1 00:00:00,333 --> 00:00:02,293 ♪ Born on the wrong end Of the leash ♪ 2 00:00:02,375 --> 00:00:04,245 -♪ He was a dreamer ♪ -♪ And a little schemer ♪ 3 00:00:04,333 --> 00:00:05,633 ♪ A nutty mutt living a dog's life ♪ 4 00:00:05,709 --> 00:00:07,419 ♪ But when he'd hear the bell for school ♪ 5 00:00:07,500 --> 00:00:08,790 ♪ He'd start to drool ♪ 6 00:00:08,875 --> 00:00:10,125 -♪ One day he says ♪ -♪ I'll take a chance ♪ 7 00:00:10,208 --> 00:00:11,708 ♪ Trades his leash For a pair of pants ♪ 8 00:00:11,792 --> 00:00:14,132 ♪ In a glance, school becomes His favorite pastime ♪ 9 00:00:14,208 --> 00:00:16,538 ♪ I have buried a bone For the last time ♪ 10 00:00:16,625 --> 00:00:18,285 -♪ He says ♪ -♪ I want to be a boy ♪ 11 00:00:18,375 --> 00:00:19,625 ♪ Ooh, he's bad ♪ 12 00:00:19,709 --> 00:00:21,169 ♪ He's so over just being rover ♪ 13 00:00:21,250 --> 00:00:22,580 ♪ I gotta be a boy ♪ 14 00:00:22,667 --> 00:00:25,167 ♪ He says he's just gonna be a boy ♪ 15 00:00:25,250 --> 00:00:26,670 ♪ Turns out he's a regular Einstein ♪ 16 00:00:26,750 --> 00:00:28,670 ♪ And Leonard is treading a fine line ♪ 17 00:00:28,750 --> 00:00:30,920 Why can't I be a normal kid like any other? 18 00:00:31,000 --> 00:00:33,420 Now, doodle bug, listen to mother. 19 00:00:33,500 --> 00:00:35,040 ♪ I want to be a boy ♪ 20 00:00:35,125 --> 00:00:36,705 I hate dogs. 21 00:00:36,792 --> 00:00:39,672 ♪ I gotta be a boy ♪ 22 00:00:39,750 --> 00:00:41,420 ♪ This power pup's gonna be a boy ♪ 23 00:00:41,500 --> 00:00:43,420 I do not wish to be a dog. 24 00:00:43,500 --> 00:00:46,080 ♪ Now this bowser's ready for trousers ♪ 25 00:00:46,166 --> 00:00:47,456 ♪ I got to be a boy ♪ 26 00:00:47,542 --> 00:00:49,082 ♪ His nose is wet but you can bet ♪ 27 00:00:49,166 --> 00:00:52,206 ♪ This teacher's pet is gonna be a boy ♪ 28 00:00:52,291 --> 00:00:54,131 Yes! 29 00:01:09,041 --> 00:01:09,881 [children talking] 30 00:01:11,250 --> 00:01:14,880 So, please be a friend to your friend Mr. Earth... 31 00:01:14,959 --> 00:01:15,999 [clock ticking] 32 00:01:16,917 --> 00:01:17,957 And reduce, reuse, and recycle-- 33 00:01:18,917 --> 00:01:21,207 aluminum, paper, cardboard, plastics--one and two-- 34 00:01:21,291 --> 00:01:22,791 even old motor oil in some areas! 35 00:01:22,875 --> 00:01:24,875 [bell rings, children cheer] 36 00:01:25,250 --> 00:01:27,710 Have a green weekend! 37 00:01:27,792 --> 00:01:28,582 Oh, Scott and Leonard... 38 00:01:29,166 --> 00:01:30,996 Oh, we were this close. 39 00:01:31,083 --> 00:01:33,503 Would you boys be a couple of planet-saving superheroes 40 00:01:33,583 --> 00:01:35,883 and separate all this trash into the recycling bins? 41 00:01:35,959 --> 00:01:38,379 Mom, we got to get ready. 42 00:01:38,458 --> 00:01:40,498 Tonight's the big laser tag tournament 43 00:01:40,583 --> 00:01:41,753 and pizza party at the mall. 44 00:01:41,834 --> 00:01:45,254 Oh, right. Laser tag and pizza. Mm-hmm. 45 00:01:45,333 --> 00:01:47,543 I guess that's a lot more important 46 00:01:47,625 --> 00:01:49,375 than this big blue marble we all live on. 47 00:01:50,625 --> 00:01:54,455 Man, sometimes the earth really bugs me big time. 48 00:01:54,542 --> 00:01:55,712 Oh, chill, buddy. 49 00:01:55,792 --> 00:01:57,002 We'll just power through this garbage 50 00:01:57,792 --> 00:02:01,422 and be on our merry way to the Laser Tag Pizzaporium. 51 00:02:01,500 --> 00:02:03,790 Just think--my first laser. My first tag. 52 00:02:03,875 --> 00:02:07,785 My first pizza that somebody didn't drop on the floor first. 53 00:02:07,875 --> 00:02:10,495 Ew. This is nose related, 54 00:02:10,583 --> 00:02:12,083 but still recyclable. 55 00:02:12,166 --> 00:02:13,916 Mrs. Helperman? A word if I may. 56 00:02:14,000 --> 00:02:15,460 Tallu, darling, 57 00:02:15,542 --> 00:02:17,422 play with the boys for a minute. 58 00:02:17,959 --> 00:02:18,789 [hisses] 59 00:02:20,417 --> 00:02:23,917 Why is it that every time we walk into this classroom, 60 00:02:24,000 --> 00:02:25,290 Tallulah acts like she's just seen a dog? 61 00:02:26,667 --> 00:02:27,577 Um, well, perhaps it's this. 62 00:02:28,583 --> 00:02:30,083 Ruff! 63 00:02:33,208 --> 00:02:34,708 Could be. 64 00:02:34,792 --> 00:02:39,132 Cats are magnificent creatures, but easily confused. 