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♪ ("CURB YOUR ENTHUSIASM"
THEME MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
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♪ (THEME MUSIC FADES) ♪
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"An open letter
to the management
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of Ocean View Golf Club.
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I'm writing this letter to
address numerous complaints.
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The food is not good.
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We get packaged turkey roll
instead of real deli turkey.
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Never had a piece of bread
in this club that wasn't stale.
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Shirts have to be
tucked in at all times."
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- CLUB MEMBER 1: Oh, I hate that.
- Come on.
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"And your management style
leaves something to be desired."
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- CLUB MEMBER 2: Seriously.
- Wow.
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Unbelievable.
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"Shame. Shame on you."
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{\an8}- CLUB MEMBER 2: It's true.
- CLUB MEMBER 1: Yeah.
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{\an8}LARRY DAVID: Signed,
"Disgruntled."
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(MR. TAKAHASHI CLEARS THROAT)
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CLUB MEMBER 2:
(WHISPERING) Takahashi! Quiet.
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Who wrote this? Huh?
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CLUB MEMBER 2:
I don't know. Wasn't me.
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Who doesn't like turkey roll?
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(QUIET MUMBLING)
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Who don't like tucking shirt?
Huh?
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Who is Disgruntled?
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Is it you, funny guy?
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♪ (JAPANESE FOLK MUSIC
PLAYING) ♪
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I will find
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who is "Disgruntled."
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(MUTTERING) Baka.
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Takahashi, he ripped it
right off the bulletin board
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and then accused me.
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- Was it you?
- No.
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It is something
you would kinda do,
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you have to admit.
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I am not Disgruntled.
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I mean, I'm disgruntled,
but I'm not Disgruntled.
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- JEFF GREENE: Hey.
- Yeah?
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Great news. Willie Geist
wants to do a profile of you.
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- No kidding.
- Yeah, the Sunday morning show.
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Oh, that's a good show,
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- that Sunday morning show. Yeah.
- SUSIE GREENE: Wow, yeah!
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Atlanta. Because of Atlanta,
everyone wants you.
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- The cause célèbre.
- Yeah. You know what?
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- I will-- I'll-- I'll do that.
- Great.
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- LARRY: I really like him.
- Big show.
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- Hello, everybody.
- SUSIE: Oh, hi.
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WAITER:
I will be your server for today.
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What can I get started
for you guys?
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SUSIE: I'm thinking
scrambled eggs.
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IRMA KOSTROSKI: Yes, me too.
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- WAITER: Ah...
- JEFF: I will have pancakes.
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- We are actually already
on to the lunch menu. Yeah.
- What?
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- Eleven o'clock, we switch over
to the lunch menu, so...
- IRMA: No!
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I mean, it's 11:10.
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That's not 11:00. (CHUCKLES)
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What are you-- (SCOFFS)
What's the difference?
It's just eggs.
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You know, I mean,
those are the rules.
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What am I supposed to do?
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What's going on
in the kitchen after 11:00?
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What-- what happens
in those ten minutes?
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What are they doing?
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We have to draw the line
somewhere, so...
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Such a limited menu.
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It's like a Broadway play where
they have to put in a new set.
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And so now they're
putting in the lunch set.
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Yeah. It's just
those are the rules, so...
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I can't eat
a beet pear salad at 11:00 a.m.
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- SUSIE: Yeah.
- LARRY: Okay, you know what?
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I see there's a Cobb salad
on the menu, right?
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Right.
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Yeah, there are eggs
in the Cobb salad?
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- WAITER: Correct.
- Okay, so take the eggs
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from the Cobb salad,
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take the bacon
from the Cobb salad,
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and put it on some toast.
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Yeah, I see what you're
trying to do there.
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You're looking
for a breakfast loophole.
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It's not gonna work.
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And you're not
the first person to try.
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- Do you need a little more time?
- I'm not the first person to try
the breakfast loophole.
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It was Five Easy Pieces,
remember?
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- With Jack Nicholson.
- Yes, yes, yes.
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Do me a favor.
Will you just ask?
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I can ask. I will.
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LARRY: Thank you.
And as long as you're asking,
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- I brought my own eggs. Yeah.
- This is kind of rude.
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LARRY: Could you
give these to the chef?
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- You brought these from home?
- Yes, 'cause they're organic.
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The ones you have
are full of antibiotics.
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They've done it for me before.
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Okay, the chef knows
that our eggs
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- are not good enough for you?
- Yeah.
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And he knows that you like
eating breakfast after 11:00?
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Yeah.
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I will go and see
what he says about all that.
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- LARRY: Thank you.
- And I'll report back.
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Thank you very much.
Do your best.
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SUSIE: Most restaurants have
an omelet on the menu for lunch.
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- Yes, yes.
- LARRY: Exactly.
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This should have been
in the Disgruntled letter.
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Yes, that should've
been in the letter.
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You know what else
Disgruntled missed?
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The bad eggs.
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They-- they inject them
with antibiotics.
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- Yeah, antibiotics.
- And then it gives men breasts.
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You know,
Larry could grow breasts.
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The thought of
Larry with breasts, I can't.
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- I'd be pretty cute.
- IRMA: It's not good for you.
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Pretty, pretty, pretty cute.
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So, how've you been
since you stopped working?
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Oh, well, yeah,
it's a struggle, you know?
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But I go to the meetings,
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and Cyrus is incredible,
my sponsor.
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- Ah.
- Big bear of a man.
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- Looks like Hoss from Bonanza.
- Oh, really?
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And he thinks we should
go to couples therapy.
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- What?
- He suggested it.
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- SUSIE: Interesting.
- Yeah.
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What do you think? You ever been
to couples therapy?
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No, we haven't really needed it.
Although it can't hurt.
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I want to do it
very, very badly.
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- Larry, I think
it's a great idea.
- No, it's a horrible idea.
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- It's a terrible idea.
- SUSIE: Why is it
a horrible idea?
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- Why?
- Because it's a wa-- It's a--
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It doesn't do anything.
It's a waste of time.
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IRMA: What-- It does!
It does something.
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I need it... for my recovery.
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I need it. I really need it.
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I think it's a really
crucial part of my recovery.
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- ♪ (TENSE MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
- Please, let's do the therapy.
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{\an8}No changes for six months.
Can you promise me that, Larry?
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{\an8}Six months?
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...important for me.
So would you just--
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- All right!
- (SQUEALS) Good.
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- SUSIE: Look at you, huh?
- Look at the tension.
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All right, I have--
I have a referral.
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Saved the Janowitzes' marriage,
this woman.
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That's what you need,
is to be like the Janowitzes.
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You know what?
You should be so lucky
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to be as happy
as the Janowitzes.
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- The eggs have arrived,
everybody.
- Oh!
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- Thank you.
- Here we go.
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Here they are.
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- So it wasn't that difficult.
- Excuse me.
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Eggs after 11:00? What is this?
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Um, I will be right with you.
Sorry.
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- I'd like some eggs.
- WAITER: Just give me
one second.
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Well, if he's getting eggs,
I want an omelet.
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- DINER 1: Is there
a different menu?
- See what you did?
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- LARRY: What?
- This is what happens
when you break the rules.
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Yeah. Well, it's a stupid rule.
Okay?
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- WAITER: Is it?
- Eggs are an all-day food.
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- DINER 2: Oatmeal!
- By the way, I ordered pancakes.
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Yeah, your wife actually
changed your order
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- while you were in the restroom.
- What the fuck?
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- Much healthier.
- WAITER: Thank you.
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- Thank you, once again.
- DINER 3:
Everyone wants breakfast!
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- DINER 4: Breakfast burrito!
- Oh.
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DINER 5: Why does he
get breakfast food?
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Some butter?
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DINER 6: Pancakes.
Is that so hard?
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DINER 7:
I want scrambled eggs too!
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The caftan business.
You got to be A.D.A. compliant.
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You know what?
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I think this Willie Geist thing
is gonna be good for you.
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- Really?
- I really do.
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(SHUSHES) Hold on.
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I got to tell you something.
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I'm Disgruntled.
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It's me.
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- I'm Disgruntled.
- (GASPS) You're kidding.
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- You wrote that shit?
- I wrote it.
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Did you notice it was all
the stuff we've talked about?
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You tacked that thing up
like you were Martin Luther.
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But no one can ever know.
I'll get kicked out of the club.
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Don't worry,
I'm not gonna say a word.
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Oh, I'm not worried about you.
I'm just saying no one.
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It's the best thing
you've ever done in your life.
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- JEFF: You think so?
- Yeah, I do.
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- Have I done
any other good things?
- No.
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- JEFF: So this is the only one?
- This is the only decent thing.
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- JEFF: I've ever done?
- You've ever done.
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- (WHEEZES)
- Yeah.
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Well, I'm Disgruntled.
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SUSIE: What are you
guys talking about?
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- JEFF: None of your business!
- LARRY: Yeah, what is that?
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Come on!
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- LARRY: You know what?
- JEFF: Hmm?
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That should be
on your tombstone,
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"I'm Disgruntled."
