>> HI. I'M MARY.
WELCOME TO "JACKASS."
>> YOU BOTH GOT TO SAY, "HI, I'M
JOHNNY KNOXVILLE."
>> HI, I'M JOHNNY--BLEW IT.
>> I'LL GO WITH YOU.
>> HI, I'M JOHNNY KNOXVILLE.
WELCOME TO "JACKASS."
>> OK, LET'S TRY IT.
I'LL TRY TO STAY WITH YOU.
>> 1, 2, 3.
>> HI, I'M JOHNNY KNOXVILLE.
WELCOME TO "JACKASS."
>> GOT IT.
>> OK.
>> HELLO, I'M JOHNNY KNOXVILLE.
I'M ABOUT TO BE PELTED BY 3
SHOOTERS WITH PAINTBALL GUNS FOR
A "ROLLING STONE" COVER SHOOT.
[BEEP]
>> OK, RIFLEMEN, PLEASE TAKE
YOUR AIM.
>> ONCE IT STARTS FLASHING, YOU
CAN GO.
>> READY, AIM, FIRE.
>> OH, STOP!
[BLEEP]
>> DUDE, THAT IS NO JOKE.
NO JOKE.
>> THAT WAS PAIN.
>> YEAH!
[BLEEP]
>> HOW'S THAT CHEST?
>> OH, MY GOODNESS.
>> ♪ ONCE UPON A TIME
YOU DRESSED SO FINE
THREW THE BUMS A DIME
IN YOUR PRIME, DIDN'T YOU?
PEOPLE CALL, SAY "BEWARE, DOLL,
YOU'RE BOUND TO FALL"
YOU THOUGHT THEY WERE
ALL KIDDING YOU
YOU USED TO LAUGH ABOUT
EVERYBODY THAT WAS HANGING OUT
NOW YOU DON'T TALK SO LOUD
NOW YOU DON'T SEEM SO PROUD
ABOUT HAVING TO BE SCROUNGING
YOUR NEXT MEAL
HOW DOES IT FEEL?
HOW DOES IT FEEL? ♪
>> ARE YOU QUICK?
>> NO.
>> ♪ TO BE WITHOUT A HOME
LIKE A COMPLETE UNKNOWN
LIKE A ROLLING STONE ♪
>> YOU GOT IT?
>> OH, TOTALLY, MAN.
NICE ONE.
>> WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
>> WELL, I'M TAKING OUT
SCREWS, AND WHEN PHIL SITS DOWN
IN HIS CHAIR TO BALANCE HIS
BOOKS, HE'LL FALL, I GUESS.
>> I WONDER...
>> THAT'S PRETTY GOOD.
MAYBE YOU DON'T EVEN NEED ALL OF
THEM OFF.
>> YOU GOT TO MAKE SURE YOU GET
THE FRONT ONE OUT, BECAUSE WHEN
HE SITS DOWN, YOU WANT HIM TO
FALL BACKWARDS.
I THINK THE ONLY ONE LEFT IS
THAT ONE.
>> I THINK IT'S OUT.
IT'S JUST YOU HAVE TO GET THE
FRONT ONE.
>> OH, HE'S GOING TO GET
ANNIHILATED.
>> DO YOU THINK HE WOULD SEE THE
CAMERA HERE?
>> NO.
>> DO YOU THINK HE COULD SEE
THAT?
>> YEAH, BUT YOU THINK IT'S
GOING TO SEE HIM?
[ELVIS SINGING "AND THE GRASS
WON'T PAY NO MIND" ON STEREO]
>> ♪ AND THE MUSIC WILL KNOW
WHAT WE'VE FOUND... ♪
[PHIL SINGING SOFTLY]
♪ ...HEAR A HUNDRED GOOD-BYES
BUT TODAY I HEAR
ONLY ONE SOUND... ♪
[HUMMING]
>> ♪ NOW, NOW, NOW
NOW, NOW, NOW ♪
>> ♪ NOW...
[WHISTLING]
>> ♪ YOUNG BIRD FLYING
>> ♪ AND A SOFT WIND BLOWING
COOLS THE SWEAT
INSIDE MY PALMS ♪
>> HEY, MY NAME'S STEVE ROBERTS.
THE ONLY THING I LOVE MORE THAN
MESSING AROUND WITH HORSES IS
MESSING AROUND WITH MY COWBOY
FRIENDS.
>> YEAH!
>> WOO!
>> ♪ HIGH RIDING DADDY-O
>> ♪ PRINCE OF THE RODEO
>> ♪ SPUR-HUMP
HEY, HO, LET'S GO ♪
>> ♪ PRINCE OF THE RODEO
>> ♪ FORNICATOR OF THE LASSO
>> ♪ PRINCE OF THE RODEO
>> ♪ SPERMINATOR
OF THE [BLEEP] ♪
>> ♪ PRINCE OF THE RODEO
>> ♪ SHOOT THE CHUTE
PULL THE FLUTE
I'M BACK IN THE SADDLE
THE WORLD'S MOST
PROMISING COWBOY ♪
♪ LOW RIDING DADDY-O
>> ♪ PRINCE OF THE RODEO
>> ♪ SEXY DENIM RODEO
>> ♪ PRINCE OF THE RODEO
>> ♪ RHINESTONE...
