1 00:00:00,333 --> 00:00:01,463 ♪ Born on the wrong end Of the leash ♪ 2 00:00:01,542 --> 00:00:04,292 -♪ He was a dreamer ♪ -♪ And a little schemer ♪ 3 00:00:04,375 --> 00:00:05,665 ♪ A nutty mutt living a dog's life ♪ 4 00:00:05,750 --> 00:00:07,420 ♪ But when he'd hear the bell for school ♪ 5 00:00:07,500 --> 00:00:08,330 ♪ He'd start to drool ♪ 6 00:00:08,417 --> 00:00:09,827 -♪ One day he says ♪ -♪ I'll take a chance ♪ 7 00:00:09,917 --> 00:00:11,747 ♪ Trades his leash For a pair of pants ♪ 8 00:00:11,834 --> 00:00:14,174 ♪ In a glance, school becomes His favorite pastime ♪ 9 00:00:14,250 --> 00:00:16,580 ♪ I have buried a bone For the last time ♪ 10 00:00:16,667 --> 00:00:17,997 -♪ He says ♪ -♪ I want to be a boy ♪ 11 00:00:18,083 --> 00:00:19,833 ♪ Ooh, he's bad ♪ 12 00:00:19,917 --> 00:00:21,207 ♪ He's so over just being rover ♪ 13 00:00:21,291 --> 00:00:22,581 ♪ I gotta be a boy ♪ 14 00:00:22,667 --> 00:00:25,207 ♪ He says he's just gonna be a boy ♪ 15 00:00:25,291 --> 00:00:26,671 ♪ Turns out he's a regular Einstein ♪ 16 00:00:26,750 --> 00:00:28,710 ♪ And Leonard is treading a fine line ♪ 17 00:00:28,792 --> 00:00:30,962 Why can't I be a normal kid like any other? 18 00:00:31,041 --> 00:00:33,041 Now, doodle bug, listen to mother. 19 00:00:33,125 --> 00:00:34,915 ♪ I want to be a boy ♪ 20 00:00:35,000 --> 00:00:36,750 I hate dogs. 21 00:00:36,834 --> 00:00:39,714 ♪ I gotta be a boy ♪ 22 00:00:39,792 --> 00:00:41,462 ♪ This power pup's gonna be a boy ♪ 23 00:00:41,542 --> 00:00:43,462 I do not wish to be a dog. 24 00:00:43,542 --> 00:00:46,082 ♪ Now this bowser's ready for trousers ♪ 25 00:00:46,166 --> 00:00:47,496 ♪ I got to be a boy ♪ 26 00:00:47,583 --> 00:00:49,083 ♪ His nose is wet but you can bet ♪ 27 00:00:49,166 --> 00:00:52,206 ♪ This teacher's pet is gonna be a boy ♪ 28 00:00:52,291 --> 00:00:54,131 Yes! 29 00:01:11,208 --> 00:01:15,168 [opera playing] 30 00:01:22,041 --> 00:01:23,631 [humming] 31 00:01:23,709 --> 00:01:26,539 And a fine good morning to you, brer bird. 32 00:01:26,625 --> 00:01:29,035 I have had a delightful night's sleep, 33 00:01:29,125 --> 00:01:31,625 a lovely visit to the little boy's box, 34 00:01:31,709 --> 00:01:33,249 and now -- ha ha ha -- 35 00:01:33,333 --> 00:01:36,883 I am ready to commence with my ritual morning scratch. 36 00:01:41,458 --> 00:01:42,788 [sighs] Here we go. 37 00:01:42,875 --> 00:01:45,455 Every morning without fail, out come the claws. 38 00:01:45,542 --> 00:01:46,672 Dig-pull, dig-pull. 39 00:01:46,750 --> 00:01:48,670 "Gee, I miss my mother's milk!" 40 00:01:48,750 --> 00:01:53,000 Is there anything more annoying than a cat and his cat post? 41 00:01:53,083 --> 00:01:55,633 [Mr. Jolly] Oh, I don't know. Perhaps...That! 42 00:01:55,709 --> 00:01:56,829 What? 43 00:01:56,917 --> 00:01:59,327 The incessant obsessive/compulsive banging 44 00:01:59,417 --> 00:02:02,077 of your pointy beak against the spherical aggregation 45 00:02:02,166 --> 00:02:03,666 of little foam bucky balls! 46 00:02:03,750 --> 00:02:06,250 Pick-peck, pick-peck, pick-peck! Pick, pick, pick! 47 00:02:06,333 --> 00:02:08,003 Dig-pull, dig-pull, dig-dig-pull! 48 00:02:08,083 --> 00:02:09,383 Pick, pick, pick, pick! 49 00:02:09,458 --> 00:02:10,538 Dig, dig, dig, dig, dig! 50 00:02:10,625 --> 00:02:13,375 Like your miserable floor-hugging life depended on it! 51 00:02:13,458 --> 00:02:17,328 I don't need to scratch, I choose to scratch. 52 00:02:17,417 --> 00:02:20,747 I can stop any time I want, unlike you, seed bell slave! 53 00:02:20,834 --> 00:02:23,004 Ha! I ain't no slave to nothin'. 54 00:02:23,083 --> 00:02:24,833 I can stop pecking right now and never peck again, 55 00:02:24,917 --> 00:02:26,377 and you know why? 56 00:02:26,458 --> 00:02:28,288 'Cause birds have self-control, not like you cats! 57 00:02:28,375 --> 00:02:30,415 -Do so. -Do not! Look at you! 58 00:02:30,500 --> 00:02:32,290 You're scratching right now, and you don't even know it. 59 00:02:32,375 --> 00:02:36,665 Oh, don't be silly. I am not-- oh, no! 60 00:02:36,750 --> 00:02:37,790 See what I mean? 61 00:02:37,875 --> 00:02:40,915 You don't control that carpet-on-a-stick. 