Jackie: Ahem. Uh...
I am here to see Mr. jambah.
The curator?
He asked if I would pick up some photos
to deliver to a colleague of his
at the archeology conference in Calcutta.
Eh... Which I will be flying to in 2 hours.
If you could call him, please, for...
(snores)
The museum directors must feel very secure
knowing you are on the job.
Mr. jambah?
Hello?
Man: You know why we have come.
Where are the sutras of rachtajhiba?
Man: Tell your master I know nothing about them.
You speak lies!
Jackie, help! Thieves!
Stop! Stay where you are,
nobody gets hurt.
This does not concern you. Leave here!
Mr. jambah is a respected colleague.
You leave!
Oh, you are yoga masters.
Nonviolent.
But I thought yoga was to promote peace within.
Ooh...
I am still standing.
Oh... Oh!
Ahh.
Jackie! Oh!
Jackie, a thousand apologies.
It's ok. I am fine.
Ow... Ooh.
Oh, I've done you a terrible wrong.
You are hurt.
Those men. Who were they?
Thieves. Very bad men.
They mentioned the sutras of rachta...
Rachtajhiba,
an ancient evil text
said to possess great destructive power.
To think I would even permit such an unpleasant artifact
to be included in my collection is beyond ridiculous.
And impossible, because you see,
the sutras of rachtajhiba are mere legend.
Oh. Perhaps we should get you some medical attention.
No. I'm fine. Really.
(Moans) Oh... Oh...
The photos you wanted me to bring to India?
Oh, yes! My colleague from the British museum
will be meeting you at the conference.
You are very kind to do this for me.
It is my... ah! Pain.
Oh, you are coming with me to see my dentist Dr. Webber.
He is very gentle.
Thank you.
Flying is disagreeable enough,
even without having to suffer a painful mouth.
Man: Where are the sutras?
Mohajah, I...
(man thinking) We have disappointed our master.
We are not worthy.
You return empty-handed?
But, mohajah, we were outnumbered.
Concentrate. Mustn't allow mohajah to read my mind
or he will know we were defeated by...
Tell me of this one man
who bested 3 disciples.
Well, I'm afraid you're going to need
a complete jaw transplant, Mr. chan.
Huh?!
Ha ha ha! Just kidding!
You simply have a displaced filling.
We'll have you fixed up in no time.
Elisa, prepare a shot of novocaine, please.
Uh... I don't like needles.
Oh... Well...
I could drill without numbing you.
(Gulps) Ok. Numbing, please.
Ha ha ha.
One new filling coming right up.
If jambah or one of his accomplices
is to return to India with the sutras,
he must pass through here.
(Muffled speech) Good-bye, uncle.
We'll be back on thurday.
I cannot understand a word you are saying.
His mouth's still numb from the dentist.
He said if the school sends over any homework, it's a mistake.
Just toss it.
No! I did-ent. I thaid...
No, no, don't talk! Listen!
Make sure not to forget to pick up spices
for uncle in Calcutta.
Yeth, uncle.
Curry powder.
I wrote ID down. Thee?
That is the man from the museum...
Jambah's colleague.
(Beeping)
(Beep beep beep)
Oh, ah got a new fillin' today.
Shee?
I must move closer,
read his mind.
Here's your ticket, Jade.
It's so cool you're taking me along
on this once-in-a-lifetime educational experience, uncle Jackie.
(Thinking) Three whole days... no school! Yes!
Ah mith you, uncle.
(Thinking) I'll miss you, uncle.
An' don' worry... I won' forget da curry powder.
You are a good nephew.
(Thinking) Ah! Jackie will forget!
He always forgets!
There are too many minds here.
(Gasps)
The sutras of rachtajhiba...
I know you have them.
Well, actually, had.
Jackie chan?!
Stop him!
Ah, I can. Speak clearly again.
Great. Now you can chitchat with the eggheads.
Oh, first things first.
I am starving.
No, duh. You dribbled everything you tried to eat on the plane.
Ow!
Oh, sorry.
I just had some dental work done.
I am. So not with him.
Pardon me.
Would you be Mr. Jackie chan?
Oh, I would... Anytime.
I mean, yes.
Hmm. Portia martindale, British museum.
And you have something I want.
I do?
The photographs from Mr. jambah.
Oh. Oh! Yes.
The light is so much better out on the balcony.
Care to join me?
Ok.
Go, Jackie!
Mr. chan, may I just say...
Oh, please. Call me Jackie.
Jackie, I was so impressed
when I read how you discovered
that lost city in patagonia.
Oh, thank you.
I was very lucky. I had a very good map.
Mmm, and he's humble, too.
Oh, so clumsy!
Oh, please. Allow me.
There is the signal.
Thank you, Jackie.
You know, it's so very nice out,
I feel like a walk. How about you?
Oh, that would be...
(woman screaming)
Nice to meet you. Good-bye. Thank you.
Excuse me. Oh, sorry.
Pardon me.
Jade, return to the hotel room!
Didn't say "please."
Sorry! I'll bring it back! Thank you!
Got him. In my sights, gentlemen.
Why do you keep chasing me?
Oh!
Aah! Oof!
Hey, you! Pay first!
