Hi, I'm Johnny Knoxville. Welcome to Jackass!
Hi, I'm Johnny Knoxville from Tennessee.
No, no.
Hi.
I'm Johnny Knoxville.
Welcome to Jackass.
-Let's try that again.
You sound like a bunch of drunk hookers.
Hey, what's up, y'all? I'm Johnny Knoxville.
Welcome to Jackass. Whoo.
Hi, I'm Johnny Knoxville. You're watching Jack--
Just rumble. You like that?
Yeah.
I'm quitting showbiz.
Hi, I'm Johnny Knoxville. Welcome to Jackass.
Come wash my back!
That's it.
Hello, I'm Johnny Knoxville
and this is Dottie Barnett.
And today I am 90 years old.
Look at her tush, Mama.
No, don't you talk like that.
Look, you have a lovely tush, ma'am.
That's not nice.
Say, I love-- oh. Can I-- do you mind?
What's that?
I just want a couple of French fries.
Don't do that, Irving. That's not right.
-Oy vey. -We'll find a place to sit down.
Oy vey.
That's embarrassing.
-You all right? -Yeah.
Okay, Irving.
-I'm all right. -Okay.
-I'm all right! -All right!
You don't want an ambulance?
No, no ambulance. Leave me alone.
I just want some soup.
Hi, I'm looking for some sunglasses.
Something very contemporary and handsome.
-Handsome and contemporary. -And-- and-- and-- and snazzy.
-Snazzy? -Yeah.
Uh, are they good in, uh...?
Can I look at them in the sunlights?
Sure.
Has that sign always been there?
The, uh...
Looks good.
Beautiful.
Can I get the sunglasses back, sir?
Oh, yeah, I forgot.
Look how pretty she is, Dorothy.
Look how nice her breasts are.
You know, you're getting to be a dirty old man.
Dorothy, look at that butt.
Nice tush. Nice tush.
Hey there. How are ya?
Could I offer you some weed or pot?
Marijuana?
Here comes that son of a bitch Renaldo.
Where were you when I called you the other night?
I don't want to talk to you. I don't--
Thank you.
He started it.
-He's a bad person. -I know.
He's not a good person.
Never call me again.
I want my $200!
-That sounds like you... -Oh, my God.
What did you have for dinner, ma'am?
So here we are today on location
filming Shaquille O'Neal's new rap video.
This is Wee Man.
That's the way to introduce...
Oh, .
Help me!
-.
The things the Jackassguys do I do every day.
You can see I'm out here wrestling with them.
I haven't been hurt yet.
I am the man of steel. You see this?
What was that? That was piss?
-He pissed in there. -.
Shaq loves Wee Man.
I carry all the weight around this show.
.
The highlights so far have been
some poo diving in the kiddie pool.
-Ahh! Ahh!
Yah-hoo!
A lot of Shaq humping Wee Man.
He deserved it, though.
He's been trying to hump me and wrestle me all day.
These guys are crazy.
Do it! Do it!
Little kids, do not try this at home.
Hi, I'm Steve-O, and this is the cricket helmet.
Today we're gonna be putting crickets
into Steve-O's helmet.
How many crickets are in here?
There's 10,000 crickets in here right now.
Do they carry any communicable diseases?
-No, they don't. -Steve-O does.
Hi, I'm Steve-O, and this is the cricket helmet.
Oh, damn!
Oh, man!
Ahh...
-Oh, God.
-What's wrong with you? -That is so gross.
You gotta-- you gotta-- you gotta do a bridge.
Like move back, move back. No, no, no, no, no!
They just smell so bad.
They taste so bad the way they crunch.
That was a good idea, though, dude.
Preston, you look fat.
Where do you get the balls?
-Over here? -Yeah, it was--
-damn it. -Oy, yoi, yoi.
Let it go. Oh.
Mom, I want to go right over here.
Damn it.
You stay there. I got it.
Thank you. Thank you.
Dorothy?
-Are you okay? -Dorothy, stand me up.
You want me to get you an ambulance?
No, no ambulance.
You want me to get you something to drink?
No.
Oh, no.
-I'm calling you an ambulance. -No, I just need-- no.
I need some shade.
-You sure? -Just stand me up.
You sure you don't want an ambulance?
Oh, I'm good.
Oh, man.
I'm Steve-O, and this is the double back.
I'm Raab Himself. This is duck hunting.
We killed Quack Quack.
Ohh! Ohh!
No, oh!
It went up his butt.
-Ohh! -Oh, my God.
-Let me see it, let me see it. -Right in the middle.
Oh, my God.
Okay, today I want to go try to pick out a mattress for myself.
But it's kind of a bad time
because I have to urinate really bad.
-How you guys doing? -Good, how are you?
Good. Welcome in.
I like this mattress right here. Can I try it out?
-Help yourself. -Okay.
Everything has tags on them.
It feels really good. It's really comfortable.
Oh, boy. Oh, my...
-Oh, dude. -You all right?
Oh, dude.
I just... I'm sorry.
I have a deviated septum and...
I'm sorry. I understand.
Is there something I can do to help you out?
No, I'm sorry. It's a medical condition.
-Okay. -I need a towel.
Ugh.
You okay, buddy?
I apologize. Is there a trash can?
Okay, thank you for your help.
I hope you're feeling better.
Thanks, man. I'm sorry.
Don't worry about it.
See, the best part about it is that
he squeezed it out and then he shook your hand.
In my left hand I have some pudding.
In my right hand I have a diaper.
When combined...
...I have poo diaper.
I'm Raab Himself, and this is skeet shooting.
Pull.
I got it on my ankle.
Did you see how fast I was running?
I was like a cheetah.
Ow, someone got me in the head.
-damn, that hurt. -Huge welts, it looks like.
That would've hit the bull's-eye.
Scott, what do you think about your work here?
Ah, it's a beautiful piece, nice old-school lettering.
So this is how you make a permanent "jackass" I take it.
Exactly.
I love you.
I love you. Oh.
Oh... mmm...
-Mmm... -Oh...
I love you.
Ooh!
You liked that, didn't you, valley boy?
Yes, you did.
Are you gonna come here anymore? No, you're not.
Fight me...
You like games, huh, valley boy?
Give me a Bronson Kane half-pipe, nine o'clock.
Joust. Be there.
No, you be there!
-Whoo! -Whoo!
Just leave it on. Leave it on.
Oh, my God.
This is calisthenics.
Oh, my God.
-Wolf, look at yourself.
For God's sakes. You're embarrassing me.
In my left hand I have some pudding.
In my right hand I have a diaper.
When combined...
...I have poo diaper.
Hey, you guys got anything to eat left over from lunch?
I didn't get lunch today.
Sorry, man.
I'm hungry.
That's a diaper.
Ugh.
So hungry.
That's-- that's a diaper, homeboy.
Oh, so hungry.
What are you doing with this man?
Come on.
We're just friends.
He's coming home with me.
Renaldo, I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
-No. -Ooh, ooh, ooh.
. Irving! Come on.
-Oh, that was great.