1 00:00:20,551 --> 00:00:21,896 Wait a second, whoa. 2 00:00:21,965 --> 00:00:23,965 Hi, I'm Johnny Knoxville, welcome to Jackass. 3 00:00:24,034 --> 00:00:25,413 Hyah! 4 00:00:25,482 --> 00:00:27,517 Whoa! Whoa! 5 00:00:27,586 --> 00:00:31,586 [theme music] 6 00:00:32,448 --> 00:00:33,482 [screams] 7 00:00:33,551 --> 00:00:37,068 ♪ ♪ 8 00:00:37,137 --> 00:00:38,068 [mooing] 9 00:00:38,137 --> 00:00:43,034 ♪ ♪ 10 00:00:50,275 --> 00:00:51,448 [howling] 11 00:00:51,517 --> 00:00:53,689 [screaming] 12 00:00:55,931 --> 00:00:58,137 I'm Johnny Knoxville, and as you can see, 13 00:00:58,206 --> 00:01:01,344 I have two broken arms today, and unfortunately 14 00:01:01,413 --> 00:01:03,517 I have to go to the restroom really bad. 15 00:01:03,586 --> 00:01:07,724 So I'm going to see if someone will aid me in that. 16 00:01:07,793 --> 00:01:09,793 Hey, man. Hey, bro. 17 00:01:09,862 --> 00:01:12,517 I feel stupid asking you this. 18 00:01:12,586 --> 00:01:14,172 I have to piss really bad. 19 00:01:14,241 --> 00:01:15,379 I was wondering if you could unzip me. 20 00:01:15,448 --> 00:01:17,551 -Oh, man. -There's nothing I can do. 21 00:01:17,620 --> 00:01:18,827 I'm about to piss my pants. 22 00:01:18,896 --> 00:01:20,103 [man] No, I can't do that. 23 00:01:20,172 --> 00:01:21,068 I wish I could. 24 00:01:21,137 --> 00:01:22,517 Lemme find a young lady... 25 00:01:22,586 --> 00:01:23,931 No, no, no, don't ask a girl, 26 00:01:24,000 --> 00:01:25,551 because then that's kinda sketchy, you know? 27 00:01:25,620 --> 00:01:26,965 Girls will think it's weird. 28 00:01:27,034 --> 00:01:29,379 -I'll do it if you don't mind. -No, I don't mind. 29 00:01:29,448 --> 00:01:30,793 Just an unzip is all I need 30 00:01:30,862 --> 00:01:32,413 and I can maneuver it from there. 31 00:01:32,482 --> 00:01:34,448 -Just need an unzip, right? -Yeah, just... 32 00:01:36,034 --> 00:01:38,137 Well, no, see, if you unbutton, 33 00:01:38,206 --> 00:01:40,000 then my pants fall down. 34 00:01:40,068 --> 00:01:42,379 -Alright, so just-- -Whoa, yeah. 35 00:01:42,448 --> 00:01:44,344 -Yeah. -I got it. 36 00:01:44,413 --> 00:01:45,793 -Okay, is that good? -Okay, yeah, I can get it, 37 00:01:45,862 --> 00:01:48,448 I think, thank you. 38 00:01:48,517 --> 00:01:50,103 Hey, bro, can I ask you a favor real quick? 39 00:01:50,172 --> 00:01:51,931 It's ridiculous, I apologize for asking you. 40 00:01:52,000 --> 00:01:54,206 But I gotta piss really bad, 41 00:01:54,275 --> 00:01:56,344 and if I can just get an unzip. 42 00:01:56,413 --> 00:01:58,413 Don't do anything, just an unzip. 43 00:01:58,482 --> 00:02:00,551 You know what, ask one of those guys 44 00:02:00,620 --> 00:02:02,172 in the car that are with me. 45 00:02:02,241 --> 00:02:03,620 I just talked to your friend, he said you might help me. 46 00:02:03,689 --> 00:02:06,758 I gotta piss really bad, and I can't unzip 47 00:02:06,827 --> 00:02:08,275 because of my arms are broke. 48 00:02:09,827 --> 00:02:11,620 -[man] Come back for the zip? -Yeah. 49 00:02:11,689 --> 00:02:12,827 Thank you, thank you. 50 00:02:12,896 --> 00:02:14,931 Oh! 51 00:02:18,206 --> 00:02:19,793 Dude, thanks. I feel ridiculous. 52 00:02:19,862 --> 00:02:21,137 -[man] That's alright. -Thank you. 53 00:02:21,206 --> 00:02:24,310 [laughter] 54 00:02:24,379 --> 00:02:26,206 -Oh, wow, thank you, man. -No problem. 