[SHOUTING INDISTINCTLY]
...WATCHING "JACKASS"!
>> [CHEERING]
>> AAH!
>> MOO!
[BUZZING]
[BARKING]
>> [HOWLING]
>> WHOA!
>> YEAH, I'M READY TO TAKE ONE
FOR THE TEAM.
>> THIS IS [BLEEP].
>> I'M GONNA SHOW THEM WHAT
SOUTHEASTERN CONFERENCE
FOOTBALL'S ALL ABOUT.
>> OH, JOHNNY KNOXVILLE!
OHH!
>> ALL RIGHT!
>> FIRE ON THE BALL.
>> THAT GUY'S GONNA SLAUGHTER
HIM.
>> THEY'RE BIGGER THAN ME.
OH! UGH!
HOW ARE YOU, SIR.
JOHNNY KNOXVILLE.
NICE TO MEET YOU.
>> LAST DAY ALIVE.
>> UNH! UNH! UNH!
>> THIS MIGHT BE IT FOR YOU.
THEY DON'T LIKE THE BLACK SOCKS
WITH THE TENNIS SHOES, THOUGH.
WE NEED TO DO SOMETHING ABOUT
THAT.
>> WHAT, THE PLAYERS WON'T LIKE
THE BLACK SOCKS?
WELL, THAT'S GOOD.
THAT'LL MAKE THEM HIT ME HARDER.
>> GO, JOHNNY!
GO!
>> [CHEERING]
>> HI, I'M JOHNNY KNOXVILLE, AND
I'M ABOUT TO RETURN A PUNT.
>> [CHEERING]
>> UGH!
>> HA HA HA!
>> THAT WAS WEAK!
>> COME ON, KICK THE FOOTBALL!
>> BOO!
>> [INDISTINCT JEERING]
>> UNH!
>> UGH!
>> OOF!
HA HA!
HA HA HA!
OHH!
HA HA HA!
HEH HEH.
HA HA HA.
>> COME ON, LET'S DO IT AGAIN!
>> AAH!
UNH! OOF!
>> OH!
>> OH, HA HA!
HA HA HA!
HA HA HA HA!
AH, HA HA HA!
UNH, HEH HEH.
HA HA.
THAT WAS--
WOO!
THAT HURT.
>> LET'S DO IT AGAIN.
>> I GOT ONE MORE IN ME.
>> YEAH!
COME ON!
>> HA HA HA!
>> YEAH!
>> LET HIM CATCH IT!
GO GO GO!
>> UNH!
>> OHH!
>> UGH!
>> OHH!
>> WOW! WHOA!
WOW!
>> HA HA HA!
>> WOO! WOO!
>> HA HA HA!
>> YEAH!
>> HA HA!
>> OH, [BLEEP].
>> PHIL COMES HOME IN ONE HOUR,
HE MOWS THE LAWN ON EVERY
WEDNESDAY,
SO WE'RE GONNA DIG A HOLE RIGHT
HERE, COVER IT UP WITH STICKS,
AND THEN, HE'S GONNA MOW RIGHT
INTO IT.
>> HOW THICK?
>> I WANT IT MASSIVE.
HA HA HA.
>> WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
>> WE'RE DIGGING A HOLE.
>> FOR WHAT?
>> PHIL HAS TO MOW THE LAWN
TODAY.
>> NOSTALGIA.
>> HE'S GONNA--HE'S GONNA FALL
INTO THE HOLE, WE'RE GONNA FILM
IT FROM UP IN THAT ROOF.
IT'LL LOOK PERFECT.
COME ON, CHILL OUT.
>> LOOK WHAT YOU'RE DOING
TO THE YARD!
>> WELL, MOM, WE'RE SAVING ALL
THE GOOD GRASS RIGHT HERE SO WE
CAN JUST PUT IT RIGHT BACK OVER
LIKE NOBODY WOULD EVEN NOTICE!
>> OK, DEEP ENOUGH.
RAISE YOUR RIGHT HAND.
I PROMISE.
>> I PROMISE.
>> TO PUT THE DIRT
BACK IN THE HOLE.
>> TO PUT THE DIRT BACK IN THE
HOLE.
