No, no, don't eat cookies,
it's almost time for dinner.
Why don't we go out?
Chinese?
Chinese, that would be great.
We could stop and get a drink first.
What do you mean stop and have a drink first?
We can stop at, uh...
Ooh, you know where I want to go?
Castle del mar,
the fancy restaurant by the water.
Then we can stop and have a leisurely drink.
Are you kidding, you can have a drink at the restaurant
if you want to have a drink.
No, but this will be nice.4
it'll be just a few hours of hanging out,
having a drink.
You know, first you want to just stop off
and have a drink there and then get back in the car,
and then drive to the restaurant.
It seems like you should just go
and get the drink at the restaurant, no?
I would like to stop off and have a drink on the way.
But it's the same drink,
what's the difference where you have the drink?
It's a different atmosphere, you know what...
I don't understand, it's a different atmosphere,
what, I thought...
Yeah.
But it's the drink, isn't it?
They have the drink at the restaurant.
What's the difference what the atmosphere is?
It's a big difference.
But don't you want to eat?
I do want to eat,
but I would like to sit there and have a drink and socialize,
and not have food passing by us.
I don't see how you could just sit there and have a drink,
and knowing that you want to leave to eat.
When you're thinking about food,
how can you sit and relax and have a drink, it just doesn't...
You're missing the whole point of the drink.
That's it!
What is the point of the drink?
I am missing the point of the drink.
Because now you're at a place where everyone's sitting around
having cocktails and socializing.
Well, then why even go to the restaurant,
if the restaurant isn't socializing,
then why go to the restaurant?
I don't want to go.
Fine, we'll just get take out food, great.
That's fine.
Good.
Here you are, sir.
Thank you very much.
And here's your food.
Okay.
Enjoy your dinner.
Thank you.
Bye bye.
* rollin' rollin' rollin' *
alright.
* keep those rollin' rollin' rollin'... *
hey, Julia Louis-Dreyfus called.
Oh, okay
did you tell her the idea yet?
No, I'm gonna pitch it to her tomorrow.
Oh, she's gonna love it, I bet.
Yeah?
Yeah, don't you think?
Ah, we'll see.
Oh, my elbow is killing me.
This tennis elbow.
Oh, yeah, you know what you should do,
you should call Joe Joe.
Didn't you say he leaves marks on you sometimes?
He does, he leaves some black and blue marks,
but he'll fix it.
What is this, is this garlic noodles?
That does not look like kung pao shrimp.
This isn't our food.
Mm hmm.
Did you check the order before you left?
Yeah, I did, but I decided to take the wrong food home.
Thank you, thank you for inquiring.
Well, I guess you'll just have to run back there,
and get the right order.
What a pain in the ass.
If you could hurry, that would be great 'cause...
I'll try.
I'm really hungry.
Idiots.
Yes, sir, how can I help you?
We got the wrong order, here.
Oh, I'm so sorry, are you David?
Yeah.
That man just brought back your order.
This is it, I'm so sorry that happened.
Sir?
Oh, okay, this is mine?
This is yours.
Okay, thank you.
You're welcome.
Alan.
Oh, my god.
Here's your food.
What?
We got our orders mixed up.
Oh, god.
You almost had my kung pao shrimp.
How are you?
Good, how are you doing?
Good, everything good?
Yeah.
Cheryl good?
Yeah, how's everything at, "hbo"?
Tremendous, just terrific.
Yeah.
Wonderful, couldn't be better.
Good.
We should, get out of here.
Yeah.
I'm back.
Oh, good.
Well, that was really pleasant.
Thank you so much, it'll be worth it.
You know who I ran into, Alan wassermann.
That's who had our food,
Alan wassermann.
Wait, am I, do I know him?
The guy from "hbo", the president of "hbo".
Oh, oooh.
Yeah, remember two years ago I got out of that special.
I told him my stepfather got in an accident.
Yeah, why did you make up a lie about a stepfather?
You don't even have a stepfather.
Well, I just thought it was a better lie.
'Cause you make up a lie about a stepfather,
you'll be believed, don't you think?
That must've been awkward.
