1
00:00:20,379 --> 00:00:21,896
Hey, can you...
Can you show Puffy's

2
00:00:21,965 --> 00:00:24,793
face if he says no?
Can you blur it?

3
00:00:24,862 --> 00:00:27,172
We wanna know if you would
do an intro for the show?

4
00:00:27,241 --> 00:00:28,655
It's my favorite show.

5
00:00:28,724 --> 00:00:31,344
Say hi, I'm Johnny Knoxville,
Welcome to Jackass.

6
00:00:31,413 --> 00:00:34,137
Can I hit you with something?

7
00:00:34,206 --> 00:00:35,586
I wanna get
punched in the face.

8
00:00:35,655 --> 00:00:37,172
Okay.

9
00:00:37,241 --> 00:00:40,137
I'm Johnny Knoxville.
Welcome to Jackass.

10
00:00:42,034 --> 00:00:44,931
That was a good one.

11
00:01:09,793 --> 00:01:11,000
Come wash my back!

12
00:01:12,965 --> 00:01:16,068
This is the Abe Lincoln
beard of leeches.

13
00:01:16,137 --> 00:01:19,379
Whoa! Hey, hey,
get 'em, get 'em!

14
00:01:21,586 --> 00:01:23,241
Aww!

15
00:01:23,310 --> 00:01:25,689
Will you get 'em
off my crotch?

16
00:01:28,586 --> 00:01:30,344
Should I lay down?

17
00:01:30,413 --> 00:01:33,275
I'm gonna have a Abe Lincoln
mole of "meeches",

18
00:01:33,344 --> 00:01:34,448
leeches, I mean.

19
00:01:34,517 --> 00:01:36,551
Fourscore and seven
years ago

20
00:01:36,620 --> 00:01:41,310
our fathers founded upon this
continent a new nation.

21
00:01:41,379 --> 00:01:44,206
Conceived of liberty and
dedicated to the proposition

22
00:01:44,275 --> 00:01:48,551
that all men
are created equal.

23
00:01:48,620 --> 00:01:51,655
We are now in, in...

24
00:01:51,724 --> 00:01:55,068
We are now engaged
in a civil war

25
00:01:55,137 --> 00:01:58,931
to, to test whether
this nation or any nation

26
00:01:59,000 --> 00:02:02,103
so conceived and dedicated
can long endure.

27
00:02:05,000 --> 00:02:07,000
Ooh, one's in my mouth.

28
00:02:09,034 --> 00:02:10,965
-Liberate...
-Penetrate...

29
00:02:11,034 --> 00:02:14,103
Penetrate, and boy,
can I master--

30
00:02:14,172 --> 00:02:16,586
Ohh! It's in my ear!
Get it out of my ear!

31
00:02:23,206 --> 00:02:26,000
Ahh!

32
00:02:37,517 --> 00:02:40,620
Ohh! Ohh!

33
00:02:44,344 --> 00:02:46,344
That was a hairball
of leeches!

34
00:04:48,034 --> 00:04:49,241
Hi, I'm Wee Man,

35
00:04:49,310 --> 00:04:50,827
and this is a wee hand.

36
00:04:56,206 --> 00:04:58,689
This is a 12-inch
diesel powered chipper.

37
00:04:58,758 --> 00:05:00,620
It's a 200 horsepower unit.

38
00:05:00,689 --> 00:05:03,827
It feeds the material
in back of this unit

39
00:05:03,896 --> 00:05:05,896
and disperses it out the chute.

40
00:05:05,965 --> 00:05:09,206
Ryan Dunn, I'm about to have
fun with the wood chipper.

41
00:05:16,482 --> 00:05:18,379
Say Ryan, I thought
that was familiar.

42
00:05:18,448 --> 00:05:20,896
I think he's trying to say
I got a small wiener.

43
00:05:20,965 --> 00:05:22,551
Strawberry milk.

44
00:05:27,655 --> 00:05:29,724
Let's try something
mellow first.

45
00:06:04,965 --> 00:06:06,931
Fresh fish.

46
00:06:17,413 --> 00:06:21,172
Dude, the squid hurt so much
worse than anything else.

47
00:06:36,862 --> 00:06:39,103
-What was that?
-It was a frozen bird.

48
00:06:46,137 --> 00:06:47,551
Ahh!

49
00:07:16,275 --> 00:07:17,931
Oh my God.
Look at that.

50
00:07:18,000 --> 00:07:19,551
That just came
out of my head.

51
00:07:19,620 --> 00:07:21,724
Oh, dude, you smell
like hot trash.

52
00:07:25,000 --> 00:07:27,551
This is ice barrel jumping.

53
00:07:46,551 --> 00:07:48,241
This is my new contraption.

