>> HI.
I'M JOHNNY KNOXVILLE.
WELCOME TO "JACKASS."
>> COME WASH MY BACK!
>> HELLO.
I'M JOHNNY KNOXVILLE, AND I'M
HERE IN LOVELY SHIPESHIRE, AND I
SHALL NOW LIKE TO GET SHOT--OK.
HOW YOU PRONOUNCE IT,
SHARPSHIRE?
>> SHROPSHIRE.
>> SHARPSHIRE.
>> SHROP.
>> SHROPSHIRE.
OK, OK, HERE WE GO.
HELLO, I'M JOHNNY KNOXVILLE, AND
I'M HERE IN LOVELY SHROPSHIRE,
AND I SHALL NOW LIKE TO GET SHOT
WITH A CROSSBOW.
IVAN.
>> THAT'S IT.
>> YOU LIKE THAT KIND OF THING.
>> THANK YOU.
>> WELL DONE.
>> WHAT'S YOUR NAME, SIR?
>> NIKADA.
>> NIKADA?
JOHNNY.
>> OK, JOHNNY.
I HAVE THE KEY TO HOW TO DO THE
BASICS.
I DON'T WANT YOU TO BE HURT.
>> RIGHT.
>> YOU USE YOUR FOREHEAD TO HIT
YOUR OPPONENTS.
H'YAH.
>> RIGHT.
>> BEND DOWN.
>> WHAT'S YOUR BEST FACE WHEN
YOU FIGHT?
WHAT'S YOUR BEST FACE YOU CAN
MAKE?
>> I CAN DO LIKE A MIKE TYSON
FACE.
H'YAH!
>> H'YAH!
>> ALSO, THIS IS MORE LIKE
GIVING THEM A KEY.
MORE MOTIVATION.
>> OH, YOU GOT TO HIT HIM WITH
THIS THING?
>> BECAUSE IT'S THE SOUNDS, SEE?
YOU KNOW, IF YOU MOVE IT, YOU
ARE DEAD.
>> I CAN'T DO IT.
>> OK.
>> MY GARBAGE WILL FALL OUT IF I
GET ANY LOWER.
>> HI. I'M JOHNNY KNOXVILLE.
THIS IS SUMO WRESTLING.
>> NO, NO.
>> MAN, THIS THING IS HOT.
>> AFTER TRAINING, NO
COMPLAINING.
>> OW!
THIS IS GREAT.
I LOVE IT!
>> DON'T YOU NEED TO HIT HIM
WITH THE STICK, THOUGH?
HE FELL DOWN.
>> YES.
>> LOOK TOUGH.
>> AAH!
>> UHH!
>> ALL RIGHT.
>> AAH!
AAH!
>> JOHNNY, FRONT.
>> FRONT?
>> FRONT, YEP.
>> DOES SUMO GET A LOT OF WOMEN?
>> OF COURSE.
>> THEIR PENIS SUPPOSED TO BE
LIKE A ROUND THING.
>> LIKE A PRINGLES CAN?
>> YES.
>> CAN A SUMO WRESTLER BE ON
TOP?
>> NO. USUALLY THEY ARE ON THE
BOTTOM BECAUSE OTHERWISE THEY
ARE 500 POUNDS, WILL SQUASH
THEM.
THEY ARE LIKE RIDING A HORSE.
>> RIGHT.
>> I HAVE MY FUJI IN MY PANTS.
YOU CAN BE ON TOP.
>> DUDE, CHECK IT OUT.
>> SORRY, DUDE.
I GOT A BIT TOO CARRIED AWAY ON
THE GUITAR SOLO.
LET ME SEE YOUR HEAD.
>> YOU DID THAT.
>> I LIKE YOUR PINK UNDERWEAR.
>> YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE TO LEAVE
MY DRIVE-THROUGH NOW.
YOU'RE NOT GOING TO ACT LIKE
THIS INSIDE, GUYS.
A LITTLE DRUNK
WITH ALL THIS FUNK REALITY
WE DECIDED TO COME TO THE PARTY
>> OOH!
