1
00:00:20,344 --> 00:00:22,965
Come! Come-come-come
come-come! Food!

2
00:00:25,689 --> 00:00:29,689
Hi, I'm Johnny Knoxville,
welcome to Jackass.

3
00:00:57,586 --> 00:00:59,689
Come wash my back!

4
00:00:59,758 --> 00:01:00,758
What are we doing?

5
00:01:06,379 --> 00:01:08,068
Can I jump in with you guys?

6
00:01:10,413 --> 00:01:11,551
Come on, bitch.

7
00:01:19,586 --> 00:01:20,931
He just touched it.

8
00:01:23,310 --> 00:01:24,862
I got him.
I got him.

9
00:01:29,758 --> 00:01:32,413
Yeah, I'm a real bonehead
when it comes to these things.

10
00:01:36,379 --> 00:01:37,586
What's up with that?

11
00:01:37,655 --> 00:01:39,689
Take it easy, my friend.

12
00:01:39,758 --> 00:01:41,724
-No, I--
-No, no, listen, listen,

13
00:01:41,793 --> 00:01:43,724
take it easy.
-What?

14
00:01:43,793 --> 00:01:46,655
Yeah, I'm trying to find
a guitar that Steve Vai plays.

15
00:01:51,965 --> 00:01:54,379
-I can't have it that loud.
-Oh, I'm sorry, mate.

16
00:01:57,275 --> 00:01:59,793
Ow.

17
00:02:06,896 --> 00:02:10,241
-Get it pumping.
-Yeah, exactly.

18
00:02:10,310 --> 00:02:12,206
All right, I'll bust this out.

19
00:02:14,206 --> 00:02:15,896
Oh, this is hard.

20
00:02:15,965 --> 00:02:17,517
Pull that back.

21
00:02:19,931 --> 00:02:21,965
Get it up.

22
00:02:22,034 --> 00:02:22,965
Where do you get sodas around--

23
00:02:23,034 --> 00:02:25,551
-Oh, gee.
-No problem.

24
00:02:25,620 --> 00:02:27,482
Do you have this shoe in 11?

25
00:02:27,551 --> 00:02:28,931
Yeah.

26
00:02:29,000 --> 00:02:31,448
I can almost pull these
off with shorts, huh?

27
00:02:31,517 --> 00:02:33,034
You can do it.

28
00:03:03,965 --> 00:03:05,862
You always walk around
with your standing up?

29
00:03:05,931 --> 00:03:07,586
Uh, dude, I'm sorry.

30
00:03:14,241 --> 00:03:15,724
Yo, what the !

31
00:03:15,793 --> 00:03:17,724
that one hurt!

32
00:03:19,517 --> 00:03:22,689
I'm gonna grab me some food...

33
00:03:22,758 --> 00:03:24,103
...for the team.

34
00:03:25,862 --> 00:03:27,655
Two medium Cokes,
small fries and...

35
00:03:27,724 --> 00:03:30,379
-Yes.
-Go, go, go.

36
00:03:30,448 --> 00:03:31,758
Is there ketchup in there?

37
00:04:20,172 --> 00:04:23,655
Well, I'm Johnny Knoxville,
United States of America.

38
00:04:23,724 --> 00:04:24,793
And I'll be doing
a little article

39
00:04:24,862 --> 00:04:26,862
on self-defense equipment.

40
00:04:26,931 --> 00:04:28,482
I going to, uh...

41
00:04:28,551 --> 00:04:31,448
start off
by spraying myself with

42
00:04:31,517 --> 00:04:33,448
red pepper spray.

43
00:04:33,517 --> 00:04:36,862
It's the, uh, highest
concentration you can get.

44
00:04:36,931 --> 00:04:39,965
Followed by, uh, 120,000 volt,

45
00:04:40,034 --> 00:04:42,862
uh, stun gun.

46
00:04:42,931 --> 00:04:46,758
And then I'll be getting
shot with a, uh...

47
00:04:46,827 --> 00:04:50,689
taser gun, 50,000 volts for
roughly around 30 seconds.

48
00:04:50,758 --> 00:04:54,103
This right here is where
the hooks come out.

49
00:04:54,172 --> 00:04:55,137
I guess.

50
00:04:57,724 --> 00:04:59,275
This is not good stuff.

51
00:04:59,344 --> 00:05:00,896
Hit me!

52
00:05:03,206 --> 00:05:06,137
Aw!

53
00:05:06,206 --> 00:05:08,000
Mmm!

54
00:05:10,344 --> 00:05:12,103
Oh my God.

55
00:05:12,172 --> 00:05:14,000
help.

56
00:05:16,724 --> 00:05:18,896
Aw, I feel like
my eyes have gonorrhea.

57
00:05:18,965 --> 00:05:22,448
Oh, ahh!

58
00:05:22,517 --> 00:05:25,344
I will put anything
in my eyes, man.

59
00:05:25,413 --> 00:05:27,310
-You want the water?
-No.