62 00:02:41,000 --> 00:02:42,290 It controls you! 63 00:02:42,375 --> 00:02:45,455 I will not be controlled! I'll give it up. 64 00:02:45,542 --> 00:02:47,632 I swear, I can go without it. 65 00:02:47,709 --> 00:02:50,539 Yeah, right. For how long? 66 00:02:50,625 --> 00:02:54,245 Well, for as long as you can go without pecking your seed bell. 67 00:02:54,333 --> 00:02:56,423 What? Wh-what would that prove? 68 00:02:56,500 --> 00:02:58,790 Ha ha ha! See? I knew it. You're afraid. 69 00:02:58,875 --> 00:03:01,495 You feathery fellows talk a good game, 70 00:03:01,583 --> 00:03:05,133 but when push comes to shove, you can't stop pecking, can you? 71 00:03:05,208 --> 00:03:07,208 I can! Longer than you can! 72 00:03:07,291 --> 00:03:09,711 Ooh, battle of the wills? I rise to the challenge. 73 00:03:09,792 --> 00:03:12,132 Let's just see who's the stronger species, 74 00:03:12,208 --> 00:03:15,708 who can go the longest without doing that which he loves most. 75 00:03:15,792 --> 00:03:17,042 Starting when? 76 00:03:17,125 --> 00:03:20,245 Right after this. 77 00:03:30,500 --> 00:03:32,460 "When I, Odysseus, 78 00:03:32,542 --> 00:03:37,582 was sailing home to fair Ithaca with my weary men, 79 00:03:37,667 --> 00:03:42,707 we heard the tempting song of the siren women." 80 00:03:42,792 --> 00:03:44,542 [imitating siren's song] 81 00:03:47,250 --> 00:03:49,460 "I had to be lashed to the mast 82 00:03:49,542 --> 00:03:52,462 and stuff wax in my sailors' ears 83 00:03:52,542 --> 00:03:55,002 so we wouldn't be lured to our doom 84 00:03:55,083 --> 00:03:58,133 and end up a pile of bleached bones 85 00:03:58,208 --> 00:03:59,958 on the temptress's beach." 86 00:04:02,667 --> 00:04:03,957 And that, I believe, 87 00:04:04,041 --> 00:04:07,961 is why we have wax in our ears to this very day! 88 00:04:08,041 --> 00:04:12,171 And FYI-- It's an excellent medium for modeling 89 00:04:12,250 --> 00:04:14,170 if you run out of clay. 90 00:04:14,250 --> 00:04:16,130 [all] Eww! 91 00:04:16,208 --> 00:04:18,708 Hey, just stating the facts. 92 00:04:18,792 --> 00:04:21,582 Ha ha! Well... Thank you, Ian. 93 00:04:21,667 --> 00:04:26,167 Ha ha! And, um, if anyone has... Touched Ian's model, 94 00:04:26,250 --> 00:04:29,380 please wash your hands before snack. 95 00:04:29,458 --> 00:04:30,328 Ha ha! 96 00:04:30,417 --> 00:04:31,827 [ring] 97 00:04:31,917 --> 00:04:33,497 Hello. 98 00:04:33,583 --> 00:04:34,673 [gibberish] 99 00:04:34,750 --> 00:04:36,040 Yes, indeedy-do. 100 00:04:36,125 --> 00:04:37,455 All righty-rooney. 101 00:04:37,542 --> 00:04:40,882 Doesn't your mom ever just say "okay"? 102 00:04:40,959 --> 00:04:44,079 Okey-deeky-docky-Doe! I'll send someone right away. 103 00:04:44,166 --> 00:04:46,956 Well, everyone, the office needs a volunteer 104 00:04:47,041 --> 00:04:48,881 to run down to the kindergarten 105 00:04:48,959 --> 00:04:51,249 and pick up today's hot lunch count. 106 00:04:51,333 --> 00:04:52,253 [all] Me! 107 00:04:52,333 --> 00:04:55,543 Ookey-dook. Let's see... 108 00:04:55,625 --> 00:04:58,125 Well, this time I think I'll choose Leonard and Scott. 109 00:04:58,208 --> 00:04:59,168 Ha ha ha! 110 00:04:59,250 --> 00:05:00,830 No dawdling, now! 111 00:05:00,917 --> 00:05:03,127 You heard the woman. Come on! Ondelay! 112 00:05:03,208 --> 00:05:05,878 We have a kindergarten lunch count to tally, man! 113 00:05:05,959 --> 00:05:06,919 And then, math. 114 00:05:07,000 --> 00:05:09,460 Scott, there's something you need to learn 115 00:05:09,542 --> 00:05:10,962 about being a fourth-grader. 