65 00:02:39,208 --> 00:02:40,078 [growls] 66 00:02:41,125 --> 00:02:43,625 Anywho, Mrs. Helperman, I need a favor. 67 00:02:43,709 --> 00:02:46,079 Tonight begins the annual principal's convention 68 00:02:46,166 --> 00:02:48,036 down in Southwest East Westland. 69 00:02:48,125 --> 00:02:50,955 I had my mother all set to take care of Tallulah, 70 00:02:51,041 --> 00:02:53,541 but she won 100 bucks at bingo last night, 71 00:02:53,625 --> 00:02:54,665 decided she was on a lucky streak, 72 00:02:55,917 --> 00:02:56,827 and headed out for Lost Wages 73 00:02:57,917 --> 00:03:02,377 to, uh, parlay her c-note into a new mobile home. 74 00:03:02,458 --> 00:03:04,828 Oh, um, well, I was planning to-- 75 00:03:04,917 --> 00:03:06,827 oh, this sounds so selfish-- 76 00:03:06,917 --> 00:03:09,497 buy groceries, vacuum, and make the beds tonight, 77 00:03:09,583 --> 00:03:11,923 but you're a friend in need, Principal Strickler, 78 00:03:12,000 --> 00:03:13,500 so what the hay. 79 00:03:13,583 --> 00:03:16,083 I'd be pleased to pamper your pretty pink pussycat. 80 00:03:16,166 --> 00:03:17,666 Did you hear what she just said? 81 00:03:18,583 --> 00:03:19,883 What--pretty pink pussycat? 82 00:03:19,959 --> 00:03:22,499 Don't get us off on that super stupid sidetrack. 83 00:03:22,583 --> 00:03:24,883 Stupor scupid stidesack. Pooper scooper tie rack. 84 00:03:24,959 --> 00:03:28,039 She said Tallulah Strickler 85 00:03:28,125 --> 00:03:29,955 could stay at our house tonight. 86 00:03:30,041 --> 00:03:34,001 -So? -Hola? Hola? 87 00:03:34,083 --> 00:03:36,503 Maybe we should rent this space. 88 00:03:36,583 --> 00:03:39,213 There seems to be a vacancy. 89 00:03:39,291 --> 00:03:42,331 That cat already suspects that I, the boy Scott, 90 00:03:42,417 --> 00:03:44,577 am not who nor what I appear to be. 91 00:03:44,667 --> 00:03:46,497 No biggie. We'll hide all your Scott stuff, 92 00:03:46,583 --> 00:03:48,753 and you can just be Spot the dog the whole time she's there. 93 00:03:48,834 --> 00:03:51,384 What about my first ever laser tag 94 00:03:51,458 --> 00:03:52,878 and pizza party at the mall? 95 00:03:52,959 --> 00:03:55,919 I don't know, I guess you'll just have to skip it and stay home and be a dog. 96 00:03:56,000 --> 00:03:59,130 What? I see what this is all about. 97 00:03:59,208 --> 00:04:02,918 You're afraid I'm going to cream you at laser tag 98 00:04:03,000 --> 00:04:06,420 and afterwards snag all the pepperonis. 99 00:04:06,500 --> 00:04:08,790 Well, now I most definitely will, 100 00:04:08,875 --> 00:04:09,955 Leonard Helperman, 101 00:04:10,041 --> 00:04:13,461 just to teach you a life lesson about trust, 102 00:04:13,542 --> 00:04:15,132 as soon as I figure out 103 00:04:15,208 --> 00:04:17,378 a wily, weasely way to win my way away. 104 00:04:17,458 --> 00:04:21,038 Wheely wisely wee to whoo my why whoo. 105 00:04:21,125 --> 00:04:23,825 Ooh, wow-wee, wow, wow, wow. 106 00:04:23,917 --> 00:04:26,207 Gee. I sure hope it's easier to do 107 00:04:26,291 --> 00:04:29,001 than it is to say. 108 00:04:29,083 --> 00:04:30,673 [Scott] Gentlemen-- 109 00:04:30,750 --> 00:04:32,960 there's a cat a-coming, men. 110 00:04:33,041 --> 00:04:35,961 A bigger badder cat than you ever thought you'd meet 111 00:04:36,041 --> 00:04:39,881 in this miserable little thing you call your lives. 112 00:04:39,959 --> 00:04:42,789 Now, here's the plan. 113 00:04:45,375 --> 00:04:46,375 Any questions? 114 00:04:46,458 --> 00:04:48,208 [all] Uh... 115 00:04:48,291 --> 00:04:52,291 I was afraid of that. Plan "B". 116 00:04:52,375 --> 00:04:54,205 [all] Oh. 117 00:04:54,291 --> 00:05:00,171 [doorbell rings] 118 00:05:00,250 --> 00:05:05,540 We have met the enemy, and he is her. 119 00:05:05,625 --> 00:05:07,705 Come on in. Wipe your feet. 120 00:05:07,792 --> 00:05:08,832 As you know, I won't be vacuuming tonight. 121 00:05:08,917 --> 00:05:10,127 No guilt. 122 00:05:10,208 --> 00:05:13,828 It's just an overnighter, so I packed light. 123 00:05:13,917 --> 00:05:16,957 Now here are a few instructions for Tallulah's general care, 124 00:05:17,041 --> 00:05:19,081 emergency contacts, 125 00:05:19,166 --> 00:05:21,536 and lactose-free recipes. 