1 00:00:00,333 --> 00:00:01,463 Of the leash 2 00:00:01,542 --> 00:00:04,292 - 3 00:00:04,375 --> 00:00:05,665 living a dog's life 4 00:00:05,750 --> 00:00:07,420 the bell for school 5 00:00:08,417 --> 00:00:10,127 - 6 00:00:10,208 --> 00:00:11,748 For a pair of pants 7 00:00:11,834 --> 00:00:14,174 His favorite pastime 8 00:00:14,250 --> 00:00:16,580 For the last time 9 00:00:16,667 --> 00:00:17,997 - 10 00:00:25,291 --> 00:00:26,671 regular Einstein 11 00:00:26,750 --> 00:00:28,710 treading a fine line 12 00:00:28,792 --> 00:00:30,962 Why can't I be a normal kid like any other? 13 00:00:31,041 --> 00:00:33,041 Now, doodle bug, listen to mother. 14 00:00:35,000 --> 00:00:36,750 I hate dogs. 15 00:00:41,542 --> 00:00:43,462 I do not wish to be a dog. 16 00:00:43,542 --> 00:00:46,082 ready for trousers 17 00:00:49,166 --> 00:00:52,206 is gonna be a boy 18 00:00:52,291 --> 00:00:53,131 Yes! 19 00:01:13,166 --> 00:01:16,166 118... 20 00:01:16,250 --> 00:01:19,920 119... 21 00:01:22,875 --> 00:01:24,705 Spot, you got to be tired of this by now. 22 00:01:24,792 --> 00:01:28,212 Oh, a dog may tire of rawhide chewies, 23 00:01:28,291 --> 00:01:31,421 he may tire of baying at the moon. 24 00:01:31,500 --> 00:01:34,670 But as sure as our phylum is canis familiaris, 25 00:01:34,750 --> 00:01:38,290 we will never tire of the grand, old game of fetch-it. 26 00:01:40,667 --> 00:01:41,707 Throw. 27 00:01:41,792 --> 00:01:43,962 I don't get what you see in this stupid game, anyway. 28 00:01:44,041 --> 00:01:45,251 It's just the same thing 29 00:01:45,333 --> 00:01:47,833 over and over and over and over and-- 30 00:01:47,917 --> 00:01:49,747 Yeah. Ain't it great? 31 00:01:49,834 --> 00:01:52,834 I wasn't finished-- and over and over and over. 32 00:01:52,917 --> 00:01:54,287 The problem is, Leonard, 33 00:01:54,375 --> 00:01:57,035 you seem to be missing the subtleties of this fine sport. 34 00:01:57,583 --> 00:01:58,423 Observe-- 35 00:01:58,500 --> 00:02:00,790 the thrower rears back-- click! 36 00:02:00,875 --> 00:02:03,205 The fetcher hones in on the ball's force and probable trajectory. 37 00:02:03,291 --> 00:02:05,711 Zap! The thrower heaves it. Zip! 38 00:02:05,792 --> 00:02:08,502 The fetcher hurdles himself after it, tracking like radar! 39 00:02:08,583 --> 00:02:11,883 Whoo! Whoo! Whoo! Wait! He's misjudged it! 40 00:02:11,959 --> 00:02:13,539 Scurry, scurry, scurry, stretch! 41 00:02:13,625 --> 00:02:14,955 He tries to get traction! 42 00:02:15,041 --> 00:02:17,671 He slams on the brakes, makes a leap backward, and grabs it! 43 00:02:17,750 --> 00:02:21,000 The crowd goes nuts-- ahhh! 44 00:02:21,792 --> 00:02:25,712 Oh, baby, it doesn't get any better than this! 45 00:02:26,750 --> 00:02:29,080 Right. Then he trots back and drops 46 00:02:29,166 --> 00:02:30,576 a spit-soaked, filthy, disgusting ball 47 00:02:30,667 --> 00:02:32,327 on the thrower's shoe. 48 00:02:32,417 --> 00:02:35,287 Oh. I see what you're saying. You want a little taste. 49 00:02:35,375 --> 00:02:37,455 Me? Gimme a break. 50 00:02:37,542 --> 00:02:39,712 I'm not gonna run after some dumb-- 51 00:02:39,792 --> 00:02:40,792 Go! 52 00:02:43,542 --> 00:02:46,712 That was great! Throw it again! 53 00:02:46,792 --> 00:02:49,382 Well, I don't know. 54 00:02:49,458 --> 00:02:50,578 It's getting kind of boring 55 00:02:50,667 --> 00:02:53,667 throwing it over and over and-- 56 00:02:53,750 --> 00:02:54,710 Go! 57 00:02:57,250 --> 00:02:59,420 Good boy. 58 00:03:04,375 --> 00:03:07,125 Man, there's nothing good to do. 59 00:03:07,208 --> 00:03:09,378 Yeah. We've done it all. 60 00:03:09,458 --> 00:03:11,078 Played it all. 61 00:03:11,166 --> 00:03:14,496 Yeah, picked it off and eaten it all. 62 00:03:18,875 --> 00:03:20,785 Hey, how about a game of capture the flag? 63 00:03:20,875 --> 00:03:22,325 Did it. 64 00:03:22,417 --> 00:03:23,577 Dodge ball?! 65 00:03:23,667 --> 00:03:25,077 Did it. 66 00:03:25,166 --> 00:03:26,496 Foursquare? 