>> HI. I'M JOHNNY KNOXVILLE.
WELCOME TO "JACKASS."
>> COME WASH MY BACK!
>> I'VE BEEN WORKING WITH BEES
FOR 51 YEARS.
I BECAME CURIOUS ABOUT BEES,
LEARNED HOW TO BE A BEEKEEPER,
GOT MY Ph.D. IN THE FIELD.
NOW I'M GOING TO CAREFULLY PLACE
A FEW LITTLE DOTS OF SOLUTION.
>> NOW, WHAT'S THAT GOING TO DO?
>> IT'S GONNA BE--IT'S FOOD.
I'M MIXING UP ARTIFICIAL NECTAR.
>> SO, HOW MANY TIMES WOULD YOU
SAY YOU'VE BEEN STUNG?
>> JUST AN ESTIMATE, OVER A
50-YEAR PERIOD, MAYBE 75,000
TIMES.
>> WHAT DOES THE SMOKE DO?
>> WELL, THE SMOKE CONFUSES,
DISORGANIZES THE BEES.
>> IF WE WERE TO BLOW THE SMOKE
ON MR. KNOXVILLE, WOULD IT
CONFUSE HIM?
>> [RING]
>> HI.
THIS IS JOHNNY KNOXVILLE
CALLING.
I WAS WONDERING IF WE GOT MY
RESULTS BACK FOR IF I'M ALLERGIC
TO HONEYBEES OR NOT.
I HAVE 10,000 BEES BESIDE ME.
>> OH, MY GOD.
>> AND I'M HOPING I'M NOT
ALLERGIC.
>> JOHNNY.
>> YES, MA'AM.
>> TOXIC DANGER OF ABOUT A 1+
LEVEL.
>> OK, SO I CAN TAKE
A FEW STINGS.
>> DO NOT PULL OUT THE STINGER.
>> YES, MA'AM.
I HAVE NORM HERE, SO WE SHOULD
BE ALL RIGHT.
>> DID YOU HEAR WHAT I SAID?
>> YES, MA'AM.
>> WHAT DID I SAY?
>> YOU SAID DON'T PULL THE
STINGER OUT.
FLICK THE STINGER OUT.
DID YOU HEAR WHAT I SAID?
>> YES, THANK YOU.
DON'T GET STUNG.
>> NO, MA'AM.
IS MY CROTCH GOING TO BE THE
HIVE?
IS THIS A DUMB IDEA, NORM?
HELLO.
I'M JOHNNY KNOXVILLE,
AND THIS IS A BEEKINI.
>> MAYBE THEY'RE HUNGRY AGAIN.
>> SHUT UP, RICK.
HOW MANY DO I HAVE ON ME?
>> LET'S SAY 15,000.
THAT'S CLOSE ENOUGH.
>> CLOSE ENOUGH.
>> LET'S GET THEM OFF.
JUST GET THEM OFF.
YOU DIDN'T FORGET HOW TO GET
THEM OFF, DID YOU?
>> JUST LAY ON THE GROUND AND
ROLL.
>> SHUT UP, RICK.
COME ON.
>> OK.
>> WELL, THEY'RE NOT LEAVING.
>> YES, THEY ARE.
[BEE BUZZING]
>> AAH!
[GRUNTING]
[INDISTINCT ROCK MUSIC PLAYING]
[MONKEY GRUNTING]
[WOMEN SCREAMING]
[MONKEY GRUNTING]
[CAR HORN HONKING]
[MEN SHOUTING INDISTINCTLY]
[MONKEY ROARING]
[WOMEN SCREAM]
>> AAH! HOLY [BEEP].
[PEOPLE TALKING AT ONCE]
[MONKEY GRUNTING]
>> GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE.
[MONKEY GRUNTING]
>> WHAT'S GOING ON?
WHAT YOU DOING OUT HERE
LIKE THIS FOR, MAN?
[MONKEY GRUNTING]
>> AIN'T NOTHING LIKE
A DRUNK MONKEY, MAN.
[BEEP] DAMN.
[MONKEY GRUNTS]
>> GET BACK HERE!
>> [INDISTINCT]
>> GET BACK HERE!
GET BACK HERE!
COME HERE, YOU LITTLE BASTARD!
COME HERE!
>> AW, YOU DON'T KNOW
WHAT YOU'RE DOING.
