up. 326 00:14:23,563 --> 00:14:24,688 What are you doing here? 327 00:14:24,771 --> 00:14:26,688 I didn't go to school today. 328 00:14:26,771 --> 00:14:28,312 I don't feel so good. 329 00:14:28,396 --> 00:14:30,521 Your nose looks cold and wet. 330 00:14:30,604 --> 00:14:33,229 Would everyone stop with that already?! 331 00:14:33,312 --> 00:14:35,021 Dogs are complex creatures! 332 00:14:35,104 --> 00:14:37,688 Our nose doesn't tell the whole story. 333 00:14:37,771 --> 00:14:40,229 It's just that you've never missed a day, 334 00:14:40,312 --> 00:14:41,563 especially a Tuesday. 335 00:14:41,646 --> 00:14:44,146 Don't you have your vocab pretest on Tuesday? 336 00:14:44,229 --> 00:14:46,521 Plus P.E. And music right after hot lunch? 337 00:14:46,604 --> 00:14:49,688 Which is turkey-chili nachos, your fave. 338 00:14:49,771 --> 00:14:53,062 Sheesh! You guys sure know a lot about my life! 339 00:14:53,146 --> 00:14:55,354 Well, we have none of our own to speak of... 340 00:14:55,438 --> 00:14:58,062 So we spend our days living vicariously through others, 341 00:14:58,146 --> 00:15:00,521 like you and this dental-hygienist mother of 3 342 00:15:00,604 --> 00:15:01,980 from Fullerheim, California. 343 00:15:02,062 --> 00:15:03,604 No, no, no, no!! 344 00:15:03,688 --> 00:15:05,980 A ski boat does not go for more than a trip to Hawaii! 345 00:15:06,062 --> 00:15:07,438 You know nothing about 346 00:15:07,521 --> 00:15:10,396 manufacturer's discounted wholesale price! 347 00:15:10,479 --> 00:15:11,312 Humans... [chuckles] 348 00:15:12,104 --> 00:15:13,021 You were saying? 349 00:15:13,104 --> 00:15:14,604 Oh, nothing, really... 350 00:15:14,688 --> 00:15:16,688 Just that I'm giving it all up... 351 00:15:16,771 --> 00:15:19,563 The pretests and P.E., music, and nachos. 352 00:15:19,646 --> 00:15:21,187 -What?! -You heard me! 353 00:15:21,271 --> 00:15:23,438 I'm not going to school anymore. 354 00:15:23,521 --> 00:15:25,396 It's no fun for me there. 355 00:15:25,479 --> 00:15:28,479 I'd rather just stay here at home and be a dog. 356 00:15:28,563 --> 00:15:30,855 -Wow. -Wow. 357 00:15:30,938 --> 00:15:32,646 [both] Higher, higher! 358 00:15:40,938 --> 00:15:42,730 Participle, participle! 359 00:15:42,813 --> 00:15:45,062 Purchase a participle, dummy! 360 00:15:45,146 --> 00:15:46,688 Don't ask the audience! 361 00:15:46,771 --> 00:15:48,563 They don't know bubkes! 362 00:15:48,646 --> 00:15:49,479 [sighs] 363 00:15:51,271 --> 00:15:54,521 Chopin's "Polonaise Number 1, Opus 26," 364 00:15:54,604 --> 00:15:56,187 you tin-eared-- 365 00:15:59,354 --> 00:16:02,479 oh, my heavens... What have I become? 366 00:16:02,563 --> 00:16:04,062 [bell rings] 367 00:16:06,938 --> 00:16:09,521 Hey, Leonard, where's your pal hat boy? 368 00:16:09,604 --> 00:16:11,354 If you're talking about Scott, 369 00:16:11,438 --> 00:16:14,479 he didn't feel well, so he stayed home today. 370 00:16:14,563 --> 00:16:17,271 Oh, I'm sorry to hear that. 371 00:16:17,354 --> 00:16:18,604 -Really? -Psych! 