60
00:05:28,448 --> 00:05:32,310
Spray you down?
Dive in the pool.

61
00:05:32,379 --> 00:05:33,724
Puh!

62
00:05:33,793 --> 00:05:36,172
Would that stop an assailant?

63
00:05:36,241 --> 00:05:38,586
That would stop
a freight train.

64
00:05:44,758 --> 00:05:47,068
Charge!

65
00:05:47,137 --> 00:05:49,275
Ahh! Oh!

66
00:05:58,931 --> 00:06:03,793
Really no marks left
where you got me.

67
00:06:03,862 --> 00:06:05,931
-Do you wanna do that one again?
-No.

68
00:06:08,413 --> 00:06:10,379
Weren't you on 9021--
Not too long!

69
00:06:10,448 --> 00:06:13,965
Ahh! Ahh! Ohh!

70
00:06:14,034 --> 00:06:16,275
Hell! Ahh!

71
00:06:16,344 --> 00:06:18,000
Ah! No, wait!

72
00:06:18,068 --> 00:06:21,034
Ah! Ah!

73
00:06:21,103 --> 00:06:24,137
No Jase.
Ow!

74
00:06:24,206 --> 00:06:26,586
Jason, put it down,
keep your ...

75
00:06:26,655 --> 00:06:31,586
-Here, do it to yourself.
-No, ow!

76
00:06:31,655 --> 00:06:33,965
The one hurt.
The one's been...

77
00:06:34,034 --> 00:06:35,862
That was worse
than the stun gun.

78
00:06:44,275 --> 00:06:46,137
-So what was more effective?
-The pepper spray's

79
00:06:46,206 --> 00:06:48,724
the worst by far.
Like, the stun gun

80
00:06:48,793 --> 00:06:50,586
you'd get up again
in a few seconds.

81
00:06:50,655 --> 00:06:51,965
But it knocked you down.

82
00:06:52,034 --> 00:06:54,793
And the taser gun,
yeah, that sucked.

83
00:06:54,862 --> 00:06:56,413
You guys wanna
go watch it on the TV?

84
00:07:23,965 --> 00:07:25,827
-Excuse me, sir?
-Yes.

85
00:07:25,896 --> 00:07:28,827
Um, I need to know where
a hardware store is.

86
00:07:28,896 --> 00:07:32,724
I'm trying to score some rope.

87
00:07:32,793 --> 00:07:34,344
How about the 5 South?

88
00:07:34,413 --> 00:07:37,896
Yeah, I'm going to the
Angeles National Forest.

89
00:07:40,586 --> 00:07:42,689
-Whoo.

90
00:07:44,896 --> 00:07:46,862
Oh my God!

91
00:07:58,827 --> 00:08:01,379
Jesus loves you.

92
00:08:03,068 --> 00:08:05,551
Hey, buddy, you doing
all right back there?

93
00:08:09,103 --> 00:08:11,172
-Can I help you?
-I need a hardware store.

94
00:08:11,241 --> 00:08:12,724
Do you know
where a hardware store is?

95
00:08:12,793 --> 00:08:14,827
Down there to the right.

96
00:08:14,896 --> 00:08:17,034
Do you have any industrial
strength adhesives?

97
00:08:17,103 --> 00:08:19,034
-Someone is in here.
-Yeah, I think

98
00:08:19,103 --> 00:08:20,896
my car is rattling.
-Somebody's in the trunk.

99
00:08:20,965 --> 00:08:22,413
Someone is in here.

100
00:08:22,482 --> 00:08:25,379
-Ahh!

101
00:08:25,448 --> 00:08:27,724
What is going on here?
What is this?

102
00:08:32,827 --> 00:08:35,379
Later, dude.

103
00:08:35,448 --> 00:08:37,724
Your sexiness
just scares people.

104
00:08:37,793 --> 00:08:41,793
From my, um, experiments
with sexiness,

105
00:08:41,862 --> 00:08:45,103
seems like you're afraid
at first and fear usually

106
00:08:45,172 --> 00:08:48,344
equals violence, but eventually
I'll win their hearts,

107
00:08:48,413 --> 00:08:51,241
and instead of fighting,
they'll wanna make love to me.

108
00:08:51,310 --> 00:08:53,172
-Even the men?
-Yup.

109
00:08:53,241 --> 00:08:54,586
You getting hot
back there, buddy?

110
00:08:58,310 --> 00:09:00,206
Excuse me, sir, I have
a full-grown semi-nude man

111
00:09:00,275 --> 00:09:01,793
bound with duct tape
in my trunk and...

112
00:09:01,862 --> 00:09:03,172
-What?
-I was trying to get out

113
00:09:03,241 --> 00:09:06,068
to the desert to bury him.
How do I get to 5 South?

114
00:09:06,137 --> 00:09:07,344
Hold on.

115
00:10:05,931 --> 00:10:08,206
I want you to punch me
in the face once second

116
00:10:08,275 --> 00:10:10,931
prior to takeoff
so it softens the blow.

