1 00:00:06,833 --> 00:00:09,033 ( Theme music playing ) 2 00:00:22,933 --> 00:00:25,600 - Hey, Larry. - Hi, cha cha. 3 00:00:25,633 --> 00:00:28,000 Thanks again for recommending me for this job. 4 00:00:28,033 --> 00:00:31,733 - Thanks. You were so great. - Oh. Good. 5 00:00:31,767 --> 00:00:33,533 And Richard says thank you too. 6 00:00:33,567 --> 00:00:34,767 ( Giggles ) 7 00:00:34,800 --> 00:00:36,667 - Aren't these great? - Yeah. 8 00:00:36,700 --> 00:00:38,333 You like 'em? I could get you a pair. 9 00:00:38,367 --> 00:00:40,300 Nah, that's okay. I'm going to the bathroom. 10 00:00:40,333 --> 00:00:42,176 It's like Ross down by the airport... they don't do just clothes. 11 00:00:42,200 --> 00:00:45,100 They do housewares too, if you're interested. 12 00:00:45,133 --> 00:00:47,667 - That's okay. I'll... I'll... - so how are you today? 13 00:00:47,700 --> 00:00:50,600 - Good. I'm just going to the bathroom. - Yeah? Is that Prada? 14 00:00:50,633 --> 00:00:52,733 - Hey, Larry. - Oh, hey, Burt. 15 00:00:52,767 --> 00:00:55,833 - 1:00 lunch, right? - Yeah, 1:00. 16 00:00:55,867 --> 00:00:57,400 Yeah, lunch with the wives. 17 00:00:57,433 --> 00:00:59,733 Downstairs, yeah. See you then. 18 00:00:59,767 --> 00:01:02,066 - He's great, isn't he? - He is a good guy, yeah. 19 00:01:02,067 --> 00:01:03,676 I wanna be a producer. How do you become a producer? 20 00:01:03,700 --> 00:01:05,433 You know, you gotta know people. 21 00:01:05,467 --> 00:01:08,300 - Well, I know you. - You know me, yeah. That's true. Okay. 22 00:01:08,333 --> 00:01:12,133 - Maybe we could talk about that sometime over lunch. - Yeah, sure. 23 00:01:12,167 --> 00:01:14,500 Great. Okay. Just let me know when... 24 00:01:14,533 --> 00:01:17,300 All right, okay. - ...And I'll write it in my filofax. 25 00:01:30,433 --> 00:01:32,467 Wow, that was quick. 26 00:01:35,267 --> 00:01:39,800 You don't really need to comment 27 00:01:39,833 --> 00:01:41,867 on what's going on 28 00:01:41,900 --> 00:01:44,833 - in terms of that or anything. - Oh, okay. I'm sorry. 29 00:01:44,867 --> 00:01:47,233 Okay. By the way, how do you get here in the morning? 30 00:01:47,267 --> 00:01:50,800 I'm having a hard time getting here on time. What if we carpooled? 31 00:01:50,833 --> 00:01:53,133 I really gotta get back, okay? So... 32 00:01:53,167 --> 00:01:55,067 Okay, maybe you could think about it and... 33 00:01:55,100 --> 00:01:58,300 Yeah, we're not... we probably won't be able to work that out, 34 00:01:58,333 --> 00:02:00,367 but I'll... we'll think about it. 35 00:02:00,400 --> 00:02:02,300 You have one of those healthy cars. 36 00:02:02,333 --> 00:02:03,933 How does it work? 37 00:02:03,967 --> 00:02:06,767 You put your footon the gas. 38 00:02:09,133 --> 00:02:11,300 It was like having a bathroom monitor. 39 00:02:11,333 --> 00:02:13,633 - I have a bathroom monitor. - Oh, that's terrible. 40 00:02:13,667 --> 00:02:15,800 Why don't you go at home, like I do? 41 00:02:15,833 --> 00:02:17,200 I don't like to go in my house. 42 00:02:17,233 --> 00:02:19,167 Who doesn't like to go in their house? 43 00:02:19,200 --> 00:02:21,833 Cheryl has... you know, she's an environmentalist. 44 00:02:21,867 --> 00:02:24,066 She has this recycled 45 00:02:24,067 --> 00:02:25,967 post-consumer toilet paper all over the house. 46 00:02:26,067 --> 00:02:28,133 - Oh. - It's coarse. 47 00:02:28,167 --> 00:02:30,067 It's like going to the port authority 48 00:02:30,100 --> 00:02:31,476 - or a whaling vessel. - A whaling vessel! 49 00:02:31,500 --> 00:02:35,767 I can't go here and I can't go there. It's horrible. 50 00:02:35,800 --> 00:02:37,400 Oh, jeez. 51 00:02:37,433 --> 00:02:40,267 All right, let's go to lunch. 52 00:02:40,300 --> 00:02:42,833 I love that you have a restaurant in your building. 53 00:02:44,933 --> 00:02:46,767 - Oh, and Larry... - Mmm. 54 00:02:46,800 --> 00:02:48,933 Again, I want to thank you for cha cha. 55 00:02:48,967 --> 00:02:50,567 - That has worked out very well. - What? 56 00:02:50,600 --> 00:02:52,376 - Cha cha. She's been wonderful. - Oh my god, cha cha? 57 00:02:52,400 --> 00:02:54,500 - Cha cha's been wonderful. - Are you kidding me? 58 00:02:54,533 --> 00:02:57,567 I apologize for having even recommended her. 59 00:02:57,600 --> 00:02:59,367 - No no. - You don't have to lie to me. 60 00:02:59,400 --> 00:03:01,367 Okay? You don't have to lie to me. 61 00:03:01,400 --> 00:03:03,833 No, I wouldn't. No, she's worked out very well. 62 00:03:03,867 --> 00:03:05,800 - No, she's terrible. - Better than expected. 63 00:03:05,833 --> 00:03:07,776 She's terrible and if you want to fire her, go ahead. 64 00:03:07,800 --> 00:03:09,133 Oh, right. No no. 65 00:03:09,167 --> 00:03:10,643 - Don't keep her on my account, okay? - I won't. 66 00:03:10,667 --> 00:03:12,343 You're not gonna hurt my feelings if you fire her. 67 00:03:12,367 --> 00:03:14,500 We're very happy with her. What can I say? 68 00:03:14,533 --> 00:03:16,076 I tell you what: I've noticed that every time 69 00:03:16,100 --> 00:03:19,333 I pass your office... That she's not working, 70 00:03:19,367 --> 00:03:22,500 that she's reading or talking on the phone. By the way... 71 00:03:22,533 --> 00:03:25,533 Well, that's her job. She's supposed to... she's a receptionist. 72 00:03:25,567 --> 00:03:29,333 She's supposed to use obscenities every other word, 73 00:03:29,367 --> 00:03:33,066 say "fuck" and "fuck this, cunt that" the whole time? 74 00:03:33,067 --> 00:03:34,276 - Susie: You're kidding me. - No, I'm not kidding. 75 00:03:34,300 --> 00:03:37,200 - The "c" word? - It's true, I swear. 76 00:03:37,233 --> 00:03:39,600 Oh, she's been very... She really came along 77 00:03:39,633 --> 00:03:41,767 at a good time for all of us. 78 00:03:41,800 --> 00:03:44,300 I am very impressed, Barbara, that you are here today. 