116 00:05:11,041 --> 00:05:13,791 The whole point of volunteering for a job like this 117 00:05:13,875 --> 00:05:15,875 isn't to rush right out and do it 118 00:05:15,959 --> 00:05:18,079 and rush right back so you don't miss math. 119 00:05:18,166 --> 00:05:19,166 It isn't? 120 00:05:19,250 --> 00:05:20,790 No. The whole point is to dawdle -- 121 00:05:20,875 --> 00:05:22,705 you get a little drink of water... 122 00:05:26,291 --> 00:05:28,211 Tie your shoelaces... 123 00:05:28,291 --> 00:05:30,501 Slam a few lockers... 124 00:05:33,583 --> 00:05:36,673 Say "ha ha!" To the guys stuck in class... 125 00:05:36,750 --> 00:05:37,750 Ha ha! 126 00:05:37,834 --> 00:05:41,174 Then get all the way down to the kindergarten, 127 00:05:41,250 --> 00:05:42,790 come all the way back, 128 00:05:42,875 --> 00:05:45,535 remember you forgot the lunch count, 129 00:05:45,625 --> 00:05:48,575 go all the way back to the kindergarten again, 130 00:05:48,667 --> 00:05:51,037 then when you get back, math is over! 131 00:05:51,125 --> 00:05:52,575 Miss math? 132 00:05:52,667 --> 00:05:56,877 But if dawdling is what fourth-graders do, so be it. 133 00:05:56,959 --> 00:05:58,419 ♪ La la la ♪ 134 00:05:58,500 --> 00:06:03,790 This here hallway sure gets mighty pretty this time of year. 135 00:06:03,875 --> 00:06:05,075 Yes, sir! 136 00:06:06,750 --> 00:06:08,040 Here you go, Scott. 137 00:06:08,125 --> 00:06:09,375 Thank you. 138 00:06:09,458 --> 00:06:11,288 Please sign by the "X's" and initial here 139 00:06:11,375 --> 00:06:13,745 to acknowledge dispatch of today's official 140 00:06:13,834 --> 00:06:15,544 kindergarten hot lunch tally. 141 00:06:18,333 --> 00:06:19,583 You're good! 142 00:06:19,667 --> 00:06:21,287 No one here ever got past three. 143 00:06:21,375 --> 00:06:23,285 Eli almost did four one time, 144 00:06:23,375 --> 00:06:25,245 but then they fell on his toe 145 00:06:25,333 --> 00:06:27,833 and he had to go to the nurse to get ice. 146 00:06:27,917 --> 00:06:30,167 I'm going to make it someday. Just you watch! 147 00:06:30,250 --> 00:06:32,460 Let's go, Leonard. If we hurry, 148 00:06:32,542 --> 00:06:35,172 we can still copy all the math problems off the board 149 00:06:35,250 --> 00:06:36,540 before she erases them, 150 00:06:36,625 --> 00:06:39,125 so we won't have to miss any of our homework tonight! 151 00:06:39,250 --> 00:06:40,210 Hee hee hee hee! 152 00:06:40,291 --> 00:06:42,331 What kind of fourth-grader is he? 153 00:06:42,417 --> 00:06:44,497 The annoying kind. 154 00:06:44,583 --> 00:06:46,543 Ha ha! You're funny! 155 00:06:46,625 --> 00:06:48,325 Yeah, well, bye. 156 00:06:48,417 --> 00:06:50,877 Wait! Don't go! Stay for milk. 157 00:06:50,959 --> 00:06:52,669 Uh... Maybe some other time. 158 00:06:55,875 --> 00:06:58,665 You want to help me out here, Scott? 159 00:06:58,750 --> 00:06:59,880 Okay. Um... 160 00:06:59,959 --> 00:07:02,749 Hey, look! The silkworms are hatching! 161 00:07:02,834 --> 00:07:03,754 They are? 162 00:07:03,834 --> 00:07:04,794 Ha ha ha. 163 00:07:04,875 --> 00:07:07,245 Kindergarteners are too easy. 164 00:07:07,333 --> 00:07:11,043 So, I see you got a girlfriend! 165 00:07:11,125 --> 00:07:12,455 She's not my girlfriend. 166 00:07:12,542 --> 00:07:14,132 She's just a little kindergartener 167 00:07:14,208 --> 00:07:16,498 who's never seen a guy stack blocks before. 168 00:07:16,583 --> 00:07:18,463 Oh, yeah, sure. 169 00:07:18,542 --> 00:07:20,252 Leonard and some-little-kindergartener 170 00:07:20,333 --> 00:07:21,503 who's-never-seen-a-guy- stack-blocks-before 171 00:07:21,583 --> 00:07:24,083 sittin' in a tree! K-i-- 172 00:07:24,166 --> 00:07:25,326 I thought you wanted to get back to math. 173 00:07:25,417 --> 00:07:27,497 This is more fun. 174 00:07:27,583 --> 00:07:29,003 K-i-s-s-- 175 00:07:29,083 --> 00:07:32,963 I swear, if you ever want me to throw you a tennis ball again-- 176 00:07:33,041 --> 00:07:33,961 All right, all right. 177 00:07:34,041 --> 00:07:35,211 I-n-g! 178 00:07:35,291 --> 00:07:38,421 See? I can so act like a fourth-grader, smarty-pants! 