>> AND NOT BY CHRIS.
OR CHRIS.
>> OR RAAB HIMSELF.
>> OK, YOU HEAR ME?
>> OK.
I GOTTA GET THE TRUCK.
THAT'S GOOD, DON'T YOU THINK?
>> YEAH.
>> PUT THAT CARPET OVER IT.
RIGHT HERE IS PERFECT.
CAN'T EVEN SEE IT.
HA HA HA!
LOOK, HE'S GOING!
HA HA HA!
LOOK AT THE LOOK ON HIS FACE.
HE HAS NO IDEA WHAT'S GONNA
HAPPEN.
WATCH OUT.
HE'S GOING AROUND THE BORDER
RIGHT NOW, AND SERIOUSLY, SOON,
IT'S GONNA HAPPEN.
I SAY WITHIN 4 MINUTES.
HA HA HA!
>> HA HA HA!
>> AH! AH!
AH HA HA HA!
>> HA HA HA!
>> AH HA HA!
ARE YOU PISSED?
>> WHAT'S UP, FAT BOY?
>> HEY, RYAN, WE'RE GONNA HAVE A
RACE, I HOPE YOU KNOW.
>> WHAT KIND OF RACE?
>> FOOT RACE.
>> ARE YOU KIDDING?
>> MY DAD SWEARS THAT HE CAN
BEAT YOU IN A RACE.
>> THE TORTOISE AND THE HARE.
>> TELL ME WE'RE NOT GOING FOR
STAMINA.
>> I HAVE A $40 BET WITH HIM.
>> START IN THE FRONT?
>> START RIGHT THERE, YOU HAVE
TO WALK THROUGH HERE,
AND YOU HAVE TO GO THROUGH THOSE
LEAVES.
>> THEN WE GO BACK TO THE SHED?
>> TIME OUT, TIME OUT.
I'M GONNA GET OUT OF BREATH BY
THEN.
>> READY, GET SET,
GO!
GO, PHIL!
HA HA!
>> HA HA HA!
>> [INDISTINCT]
>> HA HA HA!
OH, MAN, THAT WAS SO GOOD!
>> DUDE, I KNEW SOMETHING
WAS UP.
LIKE THERE'S NO WAY HE COULD
FACE ME COMPLETELY.
>> OH, MAN.
>> [GAGGING]
[MOANING]
WOO!
>> ♪ YOU GONNA SCREAM
SCREAM WITH ME
THIS LIFE IS NEVER LEARNED ♪
>> RAH!
>> ♪ WHEN YOU PREACH
YOU GRAB YOUR PANTS
THEN IT'S OFF AND OUT THE DOOR ♪
>> [GROWLING]
RAH!
>> ♪ OOH BABY
WHEN YOU CRY
YOUR PAIN IS MOMENTARY
YOU HIDE YOUR LOOKS
BEHIND THE EAST DOOR
BEHIND THERE'S NO MAN
WHO'S LEANING OVER ♪
>> RAH!
>> AAH!
>> ♪ GIVE ME A GROWN MAN
GIVE ME A LONER ♪
>> RAH!
RAH! AAH!
>> ♪ OH, BABY, WHY'D YOU CRY?
YOUR PAIN IS MOMENTARY
YOU HIDE YOUR LOOKS
BEHIND THE EAST DOOR
GIVE ME A GROWN MAN
GIVE ME A LONER ♪
>> I'M SERIOUSLY GONNA DIE
RIGHT NOW.
>> ALL RIGHT, GO.
>> HELLO, I'M HERE WITH MR.
TONY HAWK, MR. MATT HOFFMAN.
TODAY, THEY'RE GOING TO ATTEMPT
THE LOOP.
WHAT'S YOUR CONFIDENCE LEVEL
RUNNING AT ON THIS.
>> LIKE, I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT TO
EXPECT, REALLY.
>> THERE'S NO BRAKES ON YOUR
BIKE, EITHER, RIGHT?
THERE'S NO WAY YOU CAN REALLY
BAIL OUT.
>> NO, THIS IS GONNA BE IT.
>> GET IT ALL THE WAY TO THAT
THING.
>> [INDISTINCT]
>> [BLEEP]
>> WHAT HAPPENED RIGHT THERE?