55 00:02:26,275 --> 00:02:28,689 Thanks a lot. Ah. Ah! 56 00:02:28,758 --> 00:02:30,862 Right now, we're gonna hurt the treadmill, 57 00:02:30,931 --> 00:02:32,758 or the treadmill's gonna hurt us. 58 00:02:32,827 --> 00:02:35,000 [treadmill whirring] 59 00:02:37,137 --> 00:02:38,413 -[laughter] -[screams] 60 00:02:42,793 --> 00:02:45,448 [laughter] 61 00:02:51,896 --> 00:02:54,896 [high-pitched whirring] 62 00:03:01,172 --> 00:03:03,448 Get him. 63 00:03:03,517 --> 00:03:05,310 Try an endo or some [bleep]. 64 00:03:14,862 --> 00:03:16,482 Bring it on, [bleep]! 65 00:03:21,620 --> 00:03:23,448 Yo, should I call up Knoxville and see if he wants to come? 66 00:03:23,517 --> 00:03:24,896 -Yeah. -Yeah. 67 00:03:24,965 --> 00:03:26,448 [indistinct chatter] 68 00:03:35,275 --> 00:03:37,068 [laughter] 69 00:03:38,827 --> 00:03:42,103 [animals chittering] 70 00:03:42,172 --> 00:03:45,137 [screaming] 71 00:03:48,896 --> 00:03:51,620 [screaming continues] 72 00:03:58,000 --> 00:03:59,655 [child screams] 73 00:04:07,620 --> 00:04:09,586 Hi, I'm Party Boy, 74 00:04:09,655 --> 00:04:11,172 exotic dancer in training. 75 00:04:11,241 --> 00:04:12,689 Today, we are gonna go 76 00:04:12,758 --> 00:04:15,586 to the Hollywood Men's Strip Facility 77 00:04:15,655 --> 00:04:18,965 and get some pointers from some of my exotic comrades. 78 00:04:19,034 --> 00:04:20,758 Good morning. I'm Party Boy. 79 00:04:20,827 --> 00:04:21,896 Party Boy, nice to meet you. 80 00:04:21,965 --> 00:04:23,655 Today, I just wanted to get, 81 00:04:23,724 --> 00:04:25,413 first of all, some workout pointers. 82 00:04:25,482 --> 00:04:26,965 Uh-huh. 83 00:04:27,034 --> 00:04:29,965 Um, and some tips on the dance moves. 84 00:04:30,034 --> 00:04:32,172 And then after that, I'm gonna have to do some tanning. 85 00:04:32,241 --> 00:04:34,620 [funky techno music] 86 00:04:34,689 --> 00:04:36,448 That's all you do? 87 00:04:36,517 --> 00:04:38,689 [grunts] 88 00:04:38,758 --> 00:04:39,965 Oh, yeah. 89 00:04:40,034 --> 00:04:41,413 Yeah, I gotta learn some dance moves. 90 00:04:41,482 --> 00:04:44,586 -Grab her shoulders. -Oh, [bleep]. 91 00:04:44,655 --> 00:04:46,413 -Yeah. -You can bend over 92 00:04:46,482 --> 00:04:48,068 this way and like, grab her leg. 93 00:04:48,137 --> 00:04:49,241 It's all about the hips. 94 00:04:49,310 --> 00:04:50,413 Alright. 95 00:04:50,482 --> 00:04:52,758 [thumping techno music plays] 96 00:04:52,827 --> 00:04:54,413 [Scott] Slow down, slow down. 97 00:04:54,482 --> 00:04:57,758 ♪ ♪ 98 00:04:57,827 --> 00:04:59,275 [laughter] 99 00:04:59,344 --> 00:05:01,620 You're rubbing your genitals on my leg. 100 00:05:01,689 --> 00:05:02,931 [laughs] I was get-- 101 00:05:03,000 --> 00:05:04,310 I was getting a little riled up. 102 00:05:04,379 --> 00:05:06,413 [techno music continues] 103 00:05:06,482 --> 00:05:08,827 ♪ ♪ 104 00:05:08,896 --> 00:05:10,413 [indistinct chatter] 105 00:05:10,482 --> 00:05:13,000 Alright, I think you're ready to go in there. 106 00:05:15,172 --> 00:05:16,689 Just a few more pumps, 107 00:05:16,758 --> 00:05:18,724 and Party Boy will be ready to go to work. 108 00:05:22,482 --> 00:05:24,413 [Party Boy] I'm just looking for one of these stereos. 109 00:05:24,482 --> 00:05:26,551 I just want something that's kind of loud and bass-y. 110 00:05:26,620 --> 00:05:30,862 Good for like, you know, like, party music, kinda. 