1 00:00:00,333 --> 00:00:01,883 ♪ Born on the wrong end Of the leash ♪ 2 00:00:01,959 --> 00:00:04,329 -♪ He was a dreamer ♪ -♪ And a little schemer ♪ 3 00:00:04,375 --> 00:00:05,705 ♪ A nutty mutt living a dog's life ♪ 4 00:00:05,792 --> 00:00:07,422 ♪ But when he'd hear the bell for school ♪ 5 00:00:07,500 --> 00:00:08,880 ♪ He'd start to drool ♪ 6 00:00:08,959 --> 00:00:09,879 -♪ One day he says ♪ -♪ I'll take a chance ♪ 7 00:00:09,959 --> 00:00:11,789 ♪ Trades his leash For a pair of pants ♪ 8 00:00:11,875 --> 00:00:14,205 ♪ In a glance, school becomes His favorite pastime ♪ 9 00:00:14,291 --> 00:00:16,631 ♪ I have buried a bone For the last time ♪ 10 00:00:16,709 --> 00:00:18,039 -♪ He says ♪ -♪ I want to be a boy ♪ 11 00:00:18,125 --> 00:00:19,875 ♪ Ooh, he's bad ♪ 12 00:00:19,959 --> 00:00:21,249 ♪ He's so over just being rover ♪ 13 00:00:21,333 --> 00:00:22,583 ♪ I gotta be a boy ♪ 14 00:00:22,667 --> 00:00:25,247 ♪ He says he's just gonna be a boy ♪ 15 00:00:25,333 --> 00:00:26,673 ♪ Turns out he's a regular Einstein ♪ 16 00:00:26,750 --> 00:00:28,420 ♪ And Leonard is treading a fine line ♪ 17 00:00:28,500 --> 00:00:31,000 Why can't I be a normal kid like any other? 18 00:00:31,083 --> 00:00:33,083 Now, doodle bug, listen to mother. 19 00:00:33,166 --> 00:00:35,126 ♪ I want to be a boy ♪ 20 00:00:35,208 --> 00:00:36,788 I hate dogs. 21 00:00:36,875 --> 00:00:39,745 ♪ I gotta be a boy ♪ 22 00:00:39,834 --> 00:00:41,504 ♪ This power pup's gonna be a boy ♪ 23 00:00:41,583 --> 00:00:43,503 I do not wish to be a dog. 24 00:00:43,583 --> 00:00:46,083 ♪ Now this bowser's ready for trousers ♪ 25 00:00:46,166 --> 00:00:47,536 ♪ I got to be a boy ♪ 26 00:00:47,625 --> 00:00:49,075 ♪ His nose is wet but you can bet ♪ 27 00:00:49,166 --> 00:00:52,206 ♪ This teacher's pet is gonna be a boy ♪ 28 00:00:52,291 --> 00:00:53,331 Yes! 29 00:00:59,875 --> 00:01:02,745 [wolf howls] 30 00:01:12,417 --> 00:01:15,207 [opera music playing] 31 00:01:21,000 --> 00:01:23,630 [snoring] 32 00:01:29,333 --> 00:01:31,753 -[music stops] -Aah! 33 00:01:31,834 --> 00:01:33,674 Rise and shine, gooey gumball! 34 00:01:33,750 --> 00:01:37,330 Where's my big, old fourth grade boy? Ooh, I have to give him a kiss. 35 00:01:37,458 --> 00:01:38,418 Mwah! 36 00:01:38,500 --> 00:01:41,250 Mom, you're not gonna do that at school. 37 00:01:41,333 --> 00:01:43,543 Oh, of course not, Mr. Worry-Pants. 38 00:01:43,625 --> 00:01:44,745 At school, I'm not mommy, 39 00:01:44,834 --> 00:01:48,334 I'm just Mrs. Helperman, your fourth grade teacher. 40 00:01:49,166 --> 00:01:51,746 And I'm just Leonard Helperman... 41 00:01:51,834 --> 00:01:52,964 Class dork. 42 00:01:54,500 --> 00:01:58,420 Ha ha ha ha. I love you, too, Spot. 43 00:01:58,500 --> 00:02:00,420 [sighs] But even dog breath and slobber kisses 44 00:02:00,500 --> 00:02:01,880 can't help me today. 45 00:02:01,959 --> 00:02:05,249 This is gonna be the crummiest year ever. 46 00:02:05,333 --> 00:02:08,583 Boy, I wish I could stay home like you, Spot. 47 00:02:08,667 --> 00:02:12,747 Stay home like me? Are you insane, boy? 48 00:02:12,834 --> 00:02:15,674 Would that I could go to school like you. 49 00:02:15,750 --> 00:02:17,670 [thinking] What wouldn't I give to breathe in 50 00:02:17,750 --> 00:02:20,710 the smell of a freshly sharpened pencil, 51 00:02:20,792 --> 00:02:23,212 to thrill to the crack of the binding 52 00:02:23,291 --> 00:02:26,831 of a math book being opened for the first time, to-- 53 00:02:26,917 --> 00:02:28,537 [door opens] 54 00:02:28,625 --> 00:02:30,165 Cut it out, Spot. 55 00:02:30,250 --> 00:02:31,580 That's gross. 