Four for David.
Let me see.
No, I'm not finding that.
Try Braudy.
B-r-a-u-d-y.
Here we go, for four.
Alright.
They haven't arrived yet, would you like to be seated?
Sure.
Okay, right this way.
I'm looking.
I'll tell you that.
Hi. Hey.
Hey, look who's here.
How are you?
Good to see you.
Good to see, what are you doing here?
What are you doing here, let me guess.
We're gonna take a nap, yeah.
We're gonna meet some friends and have dinner.
Just friends.
Okay, I didn't mean to pry in your life there.
I meant, what are you doing in general?
What's going on?
Oh, you know what, I'm investing in a restaurant?
What are you touching? No reason to touch.
Oh, I'm sorry, did I overstep my boundary?
No touching here.
Do you need the money for the restaurant?
No, I just think it will be a fun thing to do, you know,
showing people to their table.
So, you'll be working there, you'll be like, a bus boy?
No, remember when we used to hang out
in the comedy clubs in New York?
But I didn't invest, I just went there and I left.
I didn't lock up.
Are you gonna lock up the restaurant?
I'm not gonna lock up.
Alright, see you there, Rocco.
I went with Rocco.
Good to see you.
Nice to see you.
Goodnight, Paul, see you later.
Larry, you are so rude.
Why?
You didn't say one word to mindy.
You didn't even look in her direction the whole time.
Did you say anything to her?
You do that all the time.
I said hello, didn't I?
I don't think you did, honestly.
No. I didn't say hello?
No, I said hello.
I don't think you did, actually.
Think you were very caught up in Paul.
You didn't even look over at her.
Oh, she must think I'm such an asshole.
Yeah.
Did you even notice her?
Well, I mean, I smelled her perfume.
You know, it's hard not to notice.
Well, she owns a perfume shop.
Oh, the whole night is just, you can't leave your house.
Bye, bye.
She didn't even wave good-bye or anything.
Oh, by the way, when the check comes tonight,
stu can pick it up, okay?
Don't pick up the check.
Yeah, I paid the last two times...
You have.
He runs to the bathroom, have you noticed that?
Every time the check comes.
I've noticed the bathroom trick.
Yeah, he's really got that bathroom trick down.
He really does.
Hi.
Late, late.
Hi, no, you're not late, don't worry about it.
Good to see you.
We would've been here 10 minutes earlier
if we just valet the car
instead of trying to find a parking space.
Please, I'm not gonna valet the car.
I got this brand new Cadillac cts.
Drives like a dream.
I'm gonna give it to the freaking valet?
Yeah, no, it's our third child.
Did you happen to run into the reisers outside?
We saw them, but we, you know, no eye contact.
No, they didn't, they didn't see us.
So, I guess they're not invited
to the nrdc benefit at your house?
Um, no.
No, no, I don't think it would be a good idea, do you?
Ah, it just felt like it would be hypocritical.
It is so generous of you guys to open your house to this benefit.
And your hearts.
It's a big undertaking.
It is a big undertaking.
But, you know what, I get to have alanis morrissette
singing in my living room.
I cannot wait.
I think she's fantastic.
That first album, the song "you ought to know".
Yeah, right, and she's referring to this Mr. duplicity...
Larry has no idea what we're talking about.
Oh, when you said Mr. duplicity,
I naturally thought you were referring to me, but I...
And you know who it's about, her guitar player.
No, it's a big secret.
She's never said, she has never, she's never said.
It was an actor in a sitcom about the family.
Oh, yeah, or her manager.
I think I've heard her manager.
But it's this huge secret.
She'll tell me, people confide in me.
She'll open up to you, Larry.
They do, everybody opens up to me.
I'll find out.
I'm gonna find out the big secret.
Okay, good.
So, your parents are out here now.
Yeah, yeah, they moved out.
How's your mom?
Ah, you know, so so.
Yeah.
Who could go for some wine?
I could, yeah.
Oh, that was good.
That was great.
Oh, it's official, I'm now full.
Now you are.
The fat boy's special.
You're done?
I'm gonna go to the little boy's room.
The little fat boy's room.
I know, okay.
No, it's the fat boys special.
Look what you've done.
He knows.
Well, it was good to see you guys again.
It was great to see you.
And so we probably won't see each other 'til...
Probably the benefit.
I said, don't pick up the check!
Well, last night was it, believe me.
Alright, I'm going out.
Alright.
