[all] Hi, I'm Johnny Knoxville. Welcome to Jackass!
[laughter]
Hi, I'm Johnny Knoxville from Tennessee.
No, no.
Hi.
[all] I'm Johnny Knoxville.
Welcome to Jackass.
-[laughter] -[man] Let's try that again.
You sound like a bunch of drunk hookers.
Hey, what's up, y'all? I'm Johnny Knoxville.
Welcome to Jackass. Whoo.
Hi, I'm Johnny Knoxville. You're watching Jack--
[clattering]
Just rumble. You like that?
[grunting]
Yeah.
I'm quitting [bleep] showbiz.
Hi, I'm Johnny Knoxville. Welcome to Jackass.
[laughter]
♪♪
[music continues]
Come wash my back!
♪♪
That's it.
[music continues]
[grunts]
[groaning]
Hello, I'm Johnny Knoxville
and this is Dottie Barnett.
And today I am 90 years old.
Look at her tush, Mama.
No, don't you talk like that.
Look, you have a lovely tush, ma'am.
That's not nice.
Say, I love-- oh. Can I-- do you mind?
What's that?
I just want a couple of French fries.
Don't do that, Irving. That's not right.
-Oy vey. -We'll find a place to sit down.
Oy vey.
That's embarrassing.
-You all right? -Yeah.
Okay, Irving.
-[thud] -[grunts]
-I'm all right. -Okay.
-I'm all right! -All right!
You don't want an ambulance?
No, no ambulance. Leave me alone.
I just want some soup.
[distant horn honks]
Hi, I'm looking for some sunglasses.
Something very contemporary and handsome.
-Handsome and contemporary. -And-- and-- and-- and snazzy.
-Snazzy? -Yeah.
Uh, are they good in, uh...?
Can I look at them in the sunlights?
Sure.
Has that sign always been there?
The, uh...
Looks good.
Beautiful.
Can I get the sunglasses back, sir?
Oh, yeah, I forgot.
Look how pretty she is, Dorothy.
Look how nice her breasts are.
You know, you're getting to be a dirty old man.
Dorothy, look at that butt.
Nice tush. Nice tush.
Hey there. How are ya?
Could I offer you some weed or pot?
Marijuana?
[sighs]
Here comes that son of a bitch Renaldo.
Where were you when I called you the other night?
I don't want to talk to you. I don't--
[overlapping chatter]
[groaning]
[overlapping chatter]
Thank you.
[shouting, groaning]
He started it.
-He's a bad person. -I know.
He's not a good person.
Never call me again.
I want my $200!
[long flatulence]
-[man] That sounds like you... -[man 2] Oh, my God.
What did you have for dinner, ma'am?
So here we are today on location
filming Shaquille O'Neal's new rap video.
This is Wee Man.
That's the [bleep] way to introduce...
[overlapping chatter]
[laughter]
Oh, [bleep].
[screaming] Help me!
-[laughter] -[bleep].
♪♪
The things the Jackassguys do I do every day.
You can see I'm out here wrestling with them.
I haven't been hurt yet.
I am the man of steel. You see this?
-[indistinct shouting] -[groaning]
What was that? That was piss?
-He pissed in there. -[bleep].
Shaq loves Wee Man.
[laughter]
-[grunts] -[crowd cheering]
[cheering and applause]
I carry all the weight around this show.
[laughter]
[bleep]. [bleep].
[crowd cheering]
The highlights so far have been
some poo diving in the kiddie pool.
[laughter]
[splat]
-Ahh! Ahh! -[laughter]
[man] Yah-hoo!
A lot of Shaq humping Wee Man.
[laughter]
[groaning]
[Wee Man] He deserved it, though.
He's been trying to hump me and wrestle me all day.
These guys are crazy.
[laughter]
♪♪
[man] Do it! Do it!
[cheering and applause]
Little kids, do not try this at home.
Hi, I'm Steve-O, and this is the cricket helmet.
♪♪
[Steve-O screams]
[coughs, hacks]
♪♪
[man] Today we're gonna be putting crickets
into Steve-O's helmet.
How many crickets are in here?
There's 10,000 crickets in here right now.
Do they carry any communicable diseases?
-No, they don't. -Steve-O does.
Hi, I'm Steve-O, and this is the cricket helmet.
♪♪
[men groaning]
[woman shrieks]
[indistinct shouting]
♪♪
[retching]
♪♪
[indistinct shouting]
Oh, damn!
[indistinct chatter]
[man] Oh, man!
Ahh...
-Oh, God. -[wheezing, gasping]
-[man] What's wrong with you? -That is so gross.
[muffled chatter]
[men shouting]
[man] You gotta-- you gotta-- you gotta do a bridge.
Like move back, move back. No, no, no, no, no!
♪♪
[retching]
They just smell so bad.
They taste so bad the way they crunch.
That was a good idea, though, dude.
[laughs]
[birds chirping]
[flies buzzing]
♪♪
♪ Watch out, in my lane Everybody get away ♪
♪ Hold on Here I come ♪
♪ Running into the red ♪
♪ I'm gonna ride ♪
♪ Ride it to the edge ♪
♪ I'm gonna ride ♪
♪ Ride it to the edge ♪
♪ Slow down, running wild Writing's on the wall ♪
♪ Nine lives burning out Push it till I fall ♪
♪ I'm gonna ride ♪
♪ Ride it to the edge ♪
♪ I'm gonna ride ♪
♪ Ride it to the edge ♪
♪♪
[man] Preston, you look fat.
