1
00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:07,000
Downloaded from
YTS.MX
2
00:00:08,000 --> 00:00:13,000
Official YIFY movies site:
YTS.MX
3
00:00:14,667 --> 00:00:17,751
("IF I HAD $1000000" PLAYING)
4
00:00:28,417 --> 00:00:31,626
♪ If I had a million dollars ♪
5
00:00:31,709 --> 00:00:34,542
♪ If I had a million dollars ♪
6
00:00:34,626 --> 00:00:36,459
♪ Well, I'd buy you a house ♪
7
00:00:36,542 --> 00:00:39,626
TOM: You know, you ever heard
someone say that old expression
8
00:00:40,042 --> 00:00:42,542
"Everything happens
for a reason"?
9
00:00:42,626 --> 00:00:45,167
Well, I don't think
that applies to me.
10
00:00:45,459 --> 00:00:47,500
I mean, I spend every morning
rushing to work,
11
00:00:47,584 --> 00:00:51,375
trying to catch the same subway
to the same lousy job.
12
00:00:51,459 --> 00:00:52,709
What's the reason for that?
13
00:00:54,042 --> 00:00:56,334
See, I'm a researcher for one
of the biggest publishing house
14
00:00:56,417 --> 00:00:59,375
in Chicago, but where
I really belong is in Creative.
15
00:00:59,459 --> 00:01:01,959
The problem is,
is my boss doesn't know it yet,
16
00:01:02,042 --> 00:01:06,000
so I'm totally frustrated.
While my friend Paul
keeps telling me,
17
00:01:06,083 --> 00:01:09,042
"You gotta be optimistic.
You gotta be positive."
18
00:01:09,125 --> 00:01:10,918
Okay. Okay. You know what?
19
00:01:11,000 --> 00:01:14,209
Today is gonna be my lucky day.
Today is gonna be my--
20
00:01:14,292 --> 00:01:15,876
(GRUNTS)
Oh!
21
00:01:16,959 --> 00:01:19,417
Wow!
Hey, look at that.
It's your lucky day.
22
00:01:19,500 --> 00:01:20,417
Did you just see that?
23
00:01:20,500 --> 00:01:22,125
I've seen it a million times.
You want it?
24
00:01:22,209 --> 00:01:23,083
Mm, no.
25
00:01:24,209 --> 00:01:26,250
I don't want it. Go ahead,
you got a new briefcase.
26
00:01:26,334 --> 00:01:27,959
Yeah, maybe it's got a name
on it or something.
27
00:01:28,042 --> 00:01:30,375
Oh, come-- What are you, nuts?
What?
28
00:01:30,459 --> 00:01:31,751
You're gonna return it?
Yeah.
29
00:01:32,292 --> 00:01:34,167
PAUL: Did you not just say
you needed a new one?
30
00:01:34,542 --> 00:01:35,834
Yeah, when I get my raise.
31
00:01:35,918 --> 00:01:37,709
Haven't you been working there
for, like, a year?
32
00:01:37,792 --> 00:01:40,167
I bet Taylor doesn't even know
you work there. I'd be pissed.
33
00:01:40,417 --> 00:01:41,459
Are you pissed? I'd be pissed.
34
00:01:42,459 --> 00:01:43,876
Yeah, I'm...
I'm a little pissed.
35
00:01:45,417 --> 00:01:47,918
You know, come to think of it,
I've never really seen you
angry before.
36
00:01:48,000 --> 00:01:50,459
Henderson, you ever seen
Tom really angry?
No.
37
00:01:50,542 --> 00:01:53,542
All right, fine.
So I don't get angry.
What is that, a bad thing?
38
00:01:54,125 --> 00:01:56,334
It's, you know,
you keep it bottled up,
39
00:01:56,417 --> 00:01:58,542
and then sooner or later
you come into work,
40
00:01:58,626 --> 00:02:00,667
and you mow everyone down
with one of those, uh...
41
00:02:00,959 --> 00:02:02,375
AK-47.
PAUL: AK-47.
42
00:02:02,459 --> 00:02:03,918
You know, just to impress, uh...
43
00:02:04,209 --> 00:02:05,626
Jodie Foster.
Jodie Foster.
44
00:02:06,209 --> 00:02:09,083
(CHUCKLES) All right. I'll do it
on your day off, all right?
45
00:02:09,167 --> 00:02:10,667
(BRAKES SQUEALING)
PAUL: Touché.
46
00:02:11,417 --> 00:02:13,792
There she is.
It's your Jodie Foster.
47
00:02:13,876 --> 00:02:14,918
Paul, come on, man.
48
00:02:16,209 --> 00:02:17,250
How you ever
gonna get to know her
if you just sit there?
49
00:02:17,334 --> 00:02:20,292
TOM:
It's Taylor's daughter, man.
I can't just...
50
00:02:20,375 --> 00:02:21,709
You can't just what? Huh?
Are you gonna be a loser
your whole life?
51
00:02:22,000 --> 00:02:26,042
Hmm? Just go over there
and talk to her. Go.
52
00:02:26,125 --> 00:02:27,417
TOM: Okay, fine. I'm going.
53
00:02:27,500 --> 00:02:28,500
I'm going.
You're going.
54
00:02:34,500 --> 00:02:37,626
MAN: (OVER PA) Lake Street.
Lake Street is next.
55
00:02:40,667 --> 00:02:43,292
You're Tom Stansfield, right?
From Research?
56
00:02:43,709 --> 00:02:47,542
Yeah. Yeah. Tom, Tom Stansfield.
57
00:02:47,792 --> 00:02:50,209
(OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYING)
58
00:02:52,626 --> 00:02:54,918
Stansfield from Research.
59
00:02:56,876 --> 00:02:58,626
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)
(ELEVATOR BELL DINGS)
60
00:02:59,042 --> 00:03:00,542
It's a growing sport, you know?
61
00:03:02,000 --> 00:03:03,334
Paul, there is no way
that she thought that
it was a wrestling magazine.
62
00:03:03,417 --> 00:03:05,250
Oh, come on. Get over it, okay?
63
00:03:05,542 --> 00:03:07,751
You... you're
a little embarrassed.
It happens, okay?
64
00:03:07,834 --> 00:03:09,792
Let me tell you something.
If I had a dime for every time
65
00:03:09,876 --> 00:03:11,500
a gay naked magazine fell out
of my-- I'm kidding.
66
00:03:11,584 --> 00:03:12,918
I'm kidding. I'm kidding.
What? Paul.
67
00:03:13,000 --> 00:03:14,626
No. But seriously,
so you're a little humiliated.
68
00:03:14,709 --> 00:03:16,876
At least now we've established
that she knows
who you are, right?
69
00:03:16,959 --> 00:03:18,083
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)
70
00:03:18,167 --> 00:03:19,959
I'm gonna have to leave
the company.
No, you're not.
71
00:03:20,042 --> 00:03:22,167
Oh, God. There she is.
72
00:03:22,250 --> 00:03:22,918
Oh, and I need to see the proofs
on Thailand immediately.
73
00:03:23,000 --> 00:03:24,292
Mm-hmm.
What else have we got?
74
00:03:24,375 --> 00:03:26,334
(TELEPHONE RINGING)
(PRINTER BEEPS)
75
00:03:27,459 --> 00:03:29,500
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)
76
00:03:30,792 --> 00:03:32,918
Are you Tom?
Yes.
77
00:03:33,834 --> 00:03:35,334
Mr. Taylor wants to see you.
78
00:03:35,876 --> 00:03:37,834
Oh, what... Okay.
79
00:03:38,959 --> 00:03:39,792
Okay.
80
00:03:39,876 --> 00:03:41,834
PAUL: Okay, you see?
This is your chance.
81
00:03:41,918 --> 00:03:43,667
This is fate.
This is what I'm talking about.
82
00:03:43,751 --> 00:03:46,250
It's about that
new opening in Creative,
and you're the man for the job.
83
00:03:46,334 --> 00:03:48,667
You're gonna go in there
and you're gonna pitch him
those book ideas.
84
00:03:48,751 --> 00:03:50,584
No, I just--
I'm really not ready.
85
00:03:50,667 --> 00:03:52,042
Let's get to business.
Now we're stepping up. Okay.
86
00:03:52,125 --> 00:03:54,918
Come on. You're gonna go
in there, you're gonna pitch him
an inside curve--
87
00:03:55,000 --> 00:03:56,792
Wait. Wait.
Where is my blue folder?
You don't need it.
88
00:03:56,876 --> 00:03:58,250
Enough with the excuses already.
Come here.
89
00:03:58,334 --> 00:04:00,876
You look good. You feel good?
Okay. I feel like
I'm gonna throw up.
90
00:04:00,959 --> 00:04:02,751
Well, that's good.
I want you to use that, okay?
91
00:04:02,834 --> 00:04:04,918
What is this?
Is this Dad's? It's nice.
Now get in there, okay?
92
00:04:05,000 --> 00:04:07,792
Don't... don't touch my ass.
What? It was a light spank.
It was light.
93
00:04:07,876 --> 00:04:09,459
(SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYING)
94
00:04:11,334 --> 00:04:12,542
Hey.
Hey.
95
00:04:12,626 --> 00:04:14,042
Uh. Do I just go in there?
96
00:04:15,500 --> 00:04:16,709
Uh, no, he's not finished yet,
but you can have a seat
over there.
97
00:04:16,792 --> 00:04:19,250
Oh, okay.
JACK: Let me explain something
to you, Henderson.
98
00:04:20,417 --> 00:04:22,667
I did not dislike your ideas.
99
00:04:23,584 --> 00:04:25,375
I found them loathsome.
100
00:04:27,334 --> 00:04:28,667
I hated them.
101
00:04:30,250 --> 00:04:31,167
You're dismissed.
102
00:04:31,667 --> 00:04:32,667
From your office?
103
00:04:33,125 --> 00:04:34,709
Nice try.
104
00:04:38,167 --> 00:04:40,083
HENDERSON: Good luck.
You're gonna need it
105
00:04:40,167 --> 00:04:41,667
with that sadistic...
He's ready to see you.
106
00:04:41,751 --> 00:04:43,083
...British freak!
You can come in.
107
00:04:43,167 --> 00:04:44,083
HENDERSON: You know what?
108
00:04:45,209 --> 00:04:45,792
We should have never let up
after the Revolution!
109
00:04:45,876 --> 00:04:48,000
Sit down. Sit down. Coffee?
110
00:04:49,667 --> 00:04:51,792
We shouldn't have left you
a toehold! We should have
driven you into the sea!
111
00:04:55,125 --> 00:04:59,042
Now, what's this I hear
about you making threats
112
00:04:59,125 --> 00:05:01,542
to spray this place
with an AK-47?
113
00:05:02,292 --> 00:05:03,292
What?
114
00:05:05,375 --> 00:05:07,626
Oh, oh, oh.
115
00:05:07,918 --> 00:05:10,584
No. That--
I was just making a joke.
116
00:05:10,667 --> 00:05:13,751
Oh, that's funny to you?
Killing everyone in this office?
117
00:05:13,834 --> 00:05:15,459
No, no. No, no, no.
118
00:05:15,918 --> 00:05:20,500
The-- Paul said
how I never get angry.
119
00:05:20,584 --> 00:05:22,834
And what about you making fun
of midgets?
120
00:05:23,292 --> 00:05:24,709
I never made fun of midgets.
121
00:05:24,792 --> 00:05:27,250
You said
"It'd be fun to date one
122
00:05:27,334 --> 00:05:29,250
because then you could
rest your beer on her head."
123
00:05:29,334 --> 00:05:31,584
No. No. I... I never said
anything like that.
124
00:05:31,667 --> 00:05:33,792
Apparently, Henderson
thinks you did.
125
00:05:34,542 --> 00:05:38,250
Now, I've got
a good sense of humor,
but that's just plain sick.
126
00:05:38,334 --> 00:05:40,125
But, sir, I didn't say--
JACK: Audrey?
127
00:05:41,918 --> 00:05:43,626
Which file did I ask you for?
128
00:05:43,709 --> 00:05:46,876
Uh, the Platt file?
JACK: John Platt. Not Sam Platt.
129
00:05:46,959 --> 00:05:48,375
AUDREY: I'm sorry.
I guess I didn't think--
130
00:05:49,959 --> 00:05:50,918
JACK: That's right.
You didn't think. Now, if it's
not too much trouble,
131
00:05:51,000 --> 00:05:53,334
if you could fetch me
the right file...
Okay.
132
00:05:53,417 --> 00:05:55,709
...and, uh, get Tom
and me some doughnuts.
Okay.
133
00:05:56,709 --> 00:05:57,709
JACK: Now...
134
00:05:58,959 --> 00:06:01,417
I'm told you've been trying
to schedule a meeting with me
135
00:06:01,834 --> 00:06:04,417
about some ideas. What are they?
136
00:06:05,209 --> 00:06:09,834
Oh, uh, yeah.
I... I had some ideas.
137
00:06:10,292 --> 00:06:11,292
(SLURPS)
138
00:06:12,250 --> 00:06:13,417
Something wrong with the coffee?
139
00:06:13,959 --> 00:06:15,500
Uh, no. It's fine.
140
00:06:15,584 --> 00:06:17,459
Why'd you make a face?
What?
141
00:06:17,959 --> 00:06:21,292
Um, well, it's...
it's a little bitter, but...
142
00:06:24,542 --> 00:06:27,709
Jesus. Audrey, get in here!
Sir, really, it's not a problem.
143
00:06:27,792 --> 00:06:29,834
I've burped up stuff
better than this.
144
00:06:30,083 --> 00:06:31,584
Sir, it's fine.
Is something wrong?
145
00:06:31,667 --> 00:06:32,626
Taste Tom's coffee.
146
00:06:34,000 --> 00:06:35,417
No, really. It's okay.
147
00:06:37,792 --> 00:06:38,918
How would you rate that?
148
00:06:39,876 --> 00:06:41,250
Well, it's not that great.
149
00:06:41,500 --> 00:06:45,500
Not that great. I guess so.
Tom thinks it's shit.
150
00:06:45,918 --> 00:06:47,167
(SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC CONCLUDES)
151
00:06:47,250 --> 00:06:49,042
Audrey, are you retarded?
152
00:06:50,542 --> 00:06:53,292
It's not a rhetorical question.
Are you retarded?
153
00:06:53,792 --> 00:06:55,083
No, I'm not retarded.
154
00:06:56,584 --> 00:06:58,709
Because a retarded person
can make a cup of coffee.
Am I right, Tom?
155
00:06:59,500 --> 00:07:01,876
Oh, I... I don't...
I don't really
156
00:07:01,959 --> 00:07:04,375
know much about the limitations
of the handicapped.
157
00:07:04,459 --> 00:07:08,125
I know of an employment agency
that hires out retarded people
158
00:07:08,209 --> 00:07:09,500
for four dollars an hour.
159
00:07:10,751 --> 00:07:13,626
So, if making a cup of coffee
is too difficult a task for you,
160
00:07:13,709 --> 00:07:16,083
Miss Bennett, perhaps you'd be
good enough to let me know,
161
00:07:16,167 --> 00:07:20,083
and I'll contact this agency
and give a retarded person
a job.
162
00:07:21,751 --> 00:07:23,375
(MOUTHING) Wow.
163
00:07:26,667 --> 00:07:28,250
I wasn't too rough on her,
was I?
164
00:07:28,834 --> 00:07:31,959
Well, she is new and all.
Maybe I was out of line.
165
00:07:32,459 --> 00:07:34,125
But do you understand
what I'm dealing with?
166
00:07:34,209 --> 00:07:37,584
I mean, here I am trying
to fill a position in Creative,
167
00:07:38,000 --> 00:07:42,334
and I can't seem to find
one person responsible
enough to earn my trust.
168
00:07:42,876 --> 00:07:45,918
I sometimes wonder
if anyone here even knows
what they're doing.
169
00:07:46,209 --> 00:07:48,125
I can understand how you could
see it that way, sir, but--
170
00:07:48,209 --> 00:07:49,876
So you don't think
I was out of line?
171
00:07:52,709 --> 00:07:55,584
Well, if what you're saying is
172
00:07:55,667 --> 00:07:59,125
that a company is only as strong
as its weakest link,
173
00:07:59,375 --> 00:08:02,167
that makes sense, but--
Exactly. That's exactly right.
174
00:08:02,250 --> 00:08:04,626
A company is only as strong
as its weakest link.
175
00:08:04,709 --> 00:08:06,584
TOM: Yeah--
Audrey, get in here!
176
00:08:06,667 --> 00:08:08,584
You were right, Tom.
I was too soft on her.
177
00:08:08,834 --> 00:08:09,542
What? No--
Yeah?
178
00:08:10,834 --> 00:08:11,626
JACK: Audrey, after talking it
over with Tom here...
AUDREY: Mm-hmm.
...I've come to realize
179
00:08:12,542 --> 00:08:14,709
that I'm gonna have
to let you go.
180
00:08:15,000 --> 00:08:16,417
You're firing me?
JACK: I'm sorry.
181
00:08:16,500 --> 00:08:17,626
It's just not working out.
But that--
182
00:08:19,083 --> 00:08:20,000
No, no, no. You were right.
But, sir, I wasn't suggesting--
183
00:08:20,083 --> 00:08:22,250
A chain is only as strong
as its weakest link.
184
00:08:22,334 --> 00:08:24,167
Right, but there's
a whole other--
JACK: I need employees
185
00:08:24,250 --> 00:08:26,042
who can take responsibility.
Thanks for the support.
186
00:08:26,125 --> 00:08:27,751
Audrey, empty out your desk
by the end of the day.
187
00:08:27,834 --> 00:08:29,042
Fine.
JACK: That's been
very helpful.
188
00:08:29,125 --> 00:08:30,709
Sir, this...
JACK: Thanks for straightening
189
00:08:30,792 --> 00:08:32,042
me out there, Tom.
Right, right.
190
00:08:32,125 --> 00:08:34,083
But I... I didn't get
to say what I wanted to say.
191
00:08:34,167 --> 00:08:35,751
Oh, your ideas, of course.
192
00:08:35,834 --> 00:08:37,626
Schedule an appointment
with my new secretary.
193
00:08:37,918 --> 00:08:40,000
(DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING)
194
00:08:44,042 --> 00:08:45,542
(UPBEAT MUSIC CONCLUDES)
195
00:08:45,792 --> 00:08:46,792
Tom.
196
00:08:47,918 --> 00:08:51,626
Are you okay?
Uh... yeah, sure.
197
00:08:52,125 --> 00:08:54,834
I'm guessing by the way
you look he's on another one
of his rampages
198
00:08:54,918 --> 00:08:56,459
this morning.
(CHUCKLES HESITANTLY)
Definitely.
199
00:08:56,542 --> 00:08:57,375
Damn.
200
00:08:57,459 --> 00:08:59,167
I was hoping to catch him
in a good mood.
201
00:08:59,417 --> 00:09:02,584
Yeah, that's, um, that's
probably not gonna happen.
202
00:09:03,500 --> 00:09:06,209
I'm supposed to go
to this party tonight,
but my dad's making me housesit
203
00:09:06,292 --> 00:09:08,083
for his stupid bird
while he's away this weekend.
204
00:09:09,709 --> 00:09:10,500
Well, why don't you just go
in there and tell him
you're not gonna do it?
205
00:09:10,584 --> 00:09:12,500
(CHUCKLES HESITANTLY)
I can't just...
206
00:09:12,876 --> 00:09:13,876
You can't just what?
207
00:09:15,042 --> 00:09:16,375
I mean, live your own life
and have a free weekend?
208
00:09:16,459 --> 00:09:17,792
No, it's not that.
209
00:09:18,167 --> 00:09:19,083
Well...
210
00:09:20,542 --> 00:09:23,042
Wait, it... it is that.
Yeah.
211
00:09:23,125 --> 00:09:25,876
I should just go to that party.
Yeah. Of course.
212
00:09:27,542 --> 00:09:28,459
Well, um...
213
00:09:29,375 --> 00:09:32,125
Okay, I'm gonna go back to,
um, work.
214
00:09:32,417 --> 00:09:33,542
Okay, sure.
215
00:09:34,500 --> 00:09:35,375
Tom?
216
00:09:36,334 --> 00:09:38,375
I know this might seem
a little out of place
217
00:09:38,459 --> 00:09:40,292
because we barely
even know each other,
218
00:09:40,792 --> 00:09:42,334
but do you have
any plans tonight?
219
00:09:44,709 --> 00:09:48,417
(MOUTHING) No, no!
Uh, no. I'm wide open.
220
00:09:49,042 --> 00:09:51,375
We won't be home too late.
(CHUCKLES) Hey, it's no problem.
221
00:09:51,959 --> 00:09:54,667
So the party starts at seven.
You could be at my dad's house
by six?
222
00:09:54,918 --> 00:09:56,167
Sure.
LISA: You sure you're cool
with this?
