1 00:00:20,275 --> 00:00:23,241 Hi, I'm Santa Claus, welcome to Jackass. 2 00:00:48,482 --> 00:00:49,896 Come wash my back! 3 00:00:55,862 --> 00:00:58,068 My name is Rudolph, and this is Santa, 4 00:00:58,137 --> 00:01:00,758 and today we're doing some aggressive sledding. 5 00:02:19,310 --> 00:02:22,413 I'm Ryan Dunn, I'm about to do some, uh, skiing up here 6 00:02:22,482 --> 00:02:25,103 in the Pennsylvania mountains and try not to die. 7 00:02:31,931 --> 00:02:35,068 At first, you're intimidated, 8 00:02:35,137 --> 00:02:37,931 you know, being rocks and gravel and whatnot, 9 00:02:38,000 --> 00:02:40,620 but I think I'm getting good at it. 10 00:02:42,724 --> 00:02:44,068 Ah, ! 11 00:02:50,241 --> 00:02:51,931 What's the log for? 12 00:02:52,000 --> 00:02:54,172 Hopefully to injure Ryan's spine. 13 00:02:54,241 --> 00:02:55,827 Or his head. 14 00:03:03,551 --> 00:03:05,241 That was awesome! 15 00:03:12,758 --> 00:03:14,724 I fell on something haggard. 16 00:03:14,793 --> 00:03:16,482 Oh, that's all poison ivy, look at it. 17 00:03:16,551 --> 00:03:19,137 Is it for real? 18 00:03:19,206 --> 00:03:20,517 I'm not helping him. 19 00:03:20,586 --> 00:03:23,413 -You alright? 20 00:03:23,482 --> 00:03:25,000 Well, I kept on falling on my hands 'cause I don't know 21 00:03:25,068 --> 00:03:26,620 -how to fall good. -Yeah. 22 00:03:26,689 --> 00:03:28,103 -Ryan, look out! -Look out, look out. 23 00:03:30,482 --> 00:03:32,931 Ooh. 24 00:03:34,275 --> 00:03:36,137 I hope it was worth it 'cause I'm hurtin'. 25 00:03:54,965 --> 00:03:56,172 There we go, Rudolph. 26 00:04:09,137 --> 00:04:11,724 Ho, ho, ho, ho! 27 00:05:28,275 --> 00:05:29,586 Oh! 28 00:05:55,655 --> 00:05:58,206 Hey, ladies and gentlemen, it's California bobsledding. 29 00:05:58,275 --> 00:06:00,206 ! 30 00:06:24,965 --> 00:06:27,931 California bobsledding. California bobsledding. 31 00:07:06,000 --> 00:07:07,413 Woohoo! 32 00:07:13,793 --> 00:07:15,068 Here he goes. 33 00:07:16,758 --> 00:07:17,931 He's good. 34 00:07:32,896 --> 00:07:35,310 Hey, hey, whoa, whoa. 35 00:07:35,379 --> 00:07:37,517 Hey, you guys, break it up. Get off him, what're you doing? 36 00:07:42,137 --> 00:07:44,827 I'm Ryan Dunn, I'm about to some, uh, 37 00:07:44,896 --> 00:07:46,862 tree skiing. 38 00:07:46,931 --> 00:07:48,103 I guess it'd be grass skiing, 39 00:07:48,172 --> 00:07:50,413 into a tree, a K2 tree. 40 00:07:56,068 --> 00:07:58,034 I'm comin', buddy, I'm a doctor! 41 00:07:59,689 --> 00:08:01,931 Ow, ! 42 00:08:03,551 --> 00:08:05,586 -You know what the problem was? -What? 43 00:08:05,655 --> 00:08:07,758 Well, part of it's you're at this, 44 00:08:07,827 --> 00:08:10,172 but the other part, you kinda fell 45 00:08:10,241 --> 00:08:12,206 and then got up and it didn't give you time to set. 46 00:08:12,275 --> 00:08:13,793 You-- you had it, though. 