79 00:03:44,333 --> 00:03:46,066 - Oh, thank you. Me too. - They've got nine kids. 80 00:03:46,067 --> 00:03:48,066 - Susie: Nine kids? Nine kids? - Yeah. Yeah. 81 00:03:48,067 --> 00:03:51,367 - Jeff: Nine kids? That's unbelievable. - Barbara: I know. 82 00:03:51,400 --> 00:03:52,476 Larry: Jesus, you're kidding. 83 00:03:52,500 --> 00:03:54,667 It's a little egotistical though, isn't it... 84 00:03:54,700 --> 00:03:56,333 Burt: No, it's really not up to us. 85 00:03:56,367 --> 00:03:58,066 To have so many of you? 86 00:03:58,067 --> 00:04:00,733 You want to bring so much more of you into the world. 87 00:04:00,767 --> 00:04:03,066 Hey hey hey, you should tell Larry about your dad's shop. 88 00:04:03,067 --> 00:04:05,700 Oh, my dad has opened this barbershop. 89 00:04:05,733 --> 00:04:08,066 He wants you both to come, special invitation. 90 00:04:08,067 --> 00:04:10,433 Completely retro, very old-school. 91 00:04:10,467 --> 00:04:13,333 - You mean, like the old barbershops? - Oh yeah, with the pole. 92 00:04:13,367 --> 00:04:14,900 I love that. What a great idea. 93 00:04:14,933 --> 00:04:16,876 - The first thing he did was get the pole. - I'm gonna go. 94 00:04:16,900 --> 00:04:18,309 - Jeff: I'm gonna go with you. - Does he do the hot towels? 95 00:04:18,333 --> 00:04:21,066 - Should we go to the barbershop? - I'm with you. Let's go. 96 00:04:21,067 --> 00:04:23,067 - We're gonna go. - Yeah, get a cut and a shave. 97 00:04:23,100 --> 00:04:26,500 - A little aqua velva? - Susie: Like "the godfather." 98 00:04:26,533 --> 00:04:28,176 Waiter: I hope that you enjoyed your lunch. 99 00:04:28,200 --> 00:04:29,476 Jeff: Daviday, it was fantastic. 100 00:04:29,500 --> 00:04:31,066 Good. I want to let you know 101 00:04:31,067 --> 00:04:32,943 that we are going to send our Autumn food jellies 102 00:04:32,967 --> 00:04:36,066 made of concentrated sugar, apricots 103 00:04:36,067 --> 00:04:37,767 and winter fruits and nuts. 104 00:04:37,800 --> 00:04:40,167 - Susie: Oh, delicious. - Winter fruits. 105 00:04:40,200 --> 00:04:41,643 - A nice treat, a nice treat. - Yummy. 106 00:04:41,667 --> 00:04:43,900 Now tell me, is there anything else I can do for you? 107 00:04:43,933 --> 00:04:46,209 You know what? You could wrap this up for me to take home. 108 00:04:46,233 --> 00:04:49,300 Very good. You're going to warm that up for a nice luncheon? 109 00:04:49,333 --> 00:04:52,133 Uh, no, actually. It's for the dog. 110 00:04:53,367 --> 00:04:55,400 We have a policy that we do not give food 111 00:04:55,433 --> 00:04:57,933 that was prepared for people to animals. 112 00:04:57,967 --> 00:04:59,767 Well, I'm giving this to the dog. You're not. 113 00:04:59,800 --> 00:05:01,800 So just wrap it up. I'll give it to the dog. 114 00:05:01,833 --> 00:05:04,133 No, that is the policy of the restaurant. 115 00:05:04,167 --> 00:05:06,400 All right, daviday, forget I said it. 116 00:05:06,433 --> 00:05:08,700 Just wrap it up. I'm taking it home. Okay? 117 00:05:08,733 --> 00:05:11,467 We do not give doggy bags to dogs. 118 00:05:11,500 --> 00:05:14,433 Why do you think they call it a goddamn doggy bag, huh? 119 00:05:14,467 --> 00:05:16,066 If you want to feed an animal, why don't you 120 00:05:16,067 --> 00:05:18,367 go to petco and get a bag of kibble? 121 00:05:18,400 --> 00:05:20,733 Well, I give him kibble and I like to spice it up 122 00:05:20,767 --> 00:05:23,867 - with a little steak every now and then. - I can bring you corn. 123 00:05:23,900 --> 00:05:25,576 - I don't want corn. This is my steak. - Okay, you know what? 124 00:05:25,600 --> 00:05:26,767 - Hey hey hey. - What? 125 00:05:26,800 --> 00:05:30,233 You know what? I'm gonna take that home. 126 00:05:30,267 --> 00:05:33,367 - Susie: Oh, okay. - Do you mind? Do you mind? 127 00:05:33,400 --> 00:05:36,400 - You take it home. - Daviday, I'm gonna take this home. 128 00:05:36,433 --> 00:05:38,200 - Do you have an animal? - No. 129 00:05:38,233 --> 00:05:41,600 - Does he have an animal? - No. 130 00:05:41,633 --> 00:05:43,600 So you are going to eat that? 131 00:05:43,633 --> 00:05:44,600 Yes. 132 00:05:44,633 --> 00:05:46,167 - You promise me? - Yeah. 133 00:05:50,200 --> 00:05:51,967 We shall see. 134 00:05:55,067 --> 00:05:58,367 - Susie: A fucking nutjob. - "We shall see"? 135 00:05:58,400 --> 00:06:00,733 - Susie: What does that mean? - Larry: It's a little crazy 136 00:06:00,767 --> 00:06:02,700 that you can't give a doggy bag to a dog. 137 00:06:02,733 --> 00:06:05,633 - Jeff: It's none of their business. - Thank you. Thank you. 138 00:06:05,667 --> 00:06:08,167 - All right, I'm going to the bathroom. - All right. 139 00:06:08,200 --> 00:06:10,133 Jeff: You're excused. 140 00:06:13,200 --> 00:06:15,767 Hey, Larry. Long time no see. 141 00:06:15,800 --> 00:06:17,533 - Hey, cha cha. - Hey. 142 00:06:17,567 --> 00:06:19,567 - Have you had the fruit plate here? - No. 143 00:06:19,600 --> 00:06:21,066 - It's excellent. - Really? 144 00:06:21,067 --> 00:06:22,876 - You have to try it. Taste this. - No, please. 145 00:06:22,900 --> 00:06:26,633 - It's the ripest cantaloupe. - I've had fruit. Fruit's fruit pretty much. 146 00:06:26,667 --> 00:06:29,233 What did you have for lunch? 147 00:06:29,267 --> 00:06:31,066 - I had some chicken. - Chicken? 148 00:06:31,067 --> 00:06:33,500 Chicken and fruit go together. You can have this for dessert. 149 00:06:33,533 --> 00:06:35,243 - Okay, I gotta... - It's really really good. 150 00:06:35,267 --> 00:06:36,900 I highly recommend it. 151 00:06:36,933 --> 00:06:39,233 Mm, that time again, huh? 152 00:06:57,367 --> 00:06:59,400 - Oh, cool, you're here. I owe you. - Oh, hey. 153 00:06:59,433 --> 00:07:01,376 Good to see you, man. I was just over at cha cha's. 154 00:07:01,400 --> 00:07:04,200 Ooh, god, is she beautiful. Whew. Jesus. 