372 00:16:18,688 --> 00:16:19,813 Ha ha! 373 00:16:19,896 --> 00:16:22,604 Learned that yesterday from your mom. 374 00:16:22,688 --> 00:16:24,438 I can't believe teacher's pet would ruin 375 00:16:24,521 --> 00:16:29,479 his perfect attendance record, even if he was dying! 376 00:16:29,563 --> 00:16:30,396 [as Scott] Oh, teacher! 377 00:16:31,271 --> 00:16:32,646 [panting] Please give me my vocab pretest! 378 00:16:33,646 --> 00:16:35,646 Give me some gum and scratch behind my ears! 379 00:16:35,730 --> 00:16:36,563 [all laughing] 380 00:16:38,646 --> 00:16:39,479 [laughing] 381 00:16:41,104 --> 00:16:44,438 You should have your own show! 382 00:16:44,521 --> 00:16:48,354 Well, I thought it was funny, Noltar! 383 00:16:48,438 --> 00:16:50,229 Maybe you didn't know this, Fred, 384 00:16:50,312 --> 00:16:52,604 but that's my best friend you're making fun of, 385 00:16:52,688 --> 00:16:54,688 and you better cut it out right now! 386 00:16:54,771 --> 00:16:58,271 And if I don't, what are you gonna do, huh, 387 00:16:58,354 --> 00:16:59,563 teacher's kid? 388 00:16:59,646 --> 00:17:00,479 [gasps] 389 00:17:01,104 --> 00:17:02,938 [wind blows] 390 00:17:09,104 --> 00:17:09,938 [door opens, closes] 391 00:17:10,563 --> 00:17:12,396 What are you doing here? 392 00:17:12,479 --> 00:17:14,604 I started not feeling so good at school. 393 00:17:14,688 --> 00:17:16,855 Guess I caught the same bug you have. 394 00:17:16,938 --> 00:17:19,688 Yeah. Well, I hear there's a lot of that going around. 395 00:17:19,771 --> 00:17:22,646 At least we can hang out together until it goes away. 396 00:17:22,730 --> 00:17:25,896 If it ever goes away. 397 00:17:25,980 --> 00:17:28,646 Great! Now there's 2 of them messing up our tube time! 398 00:17:28,730 --> 00:17:30,896 And coming up is a very special one-hour 399 00:17:30,980 --> 00:17:32,479 "Love, Sweat, And Tears"... 400 00:17:32,563 --> 00:17:34,354 The wedding of Rider and Clarissa. 401 00:17:34,438 --> 00:17:36,146 That's it, you have to go back to school 402 00:17:36,229 --> 00:17:37,438 so pretty boy and I can return 403 00:17:37,521 --> 00:17:39,438 to living other people's lives in peace. 404 00:17:39,521 --> 00:17:42,521 I can't go back, Jolly! You don't know this girl! 405 00:17:42,604 --> 00:17:44,730 She won't stop her wretched torment 406 00:17:44,813 --> 00:17:47,521 'til I've drowned in a hot, salty puddle 407 00:17:47,604 --> 00:17:49,021 of my own tears of shame. 408 00:17:49,104 --> 00:17:51,271 Spot Helperman, listen to yourself! 409 00:17:51,354 --> 00:17:53,396 You think you're the first person 410 00:17:53,479 --> 00:17:55,730 who ever had a bully walk into its life? 411 00:17:55,813 --> 00:17:59,604 I had a bully of my own once upon a time and long ago. 412 00:17:59,688 --> 00:18:04,396 I remember how awful it was to be taunted and teased... 413 00:18:04,479 --> 00:18:07,396 Made to feel like a worthless bag of garbage. 