126 00:05:21,625 --> 00:05:24,455 She gets a little irky. 127 00:05:24,542 --> 00:05:27,082 You needn't worry about Miss Tallulah one little bit, 128 00:05:27,166 --> 00:05:28,076 Principal Strickler. 129 00:05:28,166 --> 00:05:29,576 I know all about cats. I've got one of my own. 130 00:05:30,959 --> 00:05:32,419 Mr. Jolly... 131 00:05:34,583 --> 00:05:36,883 Come say hi-de-ho to your new friend Tallulah. 132 00:05:36,959 --> 00:05:39,959 [sniffs] 133 00:05:40,041 --> 00:05:43,381 [meows] 134 00:05:43,458 --> 00:05:48,078 I think I just met the future Mrs. Jolly. 135 00:05:48,166 --> 00:05:51,076 [purring] 136 00:05:51,166 --> 00:05:54,456 It's so hard to leave my little ball of sugar fur. 137 00:05:54,542 --> 00:05:59,922 Adieu, Tallu, adieu. 138 00:06:00,959 --> 00:06:02,709 [clears throat] 139 00:06:02,792 --> 00:06:05,502 Be a good cat. 140 00:06:06,291 --> 00:06:07,791 Meow. 141 00:06:07,875 --> 00:06:11,125 Oh. 142 00:06:20,834 --> 00:06:22,834 Tallulah! 143 00:06:22,917 --> 00:06:24,917 Oh, my granny's baked beans, what's going on? 144 00:06:25,000 --> 00:06:26,080 No! 145 00:06:26,166 --> 00:06:29,036 Well, they're only drapes-- 146 00:06:29,125 --> 00:06:30,785 brand-new, custom-made, designer drapes 147 00:06:30,875 --> 00:06:33,165 that cost four months of a teacher's salary, 148 00:06:33,250 --> 00:06:36,210 but it's not like they're spun from gold or anything. 149 00:06:36,291 --> 00:06:37,831 [glass breaks] 150 00:06:37,917 --> 00:06:40,827 Oh, for Pete's potpie, what now? 151 00:06:42,291 --> 00:06:43,961 I'll save you, Pretty Boy. 152 00:06:44,041 --> 00:06:45,331 Leonard Helperman, 153 00:06:45,417 --> 00:06:47,747 you get down from there this very instant! 154 00:06:47,834 --> 00:06:51,134 Just a sec, Mom. I almost got--whoa! 155 00:06:51,208 --> 00:06:53,998 Oh! 156 00:06:54,083 --> 00:06:55,293 Not fair. 157 00:06:55,375 --> 00:06:56,995 That darn cat wrecks our house, 158 00:06:57,083 --> 00:06:59,793 tries to eat our bird, ruins everything, 159 00:06:59,875 --> 00:07:01,125 and you're the one 160 00:07:01,208 --> 00:07:02,958 who has to get chained up outside? 161 00:07:03,041 --> 00:07:04,961 Look at the cup as half full. 162 00:07:05,041 --> 00:07:06,961 What your mom didn't realize 163 00:07:07,041 --> 00:07:09,331 when she ordered you to tether me to a post 164 00:07:09,417 --> 00:07:11,377 like some common unhousebroken cur 165 00:07:11,458 --> 00:07:12,788 was that she was actually playing 166 00:07:12,875 --> 00:07:14,495 right into my get-Spot-out-of-the-house- 167 00:07:14,583 --> 00:07:15,883 so-Scott-can-go-to-the-laser-tag- 168 00:07:15,959 --> 00:07:18,379 and-pepperoni-pizza-party- at-the-mall-tonight plan. 169 00:07:18,458 --> 00:07:21,328 The name of that plan keeps growing, doesn't it? 170 00:07:21,417 --> 00:07:24,247 Yeah, Bunky, like my score at laser tag 171 00:07:24,333 --> 00:07:26,423 when I beat your pants off. 172 00:07:26,500 --> 00:07:28,670 That cat is evil. She's not right, I tell you. 173 00:07:28,750 --> 00:07:32,380 Oh, bah, She's just high-spirited and full of life. 174 00:07:32,458 --> 00:07:34,378 Oh, I hope this leaves a scar. 175 00:07:34,458 --> 00:07:37,498 It'll make such a cute story to tell our grandkittens. 176 00:07:37,583 --> 00:07:39,173 What's the matter with you? 177 00:07:39,250 --> 00:07:43,580 You're acting like you never saw a girl cat before in all your life. 178 00:07:43,667 --> 00:07:45,167 Well, tie me down 179 00:07:45,250 --> 00:07:46,920 and hit me with a bag of birdseed. 180 00:07:47,000 --> 00:07:48,170 It's true, ain't it? 181 00:07:48,250 --> 00:07:52,420 Until today, my bowl, my box, and my television set 182 00:07:52,500 --> 00:07:54,790 were plenty enough of a life for me-- 183 00:07:54,875 --> 00:07:57,205 until today... 184 00:07:57,625 --> 00:08:01,165 But, suddenly, everything has changed. 185 00:08:01,250 --> 00:08:05,000 Suddenly, I want to see Niagara Falls. 