47 00:08:13,862 --> 00:08:15,517 -You want a medal? -Yeah. 48 00:08:15,586 --> 00:08:16,896 -You wanna get a gold medal? -Yeah! 49 00:08:16,965 --> 00:08:18,758 -You want a silver medal? -No, I want a gold. 50 00:08:18,827 --> 00:08:20,413 That's exactly what you want, now come on, 51 00:08:20,482 --> 00:08:21,586 quit being a little bitch about it, 52 00:08:21,655 --> 00:08:23,655 now tuck in, down, like this. 53 00:08:23,724 --> 00:08:24,793 You know what I told you. 54 00:08:24,862 --> 00:08:26,310 Now get 'em, get 'em. 55 00:08:26,379 --> 00:08:28,655 Get 'em, tiger. 56 00:08:28,724 --> 00:08:30,172 -There he goes. -Lean forward! Lean forward! 57 00:08:30,241 --> 00:08:32,793 -There you go. -He's good. 58 00:08:36,068 --> 00:08:37,310 . 59 00:08:37,379 --> 00:08:39,310 Quit crying, let's just do it again. 60 00:08:39,379 --> 00:08:42,068 Dude, just go down that bitch with confidence. 61 00:08:42,137 --> 00:08:44,034 Once your blades start going through full force, 62 00:08:44,103 --> 00:08:45,379 you can't change your mind. 63 00:08:45,448 --> 00:08:46,724 Oh, I know, I'm just-- 64 00:08:46,793 --> 00:08:47,793 I'm not changing my mind at all, 65 00:08:47,862 --> 00:08:49,068 I'm just trying to stay up. 66 00:08:49,137 --> 00:08:50,689 I'm not gonna change my damn mind. 67 00:08:50,758 --> 00:08:52,275 -Be loose. -Yeah. 68 00:08:52,344 --> 00:08:54,000 You're already half a-- 69 00:08:54,068 --> 00:08:56,689 No, stick them poles in the dirt and push. 70 00:09:03,000 --> 00:09:05,310 ! 71 00:09:08,896 --> 00:09:10,000 You know if we're laughing, 72 00:09:10,068 --> 00:09:11,310 you're gonna be laughing like that. 73 00:09:11,379 --> 00:09:12,896 I know, I find it funny, I'm just trying 74 00:09:12,965 --> 00:09:14,068 to remember what my name is again. 75 00:09:14,137 --> 00:09:15,517 -You think I'm kidding, 76 00:09:15,586 --> 00:09:17,241 I seriously have no idea where I am right now. 77 00:09:19,620 --> 00:09:21,172 You okay? You okay? 78 00:09:21,241 --> 00:09:23,310 -No, look at me, you okay? -Yeah, I'm fine. 79 00:09:23,379 --> 00:09:26,241 It sucks you got hurt, but, God, you're gonna love it later. 80 00:09:34,689 --> 00:09:36,344 Get some, Santa! 81 00:09:43,827 --> 00:09:45,482 Oh! ! 82 00:09:52,275 --> 00:09:54,310 Yeah! 83 00:09:56,620 --> 00:09:57,827 This guy's crazy. 84 00:10:14,896 --> 00:10:17,275 Oh, my God, that's a piece of crap! 85 00:10:25,586 --> 00:10:27,586 Yeah, Dave! 86 00:10:46,931 --> 00:10:49,241 -Can I help you? -Ho, ho, ho, can I get 87 00:10:49,310 --> 00:10:52,517 100 pieces of chicken and 100 Cokes, to go. 88 00:10:52,586 --> 00:10:55,413 Oh, Merry Christmas! 89 00:10:56,827 --> 00:10:58,896 Santa's got a lot of damn chicken. 90 00:10:58,965 --> 00:11:01,034 -Bye, bye, Merry Christmas. -Thank you, Blanca. 91 00:11:01,103 --> 00:11:03,620 Thank you, senor. Thank you, Carlos. 92 00:11:05,310 --> 00:11:09,172 Ho, ho, ho, Merry Christmas, little boys and girls! 