111 00:05:30,931 --> 00:05:32,379 [thumping bass music plays] 112 00:05:32,448 --> 00:05:33,551 Yeah, turn that up. 113 00:05:33,620 --> 00:05:35,586 [music intensifies] 114 00:05:36,758 --> 00:05:38,724 Yeah, sounds pretty good. 115 00:05:38,793 --> 00:05:40,551 -You like this song? -Yeah. 116 00:05:40,620 --> 00:05:42,068 I kinda just feel like partying. 117 00:05:42,137 --> 00:05:44,034 I kinda just feel like partying right now. 118 00:05:44,103 --> 00:05:45,379 Whoo! 119 00:05:45,448 --> 00:05:47,034 ♪ ♪ 120 00:05:47,103 --> 00:05:48,689 Let's go, man, let's go! 121 00:05:48,758 --> 00:05:50,034 You can't do that here, man. 122 00:05:50,103 --> 00:05:53,103 -Come on, keep it going. -You can't do that here. 123 00:05:53,172 --> 00:05:54,310 Come on, blast it. 124 00:05:54,379 --> 00:05:56,275 Come on. 125 00:05:56,344 --> 00:05:57,620 Come on, blast it. 126 00:05:57,689 --> 00:05:58,931 Come on, I wanna dance. 127 00:05:59,000 --> 00:06:01,413 I came to dance. I came to party. 128 00:06:01,482 --> 00:06:03,448 I just wanna party. 129 00:06:04,965 --> 00:06:07,655 I'm looking for, like, a home stereo, 130 00:06:07,724 --> 00:06:10,482 just kinda like, something nice for the living room. 131 00:06:10,551 --> 00:06:11,827 Can I try some stuff out? 132 00:06:11,896 --> 00:06:14,000 [thumping bass music plays] 133 00:06:14,068 --> 00:06:15,172 Yeah. 134 00:06:15,241 --> 00:06:17,172 -You like this song? -Hmm? 135 00:06:17,241 --> 00:06:18,689 -Do you like this song? -Song's good. 136 00:06:18,758 --> 00:06:20,448 Kinda makes you feel like partying. 137 00:06:20,517 --> 00:06:22,448 I kinda feel like partying right now. 138 00:06:22,517 --> 00:06:24,758 ♪ ♪ 139 00:06:24,827 --> 00:06:26,758 [indistinct mumbling] 140 00:06:26,827 --> 00:06:28,827 [music continues] 141 00:06:32,827 --> 00:06:35,137 ♪ ♪ 142 00:06:37,655 --> 00:06:39,103 Wanna party? 143 00:06:39,172 --> 00:06:42,896 ♪ ♪ 144 00:06:42,965 --> 00:06:44,896 Yeah! 145 00:06:44,965 --> 00:06:48,965 ♪ ♪ 146 00:06:52,310 --> 00:06:53,448 Whoo! 147 00:06:56,482 --> 00:06:57,586 [music stops] 148 00:06:57,655 --> 00:06:59,241 -Oh! -Oh, come on, man. 149 00:06:59,310 --> 00:07:01,137 Party Boy, one more song. 150 00:07:01,206 --> 00:07:02,379 [man] No, no, no, no. 151 00:07:02,448 --> 00:07:04,310 -Alright. -You can't do that in here. 152 00:07:04,379 --> 00:07:05,620 Oh, I'm sorry. 153 00:07:05,689 --> 00:07:06,862 I just got excited. 154 00:07:10,068 --> 00:07:11,620 Some people just don't know how to party. 155 00:07:13,344 --> 00:07:14,689 [Steve-O] An orange is heavy. 156 00:07:14,758 --> 00:07:17,413 They probably come out easily 100 miles an hour. 157 00:07:17,482 --> 00:07:19,448 -[loud bang] -[screaming] 158 00:07:19,517 --> 00:07:20,620 ♪ ♪ 159 00:07:20,689 --> 00:07:22,310 [Johnny] Oww! 160 00:07:40,000 --> 00:07:42,000 [laughter] 161 00:07:43,862 --> 00:07:45,896 The world record for a jai-alai ball 162 00:07:45,965 --> 00:07:47,413 is 188 miles an hour. 163 00:07:49,965 --> 00:07:51,448 This is the most dangerous game in the world. 164 00:07:51,517 --> 00:07:52,655 Nobody gets killed... 165 00:07:55,965 --> 00:07:57,586 ..but they should really get hurt. 166 00:07:57,655 --> 00:08:00,344 It's more dangerous than bullfighting? 167 00:08:00,413 --> 00:08:02,103 Oh, sure. 168 00:08:02,172 --> 00:08:06,827 Every play, every point is potential death. 169 00:08:06,896 --> 00:08:07,931 I'm scared. 170 00:08:08,000 --> 00:08:09,586 An orange is heavy. 