Of the leash
-
For a pair of pants
His favorite pastime
For the last time
-
Why can't I be a normal kid like any other?
Now, doodle bug, listen to mother.
I hate dogs.
I do not wish to be a dog.
Yes!
Okey-dokey, now.
I hope each and every one of you
has a splendiferous weekend.
Mrs. Helperman, yoo-hoo!
I have a vitally important announcement!
Well, today's my birthday,
so everyone is invited
to my house tonight
for a sleepover party they'll never forget!
Ha ha!
Eww!
Oh, bummer...
Dude, I wish I could.
Well, cold potatoes to you, suckers.
That just means more cake for Leonard and me.
I don't think I can make it either.
I was planning to... clean my room!
Yeah! Tha-- that's it!
Uh, sidebar?
What are you talking, "clean my room"?
This is a sleepover,
my first sleepover as a boy.
You don't want to be there to have the time of my life?
But it's all night, in a strange house!
Lenny, everything's strange until you try it.
Admittedly, some things are stranger than others.
My friend Leonard and I will be there tonight
with bells on.
Cool! We'll all match.
Well, all right.
I'll go, but I'm not wearing bells.
And here's a fresh pair of underpants
for in the morning,
and an emergency pair of underpants,
and an extra pair
in case something happens to the emergency underpants.
Mom, I'm 10 years old.
Could you please stop saying "underpants"?
Ooh, ooh. I'm sorry.
Here are your three pair of briefs, Mr. Man.
I thought she'd never leave.
I've got a sleepover to pack for.
Okay, now. Socks.
Are they packed in a proportionate ratio
to underpants?
To wit, fresh pair, emergency pair, extra pair?
Or can I just turn the ones I wore today
inside out in the morning?
How should I know? Why are you asking me?
Yikes, Mr. Man.
It's just a simple question. Don't nip my nose off.
Sorry.
What's up? Are you afraid of going to Ian's?
There's nothing to fear. I'm packing my rabbit's foot.
It's not that.
What, then? It's just a sleepover,
like every other you've ever been to.
Wait. The way you looked away
just now when I said that...
Great sizzling fajitas!
You've never been to a sleepover either?
No. No, I haven't.
Really? Wow!
Dear diary,
tonight, Leonard and I will share a special first
in each other's lives.
I'll immortalize it in the morning.
Come on, let's go. The fun won't wait.
I can't do it, Scott.
Aw, come on, Leonard. It's going to be fine.
Would a haunted house have balloons?
It's just that -- well, don't think I'm dumb,
but, okay, the reason I've never gone
to a sleepover at anyone's house before is,
well, I worry.
I mean, what if the parents yell?
What if it smells funny?
What if their mom cooks something
with raisins or onions, or raisins and onions?
What if their sheets are itchy?
What if I can't fall asleep, or what if I have nightmares?
Gee, I wish you'd brought all this up before.
Why?
I just rang the bell.
What if it does smell funny?
Aah!
And like sleeping over's not bad enough,
this is Ian's house!
Let me talk. I'll get us out of it.
We'll be safe in our own unsmelly beds by nightfall.
Hello, boys.
Ian's been on pins and needles waiting for you.
Ha ha ha. Come on in out of the cold, chums.
That doesn't sound like yelling to me.
They do seem sort of nice, but...
Hey! It smells good in here.
I'm making yummy birthday cookies
for you boys to decorate later.
Do they have raisins in them?
Or onions, perhaps?
No, sillies,
nor cabbage, nor olives --
just sugar and butter and lots of love.
Hey, my mom says that all the time!
Now, you boys just make yourselves at home.
Ahh. I don't know about you,
but I'm starting to feel pretty dang relaxed.
Yeah. This might not be so bad after all.
Are you ready to par-tay?
Know what I'm sayin'?
Happy, happy, happy birthday
Happy, happy birthday
Ha ha ha!
Happy birthday to me!
Ha ha ha!
And now for the real fun.
Pajamas and sleeping bags, ho!
Let the sleepover begin!
Hey, say it, don't spray it.
That was some of the best-tasting toothpaste
I've ever brushed with.
Yep. The toilet water wasn't bad, either.
Ha ha ha. Dog joke.
Your pajama bottoms, they're backwards.
Whoops. Forgive me.
I usually sleep the way I was born.
I thought the tail hole was rather convenient.
So look at us -- two dudes in our jammies
getting ready to hit the old sleeping bags.
No fears, no tears.
Yeah. I'm actually having a good time.
What was I worried about all these years?
Come in! We've been expecting you!
Ha ha ha! Were you a-scared?
It was just me...
But you never can tell!
Sometimes the ancient dead
who are buried under my floor
do talk in their sleep!
Don't freak, Leonard. It's just an urban legend.
They're almost never true.
Uh, you don't have a hook, do you?
Um, not that I've ever seen,
but sometimes,
mysterious things do scratch my window!
Ha ha ha!
