>> HI. I'M JOHNNY KNOXVILLE.
WELCOME TO "JACKASS."
OHH!
>> HA HA HA!
>> AAH!
>> UNH!
>> WHOO!
>> OH, GOD!
>> DUDE!
>> WE'RE GONNA DO BLOODY
WINDSHIELD TODAY, AND THE
WINDSHIELD WILL NEED TO BE
BROKEN.
>> OH, HO HO!
THAT'S BAD.
>> HA!
> HA HA HA!
>> OHH!
>> HA!
I GOT TO THINK THAT'S GOOD.
[HORN HONKS]
EXCUSE ME.
CAN YOU HELP ME CLEAN THIS OFF?
>> UH, WE DON'T CAR WASH.
>> AW, DUDE, THERE'S A COP.
ONE SECOND.
OH, MAN, MY PAROLE OFFICER IS
NOT GOING TO LIKE THIS.
[SIREN]
OH, GOD!
>> DOG?
>> YEAH, IT'S A--YEAH, DOG.
>> MY STOMACH IS [BEEP]
UP RIGHT NOW, MY MAN.
PLEASE.
>> HEY.
THANKS A LOT, MAN.
YOU REALLY HELPED ME OUT.
[TIRES SQUEAL]
I JUST HIT SOMETHING.
CAN YOU GIVE ME A HAND WASH?
>> SURE.
>> I NEED IT QUICK.
>> IT'S VERY SUSPICIOUS THAT YOU
GUYS ARE GONNA LET HIM GO
THROUGH YOUR CAR WASH LIKE THAT.
[SIREN]
>> ANDALE, ANDALE!
LET'S GO!
I GOT TO GO.
ANDALE.
NO POLICIA.
ANDALE.
[DOOR SHUTS]
[TIRES SQUEAL]
[HORN HONKS]
YOU GOT TO HELP ME, MAN.
I JUST NEED SOME WATER TO GET
THIS OFF WITH.
I HAD AN ACCIDENT.
>> WHOSE HAIR IS THAT?
>> I DON'T KNOW.
>> THERE'S LOTS OF IT.
IS THIS FROM YOU?
>> NO.
SIR?
OH, NO.
OHH.
DUDE, THEY'RE CALLING THE COPS.
[TIRES SQUEAL]
>> OHH!
[GRUNTING]
>> READY?
>> I'M RYAN DUNN.
THIS IS A STUPID IDEA, ROLLING
DOWN A HILL.
>> HA HA HA!
YEAH.
LET HIM GO.
SEE YOU LATER, BUDDY.
OH, MY.
>> WHAT WAS THAT?
>> OHH!
>> OH.
UNH.
>> RYAN!
>> OHH.
>> RYAN, YOU ALL RIGHT?
>> I TOLD YOU THAT WAS A BAD
IDEA.
>> YOU ALL RIGHT?
>> I TOLD YOU THAT WAS A BAD
IDEA.
OH.
I CAN'T EVEN SEE.
>> YOU LOOKED LIKE--
>> I DIDN'T EVEN GO FAR.
OHH.
>> HA HA HA!
>> AAH!
>> ♪ I'M GONNA MOVE
TO SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA
GOT ME A RIDE
AND A REASON TO IGNORE YOU ♪
>> AAH!
OHH, HO HO!
>> ♪ GOT ME A RADIO
AIN'T GOT NO SPEAKERS
AIN'T MUCH USE
SO I'M LEAVING
AND I'M LEAVING IT FOR YOU
I'M LEAVING IT FOR YOU
COULD BE BY FOR YOU ♪
>> HA HA HA!
>> ♪ GOT TO FIND A ROOM
AND I'M RUNNING OUT OF MONEY
STAYING OUT LATE
BUT I GOT TO GET UP EARLY ♪
♪ WHY DID I MOVE
TO SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA?