179 00:07:38,500 --> 00:07:39,580 First comes love, 180 00:07:39,667 --> 00:07:41,707 then comes marriage, then comes more 181 00:07:41,792 --> 00:07:44,712 little-kindergarteners who've-never-seen-a-guy 182 00:07:44,792 --> 00:07:47,042 stack-blocks-before in a baby carriage! 183 00:07:53,375 --> 00:07:57,415 I must be strong. I mustn't be tempted. 184 00:07:57,500 --> 00:08:00,330 Ooh, but just look at you. 185 00:08:00,417 --> 00:08:02,957 How I remember the joy, the comfort, 186 00:08:03,041 --> 00:08:06,751 the almost zen-like sense of oneness with the universe 187 00:08:06,834 --> 00:08:10,134 that came from scratching you, dear, dear post. 188 00:08:10,208 --> 00:08:14,128 But then, not scratching gives me an even better feeling -- 189 00:08:14,208 --> 00:08:17,828 a feeling of self-control, of my own inner power. 190 00:08:17,917 --> 00:08:21,537 I don't need you and your warm nylon pile 191 00:08:21,625 --> 00:08:25,535 clinging to my rough unsharpened claws... 192 00:08:25,625 --> 00:08:27,535 Polishing them, caressing them... 193 00:08:27,625 --> 00:08:30,205 Loving them! 194 00:08:30,291 --> 00:08:31,961 [sobbing] 195 00:08:32,041 --> 00:08:34,251 I... want... my... post! 196 00:08:34,333 --> 00:08:36,383 I... need... my... post! 197 00:08:36,458 --> 00:08:39,958 I'm suffering from post-post trauma. 198 00:08:40,041 --> 00:08:42,041 You are so pathetic. 199 00:08:42,125 --> 00:08:44,705 You have no self-control whatsoever. 200 00:08:47,375 --> 00:08:49,495 It wasn't enough I had to have 201 00:08:49,583 --> 00:08:52,333 Cardboard brand Healthy-O's for breakfast. 202 00:08:52,417 --> 00:08:55,707 She made me a tofu and alfalfa sprout salad for lunch. 203 00:08:55,792 --> 00:08:58,212 I haven't had anything bad to eat all day! 204 00:08:58,291 --> 00:08:59,211 Look! 205 00:08:59,291 --> 00:09:02,291 [heavenly chorus sings] 206 00:09:04,333 --> 00:09:06,543 Sour peachy gummy slugs. 207 00:09:06,625 --> 00:09:09,745 And hot caramel apple sticks. 208 00:09:09,834 --> 00:09:11,544 I've got 2 cents. 209 00:09:11,625 --> 00:09:13,495 I've got 3 cents. 210 00:09:13,583 --> 00:09:17,713 [both reading] 211 00:09:19,625 --> 00:09:21,535 We can buy one and split it. 212 00:09:21,625 --> 00:09:24,245 Okay, but how do you split a jawcracker? 213 00:09:24,333 --> 00:09:26,833 Easy. One of us sucks the first half, 214 00:09:26,917 --> 00:09:29,707 the other one sucks the second half. 215 00:09:29,792 --> 00:09:32,632 Okay... but how do we decide who gets to-- 216 00:09:32,709 --> 00:09:35,169 I call first suck! Tap, tap, tap! 217 00:09:35,250 --> 00:09:37,710 No erasies! Trademark registered! 218 00:09:46,542 --> 00:09:49,792 ♪ You try to cause my call ♪ 219 00:09:49,875 --> 00:09:51,625 ♪ Ring my bell ♪ 220 00:09:51,709 --> 00:09:55,459 ♪ I thought you were a good boy, But you never can tell ♪ 221 00:09:55,542 --> 00:09:57,712 ♪ You're so naughty... ♪ 222 00:09:57,792 --> 00:10:01,792 Mmm. You're really going to enjoy this, Leonard. 223 00:10:01,875 --> 00:10:03,785 My dog is a rat. 224 00:10:03,875 --> 00:10:06,035 My dog's a cairn terrier. 225 00:10:06,125 --> 00:10:08,625 Hi, Leonard. Want some jawcrackers? 226 00:10:08,709 --> 00:10:11,079 I don't have any money left. 227 00:10:11,166 --> 00:10:12,376 That's okay. 228 00:10:12,458 --> 00:10:15,788 My dad lets me give them to my special friends. 229 00:10:15,875 --> 00:10:18,165 Your dad is the dad in dad's? 230 00:10:18,250 --> 00:10:19,210 Wow! 231 00:10:19,291 --> 00:10:21,131 And you can have a really lot 232 00:10:21,208 --> 00:10:24,458 'cause you're my really, really special friend. 233 00:10:31,834 --> 00:10:34,884 [singing siren song] 234 00:10:34,959 --> 00:10:36,329 Okay! 235 00:10:39,583 --> 00:10:40,833 Say, Leonard, 236 00:10:40,917 --> 00:10:43,917 are you as good at stickers as you are at building blocks? 