I want to go home!
It's okay, Leonard.
There's two of us and only one of him.
Well, gentlemen,
now that we've got the boring ice cream
and kiddie games out of the way,
it is time for some real fun!
Ha ha ha!
You know what they say --
the sleepover never really begins
till your host says,
"lights out!"
Ha ha ha!
I think I may need my emergency underpants!
Hey, you're supposed to be the brave one!
I-Ian?
Ian?
Oogah oogah oogah! Oogah oogah oogah!
Wait a minute.
That's supposed to be scary? That's just dumb.
Oogah oogah.
Really dumb.
Yeah, well...
Well, I bet you'd be freaked out
if there was slimy bugs and snakes
in the bottoms of your sleeping bags, right?
Well, no.
Now you've told us, it would just be lame.
All right, everybody out.
Oh, man, it's my birthday, for cry-y-y...
I just wanted to have some fun.
Believe it or not, Ian,
some of us are satisfied with the fun
of cake, ice cream, and "pin the tail on the donkey."
It's pleasant. It's comforting.
It's our culture's accepted way
of saying "happy birthday."
Culture, shmulture.
You sure you don't want to be locked in my closet
with a fake bloody corpse?
Ha ha ha!
All right, then, let's call it a night.
The sooner we go to sleep,
the sooner we'll wake up to my mom's famous pancakes
and warm maple syrup.
Mmm!
Gee, you two are so bourgeois!
Ooh! Ooh!
Ian.
What?
We told you to cut it out.
It's not me.
I-I swear on the head of my snake slimer.
We are the voices of the ancient dead.
You have disturbed our rest,
and now you must pay!
Aah!
Let's get out of here!
Ohh! Unh.
Okay, here we go.
Ha ha ha!
We really got you.
Now, please join us in the kitchen
for warm milk and cookies!
Ha ha ha!
You should have seen the look on your face!
Oh ho, I wasn't scared.
You're the one who was scared!
Ha ha ha! It scared the pants off of me!
Ha ha ha!
Happy birthday, son.
We wanted to give you something you'd really love.
Oh, and I did!
Ha ha ha!
Well, that was truly a night to remember.
Yeah. It's funny -- I always thought
sleeping over at anybody else's house --
especially Ian Wazaloseky's house --
would be scary, but it was also kind of cool,
like we went through this huge thing and survived.
Whoa, whoa, whoa!
Don't be saying I'm cool and not scary!
Come on! I have an image to protect.
I mean, if people start thinking I'm cool, it'll be all over.
I'll be just like you guys.
I might as well cut my bells off, you know?
I'll tell you what,
you two just keep quiet about me being cool,
and I won't tell anyone you freaked out
when you found cockroaches in your pants.
What are you talking about? There were no cockroaches in our pants.
Really?
Look again!
Aah!
9-1-1!
I got you guys! Ha ha ha!
Leonard.
Oh, Leonard.
Huh?
What?
Aah!
Unh.
Oh, Spot, take that thing off.
And a festive all Hallow's Eve to you, too.
Oh, no! Is today Halloween?
Is it ever,
and my very first as a mischievous, fun-loving,
all-American b-o-y.
Check it out -- I've been practicing.
Smell my feet
Good to eat
I don't care
You know the rest.
I'm not ready for this.
Worry not. I'm ready for both of us.
Fanfare.
Presenting
that famed Portuguese explorer
Señor Ferdinand Magellan.
Ha ha ha!
Quien es más macho.
Olé! Hasta la vista, baby.
How very ethnically insensitive of you.
I certainly hope you give Leonard's costume
the respect it so rightfully deserves.
I'm not wearing a costume this year.
Not wearing a costume?
Dios mío!
Señor Leonardo, can this be true?
Yes. And stop talking like that.
It's the Castilian lisp
common to Portuguese nobleman of the 16th century.
Well, it's not common to the talking dog
of the 21st century, so stop it.
Sorry. I'm just excited about my first Halloween.
Yeah. I remember that feeling.
That was before what happened
last October 31st.
I was so psyched
to wear my Bing-bing the Friendly Alien costume,
but then...
What are you supposed to be, dufus?
Me me am am Bing-bing.
Aah!
Well, now you're a bush-bush. Ha ha ha!
Yeah, a bush-bush.
And that's why I'll never dress for Halloween again.
It's all so sad,
so very, very sad.
Oh, my goodness, I can't stop crying.
Oh, great! Now look what you've done!
He's gone and dehydrated himself!
Drink up, baby.
You shouldn't get so involved. He's just a human.
Aw, cheer up, Leonard. That was last year.
You can't let some stupid bully
ruin all your fun.
But this is more than just a bully.
This is Dutch Colenza.
That kid's in a class by himself.
Oh ho. Pish posh.
I mean it. He's in a class by himself!
Okay, he's a really scary stupid bully,
but he can't hurt you this year.
You've got me.
I will have your back, home slice.
