Of the leash
-
For a pair of pants
His favorite pastime
For the last time
-
Why can't I be a normal kid like any other?
Now, doodle bug, listen to mother.
I hate dogs.
I do not wish to be a dog.
Yes!
Aah!
Okay, the coast is clear!
Are we good or what?
Okey-dokey, don't be pokey.
Who's got on their thinking cap today?
Don't you guys at least want to take a crack at it?
It's one minute to recess!
All right.
It's a plane
To the rescue
Uh...
Hmm.
Oh, I see. You just, uh...No.
Oh, well --no. That's not it.
Aha!
What you ought to do --no.
No. No.
Oh, Scott, honey, it's okay
if you don't get the answer lickety-split.
I knew it would be, that's why I didn't.
Okay, recess time --let's go!
Unh-unh-unh. The bell hasn't rung yet.
So, class, when we see a big old brain-buster like this,
what we want to do is simply break it down
with our mathematical order of operations,
or "Please Excuse My Dear Aunt Sally."
Fine, great, she's excused. Can we go now?
Oh, bless your little heart. Ha ha!
No.
"Please Excuse My Dear Aunt Sally"
is a memory-booster-rooster.
The first letter of each word helps us know
which math operation to do when.
Parenthesis, exponent, multiplication, division,
addition, subtraction.
Ha ha ha. Pretty snazzy, huh?
Snazzy.
Oh, you. Go to recess already.
Yay!
Oh, wait, wait, before you leave,
I've been asked to make one brief announcement.
Oh, well, I guess it can wait.
It's just about the new skateboard park.
-Skateboard park? -Skateboard park?
Well, jeepers, now that we've got focus,
perhaps I should return
to the mathematical order of operations.
Oh!
Psych! Ha ha ha!
Now, about the skateboard park --
okay. Now, our mayor has asked us to select
one student representative to speak
for all you boys and girls
at tomorrow's city council meeting
on the issue of whether or not
there should be a mathematical order of operations.
Oh!
Skateboard park.
Ha ha ha! It really is an amazing phenomenon.
Dudes, I, like, think, like, I should, like, be the one
to talk at that, like, council-meeting thingy tomorrow
'cause, like, i'm, like, the best skater.
Yeah, but you can't, like, talk.
I, on the other hand, am often commended
on my excellent diction and elocution.
But you can't... Like, skate.
Me, me, please.
No, it should be me.
Oh, man, we've wasted our whole recess picking someone,
and we haven't even picked them yet.
We could draw straws.
Flip a coin!
Rock, paper, scissors.
Eeny, meeny, miney, moe.
Great gobs of gopher guts, people.
This isn't rocket science.
1, 2, 3...Not it!
Definitely not rocket science.
We simply have to make a decision here.
Alexander the Great, Abraham Lincoln,
Harry S. Truman, Joan of Arc --
little Joanie with the voices in her noggin --
they all changed our world --and why?
Because they weren't afraid to make the tough decision
at crunch time.
Cool. Can we get one of them?
Tyler, next time we have history,
pay attention!
The point is,
to quote postmodern existential philosopher Jean-Paul Sartre,
"we are our decisions."
Okay, can we get him?
Give me strength.
Guys, I'm gonna make this as easy as I can.
You need a speaker, my friends.
I said, a speaker with a spark.
On a skateboard park
Verve, a steely nerve
And a mind to serve
You bet I can
Verve, and nerve
That skateboard park
I'll get us that park
Whoa!
I'm not so great at stopping this...
Thing.
Well, well, well, if it ain't the dog
formerly known as Spot.
Break out the liver munchies.
Really, Moe? The munchies, Moe?
Arf!
I was being ironic, you dumb schnauzer.
He's a traitor. Sic him!
Oh, guys, guys, take it easy.
I-I'm still one of you. Look!
See? 100% pure canine.
Uh, I mean...
See? No pants. I'm a doggy.
Ha ha ha.
Uh...woof!
Hey, that's not a real bark.
That's just a people word --w-o-o-f.
Get him!
Oh! Don't do this to me, Moe.
Whatever it is you're gonna do
that I don't even want to think about --
and I hope the thing I thought
before I made myself stop thinking
because it's too awful to think about
isn't what you're thinking about.