223
00:09:56,250 --> 00:09:59,667
TOM: Are you kidding me?
(SIGHS) Tom, you're such
a sweetheart.
224
00:09:59,751 --> 00:10:02,375
Thank you so much.
I'm gonna love you forever
for this.
225
00:10:04,876 --> 00:10:08,500
All right. Yeah,
who's the man now?
PAUL: See? What'd I tell you?
226
00:10:08,584 --> 00:10:10,000
(BOTH LAUGH)
227
00:10:10,083 --> 00:10:11,709
I'm a lady killer.
(OBJECTS CLATTERING)
228
00:10:12,542 --> 00:10:14,083
(BIRDS CHIRPING)
229
00:10:15,167 --> 00:10:16,083
(BIRDS SHRIEKING)
230
00:10:17,250 --> 00:10:18,709
How the hell could he be
so excited about house sitting?
231
00:10:18,792 --> 00:10:23,250
He's nice, Daddy, that's how.
Most guys wouldn't even offer
to do that.
232
00:10:23,334 --> 00:10:25,751
I don't know
if I want him around my bird.
233
00:10:25,834 --> 00:10:29,334
Oh, Dad, will you just relax?
It's gonna be fine.
I promise, okay?
234
00:10:30,167 --> 00:10:32,792
I'll check in as soon
as I get there. Eight o'clock.
235
00:10:34,584 --> 00:10:37,167
If I sense anything's wrong,
you're coming back here.
236
00:10:37,876 --> 00:10:39,250
Okay. (CHUCKLES) Okay.
237
00:10:49,209 --> 00:10:51,125
("HOW LONG HAS IT BEEN" PLAYS
OVER CAR STEREO)
238
00:11:24,918 --> 00:11:26,584
(MUSIC CONCLUDES)
239
00:11:27,000 --> 00:11:28,751
Very good. Right on time.
240
00:11:29,125 --> 00:11:31,500
Oh, sir. Um--
241
00:11:32,459 --> 00:11:33,751
Hey, is that a bear trap?
242
00:11:34,959 --> 00:11:37,375
Yes. It's to keep
the neighbor's kids
out of my yard.
243
00:11:37,709 --> 00:11:40,000
(SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYING)
244
00:11:45,417 --> 00:11:49,709
Sir, I just wanted
to let you know
how much I appreciate you,
245
00:11:50,542 --> 00:11:53,250
well, letting tonight happen.
246
00:11:53,626 --> 00:11:56,250
I mean, I know it means a lot
to Lisa,
247
00:11:56,334 --> 00:11:58,834
and I think you're doing
the right thing.
248
00:11:59,626 --> 00:12:01,417
I don't know what you're
planning, Stansfield,
249
00:12:01,500 --> 00:12:04,834
but your attitude
is making me very nervous.
250
00:12:06,709 --> 00:12:08,667
Those socks are clean, right?
Um...
251
00:12:09,959 --> 00:12:12,250
Wha...
You hesitated. Put those on.
252
00:12:13,209 --> 00:12:15,500
Are you serious?
(FOOTSTEPS RECEDING)
253
00:12:25,209 --> 00:12:27,959
If you want to watch TV,
the remote's there.
254
00:12:28,292 --> 00:12:31,459
That panel controls the lights,
alarm, skylight, etc.
255
00:12:31,542 --> 00:12:33,167
Yeah, I probably won't use any
of that stuff.
256
00:12:33,250 --> 00:12:34,918
You know since the party
starts at seven.
257
00:12:35,000 --> 00:12:35,918
Party?
258
00:12:37,334 --> 00:12:39,417
I made it clear to Lisa
you're not to have
any guests in here.
259
00:12:40,167 --> 00:12:42,626
You're the only one allowed
in the house.
260
00:12:44,375 --> 00:12:46,500
What? Lisa's not here?
261
00:12:47,334 --> 00:12:49,375
No. Of course not.
262
00:12:50,209 --> 00:12:53,334
Lisa's at the party...
263
00:12:54,542 --> 00:12:56,250
and I'm staying here.
264
00:12:57,292 --> 00:13:01,292
Is this concept too complicated
for you, Stansfield?
265
00:13:02,459 --> 00:13:03,542
(GASPS)
266
00:13:03,959 --> 00:13:05,083
Don't touch the furniture.
267
00:13:06,667 --> 00:13:08,167
(SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC CONTINUES)
268
00:13:09,959 --> 00:13:11,584
And this is my bird's room.
269
00:13:12,751 --> 00:13:15,250
(CHUCKLES)
He's got his own room?
270
00:13:18,459 --> 00:13:19,459
That's cool.
271
00:13:22,709 --> 00:13:23,792
(SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC CONCLUDES)
272
00:13:23,876 --> 00:13:26,167
(GASPS)
How's my little boy?
273
00:13:27,334 --> 00:13:28,375
This is O.J.
274
00:13:29,709 --> 00:13:32,250
O.J.? Like the murderer?
275
00:13:32,542 --> 00:13:33,584
No.
276
00:13:34,292 --> 00:13:36,209
Like the football player.
O.J. Simpson.
277
00:13:37,500 --> 00:13:38,584
I've set the alarm.
278
00:13:39,751 --> 00:13:41,042
When you hear it go off,
feed him.
(MOUSE SQUEAKING)
279
00:13:41,959 --> 00:13:44,751
Aw. What do I feed
these little guys?
280
00:13:44,834 --> 00:13:47,417
They don't get fed.
They are the food.
281
00:13:47,792 --> 00:13:50,209
His diet varies,
but they're his favorites.
282
00:13:50,751 --> 00:13:54,250
Hey, don't you have
to shut these doors?
Not anymore.
283
00:13:55,209 --> 00:13:58,125
He's been depressed
since his mate died.
He won't fly.
284
00:13:58,876 --> 00:14:00,751
Just sits in his cage.
285
00:14:03,876 --> 00:14:04,792
Medication.
286
00:14:05,667 --> 00:14:08,000
Give him two of these
at ten o'clock.
287
00:14:09,083 --> 00:14:11,792
I have to shove these down
his throat?
Just one.
288
00:14:12,417 --> 00:14:14,209
The other is inserted
into his rectum.
289
00:14:14,959 --> 00:14:17,083
Don't worry.
It's not too unpleasant for him.
290
00:14:17,167 --> 00:14:19,125
He doesn't bite, does he?
No.
291
00:14:20,959 --> 00:14:22,083
Not unless you taunt him.
292
00:14:23,125 --> 00:14:23,876
Not planning on taunting him,
are you, Tom?
293
00:14:23,959 --> 00:14:25,334
No.
I mean, that'd be really sick.
294
00:14:25,417 --> 00:14:26,500
No, of course not.
295
00:14:28,959 --> 00:14:31,918
And the most important thing,
make sure he gets
a pint of water.
296
00:14:32,000 --> 00:14:34,542
The medication tends
to dry him out
and then he can't breathe.
297
00:14:34,626 --> 00:14:36,542
Okay.
Well, I must be off.
298
00:14:36,626 --> 00:14:38,209
Henderson should be
waiting outside.
299
00:14:38,292 --> 00:14:39,834
Henderson?
I thought you fired him.
300
00:14:39,918 --> 00:14:42,042
Because his ideas were stupid?
Of course not.
301
00:14:42,125 --> 00:14:43,626
He's gonna drive me
to the train station.
302
00:14:44,167 --> 00:14:47,626
So, you can leave as soon
as Lisa and Hans get back.
303
00:14:47,709 --> 00:14:48,667
Hans?
304
00:14:48,751 --> 00:14:49,834
Lisa's boyfriend.
305
00:14:50,876 --> 00:14:54,584
So remember, uh,
water in the bowl, medication,
306
00:14:54,667 --> 00:14:57,626
and anything happens
to this house while I'm gone,
307
00:14:58,167 --> 00:14:59,167
I'll kill you.
308
00:14:59,584 --> 00:15:00,792
(OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYING)
309
00:15:01,834 --> 00:15:02,876
(DOOR SHUTS)
310
00:15:04,417 --> 00:15:06,167
PAUL: (OVER PHONE)
You're house-sitting?
You gotta be kidding me.
311
00:15:06,250 --> 00:15:07,292
TOM: I know, it sucks.
312
00:15:08,876 --> 00:15:10,250
PAUL: What are you
talking about? Don't you see?
This is a test.
313
00:15:10,334 --> 00:15:12,709
You watch Taylor's house,
come up with a couple
of great ideas
314
00:15:12,792 --> 00:15:14,751
and if everything goes smooth,
you get the promotion.
315
00:15:15,000 --> 00:15:16,959
TOM: Uh, you think so?
PAUL: Of course I do.
316
00:15:17,042 --> 00:15:18,125
What could be easier?
317
00:15:18,209 --> 00:15:19,209
(CRACKLES)
318
00:15:19,292 --> 00:15:22,667
("NOT WHAT I WANTED" PLAYING)
319
00:15:26,167 --> 00:15:29,667
♪ Whoo ♪
♪ Lately there's been
A change in me ♪
320
00:15:29,751 --> 00:15:32,918
♪ And I'm not sure
If I can handle it ♪
321
00:15:34,125 --> 00:15:35,000
♪ I can't explain... ♪
322
00:15:36,542 --> 00:15:37,876
LISA: (LAUGHING OVER TV)
Ah! What are you doing,
Hans? Come here.
323
00:15:38,209 --> 00:15:39,667
Baby, you're gonna burn so bad
324
00:15:39,751 --> 00:15:41,417
if you don't let me put this
on you right now.
325
00:15:41,500 --> 00:15:44,792
♪ It was a lonely
Mixed-up tragedy ♪
326
00:15:44,876 --> 00:15:46,375
♪ But it's something... ♪
327
00:15:46,459 --> 00:15:50,250
Oh, my God. You scared me, Hans
You're insane.
328
00:15:50,500 --> 00:15:53,125
Put that down.
Oh, I love it. Do it.
329
00:15:53,542 --> 00:15:56,042
Want to put some on me?
Put some lotion on me.
330
00:15:57,584 --> 00:15:59,125
♪ Not what I wanted ♪
331
00:15:59,209 --> 00:16:03,334
♪ Not what I need ♪
332
00:16:04,334 --> 00:16:07,542
MAN: Is Jack around?
(GASPS) Hey-- What? Who are you?
333
00:16:08,209 --> 00:16:12,125
It's okay. I'm Red Taylor.
I'm Jack's son.
I let myself in the back.
334
00:16:12,209 --> 00:16:14,500
Oh, hey. Tom Stansfield.
Hey.
335
00:16:14,584 --> 00:16:17,709
Tom, nice to meet you.
Am I interrupting
something here?
336
00:16:18,167 --> 00:16:22,959
Oh, no. Uh-- I was--
Uh-- Oh, your shoes.
337
00:16:23,209 --> 00:16:27,209
Nike. Listen, Tom,
can you do me a favor?
I lost my TV Guide.
338
00:16:27,667 --> 00:16:31,250
I came over here to see
if maybe my dad's got
a copy of one.
339
00:16:31,334 --> 00:16:33,751
You haven't seen a copy
of the guide laying around,
have you?
340
00:16:34,083 --> 00:16:36,834
My sister in?
No, actually she's out
for the evening.
341
00:16:36,918 --> 00:16:38,792
Bingo. (CHUCKLES)
342
00:16:40,584 --> 00:16:43,459
So, uh, you're here to...
343
00:16:45,334 --> 00:16:46,542
Housesit.
Oh.
344
00:16:48,375 --> 00:16:52,334
You know, it's probably
for the best if you don't tell
Lisa that I stopped by.
345
00:16:52,876 --> 00:16:54,500
Why? Is there a problem?
346
00:16:54,584 --> 00:16:57,125
Well, you know
how uptight she is.
347
00:16:57,209 --> 00:16:59,959
Really?
I'm more the free spirit
of the family.
348
00:17:01,125 --> 00:17:02,626
Oh. Oh, boy.
349
00:17:04,000 --> 00:17:05,167
See that right there?
350
00:17:05,250 --> 00:17:07,584
So, Kirstie Alley?
RED: Yeah.
351
00:17:08,000 --> 00:17:09,209
I dated her maid.
352
00:17:10,459 --> 00:17:11,334
Really?
353
00:17:12,375 --> 00:17:14,459
Wow, that's really something.
354
00:17:14,542 --> 00:17:17,500
RED: Hey, listen. Could you
do me a favor? It's no big deal.
355
00:17:17,584 --> 00:17:18,667
TOM: Uh, sure.
356
00:17:20,000 --> 00:17:22,500
A business associate
of my dad's is gonna come by
to pick this up.
357
00:17:22,584 --> 00:17:25,375
Uh, it's frozen steaks,
it's a gift.
358
00:17:26,584 --> 00:17:27,584
It's not cold.
359
00:17:29,042 --> 00:17:31,876
Dad says that's the way
the guy likes them.
What are you gonna do?
360
00:17:32,500 --> 00:17:33,626
Will you give it to him?
361
00:17:34,542 --> 00:17:36,083
(DOORBELL RINGS)
362
00:17:36,667 --> 00:17:37,918
Just one second.
363
00:17:39,500 --> 00:17:41,125
(DOORBELL RINGS)
364
00:17:45,250 --> 00:17:46,334
(CAR ENGINE REVVING)
Audrey.
365
00:17:46,417 --> 00:17:48,250
Tom. Ugh!
MAN: Let's go! Come on!
366
00:17:48,334 --> 00:17:50,834
I guess this makes sense.
He's got you living
with him now?
367
00:17:51,375 --> 00:17:53,667
Uh, no. I'm just...
I'm just watching his place.
368
00:17:53,751 --> 00:17:55,959
(CAR HORN HONKING)
He's-- Jack's out of town.
369
00:17:56,042 --> 00:17:58,209
He is? Ah, shoot!
Yeah.
370
00:17:58,292 --> 00:17:59,292
(CAR RADIO PLAYING)
371
00:18:00,334 --> 00:18:01,042
I came by because I was hoping
to get my job back.
372
00:18:01,125 --> 00:18:02,334
Yeah.
AUDREY: You know, the one
373
00:18:03,834 --> 00:18:04,792
that you got me canned
from because I made
a bad cup of coffee?
374
00:18:04,876 --> 00:18:06,125
Remember that?
Listen, I'm really sorry
about that.
375
00:18:06,209 --> 00:18:09,000
How can you fire someone
for making a bad cup
of coffee? Huh?
376
00:18:09,083 --> 00:18:10,709
I know. That's what I tried
tM say to him.
377
00:18:12,250 --> 00:18:14,125
I might have had a future
at that place if you'd just
give me half a chance.
378
00:18:14,209 --> 00:18:15,834
MAN: Come on!
Let's get a move on, saddlebag!
379
00:18:15,918 --> 00:18:18,125
(SIGHS) Oh, my God.
That's my idiot boyfriend.
380
00:18:18,209 --> 00:18:21,709
(CAR HORN HONKING)
Hold your pants,
you freaking psycho!
381
00:18:22,250 --> 00:18:24,375
God. He drives me crazy.
382
00:18:24,667 --> 00:18:26,459
Oh, hey, you know,
since you're on the rug,
383
00:18:26,542 --> 00:18:27,626
would you mind putting these on?
384
00:18:27,709 --> 00:18:30,083
They're medical--
I got them on too.
Oh, licorice.
385
00:18:30,167 --> 00:18:32,125
(METAL CLANKS)
(CAR ENGINE REVVING)
386
00:18:32,209 --> 00:18:33,125
I hate licorice.
387
00:18:34,334 --> 00:18:35,500
I need water
or I'm gonna throw up.
(CAR HORN HONKING)
388
00:18:35,584 --> 00:18:38,083
Ugh! Thanks to you,
I lost my second job
inside a month
389
00:18:38,167 --> 00:18:40,751
and now I'm flat broke.
You lost another job?
390
00:18:40,834 --> 00:18:43,542
Yeah, I got fired
from my waitress job
just last Friday.
391
00:18:43,626 --> 00:18:46,334
Well, why did they fire you?
AUDREY: Oh, I don't know.
392
00:18:46,417 --> 00:18:48,918
One of the assistant managers
caught me making out
with a customer.
393
00:18:49,000 --> 00:18:50,042
Excuse me?
394
00:18:50,125 --> 00:18:51,834
Oh, I mean,
actually the customer
was my boyfriend.
395
00:18:51,918 --> 00:18:52,667
MAN: Let's go!
Oh.
396
00:18:54,042 --> 00:18:54,751
I mean, he became my boyfriend
after the incident anyway.
397
00:18:54,834 --> 00:18:57,584
You got any beer in here?
Oh-- Hey!
398
00:18:57,667 --> 00:19:00,083
Ah! Here we go.
Um, would you mind
putting these on?
399
00:19:00,167 --> 00:19:02,167
It's a house rule. Oh, actually,
that's a twist...
400
00:19:02,250 --> 00:19:04,417
(TOM GRUNTS) That's the counter.
(BOTTLE TOP CLATTERING)
401
00:19:04,500 --> 00:19:07,500
(CLEARS THROAT) Listen.
Jack is just a real stickler.
402
00:19:07,584 --> 00:19:08,667
That'd be great.
403
00:19:09,792 --> 00:19:10,584
AUDREY: No kidding.
I found that out this morning.
404
00:19:10,667 --> 00:19:12,334
MAN: I swear
I am gonna freak out...
405
00:19:12,417 --> 00:19:14,209
Oh, man. Spike's in a real mood.
Uh--
406
00:19:14,292 --> 00:19:15,751
AUDREY: Don't even-- Hey.
(DOORBELL RINGING)
407
00:19:15,834 --> 00:19:16,792
RED: Come on. Come on...
408
00:19:17,834 --> 00:19:18,584
SPIKE: l swear to God, Audrey...
RED: Oh, shit!
...I'll piss on this guy's
front steps!
409
00:19:19,417 --> 00:19:20,792
Let's go!
(DOORBELL RINGING)
410
00:19:22,250 --> 00:19:23,125
(BANGING ON DOOR)
SPIKE:
If you don't open the door,
411
00:19:23,209 --> 00:19:24,918
this second,
I'm gonna come in there and--
412
00:19:25,000 --> 00:19:26,125
Hi.
(SPIKE BELCHES)
413
00:19:26,209 --> 00:19:27,584
(OBJECT CLATTERING)
AUDREY: Don't worry,
414
00:19:27,667 --> 00:19:29,250
nothing broke.
Hey. Baby, come on.
415
00:19:29,334 --> 00:19:31,542
What are you doing leaving me
in the goddamn car?
416
00:19:31,626 --> 00:19:33,542
Shake that tail, baby.
Come on. Let's get a move on.
417
00:19:33,626 --> 00:19:36,709
Oh, hold your horses
and try acting civilized.
418
00:19:36,792 --> 00:19:37,626
Audrey!
This is Tom,
419
00:19:39,000 --> 00:19:40,083
the guy I was
telling you about.
Oh, the coffee dude.
420
00:19:41,459 --> 00:19:43,334
You got some black-ass karma
headed your way, superfreak.
421
00:19:43,417 --> 00:19:46,375
Oh, we don't need no lecture
from you, Mr. High and Mighty.
422
00:19:46,459 --> 00:19:48,292
Hey, shut that sass-trap
of yours,
423
00:19:48,375 --> 00:19:49,751
little lady, before I bounce you
off the wall.
424
00:19:49,834 --> 00:19:53,959
Look, I would appreciate it
if you would take
this outside, please.
425
00:19:54,042 --> 00:19:57,959
Hey, I'd appreciate it
if you'd go and buy yourself
a bagel, Jewy.
426
00:19:58,834 --> 00:20:02,292
Jewy? I'm not Jewish.
And I don't think
427
00:20:02,375 --> 00:20:04,500
that making fun of--
Oh, don't pay attention
to him he's nuts.
428
00:20:04,584 --> 00:20:06,042
I'm nuts?
AUDREY: Who do you think
you are?
429
00:20:06,125 --> 00:20:08,834
Look, can we please
take this outside?
430
00:20:08,918 --> 00:20:11,792
No, you know what you are?
You're a filthy, little tramp.
431
00:20:11,876 --> 00:20:14,042
Me? What about you
and that waitress?
Keep going.
432
00:20:14,125 --> 00:20:16,167
I never touched her, ever.
Swear?
433
00:20:16,584 --> 00:20:19,000
So help me God.
You swear on your mama's life?
434
00:20:19,083 --> 00:20:20,959
Hell, woman, I ain't gonna swear
on my mama's life.
435
00:20:21,042 --> 00:20:22,292
Why not, if you're telling
the truth?
436
00:20:22,375 --> 00:20:23,792
I think he's telling
the truth, Audrey.
437
00:20:23,876 --> 00:20:25,500
Then why won't you swear
on your mama's life?
438
00:20:25,584 --> 00:20:28,209
Well, because I don't feel
like I have the right
439
00:20:28,292 --> 00:20:29,709
to gamble with my mama's life,
that's why.