Boy, it doesn't sound quite right when I say it.
Come on. You know you want to wear a costume.
I can see it in your eyes, you little devil.
Forget it, Spot.
Vampire? Cowboy? Mummy?
No.
Come on, Lenny. Forget about Dutch.
Express yourself. Be fearless.
Make way for "the thing from under my desk"!
Ha ha ha!
Okay, maybe not that fearless.
You go ahead and have a good time.
I'll just be happy to stay out of the Thorn bush.
I'm not giving up on you.
I vow I will bring the Halloween spirit
back into your heart...
Right after I lead the all-school costume parade.
Scott, wait! Your cape is --
Hey! Todo El mundo!
Get a load of Señor Ferdinand...
The dog.
Gulp!
Great Caesar's ghost!
It's a dog...
Costume!
And a very realistic dog costume, at that.
Talullah's so convinced,
she's driving her pincer-like claws
into my carotid artery.
Take it easy, sweetheart.
It's only a costume!
Spot, I-I -- you -- he -- he didn't?
What can I say? He loves my dog costume!
Let the parade begin!
Now, what is it about that dog costume
that's ringing such a bell in my brain?
So I say, "this fake dog nose simply won't do."
Oh, and did I mention it's made
of genuine Patagonian fake dog fur?
Cool costume!
Yeah! It's da bomb!
It's not so great. I saw the zipper.
Class. Class.
Okay, we'll have our super-fun Halloween blowout
with yummy, non-fat, sugar-free, PTA-approved
candy-substitute treats in a bit,
but right now Mr. Clock says
it's time to start our schoolwork.
Hey, where is everybody?
Oh, Scott, dear, you're a new student,
so you probably weren't aware,
but every year
when the Halloween parade is over,
we all take off our costumes
and hang them up in the coat closet.
Take off our co-- co--
oh!
Aah!
Are you all right?
Fine, fine. Sat on a tack. Ow.
Me -- me too. A tack. Ow!
I'll take yours out, you take mine.
We've got to get you out of here!
Costume off, son.
Take that costume off and get back in class!
Aah!
Hey, parade's over, kid.
Why ain't you out of your costume yet?
Does the whole world know
about this "taking off your costume" jazz but me?
Come on.
Wh--where are we?
They're all going to find me out now.
I could just kiss my school career bye-bye.
Nice going, Leonard.
Me? You're the one
who didn't wear clothes under your costume.
Hello!
I just started going to this school last month,
Mr. "I'm still so afraid of some bush trauma
from a year ago I forgot to tell my dog
something very, very important"!
I did tell you something important!
I told you not to dress up in the first place.
I told you it's nothing but trouble.
This is all your fault.
And then I says, "you may know buffer machines,
but you can't scrape gum off the floor for nothing!"
Wow. Wish I'd been there.
Let me tell you about the maintenance men.
They are different from you and me.
Custodian to room 14 with a mop.
Oh, for crying out tears.
There goes that Wazaloseky kid again.
What do they feed him?
At least he takes off his costume
when you tell him to.
Ha ha ha! Oh, yeah, costume!
I'm sorry I got you into this mess.
Well, I'm glad you finally --
but I'm not sorry I dressed for Halloween.
If my school career is going to end today,
then I'm glad I went out having the time of my life!
No sense dwelling on what might have been.
I'm a dog. I can't take off my costume.
I'll just turn myself in,
and then I'll go home...
Forever.
Here. Take my clothes.
Take your --
take them. Go back and join the party.
Stay in school. You deserve it.
But what about you?
I'll just hang out here. No one will miss me.
I've barely been here today anyway.
Go. Enjoy yourself.
I'll never forget this, Leonard.
You are a boy of unparalleled integrity
and dignity.
Thank you.
Low-fat, artificial, sugar-free substitute treats,
look out! Ooh!
What's your problem, dufus?
Oh, no problem, just a non-threatening boy
who doesn't want any trouble on his way to class.
Well, here. Let me give you a lift.
Ow!
Ooh! That is thorny!
Wait till I pants you.
Then you'll see what thorny is.
Hey, he can't do that to my friend.
Ohh!
You leave him alone!
What are you supposed to be for Halloween, dufus?
I am not a dufus,
and I'm not supposed to be anything.
Whoa! Look at me!
I'm "the monster
from beyond the janitor's closet"!
And I don't care if you throw me in a bush,
I'm wearing a costume, and I like it!
It takes more courage to express yourself
and do what makes you happy
than to hide from a big bully like you!
You go, Leonard! Ow! Thorn!
I used to love Halloween, too!
Really?
It was second grade.
I was so happy.
Ha ha ha!
I just wanted to look like my favorite disco king.
Was that so wrong?
You've been in grade school an awfully long time,
haven't you?
Uh-huh, and holidays hurt the worst.
Ow! Tell me about it.
Say, I've got an idea.
Smell my feet
I don't care
Ha ha ha!
You know, he really makes it work.