117
00:11:34,965 --> 00:11:38,000
I'm Jackassand you're watching
Raab himself.

118
00:12:38,620 --> 00:12:41,068
-Are you all right?
-It's okay, it's okay.

119
00:13:00,206 --> 00:13:02,689
Is that baby all right?

120
00:13:02,758 --> 00:13:06,275
Someone needs to take out
the kid on that bike...

121
00:13:14,034 --> 00:13:16,896
He's okay, he's okay.

122
00:13:16,965 --> 00:13:18,896
It's all right.

123
00:13:33,379 --> 00:13:35,517
You're gonna have to leave
my drive-thru now.

124
00:13:57,103 --> 00:13:58,965
Ohh!

125
00:15:27,827 --> 00:15:29,344
Good morning, doctor's office.

126
00:15:29,413 --> 00:15:32,000
Good morning, this is
Johnny Knoxville calling.

127
00:15:32,068 --> 00:15:34,862
-Yes.
-I'm doing, uh,

128
00:15:34,931 --> 00:15:37,620
a stunt tomorrow
where I get put

129
00:15:37,689 --> 00:15:41,103
in a porta-potty
and dumped upside down.

130
00:15:41,172 --> 00:15:46,103
And it's gonna be full
of poo and whatnot.

131
00:15:46,172 --> 00:15:48,655
And I need to know what
pertinent shots

132
00:15:48,724 --> 00:15:52,689
I need to receive before
this stunt goes down.

133
00:15:52,758 --> 00:15:54,586
I know it's an odd question.

134
00:15:54,655 --> 00:15:57,275
That's great!

135
00:16:03,068 --> 00:16:04,620
Now what is that exactly?

136
00:16:04,689 --> 00:16:07,517
-Pitbull.
-How many pitbulls do you have?

137
00:16:07,586 --> 00:16:09,137
-Two.
-Whoo!

138
00:16:12,965 --> 00:16:15,724
Last kernel out.

139
00:16:15,793 --> 00:16:19,034
What character as you?

140
00:16:19,103 --> 00:16:20,896
In Greg Pooganis.

141
00:16:20,965 --> 00:16:23,068
March .

142
00:16:23,137 --> 00:16:25,068
Do these feel
really tight on my eyes?

143
00:16:25,137 --> 00:16:26,137
Do they look really
tight on my eyes?

144
00:16:30,379 --> 00:16:32,517
I mean, do they make
my eyes look funny?

145
00:16:37,758 --> 00:16:40,241
My name is Johnny Knoxville,
and this is the poo cocktail.

146
00:17:15,172 --> 00:17:17,034
Ahh!

147
00:17:35,034 --> 00:17:36,689
Gross.

148
00:17:36,758 --> 00:17:38,620
Oh, ooh.

149
00:17:47,586 --> 00:17:49,000
Ahh!

150
00:17:52,344 --> 00:17:54,000
Oh, dude, dude, dude, dude!

151
00:17:58,655 --> 00:18:00,724
Ahh!

152
00:18:03,068 --> 00:18:04,931
Ahh! Ahh!

153
00:18:07,620 --> 00:18:09,172
Get 'em off first.

154
00:18:18,275 --> 00:18:21,000
Come wash my back!
Wash my back!

155
00:18:45,137 --> 00:18:46,517
Oh.

156
00:18:57,482 --> 00:18:59,275
Well, how do you
think it went?

157
00:18:59,344 --> 00:19:02,172
It was disgusting.
It was horrible.

158
00:19:02,241 --> 00:19:04,413
Three of 'em went
slowly down my back.

159
00:19:04,482 --> 00:19:08,344
I was awash in a sea of poo.

160
00:19:08,413 --> 00:19:12,068
Oh! Oh!

161
00:19:12,137 --> 00:19:13,758
My name is Johnny Knoxville,
and today

162
00:19:13,827 --> 00:19:15,068
I'm gonna jump the L.A. River.

163
00:19:20,586 --> 00:19:22,758
-Can I have your autograph?
-Anyone have a pencil or a pen?

164
00:19:25,034 --> 00:19:28,344
-No.
-How about a crayon?

165
00:19:28,413 --> 00:19:31,517
-You look great today.
-Oh, yeah?

166
00:19:31,586 --> 00:19:34,620
Take this paper with you.
If you find a pen,

167
00:19:34,689 --> 00:19:36,758
put your autograph on it
for me, would you?

168
00:19:36,827 --> 00:19:38,413
I think this guy is a little
attracted to me.

169
00:19:38,482 --> 00:19:39,965
A little?!

170
00:19:40,034 --> 00:19:41,793
-Thank you very much.
-Okay, ready, one, two, three.

171
00:19:41,862 --> 00:19:44,137
-Welcome to Jackass.
-Welcome to Jackass.

172
00:20:07,241 --> 00:20:08,724
That sucks.