What am I gonna do about mindy Reiser?
I wish there was some way
I could make it up to her, you know?
I could've at least asked her about the perfume store.
People love when you ask them
about what they're doing, you know?
( Doorbell )
Yeah, next time you see her just be nice to her.
Ah, she thinks I'm the world's biggest schmuck.
Hey, lar.
I got to talk to Cheryl.
Hey, Wanda, what's going on?
I have some news.
Are you okay?
Uh, yeah, and no.
But I got to tell you something.
You might as well get over here too.
Oh, my god, you're so serious.
It's big.
What's going on?
Okay.
My brother, his best friend works for the c.I.A.
And he got this information from the highest source possible,
that there is going to be a terrorist attack
this weekend in L.A.
Yeah, and you cannot tell a soul.
My brother told me, but I'm not supposed to tell anybody.
But you know, I had to, you my girl, I had to tell you.
Thank you.
I'm getting out of town.
I'm going to Vegas with my boyfriend.
I advise y'all to do the same.
What kind of attack?
Attack, Larry, Anthrax, a bomb,
I don't know.
It could be something crazy, who knows?
And this is...
They said it's like 90% sure that something's gonna go down.
Why can't we tell anybody?
Because they don't want panic, Cheryl.
That's why they're not telling anybody.
We got to get out of here.
Yeah, you gotta get out of here.
Actually, this weekend is big.
N.r.d.c. benefit that we've been working on for months.
What?
Alanis morrissette is gonna be there.
I mean, I'm just, I'm thinking out loud.
Well, why don't we call the terrorists
and ask them could they pick another weekend
that's more suited for you.
Postpone the benefit, let's get out of here.
I thought I'd never say this, but Larry's right.
If we don't show up at the benefit, what will people...
If, what?
Look, okay, look, I did my part.
You're my friend, I had to tell you.
Thank you.
I'm going to Vegas.
Okay, okay.
Y'all out your mind.
I'm sitting here trying to help people,
they're talking about a damn benefit.
Well, call me when you get back into town.
Hopefully you'll be here.
Wow.
Yeah, Larry.
I just don't see how we can leave this weekend.
I mean, this whole n.R.D.C. Benefit was my idea.
I talked the braudys into having it at their house.
Alanis morrissette is coming to sing.
I mean, I just...
I just know I can't leave town.
Well, maybe, uh...
You know, maybe I can...
I can go.
And where are you gonna go?
I could go golfing to pebble beach, maybe?
Mm-hmm, do you think that's a good idea?
Well...
For us to be apart if something did happen?
Then at least, you know, one of us would...
Survive.
It just seems like if we're gonna go,
we should go together.
Well, not necessarily.
Almost seems a little selfish
that you would want both of us to...
Perish.
So, you'd be fine going on without me.
Well, it would be...
Very difficult at first I'm sure.
But hopefully I could at some point
get back some semblance of a life.
Okay, if you feel good about...
One of us...
Dying and the other one surviving,
and you can live with that
for the rest of your life,
then you should go golf this weekend.
Think about it. Well, I'll think about it.
Hey, mindy.
Oh, Larry, Paul's not here.
Oh, uh, I came actually to see you.
Do you have a few minutes?
I need to talk to you, it's pretty important.
You came to see me?
Yeah.
What for?
Okay, this is going to sound a little crazy.
But believe me, it's all true.
I have a friend who has a friend
whose brother works in the c.I.A.
And he has it from the highest possible source
that there's going to be a terrorist attack
on Los Angeles this weekend.
I told you it sounds crazy.
I'm not putting you on. You're putting me on.
This is a joke, oh, Larry, come on.
Mindy, mindy, this is not a joke, this is the truth.
Paul put you up to this?
No, he didn't put me up to it, I haven't even spoken to him.
You have a contact in the government?
Totally reliable.
Are you serious?
Mindy, you're life is in danger.
Get out of here.
My god, what kind of attack is it gonna be?
I don't know, it wasn't very specific.
Where?
I don't know, it could be anywhere.
It's in L.A.
Oh my god, I can't believe it, oh my god, alright, alright.
Okay?
I have to call my sister.
No, no, no, you can't tell anybody.
I have to call my mother, she's 80 years old.
She can't survive a terrorist attack.
Well, you can't say anything.
Mindy.
Okay, okay, she lives in orange county.
So, she's kind of far away.
They're not going to orange county, the terrorists.