440
00:20:31,292 --> 00:20:32,709
Gamble? But apparently
you got nothing to worry about
unless you're lying
441
00:20:32,792 --> 00:20:33,918
like a hunk of morgue meat.
442
00:20:34,000 --> 00:20:35,542
Okay.
SPIKE: Hey,
I ain't gonna sit here
443
00:20:35,626 --> 00:20:37,876
and get called a liar
by no skanking whore.
444
00:20:37,959 --> 00:20:41,500
Oh! Who you calling a whore,
you shrimpy-dimpy bastard?
445
00:20:41,584 --> 00:20:43,584
Audrey, see,
now you're just provoking him.
446
00:20:43,667 --> 00:20:45,626
...Flat-out, bold-faced lie...
Is it? Is it? I don't think so!
447
00:20:45,709 --> 00:20:47,584
...and you know it.
I'll whip it out right now!
448
00:20:47,667 --> 00:20:49,375
Whoa, no! No, no!
I'm gonna whip it out right now
449
00:20:49,459 --> 00:20:51,709
and prove to you
that she's a lying slut!
450
00:20:51,792 --> 00:20:53,918
Keep your meat in the fridge!
You wanna see my piece?
451
00:20:54,000 --> 00:20:55,709
All right. All right. All right!
That is enough!
452
00:20:55,792 --> 00:20:57,292
You go get me a ruler, Tom!
That is it.
453
00:20:57,375 --> 00:20:59,417
I don't care if you have
a tiny shrimp!
454
00:21:01,584 --> 00:21:04,459
Or a giant whale,
which that's--
(SHRIEKS)
455
00:21:04,542 --> 00:21:07,042
Goddamn it, Audrey!
You tell him you're a liar
456
00:21:07,125 --> 00:21:09,209
or I'm gonna smash
your face in, I swear!
457
00:21:09,292 --> 00:21:10,751
Hey! Wait a minute!
No. All right.
458
00:21:10,834 --> 00:21:12,751
Can we please just use fists?
You put that down.
459
00:21:13,959 --> 00:21:17,125
SPIKE: Come here, you little...
AUDREY: You hit me,
you bastard!
460
00:21:17,209 --> 00:21:19,626
SPIKE: I did not,
and you know it!
He hit me!
461
00:21:19,709 --> 00:21:21,876
He hit me as sure
as I'm standing right here.
462
00:21:21,959 --> 00:21:23,417
Did you hit her, Spike?
Yes.
463
00:21:23,500 --> 00:21:25,459
With an open hand.
It was with an open hand.
464
00:21:25,542 --> 00:21:27,000
So what if it's open?
You can't.
465
00:21:27,083 --> 00:21:28,375
Then it don't count.
Says who?
466
00:21:28,459 --> 00:21:30,876
Says anyone. Ask the Jew.
467
00:21:31,542 --> 00:21:34,125
All right, that's it.
You two have got to leave.
468
00:21:34,209 --> 00:21:36,500
All right, that's fine.
But she is not coming with me.
469
00:21:36,584 --> 00:21:38,000
You are not welcome
in the double ride.
470
00:21:38,083 --> 00:21:39,834
Fine, I don't care.
I don't need your lousy trailer.
471
00:21:39,918 --> 00:21:43,083
I'll stay right here with Tom.
SPIKE: Fine. Stay with Tom.
472
00:21:43,167 --> 00:21:44,500
Wait a minute. Whoa!
473
00:21:46,459 --> 00:21:48,876
Guys, you need to try
to work this thing out.
474
00:21:48,959 --> 00:21:52,667
He hit me! He knocked me
on my can!
I... I know, Audrey, I know.
475
00:21:52,751 --> 00:21:56,834
Well, but it was
with an open hand
after all, and...
476
00:21:57,292 --> 00:22:00,876
Well, relationships have their
ups and downs, you guys,
477
00:22:00,959 --> 00:22:03,584
and you don't want to ruin
this great--
(O.J. SHRIEKING)
478
00:22:04,125 --> 00:22:05,626
(SHRIEKING)
479
00:22:06,000 --> 00:22:07,542
(MYSTERIOUS MUSIC PLAYING)
480
00:22:07,959 --> 00:22:10,459
Oh, God. The bird. O.J.!
481
00:22:11,375 --> 00:22:13,125
(O.J. CONTINUE SHRIEKING)
482
00:22:13,209 --> 00:22:15,751
Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
483
00:22:18,125 --> 00:22:20,125
(SHRIEKING CONTINUES)
484
00:22:21,751 --> 00:22:22,584
(O.J. SQUAWKS)
Oh!
485
00:22:25,417 --> 00:22:28,500
AUDREY: You come back here
and Tom's gonna kick your butt!
486
00:22:28,584 --> 00:22:29,959
So take that!
(O.J. SQUAWKS)
487
00:22:30,042 --> 00:22:32,709
(ENGINE REVVING)
SPIKE: I'm shaking
in my boots, baby!
488
00:22:33,125 --> 00:22:34,792
Look at those two, O.J.
(O.J. SQUAWKS)
489
00:22:34,876 --> 00:22:36,167
(AUDREY SCREAMING)
(PHONE RINGING)
490
00:22:36,918 --> 00:22:38,042
(O.J. SQUAWKS)
(CAR ENGINE REVVING)
491
00:22:38,500 --> 00:22:40,334
SPIKE: Whoa!
I ain't running away, dummy...
492
00:22:43,918 --> 00:22:46,125
Hello?
LISA: (OVER PHONE)
Hi, Tom. How are ya?
493
00:22:46,209 --> 00:22:50,042
Hey. Lisa. I'm... I'm great.
I'm great.
(O.J. SQUAWKS)
494
00:22:50,125 --> 00:22:51,542
(PARTY MUSIC PLAYING)
Is that O.J.?
495
00:22:51,626 --> 00:22:54,584
Yeah. You know,
we just had
a little drink of water.
496
00:22:54,667 --> 00:22:56,500
I haven't heard him squawk
in years.
497
00:22:56,584 --> 00:23:00,500
Oh, yeah. He's...
he's quite the crazy bird,
you know. (CHUCKLES HESITANTLY)
498
00:23:00,584 --> 00:23:02,792
LISA: Yeah. Anyway, Tom,
I just wanted you
499
00:23:02,876 --> 00:23:05,417
to know how much
I appreciate you
helping me out tonight.
500
00:23:06,375 --> 00:23:08,209
But I'd like to crash
at a friend's place tonight
501
00:23:08,292 --> 00:23:09,334
after the party.
502
00:23:09,792 --> 00:23:11,083
Would you think it was horrible
503
00:23:11,167 --> 00:23:13,209
if I asked you to stay
the whole night tonight?
504
00:23:13,292 --> 00:23:18,417
Oh, well, I... I don't think
your dad would want me
staying here.
505
00:23:18,959 --> 00:23:20,375
Please?
(O.J. SQUAWKS)
506
00:23:20,459 --> 00:23:22,417
Yeah, I suppose I could stay.
507
00:23:22,500 --> 00:23:24,918
LISA: Oh, thanks, Tom.
I really appreciate it.
See you tomorrow.
508
00:23:25,000 --> 00:23:27,959
AUDREY: I ain't afraid of you
and Tom sure as hell
ain't scared neither!
509
00:23:28,209 --> 00:23:30,876
Butthead! Loser!
(ENGINE REVVING)
510
00:23:30,959 --> 00:23:32,500
(HORN HONKING)
511
00:23:32,751 --> 00:23:34,417
(TIRES SCREECHING)
512
00:23:35,918 --> 00:23:39,125
Oh, my God. Thank God he's gone.
Hey, so is it okay
if I stay here tonight?
513
00:23:39,584 --> 00:23:43,751
Oh, man, it's...
it's not even my house.
Oh, yeah.
514
00:23:45,250 --> 00:23:47,459
Okay. Well, I sure as hell
don't want any charity.
515
00:23:47,876 --> 00:23:50,792
I mean, it's not like
you owe me anything, so...
516
00:23:52,584 --> 00:23:54,334
And I'm sorry
about that whole office thing.
517
00:23:54,417 --> 00:23:55,959
I know that you didn't mean
to get me fired.
518
00:23:56,042 --> 00:23:59,000
Yeah. You didn't deserve
to get fired.
Thanks.
519
00:24:00,751 --> 00:24:01,792
Okay.
520
00:24:03,042 --> 00:24:05,876
Well, I guess I'll just go try
to find a homeless shelter then.
521
00:24:06,167 --> 00:24:08,209
(LOCK CLICKS)
So...
522
00:24:10,500 --> 00:24:11,792
Wait a second.
Yeah?
523
00:24:14,042 --> 00:24:15,250
God. (STAMMERS)
524
00:24:15,792 --> 00:24:19,542
I suppose you can stay.
Really? Thanks, Tom.
525
00:24:20,250 --> 00:24:22,125
You're the best.
Oh, and I'll clean up
the kitchen, okay?
526
00:24:22,500 --> 00:24:23,959
Okay.
Okay. Okay.
527
00:24:24,042 --> 00:24:26,000
(SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYING)
528
00:24:34,834 --> 00:24:36,000
(MECHANICAL WHIRRING)
529
00:24:38,334 --> 00:24:39,709
(DOORBELL RINGING)
530
00:24:40,250 --> 00:24:41,584
TOM: Yeah. One second.
531
00:24:42,751 --> 00:24:44,250
(KNOCKING ON DOOR)
RED: There's somebody
at the door.
532
00:24:46,918 --> 00:24:48,542
TOM: Hi. Uh, can I help you?
533
00:24:49,500 --> 00:24:52,167
Vasquez sent me here
to pick up a package.
534
00:24:52,751 --> 00:24:55,667
Oh, you're the... Yeah, yeah.
Red told me you might be
stopping by.
535
00:24:56,000 --> 00:24:57,209
Uh, oh. Hi, I'm Tom.
536
00:24:57,834 --> 00:25:00,584
What is this, Oprah?
Just give me
the goddamn package.
537
00:25:00,959 --> 00:25:02,918
Oh. Okay. Yeah.
538
00:25:05,459 --> 00:25:07,000
I think this is it.
539
00:25:07,918 --> 00:25:10,667
If this ain't kosher,
I'm gonna break his thumbs.
540
00:25:10,918 --> 00:25:13,959
Well, by law, it should be
stamped right
on the package there.
541
00:25:16,500 --> 00:25:19,083
(OPERA MUSIC PLAYING
OVER STEREO)
542
00:25:19,167 --> 00:25:20,125
What--
543
00:25:20,459 --> 00:25:21,500
(SQUAWKS)
544
00:25:24,626 --> 00:25:26,167
Oh! Dinnertime, buddy.
545
00:25:27,125 --> 00:25:28,125
(MOUSE SQUEAKS)
546
00:25:30,334 --> 00:25:31,542
(O.J. SQUAWKS)
TOM: O.J....
547
00:25:32,959 --> 00:25:36,626
today's specials include
a scrumptious buffet
of mice kebabs.
548
00:25:36,709 --> 00:25:39,918
(SQUAWKS)
Oh, shit! Oh, crap.
549
00:25:40,000 --> 00:25:41,292
(O.J. SQUAWKS)
(MICE SQUEAKING)
550
00:25:41,375 --> 00:25:42,375
TOM: Damn.
551
00:25:43,709 --> 00:25:45,042
You son of a bitch.
552
00:25:45,751 --> 00:25:46,792
(MOUSE SQUEAKS)
553
00:25:49,042 --> 00:25:49,918
(GRUNTS)
554
00:25:51,209 --> 00:25:52,709
I got you now, buddy.
(MOUSE SQUEAKING)
555
00:25:53,834 --> 00:25:55,667
(GASPS)
556
00:25:55,751 --> 00:25:57,125
(GRUNTS)
(O.J. SQUAWKS)
557
00:25:59,083 --> 00:25:59,959
(GROANING)
558
00:26:00,042 --> 00:26:01,083
(MOUSE SQUEAKS)
559
00:26:03,667 --> 00:26:05,876
Dude, that was cool.
Oh, my God.
560
00:26:07,167 --> 00:26:08,792
Tommy, easy on the antiques.
561
00:26:09,167 --> 00:26:10,209
(O.J. SQUAWKS)
562
00:26:11,417 --> 00:26:14,500
Was that an owl?
Yes. O.J. got out.
How is he flying?
563
00:26:14,584 --> 00:26:17,584
Well, he is a bird.
He-- No, Jack said that he...
564
00:26:18,292 --> 00:26:20,083
Oh, shit! I gotta find him.
565
00:26:20,167 --> 00:26:23,834
Don't worry. He'll probably
come back when he's hungry.
566
00:26:23,918 --> 00:26:27,667
No, I have to find him
or I'm gonna lose my job!
What-- You know what?
567
00:26:27,751 --> 00:26:30,751
This isn't gonna help
your chances of getting
your job back either.
568
00:26:30,834 --> 00:26:31,959
Okay.
569
00:26:32,417 --> 00:26:34,042
TOM: Where the hell is he?
570
00:26:34,584 --> 00:26:36,459
Tom, relax.
TOM: Relax?
571
00:26:37,000 --> 00:26:38,250
O.J.'s loose!
572
00:26:38,334 --> 00:26:40,959
This is no time to relax!
(GIRLS GASP, SCREAM)
573
00:26:41,042 --> 00:26:43,000
AUDREY: Tom!
He's right over here!
574
00:26:43,626 --> 00:26:45,167
Right there. Right there.
Right there.
575
00:26:45,250 --> 00:26:46,334
TOM: O.J.!
(O.J. SQUAWKS)
576
00:26:46,417 --> 00:26:47,417
AUDREY: Right there!
TOM: O.J.!
577
00:26:48,375 --> 00:26:51,542
Stop! No, no. Stop. Stop.
578
00:26:52,417 --> 00:26:54,500
O.J. O.J.
(GUN COCKS)
579
00:26:55,626 --> 00:26:56,542
MAN: Get up.
580
00:26:57,834 --> 00:26:59,834
What the hell you doing
on my property?
Planning to rob me?
581
00:27:00,167 --> 00:27:02,500
No. I... I was
just looking for--
582
00:27:02,584 --> 00:27:05,083
Yeah, yeah.
I see what you're looking for.
583
00:27:05,167 --> 00:27:07,459
You got a thing
for young girls, huh?
No.
584
00:27:08,334 --> 00:27:11,042
Then why do you keep eyeing
my wife, you perv?
585
00:27:11,375 --> 00:27:13,334
Your-- No, I wasn't looking. I--
586
00:27:13,417 --> 00:27:16,459
WOMAN: Arthur, are you gonna be
back soon?
I need you to spot me.
587
00:27:16,542 --> 00:27:18,667
Just give me a minute, honey.
(GRUNTS)
588
00:27:18,751 --> 00:27:20,751
Please don't kill me.
I'm not gonna kill you, okay.
589
00:27:20,834 --> 00:27:23,792
If you let me live,
I'll give you
my most valued possession.
590
00:27:23,876 --> 00:27:26,167
Here, take it.
You know what that is,
don't you?
591
00:27:26,542 --> 00:27:29,459
Evander Holyfield's ear.
What? (CHUCKLES)
592
00:27:29,542 --> 00:27:33,042
The part of the ear
that Mike Tyson bit off
and spit out.
593
00:27:33,292 --> 00:27:34,834
But it's white.
So?
594
00:27:35,250 --> 00:27:37,083
So, shouldn't it be black?
595
00:27:37,375 --> 00:27:39,417
Well, if it's still
on his head, sure.
596
00:27:40,250 --> 00:27:43,500
But anybody knows
that a severed ear loses
its color.
597
00:27:43,584 --> 00:27:44,584
No.
598
00:27:44,667 --> 00:27:45,709
Sheryl?
SHERYL: Yeah?
599
00:27:47,083 --> 00:27:49,083
What happens to an ear
if it's severed from your head?
600
00:27:49,542 --> 00:27:51,667
It changes color, duh!
601
00:27:52,042 --> 00:27:54,250
(LOUD THUD)
SHERYL: Ow! Damn!
602
00:27:55,250 --> 00:27:57,083
AUDREY: Tina, give me a beer.
(MAN LAUGHING)
603
00:27:57,167 --> 00:27:58,959
AUDREY: Oops!
MAN: You have got to be
kidding me.
604
00:27:59,042 --> 00:28:01,083
AUDREY: Try another one.
TINA: Come on, you guys!
605
00:28:01,167 --> 00:28:02,751
(GLASS SHATTERING)
TINA: Party!
606
00:28:03,584 --> 00:28:04,667
Come on, let's go!
607
00:28:05,042 --> 00:28:06,042
Audrey.
608
00:28:07,375 --> 00:28:10,626
What the hell is going on
in here?
Who are these people?
609
00:28:10,709 --> 00:28:13,167
I invited some friends over
to help us look for the owl.
610
00:28:13,500 --> 00:28:15,292
And Darryl even fixed the table
in the hall.
611
00:28:15,375 --> 00:28:16,834
Thank you.
AUDREY:
You wouldn't even know
612
00:28:16,918 --> 00:28:17,959
it was broken.
(GLASS SHATTERS)
613
00:28:18,042 --> 00:28:19,584
(TOM GRUNTS)
MAN: Air ball.
614
00:28:19,667 --> 00:28:22,209
AUDREY: We'll get that later.
Everyone, this is Tom.
615
00:28:22,751 --> 00:28:24,417
Yo, Tom.
Hi, guys.
616
00:28:24,500 --> 00:28:26,042
You guys, Tom's a real good guy
and his nuts--
617
00:28:26,125 --> 00:28:27,542
Audrey, could you-- One second.
Mm-hmm.
618
00:28:29,834 --> 00:28:34,709
What? Mm-hmm.
Listen, I appreciate
all your help.
619
00:28:34,792 --> 00:28:37,542
But could you make sure
that your friends stay out
of the house?
620
00:28:38,042 --> 00:28:40,292
All of them
or just the colored guy?
(BOTTLES CLATTERING)
621
00:28:40,792 --> 00:28:43,417
No, all of them.
Oh! That's smart.
622
00:28:43,500 --> 00:28:45,626
That way the colored guy
won't take it personal.
623
00:28:46,083 --> 00:28:49,250
I have nothing against... Look.
What?
624
00:28:49,334 --> 00:28:50,792
I am responsible for this house
625
00:28:50,876 --> 00:28:53,542
and I can't have
all of these people
hanging around.
626
00:28:53,792 --> 00:28:57,334
Okay, all right. I got it.
You guys, let's move it out.
627
00:28:57,417 --> 00:28:59,751
Aw! I was just getting started.
Good idea.
628
00:28:59,834 --> 00:29:00,959
Thanks, guys.
629
00:29:01,834 --> 00:29:03,626
That's great.
TINA: What about the cake?
630
00:29:04,459 --> 00:29:07,292
Don't worry,
they're all good people.
They're not gonna steal nothing
631
00:29:07,375 --> 00:29:09,000
or drink too much
like the Indians.
Look...
632
00:29:10,751 --> 00:29:13,751
just make sure
they stay outside. Okay?
Okay.
633
00:29:19,626 --> 00:29:21,417
(DOOR OPENS, SHUTS)
634
00:29:22,375 --> 00:29:23,417
Lisa?
LISA: Hi, Tom.
635
00:29:23,834 --> 00:29:25,209
TOM: Uh, you're home?
636
00:29:25,667 --> 00:29:28,292
Why are you home?
It's not worth going into.
637
00:29:28,375 --> 00:29:30,626
I got in a huge fight
with Hans.
Oh.
638
00:29:32,250 --> 00:29:34,459
So... it's over?
639
00:29:36,584 --> 00:29:38,751
It's my own fault
for dating a guy my dad likes.
640
00:29:38,834 --> 00:29:39,792
Really?
641
00:29:40,792 --> 00:29:41,792
Yeah, he's one of his
top marketing execs.
642
00:29:41,876 --> 00:29:44,167
You know, Harvard Law,
comes from a good family,
643
00:29:44,792 --> 00:29:46,709
top of the tennis ladder
at the country club.
644
00:29:46,792 --> 00:29:48,209
Tom, can I talk to you
for a second?
645
00:29:48,626 --> 00:29:49,542
Audrey?
646
00:29:50,542 --> 00:29:53,334
Yeah. She came to, uh,
talk to your dad.
647
00:29:54,876 --> 00:29:56,751
Okay. I'm gonna go in my room.
648
00:29:57,500 --> 00:29:59,375
You could stay if you want.
Okay.
649
00:30:00,876 --> 00:30:03,709
AUDREY: Tom?
Audrey, I'll be right there,
okay?
650
00:30:03,792 --> 00:30:04,792
Okay.
651
00:30:05,792 --> 00:30:06,834
Or you could go.
652
00:30:06,918 --> 00:30:08,500
You know, maybe we could talk...
653
00:30:11,125 --> 00:30:12,083
later.