SMILE GETS SO BLUE
SOMEONE SHOULD HAVE WARNED YOU
THEY SHOULD HAVE WARNED YOU ♪
>> OW!
>> ♪ COULD BE BY, BY
COULD BE BY FOR YOU ♪
>> WHOA!
>> HA HA HA!
>> ♪ WHY DID I MOVE?
>> GOT TO TRY IT AGAIN.
[BEEP] GO THAT WAY.
HA HA HA!
>> ♪ WHY DID I MOVE?
>> ♪ SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA
>> ♪ TO SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA
WHY DID I MOVE? ♪
>> ♪ SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA
>> ♪ WHY DID I MOVE?
>> ♪ SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA
WHY DID I MOVE
TO SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA? ♪
>> THIS IS THE HUMAN CAR WASH.
OH, HERE WE GO.
HA HA HA!
>> HI.
HI. WE'RE SNOW TUBING.
IT'S AWESOME.
HA!
AAH!
WHOO!
>> HA HA HA!
>> ♪ HEY, LISTEN, DON'T YOU LET
THEM GET YOUR MIND ♪
>> HA!
>> ♪ FILL YOUR BRAIN WITH ORDERS
AND THAT'S RIGHT ♪
>> HA HA!
>> ♪ THEY'RE PLAYING AT A GAME
THAT DRAWS YOU CLOSER ♪
>> HA HA!
>> ♪ TILL YOU'RE LIVING IN
A WORLD THAT'S RULED BY FEAR ♪
>> AAH!
>> ♪ THAT'S OK
>> DOGGY STYLE.
>> HEY!
>> DOING IT DOGGY STYLE.
>> ♪ TOLD YOU ONCE YOU'RE NEVER
GONNA WIN THE RACE ♪
>> OH.
WHOO!
>> ♪ KICKED IN YOUR FACE
>> HA HA HA!
>> ♪ SCREAMING
SCREAMING FOR VENGEANCE
THE WORLD IS A MANACLED PLACE
SCREAMING ♪
>> OH, DUDE!
OHH!
HA HA!
>> OHH!
>> ♪ DISGRACE
>> ALL RIGHT.
LET'S DO IT.
BRACE YOURSELF.
JUST STAY LOOSE.
[LAUGHTER]
THAT WAS COOL.
>> HEY.
HEY.
GET OUT OF HERE!
GET THAT DOG.
>> GET HIM OUT OF HERE.
HE'S A MANIAC!
["CAR WASH" PLAYING]
>> GET HIS GOOSE.
>> AAH!
HA HA HA!
>> GO, GO, GO.
GET HIS ASS.
GET IT.
GET THE MOUTH.
THIS IS THE HUMAN CAR WASH.
HERE WE GO.
OHH.
THIS IS THE FIRST BATH HE'S HAD
IN, LIKE, 5 DAYS.
HERE WE GO.
HA HA HA!
OH.
HA HA HA!
>> ♪ OOH, OOH, OOH
YOU MIGHT NOT EVER GET RICH
WELL, LET ME TELL YOU, IT'S
BETTER THAN DIGGING A DITCH
THERE AIN'T NO TELLING
WHO YOU MIGHT MEET ♪
>> THERE'S GONNA BE A BIG, DIRTY
GREASE SPOT ON THE HOOD WHERE
HIS BODY WAS AND DIDN'T GET
WASHED.
>> ♪ AT THE CAR WASH
>> ♪ TALKING ABOUT
THE CAR WASH ♪
>> LOOK AT THAT.
HE'S SO COLD.
>> ♪ CAR WASH, GIRL
>> ♪ COME ON, Y'ALL,
AND SING IT WITH ME ♪
>> HE'LL GET HIT WITH THE WAX.
>> OH. THEY'RE WAXING HIM?
>> YEAH.