56 00:02:38,000 --> 00:02:41,290 [thinking] To walk down the hallowed halls of learning 57 00:02:41,375 --> 00:02:43,705 in brand-new sneakers 58 00:02:43,792 --> 00:02:46,832 that have yet to see the light of day. 59 00:02:46,917 --> 00:02:49,327 But, no, I'm a dog. 60 00:02:49,667 --> 00:02:53,627 I stay home and bite my buttocks. 61 00:02:54,083 --> 00:02:57,083 Surprise, hon! For the first day of school. 62 00:02:57,166 --> 00:02:59,576 A purple bunny backpack? 63 00:02:59,667 --> 00:03:03,077 You think Tyler, Taylor, or Trevor would be caught dead 64 00:03:03,166 --> 00:03:05,536 wearing a purple bunny backpack? 65 00:03:05,625 --> 00:03:07,705 I thought-- I thought it would be special. 66 00:03:07,792 --> 00:03:10,712 I don't want to be special, Mom. 67 00:03:10,792 --> 00:03:13,832 I just want to be normal. I just want to fit in. 68 00:03:13,917 --> 00:03:16,327 Okay, well, if it makes you more comfy, 69 00:03:16,417 --> 00:03:18,497 just use your old backpack, doodle bug. 70 00:03:18,583 --> 00:03:21,883 And don't call me doodle bug!! 71 00:03:21,959 --> 00:03:24,329 Oh, right... I, uh... 72 00:03:24,417 --> 00:03:26,327 I meant dude. 73 00:03:32,792 --> 00:03:34,422 Hi, Leslie. 74 00:03:34,500 --> 00:03:36,960 I like your dress. 75 00:03:38,792 --> 00:03:40,042 Hi, Leonard. 76 00:03:40,125 --> 00:03:41,535 [gasps] Hi, Spot! 77 00:03:41,667 --> 00:03:43,877 Yes, oh, what a good boy! 78 00:03:43,959 --> 00:03:45,959 Yes, what a good, good dog. 79 00:03:46,041 --> 00:03:48,081 That's a really pretty dress. 80 00:03:48,166 --> 00:03:51,706 It's the nicest dress I ever saw on you. 81 00:03:51,792 --> 00:03:54,882 Oh, you're the best doggy in the whole world. 82 00:03:54,959 --> 00:03:56,669 Yeah, he's the greatest. 83 00:03:56,750 --> 00:04:00,460 Go home, Spot. 84 00:04:00,542 --> 00:04:02,132 [crash] 85 00:04:03,166 --> 00:04:05,786 Sorry, fella. Dogs can't come to school. 86 00:04:06,542 --> 00:04:09,712 Aw, poor little guy. Bet he wishes he could. 87 00:04:12,542 --> 00:04:15,922 Hmm. If only you knew how much. 88 00:04:16,000 --> 00:04:21,330 Oh, if only I'd been born a kid instead of a stupid slobbering dog. 89 00:04:23,792 --> 00:04:27,632 Oh, Spot, I can't understand you at all. 90 00:04:27,709 --> 00:04:30,579 I just feel so cheated by fate! 91 00:04:30,667 --> 00:04:32,707 He means he can't understand you 92 00:04:32,792 --> 00:04:34,502 with that stupid tennis ball in your mouth, dummy. 93 00:04:34,583 --> 00:04:37,333 Oh. Sorry. 94 00:04:38,125 --> 00:04:39,995 Isn't that just the story of my life-- 95 00:04:40,083 --> 00:04:43,173 a ball in my mouth instead of a book in my hand. 96 00:04:43,250 --> 00:04:44,960 Ugh. Filthy, nasty habit. 97 00:04:45,041 --> 00:04:46,331 You don't know where that ball's been. 98 00:04:46,417 --> 00:04:51,787 Pretty Boy does have a point. It could be crawling with outdoor cooties, 99 00:04:51,875 --> 00:04:53,325 and the lord only knows 100 00:04:53,417 --> 00:04:54,917 if your vaccinations are current. 101 00:04:55,000 --> 00:04:57,880 Oh, this is bad. It's is very bad. 102 00:04:57,959 --> 00:05:00,919 What difference does it make whether I live or die 103 00:05:01,000 --> 00:05:02,880 from old tennis ball germs 104 00:05:02,959 --> 00:05:05,459 if the rest of my life is to be spent 105 00:05:05,542 --> 00:05:08,712 in a pile of dirty clothes, trapped between these walls 106 00:05:08,792 --> 00:05:10,922 waiting for the people to come home? 107 00:05:11,000 --> 00:05:12,420 Did they feed him this morning? 