1
00:00:20,448 --> 00:00:23,103
Hi, I'm Johnny Knoxville.
Welcome to Jackass.

2
00:00:23,172 --> 00:00:25,275
Oh! You spit on me.

3
00:00:49,344 --> 00:00:51,172
Whoa!

4
00:00:54,620 --> 00:00:56,068
Where you wanna kick
Johnny Knoxville at?

5
00:00:56,137 --> 00:00:58,586
I'm gonna kick him
right between the legs.

6
00:00:58,655 --> 00:01:02,655
Oh.
I want you to go very gentle.

7
00:01:05,310 --> 00:01:06,448
You guys will go
one after another.

8
00:01:06,517 --> 00:01:09,517
Just step forward and one kick.
Boom, boom.

9
00:01:09,586 --> 00:01:12,413
Right in the cup.
And then the next person goes.

10
00:01:12,482 --> 00:01:14,965
-One kick.
-A bad guy, you gotta kick

11
00:01:15,034 --> 00:01:16,896
him hard, remember self-defense.

12
00:01:16,965 --> 00:01:20,379
Hi, I'm Johnny Knoxville,
and this is the cup test.

13
00:01:20,448 --> 00:01:22,965
Ahh! Ohh!

14
00:01:30,310 --> 00:01:35,000
Kids kicking me in the groin,
that was one of the worst pains.

15
00:01:35,068 --> 00:01:38,758
Because they could get between
the nether region,

16
00:01:38,827 --> 00:01:41,206
and you get it right
in the perineum.

17
00:01:41,275 --> 00:01:43,448
-Yeah.
-The coronal ridge.

18
00:01:43,517 --> 00:01:45,517
-Like right here?
-Ow!

19
00:01:53,758 --> 00:01:55,482
Don't turn it up higher.

20
00:01:55,551 --> 00:01:58,068
No, it's all the way up.

21
00:01:58,137 --> 00:02:01,034
Oh! Oh!

22
00:02:01,103 --> 00:02:03,896
Ow! Ow!

23
00:02:03,965 --> 00:02:07,275
Oh! Oh!

24
00:02:11,482 --> 00:02:13,379
Dude, you don't have
to swing that hard.

25
00:02:13,448 --> 00:02:15,793
Wait, I gotta get
everything in there.

26
00:02:15,862 --> 00:02:17,482
I don't want anything
sneaking out the side

27
00:02:17,551 --> 00:02:18,689
and getting pinched.

28
00:02:24,103 --> 00:02:26,448
Ah! Aw!

29
00:02:28,172 --> 00:02:30,172
Aw!

30
00:02:30,241 --> 00:02:32,379
If you miss again,
I'm throwing it back to you..

31
00:02:33,827 --> 00:02:35,655
Ow! You got it!
Son of a bitch!

32
00:02:37,172 --> 00:02:38,620
When you follow through
follow through

33
00:02:38,689 --> 00:02:41,172
with the head towards my crotch.

34
00:02:43,724 --> 00:02:45,827
That worked.

35
00:02:45,896 --> 00:02:48,758
Does it work?

36
00:02:51,448 --> 00:02:52,793
The last one.

37
00:02:52,862 --> 00:02:54,827
But you gotta be,
not be such a girl

38
00:02:54,896 --> 00:02:56,586
and... and hit it.

39
00:02:56,655 --> 00:02:58,793
Ahh! Oh!

40
00:03:03,655 --> 00:03:04,689
Here we go.

41
00:03:08,000 --> 00:03:09,103
Ooh, boy.

42
00:03:10,206 --> 00:03:12,379
Higher.
Are you ready?

43
00:03:18,103 --> 00:03:20,482
What happened?

44
00:03:20,551 --> 00:03:21,965
Higher, do it higher.

45
00:03:22,034 --> 00:03:24,172
That's got bad news
written all over it.

46
00:03:24,241 --> 00:03:26,862
Dude, that's bad.
That's bad.

47
00:03:29,000 --> 00:03:30,724
Oh, not a chance.

48
00:03:30,793 --> 00:03:33,206
-Here it comes.
-No! Ahh!

49
00:03:42,896 --> 00:03:45,241
-Great shot.
-Best shot ever.

50
00:03:45,310 --> 00:03:46,344
Get in there.

51
00:03:47,793 --> 00:03:51,310
Please, no, no, you gotta
not hit me in the leg.

52
00:03:54,172 --> 00:03:56,068
Is that it?
Ahh!

53
00:03:56,137 --> 00:03:58,310
That's it.

54
00:03:58,379 --> 00:03:59,896
Ah-ha! Ah-ha!

55
00:03:59,965 --> 00:04:02,241
Ow!
Okay, okay, ow!

56
00:04:02,310 --> 00:04:03,724
One more, one more.