>> UM...I FELL.
HA HA.
>> YOU SURE DID.
>> BUNNY THE LIFEGUARD.
>> THANK GOD I'M HERE.
>> HA HA HA.
>> DUDE, I FEEL LIKE I'M IN A
SKETCHY SPOT RIGHT HERE.
>> HA HA HA!
>> YOU ALL RIGHT, MATT?
>> YEAH, IT JUST KNOCKED ME A
LITTLE BIT.
>> IT'S AN AWFUL START.
HA.
>> OH!
>> [BLEEP]
>> MAN! YEAH!
>> THAT'S [BLEEP].
THAT'S SO [BLEEP] UP.
I CAN'T EVEN TAKE WATCHING IT.
>> OH!
>> YEAH, YEAH!
>> [APPLAUSE]
>> BUNNY!
>> ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?
>> GO UNDER, GO UNDER!
>> I GOT IT!
>> YEAH! HA HA!
>> HA HA.
>> TONY?
>> OH, THANK YOU, SIR.
>> LOOKS LIKE YOU'RE STILL ON
THE JOB.
>> YOU'RE A SAVIOR.
GOOD JOB. GOOD WORK.
>> YOU'RE GONNA BE BIG BIRD.
HA HA.
>> SO, BAM, YOU WANNA QUIT BEING
A LITTLE BITCH AND PAD UP?
>> MMM!
I'M SERIOUSLY GONNA DIE RIGHT
NOW.
I'M SERIOUSLY GONNA TRY TO LAND
IT LIKE...
>> ALL RIGHT, GO.
>> YEAH!
>> OH!
>> [APPLAUSE]
>> LET'S GO, BAM!
>> THAT WAS INSANE!
HA HA HA!
>> WOO!
>> THAT WAS WAY BETTER THAN
TONY'S FIRST TIME.
>> YOUR INSTINCT WILL TELL YOU
ONCE YOU GET PAST THE VERT, TO
TURN AROUND.
>> YEAH.
>> SO, JUST RIDE IT LIKE A
ROLLER COASTER.
LIKE IT'S JUST ONE TRACK ALL THE
WAY THROUGH.
>> ALL RIGHT.
>> AND YOU'LL NEVER KNOW WHEN
YOU'RE EXACTLY UPSIDE-DOWN.
>> HA!
>> HEH HEH HEH.
>> LOOK AT ALL THIS PRESSURE
RIGHT NOW, LIKE [BLEEP].
>> THERE'S NO PRESSURE, BAM.
>> SHUT UP...
>> YEAH!
>> OOH!
>> YEAH!
>> [APPLAUSE]
>> [WHISTLING]
>> UGH!
>> WOO!
>> HA HA HA HA!
>> [CHEERING]
>> HA HA HA!
>> NOW, HE'S GOTTA DO IT IN THE
CHICKEN SUIT.
>> HOW CAN I BE NERVOUS WHEN I
LOOK AS STUPID AS I DO?
LIKE I START TO GET A LITTLE...
MY NERVES START GETTING TO ME,
AND THEN, I START THINKING ABOUT
I'M IN A [BLEEP] CHICKEN SUIT.
>> [CLUCKING]
♪ WE'LL SWING TO THE EAST
WE'LL SWING TO THE WEST
GIVE YOU THE CHICKEN
THAT YOU LOVE BEST
COME ON DOWN
TO THE CHICKEN FARM AGAIN ♪
>> LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,
MATT HOFFMAN, TONY HAWK.
TWO UGLY CHICKENS.
>> THAT LOOKS REAL RIGHT THERE,
LOOK AT THAT.
>> [HONKING]
>> GOT ME A GOOSE, BOYS.
WE'LL BE EATING A FINE SUPPER
TONIGHT.
>> I'M JOHNNY KNOXVILLE, THIS IS
MANNY PUIG.
TODAY, WE'RE GONNA CATCH A
RATTLESNAKE.
>> THIS IS A BEAUTIFUL EASTERN
DIAMONDBACK RIGHT HERE.
YOU GO LIKE THIS.
HERE WITH THE HEAT.