Yeah, it was pretty awkward,
but he didn't mention anything, and neither did I,
so, I don't know.
Want some noodles?
Get some of this kung pao shrimp.
Where's all the shrimp, here?
Hmm?
Where's all the shrimp? There's only three shrimp.
In that giant container there's...
Yeah, three shrimp.
There's usually more than that.
There's, like, 10.
Well, you can have 'em.
Did he take the shrimp?
I'll bet you he took the shrimp.
Wassermann?
Yeah.
He was probably hungry, he got the container.
He knew, he saw it wasn't his food.
And he ate shrimp, and then brought it back.
Would he really do something like that, though?
What do you mean would he really...
There's three shrimp in there.
I really don't want to be eating after somebody else.
Well, I mean, it's just the whole notion of,
the guy gets the wrong order of food,
and takes food that doesn't belong to him.
And then returns it?
What, thinking we're not gonna notice this?
The guy took our shrimp.
Good, nice move.
Hi, lar.
It's good to see you.
Yeah, good to see you.
Did it take you a long time to get here?
Well, maybe about 25 minutes, half hour.
Oh my god, that traffic.
Yeah...
Next time I'll come to your office.
No, what are you kidding?
No, I'm not kidding.
You don't have to come, I'll come here next time.
I'm happy to come to your office.
You don't have to come to me, I'm very happy to come here.
No, we can go back and forth.
We don't need back and forth, we'll just do forth,
we don't need back.
You've turned into a very nice man all of a sudden.
I'm a lovely gentleman.
So, what's this idea, I'm dying to hear it.
Alright, here's the idea.
Yeah.
That you play an actress.
Who was on a big t.V. Show, a big hit show, like a Seinfeld.
And when the show ends,
the actress has trouble getting work.
Because everybody identifies her with this character,
who she played on the show.
Right.
Let's say she played, um, Evelyn, okay.
Okay.
And she grows to hate the character, Evelyn.
And she becomes embittered and hostile,
and all these people who are yelling out Evelyn all the time,
and everybody wants her to do Evelyn.
And she can't get work because of Evelyn.
And that's the show?
That's the show.
That's a pretty interesting idea.
You think so?
Yeah, the thing that I love about it is that,
you know, this does happen to me.
And it happens to you, you're able to deal with this.
"Elaine, Elaine, are you Elaine?"
I mean, that happened to me last week, I was skiing.
Hey Evelyn, Evelyn, it'll be on the series, Evelyn.
"Hey Evelyn".
Hey, that's a good name for the series.
How about this, "aren't you Evelyn?"
"Aren't you Evelyn?"
That's pretty good.
I mean, I think it's a really funny idea.
But I wonder if it's better suited for somebody...
Like Jason.
Jason, I don't...
This isn't Jason at all.
I think he's completely wrong for it.
Well, I mean, but he played such a...
I don't know, an idiot on the show.
Maybe it would be better suited for somebody like Jason.
I could see you being more frustrated than Jason,
'cause you know how many different things you can do.
Yeah, that's true.
Really, this is all he can do, between you and me.
Yeah, you know, I'm more...
Yeah, you're more versatile.
Versatile.
Right, that's why I see it for you.
Yeah, alright, I like this idea a lot.
You do?
Yeah, I like it.
Oh, good, I'm so relieved.
So let's pitch it, let's pitch it to "hbo".
At "hbo"?
Well, I want to be able to say "fuck", you know.
What's the big deal about saying fuck?
Cocksucker.
You don't want to say those, you don't need to say that.
You know, I haven't really gotten to say that a lot.
I haven't.
I would like to be able to say that,
fuck.
Besides, I have a little problem with that, uh...
The guy who runs it up there, Alan wassermann.
Oh, the president?
Yeah.
What problem?
I think he's a bad guy, I'm not gonna go into why.
I just don't think he's a good guy at all.
But, I mean, what if we didn't deal with him?
Let me tell you why I'm bringing this up.
I've got a friend, a pretty good friend,
Michael halbreich, who works there,
I don't know if you know him.
Gay guy?
Gay, no, he's not gay, he's married.
Michael halbreich?
Yeah.
Really?
