DONNA: Every story starts somewhere.
And mine begins in a small town called Silver Springs, Nevada.
My mother was an ex-show girl.
Emphasis on the "ex. "
There's my father.
He came by for the beer.
Whoa. Oh, my God. Look at this.
Oh, my God!
กำ Happy birthday, Donna กำ
กำ Whoa, whoa กำ
I didn't get to blow out my candles.
But I do remember my wish.
That I could get as far away
from Silver Springs as possible.
Well, that didn't happen.
Come on, sweetie.
My mom, always optimistic,
was on her fourth husband, Pete.
Come on, baby. Come on.
RODNEY: Ugh. What happened?
Rodney. His son.
No need for DNA testing on that one.
I still had my mind on a different life
beyond Silver Springs.
Then I met Tommy, the high school quarterback.
Boy, was he a great kisser.
Together, I knew we were going places.
He went as far as assistant manager at Big Lots
and used his pull to get me a job in the luggage department.
This is the best bag money can buy. Bar none.
You've got the nylon twill with DuPont protective coating.
This is the bag you use when you fly?
Well...
I've actually never been on an airplane,
but if I ever get to go on one,
this thing is gonna follow me around like my own little dog.
My birthday came,
and I didn't have to make the same old wish.
Tommy and I had found our way out.
Hey. I caught you.
Donna. Hey.
I thought you didn't get off till 8:00.
I got Becky to cover for me.
Oh.
Oh!
Now that you're here...
Let me have the card.
No, no. It's silly.
Just forget about it. It's actually kind of corny.
Hey, I brought that dress that you like.
Want to watch me change?
-No, hey, Donna. -Ah!
Don't read that.
Come on. I like things that are corny.
You're breaking up with me?
In a birthday card?
Why?
Well, they don't make breaking-up cards.
[ Gasps ] I thought that...
We had plans.
[ Sighs, groans ]
Donna, don't take this the wrong way.
I decided to take somebody else to Tucson.
Somebody else?
Yeah.
Linda from Lawn Chairs.
Actually, it's Brenda in Barbecues.
Look, Donna, you're a great girl.
Really, you are.
But with this promotion and transfer to Tucson,
I just need to shake things up a bit.
Business is business.
Come on, Donna. Face it.
You're a small-town girl.
You belong here.
ANNOUNCER: We're back with more "Pure Oxygen,"
talking to Sally Weston.
Can you tell our viewers
the moment you decided to change your life?
I left my job at Big Lots
and thought about becoming an alcoholic.
Just kidding.
[ Sighs ]
But then something happened.
There I was with garbage in front of me.
The worst moment of my life.
I thought, "What am I gonna do?"
For a second I was real scared.
Since I was a girl, all I heard from people was,
"You are nothing. Nothing is what you deserve."
But that night something clicked.
And I just knew I was worth something.
From a little girl in West Texas
to the world's most famous flight attendant.
Author of "My Life in the Sky." Can we get a shot of that?
Motivational speaker.
I'm curious. Why'd you pick flying?
No matter how much I love that sleepy little town,
none of my dreams were waiting down there.
They were waiting up there.
And frankly, people, no matter where you're from,
no matter who people think you are,
you can be whatever you want.
But you got to start right now.
Right this second, in fact.
But how?
You should start by buying my book.
I agree. But you can't have my copy.
"My Life in the Sky."
We'll be right back with more "Pure Oxygen."
[ Tires screech ]
I took Sally's advice.
Sure, Sierra Airlines wasn't the biggest and the best.
It was the smallest and the absolute worst.
But everybody has to start somewhere.
Donna, why do you want to be a stewardess?
Well, for all the travel opportunities.
And for the excitement.
We're a budget airline. We fly from Laughlin to Fresno.
Once a week to Bakersfield.
We got five planes. We fly gamblers and drunks.
Right.
I want to provide those gamblers and drunks
with the best service in the sky.
You're gonna love the uniform.
Our motto is "Big hair, short skirts,
and service with a smile."
Sir, please fasten your seat belt.
[ Toilet flushes ]
You nervous?
I'm Sherry.
Donna.
Welcome to Sierra.
As much as you can today, sweetie, just stick by me.
I hear we're full, but it's a piece of cake.
Okay.
Okay, the overhead bins are closed and the cabin is secure.
Good job. I'll do the safety.
Go tell the captain we're ready.
Okay.
Welcome aboard Sierra Airlines flight 312 to Fresno.
There are three emergency exits.
Captain, we are --
[ Snoring ]
Captain?
Is he all right?
Don't worry about him.
He'll be fine.
I'll poke him with a stick, and he'll get at it.
If not, I'll give him his blanky and...
take matters into my own hands.
Steve. Steve Bench.
Call me Copilot Steve.
I'm Donna Jensen.
I'm a trainee.
You nervous, Donna?
Nah.
Well, yeah. A little bit.
Well, don't worry.
I've had only two near-misses and a couple of minor crashes.
I chalk it up to experience, and I'm feeling better about it.
I'm joking.
I knew that.
If there's anything I can do, you come up here. Okay?
Put your hands on your knees.
They don't want them flailing about if we crash.
กำ I'm gonna teach you กำ
กำ All about lovin' กำ
กำ Sit yourself down and take a seat กำ
กำ All you gotta do is repeat after me กำ
กำ A-B-C กำ
กำ Easy as 1-2-3 กำ
กำ As simple as do-re-mi กำ
กำ A-B-C กำ
กำ 1-2-3, baby, you and me, girl กำ
It's just like a roller coaster.
You ever been on a plane before?
Well, yeah.
I mean, you know.
Sometimes it helps if you don't look down.
[ Breathing heavily ] I'm doing great.
[ Whirring loudly ]
Shit!
-It's just the wheels. -We lost the wheels?
No, Donna. Relax.
[ Breathing heavily ] I am relaxed!
[ Whimpers ]
Oh! Oh!
We're gonna crash!
Oh, my God! We're gonna crash!
-Come back here! -We're gonna crash!
We're gonna crash!
[ Screams ]
MAN: Sit down!
[ Screaming continues ]
SHERRY: Thank you. Fly with us again.
