1 00:00:00,333 --> 00:00:01,463 Of the leash 2 00:00:01,542 --> 00:00:04,082 - 3 00:00:04,166 --> 00:00:05,786 living a dog's life 4 00:00:05,875 --> 00:00:07,415 the bell for school 5 00:00:08,417 --> 00:00:10,127 - 6 00:00:10,208 --> 00:00:11,828 For a pair of pants 7 00:00:11,917 --> 00:00:14,207 His favorite pastime 8 00:00:14,291 --> 00:00:16,581 For the last time 9 00:00:16,667 --> 00:00:18,287 - 10 00:00:25,125 --> 00:00:26,665 regular Einstein 11 00:00:26,750 --> 00:00:28,420 treading a fine line 12 00:00:28,500 --> 00:00:30,960 Why can't I be a normal kid like any other? 13 00:00:31,041 --> 00:00:33,131 Now, doodle bug, listen to mother. 14 00:00:35,000 --> 00:00:36,920 I hate dogs. 15 00:00:41,542 --> 00:00:43,502 I do not wish to be a dog. 16 00:00:43,583 --> 00:00:46,083 ready for trousers 17 00:00:49,166 --> 00:00:52,206 is gonna be a boy 18 00:00:52,291 --> 00:00:54,131 Yes! 19 00:01:13,125 --> 00:01:14,535 Stay tuned, boys and girls. 20 00:01:14,625 --> 00:01:16,455 Coming up next-- a classic reprise 21 00:01:16,542 --> 00:01:18,422 of your all-time perennial favorite super beloved 22 00:01:18,500 --> 00:01:21,540 episode of "The Goony Gopher Show." 23 00:01:21,625 --> 00:01:22,785 Rerun. 24 00:01:22,875 --> 00:01:25,375 Coming right up on "Wormface And Skelepony," 25 00:01:25,458 --> 00:01:27,998 a perennial reprise all-time favorite classic... 26 00:01:28,083 --> 00:01:29,423 Seen that. 27 00:01:29,500 --> 00:01:30,920 Don't they make any new shows anymore? 28 00:01:31,000 --> 00:01:33,710 And next, a brand-new... 29 00:01:33,792 --> 00:01:35,752 Reshowing of your all-time favorite... 30 00:01:35,834 --> 00:01:39,084 That does it. This is un-American. 31 00:01:39,166 --> 00:01:41,536 Who do they think we are, a bunch of dumb animals? 32 00:01:41,625 --> 00:01:45,075 Well, we showed them. We voted with our beaks. 33 00:01:45,166 --> 00:01:47,246 Darn right. 34 00:01:50,250 --> 00:01:52,460 So now what do we do? 35 00:01:52,542 --> 00:01:54,082 I don't know. 36 00:01:54,166 --> 00:01:56,166 What did we do before we had television? 37 00:01:56,250 --> 00:01:58,170 We've always had television... 38 00:01:58,250 --> 00:02:00,500 Except for that one day the power was out 39 00:02:00,583 --> 00:02:04,543 and we slept for 18 hours straight. 40 00:02:04,625 --> 00:02:05,915 You want to sleep? 41 00:02:06,000 --> 00:02:07,540 I got a better idea than sitting 42 00:02:07,625 --> 00:02:08,995 in front of some stupid screen, passively letting 43 00:02:09,083 --> 00:02:11,753 information and entertainment wash over us. Come on! 44 00:02:15,709 --> 00:02:19,209 You were right. This is infinitely better. 45 00:02:30,125 --> 00:02:34,375 Earth-- 93 million miles from the sun, 46 00:02:34,458 --> 00:02:36,998 a stunning big beautiful blue marble 47 00:02:37,083 --> 00:02:39,923 that I like to call... Home. 48 00:02:40,000 --> 00:02:41,540 You're never going to get home 49 00:02:41,625 --> 00:02:42,915 if you keep stopping to look at it. 50 00:02:43,000 --> 00:02:45,710 Well, pardon me for admiring my creation. 51 00:02:45,792 --> 00:02:48,962 Can't I stop and smell the genius every now and then? 52 00:02:49,041 --> 00:02:51,381 On any other day, yes. 53 00:02:51,458 --> 00:02:52,748 On the day they give out the Junior Boy Ranger 54 00:02:52,834 --> 00:02:55,084 community-service job assignments? 55 00:02:55,166 --> 00:02:57,536 Junior Boy Ranger yada-yada assignment jobs? 56 00:02:57,625 --> 00:02:58,995 Let's go. Move it. 57 00:02:59,083 --> 00:03:00,503 I'm going to get there first, 58 00:03:00,583 --> 00:03:02,673 and then assistant groundskeeper at the softball field 59 00:03:02,750 --> 00:03:05,210 is mine, all mine. 60 00:03:05,291 --> 00:03:08,671 Card-catalog room at the rare-book library, 61 00:03:08,750 --> 00:03:10,500 here I come. 62 00:03:10,583 --> 00:03:12,583 Dewey decimal system? 63 00:03:12,667 --> 00:03:15,827 More like ooh-whee! Decimal system. 64 00:03:15,917 --> 00:03:17,917 It helps to like your work. 65 00:03:20,000 --> 00:03:21,630 Junior goody-two-shoes alert. 