155 00:07:04,233 --> 00:07:07,100 Listen, I had an idea. I want to go to a movie tomorrow night 156 00:07:07,133 --> 00:07:09,333 and maybe... it's been a while... let's double-date, 157 00:07:09,367 --> 00:07:10,933 cha cha and me and you and Cheryl. 158 00:07:10,967 --> 00:07:13,833 What do you think? 159 00:07:13,867 --> 00:07:15,500 - Uh... - why the hesitation? 160 00:07:15,533 --> 00:07:18,200 I don't know. I mean, I don't know what our plans are. 161 00:07:18,233 --> 00:07:19,933 I'll let you know. I'll call you. 162 00:07:19,967 --> 00:07:22,167 What's wrong? 163 00:07:24,633 --> 00:07:26,700 You know, I got cha cha this job and all... 164 00:07:26,733 --> 00:07:27,843 Yeah, and she loves you for it. Me too, by the way. 165 00:07:27,867 --> 00:07:31,967 Yeah, well, it's not really working out for me, 166 00:07:32,067 --> 00:07:34,100 I gotta tell you. 167 00:07:34,133 --> 00:07:35,167 Why not? 168 00:07:35,200 --> 00:07:37,066 Her office is right across from the bathroom. 169 00:07:37,067 --> 00:07:40,200 - Yeah, I know. - Every time I go to the bathroom 170 00:07:40,233 --> 00:07:43,333 I have to have this... Stop and chat with her 171 00:07:43,367 --> 00:07:47,500 both before I go and after I go. It's too much. 172 00:07:47,533 --> 00:07:49,900 She means well. By the way, she's told me 173 00:07:49,933 --> 00:07:53,367 that you go to the bathroom, like, 10 to 14 times a day. 174 00:07:53,400 --> 00:07:55,667 You move your bowels, you piss... 175 00:07:55,700 --> 00:07:57,467 Are you all right? She was concerned. 176 00:07:57,500 --> 00:07:59,267 Okay, do you see what I'm saying? 177 00:07:59,300 --> 00:08:02,433 This is what I'm talking about. This is none of her business... 178 00:08:02,467 --> 00:08:04,133 How often I go to the bathroom, 179 00:08:04,167 --> 00:08:06,667 what I'm doing in there, how long I'm in there. 180 00:08:06,700 --> 00:08:09,533 Talking to you about my personal bathroom habits... 181 00:08:09,567 --> 00:08:12,533 That's not good, all right? It's too much. It's too much. 182 00:08:12,567 --> 00:08:15,276 Someone's got to sit there. Would you rather have a klansman sitting there? 183 00:08:15,300 --> 00:08:18,400 No, I'd rather have a stranger, frankly... a stranger sitting there 184 00:08:18,433 --> 00:08:20,700 who I don't have to report into. 185 00:08:20,733 --> 00:08:23,733 - She cares about you. - Oh, she cares about me? 186 00:08:23,767 --> 00:08:25,900 Yeah. Okay, listen, it's none of her business. 187 00:08:25,933 --> 00:08:27,900 She has bowel concern for you and I do too. 188 00:08:27,933 --> 00:08:29,633 I don't need her bowel concern. 189 00:08:29,667 --> 00:08:32,143 - How much water do you drink? - I drink a lot of water, that's all. 190 00:08:32,167 --> 00:08:33,133 - Big deal. - A lot of water? You drink more than a porpoise. 191 00:08:33,167 --> 00:08:36,300 Yeah, usually I have bottles of water. 192 00:08:36,333 --> 00:08:38,176 - I don't know where they are. - No one pisses that often 193 00:08:38,200 --> 00:08:40,176 without drinking, like, thousands of gallons a week. 194 00:08:40,200 --> 00:08:42,567 Okay, all right, let's stop talking about this. 195 00:08:42,600 --> 00:08:45,567 My bathroom habits are not your concern, okay? 196 00:08:45,600 --> 00:08:47,800 All right, I won't care about your health. Fine. 197 00:08:47,833 --> 00:08:49,743 You don't need to care about... I'm in very good health. 198 00:08:49,767 --> 00:08:51,667 - You are? - I got a beautiful colon. 199 00:08:51,700 --> 00:08:53,576 - You wanna take a picture of my colon? - I have a vhs of mine. 200 00:08:53,600 --> 00:08:56,400 Fine. You can put my colon up next to your colon. 201 00:08:56,433 --> 00:08:57,776 We'll see who's got a cleaner, healthier colon. 202 00:08:57,800 --> 00:08:59,576 I'll have a colon contest with you any time you want. 203 00:08:59,600 --> 00:09:02,066 Any time you want to have a colon contest, buddy, yeah. 204 00:09:02,067 --> 00:09:04,300 You're shitting and pissing almost 70 times a week. 205 00:09:04,333 --> 00:09:07,333 Get the hell out of here. This is ridiculous. 206 00:09:07,367 --> 00:09:08,500 She's right next to you. 207 00:09:08,533 --> 00:09:10,066 I don't want her monitoring 208 00:09:10,067 --> 00:09:13,700 my bathroom habits, okay? 209 00:09:13,733 --> 00:09:15,700 What are you eating? A lot of grains 210 00:09:15,733 --> 00:09:17,633 and fruit and nuts like a Jew squirrel? 211 00:09:17,667 --> 00:09:19,900 - Okay. - Where are you going? 212 00:09:19,933 --> 00:09:21,176 You're not going to the bathroom again? 213 00:09:21,200 --> 00:09:22,600 No, I'm not going to the bathroom. 214 00:09:22,633 --> 00:09:24,233 - You are going to the bathroom. - No. 215 00:09:24,267 --> 00:09:26,233 I bet you are going to the bathroom. 216 00:10:00,067 --> 00:10:01,900 ( Screaming ) 217 00:10:21,400 --> 00:10:22,933 So what happened? 218 00:10:22,967 --> 00:10:25,667 I flushed a toilet and it was, like, 219 00:10:25,700 --> 00:10:28,667 the loudest flush, like a Sonic boom went off. 220 00:10:28,700 --> 00:10:31,900 - It just was so loud that I was thrown back. - Really? 221 00:10:31,933 --> 00:10:33,767 I was trapped inside the stall 222 00:10:33,800 --> 00:10:36,433 and I'm telling you, it's killing me. 223 00:10:36,467 --> 00:10:38,800 Okay, so you're having some pain there. 224 00:10:38,833 --> 00:10:40,400 - Right ear, yeah. - Right ear, okay. 225 00:10:40,433 --> 00:10:42,667 Let me just ask you a couple other questions. 226 00:10:42,700 --> 00:10:44,533 Re you experiencing any dizziness? 227 00:10:44,567 --> 00:10:46,233 - No. - No. 228 00:10:46,267 --> 00:10:48,333 - Any shortness of breath? - No. 229 00:10:48,367 --> 00:10:50,433 - Aches and pains anywhere else? - No. 230 00:10:50,467 --> 00:10:52,100 Are you going to the bathroom a lot? 231 00:10:53,900 --> 00:10:57,067 I don't see how that's relevant, really... 