Believe me, they have nothing in orange county.
Okay, alright, so, we've got to get out of town, huh?
Absolutely.
Okay, maybe we'll go to the desert, huh?
Maybe that will be good?
Palm Springs?
Palm Springs is very, yes, why not?
It's 90 minutes, it's very nice, yeah.
Where do you stay when you're there?
Four seasons.
Four seasons?
Yeah.
Maybe we'll go there, or we could go up north maybe.
Santa Barbara is lovely this time of year.
Where are you and Cheryl going?
Unfortunately we can't go.
You can't, oh, that braudy's n.R.D.C. Event.
Oh, you know about that thing, huh?
Of course I know about it.
Our invitation got lost in the mail or something.
I don't want to get in the middle of...
No, listen, I know you and Cheryl
don't have anything to do with it.
It's between us and the braudys,
but it's amazing that you guys are staying in town
and risking your lives for something like this.
It's unbelievable.
Well, Cheryl wanted to leave, and I thought it's best that
we go to the benefit.
It's amazing.
Okay, I have a million things to do,
but I'm just curious about something.
Why did you tell me?
What are you talking about?
You're friends, we like you so much,
you and Paul, you know.
I was driving around, I saw your shop, I thought,
I've got to tell mindy.
I have really misjudged you.
I can't thank you enough.
You are an amazing person.
You are a wonderful human being.
And I just can't thank you enough.
I'm just trying to be a good friend is all.
Listen!
I have some samples here.
I want you to take these.
Um, give them to Cheryl, okay?
With my love.
Here you go.
There, she'll like these.
Nothing for men?
Oh, yeah, here.
Uh, yeah, you'll like these.
This is after shave.
Uh-huh.
This is before shave.
Got you some of these, these are samples.
What?
These are moisturizers from mindy Reiser's shop.
Really?
Well, I wish I would've known you were going.
She carries that perfume that Wanda wears that I love.
Oh.
Would've had you pick me up a little bottle.
Why did you go there?
You know, kind of apologize for the other night.
Larry David, apologize.
Well, I think that's very...
Why, is that unusual?
It's unusual, yes, highly unusual, yes.
I feel like I apologize to somebody everyday.
Are you kidding me?
Who says I'm sorry more than me?
Do you know anybody in the world?
( Phone )
Hello.
Hi, Paul.
Paul Reiser?
Yeah, oh.
Hello?
Hey.
Um, yeah, pretty much.
Yeah, I, well...
I don't know, 90%.
Uh, well, hey, come on.
Well, of course, no problem.
I'm happy to.
Yeah, okay.
Well, you take care.
Alright, bye.
What was that about?
Oh, you know, 'cause I went to apologize to his wife.
Oh.
And what was 90%?
He asked me what the chances were
that this could happen again.
You know, that I'd ignore her.
Right.
Um, listen, I've been doing a lot of thinking,
I really think we should reconsider going to this.
We should get out of here, don't you think?
No.
I mean, this is crazy, to hang around here, what for?
We are gonna stay right here.
Where are all the cars?
I don't know.
Is there a valet that we just missed or something?
Hi.
Hey, st...
Hi, Larry and Cheryl.
Thank you.
Where's all the cars?
Please come in.
The party's in full swing here, come on.
Are we the first ones here?
Where is everybody?
I'm actually surprised you're here.
'Cause, you know, there's a terrorist attack
that is going to take out the entire city of Los Angeles.
Some time this weekend.
You'll notice alanis morrissette is not here.
Obviously.
She got very nervous, so she said no,
she wasn't gonna sing.
She left town.
Really?
'Cause she heard, apparently the word just kind of spread.
It sounds like it might've started with mindy Reiser.
And, guess who told mindy?
Who?
Me?
What?
You told mindy Reiser about this?
Okay, so you knew.
This is exactly what Wanda said!
She said, don't cause a panic, don't tell people.
Did we not have this discussion?
Yeah, it's a little embarrassing, okay...
No, this is a little embarrassing.
This is humiliating beyond belief is what this is.
I felt bad because I snubbed mindy at dinner the other night,
and I didn't talk to her, and I...
Told her that there was gonna be a terrorist attack
in Los Angeles this weekend?
Yeah, but there was supposed to be one, they didn't do it!
You tell mindy Reiser?
She has betrayed us more times.
She opens her mouth.
You can't tell that woman anything.
Why do you think we don't talk to her?