67 00:03:26,583 --> 00:03:27,793 Did it. 68 00:03:27,875 --> 00:03:29,285 Saliva tag?! 69 00:03:30,834 --> 00:03:34,794 "How weary, stale, flat, and unprofitable 70 00:03:34,875 --> 00:03:38,165 seem to me all the uses of this world"-- 71 00:03:38,250 --> 00:03:40,130 "Hamlet," Act 1, Scene 2. 72 00:03:40,208 --> 00:03:42,788 Man, that's deep. What does it mean? 73 00:03:42,875 --> 00:03:44,415 It means I'm so bored now, 74 00:03:44,500 --> 00:03:46,580 even a drink of water sounds more interesting. 75 00:03:46,667 --> 00:03:48,627 Where does he get all this stuff? 76 00:03:48,709 --> 00:03:51,329 It's called "reading," fellas! 77 00:03:51,417 --> 00:03:53,127 Um, you know, yesterday, 78 00:03:53,208 --> 00:03:56,668 I was kind of playing a sort of fun new game. 79 00:03:56,750 --> 00:03:59,000 Leonard, you have an idea? 80 00:04:00,250 --> 00:04:03,420 Don't say it! Don't say it! 81 00:04:03,500 --> 00:04:05,130 You can't risk looking like a dork 82 00:04:05,208 --> 00:04:07,038 if they all think it's a dumb idea. 83 00:04:07,125 --> 00:04:10,165 Don't listen to him. You got a fun, new game. 84 00:04:10,250 --> 00:04:12,250 Put it out there. Go for it! 85 00:04:12,333 --> 00:04:14,333 Yeah, but if it comes from you, 86 00:04:14,417 --> 00:04:16,327 everyone will think it's totally lame, 87 00:04:16,417 --> 00:04:18,327 'cause you never think of anything good. 88 00:04:18,417 --> 00:04:20,577 Yeah, he's right. You're such a loser-- 89 00:04:20,667 --> 00:04:23,327 hey, wait. Now you've got me talking like you. 90 00:04:23,417 --> 00:04:24,707 Come on, take a shot. 91 00:04:24,792 --> 00:04:27,252 What's the worst that can happen? 92 00:04:27,333 --> 00:04:28,833 Fetch-it ball. 93 00:04:28,917 --> 00:04:30,077 Did you just sneeze? 94 00:04:30,166 --> 00:04:31,746 No, Leslie, I didn't sneeze. 95 00:04:31,834 --> 00:04:34,584 I just suggested a new game we could all play. 96 00:04:34,667 --> 00:04:36,377 Who just said that? 97 00:04:36,458 --> 00:04:37,708 Hurry up! 98 00:04:37,792 --> 00:04:41,252 I can't hold him much longer! 99 00:04:41,333 --> 00:04:42,633 Fetch-it ball? 100 00:04:42,709 --> 00:04:44,669 Sounds cool. 101 00:04:44,750 --> 00:04:45,670 How do you play it, dude? 102 00:04:45,750 --> 00:04:48,250 Oh, well, um, it's really easy. 103 00:04:48,333 --> 00:04:49,793 One person throws the ball, 104 00:04:49,875 --> 00:04:52,075 and the other person chases it and brings it back. 105 00:04:52,166 --> 00:04:53,916 Are they on different teams? 106 00:04:54,000 --> 00:04:55,460 Sure, why not? 107 00:04:55,542 --> 00:04:57,712 We'll have the thrower team and the fetcher team. 108 00:04:57,792 --> 00:04:59,132 I call thrower! 109 00:04:59,208 --> 00:05:00,538 I got fetcher! 110 00:05:00,625 --> 00:05:02,375 I call first fetch! 111 00:05:02,458 --> 00:05:06,248 Guys, guys, everyone's gonna get a chance to throw and fetch, 112 00:05:06,333 --> 00:05:08,293 'cause the teams switch sides 113 00:05:08,375 --> 00:05:10,575 every inning-- quarter--round? 114 00:05:10,667 --> 00:05:13,707 This game has inning quarter round periods? 115 00:05:13,792 --> 00:05:17,042 Yeah, but we just call them "roundies" for short. 116 00:05:17,125 --> 00:05:19,705 Come on. Let's go play. 117 00:05:19,792 --> 00:05:21,212 -Yeah! -Yeah! 118 00:05:24,291 --> 00:05:26,631 Okay, now, if you fetch the ball before it hits the ground, 119 00:05:26,709 --> 00:05:29,629 it's worth, um, 5 points-- oh, and a free fetch. 120 00:05:29,709 --> 00:05:32,079 But if it bounces, then you lose your free fetch 121 00:05:32,166 --> 00:05:34,286 and take away one point for each time it bounced. 122 00:05:34,375 --> 00:05:36,205 I'll show you. Tyler, throw me the ball. 123 00:05:37,792 --> 00:05:38,962 Ahh! 124 00:05:39,041 --> 00:05:40,081 Ugh! 125 00:05:42,667 --> 00:05:44,957 That's called a "headie." 126 00:05:45,041 --> 00:05:47,041 The fetcher gets 10 points for that, 127 00:05:47,125 --> 00:05:49,165 plus a free throw back to the thrower, 128 00:05:49,250 --> 00:05:50,920 who has to fetch it now. 129 00:05:51,000 --> 00:05:51,920 Ready? 