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♪ (UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
192
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So, I took in this Black family
after Hurricane Katrina,
193
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and the guy's still--
he's still living there.
194
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- Still here?
- Yeah.
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00:06:56,656 --> 00:06:58,590
I-- I'm sure
he's around somewhere.
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Well, that was
really big of you, Larry.
197
00:07:00,059 --> 00:07:02,695
You've become a...
kind of a liberal darling.
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00:07:02,695 --> 00:07:04,463
- Oh-ho!
- They love you on MSNBC,
199
00:07:04,463 --> 00:07:05,765
- I'll tell you that.
- Liberal darling.
200
00:07:05,765 --> 00:07:07,900
- Get the hell out of here.
- Huh? Huh?
201
00:07:07,900 --> 00:07:08,935
So you knew, Larry,
202
00:07:08,935 --> 00:07:10,931
when you handed out
that bottle of water,
203
00:07:10,931 --> 00:07:12,005
you were breaking the law?
204
00:07:12,005 --> 00:07:13,539
(SCOFFS) Yeah, of cour--
205
00:07:13,539 --> 00:07:15,102
What, are you kidding?
Of course, yeah.
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00:07:15,102 --> 00:07:16,441
And you're gonna
plead not guilty?
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00:07:16,441 --> 00:07:18,745
Absolutely.
It's such a stupid law.
208
00:07:18,745 --> 00:07:21,047
I mean, how could I
do anything but that?
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00:07:21,047 --> 00:07:22,982
I'll take it to
the Supreme Court if I have to.
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00:07:22,982 --> 00:07:24,816
- WILLIE GEIST: Supreme Court?
- Oh, yeah.
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00:07:24,816 --> 00:07:26,720
All right, well, I think this
is gonna work pretty well.
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00:07:26,720 --> 00:07:28,353
You and I'll talk
in the interview.
213
00:07:28,353 --> 00:07:29,754
Be loose like this.
You tell your story.
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Okay, yeah, just like this.
Okay. That's the-- All right.
215
00:07:31,524 --> 00:07:33,558
I think, if it's all right
with you, we can do it here.
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There's a lot
of beautiful space.
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- Great.
- And I've been talking
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00:07:36,029 --> 00:07:37,263
to a bunch of people.
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00:07:37,263 --> 00:07:39,032
- Everybody's got something
to say about you.
- (CHUCKLES)
220
00:07:39,032 --> 00:07:41,670
Although one person
did call you an asshole.
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Who? Who called me an asshole?
222
00:07:46,706 --> 00:07:48,307
- Huh?
- Could do it in here.
223
00:07:48,307 --> 00:07:52,511
- What-- Who-- Who called
me an asshole? I'm curious.
- Put a fire in.
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00:07:52,511 --> 00:07:54,380
Larry, we're not
gonna do this, okay?
225
00:07:54,380 --> 00:07:55,847
I don't give up my sources.
226
00:07:55,847 --> 00:07:57,617
I need you to respect
my journalistic integrity
right now.
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00:07:57,617 --> 00:07:58,852
Journalistic integrity?
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00:07:58,852 --> 00:08:00,453
Where's the integrity
of telling me
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00:08:00,453 --> 00:08:01,587
that somebody
called me an asshole?
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00:08:01,587 --> 00:08:02,856
Is there integrity there?
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00:08:02,856 --> 00:08:04,591
It's a small part
of a larger story.
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00:08:04,591 --> 00:08:06,024
I have to tell the full picture.
233
00:08:06,024 --> 00:08:09,595
But it's a universal fact that
everybody is called an asshole!
234
00:08:09,595 --> 00:08:11,964
I'm sure Mother Teresa was
called an asshole by someone.
235
00:08:11,964 --> 00:08:14,800
- Oh, I doubt that, Larry. No.
- Oh, I know I don't doubt it.
236
00:08:14,800 --> 00:08:17,470
Somebody must have said, "Oh,
she's so good. She's so good.
237
00:08:17,470 --> 00:08:18,670
What an asshole!"
238
00:08:18,670 --> 00:08:20,072
- Somebody must have said that.
- Larry, please.
239
00:08:20,072 --> 00:08:23,042
"Oh, look at Miss Perfect
helping the lepers."
240
00:08:23,042 --> 00:08:23,943
You know, come on.
241
00:08:23,943 --> 00:08:25,544
And I'm not giving
you the source,
242
00:08:25,544 --> 00:08:28,046
so we can just drop it, Larry.
That's it! That's it.
243
00:08:28,046 --> 00:08:30,249
All right, you know what?
You don't have to
give me the source.
244
00:08:30,249 --> 00:08:31,450
- I know who it was.
- You don't know.
245
00:08:31,450 --> 00:08:33,653
- It was Ted Danson.
- (SCOFFS)
246
00:08:33,653 --> 00:08:35,354
I just saw that.
I just saw that.
247
00:08:35,354 --> 00:08:37,084
- No.
- No? That's a tell.
248
00:08:37,084 --> 00:08:38,124
That was a look away. I saw it.
249
00:08:38,124 --> 00:08:39,959
That's not a look away.
That's a let's move along.
250
00:08:39,959 --> 00:08:42,895
That's it. It's not Ted.
That's all I'm gonna say.
251
00:08:42,895 --> 00:08:45,098
Oh, okay. Forget it.
I know who it was.
252
00:08:45,098 --> 00:08:47,401
(LAUGHS) I can't believe it.
253
00:08:47,401 --> 00:08:48,701
Who do you think it is?
254
00:08:48,701 --> 00:08:51,337
It was Troy.
The Deaf actor at the club.
255
00:08:51,337 --> 00:08:54,540
- Troy Kotsur, the guy
who won the Oscar for CODA?
- Yeah. Yeah, yeah.
256
00:08:54,540 --> 00:08:55,809
I hit him with a golf ball
257
00:08:55,809 --> 00:08:57,409
- because I couldn't yell "fore."
- What?
258
00:08:57,409 --> 00:08:59,711
And I, I threw a
bagel at him too.
259
00:08:59,711 --> 00:09:02,214
What, do you think he signed
to me that you're an asshole?
260
00:09:02,214 --> 00:09:04,283
- Totally. Yeah.
- (CHUCKLES)
261
00:09:04,283 --> 00:09:05,719
Larry, let me ask you
a question,
262
00:09:05,719 --> 00:09:07,354
as long as we're talking
about the club.
263
00:09:07,354 --> 00:09:08,757
Sure, yeah.
264
00:09:09,557 --> 00:09:10,757
Are you Disgruntled?
265
00:09:10,757 --> 00:09:12,591
(SCOFFS) Disgruntled?
266
00:09:12,591 --> 00:09:14,726
- Yeah.
- You know about Disgruntled?
267
00:09:14,726 --> 00:09:17,496
When a guy puts a note
on the locker room door
268
00:09:17,496 --> 00:09:18,765
and there's a fight
inside the club,
269
00:09:18,765 --> 00:09:20,327
there's something there.
270
00:09:20,327 --> 00:09:23,639
I am most certainly
not Disgruntled...
271
00:09:24,172 --> 00:09:25,705
with a capital D.
272
00:09:25,705 --> 00:09:27,740
I'm disgruntled
with a small D, Willie.
273
00:09:27,740 --> 00:09:30,575
How could you be a human being
and not be small D disgruntled?
274
00:09:30,575 --> 00:09:31,911
Well, you're coming
at me with some
275
00:09:31,911 --> 00:09:34,214
big D Disgruntled
energy right here.
276
00:09:34,214 --> 00:09:35,449
I am not big D.
277
00:09:35,449 --> 00:09:37,286
Little D all the way.
278
00:09:38,419 --> 00:09:39,755
You sure about that, Larry?
279
00:09:41,222 --> 00:09:42,756
Yeah, I'm sure.
280
00:09:42,756 --> 00:09:46,195
♪ (TENSE MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
281
00:09:59,107 --> 00:10:00,176
Okay.
282
00:10:02,310 --> 00:10:05,248
♪ (COMIC MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
283
00:10:06,108 --> 00:10:08,882
(SIGHS) I'm excited.
284
00:10:08,882 --> 00:10:12,718
I feel happy we're doing this
as a couple.
285
00:10:12,718 --> 00:10:15,088
- Mm, yeah. Yeah.
- IRMA: Isn't it?
286
00:10:15,088 --> 00:10:18,290
♪ I have a structured settlement
But I need cash now ♪
287
00:10:18,290 --> 00:10:19,325
All right, come on.
288
00:10:19,325 --> 00:10:20,460
♪ I have a structured se-- ♪
289
00:10:20,460 --> 00:10:21,260
Hey!
290
00:10:21,260 --> 00:10:22,895
- What?
- Come on, stop singing that.
291
00:10:22,895 --> 00:10:24,596
- I can't stop it.
- You put it in my head.
292
00:10:24,596 --> 00:10:26,732
- I sang it yesterday in the car.
- Sing it for me.
293
00:10:26,732 --> 00:10:28,767
Do the Valk-- Do the other guy.
I'll be the woman.