>> THAT'S PROBABLY THE
WORST--HEY--THING YOU CAN DO.
HOW FAR CAN HE STRIKE?
>> ONE-THIRD HIS LENGTH.
I'VE HEARD OF--NO, NO, NO!
>> NO?
>> DON'T TRY THAT.
>> OK.
LIFT HIM UP.
LOW TO THE GROUND IS ALSO GOOD.
OOH.
THERE HE GOES.
SEE HOW HE SHORTENED HIS
DISTANCE?
OK, YOU GOT HIM HERE.
GO LIKE THIS, SEE?
>> THEY START STRIKING WHEN THEY
CURL UP, CURL UP, RIGHT?
>> GO LIKE THIS, PICK IT UP,
ALWAYS KEEP HIS HEAD AIMING AWAY
FROM YOU.
>> HE'S A FEISTY ONE, HUH?
>> YEAH.
COME AROUND HERE.
>> OK.
>> PUT THE HOOK IN FRONT REAL
NICE AND EASY.
THAT'S IT,
JUST STEP ON IT.
WHOA, WHOA, WHOA!
>> WHOA, WHOA! NAY! NAY!
WATCH OUT!
[HEAVY BREATHING]
>> REAL NICE AND EASY.
ALL RIGHT, REAL NICE AND EASY.
GRAB HIS TAIL, NICE AND EASY.
LIFT UP ON IT.
OK, HE'S TOO FAR GONE.
YOU GOTTA KEEP HIM ON THE HOOK.
GRAB HIM MORE LIKE RIGHT HERE.
>> WHOA! HEY, HEY, HEY!
HEY, NICE FELLA!
WHOA, MANNY!
>> NOW, NOW. IT'S OK, OK.
RELAX, RELAX.
THERE YOU GO.
THERE YOU GO, SEE, LIKE THAT.
>> WHOA, HA HA HA!
>> LIFT HIM UP.
>> BYE-BYE.
>> IN THE BOX, OK.
>> THANK YOU.
THE SNAKE WAS VERY AGITATED.
SO WAS I.
>> MAN, THIS IS GONNA HURT.
>> WE'RE GONNA PIERCE HIS ASS
CHEEKS TOGETHER.
>> OHH.
>> HI, I'M DON VITO, YOU'RE
WATCHING "JACKASS," AND I GOT A
BIG [BLEEP] DENT IN MY BACK.
>> HA HA HA!
>> HA HA!
>> YEAH!
>> WHOA!
>> YEAH!
>> THERE IT IS!
>> DON VITO!
>> WOO!
>> YOU'RE THE MAN, DOG!
>> I'M RYAN DUNN, I'M ABOUT TO
BE TOWED THROUGH SOME HAGGARD
CORN FIELDS HERE AND GET
ANNIHILATED.
>> ♪ [INDISTINCT HEAVY METAL]
[ARF]
>> COME BACK!
>> I HURT MY [BLEEP].
UNH...UNH.
OH.
LANDED ON MY [BLEEP].
>> HA HA HA!
[APPLAUSE]
>> OH, MY GOD!
>> HA HA HA!
>> OK, READY?
>> OOH.
OOH.
>> [INDISTINCT], BUT WHAT ARE WE
WATCHING?
>> HANG ON.
>> THAT WAS HORRIBLE.
>> LAST ONE.
>> UGH, THAT'S IT, DUDE.
>> YOU'RE DONE.
>> YEAH.
>> THAT'S THE END OF THAT.
>> UGH.
[APPLAUSE]
>> I'M SICK OF THIS POOPING
STUFF, YOU KNOW?
I'M GONNA GET MY BUTT CHEEKS
PIERCED TOGETHER, YOU KNOW?
CAN I GET MY BUTT CHEEKS PIERCED
TOGETHER?
HEE HEE HEE.
SHE HATES ME, DUDE.
HA HA!
>> RELAX, RELAX.
>> OK, OK.
>> LET'S SEE, A BARBELL'S LIKE
THAT.
FOR ME TO PUT THAT IN, IT'S
GONNA BE LIKE--
DO YOU UNDERSTAND THE LOGISTICS
OF THAT?
>> THE WHOLE POINT IS TO CLOSE
THE TRAP DOOR.