108 00:05:12,500 --> 00:05:14,710 Wait a minute! 109 00:05:14,792 --> 00:05:17,382 Who says I have to live like this? 110 00:05:17,458 --> 00:05:18,748 Why must I settle? 111 00:05:18,834 --> 00:05:22,134 Where is it written that I have to suffer my days 112 00:05:22,208 --> 00:05:24,918 lying on a pile of cast-off dirty clothes? 113 00:05:25,000 --> 00:05:27,500 In the Doggy Handbook, bobo, chapter one, 114 00:05:27,583 --> 00:05:29,713 right after "scratch the door to get out"! 115 00:05:29,792 --> 00:05:32,422 No, don't you see? This is my destiny. 116 00:05:32,500 --> 00:05:34,630 I was the runt of the litter, 117 00:05:34,709 --> 00:05:37,459 abandoned by a cruel pet-store owner 118 00:05:37,542 --> 00:05:39,962 before my eyes even turned brown, 119 00:05:40,041 --> 00:05:44,251 but a kindly fourth grade class on a field trip rescued me 120 00:05:44,333 --> 00:05:47,463 and took me into the bosom of their classroom. 121 00:05:47,875 --> 00:05:51,455 Oh, how I yearn for that golden puppyhood. 122 00:05:52,083 --> 00:05:55,293 It's been my lifelong dream to return. 123 00:05:58,291 --> 00:06:01,211 What's he talking about? What's he doing? 124 00:06:01,291 --> 00:06:04,631 I am going to school. 125 00:06:04,709 --> 00:06:07,959 Gasp! Out there? You can't. 126 00:06:08,041 --> 00:06:10,631 Oh, can't I? 127 00:06:10,709 --> 00:06:11,669 Hey. 128 00:06:11,750 --> 00:06:12,790 What's up? 129 00:06:12,875 --> 00:06:16,125 Look at that weird kid running on all fours! 130 00:06:18,875 --> 00:06:20,625 Now I've seen everything. 131 00:06:28,375 --> 00:06:29,915 [gasps] 132 00:06:30,000 --> 00:06:32,580 [children laughing] 133 00:06:38,041 --> 00:06:39,541 Wow. 134 00:06:39,625 --> 00:06:40,625 Ow! 135 00:06:40,709 --> 00:06:43,999 Ohh. Oh, no, not here. 136 00:06:44,083 --> 00:06:45,713 Not now. 137 00:06:45,792 --> 00:06:47,132 Are you okay, kid? 138 00:06:47,208 --> 00:06:49,998 I-I-I-I-I'll be fine. 139 00:06:50,083 --> 00:06:53,043 Uh, the color of it just shocked me, that's all. 140 00:06:53,125 --> 00:06:56,245 Yeah, it's yellow, all right. 141 00:06:56,333 --> 00:06:57,793 Well, see you later. 142 00:06:57,875 --> 00:07:00,035 Ha ha ha. See you later. 143 00:07:00,125 --> 00:07:03,415 I'm a boy, not a dog-- a boy, not a dog. 144 00:07:03,500 --> 00:07:06,790 Don't blow it now. They wouldn't understand. 145 00:07:06,875 --> 00:07:08,285 [inhales deeply] 146 00:07:08,375 --> 00:07:10,785 [panting] 147 00:07:12,917 --> 00:07:14,877 What's your problem? 148 00:07:34,583 --> 00:07:35,963 Phbt! 149 00:07:49,291 --> 00:07:50,501 -We like your dress. -We like your dress. 150 00:07:50,583 --> 00:07:51,883 Really? 151 00:07:51,959 --> 00:07:53,499 Kelsey and Chelsea like my dress. 152 00:07:53,583 --> 00:07:54,963 I-I like your dress. 153 00:07:55,041 --> 00:07:56,631 You better not talk. 154 00:07:56,709 --> 00:07:59,919 You're going to get in trouble with your mom. 155 00:08:00,041 --> 00:08:01,921 [children murmuring] 156 00:08:02,000 --> 00:08:03,330 New kid. 157 00:08:03,417 --> 00:08:07,287 Oh, hello. Are you supposed to be in this class? 158 00:08:07,375 --> 00:08:10,205 Um, I, uh, uh, um, uh... 159 00:08:10,291 --> 00:08:11,881 Are you a fourth grader? 160 00:08:11,959 --> 00:08:13,379 Y-Y-Yes! 161 00:08:13,458 --> 00:08:17,208 Then you're supposed to be in this class. What's your name? 162 00:08:17,291 --> 00:08:18,211 Spot. 163 00:08:18,291 --> 00:08:19,921 Did you say Scott? 