[laughter]
[men cheering]
[laughing]
[birds chirping]
Where do you get the balls?
-Over here? -Yeah, it was--
[both groaning]
-[bleep]damn it. -Oy, yoi, yoi.
Let it go. Oh.
Mom, I want to go right over here.
Damn it.
You stay there. I got it.
Thank you. Thank you.
[coughing, choking]
[flatulence]
Dorothy?
-Are you okay? -Dorothy, stand me up.
You want me to get you an ambulance?
No, no ambulance.
You want me to get you something to drink?
No.
[flatulence]
Oh, no.
-I'm calling you an ambulance. -No, I just need-- no.
I need some shade.
-You sure? -Just stand me up.
You sure you don't want an ambulance?
Oh, I'm good.
[laughs]
Oh, man.
I'm Steve-O, and this is the double back.
[laughter]
[mimics mooing]
[Johnny groaning, laughing]
[mimics quacking]
I'm Raab Himself. This is duck hunting.
♪♪
[mimics quacking]
[guns popping]
[quacking continues]
♪♪
[Johnny laughing]
We killed Quack Quack.
♪♪
[excited shouting] Ohh! Ohh!
No, oh!
-[guns popping] -[laughter]
It went up his butt.
-[man] Ohh! -[woman] Oh, my God.
-Let me see it, let me see it. -Right in the middle.
Oh, my God.
Okay, today I want to go try to pick out a mattress for myself.
But it's kind of a bad time
because I have to urinate really bad.
-How you guys doing? -Good, how are you?
Good. Welcome in.
I like this mattress right here. Can I try it out?
-Help yourself. -Okay.
[overlapping chatter]
Everything has tags on them.
It feels really good. It's really comfortable.
Oh, boy. Oh, my...
-Oh, dude. -You all right?
[sighs] Oh, dude.
I just... I'm sorry.
I have a deviated septum and...
[man] I'm sorry. I understand.
Is there something I can do to help you out?
No, I'm sorry. It's a medical condition.
-Okay. -I need a towel.
[Johnny laughs]
[indistinct chatter]
Ugh.
[man] You okay, buddy?
I apologize. Is there a trash can?
[indistinct]
Okay, thank you for your help.
I hope you're feeling better.
Thanks, man. I'm sorry.
Don't worry about it.
[man] See, the best part about it is that
he squeezed it out and then he shook your hand.
In my left hand I have some pudding.
In my right hand I have a diaper.
When combined...
...I have poo diaper.
♪♪
I'm Raab Himself, and this is skeet shooting.
Pull.
-[guns popping] -[men groaning]
I got it on my ankle.
Did you see how fast I was running?
I was like a cheetah.
Ow, someone got me in the head.
[guns popping]
-[bleep]damn, that hurt. -Huge welts, it looks like.
[overlapping chatter]
That would've hit the bull's-eye.
Scott, what do you think about your work here?
Ah, it's a beautiful piece, nice old-school lettering.
So this is how you make a permanent "jackass" I take it.
Exactly.
I love you.
I love you. Oh.
[both] Oh... mmm...
-Mmm... -Oh...
I love you.
♪♪
Ooh!
You liked that, didn't you, valley boy?
Yes, you did.
Are you gonna come here anymore? No, you're not.
Fight me...
You like games, huh, valley boy?
Give me a Bronson Kane half-pipe, nine o'clock.
Joust. Be there.
No, you be there!
♪♪
-[laughing] -[cheering]
♪♪
-[indistinct shouting] -[whooping]
[cheering]
♪♪
-Whoo! -Whoo!
[cheering continues]
[smacking]
-[music continues] -[cheering continues]
[man] Just leave it on. Leave it on.
[man laughs]
[Johnny] Oh, my God.
This is calisthenics.
Oh, my God.
-[man] Wolf, look at yourself. -[woman laughs]
[man] For God's sakes. You're embarrassing me.
In my left hand I have some pudding.
In my right hand I have a diaper.
When combined...
...I have poo diaper.
Hey, you guys got anything to eat left over from lunch?
I didn't get lunch today.
Sorry, man.
[trash rattling]
I'm hungry.
♪♪
That's a diaper.
Ugh.
[spits]
[slurping]
[sighs]
[music continues]
[sighs]
[music continues]
[sighs]
[man coughing]
So hungry.
[plastic bag rattling]
[indistinct chatter]
[Dave sighs]
That's-- that's a diaper, homeboy.
Oh, so hungry. [sniffs]
[slurps]
[sniffs, sighs]
What are you doing with this man?
Come on.
We're just friends.
He's coming home with me.
Renaldo, I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
-No. -Ooh, ooh, ooh.
[Dottie] [bleep]. Irving! Come on.
♪♪
[engine revving]
[music continues]
[laughter]
[music continues]
[crickets chirping]
-[Johnny] Oh, that was great. -[electrical buzzing]