-Enjoy the sights. -Thanks.
How you doing?
I was terrible.
I couldn't walk. I spilled the coffee.
I totally freaked out the passengers.
It wasn't exactly a frozen lake up there.
Turbulence is tough. You'll get the hang of it.
Am I gonna get fired?
-I'm gonna get fired. -Nobody's getting fired.
Really. You're gonna be a pro.
You're going places.
You think?
I'm a pilot. It's my job to know where people are going.
One for you.
Put your seat in the upright position.
Ma'am, would you put your tray table up?
To fasten your seat belt, insert the metal fitting.
Before long, I was flying full-speed ahead.
I even got my own trainee. Christine.
There wasn't a lot to do on weekends.
There was always tanning at Lake Havasu.
I can't believe your boyfriend owns this whole houseboat.
If you don't marry him, I am gonna kill you.
First of all, sweetie, Herb ain't asked me.
Oh, my God!
What's wrong?
[ Laughs ] My clasp broke.
There's some safety pins in a shoebox in the bedroom closet.
CHRlSTlNE: Go topless.
You are a very bad influence on me.
Thank you.
[ Horn honks ]
[ Horn honking ]
SHERRY: Mmm-mmm. Lake Patrol at 2:00.
Hey, Sherry. Herb around?
Don't know. Might be inside.
What'd he do? Take a leak in the lake?
The guy ran off with my flare gun and never returned it.
Well, you have my permission to teach that man a lesson.
[ Chuckles ]
Oh, Ted, this is Christine.
It's a pleasure to meet you.
Hey, let me know if you need any backup.
I might take you up on that.
[ Clattering ]
-[ Grunts ] Freeze! -[ Screams ]
I am so sorry.
I thought you were Herb.
Do I look like a Herb?
No, ma'am. You look nothing like a Herb.
I'd appreciate it
if you could find it in your heart to forgive me.
It's all right.
Who are you, anyway?
I'm no one. I mean I'm Ted.
My name's Ted.
Well, Ted, I'm Donna. You can uncover your eyes now.
It's nice to meet you, Donna.
My clasp broke. I was looking for a safety pin.
Don't move. Help is on the way.
Clasp, huh?
What are you gonna do with those?
Turn, please.
[ Whistles ]
Okay.
You new around here?
Yeah.
I work with Sherry down at Sierra.
Oh.
Uh-huh.
Okay. All set.
Thank you.
It was the least I can do.
Being that you're new around here, I have to tell you
that it is my official duty to give all newcomers
a special guided tour on my boat.
-Oops. -Oops. There you go.
Hey.
You mind if I come with?
Okay, sure. Yeah.
กำ Suddenly you're in this fight alone กำ
[ Engine roaring ]
-Whoa! -Whoa!
กำ And the night's the hardest time กำ
กำ When the doubts run through your mind กำ
กำ 'Cause suddenly you find yourself กำ
[ Engine shuts off ]
Beautiful, huh?
Thank you.
It really is.
Ted, would you oil my back?
Okay. Yeah.
-Thank you. -Sure.
So, how'd you become an officer of the law?
Oh, I'm not.
I'm a student. A law student.
Or I was. At Ohio State.
My family's from Cleveland.
Was?
Yeah, I quit my final semester.
And then I went bumming around for a few months.
And now I'm here for a while.
Yeah, I quit high school.
Would you do my shoulders for me?
Why'd you quit?
-Well, I was... -I don't...
Everything was on track.
I was on my way to being a big-shot attorney.
I had a hot law firm all lined up.
And then I thought, "What am I doing?
Is this what I want?"
My whole life was over before it had begun.
I wanted to travel.
I wanted to see the world. Eat, drink, enjoy myself.
And then I had this crazy idea
that I would look for the thing that would make me most happy.
Would you mind if I saw you next weekend?
-No, I swear, they do! -[ Women giggling ]
Can you believe we had to refuel here?
I mean, where are we? Bedrock?
-What was the bathroom like? -Awful.
-I love that lipstick. -Chanel.
Remind me. As soon as we get to New York...
I have to go straight to Vuitton.
-Are those new earrings? -The guy in Rome.
The guy in London. Thank God we're out of here.
I think I need to take a flea dip.
[ Laughter ]
We better go.
Don't forget you wanted to go to the gift shop
and get a Toblerone.
Right.
You know what?
What?
We are as good as they are.
-We are? -We are?
We don't have to spend our lives
working at Sierra for some weaselly ex-bookie.
You know, I once worked for Pan Am.
Three whole months.
Uniforms were natural fiber.
What happened?
They went bust.
So you started working for Sierra?
I needed a job. Nobody else was hiring.
Well, they're hiring now.
Royalty Airlines job fair.
This weekend at the Marriot Hotel in San Francisco.
You guys, this could be so good.
Who's in?
กำ Oh, oh กำ
กำ Livin' on a prayer กำ
กำ Take my hand กำ
กำ We can make it, I swear กำ
กำ Oh, oh กำ
กำ Livin' on a prayer กำ
กำ Ohhh, we're halfway there กำ
กำ Oh, Oh กำ
กำ Livin' on a prayer กำ
กำ Take my hand กำ
กำ We'll make it, I swear กำ
กำ Oh, Oh กำ
กำ Livin' on a prayer กำ
WOMAN: This is our brochure.
If you have any questions, feel free to ask.
"No person may serve as a flight attendant
unless that person has demonstrated
to the pilot in command
familiarity with the necessary functions
to be performed in --" Oh, my God.
You dot your l's with little hearts?
That's so cute.
Yeah, well, it's my trademark.
That and my hickeys.
Well, a girl's got to have a skill.
I was excited to be interviewed by the legendary John Whitney.
He had been with Royalty a long time.
Hi.
I'm John Whitney.
Maybe a little too long.
This one.
Head of the Royalty flight- attendant trainee program.
T ell me, why do you want to work for Royalty Airlines?
I believe that I have a lot to offer your airline.
Because the planes are...
They're so much bigger.
Oh. My gum.
Why do you want to work for Royalty Airlines?
Oh, well...
[ Chuckles ] I've got a lot of answers.