654
00:30:12,167 --> 00:30:13,125
(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING)
655
00:30:13,209 --> 00:30:14,918
TINA: Here. How about this one?
656
00:30:15,000 --> 00:30:15,876
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)
657
00:30:15,959 --> 00:30:18,500
TOM: What's going on?
We found the owl!
658
00:30:18,584 --> 00:30:21,250
Where is he?
Uh, well, he got away.
659
00:30:22,000 --> 00:30:24,500
Where'd he go?
AUDREY: He hopped somewhere
into the bushes.
660
00:30:24,584 --> 00:30:25,584
That's right.
661
00:30:26,626 --> 00:30:27,792
What are you doing?
Getting hamburger meat.
662
00:30:28,375 --> 00:30:29,918
It's a good way to lure birds.
663
00:30:30,292 --> 00:30:32,000
They like hamburger meat?
664
00:30:32,083 --> 00:30:33,918
I don't know. I've never
had a bird.
665
00:30:34,000 --> 00:30:35,709
But most animals
respond to meat.
666
00:30:35,792 --> 00:30:38,083
It's a fact.
SPEED: Wanna help me
separate the meat?
667
00:30:40,125 --> 00:30:42,459
Speed, tell Tom
about the Kennedy assassination.
668
00:30:42,542 --> 00:30:45,250
This is so cool, Tom,
because Speed knows
who killed JFK.
669
00:30:45,334 --> 00:30:47,751
No, ask him! Tom, ask him.
670
00:30:47,834 --> 00:30:49,792
Ask him who killed him.
Okay. All right. All right.
671
00:30:50,542 --> 00:30:51,751
Who killed JFK?
672
00:30:53,167 --> 00:30:55,334
Desi Arnaz.
673
00:30:56,209 --> 00:30:57,667
(MOUSE SQUEAKING)
674
00:30:57,918 --> 00:30:59,083
Oh.
675
00:30:59,167 --> 00:31:00,417
(DARRYL CHUCKLING)
676
00:31:01,083 --> 00:31:02,417
His life just changed.
677
00:31:03,000 --> 00:31:04,334
(MOUSE SQUEAKS)
678
00:31:04,584 --> 00:31:06,250
(DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING)
679
00:31:13,542 --> 00:31:14,959
(MOUSE SQUEALING)
680
00:31:16,209 --> 00:31:17,167
TOM: Oh.
681
00:31:20,792 --> 00:31:23,083
(GROANS) Oh, God.
682
00:31:23,459 --> 00:31:25,334
(GRUNTS)
683
00:31:26,959 --> 00:31:28,918
Tom!
Shit! Lisa.
684
00:31:31,042 --> 00:31:33,751
Uh, what are you doing in here?
This is my closet.
685
00:31:34,250 --> 00:31:35,542
Oh, oh.
686
00:31:35,918 --> 00:31:38,125
This-- Uh, I had something
in my pants.
687
00:31:39,375 --> 00:31:42,292
Um, I was feeding the mouse
688
00:31:42,667 --> 00:31:45,667
to the bird
and he, uh, ran down my pants.
689
00:31:45,751 --> 00:31:47,375
(LAUGHS)
(MOUSE SQUEALING)
690
00:31:47,459 --> 00:31:49,918
TOM: I'm sorry that...
Oh, look! There it is!
691
00:31:50,000 --> 00:31:51,250
That way! The bedroom.
692
00:31:53,292 --> 00:31:55,417
Ooh! Watch out!
(TOM GRUNTS)
693
00:31:56,000 --> 00:31:58,792
LISA: Oh, my gosh.
Are you okay?
Yep. Yep. I'm good.
694
00:32:00,000 --> 00:32:01,375
Don't worry, we'll get it later.
695
00:32:01,876 --> 00:32:03,125
(BOTH CHUCKLE)
696
00:32:03,876 --> 00:32:05,292
Oh, here. Let me help you.
697
00:32:05,876 --> 00:32:07,375
You know, I'm really glad
you stayed.
698
00:32:07,792 --> 00:32:09,709
I needed a good laugh tonight.
Thanks.
699
00:32:10,292 --> 00:32:12,542
Wow. Yeah, could I make
a bigger ass out of myself?
700
00:32:12,626 --> 00:32:13,459
(CHUCKLES)
701
00:32:13,542 --> 00:32:16,417
Do you want some wine?
Uh, no, thanks.
702
00:32:17,834 --> 00:32:19,250
Yeah, sure.
Cheers.
703
00:32:19,876 --> 00:32:20,876
TOM: Cheers.
704
00:32:23,083 --> 00:32:26,000
Oh, my God.
Is that signed by Walter Payton?
705
00:32:26,292 --> 00:32:29,876
Yeah. "Sweetness," '85 Bears.
Only the greatest team ever
706
00:32:29,959 --> 00:32:31,042
to play the game.
Shut up.
707
00:32:31,792 --> 00:32:33,542
Walter Payton, Jim McMahon,
708
00:32:33,626 --> 00:32:35,209
Mike Singletary...
You know what?
709
00:32:35,292 --> 00:32:37,000
You may be
the coolest girl ever.
710
00:32:37,292 --> 00:32:38,876
You like football?
Yeah, I love it.
711
00:32:39,334 --> 00:32:41,125
I didn't know
you guys liked football.
712
00:32:41,375 --> 00:32:43,709
Yeah. No, me and Paul
watch the game every Sunday.
713
00:32:44,250 --> 00:32:45,459
Paul, too?
TOM: Yeah.
714
00:32:45,542 --> 00:32:46,459
Oh.
(TOM CHUCKLING)
715
00:32:47,125 --> 00:32:48,542
(BOTH CHUCKLE)
716
00:32:49,167 --> 00:32:50,292
Oh. What's that?
717
00:32:51,459 --> 00:32:54,083
Oh, it's nothing.
It's just something
I used to do.
718
00:32:54,751 --> 00:32:58,167
That is really good.
I didn't know
you were an artist.
719
00:32:58,959 --> 00:33:00,626
I used to be,
but I couldn't get any more
720
00:33:00,709 --> 00:33:02,167
of my friends to pose nude
for me.
721
00:33:02,709 --> 00:33:04,042
You wouldn't be interested,
would you?
722
00:33:05,584 --> 00:33:06,292
Uh...
723
00:33:06,959 --> 00:33:10,000
You're blushing.
I was just joking.
724
00:33:10,667 --> 00:33:14,250
I'm not blushing.
I just get red
from time to time.
725
00:33:16,042 --> 00:33:17,292
You are so funny.
726
00:33:17,375 --> 00:33:19,709
No, but seriously,
you should really pursue this.
727
00:33:19,792 --> 00:33:20,834
I mean, you're good.
728
00:33:22,209 --> 00:33:23,918
I would, but it doesn't really
fit in with my father's plan
for me.
729
00:33:25,292 --> 00:33:27,000
Future of Midnight Owl
Publishing.
730
00:33:28,500 --> 00:33:30,500
(MOUSE SQUEALING)
LISA: Oh, look! There it is.
731
00:33:31,042 --> 00:33:32,250
He's right there.
Through the door.
732
00:33:32,334 --> 00:33:33,500
TOM: We'll get him.
We'll get him.
733
00:33:34,167 --> 00:33:36,584
LISA: Whoa! Watch out!
(GROANS)
734
00:33:36,667 --> 00:33:38,375
LISA: Are you okay?
Your dad's gonna kill me.
735
00:33:38,459 --> 00:33:40,709
No, don't worry about it.
It's my brother's.
736
00:33:40,792 --> 00:33:42,500
My dad won't care.
Oh, Red.
737
00:33:42,584 --> 00:33:44,542
Oh, so Dad told you?
About what?
738
00:33:44,626 --> 00:33:45,626
The restraining order.
739
00:33:46,459 --> 00:33:47,500
How's that?
740
00:33:47,584 --> 00:33:49,417
Yeah, Red's not allowed
within 100 yards of me,
741
00:33:49,500 --> 00:33:50,751
my dad, or this house.
742
00:33:51,125 --> 00:33:52,876
(STAMMERS)
He didn't mention that.
743
00:33:53,209 --> 00:33:55,834
Red's a freak. You don't want
to be around my dad
744
00:33:55,918 --> 00:33:58,959
if he finds out anyone
was in this house,
especially Red.
745
00:33:59,042 --> 00:34:00,792
It's like wherever he is,
there's trouble.
746
00:34:00,876 --> 00:34:02,334
I mean, one time,
he had this big party
747
00:34:02,417 --> 00:34:04,042
because Dad was out of town
and my dad came home early--
748
00:34:04,125 --> 00:34:08,667
Hey, uh, you know,
since the mouse is gone, what...
what say we go back inside?
749
00:34:08,751 --> 00:34:09,751
LISA: Okay.
750
00:34:10,918 --> 00:34:12,167
(GRUNTS)
(O.J. SQUAWKS)
751
00:34:12,250 --> 00:34:13,792
(AUDREY SCREAMING)
(METAL CLANGS)
752
00:34:17,250 --> 00:34:18,542
(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING)
753
00:34:36,375 --> 00:34:37,417
(MUSIC CONCLUDES)
754
00:34:39,167 --> 00:34:40,918
TOM: It was up for an Oscar?
I hated it!
LISA: I know! (LAUGHING)
755
00:34:41,417 --> 00:34:43,167
(GROANS) I hated that movie!
756
00:34:44,375 --> 00:34:46,250
Man, I can't believe you.
You're like...
757
00:34:46,334 --> 00:34:49,375
You're so different
from how you are at work.
758
00:34:49,667 --> 00:34:50,667
What am I gonna do?
759
00:34:50,751 --> 00:34:52,667
Like, walk around
with my Walter Payton jersey?
760
00:34:54,292 --> 00:34:57,834
No. No. I get it. It's,
like at work you have to be
Lisa Taylor,
761
00:34:57,918 --> 00:35:01,459
the, you know, loyal employee
to the family firm.
762
00:35:01,792 --> 00:35:04,334
And I have to be Tom--
Tom Stansfield,
763
00:35:04,417 --> 00:35:07,626
the guy who will do anything
for anybody. (CHUCKLES)
764
00:35:09,334 --> 00:35:11,375
Yup. That's me.
(CHUCKLES)
765
00:35:13,250 --> 00:35:16,209
I swear, it's like I can
just talk to you about anything.
766
00:35:16,292 --> 00:35:17,792
I know, exactly. It's--
767
00:35:18,918 --> 00:35:21,792
Yeah, this is crazy.
Yeah, it is.
768
00:35:23,542 --> 00:35:26,876
I guess it's because there's
no attraction between us,
you know?
769
00:35:28,751 --> 00:35:29,751
Yeah.
770
00:35:29,834 --> 00:35:31,542
You know, there's none
of that sexual tension.
771
00:35:32,709 --> 00:35:34,334
Yeah.
It's like
I'm with a girlfriend.
772
00:35:34,417 --> 00:35:36,125
It's great, isn't it?
Yeah.
773
00:35:36,542 --> 00:35:38,792
I mean, maybe we could
go to the mall sometime
and go shopping.
774
00:35:38,876 --> 00:35:41,042
That would be fun.
Wouldn't it be fun?
Yeah.
775
00:35:41,125 --> 00:35:42,834
LISA: Wait, you have to listen
to this song.
776
00:35:42,918 --> 00:35:45,083
Come on, I need someone
to dance with!
(MUSIC PLAYING OVER STEREO)
777
00:35:45,167 --> 00:35:46,834
Uh, you don't want
to see me dance.
778
00:35:46,918 --> 00:35:48,334
("YOU MAKE ME FEEL LIKE DANCING"
PLAYING)
779
00:35:48,417 --> 00:35:50,542
Come on, dance with me.
I have no idea what I'm doing.
780
00:35:50,959 --> 00:35:52,959
Come on.
Put your hands together.
I'm--
781
00:35:53,042 --> 00:35:55,125
Yeah! Now go underneath. Yeah--
782
00:35:55,209 --> 00:35:56,500
What-- Like this?
Like this. Yeah!
783
00:35:57,167 --> 00:36:00,250
Like that?
Yeah! (LAUGHS)
784
00:36:00,334 --> 00:36:01,751
TOM:
Hold on. Watch. Watch. Watch.
785
00:36:02,375 --> 00:36:03,375
Ta-da!
786
00:36:03,626 --> 00:36:04,667
(BONES CRACK)
Oh.
787
00:36:04,751 --> 00:36:06,459
Yeah! Oh.
788
00:36:07,000 --> 00:36:08,417
I'm like,
I'm trying to do too much.
789
00:36:08,500 --> 00:36:09,876
(BOTH LAUGH)
790
00:36:10,584 --> 00:36:12,167
Whoo! Yeah!
791
00:36:13,542 --> 00:36:14,584
I'm a dancer.
792
00:36:15,042 --> 00:36:16,542
Catch me.
TOM: What?
793
00:36:16,626 --> 00:36:18,751
(LAUGHS)
794
00:36:19,125 --> 00:36:21,000
(SQUEALS)
I got you!
795
00:36:21,083 --> 00:36:22,167
Whoo!
Whoa!
796
00:36:22,584 --> 00:36:24,042
(BOTH LAUGH)
797
00:36:24,459 --> 00:36:26,709
Okay. I am done.
798
00:36:27,000 --> 00:36:28,667
("YOU MAKE ME FEEL LIKE DANCING"
CONCLUDES)
799
00:36:28,751 --> 00:36:32,375
Here. (GRUNTS)
(LAUGHS)
800
00:36:32,459 --> 00:36:33,500
("BETTER MAN" PLAYING)
801
00:36:33,584 --> 00:36:35,042
Oh, I love this song.
802
00:36:36,584 --> 00:36:39,417
My friend Jenny does this
really wild strip routine
for her boyfriend
803
00:36:39,500 --> 00:36:41,667
to this song. It's super sexy.
804
00:36:42,209 --> 00:36:43,334
Even you'd appreciate it.
805
00:36:44,751 --> 00:36:48,334
I wish I could be like her,
you know?
She's so free and everything.
806
00:36:49,584 --> 00:36:52,083
♪ He said
Take off your clothes for me ♪
807
00:36:52,417 --> 00:36:55,918
♪ I've got a dirty fantasy ♪
808
00:36:56,000 --> 00:36:59,584
♪ Your body's generosity ♪
809
00:36:59,667 --> 00:37:03,000
♪ Could really be of use to me
810
00:37:03,083 --> 00:37:08,334
♪ Naturally, I said certainly ♪
811
00:37:11,209 --> 00:37:14,459
♪ He said I've got the time
If you don't mind ♪
812
00:37:14,542 --> 00:37:17,751
♪ To close your eyes
And be robbed blind ♪
813
00:37:17,834 --> 00:37:21,375
♪ I'm in a blind
You'd be so kind ♪
814
00:37:21,459 --> 00:37:24,792
♪ His words were so sweet
And silver-lined ♪
(BOTH CHUCKLE)
815
00:37:24,876 --> 00:37:28,667
♪ I said fine
How could I be fine... ♪
816
00:37:28,751 --> 00:37:29,918
So, what do you think?
817
00:37:30,834 --> 00:37:34,375
Uh, It's... it's, uh, very nice.
818
00:37:35,959 --> 00:37:38,959
So if you weren't gay,
this would turn you on, right?
819
00:37:40,334 --> 00:37:45,250
Gay? Who said I was gay?
My father.
You mean it's not true?
820
00:37:46,042 --> 00:37:47,209
No!
No!
821
00:37:48,709 --> 00:37:50,459
God, I'm so embarrassed.
I can't believe you'd
let me do this!
822
00:37:50,542 --> 00:37:51,709
TOM: I didn't mean to--
823
00:37:51,792 --> 00:37:52,667
(BUTTON CLICKS)
824
00:37:52,751 --> 00:37:55,125
Why would your father say
that I'm gay?
825
00:37:55,209 --> 00:37:57,083
I don't know. Well,
you can't blame him entirely.
826
00:37:57,167 --> 00:37:58,751
I mean,
you are a little effeminate.
827
00:37:59,751 --> 00:38:00,876
Oh!
(CHUCKLES)
828
00:38:01,334 --> 00:38:03,083
Don't be hurt.
Yeah.
829
00:38:03,167 --> 00:38:04,459
(CHUCKLES)
LISA: It's okay.
830
00:38:06,125 --> 00:38:07,584
Hans is a bit effeminate, too.
831
00:38:09,042 --> 00:38:11,334
What exactly did Hans do anyway?
832
00:38:13,334 --> 00:38:16,417
Well, it's not like he did just
one thing.
833
00:38:19,626 --> 00:38:20,751
It's more about trust.
834
00:38:21,918 --> 00:38:23,834
Yeah. Trust is...
835
00:38:24,959 --> 00:38:25,918
It's important.
836
00:38:26,334 --> 00:38:27,584
Trust is everything.
837
00:38:29,125 --> 00:38:30,876
I don't know. Maybe it's me.
838
00:38:30,959 --> 00:38:33,417
It's like I'm just sending out
some kind of vibe.
839
00:38:33,834 --> 00:38:36,125
I can't attract a decent guy.
No.
840
00:38:36,209 --> 00:38:37,375
What's wrong with me?
841
00:38:38,792 --> 00:38:41,167
Don't even worry about it.
You're gonna find another guy
so fast.
842
00:38:42,667 --> 00:38:43,751
I mean, look at you.
843
00:38:45,709 --> 00:38:46,792
You're amazing.
844
00:38:48,876 --> 00:38:49,959
You really think so?
845
00:38:51,417 --> 00:38:52,876
Why do you think
I'm here tonight?
846
00:38:54,792 --> 00:38:56,792
Oh, God, Tom.
847
00:39:00,083 --> 00:39:02,751
You didn't know.
You thought that--
848
00:39:04,751 --> 00:39:06,042
(DOOR OPENS)
849
00:39:09,918 --> 00:39:11,042
(DOOR CREAKS)
850
00:39:11,417 --> 00:39:12,792
(FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING)
851
00:39:14,584 --> 00:39:16,626
Uh, I'm--
852
00:39:17,959 --> 00:39:19,083
I'm gonna-- I'll be right back.
853
00:39:20,292 --> 00:39:23,751
I'm just gonna go and check
and see if Audrey needs towels.
854
00:39:24,250 --> 00:39:26,209
Tom, you don't have
to lie to me.
855
00:39:26,626 --> 00:39:29,083
If you have to go
to the bathroom,
go take a crap and come back.
856
00:39:32,250 --> 00:39:33,500
(CHUCKLES HESITANTLY)
857
00:39:36,417 --> 00:39:37,709
(GLASS SHATTERING)
858
00:39:38,375 --> 00:39:39,626
(OBJECTS RATTLING)
859
00:39:41,417 --> 00:39:44,083
What the-- Hey!
What the hell
are you doing here, man?
860
00:39:47,626 --> 00:39:48,626
(GRUNTS)
861
00:39:50,209 --> 00:39:53,083
You try to bone Vasquez
out of 20 grand and you ask me
what I'm doing?
862
00:39:53,542 --> 00:39:55,209
You think I work
for Mrs. Fields?
863
00:39:55,584 --> 00:39:57,500
You think my boss
likes to bake cookies?
864
00:39:58,083 --> 00:39:59,000
TOM: Whoa!
865
00:40:00,334 --> 00:40:01,751
What are you doing? Come on.
T.J.:
You tried to sell me flour.
866
00:40:01,834 --> 00:40:05,167
TOM: Flour? I... I don't even
know what you're talk--
What are you-- Come on!
867
00:40:05,459 --> 00:40:07,709
Look, I'm just house-sitting
for my boss.
868
00:40:07,792 --> 00:40:08,709
Who's your boss?
869
00:40:09,250 --> 00:40:10,250
Jack Taylor.
870
00:40:11,500 --> 00:40:14,792
Jack Taylor, huh?
I did time in Joliet
with a Jack Taylor.
871
00:40:16,042 --> 00:40:21,000
Average height, medium hair,
horrible case of folliculitis
on his ass?
872
00:40:21,375 --> 00:40:23,167
I wouldn't know
about the folliculitis.
873
00:40:23,250 --> 00:40:24,876
I thought you said
he was your boss.
874
00:40:24,959 --> 00:40:25,876
He is.
875
00:40:26,125 --> 00:40:27,459
And you never saw his ass?
876
00:40:28,167 --> 00:40:29,709
Why would I see my boss's ass?
877
00:40:29,792 --> 00:40:32,459
It stands to reason.
You work for a guy long enough,
878
00:40:32,542 --> 00:40:36,083
sooner or later,
you're gonna get a glimpse
of his ass.
879
00:40:38,876 --> 00:40:40,876
Listen, I... I don't know
what line of work you're in,
880
00:40:40,959 --> 00:40:42,918
but I've never seen
my boss' ass.
881
00:40:44,167 --> 00:40:46,000
Hey, man. Look.