54
00:07:50,310 --> 00:07:51,793
And it's gonna work.

55
00:08:04,206 --> 00:08:07,586
This is ice barrel jumping.

56
00:08:24,103 --> 00:08:27,413
One barrel, crap, like we're
amateurs or something.

57
00:08:55,758 --> 00:08:58,586
I can do four.
Three's my unlucky number.

58
00:08:58,655 --> 00:09:01,448
All right, have fun!
You got it! Go!

59
00:09:08,310 --> 00:09:11,241
-Did you hurt your unit?
-I hurt my nuts.

60
00:09:32,862 --> 00:09:34,931
I know you guys want me
to eat but...

61
00:09:35,000 --> 00:09:37,931
that's not gonna happen.
Not gonna happen.

62
00:10:03,827 --> 00:10:05,068
Holy .

63
00:10:05,137 --> 00:10:06,862
That's all
I was waiting for.

64
00:10:06,931 --> 00:10:07,896
That's what
I needed to see.

65
00:10:07,965 --> 00:10:09,724
I didn't care
about the make.

66
00:10:09,793 --> 00:10:12,758
Who cares about the--
I wanna see him eating crap.

67
00:10:42,896 --> 00:10:44,724
That almost hurt.

68
00:11:01,448 --> 00:11:02,551
Ahh!

69
00:11:02,620 --> 00:11:04,827
Oh God!
Ahh!

70
00:11:04,896 --> 00:11:07,586
Ahh!

71
00:11:14,827 --> 00:11:17,965
-Ah, I just...
-How do I help you?

72
00:11:18,034 --> 00:11:21,344
Ahh, ahh.

73
00:11:21,413 --> 00:11:23,517
Ah, God.

74
00:11:23,586 --> 00:11:25,413
Yeah, I'm-- I think
I'll be all right.

75
00:11:25,482 --> 00:11:28,137
I just didn't
see that curb there.

76
00:11:28,206 --> 00:11:30,448
Oh, God, yeah,
if you can just maybe...

77
00:11:30,517 --> 00:11:31,689
Do you wanna get back up?

78
00:11:31,758 --> 00:11:33,344
Yeah, here, how about
you guys just pick me up

79
00:11:33,413 --> 00:11:36,172
and put me on, uh,
on the sidewalk there?

80
00:11:36,241 --> 00:11:40,000
Yeah, uh, oh boy,
all right, uh...

81
00:11:40,068 --> 00:11:42,275
Ohh...
All right, be careful.

82
00:11:42,344 --> 00:11:45,655
Oh, ah, God, thanks.

83
00:11:51,310 --> 00:11:52,655
Don't want you
to hurt yourself.

84
00:11:56,344 --> 00:11:58,827
Okay, but you just
be careful now.

85
00:12:05,344 --> 00:12:07,827
Ahh!

86
00:12:15,965 --> 00:12:17,413
Ah.

87
00:12:17,482 --> 00:12:19,344
Can I get you to help
me out right there?

88
00:12:21,275 --> 00:12:23,517
Or maybe you can...

89
00:12:23,586 --> 00:12:26,655
just throw it up to me.

90
00:12:26,724 --> 00:12:28,379
Oh God!

91
00:12:28,448 --> 00:12:31,206
Oh! Ah...

92
00:12:43,586 --> 00:12:46,620
Ah.

93
00:12:46,689 --> 00:12:50,689
Steve-O's over there,
and I'm about to antique him.

94
00:12:50,758 --> 00:12:53,137
You're not gonna
antique him.

95
00:12:53,206 --> 00:12:55,344
Oh! Ah! Ah!

96
00:13:11,172 --> 00:13:12,896
-I'm Rick Kosick
-I'm Johnny Knoxville.

97
00:13:12,965 --> 00:13:14,620
This is urban sledding.

98
00:13:39,620 --> 00:13:41,758
Ow!

99
00:13:43,620 --> 00:13:45,103
that hurt.

100
00:13:45,172 --> 00:13:48,103
Is that my skid mark
from my jacket?

101
00:13:51,689 --> 00:13:53,517
Let's try doing steps.

102
00:14:06,620 --> 00:14:07,793
Ahh!

103
00:14:16,241 --> 00:14:17,724
Oh !

104
00:14:17,793 --> 00:14:20,689
Ah!

105
00:14:29,517 --> 00:14:32,517
-What time is it?
-It's time to go home, man.

106
00:14:34,896 --> 00:14:37,931
Hi, I'm Party Boy,
and this is extreme jacuzzing.

107
00:14:43,000 --> 00:14:45,275
Oh .

108
00:14:47,310 --> 00:14:49,310
Ahh!