I just got to think of the right one.
Take your time. Collect. Gather. Go.
Because I'm organized and efficient.
I worked for Sierra Airlines, you know.
I put that down there.
Yeah, right above Hooters.
Hooters.
Right. Oh, yes.
If there is a task, I will not stop
until I have completed it perfectly.
Did I say "organized"?
-Got a question for you. -Okay.
What's your tolerance level for pain?
Physical pain.
Like, sexual pain?
Would you consider yourself a people person?
Oh, definitely. Big people person.
-Not just big people. -Not just giants.
-You got it. -Okay.
To learn and to follow through with all the tasks.
I'm just gonna say a few words.
-Okay. -Okay.
Didgeridoo.
Scooby Doo-Doo.
Tectonic plates.
Dishware.
-Do you handle surprises well? -[ Both laugh ]
Do you handle surprises well?
[ Both laugh ]
I scared you, didn't l?
No, no.
It has always been my dream to work for the best.
And I think you guys are the best.
That's just terrific.
You're terrific, how about?
No. This one.
It's called strabismus.
There's no business like "strobusiness."
I get to make jokes.
Does anything frighten you?
Oh, you mean the eye?
I didn't notice.
Oh, my God.
You're kidding.
That's the way the cookie crumbles.
But this is so unfair.
You're a better flight attendant than we'll ever be.
I'll be fine.
I been thinking about quitting anyway.
I'm sure gonna miss you guys.
We're gonna miss you, too.
Study hard. And make me proud.
Congratulations to Donna Jensen.
Getting into the Royalty Learning Center.
[ Sighs ] I'm nervous.
People say it's really hard.
A lot of people don't make it past the first two weeks.
I don't want to be one of them.
Are you kidding me?
They would have never picked you
unless they thought you could handle it.
You're smart. You're beautiful. You're charming.
You're gonna do great.
Wow!
You give one hell of a pep talk.
I got a lot of that back home. My parents are big cheerleaders.
Sally always says that the greatest asset somebody can have
is having people who believe in them.
Who's Sally? Your aunt?
She's kind of like a friend.
[ Donna laughing ]
-Oh. -Yeah.
Oh, you know, we're gonna have a little goodbye party
Friday night from 7:00 to whenever.
Oh, yeah.
Well, I'm probably not gonna make it.
Why not?
I can be happy for you that you're leaving for an hour.
But 7:00 till whenever, the smile won't last.
Yeah, our timing is kind of terrible, huh?
I had a really good time, and I was hoping you'd be a jerk
so I wouldn't feel like I was missing out by moving to Texas.
Well, I'm parked out there.
Yeah, I'm...
Right.
So...
[ Sighs ]
The only kiss we got here is a goodbye kiss,
which, as kisses go, not my favorite.
So... [ Clears throat ]
-Goodbye, Donna Jensen. -Bye.
Good luck in school.
Oh, thank you.
Don't run with scissors.
Why can't all choices be simple?
Why can't they all be window or aisle?
Coffee or tea?
Not career or romance.
JOHN: B. That's a fun one.
Now take off. [ Laughs ]
-Hi. -Hi.
I'm John Whitney.
Head of the Royalty flight- attendant trainee program.
Welcome and congratulations, Dana.
It's Donna.
Sure. Okay.
Good to see you, Mary.
It's Christine, actually.
Sure. Okay. Great.
What we have here is your Royalty Airlines amenities kit
containing airport codes and regulation manuals,
your registration packet, campus rules,
and information about our mentor program.
Yeah.
You two will be staying in dorm C.
That's a fun one. Yeah. Questions?
None. Good.
All right. Take off.
-Hi. -Hi, Cindy.
-Oh, my God. -Janette.
Sure. Okay.
Sally Weston is a mentor?
Sally Weston!
So, who is this Sally Weston person, anyway?
Who is Sally Weston?
Only the author of "My Life in the Sky."
Hmm.
Sally Weston represents an ideal
of poise and beauty and accomplishment
that every flight attendant should strive to achieve.
Oh, I like her hair.
[ Telephone rings ]
Hello?
Yes, this is she.
We'd love to.
Oh, my God.
กำ Would you like to ride in my beautiful balloon? กำ
กำ We could float among the stars together กำ
กำ You and I กำ
กำ For we can fly กำ
กำ Up-up and away กำ
Howdy! Welcome aboard!
ALL: Howdy!
More white wine, girls?
ALL: Yes, please.
Oh, I'm sorry. How about you, Randy?
Just consider me one of the girls, Mr. W.
This is a really big house you have, Mrs. Weston.
Thank you. Jack built it.
Along with the rest of Rancho Esmeralda community.
-The whole thing? -With my bare hands.
How did you all meet?
Oh, that is a cute story.
Jack was flying to Maui to build the Kaanapali Towers resort.
I was serving him. This was first-class.
He must have pushed that call button 20 times.
"More warm nuts. More warm nuts."
No man alive could eat that many warm nuts.
So then, when I saw this huge pile
of warm nuts under his seat, it hit me.
It wasn't the nuts he wanted. It was me!
ALL: Oh!
Where have you been all my life, Mr. Man?
What was it like, Mrs. Weston, when you started flying?
Sally, please.
Oh, it was wonderful.
The exotic cities.
Yeah, I hear all those Europe guys are uncircumcised.
Nope. Not all.
So, is it difficult to get those international routes?
-You have to have seniority. -Should I apply now?
And even then, you have to speak several languages
and serve impeccably.
Oh, but it was worth it. It was different then.
People dressed for flights.
It was like every night going to the opera.
Every night was...
Magic.
-Oh! -[ Laughs ]
-You scared me. -Sorry.
There's something I want to show you.
This is all yours?
You bet.
It's everything I wanted.
You can have everything you want, too, if you stay focused.
Follow your head, not your heart.
What do you mean?
I sense something in you, Donna. Something special.
What is it?
Hunger.
You do?
Mm-hmm. I had it myself.
I wanted Paris. First-class international.
And nothing less.
So today this is all mine.
You're just like me, Donna.
My old uniform.
Oh, that is so beautiful.
Well, of course it is. We're Royalty.
