Ahh!
Grape and cookies.
Mmm.
Good evening.
Uh, fudge nutty?
If you are on a break...
Perhaps someone else can assist me.
I am the only one here.
What exactly are you looking for?
Something like this.
Note the unusual filigree.
Customer: Rise and shine, my boy.
Where am I?
Who am I?
You are tohru,
my most loyal henchman.
Uncle: Jackie, next time you take Jade to movies by yourself.
Popcorn stale, sound too loud...
And story unrealistic.
Oh, you expected reality
from brain-draining freaks from planet medulla?
Hey, I'm sleeping with noseplugs tonight.
No alien's getting its mitts on my brain matter.
(Gasps)
I told tohru never to leave shop door open!
You let mosquitoes in and the air conditioning out!
Hey, t! You missed a classic.
Jade: Tohru?
Hello?
He probably just stepped out for a minute.
Hmm. Tohru would never leave without writing note.
And he would never leave a cookie uneaten.
Customer: I am valmont.
don't you remember me?
I remember nothing.
Jolly good potion.
It would seem you are the victim of amnesia.
Allow me to fill in some blanks.
I am the leader of the dark hand,
a premiere crime syndicate,
and you work for me.
Premiere crime syndicate?
Um, a temporary setback, I assure you,
but it was only yesterday
that you and I were at the top of our game.
See? You made the FBI's most wanted,
3 years running.
Oh, so it is true. But how?
Our Nemesis must have throttled you famously
for your entire memory just to up and vanish.
Nemesis?
Jackie chan.
Chan will pay.
In good time, loyal one, in good time.
First, we have a very important flight to catch.
(Chanting) Yu mo gue guai fi di ziao.
Yu mo gue guai fi di ziao.
Tohru is there.
How did he get there?
Told you he's been kidnapped.
Let's bring our boy home.
Master, are there no closer banks for us to rob?
We have not traveled to Sri Lanka
for any run-of-the-mill heist, tohru.
We are here for the score of a lifetime.
And the beauty of it?
All we require is your muscle
and the instructions to a secret location,
which we are soon to collect.
Now, be on your best behavior.
Yes, master.
Chundi!
How my heart soars to see you again.
Master babur, it pleases me
to introduce my protg tohru.
Ah, any brother to chundi
is a brother to our monastery.
Tohru, assume lotus position
while babur and I catch up.
So, chundi,
could it be you have finally returned
to attain true enrichment?
You have a way with words, master babur.
Then you shall be among the privileged few,
the purest of spirit,
who have communed at the legendary temple.
Your companion is also worthy?
Uhh!
Oh, yes, indeed.
Tohru possesses great strength--
uh, inner strength-- of a most spiritual nature.
Then come. Allow me to bestow upon you the directions
to the temple of the golden elephant.
Uncle...
I'm parched.
Can't we just drink it?
We are out of water.
Do you want to find tohru?
Yes?
Then we must not drink locator spell!
Uh, how about now?
Unh! Uhh-uhh-uhh!
Tohru!
Ahh, he is safe.
What's he doing?
It would seem my apprentice seeks inner peace.
So I will give him piece...Of uncle,
for making us worry ourselves sick!
And I will fetch us some water.
Hey, big fella!
Remove yourself, child.
What's with the 'tude, dude?
I came halfway around the world to find you.
You are lousy shopkeeper!
You leave without sweeping.
Uncle could have slipped on crumbs and broken hip!
What are you jabbering about, old fool?
(Gasps)
You speak to your sensei that way?
Ow! Grrrr!
Tohru, what is with you?
You...Know my name?
Uh, Jackie, I don't think tohru recognizes us.
What? Oh, do not be silly, Jade.
Jackie chan.
See? Tohru knows exactly who I am.
My Nemesis!
Uhh! - Uhh!
Ayah!
Tohru, it is me, Jackie!
Yes, I know. Yaah!
Jackie, don't hurt tohru!
What about me?
Rarrgghh!
Tohru, whatever I did to anger you I am sorry!
Lastly, you will both emerge from the bamboo forest
to find yourselves at the lake of riddles.
(Crashing)
Ooh, what was that?
Whoa! Oof!
Unnnh!
Freak pottery accident.
Frightful how they'll just spontaneously combust.
Shall we press on then?
Tohru: I will crush you!
Uhh!
Tohru is not acting like himself.
Oh, yes, he is.
His old self.
Chundi, what are you hiding?
This is not the behavior of one
who is prepared to visit the temple.
Which reminds me, left or right at the lake?
Across.
Oop.
Thank you, master.
And now that I have been enlightened,
let us forget that we ever had this chat.
It's time to jog tohru's memory!
Tohru, remember all those times
we butt-whupped the shadowkhan?
The who?
Uh, ok, never mind them.
Well, how about the time you helped me get over the crush I had
on the kid in my class who was a demon?
There is no such thing as demons.
Grrr!
Tohru, remember?
Your favorite--
grape soda.
Grape what?
Ooooh!
(Growls)
Uhh!
Jade: Tohru, stop this!
Why are you acting like you work for the dark hand?
Because I work for the dark hand.
Uncle: Then shame on you!
Just like old times.
Maybe that will knock some sense into him.
But how did it get knocked out of him in the first place?
He's how!