130 00:05:56,542 --> 00:05:58,462 Faking's fair. Go! 131 00:05:58,542 --> 00:06:00,212 -Fetch that ball! Hey! -Fetch that ball! Hey! 132 00:06:00,291 --> 00:06:02,631 -Fetch that ball! -Fetch that ball! 133 00:06:02,709 --> 00:06:05,379 He's no fetcher! Find a better catcher! 134 00:06:10,041 --> 00:06:13,631 Ahh. Well, that was a long, but boring drink. 135 00:06:15,208 --> 00:06:16,878 Fetch it! Go, man! 136 00:06:16,959 --> 00:06:18,499 Oh, botched fetch. 137 00:06:18,583 --> 00:06:21,793 My Nana can fetch better than you. 138 00:06:21,875 --> 00:06:24,745 Oh, yeah? Bring her on! I can outfetch her any day! 139 00:06:24,834 --> 00:06:26,174 Come on, everybody. 140 00:06:26,250 --> 00:06:30,500 Let's just call a refetch and get on with the game. 141 00:06:31,667 --> 00:06:34,917 Do my eyes deceive me? What in blue blazes-- 142 00:06:35,000 --> 00:06:36,920 Can it possibly be? 143 00:06:37,625 --> 00:06:41,125 Perhaps I should shut up and just go find out. 144 00:06:41,208 --> 00:06:44,628 Hey, hey, what up? What are we doing? 145 00:06:44,709 --> 00:06:46,079 Playing fetch-it ball. 146 00:06:46,166 --> 00:06:48,496 That's what I thought. I love this game! 147 00:06:48,583 --> 00:06:51,923 Yeah. Leonard invented it all by himself. 148 00:06:52,000 --> 00:06:53,630 Can you believe it? He had the coolest idea 149 00:06:53,709 --> 00:06:56,579 anybody ever had on this whole playground ever! 150 00:06:56,667 --> 00:06:57,747 Leonard invented it? 151 00:06:57,834 --> 00:06:59,504 Well, good for Leonard. 152 00:06:59,583 --> 00:07:02,753 He finally got himself a little bit of recognition. 153 00:07:02,834 --> 00:07:04,294 Yeah, for your great idea. 154 00:07:04,375 --> 00:07:06,915 Leonard! Leonard! Leonard! Leonard! 155 00:07:07,000 --> 00:07:08,580 Leonard! Leonard! Leonard! Leonard! 156 00:07:08,667 --> 00:07:11,417 Scott! Scott! Scott! 157 00:07:11,500 --> 00:07:13,540 You're the one they should be cheering and huzzahing. 158 00:07:13,625 --> 00:07:16,535 Why, weak Scott, I do believe you're jealous. 159 00:07:16,625 --> 00:07:19,125 Me? Jealous? Don't be ridiculous, strong Scott. 160 00:07:19,208 --> 00:07:20,578 I'm nothing like jealous. 161 00:07:20,667 --> 00:07:23,127 I don't have a jealous bone in my body! 162 00:07:23,208 --> 00:07:26,418 Of course I'm jealous! 163 00:07:26,500 --> 00:07:28,170 I have every right to be jealous! 164 00:07:28,250 --> 00:07:31,000 Are you with me?! Are we jealous or what?! 165 00:07:31,083 --> 00:07:32,583 Don't listen to him. 166 00:07:32,667 --> 00:07:35,957 Don't give in to such a petty human emotion as jealousy. 167 00:07:36,458 --> 00:07:37,458 Too late. 168 00:07:41,834 --> 00:07:43,674 Oh, man, we were just starting to have 169 00:07:43,750 --> 00:07:45,960 the best recess game of our lives. 170 00:07:46,041 --> 00:07:48,831 That's okay, Leslie. Everyone, we can play again after school. 171 00:07:48,917 --> 00:07:51,127 Yeah! 172 00:07:51,250 --> 00:07:52,960 Yeah! 173 00:07:53,041 --> 00:07:55,461 And maybe we'll challenge those big, bragging fifth graders 174 00:07:55,542 --> 00:07:58,422 to a little fetch-it ball match-- 175 00:07:58,500 --> 00:08:00,330 see how good they are at our game. 176 00:08:00,417 --> 00:08:03,327 You mean your game, Leonard. You deserve all the credit. 177 00:08:03,417 --> 00:08:06,417 Oh, gee--I mean, gosh-- I mean, gee. 178 00:08:08,917 --> 00:08:11,537 Well, well, well. 179 00:08:11,625 --> 00:08:13,625 You go for a little drink of water, 180 00:08:13,709 --> 00:08:17,249 and you find out who your real friends are. 181 00:08:17,333 --> 00:08:19,043 Oh, Scott, there you are. 182 00:08:19,125 --> 00:08:21,325 Shoot, you missed the whole game. 183 00:08:21,417 --> 00:08:23,747 But that's okay. We're playing again later. 184 00:08:23,834 --> 00:08:25,424 You want to be on my team? 185 00:08:25,500 --> 00:08:28,500 Oh, gee. I don't know. What if I'm not any good? 186 00:08:28,583 --> 00:08:31,213 I mean, fetch-it ball is your game, 187 00:08:31,291 --> 00:08:33,921 isn't it, old Mr. Leonard Doubleday-- 188 00:08:34,000 --> 00:08:36,080 or is that "double cross"?! 189 00:08:36,166 --> 00:08:37,576 What are you talking about? 