SOME FUNKY, FRESH ROOM
AND TAKE IT FROM ME
LISTEN TO THE FIFTH SIDE
FOR THE DISCO TREAT
>> YOU CANNOT--
THE HUMAN BEAT BOX
IS ROCKIN' WITH ME
1,000 POUNDS PUT ALL TOGETHER
WE'RE DISCO BROTHERS
TO LAST FOREVER
AND THEN WE HEAD TO THE BOOM
YOU KNOW THE CROWD
STARTS BREAKIN'
THE CROWD STARTS BREAKIN'
AND THE FUN STARTS SHAKIN'
TO THE FUNKY RHYTHM
AND WE GO FAST
TO HAVE THE FRESH MOVE
IN THIS VISIBLE RAP
YOU TAKE ME OUT
BUT YOU CAN CALL ME THE PRINCE
I SEE YOU'RE OVER 8
THAT'S GREAT
YEAH, I'M OVERWEIGHT
BUT IT AIN'T NO THING
'CAUSE I'M ALWAYS FRESH
AND GUARANTEED TO PASS
ANY EMCEE CONTEST
LIKE EMINEM'S CADDIE...
TO BE A REAL LIVE LOVER
IS WHERE I STAND...
BUT LISTEN TO THE WORDS
AS I TELL MY STORY...
WHEN I WAS VERY SMALL
I HAD THE BIRTHDAY CAKE
PLATE, CANDLES AND ALL
FOR BREAKFAST, IT WAS
>> JESUS DID NOT INVENT THE
CIRCUMCISION.
I DID--THE DEVIL HIMSELF.
>> MY NAME'S SATAN, AND, UM,
I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT I'M DOING
HERE.
I SHOULD HAVE STAYED DOWN IN
HELL WHERE I BELONGED.
>> WHERE ARE YOU NOW, SATAN?
>> I'M IN CALIFORNIA, AND
THERE'S A BIG PROBLEM WITH GOD
HERE IN CALIFORNIA.
HE'S EVERYWHERE.
[PLAYING MUSICAL VERSION
OF "WHAT IF GOD WAS ONE OF US?"]
KEEP GOD OUT OF CALIFORNIA.
FIRE DOESN'T BURN IF YOU'RE
ALREADY DEAD.
DON'T LISTEN TO THESE PEOPLE.
THEY'RE LIARS.
YOU MIGHT KNOW OF ME FROM THAT
BOOK THAT YOU READ, BUT THOSE
THINGS THAT WERE WRITTEN ABOUT
ME AREN'T TRUE.
FOR ONE THING, GOD DIDN'T INVENT
CIRCUMCISIONS.
I DID.
KEEP GOD OUT OF CALIFORNIA!
I'M NOT A BAD GUY!
ALL THAT STUFF THAT THEY WROTE
ABOUT ME WAS A LIE!
DON'T HATE THE PLAYER!
HATE THE GAME!
I'M ACTUALLY A PRETTY NICE GUY
IF YOU GET TO KNOW ME!
>> GOD BLESS YOU.
>> GOD DIDN'T BLESS ME.
HE WROTE A BUNCH OF FIBS ABOUT
ME.
>>
HA HA HA!
>> HI, GIRLS.
I'M THE DEVIL.
>> ARE YOU BEING SARCASTIC?
>> THEY THREW ME FROM HEAVEN
BECAUSE THEY WERE JEALOUS THAT I
INVENTED THE CIRCUMCISION.
GOD WAS SPYING ON ME WHILE I WAS
IN THE BATHROOM, AND HE TOOK THE
IDEA FROM ME.
IF YOU READ IT--YOU CAN READ
ABOUT IT, GENESIS 18, BUT IT'S A
COMPLETE LIE, SO I'M JUST HERE
TO CLEAR MY NAME.
I'M A NICE MAN!
>>
>> I'M A NICE MAN, SIR.
>> RIGHT HERE.
>> I CAME HERE--
>> GET THE OUT OF MY
SIGHT, DUDE.