Oh, it suits you.
Feel the fabric.
It's so...
Soft?
And luxurious?
Paris. First-class international.
Donna, say it.
Paris. First-class international.
It's the only road to happiness.
Paris. First-class international.
It's your destiny.
[ Exhales deeply ]
Ten-hut!
At ease. [ Chuckles ]
Welcome aboard.
You should all be very, very proud.
The simple fact that you're here
at the Royalty Learning Center
means you've joined a very special family.
The Royal...ty family.
Our first goal here at Royalty Airlines
is to bring back the style and the glamour
to the art of flying.
In the coming weeks, I'll impart to you
the necessary hands-on training
for you to function at the highest level.
Up there.
But don't expect an easy road.
[ Laughing ] No, no, no.
An easy road -- comma -- don't expect one.
I will not hold your hand. I'm not even gonna touch it.
[ Laughter ]
Now, what I want all of you to do is to stand up.
Come on. Let's go. Stand up.
And I want you to look underneath your seat. Go ahead.
Taped to the bottom, each of you will find a $1 bill.
Now, what did we learn from this exercise?
We learned you have to get off your ass to make a buck.
[ Laughter ]
Down.
[ Chuckling ] Thank you.
Now, we don't actually learn to make bucks here,
but we do learn to treat our passengers...
...Iike royalty.
Yeah.
So, shall we get started?
[ Buzzer ]
There's an oxygen mask up above you...
ALL: On a hidden shelf.
Before helping the people who love you,
put it on yourself.
-Excuse me, miss. -Yes?
This is first class.
I want my hand towels. I want my little booties.
And I want my warm nuts!
Warm nuts. Here you go.
You call these warm nuts?
I've felt warmer nuts on a polar bear!
-Stop it! -[ Woman gasps ]
No.
What did we learn here?
Upon encountering a DP, or a disgruntled passenger,
take the following steps.
"A" -- Listen.
Two -- Acknowledge.
And "C" -- Explain.
And on a more personal note,
I have actually felt a polar bear's nuts. Yeah.
Quite toasty warm.
[ Buzzer ]
Get those masks on!
Louder!
[ Muffled ] There's an oxygen mask up above you
on a hidden shelf.
Before helping the people who love you...
JOHN: We learned to keep our heads,
to stay calm, and to not get freaked out, okay?
Just remember the H.A.L.T. principle.
Disgruntled passengers are hungry, angry, lonely, tired,
and have a skewed vision of the world.
Okay. So that's H.A.L.T.S.
Hungry, angry, lonely, tired, skewed vision.
H.A.L.T.S.V.W.
Go!
"Asses the window --"
Okay. Stop.
CHRlSTlNE: What?
It's assess the window. Not "asses" the window.
You put the wrong em-phasis on the wrong syl-lable.
...with a skewed world view,
so really, it's V.I.C.T.I.M.S.W.V.
But you get my point.
Assess the window! Is it good to go?
Drop! Drop!
Remove your shoes! Don't take anything with you!
Whoa! Yes.
Eleven seconds! The trainee record!
[ Cheers and applause ]
[ Mumbling ]
What's the matter?
Who am I kidding? I'm never gonna fly a 747.
Headed right for Royalty Express.
Probably wind up in Cleveland.
Christine, stop being so hard on yourself.
-You just have to concentrate. -That's easy for you to say.
You're headed for New York and London.
I am not smarter than you, okay?
Who cares, anyway, what to do in a water landing?
They don't land in the damn water.
They crash.
People always say that everyone's good at something.
That everyone has some sort of hidden skill.
What if I don't?
What if there's nothing that I'm good at?
What about your hickeys?
Yeah.
Oh. Come on.
Would you stop beating yourself up?
You are gonna get through this.
Here's what we're gonna do.
Dry those little eyes.
Where'd you get these?
Oh, from Sally Weston's house.
There's a whole bunch of them. Aren't they cool?
You stole them?
No. They're guest soap.
We were guests.
They were there for us.
Yeah, to use, you know? Not to take.
Come on. Everybody does it.
It's no big deal.
Excuse me. Didn't you read chapter 7?
-Chapter 7. -Employment and ethics.
If you get caught stealing anything,
you will get fired like that.
You're not mad at me, are you?
No.
Yes!
[ Bell rings ]
Time's up.
Pencils down. Books closed.
Remember to write your identification number
on the front of the exam booklet and pass it forward.
So, how'd you do?
New York, here I come.
[ Applause ]
SALLY: Thank you.
Thanks so much for listening. Thank you.
Can I get my picture with you?
I would love that. Where do you want to do it?
-Okay. -Can you get the "R" in it?
Say "Royalty."
Repeat after me. First-class international.
DONNA: First-class international.
WOMAN: Cincinnati. That's not that bad.
MAN: Miami! I got Miami!
Oh, my God!
I can't believe it!
[ Cheering, laughter ]
Hey, Donna!
I got New York. [ Laughs ]
There must be some mistake.
Ms. Jensen, try and take this news with the poise and grace
that one associates with Royalty Airlines.
We expect our employees to behave in a professional manner
and to handle setbacks with integrity.
Screw integrity!
I am not going back to commuter!
DONNA: Oh, my God.
I can't believe this is happening.
This cannot be happening.
JOHN: Royalty Express, although commuter,
is still a member of the Royalty family, okay?
It's not my destiny.
I want my destiny.
Well, I'm sorry.
But you'll be eligible to reapply after one year.
One year?
I was the best in my class. You were there.
I've seen it a hundred times.
You peaked too soon.
I don't understand.
How do I explain this?
You're what we in the trainee business call
a "peak-too-sooner."
Yeah.
It happens.
I aced that test. I want to see it.
-That's not procedure. -Call Sally Weston.
-She'll tell you. -Sally Weston.
Although an excellent mentor,
she has no authority in these matters.
-That is bullshit. -Want to know what's bullshit?
Eye exams! That's what's bullshit!
I wanted my destiny, too, you know!
I wanted to be a flight attendant, but no!
There's a shit stick out there called procedure, Ms. Jensen!
And I'm here to tell you
that everyone gets hit with the shit stick!