232 00:10:57,100 --> 00:10:58,176 Am I going to the bathroom a lot. 233 00:10:58,200 --> 00:11:01,367 Are you urinatinga lot? 234 00:11:01,400 --> 00:11:03,067 What does that have to do with my ear? 235 00:11:03,100 --> 00:11:05,167 This is a standard medical question. It's all... 236 00:11:05,200 --> 00:11:08,667 I know, but I really don't think it's relevant 237 00:11:08,700 --> 00:11:10,600 how often I go to the bathroom. 238 00:11:10,633 --> 00:11:11,909 With all due respect, I think I'm the one 239 00:11:11,933 --> 00:11:14,233 who should tell you if it's relevant or not. And it is. 240 00:11:14,267 --> 00:11:18,200 Well, let's just say... let's just move on. How about that? 241 00:11:18,233 --> 00:11:20,233 What, you're not gonna tell me about urination? 242 00:11:20,267 --> 00:11:22,433 I'd really rather not talk about it. 243 00:11:22,467 --> 00:11:24,900 I don't see how it's anybody's business, frankly, you know. 244 00:11:24,933 --> 00:11:27,367 It's kind of private and I really don't think... 245 00:11:27,400 --> 00:11:29,167 - How is it private? - It's private. 246 00:11:29,200 --> 00:11:31,376 How often I go to the bathroom is kind of a private thing. 247 00:11:31,400 --> 00:11:33,767 Yeah, but I'm not some... we're not on a bus. I'm a doctor. 248 00:11:33,800 --> 00:11:36,900 We'll just have to make a diagnosis without this information. 249 00:11:36,933 --> 00:11:38,867 I'm normal. Let's just say that, okay? 250 00:11:38,900 --> 00:11:41,467 - What does "normal" mean? - Everything's normal. It's normal. 251 00:11:41,500 --> 00:11:43,533 Three times a day, four times a day? 252 00:11:43,567 --> 00:11:44,876 Do we have to get into a specific number? 253 00:11:44,900 --> 00:11:46,667 Do we have to get a number attached to it? 254 00:11:46,700 --> 00:11:49,667 - Yeah, it's science. - However often people are supposed to go, I go, 255 00:11:49,700 --> 00:11:51,700 unless I drink a lot of water. And, you know, 256 00:11:51,733 --> 00:11:54,833 sometimes I drink a lot of water and I'll go a lot. 257 00:11:54,867 --> 00:11:56,576 If you had an office next to the bathroom and it was one of those days 258 00:11:56,600 --> 00:11:59,243 I was drinking a lot of water, you'd say, "boy, this guy goes a lot." 259 00:11:59,267 --> 00:12:01,367 But so what? So what? 260 00:12:01,400 --> 00:12:03,176 - What are you talking about? - I'm talking about, 261 00:12:03,200 --> 00:12:04,967 you know, urination frequency 262 00:12:05,067 --> 00:12:07,167 if I happen to be drinking a lot of water, 263 00:12:07,200 --> 00:12:09,700 which I have been doing lately, so maybe lately 264 00:12:09,733 --> 00:12:11,767 I've been going more often than I normally would. 265 00:12:11,800 --> 00:12:13,400 - Great. - But it's good for you 266 00:12:13,433 --> 00:12:15,133 to drink water. That's a good thing. 267 00:12:15,167 --> 00:12:16,776 - That's all I wanted to hear. - That's a good thing, drinking water. 268 00:12:16,800 --> 00:12:19,867 Yes, sure sure. Okay, let's move on. 269 00:12:19,900 --> 00:12:20,867 Please. 270 00:12:20,900 --> 00:12:22,967 How's your stool? 271 00:12:25,200 --> 00:12:27,667 Please. Stool's fine. Let's move on. 272 00:12:27,700 --> 00:12:29,533 - All right. - You know, again, 273 00:12:29,567 --> 00:12:31,900 I mean, if I do drink a lot of water, 274 00:12:31,933 --> 00:12:34,267 I eat a lot of salad too. So that's good. 275 00:12:34,300 --> 00:12:36,600 It's normal, okay? Is it more than once a day? 276 00:12:36,633 --> 00:12:39,066 Many times it is, yeah. More than twice a day? 277 00:12:39,067 --> 00:12:40,900 Sometimes, you know. Who knows? 278 00:12:40,933 --> 00:12:43,700 If you had an office next to the bathroom and I was going 279 00:12:43,733 --> 00:12:45,909 and you looked at your watch and you saw how long I was in there, 280 00:12:45,933 --> 00:12:48,333 you might say, "oh, boy, he goes a lot." 281 00:12:48,367 --> 00:12:50,076 But so what? That's good. That's a good thing. 282 00:12:50,100 --> 00:12:52,543 All right, I apologize for... - let's just... can we get to the ear? 283 00:12:52,567 --> 00:12:56,066 Sure sure. So here's... it's pretty simple, really. I'm gonna suggest... 284 00:12:56,067 --> 00:12:58,333 I'm exhausted from being here, 285 00:12:58,367 --> 00:13:00,200 you know, having to talk about my stool, 286 00:13:00,233 --> 00:13:03,733 how often I'm urinating. I mean, you know, my ear hurts. 287 00:13:03,767 --> 00:13:05,476 Okay, here's what I'm gonna suggest for your ear: 288 00:13:05,500 --> 00:13:07,267 You just basically stay off it. 289 00:13:07,300 --> 00:13:09,066 Use your left ear to talk on the phone 290 00:13:09,067 --> 00:13:12,600 if you need to for some reason favor an ear, favor the left one. 291 00:13:12,633 --> 00:13:14,233 Don't use the phone from my right ear? 292 00:13:14,267 --> 00:13:15,576 Yeah. I mean, you just want to limit 293 00:13:15,600 --> 00:13:18,300 the amount of noise that goes into it. 294 00:13:18,333 --> 00:13:20,433 You want me to talk lefty? 295 00:13:20,467 --> 00:13:22,167 Yeah, just talk lefty. 296 00:13:22,200 --> 00:13:24,066 I have a hard time talking lefty on the phone. 297 00:13:24,067 --> 00:13:26,476 Everything comes out wrong. It's like throwing lefty. I can't do it. 298 00:13:26,500 --> 00:13:30,066 I'm not myself. I feel different, strange, like I'm not me. 299 00:13:30,067 --> 00:13:33,800 I'm not comfortable talking lefty. 300 00:13:33,833 --> 00:13:37,767 All I can do is give you my expert opinion, okay? 301 00:13:37,800 --> 00:13:40,243 So that's what I'm suggesting. I'm suggesting you stay off the right ear. 302 00:13:40,267 --> 00:13:41,867 Okay, fine. I'll talk lefty. 303 00:13:41,900 --> 00:13:43,567 And I also think it wouldn't hurt you 304 00:13:43,600 --> 00:13:45,443 to talk to your therapist about your bathroom issues, 305 00:13:45,467 --> 00:13:48,267 'cause there's clearly something going on there. 