Ha! Got you! Ancient Tibetan confusion technique.
Hey, he thinks he can confuse us
just because we're a bunch of dumb dogs.
Get him again!
Yeah, but if he was thinking what he thought he thought,
then what was he thinking he thought when he thought it?
Oh, for the love of food, will you?
Those ancient Tibetans, they're full of techniques.
Now say you're sorry for attacking me.
Okay, I'm sorry, Spot.
I guess we're just having a bad day.
Oh, really, Moe? What's the matter?
Ha! I guess you can teach an old dog
new ancient Tibetan tricks, huh?
What's the matter, Spot, is that we just heard
they're planning to tear down the dog park.
The dog park? Our dog park?
Oh, that beautiful enchanted land
of puppyhood memories and fun --
the wind in your ears, the smells in your nose,
the air in your tongue,
the glorious throwing and fetching place
where a hound can run and roll free and happy
in the grass and dirt...
And whatever else is on the ground.
Did I mention the smells?
They can't take away our dog park!
It's a living monument to furry freedom and joy.
We must save it for ourselves,
for our children,
for our children's children!
Oh, uh, all right.
Well, uh, for the children of those who haven't, uh,
visited the vet.
Ooh! Ouch!
It's a sad day for dogs.
Arf! Amen to that!
Oh, oh, oh!
I bet you're talking about the dog park, huh?
Just a minute!
It doesn't have to be a sad day.
You're right, brother!
When that city council meets
In that hall tomorrow
No, I mean Spot
-
Thataboy, buddy, you show 'em
they can't tear down our dog park
just to put up some stupid skateboard park.
Oh, man, this is going to be sweet!
I'm gonna work that new skateboard park.
Um, Leonard?
About this, uh, skateboard park thing --
Hey, look who's here!
Spot, my man, you're my mellow.
You the dog!
Yes. Yes. I the dog.
And speaking of dogs,
I just happened to run into a few of them outside.
It's gonna be so cool, Spot.
When everybody sees me on the brand-new half-pipe,
ollieing into a 360 flip, they'll all say,
"wow, there goes the best friend of the guy
who got us the skateboard park."
Woe is me.
What to do, what to do?
I promised the kids a skateboard park.
I promised the dogs a dog park.
Now, no matter which faction I please,
I'll bitterly disappoint --
not to mention be hated and reviled
and possibly torn to shreds by the other.
Oh! Death, where is thy sting?
All right, I may be overreacting,
but it is a bummer.
This is amazingly bad.
Tell me abou it. I've never been on the horns of such a prickly dilemma.
I'm talking about me.
I've searched every shelf in the pantry.
I think we've run out of wet food.
Oy, him with the wet food again.
You spit on the dry, it's wet!
I've got your answer.
You forget the dogs and the skateboards,
you make the thing a bird sanctuary!
Oh, yeah.
Plenty of fine young ducks be a-migrating come spring.
Wait for me, baby!
Oh, take a bath!
You're right. Good idea.
Ooh. I needed that.
Wait. I have the solution.
Really, you do? What?
If we set up a cyber account
with one of those pet food delivery dot-com services,
we'll never run out of wet food again!
If only that brain could be harnessed
for the power of good.
"Spit on the dry." Ha ha ha.
Birds.
Oh, what would Abe Lincoln do in this predicament?
Oh, sure, he had big fat armies and hotshot advisers.
You're just a short fuzzy mutt in borrowed pants.
Mr. Jolly just told me you might ditch the skateboard park.
What are you thinking?
I don't know what I'm thinking. I don't know what I stand for.
I don't even know who I am anymore.
I'm Scott!
I'm Spot!
I'm Scott!
I'm Spot!
I'm Sca-pot!
Pi-scot!
I'm Biscotti!
Stop!
Look, I don't mean to be mean --
Yeah, right, that's what humans say
just before they say something really mean.
You go, Lenny!
But if you don't choose the skateboard park,
then maybe that means you're not really a kid,
and if you're not really a kid, then I'm sorry,
but maybe you should just stay home
and not go to school.
Oh, he's good.
Gee whiz.
The kid in me totally agrees with him,
but the dog in me...
Can never forget the fun...
The beauty...
The almost unbearable joy of being a dog in the park.