237 00:10:44,000 --> 00:10:47,420 'Cause I got a new flower fairy book in the back, 238 00:10:47,500 --> 00:10:50,540 and I could sure use a fourth-grader's help. 239 00:10:50,625 --> 00:10:52,415 Go for it, Lenny baby! 240 00:10:52,500 --> 00:10:57,040 There is no such thing as free candy in this world. 241 00:10:57,125 --> 00:11:00,455 Besides, your friend Scott is waiting for you. Look! 242 00:11:05,375 --> 00:11:09,075 Go on, crunch it. It's just the right size. 243 00:11:09,166 --> 00:11:10,746 No! That's not right. 244 00:11:10,834 --> 00:11:14,174 You know you promised Leonard second suck. 245 00:11:14,250 --> 00:11:15,830 Aw, the heck with Leonard! 246 00:11:15,917 --> 00:11:18,497 Look at him in there-- about to ditch you 247 00:11:18,583 --> 00:11:20,963 for a little girl with a jarful of jawcrackers. 248 00:11:21,041 --> 00:11:22,081 Don't be a sap! 249 00:11:22,166 --> 00:11:24,706 You're good buddy out there is about to crunch! 250 00:11:53,709 --> 00:11:57,039 [groans] 251 00:11:57,125 --> 00:12:01,575 It's been two days since last I scratched my post. 252 00:12:01,667 --> 00:12:03,667 Aah! Look at these things. 253 00:12:03,750 --> 00:12:09,670 Ragged and shredding, splitting down... 254 00:12:09,750 --> 00:12:11,040 [groans] 255 00:12:11,125 --> 00:12:13,875 Mama said there'd be days like this. 256 00:12:18,667 --> 00:12:21,917 Oh, now I see what you like about this. 257 00:12:22,000 --> 00:12:24,710 Mmm! Polished to a burnished glow! 258 00:12:24,792 --> 00:12:28,132 Hey, I can see myself in my claws! 259 00:12:28,208 --> 00:12:33,538 You are so unspeakably cruel, Pretty Boy Helperman. 260 00:12:33,625 --> 00:12:36,875 Well, well, two can play that nasty little game. 261 00:12:36,959 --> 00:12:39,629 Pbht! 262 00:12:39,709 --> 00:12:43,829 Mmm, mmm, mmm! Seedy! Delicious! 263 00:12:46,500 --> 00:12:48,790 Aah! Ick! Gak! 264 00:12:50,750 --> 00:12:53,040 And my claws aren't sharp. I have to get them out! 265 00:13:00,667 --> 00:13:03,827 [laughing] 266 00:13:05,667 --> 00:13:08,747 I should have thought of this years ago. 267 00:13:12,291 --> 00:13:14,081 Go on, take it! He's gone! 268 00:13:14,166 --> 00:13:16,956 I can't. That's cheating. 269 00:13:17,041 --> 00:13:19,581 What do you care? You cheat all the time! 270 00:13:19,667 --> 00:13:21,747 Wait a minute. Isn't one of you supposed to be an angel? 271 00:13:21,834 --> 00:13:25,464 Your angel quit! You were too big a pain! 272 00:13:25,542 --> 00:13:28,292 Well, I'll show that angel! I'll show all of youse! 273 00:13:28,375 --> 00:13:31,785 No scratchy for the kitty, no seedy for the birdie! 274 00:13:38,458 --> 00:13:39,878 Oh, honey-bunny, 275 00:13:39,959 --> 00:13:43,749 I can't understand why you have such a bad tummy ache. 276 00:13:43,834 --> 00:13:45,834 What did you eat today? 277 00:13:45,917 --> 00:13:51,327 Um... Nothing I remember. 278 00:13:51,417 --> 00:13:54,247 ["Dance of the Sugarplum Fairies" playing] 279 00:14:07,709 --> 00:14:09,419 Normally, I wouldn't do this, 280 00:14:09,500 --> 00:14:13,210 but if my baby's coming down with some yucky bug, 281 00:14:13,291 --> 00:14:16,791 then maybe this will make him feel a little bit better. 282 00:14:16,875 --> 00:14:18,785 Sour peachy gummy slugs! 283 00:14:18,875 --> 00:14:20,495 Your favorite! Ha ha ha! 284 00:14:20,583 --> 00:14:23,423 An adorable little kindergartener and her dad 285 00:14:23,500 --> 00:14:24,750 just dropped them off, 286 00:14:24,834 --> 00:14:27,834 and you think you're not popular at that school! 287 00:14:27,917 --> 00:14:29,747 Ohh... This is all your fault! 288 00:14:29,834 --> 00:14:31,584 What? What did I do? 289 00:14:31,667 --> 00:14:34,417 The devil said if you crunched the jawcracker, 290 00:14:34,500 --> 00:14:35,630 I should take the candy. 291 00:14:35,709 --> 00:14:38,329 Well, my devil said if you were going to take all candy, 292 00:14:38,417 --> 00:14:40,377 I might as well crunch the jawcracker! 