>> ♪ SING IT WITH FEELING,
Y'ALL ♪
>> ♪ CAR WASH, GIRL
>> ♪ WHOA, WHOA, WHOA
WHOA, WHOA ♪
>> ♪ CAR WASH
>> ♪ THOSE CARS NEVER SEEM
TO STOP COMING
WELL, I SAID, KEEP THOSE RAGS
AND MACHINES HUMMING
LET ME TELL YOU
IT'S ALWAYS COOL ♪
>> MAN, I--I WAS JUST COLD.
>> ♪ ACT THE FOOL
AT THE CAR WASH ♪
>> ♪ CAR WASH
>> I DIDN'T GO INTO THAT THING
CLEAN.
THAT'S FOR SURE.
FIRST SHOWER I'VE HAD IN A
COUPLE DAYS.
>> CHANGE THAT YET?
>> HEY, CHRIS.
>> THE PRICE FOR A GOOD WETSUIT.
>> CAN YOU SEE THE BUG ON MY
LENS?
>> YEAH.
>> WHY DON'T YOU KISS HIM?
>> EAT HIM UP?
>> EAT HIM.
>> I'M A VEGETARIAN.
>> EAT IT.
YEAH.
DID YOU EAT HIM?
>> I SWALLOWED HIM UP.
HE FLEW AWAY.
>> OH [BEEP], DUDE!
>> THAT WAS PRETTY [BEEP].
>> DAMN!
OH!
HA HA HA!
AAH!
OH.
HA HA HA!
[LAUGHTER]
>> I RACED THOSE FOR OVER 8
YEARS.
>> YOU RACED SKUNKS?
>> NO.
R.C. CARS.
RADIO-CONTROLLED CARS.
THAT'S A TOY THERE.
THAT'S SOMETHING YOU BUY AT
KMART.
>> NO. THIS IS A SKUNK CAR.
>> THAT'S NO DAMN SKUNK.
IT'S A RADIO-CONTROLLED CAR.
>> NO. IT'S A SKUNK.
>> IT'S A SKUNK TAIL.
>> IT'S A SKUNK WITH WHEELS.
>> THAT'S TERRIBLE.
THAT'S TERRIBLE.
I REALLY THINK THAT THERE'S A
HEALTH ISSUE INVOLVED, AND I
REALLY THINK THAT INSTEAD OF
GETTING OFF--BECAUSE, I MEAN,
THAT'S WHAT YOU'RE DOING.
>> YEAH.
>> I MEAN, I'M LOOKING AT YOUR
PANTS, AND YOU'VE GOT AN
ENORMOUS HARD-ON.
>> STOP, PLEASE.
>> COME ON.
>> DON'T DO THIS.
>> COME ON, DUDE.
>> JUST GIVE HIM A KISS, GIVE
HIM A KISS.
>> YEAH. JUST ONE KISS.
COME ON.
COME ON, DUDE.
>> AAH!
>> OH, YEAH!
>> HA HA HA!
>> KNOCK IT OFF!
>> MY TONGUE SLAYED HIS EAR.
HA HA HA!
>> OHH!
>> OW!
THIS IS SO FUN.
WAY MORE FUN THAT SNOWBOARDING.
>> TONIGHT, WE'RE GONNA GO UP
AND GET SPANKED BY A COUPLE OF
DOMINATRIXES.
AAH!
>> SO WE'RE GONNA GO TRY OUT
DIMITRY'S BELT SANDER SKATES.
OK. WE'RE TESTING.
>> WE'RE TESTING.
>> HA HA HA!
THIS IS REAL BUDGET, EVEN FOR
US.
>> HE LOOKS CONFIDENT.
>> HELLO.
I'M JOHNNY KNOXVILLE, AND THIS
IS BELT SANDER SKATES.
>> ♪ AT A TOMBSTONE BAR
IN A JUKE-JOINT CAR
HE MADE A STOP ♪
>> OHH! HO HO!
>> ♪ JUST LONG ENOUGH
TO GRAB A HANDLE OF THE TOP ♪
>> OK.
LET'S TRY THAT AGAIN.