66 00:03:21,709 --> 00:03:23,579 There will be a 100% chance of geekiness 67 00:03:23,667 --> 00:03:25,327 with scattered nerds. 68 00:03:25,417 --> 00:03:27,247 Heh heh heh ho. 69 00:03:27,333 --> 00:03:29,173 It's so easy to judge others 70 00:03:29,250 --> 00:03:31,630 from atop your ivory perch, isn't it? 71 00:03:31,709 --> 00:03:33,669 At least we're contributing to society 72 00:03:33,750 --> 00:03:36,630 and not zoning out in front of the television all day. 73 00:03:36,709 --> 00:03:39,419 Shows what you know. We don't zone out in front of the TV. 74 00:03:39,500 --> 00:03:40,790 No. On the contrary, 75 00:03:40,875 --> 00:03:42,575 we zone out in front of the computer. 76 00:03:42,667 --> 00:03:44,417 It would seem that this is one cat 77 00:03:44,500 --> 00:03:47,630 who really knows his way with a mouse. 78 00:03:48,875 --> 00:03:51,495 See? Cat, mouse-- I created a witticism. 79 00:03:51,583 --> 00:03:54,673 Stop. Please, stop. My sides are aching. 80 00:03:54,750 --> 00:03:56,920 Now if you'll excuse us, we are off, 81 00:03:57,000 --> 00:03:59,210 to quote the Junior Boy Ranger motto, 82 00:03:59,291 --> 00:04:01,921 to do our duty with enthusiasm, 83 00:04:02,000 --> 00:04:04,630 respectful of the awesome responsibility-- 84 00:04:04,709 --> 00:04:07,749 come on, Scott, or we'll get stuck with the lame-o jobs. 85 00:04:07,834 --> 00:04:09,174 Bye now. 86 00:04:09,250 --> 00:04:12,420 A Junior Boy Ranger is ever mindful. 87 00:04:12,500 --> 00:04:15,580 A Junior Boy Ranger respects his peers 88 00:04:15,667 --> 00:04:18,417 and observes the rules of order and fairness 89 00:04:18,500 --> 00:04:20,040 at all times. 90 00:04:20,125 --> 00:04:22,165 Very good, rangers. I'm proud of you. 91 00:04:22,250 --> 00:04:24,330 Okay, now on to the business of today's meeting. 92 00:04:24,417 --> 00:04:25,707 The community-service jobs-- 93 00:04:25,792 --> 00:04:28,292 Come on! Out of my way! 94 00:04:28,375 --> 00:04:33,075 Now look what you did to my little purple scarf. 95 00:04:33,166 --> 00:04:36,076 Boys, this mindless mayhem stops now. 96 00:04:38,250 --> 00:04:39,500 That's not fair. 97 00:04:39,583 --> 00:04:40,963 And get off of Gary. 98 00:04:41,041 --> 00:04:43,381 Ooh, sorry. 99 00:04:43,458 --> 00:04:44,668 Was I first? 100 00:04:44,750 --> 00:04:47,170 Starting today, the community-service jobs 101 00:04:47,250 --> 00:04:49,580 will be picked by me at random in alphabetical order 102 00:04:49,667 --> 00:04:51,077 of your last names. 103 00:04:51,166 --> 00:04:53,456 Oh, that's not fair. 104 00:04:53,542 --> 00:04:55,422 My name starts with "W." 105 00:04:55,500 --> 00:04:57,830 I beat Scott to the jar, 106 00:04:57,917 --> 00:05:00,417 and that means I pick first. 107 00:05:00,500 --> 00:05:04,330 And your attitude means now you'll definitely pick last. 108 00:05:04,417 --> 00:05:08,327 Vengeance is mine. 109 00:05:08,417 --> 00:05:10,707 And Scott will pick second to last. 110 00:05:10,792 --> 00:05:14,422 O... kay. 111 00:05:14,500 --> 00:05:15,790 Nice going, Scott. 112 00:05:15,875 --> 00:05:17,245 And Leonard-- 113 00:05:17,333 --> 00:05:19,173 Third to last. Got it. 114 00:05:19,250 --> 00:05:20,250 Let's begin. 115 00:05:41,500 --> 00:05:42,790 What did you get? 116 00:05:42,875 --> 00:05:45,375 I got "the peace and quiet room 117 00:05:45,458 --> 00:05:49,458 at the Restful Quietude Senior Citizens Center." 118 00:05:49,542 --> 00:05:51,382 Whoo-hoo. That sounds great. 119 00:05:51,458 --> 00:05:52,748 Whoo-hoo, boy. 120 00:05:52,834 --> 00:05:57,464 Little Leonard living large in the land of liniment. 121 00:05:58,750 --> 00:06:00,500 How exciting. 122 00:06:00,583 --> 00:06:02,043 Yeah? So what did you get? 123 00:06:02,125 --> 00:06:06,575 Come on, library. Come to puppy. Come to puppy. 124 00:06:06,667 --> 00:06:08,917 Well, what do you know? 125 00:06:09,000 --> 00:06:10,880 I get to help out at the... 126 00:06:10,959 --> 00:06:14,539 East Westland Stray Cat Shelter. 