164 00:08:20,000 --> 00:08:22,500 Uh, yeah, that's a good boy's name. 165 00:08:22,583 --> 00:08:24,463 Uh-huh. And what's your last name, Scott? 166 00:08:24,542 --> 00:08:27,172 Last name? Uh... 167 00:08:27,250 --> 00:08:28,500 Uh... 168 00:08:28,583 --> 00:08:32,003 Give me a second. Um... 169 00:08:32,083 --> 00:08:34,133 Leadready Number Two. 170 00:08:34,208 --> 00:08:35,788 Oh, the second. 171 00:08:35,875 --> 00:08:38,125 Yeah, yeah, that's what I meant. 172 00:08:38,208 --> 00:08:42,128 Well, everyone, say hello to your new classmate 173 00:08:42,208 --> 00:08:43,998 Scott Leadready II. 174 00:08:44,083 --> 00:08:46,503 [all] Hi, Scott. 175 00:08:46,583 --> 00:08:49,293 Hi, guys! 176 00:08:50,917 --> 00:08:53,037 Ooh. 177 00:08:53,125 --> 00:08:54,575 Formica. 178 00:08:57,000 --> 00:08:59,830 Cool purple bunny backpack. 179 00:08:59,917 --> 00:09:01,327 Darn. 180 00:09:02,667 --> 00:09:04,417 Boys and girls, 181 00:09:04,500 --> 00:09:09,460 please take out your "Adventures In Math" books. 182 00:09:09,542 --> 00:09:14,582 Ha ha ha ha! Today we begin long division. 183 00:09:14,667 --> 00:09:15,877 Long division! 184 00:09:15,959 --> 00:09:20,039 Ooh, not just division, but long division! 185 00:09:20,125 --> 00:09:24,325 First participles, now this. Oh, what a day! 186 00:09:26,417 --> 00:09:27,917 Good morning, boys and girls. 187 00:09:28,000 --> 00:09:30,750 I just wanted to stop in and welcome you 188 00:09:30,834 --> 00:09:32,384 to the, uh, the, um... 189 00:09:32,458 --> 00:09:34,248 Um, fourth grade, Principal Strickler. 190 00:09:34,333 --> 00:09:35,753 The fourth grade! 191 00:09:35,834 --> 00:09:39,214 Ah, yes, I remember the fourth grade. 192 00:09:39,291 --> 00:09:42,671 That was the year some irresponsible child 193 00:09:42,750 --> 00:09:44,750 violated school policy 194 00:09:44,834 --> 00:09:49,134 and brought a cute new puppy in for show-and-tell, 195 00:09:49,208 --> 00:09:51,788 and do you know what happened? 196 00:09:51,875 --> 00:09:53,495 It bit off half my thumb! 197 00:09:53,583 --> 00:09:54,583 I hate dogs. 198 00:09:54,667 --> 00:09:55,877 [meow] 199 00:09:55,959 --> 00:09:59,289 Ah, this world would be a better place 200 00:09:59,375 --> 00:10:03,075 if they were all just kitty cats. 201 00:10:03,166 --> 00:10:04,826 Am I right, young man? 202 00:10:04,917 --> 00:10:07,037 Uh... right! 203 00:10:07,125 --> 00:10:07,995 [screeches] 204 00:10:08,083 --> 00:10:10,463 What's this? Tallulah smells a dog. 205 00:10:10,542 --> 00:10:11,582 I-I... 206 00:10:11,667 --> 00:10:13,287 I have a dog at home. 207 00:10:13,375 --> 00:10:15,785 Maybe she smells him on my clothes. 208 00:10:15,875 --> 00:10:19,455 Yes, that must be it. Next time wash your clothes better, 209 00:10:19,542 --> 00:10:23,462 and whatever you do, make sure that dog stays home 210 00:10:23,542 --> 00:10:26,382 and never comes to school. 211 00:10:26,458 --> 00:10:27,708 [growls] 212 00:10:27,792 --> 00:10:29,542 Right. 213 00:10:29,625 --> 00:10:34,455 Good. Uhh! Come...On, pretty-- uhh! 214 00:10:34,542 --> 00:10:37,962 Let's go next door and welcome the um, uh... 215 00:10:38,041 --> 00:10:39,461 Fifth grade, Principal Strickler. 216 00:10:39,542 --> 00:10:44,332 Fifth grade! Ah, yes, I remember the fifth grade. 217 00:10:44,417 --> 00:10:46,287 Don't get me started. 218 00:10:49,417 --> 00:10:53,127 Now, who can tell me what this word means? 