190 00:08:39,667 --> 00:08:42,627 Abner Doubleday-- 1818 to 1893-- 191 00:08:42,709 --> 00:08:44,169 the noted civil war general commonly credited 192 00:08:44,250 --> 00:08:46,790 with inventing our all-American pastime-- 193 00:08:46,875 --> 00:08:48,285 the great game of baseball-- 194 00:08:48,375 --> 00:08:51,285 in Cooperstown, New York, circa 1839. 195 00:08:51,375 --> 00:08:53,035 But in reality, 196 00:08:53,125 --> 00:08:55,705 history shows that the vaunted Mr. Doubleday 197 00:08:55,792 --> 00:08:57,962 did not know a baseball from a kumquat. 198 00:08:58,041 --> 00:09:01,001 The truth is that baseball really evolved 199 00:09:01,083 --> 00:09:03,543 from the English game of rounders 200 00:09:03,625 --> 00:09:05,705 and was adapted into the game we now know and love 201 00:09:05,792 --> 00:09:07,752 by the little-known, unheralded 202 00:09:07,834 --> 00:09:10,214 Mr. Alexander Cartwright. 203 00:09:10,291 --> 00:09:13,831 Abner Doubleday! Abner Doubleday! Abner Doubleday! 204 00:09:13,917 --> 00:09:15,247 Who's that? 205 00:09:15,333 --> 00:09:16,963 I never heard of him. 206 00:09:17,041 --> 00:09:18,501 My point exactly. 207 00:09:18,583 --> 00:09:20,003 And how do you think 208 00:09:20,083 --> 00:09:23,833 that made poor, old Al Cartwright feel, pallie? 209 00:09:23,917 --> 00:09:25,497 Poor, old Mr. Cartwright. 210 00:09:25,583 --> 00:09:28,083 That must have been really tough to have done something great, 211 00:09:28,166 --> 00:09:30,076 like bring a whole new game to the world, 212 00:09:30,166 --> 00:09:32,126 and then not get any credit for it. 213 00:09:32,208 --> 00:09:33,708 I knew you'd see my point. 214 00:09:33,792 --> 00:09:35,332 I sure am glad everyone knows 215 00:09:35,417 --> 00:09:36,957 I'm the guy who invented fetch-it ball. 216 00:09:37,041 --> 00:09:41,211 Y-You did not! That's my game! 217 00:09:41,291 --> 00:09:43,291 What are you talking about, Scott? 218 00:09:43,375 --> 00:09:46,035 Your game was fetch-it. I'm the one who added the ball. 219 00:09:46,125 --> 00:09:47,785 There was already a ball! 220 00:09:47,875 --> 00:09:50,375 You just added the word "ball" to "fetch-it" 221 00:09:50,458 --> 00:09:51,998 and--and called it a game! 222 00:09:52,083 --> 00:09:54,133 A team sport, which I turned it into myself 223 00:09:54,208 --> 00:09:56,078 while you were getting a drink of water. 224 00:09:56,166 --> 00:09:58,666 And you're just jealous, 'cause for once in my life, 225 00:09:58,750 --> 00:10:00,000 I thought of something new 226 00:10:00,083 --> 00:10:02,423 that everyone thinks is the funnest game they ever played! 227 00:10:02,500 --> 00:10:06,380 For the nonce, little boy, for the nonce-- 228 00:10:06,458 --> 00:10:09,288 enjoy your moment in the sun. 229 00:10:09,375 --> 00:10:11,875 There's a funner game a-coming, 230 00:10:11,959 --> 00:10:14,459 just as soon as I think it up. 231 00:10:17,792 --> 00:10:20,382 Good afternoon, everybody. 232 00:10:20,458 --> 00:10:22,288 It's a beautiful day out here 233 00:10:22,375 --> 00:10:25,705 at the empty lot across from the Helperman's house. 234 00:10:25,792 --> 00:10:30,752 And don't you know, the fourth-grade fetch-it ballers 235 00:10:30,834 --> 00:10:33,004 are ready to rock and roll!! 236 00:10:34,625 --> 00:10:38,705 We will now have a short pause 237 00:10:38,792 --> 00:10:40,882 while I enjoy a mentholated throat lozenge. 238 00:10:43,792 --> 00:10:46,132 Let's play some fetch-it ball! 239 00:10:52,000 --> 00:10:55,080 A game, a game, a game-- 240 00:10:55,166 --> 00:10:56,206 and it's got to be a good one. 241 00:10:56,291 --> 00:10:57,921 And it's got to be fun. 242 00:10:58,000 --> 00:11:00,920 And it's got to destroy fetch-it ball. 243 00:11:01,000 --> 00:11:03,920 What is it? What is it? Come on, think. 244 00:11:04,000 --> 00:11:07,460 Fetch the stick? Fetch the piece of hot dog? 245 00:11:07,542 --> 00:11:10,382 Fetch the rolled-up dirty socks? Oh, my goodness! 