Hello, I'm Johnny Knoxfield, and welcome to Jackass.
One more time, Johnny Knoxville.
Hello, I'm Johnny Nashville...
Hi, I'm Johnny Knoxville.
Hey, I'm Johnny Nashville, welcome to Jackass.
One more time. Johnny Knoxville, not Nash--
Hey, I'm Johnny Knoxville, and welcome to Jackass...
-One more time?
Hey, I'm Johnny Knoxville..
Come wash my back!
Dude, this sucks.
The fact that you don't skate
isn't gonna make this pretty.
-Good job out there. -Thanks.
-Let's go hit the showers.
Dude, you shouldn't do this, you can't even--
You can't even stand up on that thing.
-Huh? -You shouldn't do this.
Why don't you go down, practice a little bit down there
-and then come up here? -Nah, just do it,
Johnny, just do it, don't let him
talk you out of it, man.
One, two, three!
Whoo!
Chief Roberts coming back from the grave.
The chances of this working are so minimal.
-Later, dude.
See you later.
Oh, God...
What're you gonna do?
I'm gonna try to make it in the hole.
Ready?
skateboarding, man.
-skateboarding.
Oh, .
What's its name?
-Bam Bam. -Bam Bam?
-Yeah. -Bam Bam still has
his claws, I see.
-How much does Bam Bam weigh?
He's, uh, he's close to 500 right now.
When he wrestles, the more rambunctious you get,
the more rambunctious he'll get.
I think he'll be very upset.
-Rawr! -And just so you know,
when male bears fight each other, that's what
-they do go for. -They go for the goods?
That's where they go.
Can we have a cup?
My name's Johnny Knoxville, and this is bear wrestling.
-Hi. How are you?
Ahh!
Try to get up, John.
You can get up, come on.
I'm n-- I can't put any weight on my back.
-Ow! Ow! -Easy. Easy, now.
Ow, my neck!
Take your hand away.
Move your ha--keep your hands away from him.
-Use your elbows. -He's alright right now,
he tried to break my neck that time.
That's it, good boy.
Good boy. John, come on, get up.
He tried to snap my neck a couple of times.
-We heard it. -Yeah, he was trying
to--'cause he would-- he was smart,
he'd get a grip and just rip.
-Ready? -We're ready.
Hi, I'm Johnny Knoxville,
and I'm about to be dragged by a horse.
Whoa!
Ow.
Whoa!
Dude, I just got dragged in .
My name's Roller Bobby,
and I'm about to fight some crime.
No jaywalking.
Wait for the green.
Don't even think about going, it's a red light.
You know the law, ma'am, no crossing on the red.
Oh, yeah!
Alright, it's okay.
Come on.
You all--alright.
Halt. Halt.
You know the law.
Alright.
Hey!
I'm making sure no trouble goes down at the skate park.
Go on, show us what you can do, mate.
No jaywalking.
So we're in Knoxville, Tennessee outside of Eddie's Auto Parts.
Now, the owner is a friend of my father's
named Eddie Harvey.
He's got a really short temper,
and we're gonna send Dimitry in there
with a Russian accent to see how long
it takes him to get hot.
Who Eddie? I need help.
-You Eddie? -.
I need help. With my car.
She break. Down street.
Uh...
You want the mechanic?
-No, Eddie. -That's Eddie.
Who's Eddie? You're Eddie?
I need sparkplug or something.
-How much? -I ain't charge ya nothin',
I said I'm gonna give it to you.
I need more. What if break again?
One. One to a customer.
Come on, you give me free, but is free headache.
But I need more than one. I give you for a dollar...
No, you give me three more dollars
or you're out of luck.
I have rubles. You take rubles?
I-I bring, I bring you dollars.
Dude, he w-- he didn't get mad at all, nothing happened.
-What'd he say? -He was gonna let me
walk outta there with four spark plugs for $1.
Go back in and try to get him hotter.
-Okay, I find money.
