1 00:00:00,333 --> 00:00:01,463 ♪ Born on the wrong end Of the leash ♪ 2 00:00:01,542 --> 00:00:04,082 -♪ He was a dreamer ♪ -♪ And a little schemer ♪ 3 00:00:04,166 --> 00:00:05,786 ♪ A nutty mutt living a dog's life ♪ 4 00:00:05,875 --> 00:00:07,415 ♪ But when he'd hear the bell for school ♪ 5 00:00:07,500 --> 00:00:08,330 ♪ He'd start to drool ♪ 6 00:00:08,417 --> 00:00:10,127 -♪ One day he says ♪ -♪ I'll take a chance ♪ 7 00:00:10,208 --> 00:00:11,828 ♪ Trades his leash For a pair of pants ♪ 8 00:00:11,917 --> 00:00:14,207 ♪ In a glance, school becomes His favorite pastime ♪ 9 00:00:14,291 --> 00:00:16,581 ♪ I have buried a bone For the last time ♪ 10 00:00:16,667 --> 00:00:18,287 -♪ He says ♪ -♪ I want to be a boy ♪ 11 00:00:18,375 --> 00:00:19,625 ♪ Ooh, he's bad ♪ 12 00:00:19,709 --> 00:00:21,129 ♪ He's so over just being rover ♪ 13 00:00:21,208 --> 00:00:22,578 ♪ I gotta be a boy ♪ 14 00:00:22,667 --> 00:00:25,037 ♪ He says he's just gonna be a boy ♪ 15 00:00:25,125 --> 00:00:26,665 ♪ Turns out he's a regular Einstein ♪ 16 00:00:26,750 --> 00:00:28,420 ♪ And Leonard is treading a fine line ♪ 17 00:00:28,500 --> 00:00:30,960 Why can't I be a normal kid like any other? 18 00:00:31,041 --> 00:00:33,131 Now, doodle bug, listen to mother. 19 00:00:33,208 --> 00:00:34,918 ♪ I want to be a boy ♪ 20 00:00:35,000 --> 00:00:36,920 I hate dogs. 21 00:00:37,000 --> 00:00:39,460 ♪ I gotta be a boy ♪ 22 00:00:39,542 --> 00:00:41,462 ♪ This power pup's gonna be a boy ♪ 23 00:00:41,542 --> 00:00:43,502 I do not wish to be a dog. 24 00:00:43,583 --> 00:00:46,083 ♪ Now this bowser's ready for trousers ♪ 25 00:00:46,166 --> 00:00:47,496 ♪ I got to be a boy ♪ 26 00:00:47,583 --> 00:00:49,083 ♪ His nose is wet but you can bet ♪ 27 00:00:49,166 --> 00:00:52,206 ♪ This teacher's pet is gonna be a boy ♪ 28 00:00:52,291 --> 00:00:54,131 Yes! 29 00:01:18,417 --> 00:01:19,917 [beeping] 30 00:01:20,000 --> 00:01:22,000 Leonard Helperman, commander of the Galactic Space Alliance, 31 00:01:22,083 --> 00:01:24,793 brings his damaged ship into the hostile Zargon war zone 32 00:01:24,875 --> 00:01:27,825 on a mission of peace. 33 00:01:27,917 --> 00:01:29,827 Easy, Helperman, easy. You can do this. 34 00:01:29,917 --> 00:01:32,127 The fate of the universe lies on your shoulders. 35 00:01:32,208 --> 00:01:33,578 [beeping continues] 36 00:01:33,667 --> 00:01:35,247 [Mrs. Helperman] Leonard! 37 00:01:35,333 --> 00:01:36,793 Aahh! Steady, man. 38 00:01:36,875 --> 00:01:38,455 Don't lose your cool. 39 00:01:38,542 --> 00:01:41,462 Oh, doodle bug, where are you? 40 00:01:41,542 --> 00:01:42,752 Oh, no! 41 00:01:44,250 --> 00:01:46,580 Leonard Helperman, I'm calling you! 42 00:01:49,291 --> 00:01:50,671 [electronic beeping] 43 00:01:50,750 --> 00:01:51,830 [Groans] 44 00:01:51,917 --> 00:01:54,497 Oh, there you are. 45 00:01:54,583 --> 00:01:55,883 Oh, great, Mom. 46 00:01:55,959 --> 00:01:58,039 You just made me blow up the whole universe. 47 00:01:58,125 --> 00:02:00,245 Well, I'm sure you didn't mean to. 48 00:02:00,333 --> 00:02:02,253 Do you know what day today is? 49 00:02:02,333 --> 00:02:04,333 Uh-oh-- trick-question alert. 50 00:02:04,417 --> 00:02:06,497 Whenever a mother asks a question a kid can answer, 51 00:02:06,583 --> 00:02:08,833 it means only one thing-- the fun's over. 52 00:02:10,166 --> 00:02:12,626 Um, it's Sunday. 53 00:02:12,709 --> 00:02:14,669 Oh, silly, of course it's Sunday, 54 00:02:14,750 --> 00:02:16,880 but it's the first Sunday of spring. 55 00:02:16,959 --> 00:02:17,919 Huh? 56 00:02:18,000 --> 00:02:20,170 It's our annual vernal-equinox, 57 00:02:20,250 --> 00:02:22,710 get-rid-of-the-clutter- around-the-house-Sunday 58 00:02:22,792 --> 00:02:24,252 yard sale day. 59 00:02:24,333 --> 00:02:25,883 Ha! Told you. 60 00:02:26,083 --> 00:02:27,463 Fill the box, make a buck. 61 00:02:27,542 --> 00:02:28,422 But, Mom-- 62 00:02:28,500 --> 00:02:32,500 Don't "but" me unless you're a silly billy goat. Now move, mister. 63 00:02:32,583 --> 00:02:33,833 Ohh. 64 00:02:33,917 --> 00:02:35,627 Pfft. 65 00:02:35,709 --> 00:02:40,459 My, oh, my, a buck a box for ordinary clutter? 