171 00:08:09,655 --> 00:08:12,310 [man] They probably come out easily 100 miles an hour. 172 00:08:13,689 --> 00:08:16,000 -[nervous chuckle] -How accurate are they? 173 00:08:16,068 --> 00:08:18,172 It might take about, I would say, three shots. 174 00:08:18,241 --> 00:08:19,931 Two practice shots, and the third one I'll get him. 175 00:08:20,000 --> 00:08:22,379 I'm not looking forward to this at all. 176 00:08:22,448 --> 00:08:24,827 [indistinct chatter] 177 00:08:24,896 --> 00:08:27,172 This is the end of Johnny Knoxville. 178 00:08:27,241 --> 00:08:29,517 Hi, I'm Johnny Knoxville, this is Steve-O, 179 00:08:29,586 --> 00:08:31,586 this is jai-alai. 180 00:08:31,655 --> 00:08:33,137 [man] You guys ready? 181 00:08:33,206 --> 00:08:34,275 -Here they come. -Here it comes. 182 00:08:34,344 --> 00:08:36,551 Go! 183 00:08:36,620 --> 00:08:38,793 [loud banging] 184 00:08:41,137 --> 00:08:43,413 [screams] 185 00:08:43,482 --> 00:08:45,034 [player] Got him! 186 00:08:45,103 --> 00:08:46,379 [laughter] 187 00:08:46,448 --> 00:08:48,620 -What number was that? -That was me. 188 00:08:49,793 --> 00:08:51,448 Ohh! 189 00:08:53,206 --> 00:08:54,862 [screams] 190 00:08:57,275 --> 00:08:59,310 A little low, needed to get it up a couple inches. 191 00:08:59,379 --> 00:09:01,482 Hey, you guys know Steve-O's here, right? 192 00:09:01,551 --> 00:09:02,793 Yeah, I was trying to hit him. 193 00:09:02,862 --> 00:09:04,482 I'm gonna get Steve-O right now. 194 00:09:05,655 --> 00:09:07,482 This is Steve-O. 195 00:09:09,655 --> 00:09:11,275 Spread out, Steve-O, spread out. 196 00:09:12,862 --> 00:09:14,310 In the yellow! 197 00:09:14,379 --> 00:09:16,896 Oh yeah! Whoo! 198 00:09:16,965 --> 00:09:18,655 I got one for you, Johnny, it's coming. 199 00:09:18,724 --> 00:09:19,931 Thank you! 200 00:09:20,000 --> 00:09:22,517 Oh, you're throwing like a wash woman. 201 00:09:22,586 --> 00:09:24,379 No wonder you guys aren't pitchers. 202 00:09:26,586 --> 00:09:27,689 [laughter] 203 00:09:27,758 --> 00:09:29,517 [bleep]! 204 00:09:29,586 --> 00:09:30,724 Steve-O, you okay? 205 00:09:30,793 --> 00:09:32,068 How much you get for a knockdown? 206 00:09:32,137 --> 00:09:33,827 Go! 207 00:09:33,896 --> 00:09:35,655 -Ahh! -Ohh! 208 00:09:35,724 --> 00:09:38,275 Timeout. [laughing] 209 00:09:44,724 --> 00:09:46,482 Where'd that hit you? 210 00:09:46,551 --> 00:09:49,482 -[all exclaiming] -[bleep]! 211 00:09:49,551 --> 00:09:51,172 [Johnny] Steve-O's retired. 212 00:09:51,241 --> 00:09:52,793 It's just me, ladies. 213 00:09:58,448 --> 00:10:00,448 What was that, a [bleep] grapefruit? 214 00:10:04,379 --> 00:10:05,827 [screams] 215 00:10:08,586 --> 00:10:10,344 [man] Should we start with the lemons and limes? 216 00:10:10,413 --> 00:10:11,586 [Johnny] No, I think-- I think we got it. 217 00:10:11,655 --> 00:10:14,448 [laughter] 218 00:10:17,965 --> 00:10:19,896 [distant dog barking] 219 00:10:19,965 --> 00:10:21,965 [metal creaking] 220 00:10:38,448 --> 00:10:41,103 This is the human tricycle. 221 00:10:41,172 --> 00:10:45,137 ♪ ♪ 222 00:11:01,034 --> 00:11:02,344 [man] Hey! 223 00:11:03,758 --> 00:11:08,724 ♪ ♪ 224 00:11:43,689 --> 00:11:46,103 Gonna do the Snake River launch. 225 00:11:46,172 --> 00:11:48,793 It's kinda gnarly, full of rock. 226 00:11:48,862 --> 00:11:50,655 Trying to make it to the other side 227 00:11:50,724 --> 00:11:52,413 kinda Evel Knievel style. 