Give me spark plug, I need--
you sell engine, maybe new engine I need.
Hell, I don't know what you need,
I can't understa-- I'm not--hell, I can't
understand nothing but the damn English language.
I don't know nothing about no damn...
You want a start? Hell, put some gas in it.
-You're probably outta gas. -Okay, gimme some gas.
What you been used to? Riding a damn bicycle?
Riding a bicycle all the time?
-No, it's car, four wheels. -You gotta put gas in 'em.
Okay, gimme gas. Pound, one pound of gas.
Gas don't come by the damn pound.
It comes by the gallon.
If you want a gallon of gas...
what is--do you want--
I need to go 50 kilometers.
-How much gas I need?
Pick up phone. I pick up.
Hello, Eddie Auto. How I help you?
Thank you--ah! I sue you.
A dead man can't sue nobody.
What you talking dead man? Where you going?
A dead man can't sue you...
Come on, help me, what, you gonna hit me?
-You can't hit me. -I don't wanna hit you
by God you standing right there where I can reach you.
Reach me? You can't reach me,
you can't hit me, come on, you need to help me with car.
Put your damn hand out there...
Here--ehh, you too slow.
Hello? Eddie?
Eddie? Help me, Eddie.
I sit on chair till you come start car.
No, chair. I need chair.
-Get your ass outta here. -No, I need--
-I take this chair. -damnit.
-I need chair. -Get the outta here.
-I need chair. -I'm not...
-I need chair. -You need .
Start car. I take bat.
-Now get out the damn door. -I need start car.
Get out the door.
Who you? You not Eddie.
I call police on you,
Eddie and no-name friend.
I need you start my car.
No!
You start my car!
Come on.
You start car. Come on, what,
you gonna get me?
Stupid son of a bitch.
-Ready? -Ready.
Thought you were gonna kickflip it, you little bitch.
Yarr, here we are with Ryan, arr!
And he's about to get
a half ton of sloppy sardines.
buried all over him.
Why do I always do the jobs
that make me smell real bad?
How cold do you think...
Well, that's 32 degree water.
Uh, guess what, if you got any nipples,
they're gonna be about this long.
Yo, he doesn't wanna go in.
I can't move my legs!
It's so cold.
That's so disgusting,
and I am so glad I'm not Ryan Dunn right now.
You're gonna get in one of these tanks.
Just get inside of it right now.
-Okay. -This is gonna be fun.
No, it's not.
-Ohh!
!
This is great.
-Why are you dodging it? -Oh, it smells so bad!
-Oh, bro! -stinks!
Why are you dodging the water right now?
You're gonna be covered in it.
See ya later, buddy!
-Oh, man. -Oh! Oh, it's on my face!
-Shut up. -Oh, it stinks so bad.
I'm with Raab himself, and he's gonna be
biking his naked ass down the middle of High Street.
So Rick's gonna demonstrate how we record a VO.
A VO's a voiceover.
Ah!
Ow!
What're you doing?
-Ow! -You're not making any noise?
Are we done? Ow!
Yeah, we're done, let's record it again.
Come on, Steve-O.
-Oh, my God. -Ugh!
That is so gross.
Ohh!
-Where's your bike?
-Where's the unicycle? -Ohh!
Where's your bike?
What do you think motivates this guy?
God, if you're gonna be dumb, you better be tough.
-Where's the unicycle? -We need the unicycle.
-Dude, go get it. -Now you need to get back in
and get the unicycle?
Ugh.
Have you smelled that?
It's poo.
Be careful.
-You alright? -Yeah, I'm okay.
That hanging on his chin!
You got another one?
Oh, my God.
How did the unicycle stunt look?
Alright, move to it out there.
Move out there a little farther, up there.
Oh, !
You'd like the man from Boston,
who went around town in his Austin,
he had room for a gal and a gash in his big, fat ass
and his balls hung out and he lost 'em.
Now, you see, you know about
the man from Boston, now, don't you?
Make it crack.
Thank you, England!