219 00:10:55,458 --> 00:10:57,128 Okay, um... 220 00:10:57,208 --> 00:10:59,328 Well, I know that there is 221 00:10:59,417 --> 00:11:02,667 at least one very, very smart boy here 222 00:11:02,750 --> 00:11:04,540 who can give us a definition 223 00:11:04,625 --> 00:11:08,375 because he learned it at home, right? 224 00:11:10,542 --> 00:11:12,422 Democracy-- 225 00:11:12,500 --> 00:11:13,750 a form of government 226 00:11:13,834 --> 00:11:16,004 in which the power is granted to the people, 227 00:11:16,083 --> 00:11:17,423 born in ancient Greece 228 00:11:17,500 --> 00:11:19,920 and adopted by our bewigged founding fathers 229 00:11:20,041 --> 00:11:21,291 of the Second Continental Congress 230 00:11:21,375 --> 00:11:27,375 on a muggy July 4th in Philadelphia, PA, 1776. 231 00:11:27,458 --> 00:11:30,248 [cheering] 232 00:11:32,166 --> 00:11:34,456 That new kid's going to really take the pressure off us. 233 00:11:34,542 --> 00:11:36,172 -Cool. -Cool. 234 00:11:36,250 --> 00:11:38,580 Wow, Scott. You're really smart. 235 00:11:38,667 --> 00:11:41,917 I knew that. I just didn't want to show off. 236 00:11:42,000 --> 00:11:45,330 Oh, an excellent answer, Scott. 237 00:11:45,417 --> 00:11:47,417 You may sit. 238 00:11:47,500 --> 00:11:52,330 Okay, now, as a part of our unit on democracy, 239 00:11:52,417 --> 00:11:56,167 we are going to hold our very own election! 240 00:11:56,250 --> 00:11:57,880 Yay! 241 00:12:00,208 --> 00:12:02,328 [clears throat] Okay, then. 242 00:12:02,417 --> 00:12:05,377 Um, so whoever wants to run for class president, 243 00:12:05,458 --> 00:12:07,288 you may nominate yourself 244 00:12:07,375 --> 00:12:10,705 by writing your name on the chalkboard right now. 245 00:12:12,875 --> 00:12:15,625 [panting] 246 00:12:20,959 --> 00:12:23,629 [all] Ewww-en! 247 00:12:23,709 --> 00:12:25,709 We call him that 'cause he's so disgusting. 248 00:12:25,792 --> 00:12:29,292 Ian, uh, chalk is for writing, not eating. 249 00:12:29,375 --> 00:12:31,825 Oh, oh, but it's got secret ingredients 250 00:12:31,917 --> 00:12:35,457 from the deep underlayers of the Brazilian rain forest. 251 00:12:35,542 --> 00:12:36,672 You want some? 252 00:12:39,250 --> 00:12:43,580 Okey-dokey. Ha ha. Anyone else? 253 00:12:43,917 --> 00:12:47,827 Would anyone else like to run? 254 00:12:47,917 --> 00:12:51,497 Oh, great. She expects me to put my name up, 255 00:12:51,583 --> 00:12:53,883 and then everyone's going to feel like they have to vote for me 256 00:12:53,959 --> 00:12:55,419 because my mom's the teacher. 257 00:12:55,500 --> 00:12:58,330 And big deal-- I'll win against Ian Wazaloseky. 258 00:12:58,417 --> 00:13:01,167 Ha ha ha ha! Well, super-dee-duper! 259 00:13:01,250 --> 00:13:03,250 We have another candidate. 260 00:13:03,333 --> 00:13:04,583 [all] New kid! 261 00:13:04,667 --> 00:13:06,327 [all] New kid! 262 00:13:06,417 --> 00:13:07,997 [all] New kid! 263 00:13:08,083 --> 00:13:12,003 Boy, he's got guts. And on his first day, too. 264 00:13:12,083 --> 00:13:17,833 [all chanting] New kid! New kid! New kid! New kid! New kid! New kid! New kid! 265 00:13:22,208 --> 00:13:24,288 [cheering] 266 00:13:24,375 --> 00:13:25,535 Hey, what's going on? 267 00:13:27,542 --> 00:13:30,542 [opera music playing] 268 00:13:40,583 --> 00:13:43,003 -Isn't he awesome? -Isn't he awesome? 269 00:13:43,083 --> 00:13:44,213 So totally. 270 00:13:44,291 --> 00:13:47,671 Big deal. My dog can do the same thing. 271 00:13:50,750 --> 00:13:52,630 [toilet flushes] 272 00:13:54,000 --> 00:13:56,040 I know who you are, and I know 273 00:13:56,125 --> 00:13:58,165 why you can leap 5 feet in the air 274 00:13:58,250 --> 00:14:00,710 and catch a frisbee with your teeth. 