Whoa! Dumbo, heel! Please!
He's traveling by elephant,
the bazaar in the medan.
(Screaming)
Oh! Ow!
My tooth! No shock absorbers!
Yeow! Oof!
(Cell phone rings)
Hello?
Ah, Jackie, do not forget curry powder.
Ok, uncle. I took care of it.
Have to go. Bye.
Sorry about your shop. Send me your bill. Thank you!
(Groans)
(Grunts)
Huh?
Jambah?
Miss martindale!
Dr. weber? I don't understand.
Oh, you will in a moment.
A little novocaine to ease the pain?
Oh, don't bother, portia.
Mr. chan hates needles. Ha ha ha.
No. Please!
Don't!
There now. That wasn't so bad, was it?
Yes, it was.
I suppose we owe you an explanation, Jackie.
You heard of the sutras of rachtajhiba, yes?
Only at your museum.
You said they were just a legend.
I lied.
You see, the sutras do very much exist.
In my filling!
Magnificent, are they not?
A 3,000-word incantation painstakingly inscribed
by skilled sorcerers onto a piece of silver
no larger than a grain of basmati rice.
Legend foretells that when the sutras are returned to the Ganges,
the river will dry up.
Oh, that would be...
So those thieves who have been after me...
You have been trying to stop them!
Well... No.
Actually, they've been trying to stop us.
They are not truly thieves, you see.
They are disciples of mohajah.
Who? Oh, a do-gooder mystic...
A psychic.
Claims his mission is to protect India from evil magic.
Mohajah suspected I was in possession of the sutras
and was planning to transport them here to India.
But none of us could carry the sutras without the mohajah knowing it.
That mind-reading power of his... oh!
Real nuisance.
So you had to find a courier
who did not know he was carrying the sutras.
Me.
We do so appreciate your help, Jackie.
But that means you want to dry up the Ganges river. Why?!
Have you no sense of vision, man?
Do you not realize what treasures lie on the riverbed?
Centuries worth of artifacts, silver, gold,
riches beyond measure there for the taking!
But millions of people depend upon the river
for farming and travel and...
(gasps) Lives will be destroyed!
Oh, Jackie's a bit of a sentimentalist.
So sweet, but, really,
one must have priorities.
We're talking about the archeological event of the millennium.
If a few people must be inconvenienced,
(hums)
You are bad people... all of you!
Ah, yes. Soon to be very rich people.
(Grunts)
Nobody moves, nobody gets hurt.
Jade?! I told you to go back to the hotel room.
Lost my key. Ok, now, let the chan man go.
Dr. weber, give the child a lollipop.
Don't sucker me, sucker! Hyah!
Stand back, or I'll...
Dribble?
Jade, the other one!
Ha! Your plan to destroy a million lives
has gone down the drain.
Yes! The drain...
Which leads to the sewers...
Which flow directly into the Ganges river.
Aah! Jade! We have to...
As you were.
Care to tell them what a full-on blast of X-ray radiation
will do to one's internal organs, Dr. weber?
Ha ha ha. Well, those lead aprons we provide our patients
are not frivolous accessories.
So let's all just sit tight
and let the sewer do its work, shall we?
Uh, Jackie, did you remember to get uncle's curry powder?
Yes, Jade, but now is not the time to...
Uncle's curry powder... yes.
Right... Here!
(Sneezing and coughing)
We must find a way into... there!
Ugh!
Finding a tiny piece of silver in all of this...
This... this yuck!
Oh! Follow the current!
What if we stop the current?
(Groans)
Jade, no!
Whoa!
Aaah! Aaah!
(Screaming)
Jade: Look!
(Gasps) The opening to the river!
I only hope we are not too late.
I see it!
Ugh!
Bottle cap. Heh.
Hmm? That chanting...
It's coming from the sutras,
as if they sense the river is...
(gasps)
Oh!
Aaah!
Yes!
Jade!
I know. I am good.
Behind you!
The sutras... I will be taking them now.
You'll have to pry 'em out of my wet, cold, yucky fingers.
Whoa. I am good.
They cannot move.
Mind control.
The sutras, please.
Oh, no, you don't!
(Grunting) It is all right, Jade.
They are the good guys.
(Whispering) You sure?
He's got this whole Spock mind-meld
scanner thing happening.
Thank you, Jackie chan.
My disciples and I shall ensure
that the sutras remain safe from those
who would use them for evil.
You are welcome.
Aah! Very bad toothache.
Huh? My toothache... It's gone.
Power of the mind.
Hey, uh, think you could do some power of the mind
to remove the yuck from my shoes?
(Cell phone rings)
My cell phone!
It is your uncle
reminding you to bring home curry powder.
That is... Amazing.
There is one more thing that he desires.
Though I am not quite sure I understand.
Ow!
Hey, Jackie!
Yes?
Where do you get the ideas for your stunts?
So many years I've been doing action films
I really, like, school myself.
Study every movie, every Bruce Lee film,
Stallone film, everybody.
I've been thinking, punch or kicking all same.
Sometimes just boring.
The props really help me a lot.
Situation, props, and different country,
different culture, different background...
They all help me.
They all help me to doing a stunt. Yeah.