Eye exam! Eye exam! Eye exam!
[ Breathing heavily ]
Forgive me. [ Chuckles ]
Dr. Tim at the center says when I get like this,
I need to refocus.
So just give me a second, okay?
[ Bell rings ]
[ Chanting softly ]
[ Exhales deeply ]
Better. Okay.
Look, you can fly Royalty Express for a year,
or you can leave the airline.
Where am I going?
Let me have a look here.
Welcome to Cleveland Hopkins lnternational Airport.
Remain seated until the aircraft has come to a complete stop
and the captain has turned off the "fasten seat belt" sign.
We know you have a choice when you travel.
We thank you for choosing Royalty Express.
I don't know if I mentioned it. I'm glad I'm working with you.
In Cleveland! Don't you love it?
Terminal Tower. Lake Erie.
It's like Paris, except everybody speaks English
and they're 30 pounds overweight.
We are gonna look so thin.
WOMAN: When you meet someone in the daytime,
you can greet them with "Bonjour!"
DONNA: Bonjour!
-Bonjour! -Bonjour!
If you are talking to a man, you usually add "monsieur. "
Bonjour, monsieur.
-Bonjour, monsieur. -Bonjour, monsieur.
Good afternoon.
Welcome aboard Royalty Express flight 27.
Two in the rear and two in the front.
-Cheese sandwich for you? -Thanks.
Cheese.
We have one cheese left.
-Bologna or cheese? -Whatever.
Can I take this chair?
Sure.
-Hey! -What?
You told me to take it.
Ted!
Hey, Donna.
Oh, my God!
I'm great.
Oh. You didn't ask me how I was.
No, but now that you told me.
What are you doing in Cleveland?
I live here. Around the corner. Yeah.
This is Royalty's hub.
Well, express.
You're kidding.
MARY: Ted.
Oh, one sec.
That's my partner, Mary.
Hello.
Hi.
Wow.
She's pretty.
Oh, no. My school partner.
Oh.
I'm in law school.
Oh, my God!
That is so great.
It's unbelievable, huh?
So I've got one year in Cleveland.
Then I can reapply.
I've been here for six weeks, and it's not so bad.
Well, you're basically halfway there
if you're just really, really bad at math.
So, why'd you go back to law school?
I had dinner with this incredible woman
who was charging after her dreams and not hiding out.
I thought to myself, "l could do that."
So I'm here now for a year. It's flying by.
I really miss my family, which is uncool.
So please don't tell anybody I told you.
I promise.
Okay, here's how I look at it.
Cleveland is like this great, big, giant waiting room.
All we have to do is put in our year
and somebody's gonna call our name.
Cleveland's like this great, big dentist's office,
and we're next on the list.
Exactly.
Now all we have to do
is think about something to occupy our time.
Mm-hmm.
Hmm.
กำ For once in my life, I have someone who needs me กำ
กำ Someone I've needed so long กำ
กำ For once, unafraid, I can go where life leads me กำ
กำ Somehow I know I'll be strong กำ
กำ For once, I can touch กำ
กำ What my heart used to dream of กำ
Sometimes, just when you brace yourself
for a really bumpy flight,
it's amazing how the skies can suddenly clear.
But between my busy schedule
and the extra job Ted took to pay for school,
I spent too many nights ordering pizza
and watching TNT.
[ Knock on door ]
Just a minute.
Small cheese pizza with everything.
$8 even.
Just call me a sucker for a man in uniform.
I cannot believe we got this route.
Oh, my God. A real business class?
[ Laughs ]
And guess what I get to do in half an hour.
-Bake cookies. -Oh, my God.
You are so not Royalty Express material.
I can't believe on a test you're as bad as me.
You studied like crazy.
Get out of here.
The more I think about that test,
the more convinced I am that something got screwed up.
I might hire a lawyer to check into it.
Hey, you could help me out with that.
I'm not a lawyer.
Well, you're gonna be.
You think so, huh?
Mm-hmm.
How is it that you believe in me so much?
-Somebody's got to. -[ Chuckles ]
Check out 3B.
Isn't he cute?
Aside from the headphone hair.
When I asked him to put his tray in its upright position,
he said, "That too?"
I mean, hello.
And those arms. My God.
He's like something out of "Men's Health."
Well, I'll root for you even though it's against policy.
You rat me out and I'll stop letting you do my paperwork.
All I want is a little of what you've got with Ted.
Oh, God. He is great.
Did I tell you he wants me to meet his family for Christmas?
And that's bad news why?
For me, anything that ever has to do with family
is always bad news.
Please. Don't make me cry.
The thing is, Randy, I've always been this girl
from Silver Springs that everybody's said,
"You're never gonna do anything, never gonna get out of here."
I just worry that if I fall in love with Ted,
what's gonna happen
to everything I've worked so hard for?
Okay. Fine. Don't fall in love with him.
That's kind of why I'm having the problem.
It just takes willpower.
You didn't fall in love with me, did you?
You're gay.
But it still took willpower, didn't it?
Thanks, Donna.
MR. STEWART: Come over here, Justin.
Okay. Who's next?
TED: Grandma!
-It's from me and Ted. -What?
[ Shouting ] She can't hear very well!
It's from Donna and me!
Thank you, dear.
What is it?
It's an all-in-one remote control!
Now you don't have to fuss with all those gadgets anymore!
Thank you, dear. Oh, Merry Christmas, Ted.
Thank you, Donna.
Now it's your turn.
You said we weren't gonna do presents.
Just open it.
He said we weren't gonna do presents.
TED: I said that.
-Oh, my God. -What do you think?
-You like it? -It's so beautiful.
It has two time zones.
If a passenger asks you what time it is,
you can think about me. [ Laughs ]
I love it.
MR. STEWART: She's a great gal.
I think so.
Oh, you're not out of the woods yet, Donna.
You got one more present.
-From all of us. -[ Laughter ]
It's the annual Stewart family uniform!
[ Laughter ]
I got you a medium.
-I hope you like it baggy. -Thank you.
Time for the team photo! Everybody get over by Grandma.
-Come on, Donna. -Jensen, get in here.