57
00:04:03,793 --> 00:04:05,379
-No, that's it.
-One more, one more.

58
00:04:05,448 --> 00:04:07,034
-Ow.
-Get him in the butt.

59
00:04:07,103 --> 00:04:09,413
No, no, hit Mike.
Mike's never been hit.

60
00:04:09,482 --> 00:04:11,379
Mike's never been hit.

61
00:04:14,137 --> 00:04:15,724
It's a pretty dead-on hit.

62
00:04:15,793 --> 00:04:19,827
Most of my, uh, package
is in this region.

63
00:04:19,896 --> 00:04:23,413
Now is the
paintball at the bottom.

64
00:04:23,482 --> 00:04:25,482
-Is that blood?
-Yeah, it breaks the skin.

65
00:04:28,000 --> 00:04:28,931
What are you gonna
do with that?

66
00:04:29,000 --> 00:04:30,448
I'm gonna drop it on his nuts.

67
00:04:34,068 --> 00:04:35,310
-Nice.
-Good

68
00:04:35,379 --> 00:04:36,655
Good job, man.

69
00:04:36,724 --> 00:04:38,793
That's what my garbage is gonna
do when it hits it.

70
00:04:43,724 --> 00:04:46,310
Back out in two.

71
00:04:46,379 --> 00:04:48,000
Tell me if it's choking you.

72
00:04:53,758 --> 00:04:54,965
Here it comes.

73
00:04:58,068 --> 00:04:59,413
Sorry.

74
00:04:59,482 --> 00:05:03,172
You missed.

75
00:05:03,241 --> 00:05:05,000
Look out,
look out, look out.

76
00:05:07,724 --> 00:05:08,793
Oh!

77
00:05:16,068 --> 00:05:17,620
Look where it hit me.

78
00:05:17,689 --> 00:05:19,586
-Oh!
-Broke the skin.

79
00:05:19,655 --> 00:05:21,689
He threw the ball up
and it came back down

80
00:05:21,758 --> 00:05:22,896
and hit my leg.

81
00:05:26,482 --> 00:05:27,655
Here it comes.

82
00:05:53,689 --> 00:05:55,310
I'm okay!

83
00:06:00,379 --> 00:06:02,034
I'm Brandon.
Yes, ma'am.

84
00:06:02,103 --> 00:06:04,344
We're gonna have ourselves
a little cockfight

85
00:06:04,413 --> 00:06:05,517
out on the ice.

86
00:06:17,103 --> 00:06:18,862
Yo, yo!

87
00:06:18,931 --> 00:06:21,413
Why don't you get back here,
you little... ass bitch?

88
00:06:21,482 --> 00:06:23,896
Get your ass over here.

89
00:06:45,344 --> 00:06:47,793
...you little .

90
00:06:47,862 --> 00:06:50,068
You want some more, rookie?
Come on, bring it in here!

91
00:06:50,137 --> 00:06:51,758
Bring it on!

92
00:07:58,689 --> 00:07:59,931
What the hell was that?

93
00:08:22,655 --> 00:08:24,310
Boom, like that?

94
00:08:24,379 --> 00:08:26,000
Yeah, you had your big moment
on the ice?

95
00:08:26,068 --> 00:08:28,137
Now it's payback time, bitch.

96
00:08:38,551 --> 00:08:39,793
.

97
00:08:39,862 --> 00:08:42,896
Beating your ass.

98
00:08:42,965 --> 00:08:45,724
Slice you up like
discount prices.

99
00:08:49,862 --> 00:08:51,758
I'm Ehren.
This is Human Bullseye.

100
00:09:13,275 --> 00:09:14,862
This is just
absolutely nuts, man.

101
00:09:26,827 --> 00:09:28,379
Whoo!

102
00:09:30,206 --> 00:09:32,344
Whoo!

103
00:09:45,724 --> 00:09:47,275
I'm dripping yolk.

104
00:09:52,103 --> 00:09:54,206
-Ow!

105
00:10:02,724 --> 00:10:06,379
Like I've been hit,
kicked, bruised.

106
00:10:06,448 --> 00:10:07,965
I'm the bull's-eye.

107
00:10:12,827 --> 00:10:14,758
-Oh!
-Sorry, brother.

108
00:10:17,241 --> 00:10:18,724
Hear ye, hear ye!

109
00:10:18,793 --> 00:10:21,482
Hello, I'm Johnny Knoxville
and I'm a human red carpet.

110
00:10:46,482 --> 00:10:49,000
Hit him in the nuts.

111
00:10:50,689 --> 00:10:52,448
Oh, don't...

112
00:10:58,724 --> 00:10:59,862
Which way am I going?

113
00:10:59,931 --> 00:11:01,172
If you hit me
in the balls again,

114
00:11:01,241 --> 00:11:02,655
I'm gonna punch you.

