It would seem we have lost
the lost treasure of q'in shi'huang.
On the bright side, however,
Jackie chan has done me a tremendous favor
by eliminating my albatross.
Albatross?
Thought shendu was a dragon.
Which means we now have exclusive access to...
Some very potent magic.
Jade: Jackie.
We can't move back to uncle's.
It reeks in there--
like mung beans and mothballs.
And it's totally boring.
Jade, you say boring àlike it's a bad thing.
Aw!
Jackie!
Uncle! We're moving back in.
Ow!
You cannot move back!
Why not?
Where will tohru sleep?
You've been jacked.
Oh, well. Guess we'll just have to stay
in our supersecret underground base.
Jade, there's no reason for us to live
in section 13 anymore.
Are you sure about that?
Valmont's still at large, remember?
I am an archeologist, not a secret agent.
What about the talismans?
Buried in the earth,
along with shendu and his palace.
But what makes you so sure
we've seen the last of the big, bad dragon?
Once I make Jackie chan pay,
I shall tear that buffoon valmont to pieces.
Silence!
The only future you have is here, with us...
Brother.
Indeed. Let the eternal torment begin.
Torment?
Eternal?
To punish your betrayal, shendu.
You chose to spend your time ruling China.
While we withered in this bone-dry pit.
Bored out of our wits all those centuries,
each exactly like the one before it.
You never even attempted to free us.
Uh...
Your rescue was in the planning stages,
but I became imprisoned in a statue.
Excuses!
You desired the earthly realm
for you alone.
Gaaah!
A shame you never learned to share, brother.
No! Wait!
I...Can free you.
Do not toy with us.
The doors can only be opened from the other side.
The human side.
Precisely.
As the humble spirit you now see before you,
I am free to cross over
and possess any human I wish,
enabling me to undo the sacred spells
which keep you here...
If you so deem it.
12 talismans,
4 enforcers--
3 each.
Uh, boss?
There's only 3 of us
since tohru cashed in his frequent-flier miles.
So I'll just hang on to these.
Hungry crane spear fish!
Agh!
(Growling)
Everyone remembers hak foo?
Ha ha. Hiya, hak.
Or do you prefer "foo"?
Valmont: Master foo.
The black tiger shall be your new lieutenant.
Jade: Ooh!
Section 13 is so cool.
Careful.
Positronic shock wave will atomize your brain.
Hey, kepler. Whatcha workin' on?
Solid-state, particle-beam-driven,
high-density, hypnosis-inducing phase shifter.
2-speed.
Uh, sounds complicated.
(Chuckles)
Hardly.
Ooh. When are you gonna finish your jet pack?
Whoa!
Yesterday.
(Humming a tune)
Jackieee!
Not now, Jade.
I'm bus--Jade!
Whoa! Hey! Ohh!
Waaah!
Jade, what are you-- talk later!
Sorry! Sorry!
Whoa! Waah!
Ceiling! Wah!
Whoa! Whoa!
Jackie: Make it stop! Make it stop!
Oh. Stop.
Whew! Whew!
Yaah! Yaah!
Unh! Uhh!
Heh. Talk now?
Jade, you should never play with things
you don't know how to work.
I didn't know I didn't know.
Now I do.
Well, perhaps now you know
why we have to leave section 13.
But tohru will have nowhere to sleep.
I found a very charming apartment for us.
They allow children and pets,
but no secret agents, dark hand thugs,
or magic talismans.
(Alarm sounds)
Jackie! - Robbery in progress.
Financial district.
It's the dark hand.
Uh...Good luck with that?
They're packin' heat--
talisman heat.
(Explosion)
Aah! Aah! Watch out! Help!
Me strong like ox.
Freeze!
Ooph! Ohh!
Watch out.
Snake in the grass.
And this little piggy went to market.
Hyah!
Astral projection?
Motion to the motionless?
Yin Yang?
How come I get all the loser powers?
Mule kick. Hah!
No fair. You're not even using yours.
The horse for healing?
I am not easily injured.
The rooster for levitation?
I already fly.
The dog for immortality?
There is not a man alive who can vanquish me.
It's cool.
Trade ya.
Baby.
Score!
(Alarm)
Movie it! Move it! Move it! Move it!
Go! Come on!
I know you're eager to get on with your life, my friend,
but you know more about these talismans than anyone.
But--
I need you, Jackie... One last time.
(Sighs) One last time.
Just when you think you're out,
they pull you back in.
So can I--
no. No.
(Grunts)
Didn't even let me ask.
And if I didn't ask,
how am I supposed to know what they said no to?
Ahem!
Hey, kepler, how does this work?
Ignition, steering, throttle, brakes.
Grazie.
Ha ha! We're like superheroes...
Who steal stuff.
(Loud rumbling)
Freeze!
Step away from the vehicle.
Hyah!
Here's lookin' at ya.
Oh, look, ma-- no hands.