186 00:08:05,083 --> 00:08:06,253 Oy! 187 00:08:06,333 --> 00:08:08,633 They could've brought home a sweet little parakeet 188 00:08:08,709 --> 00:08:11,249 from the animal shelter five years ago, but, no-- 189 00:08:11,333 --> 00:08:13,923 a big, fat, neurotic orange cat! 190 00:08:14,000 --> 00:08:17,330 That's what this dump needed! 191 00:08:18,583 --> 00:08:19,833 We'll see who's going 192 00:08:19,917 --> 00:08:23,497 to beat whose pants off at laser tag. 193 00:08:26,625 --> 00:08:28,245 Oh, uh, this? 194 00:08:28,333 --> 00:08:31,793 These are, uh, oh, my clothes. 195 00:08:31,875 --> 00:08:33,995 Yeah, yeah, that's it. They're my clothes. 196 00:08:34,083 --> 00:08:36,173 Yeah, you know, uh, boys wear clothes. 197 00:08:36,250 --> 00:08:39,920 You don't wear clothes because you're a pet. 198 00:08:40,000 --> 00:08:42,130 None of my pets wear clothes. 199 00:08:42,208 --> 00:08:44,918 What a funny idea. Ha ha ha ha ha. 200 00:08:45,000 --> 00:08:48,330 Well, I guess I'll just go take my clothes 201 00:08:48,417 --> 00:08:52,127 and go put them back in my room. 202 00:08:53,000 --> 00:08:54,210 Step on it, Leonard. 203 00:08:54,291 --> 00:08:56,041 This is half a day in dog years. 204 00:08:56,125 --> 00:08:58,035 He'll be here any second. 205 00:08:59,291 --> 00:09:02,541 Any second now. 206 00:09:05,583 --> 00:09:07,543 First she's in the living room. 207 00:09:07,625 --> 00:09:10,455 So, okay, I thought-- I'll try the kitchen, 208 00:09:10,542 --> 00:09:12,582 but then guess who comes strolling out 209 00:09:12,667 --> 00:09:14,787 from behind the refrigerator. 210 00:09:14,875 --> 00:09:17,915 All right, I'll just climb out the bathroom window. 211 00:09:18,000 --> 00:09:20,330 Out of the corner of my eye 212 00:09:20,417 --> 00:09:21,917 I see my mom's bathrobe start moving. 213 00:09:22,000 --> 00:09:24,460 Then, suddenly, the bathrobe has a tail, 214 00:09:24,542 --> 00:09:26,542 and sure enough, it's her. 215 00:09:26,625 --> 00:09:29,165 I'm telling you, spot, there's a million of her. She's everywhere. 216 00:09:29,250 --> 00:09:30,540 Look-- there she is! 217 00:09:30,625 --> 00:09:32,955 Cut it out. That's not funny. 218 00:09:33,041 --> 00:09:34,751 No, really-- there she is! 219 00:09:34,834 --> 00:09:37,754 Quick-- pretend I'm a dog. Scratch me behind the ear 220 00:09:37,834 --> 00:09:40,754 and give me a few of those really long pets, you know? 221 00:09:40,834 --> 00:09:43,714 Where you start at my head and go down to my tail? 222 00:09:43,792 --> 00:09:47,462 I know how to pet a dog. I've had three of them. 223 00:09:47,542 --> 00:09:49,172 -You what? -Nothing. 224 00:09:49,250 --> 00:09:51,290 -You said something. -No, I didn't. 225 00:09:51,375 --> 00:09:52,705 There were dogs before me? 226 00:09:52,792 --> 00:09:53,832 Maybe. 227 00:09:53,917 --> 00:09:55,827 There were or there weren't. 228 00:09:55,917 --> 00:09:57,377 I barely remember... 229 00:09:57,458 --> 00:09:58,458 Their names? 230 00:09:58,542 --> 00:10:01,382 Lovey Bear and Buddly Buns. 231 00:10:01,458 --> 00:10:04,628 Mm-hmm. Lovey Bear and Cuddly Buns. 232 00:10:04,709 --> 00:10:06,579 I see. Fine. 233 00:10:06,667 --> 00:10:09,827 Let's speak of them no more. 234 00:10:09,917 --> 00:10:10,917 Were they softer than me? 235 00:10:11,000 --> 00:10:12,920 Cuter, sweeter, more lovable? 236 00:10:13,000 --> 00:10:14,920 Could they multiple 3-digit numbers 237 00:10:15,000 --> 00:10:17,540 and recite the periodic table of the elements? 238 00:10:17,625 --> 00:10:19,915 I don't remember. I don't think so. 239 00:10:20,000 --> 00:10:21,920 I don't think so either! 240 00:10:22,000 --> 00:10:24,540 Fine, fine. We'll speak of them no more. 241 00:10:24,625 --> 00:10:29,075 Just leave me here chained like a dog-- 242 00:10:29,166 --> 00:10:31,076 one of three, 243 00:10:31,166 --> 00:10:35,956 the other two of whom we shall speak no more. 244 00:10:36,041 --> 00:10:39,001 Oh, um, Tallulah's just fine, Principal Strickler. 245 00:10:39,083 --> 00:10:41,713 Not a-a strand of fur out of place. 246 00:10:41,792 --> 00:10:43,712 [Principal Strickler] Put her on the phone. 247 00:10:43,792 --> 00:10:46,542 I need to hear her purr. 248 00:10:46,625 --> 00:10:49,875 Well, she just started a nap. 249 00:10:49,959 --> 00:10:51,709 About time. 250 00:10:51,792 --> 00:10:54,172 Must be exhausted from destroying my house. 