It's a family picture.
Oh, no, Donna. Don't be shy.
Come on, Donna.
-It's flashing. -Quick!
TED: Quick. Smile.
ALL: Cheese.
Well, you survived your first Stewart family Christmas.
It was good.
I never knew a family could be like that.
No fighting. No yelling.
Normally, that "everyone dressing the same" thing
would kind of freak me out.
But I even like that dorky red sweater.
Is that all that's going on in that head of yours?
I'm just not used to all that, you know?
Dan.
Hi, Donna. How's life treating you?
All right. I want to get a confirmation for tomorrow.
Sure.
[ Typing ]
We got you going to Pittsburgh on flight 285 at 0800.
Any chance of that Dallas route opening up?
Let me have a look.
Sorry. Nothing yet.
All right. Well, thank you.
Have a good trip, Donna.
Oh, my God. Christine?
Donna!
Oh, my God!
What are you doing in Cleveland?
My New York-L.A. flight had mechanical problems,
so they dumped us here for the night.
Oh, right.
God. Look at your hair.
Oh, yeah, I know.
I'm going for a more classic look.
Goes better with Chanel.
Right.
I have the sweetest little apartment on West 73rd Street.
Oh, you would be so proud of me.
You know what, Ted?
If it wasn't for Donna,
I would've never made it through basic training.
Oh, now, that's not really true.
It is.
Actually, just last week,
I was thinking about how well you trained me.
I was on the New York-to-Chicago flight, right?
This guy gets on. He has this huge musical case.
He's trying to stuff it into the overhead compartment.
Clearly the thing is too big. He refuses to check it.
So I thought, "What would Donna do right now?"
So I politely said to him,
"Either you check it or you deplane."
That's not what I would do.
What do you mean?
Well, you must, as a flight attendant,
offer the option of buying another seat at half price
for that oversized item.
It's section 23.4 of the manual.
Well, I can't remember everything.
[ Laughs ]
But you should've remembered that one.
It was the last question on our exam.
Say, Christine, do you have any of those little wings?
My nephew's been begging me for some.
They don't have them on express.
Let me look.
Let's see what we've got in here.
Whoa. [ Clears throat ]
Oh, I love these.
Love it, love it.
I have so much garbage in here.
Ah. Here we go.
Future pilot.
Thank you.
Enjoy.
There.
We could do shots if you want to.
Let's do shots.
Want to?
SALLY: Paris. First-class international.
Paris. First-class international.
[ Airplane engines roaring ]
I think I'm doing very well at express.
But I just can't stop thinking there was
some kind of mix-up with my test.
Some kind of computer malfunction.
Those things mess up.
They lose luggage or send bags to the wrong city.
I'm afraid that's impossible.
The tests are hand-graded.
Oh, right. I forgot about that.
I'm sorry.
I'm sure there's nothing you can do anyway.
Who says there is nothing I can do?
I am Sally Weston.
I invented this.
Before me, they just pointed. True story.
Wow.
I did speak to John.
I asked him if I could see my test.
I begged him. He said no.
I asked him if you could see the test, and he said no.
Don't you worry about John. Did you see me on "Oprah"?
I scared the hell out of that little wiener Dr. Phil.
It's test 1047.
Hello. It's Sally Weston.
Oh, my God.
What is it, Donna?
This isn't my test.
It's my number. It's number 1047.
But it isn't mine. Look at those little hearts.
Time's up. Pencils down. Books closed.
Remember to write your identification number
on the front of the exam booklet and pass it forward.
So, how'd you do?
New York, here I come.
I can't believe it.
I trusted her. She was my best friend.
Oh, my God. These answers.
No wonder we sent you to express.
We were being nice.
I can't believe she'd steal my test!
Wait a minute.
That night I had you kids over for dinner,
someone took my airplane soaps.
Oh, my God.
She is probably stealing us blind.
Hell, I'll bet she's got a whole closetful
of airline property.
Headsets. Booze. Kosher meals.
There's two things we've got to do.
We got to get you retested. There's a group next week.
If you do as well as I think, we can reassign you right away.
How soon can you leave Cleveland?
I'd just have to talk to Ted.
Who's Ted?
This really great guy that I'm seeing.
Oh.
Well, I'm afraid you've got a decision to make.
Yeah.
Well, what would you do?
Well, I know what I did.
And so do you, if you read my book.
But, honey, it's your life. It's your decision.
Right.
Well, I'll call you later.
I've got a flight back to Cleveland at 4:00.
You said there were two things.
I'll take care of that.
Just skedaddle. Don't miss that flight.
Okay. Thanks.
WOMAN: Royalty Airlines.
Hello. Internal security, please.
MAN: Security.
This is Sally Weston.
I'm calling to report a code blue for Christine Montgomery.
Put a ghost rider on her next flight.
If you see any violations, I want that klepto picked up
as soon as the plane hits pavement.
-Miss Montgomery? -Yeah?
I have to ask you to come with me.
Why? Who are you?
Royalty Security. Please step this way.
[ Horn honks ]
Hey, Jensen!
You were right.
I can't believe it. I'm top of my class.
Oh, my God.
Ted, that is so great.
So get your damn coat on, Jensen.
We're going out to celebrate.
I have to talk to you.
I flew to Dallas today. Christine stole my test.
You're kidding.
So they're gonna retest me.
Wow. That's great.
When are they doing that?
I got to leave right away.
Okay. Sure. No problem.
We'll celebrate when you get back.
The thing is, if I do well on the test,
I might not be back.
I could get placed in New York.
That's it? We don't talk about it?
I come home. You're leaving?
Well, we've always said
that Cleveland is just a big waiting room.
For me, the waiting room was my life until I met you.
I'm in love with you.
I can't let somebody tell me that I've seen enough.
Not again.
Got it. Point taken.
I hated leaving Ted.
Ted made me feel like I'd finally found home.
The problem was, I wasn't so sure I was ready to be home.
[ Bell rings ]
Time's up.
Pencils down. Books closed.
Be sure to put your identification number
on the front of the exam booklet and pass it forward.
Well, well.
Congratulations.
I just want you to know
that I was against this retesting at this time.
