Hey, can you... Can you show Puffy's
face if he says no? Can you blur it?
We wanna know if you would do an intro for the show?
It's my favorite show.
Say hi, I'm Johnny Knoxville, Welcome to Jackass.
Can I hit you with something?
I wanna get punched in the face.
Okay.
I'm Johnny Knoxville. Welcome to Jackass.
[laughter]
That was a good one.
[theme music plays]
♪♪
Come wash my back!
This is the Abe Lincoln beard of leeches.
Whoa! Hey, hey, get 'em, get 'em!
♪♪
[all] Aww!
Will you get 'em off my crotch?
♪♪
Should I lay down?
I'm gonna have a Abe Lincoln mole of "meeches",
leeches, I mean.
Fourscore and seven years ago
our fathers founded upon this continent a new nation.
Conceived of liberty and dedicated to the proposition
that all men are created equal.
We are now in, in...
We are now engaged in a civil war
to, to test whether this nation or any nation
so conceived and dedicated can long endure.
[laughing]
Ooh, one's in my mouth.
[blowing]
-Liberate... -Penetrate...
Penetrate, and boy, can I master--
Ohh! It's in my ear! Get it out of my ear!
[laughing]
♪♪
Ahh! [laughing]
♪♪
Ohh! Ohh!
That was a hairball of leeches!
[laughing]
♪♪
♪ Your mother's got flavor Your father's got the flavor ♪
♪ Your sister and your brother ♪
♪And your cousins got the flavor, the flavor ♪
♪ Flavor that you crave so much ♪
♪ Flavor with boom Flavor that goes crunch ♪
♪ Tell me, who'’s got flavor? I do, I do ♪
♪ Who'’s got flavor? I do, I do ♪
♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah The funky hip-hop ♪
♪ Feel the beat drop ♪
♪ Hour after hour, Sweet, nothing sour ♪
♪ Kick it like horsepower ♪
♪ Who'’s got flavor? I do, I do ♪
♪ Who's got flavor? I do, I do ♪
♪ Ho hum even scheming ♪
♪ Feed it for the flavor and you seen 'em ♪
♪ Who's got flavor? Yeah, that's it ♪
♪ Let me lift the microphone... ♪
♪Careful, careful, careful, easy, easy, easy ♪
[laughing]
♪♪
♪ Sit Back and relax and enjoy... ♪
♪ Patty cake, patty cake, baker's man ♪
♪ Bake me a cake as fast as you can ♪
♪ Roll it up, hold it up Put it in the pan ♪
♪ Bake it, bake it as fast as you can tell me ♪
♪ Who's got flavor? I do, I do ♪
♪ Does drugs have flavor? Not even ♪
♪ Does war have flavor? Not even ♪
♪ Does violence have flavor? Not even ♪
♪ Terrorism has flavor? Not even ♪
♪ ...has flavor? Not even ♪
♪ The right has flavor? Not even now tell me ♪
♪ Who's got flavor? I do, I do ♪
♪ Who's got flavor? I do, I do... ♪
Hi, I'm Wee Man,
and this is a wee hand.
This is a 12-inch diesel powered chipper.
It's a 200 horsepower unit.
It feeds the material in back of this unit
and disperses it out the chute.
Ryan Dunn, I'm about to have fun with the wood chipper.
♪♪
Say Ryan, I thought that was familiar.
I think he's trying to say I got a small wiener.
Strawberry milk.
♪♪
Let's try something mellow first.
♪♪
Fresh fish.
[shouts]
♪♪
Dude, the squid hurt so much worse than anything else.
♪♪
[laughing]
♪♪
-What was that? -It was a frozen bird.
♪♪
Ahh!
♪♪
Oh my God. Look at that.
That just came out of my head.
Oh, dude, you smell like hot trash.
This is ice barrel jumping.
♪♪
This is my new contraption.
And it's gonna work.
♪♪
This is ice barrel jumping.
♪♪
One barrel, crap, like we're amateurs or something.
♪♪
[bleep]
♪♪
[bleep]
I can do four. Three's my unlucky number.
All right, have fun! You [bleep] got it! Go!
♪♪
-Did you hurt your unit? -I hurt my nuts.
[cheering]
I know you guys want me to eat [bleep] but...
that's not gonna happen. Not gonna happen.
♪♪
Holy [bleep].
That's all I was waiting for.
That's what I needed to see.
I didn't care about the make.
Who cares about the-- I wanna see him eating crap.
♪♪
[laughing]
[shriek]
That almost hurt.
♪♪
Ahh!
Oh God! Ahh!