66 00:02:40,542 --> 00:02:42,462 Quick, gather up your junk! 67 00:02:42,542 --> 00:02:45,632 There's money to be made at Mrs. H.'s yard sale. 68 00:02:45,709 --> 00:02:48,669 Yard sale? Please, that is so 20th century. 69 00:02:48,750 --> 00:02:50,920 The days of yard sales are over. 70 00:02:51,000 --> 00:02:54,670 We're in the dot-com world of digital enterprise, baby! 71 00:02:54,750 --> 00:02:56,040 I beg your pardon? 72 00:02:56,125 --> 00:02:58,665 We can make a fortune selling our stuff online. 73 00:02:58,750 --> 00:03:01,290 "Welcome to bidtillyourebroke.com, 74 00:03:01,375 --> 00:03:04,035 where one man's junk is another man's jewels." 75 00:03:04,125 --> 00:03:05,665 What did I tell you? 76 00:03:05,750 --> 00:03:07,000 Stick with me, kid. 77 00:03:07,083 --> 00:03:09,633 I'll have you in kibble as big as radishes. 78 00:03:17,417 --> 00:03:19,327 Here. These are for you. 79 00:03:21,125 --> 00:03:22,125 What's this? 80 00:03:22,208 --> 00:03:23,128 Two quarters. 81 00:03:23,208 --> 00:03:24,538 What's this for? 82 00:03:24,625 --> 00:03:26,165 Your share of the buck box. 83 00:03:26,250 --> 00:03:27,750 Two quarters?! 84 00:03:27,834 --> 00:03:30,384 Why, that's the monetary equivalent of 1,100 Italian lira 85 00:03:30,458 --> 00:03:31,748 at the current exchange rate. 86 00:03:31,834 --> 00:03:34,504 That'll get me two chicken-flavored doggy biscuits, 87 00:03:34,583 --> 00:03:36,503 or better yet, a new number-two pencil! 88 00:03:36,583 --> 00:03:37,753 Ooh, wait! 89 00:03:37,834 --> 00:03:40,714 If I put it in the bank at 5% interest, compounded daily-- 90 00:03:40,792 --> 00:03:43,132 in 45 years, I'll have-- hey, what's a buck box? 91 00:03:43,208 --> 00:03:45,878 I toss a bunch of old stuff into a box for Mom's yard sale, 92 00:03:45,959 --> 00:03:47,539 and she pays me $1 for it. 93 00:03:47,625 --> 00:03:48,915 Interesting. 94 00:03:49,000 --> 00:03:51,750 And just exactly how do I figure into this equation? 95 00:03:51,834 --> 00:03:53,334 I ran out of my stuff, 96 00:03:53,417 --> 00:03:55,417 so I tossed in some of your old stuff. 97 00:03:55,500 --> 00:03:58,790 Old stuff? The word "stuff" casts a rather large net. 98 00:03:58,875 --> 00:04:00,665 Could you be more specific? 99 00:04:00,750 --> 00:04:03,540 Just some old toys I found in our room. 100 00:04:03,625 --> 00:04:05,535 Have you ever heard the saying, 101 00:04:05,625 --> 00:04:07,625 "one dog's toys are another man's treasure"? 102 00:04:07,709 --> 00:04:08,829 Not exactly. 103 00:04:08,917 --> 00:04:10,707 [sniffing] 104 00:04:10,792 --> 00:04:13,672 Something doesn't smell right here, or more correctly, 105 00:04:13,750 --> 00:04:16,580 something I usually smell I don't smell anymore. 106 00:04:16,667 --> 00:04:19,037 [sniffing] 107 00:04:26,208 --> 00:04:27,538 [gasps] 108 00:04:27,625 --> 00:04:31,325 I-I-I can't seem to find my squeeky burger toy. 109 00:04:31,417 --> 00:04:33,537 Was that a rubbery thingy that looked like a cheeseburger 110 00:04:33,625 --> 00:04:35,995 with lettuce, tomato, pickles, on a faded sesame-seed bun? 111 00:04:36,083 --> 00:04:37,753 Oh, when you squeezed it, 112 00:04:37,834 --> 00:04:39,754 it made an irritating squeaky noise? 113 00:04:39,834 --> 00:04:41,134 Yes, that's it! 114 00:04:41,208 --> 00:04:43,748 Haven't seen it. Would you excuse me for a second? 115 00:04:43,834 --> 00:04:45,134 [door shuts] 116 00:04:45,208 --> 00:04:48,788 That's a quarter. Oh, and that's 50 cents. 117 00:04:48,875 --> 00:04:51,745 $2. A nickel. Thanks so much. 118 00:04:51,834 --> 00:04:53,714 Mom, where's my buck box? 119 00:04:53,792 --> 00:04:55,082 What? Oh, I sold it. 120 00:04:55,166 --> 00:04:56,496 To who? 121 00:04:56,583 --> 00:04:57,673 To whom, dear. 122 00:04:57,750 --> 00:04:59,080 To whom? 123 00:04:59,166 --> 00:05:00,746 Why is it "to whom," dear? 124 00:05:00,834 --> 00:05:02,754 Because "whom" is the object of the preposition "to," 125 00:05:02,834 --> 00:05:04,754 as in, "to whom did you sell it?" 126 00:05:04,875 --> 00:05:08,575 Okay, okay, so, to whom, um, did you sell it...To? 127 00:05:08,667 --> 00:05:10,497 Huh? 128 00:05:10,583 --> 00:05:13,633 Oh, honey, I've been so busy, I haven't the slightest idea. 129 00:05:13,709 --> 00:05:15,959 [man] Excuse me, ma'am. 130 00:05:18,375 --> 00:05:20,325 [crashing] 131 00:05:20,417 --> 00:05:21,747 What's going on in there? 