127 00:06:14,625 --> 00:06:16,785 Yay! Rare book library! 128 00:06:16,875 --> 00:06:21,415 Ooh, I can taste the dust mites already. 129 00:06:26,709 --> 00:06:29,249 That is to say... 130 00:06:29,333 --> 00:06:34,213 Congratulations, Scott, on our mutual good fortune. 131 00:06:34,291 --> 00:06:38,671 The land of liniment is looking a lot-- 132 00:06:38,750 --> 00:06:40,080 I can't think of an "l" word, 133 00:06:40,166 --> 00:06:43,036 but a whole lot better than you and a bunch of cats. 134 00:06:46,750 --> 00:06:48,670 We just have to keep telling ourselves 135 00:06:48,750 --> 00:06:50,130 we're Junior Boy Rangers, 136 00:06:50,208 --> 00:06:52,708 and it's for a good cause. 137 00:06:52,792 --> 00:06:54,042 But old people-- 138 00:06:54,125 --> 00:06:57,495 you're telling me. Cats-- oh! 139 00:06:57,583 --> 00:06:59,503 If I was a betting bird, I'd lay two to one 140 00:06:59,583 --> 00:07:01,253 that Leonard lasts longer with the geezers 141 00:07:01,333 --> 00:07:03,293 than the pooch does with the pussycats. 142 00:07:03,375 --> 00:07:04,665 Ooh, I beg to differ. 143 00:07:04,750 --> 00:07:06,500 What could be more purr-fect 144 00:07:06,583 --> 00:07:10,133 than spending the day surrounded by feline companionship? 145 00:07:10,208 --> 00:07:11,708 I'll tell you what could be more perfect-- 146 00:07:11,792 --> 00:07:13,962 lying on a bed of nails, 147 00:07:14,041 --> 00:07:15,631 walking on broken glass, 148 00:07:15,709 --> 00:07:17,709 flying into the sun. No offense. 149 00:07:17,792 --> 00:07:19,332 Why would I be offended? 150 00:07:19,417 --> 00:07:20,707 However, you are right on one count. 151 00:07:20,792 --> 00:07:22,422 I'll certainly last longer at my job 152 00:07:22,500 --> 00:07:23,790 than Leonard will at his. 153 00:07:23,875 --> 00:07:25,495 No way. At least all I have to do is 154 00:07:25,583 --> 00:07:27,503 get along with my own species. 155 00:07:27,583 --> 00:07:29,133 No way. At least all I have to do 156 00:07:29,208 --> 00:07:31,208 is get along with my own species. 157 00:07:31,291 --> 00:07:33,041 At least all I have to do is 158 00:07:33,125 --> 00:07:35,535 get along with my own species. 159 00:07:35,625 --> 00:07:36,875 You can't mimic my mimic. 160 00:07:36,959 --> 00:07:38,999 I say I can. Who are you? 161 00:07:39,083 --> 00:07:40,583 I'm rubber, you're glue. 162 00:07:40,667 --> 00:07:42,167 Oh, brother. 163 00:07:42,250 --> 00:07:44,420 Sometimes you just got to stir up the pot a little. 164 00:07:44,500 --> 00:07:47,500 Ooh, you make me want to be bad. 165 00:07:52,667 --> 00:07:55,377 To do our duty with enthusiasm, 166 00:07:55,458 --> 00:07:58,578 respectful of the awesome responsibility-- 167 00:07:58,667 --> 00:08:02,207 Aah! 168 00:08:02,291 --> 00:08:06,791 Why me? Why me? 169 00:08:06,875 --> 00:08:10,785 Now I may be just a retired dermatologist, 170 00:08:10,875 --> 00:08:12,825 but I think I can help with your murder investigation. 171 00:08:12,917 --> 00:08:14,747 Leonard, would you tell me 172 00:08:14,834 --> 00:08:18,924 if I've got a piece of dried apricot in my teeth? 173 00:08:19,000 --> 00:08:21,250 -Looks good to me. -Oh, thanks, kid. 174 00:08:21,333 --> 00:08:24,883 Hey, want to help me clean them now that I got them out? 175 00:08:24,959 --> 00:08:27,499 Help yourself to another cookie, dear. 176 00:08:27,583 --> 00:08:30,833 Cookie, shmookie-- he hasn't finished his fig. 177 00:08:30,917 --> 00:08:33,497 How is he supposed to grow curly hair? 178 00:08:33,625 --> 00:08:36,075 His hair is fine just the way it is. 179 00:08:36,166 --> 00:08:38,576 Oh, such a handsome boy. 180 00:08:38,667 --> 00:08:40,327 Ow! 181 00:08:40,417 --> 00:08:41,877 Now, Scott, your job at the shelter 182 00:08:41,959 --> 00:08:44,709 will be to make sure our guests are cared for. 183 00:08:44,792 --> 00:08:47,922 Just the basics-- clean their cages, feed them-- 184 00:08:48,000 --> 00:08:49,880 Ooh! And stay alert. 