115
00:11:07,137 --> 00:11:09,034
Hear ye, hear ye!

116
00:11:10,137 --> 00:11:12,620
Ye old street belongs to me!

117
00:11:17,137 --> 00:11:18,689
Hear ye, hear ye!

118
00:11:20,620 --> 00:11:21,724
-Don't hit me.
-.

119
00:11:21,793 --> 00:11:22,965
Don't hit me. I'm gonna
hit you

120
00:11:23,034 --> 00:11:24,655
in your face if you hit me.

121
00:11:28,931 --> 00:11:30,655
Don't touch me.

122
00:11:30,724 --> 00:11:31,965
Oh, .

123
00:11:32,034 --> 00:11:33,758
-I'm so dizzy.

124
00:11:33,827 --> 00:11:35,137
Heads up.

125
00:13:13,793 --> 00:13:15,000
Whoa!

126
00:13:31,724 --> 00:13:33,896
Whoo!
Whoo-hoo!

127
00:13:45,379 --> 00:13:47,275
Hi, I'm Steve-O,
and this here is Manny.

128
00:13:47,344 --> 00:13:50,103
I'm getting ready to pile
one of these earthworms

129
00:13:50,172 --> 00:13:51,620
into my nose

130
00:13:51,689 --> 00:13:53,620
and like pull 'em
out of my mouth.

131
00:14:11,482 --> 00:14:13,655
Hi, I'm Wee Man
and this is Preston,

132
00:14:13,724 --> 00:14:16,965
and today we're gonna do some
daredevil motocross riding.

133
00:14:21,413 --> 00:14:23,172
.
Yeah!

134
00:15:29,965 --> 00:15:32,551
-Ha-ha!
-That was close, dude.

135
00:15:35,275 --> 00:15:36,482
Hi, boys and girls.

136
00:15:36,551 --> 00:15:38,965
Today we're at
Balu Dog Training Center,

137
00:15:39,034 --> 00:15:41,310
where we're gonna be run down
and attacked

138
00:15:41,379 --> 00:15:43,448
by some police dogs.

139
00:15:46,241 --> 00:15:49,379
Is that one fierce?

140
00:15:53,862 --> 00:15:57,241
There's a fine line
between bravery and stupidity.

141
00:15:57,310 --> 00:15:58,758
Are you nervous?

142
00:15:58,827 --> 00:16:01,655
-In a way.
-In what way?

143
00:16:01,724 --> 00:16:04,206
In the way that there's big
dogs gonna come attack me.

144
00:16:04,275 --> 00:16:06,206
-Do you have a cup on?
-No.

145
00:16:06,275 --> 00:16:07,689
Do you train
some dogs specifically

146
00:16:07,758 --> 00:16:09,655
to go for the balls?

147
00:16:09,724 --> 00:16:12,448
No, but some have a tendency
to go for it.

148
00:16:13,724 --> 00:16:15,586
Pontius, get closer!
Pontius!

149
00:16:15,655 --> 00:16:17,586
Get closer to the dog!

150
00:16:17,655 --> 00:16:19,310
Like... 15 feet.

151
00:16:23,206 --> 00:16:24,793
Oh, my God.

152
00:16:26,517 --> 00:16:28,413
-Ow!
-Oh.

153
00:16:36,551 --> 00:16:38,793
Ow!
.

154
00:16:43,448 --> 00:16:44,758
Run the other way.

155
00:16:44,827 --> 00:16:46,689
Ow!

156
00:16:46,758 --> 00:16:48,517
.

157
00:16:48,586 --> 00:16:50,000
Can we do that again?

158
00:16:50,068 --> 00:16:51,586
Oh, man.

159
00:16:54,517 --> 00:16:57,103
Ow! Oh!

160
00:16:57,172 --> 00:16:58,896
Keep raising your arm!

161
00:16:58,965 --> 00:17:01,172
-Ow!

162
00:17:01,241 --> 00:17:03,034
Watch your neck!

163
00:17:04,206 --> 00:17:06,620
Bite his ass.
Bite his ass.

164
00:17:07,793 --> 00:17:08,896
Bite his ass.

165
00:17:08,965 --> 00:17:11,103
Dog just won't stop.

166
00:17:11,172 --> 00:17:12,758
God, that's like...

167
00:17:12,827 --> 00:17:14,620
That's such a mean dog.

168
00:17:19,275 --> 00:17:20,689
Oh, no!

169
00:17:20,758 --> 00:17:22,482
Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!

170
00:17:22,551 --> 00:17:25,344
Cut! Cut!

171
00:17:25,413 --> 00:17:27,655
-Ow!

172
00:17:32,137 --> 00:17:33,689
Don't move, don't move, man.
That dog'll come...