132 00:05:21,834 --> 00:05:23,584 The mutt's going manic. 133 00:05:23,667 --> 00:05:25,827 I wouldn't go in if I were you. 134 00:05:25,917 --> 00:05:28,077 [glass shatters] 135 00:05:31,834 --> 00:05:34,964 Alas, poor squeeky burger toy. 136 00:05:35,041 --> 00:05:36,671 I knew it well. 137 00:05:36,792 --> 00:05:39,582 [high-pitched Southern accent] Oh, fiddledeedee. 138 00:05:39,667 --> 00:05:41,577 Is that you, squeeky burger toy, 139 00:05:41,667 --> 00:05:44,077 standing in the shade of a magnolia tree? 140 00:05:44,166 --> 00:05:46,706 Why don't you come up here on the veranda, 141 00:05:46,792 --> 00:05:48,752 and cool yourself with some sweet tea? 142 00:05:48,834 --> 00:05:51,884 [normal voice] Show me... squeeky burger toy! 143 00:05:51,959 --> 00:05:54,579 [imitates buzzer] Oh, I'm so sorry. 144 00:05:54,667 --> 00:05:57,497 That is incorrect, but thanks for playing. 145 00:05:57,583 --> 00:05:58,753 [sniffing] 146 00:06:03,667 --> 00:06:06,127 Hey! That's the record-setting fur ball 147 00:06:06,208 --> 00:06:07,748 I coughed up last winter. 148 00:06:07,834 --> 00:06:10,134 I wondered where it went. 149 00:06:12,208 --> 00:06:14,998 ["Pop Goes The Weasel" plays] 150 00:06:17,583 --> 00:06:18,963 [squeaking] 151 00:06:19,041 --> 00:06:21,211 Spot, snap out of it. It's no big deal. 152 00:06:21,291 --> 00:06:24,081 You haven't played with that old squeeky toy for ages. 153 00:06:24,166 --> 00:06:25,496 Oh, really? No big deal? 154 00:06:25,583 --> 00:06:27,883 Well, if recent usage is the criteria 155 00:06:27,959 --> 00:06:30,709 for what we keep and what we get rid of, 156 00:06:30,792 --> 00:06:32,752 then I guess you won't mind 157 00:06:32,834 --> 00:06:36,084 if I toss this into the yard sale. 158 00:06:36,166 --> 00:06:38,326 Ahhh! No, not Lamont! 159 00:06:38,417 --> 00:06:40,917 Ah, Lamont, Lamont, Lamont. 160 00:06:41,000 --> 00:06:43,750 Everything's gonna be okay. 161 00:06:43,834 --> 00:06:47,714 No one's gonna take you away-- not ever. 162 00:06:47,792 --> 00:06:51,292 I rest my case. 163 00:06:51,375 --> 00:06:53,575 Okay. 164 00:06:53,667 --> 00:06:55,627 What's our first item up for auction? 165 00:06:55,709 --> 00:06:57,919 How about that shredded catnip mousy? 166 00:06:58,000 --> 00:07:00,040 "For sale-- one used catnip mouse." 167 00:07:00,125 --> 00:07:02,415 Whoa, whoa, you kidding me? That's it? 168 00:07:02,500 --> 00:07:03,830 "One used catnip mouse"? 169 00:07:03,917 --> 00:07:06,457 You got to make your description sing. 170 00:07:06,542 --> 00:07:09,832 It's got to cry out, "buy me! You can't live without me!" 171 00:07:09,959 --> 00:07:12,669 Well, I suppose I could say it's gray. 172 00:07:12,750 --> 00:07:15,540 Gray? Move over, P.T. Boring. 173 00:07:15,625 --> 00:07:18,165 Let a real salesman show you how it's done. 174 00:07:20,250 --> 00:07:21,710 "Willing to sacrifice 175 00:07:21,792 --> 00:07:24,832 one-of-a-kind mouse-shaped plush toy-- 176 00:07:24,917 --> 00:07:28,707 unrivaled aromatherapy for cats in popular color. 177 00:07:28,792 --> 00:07:30,922 Don't miss this rare opportunity." 178 00:07:31,000 --> 00:07:33,670 Well, that sounds a bit wordy to-- 179 00:07:33,750 --> 00:07:35,170 [computer dings] 180 00:07:35,250 --> 00:07:36,750 Oh, look-- a bid! 181 00:07:36,834 --> 00:07:37,924 [dinging] 182 00:07:38,000 --> 00:07:40,000 Gracious! More bids-- one right after another. 183 00:07:40,083 --> 00:07:41,583 You were right. 184 00:07:41,667 --> 00:07:44,537 See that? It's a ding-a-linging feeding frenzy. 185 00:07:44,625 --> 00:07:48,455 I'm telling you, we're in the money, baby! 186 00:07:48,542 --> 00:07:49,792 [snoring] 187 00:07:54,875 --> 00:07:57,745 Okay, Leadready, you're just going to have to find 188 00:07:57,834 --> 00:08:00,544 something to replace squeeky burger toy. 189 00:08:19,333 --> 00:08:20,463 [buzzer sounds] 190 00:08:33,667 --> 00:08:35,667 What have I done to my best friend? 191 00:08:37,208 --> 00:08:38,828 How can I live with myself? 192 00:08:40,583 --> 00:08:43,213 How can I ever rest? 193 00:08:43,291 --> 00:08:45,751 [snoring] 194 00:08:46,792 --> 00:08:47,712 This is crazy. 