294
00:10:28,767 --> 00:10:31,738
♪ I have a structured settlement
But I need c-- ♪
295
00:10:31,738 --> 00:10:33,039
- ♪ Cash now ♪
- (IRMA LAUGHS)
296
00:10:33,039 --> 00:10:34,374
LARRY: ♪ Call J.G. Wentworth-- ♪
297
00:10:34,374 --> 00:10:36,179
Okay. Hi, Larry.
298
00:10:37,106 --> 00:10:38,978
- Oh.
- Melanie?
299
00:10:38,978 --> 00:10:41,814
- Yes!
- Are you kidding me? What?
300
00:10:41,814 --> 00:10:43,649
I didn't know I was seeing you.
301
00:10:43,649 --> 00:10:45,918
- Oh!
- I thought I was seeing
Melanie Stainback.
302
00:10:45,918 --> 00:10:48,621
Stainback is my maiden name, and
I just kept it professionally
303
00:10:48,621 --> 00:10:49,856
because, you know,
it was too much
304
00:10:49,856 --> 00:10:51,451
to change everything
and confuse everybody.
305
00:10:51,451 --> 00:10:53,793
So Turner's my married name,
Stainback...
306
00:10:53,793 --> 00:10:55,494
- (STAMMERS)
- You know each other.
307
00:10:55,494 --> 00:10:56,962
Her husband was a writer
on Seinfeld.
308
00:10:56,962 --> 00:10:58,432
- MELANIE: Yes.
- Hobie Turner.
309
00:10:58,432 --> 00:10:59,764
Larry and I go way back.
310
00:10:59,764 --> 00:11:02,902
I'm sorry about this.
It's a total misunderstanding.
311
00:11:02,902 --> 00:11:04,370
We'll just--
We'll just take off.
312
00:11:04,370 --> 00:11:07,367
- Oh, why? No, no, no. Let's go.
- IRMA: Oh, come on.
313
00:11:07,367 --> 00:11:08,768
- What?
- MELANIE: Larry, I promise,
314
00:11:08,768 --> 00:11:11,110
everything that happens in here
is 100 percent confidential.
315
00:11:11,110 --> 00:11:13,513
So awkward, though.
Come-- You know.
316
00:11:13,513 --> 00:11:14,946
Let's go! (SNAPS FINGERS)
317
00:11:14,946 --> 00:11:17,249
- (SIGHS) Come on.
- Really, are you sure?
I mean, it's--
318
00:11:17,249 --> 00:11:19,519
- You want a mint?
- MELANIE: No, no, no,
it's gonna be fine.
319
00:11:19,519 --> 00:11:21,354
- You must be Irma.
- I am!
320
00:11:21,354 --> 00:11:23,957
- MELANIE: I love your necklace.
- IRMA: Oh,
what a beautiful office.
321
00:11:23,957 --> 00:11:26,658
Also-- Okay.
There's another thing he does.
322
00:11:26,658 --> 00:11:29,728
He has a thing about
phallic-shaped vegetables.
323
00:11:29,728 --> 00:11:31,330
- Get outta--
- We're in a-- We're in a market.
324
00:11:31,330 --> 00:11:34,433
I see him just stroking,
stroking an eggplant.
325
00:11:34,433 --> 00:11:36,836
- Are you insane?
- I look around,
he's stroking cucumbers.
326
00:11:36,836 --> 00:11:39,171
Yeah, I'd eat a cucumber
if it was square.
327
00:11:39,171 --> 00:11:41,140
- I don't care that
it's phallic shaped.
- Bell peppers.
328
00:11:41,140 --> 00:11:43,042
- All of this thing with food.
- Bell peppers?
329
00:11:43,042 --> 00:11:45,177
- What are you
bringing this up for?
- She doesn't care!
330
00:11:45,177 --> 00:11:47,013
Larry, it's all right.
This is a safe space,
331
00:11:47,013 --> 00:11:48,980
I promise you.
We talked about this.
332
00:11:48,980 --> 00:11:52,652
Yeah. Does your husband have
a very low-hanging scrotal sac?
333
00:11:52,652 --> 00:11:53,753
A lot of guys do.
334
00:11:53,753 --> 00:11:55,287
- LARRY: Oh my God.
- IRMA: How long is it?
335
00:11:55,287 --> 00:11:57,890
When he goes to the bathroom
in the night, can I just say...
336
00:11:57,890 --> 00:11:59,992
- No, you can't just say!
- I hear them
337
00:11:59,992 --> 00:12:01,394
- slapping on his thighs.
- Get--
338
00:12:01,394 --> 00:12:02,694
It sounds like, you know...
339
00:12:02,694 --> 00:12:05,231
- Get the hell outta here.
- ...a flip-flop
in a Mexican resort.
340
00:12:05,231 --> 00:12:07,900
- This is just nonsense.
- Just like a boom, boom.
341
00:12:07,900 --> 00:12:09,335
But that concerns me about you.
342
00:12:09,335 --> 00:12:11,136
- Is this why we're in therapy?
- It drives me crazy. I want--
343
00:12:11,136 --> 00:12:12,905
So you could bring up
long balls? Okay!
344
00:12:12,905 --> 00:12:14,240
I know her husband!
345
00:12:14,240 --> 00:12:16,242
- You know,
you're embarrassing me!
- MELANIE: Oh, no.
346
00:12:16,242 --> 00:12:18,878
In this room,
I am not your friend.
347
00:12:18,878 --> 00:12:20,846
I'm not your coworker's wife.
348
00:12:20,846 --> 00:12:23,349
I am your therapist. Okay?
349
00:12:23,349 --> 00:12:25,619
It looks like our time is up.
350
00:12:25,619 --> 00:12:27,123
We should go to lunch.
351
00:12:27,489 --> 00:12:28,387
Great!
352
00:12:28,387 --> 00:12:29,989
MELANIE: I know Hobie
would love to see you.
353
00:12:29,989 --> 00:12:32,659
It's been such a long time.
We could catch up, and...
354
00:12:32,659 --> 00:12:34,193
- How's this Sunday?
- IRMA: Yes!
355
00:12:34,193 --> 00:12:36,395
You'll come to the club
and be our guests.
356
00:12:36,395 --> 00:12:37,630
- Oh, great.
- IRMA: Yeah.
357
00:12:37,630 --> 00:12:39,165
- Wouldn't that be fun?
- Yeah?
358
00:12:39,165 --> 00:12:41,735
- MELANIE: Larry?
- He's always free. (CHUCKLES)
359
00:12:41,735 --> 00:12:43,135
- Wonderful.
- IRMA: It's good for him too.
360
00:12:43,135 --> 00:12:45,037
You know what?
I'll put us all on a text chain.
361
00:12:45,037 --> 00:12:46,806
We'll just, you know,
we'll work out the details.
362
00:12:46,806 --> 00:12:48,107
IRMA: Oh, terrific.
363
00:12:48,107 --> 00:12:49,869
- Wonderful meeting you.
So, next--
- On Tuesday.
364
00:12:49,869 --> 00:12:52,178
- Yeah. Same time next Tuesday.
- Yeah, that's great for us.
365
00:12:52,178 --> 00:12:54,647
- Oh my gosh.
- SUSIE: What are the odds?
366
00:12:54,647 --> 00:12:57,950
- LARRY: Huh?
- IRMA: What? (LAUGHS) Oh my God.
367
00:12:57,950 --> 00:12:59,418
- She's wonderful.
- SUSIE: Good.
368
00:12:59,418 --> 00:13:02,354
I mean, she's not a magician,
what with you two, but you know.
369
00:13:02,354 --> 00:13:05,194
And you two are so good, huh?
What's that dig?
370
00:13:08,697 --> 00:13:10,062
He's never fucking home.
371
00:13:10,062 --> 00:13:12,565
I mean, he is never home.
He's at the club
372
00:13:12,565 --> 00:13:14,633
day and night,
and I don't really mind.
373
00:13:14,633 --> 00:13:17,169
I'm perfectly happy
to have him gone.
374
00:13:17,169 --> 00:13:20,507
But the issue is,
he hates the fucking place.
375
00:13:20,507 --> 00:13:21,841
Can I tell her about the letter?
376
00:13:21,841 --> 00:13:23,342
- He wrote a letter.
- No, no.
377
00:13:23,342 --> 00:13:25,510
- He wrote a whole long list.
- No. What the fuck
are you doing?
378
00:13:25,510 --> 00:13:28,347
- Do not go into my letter.
- This is a place where you talk
talk about what's private, Jeff!
379
00:13:28,347 --> 00:13:30,183
- Yes. This is a...
- SUSIE: He wrote a letter,
380
00:13:30,183 --> 00:13:32,184
and he won't even
sign his own name!
381
00:13:32,184 --> 00:13:35,421
- He signs, "Disgruntled."
- I was disgruntled!
382
00:13:35,421 --> 00:13:37,857
And I don't want to talk
about the letter anymore.
383
00:13:37,857 --> 00:13:39,959
- No more letter.
- Okay. Well, like I said before,
384
00:13:39,959 --> 00:13:41,193
this is a completely safe space,
385
00:13:41,193 --> 00:13:42,728
and if Susie wants
to talk about this,
386
00:13:42,728 --> 00:13:44,000
we need to talk about it.