306 00:13:48,300 --> 00:13:49,367 Okay? 307 00:13:49,400 --> 00:13:52,066 I think I'd like to see somebody else. 308 00:13:52,067 --> 00:13:54,066 All right. That's your right. Fine. 309 00:13:54,067 --> 00:13:55,900 Is there somebody in the office I could see? 310 00:13:55,933 --> 00:13:57,600 Now? 311 00:13:57,633 --> 00:14:00,133 No no, you have to make an appointment. 312 00:14:02,433 --> 00:14:04,467 This isn't McDonald's, okay? 313 00:14:04,500 --> 00:14:06,567 Okay, fine. 314 00:14:06,600 --> 00:14:07,567 - Okay, all right. - Okay, thank you. 315 00:14:07,600 --> 00:14:09,100 Thank you. 316 00:14:17,867 --> 00:14:19,767 What the fuck are you looking at, jewboy? 317 00:14:21,300 --> 00:14:23,133 Fucking faggot. 318 00:14:25,467 --> 00:14:27,067 That's right, keep walking. 319 00:14:36,200 --> 00:14:38,900 Hey. - Come on, let's deal with it. 320 00:14:38,933 --> 00:14:41,367 - Can we talk to you? - What? Wow. Hey hey. 321 00:14:41,400 --> 00:14:44,066 - I like Cheryl. She's sweet, but... - Yeah. 322 00:14:44,067 --> 00:14:48,133 She's nice, but the toilet paper... 323 00:14:48,167 --> 00:14:50,066 I've never seen no toilet paper like that. 324 00:14:50,067 --> 00:14:51,733 Have you been to port authority before, 325 00:14:51,767 --> 00:14:53,176 - the port authority in New York City? - Yeah. 326 00:14:53,200 --> 00:14:55,200 That's what it feels like. 327 00:14:55,233 --> 00:14:57,767 - Real close. - I said the same thing the other day. 328 00:14:57,800 --> 00:14:59,733 - Mm-hmm. - Did you get that from me? 329 00:14:59,767 --> 00:15:03,200 Yeah. - Y'all got some funny kind of toilet paper here. 330 00:15:03,233 --> 00:15:05,576 - We can't deal with this toilet paper. - Hey, tell me about it. 331 00:15:05,600 --> 00:15:07,600 - You know what I mean? It's rough. - It's rough. 332 00:15:07,633 --> 00:15:10,133 Well, you know, it's an environmental thing. 333 00:15:10,167 --> 00:15:13,067 She's doing it for the environment. What can I do? 334 00:15:13,100 --> 00:15:15,867 Can you do us a favor? Can we get some soft toilet paper to use? 335 00:15:15,900 --> 00:15:18,076 - All right, okay. - Auntie rae: The babies' behinds are hurting. 336 00:15:18,100 --> 00:15:20,467 All right. 337 00:15:20,500 --> 00:15:22,900 Here's what I'm gonna suggest: 338 00:15:22,933 --> 00:15:25,867 - You want soft paper? - Oh, yes. No doubt. 339 00:15:25,900 --> 00:15:29,066 - I'll get you your soft toilet paper... - Okay, cool. 340 00:15:29,067 --> 00:15:32,233 Under one condition... 341 00:15:32,267 --> 00:15:34,967 I want access to the toilet. 342 00:15:35,067 --> 00:15:37,209 - You want to use our bathroom? - So what you're saying is, 343 00:15:37,233 --> 00:15:39,209 you want to come in our bathroom and use our bathroom? 344 00:15:39,233 --> 00:15:40,567 You got it. 345 00:15:40,600 --> 00:15:43,500 - I want some soft toilet paper. - Okay, fine. 346 00:15:43,533 --> 00:15:45,543 - It's all about the tissue. - Okay, you have a deal. 347 00:15:45,567 --> 00:15:47,967 - Auntie rae, all right. - Deal. 348 00:15:48,067 --> 00:15:52,100 - My man. - Leon. Oh, hey, by the way, 349 00:15:52,133 --> 00:15:54,333 if Cheryl finds out, 350 00:15:54,367 --> 00:15:55,800 you're all going down with me. 351 00:15:55,833 --> 00:15:57,933 - We got your back. - We got your back. 352 00:15:57,967 --> 00:15:59,367 - Cool. - What it is what it is. 353 00:15:59,400 --> 00:16:01,933 Leon, come here. I need to talk to you. 354 00:16:01,967 --> 00:16:03,400 What's going down, Larry? 355 00:16:03,433 --> 00:16:06,300 Listen to this, all right? 356 00:16:06,333 --> 00:16:07,800 I'm in a doctor's office earlier, 357 00:16:07,833 --> 00:16:10,500 there's a guy sitting there, a skinhead, okay? 358 00:16:10,533 --> 00:16:12,633 He looks at me and he says, 359 00:16:12,667 --> 00:16:15,167 "what the fuck are you looking at, jewboy?" 360 00:16:15,200 --> 00:16:16,367 - What? - "fucking faggot." 361 00:16:16,400 --> 00:16:20,367 What? Okay, what'd you do? 362 00:16:20,400 --> 00:16:22,167 - What'd I do? - Yeah, what'd you do? 363 00:16:22,200 --> 00:16:24,600 I slunk out. 364 00:16:24,633 --> 00:16:25,967 You slunk out? 365 00:16:26,067 --> 00:16:27,700 Slunk. I slunk out. 366 00:16:27,733 --> 00:16:29,733 So you didn't do shit and you punked out. 367 00:16:29,767 --> 00:16:30,776 That's what the fuck happened, right? 368 00:16:30,800 --> 00:16:32,800 Yeah, I punked out. I punked out. 369 00:16:32,833 --> 00:16:34,833 - How'd that happen? - Well, what was I gonna do? 370 00:16:34,867 --> 00:16:36,067 The guy could have killed me. 371 00:16:36,100 --> 00:16:37,776 Next time a man calls you a fucking faggot, 372 00:16:37,800 --> 00:16:40,333 you get in that ass, Larry. Know what I mean? 373 00:16:40,367 --> 00:16:42,667 You get in that ass, Larry. That's what the fuck you do. 374 00:16:42,700 --> 00:16:44,609 - What are you talking about? - You let that man slide today. 375 00:16:44,633 --> 00:16:47,767 You gotta immediately get in somebody's ass when that happens to you. 376 00:16:47,800 --> 00:16:49,267 You pull their asshole open, 377 00:16:49,300 --> 00:16:51,400 step into their asshole, close the door behind you, 378 00:16:51,433 --> 00:16:53,076 - pick up your spray-paint can, right? - Uh-huh. 379 00:16:53,100 --> 00:16:55,233 "Larry was here." You spray-paint. 380 00:16:55,267 --> 00:16:58,300 "Larry was here," "wash me," all that kind of shit, 381 00:16:58,333 --> 00:17:00,333 fuck his whole asshole up, eat some snickers bar, 382 00:17:00,367 --> 00:17:02,176 throw some paper on the floor, read a newspaper, 383 00:17:02,200 --> 00:17:04,876 ball the paper up, the newspaper, and throw the newspaper on the floor, 384 00:17:04,900 --> 00:17:06,809 fuck his whole asshole up, you know what I'm saying? 