195 00:08:47,792 --> 00:08:51,292 You don't need a squeeky burger toy or anything else. 196 00:08:51,375 --> 00:08:52,625 Just go to sleep, 197 00:08:52,709 --> 00:08:54,629 like you-- you never even heard 198 00:08:54,709 --> 00:09:00,709 [crying] Of a-- of a squeeky... burger toy. 199 00:09:05,000 --> 00:09:06,460 Christmas! 200 00:09:16,417 --> 00:09:18,827 "Just a small token-- 201 00:09:18,917 --> 00:09:20,747 it isn't a lot, 202 00:09:20,834 --> 00:09:23,214 but know that we love you, our new puppy Spot." 203 00:09:27,750 --> 00:09:29,250 [squeaks] 204 00:09:29,333 --> 00:09:30,793 [squeaking] 205 00:09:37,583 --> 00:09:40,173 Oh, come to me, 206 00:09:40,250 --> 00:09:41,710 my beloved squeeky. 207 00:09:41,792 --> 00:09:45,132 Hey! Let me out! Come on! I can't breathe! 208 00:09:45,208 --> 00:09:47,708 I'm getting claustrophobic here! 209 00:09:47,792 --> 00:09:49,422 Pretty Boy! Blech! 210 00:09:49,500 --> 00:09:52,040 From a cat, I expect that kind of treatment, but you-- 211 00:09:52,125 --> 00:09:53,995 I am so sorry. 212 00:09:54,083 --> 00:09:55,583 Do you know how hard it is 213 00:09:55,667 --> 00:09:58,037 to get dog slobber out of feathers? 214 00:09:58,125 --> 00:10:00,625 No dry cleaner will even consider it. 215 00:10:02,083 --> 00:10:04,543 All right. This isn't so bad. I'm going to school. 216 00:10:04,625 --> 00:10:06,325 I've forgotten about my squeeky burger toy. 217 00:10:06,417 --> 00:10:09,497 And once I step foot inside the hallowed halls of learning, 218 00:10:09,583 --> 00:10:11,713 my mind will be consumed with the flames of knowledge. 219 00:10:11,792 --> 00:10:13,132 [squeaking] 220 00:10:13,208 --> 00:10:14,708 Did you hear that? 221 00:10:14,792 --> 00:10:16,082 I didn't hear anything. 222 00:10:16,166 --> 00:10:18,126 That squeaking sound. 223 00:10:18,208 --> 00:10:21,708 Dog ears, my boy-- we may not have opposable thumbs, 224 00:10:21,792 --> 00:10:24,002 but we have superior hearing. 225 00:10:24,083 --> 00:10:26,133 It's my squeeky burger toy! 226 00:10:26,208 --> 00:10:27,708 How can you be sure? 227 00:10:27,792 --> 00:10:30,132 Because these ears never lie! 228 00:10:32,542 --> 00:10:33,712 [squeaking] 229 00:10:33,792 --> 00:10:36,292 Darn. They lied. 230 00:10:36,375 --> 00:10:37,875 [squeaks] 231 00:10:37,959 --> 00:10:40,169 [squeaking] 232 00:10:40,250 --> 00:10:41,750 [squeaking] 233 00:10:41,834 --> 00:10:43,754 [squeaking] 234 00:10:43,834 --> 00:10:45,634 That incessant squeaking-- 235 00:10:45,709 --> 00:10:48,209 it's driving me mad-- mad, I tell you! 236 00:10:48,291 --> 00:10:50,831 [laughing] 237 00:10:58,125 --> 00:11:00,495 [squeaking] 238 00:11:00,583 --> 00:11:02,503 My ears are playing tricks on me. 239 00:11:02,583 --> 00:11:04,503 Well, maybe "tricks" is the wrong word-- 240 00:11:04,583 --> 00:11:06,503 "deceiving," "deluding," "defrauding"? 241 00:11:06,583 --> 00:11:08,423 No, "tricks" is the right word. 242 00:11:08,500 --> 00:11:09,710 I must ignore it. 243 00:11:09,792 --> 00:11:11,712 Accept the loss of my squeeky burger toy 244 00:11:11,792 --> 00:11:13,292 and move on with my life. 245 00:11:13,375 --> 00:11:15,535 Who am I kidding?! I've got to look! 246 00:11:15,625 --> 00:11:16,955 [squeaking] 247 00:11:17,041 --> 00:11:18,961 Would you please control your rat? 248 00:11:19,041 --> 00:11:21,001 That squeaking is driving me crazy! 249 00:11:21,083 --> 00:11:23,133 Oh, that isn't coming from Tammy. 250 00:11:23,208 --> 00:11:24,538 It's coming from this. 251 00:11:24,625 --> 00:11:26,035 [squeaking] 252 00:11:26,125 --> 00:11:29,665 I got it at Leonard's mom's yard sale, 253 00:11:29,750 --> 00:11:34,630 and it's my new favoritest toy in the whole, wide world! 254 00:11:34,709 --> 00:11:36,289 [slurps] 255 00:11:36,375 --> 00:11:40,535 Like it? 256 00:11:40,625 --> 00:11:42,875 [computer dinging] 257 00:11:42,959 --> 00:11:44,539 Oh, my goodness. 258 00:11:44,625 --> 00:11:46,705 Look at the money pouring into our auction account. 259 00:11:46,792 --> 00:11:48,582 Think of the fabulous treasures I can buy 260 00:11:48,667 --> 00:11:50,127 with my newfound wealth, 261 00:11:50,208 --> 00:11:52,378 although I do feel somewhat guilty 262 00:11:52,458 --> 00:11:53,958 basking in this good fortune 263 00:11:54,041 --> 00:11:56,961 while my friend spot is so miserable. 