414 00:18:07,479 --> 00:18:09,813 But then, one day, I stood up and said, 415 00:18:09,896 --> 00:18:12,354 "No! Dash it all! This isn't about me! 416 00:18:12,438 --> 00:18:15,646 "This is about someone else's fear and insecurity 417 00:18:15,730 --> 00:18:18,563 imasquerading as hostility and bitter bile." 418 00:18:18,646 --> 00:18:20,021 After that, 419 00:18:20,104 --> 00:18:22,438 I didn't see my bully as a bully anymore, 420 00:18:22,521 --> 00:18:24,938 but rather a frightened, fragile soul, 421 00:18:25,021 --> 00:18:27,396 struggling to survive, just like me, 422 00:18:27,479 --> 00:18:29,229 in this big, scary world. 423 00:18:29,312 --> 00:18:32,771 So, once I recognized how alike we were inside, 424 00:18:32,855 --> 00:18:34,396 a bond began to form, 425 00:18:34,479 --> 00:18:37,479 and today, that bully is my best friend. 426 00:18:37,563 --> 00:18:39,396 [Pretty Boy] Who's that? 427 00:18:42,521 --> 00:18:43,604 You, ya silly! 428 00:18:43,688 --> 00:18:45,396 What?! Wait a minute! 429 00:18:45,479 --> 00:18:48,521 That big, long, stupid story was about me?! 430 00:18:48,604 --> 00:18:53,896 How dare you call me a bully, you worthless bag of garbage! 431 00:18:53,980 --> 00:18:59,438 Oh, oh, someone must have hurt you real bad some time. 432 00:18:59,521 --> 00:19:02,604 [Pretty Boy] I'll hurt you! I'll send you to the moon! 433 00:19:02,688 --> 00:19:04,938 I'll help you heal the wound, baby! 434 00:19:05,021 --> 00:19:06,813 I love you for who you are! 435 00:19:06,896 --> 00:19:10,521 I guess if a scaredy-cat like Mr. Jolly 436 00:19:10,604 --> 00:19:12,938 can face up to his bully, 437 00:19:13,021 --> 00:19:15,438 Scott Leadready can, too! 438 00:19:17,855 --> 00:19:19,521 And I'll be right behind you! 439 00:19:19,604 --> 00:19:21,396 Uh, I mean, unless you want me in front. 440 00:19:21,479 --> 00:19:22,730 Thanks, pal. 441 00:19:22,813 --> 00:19:26,312 And, uh...Sorry about all the "good day, sir's." 442 00:19:26,396 --> 00:19:28,229 That's okay. 443 00:19:28,312 --> 00:19:29,855 [hip-hop music] ♪ Gotta be strong, gotta be cool ♪ 444 00:19:30,980 --> 00:19:33,271 ♪ I have the right to go to school ♪ 445 00:19:33,354 --> 00:19:35,396 ♪ I'm calm and collected And clear in my head ♪ 446 00:19:35,479 --> 00:19:37,563 ♪ I'd rather be dead Than afraid of Fred-- ♪ 447 00:19:37,646 --> 00:19:38,646 -Aaaah! -Aaaah! 448 00:19:40,354 --> 00:19:42,062 [whimpering] 449 00:19:43,521 --> 00:19:45,813 What are you doing?! 450 00:19:45,896 --> 00:19:47,813 I thought you were gonna stand up to her! 451 00:19:47,896 --> 00:19:51,771 -You stand up to her! I'm scared! -So am I. 452 00:19:51,855 --> 00:19:53,479 Let's just be real quiet 453 00:19:53,563 --> 00:19:55,730 so she'll just go by and not notice us. 454 00:19:55,813 --> 00:19:56,730 Good idea. 455 00:19:56,813 --> 00:19:58,479 [Fred] Hey, it's you! 456 00:19:58,563 --> 00:19:59,604 -Oh, no! -Oh, no! 457 00:19:59,688 --> 00:20:01,896 I'd recognize that cute tail anywhere! 