246 00:11:10,458 --> 00:11:13,748 Realization-- they're all the same. 247 00:11:13,834 --> 00:11:15,294 Every good dog game is just a variation 248 00:11:15,375 --> 00:11:18,165 on the classic, much better game of fetch-it. 249 00:11:18,250 --> 00:11:22,790 I might as well face it. We live to fetch and eat. 250 00:11:22,875 --> 00:11:25,375 Hey--eat-it ball? 251 00:11:25,917 --> 00:11:27,997 Nah. 252 00:11:28,083 --> 00:11:31,463 Oh, spot, you're thinking just so in the box. 253 00:11:31,542 --> 00:11:33,712 What makes fetch-it ball a hit 254 00:11:33,792 --> 00:11:35,082 is it's completely original. 255 00:11:35,166 --> 00:11:36,876 There's nothing else like it. 256 00:11:36,959 --> 00:11:39,329 Now, if you really want to get their attention, 257 00:11:39,417 --> 00:11:41,377 you need something just as unique. 258 00:11:41,458 --> 00:11:43,628 If I may, we cats have a game we love, 259 00:11:43,709 --> 00:11:45,039 and I think it might 260 00:11:45,125 --> 00:11:47,625 take your little fourth-grade sports nuts by storm. 261 00:11:47,709 --> 00:11:49,039 Tell. Tell! 262 00:11:49,125 --> 00:11:51,625 Well, the first player picks up 263 00:11:51,709 --> 00:11:54,249 a little cloth mouse filled with catnip. 264 00:11:54,333 --> 00:11:55,543 Yeah? 265 00:11:55,625 --> 00:11:58,705 And he throws it far, far, far away as he can. 266 00:11:58,792 --> 00:12:01,712 So, the other player must run like the wind. 267 00:12:01,709 --> 00:12:04,669 He captures that mouse and returns to player one, 268 00:12:04,750 --> 00:12:06,290 so he might throw it again. 269 00:12:06,375 --> 00:12:10,575 And this would be different from fetch-it ball how? 270 00:12:10,667 --> 00:12:14,077 Well, if you have to ask a question like that, 271 00:12:14,166 --> 00:12:17,326 you obviously know nothing about catnip. 272 00:12:17,417 --> 00:12:19,537 Mmm. Mmm. Catnip. 273 00:12:19,625 --> 00:12:21,745 Sure would be sweet to roll on my cheek 274 00:12:21,834 --> 00:12:23,834 and drool on some catty catty nip nip. 275 00:12:23,917 --> 00:12:25,497 Where did I put it last? 276 00:12:25,583 --> 00:12:27,633 Oy, him and his toys. 277 00:12:27,709 --> 00:12:29,749 A game, a game. A game! 278 00:12:29,834 --> 00:12:31,084 Ahem. 279 00:12:31,166 --> 00:12:32,376 What? 280 00:12:32,458 --> 00:12:35,288 Well, aren't you gonna ask me what birds like to play? 281 00:12:35,375 --> 00:12:37,995 Everyone knows we're the most playful species on earth. 282 00:12:38,083 --> 00:12:39,713 You teach those kids one of our great bird games, 283 00:12:39,792 --> 00:12:42,502 they'll be bowing at your feet and kissing your ring, baby! 284 00:12:42,583 --> 00:12:46,043 Okay, you got me. I'm desperate. What do birds like to play? 285 00:12:47,792 --> 00:12:50,042 Come on, boys. Let's show him. 286 00:12:50,125 --> 00:12:51,535 First, you all get together and stand in a big line. 287 00:12:51,625 --> 00:12:54,745 See? What are you doing, schlepper? Write this down. 288 00:12:54,834 --> 00:12:56,134 Okay, okay. 289 00:12:56,208 --> 00:12:57,418 Dogs. 290 00:12:58,500 --> 00:13:00,080 Then whoever's the leader 291 00:13:00,166 --> 00:13:02,036 gives some kind of prearranged signal. 292 00:13:03,500 --> 00:13:04,790 Good. Signals are good. 293 00:13:04,875 --> 00:13:07,575 Then you all break into a dead run. 294 00:13:07,667 --> 00:13:09,667 Excellent. What's a sport without running? 295 00:13:09,750 --> 00:13:12,750 And you get up to the very top speed you can feasibly attain. 296 00:13:12,834 --> 00:13:13,924 I love it! 297 00:13:14,000 --> 00:13:16,880 This is gonna make Leonard's fetch-it ball look so lame! 298 00:13:16,959 --> 00:13:18,629 At the last possible second, 299 00:13:18,709 --> 00:13:21,419 you spread your wings, take off into the air, 300 00:13:21,500 --> 00:13:23,040 and fly as fast as you can, 301 00:13:23,125 --> 00:13:26,035 under the phone wires, around the trees, 302 00:13:26,125 --> 00:13:27,495 over the rooftops. 303 00:13:28,333 --> 00:13:30,133 Pretty Boy, Pretty Boy... 304 00:13:30,375 --> 00:13:32,125 We can't play that game. 305 00:13:32,208 --> 00:13:33,578 Kids can't fly. 306 00:13:34,375 --> 00:13:36,535 Doesn't make it not a great game! 307 00:13:45,291 --> 00:13:48,081 A game, a game. A game! 308 00:13:48,667 --> 00:13:50,167 Maybe if I had a little drink of water. 