387
00:13:44,599 --> 00:13:46,365
(DISTANT SNEEZE)
388
00:13:46,365 --> 00:13:49,502
Anyway, I just-- You know,
I'm at my wit's end, because--
389
00:13:49,502 --> 00:13:51,370
What's going on over there?
You guys hear the sneeze?
390
00:13:51,370 --> 00:13:54,373
- Uh, I don't think so.
- JEFF: I just heard a sneeze.
391
00:13:54,373 --> 00:13:56,676
If I heard the sneeze,
they can hear us.
392
00:13:56,676 --> 00:13:58,243
- Who's-- Who's over there?
- No, no.
393
00:13:58,243 --> 00:14:00,212
Um, I think
it's a doctor's office.
394
00:14:00,212 --> 00:14:02,816
And another thing.
I'm all about warmth
395
00:14:02,816 --> 00:14:04,850
and closeness and intimacy.
396
00:14:04,850 --> 00:14:06,919
He's a cold fucking fish.
397
00:14:06,919 --> 00:14:08,387
He never wants to cuddle.
398
00:14:08,387 --> 00:14:10,522
I mean, what kind of person
doesn't want to cuddle with me?
399
00:14:10,522 --> 00:14:13,029
- (DISTANT SNEEZE)
- Oh, wait, I heard that one.
400
00:14:14,563 --> 00:14:17,600
♪ (TENSE MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
401
00:14:24,438 --> 00:14:26,205
SUSIE: What are you doing?
What are you doing?
402
00:14:26,205 --> 00:14:28,211
JEFF: I don't know-- Velcheck?
403
00:14:29,110 --> 00:14:31,210
- Ugh.
- SUSIE: What? Who is he?
404
00:14:31,210 --> 00:14:34,180
JEFF: He's the guy
in the next office!
405
00:14:34,180 --> 00:14:36,850
He's best friends
with Takahashi.
406
00:14:36,850 --> 00:14:38,885
He heard everything we said.
407
00:14:38,885 --> 00:14:41,854
- So what?
- I'm gonna be outed
as Disgruntled.
408
00:14:41,854 --> 00:14:44,093
You had to talk
about the letter!
409
00:14:44,660 --> 00:14:45,590
Ah!
410
00:14:45,590 --> 00:14:48,861
I thought the whole session
was very helpful!
411
00:14:48,861 --> 00:14:51,731
Arnold Velcheck,
right there on the board,
412
00:14:51,731 --> 00:14:53,032
next office over.
413
00:14:53,032 --> 00:14:55,134
- Velcheck, from the club?
- Yeah.
414
00:14:55,134 --> 00:14:59,573
And Susie yammered on and on
about the Disgruntled letter.
415
00:14:59,573 --> 00:15:00,539
Wow.
416
00:15:00,539 --> 00:15:02,975
Now I don't know for sure
if he heard that,
417
00:15:02,975 --> 00:15:06,078
but I wish I could get in there
418
00:15:06,078 --> 00:15:08,617
and see how much you can hear
and what it's like.
419
00:15:09,685 --> 00:15:11,284
Hey.
420
00:15:11,284 --> 00:15:14,386
Suppose I make an appointment
for you to go to this urologist.
421
00:15:14,386 --> 00:15:16,188
At the same time,
I'll make an appointment
422
00:15:16,188 --> 00:15:17,824
with my couples therapist,
423
00:15:17,824 --> 00:15:19,191
and see if you can hear
what I'm saying.
424
00:15:19,191 --> 00:15:21,226
I'll do that shit. Of course.
425
00:15:21,226 --> 00:15:23,830
I got one question.
What's a urologist?
426
00:15:23,830 --> 00:15:25,865
Pfft. It's nothing.
You pee in a cup.
427
00:15:25,865 --> 00:15:28,067
- You fill out a few forms.
- Mm-hmm.
428
00:15:28,067 --> 00:15:30,837
But mainly you're seeing if you
can hear what I'm saying
429
00:15:30,837 --> 00:15:32,071
in the office next door.
430
00:15:32,071 --> 00:15:33,672
I love peeing in cups.
You know what I'm saying?
431
00:15:33,672 --> 00:15:36,308
I like peeing in big-ass bowls,
but I'll pee in a cup.
432
00:15:36,308 --> 00:15:38,044
I cannot tell you how much
this means to me.
433
00:15:38,044 --> 00:15:39,445
- I appreciate it.
- LEON: I'ma show up in there--
434
00:15:39,445 --> 00:15:42,048
Do I gotta pre-drink water
before I go over there?
435
00:15:42,048 --> 00:15:44,584
I mean, usually one can urinate
436
00:15:44,584 --> 00:15:46,485
when given the cup.
437
00:15:46,485 --> 00:15:48,687
- You can pee in a cup on demand?
- LARRY: Anytime.
438
00:15:48,687 --> 00:15:51,623
You give me a cup, I'll pee
in it any time of the day.
439
00:15:51,623 --> 00:15:54,093
Well, you give me a bowl,
I'll do the same fucking thing.
440
00:15:54,093 --> 00:15:56,328
Yep. I'll tell you one thing.
441
00:15:56,328 --> 00:15:59,832
The man that makes
corn chips on the cob
442
00:15:59,832 --> 00:16:01,670
is gonna be
a fucking billionaire.
443
00:16:02,737 --> 00:16:05,071
- Corn chips on the cob?
- Mm.
444
00:16:05,071 --> 00:16:07,968
- (MUNCHING)
- ♪ (QUIRKY MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
445
00:16:07,968 --> 00:16:10,342
IRMA: How long did you
write on Seinfeld, Hobie?
446
00:16:10,342 --> 00:16:14,180
I wrote on the show for,
uh, four seasons and, uh...
447
00:16:14,180 --> 00:16:16,615
Two with Larry,
and then two after Larry left.
448
00:16:16,615 --> 00:16:19,984
But you came back for
the finale, though, didn't you?
449
00:16:20,889 --> 00:16:22,091
Yeah.
450
00:16:22,724 --> 00:16:24,223
I never watched any of them.
451
00:16:24,223 --> 00:16:26,625
- I don't watch TV.
I don't watch...
- Really?
452
00:16:26,625 --> 00:16:28,593
I don't watch mov--
I've never watched the Oscars.
453
00:16:28,593 --> 00:16:30,429
- She's never watched the Oscars.
- HOBIE TURNER: Never?
454
00:16:30,429 --> 00:16:31,764
- It's amazing.
- IRMA: I've never...
455
00:16:31,764 --> 00:16:33,366
- Oh my God,
what an achievement.
- IRMA: ...ever...
456
00:16:33,366 --> 00:16:35,902
- Good morning, everyone.
- MELANIE: Oh.
457
00:16:35,902 --> 00:16:38,437
LARRY: Oh, it's 10:50.
458
00:16:38,437 --> 00:16:41,607
We're 10 minutes before
the breakfast cutoff.
459
00:16:41,607 --> 00:16:44,443
- You are today, Mr. David.
- LARRY: How 'bout that? Yeah.
460
00:16:44,443 --> 00:16:47,880
They can make a breakfast
before 11:00 but not after.
461
00:16:47,880 --> 00:16:50,784
After 11:00,
the technology eludes them.
462
00:16:50,784 --> 00:16:52,685
Can't be done.
She just can't do it.
463
00:16:52,685 --> 00:16:54,020
Are you all ready
464
00:16:54,020 --> 00:16:56,355
- to place your orders?
- No, it's too fast.
465
00:16:56,355 --> 00:16:57,489
- WAITER: Okay.
- I haven't even looked.
466
00:16:57,489 --> 00:16:59,491
- No problem.
- LARRY: No, no, we'll order.
467
00:16:59,491 --> 00:17:01,694
- What? I'm not ready.
- It's breakfast. It's just eggs.
468
00:17:01,694 --> 00:17:02,661
Pick out something.
469
00:17:02,661 --> 00:17:04,396
- MELANIE: Okay, um...
- IRMA: You go. You go.
470
00:17:04,396 --> 00:17:06,594
You know what? I'll have
the Belgian waffle, please.
471
00:17:06,594 --> 00:17:07,533
- Got it.
- MELANIE: Thank you.
472
00:17:07,533 --> 00:17:10,770
Scrambled eggs, bacon,
toast, hash browns.
473
00:17:10,770 --> 00:17:12,605
LARRY: I'm gonna have
the omelet.
474
00:17:12,605 --> 00:17:14,206
WAITER: Ah, yes.
475
00:17:14,206 --> 00:17:16,075
- Your eggs.
- LARRY: Yes, and...
476
00:17:16,075 --> 00:17:18,845
I've got some bread back there.
477
00:17:18,845 --> 00:17:20,646
We're aware
of your bread, Mr. David.
478
00:17:20,646 --> 00:17:22,015
And for you, ma'am?
479
00:17:22,015 --> 00:17:25,217
Uh... (BABBLES)
I don't know. Pancakes.