185 00:08:49,959 --> 00:08:52,829 You might want to remember that. 186 00:08:52,917 --> 00:08:54,457 -Got it. -Good. 187 00:08:54,542 --> 00:08:57,922 Now let's go see the cats you'll be taking care of. 188 00:08:58,000 --> 00:09:00,630 I don't have to work with these... things? 189 00:09:00,709 --> 00:09:02,629 No, heh heh, no. 190 00:09:02,709 --> 00:09:05,079 You'll be helping out with the problem group. 191 00:09:05,166 --> 00:09:06,206 Problem group? 192 00:09:15,917 --> 00:09:19,127 Oh, the horror! The horror! 193 00:09:19,208 --> 00:09:21,828 Mew. 194 00:09:24,083 --> 00:09:26,793 And they just kept mewing, 195 00:09:26,875 --> 00:09:28,705 like little baby dolls 196 00:09:28,792 --> 00:09:32,922 and looking at me like that-- like they were... 197 00:09:33,000 --> 00:09:34,750 Fond of me. 198 00:09:34,834 --> 00:09:36,884 So you got a fan club. Big deal. 199 00:09:36,959 --> 00:09:38,169 But they're cats-- 200 00:09:38,250 --> 00:09:40,710 the silliest, most ridiculously worthless creatures 201 00:09:40,792 --> 00:09:42,712 on the face of this earth. 202 00:09:42,792 --> 00:09:44,832 Hey, are you going to take this guff lying down? 203 00:09:44,917 --> 00:09:46,537 Ooh, I found a web site 204 00:09:46,625 --> 00:09:50,915 that delivers a different kind of catnip toy every month. 205 00:09:51,000 --> 00:09:52,540 I'm sorry. Were you talking to me? 206 00:09:52,625 --> 00:09:55,125 Oh, is this to be my fate? 207 00:09:55,208 --> 00:09:58,918 That I, a dog who aspires to the heavens of achievement, 208 00:09:59,000 --> 00:10:01,880 should be assigned to the most degrading, 209 00:10:01,959 --> 00:10:05,709 dispiriting, soul-suckingly heinous job? 210 00:10:05,792 --> 00:10:08,132 So you're saying you don't like it. 211 00:10:08,208 --> 00:10:12,288 Excuse me while I go wash off the smell of cat. 212 00:10:12,375 --> 00:10:15,625 I've tried. It doesn't come off. 213 00:10:15,709 --> 00:10:17,959 That is one miserable canine. 214 00:10:23,125 --> 00:10:24,535 I don't want to talk about it. 215 00:10:24,625 --> 00:10:25,665 I'm going to the bathroom to wash off 216 00:10:25,750 --> 00:10:28,380 the smell of cookies and figs. 217 00:10:28,458 --> 00:10:30,378 Oh, hello, Leonard. I didn't hear you come in. 218 00:10:30,417 --> 00:10:31,877 I just got through telling the boys here 219 00:10:31,959 --> 00:10:34,669 how much I love-- nay, Cherish-- 220 00:10:34,750 --> 00:10:39,080 my exciting job at the... cat shelter. 221 00:10:39,166 --> 00:10:40,706 That's great, and I just got through 222 00:10:40,792 --> 00:10:43,752 saying how much I love working with the elderly. 223 00:10:43,834 --> 00:10:45,674 Well, isn't that just wonderful? 224 00:10:45,750 --> 00:10:47,080 That's exactly what I was thinking-- 225 00:10:47,166 --> 00:10:48,786 wonderful. 226 00:10:48,875 --> 00:10:50,325 Ha ha ha. All righty, then. 227 00:10:50,417 --> 00:10:51,747 Okay. 228 00:10:51,834 --> 00:10:53,714 -See you. -So long. 229 00:10:53,792 --> 00:10:55,712 I'm not a good person. 230 00:10:58,041 --> 00:10:59,541 I wonder if they have 231 00:10:59,625 --> 00:11:01,875 an achievement badge in self-loathing. 232 00:11:03,834 --> 00:11:05,634 There you go-- 233 00:11:05,709 --> 00:11:07,789 spilled milk all gone... 234 00:11:07,875 --> 00:11:09,785 For the seventh time. 235 00:11:15,959 --> 00:11:18,129 Now please, be careful. 236 00:11:18,208 --> 00:11:20,828 Don't step on the... 237 00:11:20,917 --> 00:11:22,457 Dish! 238 00:11:25,583 --> 00:11:28,543 What do you know? I'm actually crying over spilled milk. 239 00:11:28,625 --> 00:11:30,785 Aah! 240 00:11:30,875 --> 00:11:33,995 I can't take it anymore! 241 00:11:34,083 --> 00:11:36,833 Oh! Don't look at me. 242 00:11:39,291 --> 00:11:42,631 I have to leave this place before I go mad-- mad! 243 00:11:42,709 --> 00:11:45,669 Nothing personal, fellows. I-I like you fine, 244 00:11:45,750 --> 00:11:48,670 but don't look at it as if you're losing a father figure. 245 00:11:48,750 --> 00:11:51,130 Just-- well, I guess you are losing a father figure. 246 00:11:51,208 --> 00:11:52,878 Say goodbye to daddy. 247 00:11:52,959 --> 00:11:54,919 Goodbye, daddy. 