>> OH, REALLY?
[PEOPLE TALKING AT ONCE]
>> LIFT UP THE THING
A LITTLE BIT.
IT'S GOING TO NEED TO BE A
LITTLE BIT OFF TO THIS SIDE.
>> THAT CHAIR LOOKS SO RAD, MAN.
ACTUALLY, YEAH, I THINK IT IS
GOING TO WORK.
>> [BEEP]
>> BECAUSE, YOU KNOW, IT TOOK A
LOT OF TIME PUTTING DOUBLE
RUBBER IN THERE, SO IT LOOKS
LIKE IT'S DEFINITELY GOING TO
WORK.
>> 1, 2, 3.
>> HA HA HA!
>> HE'S GOING TO DIE.
>> [BEEP]
>> WHAT'S UP?
I'M BAM.
>> I'M RYAN.
>> AND WE'RE AT ARASAPHA
FARM, AND WE'RE GOING TO DO THE
IDIOT LAUNCH.
>> 2, 3, GO.
>> OH, [BEEP]
>> 1, 2, 3.
>> [LAUGHING]
>> OH, IT STINKS SO BAD.
>> GO!
>> HE HELD ON. LET GO!
>> I'M TELLING YOU, IT WOULDN'T
MATTER IF I HELD ON OR NOT.
I'LL DO IT AGAIN WITHOUT
HOLDING ON.
>> IF YOU WOULD HAVE JUST GONE.
>> HUH?
>> IF YOU WOULD HAVE JUST GONE.
>> GO.
>> UGH.
[BEEP] SICK.
>> YOU ALL RIGHT?
>> I MEAN, DID IT EVEN
LOOK ALL RIGHT?
>> WHAT DO YOU SAY WE JUST TRY
ONE MORE?
>> IT DOESN'T WORK.
LET'S JUST [BEEP] GO.
>> OK, HERE WE GO.
>> AH! HA HA HA HA!|||||||||||||
>> [MONKEY SCREECHING]
>> WE'RE GOING TO WALK INTO A
TAXIDERMY AND SEE IF THEY'LL
STUFF AND MOUNT MY GRANDMOTHER.
HI. MY NAME'S JOHNNY.
THIS IS MY GRANDMOTHER DOROTHY.
>> HOW YOU DOING?
>> HI, KITTY.
WOW.
>> OH, A LIVE ONE HERE.
>> YEAH.
>> MY GRANDMOTHER--
SHE'S GOING TO BE PASSING AWAY.
>> UH-HUH.
>> AND WE WANTED TO COME AND
TALK TO YOU TO SEE ABOUT IF YOU
WOULD STUFF AND MOUNT HER.
>> YOU CAN'T DO THAT.
IT'S ILLEGAL, FOR ONE THING.
>> WELL, WE HAVE CALLS IN TO
THE BOARD OF HEALTH, AND WE'RE
CHECKING ON THE LEGALITIES OF
IT, BUT WE'RE JUST SEEING ON A
MORAL ISSUE IF YOU COULD DO THAT
OR YOU'D BE WILLING TO DO THAT.
>> I WOULDN'T HAVE THE FIRST
I...
MOUNTING WOULDN'T BE A PROBLEM.
IT WOULD BE CURING THE SKIN.
>> WE WANT HER IN A REALLY
NATURAL POSITION BECAUSE OF THE
GRANDCHILDREN.
>> OH, GOD, YOU KNOW.
I DON'T KNOW.
THAT WOULD BE REALLY SOMETHING.
THE FACE WOULD BE SO HARD TO DO.
>> RIGHT.
>> I CAN'T IMAGINE.
HER EYES WOULD BE REALLY--
>> WELL, IF HER EYES LOOK FUNNY,
WE COULD JUST HAVE THOSE--YOUR
SUNGLASSES.
>> I'VE HAD A LOT OF WEIRD
THINGS IN 22 YEARS, BUT NEVER
HAD THAT YET.
>> HI. HOW ARE YOU?
>> FINE. HOW YOU DOING?
>> GOOD.
>> MY NAME'S JOHNNY.
THIS IS MY GRANDMOTHER DOTTIE.
>> HI.
>> MY BROTHER JEFF.
>> PLEASED TO MEET Y'ALL.