480
00:17:25,217 --> 00:17:26,981
- Yeah, uh...
- Pancakes. Good choice.
481
00:17:26,981 --> 00:17:28,855
- LARRY: Thank you.
- But I'm not-- But I'm-- Ugh.
482
00:17:28,855 --> 00:17:30,156
Pancakes. They're fine.
483
00:17:30,156 --> 00:17:32,157
I don't know.
I mean, you're hurrying me.
484
00:17:32,157 --> 00:17:33,259
- I don't know.
- Oh, stop it.
485
00:17:33,259 --> 00:17:35,194
Once they get here,
you have to order,
486
00:17:35,194 --> 00:17:36,662
because you'll
never get 'em again.
487
00:17:36,662 --> 00:17:39,064
When they're at the table,
you gotta take advantage of it.
488
00:17:39,064 --> 00:17:40,232
Let's have a toast.
489
00:17:40,232 --> 00:17:42,401
- Oh, of course. Yes.
- Let's-- Come on.
490
00:17:42,401 --> 00:17:45,004
Why go a meal without a toast?
491
00:17:45,004 --> 00:17:48,107
And I want to make
a toast to my sobriety.
492
00:17:48,107 --> 00:17:51,010
- HOBIE: Oh, hey.
- Fifteen weeks today.
493
00:17:51,010 --> 00:17:52,679
Nine more to go.
494
00:17:52,679 --> 00:17:53,749
What?
495
00:17:54,883 --> 00:17:56,319
Oh, um...
496
00:17:57,914 --> 00:17:59,185
You know,
until you're in the clear.
497
00:17:59,185 --> 00:18:01,882
No, it's a lifelong thing.
It's a-- You know, it's a--
498
00:18:01,882 --> 00:18:03,659
You keep working at it.
I have a disease.
499
00:18:04,191 --> 00:18:05,491
(GROANS QUIETLY)
500
00:18:05,491 --> 00:18:07,927
- I hit bottom so badly.
- LARRY: Yeah.
501
00:18:07,927 --> 00:18:10,229
I walked into
the council chamber naked,
502
00:18:10,229 --> 00:18:13,628
and all I remember is the air
on my nipples
503
00:18:13,628 --> 00:18:15,434
and the looks of admiration
504
00:18:15,434 --> 00:18:17,102
- and horror.
- Yeah. We're gonna eat.
505
00:18:17,102 --> 00:18:19,972
And that was my bottom.
But now, 15 weeks.
506
00:18:19,972 --> 00:18:21,140
HOBIE: That's so good to hear.
507
00:18:21,140 --> 00:18:23,375
Well, Larry, how are you
hitting 'em these days?
508
00:18:23,375 --> 00:18:26,145
You know what?
Great off the tee.
509
00:18:26,145 --> 00:18:27,842
I'm really hitting it long.
510
00:18:27,842 --> 00:18:29,916
That's why they call him
Long Ball Larry.
511
00:18:29,916 --> 00:18:31,617
(LAUGHTER)
512
00:18:31,617 --> 00:18:33,552
- MELANIE: Just kidding, Larry.
- HOBIE: That's a good one.
513
00:18:33,552 --> 00:18:35,624
That's gonna stick.
Long Ball Larry.
514
00:18:38,159 --> 00:18:39,825
(IRMA CLEARS THROAT)
515
00:18:39,825 --> 00:18:44,367
Ugh. This is like sort of
cotton wool with sugar.
516
00:18:45,333 --> 00:18:47,666
- Pancakes.
- Mm. It's not what I wanted.
517
00:18:47,666 --> 00:18:50,736
I should've gotten the eggs.
I was rushed into pancakes.
518
00:18:50,736 --> 00:18:53,005
- I didn't rush you
into pancakes.
- You rushed me into pancakes.
519
00:18:53,005 --> 00:18:54,173
- I did not.
- You did.
520
00:18:54,173 --> 00:18:56,541
I'll trade with you if you want.
I don't mind.
521
00:18:56,541 --> 00:18:58,811
- No, you don't have to.
- No, it's nothing.
522
00:18:58,811 --> 00:19:00,579
- It's nothing.
- IRMA: Okay.
523
00:19:00,579 --> 00:19:03,082
- He's happy to do it.
- IRMA: Oh, thank you.
524
00:19:03,082 --> 00:19:04,350
- Yeah.
- IRMA: That's nice.
525
00:19:04,350 --> 00:19:05,785
- So nice.
- IRMA: Oh.
526
00:19:05,785 --> 00:19:07,223
It's the least I can do.
527
00:19:07,889 --> 00:19:09,188
Mm.
528
00:19:09,188 --> 00:19:11,090
So I'm happy now!
529
00:19:11,090 --> 00:19:12,391
- (HOBIE LAUGHS)
- MELANIE: It is really good.
530
00:19:12,391 --> 00:19:13,659
- IRMA: Yeah.
- HOBIE: Yeah, this is.
531
00:19:13,659 --> 00:19:15,862
Something's off with these eggs.
They're not my eggs.
532
00:19:15,862 --> 00:19:17,463
- IRMA: What?
- No, I know my eggs.
533
00:19:17,463 --> 00:19:19,927
My eggs are organic.
These are not organic eggs.
534
00:19:19,927 --> 00:19:21,133
Well, hey,
I'm not switching with you.
535
00:19:21,133 --> 00:19:22,936
(BOTH LAUGH)
536
00:19:22,936 --> 00:19:24,340
LARRY: Miss, excuse me.
537
00:19:25,973 --> 00:19:27,173
Yes, Mr. David?
538
00:19:27,173 --> 00:19:29,809
Something's amiss with the eggs.
539
00:19:29,809 --> 00:19:31,344
What-- what do you mean?
540
00:19:31,344 --> 00:19:33,378
I mean,
they don't taste like my eggs.
541
00:19:33,378 --> 00:19:35,882
I can assure you
those are your eggs.
542
00:19:35,882 --> 00:19:38,350
I know that you were
a little upset the other day
543
00:19:38,350 --> 00:19:41,186
when I got breakfast
after 11:00.
544
00:19:41,186 --> 00:19:42,655
Maybe you got
a little breakfast grudge?
545
00:19:42,655 --> 00:19:44,423
- No, I can assure you...
- Oh, really?
546
00:19:44,423 --> 00:19:46,192
I do not have
a breakfast grudge.
547
00:19:46,192 --> 00:19:48,160
The chef does not have
a breakfast grudge.
548
00:19:48,160 --> 00:19:49,829
I feel like you got
a little breakfast grudge.
549
00:19:49,829 --> 00:19:51,626
(TAKAHASHI CLEARS THROAT)
550
00:19:51,626 --> 00:19:53,299
Sorry, Mr. Takahashi.
551
00:19:53,299 --> 00:19:56,468
Hey, funny guy,
don't bring your own eggs here.
552
00:19:56,468 --> 00:19:58,403
Your eggs are just--
They're not organic.
553
00:19:58,403 --> 00:20:00,776
- Eggs are eggs.
- Eggs are not eggs.
554
00:20:01,177 --> 00:20:02,378
Oh.
555
00:20:03,144 --> 00:20:05,310
Are you Disgruntled?
556
00:20:05,310 --> 00:20:07,280
No, I am not Disgruntled.
557
00:20:07,280 --> 00:20:08,780
- Oh, yes.
- No.
558
00:20:08,780 --> 00:20:11,616
- You always walk around with
scowl on your face...
- Oh, yeah.
559
00:20:11,616 --> 00:20:13,520
- ...and mumbling to yourself.
- Yeah. Oh.
560
00:20:13,520 --> 00:20:15,388
- (MUMBLES)
- Yeah. Oh, yeah.
561
00:20:15,388 --> 00:20:18,357
- Yeah, that's you.
- Yeah. I do scowl.
562
00:20:18,357 --> 00:20:21,026
- And I will admit to muttering.
- TAKAHASHI: Yeah.
563
00:20:21,026 --> 00:20:23,930
But I am not Disgruntled.
564
00:20:23,930 --> 00:20:25,665
(GROWLS)
565
00:20:25,665 --> 00:20:28,737
♪ (JAPANESE FOLK MUSIC
PLAYING) ♪
566
00:20:32,239 --> 00:20:33,842
♪ (MUSIC CONCLUDES ABRUPTLY) ♪
567
00:20:34,510 --> 00:20:35,811
And don't bring bread!
568
00:20:37,445 --> 00:20:38,977
Hold on. Hey, come on.
What are you doing?
569
00:20:38,977 --> 00:20:41,380
You're gonna get kicked out
of your club over a couple eggs?
570
00:20:41,380 --> 00:20:43,516
Excuse me, ma'am.
Sorry to stop you.
571
00:20:43,516 --> 00:20:45,285
- My name's Willie Geist.
- Yes.
572
00:20:45,285 --> 00:20:46,689
Be right back.
573
00:20:48,789 --> 00:20:51,551
What about the facilities?
Is the building holding up?
574
00:20:51,551 --> 00:20:54,293
- Well, as long as
the ladies' card room is--
- Excuse me. Excuse me.