275 00:14:00,792 --> 00:14:03,882 I know why you have a purple bunny backpack. 276 00:14:03,959 --> 00:14:05,379 Yes, Leonard, it's true. 277 00:14:05,458 --> 00:14:07,668 You're from the alternative school! 278 00:14:07,750 --> 00:14:09,420 No, Leonard, I'm-- 279 00:14:09,500 --> 00:14:10,420 admit it! 280 00:14:10,500 --> 00:14:12,210 Huh? What's this? 281 00:14:12,291 --> 00:14:14,421 Spot Helperman? 282 00:14:14,500 --> 00:14:17,130 What have you done with my dog? 283 00:14:17,208 --> 00:14:19,168 That's what I've been trying to tell you, Leonard. 284 00:14:19,250 --> 00:14:20,880 I am your dog. 285 00:14:20,959 --> 00:14:23,129 No! 286 00:14:25,959 --> 00:14:28,209 -[boys] What's up? -Nothing. Just a bad reaction 287 00:14:28,291 --> 00:14:30,671 to the, uh, cafeteria's turkey chili nachos. 288 00:14:30,750 --> 00:14:33,170 You might want to leave, guys. 289 00:14:33,250 --> 00:14:34,130 It could get ugly. 290 00:14:34,208 --> 00:14:35,538 Later, dudes. 291 00:14:35,625 --> 00:14:38,785 You-- you can talk. 292 00:14:38,875 --> 00:14:41,995 Yes, I can, Leonard. 293 00:14:42,083 --> 00:14:43,383 -How long? -The whole time. 294 00:14:43,458 --> 00:14:45,078 And Pretty Boy, Mr. Jolly? 295 00:14:45,166 --> 00:14:46,876 Mm-hmm, all of us. 296 00:14:50,417 --> 00:14:52,457 This is too weird. 297 00:14:52,542 --> 00:14:54,632 Look, no one else needs to know. 298 00:14:54,709 --> 00:14:56,379 Well, of course no one can know. 299 00:14:56,458 --> 00:14:58,038 Are you kidding? Jeez. 300 00:14:58,125 --> 00:15:00,785 If I thought being the teacher's son 301 00:15:00,875 --> 00:15:02,125 made me a freak... 302 00:15:02,208 --> 00:15:03,038 You have to go. 303 00:15:03,125 --> 00:15:05,955 You have to go home right now. 304 00:15:06,041 --> 00:15:08,921 What, before spelling? Are you out of your mind? 305 00:15:09,000 --> 00:15:12,670 You can't stay here. You're-- you're a dog. 306 00:15:12,750 --> 00:15:14,210 I do not wish to be a dog. 307 00:15:14,291 --> 00:15:15,581 It's what you are! 308 00:15:16,166 --> 00:15:18,876 I expected this from the other pets, 309 00:15:18,959 --> 00:15:20,379 but not from you. 310 00:15:20,458 --> 00:15:22,418 No, Leonard, I have finally 311 00:15:22,500 --> 00:15:24,920 found my place in the world. 312 00:15:25,000 --> 00:15:26,630 I am staying at school. 313 00:15:26,709 --> 00:15:29,459 I am staying in the fourth grade. 314 00:15:29,542 --> 00:15:32,582 And what's more, by this time tomorrow, 315 00:15:32,667 --> 00:15:35,167 I will be president of our class! 316 00:15:35,250 --> 00:15:36,330 Oh, no. No. 317 00:15:36,417 --> 00:15:37,497 You can't run. 318 00:15:37,583 --> 00:15:39,423 If you're president, 319 00:15:39,500 --> 00:15:42,210 I'll never get you to go home. 320 00:15:42,291 --> 00:15:43,751 Precisely. 321 00:15:45,667 --> 00:15:46,827 Okay, that's it. 322 00:15:46,917 --> 00:15:51,497 I'm through trying to reason with my dog! 323 00:15:51,583 --> 00:15:53,883 I know what I have to do. 324 00:15:58,917 --> 00:16:02,957 Oh, I am so proud of my ittle-wittle kid-adid. 325 00:16:03,083 --> 00:16:04,173 Oh, ho ho. 326 00:16:04,250 --> 00:16:07,500 Mom, not at school! 327 00:16:07,583 --> 00:16:10,423 [clock ticking] 328 00:16:10,542 --> 00:16:13,752 I've got to win this thing. I've got to beat that dog. 329 00:16:13,834 --> 00:16:15,884 Leonard, that's no way to talk 330 00:16:15,959 --> 00:16:18,169 about your fellow office-seeker. 