That's not procedure.
But apparently, Miss Sally Weston doesn't have
the same respect for procedure some of us have had to.
So you'll be happy to know you got a perfect score.
First time in seven years.
The last time was me.
So I imagine you'll have fun.
Up there.
Living out your destiny.
Must be nice.
Thank you.
You're welcome.
Mr. Whitney, I just want you to know
I couldn't have done this without you.
Yeah, right.
I mean it.
You are an excellent instructor.
I am?
Yes.
That's the nicest damn thing anyone's ever said to me.
I'd say we're both living our destiny.
You do it, Donna Jensen.
You do it for those of us that can't.
I will.
Thatagirl.
Now you get out of here. [ Chuckles ]
Oh, and, Donna.
Fly away.
กำ It's a long way out the gate กำ
กำ Just to glimpse your fate กำ
กำ Just to see whether it all works out กำ
กำ And it's a long road, a heavy load กำ
กำ You got to really wanna go กำ
กำ And just let the others walk around you, now กำ
กำ Up and down again, but this time, it's different กำ
กำ It took some bleeding to straighten me up again กำ
กำ Oh, in and out of life กำ
กำ At times, it was difficult กำ
กำ I got a new life, baby กำ
กำ It takes some getting used to, but กำ
กำ No sign of any rain กำ
กำ My skies are clear today กำ
กำ I keep bracing for that rain กำ
กำ But there's no sign of any กำ
กำ No obstacles in sight กำ
กำ My skies are clear tonight กำ
กำ I keep thinking I might see that cloud arrive กำ
กำ Oh, but there's no sign of it กำ
กำ No, no sign of it กำ
กำ I got a new life, baby กำ
กำ It takes some getting used to, but กำ
กำ No sign of it กำ
กำ No, no sign of it กำ
Donna.
Christine.
-Hi. -God.
Did you hear the bad news?
What?
I got fired.
Busted for stealing.
Yeah.
So I just wanted to come here and say goodbye.
Donna.
[ Exhales deeply ]
You know, isn't it amazing
how there was a ghost rider on my flight?
Well...
And another thing.
I just can't help wondering.
How does someone go from Royalty Express
to lnternational in such a short period of time?
[ Breathes deeply ]
Excuse me, Christine.
I had you figured out from day one, Donna.
What did you say?
You just couldn't stand the fact that I was prettier than you.
That I was more fun than you.
That everyone loved me.
All I did was try to help you out.
And you stabbed me in the back.
I never stabbed you in the back, Donna.
You switched our exams.
Well, if you're gonna nitpick.
And you left me rotting in Cleveland
while you went and dotted your l's
with those tacky, little hearts in New York City.
Someone had to put you in your place.
Little miss perfect.
"Oh, excellent, Donna." "Way to go, Donna."
"ls it hard to get international lines, Mrs. Weston?"
Throwing yourself all over that stupid Ted.
You know what? You make me sick.
Leave Ted out of this.
Just because you're pissed off that he wanted me and not you.
Get your hands off me.
Oh, I'm scared, Donna.
What are you gonna do, throw one of your books at me?
Don't you walk away from me.
[ Grunting ]
Ow!
Good Lord.
Out of the way, please.
Get her leg.
[ Grunting ]
You know what?
You got that fancy uniform and that [Spits] $40 haircut!
But I see right through you!
Right to the inside!
Welcome aboard.
-Champagne or caviar? -Nothing for me. Thanks.
Sir, champagne or caviar?
I'm fine. Thank you.
Would you care for some champagne or caviar?
No, thank you.
I would like a vodka straight up, though.
Champagne and caviar. Extra-wide seats.
And no bologna or cheese.
This was first class.
Bonne journee, madame.
[ T elephone rings ]
Hello?
Bonjour.
Donna?
I'm in Paris.
Well, good for you. I knew you'd get there.
Can I pick 'em or can I pick 'em?
Rudolph, you're not tenderizing meat, for God's sake!
I really wanted to say thank you.
Well, don't spend all day on the phone.
Go out and see the city.
[ Woman singing in French ]
What was I gonna write?
"I love you but I left you"?
I'll just start with, "Paris is beautiful. "
[ Man speaking French ]
[ Speaking French ]
Miss, thank you very much.
As soon as everyone takes their seats,
we'll be ready to leave the gate.
[ Shouting in French ]
[ Speaking French ]
If we're going to be late, I have to make a call.
[ Man speaking French ]
Oui, oui.
-Oh! -[ Gasps ]
-Oh, monsieur! -Oh! Oh!
-[ Speaking French ] -Oh! Oh!
Thank you.
Good morning.
[ Answering machine beeps ]
This is a call for Donna Jensen.
This is Jim Donahue with Royalty lnternational scheduling.
You're on for tomorrow. 6:00 a.m. Flight 698.
[ Beep ]
Donna, it's Joan with Royalty lnternational.
Your schedule has been changed.
You're headed to Lisbon on flight 432 at 1300 hours.
-You'll be back... -[ Beep ]
You'll be on flight 643...
[ Beep ]
Donna, Jim Donahue.
[ Beep ]
Hi, Donna. This is Joan with Royalty.
You're flying to Stockholm via London.
That's in two weeks. Flight 602 with Captain Hanson.
[ Beep ]
Hi, Donna. It's Paige.
I know you just got back from Geneva.
How about a quick trip to Brooklyn?
We're having our Christmas open house tonight.
Please come. It'll be fun.
Some of the other girls are gonna be there.
Call me, okay?
Donna!
-Hi. -Hey.
I'm so glad you came.
-Thanks for having me. -Come on in.
Oh, my. That looks so good.
Thank you so much.
Donna, you got to get in there and start mingling
with some of the straight guys.
We had them shipped in here especially for you
from Jim's work.
Oh, thank you.
God, you look really nice.
Are you serious?
Man, I'm so beat. I really need this rest.
Well, I think you look great.
-[ Telephone rings ] -Oh, shoot.
Can you just give them the address?
123 Clinton. Clinton and Pierpont.
Hello?
Oh, Bob. It's Donna Jensen.
Oh, when do you need her?
