Hi, I'm Johnny Knoxville. Welcome to Jackass.
Oh! You spit on me.
Whoa!
Where you wanna kick Johnny Knoxville at?
I'm gonna kick him right between the legs.
Oh. I want you to go very gentle.
You guys will go one after another.
Just step forward and one kick. Boom, boom.
Right in the cup. And then the next person goes.
-One kick. -A bad guy, you gotta kick
him hard, remember self-defense.
Hi, I'm Johnny Knoxville, and this is the cup test.
Ahh! Ohh!
Kids kicking me in the groin, that was one of the worst pains.
Because they could get between the nether region,
and you get it right in the perineum.
-Yeah. -The coronal ridge.
-Like right here? -Ow!
Don't turn it up higher.
No, it's all the way up.
Oh! Oh!
Ow! Ow!
Oh! Oh!
Dude, you don't have to swing that hard.
Wait, I gotta get everything in there.
I don't want anything sneaking out the side
and getting pinched.
Ah! Aw!
Aw!
If you miss again, I'm throwing it back to you..
Ow! You got it! Son of a bitch!
When you follow through follow through
with the head towards my crotch.
That worked.
Does it work?
The last one.
But you gotta be, not be such a girl
and... and hit it.
Ahh! Oh!
Here we go.
Ooh, boy.
Higher. Are you ready?
What happened?
Higher, do it higher.
That's got bad news written all over it.
Dude, that's bad. That's bad.
Oh, not a chance.
-Here it comes. -No! Ahh!
-Great shot. -Best shot ever.
Get in there.
Please, no, no, you gotta not hit me in the leg.
Is that it? Ahh!
That's it.
Ah-ha! Ah-ha!
Ow! Okay, okay, ow!
One more, one more.
-No, that's it. -One more, one more.
-Ow. -Get him in the butt.
No, no, hit Mike. Mike's never been hit.
It's a pretty dead-on hit.
Most of my, uh, package is in this region.
Now is the paintball at the bottom.
-Is that blood? -Yeah, it breaks the skin.
What are you gonna do with that?
I'm gonna drop it on his nuts.
-Nice. -Good
Good job, man.
That's what my garbage is gonna do when it hits it.
Back out in two.
Tell me if it's choking you.
Here it comes.
Sorry.
You missed.
Look out, look out, look out.
Oh!
Look where it hit me.
-Oh! -Broke the skin.
He threw the ball up and it came back down
and hit my leg.
Here it comes.
I'm okay!
I'm Brandon. Yes, ma'am.
We're gonna have ourselves a little cockfight
out on the ice.
Yo, yo!
Why don't you get back here, you little... ass bitch?
Get your ass over here.
...you little .
You want some more, rookie? Come on, bring it in here!
Bring it on!
What the hell was that?
Boom, like that?
Yeah, you had your big moment on the ice?
Now it's payback time, bitch.
.
Beating your ass.
Slice you up like discount prices.
I'm Ehren. This is Human Bullseye.
This is just absolutely nuts, man.
Whoo!
I'm dripping yolk.
-Ow!
Like I've been hit, kicked, bruised.
I'm the bull's-eye.
-Oh! -Sorry, brother.
Hear ye, hear ye!
Hello, I'm Johnny Knoxville and I'm a human red carpet.
Hit him in the nuts.
Oh, don't...
Which way am I going?
If you hit me in the balls again,
I'm gonna punch you.
Hear ye, hear ye!
Ye old street belongs to me!
Hear ye, hear ye!
-Don't hit me. -.
Don't hit me. I'm gonna hit you
in your face if you hit me.
Don't touch me.
Oh, .
-I'm so dizzy.
Heads up.
Whoa!
Whoo! Whoo-hoo!
Hi, I'm Steve-O, and this here is Manny.
I'm getting ready to pile one of these earthworms
into my nose
and like pull 'em out of my mouth.
Hi, I'm Wee Man and this is Preston,
and today we're gonna do some daredevil motocross riding.
. Yeah!
-Ha-ha! -That was close, dude.
Hi, boys and girls.
Today we're at Balu Dog Training Center,
where we're gonna be run down and attacked
by some police dogs.
Is that one fierce?
There's a fine line between bravery and stupidity.
Are you nervous?
-In a way. -In what way?
In the way that there's big dogs gonna come attack me.
-Do you have a cup on? -No.
Do you train some dogs specifically
to go for the balls?
No, but some have a tendency to go for it.
Pontius, get closer! Pontius!
Get closer to the dog!
Like... 15 feet.
Oh, my God.
-Ow! -Oh.
Ow! .
Run the other way.
Ow!
.
Can we do that again?
Oh, man.
Ow! Oh!
Keep raising your arm!
-Ow!
Watch your neck!
Bite his ass. Bite his ass.
Dog just won't stop.
God, that's like...
That's such a mean dog.
Oh, no!
Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
Cut! Cut!
-Ow!
Don't move, don't move, man. That dog'll come...
-Oh, my God.
-It almost got his head. -That was so funny.
How did it feel?
That dog has got -up teeth, man.
But really, you don't wanna be attacked by him.
Were you scared when it got your bunny head off?
, yeah.
That dog can bite so hard.
You can just-- you can feel it through the suit so good.
Hi, I'm Steve-O and this here is Manny.
I'm getting ready to pile one of these earthworms
into my nose and...
hork 'em, like pull 'em out of my mouth.
What am I getting myself into, Manny?
Well, these are earthworms.
They're not a parasite, so he's not gonna
latch onto you and feed off of you in there.
He doesn't bite, but I'm sure he's got, you know,
germs in his body and, you know, he lives in the dirt,
things like that.
I hope your immune system is good and strong.
Yeah, I try to keep it on its toes.
Should I rinse it off, you think?
-Yeah, try rinsing it off. -Wasn't really planning on it.
Man, you can just wipe it off.
Okay, let's see here.
Oh, God! No way! Ahh!
.
You better snort real good.
Let him-- let him come down...
That's a... one.
That's-- that's what they call 'em.
That's what they use for bait.
This is horrible.
Okay, here we go.
Don't laugh.
Stuff it up there, then snort.
Alive and well.
That was exhilarating.
Really exciting.
I think it was nasty.
It was wrong.
Have you ever done this before?
No, no, I've never even put anything in my nose
and pulled it out my mouth.
So it's my first time.
I'm getting ready to artificially inseminate a cow.
-What's up now, bitch?
You've been hanging out with the creeps the whole time.
-Come on, guys. -Break it up.
Dude, you all right?
Yeah.
I'm a little discombobulated.
-Yeah? -How did it look?
Kinda like the human carpet.
This is the worst idea on Jackasshistory.