>> I CAME HERE--
>> GET THE OUT OF MY
SIGHT.
>> THAT'S NOT CHRISTIAN.
PSYCHO!
HOLY COW!
>> OH!
>> HE'S OK.
HE'S OK.
>> AAH!
>> DUDE!
>> OH, MAN.
>> OH, IS THAT BABY ALL RIGHT?
>> SOMEONE NEEDS TO CHECK OUT
THE KID ON THAT BIKE AND MAKE
SURE THE KID'S ALL RIGHT.
>> OH, MY GOD!
THE BABY!
>> OH, HE'S OK.
HE'S OK.
SORRY.
>> STEVE-O'S TOTALLY PASSED OUT
NAKED IN MY ROOM.
>> HOW MANY POUNDS OF SQUID IS
THIS?
40 POUNDS OF SQUID?
40 POUNDS OF WET SQUID.
WHY DID YOU HAVE TO PUT IT IN
COLD, WET WATER?
THANKS.
>> EVERYONE OUT OF THE SHOT.
KNATE, GET OUT OF THE SHOT.
KNATE.
YOU BLOW EVERY ONE OF MY SHOTS.
AMATEURS.
>> OH!
OH!
>> HELLO.
THIS IS MY ROAD WIFE FOR TODAY,
MISS KLEPPER.
THIS IS OUR DARLING CHILD.
DADDY AND BABY ARE GOING TO GO
ON A LITTLE ADVENTURE.
OK.
SO WE'LL DO THAT, THEN.
>> STOP!
HEY!
STOP YOUR CAR!
>> WHAT?
>> STOP! HEY!
HEY!
STOP!
>> HA HA HA!
ALL RIGHT, WE'LL SEE YOU.
HA HA.
>> OH, MY GOD.
>> HEY!
>> OH, MY GOD.
HA HA HA!
>> OK.
>> HEY!
>> OH, MY GOD!
>> HEY!
>> OH, MY GOD.
>> HEY! HEY!
>> WHAT SHOULD I DO NOW?
>> HEY! HEY!
>> STOP THE CAR!
>> YOU NEED TO STOP THE CAR!
>> OH, MY...
OH, MY .
BABY.
OH, BABY.
>> GO STRAIGHT--GO STRAIGHT
THROUGH THE STOP SIGN.
>> WAS THAT A GOOD ONE?
>> YOU REALLY THINK THAT HE'S
GOING TO THINK, "MAN, THAT MIGHT
BE AN AMPLIFIER UNDER THERE."
HE'LL PROBABLY JUST THINK IT'S A
PIECE OF FURNITURE.
>> WELL, WHY DON'T YOU PUT THE
AMPLIFIER OVER THERE?
HE WOULDN'T THINK TWICE ABOUT
THAT.
>> BECAUSE WE WANT TO ROCK HIM
OUT.
>> I'VE GOT A BIG DAY TOMORROW.
GOT A WEDDING TO DO.
>> HE HAS A BIG DAY TOMORROW,
TOO.
>> HE'00.
I KNOW.
>> YEAH, SAME THING.
HE'00.
>> WELL, YOU BETTER TURN OUT ALL
THE LIGHTS.
THAT'S A DEAD GIVEAWAY.
>> 1, 2, 3, YEAH!
AAH!
>> I WANT TO THANK PHIL AND ED
FOR COMING OUT, KEEPING THE
SCENE ALIVE!
>> YEAH!
>> ANDALE!
WHOO!
>> ACTION, ADRENALINE.
ALL THINGS EXTREME.
PUNCH IT, BABY!
PUNCH IT!
WHOO!
COME ON!
WHOO-HOO-HOO!
YEAH!
>> JASON, MAN, MEXICAN
SNOWBOARDING IS NOT NORMALLY
DONE ON THE KNEES.
IT'S NORMALLY DONE SITTING DOWN.
THIS IS A HYBRID STYLE.
IT'S EXPERIMENTAL.
>> THIS IS MEXICAN SNOWBOARDING.
WHOO!
>> YOU'RE NOT EVEN MEXICAN.