(Out of breath)
Bad day.
Shendu: So, I trust you would agree
that my, uh... Martyrdom
has left a void
for a new, stronger evil to fill--
namely you, - my brothers and sisters.
Shall I proceed, then?
What trick is this?
You have proven crafty, brother,
so we require a safety measure.
Our spell will keep you bound
within the human of your choosing
until you release us.
A precaution so that we know exactly
where to find you.
In the event we deem it necessary
to resume your eternal torment.
I accept your terms.
I will choose my vessel well
to best serve you,
and the human most capable for this task
is my Nemesis-- Jackie chan.
Ooh, rabbit for speed.
Immortality and healing?
That's redundant.
Ooh!
(Moaning)
I'll swap you.
Take Mr. ed.
Hey, my headache's gone.
You dirty rats!
Let's go! Go! Let's move!
That'll do, pig. That'll do.
All agents, fall back!
Repeat: Fall back!
One last time.
Jackie, I said fall back! That means you, too!
I'm not an agent.
(Gasping for breath)
Need a lift?
I told you never to play with things
you don't know how to--
ignition, steering, throttle, brakes.
(Stammers) Faster.
Whoa. That is weird.
Lose them.
Can't tail what you can't see.
Whoa! Huh?
It was worth a shot.
Jackie!
Aah! Hot! Hot! Hot!
Heads up! Aah!
(Gasps) Look out!
Yeah, like - I'm gonna fall for tha--
(groaning)
Immortality hurts.
Chan!
Ow! Ow! Ow!
Get your mitts off of me!
Blast him!
Walrus!
Walrus?
Change him back.
(Cell phone rings)
What is taking you so long?
Uh, flat tire?
Yaaah!
You seek the talismans?
One on one.
2 on one.
2 1/2.
(Engine revs)
Aaah!
Black tiger crushes bald eagle.
Ohh!
(Moaning)
Angry crow takes flight!
Ye-aah!
Bye-bye. Have a nice day.
Uh-oh.
Payback time!
Jade, what are you doing?
I can take him.
I can fly!
No! Jade! Jade!
Stop!
Well, well.
Hyah!
Oof!
(Moaning)
Huh?
Gas? Kepler never mentioned fill-ups.
Jade!
Jackie: Jade!
Valmont: Hyah!
What?
Oof! Unh!
(Shendu's voice) No!
Aah!
(Both groaning)
(Grunting)
No!
Trapped within this proven failure of an Ally.
(Groaning)
All the more reason to hasten my quest.
(Gasps) No.
We have more important matters to attend to. Get in!
We'll just grab the loot and--
no loot! Get in now!
Really? Sore throat, boss?
You don't sound too good.
(Groaning)
(Valmont's voice) Why are you standing there?
Collect the cash!
But you said--
are you questioning me?
Where are you going?
Come here, or I shall destroy you all.
(Grunting)
Yo, wait up!
Ohh!
Black here. Need transport back to hq.
And to Chinatown.
I'll have Jade spend the night at uncle's.
Jade: I heard that!
It doesn't make sense.
We were down for the count.
Why leave the spoils?
Finn: We must have left millions on that beach.
What is the deal, big v?
Aah!
Shendu: Valmont cannot hear you.
(Gasps)
Uh-oh. Shendu?
(Singsong) He's back.
Your talismans, Mr. shendu.
We was taking care of 'em for ya.
We'll just, uh, be on our way.
Keep your talismans.
They no longer matter to me.
(Groaning)
Valmont: How did I--
where is the money?
Uh, big v, shendu's back.
What?! Where?!
Inside you.
That's preposter--
aah! Aah!
Get out!
Shendu: Trust me, valmont,
the feeling is mutual,
but for now, you and your thugs
will assist me
or perish.
Whoa!
Got it!
We're swinging to your beat.
Uncle: Uncle is not running a hotel!
Jade!
Help tohru make your bed.
I'll take it from here, t.
(Doorbell rings)
Aiyaah!
We are closed!
Aah! Uhh...
Uhh...
Master?
(Groaning)
I will show you the door!
Uhh!
Aah!
Uhh!
(Groans)
(Singsong) Oh, Jackie...
Jade: Valmont's inside,
and he tossed tohru like a feather.
He must have the talismans.
Stay with uncle. Aw!
Ohh...
Talismans, right?
Black: Gone.
Why did he take one of uncle's books?
(Both gasp)
But I don't understand.
Valmont can't summon the shadowkhan.
Only shendu.
Shendu: Reports of my demise
have been greatly exaggerated, chan.
Whoa. (Gasps)
Destroy them.
Hey, Jackie
if you could have
any one of the talismans,
which one would you want?
Not just one.
I think lifting-- everything.
Yeah. I want to be fly, I want to be fast,
I want to be invincible.
If I really can have all the talismans,
wow!
You can imagine
how many things I can do.
I almost can save the whole world.