Yeah, he's married.
Oh, I could have sworn he was gay, that guy.
Oh, no, I've known him for years.
In fact, I'm in a poker game with Michael and his wife...
Boy, that's great, I wish I was in a poker game.
Well, that's what I was gonna say, why don't you join?
Because one of the couples who's in the game,
they're going to the galapagos islands,
they're not gonna be around,
and it would be great if you and Cheryl would like to play,
'cause we actually need another couple.
I'll ask Cheryl.
I'll play even if she doesn't want to.
Okay, yeah, ask her,
and then you could also get to know him.
He's a nice guy.
Okay.
I'd just like to put "hbo" in the mix,
I'd really like to.
Alright, "hbo".
Alright, exciting.
Ow, oh, ow.
Ow, ow, ah, oh god,
geez, ow!
That a way, Joe Joe. Get in there.
Ah, shut...
Get in there.
She has a very high tolerance for pain,
this woman, don't worry about it.
Ow, wait, wait, that's ow...
Julie Louis-Dreyfus invited us to play poker.
She's in this poker game...
Okay, do we have to talk about this right now?
Ow, ow.
We're finished.
That's it?
That's it, just got to wash my hands.
Thank you.
The man's an artist.
Oh, my god.
What happened, he hurt you?
Oh, my god.
What do you got?
Oh, that's nothing.
That's gonna be a lot worse in two days.
I really don't like that you're taking
so much pleasure in this.
Oh.
Anybody have a cough drop?
Would you like a Fisherman's friend?
Yeah, sure, give me a Fisherman's friend.
Alright, have one of these.
Thank you.
Do you want one Julia?
Alright, thank you.
Mm, very good.
Boy, I can't believe we're here.
I know, this is amazing, isn't it?
Pitching another show.
It's exciting.
The two of us, doing this together?
Oh, lord, I don't like this at all.
Oh, I like it a lot.
How long have you been her manager?
Uh, three...
No, almost, actually four years.
Is it four now?
Well, time flies when you're having fun, hey?
Yeah.
Even when you're not.
Ooh.
So, tell me what you think of this, okay.
What?
My wife and I are going out for Chinese food the other night.
She said that she wants to stop off for a drink first.
I don't get this.
Why park the car, go into this hotel,
have the drink, then come back out,
get in the car again, drive to the restaurant.
It just seems like a huge waste of time,
you can get a drink at the restaurant.
It's sort of an old-fashioned...
Yeah, it is.
Romantic idea, don't you think?
Yeah, it's lovely.
We're just going out to eat, that's all.
Did you go out for the drink?
No.
Was she mad?
Very annoyed.
Yeah, we're not on good terms because of it.
I think you were totally right.
Yeah, see.
It makes no sense, unless you're trying to get laid.
And maybe that's what she was trying to do.
Maybe Cheryl wanted to get laid.
Okay, I got your point.
Listen, the two of you will take this.
You know, I'll just, I'll introduce it,
and you'll run with it, okay?
Yeah.
They're ready for you guys now.
Oh, then here we go then.
You ready?
Hey.
Hey, there they are.
Hi, how are you?
Good to see you too.
Hi, Michael, how are you?
Oh, European.
Yes, very.
Oh, hi, how are you?
Everybody, good to see you.
Do you know, Michael halbreich?
Yeah, hi Michael.
Larry, nice to see you again.
Very cute.
I have it in blue too.
Really, I gave Melissa one of those, it's really nice.
Hey, honey.
You alright?
Hi, Larry, it's Judy.
Well, it's nice to see you here.
Boy, that, took about 45 minutes for that, didn't it?
Yeah.
Jesus Christ.
Sorry, Larry.
Hey, you gotta make the nice.
Yeah.
Gotta make the nice.
You've gotta make the nice.
Yeah.
How's your step father doing?
Good.
He's doing better now, huh?
Yeah.
Yeah, miraculous recovery he had, huh?
( Laughing )
Alright, so, talk to me.
Uh, we got a big show to pitch for you, big, big show.
Alright.
Something different, something interesting.
I'll let the principles take care of it for you.
Alright, well, Larry and I were talking about this...