173
00:17:33,758 --> 00:17:35,482
-Oh, my God.

174
00:17:35,551 --> 00:17:39,034
-It almost got his head.
-That was so funny.

175
00:17:39,103 --> 00:17:40,379
How did it feel?

176
00:17:40,448 --> 00:17:43,206
That dog has got
-up teeth, man.

177
00:17:43,275 --> 00:17:45,862
But really, you don't wanna
be attacked by him.

178
00:17:45,931 --> 00:17:47,827
Were you scared when
it got your bunny head off?

179
00:17:47,896 --> 00:17:49,379
, yeah.

180
00:17:49,448 --> 00:17:50,931
That dog can bite so hard.

181
00:17:51,000 --> 00:17:53,137
You can just-- you can feel it
through the suit so good.

182
00:17:55,551 --> 00:17:58,103
Hi, I'm Steve-O
and this here is Manny.

183
00:17:58,172 --> 00:18:01,034
I'm getting ready to pile
one of these earthworms

184
00:18:01,103 --> 00:18:02,965
into my nose and...

185
00:18:03,034 --> 00:18:06,206
hork 'em, like pull 'em
out of my mouth.

186
00:18:06,275 --> 00:18:08,482
What am I getting
myself into, Manny?

187
00:18:08,551 --> 00:18:09,758
Well, these are earthworms.

188
00:18:09,827 --> 00:18:11,448
They're not a parasite,
so he's not gonna

189
00:18:11,517 --> 00:18:13,034
latch onto you
and feed off of you in there.

190
00:18:13,103 --> 00:18:16,068
He doesn't bite, but I'm sure
he's got, you know,

191
00:18:16,137 --> 00:18:17,965
germs in his body and, you know,
he lives in the dirt,

192
00:18:18,034 --> 00:18:19,344
things like that.

193
00:18:19,413 --> 00:18:20,413
I hope your immune system
is good and strong.

194
00:18:20,482 --> 00:18:21,931
Yeah, I try
to keep it on its toes.

195
00:18:22,000 --> 00:18:23,896
Should I rinse it off,
you think?

196
00:18:23,965 --> 00:18:27,137
-Yeah, try rinsing it off.
-Wasn't really planning on it.

197
00:18:27,206 --> 00:18:28,862
Man, you can
just wipe it off.

198
00:18:28,931 --> 00:18:32,103
Okay, let's see here.

199
00:18:32,172 --> 00:18:35,655
Oh, God! No way!
Ahh!

200
00:18:37,034 --> 00:18:38,275
.

201
00:18:39,758 --> 00:18:41,206
You better snort
real good.

202
00:18:41,275 --> 00:18:43,379
Let him-- let him come down...

203
00:18:43,448 --> 00:18:44,620
That's a... one.

204
00:18:44,689 --> 00:18:46,965
That's-- that's what
they call 'em.

205
00:18:47,034 --> 00:18:48,310
That's what they use for bait.

206
00:18:48,379 --> 00:18:49,379
This is horrible.

207
00:18:49,448 --> 00:18:50,862
Okay, here we go.

208
00:18:54,068 --> 00:18:55,103
Don't laugh.

209
00:18:55,172 --> 00:18:57,137
Stuff it up there,
then snort.

210
00:19:55,965 --> 00:19:57,206
Alive and well.

211
00:19:57,275 --> 00:19:59,413
That was exhilarating.

212
00:19:59,482 --> 00:20:00,586
Really exciting.

213
00:20:00,655 --> 00:20:02,068
I think it was nasty.

214
00:20:02,137 --> 00:20:03,413
It was wrong.

215
00:20:03,482 --> 00:20:05,034
Have you ever
done this before?

216
00:20:05,103 --> 00:20:07,517
No, no, I've never even
put anything in my nose

217
00:20:07,586 --> 00:20:09,413
and pulled it out my mouth.

218
00:20:09,482 --> 00:20:12,965
So it's my first time.

219
00:20:14,965 --> 00:20:18,103
I'm getting ready to
artificially inseminate a cow.

220
00:20:33,000 --> 00:20:35,103
-What's up now, bitch?

221
00:20:35,172 --> 00:20:37,689
You've been hanging out with
the creeps the whole time.

222
00:20:47,413 --> 00:20:49,310
-Come on, guys.
-Break it up.

223
00:20:54,965 --> 00:20:56,241
Dude, you all right?

224
00:20:56,310 --> 00:20:58,206
Yeah.

225
00:21:19,931 --> 00:21:22,413
I'm a little discombobulated.

226
00:21:22,482 --> 00:21:24,310
-Yeah?
-How did it look?

227
00:21:24,379 --> 00:21:26,862
Kinda like the human carpet.

228
00:21:26,931 --> 00:21:28,689
This is the worst idea
on Jackasshistory.