Valmont! - Valmont!
What have you done to tohru?
Last I saw, he was rolling down a hill.
Your doing, I believe.
Tell us the truth, friar liar!
Perhaps tohru had enough of sweeping floors
and decided to take a better offer.
Mine.
Uncle: Sweeping floors may be dirty work,
but it is honest!
Tohru is family.
He'd never join you again!
Well, if you don't believe me...
Why don't you just ask him?
(Tohru growls)
Tohru, please.
T, don't listen to valmont!
Uncle: You will pay for this.
Aah! - Aah! - Aah!
Uhh! Unh!
Dark hand 3, Jackie chan 0.
Come, tohru.
Yes, master.
Uncle: Ayah!
We are trapped!
And we've lost tohru.
For good.
(Jackie grunting)
Uhh!
It is no use.
Well, if valmont can crawl out from under a rock,
to steal back tohru, we can, too.
Steal him back, I mean, er, again.
Uncle: Yu mo gue guai fi di ziao.
Yu mo gue guai fi di ziao.
Yu mo gue guai fi di zi--
uncle, you rock! Levitation spell?
Uncle cannot pack spell ingredients for every occasion!
Sheesh! Who says mud baths are relaxing?
Did you see where tohru went?
Big fellow.
Monk: Aieee!
Master babur has lost his memory.
Who is babur?
See?
Whoa. This amnesia bug's really going around.
Hotcha! If babur and tohru both have amnesia,
valmont must have used a potion on them.
And with that potion, uncle can devise antidote to bring back tohru's memory.
Valmont must still have it with him.
We just have to find him.
Oh, there is no hope of that.
The strangers have embarked for the temple of the golden elephant,
and only master babur knows where it is.
Are you my mother?
Oh, the temple's location is lost forever.
Oh? Can of grape soda tells uncle otherwise.
Valmont: Ahh.
The golden elephant lies within that temple.
Ow!
don't you recognize boiling water?
Oh, now, how do we get across?
A riddle?
Perhaps if we answer it...
"What do you call the life story of a car?"
Uh, cartoon?
Vehicular memoirs?
Jade: Duh!
Autobiography!
I was about to say that.
Toodle-oo!
Oopsy.
Come on, come on!
Aah!
Jackie! Water very hot!
I am not soup yet!
Jackie! Huhh!
Uhh!
And he spikes the landing!
How do we get across now?
Did you not pay attention?
Uncle: We must answer riddle.
No problemo.
"What is the beginning of eternity...
"The end of time and space,
"the beginning of every end,
and the end of every place?"
No fair! We got a brainbuster!
Valmont: At last.
My ticket - to a life of luxury!
And so few have seen it, it will never be missed.
Jade: End of every place...
End of every place.
The exit?
I wish this was a lake of crosswords.
I am better at those.
Uncle: Eeeeeee!
Stub your toe?
The answer to the riddle.
The end of time and place.
In English, it is the letter "e."
Well, uncle.
Uhh!
Just lift with your legs and pack up that pachyderm!
Yes, master.
Uhh!
Creepy.
Uhh!
Funny how the guy who can't remember
is trying to steal the animal that never forgets.
Stop, tohru!
If you remove the elephant,
something very bad will happen!
Which would be?
Do not recall.
I'm expert in Chinese mythology, not Indian.
don't listen. Our enemies are just trying
to trick you again.
Uhh!
Unnnhh!
Uh-oh.
Now I remember.
Stone sentinels will destroy
whomever attempts to steal elephant.
I never touched it!
T!
Oooh!
Uncle! Your spell!
Do you not listen?
Uncle cannot make amnesia antidote
without amnesia potion!
The turn-stone-into-mud spell.
Ah, that one uncle can do.
And while you work your magic...
I'll motion for some potion.
Ha! The artful bungler.
Hand it over!
Say pretty please!
Jade, did you see where uncle put dried blowfish?
Cannot complete spell without it.
(Sighs)
Uncle, are you ok?
Uncle! Uncle who?
Oh, boy.
Fare thee well, you old goat!
Ah, I am a goat.
No! You're uncle,
the only one who can bring back tohru!
Baa!
Ecch! You're disgusting!
The harder they are...
The bigger they break.
Valmont: Many thanks for your help, chan.
A shame tohru must render you senseless
so we may get on with our crime unhindered.
Uh, tohru, if you please.
No.
What do you mean, no?
You were not so loyal to your loyal henchman.
Well, I--I was simply hoping to duck away
and find a large mallet with which to assist.
Something inside tells me that Jackie is my friend.
And something inside tells me
that you are forgetting who is boss.
Hyaaah!
Bull's-eye!
Where am I?
The ballet.
You're doing a fabulous swan lake.
Valmont can pirouette all the way to prison.
Prison?
You need not worry, tohru.
Elephants may remember with their heads,
but you remembered us with your heart.
Jade: Uh, Jackie?
Baa!
That's all he's gonna remember us with
if we don't figure out how to get uncle's memory back.
Ta-da! - Baa!
Then perhaps we should start doing some...
Research. Research.
Hey, Jackie, what's your favorite food?
Anything fast.
I really don't like to sit there.
12 people sit there, they give you a soup.
You have to wait. 12 people all have a soup.
The soup already cold.
I like everything quick.
Done.