93 00:11:09,241 --> 00:11:12,137 Fried chicken and Cokes. 94 00:11:12,206 --> 00:11:14,965 -Merry Christmas. -Thank you, thank you. 95 00:11:15,034 --> 00:11:17,482 Hey, Merry Christmas. 96 00:11:17,551 --> 00:11:19,965 -Stop, stop, stop, stop! 97 00:11:20,034 --> 00:11:23,310 -Here we go... 98 00:11:23,379 --> 00:11:24,793 Good. 99 00:11:26,344 --> 00:11:28,793 Hold on, now, there's enough for everybody. 100 00:11:28,862 --> 00:11:29,620 Here we go, Merry Christmas. 101 00:11:29,689 --> 00:11:34,482 Happy Hannukah. 102 00:11:34,551 --> 00:11:35,965 What do you want for Christmas? 103 00:11:36,034 --> 00:11:38,517 -Say "a Barbie doll". -A Barbie doll? 104 00:11:38,586 --> 00:11:41,103 Mwah! 105 00:11:41,172 --> 00:11:43,103 Merry Christmas! 106 00:11:43,172 --> 00:11:45,034 Alright, what would you want, little girl? 107 00:11:47,724 --> 00:11:48,931 You wanna hug Santa like... 108 00:11:49,000 --> 00:11:50,586 No, I want--I want a Barbie doll. 109 00:11:50,655 --> 00:11:53,206 Okay, you get a Barbie doll, little girl. 110 00:11:53,275 --> 00:11:55,620 -Can I have a turtle too? -You can have a turtle. 111 00:11:55,689 --> 00:11:57,793 -That's all I want. -Alright. 112 00:11:57,862 --> 00:11:59,724 And a half a pint of . 113 00:11:59,793 --> 00:12:02,379 -I want a turtle! -Okay, a turtle, turtle. 114 00:12:02,448 --> 00:12:05,310 Hey, Merry Christmas! 115 00:12:05,379 --> 00:12:07,103 Feliz Navidad! 116 00:12:08,448 --> 00:12:10,103 -Ready? -Yeah. 117 00:12:15,827 --> 00:12:17,793 We are going to put a speculum into 118 00:12:17,862 --> 00:12:21,275 -your rectum here. -Ho, holy ! 119 00:12:21,344 --> 00:12:23,758 Ahh! 120 00:12:52,000 --> 00:12:53,758 Woohoo! Hi-yah! 121 00:12:58,655 --> 00:12:59,896 Hi, my name's Santa Claus, 122 00:12:59,965 --> 00:13:02,034 and I'm about to get a colonic. 123 00:13:02,103 --> 00:13:03,517 -Are you Linda? -Yes. 124 00:13:03,586 --> 00:13:05,344 Santa wants a real colonic. 125 00:13:05,413 --> 00:13:07,413 I thought this was a joke, I really did. 126 00:13:07,482 --> 00:13:09,655 -No, Santa wants a real... -You want a real colonic? 127 00:13:09,724 --> 00:13:11,551 Now, Santa, you're gonna have to remove your clothing, 128 00:13:11,620 --> 00:13:13,103 -are you able to... -Santa's gonn-- 129 00:13:13,172 --> 00:13:15,586 -yeah, I'm gonna drop trou. 130 00:13:15,655 --> 00:13:17,551 We are going to put a speculum 131 00:13:17,620 --> 00:13:20,413 into your rectum here, and through your rectum, 132 00:13:20,482 --> 00:13:23,275 we're going to send warm, purified water 133 00:13:23,344 --> 00:13:26,758 through entire colon, about 30-35 gallons. 134 00:13:26,827 --> 00:13:28,275 And little by little, 135 00:13:28,344 --> 00:13:31,034 it's going to rinse you clean on the inside. 136 00:13:31,103 --> 00:13:32,689 Is there gonna be any lubrication? 