228 00:11:52,482 --> 00:11:53,896 [cameraman] Yeah, what's the bottom 229 00:11:53,965 --> 00:11:55,620 of the river look like? 230 00:11:55,689 --> 00:11:57,482 Uh, spiked rocks. 231 00:11:57,551 --> 00:11:58,862 -[laughter] -Look at the condom! 232 00:11:58,931 --> 00:12:00,448 -Where? -Right there. 233 00:12:00,517 --> 00:12:01,793 Okay. 234 00:12:01,862 --> 00:12:04,000 [indistinct chatter] 235 00:12:04,068 --> 00:12:06,620 [Bam] You have to be an idiot to try this because there's 236 00:12:06,689 --> 00:12:09,862 no way that he's ever gonna make it to the other side. 237 00:12:09,931 --> 00:12:12,310 [Brandon] Especially with the red bike with no traction. 238 00:12:12,379 --> 00:12:16,000 The tires are solid plastic, they're not even inflatable. 239 00:12:16,068 --> 00:12:20,413 It's like 33 degrees out with the wind blowing. 240 00:12:20,482 --> 00:12:22,724 I'm Ryan Dunn, and this is the Snake River jump. 241 00:12:22,793 --> 00:12:24,310 [cameraman] Anytime you guys are ready. 242 00:12:27,448 --> 00:12:31,068 [laughter] 243 00:12:31,137 --> 00:12:32,586 [Bam] It's so cold, isn't it? 244 00:12:32,655 --> 00:12:33,965 [Ryan] Oh my God! 245 00:12:34,034 --> 00:12:35,724 He got farther than I thought. 246 00:12:35,793 --> 00:12:36,965 -I know... -He got like, 247 00:12:37,034 --> 00:12:39,827 halfway across, more than halfway. 248 00:12:39,896 --> 00:12:42,137 Oh, it smells. 249 00:12:42,206 --> 00:12:43,482 I wonder where this water's coming from? 250 00:12:43,551 --> 00:12:45,310 It's a sewage runoff. 251 00:12:45,379 --> 00:12:48,620 [Bam] You smell like the inside of an ass. 252 00:12:48,689 --> 00:12:51,000 [laughter] 253 00:12:51,068 --> 00:12:53,620 Do I have a snot hanging out of my nose? 254 00:12:53,689 --> 00:12:54,931 [Johnny] No, no, you look great. 255 00:12:55,000 --> 00:12:56,103 -Really? -Yeah. 256 00:12:56,172 --> 00:12:57,448 'Cause this is just for the women. 257 00:12:57,517 --> 00:12:59,620 You look really good. Girls will like this. 258 00:12:59,689 --> 00:13:01,413 [Ryan] This is all for my lady fans. 259 00:13:03,689 --> 00:13:05,137 Whoa. 260 00:13:05,206 --> 00:13:06,517 Ohh! 261 00:13:09,551 --> 00:13:11,137 [Bam] Go back up that way. Go up the other way. 262 00:13:11,206 --> 00:13:12,965 [bleep]! 263 00:13:13,034 --> 00:13:14,482 [Bam] Go up, quick. 264 00:13:14,551 --> 00:13:17,275 [indistinct chatter] 265 00:13:17,344 --> 00:13:20,827 [laughter] 266 00:13:20,896 --> 00:13:24,068 [crowd cheering] 267 00:13:24,137 --> 00:13:26,862 You better get some speed, you're not going fast enough! 268 00:13:29,862 --> 00:13:32,793 [coughing] 269 00:13:32,862 --> 00:13:34,862 [distant laughter] 270 00:13:38,448 --> 00:13:40,551 No one [bleep] said "Do it again" at all. 271 00:13:40,620 --> 00:13:42,586 [laughter] 272 00:13:42,655 --> 00:13:44,793 [police radio chatter] 273 00:13:44,862 --> 00:13:45,931 [officer] Everybody come on over the fence, 274 00:13:46,000 --> 00:13:48,103 I need your IDs over here please. 275 00:13:48,172 --> 00:13:49,655 [Johnny] Watch out, officer. 276 00:13:51,448 --> 00:13:53,206 [cameraman] What happened? 277 00:13:53,275 --> 00:13:54,724 Johnny Knoxville, 278 00:13:54,793 --> 00:13:57,275 I tell him favor the left, and you know what he does? 279 00:13:57,344 --> 00:13:59,137 He goes and favors the seat, pushes the seat down, 280 00:13:59,206 --> 00:14:00,827 I take a header all the way to the ground. 