(GLASS SHATTERING)
882
00:40:47,083 --> 00:40:49,709
Hey! Hey! Stop it
or I'm gonna call the cops!
883
00:40:49,792 --> 00:40:52,667
And tell them what?
Your drug deal went bad?
884
00:40:53,584 --> 00:40:55,959
You rat me out,
I'm gonna carve you up
like a turkey
885
00:40:56,042 --> 00:40:58,167
and beat your kids
with what's left of you.
886
00:40:58,918 --> 00:41:00,292
I don't have any kids.
887
00:41:01,083 --> 00:41:02,000
I can wait.
888
00:41:02,083 --> 00:41:04,334
(CELL PHONE RINGING)
(T.J. CLEARING THROAT)
889
00:41:06,792 --> 00:41:08,042
(CLEARS THROAT)
890
00:41:11,125 --> 00:41:12,000
Excuse me.
891
00:41:13,042 --> 00:41:16,000
Hello? Right. Okay.
892
00:41:17,709 --> 00:41:19,459
Tommy,
let's get clear on something.
893
00:41:20,167 --> 00:41:21,292
In the next 60 minutes,
894
00:41:22,709 --> 00:41:25,542
I'm gonna bring Vasquez
what he paid for
or your gift-wrapped nuts.
895
00:41:25,626 --> 00:41:27,209
(OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYING)
896
00:41:33,292 --> 00:41:35,334
Oh, hi, Tom. What's going on?
Yeah, that's what I wanna know.
897
00:41:35,417 --> 00:41:37,417
What's going on
with your dad's gift? See--
898
00:41:37,500 --> 00:41:39,667
Do you see that guy?
He was gonna kill me!
899
00:41:40,500 --> 00:41:42,334
Don't you think
you're overreacting
a little, Tom?
900
00:41:42,417 --> 00:41:43,584
Overreacting?
901
00:41:44,834 --> 00:41:47,417
The guy had a knife!
I don't think that
I am overreacting!
902
00:41:47,500 --> 00:41:49,751
He probably just had
the wrong address.
903
00:41:49,834 --> 00:41:52,417
I mean, there's gotta be
over a dozen Jack Taylors
904
00:41:52,500 --> 00:41:53,667
in Chicago alone.
905
00:41:53,918 --> 00:41:55,918
I'm gonna go
to my dad's bedroom.
906
00:41:56,000 --> 00:41:57,500
You tell me if the guy
shows up again.
907
00:41:57,584 --> 00:41:59,042
All right. You listen to me.
908
00:41:59,125 --> 00:42:01,250
You're not even supposed
to be in this house.
909
00:42:01,500 --> 00:42:04,918
Says who?
I know about
the restraining order, Red.
910
00:42:05,459 --> 00:42:09,250
Restraining-schmaining.
I mean, that's just
a big misunderstanding.
911
00:42:09,918 --> 00:42:11,626
AUDREY: Tom! It's O.J.!
912
00:42:11,709 --> 00:42:13,125
(INDISTINCT CLAMOR)
913
00:42:13,209 --> 00:42:14,250
(O.J. SQUAWKING)
914
00:42:15,375 --> 00:42:17,125
SPEED: Oh, man!
(ALL GROAN)
915
00:42:17,709 --> 00:42:19,792
Oh. Hey. Who are you?
916
00:42:20,042 --> 00:42:22,125
I'm here to see Lisa.
My name's Hans.
917
00:42:23,375 --> 00:42:24,334
You--
918
00:42:24,417 --> 00:42:25,959
Is that so shocking?
No.
919
00:42:26,042 --> 00:42:27,876
What, you surprised she'd go out
with someone like me?
920
00:42:27,959 --> 00:42:29,167
No. No. It's not I--
921
00:42:29,250 --> 00:42:31,626
Give me a break, man.
You oughta be ashamed
of yourself.
922
00:42:31,709 --> 00:42:32,626
Let me tell you something.
923
00:42:33,876 --> 00:42:34,876
There are a lot of girls
out there who can see
past the fact
924
00:42:34,959 --> 00:42:37,959
that I just happen
to be a few pounds overweight.
925
00:42:38,042 --> 00:42:40,250
(SOBS) You know, inside
I'm just like everyone else.
926
00:42:40,334 --> 00:42:42,167
(STAMMERS)
Let me get you a tissue.
927
00:42:42,792 --> 00:42:43,751
Yeah. Thank you.
928
00:42:44,918 --> 00:42:45,834
I'm on the second day
of a new diet.
Hey, Hans...
929
00:42:45,918 --> 00:42:47,709
HANS: I gave up chocolate.
...I'm really sorry.
930
00:42:47,792 --> 00:42:50,584
I think that, uh, we just
got off on the wrong foot.
931
00:42:50,918 --> 00:42:51,834
Oh!
932
00:42:53,000 --> 00:42:55,042
Uh, it's good to meet you,
Hans. I'm... I'm Tom.
933
00:42:56,000 --> 00:43:00,000
I, uh... (CLEARS THROAT)
...I'm just a friend of Lisa's.
934
00:43:00,250 --> 00:43:03,375
Oh, great. Well, maybe
you can help me.
Is she here? Lisa! Lisa!
935
00:43:03,459 --> 00:43:05,000
Whoa! Hans, uh, you know what?
936
00:43:05,083 --> 00:43:07,792
Maybe right now
isn't a great time for you
to see Lisa.
937
00:43:08,209 --> 00:43:09,751
What say we get you a drink?
938
00:43:10,334 --> 00:43:13,167
Oh, okay. Yeah, she's probably
really upset.
939
00:43:13,250 --> 00:43:17,626
You see, we got
in a misunderstanding tonight
and, well, she left me.
940
00:43:18,042 --> 00:43:19,626
Wow, that's unfortunate.
HANS: Yeah.
941
00:43:20,042 --> 00:43:21,542
Uh, what happened?
942
00:43:21,876 --> 00:43:23,918
HANS:
Well, I think seeing me naked
943
00:43:24,000 --> 00:43:26,042
from behind like that
kind of shocked her.
944
00:43:26,125 --> 00:43:27,542
(GROANS)
(GAS HISSES)
945
00:43:27,626 --> 00:43:30,083
So, tonight
was the first time...
946
00:43:30,167 --> 00:43:32,918
Yeah. Tonight was
the first time. It was awesome.
947
00:43:33,000 --> 00:43:34,709
I mean, I was lying up
on the bed like this
948
00:43:34,792 --> 00:43:36,876
with one leg straight up
in the air.
Oh, hey, Hans, I don't...
949
00:43:36,959 --> 00:43:38,375
And I had a handful of ass
right here...
950
00:43:38,459 --> 00:43:40,000
Whoa! Hans--
...and I had a handful of this.
951
00:43:40,083 --> 00:43:42,626
Please. Whoa! God,
you're... That's...
(GRUNTS)
952
00:43:43,250 --> 00:43:44,834
And that's when Lisa walked in.
953
00:43:46,042 --> 00:43:46,918
What?
954
00:43:47,876 --> 00:43:49,751
She caught me in the bed
with a blonde.
955
00:43:50,292 --> 00:43:51,167
What?
956
00:43:52,292 --> 00:43:53,375
Oh, come on, man.
Tell me you haven't ever wanted
957
00:43:53,459 --> 00:43:56,626
to do it with a--
Hans. Hans.
No, you cheated on her.
958
00:43:59,542 --> 00:44:02,209
You know something, Tom?
You're right.
959
00:44:02,667 --> 00:44:07,584
Oh! I guess that was cheating.
And now I've gone
and lost everyone.
960
00:44:07,667 --> 00:44:10,042
I should have known
from the start it wasn't right.
961
00:44:10,125 --> 00:44:12,792
She kept telling me
I reminded her of her dad.
962
00:44:12,876 --> 00:44:15,876
Hans, you gotta realize
that this is over, you know?
963
00:44:15,959 --> 00:44:19,000
And you gotta put an end to it,
and... and move on.
964
00:44:19,417 --> 00:44:22,042
And get yourself
to a better place, okay?
965
00:44:22,417 --> 00:44:24,167
HANS: Yes.
I think you know what I mean.
966
00:44:24,250 --> 00:44:26,375
Yeah, I do know what you mean.
967
00:44:27,167 --> 00:44:29,876
And I'm ready.
I know what I have to do.
968
00:44:35,667 --> 00:44:37,792
Well, I guess this is goodbye.
969
00:44:41,167 --> 00:44:42,125
(O.J. SQUAWKS)
970
00:44:43,083 --> 00:44:44,209
O.J.!
971
00:44:44,292 --> 00:44:45,584
(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING)
972
00:44:45,834 --> 00:44:47,209
HANS: Thanks, Tom.
973
00:44:47,292 --> 00:44:49,083
TOM: O.J., come back!
974
00:44:50,042 --> 00:44:51,250
(DOG BARKING)
975
00:44:51,959 --> 00:44:53,000
O.J.!
976
00:45:02,375 --> 00:45:03,542
(UPBEAT MUSIC CONCLUDES)
977
00:45:03,626 --> 00:45:05,083
(DOOR CREAKS)
WOMAN: Hello.
978
00:45:05,584 --> 00:45:07,792
You must be Julie's date.
Come in.
979
00:45:07,876 --> 00:45:10,792
Uh, Actually I'm just here
looking for a bird.
980
00:45:11,626 --> 00:45:15,250
Make yourself at home, Albert.
Julie's still getting ready.
981
00:45:15,334 --> 00:45:18,334
No, actually, uh,
my name is Tom.
I'm sorry. I'm hard of hearing.
982
00:45:18,417 --> 00:45:21,167
Could you speak up, please?
My name is Tom!
983
00:45:21,250 --> 00:45:23,417
I could've sworn
Julie said your name was Albert.
984
00:45:23,500 --> 00:45:25,042
No, see, I'm afraid
that you're mistaken.
985
00:45:25,125 --> 00:45:26,709
MAN: Is someone here?
Yes.
986
00:45:26,792 --> 00:45:28,834
(WHEELCHAIR WHIRRING)
This is Julie's date, Albert.
987
00:45:28,918 --> 00:45:31,167
(GRUNTS)
WOMAN:
This is my nephew, George.
988
00:45:31,250 --> 00:45:32,667
He's blind and crippled.
989
00:45:32,959 --> 00:45:35,500
(SPEAKS LOUDLY)
Oh, uh, nice to meet you.
990
00:45:35,584 --> 00:45:36,584
I'm not deaf.
991
00:45:36,834 --> 00:45:37,959
Oh.
WOMAN: Excuse me.
992
00:45:39,459 --> 00:45:41,542
I'll go see
what's keeping Julie.
She's probably nervous.
993
00:45:41,626 --> 00:45:43,834
So you're Julie's date, huh?
TOM: No.
994
00:45:43,918 --> 00:45:46,584
I'm just... I just came here.
I was looking for an owl.
995
00:45:46,876 --> 00:45:50,292
(LAUGHS) You don't have
to make lame excuses.
996
00:45:50,792 --> 00:45:53,542
Listen, do you know
what the advantage
is in being a cripple?
997
00:45:54,500 --> 00:45:55,834
No, I can't say that I do.
998
00:45:55,918 --> 00:45:58,792
(SCOFFS) You don't really care
to hear much what I have to say,
do you?
999
00:45:58,876 --> 00:46:00,792
No. No. It's not that. I'm--
1000
00:46:02,375 --> 00:46:04,459
You know what?
Go ahead, I'm listening.
1001
00:46:04,542 --> 00:46:05,709
Sit down, Tom.
1002
00:46:10,751 --> 00:46:12,584
You know what I gained
by becoming a quad?
1003
00:46:13,334 --> 00:46:15,459
What, are you shaking your head?
I can't see, you know!
1004
00:46:15,542 --> 00:46:17,209
I'm sorry, uh, uh--
1005
00:46:18,417 --> 00:46:19,542
Tell me what you gained?
1006
00:46:20,292 --> 00:46:22,250
I no longer need my Viagra.
1007
00:46:23,876 --> 00:46:27,125
Now, I can maintain
my arousal for hours.
1008
00:46:28,000 --> 00:46:32,250
That's great. I guess things
have a way of evening
themselves out in the long run.
1009
00:46:32,334 --> 00:46:34,375
No, not really.
And do you know why?
1010
00:46:35,000 --> 00:46:38,751
No, why?
Because I am a blind,
quad freak, you moron!
1011
00:46:38,834 --> 00:46:40,584
What, you think women dig this?
1012
00:46:40,667 --> 00:46:42,209
I mean, you think women go--
KEN: Well, hello.
1013
00:46:42,292 --> 00:46:44,000
"I wanna give
that mutant freak my number"?
1014
00:46:44,083 --> 00:46:46,000
Ken Morehouse. I'm Julie's dad.
1015
00:46:46,083 --> 00:46:47,042
Hey, nice to meet you.
1016
00:46:47,125 --> 00:46:51,083
Is George boring you
with his self-pitying tripe?
1017
00:46:51,334 --> 00:46:52,876
Tripe...
TOM: No, not at all.
1018
00:46:53,334 --> 00:46:56,626
"I'm blind. I'm crippled.
Boo-hoo-hoo."
1019
00:46:56,709 --> 00:46:59,667
Leave the room. I wanna talk
to Albert alone for a second.
1020
00:46:59,751 --> 00:47:00,834
I can stay if I want.
1021
00:47:00,918 --> 00:47:02,292
(CHAIR THUDS)
KEN: Leave the room!
1022
00:47:02,375 --> 00:47:03,459
Okay. Okay.
No, you can't! Get out!
1023
00:47:05,083 --> 00:47:06,000
You don't have to be huffy
about it!
KEN: Get out now! Get out!
1024
00:47:06,083 --> 00:47:08,709
GEORGE: Okay.
KEN: Turn it! Turn it!
Turn it!
1025
00:47:09,167 --> 00:47:11,792
KEN: Oh, for God's sakes.
(GLASS CLATTERS)
1026
00:47:12,542 --> 00:47:13,459
I'm so...
1027
00:47:14,542 --> 00:47:15,626
GEORGE: Who the hell
put that there?
...sorry.
1028
00:47:17,209 --> 00:47:20,209
My daughter's gonna be
a few minutes.
Have a... have a seat, Albert.
1029
00:47:20,292 --> 00:47:21,542
Tom.
No. Ken.
1030
00:47:21,959 --> 00:47:23,083
Right. You're Ken.
Yes.
1031
00:47:23,167 --> 00:47:25,751
Before you say anything, Albert,
I just want you to know
1032
00:47:25,834 --> 00:47:31,125
that Julie is really
self-conscious about her
appearance since the accident.
1033
00:47:31,375 --> 00:47:32,626
(DOOR SHUTS)
Right.
1034
00:47:32,709 --> 00:47:33,876
Oh, Julie.
1035
00:47:34,125 --> 00:47:36,918
Julie, this is Albert.
Albert, Julie.
1036
00:47:37,167 --> 00:47:39,250
It's nice to meet you,
Albert. (CHUCKLES)
1037
00:47:39,584 --> 00:47:42,375
Wow. It's-- Wow.
It's nice to meet you, too.
1038
00:47:42,459 --> 00:47:45,834
But the thing is,
is that I'm not Albert.
1039
00:47:47,834 --> 00:47:52,083
That is to say
that I'm not your date.
Oh!
1040
00:47:52,167 --> 00:47:54,959
There's... there's been
a giant misunderstanding.
1041
00:47:55,042 --> 00:47:56,459
(GASPS, SOBS)
How could you?
1042
00:47:58,209 --> 00:47:59,292
JULIE: I knew this would happen!
WOMAN: She doesn't usually go on
blind dates.
1043
00:47:59,375 --> 00:48:01,209
He hates me!
TOM: No, I'm... I'm telling
the truth.
1044
00:48:01,292 --> 00:48:04,209
Julie wasn't pretty enough
for you, Mr. GQ?
1045
00:48:04,292 --> 00:48:05,083
Is that it?
No,
1046
00:48:06,292 --> 00:48:08,959
you don't understand.
Oh, I understand, Fabio.
1047
00:48:09,042 --> 00:48:10,667
You broke that
poor girl's heart.
(JULIE CRYING)
1048
00:48:10,751 --> 00:48:13,125
No, no. See, I'm not--
Do you think Julie is an idiot?
1049
00:48:13,209 --> 00:48:15,417
Do you think she bought
your little fairy tale,
1050
00:48:15,500 --> 00:48:18,042
Mr. "I'm too sexy
for my medical booties"?
1051
00:48:18,542 --> 00:48:21,417
Oh.
Get the hell out of here.
1052
00:48:21,500 --> 00:48:24,417
Or I'll kick your pretty-boy ass
to kingdom come.
1053
00:48:26,250 --> 00:48:28,417
Am I interrupting something?
1054
00:48:28,751 --> 00:48:30,417
No, it's just that the...
(O.J. SQUAWKS)
1055
00:48:33,584 --> 00:48:34,500
(GROANS)
1056
00:48:35,751 --> 00:48:37,417
AUDREY: Tom, there's two things
that we need to talk about.
1057
00:48:37,500 --> 00:48:38,709
What?
First of all,
1058
00:48:38,792 --> 00:48:40,667
I don't wanna wear
these booties anymore.
1059
00:48:40,751 --> 00:48:43,209
No one else is wearing
the booties.
Fine.
1060
00:48:43,709 --> 00:48:46,250
What's the other thing?
Tina thinks she's got cancer.
1061
00:48:49,334 --> 00:48:50,292
Do you feel it?
1062
00:48:51,417 --> 00:48:53,459
I'm just-- What's supposed
to be there? I don't...
1063
00:48:53,542 --> 00:48:57,334
See, Tina?
Move your hand to the left.
Don't you feel anything?
1064
00:48:57,417 --> 00:48:59,250
Yeah. (CHUCKLES) I mean, no. No.
1065
00:48:59,334 --> 00:49:01,250
Tina, your breast
is no different than mine, okay?
1066
00:49:01,334 --> 00:49:03,417
It is. There's no comparison.
1067
00:49:03,500 --> 00:49:05,292
AUDREY: Tom, feel my breast
and compare.
1068
00:49:05,375 --> 00:49:07,709
Do you detect any difference
between our breasts?
1069
00:49:08,292 --> 00:49:09,417
You gotta slow down.
1070
00:49:09,500 --> 00:49:11,542
It sure feels good.
TOM: Well, yours is a...
1071
00:49:11,626 --> 00:49:12,959
(LOCK CLICKS)
(DOOR OPENS)
1072
00:49:13,417 --> 00:49:15,542
Lisa,
this isn't what it looks like.
1073
00:49:15,876 --> 00:49:18,209
I believed everything you said.
I'm...
1074
00:49:18,292 --> 00:49:19,834
It was all just
a bunch of lines, wasn't it?
1075
00:49:21,292 --> 00:49:24,125
No, no. No. Lisa, it was all--
I swear to you,
I meant every word.
1076
00:49:24,209 --> 00:49:25,792
This is--
Nothing's going on here.
1077
00:49:25,876 --> 00:49:28,334
Great, Tom. I'm glad you think
I'm a complete idiot.
1078
00:49:28,417 --> 00:49:31,125
No! No, I'm telling you.
I was just checking these girls
1079
00:49:31,209 --> 00:49:32,334
for breast cancer.
1080
00:49:34,042 --> 00:49:35,209
You make me sick.
1081
00:49:35,876 --> 00:49:37,292
No, Lisa, wait!
(DOOR SHUTS)
1082
00:49:39,417 --> 00:49:42,250
She's never gonna forgive me.
Of course she will.
1083
00:49:42,334 --> 00:49:43,751
Is this the first time
you cheated on her?
1084
00:49:43,834 --> 00:49:46,792
Yeah. No! I-- Yeah-- Wait.
1085
00:49:46,876 --> 00:49:50,417
I didn't cheat on her.
I mean, you were there
for God's sakes!
1086
00:49:50,500 --> 00:49:52,042
Look, I know that
you didn't cheat on her.
1087
00:49:52,125 --> 00:49:54,125
I mean, you were
a little grabby, but--
I--
1088
00:49:54,209 --> 00:49:55,959
AUDREY: Don't you think
we should just find the owl
1089
00:49:56,042 --> 00:49:57,876
and worry about your little
"affair" later?
1090
00:49:57,959 --> 00:50:00,083
(SPLUTTERING) I'm getting angry
1091
00:50:00,167 --> 00:50:01,792
and... and I don't get angry.
(RETCHES)
1092
00:50:01,876 --> 00:50:03,500
Hey, Speed?
Hey, can I ask you a question?
1093
00:50:05,959 --> 00:50:08,209
What are you...
I thought you left.
1094
00:50:08,292 --> 00:50:10,375
I did. To get this.
1095
00:50:10,918 --> 00:50:14,042
Oh, all right.
Why is the fire going?
Cozy, isn't it?
1096
00:50:14,918 --> 00:50:17,584
All right. You put that down.