264 00:11:57,041 --> 00:12:00,171 Hold it! Am I a generous genius or what?! 265 00:12:00,250 --> 00:12:03,210 I bet someone is selling a squeeky burger toy 266 00:12:03,291 --> 00:12:04,751 I could buy for spot. 267 00:12:04,834 --> 00:12:07,584 Let's see-- "squeeky burger toy." 268 00:12:07,667 --> 00:12:10,787 Aha! "Willing to sacrifice to right buyer-- 269 00:12:10,875 --> 00:12:12,625 squeeky burger toy-- 270 00:12:12,709 --> 00:12:13,959 hand painted 271 00:12:14,041 --> 00:12:17,131 by renowned Burmese squeak-toy artist Piango. 272 00:12:17,208 --> 00:12:19,208 Still in original packaging. 273 00:12:19,291 --> 00:12:22,671 Don't miss this once-in-a-lifetime opportunity." 274 00:12:22,750 --> 00:12:26,630 Hee hee hee! I can use the money from our auction account! 275 00:12:26,709 --> 00:12:29,959 Ohh, better keep this a secret from that selfish Pretty Boy. 276 00:12:30,041 --> 00:12:33,131 He'll want to keep all the money for himself. 277 00:12:33,208 --> 00:12:34,958 Okay, litterlover bids... 278 00:12:36,834 --> 00:12:38,464 Hot diggety! 279 00:12:38,542 --> 00:12:40,672 There's an identical squeeky burger toy up for auction. 280 00:12:40,750 --> 00:12:43,750 Let's see-- "willing to sacrifice"-- good. 281 00:12:43,834 --> 00:12:46,674 "Renowned artist Piango"-- very good! 282 00:12:46,750 --> 00:12:49,460 "Once-in-a-lifetime opportunity"-- 283 00:12:49,542 --> 00:12:50,832 oh, yeah, count me in, baby! 284 00:12:50,917 --> 00:12:53,287 Ohh, I better not tell Jolly I'm using money from our account. 285 00:12:53,375 --> 00:12:56,455 Cats only think of themselves-- me, me, meow! 286 00:12:56,542 --> 00:12:57,922 [computer dings] 287 00:12:58,000 --> 00:13:00,580 I see the bidding's already started. 288 00:13:00,667 --> 00:13:01,917 Well, I'll just up the ante. 289 00:13:02,000 --> 00:13:04,000 Spot, my canine compadre, 290 00:13:04,083 --> 00:13:07,883 your squeeky burger toy is as good as replaced. 291 00:13:07,959 --> 00:13:09,329 [squeaking] 292 00:13:09,417 --> 00:13:10,627 [laughing] 293 00:13:14,834 --> 00:13:16,794 You really should stop doing that. 294 00:13:16,875 --> 00:13:18,825 Oh, yeah? And why is that? 295 00:13:18,917 --> 00:13:20,627 Because it's loaded with germs 296 00:13:20,709 --> 00:13:22,669 that you're spraying into the air. 297 00:13:22,750 --> 00:13:24,420 So? I like germs. 298 00:13:24,500 --> 00:13:25,790 [squeaking] 299 00:13:25,875 --> 00:13:28,915 It'll ruin your bite. 300 00:13:31,542 --> 00:13:34,292 [crying] 301 00:13:34,375 --> 00:13:36,205 It's just a baby tooth. 302 00:13:36,291 --> 00:13:37,831 It's habit-forming. 303 00:13:37,917 --> 00:13:40,577 I can quit any time I want to, 304 00:13:40,667 --> 00:13:42,537 but I don't want to. 305 00:13:42,625 --> 00:13:43,665 [squeaking] 306 00:13:43,750 --> 00:13:46,170 You deserve a better toy than that. 307 00:13:46,250 --> 00:13:50,170 [panting] What could be better than this?! 308 00:13:50,250 --> 00:13:51,420 [squeaks] 309 00:13:51,500 --> 00:13:52,710 [alarm blares] 310 00:13:52,792 --> 00:13:54,832 Hey, I didn't know it could do that. 311 00:13:54,917 --> 00:13:56,377 It can't! 312 00:13:56,458 --> 00:13:58,208 [laughing] 313 00:13:59,709 --> 00:14:01,039 Scott, no! 314 00:14:01,125 --> 00:14:02,625 What's wrong with him? 315 00:14:02,709 --> 00:14:04,079 Nothing. 316 00:14:04,166 --> 00:14:06,576 He's just a little tense about the state-capital test. 317 00:14:06,667 --> 00:14:08,207 Okay, that's it! 318 00:14:08,291 --> 00:14:11,291 Look, I am prepared to offer you a sum in the amount of $10 319 00:14:11,375 --> 00:14:12,575 for that squeeky burger toy. 320 00:14:12,667 --> 00:14:14,247 $10?! 321 00:14:14,333 --> 00:14:17,503 Scott, what are you doing?! That's not worth $10! 322 00:14:17,583 --> 00:14:20,963 He's right! This squeeky toy is priceless! 323 00:14:21,041 --> 00:14:23,581 You know, it's people like you 324 00:14:23,667 --> 00:14:26,577 thinking everything is for sale 325 00:14:26,667 --> 00:14:28,537 who make me want to hurl! 326 00:14:28,625 --> 00:14:30,535 Heck, I think I will! 327 00:14:30,625 --> 00:14:32,375 No! 328 00:14:32,458 --> 00:14:34,458 Okay, but I'm keeping little Ian 329 00:14:34,542 --> 00:14:36,462 for the rest of my natural life. 330 00:14:36,542 --> 00:14:38,672 [Mrs. Helperman] Okay, class, settle. 