293 00:14:40,500 --> 00:14:43,000 He's a liar! Don't trust him! 294 00:14:43,083 --> 00:14:44,383 Trust me. 295 00:14:44,500 --> 00:14:45,750 I'm your real friend. 296 00:14:45,834 --> 00:14:48,884 Come on! Let's take him and his devil on! 297 00:14:48,959 --> 00:14:51,379 No! Leonard's my friend! 298 00:14:51,458 --> 00:14:54,748 You're just an evil projection of my shadow side, 299 00:14:54,834 --> 00:14:58,634 luring me down the dark path to my worser nature. 300 00:14:58,709 --> 00:15:02,959 Get thee behind me, devil spot! Begone, and don't come back! 301 00:15:03,041 --> 00:15:05,961 Aah! Oh, what a world! 302 00:15:06,041 --> 00:15:08,711 Wow, that was easier than you'd think. 303 00:15:08,792 --> 00:15:12,132 Okay, I have an idea of how we can get you better. 304 00:15:12,208 --> 00:15:15,328 He doesn't! He doesn't! Only I can get you well! 305 00:15:15,417 --> 00:15:17,327 First, go like this. 306 00:15:21,834 --> 00:15:22,714 Ha ha ha ha. 307 00:15:22,792 --> 00:15:25,292 Okay, now about that tummy ache... 308 00:15:25,375 --> 00:15:27,745 It's not the candy that's making you feel all sick inside, 309 00:15:27,834 --> 00:15:31,174 it's the fact that you're taking advantage of a little girl 310 00:15:31,250 --> 00:15:33,290 by letting her think you care about her, 311 00:15:33,375 --> 00:15:35,665 when all you really care about is the candy. 312 00:15:35,750 --> 00:15:37,080 You know he's right. 313 00:15:37,166 --> 00:15:38,076 No, no! 314 00:15:38,166 --> 00:15:39,626 Him we like. 315 00:15:39,709 --> 00:15:41,919 I know you guys are right. It was fun at first, 316 00:15:42,000 --> 00:15:44,710 but the price of free candy's just too high. 317 00:15:44,792 --> 00:15:47,632 I look down at Emma's grubby little hands, 318 00:15:47,709 --> 00:15:48,919 finger painting hearts 319 00:15:49,000 --> 00:15:52,290 with some of the letters of my name spelled backward, 320 00:15:52,375 --> 00:15:55,575 and I just feel dirty, dirtier than her fingernails. 321 00:15:55,667 --> 00:15:56,787 And that's dirty. 322 00:15:56,875 --> 00:15:57,785 Leave it to me. 323 00:15:57,875 --> 00:16:00,205 I'll help you out of this, buddy. 324 00:16:05,166 --> 00:16:06,496 [school bell rings] 325 00:16:06,583 --> 00:16:07,923 Now listen, sweetheart. 326 00:16:08,000 --> 00:16:10,420 I know it feels like Leonard's the only guy in the world, 327 00:16:10,500 --> 00:16:13,420 the only block in the block bin, 328 00:16:13,500 --> 00:16:15,960 but that's just because you're 5 years old 329 00:16:16,041 --> 00:16:17,751 and you haven't experienced 330 00:16:17,834 --> 00:16:20,134 all the blocks the world has to offer. 331 00:16:20,208 --> 00:16:22,328 Look! There's big ones and little ones, 332 00:16:22,417 --> 00:16:24,287 cones and cylinders, 333 00:16:24,417 --> 00:16:27,747 and smiley shapes that tip when you lay them on their backs. 334 00:16:27,834 --> 00:16:30,794 See? It's a beautiful world full of magic and wonder, 335 00:16:30,917 --> 00:16:33,537 so don't limit yourself to just one block. 336 00:16:33,667 --> 00:16:34,747 Experience them all! 337 00:16:34,834 --> 00:16:37,544 I guess you're right. I don't really love Leonard. 338 00:16:37,667 --> 00:16:39,537 Of course you don't. 339 00:16:39,667 --> 00:16:42,627 I love you! Your tower is lots bigger than his was! 340 00:16:42,709 --> 00:16:45,629 [bell rings] 341 00:16:49,250 --> 00:16:52,790 What's recess without a peachy gummy slug? 342 00:16:57,250 --> 00:16:59,630 I brought you dessert, Scott. 343 00:17:04,333 --> 00:17:05,753 You didn't think 344 00:17:05,834 --> 00:17:08,634 I'd make you go all afternoon without a candy break? 345 00:17:10,750 --> 00:17:13,080 Licorice lines! 346 00:17:15,792 --> 00:17:18,882 I know what's making you feel sick. 347 00:17:18,959 --> 00:17:20,249 It's the guilt that comes 348 00:17:20,333 --> 00:17:22,253 from taking advantage of a little girl 349 00:17:22,333 --> 00:17:24,333 by letting her think you care about her, 350 00:17:24,417 --> 00:17:26,667 when all you really care about is her candy. 