281 00:14:00,896 --> 00:14:04,379 If there'd been a rock there, I'd have come up and kicked him. 282 00:14:04,448 --> 00:14:06,206 We're getting arrested 'cause of you. 283 00:14:06,275 --> 00:14:07,965 -Are we getting arrested? -I think so. 284 00:14:08,034 --> 00:14:10,034 Are you cold? 285 00:14:10,103 --> 00:14:12,241 -You're an idiot. -[laughter] 286 00:14:15,827 --> 00:14:17,103 I'm getting ready to 287 00:14:17,172 --> 00:14:19,344 artificially inseminate a cow. 288 00:14:19,413 --> 00:14:20,655 [laughter] 289 00:14:20,724 --> 00:14:21,827 Come on... 290 00:14:21,896 --> 00:14:24,310 ♪ ♪ 291 00:14:24,379 --> 00:14:25,896 [mooing] 292 00:14:27,931 --> 00:14:30,931 ♪ ♪ 293 00:14:39,827 --> 00:14:41,206 Oh, dude, oh-- 294 00:14:41,275 --> 00:14:42,551 bro, dude, can you help me-- 295 00:14:42,620 --> 00:14:43,862 can you grab these for me? 296 00:14:43,931 --> 00:14:45,620 [bleep] damn, this is dumb. 297 00:14:45,689 --> 00:14:47,000 [man] It's kinda bad right... 298 00:14:47,068 --> 00:14:48,793 Yeah, dude, right in this part of town. 299 00:14:48,862 --> 00:14:50,689 [man] It's not good around this area. 300 00:14:50,758 --> 00:14:52,551 -[grunts] -What happened to you man? 301 00:14:52,620 --> 00:14:54,241 [Johnny sputtering] 302 00:14:56,586 --> 00:14:58,586 [bleep]! 303 00:15:01,310 --> 00:15:03,275 Damn. 304 00:15:03,344 --> 00:15:04,758 That's terrible. 305 00:15:04,827 --> 00:15:07,517 -Dude... -I'm sorry, man. 306 00:15:07,586 --> 00:15:09,758 This is kind of odd for me, man. 307 00:15:09,827 --> 00:15:11,793 You got it with your other hand? 308 00:15:11,862 --> 00:15:14,172 Yeah, b-- [groans] 309 00:15:16,206 --> 00:15:17,862 Thanks, bro. 310 00:15:17,931 --> 00:15:19,620 Oh, [bleep], hey, bro. 311 00:15:19,689 --> 00:15:21,448 Bro, bro, bro. Hey, bro. 312 00:15:21,517 --> 00:15:23,137 Oh, this is so dumb. 313 00:15:23,206 --> 00:15:24,655 -I'm sorry, help-- -You want some help with this? 314 00:15:24,724 --> 00:15:26,000 Yeah, [bleep]. 315 00:15:26,068 --> 00:15:27,517 [overlapping chatter] 316 00:15:27,586 --> 00:15:29,827 -Can you button me? -Hey, no problem. 317 00:15:29,896 --> 00:15:31,689 -Thanks, bro. -There you go. 318 00:15:31,758 --> 00:15:33,965 -Okay... -J--you got that or no? 319 00:15:34,034 --> 00:15:35,551 -Yeah, I can't get it. -Alright, here you go. 320 00:15:38,793 --> 00:15:40,965 -How's that for you? -Oh, dude, thanks. 321 00:15:41,034 --> 00:15:43,448 -Hey, no problem. -Ahh! My arm! 322 00:15:43,517 --> 00:15:45,655 Ow. Thanks, bro. 323 00:15:45,724 --> 00:15:47,344 Oh... 324 00:15:47,413 --> 00:15:49,000 hey, bro, can you help me 325 00:15:49,068 --> 00:15:50,103 pull my pants up, please? 326 00:15:50,172 --> 00:15:52,275 I feel dumb. 327 00:15:52,344 --> 00:15:54,137 -You gotta be kidding. -No, no, I'm not joking. 328 00:15:54,206 --> 00:15:55,827 It's... jeez. 329 00:15:55,896 --> 00:15:57,551 Wha--[screams] 330 00:15:59,586 --> 00:16:01,275 Can you push me up? 331 00:16:01,344 --> 00:16:02,655 Push me up? 332 00:16:04,103 --> 00:16:05,413 [man] How we gonna do that? 333 00:16:07,655 --> 00:16:08,931 Okay, okay, okay. 334 00:16:09,000 --> 00:16:10,103 -Okay? -Yeah. 335 00:16:10,172 --> 00:16:11,586 Alright. 336 00:16:11,655 --> 00:16:13,655 Wh--oh, [bleep]. 337 00:16:15,172 --> 00:16:17,000 -I am so sorry. -I know. 338 00:16:20,379 --> 00:16:21,689 -This sucks. -You gotta stand up straight. 339 00:16:21,758 --> 00:16:24,310 Stand up straight. 