248 00:11:55,000 --> 00:11:56,880 You don't make it easy. 249 00:11:56,959 --> 00:12:00,789 It's true. He does like us. 250 00:12:00,875 --> 00:12:02,705 We are loved. 251 00:12:02,792 --> 00:12:06,832 And so very, very lonely. 252 00:12:06,917 --> 00:12:08,127 So I've quit my job, 253 00:12:08,208 --> 00:12:11,538 and I'm a complete utter failure at my community service, 254 00:12:11,625 --> 00:12:15,165 but as long as I can keep it from Leonard forever, I'm fine. 255 00:12:15,250 --> 00:12:19,080 Oh, great. Now I'm a quitter, failure, and a liar. 256 00:12:19,166 --> 00:12:21,706 -Huh? 257 00:12:21,792 --> 00:12:23,962 Aah! 258 00:12:25,333 --> 00:12:26,753 Mommy. 259 00:12:26,834 --> 00:12:30,294 Mommy? Mommy! 260 00:12:37,291 --> 00:12:39,041 Okay, write this. 261 00:12:39,125 --> 00:12:40,205 Today's episode of "The Goony Gopher Show" 262 00:12:40,291 --> 00:12:42,831 was entertaining, though the animation was choppy 263 00:12:42,917 --> 00:12:45,077 and the story predictable. 264 00:12:45,166 --> 00:12:46,416 Oh, and I think you're being a little harsh. 265 00:12:46,500 --> 00:12:50,380 It was a very funny show. I was lol-ing. 266 00:12:50,458 --> 00:12:52,578 That means laughing out loud in cyberspeak. 267 00:12:52,667 --> 00:12:54,287 I speak cyberspeak. 268 00:12:54,375 --> 00:12:57,455 Sounds to me like you are l-o-l-l-a-s-c. 269 00:12:57,542 --> 00:12:59,882 I'm not familiar with that nomenclature. 270 00:12:59,959 --> 00:13:02,919 That's laughing out loud like a stupid cat. 271 00:13:03,000 --> 00:13:04,460 Uh, pardon me, guys, 272 00:13:04,542 --> 00:13:06,132 but is there any information on the Internet 273 00:13:06,208 --> 00:13:09,078 about crisis management? 274 00:13:09,166 --> 00:13:10,456 I suppose I could look it up for you 275 00:13:10,542 --> 00:13:12,042 after we're done with this. 276 00:13:12,125 --> 00:13:16,825 Thanks, but could you maybe get around to doing it now? 277 00:13:19,083 --> 00:13:22,333 We're being invaded by a band of hideous creatures. 278 00:13:22,417 --> 00:13:24,167 They're cats. You're a cat. 279 00:13:24,250 --> 00:13:25,580 Okay, now I'm offended. 280 00:13:25,667 --> 00:13:28,077 Hey, hands off. I'm not a squeak toy. 281 00:13:28,166 --> 00:13:30,376 Get these fuzz balls out of here now. 282 00:13:30,458 --> 00:13:33,578 Now, now, come on. Let cooler heads prevail. 283 00:13:33,667 --> 00:13:35,167 This situation is not as bad as it-- 284 00:13:35,250 --> 00:13:37,670 Aah! 285 00:13:42,750 --> 00:13:46,080 Uranus, I hardly knew ye. 286 00:13:46,166 --> 00:13:50,166 10 billion years to create, 10 seconds to destroy. 287 00:13:50,250 --> 00:13:52,380 Leonard's home. 288 00:13:52,458 --> 00:13:53,918 Yay! Leonard is home! 289 00:13:54,000 --> 00:13:56,210 Maybe he can help me do something with these kittens. 290 00:13:56,291 --> 00:13:58,421 Ooh! Wait. If he sees these kitties, 291 00:13:58,500 --> 00:14:01,130 he's going to know that i'm a quitter-failure-loser, 292 00:14:01,208 --> 00:14:02,628 unless I hide the cats. 293 00:14:02,709 --> 00:14:04,249 Then I'll only be a quitter-failure-liar, 294 00:14:04,333 --> 00:14:06,083 which is much better than a quitter-failure-loser. 295 00:14:06,166 --> 00:14:07,666 You quit? 296 00:14:07,750 --> 00:14:10,130 Just because you couldn't take a bunch of six-week-old kittens? 297 00:14:10,208 --> 00:14:12,208 I think we've established that, yes. 298 00:14:12,291 --> 00:14:13,831 Now-- 299 00:14:13,917 --> 00:14:16,167 you swore your second oath to do your duty with enthusiasm, 300 00:14:16,250 --> 00:14:18,420 respectful of the awesome responsibility 301 00:14:18,500 --> 00:14:22,790 that comes with serving your community? 302 00:14:22,875 --> 00:14:25,165 Oh, for pity's sake, 303 00:14:25,250 --> 00:14:27,960 I'm a quitter. I'm lower than dirt. 304 00:14:28,041 --> 00:14:29,541 I'm lower than what's underneath dirt, 305 00:14:29,625 --> 00:14:34,035 and I don't deserve to be A Junior Boy Ranger. 306 00:14:34,125 --> 00:14:35,955 Are you happy now? 307 00:14:36,041 --> 00:14:37,501 Relatively. 