Concept recently, and I think it's pretty exciting.
Alright, you start, and then I'll, you know,
do a dance and cheerlead and stuff.
( Laughing )
How were the garlic noodles, the other night?
What?
The garlic noodles?
I didn't touch your garlic noodles.
I didn't say you touched my garlic noodles.
They were your garlic noodles.
Right.
But you did touch the shrimp.
What are you talking about?
Right al.
I ordered Chinese food the other night,
and we got our orders mixed up,
and when I got my order back from him,
about seven or eight shrimp were missing.
Oh, no.
Mysteriously disappeared,
the shrimp mysteriously disappeared.
I didn't touch your shrimp.
Who gives a shit, come on Larry.
I don't want to talk about the shrimp,
I would understand that you don't want to talk about it, yeah.
Look, Larry, you got your food, I got my food.
Yeah, you got your full order, I got mine, minus seven shrimp.
You counted the shrimp, you're a shrimp counter now.
Well, it's pretty obvious when there's two shrimp.
Right, listen, Larry,
I didn't touch your fucking shrimp.
Really?
If you want shrimp, take your $475 million,
and go buy a fucking shrimp boat.
Yeah, okay.
Larry, come on.
Oh, he's gonna walk out now.
This is what he's famous for.
Nothing changes in 25 years with this guy.
Same shit.
I'm sorry, I'm really sorry.
I'm so sorry.
What where you doing? What was that?
He insulted me.
How?
He implied that I was lying about my stepfather.
You don't have a stepfather.
I know, but I didn't like the implication.
The implication for your imaginary stepfather?
How can he insult you about somebody who's imaginary, Larry.
For goodness sake...
Well, because it was...
Let me just ask you something, what is the shrimp business?
Well, he got my container, by mistake,
from the Chinese restaurant, and he took out eight shrimp from it,
that didn't belong to him, and then gave it back to me.
As if I wasn't gonna know that he took the shrimp.
What does he think, I'm a moron?
Larry, everybody steals shrimp, and everybody lies about it.
This is Hollywood.
You got to apologize to this guy.
Please.
You have to apologize.
We want to make this here, I want to make this here.
Come on, go apologize.
And I'm gonna tell you something else, too.
You have to get yourself into major psychoanalysis.
Oh, I'm in analysis, it doesn't do anything.
What kind of analysis?
Does nothing.
Apparently not.
Have you talked to him about your imaginary stepfather?
I'll tell you this, right now.
What?
I'm going back to that Chinese restaurant,
and I'm gonna go count the shrimp
and ask them how many they put in the container,
and I'll bet you there's eight missing, at least.
You do that!
Why don't you do that!
( Chattering )
Everyone the game is five card stud.
Anti up there...
So, Mickey, what do you do?
I'm a dentist.
I've been Brad and Julia's dentist for years.
Really, Mickey, that is good to know,
because I actually need a dentist,
mine just moved.
Oh, well, give candy a call on Monday.
I will.
You know, my dentist told me
I have the gums of a 25-year-old man.
( Laughing )
I think it was about the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Everything's okay with you and Alan, right?
Larry, you guys are all made up and everything?
Yes, we kissed and made up.
This is the unfortunate shrimp incident?
Yes, that's the one.
I've been dying to hear this.
Well, what happened was,
there was a mix up at a Chinese take out restaurant,
where Larry got Alan's order, and Alan, Larry's.
And I guess when they switched them back,
Alan had taken six or seven of your shrimp?
That's my claim, yeah.
Allegedly.
Right, and it turned into a big thing,
and he stomped out of the meeting,
which I had never seen before.
I almost thought it was not real, but it was.
So, I saw the Jackson pollack movie the night before,
and I got very influenced by the artist, you know.
Well, it was very impressive.
But everything's fine now, and we're very delighted
you guys are with "hbo", very happy to have you.
Where are we? I've lost my...
I'm out, she's out.
I'm in, I'm in.
No, you're not out, sweetie, it's only two.
Oh god, okay.
Okay, your good.
Alright, I'm such a ditz, okay.
So, Larry, how come you guys didn't take the show to "nbc",
with the history you guys have there?