385 00:17:06,833 --> 00:17:08,309 Then you open that asshole one more time... 386 00:17:08,333 --> 00:17:10,867 Open it again, open that asshole again-uhh! 387 00:17:10,900 --> 00:17:13,833 Step out of his ass and leave that motherfucker wide open, 388 00:17:13,867 --> 00:17:15,800 - so he knows you've been there. - Open it up, 389 00:17:15,833 --> 00:17:17,143 - step in. - Step in their asshole. 390 00:17:17,167 --> 00:17:18,909 - Spray-paint "Larry was here." - "Larry was here." 391 00:17:18,933 --> 00:17:22,066 - Leave garbage, snickers, eat snickers, leave garbage. - Spit, fuck it. 392 00:17:22,067 --> 00:17:23,133 - Get out. - Mm! 393 00:17:23,167 --> 00:17:25,400 - Open it up again. - Step out their asshole. 394 00:17:25,433 --> 00:17:27,109 - Step out. - Don't even close that motherfucker. 395 00:17:27,133 --> 00:17:28,900 Leave it open so he knows you've been there. 396 00:17:28,933 --> 00:17:31,233 - You feel me? - I got you. 397 00:17:31,267 --> 00:17:33,200 That's how you handle people. 398 00:17:33,233 --> 00:17:35,300 Mm! Get in that ass, Larry. 399 00:17:35,333 --> 00:17:36,733 - Don't worry. - All right. 400 00:17:38,400 --> 00:17:40,567 I hope you don't get me killed. 401 00:17:40,600 --> 00:17:42,533 My man. 402 00:17:53,833 --> 00:17:55,767 ( Line ringing ) 403 00:17:57,733 --> 00:17:59,667 ( Huffing ) 404 00:18:03,233 --> 00:18:05,433 - Hello? - Hey, is Richard there? 405 00:18:05,467 --> 00:18:08,467 Uh, no, he's not. Is this Larry? 406 00:18:08,500 --> 00:18:09,833 Yeah. 407 00:18:09,867 --> 00:18:12,267 - This is cha cha. - Ah. 408 00:18:12,300 --> 00:18:13,900 ( Chuckles ) - cha cha. 409 00:18:13,933 --> 00:18:16,967 Hi, Larry. You just caught me in the middle of a workout. 410 00:18:17,067 --> 00:18:18,867 So I'm calling about the movies. 411 00:18:18,900 --> 00:18:20,367 Yeah, the movies, right. 412 00:18:20,400 --> 00:18:22,043 You know, we were talking about... wouldn't it be great 413 00:18:22,067 --> 00:18:24,500 if we could all go to a really nice dinner 414 00:18:24,533 --> 00:18:26,767 in one of those fancy-schmancy joints? 415 00:18:26,800 --> 00:18:31,066 Okay, I'll tell... I'll tell Cheryl. 416 00:18:31,067 --> 00:18:32,367 Great. 417 00:18:32,400 --> 00:18:34,200 What are you wearing? 418 00:18:37,833 --> 00:18:39,967 What am I wearing right now? 419 00:18:40,067 --> 00:18:41,700 Yeah, what are you wearing? 420 00:18:41,733 --> 00:18:45,567 You're making me uncomfortable, Larry. 421 00:18:45,600 --> 00:18:48,133 ( Groaning ) 422 00:18:50,200 --> 00:18:51,476 1- ( moaning ) I'm gonna hang up right now. 423 00:18:51,500 --> 00:18:54,267 'M gonna hang up right now. 424 00:18:54,300 --> 00:18:56,333 - Goodbye. - Bye. 425 00:19:00,833 --> 00:19:03,633 I am loving this place. Jeff, how great is this place? 426 00:19:03,667 --> 00:19:06,066 It's unbelievable. I'm having a great time. 427 00:19:06,067 --> 00:19:07,800 It's like my old barbershop in Brooklyn. 428 00:19:07,833 --> 00:19:09,443 Yeah, reminds me of the old days, you know. 429 00:19:09,467 --> 00:19:12,433 I like the whole snip-snip thing, the sound of it. 430 00:19:12,467 --> 00:19:14,900 I think I can do it too. It doesn't look that hard. 431 00:19:14,933 --> 00:19:16,973 You know, it's like the bongos... who can't do that? 432 00:19:17,067 --> 00:19:18,409 - ( Laughs ) - you know what I mean? 433 00:19:18,433 --> 00:19:20,400 Yeah. Anybody can play the bongos, come on. 434 00:19:20,433 --> 00:19:23,867 Do you have to be that skilled to bang on something? 435 00:19:23,900 --> 00:19:27,400 - Come on, how hard is that? - I never thought of that. 436 00:19:27,433 --> 00:19:29,600 When was the last time you saw Burt? 437 00:19:29,633 --> 00:19:31,533 Oh, I just had lunch with him 438 00:19:31,567 --> 00:19:33,066 the other day, him and Barbara. 439 00:19:33,067 --> 00:19:35,100 You notice anything different about them? 440 00:19:35,133 --> 00:19:37,800 No. 441 00:19:37,833 --> 00:19:40,967 'Cause she just had a miscarriage. 442 00:19:41,067 --> 00:19:42,667 - Really? - Yeah. 443 00:19:42,700 --> 00:19:44,433 It's a shame. 444 00:19:44,467 --> 00:19:46,066 Shame? 445 00:19:46,067 --> 00:19:48,400 They do have nine kids. 446 00:19:53,467 --> 00:19:55,167 - That's it? - Yep. 447 00:19:55,200 --> 00:19:57,733 Wow, that was pretty fast. 448 00:19:58,967 --> 00:20:00,833 You haven't taken anything off. 449 00:20:02,167 --> 00:20:04,133 Hey! ( Screaming ) 450 00:20:12,467 --> 00:20:14,567 I'm good. 451 00:20:19,367 --> 00:20:20,476 Where the hell have you been? 452 00:20:20,500 --> 00:20:22,367 I've been calling you all goddamn day. 453 00:20:22,400 --> 00:20:24,867 - We were getting a haircut. - This is a bag of shit. 454 00:20:24,900 --> 00:20:27,333 Oscar's been shitting. I've been cleaning up shit all day. 455 00:20:27,367 --> 00:20:30,567 He ate those leftovers that that asshole gave us. 456 00:20:30,600 --> 00:20:33,333 - Really? - "we shall see." 457 00:20:33,367 --> 00:20:36,200 - "We shall see." Daviday. - That little piece of shit. 458 00:20:36,233 --> 00:20:38,567 - Is that possible, that that nut did that? - Yes yes. 459 00:20:38,600 --> 00:20:41,600 - He put crap in there. He put something in there. - Jesus Christ. 460 00:20:41,633 --> 00:20:43,076 - Jeff: Is he throwing up too? - What a psycho. 461 00:20:43,100 --> 00:20:45,167 You gotta go down there and tell this motherfucker 462 00:20:45,200 --> 00:20:47,267 - you're gonna kick his ass. - Oh, yeah. 463 00:20:47,300 --> 00:20:49,700 No, wait a second. He can't go down there. 464 00:20:49,733 --> 00:20:52,000 Why? - Because I took the food home. 465 00:20:52,033 --> 00:20:55,767 - I promised him that I would eat it. - All right, you go down there. 