I don't know!
And by the way Larry,
thank you for telling us about this terrorist attac.
I didn't tell anybody else.
Well, you told mindy.
That's really nice of you.
Look, why don't you call your friends, the reisers?
Why don't you go and have a little bite with them?
Since you snubbed them and all, go ahead, alright!
I am going to bed.
Have a little bite with the reisers.
At least they pick up a check every now and then.
What the hell does that mean?
I know what you do, every time the check comes,
how you run off to the bathroom.
You don't think I see that?
Oh, fuck you.
Honey, don't!
What, you don't think I know about that bathroom trick?
I invented that bathroom trick.
Go to hell!
The bathroom trick?
I got a problem, a medical problem.
Oh, yeah, you got a problem.
You got a problem paying money.
No, thank you.
I'll take one, thanks.
Mm, very good.
Who's the chef?
I don't know.
I guess I shouldn't ask him.
No, I don't think you should.
Thank you, okay, that's enough, come on.
I just want to know, for the restaurant.
Were you not listening
when Wanda told you not to tell anybody?
She trusted you not to say anything to anyone.
Why in the world would you tell mindy Reiser?
I'm just trying to get on her good side.
( Toilet flushing )
So, I guess what we should do is just have it here.
What?
Just reschedule the benefit and have it here.
Okay.
And I guess I'll have to ask the braudys to come over.
The braudys?
No, no, no, no.
They're not coming, forget it.
They went way over the line tonight.
Invite the reisers, not the braudys.
Invite the reisers for spite.
This isn't a game, Larry.
Braudys, freaking.
Everything's freaking with this guy.
What is, he can't say the word fuck?
Well, I can understand why they'd be upset, Larry.
Freaking asshole.
You don't gargle much, do you?
It's fun.
You should think about it.
Well, you should think about how much money you just lost
for the n.R.D.C.
* n-e-s-t-l-e-s
* nestle's makes the very best *
* sorry
hey, Larry, how come you never told me?
I heard there was supposed to be a terrorist attack
and you knew about it?
How come you never told me?
I wasn't allowed to tell anyone.
You told somebody.
I mean, I found out.
So, you could've told me something?
I could tell, too many people,
I just wasn't supposed to.
You know, my kids could've been wiped out.
You know, they go to school, you know?
I'm sorry, but it's okay, nothing happened.
I know, but, I mean, something could've happened,
we could've been killed, you know?
You could've just given me a little hint, you know?
Okay, next time, I'll tell you.
Take your kids out of the school or something like that.
I'll tell you next time, I'm sorry.
You could've said something.
Um, let me call you back.
Do you have a minute?
Yeah.
Larry, I can't believe that you knew
there was a terrorist threat and that you didn't tell me.
Oh, here we go with this again.
Me?
I couldn't tell anyone.
I mean, I'm the person that's here for you five days a week.
I've taken your laundry and dry cleaning.
I didn't tell a lot of people.
I only told one person, you know?
You've told me secrets before.
I'm sorry.
Now I have to have everybody mad at me?
'Cause I didn't tell everybody I know?
It's not my fault, I told one person.
Wanda is here, she's in the restroom.
She'll be out in a minute
and she'd like to speak with you, Larry.
Hey, big mouth!
What did I tell you, Larry?
Do you think this'll get me out of the dog house?
This is hard to find.
You can smell that?
Yeah, oh yeah.
So, that's the one that Wanda got.
That's it, yeah.
I just hope it does the trick.
Paul and I spent the whole weekend in palm Springs.
It was really a disruption.
Yeah.
To pack up and leave like that.
I'm sorry there wasn't an attack.
Well, Larry, I mean, I know that you had the best of intentions.
But my god, it was a huge inconvenience for us.
Yeah, I was just trying to save your life.
Yes, yes, I know.
And we drove for three hours to the desert
with the dog and the cats.
Four seasons was booked.
We ended up staying at a super eight motel.
It was awful.
I'm sorry I mentioned anything.
I tried to be a nice guy,
I'm trying to help to save your life,
and then you have a terrible weekend on my account.
Larry, Larry, no, no, no, I understand.
It would've been nice if there was a small explosion,
something where nobody got hurt.
A little, you know, a little firecracker or something.
What happened with you guys?
How did the n.R.D.C. Thing go?
Not too good.
What happened?
Nobody showed up.
Why not?
Everybody heard about the terrorist attack
and left town.