308 00:14:37,583 --> 00:14:40,043 Hello? I'm home. 309 00:14:40,125 --> 00:14:42,245 Now will you please help me? 310 00:14:42,333 --> 00:14:43,883 If Leonard finds out I quit, 311 00:14:43,959 --> 00:14:45,829 he'll be mimicking me for the rest of my life-- 312 00:14:45,917 --> 00:14:47,167 badly. 313 00:14:47,250 --> 00:14:49,960 It's going to cost you a few gigabytes of RAM. 314 00:14:50,041 --> 00:14:52,251 Ram, jam... 315 00:14:52,333 --> 00:14:54,133 Something else that rhymes with ram-- 316 00:14:54,208 --> 00:14:56,208 I can't be clever now. I'm desperate. 317 00:14:56,291 --> 00:14:58,041 I'll get you anything you want, blackmailer. 318 00:14:58,125 --> 00:15:00,745 Just help me. All right, we'll keep quiet, 319 00:15:00,834 --> 00:15:02,134 but we won't forget the shame you brought 320 00:15:02,208 --> 00:15:04,578 to the sacred code of the Junior Boy Rangers. 321 00:15:04,667 --> 00:15:06,287 How do you know so much about the secret code 322 00:15:06,375 --> 00:15:08,165 of the Junior Boy Rangers? 323 00:15:08,250 --> 00:15:10,290 I use the handbook to line my cage. 324 00:15:10,375 --> 00:15:13,575 -Anybody here? -Lenny, home so soon? 325 00:15:13,667 --> 00:15:16,127 Yeah, they let me go early today 326 00:15:16,208 --> 00:15:18,958 as a reward for the great job I'm doing. 327 00:15:19,041 --> 00:15:22,291 What do you know? Aah! Me, too. 328 00:15:22,375 --> 00:15:26,455 I tell you-- oh, my job... 329 00:15:26,542 --> 00:15:29,922 Is a 110% joy. 330 00:15:30,000 --> 00:15:32,920 Love it to pieces. Me, too. 331 00:15:33,000 --> 00:15:34,080 Oh, good. 332 00:15:34,166 --> 00:15:36,376 Well, I'm off to the kitchen. 333 00:15:36,458 --> 00:15:38,748 All that serving the community made me hungry. 334 00:15:38,834 --> 00:15:40,424 See you. 335 00:15:42,125 --> 00:15:44,625 Oh, what am I going to do? 336 00:15:44,709 --> 00:15:46,999 -What's the matter with you? -I quit my job. 337 00:15:47,083 --> 00:15:48,543 I couldn't take it anymore. 338 00:15:48,625 --> 00:15:51,035 All day long, it's TV and cookies-- 339 00:15:51,125 --> 00:15:53,075 "Elderly Lawyer," cookies, 340 00:15:53,166 --> 00:15:55,666 "Senior Citizen Detective," more cookies, 341 00:15:55,750 --> 00:15:58,920 "This Really Old House," more cookies and a fig. 342 00:15:59,000 --> 00:16:01,040 They're nice people, and they really like me, 343 00:16:01,125 --> 00:16:03,875 but all they do is talk to me about bad TV shows, 344 00:16:03,959 --> 00:16:06,329 stuff cookies in my mouth, and pinch my cheek. 345 00:16:06,417 --> 00:16:09,667 Look! I don't know if it'll ever go back to normal. 346 00:16:09,750 --> 00:16:11,040 So let me get this straight. 347 00:16:11,125 --> 00:16:13,205 A bunch of nice old people shower you with attention, 348 00:16:13,291 --> 00:16:14,921 and you quit? 349 00:16:15,000 --> 00:16:16,250 I didn't actually quit. 350 00:16:16,333 --> 00:16:17,883 I just told them I was feeling sick 351 00:16:17,959 --> 00:16:19,209 and left early. 352 00:16:19,291 --> 00:16:21,631 So you weaseled out of it? That's worse. 353 00:16:21,709 --> 00:16:23,539 Whatever happened to... 354 00:16:25,458 --> 00:16:26,878 "A junior boy ranger Sees every job 355 00:16:26,959 --> 00:16:28,709 through until completion, no matter the--" 356 00:16:28,792 --> 00:16:30,292 I can't make out the rest of this, 357 00:16:30,375 --> 00:16:31,415 but you get the point. 358 00:16:31,500 --> 00:16:33,040 I know, I know. 359 00:16:33,125 --> 00:16:35,875 I'm so ashamed that I couldn't do an easy job like that. 360 00:16:35,959 --> 00:16:37,419 I mean, look at Scott. 361 00:16:37,500 --> 00:16:40,170 He was forced to work with cats, and he didn't quit. 362 00:16:40,250 --> 00:16:42,000 Somebody's going to get a new motherboard. 363 00:16:42,083 --> 00:16:43,383 Now let's see how we can help you 364 00:16:43,458 --> 00:16:45,958 keep this a secret. 365 00:16:46,041 --> 00:16:47,961 Aah... 366 00:16:48,041 --> 00:16:50,041 Now, please, 367 00:16:50,125 --> 00:16:53,455 don't put your claws in that region ever again. 