109
00:15:01,793 --> 00:15:03,724
Ready?

110
00:15:21,000 --> 00:15:24,758
I just made bubbles.

111
00:15:24,827 --> 00:15:27,551
I think we're all in agreement.
Five minutes...

112
00:15:31,758 --> 00:15:33,448
-Gentlemen, start your engines.
-What happens underwater

113
00:15:33,517 --> 00:15:34,620
stays underwater.

114
00:15:34,689 --> 00:15:36,827
Gentlemen,
start your engines.

115
00:15:36,896 --> 00:15:39,482
Let's get ready to hot tub.

116
00:15:47,000 --> 00:15:50,103
This is Ryan Dunn,
AKA Plugs because...

117
00:16:05,655 --> 00:16:08,275
Hi, I'm Steve-O,
and this is the idiot launch.

118
00:16:08,344 --> 00:16:10,724
One, two, three.

119
00:16:10,793 --> 00:16:13,000
Ow! !

120
00:16:20,620 --> 00:16:23,655
Yeah! Sweet!

121
00:16:25,379 --> 00:16:26,482
Aw!

122
00:16:26,551 --> 00:16:27,482
Can I see your
shirt real quick?

123
00:16:27,551 --> 00:16:29,000
It's got some
boogers on here.

124
00:16:31,310 --> 00:16:33,724
Check out the suit here.

125
00:16:33,793 --> 00:16:36,241
Uh-oh, this ain't
gonna make it.

126
00:16:36,310 --> 00:16:38,103
Wait.
Do both arms

127
00:16:38,172 --> 00:16:40,586
and then maybe
yank it up a little bit.

128
00:16:40,655 --> 00:16:43,586
Whoa.

129
00:16:43,655 --> 00:16:45,068
Oh, man, you're
not getting in that.

130
00:16:45,137 --> 00:16:47,068
I know.

131
00:16:47,137 --> 00:16:48,655
No, we can pin pit.

132
00:16:48,724 --> 00:16:51,000
Oh, man, you look like an egg
with legs coming out of it.

133
00:16:56,137 --> 00:16:57,793
I love skateboarding.

134
00:16:59,931 --> 00:17:03,068
skateboarding, man,
skateboarding.

135
00:17:09,482 --> 00:17:10,793
Ready?

136
00:17:21,379 --> 00:17:23,689
Thought you were gonna kick
flip it you little bitch.

137
00:17:30,793 --> 00:17:32,793
This sucks.

138
00:17:32,862 --> 00:17:35,379
The fact that you don't skate
isn't gonna make this pretty.

139
00:17:43,310 --> 00:17:44,517
-Good job.
-Thanks.

140
00:17:44,586 --> 00:17:46,482
Go hit the shower.

141
00:17:46,551 --> 00:17:48,000
Dude, you shouldn't do this.
You can't even stand up--

142
00:17:48,068 --> 00:17:49,482
You can't even stand up
on that thing.

143
00:17:49,551 --> 00:17:51,413
-Huh?
-You shouldn't do this.

144
00:17:53,482 --> 00:17:54,827
Why don't you go down--
Practice a little bit

145
00:17:54,896 --> 00:17:56,068
down there and then
come up here.

146
00:17:56,137 --> 00:17:58,965
Just do it, Johnny,
just do it .

147
00:17:59,034 --> 00:18:01,275
Don't let him talk
you out of it, man.

148
00:18:01,344 --> 00:18:05,413
-One, two, three!

149
00:18:11,517 --> 00:18:12,655
Whoo! Hoo-hoo-hoo!

150
00:18:14,931 --> 00:18:16,517
Chief Roberts come back
from the grave.

151
00:18:19,103 --> 00:18:20,482
Whoo-hoo-hoo!

152
00:19:00,689 --> 00:19:03,344
The chances of this working
are so minimal.

153
00:19:05,241 --> 00:19:07,103
-Later, dude.
-See ya later.

154
00:20:02,586 --> 00:20:04,206
What are you gonna do?

155
00:20:04,275 --> 00:20:05,586
I'm gonna try to make
it in the hole.

156
00:20:15,758 --> 00:20:16,965
What's up, ladies and gentlemen?

157
00:20:17,034 --> 00:20:18,586
I'm Johnny Knoxville.

158
00:20:18,655 --> 00:20:19,931
Welcome to Jackass.

159
00:20:23,724 --> 00:20:27,137
Hi, I'm Johnny Knoxville, and
this is the beard of leeches.

160
00:20:27,206 --> 00:20:30,379
The Abe Lincoln
beard of leeches.

161
00:20:35,689 --> 00:20:37,206
One, two, three.

162
00:21:10,758 --> 00:21:12,586
Hope it's worth
all the laughter.