575
00:20:54,293 --> 00:20:56,395
Can I talk
to Willie for a second?
576
00:20:56,395 --> 00:20:57,663
- Well, we're--
- Hey, Larry.
577
00:20:57,663 --> 00:21:00,399
- Uh, it's kind of important.
- He was just getting--
578
00:21:00,399 --> 00:21:02,738
Sorry, I wanted a selfie,
but never mind.
579
00:21:03,771 --> 00:21:05,371
What are you talking
to Nora about?
580
00:21:05,371 --> 00:21:08,173
Just a little background,
a little color for the story.
581
00:21:08,173 --> 00:21:09,975
Is she the one
who called me an asshole?
582
00:21:09,975 --> 00:21:13,212
(CHUCKLES) Larry, don't ask me
to give away my sources.
583
00:21:13,212 --> 00:21:14,680
You know I'm not gonna do it.
584
00:21:14,680 --> 00:21:16,516
If I were you, I wouldn't
believe a word she says.
585
00:21:16,516 --> 00:21:17,750
She's been divorced four times.
586
00:21:17,750 --> 00:21:19,586
- She's a pathological liar.
- Oh, come on, Larry.
587
00:21:19,586 --> 00:21:21,054
And she burned down her house
588
00:21:21,054 --> 00:21:23,656
- to get the insurance money.
- She's a very nice woman.
589
00:21:23,656 --> 00:21:26,425
And matter of fact, Larry,
the more I talk to her
590
00:21:26,425 --> 00:21:28,022
and the membership of this club,
591
00:21:28,022 --> 00:21:29,428
the more I think
there is a story here.
592
00:21:29,428 --> 00:21:31,563
This Disgruntled thing.
It's big.
593
00:21:31,563 --> 00:21:32,864
Let me tell you
something, Willie.
594
00:21:32,864 --> 00:21:35,129
The people in this club
don't appreciate some reporter
595
00:21:35,129 --> 00:21:36,936
coming from New York
with their fancy shoes
596
00:21:36,936 --> 00:21:38,770
and 100-dollar haircut
597
00:21:38,770 --> 00:21:41,140
- and, uh, asking...
- This is 21 dollars
at Supercuts.
598
00:21:41,140 --> 00:21:42,274
...asking a lot of questions.
599
00:21:42,274 --> 00:21:45,077
Disgruntled has everything.
It's juicy.
600
00:21:45,077 --> 00:21:46,445
You're looking for juicy?
601
00:21:46,445 --> 00:21:49,313
- I got juicy for you.
- What do you got?
602
00:21:49,646 --> 00:21:50,550
Follow me.
603
00:21:50,550 --> 00:21:53,486
♪ (UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
604
00:21:53,486 --> 00:21:54,921
LARRY: And they switch my eggs.
605
00:21:54,921 --> 00:21:57,190
- This is the story? In here?
- Because-- Because I--
606
00:21:57,190 --> 00:21:58,557
- I had breakfast after 11:00.
- Whoa! Hey!
607
00:21:58,557 --> 00:22:00,259
Sorry, members
can't be in the kitchen.
608
00:22:00,259 --> 00:22:01,794
Hey, no members
in the kitchen, please.
609
00:22:01,794 --> 00:22:05,264
- This is Willie Geist
from NBC News.
- Big fan, man.
610
00:22:05,264 --> 00:22:06,465
We have a couple of questions
611
00:22:06,465 --> 00:22:07,667
- we'd like to ask you.
- He does.
612
00:22:07,667 --> 00:22:09,769
- He's got some questions.
- Okay.
613
00:22:09,769 --> 00:22:11,603
Are you making
the eggs I bring in?
614
00:22:11,603 --> 00:22:13,973
Oh, you're, yeah,
breakfast-at-11:30 guy.
615
00:22:13,973 --> 00:22:15,174
- I know you. Yeah.
- Yeah.
616
00:22:15,174 --> 00:22:16,842
I used your eggs.
And you know what?
Just so you know,
617
00:22:16,842 --> 00:22:19,478
breakfast at 11:30 kinda screws
everything up back here for us.
618
00:22:19,478 --> 00:22:21,747
So what's so hard about
making an egg after 11:00?
619
00:22:21,747 --> 00:22:24,083
You crack an egg, you break it,
and then you cook it. So what?
620
00:22:24,083 --> 00:22:26,452
If it's so easy,
put on the little hat
and get back here then.
621
00:22:26,452 --> 00:22:28,220
- I can make an egg, I know that.
- Oh, you can?
622
00:22:28,220 --> 00:22:29,455
Then why do you come in here?
623
00:22:29,455 --> 00:22:31,157
Are you writing this down?
Where's your pad?
624
00:22:31,157 --> 00:22:32,224
- Me? No.
- Yeah.
625
00:22:32,224 --> 00:22:33,292
- No, I'm...
- No?
626
00:22:33,292 --> 00:22:36,195
- Nothing. Not a word.
- Thank you, Willie. Goodbye.
627
00:22:36,195 --> 00:22:38,063
What is that?
Those are my eggs.
628
00:22:38,063 --> 00:22:40,199
CHEF: Those are not your eggs.
They're just other eggs.
- LARRY: Those are not my eggs?
629
00:22:40,199 --> 00:22:42,268
What are they doing? Two eggs
off to the side like that.
630
00:22:42,268 --> 00:22:44,098
Willie, you seeing this?
There's two stray eggs.
631
00:22:44,098 --> 00:22:46,405
- Two egg-- What's a stray egg?
- Look.
632
00:22:46,405 --> 00:22:48,677
Oh, you can't just-- Hey, pal.
633
00:22:49,744 --> 00:22:50,776
- What are you doing?
- Okay.
634
00:22:50,776 --> 00:22:52,546
Okay, these are not
the same color eggs.
635
00:22:52,546 --> 00:22:53,680
- Oh, really?
- Yeah.
636
00:22:53,680 --> 00:22:55,347
This one's caramel colored,
637
00:22:55,347 --> 00:22:56,682
and this one
has an almond sheen.
638
00:22:56,682 --> 00:22:58,952
- You see this, Willie?
- Yeah. Two brown eggs.
639
00:22:58,952 --> 00:22:59,986
No, not just two brown eggs.
640
00:22:59,986 --> 00:23:01,854
One's caramel colored.
One's an almond sheen.
641
00:23:01,854 --> 00:23:03,457
A sheen?
I don't see a sheen on this.
642
00:23:03,457 --> 00:23:04,723
There's a sheen. Yeah.
643
00:23:04,723 --> 00:23:06,358
- Eggs don't even have a sheen.
- Eggs have a sheen.
644
00:23:06,358 --> 00:23:08,160
- No sheen here.
- There's a sheen, Willie!
645
00:23:08,160 --> 00:23:09,829
All right, thank you. Goodbye.
646
00:23:09,829 --> 00:23:11,631
- What? Oh, that's it?
- Goodbye. That's it.
647
00:23:11,631 --> 00:23:12,732
- Okay, fine.
- That's it.
648
00:23:12,732 --> 00:23:14,166
You're gonna be
on television, okay?
649
00:23:14,166 --> 00:23:17,337
Oh yeah, what were you
filming with, your handkerchief?
650
00:23:17,337 --> 00:23:18,637
We'll be back. Willie.
651
00:23:18,637 --> 00:23:20,006
- Sorry about all this.
- We're coming back.
652
00:23:20,006 --> 00:23:22,141
And by the way, by the way,
653
00:23:22,141 --> 00:23:23,443
I'd like my bread.
654
00:23:23,443 --> 00:23:24,744
Takahashi threw that away.
655
00:23:24,744 --> 00:23:26,478
- Takahashi threw it away?
- Yeah.
656
00:23:26,478 --> 00:23:27,914
Okay, I'm not leaving
until I get my bread.
657
00:23:27,914 --> 00:23:30,016
- Get out of the kitchen!
- Okay, I'm leaving.
658
00:23:30,016 --> 00:23:32,085
- ♪ (QUIRKY MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
- That was the story?
659
00:23:32,085 --> 00:23:34,148
- LARRY: Yeah! What do you mean?
- Larry, there's no story there.
660
00:23:34,148 --> 00:23:35,488
LARRY:
Don't you see what's going on!
661
00:23:35,488 --> 00:23:37,927
- WILLIE: There's no story.
- They're not making my eggs!
662
00:23:39,593 --> 00:23:41,427
And, you know,
can I say something?
663
00:23:41,427 --> 00:23:43,196
Your husband's wonderful.
664
00:23:43,196 --> 00:23:45,664
That he would just
give me his eggs.
665
00:23:45,664 --> 00:23:47,733
- You have a lovely relationship.
- MELANIE: Oh, thank you.
666
00:23:47,733 --> 00:23:50,136
I noticed how
he cared about you,
667
00:23:50,136 --> 00:23:51,404
how considerate he was.
668
00:23:51,404 --> 00:23:53,706
I wasn't enjoying my meal,
669
00:23:53,706 --> 00:23:56,308
my pancakes, because
I was rushed into pancakes.