331 00:14:38,750 --> 00:14:40,920 Scott, Leonard, return to your seats. 332 00:14:41,000 --> 00:14:42,670 Everyone, clear your desks. 333 00:14:42,750 --> 00:14:44,880 It's time for the state-capitals test. 334 00:14:44,959 --> 00:14:48,749 Maybe taking the test will get your mind off of you-know-what. 335 00:14:48,834 --> 00:14:50,134 The mental challenge 336 00:14:50,208 --> 00:14:52,248 of remembering all 52 states and their capitals 337 00:14:52,333 --> 00:14:54,333 should be just the diversion I need. 338 00:14:54,417 --> 00:14:56,207 There are only 50 states. 339 00:14:56,291 --> 00:14:58,131 Then I should do very well. 340 00:14:58,208 --> 00:15:00,628 Oh, nervous about the test, Scott? 341 00:15:00,709 --> 00:15:04,379 Not me, 'cause I've got little Ian to bring me luck. 342 00:15:04,458 --> 00:15:06,998 Eyes on your own work, class. 343 00:15:07,083 --> 00:15:08,583 Ready? 344 00:15:08,667 --> 00:15:10,167 Number one-- 345 00:15:10,250 --> 00:15:14,580 what is the state capital of... Illinois? 346 00:15:14,667 --> 00:15:17,917 Illinois-- Spring-- Springy-burger-field? No. 347 00:15:18,000 --> 00:15:19,330 Kentucky. 348 00:15:19,417 --> 00:15:22,377 Kentucky-- let's see-- squeeky-Frankfurt-toy. 349 00:15:22,458 --> 00:15:23,708 I wonder if they make those. 350 00:15:23,792 --> 00:15:24,752 Delaware. 351 00:15:24,834 --> 00:15:26,584 Delaware-- ha! That's easy. 352 00:15:26,667 --> 00:15:28,627 "Dover" rhymes with "rover," 353 00:15:28,709 --> 00:15:31,249 and rover's got a squeeky burger toy. 354 00:15:33,250 --> 00:15:34,920 [squeaks] 355 00:15:35,000 --> 00:15:36,420 Utah. 356 00:15:36,500 --> 00:15:38,210 Utah-- Squeek Lake city! 357 00:15:38,291 --> 00:15:39,791 [ticking] 358 00:15:39,875 --> 00:15:41,325 [bell rings] 359 00:15:41,417 --> 00:15:42,537 Everyone finished? 360 00:15:42,625 --> 00:15:45,165 Do you need more time, Scott? 361 00:15:45,250 --> 00:15:46,630 Scott? 362 00:15:46,709 --> 00:15:48,749 No. 363 00:15:48,834 --> 00:15:51,384 I need my squeeky burger toy! 364 00:15:51,458 --> 00:15:54,168 [echoing] Burger toy! Burger toy! 365 00:15:54,250 --> 00:15:56,130 Oops. [chuckles nervously] 366 00:15:56,208 --> 00:15:57,788 Did I say that out loud? 367 00:15:57,875 --> 00:15:59,125 [rings] 368 00:15:59,208 --> 00:16:01,458 Okey-dokey. Recess, class. 369 00:16:01,542 --> 00:16:03,582 All right, nothing to be concerned about. 370 00:16:03,667 --> 00:16:05,577 Just the pressures of the test-- that's all. 371 00:16:05,667 --> 00:16:07,577 Nothing to see here. That's right, move along. 372 00:16:07,667 --> 00:16:08,877 Are you all right? 373 00:16:08,959 --> 00:16:11,789 Oh, yeah, I'm pretty sure I aced that test. 374 00:16:19,792 --> 00:16:21,212 Squeeky burger. 375 00:16:21,291 --> 00:16:22,831 [sniffles] 376 00:16:22,917 --> 00:16:26,457 Why does Scott want a stupid, squeaky, disgusting dog toy? 377 00:16:26,542 --> 00:16:28,792 What's up with that? 378 00:16:28,875 --> 00:16:30,825 It's like he's not even American anymore. 379 00:16:30,917 --> 00:16:32,167 [growls] 380 00:16:32,250 --> 00:16:35,210 These clothes-- they're so restricting. 381 00:16:35,291 --> 00:16:36,671 Scott, get a grip. 382 00:16:36,750 --> 00:16:39,130 You're gonna blow your cover. Everybody's staring. 383 00:16:39,792 --> 00:16:41,172 -[gasps] -[gasps] 384 00:16:41,250 --> 00:16:43,330 Must be that rash acting up again. 385 00:16:43,417 --> 00:16:46,917 Scott used to be so cool. Now he's weirder than eeuw-an. 386 00:16:47,000 --> 00:16:49,290 ♪ I got a squeeky burger, you got none ♪ 387 00:16:49,375 --> 00:16:50,785 ♪ Neener ♪ 388 00:16:50,875 --> 00:16:52,205 ♪ Neener ♪ 389 00:16:52,291 --> 00:16:55,541 [crying] I want my squeeky burger toy! 390 00:16:55,667 --> 00:16:56,707 [laughs] 391 00:16:56,792 --> 00:16:59,582 I got a squeeky burger toy! 392 00:16:59,667 --> 00:17:01,377 You can't have it. 393 00:17:01,458 --> 00:17:04,128 [trembling] Squeeky burger... 394 00:17:04,208 --> 00:17:05,748 Squeeky burger... 