(METALLIC CREAKING)
1097
00:50:17,667 --> 00:50:18,709
T.J.: Make me.
1098
00:50:19,542 --> 00:50:20,834
All right. All right.
(METAL CLANKS)
1099
00:50:23,959 --> 00:50:24,959
TOM: Hey!
1100
00:50:26,292 --> 00:50:31,375
Hey! Put the crowbar down!
Or I will blow your ass
to fucktown!
1101
00:50:42,125 --> 00:50:43,375
(TENSE MUSIC PLAYING)
1102
00:50:43,626 --> 00:50:44,792
That's right.
1103
00:50:47,000 --> 00:50:48,918
What?
Don't you ever threaten me.
1104
00:50:49,459 --> 00:50:50,876
But I got a gun.
1105
00:50:53,334 --> 00:50:54,292
What are you doing?
1106
00:50:54,375 --> 00:50:56,500
Well, Tommy, we both have guns.
1107
00:50:56,834 --> 00:50:59,500
Only difference is,
you don't have the guts
to use yours.
1108
00:50:59,584 --> 00:51:02,834
Oh, yeah?
Well, what makes you so sure?
1109
00:51:05,751 --> 00:51:06,834
Oh, I'm sure.
1110
00:51:12,709 --> 00:51:14,042
(TRICKLING)
1111
00:51:15,417 --> 00:51:17,042
Oh!
(CHUCKLES)
1112
00:51:17,500 --> 00:51:20,125
Jesus! What the...
What are you, out of your mind?
1113
00:51:20,209 --> 00:51:21,292
(HISSES)
1114
00:51:21,375 --> 00:51:22,334
(PHONE RINGING)
1115
00:51:22,626 --> 00:51:25,000
TOM: Stop that!
Are you crazy, man?
1116
00:51:26,918 --> 00:51:29,500
Hello?
JACK: (OVER PHONE) Stansfield.
Anything to report?
1117
00:51:30,167 --> 00:51:33,584
Sir! Everything's great.
I got--
Everything's under control.
1118
00:51:33,834 --> 00:51:36,083
JACK:
Did O.J. get enough water?
(T.J. GROANING)
1119
00:51:36,167 --> 00:51:38,792
Jack, could you hold on?
I'm gonna shoot your pecker off.
1120
00:51:38,876 --> 00:51:41,000
JACK: I don't plan
on being away
the entire weekend.
1121
00:51:41,250 --> 00:51:42,500
I hate you!
JACK: It's possible I may be
1122
00:51:42,584 --> 00:51:45,709
coming home early, so make sure
that everything's in order.
1123
00:51:45,792 --> 00:51:47,584
And there's one
additional thing.
Sir?
1124
00:51:47,667 --> 00:51:49,000
The fish tank.
It's a little low.
1125
00:51:49,083 --> 00:51:51,584
I'm taking care
of that right now.
JACK: Good. When I get back,
1126
00:51:51,667 --> 00:51:53,542
I want to talk to you
about that position in Creative
1127
00:51:53,626 --> 00:51:55,375
(GRUNTS)
JACK: Don't get excited yet.
1128
00:51:55,459 --> 00:51:57,500
I didn't say you had the job.
We'll discuss it.
1129
00:51:57,584 --> 00:52:00,125
Uh, thank you, sir.
Great. Bye.
1130
00:52:00,709 --> 00:52:02,125
(TENSE MUSIC CONCLUDES)
1131
00:52:03,000 --> 00:52:04,542
Holy shit!
1132
00:52:08,500 --> 00:52:09,542
I just--
1133
00:52:12,667 --> 00:52:15,626
Boy, I'm tapped out.
You got anything to drink?
1134
00:52:16,918 --> 00:52:18,083
In the kitchen.
1135
00:52:19,667 --> 00:52:20,626
Thanks.
1136
00:52:21,083 --> 00:52:22,918
(FOOTSTEPS RECEDING)
1137
00:52:25,626 --> 00:52:26,792
Dammit!
1138
00:52:26,876 --> 00:52:29,918
Whoa! What the hay
happened in here?
1139
00:52:30,334 --> 00:52:32,209
Tom, did you have
a little accident?
1140
00:52:32,667 --> 00:52:35,459
You might wanna try
a few kegels,
kinda tighten it up down there.
1141
00:52:35,542 --> 00:52:36,417
(CLATTERS)
1142
00:52:37,417 --> 00:52:38,751
TOM: That's it!
I'm doing them right now.
1143
00:52:39,584 --> 00:52:40,876
And release.
1144
00:52:42,167 --> 00:52:45,083
Well, when in Rome... (SIGHS)
1145
00:52:46,000 --> 00:52:46,959
(TRICKLING)
1146
00:52:47,042 --> 00:52:50,083
(SINGS) ♪ Oh, Canada... ♪
1147
00:52:50,167 --> 00:52:52,542
(SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYING)
1148
00:52:59,626 --> 00:53:02,167
"Jack Taylor. Rectacid.
1149
00:53:02,250 --> 00:53:06,167
Apply liberally to buttocks
as needed to reduce redness
1150
00:53:06,250 --> 00:53:08,751
and other symptoms
of folliculitis."
1151
00:53:12,375 --> 00:53:13,709
Son of a bitch.
1152
00:53:14,751 --> 00:53:15,959
Did you piss yourself?
1153
00:53:17,292 --> 00:53:19,709
No, I did not piss myself.
AUDREY:
Oh, looks like you did.
1154
00:53:19,792 --> 00:53:22,417
TOM: Well, I didn't.
It was that maniac downstairs.
1155
00:53:22,500 --> 00:53:25,209
No. We gotta stop him
before he tears
this house apart.
1156
00:53:25,292 --> 00:53:28,250
Hmm. You know what you gotta do?
Give him one of these
little babies.
1157
00:53:28,500 --> 00:53:29,584
Perfect.
AUDREY: It's a sleeping pill.
1158
00:53:29,667 --> 00:53:34,000
I got them from Speed.
Here. So strong, so be careful.
1159
00:53:34,083 --> 00:53:35,500
It's powerful stuff.
Here. Just one.
1160
00:53:36,083 --> 00:53:37,292
Be careful.
1161
00:53:40,500 --> 00:53:41,918
(METALLIC CREAKING)
1162
00:53:42,000 --> 00:53:43,209
(SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC CONCLUDES)
1163
00:53:43,459 --> 00:53:44,626
Hey. Excuse me.
1164
00:53:46,083 --> 00:53:48,709
You know, I just wanted
to apologize for pulling
that gun on you earlier.
1165
00:53:48,792 --> 00:53:51,250
That was totally out of line.
1166
00:53:52,334 --> 00:53:54,167
Hey, you know,
I don't even know your name.
1167
00:53:54,959 --> 00:53:57,375
I'm T.J.
T.J.? That's nice.
1168
00:53:57,918 --> 00:54:02,584
I guess maybe I was,
uh, out of line by pissing
all over everything.
1169
00:54:03,792 --> 00:54:08,125
Man, that was funny. (CHUCKLES)
Oh. (CHUCKLES)
1170
00:54:08,209 --> 00:54:10,250
Yeah, I've always
enjoyed a good prank.
1171
00:54:10,584 --> 00:54:12,417
(CHUCKLES)
What are you drinking there?
1172
00:54:13,209 --> 00:54:15,209
Whiskey. You want some?
Whiskey.
1173
00:54:15,292 --> 00:54:17,125
There's plenty of booze
around here, that's for sure.
1174
00:54:17,209 --> 00:54:18,709
Yeah, I'll take a shot
of bourbon.
1175
00:54:19,334 --> 00:54:20,500
Oh, my God!
1176
00:54:21,459 --> 00:54:22,542
Wow!
T.J.: What?
1177
00:54:22,626 --> 00:54:24,709
Whoa! Look at those two blondes
going at--
1178
00:54:24,792 --> 00:54:26,542
Oh, wait, are there three
of them?
Where?
1179
00:54:26,626 --> 00:54:30,209
What? They're going at it
right up there
on the second floor. Wow!
1180
00:54:30,292 --> 00:54:32,334
Where are you looking?
Right-- Oh--
1181
00:54:32,834 --> 00:54:34,959
Oh, man. They left.
1182
00:54:35,542 --> 00:54:37,417
(CHUCKLES)
Damn.
1183
00:54:38,125 --> 00:54:43,292
I was all psyched up
for some action.
Lesbians are very special.
1184
00:54:43,375 --> 00:54:44,334
(METAL CLANGS)
1185
00:54:44,626 --> 00:54:45,542
Oh. (CHUCKLES)
1186
00:54:46,500 --> 00:54:47,626
Hey, I'll drink to that, huh?
(CHUCKLES)
1187
00:54:48,042 --> 00:54:49,709
T.J.: All right. (CHUCKLES)
Cheers.
1188
00:54:50,500 --> 00:54:51,459
All right.
1189
00:54:56,125 --> 00:54:57,375
(GROANS)
TOM: Oh, are you--
1190
00:54:57,834 --> 00:54:59,459
Whoa!
Here. Why don't I--
1191
00:55:00,209 --> 00:55:01,125
(GLASS SHATTERING)
1192
00:55:01,542 --> 00:55:03,459
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
1193
00:55:06,792 --> 00:55:08,042
(GLASS SHATTERING)
1194
00:55:09,584 --> 00:55:13,000
TOM: Whoa!
(GONG CLANGS)
1195
00:55:16,334 --> 00:55:17,167
Audrey?
1196
00:55:17,876 --> 00:55:19,042
(GROANS)
1197
00:55:19,125 --> 00:55:20,417
(TENSE MUSIC PLAYING)
1198
00:55:20,500 --> 00:55:21,751
Audrey!
1199
00:55:23,709 --> 00:55:27,125
(GASPS) Oh, my God!
He's like a human vibrator.
1200
00:55:28,417 --> 00:55:30,417
What-- All right,
what is wrong with him?
1201
00:55:30,792 --> 00:55:32,834
I don't know. Did you slip him
the pill?
Yes.
1202
00:55:32,918 --> 00:55:34,250
Then that must be it then.
1203
00:55:34,334 --> 00:55:36,125
You didn't give him the pill
with whiskey, did you?
1204
00:55:36,209 --> 00:55:37,959
Yeah.
Oh, no!
1205
00:55:38,042 --> 00:55:39,709
You're not supposed
to mix the two.
1206
00:55:39,792 --> 00:55:41,584
Audrey,
you did not tell me that!
1207
00:55:41,667 --> 00:55:44,500
Everyone knows
that you're not supposed
to mix booze with pills!
1208
00:55:44,584 --> 00:55:47,042
Come on!
Okay. Is he gonna be okay?
1209
00:55:47,500 --> 00:55:50,459
Don't worry. He'll be fine.
I used to be a paramedic.
1210
00:55:50,542 --> 00:55:52,334
Tom? I think I found O.J.
1211
00:55:52,417 --> 00:55:54,250
O.J.? I don't care about--
1212
00:55:54,334 --> 00:55:57,167
We have a situation here.
Audrey, call 911!
1213
00:55:57,459 --> 00:55:59,918
I'm telling you, he'll be fine.
Are you sure?
1214
00:56:00,000 --> 00:56:03,083
He just needs some rest.
Okay. You watch T.J. Use this.
1215
00:56:03,584 --> 00:56:05,459
It's not loaded,
but he doesn't know that.
1216
00:56:05,542 --> 00:56:06,876
(DOORBELL RINGING)
1217
00:56:06,959 --> 00:56:08,083
Oh, man.
1218
00:56:08,542 --> 00:56:09,626
(TENSE MUSIC CONCLUDES)
1219
00:56:09,709 --> 00:56:11,083
Oh, hey.
1220
00:56:11,167 --> 00:56:12,334
Julie. (CHUCKLES)
1221
00:56:12,417 --> 00:56:14,167
From-- Yeah.
JULIE: Down the block.
1222
00:56:14,250 --> 00:56:15,876
That's right.
You mind if I come in?
1223
00:56:15,959 --> 00:56:17,375
AUDREY: All right.
You grab his ankles...
1224
00:56:17,459 --> 00:56:19,167
Why don't we go
to that room over there?
1225
00:56:19,250 --> 00:56:20,834
SPEED: Okay.
Yeah, I got this end.
1226
00:56:21,083 --> 00:56:23,000
AUDREY: Man, he's heavy.
(SPEED GRUNTS)
1227
00:56:23,083 --> 00:56:24,584
Do you mind if I sit down?
1228
00:56:24,667 --> 00:56:26,083
(TENSE MUSIC PLAYING)
1229
00:56:27,500 --> 00:56:30,250
Uh, yeah. Sure.
1230
00:56:30,334 --> 00:56:31,459
JULIE: Oh, Thank you.
1231
00:56:33,751 --> 00:56:35,209
(TENSE MUSIC CONCLUDES)
1232
00:56:35,667 --> 00:56:38,834
Oh, hey. Sorry to butt in.
Hi, I'm Red.
1233
00:56:38,918 --> 00:56:41,042
Hi, it's nice to meet you.
Nice to meet you.
1234
00:56:41,125 --> 00:56:44,709
Anyway, I realized you were
telling the truth
when my real date showed up.
1235
00:56:44,792 --> 00:56:46,542
Of course
he didn't stick around.
1236
00:56:46,626 --> 00:56:48,792
Well, that guy is a bum.
(CHUCKLES SOFTLY)
1237
00:56:49,375 --> 00:56:51,542
Oh, I'm sure that had nothing
to do with you.
1238
00:56:51,626 --> 00:56:52,709
No, I know it did.
1239
00:56:54,167 --> 00:56:56,751
I've never had any guys
attracted to me,
even before the accident.
1240
00:56:56,834 --> 00:56:58,417
Now that cannot be true.
1241
00:56:58,918 --> 00:56:59,834
Well...
1242
00:57:01,375 --> 00:57:04,250
about six months ago,
I was hitchhiking
and a trucker tried to rape me,
1243
00:57:04,334 --> 00:57:06,292
but other than that...
RED: Come on.
1244
00:57:06,375 --> 00:57:09,125
You're gonna tell me,
you never had a real boyfriend?
1245
00:57:09,209 --> 00:57:12,500
Well, once, but I think
he just felt sorry for me.
1246
00:57:13,125 --> 00:57:16,167
Oh, well, uh,
how long did that last?
1247
00:57:16,250 --> 00:57:17,584
Um...
Oh.
1248
00:57:18,000 --> 00:57:20,918
About six years
and then one day he just left.
1249
00:57:21,000 --> 00:57:21,876
TOM: Another woman?
1250
00:57:21,959 --> 00:57:24,500
No. He got hit by a bus.
1251
00:57:24,751 --> 00:57:26,375
RED: Well, see,
that's not your fault.
1252
00:57:26,459 --> 00:57:28,792
Well, he didn't seem to try
very hard to avoid the bus.
1253
00:57:28,876 --> 00:57:31,417
I think he just wanted out
of the relationship.
1254
00:57:31,500 --> 00:57:33,709
Julie, why don't you sit
in this chair?
1255
00:57:34,292 --> 00:57:37,042
Oh, jeez, I'm starting
to feel a bit woozy. (SIGHS)
1256
00:57:37,125 --> 00:57:38,667
(BLOOD SQUISHES)
(SIGHS)
1257
00:57:38,751 --> 00:57:42,167
Okay. All right,
I have to go find O.J.
1258
00:57:42,500 --> 00:57:46,042
So, Red, if you could
watch things for me,
that'd be great.
1259
00:57:47,000 --> 00:57:48,083
Got you.
1260
00:57:53,125 --> 00:57:55,959
Look, I think you're being
way too hard on yourself.
1261
00:57:56,709 --> 00:57:58,167
I mean, besides,
1262
00:57:59,542 --> 00:58:00,876
I bet there have been
a lot of guys who've been
attracted to you.
1263
00:58:01,167 --> 00:58:03,417
No, he was the only one.
1264
00:58:03,959 --> 00:58:07,334
What about that trucker?
I mean, he was obviously
attracted to you.
1265
00:58:07,417 --> 00:58:10,125
(SCOFFS) I think the trucker
probably would have
raped anyone.
1266
00:58:10,834 --> 00:58:14,125
I doubt that. You were probably
pretty special to him.
1267
00:58:14,584 --> 00:58:16,542
(CHUCKLES)
That's so sweet of you, Red.
1268
00:58:16,626 --> 00:58:18,876
I'm not just jerking
your chain either. I mean it.
1269
00:58:19,751 --> 00:58:21,500
(CHUCKLES)
Yeah. (CHUCKLES)
1270
00:58:22,918 --> 00:58:24,459
(SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYING)
1271
00:58:26,667 --> 00:58:28,000
What are you doing to the lawn?
1272
00:58:29,042 --> 00:58:31,584
It's okay, Tom.
We just had to bury T.J.
1273
00:58:31,667 --> 00:58:34,542
Bury-- What? You mean, he's--
1274
00:58:36,417 --> 00:58:39,334
You said he was gonna be okay!
I thought you were a paramedic.
1275
00:58:39,417 --> 00:58:40,876
Well, I took a course.
1276
00:58:41,125 --> 00:58:44,959
You took-- You guy...
You can't just bury him,
you guys!
1277
00:58:45,042 --> 00:58:46,876
Well, we're not gonna put him
in my car.
1278
00:58:46,959 --> 00:58:48,500
AUDREY: That's right.
All right.
1279
00:58:48,584 --> 00:58:49,959
Forget it. I'm calling 911.
1280
00:58:50,375 --> 00:58:51,709
That's for emergencies.
1281
00:58:51,792 --> 00:58:54,500
What-- what do you think
this is?
The guy's dead.
1282
00:58:54,584 --> 00:58:56,459
In 20 minutes,
he's still gonna be dead.
1283
00:58:56,542 --> 00:58:58,792
There's no sense
of urgency here.
(LAUGHS)
1284
00:58:58,876 --> 00:59:01,751
No, we have to call the cops
and report it!
1285
00:59:01,834 --> 00:59:05,000
And tell them what?
The truth! That there was a...
1286
00:59:06,417 --> 00:59:07,417
accident.
1287
00:59:08,876 --> 00:59:10,584
They might not see it that way.
Let's face it,
Tom, you did kill him.
1288
00:59:11,918 --> 00:59:13,459
You gave me the pill.
1289
00:59:13,542 --> 00:59:15,250
Hey, I didn't tell you
to kill nobody, okay?
1290
00:59:15,334 --> 00:59:17,083
Well, you didn't tell me
not to use the whiskey!
1291
00:59:17,167 --> 00:59:19,542
Well, if you'd listen to me...
You didn't say anything
about whiskey!
1292
00:59:19,626 --> 00:59:21,792
I would think that
you would listen to me!
(SPEED BLOWS WHISTLE)
1293
00:59:22,209 --> 00:59:23,375
There's no time for blame games.
1294
00:59:24,000 --> 00:59:26,626
Why don't you spread around
some leaves? Make it look good.
1295
00:59:26,709 --> 00:59:29,542
I am not gonna help you
conceal a dead body!
1296
00:59:29,918 --> 00:59:31,959
Hey, you know what?
Don't you think
we should say something?
1297
00:59:32,751 --> 00:59:33,959
What?
You know what? She's right.
1298
00:59:34,042 --> 00:59:36,876
Some kind of last rites
or eulogy or something
like that?
1299
00:59:37,250 --> 00:59:39,083
I'm so screwed.
We should say something.
1300
00:59:39,792 --> 00:59:44,250
Fine. Fine. You know what?
Say something.
Get-- Just make it quick.
1301
00:59:46,250 --> 00:59:50,876
Lord, this day we lay
to rest T.J., who was, uh...
1302
00:59:52,709 --> 00:59:54,834
I really didn't know him.
I don't know him. I mean,
1303
00:59:54,918 --> 00:59:56,792
Tom, you know him the best.
Why don't you say something?
1304
00:59:56,876 --> 00:59:57,709
Me?
Yeah.
1305
00:59:59,417 --> 01:00:02,459
All I know is that the guy
was a violent, sadistic goon
that was into lesbians.
1306
01:00:02,876 --> 01:00:04,000
ALL: Amen.
1307
01:00:05,417 --> 01:00:07,459
LISA: Tom?
Lisa.
1308
01:00:08,292 --> 01:00:10,042
I can't believe
you're still here.
1309
01:00:10,125 --> 01:00:12,667
You know, listen, please.
You have to let me explain.
1310
01:00:12,751 --> 01:00:15,626
Look, Tom.
Tonight was just a big mistake.
1311
01:00:15,709 --> 01:00:17,042
That's all there is to it.
TOM: No.
1312
01:00:17,125 --> 01:00:20,125
You-- That--
What you saw with the girls,
1313
01:00:20,209 --> 01:00:22,500
all that was, was weird timing.
1314
01:00:23,500 --> 01:00:26,125
LISA: Red?
What's Red doing here?