351 00:17:26,750 --> 00:17:29,540 Oh, no. Look at all those wrappers in the closet. 352 00:17:29,667 --> 00:17:30,707 It's the candy. 353 00:17:30,834 --> 00:17:33,214 Well, you helped me out when I needed it, 354 00:17:33,291 --> 00:17:35,421 so now it's my turn to help you. 355 00:17:35,500 --> 00:17:37,420 You're going to take her back? 356 00:17:37,542 --> 00:17:39,922 No. I'm going to eat the rest of this candy 357 00:17:40,041 --> 00:17:41,331 before you can get to it. 358 00:17:41,458 --> 00:17:44,788 Hey! I was saving that for later... 359 00:17:44,875 --> 00:17:47,285 After I stop feeling sick! 360 00:17:47,375 --> 00:17:48,625 Hey, there, Charlie, 361 00:17:48,709 --> 00:17:51,039 how come you're sitting like that? 362 00:17:51,125 --> 00:17:53,955 Like what? I'm not sitting any particular way, 363 00:17:54,083 --> 00:17:55,463 hiding my claws or anything, 364 00:17:55,583 --> 00:17:57,463 as if they looked horrid and unkempt 365 00:17:57,583 --> 00:17:58,833 and there was something to be ashamed of 366 00:17:58,917 --> 00:18:02,787 because, uh, there isn't, and I'm not. 367 00:18:02,917 --> 00:18:05,827 [sobbing] I'm so ashamed! 368 00:18:05,959 --> 00:18:07,709 Look, if you dare! 369 00:18:07,834 --> 00:18:09,134 Whoo! Charlie! 370 00:18:09,250 --> 00:18:11,080 What have they done to you? 371 00:18:11,208 --> 00:18:13,998 What have they done to me? What have I done to myself? 372 00:18:14,125 --> 00:18:16,245 Me and my silly feline pride. 373 00:18:16,375 --> 00:18:18,875 I thought I was stronger than a bird, 374 00:18:19,000 --> 00:18:20,130 but what price pride? 375 00:18:20,250 --> 00:18:22,130 Look at these claws. 376 00:18:22,208 --> 00:18:27,378 There's nothing to be proud of, so I shall humbly admit defeat. 377 00:18:27,458 --> 00:18:29,538 The canary has won. 378 00:18:29,625 --> 00:18:32,125 I must scratch again. 379 00:18:36,208 --> 00:18:37,538 Caraway. 380 00:18:37,625 --> 00:18:39,415 Oh... Millet! 381 00:18:39,500 --> 00:18:41,040 Mmm, good! 382 00:18:41,125 --> 00:18:42,375 Hello! 383 00:18:42,500 --> 00:18:46,420 I, uh, I was, uh, just straightening the bell. 384 00:18:46,500 --> 00:18:48,130 Ha ha ha! Straightening the bell. 385 00:18:48,208 --> 00:18:51,168 That is so like a bird, with the lame excuses. 386 00:18:51,250 --> 00:18:54,420 Admit it, my friend-- I am stronger than you. 387 00:18:54,500 --> 00:18:57,170 Cats are stronger than canaries! 388 00:18:57,291 --> 00:18:59,211 Ahem... 389 00:19:02,458 --> 00:19:04,578 All right, we're both weak. 390 00:19:04,667 --> 00:19:05,917 Yeah, I guess we are, 391 00:19:06,000 --> 00:19:08,420 but I'm a lot weaker than you are! 392 00:19:08,500 --> 00:19:10,420 No, no, I'm far the weaker. 393 00:19:10,542 --> 00:19:12,002 Look how much I missed my silly seed bell! 394 00:19:12,083 --> 00:19:13,463 Not a fraction of how much I missed my carpet-on-a-stick! 395 00:19:13,542 --> 00:19:14,752 Pick-peck, pick-peck, pick-peck-pick! 396 00:19:14,875 --> 00:19:16,995 Dig-pull, dig-pull, dig, dig, dig! 397 00:19:17,125 --> 00:19:19,075 Dig-pull, dig-pull! 398 00:19:19,166 --> 00:19:21,576 Pick-peck, pick-peck! 399 00:19:25,291 --> 00:19:27,461 This plan is going to work for sure, 400 00:19:27,542 --> 00:19:30,132 and then that sweet little kindergartener 401 00:19:30,208 --> 00:19:31,998 will be just a sweet memory. 402 00:19:32,083 --> 00:19:34,543 See what I just did there, with the sweet and the sweet? 403 00:19:34,667 --> 00:19:36,207 Candy... sweet? 404 00:19:38,417 --> 00:19:39,917 Now... 405 00:19:40,000 --> 00:19:41,170 [clears throat] 406 00:19:41,250 --> 00:19:44,170 "I know it feels like Scott Leadready 407 00:19:44,250 --> 00:19:46,540 is the only guy in the--" 408 00:19:46,625 --> 00:19:49,285 Wall? Well? 409 00:19:49,417 --> 00:19:50,247 World? 