466 00:20:55,800 --> 00:20:57,433 - You go. - Yeah, better idea: 467 00:20:57,467 --> 00:20:59,433 You go, Larry. You go tell him 468 00:20:59,467 --> 00:21:01,276 that you've been shitting all over yourself all day, 469 00:21:01,300 --> 00:21:03,667 shitting in your pants, you can't make it to the toilet, 470 00:21:03,700 --> 00:21:05,533 you got shit running down your leg. 471 00:21:05,567 --> 00:21:06,809 Why can't I make it to the toilet? 472 00:21:06,833 --> 00:21:09,167 Because it's more dramatic that way. 473 00:21:09,200 --> 00:21:11,176 I don't wanna tell a guy I got shit running down my leg. 474 00:21:11,200 --> 00:21:12,743 All right, tell him whatever the fuck you want. Tell him you've been 475 00:21:12,767 --> 00:21:16,333 - sick sick sick as a dog, okay? - All right. 476 00:21:16,367 --> 00:21:17,676 I'm gonna go to the restaurant right now, 477 00:21:17,700 --> 00:21:19,400 - see what he says. - Go! 478 00:21:19,433 --> 00:21:22,400 - You know, these waiters are nuts. - Jeff: He's nuts. 479 00:21:22,433 --> 00:21:25,333 You can't get on a waiter's bad side. They'll do anything. 480 00:21:25,367 --> 00:21:27,076 - Jeff: I never said anything back. - You gotta be so nice to 'e. 481 00:21:27,100 --> 00:21:28,533 You gotta leave a good tip. 482 00:21:28,567 --> 00:21:30,567 - Jeff, throw this out. - You throw it out. 483 00:21:30,600 --> 00:21:32,443 You throw it out. I've been cleaning - no, you got gloves. 484 00:21:32,467 --> 00:21:34,109 - I've been cleaning this shit. - You got gloves! 485 00:21:34,133 --> 00:21:37,233 - Throw it out. - Aw, fuck. 486 00:21:47,067 --> 00:21:50,233 Hello, daviday. 487 00:21:50,267 --> 00:21:52,933 Hello, Larry. Nice to see you again. 488 00:21:52,967 --> 00:21:55,933 Good to see you, daviday. 489 00:21:55,967 --> 00:22:00,567 You know, I ate the leftovers 490 00:22:00,600 --> 00:22:02,800 and I just want you to know 491 00:22:02,833 --> 00:22:04,633 I got sick from them. 492 00:22:04,667 --> 00:22:06,409 Now when you say that you got sick, do you mean 493 00:22:06,433 --> 00:22:08,233 that the animal got sick or that you got sick? 494 00:22:08,267 --> 00:22:10,100 - No no, I got sick. - You got sick? 495 00:22:10,133 --> 00:22:13,367 Yes, and I'm just kind of wondering 496 00:22:13,400 --> 00:22:14,367 if the food 497 00:22:14,400 --> 00:22:18,200 perhaps was tampered with. 498 00:22:18,233 --> 00:22:20,633 Well, it most certainly was not tampered with. 499 00:22:20,667 --> 00:22:22,167 - Really? - Absolutely. 500 00:22:22,200 --> 00:22:24,467 Are you sure? 501 00:22:24,500 --> 00:22:26,167 I'm very sure. 502 00:22:41,567 --> 00:22:44,733 - I don't believe you. - Larry, how can you accuse me of that? 503 00:22:44,767 --> 00:22:46,509 Because I was sick. I was running to the bathroom all day. 504 00:22:46,533 --> 00:22:48,200 - All day? - All day. 505 00:22:48,233 --> 00:22:50,333 - Oh, really? I see. - Really. Yeah. 506 00:22:50,367 --> 00:22:52,367 Aha. Cha cha? 507 00:22:53,733 --> 00:22:54,973 Come here for a moment, please. 508 00:22:58,500 --> 00:23:01,733 Larry doesn't feel well. He said that his bowels are irregular. 509 00:23:01,767 --> 00:23:05,600 How many times has Larry gone to the bathroom today? 510 00:23:05,633 --> 00:23:07,066 Twice so far, 511 00:23:07,067 --> 00:23:08,667 two minutes each time. 512 00:23:08,700 --> 00:23:10,067 Thank you. 513 00:23:12,200 --> 00:23:15,800 Larry, that does not sound like a man who's sick at all. 514 00:23:30,167 --> 00:23:33,167 - ( Punches and grunts on TV ) - ( chattering ) 515 00:23:33,200 --> 00:23:34,967 What's up, l.D.? 516 00:23:35,067 --> 00:23:37,733 Um... 517 00:23:37,767 --> 00:23:40,567 I'm just gonna use the bathroom. 518 00:23:40,600 --> 00:23:42,600 - Leon: What? - Loretta: Hmm? 519 00:23:42,633 --> 00:23:45,800 Bathroom. I'm gonna use the bathroom. 520 00:24:16,067 --> 00:24:18,200 What are you doing in there? 521 00:24:18,233 --> 00:24:21,700 The toilet wasn't working properly. 522 00:24:21,733 --> 00:24:24,567 - So you fixed it? - I did, actually, yeah. 523 00:24:24,600 --> 00:24:27,500 - Oh, okay, great. - I had to just jiggle it around. 524 00:24:27,533 --> 00:24:28,967 Oh, okay. So it's all... 525 00:24:29,067 --> 00:24:31,267 Hey, stay here for a second. No no, I just want to see 526 00:24:31,300 --> 00:24:32,600 your handiwork. Hold on. 527 00:24:32,633 --> 00:24:36,300 Hey, don't go anywhere. Don't go anywhere. 528 00:24:36,333 --> 00:24:38,200 Oh, wait a second. 529 00:24:38,233 --> 00:24:41,400 Larry? 530 00:24:41,433 --> 00:24:43,767 Do you know how many millions of virgin trees 531 00:24:43,800 --> 00:24:45,700 are cut down to make this toilet paper, 532 00:24:45,733 --> 00:24:47,467 which is contributing to global warming, 533 00:24:47,500 --> 00:24:50,100 which is causing hurricanes, which is why you're here? 534 00:24:50,133 --> 00:24:52,267 Do you have any idea what I'm talking about, Larry? 535 00:24:52,300 --> 00:24:54,043 - Yeah, that's what I was telling them. - This isn't the kind 536 00:24:54,067 --> 00:24:56,500 - of toilet paper we use in this house. - No, it's not. 537 00:24:56,533 --> 00:24:58,700 We use recycled post-consumer toilet paper. 538 00:24:58,733 --> 00:25:03,167 That's what I've been trying... so why do we have tons of toilet paper in this bathroom? 539 00:25:03,200 --> 00:25:05,967 And why were you in this bathroom using this toilet paper? 540 00:25:06,067 --> 00:25:09,200 Again, the toilet was broken, 541 00:25:09,233 --> 00:25:10,643 but they asked me... They were very unhappy... 542 00:25:10,667 --> 00:25:13,800 - we asked you? Hold there, hold up. - ( All talking at once ) 543 00:25:13,833 --> 00:25:15,843 You liars, you were complaining about the toilet paper. 544 00:25:15,867 --> 00:25:19,067 - He wanted access to our bathroom. - Auntie rae, 545 00:25:19,100 --> 00:25:21,933 don't blame this on me, auntie rae. 546 00:25:21,967 --> 00:25:27,167 - ( Doorbell rings ) - ( all continue overlapping) 547 00:25:27,200 --> 00:25:30,100 Hey, David, come down here, pervo. 