Cheryl, you want to answer that question?
Because I wouldn't let him.
You wouldn't let him?
No, because g.E. Will not take responsibility
for dumping the p.C.P.'S in the Hudson river.
And I say, why keep supporting them, it's ridiculous.
Good for you.
But the main thing I would like to add is that on "hbo",
you can say "fuck".
And that is, you know, very tempting...
So you throw in a fuck, you double your laughs.
Fuck is a crowd pleaser.
Next game.
The game is...
The game is guts.
Card skill game Brad.
No one appreciates guts, what's the matter?
Let's play it.
Two card guts or three card guts?
Two card guts, two cards down.
Whoever loses has to match the pot.
We keep betting until people drop out.
This is stiff.
This could be record-breaking.
You show biz types get a little richer than the...
The dental profession.
I'll bet you there's about $800 in there, you know that?
I would say at least.
It's alright.
Let's try.
I'm in.
Yes!
I'm out.
I can't do it either.
I don't even have enough to cover that.
Not a chance.
No, I'm out.
Go in, somebody.
Yeah.
Melissa, come on.
No, out.
Oh, Michael...
I'm here, I'm here, uh...
In.
I'm out, no, I'm out.
Michael.
Hall you must go in,
she's gonna steal the whole thing.
Come on, don't let her steal this thing.
How much is that?
A lot.
It's about, seven, $800 in there, come on.
Seven, $800, okay.
Are you serious?
I really can't do it, I've got nothing...
Aaaah!
Oh, my god, look at that, holy cow.
You've got to tell us how much that is.
What did you have?
I had a six and a 10.
Oh, I can't believe you stole this pot.
I'm sorry.
What a bluff, I can't believe it.
What did you have?
I had nothing, two and a four.
Two and a four, that's what I had, nothing.
What did you have?
I am afraid to say, I had an Ace high.
Ace high?
Sweetie.
How could you not go in with an Ace high?
Oh, you cunt, what a cunt!
I can't believe that you didn't go in with that.
I, I...
I just thought she...
Oh, what a hand, that's a great hand for this game.
Um...
Wow.
Larry, I think...
How could you not go in with an Ace high?
Larry, I think that's kind of a misogynist thing to say.
Oh, come on, I'm kidding around.
On behalf of the women at this table, and myself,
I am offended by that.
Oh, please, we're playing poker here.
That kind of language is not allowed in a game,
in a decent game.
That's so unacceptable, that's not okay.
It's okay, I'm fine.
It's fine.
It's not fine.
You know what, time to go, how about that?
Yeah, I think I'm gonna call it a night,
and the parishes are back next week, right?
Yeah, they're back from the galapagos.
It was nice meeting you guys, thank you.
Thank you so much.
Yeah, I'm gonna call you about my...
You do that, call candy.
Bye, thanks for coming.
It was nice meeting you.
I'm sorry if I offended anyone.
Thanks for coming you guys, it was great to see you.
Yeah, we'll see you next week.
So I guess we probably won't be invited back
to their poker game.
Yeah, I don't think so.
You think?
I can't believe you did that.
Oh, come on.
You just shouted out the "c" word in front of women,
in front of other people, you don't just...
It's a word you use when somebody doesn't act manly.
And he didn't act manly, he should've gone in.
He should've gone in with that Ace.
I think there are other words that you could use,
besides that one.
Well, maybe in retrospect, I should've said pussy.
Geez, I can't be...
I'm really shocked.
I can't believe that guy called me a misogynist.
Nobody ever called me that before.
Well, maybe you are.
Maybe, I'm learning things about you.
Maybe, I am a misogynist.
Maybe I like to beat my wife a little bit, huh?
Ow, ow, wait, no.
You little bitch.
Aah no!
Okay, I'll be good, I promise.
Buckle up!
I'm buckling.
And wassermann says this is our last chance.
This is it.
'Cause of what you said to halbreich.
And all of the women at "hbo",
they don't want to work with you.
Oh, come on, that's ridiculous.
They think you're a misogynist.
Why, 'cause I called the guy a cunt, so what!