670
00:23:56,308 --> 00:23:57,443
It wasn't what
I wanted to choose.
671
00:23:57,443 --> 00:23:58,677
I didn't rush you into the pan--
672
00:23:58,677 --> 00:24:00,479
- You did rush me into pancakes.
- No, I did not.
673
00:24:00,479 --> 00:24:03,382
And it wasn't up to him
to give her his eggs.
674
00:24:03,382 --> 00:24:06,486
(THROUGH WALL)
It would've been up to me.
It wasn't his business...
675
00:24:06,486 --> 00:24:07,787
DR. VELCHECK: Mr. Black.
676
00:24:07,787 --> 00:24:10,990
- I'm Dr. Velcheck. How are you?
- Dr. Velcheck.
677
00:24:10,990 --> 00:24:13,320
Yeah. So, what brings you
in here today?
678
00:24:13,320 --> 00:24:16,565
(CLEARS THROAT)
Well, you're an expert on pee.
679
00:24:17,364 --> 00:24:19,465
That's what
a urologist is, yeah.
680
00:24:19,465 --> 00:24:21,834
What do you know
about, uh, urine?
681
00:24:21,834 --> 00:24:24,104
An awful lot. It's pretty much
the same thing.
682
00:24:24,104 --> 00:24:25,104
Mm.
683
00:24:25,104 --> 00:24:27,172
Are you having any trouble
urinating at night?
684
00:24:27,172 --> 00:24:28,335
(CHUCKLES) Hell no.
685
00:24:28,335 --> 00:24:30,170
Sometimes I get a little
lazy once in a while.
686
00:24:30,170 --> 00:24:31,477
Sometimes I pee
right in the condom,
687
00:24:31,477 --> 00:24:32,578
and I'll just take it off,
688
00:24:32,578 --> 00:24:33,879
tie a little knot
in that motherfucker
689
00:24:33,879 --> 00:24:36,085
and throw it in the trash,
and keep on fucking.
690
00:24:36,918 --> 00:24:38,178
Okay. Well, Larry,
691
00:24:38,178 --> 00:24:39,719
Hobie was trying
to extend a courtesy
692
00:24:39,719 --> 00:24:41,587
that wasn't being extended
by anyone else,
693
00:24:41,587 --> 00:24:43,022
- specifically you.
- I know what he was trying to do
694
00:24:43,022 --> 00:24:44,689
but it wasn't right
for him to do that.
695
00:24:44,689 --> 00:24:47,726
It wasn't his place.
He overstepped his bounds.
696
00:24:47,726 --> 00:24:50,462
It was your place,
and you weren't doing it.
697
00:24:50,462 --> 00:24:52,464
Yeah! That's right,
I wasn't doing it.
698
00:24:52,464 --> 00:24:54,361
I think Hobie wanted pancakes!
699
00:24:54,361 --> 00:24:56,468
All right, Mr. Black,
time to start the exam.
700
00:24:56,468 --> 00:24:58,274
- Yeah.
- Pull your pants down.
701
00:24:59,040 --> 00:25:00,206
What?
702
00:25:00,206 --> 00:25:01,540
I think you're upset with Hobie
703
00:25:01,540 --> 00:25:03,175
because he's
a better person than you.
704
00:25:03,175 --> 00:25:05,177
- Is that what you think?
I'll tell you what.
- I think so. Because he--
705
00:25:05,177 --> 00:25:06,845
- LARRY: I'm upset with Hobie...
- Because he is a gentleman.
706
00:25:06,845 --> 00:25:08,614
- ...'cause he's full of shit!
- And because he respects women!
707
00:25:08,614 --> 00:25:09,816
'Cause he wanted pancakes,
708
00:25:09,816 --> 00:25:11,550
and he was jealous
of her pancakes,
709
00:25:11,550 --> 00:25:13,685
and when
she didn't want the pancakes,
710
00:25:13,685 --> 00:25:16,256
he couldn't wait
to get his hands on them!
711
00:25:16,256 --> 00:25:19,925
Motherfucker!
712
00:25:19,925 --> 00:25:22,494
- DR. VELCHECK: Don't move!
Get back down!
- (LEON SCREAMING)
713
00:25:22,494 --> 00:25:23,696
LEON: What the fuck
are you doing, man?
714
00:25:23,696 --> 00:25:24,931
DR. VELCHECK:
I'm checking your prostate!
715
00:25:24,931 --> 00:25:27,934
LEON: You ain't no piss doctor!
You a ass doctor!
716
00:25:27,934 --> 00:25:29,068
DR. VELCHECK:
Mr. Black, out, please.
717
00:25:29,068 --> 00:25:30,903
LEON: You don't do that shit
to people, man!
718
00:25:30,903 --> 00:25:33,005
- I feel like we're not alone.
- ♪ (UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
719
00:25:33,005 --> 00:25:35,275
- LEON: The fuck
are you doing?
- (DOOR SLAMS)
720
00:25:35,275 --> 00:25:37,209
(BIRDS CHIRPING)
721
00:25:37,209 --> 00:25:39,913
You know, I wasn't afraid
to give that woman the water.
722
00:25:39,913 --> 00:25:42,114
(SCOFFS) I don't live
in fear, Willie.
723
00:25:42,114 --> 00:25:45,651
I'm not afraid of the dark.
I'm not afraid of the cold.
724
00:25:45,651 --> 00:25:48,654
Say I'm gonna take a shower
and there's no hot water.
725
00:25:48,654 --> 00:25:51,660
Yeah, I'll take the cold shower.
I'll get in there.
726
00:25:52,126 --> 00:25:53,126
Am I disappointed?
727
00:25:53,126 --> 00:25:54,894
Yeah, of course.
Of course I'm disappointed.
728
00:25:54,894 --> 00:25:57,930
Still, I'm gonna get wet.
I'm gonna go under.
729
00:25:57,930 --> 00:26:00,199
A lot of people won't
go in that cold shower.
730
00:26:00,199 --> 00:26:02,001
And this applies to the story
731
00:26:02,001 --> 00:26:04,073
with the bottled water
in Atlanta...
732
00:26:04,940 --> 00:26:05,805
how?
733
00:26:05,805 --> 00:26:07,339
Willie, let me
ask you a question.
734
00:26:07,339 --> 00:26:08,575
Have you ever had a fresh egg
735
00:26:08,575 --> 00:26:10,076
- from a chicken?
- I have.
736
00:26:10,076 --> 00:26:12,578
Ah. Have you ever had
a fresh peach off the tree?
737
00:26:12,578 --> 00:26:15,547
I have. So, in Atlanta,
you see the line of voters,
738
00:26:15,547 --> 00:26:18,718
- you get the water...
- Yeah, I wanna tell you a story.
I wanna tell you a story.
739
00:26:18,718 --> 00:26:20,553
My whole life,
I hated strawberries.
740
00:26:20,553 --> 00:26:22,020
- Hated 'em.
- Strawberries?
741
00:26:22,020 --> 00:26:24,357
Strawberries. Hated 'em.
Wouldn't eat 'em.
Couldn't eat 'em.
742
00:26:24,357 --> 00:26:25,591
And then one day,
743
00:26:25,591 --> 00:26:28,060
I had a fresh strawberry
right from the ground.
744
00:26:28,060 --> 00:26:29,028
Mm-hmm.
745
00:26:29,028 --> 00:26:31,598
Changed my life.
Never tasted anything like it.
746
00:26:31,598 --> 00:26:33,332
I was judging strawberries,
747
00:26:33,332 --> 00:26:35,435
but I didn't know
the strawberry.
748
00:26:35,435 --> 00:26:37,203
It's like people, Willie.
749
00:26:37,203 --> 00:26:40,676
You don't really know them
until you taste them.
750
00:26:41,977 --> 00:26:44,077
That's great, Larry.
Uh, thank you so much.
751
00:26:44,077 --> 00:26:45,812
I think we have what we need
on the strawberries.
752
00:26:45,812 --> 00:26:47,346
Yeah, you good?
How 'bout a boysenberry?
753
00:26:47,346 --> 00:26:48,581
You ever had a boysenberry?
754
00:26:48,581 --> 00:26:49,781
There's a lot of fruit
out there,
755
00:26:49,781 --> 00:26:51,450
and I think we're bumping up
against our time,
756
00:26:51,450 --> 00:26:53,820
and I kind of see us going all
the way down the produce aisle,
757
00:26:53,820 --> 00:26:55,021
so I'm gonna stop you there.
758
00:26:55,021 --> 00:26:56,155
Where'd you have
that boysenberry?
759
00:26:56,155 --> 00:26:58,124
It's not interesting.
I had a boysenberry.
760
00:26:58,124 --> 00:26:59,725
- I don't remember where it was.
- Maybe Vermont?
761
00:26:59,725 --> 00:27:01,493
- Vermont? New Hampshire?
- I don't-- Maybe.
762
00:27:01,493 --> 00:27:02,696
They're big on boysenberries
over there.
763
00:27:02,696 --> 00:27:04,096
Okay, enough with the fruit.
764
00:27:04,096 --> 00:27:05,131
I think I had...