309 00:13:50,250 --> 00:13:52,830 It'll clear my head. No, wait. 310 00:13:53,125 --> 00:13:56,285 Going for a little drink of water was how this whole mess started. 311 00:13:56,375 --> 00:14:00,705 Oh, great. Now I'm miserable and thirsty. 312 00:14:01,083 --> 00:14:02,673 Hey, is there a game in that? 313 00:14:05,166 --> 00:14:08,166 Oh, man, this fetch-it ball is the bomb! 314 00:14:08,250 --> 00:14:11,250 I thought all fourth graders were lame twerps, 315 00:14:11,333 --> 00:14:13,333 but, Helperman, you thought of an awesome game. 316 00:14:13,417 --> 00:14:14,497 Thanks, Max. 317 00:14:14,583 --> 00:14:17,793 Fifth grade--66 points, fourth grade--zilch. 318 00:14:17,875 --> 00:14:19,245 We're up. 319 00:14:19,333 --> 00:14:21,383 Thanks a lot. 320 00:14:23,417 --> 00:14:25,377 Ugh! 321 00:14:27,417 --> 00:14:28,377 Score! 322 00:14:28,458 --> 00:14:31,578 Fifth grade--67, fourth grade--zero. 323 00:14:31,667 --> 00:14:34,167 I don't think that's how the game is supposed to go. 324 00:14:34,250 --> 00:14:35,920 Give me flying any day. 325 00:14:36,000 --> 00:14:38,250 Fifth grade--68, fourth grade--zip. 326 00:14:40,625 --> 00:14:43,035 Ugh! 327 00:14:45,250 --> 00:14:47,330 Hey! That's not part of the game! 328 00:14:47,417 --> 00:14:49,917 Fifth grade--69, fourth grade--zip. 329 00:14:51,667 --> 00:14:53,577 We're here just before halftime 330 00:14:53,667 --> 00:14:56,077 with the inventor of fetch-it ball. 331 00:14:56,166 --> 00:14:59,246 Tell me, Leonard, is the fact that you're here, 332 00:14:59,333 --> 00:15:03,043 lying facedown in the mud, losing 69 to 0, 333 00:15:03,125 --> 00:15:05,995 part of some overall fourth-grade strategy, 334 00:15:06,083 --> 00:15:08,793 or was this all just a huge mistake? 335 00:15:08,875 --> 00:15:11,415 And can we look forward to you running home, 336 00:15:11,500 --> 00:15:13,460 pulling the covers over your head, 337 00:15:13,542 --> 00:15:15,332 and crying yourself to sleep? 338 00:15:15,417 --> 00:15:16,577 We're not giving up. 339 00:15:16,667 --> 00:15:20,077 We're coming back in the second half. Ugh! 340 00:15:24,500 --> 00:15:25,420 Mmm. 341 00:15:25,500 --> 00:15:26,790 Clay-based, 342 00:15:26,875 --> 00:15:29,875 but without the annoying sulfur aftertaste. 343 00:15:29,875 --> 00:15:32,875 Fifth grade--70, fourth grade--zip. 344 00:15:34,250 --> 00:15:37,040 Well, if I'm not gonna think of a new game, 345 00:15:37,125 --> 00:15:39,825 and I'm not gonna have a drink of water, 346 00:15:39,959 --> 00:15:43,209 I guess I'll just have to-- 347 00:15:43,291 --> 00:15:47,541 Hey! Whoa! And aha! That's it! 348 00:15:47,625 --> 00:15:49,495 Why didn't I think of it before? 349 00:15:49,625 --> 00:15:51,705 Whoo! And at the half, 350 00:15:51,792 --> 00:15:54,292 it's fifth grade--72, fourth grade--zip. 351 00:15:54,375 --> 00:15:57,375 See what I mean about ugly? This is a massacre. 352 00:15:57,458 --> 00:15:59,748 Pretty Boy, what if the earth, 353 00:15:59,834 --> 00:16:03,754 instead of being a complex planet teeming with life, 354 00:16:03,834 --> 00:16:06,084 is really just a tiny molecule 355 00:16:06,166 --> 00:16:07,996 on some giant's fingernail? 356 00:16:08,083 --> 00:16:09,963 All right, that's it. 357 00:16:10,083 --> 00:16:12,633 And this is the last time I'm taking you to a ballgame! 358 00:16:18,125 --> 00:16:19,625 Oh, I'm sorry. 359 00:16:19,709 --> 00:16:21,829 There was a mistake in the scorekeeping. 360 00:16:21,917 --> 00:16:24,377 It's fifth grade--82, fourth grade--zip. 361 00:16:24,458 --> 00:16:27,128 Oy, this is pathetic. Spot, you got to do something. 