395 00:17:05,834 --> 00:17:07,964 [laughter] 396 00:17:08,041 --> 00:17:10,631 Hey, leave Scott alone. He's having a bad day. 397 00:17:10,709 --> 00:17:12,999 Wait here. Don't move. 398 00:17:13,083 --> 00:17:15,383 I'll be right back. 399 00:17:17,875 --> 00:17:19,575 [toy squeaks] 400 00:17:19,667 --> 00:17:21,327 [laughing] 401 00:17:23,417 --> 00:17:24,537 Hey, he didn't lock it. 402 00:17:24,625 --> 00:17:26,665 It's not breaking and entering 403 00:17:26,750 --> 00:17:28,670 if I don't break anything to get in. 404 00:17:28,750 --> 00:17:30,330 Then, it's just entering. 405 00:17:34,458 --> 00:17:36,248 [squishing] 406 00:17:36,333 --> 00:17:37,673 Oh, gross! 407 00:17:37,959 --> 00:17:40,039 My squeeky burger toy! 408 00:17:40,125 --> 00:17:43,705 Oh, hallelujah! The prodigal toy has returned! 409 00:17:43,792 --> 00:17:44,962 ♪ Hallelujah ♪ 410 00:17:45,041 --> 00:17:47,131 ♪ Hallelujah, hallelujah ♪ 411 00:17:47,208 --> 00:17:48,328 ♪ Hallelujah ♪ 412 00:17:48,417 --> 00:17:50,457 [gasps] Someone's breached the fortress of slime. 413 00:17:50,542 --> 00:17:53,582 That's mine! Gimme little Ian! 414 00:17:53,667 --> 00:17:59,667 ♪ Halle-e-e-e-lu-u-u-jah-h-h-h ♪ 415 00:18:03,041 --> 00:18:04,631 Scott, stop it! 416 00:18:04,709 --> 00:18:05,789 [growls] 417 00:18:05,875 --> 00:18:07,665 I mean, the growling. 418 00:18:07,750 --> 00:18:08,830 Oh, right. 419 00:18:08,917 --> 00:18:10,827 All right, break it up, boys. 420 00:18:10,917 --> 00:18:12,827 This is a schoolyard, not a hockey rink. 421 00:18:12,917 --> 00:18:14,417 What's going on here? 422 00:18:14,500 --> 00:18:16,710 Scott took Ian's squeeky burger toy. 423 00:18:16,792 --> 00:18:19,042 Yeah. He's been after it all day. 424 00:18:19,125 --> 00:18:20,625 Because it's mine! 425 00:18:20,709 --> 00:18:22,829 No, it isn't, Scott! It's mine! 426 00:18:22,917 --> 00:18:25,577 I'd expect this from Mr. Wazselewski, 427 00:18:25,667 --> 00:18:28,497 but you, a relatively normal child, 428 00:18:28,583 --> 00:18:31,713 claim ownership of this disgusting dog toy? 429 00:18:31,792 --> 00:18:32,632 Yes. 430 00:18:32,709 --> 00:18:35,209 Ian, can't you just let him have it? 431 00:18:35,291 --> 00:18:36,711 It means so much to him. 432 00:18:36,792 --> 00:18:40,502 Well, yeah, I could, if I wanted to, 433 00:18:40,583 --> 00:18:42,713 but...I don't, so I won't! 434 00:18:42,792 --> 00:18:45,212 This is very suspicious. 435 00:18:45,291 --> 00:18:47,501 I think I can explain. 436 00:18:47,583 --> 00:18:49,583 I know it doesn't make sense-- 437 00:18:49,667 --> 00:18:52,707 a 10-year-old boy wanting a dog's squeeky burger toy. 438 00:18:52,792 --> 00:18:56,002 But, you see, I've had it since I was a little pup-- boy. 439 00:18:56,083 --> 00:18:58,583 It was given to me by my very best friend, 440 00:18:58,667 --> 00:19:01,667 and it's much more than just a toy to me, much more. 441 00:19:01,750 --> 00:19:03,290 It's my connection 442 00:19:03,375 --> 00:19:05,575 to memories of happy times and warmth. 443 00:19:05,667 --> 00:19:06,957 We all have things like this 444 00:19:07,083 --> 00:19:09,003 that buy us refuge from a scary world 445 00:19:09,083 --> 00:19:11,133 and remind us of a time when we felt safe. 446 00:19:11,208 --> 00:19:13,128 Yours may go by a different name-- 447 00:19:13,208 --> 00:19:16,748 Binky, Blankie, Wubby, Lovey. 448 00:19:16,834 --> 00:19:19,084 It may be as ratty as an old piece of blanket 449 00:19:19,166 --> 00:19:21,076 or as silly as a worn-out Teddy bear, 450 00:19:21,166 --> 00:19:22,706 but whatever it is, 451 00:19:22,792 --> 00:19:24,172 it's something you know 452 00:19:24,250 --> 00:19:27,580 deep in your heart you will always love, 453 00:19:27,667 --> 00:19:31,707 and I'm proud to say I love my squeeky burger toy! 454 00:19:31,792 --> 00:19:33,582 What, am I alone on this? 455 00:19:33,667 --> 00:19:37,577 Does no one else have an attachment to something silly? 456 00:19:37,667 --> 00:19:40,207 No, you're not alone. 457 00:19:40,333 --> 00:19:42,673 I love Lamont. 458 00:19:42,750 --> 00:19:45,080 I love my Mrs. Fluffington. 459 00:19:45,166 --> 00:19:46,626 I love my Bunkie. 460 00:19:46,709 --> 00:19:48,709 I love my Fuzzy Muzzy. 461 00:19:48,792 --> 00:19:50,132 I love Wubby. 462 00:19:50,208 --> 00:19:51,538 I love Mr. Goiter! 