>> MY GRANDMOTHER--SHE DOESN'T
HAVE AN AWFUL LOT OF YEARS LEFT,
AND IT IS HER WISH AND THE
FAMILY'S WISH THAT WE'RE GOING
TO FORGO THE REGULAR BURIAL
PROCEDURE AND SEE IF YOU GUYS
WOULD MAYBE STUFF AND MOUNT MY
GRANDMOTHER HERE.
>> HI, DOTTIE.
OK, THERE IS A SENSITIVE MATTER
AND THE LEGALITIES--I'M NOT
AWARE OF THE LEGALITIES OF
PEOPLE.
LET ME GET GARY THE OWNER OUT
HERE.
HE'S BEEN IN THE BUSINESS NOW
FOR A LONG TIME.
HE MIGHT HAVE HAD THAT REQUEST.
>> THIS MOOSE--HOW NATURAL IT
LOOKS.
I'D LIKE TO CAPTURE SOMETHING
LIKE THIS FOR GRANDMA.
>> I'D LIKE TO SEE WHAT PRICE
YOU GUYS WOULD CHARGE.
>> YOU'RE PROBABLY LOOKING
AROUND 20,000 OR SOMETHING.
>> AND 20 GRAND IS, LIKE, A
ROUGH ESTIMATE FOR RIGHT NOW?
>> VERY ROUGH.
>> NOW, IS THERE A SMELL GOING
TO BE INVOLVED WITH...I MEAN,
DOWN THE LINE?
>> YOU'D KEEP HER DUSTED AND
STUFF.
>> OH, OF COURSE.
>> [LAUGHING]
SORRY, MOM.
>> I'M SORRY.
>> THANK YOU.
>> WHAT HAPPENS TO HER ENTRAILS
ONCE THAT YOU...
>> WE DON'T EVEN DEAL WITH THAT.
>> I DON'T KNOW IF I WANT TO
HEAR THE DETAILS.
>> YEAH, I'M SORRY.
LET'S JUST GET THE CARD AND GO.
>> WE GAVE HIM 3.
>> OK, GOOD.
>> DOTTIE, IT WAS A PLEASURE
MEETING YOU.
>> NICE MEETING YOU.
>> YOU'VE GOT BALLS OF BIG
STEEL, AND YOU AIN'T TAKING
[BEEP] FROM NOBODY.
>> NO [BEEP] [BEEP].
>> NO, YOU AIN'T TAKING [BEEP].
>> THE [BEEP] HAS HIT THE FAN.
>> WHAT, HELL.
OH!
>> OH!
[ROCK MUSIC PLAYING]
>> * THERE'S NO STOPPING THINGS
FROM HAPPENING
YOU'VE GOT TO KEEP IT HERE
[INDISTINCT]
BIG TIME, BIG TIME
WELL, THE KID WON'T STOP, BUT
IT'S REALLY HOPPING
BIG TIME, BIG TIME *
>> OH!
OH!
>> * 1, 2, 3, 4
WHO YOU GONNA HURT SOME MORE?
4, 5, 6, 7
ALL [INDISTINCT] GO TO HEAVEN
THERE'S NO STOPPING THINGS FROM
HAPPENING
YOU'VE GOT TO KEEP IT HERE
[INDISTINCT] *
>> COME BACK HERE!
GET BACK HERE!
COME BACK HERE!
>> I'M GOING TO NEED YOU TO, UH,
CHEAT YOUR ASS A LITTLE
THIS WAY.
WHAT DOES YOUR ASS SAY?
>> YOUR NAME.
I GOT "YOUR NAME" TATTOOED
ON MY ASS.
YEAH.
[LAUGHTER]
>> OK.
HERE WE GO.
>> THIS IS SO GAY, A GAY JOKE.
>> THAT DOES IT.
I FOUND MY WAY.
>> YOU'RE NOT CIRCUMCISED?
>> NO, DUDE.
I THINK I'M JUST CURVED AROUND.
>> OH, OK.
>> THIS ONE'S REALLY GOING TO
HURT.
IT'S RIGHT ON THE CRACK.
>> OH, DUDE, BE CAREFUL, DUDE.
BE CAREFUL.
[LAUGHING]
>> I'M TALKING TO IT.
>> THE FIRST ONES ARE GETTING
SORE.