[sighs]
-Ah, I just... -How do I help you?
Ahh, ahh.
Ah, God.
Yeah, I'm-- I think I'll be all right.
I just didn't see that curb there.
Oh, God, yeah, if you can just maybe...
Do you wanna get back up?
Yeah, here, how about you guys just pick me up
and put me on, uh, on the sidewalk there?
Yeah, uh, oh boy, all right, uh...
Ohh... All right, be careful.
Oh, ah, God, thanks.
♪♪
Don't want you to hurt yourself.
♪♪
Okay, but you just be careful now.
♪♪
Ahh!
[sighs]
[painful groaning]
Ah.
Can I get you to help me out right there?
♪♪
Or maybe you can...
just throw it up to me.
Oh God!
Oh! Ah...
[painful groaning]
[sighs]
Ah.
Steve-O's over there, and I'm about to antique him.
You're not gonna antique him.
Oh! Ah! Ah!
[shouting]
♪♪
[laughing]
[shouting]
-I'm Rick Kosick -I'm Johnny Knoxville.
This is urban sledding.
[laughing]
Ow!
[loud grunt]
[bleep] that hurt.
Is that my skid mark from my jacket?
[laughing]
Let's try doing steps.
[laughing]
Ahh!
Oh [bleep]!
Ah! [laughing]
[laughing continues]
-What time is it? -It's time to go home, man.
Hi, I'm Party Boy, and this is extreme jacuzzing.
♪♪
Oh [bleep].
[loud groan]
Ahh!
♪♪
Ready?
♪♪
I just made bubbles.
I think we're all in agreement. Five minutes...
[overlapping chatter/laughing]
-Gentlemen, start your engines. -What happens underwater
stays underwater.
Gentlemen, start your engines.
Let's get ready to hot tub.
[laughing]
This is Ryan Dunn, AKA Plugs because...
[drill whirring]
[drill whirrs intermittently]
[laughing]
Hi, I'm Steve-O, and this is the idiot launch.
One, two, three.
Ow! [bleep]!
[laughing] Yeah! Sweet!
[bleep]
Aw!
Can I see your shirt real quick?
It's got some boogers on here.
Check out the suit here.
Uh-oh, this ain't gonna make it.
Wait. Do both arms
and then maybe yank it up a little bit.
Whoa. [bleep]
Oh, man, you're not getting in that.
I know.
No, we can pin pit.
Oh, man, you look like an egg with legs coming out of it.
I love skateboarding.
[bleep] skateboarding, man, [bleep] skateboarding.
Ready?
[cheering]
[laughing/whooping]
Thought you were gonna kick flip it you little bitch.
This sucks.
The fact that you don't skate isn't gonna make this pretty.
[laughing]
-Good job. -Thanks.
Go hit the shower.
Dude, you shouldn't do this. You can't even stand up--
You can't even stand up on that thing.
-Huh? -You shouldn't do this.
Why don't you go down-- Practice a little bit
down there and then come up here.
Just do it, Johnny, just do it [bleep].
Don't let him talk you out of it, man.
-One, two, three! -[exhales]
-[whooping] -[laughing]
Whoo! Hoo-hoo-hoo!
Chief Roberts come back from the grave.
♪♪
Whoo-hoo-hoo!
♪♪
♪ ...mortal high ground I'm happy with the life ♪
[all groan]
♪ You take the moral high ground I'd offer you my wife ♪
♪ ...Say your lie but we're here to say ♪
♪ Say the lies society ♪
♪ I don't understand what it did for me ♪
♪ Say the lies society ♪
♪ I'll never understand Never understand ♪
♪♪
The chances of this working are so minimal.
[laughter]
-Later, dude. -See ya later.
[overlapping chatter]
♪♪
[laughing]
♪♪
♪ Protest all you want but insult my intelligence ♪
♪♪
[cheering]
♪♪
[all groan]
♪ That's not what I want ♪
♪♪
♪ You just defy what I want ♪
♪♪
[laughing]
♪ Said simple lies ♪
♪ Simple lies ♪
♪ Said simple lies ♪
What are you gonna do?
I'm gonna try to make it in the hole.
♪♪
♪ Say the lie society ♪
♪ I don't understand what it did for me ♪
What's up, ladies and gentlemen?
I'm Johnny Knoxville.
Welcome to Jackass.
[laughing]
Hi, I'm Johnny Knoxville, and this is the beard of leeches.
The Abe Lincoln beard of leeches.
One, two, three.
[theme music plays]
[laughing]
[theme music continues]
Hope it's worth all the laughter.