251 00:10:54,250 --> 00:10:56,330 I can't hear you, Mrs. Helperman. 252 00:10:56,417 --> 00:11:00,417 Our, uh, keynote speaker on the topic of, uh, 253 00:11:00,500 --> 00:11:03,000 the importance of elementary school principaling 254 00:11:03,083 --> 00:11:07,923 in the new millennium is, uh, talking too loudly. 255 00:11:08,000 --> 00:11:09,250 Got to go now. 256 00:11:09,333 --> 00:11:11,883 [singing conga music] 257 00:11:15,417 --> 00:11:17,417 [snoring] 258 00:11:19,667 --> 00:11:20,877 Keep watch, Major Jolly, 259 00:11:20,959 --> 00:11:22,579 and be prepared to deploy a technical diversion 260 00:11:22,667 --> 00:11:24,417 in the event of any significant enemy movement. 261 00:11:24,500 --> 00:11:26,460 Excusez-moi? 262 00:11:26,542 --> 00:11:28,882 Keep the cat busy if she wakes up. 263 00:11:28,959 --> 00:11:32,209 Ooh. Aye-aye, sir. I mean, hup, 2, 3, 4. 264 00:11:32,291 --> 00:11:34,921 I mean-- I don't know war talk. 265 00:11:35,000 --> 00:11:36,830 I'm a lover, not a fighter. 266 00:11:36,917 --> 00:11:40,037 Where are you going, lambchop? 267 00:11:40,125 --> 00:11:41,825 Um, nowhere. The mall-- 268 00:11:41,917 --> 00:11:43,997 you know, laser tag, pizza. 269 00:11:44,083 --> 00:11:45,543 Just me, not Scott. 270 00:11:45,625 --> 00:11:48,035 I mean, not his stuff. Why would I have his stuff? 271 00:11:48,125 --> 00:11:50,125 Oh, Lenny, I know how much you boys wanted 272 00:11:50,208 --> 00:11:52,498 to go to that party, but I just can't get away 273 00:11:52,583 --> 00:11:54,583 to drive you over there tonight, sweetie. 274 00:11:54,667 --> 00:11:57,287 I promised Principal Strickler I'd look after Tallulah. 275 00:11:57,375 --> 00:11:59,165 And right now it's time to serve 276 00:11:59,250 --> 00:12:01,710 her fresh alpine mountain spring water 277 00:12:01,792 --> 00:12:04,252 in a cut crystal dish and an Irish linen doily. 278 00:12:04,333 --> 00:12:06,713 Oh, dear, it appears her little claws 279 00:12:06,792 --> 00:12:08,212 have shredded the linen doilies 280 00:12:08,291 --> 00:12:11,081 that were the only things my great-grandparents 281 00:12:11,166 --> 00:12:13,036 brought over on the boat from Dublin 282 00:12:13,125 --> 00:12:15,665 besides the bedspread, but who cares about that? 283 00:12:15,750 --> 00:12:17,670 Because I've been so busy catering to her 284 00:12:17,750 --> 00:12:19,920 I haven't even had the time to make my bed! 285 00:12:20,000 --> 00:12:23,080 So, I guess we're not going? 286 00:12:30,083 --> 00:12:32,133 Uh, uh, three words. 287 00:12:32,208 --> 00:12:34,328 First word--one syllable. 288 00:12:34,417 --> 00:12:38,537 Sounds like tree. Me? He? Thee? 289 00:12:38,625 --> 00:12:40,455 No. Oh... We? 290 00:12:40,542 --> 00:12:42,002 We? We? 291 00:12:42,083 --> 00:12:44,583 Second word-- sounds like pant. 292 00:12:44,667 --> 00:12:46,077 Rant? Slant? 293 00:12:46,166 --> 00:12:47,076 Can! 294 00:12:47,166 --> 00:12:49,666 We can't... What? 295 00:12:49,750 --> 00:12:51,250 We can't what? 296 00:12:51,333 --> 00:12:53,383 We can't go! 297 00:12:53,458 --> 00:12:56,208 All right, I got it! 298 00:12:56,291 --> 00:12:59,831 Oh, we can't go. 299 00:12:59,917 --> 00:13:03,497 [thunder crashes] 300 00:13:07,208 --> 00:13:09,128 Great. 301 00:13:09,208 --> 00:13:11,788 Somerset Maughm couldn't have written it better. 302 00:13:14,333 --> 00:13:16,213 Are you watching me? 303 00:13:16,291 --> 00:13:19,041 Don't watch me, 'cause I'm watching you watching me, 304 00:13:19,125 --> 00:13:20,665 so you better watch it! 305 00:13:20,750 --> 00:13:22,880 How can I tell her I love her 306 00:13:22,959 --> 00:13:25,919 if I'm afraid even to speak to her? 307 00:13:26,000 --> 00:13:28,500 Perhaps if I composed something--a poem. 308 00:13:28,583 --> 00:13:31,293 No! Too staid, too artificial. 