HEE HEE HEE.
MAN, THIS IS GONNA HURT.
I KNOW--I KNOW THAT.
>> IT'S MEAT, IT'S NOT LIKE
YOUR EAR OR YOUR NOSTRIL.
IT'S JUST MEAT.
>> WELL, LOOK HOW BIG THE
JEWELRY IS.
SEE WHAT I'M SAYING?
I DON'T KNOW IF IT'S GONNA WORK
LOGISTICALLY.
>> LOGISTICALLY, I THINK YOU CAN
PULL IT OFF, IF YOU LOOSEN HIS
BUTT CHEEKS ENOUGH.
>> I'M CLEANING THE AREA.
I'M NOT REALLY SURE WHAT AREA
WE'RE GOING FOR, SO I'LL JUST DO
A WHOLE BUTT PLAY IN THERE.
>> WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU
HAD TO GO NUMBER TWO, STEVEN?
>> OH, MAN, I DOMINATED ONE
TODAY.
>> DID YOU WIPE NICELY?
>> I KNEW I WAS COMING, SO I
LIKE FULLY CLEANED MY HOLE.
>> OH, THAT'S SO SWEET.
THE FIRST PIERCING'S GONNA GO
FROM LIKE HERE TO HERE, AND
THEN, FROM THERE TO THERE.
I'M NOT REALLY SURE WHAT'S
GONNA HAPPEN.
ALL RIGHT, I'M GONNA CLAMP HIM.
>> HERE WE GO.
>> HA HA HA.
>> [WHISTLING]
>> OK, STEVE, LET'S TAKE A
REALLY DEEP BREATH IN.
HOLD IT.
AND LET IT OUT.
>> AHH.
>> HA HA HA.
>> THERE, THAT WASN'T THAT BAD.
OK, THIS ONE'S GONNA BE A LITTLE
SLOWER.
THERE WE GO.
THAT THERE.
>> THAT WAS HORRIBLE.
THAT WAS REALLY, REALLY BAD.
DO YOU FEEL LIKE YOU JUST
DOMINATED ME?
>> NO.
>> DOES THAT LOOK FUNNY, DUDE?
>> YOU LOOK REALLY COOL,
STEVE-O.
>> YEAH, DUDE, I JUST GOT MY
BUTT PIERCED.
>> YOU GUYS THINK STEVE-O HAS A
SWEET ASS?
>> OH, YEAH, HE'S GOT
A GREAT ASS.
>> DOESN'T THAT HURT?
>> OH, YEAH,
IT HURTS LIKE CRAZY.
>> ALL RIGHT!
>> THAT'S GROSS!
>> I PIERCED MY ASS CHEEKS
TOGETHER.
>> YOU NEED TO PIERCE YOUR BALLS
TOGETHER.
>> ALL RIGHT, STEVE,
IT'S COMING OUT, OK?
>> COMING OUT.
>> PULLING IT OUT.
>> GET HIM THROUGH IT, STEPH.
>> DONE THAT BEFORE.
>> THAT HURTS, DOESN'T IT?
>> SHE'S FASCINATED.
>> OH, IT'S BLEEDING!
OOH! YEAH.
>> THAT'S IT, YOU ARE ALL RIGHT.
>> YEAH, YOU GUYS ARE ALL RIGHT.
>> THAT WAS HORRIBLE, DUDE.
HA HA HA.
>> LET'S NOT [BLEEP] ME UP.
>> TO THE RIGHT ONE MORE.
>> HE'S CRAZY, SO DON'T TRUST
HIM.
>> DO THIS ONE FOR THE TEAM,
MAN!
>> THIS ONE'S FOR THE SHOW-ME
STATE!
>> RAH!
AWOO!
>> YEAH!
>> AWOO!
>> HA HA HA!
>> OH!
>> COME ON!
>> HUT, HUT, HIKE!
>> OH!
[FART]
>> AH HA HA!
HA HA!
>> I'M BUNNY THE LIFEGUARD, AND
AFTER THIS IS ALL OVER,
I'M GONNA LAY DOWN LAKESIDE,
TOPLESS, AND GET RID OF THESE
HORRIBLE TAN LINES.