368 00:16:53,542 --> 00:16:55,792 Okay, mommy. 369 00:16:55,875 --> 00:16:58,245 I'm not your mommy. 370 00:16:58,333 --> 00:16:59,883 Pretty Boy's right. 371 00:16:59,959 --> 00:17:02,169 I can't just shirk my responsibility like that. 372 00:17:02,250 --> 00:17:03,880 I have to go back there 373 00:17:03,959 --> 00:17:05,629 and meet my problems face to face. 374 00:17:05,709 --> 00:17:08,329 Hi, Leonard. 375 00:17:08,417 --> 00:17:10,377 Oh, no! Leonard! 376 00:17:10,458 --> 00:17:11,958 Leonard, don't make such a to-do. 377 00:17:12,041 --> 00:17:13,581 We had no trouble getting here. 378 00:17:13,667 --> 00:17:16,917 Yeah, my senior scooter has a sidecar. 379 00:17:17,000 --> 00:17:18,500 Besides, you're sick, 380 00:17:18,583 --> 00:17:20,543 and we want to help you feel better. 381 00:17:20,625 --> 00:17:21,915 But-- 382 00:17:22,000 --> 00:17:24,170 I'll just put this soup on the stove. 383 00:17:24,250 --> 00:17:26,040 The stove? In the kitchen? 384 00:17:26,125 --> 00:17:27,995 No, the one in the crawlspace. 385 00:17:28,083 --> 00:17:29,583 Okay, but I'll go in first. 386 00:17:29,667 --> 00:17:30,917 There could be gas. 387 00:17:31,000 --> 00:17:33,500 Lenny! Scott! How's it going? 388 00:17:33,583 --> 00:17:35,133 Good, good. 389 00:17:35,250 --> 00:17:37,750 Did I mention how much I love my job? 390 00:17:37,834 --> 00:17:41,084 I think you did, and I-I love mine, too. 391 00:17:41,166 --> 00:17:42,916 -Good. -Good. 392 00:17:43,000 --> 00:17:44,750 -Well, see you. -See you. 393 00:17:44,834 --> 00:17:46,134 The stove is broken, 394 00:17:46,208 --> 00:17:47,878 but I think I have a hot plate somewhere. 395 00:17:47,959 --> 00:17:49,129 Follow me. 396 00:17:49,208 --> 00:17:50,748 I haven't moved this much 397 00:17:50,834 --> 00:17:52,674 since the Lindy hop went out of style. 398 00:17:52,750 --> 00:17:54,380 -Right this way. -Aah! 399 00:17:54,458 --> 00:17:56,878 -Scott! -Lenny! 400 00:17:56,959 --> 00:18:00,129 How are you? I'm fine. Love the job. See you around. 401 00:18:00,208 --> 00:18:03,208 This one is going to cost you plenty. 402 00:18:03,291 --> 00:18:04,921 Sure, whatever, you got it. 403 00:18:07,375 --> 00:18:08,375 Come on. 404 00:18:21,959 --> 00:18:25,539 Uh-huh... It's not here, either. 405 00:18:25,625 --> 00:18:28,705 Now maybe it's just my arthritic hip acting up, 406 00:18:28,792 --> 00:18:32,712 but I got a feeling we're not looking for a hot plate anymore. 407 00:18:32,792 --> 00:18:35,002 No, we're not. 408 00:18:35,083 --> 00:18:36,633 Why don't you tell us 409 00:18:36,709 --> 00:18:39,959 what all this running around was about, Leonard? 410 00:18:42,208 --> 00:18:44,168 I didn't want my friend Scott to see you, 411 00:18:44,250 --> 00:18:47,130 because if he did, he'd be ashamed of me. 412 00:18:47,208 --> 00:18:49,498 If Leonard saw us, he'd know I quit my job at the shelter, 413 00:18:49,583 --> 00:18:51,003 and then he'd know that-- 414 00:18:51,083 --> 00:18:52,583 you couldn't take it? 415 00:18:52,667 --> 00:18:53,957 After a while, 416 00:18:54,041 --> 00:18:56,251 I got smothered by all the attention you gave me-- 417 00:18:56,333 --> 00:19:00,293 the way you just kept feeding me and pinching my cheek. 418 00:19:00,375 --> 00:19:02,575 I know. You're right, kid, 419 00:19:02,667 --> 00:19:05,207 and we're sorry we were all over you like that. 420 00:19:05,291 --> 00:19:07,211 We'll make it up to you somehow. 421 00:19:07,291 --> 00:19:10,081 I know-- have a cookie. 422 00:19:10,166 --> 00:19:11,746 You have to understand, Leonard. 423 00:19:11,834 --> 00:19:15,004 If we did go too far, it's only because we're lonely. 424 00:19:15,083 --> 00:19:17,083 It's been so long since we've had anyone 425 00:19:17,166 --> 00:19:19,456 to talk to and care for. 426 00:19:19,542 --> 00:19:21,042 Cookie? 427 00:19:22,709 --> 00:19:25,079 Uh, sorry. Old habits die hard. 428 00:19:25,166 --> 00:19:29,456 You see, nobody ever took care of us before. 429 00:19:29,542 --> 00:19:31,922 We don't have a mommy. 