548 00:25:30,133 --> 00:25:32,233 Come down here, you fucking pervo. 549 00:25:32,267 --> 00:25:34,967 What? What are you talking about? How did you get in? 550 00:25:35,067 --> 00:25:36,409 The fucking door. How else do you think I got in? 551 00:25:36,433 --> 00:25:38,567 This kid has got to stop leaving the door open, man. 552 00:25:38,600 --> 00:25:40,533 This is it. If I didn't know you my whole life, 553 00:25:40,567 --> 00:25:42,333 you know what? I'd attack you right now. 554 00:25:42,367 --> 00:25:44,867 - What are you talking about? - You called my girlfriend 555 00:25:44,900 --> 00:25:46,733 and hit on her and she doesn't respond 556 00:25:46,767 --> 00:25:50,333 - and you fucking get her fired, you fucking piece of shit. - What? 557 00:25:50,367 --> 00:25:52,167 First of all, I never hit on her. 558 00:25:52,200 --> 00:25:54,076 - And what are you talking about, "fired"? - Burt's dad at the barbershop. 559 00:25:54,100 --> 00:25:57,233 You made that fucking miscarriage remark. So he fired her 560 00:25:57,267 --> 00:25:59,833 because he wants nothing to do with anybody that knows you. 561 00:25:59,867 --> 00:26:01,833 Oh, he's supposed to be getting back at me? 562 00:26:01,867 --> 00:26:03,833 Who are you to tell him how many kids to have? 563 00:26:03,867 --> 00:26:05,109 She's got nine kids. Come on, that's plenty. 564 00:26:05,133 --> 00:26:07,143 - She wants more children. - How many does she need? 565 00:26:07,167 --> 00:26:08,576 Who the fuck are you, the Messiah, to count? 566 00:26:08,600 --> 00:26:10,933 I got news for you. That's enough. By the way, 567 00:26:10,967 --> 00:26:12,400 in China you're allowed two. 568 00:26:12,433 --> 00:26:13,943 Those people would be killed in China. China what? 569 00:26:13,967 --> 00:26:15,633 Two... two babies in China. 570 00:26:15,667 --> 00:26:17,066 What happens if you have three? 571 00:26:17,067 --> 00:26:19,167 - They execute you. - They kill the baby? 572 00:26:19,200 --> 00:26:21,700 Not the baby, idiot. They kill the parents. 573 00:26:21,733 --> 00:26:23,467 Get out of here. 574 00:26:23,500 --> 00:26:25,909 Well, maybe they don't execute, but they give you a good dressing-down. 575 00:26:25,933 --> 00:26:28,200 How dare you lose my girlfriend's job? 576 00:26:28,233 --> 00:26:29,633 She lost her health insurance, 577 00:26:29,667 --> 00:26:31,267 she has no self-worth anymore. 578 00:26:31,300 --> 00:26:33,967 - She lost her self-worth? Oh, really? - That's right. 579 00:26:34,067 --> 00:26:37,067 You get on that goddamn telephone and you get my girlfriend's job back. 580 00:26:37,100 --> 00:26:38,700 You call Burt and you apologize. 581 00:26:38,733 --> 00:26:40,833 Okay, I'll make that call under one condition: 582 00:26:40,867 --> 00:26:42,667 I want to be able to use your bathroom 583 00:26:42,700 --> 00:26:45,300 - on the way to work in the morning. - Sit on my toilet? 584 00:26:45,333 --> 00:26:46,667 - Yeah. - There's no fucking way. 585 00:26:46,700 --> 00:26:48,733 Why? - Nobody sits on Richard Lewis's toilet. 586 00:26:48,767 --> 00:26:51,207 - You use every toilet in the house? - That's right. I rotate. 587 00:26:51,233 --> 00:26:53,433 - I can't use the basement? - No, that's for weekends. 588 00:26:53,467 --> 00:26:54,676 I have no place to go to the bathroom. 589 00:26:54,700 --> 00:26:56,467 I can't go here, I can't go at work. 590 00:26:56,500 --> 00:26:58,767 You just make the goddamn call. You owe me. 591 00:26:58,800 --> 00:27:00,600 - Jesus Christ. - I'll try. 592 00:27:00,633 --> 00:27:01,743 - That's all I can do. - Yeah, fine. 593 00:27:01,767 --> 00:27:04,067 Just get her her job back. 594 00:27:09,600 --> 00:27:11,333 What are you doing? I want a righty call. 595 00:27:11,367 --> 00:27:13,066 What's this lefty bullshit? 596 00:27:13,067 --> 00:27:16,167 I want a righty call. 597 00:27:16,200 --> 00:27:17,500 Jesus Christ. 598 00:27:20,067 --> 00:27:21,833 - Hello? - Oh, hey, Barbara? 599 00:27:21,867 --> 00:27:23,333 - Yes. - Hey, it's Larry David. 600 00:27:23,367 --> 00:27:25,767 Oh, hi, Larry. 601 00:27:25,800 --> 00:27:28,700 - ( Shouts ) fuck you! - ( Screaming ) 602 00:27:35,067 --> 00:27:37,633 The woman's out of her mind, screaming in my ear like that. 603 00:27:37,667 --> 00:27:39,800 Can you imagine? Fuck. 604 00:27:39,833 --> 00:27:42,133 Thanks for taking me, by the way. 605 00:27:42,167 --> 00:27:45,367 You're damn right, man. It's a big favor I'm doing your ass, man. 606 00:27:45,400 --> 00:27:47,533 There's the building. Pull over. 607 00:27:47,567 --> 00:27:50,333 All right. 608 00:27:50,367 --> 00:27:53,767 Okay, park the car and come up, okay? 609 00:27:53,800 --> 00:27:55,066 His name's Dr. schaeffer. 610 00:27:55,067 --> 00:27:58,066 Dr. schaeffer. All right. 611 00:27:58,067 --> 00:28:01,067 ( Quiet jazz music playing ) 612 00:28:06,467 --> 00:28:07,633 So you're all set, actually. 613 00:28:07,667 --> 00:28:08,827 We'll see you next Wednesday. 614 00:28:14,067 --> 00:28:15,600 Leon's voice: You get in that ass. 615 00:28:15,633 --> 00:28:17,367 You get in his ass immediately. 616 00:28:17,400 --> 00:28:19,533 - Get in that ass, Larry. - Hey! 617 00:28:19,567 --> 00:28:21,500 Come on, you fucking skinhead, 618 00:28:21,533 --> 00:28:22,900 you piece of shit, let's go! 619 00:28:22,933 --> 00:28:26,067 He is not a skinhead. He just came out of chemotherapy. 620 00:28:34,067 --> 00:28:35,867 - Sorry. - Asshole. 621 00:28:39,233 --> 00:28:41,300 - Leon: Hey, skinhead! - Stop it. I'm not a skinhea! 622 00:28:41,333 --> 00:28:44,567 - Leon! No, Leon! - ( Continue yelling ) 623 00:28:44,600 --> 00:28:46,167 Leon, no! 624 00:28:46,200 --> 00:28:47,867 - Leon: Motherfucker! - Man: Stop it! 625 00:28:47,900 --> 00:28:50,367 ( Theme music playing )