Really? Tomorrow?
But that's Christmas Eve.
You know what? I'll take it.
Yeah, I could really use the shift.
Christmas in Paris? It's a dream.
Okay. I'll see you there.
Was that Kim and Nancy?
Are you happy with your long-distance carrier?
-I said you were. -Can you believe them?
I guess they just figure everyone's home.
Will you pose for photos?
กำ So I'm waiting by the phone กำ
กำ For the blessed ring กำ
กำ Like a holy grail กำ
กำ For the Fisher King กำ
กำ Time is ticking down กำ
กำ Like a metronome กำ
กำ Rhythm for my brain กำ
กำ And its ceaseless games กำ
กำ I never seem to play them to the beat I hear กำ
กำ Though my heartbeat is a beat that beats so near กำ
กำ So I'm changing who I am กำ
กำ 'Cause what I am's not good กำ
กำ And I know you love me now กำ
Is that Donna Jensen? [ Laughs ]
Sally!
What are you doing here?
We're creatures of habit. Jack and l.
We have Christmas in Paris. New Year's in New York.
Wow. How exciting.
Really not.
Were you here for Christmas, too?
Yes, I was.
Gosh.
The Champs-Elysees and the lights.
I loved it.
Did I ever tell you about a nasty habit
flight attendants pick up on the job?
No.
We learn to always keep smiling.
Even when we're out of Bloody Mary mix.
[ Exhales deeply ]
Do you remember that guy I was telling you about? Ted.
Of course.
Oh, I just really miss him. That's all.
Well, what's the problem?
Go fly and see him.
Well, I can't.
I took your advice, and we broke up.
My advice?
Well, sort of.
In your book, you say,
"Don't ever let anything get in the way of your destiny."
Darling, I don't think you read carefully enough.
What I also said was that every pilot needs a copilot.
And it is awful nice to have someone
sitting there beside you.
Especially when you hit some bumpy air.
Oh, I just really miss him.
I just wish I could get him back.
The last time I checked,
you were a girl who could make things happen.
So stop feeling sorry for yourself.
And stop worrying about what he'll say.
You're right.
I'm gonna do it.
All right. But we have to move fast.
There is a 9:00 p.m. direct from Paris to Chicago.
If you got the last connection out of O'Hare,
that would put you into Cleveland in...
BOTH: 12 hours.
Who am I gonna get to cover my shift?
Are you kidding?
I still give the best oxygen-mask demo
in the business.
Get going.
Pierre, I need a uniform tout de suite.
Welcome to New York, where the local time is 7:13 a.m.
I'd like to personally thank you for flying with us today
and remind you that the last one off the plane has to clean it.
กำ Lying in my bed กำ
กำ I hear the clock tick กำ
กำ And think of you กำ
กำ Caught up in circles กำ
กำ Confusion is nothing new กำ
กำ You say go slow กำ
กำ I fall behind กำ
กำ The second hand unwinds กำ
กำ If you're lost, you can look and you will find me กำ
กำ Time after time กำ
กำ If you fall, I will catch you กำ
กำ I'll be waiting กำ
กำ Time after time กำ
[ Doorbell rings ]
Hello?
Ted?
Hi, Mrs. Stewart.
I'm Donna.
I don't know if you remember me. I'm Ted's friend.
We got you that little clicker thing for the TV.
Remember?
Is Ted here?
[ Exhales deeply ]
I messed up.
I really did.
I thought that I was getting everything
that I wanted, and...
I thought Paris and...
first class would make me happy.
But...it didn't.
'Cause...
if you don't have that person to come home to,
then going away is just...
I love him.
[ Sniffles ]
And I just wanted to tell him that he made me happy.
Who are you?
You haven't heard a single word I've said, have you?
I did.
I love you.
And I want to stay. I do.
Are you sure?
And you're gonna be happy?
Yep.
In Cleveland?
How are you gonna be happy in Cleveland?
'Cause you're in Cleveland.
I'm sorry.
Me too.
Sally had said
that life is a series of arrivals and departures.
But I learned there is more than one way
to spread your wings.
DONNA: Ladies and gentlemen...
welcome to Cleveland Hopkins lnternational Airport.
Keep your seat belts fastened until we reach the gate.
We know you have a choice when you travel.
We thank you for choosing Royalty Express.
If this is just a stopover for you,
we wish you a safe, pleasant continuation of your journey.
If Cleveland is your final destination...
welcome home.
กำ Don't stop believin' กำ
Mark.
[ Sighs ]
That is bull S.
You want to know what's bull S? Eye exams!
You can't keep laughing at that.
That's evil.
I'll get it.
[ Muffled shouting ]
MAN: Cut!
Infinity flight two-niner-niner-zero,
you are cleared for takeoff on runway six.
Nine!
D'oh!
[ Bell ringing ]
I am a kitten.
I'm okay.
Got to take off. Don't I wish.
I can't do it.
I can't hear you!
ALL: Before helping the people who love you,
put it on yourself.
This ain't your mama's house!
Questions?
None.
Got to take off.
Don't I wish.
[ Laughter ]
I am Sally Weston.
Muffin! [ Sighs ]
How long do dogs live?
I love being a turtle!
Like the Mutant Ninja Turtles.
Okay. What did we learn?
Okay. Let me try it again.
[ Whistle blows ]
Okay, class, what did Randy forget?
-Mary? -Christine.
No.
Donna?
I know this.
Randy?
I forgot to buy him a drink?
[ Laughter ]
[ Whistle blows ]
And that is procedure.
Oh.
กำ We are Royalty กำ
กำ Flying just as high as can be กำ
กำ We are Royalty กำ
กำ Safety is our policy กำ
กำ There's an oxygen mask up above you กำ
กำ On a hidden shelf กำ
กำ Before helping the people who love you กำ
กำ Put it on yourself กำ
กำ Use your seat belts, as if you don't know กำ
กำ Make it nice and tight กำ
กำ Take a look at the exits กำ
กำ They're up ahead กำ
กำ To your left and right กำ
กำ We are Royalty กำ
กำ Flying just as high as can be กำ
กำ We are Royalty กำ
กำ Safety is our policy กำ