309 00:13:31,375 --> 00:13:34,125 Doesn't reveal the inner me. 310 00:13:34,208 --> 00:13:35,958 I know! 311 00:13:36,041 --> 00:13:38,251 I'll rap! 312 00:13:38,333 --> 00:13:39,833 [rap music playing] 313 00:13:39,917 --> 00:13:42,037 [record scratching] 314 00:13:42,125 --> 00:13:43,825 ♪ Tallulah, you are my ruler ♪ 315 00:13:43,917 --> 00:13:45,827 ♪ I'm just a fool-ah for you-la ♪ 316 00:13:45,917 --> 00:13:46,957 ♪ Tallulah ♪ 317 00:13:47,041 --> 00:13:48,501 ♪ Makes you do the hula ♪ 318 00:13:48,583 --> 00:13:50,753 ♪ Tallulah, spend all my moolah ♪ 319 00:13:50,834 --> 00:13:53,084 ♪ At the jeweler to buy you-la ♪ 320 00:13:53,166 --> 00:13:55,206 ♪ Something cool-ah-- It'll make you drool-ah ♪ 321 00:13:55,291 --> 00:13:56,751 ♪ Tallulah ♪ 322 00:13:56,834 --> 00:13:59,214 Yo, yo, yo, this is Jolly-o, 323 00:13:59,291 --> 00:14:03,581 furry Jade, in-the-house cat of love! 324 00:14:03,667 --> 00:14:06,287 What if she's not into rap? 325 00:14:06,375 --> 00:14:08,325 Oh, sigh. 326 00:14:08,417 --> 00:14:10,037 I can't take the chance. 327 00:14:10,125 --> 00:14:13,075 Did I ever show you this one? 328 00:14:13,166 --> 00:14:15,786 -Cool. -Oh, honey, come on, give us a smile. 329 00:14:17,667 --> 00:14:19,577 Why do people do this, Mom? 330 00:14:19,667 --> 00:14:21,577 Why do we turn our whole house 331 00:14:21,667 --> 00:14:23,577 and our lives and our pets' lives 332 00:14:23,667 --> 00:14:25,577 all upside down just to help a cat 333 00:14:25,667 --> 00:14:28,127 who isn't even going to appreciate it anyway? 334 00:14:28,208 --> 00:14:30,378 Well, honey, sometimes we do things 335 00:14:30,458 --> 00:14:32,328 that may inconvenience us 336 00:14:32,417 --> 00:14:34,787 because it's good to help people. 337 00:14:34,875 --> 00:14:35,995 It's like planting a little seed. 338 00:14:36,083 --> 00:14:39,133 They may not thank you right away-- or ever. 339 00:14:39,208 --> 00:14:42,038 -The seed? -No, no, the person you help. 340 00:14:42,125 --> 00:14:43,165 But because of your good deed, 341 00:14:43,250 --> 00:14:45,460 someday they'll be a great, big apple tree. 342 00:14:45,542 --> 00:14:47,042 The person you help? 343 00:14:47,125 --> 00:14:50,205 No, the seed is the--oh, I don't know. 344 00:14:50,291 --> 00:14:52,251 All I know is it's time to poach 345 00:14:52,333 --> 00:14:54,213 Tallulah's three free-range chicken egg whites-- 346 00:14:54,291 --> 00:14:55,831 no, yolk, no shell, lightly salted, 347 00:14:55,917 --> 00:14:57,287 and served at room temperature. 348 00:14:57,375 --> 00:14:59,205 So help me golly, I'd just like to pinch 349 00:14:59,291 --> 00:15:00,291 her twitchy little whiskers! 350 00:15:00,375 --> 00:15:01,875 You didn't just hear Mommy say that. 351 00:15:01,959 --> 00:15:04,209 Mom, I've never seen you like this. 352 00:15:04,291 --> 00:15:06,631 You're like--like a real person 353 00:15:06,709 --> 00:15:09,539 with feelings and everything. 354 00:15:09,625 --> 00:15:13,035 Ooh. There, it's passed. Ha ha. Oh... 355 00:15:13,125 --> 00:15:15,415 Tallulah can have her egg whites later. 356 00:15:15,500 --> 00:15:18,540 Right now I'm gonna drive you to the mall. 357 00:15:18,625 --> 00:15:21,035 We'll stop and pick up your friend Scott on the way. 358 00:15:21,125 --> 00:15:22,495 Huh? Uh... 359 00:15:22,583 --> 00:15:25,083 Oh, hey, look, I see him outside right now. 360 00:15:25,166 --> 00:15:26,786 I'll just go meet him by the doghouse 361 00:15:26,875 --> 00:15:29,075 with these clothes and glasses he left here. 362 00:15:29,166 --> 00:15:30,826 What's this? 363 00:15:30,917 --> 00:15:33,827 Don't ask. Just change and meet us on the corner. 364 00:15:33,917 --> 00:15:35,997 I'll be in the car with my mom. 365 00:15:36,083 --> 00:15:38,003 ♪ I am gonna laser ♪ 366 00:15:38,083 --> 00:15:40,043 ♪ I am gonna pizza ♪ 367 00:15:40,125 --> 00:15:42,375 ♪ Ha ha ha ha ha ha ♪ 368 00:15:42,500 --> 00:15:44,880 ♪ Bum bum bum bum ♪ 369 00:15:44,959 --> 00:15:46,879 [gulp] 370 00:15:46,959 --> 00:15:48,249 Well, well, well, 371 00:15:48,333 --> 00:15:50,253 what do we have here? 372 00:15:50,333 --> 00:15:55,043 What's the matter, pooch? Have I got your tongue? 373 00:15:55,166 --> 00:15:56,876 Uh... 374 00:15:56,959 --> 00:15:59,249 Did someone let me out of the bag? 375 00:15:59,375 --> 00:16:01,125 [trembling] 376 00:16:01,208 --> 00:16:02,788 Ah, look at him-- 377 00:16:02,875 --> 00:16:05,785 shaking like a little puppy on those boy pants of his. 378 00:16:05,875 --> 00:16:08,165 Well, you can quit faking it now. 379 00:16:08,250 --> 00:16:11,380 I've been watching you since the moment I got here, 380 00:16:11,500 --> 00:16:13,330 and I know everything. 