137 00:13:32,758 --> 00:13:34,137 Alright, now, this is Ron. 138 00:13:34,206 --> 00:13:36,517 -Alright, how are ya, Ron? 139 00:13:36,586 --> 00:13:39,482 You're gonna know me in some ways that most men never will. 140 00:13:39,551 --> 00:13:40,586 Alright, now just lay on your back. 141 00:13:40,655 --> 00:13:42,275 -There you go. 142 00:13:42,344 --> 00:13:45,000 You're getting the hang of it, you're getting the hang of it. 143 00:13:45,068 --> 00:13:46,862 Okay, now you can take your pants down. 144 00:13:46,931 --> 00:13:48,517 -Okay. -Try to-- 145 00:13:48,586 --> 00:13:50,586 try to restrain yourself, Santa. 146 00:13:50,655 --> 00:13:52,655 You'll be able to do it once I... 147 00:13:52,724 --> 00:13:54,896 Yeah, please use gloves. 148 00:13:54,965 --> 00:13:57,758 We're lubricating the tube 149 00:13:57,827 --> 00:14:00,344 so that it slips easily onto the speculum 150 00:14:00,413 --> 00:14:03,241 that we're just getting ready to insert in Santa's rectum. 151 00:14:03,310 --> 00:14:05,586 Where are his hands? 152 00:14:05,655 --> 00:14:08,793 They're putting the tube into your rectum very gently. 153 00:14:08,862 --> 00:14:10,275 Loosen up, Santa. 154 00:14:10,344 --> 00:14:14,689 Ho! Holy ! Ahh! 155 00:14:14,758 --> 00:14:16,379 We in there, believe it or not. 156 00:14:16,448 --> 00:14:18,586 That's it? 157 00:14:18,655 --> 00:14:20,068 What's going to come out? 158 00:14:20,137 --> 00:14:21,413 It's gonna come out through here... 159 00:14:21,482 --> 00:14:22,896 You're gonna see it go right through the tube 160 00:14:22,965 --> 00:14:24,689 and then into the sewer line. 161 00:14:24,758 --> 00:14:27,793 The water is softening up the old fecal material. 162 00:14:29,655 --> 00:14:32,413 -Isn't that wonderful? -Yeah. 163 00:14:32,482 --> 00:14:34,137 Now you're gonna get the distinct feeling 164 00:14:34,206 --> 00:14:35,827 that you gotta go real bad... 165 00:14:35,896 --> 00:14:37,344 I got that distinct feeling right-- 166 00:14:37,413 --> 00:14:39,413 -Okay. -Oh, oh, boy, 167 00:14:39,482 --> 00:14:40,758 something's happening. 168 00:14:40,827 --> 00:14:42,689 Usually it takes about 15 to 20 minutes 169 00:14:42,758 --> 00:14:44,689 -into the treatment. -Really? 170 00:14:44,758 --> 00:14:47,551 I think Santa can bring something out right now. 171 00:14:47,620 --> 00:14:49,172 Okey dokey, then. 172 00:14:49,241 --> 00:14:51,448 Yeah, let it--let it rip. 173 00:14:51,517 --> 00:14:54,068 And so, you're probably feeling a little bit uncomfortable. 174 00:14:54,137 --> 00:14:55,827 -Yeah, you can say... -Yes. 175 00:14:55,896 --> 00:14:57,344 I'm feeling a little bit uncomfortable. 176 00:14:57,413 --> 00:15:00,517 What's the most ever that's been extracted from someone? 177 00:15:00,586 --> 00:15:02,103 I mean, have you ever like, worked on... 178 00:15:02,172 --> 00:15:05,965 -19 pounds. -19--oh, my God! 179 00:15:06,034 --> 00:15:08,931 Like, good sized ones? Like, size of like, 180 00:15:09,000 --> 00:15:11,413 -candy bars ones? -Yeah. 181 00:15:11,482 --> 00:15:15,241 You know, John Wayne died with over 63 pounds 182 00:15:15,310 --> 00:15:17,413 of impacted feces in his stomach. 