>> DUDES IN MEXICO.
A BUNCH OF GUYS LOOKING FOR A
THRILL.
>> HA HA.
>> WHOO!
>> I DON'T CALL THIS MEXICAN
SNOWBOARDING.
I CALL IT HOT
WATER-SKIING.
>> LOOKS LIKE WE MIGHT HAVE SOME
FEDERALES.
>> GO BACK TO AMERICA!
>> THIS IS THE ORIGINAL MEXICAN
SNOWBOARDING.
THIS IS WHERE IT ALL ORIGINATED,
BABY.
>> LOS OSOS, MEXICO.
VIVA LOS OSOS!
ARRIBE!
>> MEXICAN SNOWBOARDING IS NOT
FOR MACHO JERKS.
IT'S 110% PURE ADRENALINE.
ULTIMATE RUSH, ULTIMATE HIGH.
>> 1, 2, 3, 4!
>> EXCUSE ME, SIR?
>> YES.
>> UH, I NEED TO KNOW WHERE A
HARDWARE STORE IS.
I'M TRYING TO SCORE SOME ROPE.
HOW ABOUT THE 5 SOUTH--YEAH.
I'M GOING TO THE ANDREWS
NATIONAL FOREST.
>> OOH.
>> OH, MY GOD.
>> HE GOT ANOTHER DUDE TIED UP!
>> JESUS LOVES YOU.
HEY, BUDDY, YOU DOING ALL
RIGHT BACK THERE?
>> CAN I HELP YOU?
>> I NEED A HARDWARE STORE.
DO YOU KNOW WHERE A HARDWARE
STORE IS?
>> DOWN HERE TO THE RIGHT.
>> DO YOU HAVE ANY INDUSTRIAL
STRENGTH ADHESIVES?
>> SOMEONE IS IN HERE.
>> YEAH, I THINK MY CAR IS
RATTLING.
>> SOMEONE IS IN THE TRUNK.
SOMEONE IS IN HERE.
>> AY AY AY!
WHAT IS GOING ON HERE?
WHAT IS THIS?
>> LATER, DUDE.
>> YOUR SEXINESS JUST SCARES
PEOPLE.
>> FROM MY EXPERIMENTS WITH
SEXINESS, IT SEEMS LIKE A LOT OF
PEOPLE ARE AFRAID AT FIRST, AND
FEAR USUALLY EQUALS VIOLENCE,
BUT EVENTUALLY I'LL WIN THEIR
HEARTS, AND INSTEAD OF FIGHTING,
THEY'LL WANT TO MAKE LOVE TO ME.
>> EVEN THE MEN?
>> YEAH.
>> YOU GETTING HOT BACK THERE,
BUDDY?
>> EXCUSE ME, SIR.
I HAVE A FULL-GROWN SEMI-NUDE
MAN BOUND WITH DUCT TAPE IN MY
TRUNK, AND I WAS TRYING TO GET
OUT TO THE DESERT TO BURY HIM.
HOW DO I HIT THE 5 SOUTH?
>> HOLD ON.
>> OH, MY GOSH.
I'M BOUNDED NO MORE!
I'M BOUNDED BY YOU!
>> ANYONE HAVE A PENCIL OR A
PEN?
>> NO.
>> HOW ABOUT A CRAYON?
I HOPE I MEET YOU SOME OTHER
PLACE.
YOU LOOK GREAT TODAY.
>> OH, YEAH?
>> SAY, "WELCOME TO JACKASS."
>> TAKE THIS PAPER WITH YOU.
IF YOU FIND A PEN, PUT YOUR
AUTOGRAPH ON IT FOR ME, WOULD
YOU?
>> I THINK THIS GUY'S A LITTLE
ATTRACTED TO ME.
>> A LITTLE?
>> THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
>> NOW SAY IT. READY?
1, 2, 3.
WELCOME TO JACKASS.
>> WELCOME TO JACKASS.
>> WHITE STUFF ON THE BACK OF
YOUR NECK.
>> SOME JUICE.
>> HA HA HA!