381 00:16:13,458 --> 00:16:15,208 You do? 382 00:16:15,291 --> 00:16:18,251 You're not the dog you pretend to be, are you? 383 00:16:18,375 --> 00:16:20,035 All right. 384 00:16:20,125 --> 00:16:22,915 You were bound to figure it out sooner or later. 385 00:16:23,000 --> 00:16:25,380 All this time I've been masquerading as a... 386 00:16:25,500 --> 00:16:27,710 As a happy-go-lucky little dog, 387 00:16:27,792 --> 00:16:30,292 when you're nothing more than a scared, sad, 388 00:16:30,375 --> 00:16:32,745 forgotten pet in the rain, just like me. 389 00:16:32,834 --> 00:16:34,754 No, no, I'm a-- 390 00:16:34,834 --> 00:16:37,884 I mean... You saw right through me. 391 00:16:37,959 --> 00:16:41,039 Oh, you're so brilliant, so perceptive. 392 00:16:41,125 --> 00:16:44,625 I've always been an excellent judge of character. 393 00:16:44,750 --> 00:16:45,920 Really? 394 00:16:46,041 --> 00:16:48,671 So, uh, what do you think of that new kid 395 00:16:48,750 --> 00:16:50,380 in the fourth grade-- 396 00:16:50,458 --> 00:16:52,168 you know, Scott Leadready II? 397 00:16:52,291 --> 00:16:54,001 Who? 398 00:16:54,083 --> 00:16:56,043 You know, the really smart, funny, popular one? 399 00:16:56,166 --> 00:16:57,416 You mean Jason? 400 00:16:57,500 --> 00:16:59,330 No, Scott-- glasses, little beanie. 401 00:16:59,417 --> 00:17:01,207 You always get your fur up around him. 402 00:17:01,333 --> 00:17:04,043 Oh, right, of course-- Ian. 403 00:17:04,166 --> 00:17:06,536 Ian? Have you lost your mind? 404 00:17:06,625 --> 00:17:09,165 I'm talking about Scott! Scott! Scott! 405 00:17:09,291 --> 00:17:13,131 You know, an awful lot of children go to that school. 406 00:17:13,208 --> 00:17:15,128 Now, if you'll excuse me, 407 00:17:15,208 --> 00:17:18,998 I have to go see about some poached egg whites. 408 00:17:19,125 --> 00:17:22,075 Whew! Boy, I thought I was a goner there. 409 00:17:22,166 --> 00:17:25,076 How could she not know Scott? 410 00:17:29,583 --> 00:17:33,293 Oh, the agony, the torture. 411 00:17:33,417 --> 00:17:35,997 Yeah, yeah. Well, just shut your yap and I'll be fine. 412 00:17:36,083 --> 00:17:37,833 Oh, you mean you. 413 00:17:37,959 --> 00:17:39,209 When I'm around her, 414 00:17:39,291 --> 00:17:41,211 I do nothing but shut my yap, 415 00:17:41,291 --> 00:17:43,421 as you so eloquently put it. 416 00:17:43,500 --> 00:17:45,960 Ooh, Pretty Boy, how will Tallulah 417 00:17:46,083 --> 00:17:48,793 ever know I love her if I can't find 418 00:17:48,875 --> 00:17:51,705 the courage to tell her how I feel? 419 00:17:51,834 --> 00:17:53,174 Unless... 420 00:17:53,250 --> 00:17:56,750 Unless there was someone who would tell her for me, 421 00:17:56,834 --> 00:18:00,044 someone who never shuts his yap, hmm? 422 00:18:00,166 --> 00:18:03,036 Me-- get within 5 feet of that eating machine? 423 00:18:03,125 --> 00:18:05,625 Oh, you're right. It's too much to ask. 424 00:18:05,709 --> 00:18:06,999 [sobbing] 425 00:18:08,583 --> 00:18:10,133 All right, I'll tell her for you, 426 00:18:10,208 --> 00:18:11,958 but don't forget what kind of friend I am 427 00:18:12,041 --> 00:18:14,831 next time my birthday rolls around. 428 00:18:15,834 --> 00:18:17,834 See that cat over there? He likes you. 429 00:18:17,917 --> 00:18:20,747 You know what I mean-- likes you! 430 00:18:20,875 --> 00:18:21,955 Not me, him! Him! 431 00:18:22,959 --> 00:18:25,289 All righty-rooni. Ready to go, boys? 432 00:18:28,583 --> 00:18:30,713 Are we sure Tallulah won't do anything crazy 433 00:18:30,792 --> 00:18:32,252 while we're gone? 434 00:18:32,333 --> 00:18:33,713 No, Leonard. 435 00:18:33,792 --> 00:18:36,212 I believe that underneath that vicious, 436 00:18:36,291 --> 00:18:39,081 destructive cat exterior beats the heart 437 00:18:39,166 --> 00:18:42,626 of a sad, scared, lonely little kitty. 438 00:18:43,375 --> 00:18:44,325 Aah! 439 00:18:44,417 --> 00:18:45,377 Uh-oh. 440 00:18:48,667 --> 00:18:51,917 He's a tough little bird. He'll be fine. 441 00:18:52,041 --> 00:18:53,251 You say something, Scott? 