463 00:19:51,625 --> 00:19:53,415 [warbles] 464 00:19:54,125 --> 00:19:55,575 [all] Eww! 465 00:19:55,667 --> 00:19:59,077 And I must confess, I love Señor Dingle. 466 00:19:59,166 --> 00:20:00,826 [meows] 467 00:20:00,917 --> 00:20:04,167 Yes, Tallulah, I love you, too. 468 00:20:04,250 --> 00:20:05,750 [computer dinging] 469 00:20:05,834 --> 00:20:07,044 Oh, no! 470 00:20:07,125 --> 00:20:09,665 Someone else is bidding on the squeeky burger toy! 471 00:20:09,750 --> 00:20:12,500 Well, nobody outbids Litterlover. 472 00:20:12,583 --> 00:20:14,543 Try this on for size. 473 00:20:14,625 --> 00:20:17,705 What?! This nudnik thinks he can outbid me?! 474 00:20:17,792 --> 00:20:19,212 No way, José! 475 00:20:21,500 --> 00:20:22,880 Hey, what are you doing? 476 00:20:22,959 --> 00:20:25,169 Well, I wasn't gonna say anything, 477 00:20:25,250 --> 00:20:27,500 but I'm bidding on a one-of-a-kind 478 00:20:27,583 --> 00:20:30,293 original Burmese squeeky burger toy for spot, 479 00:20:30,375 --> 00:20:32,625 but some joker keeps raising my bids. 480 00:20:32,709 --> 00:20:34,919 What?! I'm bidding on a one-of-a-kind 481 00:20:35,000 --> 00:20:37,210 original Burmese squeeky burger toy for spot, 482 00:20:37,291 --> 00:20:39,501 but some joker keeps raising my bids. 483 00:20:39,583 --> 00:20:41,003 You're Greenandmean? 484 00:20:41,083 --> 00:20:42,633 You're Litterlover? 485 00:20:42,709 --> 00:20:44,629 So, you're the one who's been driving up the price! 486 00:20:44,709 --> 00:20:46,749 Me?! You were driving up the price! 487 00:20:46,834 --> 00:20:50,464 All our profits are gone! You spent our nest egg! 488 00:20:50,542 --> 00:20:51,462 I should have known. 489 00:20:51,542 --> 00:20:52,672 You're the only one dumb enough 490 00:20:52,750 --> 00:20:54,130 to pay $50 for a squeeky burger toy. 491 00:20:54,208 --> 00:20:55,788 Oh yeah? It takes one to know one. 492 00:20:55,875 --> 00:20:57,205 [computer dings] 493 00:20:57,291 --> 00:20:59,671 Look, someone else just put in a higher bid. 494 00:20:59,750 --> 00:21:01,130 Oh, no, do something! 495 00:21:01,208 --> 00:21:03,208 We've got to get the squeeky burger toy for-- 496 00:21:03,291 --> 00:21:04,541 [beeping] 497 00:21:04,625 --> 00:21:06,535 Oh! Auction closed-- final bid-- $51. 498 00:21:06,625 --> 00:21:07,915 Oh, great. 499 00:21:08,000 --> 00:21:09,920 Thanks to your incessant cat yammering, 500 00:21:10,000 --> 00:21:11,920 someone else got our squeeky burger toy. 501 00:21:12,000 --> 00:21:13,630 Hey, it takes two to yammer. 502 00:21:13,709 --> 00:21:14,999 But on the bright side, 503 00:21:15,083 --> 00:21:17,753 we now have all the money back in our account. 504 00:21:17,834 --> 00:21:19,544 You make a very good point. 505 00:21:19,625 --> 00:21:21,125 Hey, check it out-- a partially eaten seed ball. 506 00:21:21,208 --> 00:21:22,418 I need that! 507 00:21:22,500 --> 00:21:24,000 Ooh! And someone's selling 508 00:21:24,083 --> 00:21:26,923 an indoor grass planter that I just must have. 509 00:21:31,333 --> 00:21:33,503 Boy, I really thought after that speech you gave 510 00:21:33,583 --> 00:21:36,633 Ian would give you back your squeeky burger toy. 511 00:21:36,709 --> 00:21:39,579 It was one of my best, if I do say so myself. 512 00:21:39,667 --> 00:21:41,577 What's the matter, boy? 513 00:21:41,667 --> 00:21:43,037 [growling] 514 00:21:43,125 --> 00:21:44,625 Easy, boy. 515 00:21:44,709 --> 00:21:47,999 Oh, what's wrong, puppy? Are you unhappy? 516 00:21:48,083 --> 00:21:51,583 Well, here. Have a chew toy to play with. 517 00:21:51,667 --> 00:21:54,577 I don't need that old thing, anyway, 518 00:21:54,667 --> 00:21:57,497 'cause I just outbid a couple of doofuses on the Internet 519 00:21:57,583 --> 00:21:58,883 for this! 520 00:21:58,959 --> 00:22:01,129 Pretty neat, huh? [laughs] 521 00:22:01,208 --> 00:22:03,668 ♪ I got a squeeky burger, you got none ♪ 522 00:22:03,750 --> 00:22:04,670 ♪ Neener ♪ 523 00:22:04,750 --> 00:22:05,670 ♪ Neener ♪ 524 00:22:05,750 --> 00:22:08,080 I'm sure there's a lesson in there somewhere, 525 00:22:08,166 --> 00:22:10,536 but for the life of me, I can't figure it out. 526 00:22:10,625 --> 00:22:12,785 Just keep walking before he changes his mind.