362 00:16:27,208 --> 00:16:28,418 Spot? 363 00:16:28,500 --> 00:16:29,670 Spot? 364 00:16:33,208 --> 00:16:35,628 Okay. This is the left end line. 365 00:16:35,750 --> 00:16:37,460 If any part of your body touches it, 366 00:16:37,583 --> 00:16:38,633 you're out of bounds 367 00:16:38,750 --> 00:16:41,250 with a 2-yard penalty assessed to the next go-round 368 00:16:41,333 --> 00:16:44,633 this sounds way better than that decrepit fetch-it ball. 369 00:16:44,709 --> 00:16:46,579 Come on, let's just play. 370 00:16:46,667 --> 00:16:50,127 You're going down, mister. You're gonna eat my dust! 371 00:16:50,208 --> 00:16:53,248 You're gonna be running home to mama, crying, 372 00:16:53,417 --> 00:16:55,627 "Ian wiped the floor with me!" 373 00:16:55,750 --> 00:16:58,880 I'm thinking of adding a 5-yard penalty for trash talking. 374 00:16:59,000 --> 00:17:02,080 May the best man win. 375 00:17:04,125 --> 00:17:05,495 Mm-hmm. 376 00:17:05,625 --> 00:17:08,325 -Okay. -Ready... set... 377 00:17:08,458 --> 00:17:10,828 Go! 378 00:17:13,917 --> 00:17:16,247 See? Isn't this fun? 379 00:17:16,375 --> 00:17:17,825 Are you kidding me? 380 00:17:17,917 --> 00:17:21,827 This makes losing fetch-it ball 82 to zip look fun. 381 00:17:21,917 --> 00:17:23,537 Oh, oh, oh, oh! 382 00:17:23,625 --> 00:17:27,575 Speaking of which, it's almost time for the second half! 383 00:17:27,667 --> 00:17:29,627 I got a hunger for some mud! 384 00:17:29,750 --> 00:17:32,750 Abandoned by Ian Wazselewski-- 385 00:17:32,834 --> 00:17:34,544 the low point in my career as a boy. 386 00:17:34,625 --> 00:17:37,535 Psst. Fur face, there you are. Get over here! 387 00:17:37,625 --> 00:17:38,955 What do you want? 388 00:17:39,041 --> 00:17:41,331 The fourth-grade team is dying out there! 389 00:17:41,458 --> 00:17:43,958 Yeah, I heard--82 to zip. 390 00:17:44,083 --> 00:17:46,253 Maybe they'd do better at a game they didn't steal. 391 00:17:46,333 --> 00:17:48,383 You know, you were a lot more fun when you were just a dog. 392 00:17:48,458 --> 00:17:51,458 My point is, you're the only one who can save them, Scott. 393 00:17:51,542 --> 00:17:53,752 You're the greatest fetch-it ballplayer in the world. 394 00:17:53,834 --> 00:17:55,004 If you don't get them out of this, 395 00:17:55,083 --> 00:17:57,423 your best friend may never be able to hold his head up again. 396 00:17:57,500 --> 00:17:59,420 And if he can't hold his head up, 397 00:17:59,500 --> 00:18:01,000 how's he gonna feed the bird? 398 00:18:01,083 --> 00:18:03,503 Or toss my beloved catnip mouse? 399 00:18:03,583 --> 00:18:04,793 Will you shack it already? 400 00:18:04,875 --> 00:18:06,785 I've had it up to here with the mouse. 401 00:18:06,875 --> 00:18:08,455 So, what do you say, Scott? 402 00:18:08,875 --> 00:18:09,705 Well... 403 00:18:09,792 --> 00:18:11,712 Say no-- let Leonard twist in the wind 404 00:18:11,792 --> 00:18:13,712 with his precious fetch-it ball. 405 00:18:13,792 --> 00:18:16,292 That'll show him for not giving you credit where credit's due. 406 00:18:16,375 --> 00:18:18,665 Don't listen to your weaker self, Scott. 407 00:18:18,750 --> 00:18:21,830 He'll just have you sitting here all alone and moping by yourself. 408 00:18:21,917 --> 00:18:24,627 Be strong. Rise above your jealousy. 409 00:18:24,709 --> 00:18:27,329 You're a dog first, loyal and true. 410 00:18:27,417 --> 00:18:30,077 And there's nothing you love more than playing fetch-- 411 00:18:30,166 --> 00:18:33,166 I mean, there's nothing you love more than Leonard. 412 00:18:33,250 --> 00:18:34,540 Okay! 413 00:18:34,625 --> 00:18:36,035 I'll play for the team. 414 00:18:36,166 --> 00:18:38,996 Really? That's great, just great! 415 00:18:39,125 --> 00:18:42,325 Boy, those fifth graders are really gonna see some fetch-it ball now. 416 00:18:42,834 --> 00:18:46,294 I'll play with one small proviso. 417 00:18:46,417 --> 00:18:47,497 Proviso? 418 00:18:47,583 --> 00:18:48,673 It means "condition." 419 00:18:48,750 --> 00:18:50,960 I guess I should have said "condition," 420 00:18:51,041 --> 00:18:53,041 but "proviso" is a much cooler-sounding word, 421 00:18:53,125 --> 00:18:55,705 and you hardly ever get to use it in daily conversation. 422 00:18:55,792 --> 00:18:57,332 What is it? What's the condition? 