331 00:16:20,250 --> 00:16:22,540 I can stomach the Mary's lamb routine-- 332 00:16:22,625 --> 00:16:24,995 you follow him to school one day, yada, yada. 333 00:16:25,083 --> 00:16:27,633 But running against your master for president-- 334 00:16:27,709 --> 00:16:29,459 that's way over the line!! 335 00:16:29,542 --> 00:16:31,132 Yes, it's bad Karma, Spot. 336 00:16:31,208 --> 00:16:34,248 Oh, dear, oh, me, you're going against nature. 337 00:16:34,375 --> 00:16:35,745 Nature invented the flea. 338 00:16:35,875 --> 00:16:38,075 What care I for nature? 339 00:16:38,166 --> 00:16:41,286 You're a real piece of work. 340 00:16:41,375 --> 00:16:45,375 And so if you elect me, Leonard Helperman, 341 00:16:45,458 --> 00:16:49,288 I promise I will be a good president. 342 00:16:49,375 --> 00:16:52,165 Politics is not for wimps. 343 00:16:52,250 --> 00:16:55,330 I need a drink. Ah, chocolate milk. 344 00:16:55,417 --> 00:16:56,327 Leonard! 345 00:16:56,417 --> 00:16:58,627 I was getting a glass. 346 00:16:58,709 --> 00:17:01,709 Well, I think you better feed your dog. 347 00:17:01,792 --> 00:17:03,882 Oh, look how hungry he is. 348 00:17:04,000 --> 00:17:05,330 [growling] 349 00:17:05,417 --> 00:17:07,247 Aah! No! No! 350 00:17:07,333 --> 00:17:09,043 My speech. 351 00:17:09,125 --> 00:17:10,495 Bad boy! Out! 352 00:17:10,583 --> 00:17:12,133 Out! 353 00:17:12,208 --> 00:17:13,708 Perhaps you should have gone 354 00:17:13,792 --> 00:17:17,922 to the pain of memorizing it, like I did. 355 00:17:18,000 --> 00:17:21,580 ["The Stars and Stripes Forever" playing] 356 00:17:21,667 --> 00:17:23,377 You need a leader-- 357 00:17:23,458 --> 00:17:27,418 someone who dares to think outside the box, 358 00:17:27,500 --> 00:17:29,630 color outside the lines, 359 00:17:29,709 --> 00:17:33,249 someone who, when others say, "I can't," 360 00:17:33,333 --> 00:17:38,213 can say, in the words of the great Sammy Davis Jr., 361 00:17:38,291 --> 00:17:39,501 "Yes, I can!" 362 00:17:39,583 --> 00:17:42,043 Y-You need a kid like you, 363 00:17:42,125 --> 00:17:45,285 a normal, regular kid 364 00:17:45,375 --> 00:17:48,125 who does normal, regular kid stuff like-- 365 00:17:48,208 --> 00:17:49,288 [feedback] 366 00:17:49,375 --> 00:17:52,915 A normal, regular kid. 367 00:17:53,000 --> 00:17:56,130 You need someone who can get rid 368 00:17:56,208 --> 00:17:58,788 of these yak glue sticks and bring back 369 00:17:58,875 --> 00:18:02,375 good old-fashioned pasting pots. 370 00:18:02,458 --> 00:18:05,288 That stuff was delightful. 371 00:18:07,333 --> 00:18:10,383 [bell rings] 372 00:18:10,500 --> 00:18:12,040 One for Scott. 373 00:18:12,125 --> 00:18:13,915 One for Leonard. 374 00:18:14,000 --> 00:18:15,580 One for Scott. 375 00:18:15,667 --> 00:18:17,537 One for Leonard. 376 00:18:17,625 --> 00:18:19,205 One for Ian? 377 00:18:19,291 --> 00:18:21,211 "Paste pots rule. 378 00:18:21,291 --> 00:18:23,541 Glue sticks drool"? 379 00:18:28,875 --> 00:18:30,285 I'm sorry, Leonard. 380 00:18:30,417 --> 00:18:32,077 I never meant it to come to this. 381 00:18:32,166 --> 00:18:34,626 In my heart, I'm totally loyal. 382 00:18:34,709 --> 00:18:36,539 You'll always be my master. 383 00:18:36,625 --> 00:18:38,665 I'll never heel for another. 384 00:18:38,750 --> 00:18:41,580 But this was destiny. 385 00:18:41,667 --> 00:18:43,877 No hard feelings. Have a grape. 386 00:18:52,375 --> 00:18:56,455 See? There are some things only humans should attempt. 387 00:19:00,750 --> 00:19:04,960 I want you boys to know that just by running, 388 00:19:05,041 --> 00:19:07,251 you're all winners. 