430 00:19:32,000 --> 00:19:35,790 I know, and I'm so sorry, 431 00:19:35,875 --> 00:19:39,165 but I can't be your mommy. I can't be your anything. 432 00:19:39,250 --> 00:19:40,750 I'm not even a boy. 433 00:19:40,834 --> 00:19:42,924 Not a boy? 434 00:19:43,000 --> 00:19:44,290 Didn't you wonder why I've been able 435 00:19:44,375 --> 00:19:46,625 to talk to you all this time? 436 00:19:46,709 --> 00:19:48,379 It's because I'm really a dog. 437 00:19:50,917 --> 00:19:52,877 Okay, okay, I'm a boy. 438 00:19:57,125 --> 00:19:58,955 Phew! 439 00:19:59,041 --> 00:20:02,081 Whoa, I'll think twice before I pull that stunt again. 440 00:20:02,166 --> 00:20:05,996 Okay, time for this Junior Boy Ranger 441 00:20:06,083 --> 00:20:07,753 to do something honorable for a change. 442 00:20:07,834 --> 00:20:10,294 Wait here. I'll be right back. 443 00:20:10,375 --> 00:20:13,125 You stay here. I'm going to straighten this out. 444 00:20:14,500 --> 00:20:16,000 -Leonard? -Scott? 445 00:20:16,083 --> 00:20:17,543 -Hi. -Hi. 446 00:20:17,625 --> 00:20:19,125 Lenny, I have something to-- 447 00:20:19,208 --> 00:20:21,168 to confess? Me, too. 448 00:20:21,166 --> 00:20:22,626 Confess? 449 00:20:22,709 --> 00:20:25,709 They can't confess. I need my new cd-rom drive. 450 00:20:27,917 --> 00:20:30,417 I'm going to get on that computer and order some thumbs. 451 00:20:30,500 --> 00:20:33,540 Well, thanks for sharing with me, Leonard. 452 00:20:33,625 --> 00:20:36,125 It's good to know I wasn't alone in my shame. 453 00:20:36,208 --> 00:20:37,288 Me, too. 454 00:20:37,375 --> 00:20:39,245 Now what are we going to do to take responsibility 455 00:20:39,333 --> 00:20:42,543 and do our duty? 456 00:20:42,625 --> 00:20:45,325 Well, you have nice lonely old people 457 00:20:45,417 --> 00:20:47,247 who need someone to take care of. 458 00:20:47,333 --> 00:20:51,133 And you have kittens who need someone to take care of them. 459 00:20:51,208 --> 00:20:52,998 We could put them together. 460 00:20:53,083 --> 00:20:55,083 Yes! Do you think it could work? 461 00:20:55,166 --> 00:20:56,286 I don't know. 462 00:20:56,375 --> 00:20:59,075 I could run to the library and do some research 463 00:20:59,166 --> 00:21:00,826 on the comparative benefits 464 00:21:00,917 --> 00:21:04,077 of pairing up orphan kittens with lonely senior citizens. 465 00:21:10,250 --> 00:21:12,080 -Or not. -Hey, look. 466 00:21:12,166 --> 00:21:15,036 This one likes to play with my teeth. 467 00:21:16,542 --> 00:21:18,172 And I present the comeback 468 00:21:18,250 --> 00:21:20,130 Junior Boy Ranger of the year award 469 00:21:20,208 --> 00:21:23,038 to Leonard Helperman and Scott Leadready II 470 00:21:23,125 --> 00:21:25,035 for putting some lovely kittens together 471 00:21:25,125 --> 00:21:27,075 with some lovely people, 472 00:21:27,166 --> 00:21:29,996 thereby rescuing their Junior Boy Rangers careers 473 00:21:30,083 --> 00:21:34,253 from the ashes of cowardice, dishonor, and ignominy. 474 00:21:34,333 --> 00:21:38,673 Thank you. I'm very proud... And very ashamed. 475 00:21:38,750 --> 00:21:41,330 I hereby award the Junior Boy Ranger of the year award 476 00:21:41,417 --> 00:21:43,917 and a 10% discount on any new accident policy 477 00:21:44,000 --> 00:21:45,460 at Steve Kanickee Insurance, 478 00:21:45,542 --> 00:21:48,042 where we can't spell customer without "u," 479 00:21:48,125 --> 00:21:49,955 to Ian Wazalusky for his outstanding service 480 00:21:50,041 --> 00:21:52,711 to the East Westland Rare Book Library. 481 00:21:54,417 --> 00:21:56,417 Sorry about all the paper cuts, son. 482 00:21:56,500 --> 00:21:58,460 Ha ha! I won! 483 00:21:58,542 --> 00:22:00,502 I'm king of the world. 484 00:22:00,583 --> 00:22:03,293 Junior Boy Ranger of the year! 485 00:22:03,375 --> 00:22:04,745 Looks like you also won 486 00:22:04,834 --> 00:22:07,714 the poor sport of the year award, Ian. I'll take that. 487 00:22:07,792 --> 00:22:13,422 Oh, when am I going to learn to keep my big wide mouth shut?