183 00:15:17,482 --> 00:15:19,482 -The Duke? -That's why-- 184 00:15:19,551 --> 00:15:21,517 why do you think they called him The Duke? 185 00:15:21,586 --> 00:15:23,103 Oh, there we go. 186 00:15:23,172 --> 00:15:25,413 There's the chicken sandwich from today. 187 00:15:29,965 --> 00:15:31,310 Santa's a freak. 188 00:15:31,379 --> 00:15:35,137 -Oh, ho, ho, ho. 189 00:15:35,206 --> 00:15:36,965 See, he's really defecating, 190 00:15:37,034 --> 00:15:38,655 but he's just not defecating 191 00:15:38,724 --> 00:15:41,241 big, hard stool, but he's defecating. 192 00:15:41,310 --> 00:15:44,206 See, it's getting bigger and bigger. 193 00:15:44,275 --> 00:15:46,517 Oh, boy, there's some nice chunks. 194 00:15:46,586 --> 00:15:49,241 There, better. 195 00:15:49,310 --> 00:15:50,827 Where are you from? 196 00:15:50,896 --> 00:15:53,551 Uh, the North Pole. 197 00:15:53,620 --> 00:15:56,034 Get in town about once a year. 198 00:15:56,103 --> 00:15:58,379 -Oh, boy! 199 00:15:58,448 --> 00:16:00,827 Now what happens when you take this out? 200 00:16:05,172 --> 00:16:07,931 Oh! Oh! 201 00:16:08,000 --> 00:16:09,655 Oh! Ugh... 202 00:16:09,724 --> 00:16:11,620 Go ahead, Santa, get in there. 203 00:16:21,758 --> 00:16:23,482 Santa, see that thing up under there? 204 00:16:23,551 --> 00:16:26,241 In between your legs? Pull it out. 205 00:16:26,310 --> 00:16:27,620 My penis? 206 00:16:27,689 --> 00:16:29,689 No, no, down on the floor. 207 00:16:29,758 --> 00:16:31,758 -Oh. 208 00:16:33,103 --> 00:16:34,965 -See that? -That's my penis. 209 00:16:35,034 --> 00:16:36,586 Down on the floor! 210 00:16:38,344 --> 00:16:40,275 Oh. Oh! 211 00:16:40,344 --> 00:16:42,586 -Put your feet up on that. -Oh, that's awesome. 212 00:16:42,655 --> 00:16:44,862 Santa about to wash his hands. 213 00:16:44,931 --> 00:16:46,965 Oh, yes, thank you, fellas. 214 00:16:47,034 --> 00:16:48,379 -Merry Christmas. -Merry Christmas. 215 00:16:48,448 --> 00:16:50,758 -Merry Christmas! Bye bye! -Bye bye. 216 00:16:50,827 --> 00:16:53,448 -Merry Christmas. 217 00:17:10,103 --> 00:17:12,655 Santa's making up some egg nog, and... 218 00:17:12,724 --> 00:17:15,103 Of course, there's no alcohol in it. 219 00:17:15,172 --> 00:17:17,068 I think it needs a little nutmeg. 220 00:17:17,137 --> 00:17:18,379 Little of that. 221 00:17:18,448 --> 00:17:20,965 And Santa likes that-- that little-- 222 00:17:21,034 --> 00:17:22,448 I think we're ready to go. 223 00:17:24,586 --> 00:17:27,551 Mr. Snowman. 224 00:17:27,620 --> 00:17:29,758 -Did you see that egg nog? 225 00:17:29,827 --> 00:17:31,413 Never had egg nog before. 