442 00:18:53,375 --> 00:18:55,955 I was just saying you're all clear, Mrs. H. 443 00:18:56,041 --> 00:18:57,581 No one's behind us. 444 00:18:57,667 --> 00:19:00,287 You can pull out of the driveway now. 445 00:19:03,333 --> 00:19:05,923 Oh! Oh, why couldn't I have been looking 446 00:19:06,000 --> 00:19:07,330 out the other window? 447 00:19:07,417 --> 00:19:10,377 Stop the car! We have to stay. 448 00:19:10,458 --> 00:19:13,128 Are you sure? You boys were so looking forward 449 00:19:13,208 --> 00:19:15,328 to the big laser tag tournament 450 00:19:15,417 --> 00:19:17,037 and pepperoni pizza party. 451 00:19:17,125 --> 00:19:19,125 No, it's better to stay. 452 00:19:19,208 --> 00:19:22,538 This is what friends do for friends, 453 00:19:22,625 --> 00:19:27,575 even if it's really, really inconvenient. 454 00:19:27,709 --> 00:19:30,419 Let's speak of it no more. 455 00:19:36,208 --> 00:19:39,208 Oh, woo, woo, woo, my baby, 456 00:19:39,333 --> 00:19:40,963 my baby. 457 00:19:41,041 --> 00:19:42,541 You're a wreck! 458 00:19:42,625 --> 00:19:44,125 What did you do, 459 00:19:44,208 --> 00:19:47,328 just leave her tied up outside the whole time? 460 00:19:47,458 --> 00:19:49,378 Rest assured, Principal Strickler, 461 00:19:49,458 --> 00:19:52,458 mi casa was certainly her casa. 462 00:19:53,917 --> 00:19:55,537 Oh, my goodness. 463 00:19:55,667 --> 00:19:58,997 She's leaving, and I never told her I love her. 464 00:19:59,083 --> 00:20:01,383 I must do it now, before she goes away 465 00:20:01,458 --> 00:20:03,998 and I lose my chance forever. 466 00:20:04,083 --> 00:20:07,003 You won't mind if I watch from way back here. 467 00:20:08,750 --> 00:20:12,380 I love you, Tallulah. I love you, Tallulah. 468 00:20:12,500 --> 00:20:14,290 I love you, Tallulah. 469 00:20:14,375 --> 00:20:15,745 I love you, Tallulah. 470 00:20:15,875 --> 00:20:17,955 Meow. 471 00:20:18,041 --> 00:20:22,791 I-I-I... ahh... 472 00:20:25,291 --> 00:20:26,791 Good girl. 473 00:20:26,875 --> 00:20:30,535 Let's get out of here and get you cleaned up. 474 00:20:30,667 --> 00:20:32,247 Did that look bad? 475 00:20:32,375 --> 00:20:34,125 No, you were fine. 476 00:20:34,208 --> 00:20:37,498 Sorry you never got to talk to her, big guy. 477 00:20:37,625 --> 00:20:40,995 You know, I'm not. 478 00:20:41,125 --> 00:20:43,825 In a way, it couldn't be more perfect. 479 00:20:43,917 --> 00:20:46,537 Now she'll never be able to reject me 480 00:20:46,625 --> 00:20:48,535 and spoil all my dreams. 481 00:20:48,625 --> 00:20:51,915 And now I must repair to my favorite spot-- 482 00:20:52,000 --> 00:20:54,920 behind the philodendron-- to let the dappled rays 483 00:20:55,000 --> 00:20:57,130 of morning sun wash over me 484 00:20:57,208 --> 00:21:00,378 as I slip into a slumber of fantasy. 485 00:21:00,500 --> 00:21:02,210 Well, Mrs. Helperman, 486 00:21:02,291 --> 00:21:04,421 aren't you forgetting something? 487 00:21:04,542 --> 00:21:06,422 Um, her cut crystal water dish, 488 00:21:06,500 --> 00:21:09,790 her New Zealand lamb's wool snuggle... 489 00:21:09,875 --> 00:21:11,575 "Thank you, Principal Strickler, 490 00:21:11,709 --> 00:21:14,789 for letting me take care of your beautiful cat." 491 00:21:14,917 --> 00:21:16,457 Oh, you have got to be-- 492 00:21:16,542 --> 00:21:18,252 Thank you for letting me 493 00:21:18,333 --> 00:21:20,543 take care of your beautiful cat. 494 00:21:20,667 --> 00:21:22,877 Oh, the pleasure is all mine. 495 00:21:22,959 --> 00:21:25,459 And here's a little something for you, young man. 496 00:21:25,583 --> 00:21:27,883 First prize in the principal's 497 00:21:27,959 --> 00:21:30,289 limbo competition. 498 00:21:30,417 --> 00:21:32,127 ♪ How low can you go? ♪ 499 00:21:32,208 --> 00:21:34,208 ♪ How low can you go? ♪ 500 00:21:34,333 --> 00:21:36,083 Two free rounds of laser tag 501 00:21:36,166 --> 00:21:38,326 and a giant 6-meat pizza! 502 00:21:38,458 --> 00:21:39,498 Wow! 503 00:21:39,625 --> 00:21:44,245 Well, I know two fellas who are going to love that! 504 00:21:44,333 --> 00:21:50,173 Might their names be Lovey Bear and Cuddly Buns? 505 00:21:50,250 --> 00:21:52,830 We shall speak of it no more.