ROCK AND ROLL ♪
>> ♪ PRINCE OF THE RODEO
>> ♪ BUNS OF STEEL
GERONIMO ♪
>> ♪ PRINCE OF THE RODEO
>> ♪ JERK THAT CALF
HALF AND HALF
I'M BACK IN THE SADDLE
THE WORLD'S MOST
PROGRESSIVE COWBOY ♪
>> ♪ DON'T FORGET THE CLOWN
>> HI, I'M PRESTON, AND I'M THE
HUMAN BOWLING BALL.
>> TODAY WE HAVE 3 TEAMS.
THE FIRST TEAM: BAM AND RYAN.
THEIR TEAM NAME: THE BANANAS.
TEAM NUMBER 2: KNOXVILLE, WEE
MAN.
THEIR TEAM NAME: WE HAVEN'T
DECIDED.
AND FOR TEAM NUMBER 3: DANGER
EHREN AND DAVE.
THEIR TEAM NAME IS THE ORANGE
SHIRTS--BUT THEY FORGOT THEIRS.
>> HI, I'M PRESTON, AND I'M THE
HUMAN BOWLING BALL.
>> OH, MY GOD!
[BEEP]
>> OW!
>> NEXT UP IS DAVE AND EHREN'S
TEAM.
>> 1, 2, 3.
>> OH, THAT'S SO GOOD.
HOW'S IT GOING, PRESTON?
>> IT'S GOING ALL RIGHT.
>> YOU HAVING FUN?
>> YEAH, IT'S GREAT.
>> THE SCORE IS 2 FOR BAM AND
RYAN, AND THE SCORE FOR DAVE AND
EHREN IS 3, SO IT'S A CLOSE
GAME.
>> HEY, BUDDY, WHAT'S GOING ON
DOWN HERE?
>> HEY, RUB YOUR BALL.
RUB YOUR BALL AND MAKE IT FEEL
COMFORTABLE.
>> THERE YOU GO.
>> BEND YOUR KNEES.
>> 1, 2, 3!
>> YEAH, PRESTON!
>> WOO!
>> PUT THE BALL IN WATER.
>> THIS IS IT.
THIS IS THE LAST ONE.
THIS IS NOT NEGOTIABLE.
>> WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
>> THAT'S IT, THAT'S IT.
ONE MORE, THAT'S IT.
>> DUDE!
>> WHAT'S YOUR TEAM NAME?
>> JUST 3 TIMES.
[BEEP]
>> 3 MORE TIMES?
>> WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
YOU'RE THE CRAPPIEST BOWLING
BALL I EVER SAW IN MY LIFE.
>> YOU GOT A HELMET ON FOR
[BEEP] SAKE.
>> 1, 2, 3!
>> WAIT, WAIT--OH!
>> OH, MY GOD!
THAT WAS BRILLIANT.
I THINK THAT WAS A SPARE ON THAT
ONE.
THEY KNOCKED DOWN 7 PINS.
>> BE THE BALL.
>> AAH!
>> JUST PUT YOUR FINGERS IN THE
HOLE.
>> ARE YOU GUYS READY?
>> FINGERS IN THE HOLES!
>> YEAH!
>> WOO!
>> THIS WILL BE THE FINAL
ATTEMPT.
KNOXVILLE AND WEE MAN NEED A
STRIKE FOR VICTORY, AND THAT'S
THE ONLY WAY THEY CAN ACHIEVE
IT.
>> THIS IS THE MONEY SHOT.
>> ALL RIGHT, THIS IS THE FINAL
ONE.
YOU NEED A STRIKE TO WIN.
>> OK.
>> 1, 2, 3.
>> VICTORY IS OURS!
I FEEL SO HAPPY RIGHT NOW!
>> TODAY'S VICTORS AREN'T NAMED
VICTOR AT ALL.
IT'S EHREN AND DAVE, AND THEY
USED KEY FINGER PLACEMENT IN
THEIR BOWLING ACCURACY.
TODAY'S WINNERS!
>> WOO!
>> DADDY AND BABY ARE GOING TO
GO ON A NICE, LEISURELY STROLL.
>> COME ON, SWEETIE.
COME ON.
COME ON, BABY.
OH, BABY.
BABY, OH.
OH, GOD.
HA HA HA.
COME ON.
OH, GOD.
OH, BOY.
>> IT'S OK.
IT'S OK.
>> THANK YOU.
>> SO RICK'S GOING TO
DEMONSTRATE HOW WE RECORD A V.O.
A V.O. IS A VOICE-OVER.
[GRUNTING]
>> WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
>> OW!
>> YOU'RE NOT MAKING ANY NOISE.
[GASPING]
>> ARE WE DONE?
[MAN SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY]
>> DUDE, I'M IN THE SAME BOAT AS
TONY HAWK.
THIS IS JUST TOO MUCH FOR ME.