765
00:27:05,131 --> 00:27:06,699
WILLIE: I do have one last
question for you, Larry,
766
00:27:06,699 --> 00:27:08,632
- before I let you go.
- Sure.
767
00:27:09,438 --> 00:27:11,840
Are you, Larry David...
768
00:27:13,074 --> 00:27:14,143
Disgruntled?
769
00:27:15,443 --> 00:27:17,013
Sorry to disappoint you, man.
770
00:27:18,245 --> 00:27:19,879
I'm not Disgruntled.
771
00:27:19,879 --> 00:27:21,613
I think we have
what we need. Yeah?
772
00:27:21,613 --> 00:27:23,616
- Great. This was great.
- LARRY: Oh, oh! Yeah.
773
00:27:23,616 --> 00:27:25,221
All right. (SIGHS)
774
00:27:26,720 --> 00:27:28,021
You think I can use
the bathroom, Larry?
775
00:27:28,021 --> 00:27:30,056
- Of course. Yeah. Right there.
- Yeah?
776
00:27:30,056 --> 00:27:31,991
Between us,
and I'll spare you the details,
777
00:27:31,991 --> 00:27:34,526
I'm having a little...
(INHALES) ...you know...
778
00:27:34,526 --> 00:27:36,062
You know a good
urologist in town?
779
00:27:36,062 --> 00:27:38,497
I'd love to see him
before I head out.
780
00:27:38,497 --> 00:27:39,999
You know,
as a matter of fact, I do.
781
00:27:39,999 --> 00:27:41,734
- You'd connect us?
- Absolutely.
782
00:27:41,734 --> 00:27:43,903
Okay, great.
Thanks, Larr. Appreciate it.
783
00:27:43,903 --> 00:27:46,573
Willie, what other fruits, uh,
come from the ground
784
00:27:46,573 --> 00:27:47,574
besides strawberries?
785
00:27:47,574 --> 00:27:49,309
WILLIE: Oh, thank you, Larry.
786
00:27:49,309 --> 00:27:50,176
Thank you.
787
00:27:50,176 --> 00:27:52,512
Strawberries,
is that the only one?
788
00:27:52,512 --> 00:27:54,183
Huh? Is tomato a fruit?
789
00:27:57,352 --> 00:27:59,122
Hey, how'd the interview go?
790
00:27:59,787 --> 00:28:01,486
You know. Okay.
791
00:28:01,486 --> 00:28:02,922
- Let me ask you a question.
- Yeah.
792
00:28:02,922 --> 00:28:05,124
Have you ever eaten a strawberry
from the ground?
793
00:28:05,124 --> 00:28:06,860
No, I get 'em
at the grocery store,
794
00:28:06,860 --> 00:28:08,764
- I wash 'em.
- Hey, Larry.
795
00:28:09,464 --> 00:28:10,596
What the hell?
796
00:28:10,596 --> 00:28:11,965
You can't talk
to my wife like that.
797
00:28:11,965 --> 00:28:13,399
Talk to your wife like what?
798
00:28:13,399 --> 00:28:15,167
You can't give her
a hard time in your sessions.
799
00:28:15,167 --> 00:28:16,836
I hear you're
busting her balls all the time.
800
00:28:16,836 --> 00:28:19,205
(SCOFFS)
It's very unethical for her
801
00:28:19,205 --> 00:28:21,340
to be talking
about something private
802
00:28:21,340 --> 00:28:22,708
that I said to her with you.
803
00:28:22,708 --> 00:28:24,910
She's my wife. Of course
she's gonna talk to me.
804
00:28:24,910 --> 00:28:26,846
You're not entitled
to that information!
805
00:28:26,846 --> 00:28:28,281
Oh, she doesn't
tell me everything.
806
00:28:28,281 --> 00:28:29,348
She tells me certain things.
807
00:28:29,348 --> 00:28:30,483
She shouldn't tell you anything!
808
00:28:30,483 --> 00:28:32,351
And matter of fact, she did
tell me a little something
809
00:28:32,351 --> 00:28:34,987
about how you didn't like
the fact that I gave my eggs
810
00:28:34,987 --> 00:28:36,388
to your girlfriend
the other day.
811
00:28:36,388 --> 00:28:37,423
What the hell's with that?
812
00:28:37,423 --> 00:28:39,292
We know you wanted the pancakes.
813
00:28:39,292 --> 00:28:42,161
- I know you wanted the pancakes.
- I didn't. I could care less.
814
00:28:42,161 --> 00:28:44,997
- You wanted the pancakes, Hobie.
- Okay, you know what?
815
00:28:44,997 --> 00:28:47,467
You're just being this
Disgruntled dick right now.
816
00:28:47,467 --> 00:28:48,701
I'm getting a lot of...
817
00:28:48,701 --> 00:28:51,103
big D Disgruntled energy
from you.
818
00:28:51,103 --> 00:28:53,205
No. You're getting small D
disgruntled energy.
819
00:28:53,205 --> 00:28:56,008
- Larry David's Disgruntled,
everybody.
- Hey, can you shut up about--
820
00:28:56,008 --> 00:28:58,343
- Larry David's Disgruntled!
- Hey.
821
00:28:58,343 --> 00:29:01,784
I knew it! Ha! I knew it!
822
00:29:02,451 --> 00:29:04,651
You are in big trouble,
823
00:29:04,651 --> 00:29:07,453
because you are Disgruntled!
824
00:29:07,453 --> 00:29:10,323
(SURPRISED CHATTER)
825
00:29:10,323 --> 00:29:12,286
I'm Disgruntled!
826
00:29:12,286 --> 00:29:14,260
- What, you?
- JEFF: Yes.
827
00:29:14,260 --> 00:29:17,096
- I'm Disgruntled.
- I'm Disgruntled.
828
00:29:17,096 --> 00:29:18,231
I'm Disgruntled.
829
00:29:18,231 --> 00:29:20,327
- I'm Disgruntled.
- I'm Disgruntled.
830
00:29:20,327 --> 00:29:21,601
CLUB MEMBERS: I'm Disgruntled.
831
00:29:21,601 --> 00:29:23,337
I'm Disgruntled, too.
832
00:29:23,337 --> 00:29:25,374
ALL: I'm Disgruntled.
833
00:29:26,508 --> 00:29:28,941
(GROWLS) Baka!
834
00:29:28,941 --> 00:29:31,775
♪ (TRIUMPHANT MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
835
00:29:37,085 --> 00:29:38,851
♪ (MUSIC CONCLUDES) ♪
836
00:29:38,851 --> 00:29:40,887
- Oh, hi, honey.
- Hey. You ready to grab a bite?
837
00:29:40,887 --> 00:29:42,749
Uh, yeah, and a bourbon.
838
00:29:42,749 --> 00:29:44,857
I have Jeff and Susie Greene
coming in at 2:00 p.m.,
839
00:29:44,857 --> 00:29:46,258
and they are a shit show.
840
00:29:46,258 --> 00:29:48,361
HOBIE: Speaking of shit shows,
I just came from Ocean View.
841
00:29:48,361 --> 00:29:50,963
It's getting fucking weird
over there, all right?
842
00:29:50,963 --> 00:29:52,331
I don't know what's going on,
843
00:29:52,331 --> 00:29:54,434
but everybody's walking around
going, "I'm Disgruntled!"
844
00:29:54,434 --> 00:29:55,568
"No, I'm Disgruntled!"
845
00:29:55,568 --> 00:29:57,804
Oh my God.
But Jeff is Disgruntled.
846
00:29:57,804 --> 00:29:59,366
No, everybody over there
is saying it.
847
00:29:59,366 --> 00:30:00,874
No, but I mean, Jeff caused it.
848
00:30:00,874 --> 00:30:03,042
He wrote a letter
listing all of his complaints
849
00:30:03,042 --> 00:30:05,111
about the club
and signed it "Disgruntled."
850
00:30:05,111 --> 00:30:06,946
HOBIE: (THROUGH WALL)
Jeff Greene is Disgruntled?
851
00:30:06,946 --> 00:30:09,048
- MELANIE: Yes.
- (HOBIE LAUGHS)
852
00:30:09,048 --> 00:30:12,285
Shit! Are you serious?
You're sitting on a gold mine.
853
00:30:12,285 --> 00:30:14,587
- Jeff Greene...
- MELANIE: You have no idea.
854
00:30:14,587 --> 00:30:16,288
- ...is Disgruntled.
- Wow.
855
00:30:16,288 --> 00:30:18,925
- I thought it was Larry David.
- WILLIE: Me too.
856
00:30:18,925 --> 00:30:20,926
HOBIE: (LAUGHS) Are you serious?
857
00:30:20,926 --> 00:30:22,161
The chef at the club
858
00:30:22,161 --> 00:30:25,368
is eating all of Larry's
organic fucking eggs?
859
00:30:25,867 --> 00:30:27,103
I knew it!
860
00:30:29,070 --> 00:30:32,408
♪ ("CURB YOUR ENTHUSIASM"
THEME MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
861
00:31:37,505 --> 00:31:39,675
♪ (MUSIC FADES) ♪