'Cause you called the guy a cunt.
Big deal, I call men "pricks" all the time,
men want to work with me.
Well, cunt's worse.
Cunt's not worse, pricks and cunts, they're equal.
Pricks, cunts, come on.
They balance out.
No, cunt's much heavier.
Why is cunt heavier?
I never questioned, it just is.
That's sexist to me, come on.
Michael halbreich took a leave of absence.
What do you mean?
From you calling him a cunt, he's shell-shocked,
and he's examining everything in his life.
Taking a leave of absence.
Man, is that so?
Yeah.
Shit, I thought he was one of those effeminate heterosexuals.
There's no such thing as an effeminate heterosexual.
You're either gay or you're not gay.
He was gay, he's gay.
Hi, would you like to be seated?
No, actually, I'm a little curious about something,
we're having a little dispute.
How many shrimp do you generally put in the kung pao shrimp?
11.
You always put in 11?
We have a very strict policy about that.
Thank you, very much.
Hi, Mickey.
Oh, so it's this Cheryl.
Yes, good to see you again.
Good to see you again.
Well, that was quite a poker game...
Yes.
I don't think we ever had one like that.
Yeah, Larry can get a little carried away sometimes,
I guess.
He takes his poker very...
Oh, this bruise, there's a funny story here.
Cheryl, um, I...
I barely know you,
but when we were coming out of the poker game the other night,
we saw into your car,
and we saw Larry hitting you.
Okay, um...
This is, Larry and I do a little bit sometimes,
where he acts like he's punching me,
and I act like, "aah, I'm getting hurt".
Uh, we just kind of do...
You'll have to excuse me,
I don't deal with this kind of thing often,
but if you would like to talk with me about this,
in this cubicle, we have patient, doctor confidentiality.
Uh-uh, and that applies to dentists too?
Oh, I think so.
I think we're on the wrong page here.
Yeah, I have a very good social worker friend,
Mickey, listen, this is a complete misunderstanding.
There's no misunderstanding what we saw Larry do to Michael
at that card game.
There's no misunderstanding
that I saw him beating you in your car.
I have seen Larry David in action,
and that man is an animal,
and he has to be stopped!
Larry?
So that's it, it's all over at "hbo".
Dentist got in touch with wassermann,
thinks I'm a wife beater.
He thinks I'm a wife beater.
I mean, it's so crazy.
I know.
There's other networks, right?
This is not the end of the world, "hbo".
We'll go to "abc".
I don't have to be at "hbo".
No.
It's not t.V., it's t.V.
What do you think people are watching?
Yeah.
Watch it on t.V.
They don't go to the movies to see it.
How are we doing over here, folks, okay?
I think I'm done.
Can I get this out of the way for you?
Okay, great.
Delicious.
You like it?
Great.yeah.
How about dessert menu, we got a lot of good stuff?
Um, yeah, excellent.
You know what, I think we'll just take the bill.
You sure?
Okay, I'll be right back.
Let's go to shutters, and get dessert there.
Just get a change of scenery.
You don't want dessert here?
It would just be more fun to go some place else.
Relax by the beach.
Why, but we're already here?
We could have dessert in two minutes,
then we could...
But it's not all about just the dessert.
What's it about?
It's a little bit of an adventure
to go some place else and see something new.
I don't know if that's any adventure, really.
That's an adventure.
That's an adventure?
You know what, fine.
I just don't get it.
I mean, because it's ridiculous.
Where having a meal...
We're having a good time,
and I just suggest to go to something...
You're breaking up the good time to..
You're breaking up the good time.
'Cause I feel like I want a cup of coffee after I eat dinner.
I don't feel like getting up
and going to a car and driving some place,
you know, Larry, I would just like to go home.
Quick cup of decaf?
Can I get it to go?
That's different, though.
( Knocking )
Are you Mrs. David?
Yes, I am.
Hi, I'm Linda Johnson from social services.
We received a phone call that there was some
domestic violence going on in this household?
Oh, actually, this is all a big misunderstanding.
Oh, yeah, this.
Would you care to press charges?
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a division of time Warner entertainment company, l.P.
Captioned by hbo communications center