340 00:16:24,379 --> 00:16:26,034 There, pull your pants up, man. 341 00:16:26,103 --> 00:16:27,517 [grunts] Thank you. 342 00:16:27,586 --> 00:16:28,827 Thank you. 343 00:16:28,896 --> 00:16:30,758 -Whoa, that was pretty deep. -[laughter] 344 00:16:32,310 --> 00:16:34,724 [Bam] Phil's pies. 345 00:16:34,793 --> 00:16:36,448 [muttering indistinctly] 346 00:16:37,827 --> 00:16:39,448 Damn, Phil, that's a pretty good job. 347 00:16:42,551 --> 00:16:44,655 A pie that you made! 348 00:16:44,724 --> 00:16:46,827 Lemon meringue, bitch! 349 00:16:46,896 --> 00:16:48,206 What's up with that? 350 00:16:48,275 --> 00:16:49,620 -[man] Did it hurt? -No. 351 00:16:49,689 --> 00:16:50,862 -It's a fluffy pie. -[April] Oh, man, I just did 352 00:16:50,931 --> 00:16:52,896 my curtains too, that sucks. 353 00:16:52,965 --> 00:16:54,586 Would you forget ab-- 354 00:16:54,655 --> 00:16:56,413 -Yeah! Yeah! -What the hell?! 355 00:16:56,482 --> 00:16:58,413 Are you kidding me? 356 00:16:58,482 --> 00:17:01,241 -Is that another pie? -It doesn't make any sense. 357 00:17:01,310 --> 00:17:04,034 Is that another pie? What're you, a jerk? 358 00:17:04,103 --> 00:17:05,551 Now I gotta get it out of there... 359 00:17:05,620 --> 00:17:07,517 [overlapping chatter] 360 00:17:07,586 --> 00:17:09,000 There's no more, right? 361 00:17:09,068 --> 00:17:11,586 Is that it? That's the end? You swear? 362 00:17:13,275 --> 00:17:14,931 Oh, man. 363 00:17:16,482 --> 00:17:17,551 -[clatters] -[gasps] 364 00:17:17,620 --> 00:17:19,724 [bleep]! 365 00:17:19,793 --> 00:17:21,068 [laughter] 366 00:17:21,137 --> 00:17:22,793 So bummed! 367 00:17:25,724 --> 00:17:29,241 I'm getting ready to artificially inseminate a cow. 368 00:17:29,310 --> 00:17:31,448 What a miserable day. 369 00:17:31,517 --> 00:17:33,172 Hi, sweetie. 370 00:17:33,241 --> 00:17:35,896 I'm going to inseminate you artificially. 371 00:17:35,965 --> 00:17:38,103 [mooing] 372 00:17:38,172 --> 00:17:41,241 Maybe for real if you play your cards right. 373 00:17:41,310 --> 00:17:43,448 What exactly am I gonna be doing? 374 00:17:43,517 --> 00:17:46,413 Well, you'’re gonna put one of these gloves on. 375 00:17:46,482 --> 00:17:49,172 You're gonna be going into the cow's rectum 376 00:17:49,241 --> 00:17:50,896 and you'll manipulate her cervix. 377 00:17:50,965 --> 00:17:53,068 -The rectum... -That's right. 378 00:17:53,137 --> 00:17:55,827 When I go in the rectum, will I be having to fight 379 00:17:55,896 --> 00:17:59,172 against any... poo? 380 00:17:59,241 --> 00:18:00,689 It will probably be full of poo. 381 00:18:00,758 --> 00:18:02,206 -[groans] -So you're gonna have 382 00:18:02,275 --> 00:18:03,862 to let some of that out so you can work in there. 383 00:18:03,931 --> 00:18:06,103 What do you mean "let it out"? You mean scrape it out? 384 00:18:06,172 --> 00:18:08,689 Like, lift your arm up, and it'll come out. 385 00:18:08,758 --> 00:18:10,896 -[groans] -Scrape it out, get it clean. 386 00:18:10,965 --> 00:18:13,448 And then have the semen here in the straw, 387 00:18:13,517 --> 00:18:16,344 and then you'll go in vaginally with this. 388 00:18:16,413 --> 00:18:18,344 -The pipette. -Is it your semen? 389 00:18:18,413 --> 00:18:20,862 No, it's a bull's semen. 390 00:18:20,931 --> 00:18:22,896 [man] It should be okay. 391 00:18:22,965 --> 00:18:26,000 Can you not squirt me with the bull sperm? 