AAH! HA HA HA!
THEY'RE NOT FEELING SO BAD
GOING IN.
>> AHHH, YEAH.
>> OK, NOW TURN AROUND.
LET'S SEE WHAT WE GOT.
[LAUGHTER]
>> OH, GOD.
>> NO, WAIT, WAIT.
WE GOT TO TAPE THE WARNING ON.
>> YOU CAN STICK IT IN HERE,
DUDE.
YOU CAN STICK IT RIGHT THERE.
[CLICK]
>> OH!
WELL, I MEAN, THIS HURTS, YOU
KNOW?
[LAUGHTER]
>> [INDISTINCT]
>> COME ON. DON'T DO THAT.
COME ON. COME ON. STOP.
WILL YOU STOP?||||||||||||||||||
>> [INDISTINCT CHATTER]
>> EVERYBODY READY.
GOING.
>> SO, WE'VE DRIVEN 5 HOURS FROM
PHILADELPHIA.
IT SHOULD HAVE TAKEN US 3,
JAIME, AND WE'RE IN
CONNECTICUT, AND WE'RE LOOKING
FOR MIANUS.
CAN YOU POINT ME TOWARDS
MIANUS?
>> YEAH.
JUST GO DOWN THE HILL AND MAKE A
RIGHT TURN.
THAT'S ALL YOU HAVE TO DO.
>> IS MIANUS A BIG PLACE?
>> WELL, I'VE NEVER BEEN THERE.
IT IS DOWN THERE, BUT I'VE NEVER
BEEN THERE.
>> [BEEP]
DAMN, MAN.
LOOK, THERE'S A TEPEE IN
MIANUS.
THERE'S A BIG RED TRUCK IN
MIANUS.
AND WOULDN'T YOU KNOW IT?
THERE'S A GENERAL STORE IN
MIANUS.
DO YOU SELL A LOT OF CHOCOLATE
MILK IN MIANUS?
>> MM-HMM.
>> WHAT'S THE BEST MEAT IN
MIANUS?
>> WELL, THERE'S BANGERS,
THERE'S STEAK AND KIDNEY PIES,
STEAK AND BANGER PIES.
>> THERE'S A LITTLE JACK RUSSELL
TERRIER IN MIANUS.
LOOK, RICK'S PUMPING IN MIANUS.
THERE'S A SEWAGE PLANT IN
MIANUS, AND IT STINKS.
WHAT'S THE ODDEST THING YOU'VE
FOUND IN THE SEWAGE IN MIANUS?
>> LEAVES AND THINGS, AND
OCCASIONALLY A CRAWFISH OR TWO
WILL POP UP IN THE SCREEN.
>> DO YOU EVER CATCH ANY BROWN
TROUT IN MIANUS?
>> I HAVEN'T SEEN ANY.
>> WHAT'S THERE TO DO FOR FUN IN
MIANUS?
>> IT'S A PRETTY SMALL TOWN.
A BUNCH OF FAMOUS PEOPLE LIVE IN
MANSIONS THAT ARE SURROUNDED BY
FENCES.
>> THERE'S A LOT OF FAMOUS
PEOPLE THAT LIVE IN MIANUS?
>> MEL GIBSON HAS A HOUSE UP
HERE.
>> MEL GIBSON HAS A HOUSE IN
MIANUS?
>> WHOOPI GOLDBERG, I BELIEVE,
HAS A HOUSE UP HERE.
>> OH, I JUST LOVE WHOOPI
GOLDBERG.
THAT'S COOL.
A LOT OF WEALTHY PEOPLE IN
MIANUS.
>> YEAH.
I WISH I COULD LIVE HERE.
>> YOU DON'T LIVE IN MIANUS?
>> I LIVE JUST OUTSIDE OF--
>> YOU COMMUTE TO MIANUS?
>> YEAH, I COMMUTE IN.
>> WOW. THANK YOU FOR YOUR TIME.
I THINK WE GOT EVERYTHING.
THAT WAS GREAT.
>> GET BACK HERE!
COME HERE!
YOU LITTLE BASTARD, COME HERE!
GET BACK HERE!
>> YOU'RE JUST FILLED WITH
EXCUSES.
IT'S LIKE A JOKE.
I MIGHT AS WELL JUST LOOK AT
THIS LIKE JUST JOKES I CAN JUST
LAUGH AT.