423 00:18:57,458 --> 00:18:59,668 Well, before we start the second half, 424 00:18:59,750 --> 00:19:01,540 you have to tell them I thought of the game. 425 00:19:01,667 --> 00:19:05,247 Now? Here?! But I'll look so lame! 426 00:19:05,333 --> 00:19:07,173 That's my condition. 427 00:19:07,291 --> 00:19:08,791 I mean, I admit, 428 00:19:08,875 --> 00:19:11,165 maybe I should have said it was both of our game 429 00:19:11,250 --> 00:19:12,580 way back in the beginning. 430 00:19:12,667 --> 00:19:14,167 Boy, was that just today? 431 00:19:14,291 --> 00:19:15,711 Everything happened so fast, 432 00:19:15,792 --> 00:19:19,042 and everyone was having so much fun and liking me so much 433 00:19:19,125 --> 00:19:21,665 that--I don't know-- it just never came up. 434 00:19:21,750 --> 00:19:24,830 But if it comes up now, Scott, won't I just look dumb? 435 00:19:24,959 --> 00:19:27,169 One man's dumb is another man's rightful credit 436 00:19:27,250 --> 00:19:30,130 for inventing a great game that everyone loves and wants to win. 437 00:19:30,208 --> 00:19:31,748 Oh, okay. 438 00:19:31,875 --> 00:19:34,665 Well, now are you happy? 439 00:19:34,750 --> 00:19:36,380 Ooh, yeah! 440 00:19:36,500 --> 00:19:39,420 Um, team, before we start the second half, 441 00:19:39,500 --> 00:19:41,920 there's, uh, something I have to tell you. 442 00:19:42,041 --> 00:19:43,581 -Yeah, Captain? -What is it, boss? 443 00:19:43,667 --> 00:19:45,247 Are you okay, Leonard? 444 00:19:45,375 --> 00:19:48,955 Um, well, no, I'm not okay. 445 00:19:49,083 --> 00:19:51,133 See, this is really embarrassing, 446 00:19:51,208 --> 00:19:53,708 but, well, you guys, I didn't really think of-- 447 00:19:53,792 --> 00:19:57,712 I mean, I can't take the credit for-- 448 00:19:57,792 --> 00:20:00,332 I mean, Scott's really the one who--who-- 449 00:20:00,417 --> 00:20:03,577 who's been secretly drilling and practicing nonstop 450 00:20:03,667 --> 00:20:05,627 and is now ready to get out there 451 00:20:05,709 --> 00:20:07,749 and lead the fourth-grade team 452 00:20:07,834 --> 00:20:08,714 to a surprise comeback victory 453 00:20:08,792 --> 00:20:13,462 in the game my best friend, Leonard, invented. 454 00:20:15,583 --> 00:20:17,833 But which I never would have thought of 455 00:20:17,917 --> 00:20:18,877 if my best friend, Scott, 456 00:20:18,959 --> 00:20:20,829 hadn't actually fetched the first fetch-it ball 457 00:20:20,917 --> 00:20:22,577 in the first place. 458 00:20:22,667 --> 00:20:25,207 So, really, your applause and almost all of the credit 459 00:20:25,291 --> 00:20:26,751 should go to him. 460 00:20:28,458 --> 00:20:29,748 Oh, thank you, 461 00:20:29,834 --> 00:20:32,674 but, no, it was my best friend, Leonard, 462 00:20:32,750 --> 00:20:35,750 who turned it into the sport you so love, 463 00:20:35,834 --> 00:20:37,464 so let's hear it for him! 464 00:20:38,750 --> 00:20:40,290 No. Now, to be fair, 465 00:20:40,375 --> 00:20:42,745 if you're going to applaud anyone, it should be-- 466 00:20:42,834 --> 00:20:45,334 my hands are starting to turn red! 467 00:20:45,417 --> 00:20:46,997 Could we just play ball?! 468 00:20:48,750 --> 00:20:49,880 Go! 469 00:21:24,875 --> 00:21:28,665 -Yay, Leonard and Scott! -Yay, Leonard and Scott! 470 00:21:34,834 --> 00:21:37,714 The sun is a-shining, not a cloud in the sky. 471 00:21:37,792 --> 00:21:41,042 Pal o'mine, it's another great fetch-it ball morning. 472 00:21:41,166 --> 00:21:43,456 Look, everyone's already out playing-- 473 00:21:43,542 --> 00:21:44,922 hey, wait a minute. 474 00:21:45,000 --> 00:21:47,000 That doesn't look like fetch-it ball. 475 00:21:47,125 --> 00:21:49,825 Hi, Scott. Hi, Leonard. Come play Ian's great new game. 476 00:21:49,917 --> 00:21:52,627 All you have to do is run around in circles, 477 00:21:52,709 --> 00:21:54,709 sit down on the ground, and see 478 00:21:54,792 --> 00:21:57,542 who can bite the backside of their own leg fastest. 479 00:21:57,625 --> 00:21:59,075 It's really fun. 480 00:22:00,250 --> 00:22:03,710 Ian, I'd like to have a word with you. 481 00:22:03,834 --> 00:22:06,384 Uh-oh. 482 00:22:08,917 --> 00:22:12,037 I wonder if Edison had this problem.