226 00:17:37,034 --> 00:17:39,517 Alright, so you know we can't eat 50 eggs. 227 00:17:39,586 --> 00:17:42,172 So tonight we're going to see, boys and girls, 228 00:17:42,241 --> 00:17:45,862 if you can drink 50 shots of egg nog in one hour. 229 00:17:45,931 --> 00:17:49,517 We have the lovely Mrs. Claus, my third wife, 230 00:17:49,586 --> 00:17:52,344 the sexually marginalized snowman, 231 00:17:52,413 --> 00:17:55,724 and my moderately sober elf Murray. 232 00:17:55,793 --> 00:17:57,517 Are we ready? 233 00:17:57,586 --> 00:17:58,758 Go. 234 00:18:00,896 --> 00:18:03,344 Remember, don't pace yourself. 235 00:18:05,103 --> 00:18:07,206 What do you want for Christmas this year, Murray? 236 00:18:07,275 --> 00:18:10,206 Aside from a clean driving record. 237 00:18:10,275 --> 00:18:13,034 You better watch it. 238 00:18:13,103 --> 00:18:15,172 Murray's getting ready to blow. 239 00:18:16,793 --> 00:18:18,793 -Oh, boy. 240 00:18:20,551 --> 00:18:22,137 Paper towel? 241 00:18:22,206 --> 00:18:24,758 I'd say needs a little motivation, Murray. 242 00:18:36,551 --> 00:18:38,310 Gotta hitch in their boot. 243 00:18:40,275 --> 00:18:42,758 Pretty good, we've only got 51 minutes to go. 244 00:18:56,068 --> 00:18:57,448 The way you're drinking, you should switch out 245 00:18:57,517 --> 00:18:59,000 with Mrs. Claus, . 246 00:19:10,275 --> 00:19:13,620 Oh, that smell, ugh! 247 00:19:13,689 --> 00:19:15,862 Only 48 more minutes to go. 248 00:19:19,241 --> 00:19:21,275 Put it on and keep drinking. 249 00:19:21,344 --> 00:19:23,310 You gotta keep it on. 250 00:19:26,172 --> 00:19:30,758 No, you gotta keep your nose on. 251 00:19:40,896 --> 00:19:42,137 -...minutes. 252 00:19:42,206 --> 00:19:44,068 -Wow. 253 00:19:48,137 --> 00:19:50,034 , you know, I'll let you 254 00:19:50,103 --> 00:19:52,241 -take a break for a second. -Alright. 255 00:20:00,482 --> 00:20:02,103 Oh! Oh! 256 00:20:02,172 --> 00:20:03,413 50. 257 00:20:08,379 --> 00:20:10,000 -Oh! 258 00:20:19,379 --> 00:20:21,241 Looks like we have a winner. 259 00:20:21,310 --> 00:20:24,482 . 260 00:20:24,551 --> 00:20:27,000 The winner of the 50 Egg Nog Challenge, 261 00:20:27,068 --> 00:20:29,379 Murray the Moderately Sober Elf. 262 00:20:33,068 --> 00:20:34,482 Preston... 263 00:20:34,551 --> 00:20:38,344 Have you seen a fat snowman run by here? 264 00:20:38,413 --> 00:20:40,862 Preston... 265 00:20:40,931 --> 00:20:43,034 come out, it's Santa. 266 00:20:43,103 --> 00:20:45,344 -. 267 00:20:45,413 --> 00:20:48,413 -Tell him you didn't mean it. -I didn't mean it, I love you. 268 00:20:53,413 --> 00:20:54,517 That hurt? 269 00:21:19,275 --> 00:21:20,896 Did I spell it wrong? 270 00:21:20,965 --> 00:21:23,586 -How'd he spell it? -That's spelled right. 271 00:21:23,655 --> 00:21:26,310 Isn't it C-L-A-U-S-E? 272 00:21:26,379 --> 00:21:28,551 -No E. -No E? 273 00:21:28,620 --> 00:21:30,689 How about if I turn that into a smiley face? 274 00:21:30,758 --> 00:21:31,896 Santa Clause. 275 00:21:31,965 --> 00:21:33,551 idiot.