392 00:18:26,068 --> 00:18:27,379 -[bleep]. -[laughter] 393 00:18:29,241 --> 00:18:32,517 You're really serious about this lube, huh? 394 00:18:35,034 --> 00:18:37,172 W--ohh! 395 00:18:37,241 --> 00:18:39,413 -Oh, that--that thing? -You gotta go in right there. 396 00:18:39,482 --> 00:18:41,724 Where? 397 00:18:41,793 --> 00:18:44,413 [groans] 398 00:18:44,482 --> 00:18:45,965 [indistinct chatter] 399 00:18:50,827 --> 00:18:53,793 ♪ I know you're a cow, baby, but I don't care ♪ 400 00:18:53,862 --> 00:18:55,482 ♪ 'Cause I'm a bull ♪ 401 00:18:55,551 --> 00:18:59,172 [slow romantic music plays] 402 00:18:59,241 --> 00:19:03,000 ♪ I just get lost every time I look in those big brown eyes ♪ 403 00:19:03,068 --> 00:19:05,310 ♪ ♪ 404 00:19:05,379 --> 00:19:07,310 I have a cigar in my hands. 405 00:19:07,379 --> 00:19:08,965 A meat cigar. 406 00:19:09,034 --> 00:19:11,000 [indistinct chatter] 407 00:19:11,068 --> 00:19:12,482 ♪ Oh, you look just like your mama, baby ♪ 408 00:19:12,551 --> 00:19:14,655 ♪ I love that about you ♪ 409 00:19:14,724 --> 00:19:16,965 I think you gotta spread it a little bit more than that. 410 00:19:17,034 --> 00:19:19,655 -Oh, God, like that? -There you go. 411 00:19:19,724 --> 00:19:22,413 Oh, Hazel. 412 00:19:22,482 --> 00:19:24,758 [man] Let me see what's obstructing... 413 00:19:24,827 --> 00:19:26,724 [Johnny] Oh, she's [bleep]? 414 00:19:26,793 --> 00:19:28,586 Oh, she's pooing! 415 00:19:28,655 --> 00:19:30,965 -[laughter] -Oh, it's warm! 416 00:19:33,655 --> 00:19:36,793 ♪ I know you're messing on my hand right now, mama ♪ 417 00:19:36,862 --> 00:19:38,586 ♪ We tryna make a baby ♪ 418 00:19:38,655 --> 00:19:40,586 [vocalizing] 419 00:19:40,655 --> 00:19:43,586 ♪ ♪ 420 00:19:43,655 --> 00:19:45,655 [laughter] 421 00:19:48,620 --> 00:19:50,000 Alright. 422 00:19:50,068 --> 00:19:51,448 Congratulations. 423 00:19:51,517 --> 00:19:53,586 -Can I take my hand out? -You're all done. 424 00:19:53,655 --> 00:19:55,586 [overlapping chatter] 425 00:19:55,655 --> 00:19:57,758 [all exclaiming] 426 00:19:57,827 --> 00:19:59,586 -Lick it! -Eww! 427 00:19:59,655 --> 00:20:01,103 [indistinct chatter] 428 00:20:01,172 --> 00:20:03,137 [laughter] 429 00:20:06,448 --> 00:20:08,862 [Brandon] Give her a little blackberry brandy. 430 00:20:08,931 --> 00:20:10,379 Give her some blackberry brandy, 431 00:20:10,448 --> 00:20:12,517 she won't remember a [bleep] damn thing. 432 00:20:12,586 --> 00:20:15,206 Come here. 433 00:20:15,275 --> 00:20:17,931 [laughter] 434 00:20:26,724 --> 00:20:28,551 We're gonna dig a hole right here, 435 00:20:28,620 --> 00:20:30,931 cover it up with sticks, and then he's gonna mow 436 00:20:31,000 --> 00:20:34,068 right into it and hopefully he'll get real, real hurt. 437 00:20:38,758 --> 00:20:41,517 Party Boy, $1. 438 00:20:41,586 --> 00:20:44,241 -Ready for the party, bro? -[man] What're you about to do? 439 00:20:44,310 --> 00:20:46,379 [thumping techno music plays] 440 00:20:46,448 --> 00:20:49,241 [laughter] 441 00:20:49,310 --> 00:20:52,275 ♪ ♪ 442 00:20:58,965 --> 00:21:01,344 [theme music] 443 00:21:03,862 --> 00:21:08,862 ♪ ♪ 444 00:21:21,034 --> 00:21:22,793 [sputtering] 445 00:21:22,862 --> 00:21:24,310 [indistinct chatter] 446 00:21:24,379 --> 00:21:25,965 Oh, [bleep]! 447 00:21:26,034 --> 00:21:27,206 -[screams] -[laughter] 448 00:21:27,275 --> 00:21:29,758 [donkey bleating] 449 00:21:32,275 --> 00:21:34,241 [bleating continues]