>> BEND THE KNEES LIKE A TOP SKI
PRO, DUDE.
>> OW!
OH, I NEED HELP.
>> HERE YOU GO.
>> ♪ "SHOT, WE QUIT"
>> GET OFF YOUR TOES.
WAIT UP.
YOU ARE SO CAUGHT IN THIS.
>> WHOA.
>> ♪ WHOA, OH, OH, OH
OH, OH, OH
HE'S FOR THE MONEY
HE'S FOR THE SHOW ♪
>> THIS IS 1/4-INCH DRYWALL.
PROBABLY A BETTER SURFACE FOR
THE SAND SKATES, SANDER SKATES.
>> ♪ WHO, OH, OH, OH
OH, OH, OH ♪
>> OW!
>> AAH!
>> STAY LOW.
>> I AM GOING TO BELT SAND SKATE
DOWN THIS WHOLE PIECE OF
DRYWALL.
>> THERE YOU GO!
>> YEAH!
YEAH!
>> HA HA HA!
>> YEAH!
THAT WAS IT!
>> THAT'S THE BEST I CAN DO.
>> HOLY [BEEP].
OH.
HA HA HA!
>> SORRY--SORRY, CHIEF ROBERTS.
>> OH, OH.
>> ♪ HEY, LITTLE GIRL
I WANT TO BE YOUR BOYFRIEND ♪
>> HI.
>> ♪ SWEET LITTLE GIRL
>> OH, HO HO HO!
>> ♪ I WANT TO BE
YOUR BOYFRIEND ♪
>> OH.
A KISS.
HOO HOO HOO!
>> ♪ WHAT DO YOU SAY?
>> I GOT TO GET OUT.
>> ♪ DO YOU LOVE ME, GIRL?
WHAT CAN I SAY? ♪
>> HOO HOO HOO!
>> ♪ YOUR BOYFRIEND
HEY, LITTLE GIRL
I WANT TO BE YOUR BOYFRIEND
SWEET LITTLE GIRL
I WANT TO BE YOUR BOYFRIEND ♪
>> HOO HOO!
HOO HOO HOO!
HOO HOO!
>> ♪ OOH, OOH, OOH
AHH ♪
>> ♪ BECAUSE I WANT TO BE
YOUR BOYFRIEND
HEY, LITTLE GIRL
I WANT TO BE YOUR BOYFRIEND ♪
>> ♪ OH, OH, OH
[SIREN]
>> ♪ HEY, LITTLE GIRL
I WANT TO BE
YOUR BOYFRIEND ♪
>> ♪ OH, OH, OH, OH
>> AAH!
>> HA HA HA!
>> THERE WE GO, THERE WE GO.
>> SQUIRT HIM.
>> HA HA HA!
>> NOW, GET IN THERE.
>> YOU GET IN THERE.
>> GET IN THERE WHILE IT SMELLS
GOOD.
GET IN THERE.
>> NO.
FROM THIS END!
>> THAT WAY, THAT WAY.
[ALL TALKING AT ONCE]
>> MY FACE IN THE PEE?
>> YEAH, FACE IN THE PEE.
>> OH, PARTY BOY.
OH, PARTY BOY.
HA HA HA!
>> HE'S LOVING THIS.
>> HA HA HA!
>> OH, THE PEE.
OHH!
[LAUGHTER]
>> IT'S GOING WAY FASTER.
OH.
HIS HEAD'S ALL OVER THE URINE.
HA HA HA!
YEAH!
>> THAT WAS SO PERFECT.
THE DOG PEED RIGHT IN THERE.
IT WAS PERFECT.
>> OH, MY GOD.
>> TONIGHT, WE'RE GONNA GO UP
AND GET SPANKED BY A COUPLE OF
DOMINATRIXES UP IN 301.
>> DOMINATRICES.
>> DOMINATRICES?
SORRY.
MY ENGLISH AIN'T SO GOOD.
>> WELL, I'M WEDNESDAY.