389 00:19:07,333 --> 00:19:10,293 But our new class president 390 00:19:10,375 --> 00:19:13,415 by a single vote is... 391 00:19:13,500 --> 00:19:14,880 Me, me, me. 392 00:19:15,000 --> 00:19:16,460 Me, me, me. 393 00:19:16,583 --> 00:19:20,293 Mmm. Paste. 394 00:19:20,417 --> 00:19:23,167 Ian Wazaloseky! 395 00:19:23,250 --> 00:19:26,040 Paste pots rule! 396 00:19:26,125 --> 00:19:29,415 Glue sticks drool! 397 00:19:29,500 --> 00:19:31,290 [all] Speech! 398 00:19:33,291 --> 00:19:35,331 Now, as president, Ian, 399 00:19:35,417 --> 00:19:37,917 your special responsibilities will include 400 00:19:38,000 --> 00:19:42,130 cleaning the chalkboard, emptying the pencil sharpener, 401 00:19:42,208 --> 00:19:45,998 and sorting the recycling every day. 402 00:19:46,667 --> 00:19:47,957 -Whew. -Whew. 403 00:19:49,959 --> 00:19:53,289 [bell rings] 404 00:19:53,375 --> 00:19:55,205 Hi, loser. And I say that 405 00:19:55,291 --> 00:19:58,041 with the self-mocking good nature 406 00:19:58,125 --> 00:19:59,325 of a fellow loser. 407 00:19:59,417 --> 00:20:00,747 I know that... loser. 408 00:20:00,834 --> 00:20:03,384 Hey. When you say it, it hurts. 409 00:20:06,834 --> 00:20:09,714 You know, that's the stupidest-looking backpack ever. 410 00:20:09,792 --> 00:20:12,502 Really? Leslie seems to like it. 411 00:20:15,083 --> 00:20:17,213 You know, you really would be better off 412 00:20:17,291 --> 00:20:19,331 just staying home and being a dog. 413 00:20:19,417 --> 00:20:21,207 Is that what you want, Leonard? 414 00:20:21,333 --> 00:20:22,543 Well... 415 00:20:22,625 --> 00:20:25,415 Knowing how much I have treasured every moment 416 00:20:25,542 --> 00:20:27,332 of these two days-- 417 00:20:27,458 --> 00:20:29,328 the pain and the joy, 418 00:20:29,458 --> 00:20:32,708 the adulation and the rejection? 419 00:20:32,834 --> 00:20:35,004 All right, all right, I get it. 420 00:20:35,083 --> 00:20:37,713 The turkey chili nachos 421 00:20:37,792 --> 00:20:41,502 and the canned peaches in heavy syrup-- 422 00:20:41,625 --> 00:20:42,995 Oh, mama! 423 00:20:43,083 --> 00:20:45,383 Okay, you can keep going to school. 424 00:20:45,458 --> 00:20:48,748 Oh! I can? Hooray! 425 00:20:48,834 --> 00:20:51,004 I am so happy, I am so happy! 426 00:20:51,083 --> 00:20:52,713 Oh, you'll never regret it, Leonard. 427 00:20:52,834 --> 00:20:55,834 It's gonna be wonderful-- you and me together at last, 428 00:20:55,917 --> 00:20:57,827 like we were always meant to be. 429 00:20:57,917 --> 00:20:59,667 But you gotta be cool, okay? 430 00:20:59,750 --> 00:21:01,210 No more hot-dogging. 431 00:21:01,291 --> 00:21:03,081 Absolutely. Agreed. 432 00:21:03,166 --> 00:21:05,576 Did you hear I'm going out for the soccer team? 433 00:21:05,667 --> 00:21:06,877 Ooh, I hope to be captain. 434 00:21:06,959 --> 00:21:09,079 That's way better than class president. 435 00:21:09,166 --> 00:21:11,626 Everyone knows the captain of the soccer team. 436 00:21:11,709 --> 00:21:14,879 Ooh, ooh, ooh! And how about a newspaper, huh? 437 00:21:14,959 --> 00:21:16,789 If I started one, I could be editor. 438 00:21:16,875 --> 00:21:19,995 That's the way you sway the unwashed masses. 439 00:21:20,083 --> 00:21:23,003 Uh, we can talk about it when I walk you tonight. 440 00:21:23,083 --> 00:21:25,083 Uh, we're almost home. 441 00:21:25,166 --> 00:21:27,036 Oh, yeah, gotcha. 442 00:21:27,583 --> 00:21:28,883 [zipper zips] 443 00:21:31,083 --> 00:21:32,253 [barks] 444 00:21:32,333 --> 00:21:33,793 Good dog.