Oh, fickle capricious world!
What do you want from me?
Well, I can't speak for the world, little buddy,
but I still like that bird sanctuary.
Hey! I took a shot!
Always remember,
whenever you have a problem you can't solve...
What?
Someone should've paid attention in class
and not wanted to run out to recess so fast!
Heh heh heh!
Hey, I must be dreaming.
Yep, I'm dreaming.
Oh, wow, Alexander the Great,
Mr. Lincoln, Joan of Arc, and Harry S Truman --
just who I need!
Tell me, guys, how can I make a really hard decision?
And, Harry, how come there's no period
after the "S" in your name?
Well, pretty dog
who speak like a man,
I shall give you the answer.
Spot! Get up!
Aah! Well, thank you very much.
The maid of Orléans was just about to give me the answer.
Uh, yeah, tell me about it later.
Now we've got to get you to that city council meeting
so you can get us our skateboard park.
You are gonna get us a skateboard park,
aren't you, Scott?
I guess the kids
would be pretty disappointed if I didn't.
Well, I just saw the strangest thing.
Our front yard's all filled with dogs, just sitting there,
staring at the door as though they're waiting
for someone they love and trust to come out.
Oh, hello, Scott.
My, don't you look spiffy for your big speech today.
Well, let's go, boys.
City hall's not gonna come to us.
Ha ha ha.
Stand up, little ones.
Spot Helperman is passing.
I know it's tough, fella,
but just keep telling yourself,
"today, I am a kid."
Don't forget my sanctuary, dog-breath!
Ahem.
What? I got a feather sticking up in the back?
I don't think it's very nice of you --
Excuse me? I'm doing like I do every morning --
a little groom, a little splash,
then a nice nosh at the seed bell.
You know what I'm talking about.
Bird sanctuary this, bird sanctuary that.
It's like all you care about is birds.
Maybe that's 'cause all I care about is birds.
A cat could get his feelings very hurt
by a statement like that.
I hurt your feelings?
Very much so.
Good.
That makes my day.
I live to hurt your feelings, 'cause you know what?
Your feelings are ridiculous!
Birds should love birds, cats should love cats.
Period. I have spoken.
Oh, I see what this is,
Mr. Defensive,
you just can't admit how much you care.
You cover it with bluster and shrieking
and harsh words.
What the --
the meaner you are to me, the more I know you like me.
You're sick.
Translation --you think I'm great.
You're driving me nuts.
In other words, you like me better than birds.
Oh, yeah?! Well, get over here,
and I'll tattoo your furry mug like a woodpecker.
Come close, and I'll shower your face with kisses.
All right, I didn't want to say this,
but you pushed me to it.
From the bottom of my tiny talons
to the top of my top feather, from deep inside my hollow bones,
I, Pretty Boy Helperman,
despise you, Mr. Jolly Helperman!
Ah... I am loved.
Why, I --
if you --for two cents --
Well, once again, that cat has ruined the splash and nosh.
Mr. Mayor, council members,
esteemed citizens of the fair community
of East Westland,
I stand here today to urge each and every one of you
to put aside your differences,
look into your hearts,
and find the collective strength
to cancel this meeting.
Ha ha ha ha.
Just a little joke to, uh, ease the tension
I seem to have caused by making that joke.
So...
Onward?
Oh, poor little thing. He must be a nervous wreck
speaking to a big group like this.
At least he's not sweating.
No, but he sure is panting a lot.
What I mean to say is,
I think the park should be...
It should be...
Son, we've got to move along to the next item on our agenda.
Please state your position -- what should the park be?
When we see a big old brain-buster like this,
what we want to do is simply break it down...
Please excuse my dear Aunt Sally!
All right, your Aunt Sally's excused,
but what should the park be?
No, that's the way you solve a big math problem.
You break it down into smaller pieces
and work them out in order of importance.
Heavens to Betsy! He was listening in class!
And dogs who want to play
Where the skaters skate
Where the dogs are --wait
And compromise
The solution lies
It's not an "or"
We've been looking for
Dogs can have the park
Skaters rule till dark
Too great for words
It's for the birds
For hearing my remarks
And make it stick
and that rhymes with me
What the answer would be
And I did it in order
Is she a border?
Just join our rally
-