>> AND I'M STEPHANIE.
>> WE'RE SISTERS, AND WE'RE A
LITTLE TWISTED.
>> JUST A LITTLE.
>> AND WE'RE HERE TO KICK
PRESTON'S LITTLE ASS.
>> WE'RE GONNA HAVE TO PUNISH
YOU RIGHT NOW.
OH.
>> IT'S A CLIP-ON.
>> SO PRESTON'S IN THERE WITH A
COUPLE DOMINATRIXES, AND THEY'RE
GETTING READY TO LET HIM HAVE
IT, AND APPARENTLY, THE SAFETY
WORD FOR WHEN THEY GET TOO ROUGH
IS GONNA BE "OKLAHOMA."
[DING]
>> 32.
>> OW. [BEEP].
MY KIDNEYS.
I THOUGHT I ASKED YOU TO QUIT
HITTING ME IN THE KIDNEY.
I'LL BE PISSING BLOOD FOR A
WEEK.
OW!
>> HARD TO FIND YOUR ASS.
>> HEY.
THE HELL?
>> DOES THAT FEEL BETTER?
>> DO YOU LIKE THAT, PRESTON?
>> THAT'S BETTER.
>> BEND OVER THE BED.
YOU'RE THE WORST SLAVE I'VE EVER
HAD.
>> I'M IN EXTREME PAIN.
>> NO, YOU'RE NOT.
>> YES, I AM.
>> NO, BUT YOU WILL BE.
>> I AM RIGHT NOW.
>> NO, YOU'RE NOT.
>> OKLAHOMA.
>> SING THE ALPHABET NOW, YOU
LITTLE BITCH.
>> ♪ A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I
J, K, L, M, N, O-- ♪
AAH!
OKLAHOMA.
>> YOU GONNA DO WHATEVER WE SAY?
>> YES.
>> ARE YOU GONNA STOP
COMPLAINING LIKE A LITTLE SISSY
BOY?
>> YES.
STOP THAT NOW.
>> I'M SORRY.
>> STOP THAT NOW?
>> THAT'S NOT THE WORD WE
DISCUSSED, IS IT?
>> OW.
OW!
>> PRESTON?
>> OKLAHOMA.
OKLAHOMA.
>> OK?
>> OKLAHOMA.
OKLAHOMA.
NO MORE.
>> CUT IT?
>> YEAH.
THAT'S IT.
WE GOT THE SHOTS.
>> THERE WE GO.
>> I WAS A BAD BOY TODAY.
>> I WAS A BAD BOY.
>> AND NOW MY MISTRESSES ARE
BEATING ME.
>> OW.
MY MISTRESSES ARE BEATING ME.
>> KEEP SAYING IT.
>> HE NEEDS TO GET ANOTHER SHOT
OF IT.
>> SING "MARY HAD A LITTLE
LAMB."
>> MARY HAD A LITTLE LAMB.
HIS FLEECE WAS WHITE AS SNOW.
EVERYWHERE MARY WENT THAT LAMB
WAS SURE TO GO.
>> WHO'S A DIRTY, LITTLE SLUT?
>> PRESTON IS.
>> WHO'S A BAD BOY?
>> PRESTON IS.
>> AAH!
AAH!
[BEEP].
>> I'M A SLUT.
>> I'M A SLUT!
>> I'M A DIRTY, LITTLE SLUT.
>> OW!
>> SAY IT.
>> HARDER!
>> OW!
OW!
>> UNH!
>> HA HA HA!
>> AAH!
>> ♪ LA LA LA
>> THIS IS MY HIP-HOP DANCING.
>> AAH!
>> CATCH IT!
>> CATCH HER!
>> ON THE RUN.
>> OHH!
NOT UNLESS I'M TOLD TO CRY BY MY
MISTRESSES.
>> SAY IT AGAIN.
>> NOT UNLESS I'M TOLD TO CRY BY
MY MISTRESSES.