>> ANYTHING YOU WANT TO SAY TO
BAM WHILE HE'S NOT ON THE BOAT?
>> YEAH, I APOLOGIZE BEFOREHAND.
THERE HE GOES.
>> THERE'S SO MUCH SPLASHING IN
HERE.
TONY IS GETTING WORKED ON THIS
NEXT ONE.
>> PUMP UP THE JAM FULL
THROTTLE.
>> TONY'S GETTING WORKED.
[PLAYING "THE HUMAN DRIVE IN
HI-FI" BY CKY]
>> DUDE, ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?
SERIOUSLY, STAY RIGHT THERE,
MAN.
TALK TO ME.
>> I'VE HAD ENOUGH.
>> OK, READY?
>> HOLD ON, HOLD ON, HOLD ON.
>> YO, THAT WAS GOOD.
>> THAT'S A WRAP.
>> SO WE'RE HERE IN MERRY OLD
ENGLAND, AND MR. PONTIUS AND I
OVERDID IT A LITTLE LAST NIGHT,
AND WE'RE ABOUT TO PRACTICE
RUGBY WITH THE LONDON IRISH, A
PROFESSIONAL RUGBY TEAM.
>> I DO NOT FEEL GOOD.
>> THEY'RE PRETTY BIG BOYS.
>> ...GET KICKED IN THE HEAD A
LOT.
>> BABY'S COLD.
>> HI, I'M JOHNNY KNOXVILLE, AND
THIS IS RUGBY.
>> GO FOR IT, SONNY.
>> HOW'S IT GOING SO FAR?
>> GOOD.
>> I'M STEVE-O, AND I'M GOING TO
SHOW THIS ALLIGATOR HOW I DO IT.
HEY, BUDDY.
I DON'T THINK HE LIKED THAT.
>> HE KIND OF MOVED THIS WAY A
LITTLE BIT, YOU KNOW?
>> DO YOU LIKE THAT, BUDDY?
>> HEY, TRY TO RIDE YOUR
UNICYCLE RIGHT THERE.
OK, JUST PUT YOUR UNICYCLE...
>> LET'S GO.
WE GOT IT.
>> MY NAME'S ROLLER BOBBY, AND
I'M ABOUT TO FIGHT SOME CRIME.
[BEEP]
>> ♪ PANIC ON THE STREETS
OF LONDON
PANIC ON THE STREETS
OF BIRMINGHAM
I WONDER TO MYSELF
COULD LIFE EVER BE SANE AGAIN?
THE LEEDS SIDE STREETS
THAT YOU SLIP DOWN
I WONDER TO MYSELF
HOPES MAY RISE ON THE GRASMERE
BUT, HONEY PIE
YOU'RE NOT SAFE HERE
SO YOU RUN DOWN
TO THE SAFETY OF THE TOWN
BUT THERE'S PANIC
ON THE STREETS OF CARLISLE
DUBLIN, DUNDEE, HUMBERSIDE... ♪
>> NO JAYWALKING.
WAIT FOR THE GREEN.
DON'T EVEN THINK ABOUT GOING.
IT'S A RED LIGHT.
YOU KNOW THE LAW, MA'AM.
NO CROSSING ON THE RED.
WOO-HOO-HOO!
YEAH!
ALL RIGHT, IT'S OK.
COME ON.
YOU ALL--ALL RIGHT.
HALT!
YOU KNOW THE LAW.
ALL RIGHT.
>> ♪ IT SAYS NOTHING TO ME
ABOUT MY LIFE
HANG THE BLESSED DJ
BECAUSE THE MUSIC
THEY CONSTANTLY PLAY
ON THE LEEDS SIDE STREETS
THAT YOU SLIP DOWN
OR PROVINCIAL TOWNS
YOU JOG ROUND
HANG THE DJ, HANG THE DJ
HANG THE DJ
HANG THE DJ, HANG THE DJ
HAND THE DJ...
[INDISTINCT CONVERSATION]
>> GO ON, SHOW US WHAT YOU CAN
DO, THEN.
>> ♪ HANG THE DJ, HANG THE DJ
HANG THE DJ, HANG THE DJ
HANG THE DJ, HANG THE DJ...
>> NO JAYWALKING.
>> HANG THE DJ, HANG THE DJ
HANG THE DJ, HANG THE DJ
HANG THE DJ...
>> THAT'S BAD ASS.
>> REALLY GOING TO [BEEP] ME UP.
>> READY?
>> YOU'VE GOT TO DIVE.
>> HE PEED ON ME.
>> ALL RIGHT, OK.
OK, HERE, PEE ON ME, AND THEN
WE'RE EVEN.
>> LET ME PUNCH YOU IN THE
CHEST.
>> NO!
>> YOU URINATED ON ME!
STAND RIGHT THERE.
>> PUNCH HIM HARD.
THAT'S GOING TO HURT HIM.
>> NO.
>> JUST DO IT.
>> WANT TO DO IT?
>> YEAH.
>> OK.
>> I NEVER THOUGHT FAT GUYS
GETTING TOSSED INTO CANS WOULD
BE SO FUNNY. 2 F1