458 00:20:02,187 --> 00:20:03,146 Come here, Spot! 459 00:20:03,771 --> 00:20:04,730 [sighs] 460 00:20:07,146 --> 00:20:08,521 Come here, good boy! 461 00:20:08,604 --> 00:20:10,563 Hey, fella, you all alone too? 462 00:20:10,646 --> 00:20:13,563 I ditched out of class as soon as that bell rang 463 00:20:13,646 --> 00:20:14,604 'cause everyone else was hanging around 464 00:20:14,688 --> 00:20:16,688 making their stupid get-well cards 465 00:20:16,771 --> 00:20:19,229 for hat boy and the teacher's kid. 466 00:20:21,730 --> 00:20:22,771 [sighs] Oh. 467 00:20:22,938 --> 00:20:25,771 Must be nice to have everyone care if you're sick. 468 00:20:26,521 --> 00:20:28,521 Wish I had friends like that. 469 00:20:28,604 --> 00:20:31,146 I bet no one in this whole stupid school 470 00:20:31,229 --> 00:20:33,187 would even notice if I wasn't here. 471 00:20:34,855 --> 00:20:37,521 -I'd notice. -Huh?! Teacher's kid? 472 00:20:37,604 --> 00:20:38,438 [zipper zips] 473 00:20:38,980 --> 00:20:41,229 I'd notice too, Fred. 474 00:20:41,312 --> 00:20:44,438 Teacher's pet?! What are you doin' here? 475 00:20:44,521 --> 00:20:46,646 Were you guys spyin' on me?! 476 00:20:46,730 --> 00:20:48,855 No, we were just standing behind the statue 477 00:20:48,938 --> 00:20:50,688 and you were talking really loud. 478 00:20:50,771 --> 00:20:51,646 [growls] 479 00:20:51,730 --> 00:20:52,980 But the point is, Fred... 480 00:20:53,062 --> 00:20:54,646 If you want to get noticed, 481 00:20:54,730 --> 00:20:57,229 it shouldn't be at someone else's expense. 482 00:20:57,312 --> 00:20:59,980 Making me look bad doesn't make you look better. 483 00:21:00,062 --> 00:21:01,938 You don't have to call people names. 484 00:21:02,021 --> 00:21:03,438 Or draw pictures. 485 00:21:03,563 --> 00:21:07,271 Or even buy them Jawcracker Sticky -Alima Tooty-Fruity Freeza Pops. 486 00:21:07,354 --> 00:21:08,771 If you want to make friends... 487 00:21:08,855 --> 00:21:11,521 ...you just have to be a friend. 488 00:21:11,604 --> 00:21:12,688 Really? 489 00:21:12,771 --> 00:21:15,146 You mean even though my dad's stupid job 490 00:21:15,229 --> 00:21:16,563 makes us move all the time, 491 00:21:16,646 --> 00:21:21,688 and I never spend longer than a year at any stupid school... 492 00:21:21,771 --> 00:21:25,563 And I always wind up getting into stupid trouble 493 00:21:25,646 --> 00:21:28,604 and no one ever likes me anyway... 494 00:21:28,688 --> 00:21:31,187 [all] Aaaah! 495 00:21:31,271 --> 00:21:33,938 All I have to do is... Be a friend 496 00:21:34,021 --> 00:21:36,479 and everything will be okay? 497 00:21:36,563 --> 00:21:38,521 Yup. And tell you what... 498 00:21:38,604 --> 00:21:42,563 To get you started, we'll be your first 2 friends! 499 00:21:45,104 --> 00:21:46,813 [sighs] 500 00:21:50,187 --> 00:21:52,479 My 2 new friends are the teacher's pet 501 00:21:52,855 --> 00:21:54,312 and the teacher's kid? 502 00:21:55,479 --> 00:21:57,312 Aaaaaah! 503 00:21:59,229 --> 00:22:01,730 Aaaaaaaah! 504 00:22:02,146 --> 00:22:03,563 It's a beginning. 505 00:22:06,855 --> 00:22:09,104 Uh, you can be friends with us, 506 00:22:09,187 --> 00:22:10,688 right, Noltar?