1315
01:00:26,500 --> 01:00:28,542
Red? Oh, um,
1316
01:00:28,626 --> 01:00:31,417
Red was in the neighborhood
and he... and he stopped by.
1317
01:00:31,959 --> 01:00:35,000
But, you see, nothing really bad
happened tonight.
1318
01:00:35,083 --> 01:00:36,626
Is he the reason O.J.'s gone?
1319
01:00:37,125 --> 01:00:40,918
No. No, uh. O.J. got loose.
1320
01:00:41,000 --> 01:00:43,292
And that's a little problem.
But we're gonna find him.
1321
01:00:43,709 --> 01:00:46,375
And we're looking for him, so...
What's this?
1322
01:00:47,500 --> 01:00:50,292
Oh, Tom killed a guy
and we're burying the body.
1323
01:00:51,542 --> 01:00:52,459
Okay, that was bad.
1324
01:00:53,459 --> 01:00:55,626
(GROANS)
Okay, well,
now you're overreacting.
1325
01:00:55,709 --> 01:00:56,876
It's that-- Well, It's not--
1326
01:00:57,250 --> 01:00:58,209
(SCREAMS)
1327
01:00:58,709 --> 01:01:03,042
(ALL SCREAM)
1328
01:01:04,584 --> 01:01:06,083
(SCREAMS)
(GRUNTS)
1329
01:01:06,584 --> 01:01:07,751
All right, all right. Hey!
1330
01:01:09,292 --> 01:01:13,167
Anybody moves, there's gonna be
a big hole where her brain
used to be.
1331
01:01:16,542 --> 01:01:18,500
Yeah. Go ahead, shoot.
1332
01:01:20,417 --> 01:01:22,209
Well, what are you waiting for?
Come on!
1333
01:01:22,709 --> 01:01:24,334
What are you waiting for?
Waste the bitch!
1334
01:01:24,417 --> 01:01:26,292
Tom!
No, I don't give a shit!
1335
01:01:26,375 --> 01:01:28,167
Hey, I'm not joking, asshole.
1336
01:01:28,250 --> 01:01:31,834
Yeah? Pull the trigger. Come on.
1337
01:01:32,959 --> 01:01:34,000
Come on!
1338
01:01:35,876 --> 01:01:37,250
I think you're just all talk.
1339
01:01:42,876 --> 01:01:44,250
Looks like we both got guns.
1340
01:01:47,209 --> 01:01:48,667
Who's gonna shoot first
this time?
1341
01:01:55,834 --> 01:01:57,334
(METAL CLANGS)
(ALL GASP)
1342
01:01:58,459 --> 01:01:59,584
RED: Well, that should do it.
1343
01:02:00,667 --> 01:02:01,626
Tom!
1344
01:02:02,751 --> 01:02:04,584
You are so brave.
No. No.
1345
01:02:04,667 --> 01:02:07,459
It's not even
that big of a deal.
This gun's not even loaded--
1346
01:02:07,542 --> 01:02:10,209
(ALL GASP)
MAN: What the hell
is going on?
1347
01:02:10,292 --> 01:02:13,292
I never should have doubted you.
You risked your life for me.
1348
01:02:13,751 --> 01:02:16,500
Audrey found some bullets
in the kitchen and I may have
reloaded it.
1349
01:02:16,584 --> 01:02:17,792
Yeah, I did.
1350
01:02:19,000 --> 01:02:23,334
Yo, excuse me,
does anyone here know
a Jack Taylor?
1351
01:02:23,626 --> 01:02:24,959
Why?
This dude just called,
1352
01:02:25,042 --> 01:02:27,959
said if I don't pick him up
at the train station
in 15 minutes,
1353
01:02:28,209 --> 01:02:30,500
I'm out of a job.
What do you suppose that means?
1354
01:02:31,292 --> 01:02:32,375
Oh, my God.
1355
01:02:32,459 --> 01:02:34,334
That's what I thought,
because I ain't got no job.
1356
01:02:35,751 --> 01:02:37,209
He's coming home early.
Okay, don't worry about it.
1357
01:02:37,292 --> 01:02:39,626
I'll take care of everything,
okay? Trust me.
Just don't drive too fast.
1358
01:02:40,167 --> 01:02:42,792
Got it.
And, uh, maybe you should
put that away.
1359
01:02:43,751 --> 01:02:44,834
Oh, God.
1360
01:02:45,667 --> 01:02:47,083
("GO HOME" PLAYING)
1361
01:02:47,417 --> 01:02:49,709
♪ Well, let me tell you
If you're feeling alone ♪
1362
01:02:49,792 --> 01:02:51,542
♪ Instead of whining
And moaning ♪
1363
01:02:51,626 --> 01:02:54,667
♪ Just get on the phone
Tell her you're coming home ♪
1364
01:02:54,751 --> 01:02:57,375
♪ If you need her
You should be there ♪
1365
01:02:57,667 --> 01:03:00,876
♪ And if you scream
In your sleep
Or collapse in a heap ♪
1366
01:03:00,959 --> 01:03:03,792
♪ And spontaneously weep
Then you know you're in deep ♪
1367
01:03:03,876 --> 01:03:06,667
♪ If you need her
You should be there ♪
1368
01:03:07,000 --> 01:03:08,417
♪ Go home ♪
1369
01:03:10,959 --> 01:03:13,417
♪ There's nothing better
Than affairs of the heart ♪
1370
01:03:13,959 --> 01:03:16,584
♪ To make you feel so good
Then tear you apart ♪
1371
01:03:17,125 --> 01:03:20,500
♪ Make up your mind
And stick it out
Or start again ♪
1372
01:03:21,626 --> 01:03:24,083
♪ You can't imagine what
An effort it takes ♪
1373
01:03:24,167 --> 01:03:25,876
♪ When you make a mistake ♪
1374
01:03:25,959 --> 01:03:28,834
♪ And you know in the wake
That a heart's going to break ♪
1375
01:03:28,918 --> 01:03:31,751
♪ If you need her
You should be there ♪
1376
01:03:31,834 --> 01:03:33,209
♪ Go home ♪
1377
01:03:35,918 --> 01:03:38,375
♪ If you think of her
As Joan of Arc ♪
1378
01:03:38,459 --> 01:03:41,584
I knew that was you.
♪ She's burning for you
Get your car out of park ♪
1379
01:03:42,000 --> 01:03:44,334
♪ And if you think of her
As Catherine the Great ♪
1380
01:03:44,417 --> 01:03:47,542
♪ Then you should be the horse
To help her meet her fate ♪
1381
01:03:47,626 --> 01:03:50,125
♪ If you need her
You should be there ♪
1382
01:03:50,584 --> 01:03:52,083
♪ Go home ♪
1383
01:03:54,626 --> 01:03:57,584
♪ You can't believe it
But it's true ♪
1384
01:04:00,834 --> 01:04:04,000
♪ She's given everything
To you ♪
1385
01:04:07,042 --> 01:04:10,292
♪ Now take a moment to be sure
1386
01:04:10,876 --> 01:04:13,626
♪ Before you give it all
To her ♪
1387
01:04:14,751 --> 01:04:16,918
♪ Well, now you're thinking
That it's over at last ♪
1388
01:04:17,000 --> 01:04:18,709
♪ All your woes in the past ♪
1389
01:04:18,792 --> 01:04:21,792
♪ But you've got to be fast
Put your foot on the gas ♪
1390
01:04:21,876 --> 01:04:24,292
♪ If you need her
You should be there ♪
1391
01:04:24,375 --> 01:04:27,876
♪ So now you're out
From under the gun
And it's over and done ♪
1392
01:04:27,959 --> 01:04:30,959
♪ I won't spoil all the fun
But if you were the one ♪
1393
01:04:31,042 --> 01:04:33,834
♪ Then she'll be there
If you need her ♪
1394
01:04:34,167 --> 01:04:35,542
♪ Go home ♪
1395
01:04:37,751 --> 01:04:40,459
♪ If you're lucky to be
One of the few ♪
1396
01:04:41,250 --> 01:04:43,792
♪ To find somebody
Who can tolerate you ♪
1397
01:04:44,375 --> 01:04:46,959
♪ Then I shouldn't have
To tell you again ♪
1398
01:04:47,459 --> 01:04:49,876
♪ Just pack your bags
And get yourself on a plane ♪
1399
01:04:49,959 --> 01:04:54,000
♪ If you need her
You should be there
Go home ♪
1400
01:04:54,792 --> 01:04:58,584
♪ Come on, man
If you need her
You should be there ♪
1401
01:04:58,667 --> 01:05:04,584
♪ Go home! ♪
1402
01:05:05,125 --> 01:05:06,417
("GO HOME" CONCLUDES)
1403
01:05:07,959 --> 01:05:08,918
JACK: As long as we're
in Thailand for the meeting
on Monday afternoon.
1404
01:05:10,626 --> 01:05:13,584
Yeah. We can pick it up
when we refuel in Hawaii.
1405
01:05:15,542 --> 01:05:18,250
Hey, uh, do you wanna stop
and, uh, get something to drink,
1406
01:05:18,334 --> 01:05:19,542
go to the bathroom or something?
1407
01:05:19,626 --> 01:05:21,626
We'll take
the departmental heads now
1408
01:05:21,918 --> 01:05:23,667
and the Creative team
in a couple of weeks.
1409
01:05:24,042 --> 01:05:25,209
(SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYING)
1410
01:05:25,292 --> 01:05:26,584
(MOUSE SQUEAKS)
1411
01:05:34,751 --> 01:05:36,500
JACK: That's the agenda
up to lunch,
1412
01:05:36,584 --> 01:05:38,292
then there's lunch...
(O.J. SQUAWKING)
1413
01:05:39,250 --> 01:05:41,125
(DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING)
1414
01:05:41,876 --> 01:05:43,000
JACK: Delay that again.
1415
01:05:44,250 --> 01:05:45,334
(METAL CLANKS)
1416
01:05:45,792 --> 01:05:47,709
JACK: Okay. And then...
1417
01:05:49,500 --> 01:05:51,417
(ENGINE REVVING)
(HORNS HONKING)
1418
01:05:51,500 --> 01:05:52,834
(TIRES SCREECHING)
1419
01:05:53,250 --> 01:05:55,083
JACK: Okay. Okay.
(O.J. SQUAWKS)
1420
01:05:57,417 --> 01:05:58,542
Okay, fine.
1421
01:06:04,584 --> 01:06:06,626
Stansfield, what are you doing?
1422
01:06:07,542 --> 01:06:08,584
Nothing, sir.
1423
01:06:09,334 --> 01:06:10,626
Hold on a moment, please.
1424
01:06:11,751 --> 01:06:12,918
Stansfield...
1425
01:06:13,334 --> 01:06:14,042
(MUSIC CONTINUES)
1426
01:06:14,125 --> 01:06:15,542
...why don't you
just concentrate
1427
01:06:15,626 --> 01:06:16,918
on the driving
1428
01:06:17,000 --> 01:06:19,375
and let me get on
with making my call.
1429
01:06:20,000 --> 01:06:22,417
TOM: Wait!
What is it now, Stansfield?
1430
01:06:23,083 --> 01:06:24,542
Oh, nothing, sir.
1431
01:06:24,626 --> 01:06:25,584
(MUSIC CONCLUDES)
1432
01:06:25,667 --> 01:06:26,876
Almost home. (CHUCKLES SOFTLY)
1433
01:06:45,292 --> 01:06:48,209
Hey. How'd this get in there?
1434
01:06:48,542 --> 01:06:51,292
Well, be careful with that.
I will. Good thing I found it.
1435
01:06:51,751 --> 01:06:54,667
There's several ways
to properly dispose
of a handgun,
1436
01:06:54,751 --> 01:06:56,709
none of which include putting it
in a garbage bag.
1437
01:06:56,792 --> 01:06:58,918
OFFICER: (OVER PA)
Freeze! Police!
(POLICE SIREN BLARING)
1438
01:06:59,000 --> 01:07:02,334
Freeze! Let go of the girl
and put your hands in the air!
1439
01:07:02,584 --> 01:07:04,375
You're completely
surrounded, T.J.!
1440
01:07:04,459 --> 01:07:06,751
Put down your weapons
and put your hands on your head!
1441
01:07:06,834 --> 01:07:10,417
No, you guys. Wait.
He's not T.J. I'm Lisa Taylor.
1442
01:07:10,500 --> 01:07:12,292
This is my dad's house.
(HELICOPTER BLADES WHIRRING)
1443
01:07:12,375 --> 01:07:14,792
Ma'am, we've received
numerous reports
in this neighborhood.
1444
01:07:14,876 --> 01:07:16,667
Theft, gunfire...
SPEED: All right.
1445
01:07:16,751 --> 01:07:19,667
Look, I know you probably think
we may have killed somebody,
1446
01:07:19,959 --> 01:07:21,709
but Tom didn't know
he poisoned the guy,
1447
01:07:21,792 --> 01:07:24,083
and we thought he was dead
when we buried him.
1448
01:07:24,375 --> 01:07:25,667
But he seems okay now.
1449
01:07:27,292 --> 01:07:29,334
His head's just a little bloody
from where we hit him
with the shovel.
1450
01:07:29,417 --> 01:07:31,250
And I swear
when Tom shot the gun off,
1451
01:07:31,334 --> 01:07:34,250
he didn't think it was loaded,
'cause I put the bullets
back in,
1452
01:07:34,334 --> 01:07:38,083
so if you'll all just
step inside, you'll see
there's nobody dead here.
1453
01:07:38,167 --> 01:07:40,500
He may have had the wind
knocked out of him temporarily,
1454
01:07:40,584 --> 01:07:42,792
but with a little first aid,
I think he'll be just fine.
1455
01:07:42,876 --> 01:07:45,083
(SCREAMS)
(GROANS, GASPS)
1456
01:07:45,167 --> 01:07:47,083
(ALL SCREAM)
1457
01:07:47,709 --> 01:07:49,125
(SCREAMS)
1458
01:07:52,542 --> 01:07:53,834
Holy mother of God!
1459
01:07:55,209 --> 01:07:56,626
(GLASS SHATTERS)
1460
01:07:57,209 --> 01:07:58,250
LISA: Hans!
1461
01:07:58,709 --> 01:08:00,709
JACK: Yes, I see. I see.
1462
01:08:01,292 --> 01:08:03,125
(MOUSE SQUEAKS)
JACK: Okay. Okay, fine.
1463
01:08:03,584 --> 01:08:06,542
Could you say that again?
You're breaking up!
1464
01:08:06,834 --> 01:08:09,626
One moment, please. O.J.!
1465
01:08:12,459 --> 01:08:14,042
(TIRES SCREECHING)
1466
01:08:14,125 --> 01:08:15,209
(GRUNTS)
1467
01:08:15,459 --> 01:08:16,626
(TOM SHRIEKS)
1468
01:08:20,500 --> 01:08:22,709
LISA: I just can't understand
why you would do this.
1469
01:08:22,792 --> 01:08:25,375
Hans, what were you thinking?
HANS: You know, time to get...
1470
01:08:25,459 --> 01:08:27,834
He'll be fine. He may complain
about a sore throat,
1471
01:08:27,918 --> 01:08:30,459
but he's in a lot better shape
than this chandelier.
1472
01:08:30,542 --> 01:08:32,709
Boy, I'd hate to be here
when the owner gets back.
1473
01:08:32,792 --> 01:08:34,167
You can say that again.
1474
01:08:34,876 --> 01:08:36,250
ALL: Whoa!
1475
01:08:36,584 --> 01:08:38,542
(INDISTINCT CLAMORING)
1476
01:08:38,626 --> 01:08:40,000
LISA: Tom! Daddy!
MAN 1: What do we got?
1477
01:08:40,083 --> 01:08:41,000
MAN 2: What was that?
1478
01:08:42,542 --> 01:08:43,626
MAN 3: Watch the glass,
okay, everybody?
Let's get 'em out of the car.
1479
01:08:43,709 --> 01:08:44,626
LISA: Oh, my God! Daddy!
1480
01:08:44,709 --> 01:08:46,375
MAN 1: Everybody,
stay back and remain calm.
1481
01:08:46,459 --> 01:08:47,751
LISA: Are you all right?
That's him.
1482
01:08:47,834 --> 01:08:49,375
That's the one
spying on me through the bushes.
1483
01:08:49,459 --> 01:08:52,209
He shot the bullet right
through my Julie's
bedroom window.
1484
01:08:52,292 --> 01:08:53,751
Here. Tell 'em, Julie.
1485
01:08:55,584 --> 01:08:58,167
You guys,
Tom wants the body in here.
1486
01:08:58,250 --> 01:09:00,250
T.J.: Take it easy.
Put me down.
(GASPS)
1487
01:09:01,083 --> 01:09:02,292
Oh, shit.
1488
01:09:02,542 --> 01:09:04,792
Stansfield, what have you done?
1489
01:09:05,918 --> 01:09:09,417
Lisa, pack your things.
You're coming with me
to Thailand.
1490
01:09:10,751 --> 01:09:11,584
No!
1491
01:09:16,459 --> 01:09:18,667
Get his ass out of here.
1492
01:09:18,751 --> 01:09:22,334
It's funny you should mention
the word "ass," Jack.
1493
01:09:22,834 --> 01:09:24,542
Why don't we start by talking
about yours.
1494
01:09:24,626 --> 01:09:25,709
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)
1495
01:09:25,792 --> 01:09:26,709
Excuse me?
1496
01:09:27,792 --> 01:09:31,125
Lisa, your father
is not who you think he is.
1497
01:09:31,459 --> 01:09:34,042
The whole publishing operation.
1498
01:09:34,751 --> 01:09:35,792
It's a great cover.
1499
01:09:37,292 --> 01:09:38,918
Now, how'd you do it?
What'd you do?
Did you hollow out the books?
1500
01:09:39,918 --> 01:09:43,167
Oh, and locating the plant
in Thailand.
1501
01:09:43,584 --> 01:09:45,209
It's genius!
MAN: What?
1502
01:09:45,709 --> 01:09:47,042
What are you talking about?
1503
01:09:47,500 --> 01:09:49,000
What am I-- Jack.
1504
01:09:50,417 --> 01:09:54,042
You know, I would've
believed you, Jack,
until I met this man,
1505
01:09:54,500 --> 01:09:57,542
who seems to know a lot
about you. You--
1506
01:09:58,626 --> 01:09:59,542
Recognize this?
1507
01:10:00,709 --> 01:10:04,042
I hear it's very effective
in relieving folliculitis.
1508
01:10:04,459 --> 01:10:06,584
I don't have folliculitis.
1509
01:10:07,292 --> 01:10:08,876
He's given me no choice.
I--
1510
01:10:11,125 --> 01:10:13,667
He's given me no choice!
Tom, what are you doing?
This is insane!
1511
01:10:13,751 --> 01:10:15,584
Yeah?
Take a look at your dad's ass.
1512
01:10:15,667 --> 01:10:16,959
No!
TOM: Then tell me
I'm insane, huh?
1513
01:10:17,042 --> 01:10:18,083
(ALL GASP)
1514
01:10:18,167 --> 01:10:20,292
TOM: Huh? Huh? Look at it!
1515
01:10:20,626 --> 01:10:21,834
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)
1516
01:10:22,167 --> 01:10:24,667
Look at it! Huh? Huh?
1517
01:10:24,751 --> 01:10:26,792
(ALL GASP)
What?
1518
01:10:28,584 --> 01:10:29,876
MAN 1: That's nasty.
1519
01:10:29,959 --> 01:10:31,584
(ALL GROAN)
1520
01:10:33,292 --> 01:10:38,459
I told you
I don't have folliculitis,
you blithering idiot.
1521
01:10:38,959 --> 01:10:44,083
Well, guys, the ointment
must have worked.
1522
01:10:44,626 --> 01:10:45,709
OFFICER: Let's go.
1523
01:10:46,584 --> 01:10:47,459
Wait!
1524
01:10:48,626 --> 01:10:50,250
I have something to show you.
1525
01:10:52,792 --> 01:10:54,459
(ALL GASP)
1526
01:10:55,000 --> 01:10:56,667
HANS: What's with this movie
and the ass cheeks?
1527
01:10:56,751 --> 01:10:59,334
My real name
is Jack Taylor Junior.
1528
01:11:00,209 --> 01:11:02,918
Red is my nickname.
Now you know why.
1529
01:11:04,042 --> 01:11:05,751
I'm the whole reason
that T.J.'s here.
1530
01:11:05,834 --> 01:11:07,292
Goddamn it, Red.
1531
01:11:07,792 --> 01:11:09,959
You've been dealing drugs
out of my house!
1532
01:11:10,042 --> 01:11:13,542
No, Dad, I swear.
I gave this guy a bag of flour.
1533
01:11:13,626 --> 01:11:16,918
I... I dumped a kilo
of the real stuff
down the toilet.
1534
01:11:17,500 --> 01:11:18,876
I'm finished dealing for good.
1535
01:11:19,626 --> 01:11:22,834
The lime green toilet
with the wooden seat?