410 00:19:50,375 --> 00:19:51,535 Yeah! Yeah, that works. 411 00:19:51,625 --> 00:19:55,285 "But that's just because you're five tears bold --" 412 00:19:55,417 --> 00:19:56,957 no, that can't be right. 413 00:19:57,083 --> 00:19:58,173 Oh! "Five years old!" 414 00:19:58,291 --> 00:20:00,751 [snorting] I'm such a ninny. 415 00:20:00,834 --> 00:20:05,084 "And you haven't experienced the beautiful world 416 00:20:05,166 --> 00:20:07,956 full of wonder and maggots--" 417 00:20:08,041 --> 00:20:09,331 and magic--" 418 00:20:09,417 --> 00:20:10,667 Oh, shoot! 419 00:20:10,750 --> 00:20:13,540 I thought it was getting good there for a second. 420 00:20:13,667 --> 00:20:16,127 "So don't limit yourself. Experience everything..." 421 00:20:16,208 --> 00:20:18,248 Blah, blah, blah. Okay, gimme some candy! 422 00:20:18,375 --> 00:20:20,535 When Scott said it, it sounded nice. 423 00:20:20,625 --> 00:20:24,075 When you said it, it just sounded yucky. 424 00:20:24,166 --> 00:20:26,076 I'm getting the impression 425 00:20:26,166 --> 00:20:28,076 there's no gummy slugs at the end of this deal. 426 00:20:28,166 --> 00:20:30,576 It just makes me like Scott all the more, 427 00:20:30,667 --> 00:20:31,877 forever and ever. 428 00:20:31,959 --> 00:20:33,209 Oh, for-- 429 00:20:33,291 --> 00:20:36,461 why did you have to go and make me so darned lovable? 430 00:20:36,583 --> 00:20:38,713 You know what you've got to do. 431 00:20:38,834 --> 00:20:41,794 I've got to bite the bullet and give it to her straight, 432 00:20:41,917 --> 00:20:45,957 even if it means breaking her cute little 5-year-old heart. 433 00:20:48,709 --> 00:20:49,919 Emma. 434 00:20:50,000 --> 00:20:52,540 Hi, Scott. I brought you some Cruncha Reenios. 435 00:20:52,667 --> 00:20:54,457 Darn! My favorite! 436 00:20:54,583 --> 00:20:57,213 Emma, I can't take your Buncha Reenios. 437 00:20:57,291 --> 00:20:59,251 Freshly made this morning. 438 00:20:59,375 --> 00:21:00,455 Okay, just one. 439 00:21:00,583 --> 00:21:02,793 No! I mean-- 440 00:21:02,917 --> 00:21:04,037 No, thank you. 441 00:21:04,125 --> 00:21:06,415 You see, I don't really-- 442 00:21:06,500 --> 00:21:08,750 I mean, I never really-- 443 00:21:08,834 --> 00:21:12,504 Oh, this is very hard for me to say to you, but-- 444 00:21:12,583 --> 00:21:13,543 I did it! 445 00:21:13,667 --> 00:21:15,077 Seven blocks high! 446 00:21:15,166 --> 00:21:16,956 Seven blocks? Wow! 447 00:21:17,083 --> 00:21:19,673 And he's just a kindergartener. 448 00:21:19,750 --> 00:21:23,210 Scott, this is very hard for me to say to you, 449 00:21:23,291 --> 00:21:26,461 but, well, I'm friends with Eli now. See ya! 450 00:21:26,583 --> 00:21:29,083 Hey, Eli, want some buncha reenios? 451 00:21:29,166 --> 00:21:30,456 Sure! 452 00:21:30,583 --> 00:21:33,173 Oh, seven blocks is nothing, little girl! 453 00:21:33,250 --> 00:21:35,040 I can do eight! Watch me! 454 00:21:38,709 --> 00:21:41,669 All right, just give me a sec. It's been a few years. 455 00:21:41,792 --> 00:21:43,292 So here I go. 456 00:21:43,375 --> 00:21:45,165 Buncha Reenios... Buncha Reenios... 457 00:21:45,250 --> 00:21:47,460 You do it for the Buncha Reenios! 458 00:21:47,542 --> 00:21:49,422 Come on, Ian, 459 00:21:49,500 --> 00:21:52,290 let's get you out of here while you still have some pride left. 460 00:21:52,417 --> 00:21:55,497 But Buncha Reenios, guys... 461 00:21:55,625 --> 00:21:57,915 She has Buncha Reenios! 462 00:21:58,041 --> 00:21:59,751 And for free! 463 00:21:59,834 --> 00:22:01,084 [sobbing] 464 00:22:01,166 --> 00:22:03,246 My friend, if there's one thing we've learned 465 00:22:03,333 --> 00:22:05,173 in the past few days, it's this -- 466 00:22:05,291 --> 00:22:08,421 there's no such thing as free Buncha Reenios. 467 00:22:08,542 --> 00:22:10,922 And you can make a very sturdy model 468 00:22:11,000 --> 00:22:13,880 of Odysseus and his sailors out of ear wax.