Oh my god.
'Cause I didn't say anything,
I was wondering if perhaps
you had mentioned something to anyone.
Me, why would I say anything?
You told me not to say anything.
Oh, that's terrible.
Hey, it's Martin short.
Larry?
I know him.
Larry!
Lar...
Marty.
Larry, oh, my god, Larry, how are you?
Good, how you doing?
I'm good, how are you?
Good, how's your show doing on the comedy central?
You do that big fat guy...
Prime time glick, yes.
Prime time glick?
How do you do that voice, what is that, how does that?
I try and do it at home.
It's ranges that go high and then go very low.
Ranges that go high and then go very low.
No, but you're not going low.
High, very high.
High.
No, that sounds like miss piggy.
No, it's not that at all.
It's much more not to pat myself on the back,
much more original.
Oh, my goodness, Larry David.
How wonderful to see you.
See you have that kind of, that flat New York thing.
Well, let try, let me try one more time.
High, and then low.
And then be stunned in the middle.
No, no, now, see, you've had a stroke.
You see, now, you don't want to play a stroke victim.
Oh, Jesus.
You know what?
I left her hanging in the store there,
she's gonna be mad.
There are more impersonations I'd love to teach you.
Well, good to see you.
Okay, good to see you, Larry.
Okay, b'bye.
Pick it up just a little closer.
We may not even need this actually.
Yeah, I don't know.
The acoustics are great in this house.
And you would know because...
Well, we often have Friday night services here.
Oh, my god, this is so exciting.
I am so excited.
I mean, I'm acting like I'm not thrilled
to be sitting here with you,
but I am just out of my mind right now.
Me too, I've been urinating all day.
Really?
That's the effect I often have on people.
You've got to be kidding me?!
They invited the reisers and not us?
I don't know what I'm gonna do.
But I'm gonna do something.
Thank you.
Oh, my god, thanks for coming over,
and I can't wait for tonight.
Yeah, me too, I'll see you guys.
Okay, see you later.
Alright.
Hey, you gonna do, "you ought to know"?
We can.
Yeah, you want that one?
Yeah.
Okay.
That would be good.
We haven't done it in a while so we can do it.
The unplugged version.
A lot of discussion about that song.
Yeah, non-stop for a while.
It's dying down a little bit, thank god.
You never tell anybody, huh?
No.
I purposely don't tell anybody
because it's not what the song is written for.
I understand.
Ever want to unburden yourself,
I just want you to know.
I won't tell a soul I won't even tell her.
Really? Absolutely.
You guys don't have pillow talk when you divulge things?
When people tell me something, they only tell me.
They don't tell both of us.
Alright, that's cool.
I haven't really told anyone.
It would maybe good to...
Tell you.
But you can't tell anybody.
Don't worry, I won't say a word.
( Tires screeching )
( Growling )
Mm, interesting.
So that's what it is.
So, I'll see you later.
Alright, see you later.
Yeah, bye.
What did I miss?
Oh, she's just telling me about what songs
she's gonna do and all that.
Oh, okay.
Well, I'm gonna make these guys a sandwich real quick.
Do you want something?
No.
No, you're good?
Yeah. Okay.
Why don't you guys come back here with me
and we'll see what I can do.
Thanks, cool.
( Tires screeching and car crashing )
Jesus.
Jesus, you didn't even freaking look.
You come flying down the hill.
You were going 1,000 miles an hour on the left side,
what is this, Australia?
Are you okay?
Yes, I'm okay, my neck hurts.
This is a Cadillac, a c.T.S.
This is a brand new car.
You're trying to sabotage the event, aren't you?
Well, by the way, thanks for inviting us.
Freak you.
Freak you!
Freak you! Freak you!
* but this won't work now the way it once did *
* and I won't keep it up even though I would love to *
* once I know who I'm not then I'll know who I am *
* but I know I won't keep on playing the victim *
( applause )
Thank you so much, under the circumstances...
Mindy Reiser's been snubbing me all night.
She has?
Yeah, she won't even look at me.
Because of the Martin short thing?
Yeah.
I turned it around, and then I do it again.
Mm.
I think we have one song left.
And it's a song that was specially requested,
and it's called "you ought to know".
It goes something like this.
* I want you to know
* that I'm happy for you
excuse me, sir.
Excuse me.
( Whispering ) I know who this song is about.
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a division of time Warner entertainment company, l.P.
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