1536
01:11:23,500 --> 01:11:24,375
Yeah, why?
1537
01:11:24,459 --> 01:11:25,709
(O.J. SQUAWKING)
1538
01:11:28,167 --> 01:11:29,709
(O.J. GULPING)
1539
01:11:31,626 --> 01:11:32,667
(SQUAWKS)
1540
01:11:37,250 --> 01:11:38,459
(ALL GASP)
1541
01:11:38,792 --> 01:11:41,500
Wait a second. He's flying.
(O.J. SQUAWKING)
1542
01:11:43,667 --> 01:11:44,918
He's flying.
1543
01:11:54,334 --> 01:11:55,542
(ALL GASP)
1544
01:11:55,834 --> 01:11:57,083
(O.J. SQUAWKING)
1545
01:12:00,375 --> 01:12:02,083
(O.J. SHRIEKING)
(TIRES SCREECHING)
1546
01:12:02,167 --> 01:12:04,334
(HORNS HONKING)
(LOUD THUD)
1547
01:12:05,709 --> 01:12:08,667
Get him out of my sight... now.
1548
01:12:09,292 --> 01:12:10,626
Lisa, let's go.
1549
01:12:13,959 --> 01:12:16,042
That's the one. He got my ear!
1550
01:12:16,125 --> 01:12:18,167
You have the right
to remain silent.
Evander Holyfield's ear.
1551
01:12:18,250 --> 01:12:20,792
Anything you say can and--
Lisa, wait!
1552
01:12:21,959 --> 01:12:23,959
ARTHUR:
Fella's Holyfield's ear,
for God's sake.
1553
01:12:24,042 --> 01:12:26,292
(THUNDER RUMBLING)
1554
01:12:28,042 --> 01:12:29,375
(RAIN PATTERING)
1555
01:12:35,334 --> 01:12:37,042
(BIRDS CHIRPING)
1556
01:12:44,542 --> 01:12:46,959
(O.J. SQUAWKING)
O.J.?
1557
01:12:49,792 --> 01:12:52,042
O.J.! Come to Daddy.
(O.J. SQUAWKING)
1558
01:12:52,667 --> 01:12:54,792
How's my little boy?
(O.J. SQUAWKING)
1559
01:12:57,959 --> 01:13:00,250
(O.J. SQUAWKING)
1560
01:13:08,584 --> 01:13:09,792
RED: You're going with him?
1561
01:13:11,167 --> 01:13:13,375
What choice do I have?
He needs me.
1562
01:13:15,000 --> 01:13:17,459
Are you actually feeling sorry
for him?
1563
01:13:18,083 --> 01:13:20,584
He's manipulating you
and you are buying it.
1564
01:13:21,959 --> 01:13:25,417
All right, fine.
You do what you gotta do.
I am gonna bail Tom out of jail.
1565
01:13:26,167 --> 01:13:29,292
With what? Your drug money?
No, no. I stole this
out of Dad's safe.
1566
01:13:29,375 --> 01:13:32,125
Look, the important thing is,
somebody has gotta help Tom.
1567
01:13:32,584 --> 01:13:34,334
You know that nothing
that happened here last night
1568
01:13:34,417 --> 01:13:35,542
was any of his fault.
1569
01:13:36,834 --> 01:13:39,959
It's funny. The nicest guy
in the world is the only one
1570
01:13:40,042 --> 01:13:41,918
with enough balls
to stand up to Dad.
1571
01:13:46,375 --> 01:13:49,083
All he wanted to do
was to spend some time with you.
1572
01:13:50,792 --> 01:13:51,959
Look what it gets him.
1573
01:13:52,959 --> 01:13:54,125
Classic Dad.
1574
01:13:55,459 --> 01:13:57,250
I'm not allowed in the house,
you're not allowed out of it.
1575
01:13:57,876 --> 01:14:01,375
He doesn't care about us.
Only that stupid bird.
1576
01:14:02,626 --> 01:14:03,959
LISA: Hey, Red,
can I tell you something?
1577
01:14:04,626 --> 01:14:05,500
RED: Sure.
1578
01:14:06,334 --> 01:14:07,834
I know this is gonna
sound weird,
1579
01:14:07,918 --> 01:14:10,584
but ever since I was
a little kid...
1580
01:14:12,918 --> 01:14:16,292
I used to always wish
that I was that stupid bird.
1581
01:14:21,000 --> 01:14:22,125
(O.J. SQUAWKING)
1582
01:14:25,417 --> 01:14:27,918
(TREE BRANCH CREAKING)
1583
01:14:28,250 --> 01:14:31,334
Look, I think it's about time
you talk to Dad.
1584
01:14:31,709 --> 01:14:33,417
At least tell him how you feel.
1585
01:14:33,500 --> 01:14:35,000
(GROANS)
RED: You can do it.
1586
01:14:36,042 --> 01:14:37,500
(GRUNTS, SCREAMS)
1587
01:14:38,626 --> 01:14:39,918
(GARGLES)
1588
01:14:40,000 --> 01:14:43,209
Don't you see? We have no reason
to be afraid of him!
1589
01:14:43,500 --> 01:14:44,876
(SCREAMS)
(LISA SCREAMS)
1590
01:14:45,459 --> 01:14:47,000
(ALL SCREAM)
1591
01:14:49,834 --> 01:14:51,626
(GRUNTS)
(BOTTLES CLANGING)
1592
01:14:53,083 --> 01:14:54,083
(SQUEAKS)
1593
01:14:55,000 --> 01:14:55,751
(METAL CLANKING)
(GASPS)
1594
01:14:56,626 --> 01:14:57,667
(SCREAMS)
1595
01:14:57,751 --> 01:14:58,834
Daddy!
1596
01:14:58,918 --> 01:15:01,709
Lisa, don't let him do this
to you.
1597
01:15:02,751 --> 01:15:04,167
JACK: Lisa!
(METAL CLANGING)
1598
01:15:05,334 --> 01:15:08,459
(SCREAMS)
1599
01:15:09,542 --> 01:15:11,167
(GLASS RATTLES)
1600
01:15:24,709 --> 01:15:26,709
(INDISTINCT CHATTER OVER PA)
1601
01:15:27,334 --> 01:15:28,417
Lisa!
1602
01:15:28,959 --> 01:15:30,042
Tom!
1603
01:15:31,083 --> 01:15:33,042
Red bailed me out
and told me you were here,
1604
01:15:33,125 --> 01:15:34,375
and I'm not letting you go.
1605
01:15:34,459 --> 01:15:35,459
Yeah, but I'm---
TOM: No.
1606
01:15:36,918 --> 01:15:37,876
You're gonna let me finish.
I went through hell last night
1607
01:15:37,959 --> 01:15:40,375
and it was my fault
'cause I let people do it to me.
1608
01:15:40,626 --> 01:15:42,209
And now, you're gonna make
the same mistake.
1609
01:15:42,500 --> 01:15:43,751
Yeah, but--
This isn't what you want.
1610
01:15:44,250 --> 01:15:46,876
This is what your father wants.
And you know what?
1611
01:15:47,292 --> 01:15:49,042
Maybe you and I...
1612
01:15:50,167 --> 01:15:51,667
never are gonna work.
1613
01:15:52,292 --> 01:15:53,292
And that hurts.
1614
01:15:54,667 --> 01:15:57,542
But not as much
as watching you be controlled
by a ruthless tyrant
1615
01:15:57,876 --> 01:16:00,209
that would screw his own mother
if he thought it'd help him
get ahead--
1616
01:16:00,459 --> 01:16:01,626
Tom!
1617
01:16:02,709 --> 01:16:03,709
I'm not going.
1618
01:16:12,334 --> 01:16:13,751
She's... she's not going.
1619
01:16:17,000 --> 01:16:20,792
Is this whole concept
too complicated for you,
Stansfield?
1620
01:16:31,542 --> 01:16:33,918
No. No.
1621
01:16:35,626 --> 01:16:37,417
All right. (CHUCKLES)
1622
01:16:38,334 --> 01:16:39,375
What-- I--
1623
01:16:40,000 --> 01:16:41,459
What made you stay?
1624
01:16:49,709 --> 01:16:50,667
That.
1625
01:16:55,542 --> 01:16:56,709
(CHUCKLES)
1626
01:16:58,584 --> 01:16:59,918
How did you guys--
1627
01:17:00,792 --> 01:17:03,375
We finally had
our long overdue talk.
1628
01:17:05,000 --> 01:17:07,125
Then who's taking
your place in Thailand?
1629
01:17:08,584 --> 01:17:09,542
He is.
1630
01:17:10,167 --> 01:17:12,334
What's this? I'm kidding.
Ow!
1631
01:17:13,000 --> 01:17:14,709
HANS: I don't wanna go.
I'm afraid.
1632
01:17:14,792 --> 01:17:17,292
Nonsense.
Everyone knows that, uh,
1633
01:17:17,876 --> 01:17:20,209
Asian people are very
intimidated by, uh...
1634
01:17:20,918 --> 01:17:21,792
Tall men?
1635
01:17:22,250 --> 01:17:23,167
Canadians?
1636
01:17:23,250 --> 01:17:24,209
Republicans?
1637
01:17:24,292 --> 01:17:25,167
Blacks?
1638
01:17:26,125 --> 01:17:27,876
JACK: Henderson?
Yes, sir.
1639
01:17:27,959 --> 01:17:29,667
I won't have that
kind of thinking
in this company.
1640
01:17:29,751 --> 01:17:32,042
There's no room for racism here.
You're fired.
1641
01:17:32,709 --> 01:17:34,709
Now, Tom, the point
that I'm getting to is
1642
01:17:34,792 --> 01:17:37,000
that with a big part
of the team away,
1643
01:17:37,459 --> 01:17:40,334
I'm gonna want you to take over
the Creative Department.
1644
01:17:40,417 --> 01:17:42,167
Me?
No need to be modest.
1645
01:17:42,709 --> 01:17:45,000
I saw those ideas you left
in the living room.
1646
01:17:45,792 --> 01:17:48,709
Your theory on the JFK thing,
brilliant.
1647
01:17:49,000 --> 01:17:52,417
And the moon landing, a hoax?
You're really
onto something there.
1648
01:17:52,792 --> 01:17:54,709
That's the kind of thinking
that's gonna sell books.
1649
01:17:56,667 --> 01:17:58,876
Uh, thank you, sir.
1650
01:18:01,167 --> 01:18:03,417
Bye, Daddy. Have a safe flight.
1651
01:18:03,500 --> 01:18:04,417
Yes.
1652
01:18:08,125 --> 01:18:09,167
Well, Dad...
1653
01:18:10,292 --> 01:18:12,250
that's fantastic.
You promoted Tom.
1654
01:18:12,626 --> 01:18:15,083
Yeah, well, I figure anyone
who's got the guts to piss
1655
01:18:15,167 --> 01:18:17,375
on my Persian carpet
has gotta have what it takes.
1656
01:18:18,375 --> 01:18:19,542
Stansfield!
1657
01:18:21,083 --> 01:18:22,709
(TRICKLING)
1658
01:18:26,334 --> 01:18:27,584
What the hell are you doing?
1659
01:18:28,959 --> 01:18:30,709
Just trying to get
my job back, sir.
1660
01:18:31,250 --> 01:18:33,292
("IF I HAD $1000000" PLAYING)
1661
01:18:34,000 --> 01:18:36,167
(LISA SQUEALS)
(CHUCKLES)
1662
01:18:37,375 --> 01:18:39,292
TOM: You know,
after everything that happened,
1663
01:18:39,375 --> 01:18:42,417
after all I went through,
I guess it was my lucky day.
1664
01:18:43,125 --> 01:18:44,209
And I'm not the only one.
1665
01:18:44,792 --> 01:18:46,876
Based on Lisa
and Red's suggestions,
1666
01:18:46,959 --> 01:18:49,292
Jack restructured the company
from top to bottom.
1667
01:18:50,042 --> 01:18:52,876
Even instituting casual Fridays
every day.
1668
01:18:53,250 --> 01:18:56,542
And last Friday was Henderson's
27th straight day on the job
1669
01:18:56,626 --> 01:18:57,667
without being fired.
1670
01:18:58,959 --> 01:19:01,000
O.J.'s back off the drugs
and now he only drinks beer.
1671
01:19:01,083 --> 01:19:02,167
(O.J. BELCHES)
1672
01:19:03,334 --> 01:19:05,083
TOM: But he still has
an occasional flashback.
1673
01:19:06,167 --> 01:19:08,083
(O.J. SQUAWKING ECHOES)
1674
01:19:08,542 --> 01:19:09,667
TOM: Jack begged Audrey
to come back,
1675
01:19:09,751 --> 01:19:13,167
but she got a job at,
of all places, a coffee shop.
1676
01:19:13,250 --> 01:19:17,792
(ALL GROAN, RETCH)
1677
01:19:18,918 --> 01:19:21,167
Oh, this is terrible!
1678
01:19:22,709 --> 01:19:25,709
TOM: Hans succeeded in turning
around the company's factory
in Thailand.
1679
01:19:25,959 --> 01:19:28,292
But apparently, he's still
struggling to cope
with the local customs.
1680
01:19:28,667 --> 01:19:30,042
Back of bus!
Excuse me?
1681
01:19:31,042 --> 01:19:32,959
You people belong back of bus.
1682
01:19:33,417 --> 01:19:34,500
That's an outrage!
1683
01:19:35,876 --> 01:19:37,083
Man, I'm not gonna let you
treat me like that
merely because--
1684
01:19:37,417 --> 01:19:40,000
Smoking!
Smokers belong back of bus!
1685
01:19:41,125 --> 01:19:42,334
(COUGHS)
1686
01:19:43,292 --> 01:19:45,167
TOM: As for me,
with my new promotion,
1687
01:19:45,542 --> 01:19:48,292
I could at last write books
based on my own experiences.
1688
01:19:48,709 --> 01:19:49,792
So I did.
Thank you.
1689
01:19:51,375 --> 01:19:52,584
And Lisa was finally able
to pursue a career
that she loved.
1690
01:19:53,876 --> 01:19:56,709
You know, you ever heard
someone say that old expression
1691
01:19:56,792 --> 01:19:59,751
"Why does everything bad
always happen to me?"
1692
01:20:00,250 --> 01:20:01,667
Well, I don't get those people.
1693
01:20:01,751 --> 01:20:05,250
Because I've learned that
if they just stop
and look around,
1694
01:20:05,542 --> 01:20:09,876
they'd realize that
everything happens for a reason
1695
01:20:11,083 --> 01:20:13,209
♪ Well, I'd buy you
An exotic pet ♪
1696
01:20:13,292 --> 01:20:16,542
♪ Yep, like a llama or an emu ♪
1697
01:20:18,459 --> 01:20:24,375
♪ If I had a million dollars
If I had a million dollars ♪
1698
01:20:24,709 --> 01:20:27,042
♪ Well, I'd buy you
A green dress ♪
1699
01:20:27,125 --> 01:20:30,292
♪ But not a real green dress
That's cruel ♪
1700
01:20:30,375 --> 01:20:33,500
♪ And if I had
A million dollars ♪
1701
01:20:33,584 --> 01:20:36,334
♪ If I had a million dollars ♪
1702
01:20:36,709 --> 01:20:42,417
♪ Well, I'd buy you some art
A Picasso or a Garfunkel ♪
1703
01:20:42,500 --> 01:20:48,417
♪ If I had a million dollars
If I had a million dollars ♪
1704
01:20:48,709 --> 01:20:51,459
♪ Well, I'd buy you a monkey ♪
1705
01:20:51,542 --> 01:20:54,292
♪ Haven't you always
Wanted a monkey ♪
1706
01:20:54,375 --> 01:20:57,626
♪ If I had a million dollars ♪
1707
01:20:57,709 --> 01:21:03,626
♪ I'd buy your love ♪
1708
01:21:06,209 --> 01:21:09,042
♪ If I had a million dollars ♪
1709
01:21:09,125 --> 01:21:12,000
♪ If I had a million dollars ♪
1710
01:21:12,083 --> 01:21:14,959
♪ If I had a million dollars ♪
1711
01:21:15,042 --> 01:21:17,918
♪ If I had a million dollars ♪
1712
01:21:18,000 --> 01:21:20,918
♪ If I had a million dollars ♪
1713
01:21:21,000 --> 01:21:23,876
♪ If I had a million dollars ♪
1714
01:21:23,959 --> 01:21:26,834
♪ If I had a million dollars ♪
1715
01:21:26,918 --> 01:21:29,792
♪ If I had a million dollars ♪
1716
01:21:29,876 --> 01:21:35,042
♪ If I had a million dollars ♪
1717
01:21:37,292 --> 01:21:38,792
♪ I'd be rich ♪
1718
01:21:39,500 --> 01:21:41,292
(SONG CONCLUDES)
1719
01:21:43,584 --> 01:21:45,042
("BURN THE BOATS" PLAYING)
1720
01:21:57,000 --> 01:22:02,417
♪ I found our son an island
Not very far from here ♪
1721
01:22:03,500 --> 01:22:08,709
♪ I found us with our problems
They never disappear ♪
1722
01:22:08,792 --> 01:22:14,751
♪ Then I said, can we go now?
And you said
But we're alone now ♪
1723
01:22:15,292 --> 01:22:21,209
♪ And the general says to me
You gotta trust the open sea ♪
1724
01:22:22,125 --> 01:22:28,042
♪ You should burn the boats
Let them smoke
Let them fade away ♪
1725
01:22:28,125 --> 01:22:33,876
♪ So you can stay
and fight the fight
That you were meant to fight ♪
1726
01:22:34,167 --> 01:22:39,876
♪ You gotta burn the boats
Let's go burn the boats ♪
1727
01:22:48,626 --> 01:22:54,167
♪ So we dug our foxholes
And waited through the nights ♪
1728
01:22:55,083 --> 01:23:00,083
♪ Waited for the cavalry
That never came in sight ♪
1729
01:23:00,167 --> 01:23:06,042
♪ Then I knew that the prospect
Of forgiveness was evaded ♪
1730
01:23:06,626 --> 01:23:12,292
♪ So I said, let's go
Let's go burn the boats ♪
1731
01:23:14,125 --> 01:23:19,334
♪ Burn the boats, let them smok
Let them fade away ♪
1732
01:23:19,417 --> 01:23:25,292
♪ So you can stay
And fight the fight
That you were meant to fight ♪
1733
01:23:25,584 --> 01:23:31,459
♪ You gotta burn the boats
Let's go burn the boats ♪
1734
01:23:33,292 --> 01:23:39,292
♪ I open up my eyes
And try to find
The strength inside ♪
1735
01:23:40,042 --> 01:23:45,584
♪ Can't you do the same
And stop the search
For rules to blame ♪
1736
01:23:45,667 --> 01:23:51,584
♪ Hey! Hey! ♪
1737
01:23:52,542 --> 01:23:58,042
♪ So burn the boats
Let them smoke
Let them fade away ♪
1738
01:23:58,125 --> 01:24:03,709
♪ So you can stay and fight
the fight that you were meant
To fight ♪
1739
01:24:04,292 --> 01:24:06,751
♪ You gotta burn the boats ♪
1740
01:24:08,709 --> 01:24:14,042
♪ Burn the boats, let them smok
Let them fade away ♪
1741
01:24:14,125 --> 01:24:20,083
♪ So you can stay and fight
the fight that you were meant
To fight ♪
1742
01:24:20,459 --> 01:24:26,042
♪ You gotta burn the boats
Let's go burn the boats ♪
1743
01:24:34,417 --> 01:24:40,000
♪ So we dug our foxholes
And waited through the nights ♪
1744
01:24:40,876 --> 01:24:46,042
♪ Waited for the cavalry
That never came in sight ♪
1745
01:24:46,125 --> 01:24:52,167
♪ Then I knew that the prospect
of forgiveness was evaded ♪
1746
01:24:52,626 --> 01:24:58,209
♪ So I said, let's go
Let's go burn the boats ♪
1747
01:25:00,083 --> 01:25:05,417
♪ So burn the boats
Let them smoke
Let them fade away ♪
1748
01:25:05,500 --> 01:25:11,459
♪ So you can stay and fight
The fight that you were meant
To fight ♪
1749
01:25:11,542 --> 01:25:17,375
♪ You gotta burn the boats
Let's go burn the boats ♪
1750
01:25:19,083 --> 01:25:24,626
♪ So burn the boats
Let them smoke
Let them fade away ♪
1751
01:25:24,709 --> 01:25:30,709
♪ So you can stay and fight
The fight that you were meant
To fight ♪
1752
01:25:30,792 --> 01:25:36,834
♪ You gotta burn the boats
Let's go burn the boats ♪
1753
01:25:39,959 --> 01:25:42,000
("BURN THE BOATS" CONCLUDES)
1754
01:25:47,125 --> 01:25:50,334
(T.J. GROANING) I told him
he'd see the ass sooner
or later.