IT'S THE ONLY WAY TO STOP ME
FROM GETTING MAD, AND THAT'S
WHAT I'M GETTING.
I'M GETTING VERY, VERY ANGRY.
YOU KNOW WHAT YOU SHOULD GET?
YOU SHOULD GET A GLASS STOMACH.
THAT WAY YOU WON'T HAVE TO WORRY
ABOUT PULLING YOUR HEAD OUT OF
YOUR ASS.
YOU CAN SEE WHERE YOU'RE GOING
THEN.
MAYBE YOU'LL GET SOMETHING DONE.
THERE'S NOT EVEN ANY TONER IN
THE COPYING MACHINE.
THERE'S NO COFFEE, NOTHING.
NO!
I'M SERIOUS!
UGGGGHHH!
AAHHHHH!
AAH!
YOU KNOW WHAT YOU'VE DONE NOW?
I'M BLEEDING OUT MY EAR,
SO ANGRY YOU'VE MADE ME!
AAH!
WAIT TILL I GET BACK TO THE
OFFICE!
AHHH! YOU'RE FIRED!
JUST PACK UP YOUR STUFF AND GO!
AAH!
[HEAVY BREATHING]
[ALARM BELL RINGING]
[SIRENS]
>> ARE YOU NEWS OR WHAT?
>> [INDISTINCT]
[SIREN]
>> WHAT HAP--WHAT DID YOU SEE?
>> WELL, HE THREW HIS COCKEYED
CELL PHONE DOWN.
THE FIRST THING I KNOW, HE JUST
WENT CRAZY.
>> IT LOOKED LIKE THERE
WAS BLOOD.
>> IT LOOKS LIKE IT TO ME.
NOW THEY GOT--
>> YOU THINK HE'S ALL RIGHT?
>> I DON'T KNOW.
GOOD GRIEF.
MAKING A NUISANCE OF HISSELF.
>> DO YOU THINK HE'S HURT?
>> IN THE HEAD HE IS--
NOT OUTSIDE BUT IN.
[MONKEY SCREECHING]
[CAR HORN HONKING]
>> I'M BAM MARGERA, AND I FEEL
LIKE KICKING MY DAD'S ASS
ALL DAY TODAY.
>> HUH?
SON?
SON.
>> COME ON, BAM.
>> YOU LITTLE WUSS.
>> JERK. STOP IT!
>> COME ON. DON'T DO THAT.
[INDISTINCT]
WOULD YOU STOP?
HEY, STOP IT.
I AIN'T HITTING YOU.
THAT'S RIDICULOUS.
COME ON, BAM.
YOU KNOW MY STOMACH'S SORE.
JUST STOP.
IT'S ENOUGH.
BOO, DID YOU JUST CALL ME?
HOW COME YOU HUNG UP?
STOP, BAM. I'M ON THE PHONE.
STOP IT!
I'M GOING TO HAVE TO KICK THE
CAMERA OUT OF HIS HAND.
HOW'S HE LIKE THAT?
BYE-BYE, CAMERA.
WHOO-HOO! HA HA!
>> WHAT ARE MY CHANCES TODAY IN
RIDING MR. MEAN?
>> SLIM AND NONE.
>> OH, GO. GO. GO OUTSIDE!
GO OUTSIDE! GO OUTSIDE!
>> WHY? WHAT'S THE MATTER?
>> GO OUTSIDE! GO OUTSIDE!
I'M NOT GOING TO BE ABLE TO LIVE
IN THIS NEIGHBORHOOD AFTER THIS.
>> [INDISTINCT]
[LAUGHTER]
>> HEY, MONEY, YOU GOT AN EXTRA
BANANA ON YOU?
THANKS, BUDDY.
>> HEY, WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME
YOU HAD A TETANUS SHOT?
>> ONE OF THE LAST DOZEN TIMES
I'VE BEEN IN THE EMERGENCY ROOM.
>> [BEEP]
>> OW! THAT'S SERIOUSLY KILLING!
>> [INDISTINCT CHATTER]
[PERSON WHOOPING]
>> UHH!
>> OW! MY HEAD!
I HATE CELL PHONES!
>> WHAT DO PEOPLE EAT
THE MOST OF OUT OF MIANUS? 3 F1